Author: Margaretha Montagu

A Guide to Living with Purpose Through Life Transitions:

When Sarah retired, she pictured her days unfolding like a cosy Pinterest board: endless brunches, maybe a vegetable garden, and mastering the fine art of companion planting. But the reality was…well, let’s just say she quickly grew way too familiar with the 2 a.m. slug onslaught, and even her cat was getting bored with her irregular hours. After binge-watching every British crime drama in existence and getting a little too invested in the local allotment’s pecking order, Sarah realised that she was starting to feel a bit lost.

That’s when she stumbled upon Ikigai, or, as she called it, “that Japanese word that’s supposed to make my life feel less…pointless.” Ikigai, a beautiful concept that somehow boiled down to finding joy and meaning in everyday life, felt like it could turn out to be her lifeline. But where to start?

So, she did what anyone in her position would: she took to volunteering at the community centre, figuring if nothing else, she’d at least get free coffee and maybe a funny story or two. They put her in charge of teaching kids about environmental sustainability—a fancy term for making her nag professionally about littering, which, honestly, felt like a skill she’d been honing since the ‘80s. She wasn’t exactly “cool” to the kids, but she wasn’t “uncool” either. And it turned out, talking to a bunch of seven-year-olds about composting was the best part of her week.

The more Sarah showed up, the more she got into it. She started creating PowerPoint slides with animated worms to demonstrate composting. She ran a “Most Ridiculous Recycling Contest” that awarded kids for crafting the ugliest art project out of garbage. She even got so enthusiastic that one kid’s mom asked if she could stop mentioning carbon footprints at bedtime.

Suddenly, Sarah had found her groove—a purpose, a thing that mattered. She wasn’t just Sarah the Retired; she was Sarah the Sustainability Guru. And it turned out, Ikigai wasn’t some ancient mystery at all. It was just a good excuse to be useful, even if it involved a little dumpster-diving on weekends.

Introduction

In times of transition, I always wish I had a map. Whether it’s a career change, a relocation, or a relationship ending, wouldn’t it be useful to have a map? These pivotal times often leave us questioning our purpose and our path. A “Life Transitions Map” would be a very useful tool to give to my From Troubled to Triumphant transformational retreat guests! who are anxious to find solid ground during life quakes.

Instead of a map, I often use the Japanese concept of Ikigai—often translated as “a reason for being”—which can serve as a beacon, guiding us through the inevitable ups and downs of life transitions. Made up of the Japanese words iki (life) and gai (worth), Ikigai directs us to find purpose and meaning in our lives.

Recently, the philosophy of Ikigai has gained global popularity as a way to approach life with intention. In Japan, Ikigai isn’t just about career success or financial security; it’s a holistic balance that brings satisfaction in all areas of life. For those going through major life changes, discovering their Ikigai can provide clarity and direction.

1. Understanding the Ikigai Meaning

The origins of Ikigai are deeply intertwined with Japanese culture, where the pursuit of a fulfilling life is seen as fundamental to health and happiness. Ikigai can be described as the intersection of four major elements, often illustrated as a Venn diagram:

1. What you love: This represents your passions and interests.
2. What you are good at: These are your talents, skills, and strengths.
3. What the world needs: This refers to your life purpose, your impact on others, and your contribution to society.
4. What you can be paid for: This is the practical element, including financial stability and career opportunities.

Ikigai is about finding a life path that brings together these four elements in a sustainable way. Ikigai doesn’t require a perfect blend of all four aspects at every moment in life. It’s about maintaining a balance that allows us to feel fulfilled and valued while still meeting our practical needs.

If you are going through a major life transition, the Ikigai framework can be both grounding and liberating. It encourages us to explore our passions, hone our skills, contribute meaningfully, and embrace new experiences—all while helping us adapt to changing circumstances. Understanding Ikigai as a flexible guide to life – rather than a strict formula – opens the door to self-discovery, making it particularly valuable in times of change. That is why it is part of my Rearing to Get Going in a New Direction online course:

2. Ikigai in Times of Transition: Why It Matters

Periods of transition can be disorienting and filled with self-doubt. When life suddenly changes, we’re often left to confront questions about our identity, our goals, and what truly matters to us. People in such transitions may find themselves questioning their careers, their relationships, and even their sense of self. During these times, Ikigai provides a framework for making sense of change by helping us reconnect with what brings happiness, meaning, and purpose to our lives.

A career change, for example, often prompts reflection on our skills and values. Relocating might lead us to rethink our place in our community or society. Even retirement or an “empty nest” stage can be challenging as it requires us to redefine our daily routines and sense of accomplishment. The four elements of Ikigai help us confront these changes positively, enabling us to rediscover parts of ourselves that may have been forgotten or set aside.

By framing a life transition as an opportunity to realign, with Ikigai, you can move from feeling lost to feeling motivated and inspired. This mindset encourages us to see transitions not as setbacks, but as valuable opportunities for self-discovery.

3. The Four Elements of Ikigai Applied to Life Transitions

a. What You Love: Reconnecting with Your “Why” During Life Transitions

During life transitions, one of the most powerful ways to restore joy and inspiration is to reconnect with what you genuinely love. Whether it’s art, music, teaching, or volunteering, pursuing interests that bring you happiness can help stabilise you emotionally. Life transitions allow us to assess what brings us true joy.

Engaging in activities we love, even if they don’t directly impact our careers, can bring balance to our lives. New hobbies or old interests can offer a sense of renewal and can also lead to new connections and opportunities. Ikigai encourages us to explore and even prioritise these passions, as they are often the foundation of a life that feels whole and meaningful.

b. What You Are Good At: Recognising and Building on Your Strengths

Transitions often reveal new sides of ourselves, including skills or talents we may have overlooked. Take, for instance, someone who’s spent years in a technical job but feels more fulfilled in roles that involve empathy and communication. Life changes present an opportunity to reassess our talents and skills.

Strengthening existing skills or developing new ones can increase confidence and open up fresh career possibilities. Perhaps you’re a strong organiser, an excellent communicator, or a natural leader—identifying these skills can be life-changing. Self-assessment tools, mentorship, and community classes can help uncover talents and strengths that may have become invisible in a previous role.

c. What the World Needs: Redefining Your Role and Contribution

Life transitions often inspire us to consider how we contribute to the world around us. This element of Ikigai encourages us to reflect on the impact of our actions and on how we might make a meaningful difference in our communities. Sometimes, the traditional roles we’ve been in feel limiting or out of sync with our evolving values. Volunteer work, advocacy, mentorship, or even starting a small business can realign one’s sense of contribution. Engaging in activities that directly help others can offer a new perspective, reminding us that our Ikigai often connects us with the world in impactful ways.

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d. What You Can Be Paid For: Balancing Passion and Practicality

For most people, financial stability is essential, especially during times of transition. One of Ikigai’s unique characteristics is its inclusion of the practical element: what we can be paid for. This aspect allows us to integrate our passions and skills in a way that is also financially sustainable. If you’re changing careers, you might consider researching fields that align with your interests and offer good job prospects.

Transition periods are ideal for exploring side projects or part-time opportunities that could become fulfilling sources of income. Whether it’s freelancing, consulting, teaching, or launching a small business, aligning your work with your passion can help you maintain financial independence while staying true to your evolving values.

4. How to Discover Your Ikigai Meaning: Practical Steps and Reflections

Step 1: Self-Reflection

Reflecting on what makes you feel alive and fulfilled is crucial to uncovering your Ikigai. Journaling can be particularly helpful here, allowing you to explore what activities bring joy, satisfaction, or meaning. Questions to consider include:

• What makes me feel energised?
• Which activities make me lose track of time?
• What work have I done that felt truly rewarding?

Step 2: Experiment and Explore

Trying new things can open up paths you may not have previously considered. If you’re unsure of your interests, experiment! Join classes, attend workshops or volunteer. Exploring different areas allows you to connect with people who share your passions and interests, leading to discoveries about yourself that deepen your Ikigai meaning.

Step 3: Seek Feedback and Perspective

Feedback from trusted friends, family, or mentors can offer insights you may not see yourself. Sometimes, others can identify strengths or interests you haven’t fully recognized. Constructive feedback can guide you toward career paths, hobbies, or projects that bring meaning and joy.

Step 4: Prioritise and Integrate

Ikigai doesn’t require perfection in all four elements simultaneously. Focus on integrating the parts of Ikigai that resonate most with your current phase of life. Prioritising passions, practical goals, or impact on others is often enough to guide you through challenging transitions with clarity and focus.

5. Real-Life Examples: Stories of Finding Ikigai Meaning Through Life Transitions

Career Change: Consider Sarah, who left her corporate position to pursue a career in teaching. Through Ikigai, she realized her passion for helping others and her talent for explaining complex topics in simple ways. Her transition was challenging, but aligning her work with her passion made it deeply fulfilling.

Retiree Finding New Purpose: After retirement, Michael found himself feeling adrift. He started volunteering at a local community centre, teaching kids about environmental sustainability. Michael’s new role gave him a renewed sense of purpose and allowed him to connect with the world in a meaningful way.

Relationship Shift: Following a major relationship change, Laura felt lost. Rediscovering her love for art and joining a community class helped her reconnect with her sense of self. Through Ikigai, she found balance and built new friendships that supported her journey forward.

6. Common Misconceptions About the Meaning of Ikigai

• Ikigai Isn’t Only About Career it encompasses all aspects of life. It’s not just about finding a dream job but rather about integrating passion, purpose, and practical needs into a fulfilling whole.
• It Doesn’t Require Perfection Ikigai doesn’t demand that all four elements be in perfect balance. Life is dynamic, and priorities shift over time. A partial integration of Ikigai can still provide a fulfilling and purpose-driven life.
• It Can Change Over Time As you grow, your Ikigai may evolve, adapting to new interests, strengths, and circumstances. This adaptability makes Ikigai a lifelong journey.

7. How Ikigai Can Build Resilience During Life Transitions

When life feels uncertain, focusing on Ikigai can provide emotional resilience. Knowing that you are contributing, learning, and pursuing your interests brings stability, even in times of upheaval. The guidance gained from Ikigai offers a mental anchor, allowing us to embrace transitions as opportunities rather than setbacks.

8. Five Q&As that address common questions about using your Ikigai during Major Life Changes:

Q1: Can I have more than one Ikigai?

A: Absolutely! Many people find purpose in multiple areas of their lives, and Ikigai can be a combination of different passions, skills, and contributions. For example, you might have one Ikigai related to your career and another related to a personal interest, like art or community service. Ikigai is flexible and can encompass various elements that together create a sense of meaning and satisfaction.

Q2: How can I start finding my Ikigai if I feel completely lost?

A: Start with small steps focused on self-discovery. Reflect on what makes you feel happy or fulfilled, even in small ways. Journaling, taking personality or strengths assessments, and exploring new activities can help. Ikigai isn’t something you necessarily find all at once; it’s often revealed gradually as you try different things and learn more about what resonates with you.

Q3: What if what I love doesn’t align with what I can be paid for?

A: It’s common for people to have passions that may not translate directly into a paying job. In this case, you can try to incorporate what you love as a hobby or side project. Another option is to look for ways to incorporate aspects of your passion into your career. For instance, if you love writing but work in marketing, you might focus on writing-based projects within that field. The key is finding a balance that allows you to engage with what you love in some way.

Q4: Can Ikigai help with smaller transitions, like a job change, as well as major life changes?

A: Yes! Ikigai is a useful tool for all kinds of transitions, big and small. Even if you’re only switching roles within the same field, you can use the principles of Ikigai to ensure that your new role aligns with your skills, interests, and sense of purpose. Every transition is an opportunity to check in with yourself and make sure your choices align with your values.

Q5: Is it normal for my Ikigai to change over time?

A: Definitely. Our passions, skills, and life circumstances evolve, so it’s natural for your Ikigai to shift as well. What felt meaningful in one phase of life might feel different in another. Regularly reassessing your Ikigai helps ensure that you stay aligned with your current self and that your purpose grows with you

Conclusion

Ikigai offers more than just a sense of purpose; it provides a roadmap for navigating life’s inevitable transitions with inspiration, motivation and resilience. It reminds us that fulfilment doesn’t come from achieving one goal but from the ongoing process of balancing what we love, what we’re good at, what the world needs, and what supports us practically. Life’s changes may feel overwhelming, but through the lens of Ikigai, they reveal new possibilities and a life that truly feels worth living.

And if you feel you need a break, away from all the hustle and bustle, come and recharge your batteries here in the sun-drenched southwest of France. Walk part of the Camino de Santiago de Compostela and spend a few days in the presence of my patient, understanding and supportive Friesian and Falabella horses – even if you don’t interact with them at all, just having them around is calming and comforting – on a Stress-busting Camino de Santiago walking retreat to reinvent yourself, rewrite your story and start your sensational next chapter.

12 Weird but Wonderfully Effective Ways to Turn Your Quarter-Life Crisis Into a Quarter-Life Adventure

Setting the Scene

At 26, Tyler hit what he would later refer to as “The Quarter-Life Catastrophe.” It started late afternoon on a Tuesday, in the cereal aisle of a local supermarket. Tyler found himself staring blankly at wall-to-ceiling shelves of granola, muttering, “Why are there so many options?” Realising his life had become as cluttered and confusing as a cereal aisle, Tyler decided to try traditional coping methods: goal-setting workshops, meditation apps, even rewatching Eat Pray Love three times. Nothing worked.

Who has an existential crisis mid-week anyway?

He’d gone to bed the night before with every intention of finally starting a “morning routine” that came highly recommended. But the next thing he knew, it was noon, his alarm was blaring hysterically, and he was three hours late for a mindnumbing job he barely tolerated.

He sat up and looked around his studio apartment, taking in the forlorn-looking bonsai tree he’d bought to “add Zen” and the stack of books he swore he’d read as soon as he “found the time.” Then he caught his reflection in the mirror: hair that looked like it had a personal vendetta against gravity, a wrinkled T-shirt reading “Future Millionaire,” and, a still sparkling new set of dumbbells that he’d bought ages ago for at-home workouts and promptly abandoned as door stoppers.

As he shuffled to the bathroom, questions started rattling in his mind like uninvited dinner guests: Do I actually like accounting, or did I just like the sound of “stability”? Why does everyone else seem to be running a startup, writing a novel, or…getting married and buying their first apartment?

Before he knew it, Tyler was lying on his living room floor, Googling “How to find your life purpose at 26 without quitting your job or spending $500 on a life coach.” He stumbled onto a list of unconventional ways to cope with a quarter-life crisis (see below.)

What is a Quarter-Life Crisis?

I recently hosted a From Troubled to TriumphantTransformational retreat that a couple in their late twenties attended, full of existential angst and clearly, both floundering in a full-blown quarter-life crisis.

During my own quarter-life crisis, I upped sticks and moved to the other side of the world, which in retrospect might have been slightly OTT. I did some research on the subject so that I could help them find meaning to their lives again and the Camino de Santiago and my small herd of Friesian horses did the rest.

My research revealed that currently a quarter-life crisis is defined as an existential crisis that typically occurs in young adults during their mid-20s to early 30s, although it can start as early as age 18. It is characterised by feelings of anxiety, confusion, and uncertainty regarding life choices, particularly around career, relationships, and personal identity. This period of introspection often leads to questioning their goals and aspirations, resulting in emotional turmoil and a sense of being lost or unanchored.

Key Features of a Quarter-Life Crisis

• Identity Exploration: Young adults often reassess their identities and the roles they played in college or early jobs, seeking a deeper sense of self.
• Shifting Priorities: There is a reevaluation of what truly matters, including financial stability and personal relationships, which may no longer align with earlier aspirations.
• Disillusionment: Many feel disappointed when their expectations for adulthood do not match reality. This can stem from challenges in the job market or complex relationships.
• Fear of the Future: The uncertainty associated with adult responsibilities can provoke anxiety about career paths and personal decisions.
• Social Pressure: Comparisons with peers—often exacerbated by social media—can intensify feelings of inadequacy and the fear of falling behind in life milestones.

Symptoms of a Quarter-Life Crisis

• Feelings of acute loneliness, isolation and even depression
• High levels of frustration, anxiety and restlessness
• Indecision regarding career and personal relationships
• A sense of purposelessness or lack of direction
• Drastic emotional swings between manis highs and despairing lows.

Key Causes of a Quarter-Life Crisis:

Comparison and Social Media: Social media can intensify these feelings by creating a constant stream of comparisons. Seeing curated, often idealized snapshots of others’ lives can make it feel like everyone else is happier, more successful, and more confident.

Pressure to Achieve Quickly: Many young adults feel pressured to reach significant milestones—career success, financial stability, relationships—sooner than ever. This can create anxiety, especially if they feel they’re “falling behind” or not as successful as their peers.

Identity and Purpose: This is an age when people are figuring out who they are and what they want out of life. Questions like, “Am I in the right career?” or “Is this really what I want to do forever?” often come up, creating a sense of identity crisis and uncertainty about long-term goals.

Financial Challenges: Many people in this age group face student loans, high living expenses, and a competitive job market. The gap between financial expectations and reality can make them feel trapped or frustrated, especially if they can’t pursue their true interests due to financial constraints.

Changing Relationships: Friendships and relationships can shift significantly as people in this stage pursue different paths. Some may marry, others move away, or start families, leading to a sense of loss or isolation as close-knit social groups fragment or disappear.

Phases of the Crisis

Robinson and Smith (Robinson, O. & Smith, J. (2010). Investigating the form and dynamics of crisis episodes in early adulthood: The application of a composite qualitative method. Qualitative Research in Psychology, 7(2), 170–191 and Robinson, O., Wright, G. & Smith, J.A. (2013). The holistic phase model of early adult crisis. Journal of Adult Development, 20(1), 27–37) developed a four-phase model describing the quarter-life crisis:

1. Phase 1: ‘Locked in’ is when you become unhappy and feel trapped in your current situation (either relationship or career), until you eventually consider it possible to make a change.
2. Phase 2: ‘Separation’ signals the mental and physical dissociation from your life structure.
3. Phase 3: ‘Exploration.’ In this phase, you begin to actively explore and experiment with possible selves and new life structures. It is characterised by reflection and increased self-awareness.
4. Phase 4: ‘Resolution’ of the crisis results in a different life structure that is more open and flexible. There is more focus on your interests and passions, which are intrinsically motivated.

Famous People Who Experienced a Quarter-Life Crisis

• Emma Watson: The “Harry Potter” star has spoken about feeling lost and overwhelmed after the franchise ended. She struggled with her identity outside of her role as Hermione Granger and faced pressure to define her career path while balancing expectations from the public and herself.
• Zoe Saldana: The actress experienced a quarter-life crisis after achieving early success in her career. She felt uncertain about her direction and questioned whether she was genuinely happy with her choices, prompting her to take a step back to reassess her goals.
• Katy Perry: The pop singer has shared that she faced significant self-doubt and confusion about her career and personal life in her mid-20s. This period of uncertainty led her to reevaluate her music career and personal relationships, ultimately shaping her path to success.
• J.K. Rowling: Before the success of the “Harry Potter” series, Rowling faced numerous challenges, including financial struggles and feelings of inadequacy. She has described this time as a period filled with self-doubt and a search for purpose before finding her voice as an author.
• Steve Jobs: The co-founder of Apple Inc. experienced a quarter-life crisis when he dropped out of college and traveled to India seeking enlightenment. This journey was pivotal in shaping his future vision and approach to business.

The experience is not universal; not every young adult will go through it. However, for those who do, it can serve as a critical period for personal growth and self-discovery. Understanding this phase can help you navigate your feelings and emerge with a clearer sense of purpose and direction in life.

12 Unconventional Ways to Navigate Your Quarter-Life Crisis

1. THE REVERSE BUCKET LIST
   What to do: Instead of listing future goals, document all the seemingly small things you’ve already accomplished that your past-you would be proud of. Found an apartment? Learned to cook that one pasta dish? Started paying your own phone bill? Write it all down.

Why it works: This practice counters the constant pressure to achieve more by highlighting the progress you’ve already made. When you’re feeling stagnant, seeing how far you’ve come builds confidence and creates a healthier perspective on personal growth. It’s particularly powerful when society keeps pushing you to focus only on future achievements.

2. THE AMATEUR ANTHROPOLOGIST
   What to do: Choose different neighbourhoods, coffee shops, or public spaces to observe. Take detailed notes about the characters you see and create stories about their lives. Document different lifestyles, routines, and interactions you witness.

Why it works: This practice pulls you out of the self-absorption that often comes with a quarter-life crisis. By studying others’ lives, you develop a broader perspective and realise there are countless ways to live. Plus, the observation skills you develop become valuable in any career path.

3. FAILED RECIPE NIGHTS
   What to do: Host regular gatherings where everyone attempts to make complicated dishes they’re completely unqualified to create. The worse the results, the better. Document the disasters and celebrate the mess-ups.

Why it works: These gatherings build resilience through low-stakes failure in a supportive environment. When you’re struggling with bigger life decisions, having a space to embrace imperfection helps develop comfort with uncertainty. Plus, it creates a community among peers facing similar life challenges.

4. THE PERSONAL MUSEUM
   What to do: Create a small exhibition of objects representing different phases of your life so far. Write museum-style placards explaining their significance – from old student IDs to concert tickets to that coffee mug from your first job.

Why it works: This curation process helps you identify patterns and themes in your personal development. By treating your journey with the respect of a museum exhibit, you validate experiences that might seem insignificant and create narrative coherence during a chaotic time.

5. CAREER COSTUME WEEK
   What to do: Spend each day dressed as a different profession you’ve considered pursuing. Monday as a marine biologist, Tuesday as an architect, and Wednesday as a chef. Go all in with the accessories and mannerisms.

Why it works: Physically embodying different roles helps identify what feels authentic versus forced. It makes career exploration playful rather than stressful and often provides unexpected clarity about which paths genuinely excite you versus those that just look good on paper.

6. THE QUARTER-LIFE VICTORY GARDEN
   What to do: Plant things that grow quickly and visibly, like herbs or microgreens. Document their daily progress. Create a routine of care and celebration for each new leaf or sprout.

Why it works: Watching your plants thrive provides tangible evidence of your ability to create growth and positive change. The routine offers structure during uncertain times, while the visible progress helps combat feelings of stagnation in other areas of life.

7. THE MEANINGLESS CERTIFICATE
   What to do: Create and award yourself an official-looking certificate for something ridiculously specific, like “Outstanding Achievement in Overthinking” or “Master of Weekend Pancake Preparation.” Make it as formal as possible.

Why it works: Using humour to acknowledge your struggles defuses anxiety about achievement. It challenges perfectionism and questions society’s emphasis on credentials while encouraging self-validation rather than constant external approval-seeking.

8. TIME TRAVEL THERAPY
   What to do: Write dramatically overblown letters to your past and future selves, soap opera style. Detail your current struggles, victories, and anxieties with maximum theatricality.

Why it works: The dramatic format provides emotional distance from current struggles while helping identify patterns in your thinking. It reduces anxiety about future unknowns and encourages self-compassion by connecting with different versions of yourself.

9. THE JOY DETECTIVE
   What to do: Investigate moments of unexpected happiness with the seriousness of a crime scene investigator. Document exact circumstances, contributing factors, and evidence of satisfaction. Build detailed case files.

Why it works: This methodical approach helps identify what genuinely brings you satisfaction rather than what should make you happy. It shifts focus from external expectations to internal fulfilment and creates a practical template for future decision-making.

10. ALTERNATIVE TIMELINE TRADING CARDS
    What to do: Create baseball-style trading cards featuring different versions of yourself based on paths not taken. Include stats, fun facts, and “career highlights” for each alternate reality version.

Why it works: Acknowledging multiple possible paths without judgment reduces anxiety about “wrong” choices. It helps make peace with roads not taken while maintaining a sense of possibility during uncertain times. Plus, it reminds you that your current path isn’t your only option.

11. THE UNCERTAINTY APPRECIATION CLUB
    What to do: Meet regularly with friends to celebrate things you’re unsure about. Give awards for “Most Creative Career Doubt” or “Best Existential Question of the Month.” Make ceremonies out of shared confusion.

Why it works: By normalizing uncertainty and creating a community around shared challenges, this transforms anxiety into connection. It reduces shame around not having everything figured out and reminds you that confusion is a universal part of early adulthood.

12. LIFE CRISIS BINGO
    What to do: Create bingo cards filled with common quarter-life crisis moments. “Questioned entire career path,” “Stalked high school classmate’s LinkedIn,” “Googled ‘How to know what to do with your life'” – celebrate when you get a line.

Why it works: Turning overwhelming experiences into a game makes them feel more manageable. It creates humour around shared struggles while providing a sense of progress through challenges. Most importantly, it shows you’re not alone in navigating this confusing time.

And if you feel you need a break, away from all the hustle and bustle, come and recharge your batteries here in the sun-drenched southwest of France. Walk part of the Camino de Santiago de Compostela and spend a few days in the presence of my patient, understanding and supportive Friesian and Falabella horses – even if you don’t interact with them at all, just having them around is calming and comforting – on a Stress-busting Camino de Santiago walking retreat to reinvent yourself, rewrite your story and start your sensational next chapter.

Q&A

Q1 How does social media contribute to the quarter-life crisis?

A: Social media can amplify the quarter-life crisis by creating unrealistic expectations and a heightened sense of comparison. Seeing curated snapshots of others’ achievements—such as career milestones, travel, or relationships—can lead to feelings of inadequacy or pressure to “catch up.” This constant comparison can cause self-doubt and anxiety, even though social media rarely shows the whole story. Setting boundaries with social media, limiting screen time, and focusing on personal goals rather than comparisons can help alleviate some of these pressures.

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Q2: Can a quarter-life crisis affect my relationships with family and friends?

A: Yes, a quarter-life crisis can impact relationships, sometimes creating tension or misunderstandings. Family members or friends may not fully understand your struggles or may have different expectations for your life. Some people find themselves drifting away from friends who are on different paths or feel conflicted about family pressures. Honest communication can help close these gaps—expressing your feelings and setting boundaries when needed. Surrounding yourself with supportive individuals and seeking out friends who share similar values or are going through similar experiences can be particularly comforting during this period.

Q3: Can a quarter-life crisis actually be beneficial in the long run?

A: While challenging, a quarter-life crisis can be a powerful catalyst for personal growth. By questioning life choices and reevaluating personal goals, many people gain a clearer understanding of their values and priorities. This crisis can lead to greater self-awareness, resilience, and confidence as individuals learn to make decisions that align more closely with their authentic selves. It often serves as a turning point, prompting people to take risks, pursue meaningful changes, and embrace personal growth.

Q4: How can I cope with the stress and anxiety of a quarter-life crisis?

A: Here are some coping strategies:

• Reflect on your values and passions to gain clarity on your goals.
• Set realistic expectations and avoid comparing yourself to others.
• Seek support from friends, mentors, or therapists to gain perspective.
• Experiment with new experiences or hobbies to discover fresh interests.
• Focus on small, achievable goals that can help you build momentum and confidence.

Q5: What should I do if I want to make a major life change during my quarter-life crisis?

A: Major life changes are common during this time, but planning and reflection can help minimize impulsivity. Consider these steps:

• Identify your motivations to ensure the change aligns with your values and long-term goals.
• Conduct research on the new path or decision to understand its implications.
• Take small steps before committing fully (e.g., exploring a new career through freelancing or part-time work before switching jobs).
• Create a support system of people who can offer guidance and honest feedback.

Taking intentional, gradual steps will help you feel more secure in your decision, making a big change less overwhelming.

Introduction

Imagine this: you’re in the midst of packing up your life, surrounded by mountains of boxes, immobilised by heart-wrenching memories, when through the window, you see your elderly next-door neighbour struggling to carry her groceries into her house. You jump up and rush out to help her. A strange thing happens. You suddenly feel much lighter and less and despondent. This simple act of kindness lightens both your loads and brightens your day.

Kindness is the ULTIMATE superpower. It not only benefits the receiver but in equal measure benefits the giver.

When we are going through turbulent life transitions, our focus often shifts inward as we try to cope with the challenges of a new chapter. I have discovered, going through one major life change after another, that transitions, no matter how unsettled we feel, can be a unique opportunity to connect with others in unexpected, meaningful ways. Not only does it take your mind off your own troubles, but impacting someone else’s life can become a source of light as you forge your own path forward.

Acts of kindness don’t always have to follow conventional paths. They can be small but powerful gestures woven into your daily routine, reshaping not only how others feel but also how you experience this transformative period. Whether you’re moving to a new city, starting a new job, making a career change or even just reassessing your life’s direction, kindness as a practice can add purpose to your transition.

Instead of focusing on what you need to get through your own change, consider what you can give, even as you navigate the unknown yourself. This isn’t about grand gestures or acts that require extensive planning and funds; rather, it’s about finding unconventional ways to connect, empathise, and uplift—ways that might surprise both you and those around you. From lending a listening ear to someone struggling, to anonymously supporting a cause you believe in, kindness can be profoundly impactful for others.

I did not want this article to be just another random-acts-of-kindness list, so how about exploring creative, often unexpected methods for spreading kindness that don’t require major investments of time, money, or effort, but that do leave lasting impressions on others—and often surprisingly, on yourself. By embracing these unique opportunities for connection, you’ll not only make your transition easier but transform it into a period of genuine human connection.

Suzi Makes a Life-altering Discovery

Suzi had hit what the self-help books cheerily referred to as “rock bottom.” And not the cute, garden-variety kind where you bounce right. No, this was the kind of rock bottom where you’re certain someone tied an anvil to your ankles and dumped you into a bottomless lake.

Suzi was single again, thanks to the biggest narcissist since Greek mythology. She was also a week away from leaving her job after being “restructured” (read: fired with a side of meaningless HR platitudes). Her cat wasn’t even looking her in the eyes anymore, and her supposedly resilient houseplant had given up entirely and keeled over.

So there she was, eating cereal out of a mug? when she got a text from her neighbour Donna. Donna, who usually can’t stop talking about her spiritual journey and her vegan gluten-free, dairy-free and possibly taste-free lifestyle. Donna needed a FAVOUR.

“Can you help me with my groceries?” Donna texted. “My back is just killing me today.”

Suzi rolled her eyes so hard she practically saw the future. Groceries? Donna was fully capable of squatting more weight than a CrossFit instructor. Mired in her swamp of self-pity, Suzi nevertheless thought, Why not? Maybe someone else’s life is actually worse? Cereal-mug in hand, she dragged herself over to Donna’s place.

Donna’s idea of “groceries” included some very specific “healing foods.” We’re talking mushrooms that only grew on cliffsides in New Zealand, and nuts that probably required a passport. Suzi loaded up her car with two carts’ worth of fermented… things, super-seeds, and what appeared to be bark dust. Her car smelled like a cross between a farmer’s market and a witch’s pantry.

Somewhere between lugging an impossibly heavy bag of organic, gluten-free sand and navigating Donna’s three-story walk-up, Suzi found herself laughing. Here she was, drenched in sweat and humiliated by chia seeds, actually laughing for the first time in days. Donna was going on about this nut powder that cured joint pain and boosted immunity—“just five scoops a day!”—and it was so absurd that Suzi couldn’t help herself.

When they finally got the last bag inside, Donna hugged her and said, “Suzi, you’re a gem. I can’t tell you how much you’ve helped me.” Donna then handed her a paper bag with a small gift, insisting, “A little something for you.”

Inside was a tiny cactus in a bright blue pot. “I thought it looked like you,” Donna said.

It was prickly. It was small. And, well, yeah, it wasn’t particularly cute. But it was alive. And it could supposedly survive any neglect, any storm—just like Suzi.

Something shifted that day. Suzi started making small changes. She joined a kickboxing class. She got a job interview. She even went to therapy—not the bargain-bin kind, but the full-fledged “we’ll unearth all your demons” kind. And every morning, she talked to Bob, her cactus, because somehow it reminded her of the absurd discovery she made, one grocery bag at a time. Just like I did.

Turns out, rock bottom is easier to climb out of when you’re hauling up someone else’s fermented seaweed chips along with you.

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15 Powerful Suggestions to Make Coping with Life Transitions Easier

1. Create a “Just-Because” Gift Basket/Box

• How: Gather small, comforting items such as tea bags, candles, snacks, or a short note. Arrange them in a basket or box and deliver them to a friend or family member who could use some encouragement.
• Why: Putting together this gift can help you focus on someone else’s needs, offering a mental break from your own worries. Seeing their appreciation can also boost your sense of connectedness.

2. Leave Encouraging Notes in Public Spaces

• How: Write messages like “You are enough,” “Keep going,” or “Today is a new day.” Place them in coffee shops, on park benches, in the pockets of clothes in shops, or in library books for people to find.
• Why: Brightening a stranger’s day with these simple messages reinforces your own optimism and reminds you that everyone faces challenges, which can give you perspective on your own.

3. Offer “Gratitude Calls” Instead of Texts

• How: Pick two or three people to call, and let them know why you’re grateful for their support, friendship, or advice. Mention specific memories or qualities to make it personal.
• Why: Expressing gratitude aloud deepens your connection to others and strengthens your support network. This helps you remember you’re not alone and have people you can lean on.

4. Cook Extra Portions and Share with Neighbours

• How: Prepare a meal and pack portions in small containers to give to neighbours or friends. Attach a note explaining that it’s just a “just-because” gift.
• Why: The act of cooking for others can be deeply satisfying, and sharing food fosters community bonds. Helping others in this way reminds you that you have something valuable to give, even when things feel uncertain.

5. Organise a “Pay It Forward” Challenge

• How: Start by paying for a stranger’s coffee or bus fare, then share the idea on social media or with friends. Encourage them to pay it forward in their own ways.
• Why: Small acts of generosity create a chain of positivity that reflects back to you, especially if you start seeing others participate. This ripple effect helps you feel part of a larger, kinder community.

6. Be a Listener for a Day

• How: Let people around you know that you’re there to listen without interrupting or offering advice. It can be as simple as saying, “I’m here if you want to talk.”
• Why: Listening with intention helps you connect with others on a deeper level and can provide perspective on your own transition. Sometimes, hearing about others’ experiences can inspire solutions or coping strategies for your own.

7. Send Out Personalised Book Recommendations

• How: Think of books that could bring comfort or inspiration to friends or family members. Write a short note about why you’re recommending each one and send the list, or even a copy of the book, to them.
• Why: Giving a book recommendation lets you share the wisdom that has helped you, reinforcing its lessons for you as well. Seeing the book’s positive impact on others can renew your own sense of strength and resourcefulness.

8. Create a “Community Kindness Jar”

• How: Set up a jar in your neighbourhood or workplace where people can leave small notes, quotes, or gifts for each other. Add a few kind notes to get it started.
• Why: Building a space for kindness creates a sense of belonging and gives you an uplifting project to focus on. This type of collective kindness can remind you that we’re all in this together, easing feelings of isolation.

9. Leave Flowers or Small Gifts in Unexpected Places

• How: Buy or pick small bouquets and place them in elevators, bathrooms, or break rooms with a note that says “For whoever needs a smile today.”
• Why: Spreading unexpected joy like this is a simple way to lift others up and remind yourself of the joy you can still create. Acts like this keep you grounded in a positive perspective, even amid personal challenges.

10. Volunteer to Write or Send Letters to Those in Need

• How: Contact organisations that connect volunteers with elderly individuals, hospital patients, or deployed military personnel. Write letters offering kind words, encouragement, or even a bit about your own experiences.
• Why: Writing letters to those in need reminds you of your strengths. Helping others through tough times can boost your confidence in your own ability to manage your transition.

11. Give a “Mystery Day” Gift to a Friend in Need

• How: Plan an anonymous outing, gift, or day of relaxation for a friend who’s going through a tough time. It could be as simple as a movie day, a picnic, or a hand-written itinerary for a self-care day.
• Why: Surprising someone with an unexpected gift day reinforces the bonds of friendship and support that are critical during transitions. This act of kindness reminds you of the power of support and joy in difficult times.

12. Offer Your Time as a “Transition Buddy”

• How: Find someone who’s also going through a life change (or post on social media to find someone) and volunteer to check in with them weekly. Share advice, listen, or simply offer encouragement.
• Why: Being a transition buddy offers mutual accountability and empathy, which are deeply valuable in difficult times. As you help someone else navigate their transition, you’re likely to gain insights and inspiration for your own journey.

13. Offer “No-Strings” Help on a Local Community Board

• How: Post on a community board or local online group (like Nextdoor) offering free assistance, such as pet-sitting, running errands, or helping someone with groceries. Keep it simple, saying something like, “Going through a life change and have some time—happy to help out if anyone needs a hand.”
• Why: Offering your time with no expectations in return can help you feel useful and needed, reminding you of the impact you can still make on others’ lives. It creates positive connections within your community, grounding you with a sense of purpose and gratitude.

14. Gift “Encouragement Jars” to Friends or Family

• How: Fill small jars with slips of paper where you’ve written encouraging quotes, kind words, or positive memories you’ve shared with the person. Give these jars to friends or family so they can pull out a little piece of encouragement whenever they need it.
• Why: Taking time to create something meaningful helps you reflect on positive relationships and memories. Knowing that your words can uplift those you care about also boosts your own spirit and reminds you of the support you’ve given and received.

15. Host an “Open House” Tea or Coffee Morning for Neighbours

• How: Set up a casual coffee or tea morning and invite neighbours to drop by. Post a simple invitation on a community board or leave notes on neighbours’ doors, welcoming them to join for friendly conversation and refreshments.
• Why: Hosting a low-key gathering fosters connection without pressure, and casual interactions with neighbours can offer fresh perspectives on life’s transitions. This sense of camaraderie can make you feel more supported and connected to your local community.

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Each of these acts not only spreads kindness but also offers you a constructive outlet during a life transition.

5 Books that can Inspire You to do more Acts of Kindness during a Life Transition

1. Your Hidden Superpower: The Kindness That Makes You Unbeatable at Work and Connects You with Anyone by Adrienne Bankert
   This book emphasises the transformative power of kindness, particularly in professional settings. Bankert, a Good Morning America correspondent, illustrates how cultivating kindness can enhance relationships, boost morale, and foster a positive work environment. She provides practical strategies for integrating kindness into daily interactions, making it a powerful tool for personal and professional success.
2. Deep Kindness: A Revolutionary Guide for the Way We Think, Talk, and Act in Kindness by Houston Kraft
   In this book, Kraft goes beyond surface-level concepts of kindness to explore its deeper implications in our lives. He combines narratives with actionable steps to demonstrate how kindness can create meaningful connections and foster healing in a world often marked by anxiety and depression. The book serves as a guide to inspire readers to incorporate authentic acts of kindness into their everyday lives, highlighting its ripple effect on communities.
3. The Negativity Remedy: Unlocking More Joy, Less Stress, and Better Relationships Through Kindness by Nicole Phillips
   This book combines personal anecdotes with scientific research to illustrate how shifting our perspective toward kindness can significantly improve our lives. Phillips offers practical strategies for responding to negativity with kindness, ultimately helping readers cultivate better relationships and a more positive mindset.
4. HumanKind: Changing the World One Small Act At a Time by Brad Aronson
   In this heartfelt book, Aronson shares stories of kindness that he experienced while caring for his ill wife. He compiles inspiring anecdotes from various individuals who have made a difference through small acts of kindness. The book serves as a reminder of the profound impact that even the simplest gestures can have on others and encourages readers to embrace kindness in their daily lives.
5. Kindness and Wonder: Why Mr. Rogers Matters Now by Gavin Edwards
   This book reflects on the legacy of Fred Rogers and the enduring relevance of his message about kindness and compassion. Edwards explores how Mr. Rogers’ teachings can guide us in today’s world, emphasising the importance of being kind to ourselves and others. The book serves as both a tribute to Mr. Rogers and a call to action for readers to embody his principles in their own lives.

Final Thoughts

In their 2010 study, Acts of Kindness and Acts of Novelty Affect Life Satisfaction, published in the Journal of Social Psychology, Kathryn E. Buchanan and Anat Bardi examined the impact of performing acts of kindness on individuals’ life satisfaction. The researchers conducted an experiment where participants were asked to engage in acts of kindness every day for ten days. These acts included simple gestures like helping a friend or complimenting a stranger. The findings revealed that participants who consistently performed these kind acts reported a significant increase in their overall life satisfaction compared to those who did not engage in such behaviors. This suggests that engaging in kindness not only benefits the recipient but also enhances the giver’s sense of happiness and fulfilment. The study highlights the importance of kindness as a simple yet effective way to improve well-being and foster positive emotions in everyday life.

There are many more studies confirming the findings of the study above, so why not give it a go and see if it works for you? You might, just like Suzi, be pleasantly surprised at how much more bearable kindness towards others makes your own life transition.

And if you feel you need a break, away from all the hustle and bustle, come and recharge your batteries here in the sun-drenched southwest of France. Walk part of the Camino de Santiago de Compostela and spend a few days in the presence of my patient, understanding and supportive Friesian and Falabella horses – even if you don’t interact with them at all, just having them around is calming and comforting – on a Stress-busting Camino de Santiago walking retreat to reinvent yourself, rewrite your story and start your sensational next chapter.

Making Sure Our Friendships Survive Major Life Changes

Your friends are your anchors during periods of change. When everything else is in flux – whether it’s moving cities, changing careers, starting a new business, or going through a divorce – your friendships offer you stability when other aspects of life feel uncertain or unfamiliar.

During times of transition, our emotions can be unreasonable and unpredictable. Friends remind us of who we are at our core. Major life changes can sometimes make us forget who we are. Friends who have known us through different phases of life can remind us of our core values, helping us stay grounded during times of change.

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.
― Henri Nouwen

12 Ways Our Friends Support Us During Turbulent Life Transitions

1. By Listening Without Judgment: A friend who actively listens and provides a safe, judgment-free space is invaluable. Sometimes, just being able to voice fears or excitement makes all the difference.
2. Offering Encouragement: Whether it’s words of encouragement or gentle reminders of your strengths, skills and abilities, friends can help keep you motivated, especially when challenges arise.
3. Providing Honest Feedback: Friends can offer constructive criticism or a reality check when needed, helping you navigate decisions with more clarity and perspective.
4. Celebrating Wins—Big and Small: Friends can help you see the progress you’re making and celebrate your accomplishments along the way, even if they’re minor.
5. Offering Practical Assistance: Friends can provide real, hands-on help, whether that’s moving boxes, editing a résumé, or helping with childcare.
6. Sharing Their Own Experiences: Friends who’ve navigated similar transitions can offer helpful advice and share their own stories, making your path feel more manageable and less overwhelming.
7. Helping You Set Realistic Goals: Friends can help you break down big changes into manageable steps and provide a reality check when setting goals, keeping you focused on what’s achievable. By checking in on your goals, friends can hold you accountable, helping you stay on track without being overbearing.
8. Offering Distraction: Sometimes, a little break from the intensity of change is just what’s needed. Friends can invite you to activities that take your mind off things and give you a refreshing escape.
9. Helping Broaden Your Network: Friends can introduce you to new contacts or communities, helping you meet people who’ve experienced similar changes and may have insights.
10. Providing Perspective: Sometimes, friends can help you see things differently, easing fears or pointing out positives in uncertain times.
11. Encouraging You to Embrace the Unknown: Friends can help you take a leap by reminding you of all the exciting possibilities that change can bring. They can boost your willingness to embrace new beginnings with a sense of adventure.
12. Being Consistent and Reliable: During times of change, having friends who are consistent can be an anchor, offering emotional stability through reliable companionship.

I think if I’ve learned anything about friendship, it’s to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don’t walk away, don’t be distracted, don’t be too busy or tired, don’t take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff.
― Jon Katz

12 Creative Ways We can Maintain our Friendships during Challenging Changes

1. Schedule “Catch-Up” Days: Set aside a day each month for a friend to spend time with, even virtually. Send a “menu” of activities, like catching up over coffee, watching a movie together online, or swapping book recommendations.
2. Regular “Check-In” Traditions: Create a fun tradition that fits your transition. If you’re moving, start a postcard tradition; if you’re taking up a new job, text them about one good or funny thing that happened that day. They can reciprocate with updates of their own.
3. Share Personal Milestones with a Twist: If you’re navigating a big change, like a new career, share highlights with friends by starting a “Life Updates” group or newsletter with stories, wins, and lessons learned. Make it interactive by asking them for their updates and perspectives too.
4. Host a “Virtual Trip” Together: Plan an online day trip or “night out.” Choose a theme—like exploring virtual tours, art exhibits, or trying new recipes at the same time—then share photos and reactions. It can be a great way to share something new, even when apart.
5. Create Memory Boxes or Scrapbooks Together: When meeting a friend, give them a “friendship box” to fill with notes, photos, or little mementoes. When you next meet, swap boxes to stay connected in a tangible way.
6. Send Thoughtful ‘Transition Care Packages’: Surprise your friends with small packages that relate to your life change (like a local snack from your new town) or help them feel involved in your journey (like a book on a new topic you’re interested in). Encourage them to send something back if they’d like.
7. Invite Them to Join Your Transition: If it’s a career change, invite friends to be sounding boards or brainstormers. For a big move, share house-hunting stories or ask for their input on decorating. Feeling included keeps them part of your journey, even if they’re not there in person.
8. Walk-and-Talk Catch-Ups: Plan a shared “walk date” where you each walk around your own neighbourhoods while chatting on the phone or on video. It’s relaxing and can mimic the feel of walking together in person, helping you unwind and share stories naturally.
9. Create a Shared Gratitude Journal: Start a shared digital gratitude journal (an app or a Google Doc) where you and friends can add little things you’re grateful for. This small act of positivity can keep you connected while also lifting each other’s spirits.
10. Plan Yearly Friend Retreats: Consider organizing an annual friend retreat, even if it’s a weekend getaway or something as simple as a staycation nearby. It can be an easy commitment to look forward to that strengthens bonds.
11. Create a “Friend Project” Together: Start a long-term project that you can both contribute to, like a shared Pinterest board, a travel bucket list, or even a fictional story you co-write. It’ll give you something ongoing to bond over, even when time is limited.
12. Monthly Video Challenges: Set fun monthly themes for quick video updates, like “Highlight of the Month” or “Something New I Tried.” These short videos make staying in touch simple and personal without feeling like a commitment to long calls.
13. Send Virtual Postcards: Instead of regular texts, send e-cards or “virtual postcards” with photos and updates about your life changes. They’re fun to receive, feel more personal, and add a bit of excitement to staying in touch.
14. Host Online “Book Club” or “Podcast Club” Meetups: Pick a book or podcast related to your transition, or something you both enjoy, and chat about it over a drink or meal virtually. It’s a meaningful way to engage in new topics together, even from afar.
15. Create “Friendship Resolutions”: Set friendship goals, like “catch up every other week” or “share a goal update every month.” Hold each other accountable to these mini “resolutions” to help both of you prioritise connection amidst your transitions.

A University of Michigan study, led by psychologist Oscar Ybarra from the Institute for Social Research (ISR) that was published in the peer-reviewed journal Social Psychological and Personality Science found that engaging in friendly conversations can make it easier to solve common problems. Cooperative interactions, rather than competitive ones, were shown to have cognitive benefits. Brief (10 minute) friendly conversations resulted in boosts to performance on cognitive tasks related to executive function, including working memory, self-monitoring, and the ability to suppress distractions.*

The key is reciprocity – being equally available to support friends during their transitions creates a strong mutual support network that becomes more valuable over time. By maintaining friendships during our own transitions, we position ourselves to be supportive when our friends go through changes of their own. This reciprocity strengthens the bonds of friendship and creates a network of mutual support that can be relied upon through various life stages.

What makes friendships especially valuable is that friends often provide support without being asked. While your family might have obligations to help, friends choose to be there, which can make their support feel particularly meaningful during life transitions. If help is not forthcoming, maybe you are not communicating your needs effectively.

12 Ways of Effectively Communicating Our Needs during a Life Transition

1. Be Clear and Specific: Let friends know exactly what you need, whether it’s emotional support, practical help, or just a listening ear. Being specific prevents misunderstandings.
2. Use “I” Statements: Frame requests with “I” statements, like “I feel overwhelmed and could use some encouragement.” This keeps the focus on your needs without making others feel responsible for your emotions.
3. Choose the Right Time to Talk: Pick a time when you both can be present, and avoid bringing up needs during rushed or stressful moments. A thoughtful conversation can lead to more meaningful support.
4. Explain Your Situation: Briefly share why you need their support. Context helps friends understand your perspective and may inspire them to offer exactly what’s needed.
5. Ask for Help without Apologising: Avoid apologising for needing help—life transitions are challenging, and it’s okay to ask for support. This can help both you and your friend feel comfortable with the request.
6. Express Gratitude for Their Support: Acknowledge how much you appreciate their help and let them know their support makes a difference. This can strengthen your connection and inspire them to keep supporting you.
7. Offer Ideas on How They Can Help: If you have a specific need, like help with a particular task or regular check-ins, suggesting this directly can be very helpful. Friends appreciate knowing how they can assist.
8. Share What’s Most Meaningful to You: Some people find practical help more meaningful, while others value emotional support. Let friends know what form of support means the most to you right now.
9. Communicate Your Boundaries: Be open about any limitations or boundaries you’re setting, like needing quiet time or specific days for alone time. Friends will understand and can adjust their support accordingly.
10. Reassure Them You’re Not Overly Dependent: Friends may worry about overstepping, so let them know you’re reaching out when necessary but are still managing other aspects on your own.
11. Be Open to Different Types of Support: If a friend offers help in a way you hadn’t considered, try to be open to their approach. Sometimes, friends see needs that we may overlook.
12. Keep Communication Two-Way: Ask friends about their lives and needs too. A balanced exchange keeps the relationship strong, even when you’re leaning on them for support.

Being direct and clear about what you need—and why—can make all the difference in ensuring your friends are able to support you in the best way possible.

Final Thoughts

In conclusion, maintaining friendships during life transitions is not just about preserving social connections; it’s about creating a support system that enhances our resilience, provides perspective, and contributes to our overall well-being. As we navigate the complexities of adult life, strong friendships can be the constant that helps us not just survive, but thrive through change.

This is how it works. I love the people in my life, and I do for my friends whatever they need me to do for them, again and again, as many times as is necessary. For example, in your case you always forgot who you are and how much you’re loved. So what I do for you as your friend is remind you who you are and tell you how much I love you. And this isn’t any kind of burden for me, because I love who you are very much. Every time I remind you, I get to remember with you, which is my pleasure.
― James Lecesne

* Ybarra, O., Winkielman, P., Yeh, I., Burnstein, E., & Kavanagh, L. (2010). Friends (and Sometimes Enemies) With Cognitive Benefits: What Types of Social Interactions Boost Executive Functioning? Social Psychological and Personality Science. DOI: 10.1177/1948550610386808

Life Quake Series

Enraged. Terrified. Adrift. Betrayed. Losing a job isn’t just losing a paycheck; it’s watching a piece of your identity slip away, too. There’s the gut-wrenching sting of rejection, the ever-echoing fear that asks, Was I not good enough? You feel anger—sharp and raw—at the system, the company, maybe even yourself. And beneath it all, a quiet, aching loneliness as you unexpectedly face an insecure future.

Losing a job can unleash a flood of specific, intense, difficult-to-manage emotions, each uniquely challenging:

1. Shock – That initial moment of numbness and disbelief, as if the reality of the situation just hasn’t settled in yet.
2. Fear – Anxiety about the future looms large, especially concerning financial security, career trajectory, and personal identity.
3. Anger – Directed at the employer, colleagues, or even oneself, anger often accompanies a sense of injustice or frustration about unmet expectations.
4. Shame – The worry of judgement from others or the feeling that one has somehow failed can lead to deep embarrassment.
5. Grief – The sense of loss over both tangible (income, daily routine) and intangible (colleagues, identity) elements of the job.
6. Self-doubt – Wondering if one is truly capable or competent can lead to a damaging spiral of insecurity.
7. Relief (in some cases) – For those who felt unhappy or unfulfilled, a surprising sense of relief may accompany the loss, mingling with the other, more painful emotions.

These emotions can combine and recur in waves, creating a complex, exhausting experience. Naming them, however, is the first step toward healing and reclaiming a sense of stability and purpose. An Emotion Wheel can make this easier, download one by clicking here.

There are, of course, several traditional strategies you can use to help you through this life transition, and you’ll find them laid out in detail at the end of this article, but thinking outside the box I have come up with a list of unconventional suggestions, that may appeal if you are looking for innovative solutions:

Reverse Engineer Your Layoff

Instead of rushing to move forward, spend time studying the circumstances of your job loss as a market indicator. What larger economic patterns led to this moment? Which roles were retained versus cut? This analysis can reveal emerging trends and help you position yourself ahead of the next industry shift.

Sarah Chen, a former marketing director at a major tech company, transformed her layoff into market intelligence. After losing her job in a sweeping AI-related restructuring, she spent three months analyzing layoff patterns across 50 tech companies. She tracked which roles were being eliminated and which were growing, creating a detailed map of skills vulnerability to automation. This analysis revealed that while traditional content marketing roles were declining, there was growing demand for AI-native marketing specialists. Sarah leveraged this insight to launch an AI prompt engineering consultancy, helping marketing teams adapt to AI tools. Within six months, she was earning double her previous salary working with companies navigating the AI transition.

Create Your Own Job Category

Rather than fitting yourself into existing job descriptions, analyse your unique combination of skills and experiences to create a new professional category. The key is finding intersection points between different industries or skills that others haven’t yet recognised.

Marcus Rodriguez combined seemingly unrelated experiences to pioneer a new professional niche. As a laid-off high school physics teacher who spent weekends building virtual worlds on gaming platforms, he spotted an opportunity when universities began exploring virtual campuses during the pandemic. He coined the term “educational metaverse architect” and documented his process of building virtual physics labs. His YouTube videos caught the attention of several universities, leading to a consulting practice helping educational institutions design interactive virtual learning environments. He now employs a team of five and works with institutions globally.

Build a Micro-Apprenticeship Network

Instead of traditional networking, approach experts in fields you’re curious about and offer to work for free for one week each. This “micro-apprenticeship” model provides rapid exposure to multiple industries while building relationships through actual work rather than coffee chats.

James Lakshmi, a former investment banker, turned unemployment into a learning odyssey. He created what he called the “Eight Weeks of Wonder” program, working one week each at eight drastically different organisations: a vertical farm in Singapore, a tech startup in Stockholm, a traditional craftsman in Kyoto, a renewable energy company in Denmark, an AI research lab in Toronto, an urban planning office in Rotterdam, a food innovation lab in Tel Aviv, and a digital nomad collective in Bali. Each placement cost him only living expenses, as he offered his analytical skills in exchange for the learning opportunity. The experience led him to create an urban agricultural technology company that combined financial modelling with sustainable farming practices, now valued at $10 million.

Create a “Failure Resumé”

Start a blog or newsletter documenting your job search failures and lessons learned. This radical transparency approach has helped some professionals build substantial followings and attract employers who value resilience and self-awareness.

Maya Desai’s “100 Days of Rejection” blog transformed her job loss into a movement. After being laid off from her pharmaceutical sales position, she decided to document every job rejection, failed interview, and unsuccessful pitch. Her brutally honest posts about interview mistakes, salary negotiation failures, and emotional struggles resonated widely. The blog attracted 50,000 followers in three months, leading to speaking engagements at career development conferences. She eventually launched a career coaching practice focused on helping professionals embrace and learn from failure, generating $300,000 in her first year.

Create a Personal Economic Indicator

Develop your own metric for measuring economic health in your industry or region. This could involve tracking specific data points, like the number of new business registrations in your area or keyword frequency in job postings. Use this indicator to make more informed decisions about timing your job search or career pivot.

Tom Whitaker, a laid-off data analyst, developed what he called the “Denver Tech Index.” He scraped data from job boards, real estate listings, local business registrations, and social media to create a comprehensive measure of the tech industry’s health in his region. His weekly newsletter analysing these trends gained traction among local recruiters and executives. When his index predicted a hiring surge in cybersecurity three months before it happened, his credibility soared. He now runs a boutique labour market analytics firm serving companies planning workforce expansions in emerging tech hubs.

Practice “Skills Arbitrage”

Identify skills that are overvalued in one industry and undervalued in another. For example, project management skills highly valued in tech might be undersupplied in the nonprofit sector.

Rebecca Martinez leveraged her tech project management experience in an unexpected direction. After analysing salary data, she realized that religious organisations and nonprofits significantly undervalued project management expertise compared to tech companies. She approached several megachurches with proposals to modernise their operations, offering her services at a price point between typical nonprofit and tech sector rates. Within a year, she had built a specialised consulting practice helping religious organisations implement modern project management tools and practices, serving 15 clients across the country.

Design Your Own Performance Review

Instead of waiting for employer feedback, create a rigorous self-evaluation system and publicly share your progress. Document your learning, projects, and impact metrics.

Kai Anderson turned personal accountability into a media brand. After losing his product manager role, he created “The Monthly Review,” a podcast where he publicly evaluated his progress in building a new career. Each episode followed a structured format: skills acquired, projects completed, income generated, and lessons learned. His transparent discussion of failures and successes, including actual income numbers and client interactions, attracted 75,000 monthly listeners. The podcast led to a book deal and a business helping professionals create personal development frameworks.

Build a “Career Laboratory”

Rather than committing to a single path, set up 3-4 parallel professional experiments. This might mean simultaneously freelancing in your old field, taking an entry-level position in a new industry, and starting a small business. Run these experiments for a set period, gathering data about what energises you and what creates value.

Dr. Lisa Zhang, a laid-off pharmaceutical researcher, ran three parallel career experiments over six months. She took a part-time position teaching chemistry at a community college, started a science communication YouTube channel, and consulted for biotech startups. She treated each venture as a research project, meticulously documenting revenue, satisfaction levels, and growth potential. This systematic approach revealed that while teaching provided stable income, her YouTube channel unexpectedly generated both higher earnings and greater satisfaction. She now runs a successful science education platform with over 500,000 subscribers.

Leverage “Productive Procrastination”

When you’re stuck in your primary job search, redirect that energy into adjacent projects. Alex Riveral turned job search frustration into a startup. Procrastinating on writing cover letters, he built a simple tool to automate job application tracking. As rejections piled up, he added features to analyse application patterns and optimize resume keywords. Other job seekers began asking to use his tool, leading him to develop JobTrackal, a comprehensive job search automation platform. The company now serves 50,000 users and has raised $2 million in seed funding.

Create a “Shadow Board”

Instead of seeking a mentor, assemble a diverse group of professionals who agree to receive monthly updates about your career experiments and provide feedback. Include people from different industries, age groups, and backgrounds. This provides multiple perspectives and keeps you accountable to a regular review process.

Marien Kim assembled an unconventional advisory team: a 19-year-old tech prodigy, a retired CEO, a social worker, an AI researcher, and a professional artist. Each month, she sent detailed updates about her career experiments and received their diverse perspectives. This varied input helped her identify a unique opportunity combining tech and social impact. She developed a platform connecting retired professionals with nonprofits needing project-based expertise, now successfully operating in twelve cities.

Practice “Perspective Arbitrage”

Use your outsider status to your advantage. Fresh eyes can spot opportunities that industry veterans miss. Document everything that seems inefficient or confusing in your target industry. These observations could become the foundation for a consulting practice or innovative business idea.

David Chent, a former teacher entering the tech industry, documented everything that confused him during his transition. His outsider’s perspective helped him identify major gaps in tech education for career changers. He created a course specifically for non-traditional tech candidates, focusing on the cultural and practical aspects that boot camps often missed. His program has helped over 1,000 career changers successfully transition into tech roles, with an average salary increase of 65%.

Develop a “Skills Stack” Game

Turn skill development into a strategic game. Assign points to different skills based on their market value and rarity. Set challenges for yourself to “level up” in specific areas, tracking your progress publicly. This gamification approach has helped some professionals stay motivated while building an engaged following.

Praiya Malhotre created “LevelUp,” a public skills development challenge. She assigned point values to different skills based on market demand and difficulty, then documented her daily progress on Twitter. Her gamified approach to learning cloud computing, data visualization, and machine learning attracted a community of 10,000 followers who began participating in their own skills challenges. This led to her current role as head of learning and development at a major tech company.

The Anti-Career Path

Consider structuring your professional life around anti-goals—defining what you explicitly don’t want to do or become. This reverse engineering can sometimes reveal clearer paths forward than traditional goal-setting.

Jennifer Lito, a former corporate lawyer, made a list of everything she didn’t want in her next role: no billable hours, no adversarial relationships, no corporate hierarchy. This anti-goal exercise led her to create a unique mediation practice focusing on tech startup disputes. By positioning herself as a collaborative problem-solver rather than a traditional lawyer, she built a profitable practice that aligned with her values while leveraging her legal expertise.

Attend a From Troubled to Triumphant: A Transformational Retreat in the sun-blessed southwest of France

Emma Blackwood’s career epiphany came in an unlikely setting—a 200-year-old farmhouse in the Gascony region of France. After 15 years in corporate finance and a sudden layoff, she enrolled in “From Troubled to Triumphant: A Transformational Retreat.” Unlike traditional career coaching, this program combined intense personal work with the healing aspects of place and community.

The seven-day retreat, led by former medical doctor turned equine-assisted psychotherapist Dr. Margaretha Montagu, uses location-specific elements to trigger career breakthroughs. Participants engage in “terroir work”—activities deeply connected to the local environment. Emma tended to the retreat’s vegetable garden, went forest bathing and wild swimming, and visited a local fresh food market where she helped to choose the ingredients for that evening’s dinner.

“The physical distance from my former life created mental space for new possibilities,” Emma explains. “Traditional career counselling keeps you in your head. But harvesting tomatoes at sunrise and preparing them for the group’s lunch helped me understand what I really wanted—to create experiences that connect people with the earth and each other.”

The breakthrough came during a session in the sunflower field, where participants practised “sensory career mapping”—exploring potential paths through touch, smell, and taste rather than just logic. Emma realised her financial expertise could serve the growing agritourism industry. She now runs a successful consulting firm helping small European farms develop experiential tourism programs, combining her analytical skills with her newfound passion for agricultural heritage.

Register for a Rearing to Get Going in a New Direction: Finding Your Life Purpose Guided by Horses Online Course

After losing his position as a software developer, Micheal Latimor discovered the online course “Rearing to Get Going in a New Direction: Finding Your Life Purpose Guided by Horses.” Initially sceptical of virtual horse-guided coaching, he found the program transformed his understanding of purpose-based career direction.

Career transition doesn’t have to follow a conventional path. By embracing experimental approaches and viewing job loss as an opportunity for innovation, you might discover professional possibilities that didn’t fit into your previous definition of success. The key is to approach this period with a scientist’s curiosity and an artist’s creativity, turning uncertainty into a laboratory for professional reinvention.

These stories remind us that career transition is not just about finding new work—it’s about discovering new ways of understanding ourselves and our place in the professional world.

All stories are fictional.

Traditional Approach to Dealing with Losing Your Job

When facing job loss, traditional coping strategies typically follow a predictable path. Career counsellors usually advise starting with practical steps like filing for unemployment benefits, reviewing your budget, and updating your health insurance coverage. The next phase often involves updating your resume, reaching out to your professional network, and setting up job alerts on major job boards like LinkedIn and Indeed. You’re typically encouraged to maintain a structured daily routine, perhaps joining job search groups or working with a career coach. The standard advice includes practicing self-care through exercise and healthy habits, while actively applying for jobs within your field. Financial experts generally recommend cutting expenses, tapping into emergency savings, and possibly taking temporary work to bridge the gap. These conventional approaches, while logical, tend to focus primarily on immediate practical concerns and rapid reemployment in a similar role.

Even though the traditional advice after losing your job may feel inadequate in today’s rapidly evolving world, the suggestions above are still as valid as ever so I’m exploring them in more depth below:

Acknowledge Your Emotions

The first step in coping with job loss is allowing yourself to feel. It’s normal to experience a range of emotions: shock, anger, fear, sadness, or even relief. These feelings are part of the grieving process for the loss of not just income, but also routine, professional identity, and workplace relationships. Many people try to rush past these emotions, eager to move forward, but taking time to process your feelings is crucial for healthy transition. Consider sharing your experience with trusted friends or family, or seek professional help if you’re finding it particularly challenging to cope.

Take Care of Your Immediate Needs

Before diving into your next career move, it’s essential to address your fundamental needs. Begin by reviewing your financial situation and creating a realistic budget that reflects your new circumstances. Understanding your unemployment benefits and evaluating health insurance options should be top priorities. Have open conversations with family members about necessary adjustments—their support and understanding will be invaluable during this transition.

Reframe Your Narrative

Instead of viewing job loss as an ending, try to see it as a chapter break in your career story. This perspective shift can be transformative. Take time to reflect on your previous role, identifying both what worked and what didn’t. Consider the skills you’ve gained and how they might serve you in new ways. This is also an excellent opportunity to examine your true career values and priorities, which may have evolved since you last chose a career path.

Redefine Your Professional Identity

Your professional identity extends far beyond your former job title. This period of transition offers a unique opportunity for self-rediscovery. Consider the projects and achievements that have brought you the most satisfaction throughout your career. Think about the moments when you felt most energised and engaged.

Explore New Directions

With a clearer understanding of current yourself, you can begin exploring potential paths forward. The modern job market offers more diverse opportunities than ever before. Spend time researching emerging industries and roles that align with your skills and interests. Consider taking online courses or certifications to expand your expertise. Industry events, even virtual ones, can provide valuable insights into new career possibilities. Don’t overlook entrepreneurship or consulting opportunities—sometimes a job loss becomes the catalyst for launching an independent venture.

Routine, Structure and Purpose

Creating structure during career transition is vital for maintaining both momentum and mental health. Establish a daily routine that includes professional development, networking, and personal care. Set small, achievable goals that help you feel productive and moving forward. Consider volunteering or freelancing to stay active in your field while exploring new opportunities. These activities not only help maintain your skills but also provide a sense of purpose during the transition.

Network Meaningfully

Networking during career transition isn’t just about finding jobs—it’s about building genuine connections that can provide support, insight, and opportunities. Reach out to former colleagues to maintain professional relationships. Join professional associations and participate in industry discussions. Share your expertise through professional social media or blogs. Remember that networking is a two-way street—look for opportunities to help others in your network as well.

Engage in Professional Development

Use this time to invest in yourself and update your skills. The professional landscape is constantly evolving, and staying current is crucial. Focus on updating both technical and soft skills. Read industry publications to stay informed about trends and developments in your field. Consider how emerging technologies might impact your profession and prepare accordingly. Professional development not only makes you more marketable but also helps maintain confidence during the job search.

Map Your Path Forward

As you begin actively searching for new opportunities, approach the process strategically. Take time to define your ideal next role, considering not just the job title but the type of organization, culture, and work environment where you’ll thrive. Update your resume and online presence to reflect your current goals and capabilities. Develop a compelling professional story that explains your journey and what you’re seeking next. Target organizations that align with your values and offer opportunities for growth.

Find Meaning Outside of Your Work

While career transition requires significant focus, remember that your professional life is just one aspect of who you are. Nurture personal relationships and pursue interests outside of work. Focus on physical and mental health through exercise, meditation, or other wellness practices. Consider ways to contribute to your community that align with your values. Developing new skills or hobbies unrelated to work can provide fresh perspective and energy.

Increasing Resilience

The job search process can be lengthy and challenging. Stay resilient by maintaining perspective and celebrating small wins along the way. Build a strong support system of friends, family, and professional contacts who can offer encouragement and feedback. Remember to take breaks when needed and practice self-compassion. Each step forward, no matter how small, brings you closer to your next opportunity.

Looking Forward

As you move forward, remember that many successful professionals have faced similar transitions and emerged stronger. Your next role might offer opportunities you hadn’t previously considered—better work-life balance, more meaningful work, enhanced skills and experience, or stronger alignment with your values. Stay open to possibilities and trust that your experience and resilience will lead you to new professional fulfilment.

Final Thoughts

Job loss, while challenging, can become a catalyst for a positive and more profitable career change. By approaching this transition thoughtfully and maintaining hope, you can discover new professional meaning and potentially find work that’s even more fulfilling than before. Your career is a journey, not a destination, and this is just one chapter in the book of your life.

No one can discover you until you do. Exploit your talents, skills, and strengths and make the world sit up and take notice. — Rob Liano

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How to Find Solid Ground during a Life Quake

When life throws me in at the deep end — a major change, a sudden shift, an unexpected curveball – or all of these simultaneously – my first thought often is, ‘I can’t cope with this. This time, I’m going to drown.’ Well-meaning friends may say, “Just go with the flow” but this rarely feels practical in the thick of things. The RAIN method is a life-saver during times like these. It’s a grounding approach that helps you navigate change with awareness and a lot of self-compassion. Instead of being tossed around by emotional storms, like a ship that lost its anchor, this approach gives you tools to acknowledge, understand, and nurture yourself through life’s toughest transitions, or ‘life quakes’ as I’ve decided to call them.

What is the R.A.I.N. method?

R.A.I.N. is a mindfulness-based method designed to help us manage our emotions. The acronym stands for:

• Recognise: Acknowledge what is happening inside us, including our emotions, thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations.
• Allow: Accept these emotions as they are, without trying to change or avoid them. By allowing our feelings, we gain clarity about what’s driving our decisions.
• Investigate: Explore the emotions with curiosity and care, asking questions about what they might need or want.  Investigating our fears allows us to identify specific concerns, enabling us to address them strategically.
• Nurture: This as about offering ourselves compassion and kindness, reminding ourselves that it’s okay to make mistakes and learn from them, and treating ourselves as we would a close friend who is going through something similar.

In her book, Radical Compassion, Tara Brach talks about R.A.I.N. as an easy-to-learn four-step technique that quickly loosens the suffocating grip of difficult emotions and limiting beliefs. Each step (Recognise, Allow, Investigate, Nurture) is brought to life by memorable stories shared by Tara and her students as they deal with overwhelming feelings. Tara’s structured approach is a particularly valuable tool during major life changes, as it provides a technique that helps us manage the complex emotions that often arise during life transitions.

During my From Troubled to Triumphant Transformational Retreats, the R.A.I.N method provides my guests with a practical framework to process their most challenging emotions. By recognising their feelings, allowing themselves to feel without judgment, investigating underlying beliefs and fears, and nurturing themselves with self-compassion, R.A.I.N helps them move from emotional overwhelm to a place of clarity and resilience. This approach empowers them to cope with whatever changes they need to, leaving them with a renewed sense of self and a life skill they can use during future life transitions.

How can the RAIN method support you through significant life changes?

Working through the steps below can make a life transition feel less threatening ( see examples of how to use this method during a divorce, a career change, a move to another city/country etc.) :

Recognise: Getting Clear on What’s Really Going On

The first step in the RAIN method is to recognise. This means tuning into what’s happening inside and identifying the specific emotions that are surfacing — be it anxiety, anger, fear, excitement, or even grief. You can use an emotion wheel to expand your emotional vocabulary (click on the link to download this resource.) Take a moment to acknowledge your thoughts and beliefs about the transition including any worries or expectations you might have. Notice, too, what’s going on in your body. Are you feeling tension, restlessness, or other sensations? Recognising what’s really going on helps you avoid feeling overwhelmed or disconnected from your experience.

Allowing: Making Room for the Messy Bits

The second RAIN step is to allow — not to pretend it’s easy, but to make space for it. Allowing means accepting that change, along with all the emotions it stirs up, is a part of life. It’s natural to feel resistant, but embracing this step can help you reduce the pushback, which only adds to the stress. Think of this as creating a no-judgment zone for every feeling you have, even the ones that seem to contradict each other. Allowing doesn’t mean you have to like what’s happening, but it can save you from wasting your energy in a battle against reality.

Investigating: Looking Deeper

Next comes investigation. This step is about uncovering the root causes behind your emotional responses. Are there old beliefs or fears lurking that might be shaping your reaction? Maybe you’ll discover something positive about this transition that’s been hiding in the background. By being curious, you’re not only learning more about the situation but also gaining new insights into yourself. Investigation can turn a bewildering change into an opportunity to understand, adjust, and maybe even find a silver lining.

Nurturing: Caring for Yourself Through Change

Finally, there’s the nurturing step, the part where you get to treat yourself with compassion. Big changes can be tough, and nurturing yourself allows you to acknowledge that truth. Start by asking what you need to feel more supported or stable. By tending to yourself with patience, you can find moments of calm and even a touch of comfort in the middle of all the chaos. Nurturing isn’t just about surviving the shift; it’s about giving yourself the care and support you’d offer a friend in the same situation.

Applying the RAIN method to your experiences during a major life change makes it a bit easier to cope with the transition. This technique helps you stay grounded in the present moment while processing the complex emotions that often accompany significant life changes.

Major life changes can be overwhelming, and it’s okay to seek additional support from friends, family, or professionals as you go through this transition. The RAIN technique can be a valuable tool in your emotional toolkit, complementing other forms of support and self-care during this time.

Examples of how you can apply the RAIN technique during specific major life changes:

Example 1: Moving to a New City

• Recognise: You notice feelings of excitement mixed with anxiety. Thoughts like “What if I don’t make friends?” arise. You feel butterflies in your stomach.
• Allow: You acknowledge these feelings are normal for a big move. You let yourself feel both the excitement and the nervousness without trying to push either away.
• Investigate: You explore the anxiety and realise it stems from past experiences of feeling lonely in new situations. You also recognise the excitement comes from opportunities for growth and new experiences.
• Nurture: You remind yourself of past successes in adapting to new environments. You might say to yourself, “It’s okay to feel nervous. I know that I’m capable of making new connections and creating a home here.”

Example 2: Career Change

• Recognise: You identify feelings of fear and self-doubt. Thoughts like “Am I making a mistake here?” surface. You notice tension in your shoulders.
• Allow: You accept that it’s normal to feel uncertain about a big career shift. You let the fear and doubt be present without trying to argue them away.
• Investigate: Exploring deeper, you realize the fear is connected to financial security concerns. The self-doubt relates to imposter syndrome in your new field.
• Nurture: You reassure yourself: “It’s brave to make this change. I have valuable skills to offer, and I can learn what I don’t know yet. I’m taking steps to ensure my financial stability during this transition.”

Example 3: Going Through a Divorce

• Recognise: You notice feelings of grief, anger, and relief. Thoughts about failure and future loneliness arise. You feel a heaviness in your chest.
• Allow: You acknowledge that divorce brings a complex mix of emotions. You allow yourself to feel the full range without judging yourself for any of them.
• Investigate: Exploring further, you realize the grief is not just for the relationship, but for the future you had imagined. The anger relates to unmet needs in the relationship. The relief comes from ending a situation that wasn’t serving you.
• Nurture: You offer yourself compassion: “This is a difficult time, and it’s okay to have mixed feelings. I’m doing the best I can to take care of myself and move forward. I am worthy of love and happiness.”

Example 4: Becoming a Parent

• Recognise: You notice feelings of joy, overwhelm, and fear. Thoughts like “Will I be a good parent?” come up. You feel a mix of excitement and fatigue in your body.
• Allow: You accept that becoming a parent brings a wide range of emotions. You let yourself feel the joy alongside the worry without trying to only focus on the positive.
• Investigate: Digging deeper, you realize the fear stems from your own childhood experiences. The overwhelm relates to the significant life change and new responsibilities.
• Nurture: You comfort yourself: “It’s natural to feel both excited and scared. I’m learning and growing into this new role. I have support and resources to help me, and it’s okay to take it one day at a time.”

Example 5: Starting a Business

• Recognise: You notice feelings of excitement, fear, and self-doubt. Thoughts like “What if I fail?” and “Am I ready for this?” come to mind. You feel a mix of energy and tension in your body.
• Allow: You acknowledge that it’s normal to feel a combination of excitement and fear when embarking on a new venture. You allow yourself to experience these emotions without trying to suppress or ignore them.
• Investigate: As you explore these feelings, you realize that the fear of failure stems from past experiences where things didn’t go as planned. The excitement is tied to your passion for your business idea and the potential for independence and creativity.
• Nurture: You offer yourself reassurance: “Starting a business is a brave step, and it’s okay to feel uncertain. I have skills and resources that can help me succeed. It’s natural to face challenges, but I can learn and adapt along the way.”

What makes the RAIN method difficult to use?

When you start to use the RAIN technique, you may encounter several challenges. One of the main difficulties is actually recognising your emotions. Many people struggle with this first step – identifying what they’re feeling, often due to a lack of emotional vocabulary, a tendency to intellectualise rather than feel emotions, or difficulty distinguishing between thoughts and feelings. To overcome this, it can be helpful to practice mindfulness regularly and use an emotion wheel to expand your emotional vocabulary.

Another significant challenge is resistance to allowing. The “Allow” step can be particularly difficult due to the strong urge to fix, change, or avoid uncomfortable emotions. You may judge yourself for having certain feelings or fear that allowing an emotion will make it overwhelming or permanent. It’s important to remember that allowing doesn’t mean liking or agreeing with the emotion; it’s simply creating space for it to exist.

Impatience with the process is also common. The RAIN technique takes time and practice to master, and many people expect immediate results or relief. You may rush through the steps without fully engaging or give up if it doesn’t work right away.

The “Nurture” step can be challenging for those not used to self-compassion. You may feel undeserving of self-compassion, experience discomfort with directing kindness towards yourself, or mistake self-compassion for self-pity or self-indulgence. Starting small with self-compassion activities and remembering that it’s a skill that can be developed can help overcome this hurdle.

During the “Investigate” step, overanalysing can be a common pitfall. You might get caught in a loop of mental analysis, lose touch with bodily sensations, or judge and criticise what you discover. To address this, it’s important to focus on staying connected to your body and approaching the investigation with curiosity rather than judgment.

The final step of non-identification can be conceptually challenging for many. You may struggle to separate yourself from your emotions or thoughts, feel that non-identification means detachment or apathy, or have difficulty understanding what “natural awareness” feels like. This step often becomes easier with practice. Non-identification doesn’t mean not caring, but rather not being completely defined by or caught up in the experience.

Being aware of these common challenges, helps you to approach the RAIN technique with more patience and insight. Remember that like any skill, it takes time and practice to become proficient. Be gentle with yourself as you learn and grow through the process.

“A pause is a suspension of activity, a time of temporary disengagement when we are no longer moving toward any goal. . . . The pause can occur in the midst of almost any activity and can last for an instant, for hours or for seasons of our life. . . . We may pause in the midst of meditation to let go of thoughts and reawaken our attention to the breath. We may pause by stepping out of daily life to go on a retreat or to spend time in nature or to take a sabbatical. . . . You might try it now: Stop reading and sit there, doing “no thing,” and simply notice what you are experiencing.” — Tara Brach

Research?

While the RAIN method is widely used and recommended by many mental health professionals, there has been limited formal research specifically on its efficacy. While not a substitute for empirical research, it’s worth noting that the RAIN technique has been endorsed and promoted by respected psychologists and mindfulness experts like Tara Brach and Michele McDonald.

Despite its popularity and theoretical grounding, there is a clear need for more rigorous, controlled studies specifically examining the efficacy of RAIN as a complete technique. Such research could help establish its effectiveness compared to other interventions and identify for whom it might be most beneficial.

While the individual components of RAIN are supported by research, and there is significant anecdotal evidence for its effectiveness, more dedicated studies on the technique as a whole would be valuable to fully understand its impact and potential applications in mental health treatment.

Focus on what matters most to You

Sometimes life feels like an out-of-control carnival – especially to us introverts – lights flashing, crowds pushing, the whole place buzzing with deafening noise. Somehow, you’re supposed to stay balanced, find your way, and maybe even enjoy the ride. That’s modern life. Now, picture someone gliding through all that with clarity, intention, determination, and an unmistakable glow of fulfilment. That’s a purpose-driven woman.

But what does it really mean to be purpose-driven? Spoiler: it’s not just about clocking into a job or chasing your pre-packaged “passion.” It goes much deeper. A purpose-driven woman lives with intention, clarity, and deep connection to her core values. She isn’t simply moving through life checking boxes or meeting others’ expectations – she’s actively creating a life that aligns with her deepest calling and her unique gifts.

It’s more than a title. It’s a lifestyle, a mindset, a quiet superpower in a world that can’t sit still.

What is a Purpose-Driven Woman?

A purpose-driven woman is someone who lives in alignment with her values and personal goals, shaping her actions around a deeply held sense of meaning. She is motivated not just by external success but by an internal compass that guides her choices. These women often find that their purpose is woven into their work, relationships, and contributions to the world.

Purpose-driven women share several key characteristics:

Clear Values and Vision: Take Maria, a former corporate executive who realised her true purpose lay in sustainable agriculture. Rather than continuing on a conventional path, she now runs an organic farm that employs and empowers other women. Her clarity of purpose guides every decision she makes.

Impact-Focused Action: Consider Sarah, a teacher who recognized that her purpose extended beyond classroom walls. She created after-school mentoring programs that have transformed hundreds of young lives. Purpose-driven women understand that their actions ripple outward, affecting their communities and beyond.

Authentic Leadership: Elena leads a tech startup not just for profit, but to increase diversity in STEM fields. Her purpose shapes her leadership style, hiring practices, and company culture. She measures success not only in numbers but in lives changed.

Contribute to their Communities: Take Emily, a woman in her 40s who decided to shift from her high-pressure corporate career to open a cosy bookshop and coffee corner. For Emily, this transition represented more than just a career change; it was about creating a community space where people could find comfort and connection. Her purpose became about building a nurturing environment where individuals could pause and feel welcome—transforming her work into a meaningful journey that inspires and uplifts others.

Does investing in Life Purpose discovery have significant long-term benefits?

Living with purpose doesn’t just make life more fulfilling; it provides inspiration, motivation and direction in difficult times, makes it easier to make decisions, eradicates procrastination, offers resilience during life transitions, and leads to greater life satisfaction. Research published in the Journal of Positive Psychology (2018) demonstrated that purpose-driven individuals showed greater resilience to stress and are more likely to experience greater satisfaction and are better equipped to handle stress.

For women, especially those navigating major life changes such as a career shift, empty nesting, or a new relationship status, purpose offers a steady ground—a reason to keep going even when the road ahead feels uncertain. Research also suggests that investing in purpose discovery can have significant long-term benefits for women’s personal and professional lives. Gender & Society Journal (2017) published research specifically examining how women’s sense of purpose correlates with leadership effectiveness and career advancement. A study in Women & Health (2019) found that women with a strong sense of purpose reported better work-life balance and lower burnout rates. A study in the Journal of Business Ethics (2019) showed that purpose-driven women entrepreneurs were more likely to create sustainable businesses with positive social impact.

How can a Camino de Santiago Walking Retreats Help You Find Your Purpose?

Attending a Camino de Santiago walking retreat in the southwest of France offers a unique opportunity for self-discovery and clarity. Away from the daily demands and distractions, these retreats encourage reflection and allow participants to connect with their inner selves. Walking through nature, with the quiet of the Camino trail, provides space for introspection and a chance to see life from a new perspective. The T2T retreat is the most popular with those going through life transitions:

The Camino experience has a way of stripping away what isn’t essential, helping you focus on what truly matters. You’ll have the chance to explore questions like “What gives me energy?” and “How do I want to show up in the world?” Over the course of the retreat, many women begin to see patterns and feel a pull toward certain directions, gaining valuable insights into what purpose means for them personally.

Participants leave these retreats with:

• A clear understanding of their core purpose
• An action plan for implementing changes
• Practical tools for purpose-driven decision-making
• A supportive network of like-minded women
• Renewed energy and commitment

Transformational Stories from the Camino

Jennifer’s Journey: From Burnout to Breakthrough

“I arrived on the Camino feeling exhausted and disconnected from my life’s work as a healthcare administrator. The combination of daily walking meditation, skilled guidance, and deep conversations with other women helped me recognize that my true purpose wasn’t just managing healthcare – it was transforming it. Since the retreat, I’ve launched a successful healthcare advocacy program for underserved communities. The Camino didn’t just help me find my purpose; it gave me the courage to pursue it.”

Rachel’s Renaissance: Rediscovering Creativity

“At 45, I felt stuck in a successful but soulless corporate career. The Camino retreat created space for me to reconnect with my abandoned dreams of artistic expression. Walking through ancient villages and sharing stories with other women awakened something I’d long forgotten. Today, I run a thriving art therapy practice, helping others heal through creativity. The retreat showed me that purpose isn’t about choosing between security and passion – it’s about finding ways to bring them together.”

Maya’s Metamorphosis: From Empty Nest to New Beginning

“When my youngest left for college, I felt lost. The Camino retreat came at exactly the right time. Through guided reflections and the simple act of putting one foot in front of another, I discovered a calling to work with other women in transition. The community of women I met showed me that my experience could be a gift to others. Now I lead women’s circles and mentor others through life transitions. My empty nest became a launching pad for something beautiful.”

Finding one’s purpose isn’t a destination but a journey. The Camino walking retreat offers women a profound first step or a meaningful reset on this lifelong path. By combining ancient wisdom with modern facilitation, physical challenge with spiritual growth, and solitude with community, these retreats create the perfect conditions for purpose to emerge and take root.

As you consider your own journey toward purpose-driven living, remember that every great adventure begins with a single step. The Camino awaits.

If an in-person retreat isn’t feasible, consider enrolling in the Rearing to Get Going in a New Direction: Finding Your Life Purpose Guided by Horses online course, inspired by the wisdom of horses. While this course doesn’t involve direct contact with horses, allows you to explore your values and goals in a self-paced format, uncovering insights that help you move forward in your personal and professional life. It’s ideal for anyone looking to reconnect with their inner purpose and approach their future with fresh motivation, especially during a life transition.

Final Thoughts

A purpose-driven woman isn’t born overnight, but by stepping out of your usual surroundings and engaging in a retreat like the Camino, you open yourself to the clarity and courage it takes to live life on your terms. Whether you’re contemplating a big change, searching for a deeper connection with yourself, or simply feeling “stuck,” a Camino de Santiago walking retreat or a Finding Your Life Purpose Guided by Horses online course offers the time and support to reconnect with what matters most.

The key is for you to discover what you love to do, what you were created to do, and then do it for the people around you with love. That is the abundant life, dear girl, no matter where in the world you live. –Robin Jones Gunn