Author: Margaretha Montagu

How do you start over after a life change as life-shattering as a divorce? By radically reinventing yourself.

So you survived the divorce. Gone are the compromises, the silent resentments, and the half-lived dreams. As it fades into the distance in your rearview mirror, it’s time to start looking toward the future and to rebuild, rediscover, and reclaim every part of yourself that you always knew deserves better. Because here’s the truth no one tells you: Divorce isn’t the end of your story—it’s only a plot twist that you may or may not have seen coming.

Starting over after a divorce isn’t just about picking up the pieces—it’s about reinventing, rediscovering and rebuilding yourself into someone bolder, wiser and stronger than you’ve ever been before. This article isn’t here to sugarcoat the struggle—it’s real, it’s raw, and it’s not for the faint of heart. But if you’re ready to turn pain into power, you can turn this breakup into a breakthrough.

This is your comeback, and it’s about to get epic.

The Bruised-Not-Broken Divorce/BreakUp Recovery EcoSystem

1. Feel It to Heal It

First, allow yourself to feel it all—the good, the bad, the “why did I ever?” Still pretending you’re fine? Stop trying to slap a Band-Aid on a bullet wound. Divorce comes with an intoxicating cocktail of emotions, and some days you’ll feel like you’re riding a runaway rollercoaster. That’s okay, though. Scream into your pillow as often as you want, because trying to bypass the emotional chaos will only leave you carrying the ball-and-chain into your next chapter.

How do you allow yourself to feel the feels?

• You get yourself a therapist: It’s an investment in your future? It’s a power plan. Therapy is where you unpack the “what went wrong?” – assuming you haven’t been told – and “who am I now?” questions without anyone telling you you are doing it wrong. Quite a novel feeling, that, isn’t it?
• Journaling: Write out the rage, the regrets, and even the guilt-inducing relief. Setting your feelings on paper can help you untangle the emotional power cables in your brain.
• Lean into the grief: Grieve not just for the relationship, but for the person you used to be. Grieve for the future that now won’t happen as you imagined.
• Reach Out: Getting divorced can be isolating, so a strong support network is crucial. Connect to friends, family, or colleagues who can offer emotional support, practical advice, or just a listening ear.

The takeaway? Healing doesn’t happen overnight. It’s not linear. But feeling the pain now will prevent it from creeping up later and biting you in the backside when you least expect it. Give yourself time to move through this phase at your own pace.

2. Purge the Past, Literally (Marie Kondo-ing Your Heart)

You can’t step into the new you if you’re still holding onto physical reminders and relics of your old life. Sentimentality has its place, but letting go is part of liberating. Clean slate = clean mind. Think of this as the Marie Kondo method of emotional springcleaning. What sparks joy? Do more of that.

Every time you say yes to something you actually want to do, you’re reclaiming your freedom.

Actionable steps:

• Toss or Donate: Those trinkets that were ‘yours as a couple’? They don’t have a place in your new life. Release them. Free your space, free your mind.
• Redecorate: Paint a wall, rearrange furniture, or splurge on something that’s completely you. If your space is a reflection of your new start, it’ll feel empowering every time you walk into the room.
• Digital Detox: Delete old photos and messages that lock you into the past. Not as a way to erase history, but because you’re choosing not to live there anymore.

What does this achieve? You’re not just clearing out stuff; you’re clearing out emotional clutter. It’s symbolic. When you have a place that’s entirely yours, it reinforces the idea that you’re the one in control now.

3. Reclaim Your Space (And Your Time, Your Body, Your Mind)

Remember that closet you always crammed your things into because they needed more space? Or that hobby you ditched because your evenings were spent compromising on Netflix choices? It’s time to reclaim every square inch of your world. Your life is your real estate now.

How to reclaim it:

• Create a sanctuary: Whether it’s a corner of your bedroom or an entire room, carve out a space that’s just yours—filled with things that light you up.
• Time to be selfish: Don’t just fill your time with distractions. Be intentional. Take up a class, a sport, or even just block out time for you. This isn’t selfish—it’s self-care on steroids.
• Rediscover your body: Divorce can mess with your sense of physical identity, especially if your self-worth got tangled up in the relationship. Yoga, strength training, or even dance can help you reconnect with your body and feel empowered in your skin.

4. Reconnect with Your ‘You-niqueness’

Before the “we” there was you. And that version of you? They’ve been waiting in the wings, patiently biding their time, ready to make a grand re-entrance. Divorce doesn’t erase who you were before—it’s your chance to reintroduce yourself to that person.

How to tap back into your true self:

• List your pre-marriage passions: What did you love doing before you became half of a couple? Revisit those things. Music, art, travel, whatever it is—dive back into it.
• Try new things: Maybe you’ve evolved since then, and that’s okay. Now’s the perfect time to try new hobbies, new experiences, and meet new people who reflect the you of today.
• Surround yourself with people who get it: Drop the toxic relationships that drain your energy and bring in the friends who’ve always been in your corner—plus some new ones who match your post-divorce vibes.

What you’ll find: There’s a core version of you that’s been there all along. Reconnecting with that person isn’t just about nostalgia—it’s about building the future version of yourself on a foundation of authenticity.

5. Set Wild New Goals (the bigger, the better)

You’re not bound by anyone else’s timeline or dreams anymore. Your life is your own again, and that’s a wide-open playing field. What will you do with it?

Start here:

• Dream ridiculously big: What have you always wanted but didn’t think was possible? A new career? A major fitness transformation? Starting a business? Go after it with everything you’ve got.
• Create a vision board: Visualising your goals gives them form. Picture and pin on Pinterest everything from the trivial to the life-changing. Whether it’s the perfect apartment, a vacation, or a whole new lifestyle—seeing it makes it feel real.
• Break it down: Huge goals can feel overwhelming. Want to travel more? Start with weekend getaways. Want to write a book? Start with one chapter. Focus on small steps to regain stability. These might include organising your finances, finding a great place to live, or creating a habit/routine. If there are children involved, co-parenting strategies and their emotional well-being may also be a priority.

Result: Your goals, no matter how wild, belong to you. You’re not just picking up where you left off—you’re carving out a new path altogether, so celebrate the small victories along the way, whether it’s finding a new apartment, settling legal matters, or simply making it through a difficult day.

6. Protect Your Energy (Only the Right People Get a Front-Row Seat)

Post-divorce, you’re recalibrating. And not everyone is going to be part of this next chapter—and that’s not just okay, it’s necessary.

How to guard your energy:

• Focus on Self-Care: Divorcing can drain emotional and physical energy. Nourish your mind and body, by taking regular exercise, practising mindfulness, or spending time in nature. This is where my Building Resilience – a Roadmap from Burnout to Breakthrough during a Life Transition course can introduce you to tools that rebuild inner strength.
• Audit your circle: Who energises you? Who drains you? It’s time to protect your peace. Invest in relationships that add value to your life and distance yourself from ones that don’t.
• Set boundaries: Not everyone needs to know every detail of your post-divorce life. Set boundaries around conversations that feel intrusive or triggering. It’s essential to protect your emotional space by setting clear and firm boundaries with your ex-partner, family, and friends.
• Find your tribe: There are communities out there—whether in-person or online—who get what you’re going through. Surround yourself with people who uplift you and can help you grow.

Result: You’ll feel lighter, stronger, and more focused when you’re not wasting energy on people or things that don’t serve you anymore.

7. Remember: The Comeback Is Always Stronger Than the Setback

Divorce can feel like the ultimate failure. But guess what? Every powerful comeback story starts with a setback. This is your chance to rise. Not just rise—thrive.

Internalise this:

• Accept what you can’t control: The future might feel uncertain, especially when navigating legal, financial, or family challenges. Focus on controlling what you can—your reactions, your choices, and how you care for yourself. Let go of the need to control your ex-partner’s actions or the exact outcomes of the divorce.
• You’ve survived the hard part: The marriage ending, the heartbreak, the chaos—it didn’t break you. It’s shaping you into someone tougher, wiser, and more badass than you’ve ever been.
• This is just a chapter: Your life isn’t defined by this divorce—it’s one chapter in a much bigger story. And you, my friend, are the author. What happens next is entirely up to you.
• Define Your Purpose: As you come to the end of the divorce process, it’s time to redefine what success looks like for you. What kind of life do you want to create for yourself and your family, if children are involved? What will your next chapter look like? Use what you’ve learned during this transition to create a purposeful and fulfilling future. If you need guidance for moving forward with clarity, my Rearing to Get Going in a New Direction course can help set you on a path that aligns with your true desires.

Life after divorce might not follow the exact plan you envisioned, and that’s okay. Be open to adjusting your goals and expectations as new opportunities arise. Post-divorce life is full of new possibilities. Explore paths you hadn’t previously considered. Maybe a new career, relocating to a different city, or even dating again comes into play as you move forward.

Claim the next chapter of your life with confidence.

Five journaling prompts designed to help you not only survive but thrive as you start over after a divorce:

1. “Who Was I Before This Relationship, and What Parts of Me Do I Want to Reclaim?”

Dive deep into who you were before the marriage. What dreams, passions, or traits did you put on hold? Write about the pieces of yourself you want to bring back to life—and how you can nurture them in this next chapter.

2. “What Have I Gained from This Experience, Even if It Was Painful?”

Rather than focusing on what you’ve lost, explore what you’ve gained—strength, wisdom, clarity. Write about the ways this experience has shaped you and what lessons you want to carry forward into the next version of yourself.

3. “What Does My Ideal Life Look Like Now That I’m Free to Design It My Way?”

Close your eyes and picture your dream life, no compromises. Where do you live? What do your days look like? How do you feel? Capture every detail and let yourself dream big. This is your life to create.

4. “What Beliefs About Myself or Relationships Do I Need to Let Go Of?”

Letting go of limiting beliefs is a game-changer after divorce. These beliefs often sneak in during tough times and can keep you stuck in a narrative that no longer serves you. List any negative beliefs you’ve adopted and challenge them. What truths do you want to embody instead?

5. “What Are Three Things I’m Grateful For in My Life Right Now, and How Can I Attract More?”

Gratitude is a powerful tool for shifting perspective. Identify three things in your life that bring you joy or peace, no matter how small. Reflect on how you can expand on these to create a life full of moments that light you up.

The Bruised-Not-Broken Divorce/BreakUp Recovery EcoSystem

and why they should be part of the Grief Resolution Process

“Grieving is a necessary passage and a difficult transition to finally letting go of sorrow – it is not a permanent rest stop.” Dodinsky

Three years ago I lost my horse Belle, in February, in the middle of a freezing cold winter. I have never been quite the same since. As a life transition, losing someone we love must be one of the hardest to get through.

Making this list of quotes about grief resolution, to go with my A Compassionate Guide to Coping with the Loss of Your Horse course, I was surprised at how meaningful I found them, even now, three years later.

Why are quotes about grief so moving? I think it may be because they provide:

• Validation of our Emotions: Grieving can feel isolating, especially when emotions are overwhelming. Quotes can validate these feelings by expressing the pain, confusion, and sadness in words that resonate. It reassures us that ourr emotions are normal and shared by others.
• Words for the Inexpressible: Grief is often difficult to articulate, and quotes offer a way to express emotions that may feel too complex or raw to voice out loud. They give language to the grief experience, helping us process what they’re going through.
• Connection: Reading words from others who have experienced loss, especially from authors, philosophers, or spiritual leaders, creates a sense of connection. It reminds us we’re not alone, and that many have walked this perilous path before us.
• Comfort and maybe even Hope: Grief quotes can provide a sense of comfort by offering wisdom, spiritual insight, or a reminder that healing is possible, even in the face of profound loss. They often emphasise the enduring nature of love, offering hope for the future.
• Reflection and Perspective: Sometimes, quotes encourage deeper reflection on life, death, meaning and life purpose, helping us make sense of their loss and begin to integrate it into our lives in a way that honours our loved ones, our loved horses.

The quotes about grief that I have found particularly moving:

• “We must know the pain of loss; because if we never knew it, we would have no compassion for others, and we would become monsters of self-regard, creatures of unalloyed self-interest. The terrible pain of loss teaches humility to our prideful kind, has the power to soften uncaring hearts, to make a better person of a good one.” Dean Koontz 
• “Life is not the way it is supposed to be. It is the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.” Virginia Satir
• “The melody that the loved one played upon the piano of your life will never be played quite that way again, but we must not close the keyboard and allow the instrument to gather dust. We must seek out other artists of the spirit, new friends who gradually will help us to find the road to life again, who will walk the road with us.” Joshua Loth Liebman
• Grief can be a burden, but also an anchor. You get used to the weight, how it holds you in place.” Sarah Dessen
• “Life is full of grief, to exactly the degree we allow ourselves to love other people.”Orson Scott Card
• “So it’s true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love.” E.A. Bucchianeri
• “The weird, weird thing about devastating loss is that life actually goes on. When you’re faced with a tragedy, a loss so huge that you have no idea how you can live through it, somehow, the world keeps turning, the seconds keep ticking.” James Patterson
• “We bereaved are not alone. We belong to the largest company in all the world – the company of those who have known suffering.” Helen Keller
• “Grief is like the ocean. It comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” Vicki Harrison
• “Grief is not a disorder, a disease, or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical, and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure to grief is to grieve.” Earl Grollman
• “There are three needs of the griever: To find the words for the loss, to say the words aloud and to know that the words have been heard.” Victoria Alexander
• “I still miss those I loved who are no longer with me but I find I am grateful for having loved them. The gratitude has finally conquered the loss.” Rita Mae Brown
• “Those whom we love and lose are no longer where they were before. They are now wherever we are.” St John Chrysostrom
• “There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” Washington Irving
• “Tears are sometimes an inappropriate response to death. When a life has been lived completely honestly, completely successfully, or just completely, the correct response to death’s perfect punctuation mark is a smile.” Julie Burchill
• “There should be a statute of limitation on grief. A rule book that says it is all right to wake up crying, but only for a month. That after 42 days you will no longer turn with your heart racing, certain you have heard her call out your name. That there will be no fine imposed if you feel the need to clean out her desk; take down her artwork from the refrigerator; turn over a school portrait as you pass – if only because it cuts you fresh again to see it. That it’s okay to measure the time she has been gone, the way we once measured her birthdays.” Jodi Picoult
• “Tears have a wisdom all their own. They come when a person has relaxed enough to let go and to work through his sorrow. They are the natural bleeding of an emotional wound, carrying the poison out of the system. Here lies the road to recovery.” F. Alexander Magoun
• “When someone you love dies, and you’re not expecting it, you don’t lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time – the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. Just when the day comes – when there’s a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that she’s gone, forever – there comes another day, and another specifically missing part.” John Irving
• “I’m gone now, but I’m still very near, death can never separate us. Each time you feel a gentle breeze, it’s my hand caressing your face. Each time the wind blows, it carries my voice whispering your name. When the wind blows your hair ever so slightly, think of it as me pushing a few stray hairs back in place. When you feel a few raindrops fall on your face, it’s me placing soft kisses. At night look up in the sky and see the stars shining so brightly. I’m one of those stars and I’m winking at you and smiling with delight. For never forget, you’re the apple of my eye.” Mary M Green
• “There are three needs of the griever: To find the words for the loss, to say the words aloud and to know that the words have been heard.” Victoria Alexander
• “You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly – that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” Anne Lamott

Journaling has helped me enormously, to process my emotions. Using these grief quotes as prompts can encourage deeper reflection on the transformative nature of grief, offering us a way to cope with our loss.

I have created a couple of journaling prompts to show you how this can work:

1. “Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you.” — John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

• Prompt: How has your grief revealed new aspects of yourself? Have you noticed changes in how you view life…and death? Reflect on the strengths and weaknesses that have emerged during this experience with loss.

2. “The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it.” — Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

• Prompt: Write about how you’ve learned (or are learning) to live with your grief. What changes have you noticed in your daily life as you live with this new reality? How does the idea of “living with grief” resonate with you, how do you put it into practice?

3. “What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” — Helen Keller

• Prompt: Reflect on how the person you’ve lost has become a part of you. In what ways do you carry their influence in your daily life, values, or actions? How does this quote help you find a sense of peace or continuity?

4. “There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.” — Washington Irving

• Prompt: How have your tears and emotions been a source of strength during your grief? Write about moments when your grief has made you feel strong or powerful, despite the sadness. How can your grief increase your emotional resilience?

5. “Sometimes, only one person is missing, and the whole world seems depopulated.” — Alphonse de Lamartine

• Prompt: Reflect on how the absence of your loved one has affected your view of the world. In what ways has your life changed because of their absence? Explore how this feeling of emptiness impacts your day-to-day life and how you might begin to fill that void with new experiences.

If you’re struggling to come to terms with the loss of a horse, my online course, A Compassionate Guide to Coping with the Loss of Your Horse is designed to guide you through the unique grief that comes with losing a once-in-a-life-time (aren’t they all?) horse, while honouring the deep bond you shared. This course will introduce you to practical tools to help you work through your grief and offer compassionate support from someone who knows exactly how you feel, helping you take the steps you need to take toward finding closure. Click here to find out more.

#LifeQuake Series

What I learned from going through one Life Transition after another

I might have mentioned (about a hundred times so far) that I have been through more life transitions than I care to count. Looking back, I decided to review what I have learned from going through major life change after major life change, and sometimes several at the same time. I’ve learned a few important life lessons that have shaped who I am today. Some of these lessons came easily, while others I had to repeat a few times before I got it, but each one has made a dramatic difference in how I approach life now.

I have learned to:

1. Accept Myself As I Am

I’ve learned to stop striving for perfection and to compassionately accept myself exactly as I am – once I figured out exactly who I was. That took a while. I recently took a personality test and discovered that I am an introvert. Once I knew this, a lot of things started to make sense, that didn’t before. I no longer feel the need to prove anything to anyone. For example, I used to worry about every little flaw, every little mistake, whether it was how I looked or how others perceived my choices. Now, if I choose to skip wearing makeup or take a day off to rest, I don’t feel the need to justify it to anyone. True confidence comes from within.

2. Prioritise My Physical, Emotional and Spiritual Health

Taking care of my physical and mental health has become essential. I have had to do this since my 20s (sometimes with more success than other times) but as I got older, if has become more and more essential to my continued wellbeing. I understand now how important it is to listen to what my body needs and to provide it with everything it needs – food, exercise, rest – to enable it to function optimally. While running my Camino de Santiago Hiking Adventures, I have also discovered how crucial it is to keep my batteries fully charged. I cannot host transformational retreats with my batteries half-flat.

3. Value My Relationships

I’ve learned which relationships truly matter to me, and I’m no longer afraid to get rid of toxic ones that don’t. I now only invest in friendships based on equal contributions from both sides. A few years ago, I realised I was holding on to certain friendships out of obligation. One relationship was particularly exhausting. Eventually, I let go of it, and that space has allowed me to invest more time in friendships that truly uplift me. At this stage, I focus on quality, not quantity, when it comes to the people in my life.

4. Pay Attention to the Importance of Financial Independence

Financial security has become another priority for me. I’ve learned how to manage my money wisely and invest in my future, knowing that independence offers me freedom and peace of mind. I learned this the hard way in my 50s when I realised I hadn’t been saving enough. I decided to take control of my finances, cutting unnecessary expenses, and learning more about saving. Now, I feel empowered knowing that I’m slowly but surely building a solid financial foundation for my future.

5. Set Clear Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty

I’ in the process of mastered the art of saying no when I need to. Yes, indeed. I’m still not quite there yet. My time and energy are valuable, and I’ve learned to be more selective about where I spend them. I used to say yes to every request, whether it was a family gathering, a work favour, or helping a friend move house. It left me feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. Now, I’m much more comfortable setting boundaries, like turning down social invitations when I need time for myself or declining extra work when it interferes with my well-being. I no longer feel guilty about protecting and replenishing my energy stores as required.

6. Treat Time as Precious

I now understand that time is the most valuable (and finite) resource I have. Not money. Not achievements. Not possessions. I cherish moments with my loved ones (especially my horses), prioritise meaningful experiences, and focus on living with purpose, rather than chasing material gain. When I look back, I sometimes regret how much time I spent worrying about things that ultimately didn’t matter, didn’t make a difference and were soon forgotten anyway. Except for hay. I never feel richer than when I have stocked enough hay for the horses to last me the whole winter.

7. Let Go of What I Can’t Control

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is how to surrender to the things I can’t control. This has been a very hard lesson to learn. Very easy to unlearn, so I find myself learning it again and again. I used to try to fix everything—whether it was family dynamics, workplace tensions, or trying to change someone’s behaviour. For example, I once spent years trying to help a friend with his ongoing issues, only to realise he still wasn’t ready to change. Now, I focus on what I can control: my own reactions, my boundaries, and where I spend my precious energy. As an introvert, this is no simple undertaking.

8. Adapt

Life is unpredictable, and I’ve learned early on to adapt to and harmonise with whatever comes my way. When I was in my early 40s, I unexpectedly had to change careers due to a health scare. At first, it was daunting, but I took it as an opportunity to pursue something more aligned with my interests, my love for horses. I’ve learned that while change can be uncomfortable, it’s also a chance to grow and discover new strengths. The most challenging thing for me to do is to wait. My current life transition is in its 4th year. Four years can feel like a long time unless you have learned how to wait actively, as I finally have.

9. Live Authentically

At this point, I’m no longer concerned with living up to other people’s expectations. I’m focused on living in alignment with my true self, pursuing what brings me happiness, regardless of what others may think. For much of my life, I did what I thought I “should” do—whether it was choosing a certain career or keeping up appearances. Now, I make decisions based on what makes me happy. For example, I downsized and moved to a smaller property to live a quieter life, despite people questioning whether it was the right move. It was the best decision for me, and I’ve never been happier.

10. Cultivate Gratitude

Instead of focusing on what I don’t have, I appreciate the abundance I have in my life. I’ve learned to see challenges as opportunities for growth and to be thankful for the lessons they bring. I used to get caught up in what I didn’t have — often material things I thought I needed. Now, I take time each day to reflect on what I’m grateful for, like my health, my close-knit group of friends, my horses and the simple pleasures of life. This shift in mindset has brought me more peace and contentment than I ever imagined.

11. Fiercely Deny That It’s Too Late

As I got older, I discovered that there was no deadline for pursuing my dreams. For example, in my early 50s, I started singing again, something I’d always wanted to do but never made time for. I started singing in choirs, and now I’ve even given a couple of solo concerts. Whether I want to learn a new skill, change careers (again! and why not?), or embark on a new adventure, I know that age is just a number and that it’s never too late.

12. Let Go of Regrets

“Non, rien de rien, non, je ne regrette rien” as Edith Piaf sings so soulfully. Carrying regrets just weighs me down, so I’ve made peace with my past. There were times when I dwelled on decisions I wished I’d made differently, like staying in a job longer than I should have or not speaking up for myself in certain situations. But now, I dropped those regrets. I view my past mistakes as lessons that have helped me grow into the person I am today, and I’m moving forward with less emotional baggage. It feels incredibly liberating.

Has reading this post inspired you to reflect on the Life Lessons you have learned so far?

The journal prompt below invites you to connect your current understanding to an earlier experience, to help you discover what you have learned.

“If I could sit down with my younger self at a pivotal moment in my life, during a life transition, what advice would I give, and how does that reflect the life lessons I’ve learned?”

• Think back to a specific moment when you faced a big decision, challenge, or change. Picture your younger self at that time, feeling uncertain or overwhelmed. Now, with the benefit of your current wisdom and experience, what would you say to guide or reassure them?
• As you write, reflect on how your perspective has changed since then. What do you now understand that you didn’t back then? Consider the lessons you’ve learned about resilience, self-worth, relationships, or even how to navigate life’s unexpected twists and turns. How might this advice have changed your choices or mindset at that time?
• Finally, explore how giving this advice to your younger self reveals the most important life lessons you’ve gathered along the way. This exercise can help you articulate not only how much you’ve grown but also what values or insights you carry with you now.

I can rarely resist a journaling prompt, so as I reflect on the advice I would give to my younger self, it becomes clear just how much I’ve grown and the many valuable lessons I’ve gathered along the way. Life has taught me resilience, the importance of self-acceptance, and the power of letting go of what no longer serves me. Each challenge and turning point has shaped me into the person I am today, and I now approach life with more patience, gratitude, and authenticity.

Every experience—both the triumphs and the setbacks—has contributed to my personal growth. While I may not be able to change the past, I can absorb the lessons it has offered and use them to move forward with a deeper sense of purpose.

“The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.” Alvin Toffler

Thinking of starting a new chapter in life? Maybe you feel like you’re standing on the edge of a cliff, and you are hesitating to leap into the void. What if something goes wrong? That’s what starting a new life chapter often feels like. Exhilarating. Terrifying. Full of possibilities.

I’ve been there. I’ve jumped off that cliff more times than I care to count. And you know what? I’ve face-planted spectacularly. But I’ve also soared. Again and again.

For most of us though, starting a new chapter is more like incessantly tripping over the same old hurdles, that you don’t see until you’re knee-deep in quicksand. Same mistakes. Same setbacks. Same frustrating dead ends. The good news about those missteps? They are avoidable.

The 10 most common Pitfalls you need to avoid when you start a New Chapter

Most people repeat the same mistakes during times of transition. These mistakes may not be obvious at first, but they can pile up, leading to frustration and a sense of failure.

In this article, I’ll walk you through the ten most common mistakes people make when starting a new life chapter, using real-life examples to illustrate each point. By the end, you’ll have a clearer understanding of how to navigate your next life transition with more confidence and less stress.

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1. Clinging to the Past

We are creatures of habit. When you’ve been doing things a certain way for a long time, it’s hard to let go. But the more you hold onto what worked for you before, the harder it is to embrace what’s next.

Example: Claire had spent 15 years in corporate finance, but her passion had always been art. When she decided to transition to art therapy, she kept comparing her new path to her old one—salaries, job stability, and the perception of success. The more she clung to those comparisons, the less she felt able to fully commit to her new direction. It wasn’t until she let go of the old metrics of success that she began to thrive as an art therapist.

Takeaway: You can’t start the next chapter if you keep re-reading the last one. Time to turn the page and move on. Holding on to past experiences can keep you stuck in a cycle of comparisons.

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2. Underestimating the Emotional Impact

Change is more than just a shift in your external circumstances. It stirs up your internal world too. Many people think they can brush off the emotional impact of starting again—especially when the change is something they’ve chosen. But even positive change can lead to feelings of loss, anxiety, or even grief.

A study in the International Journal of Stress Management revealed that 70% of people undergoing major life transitions experience symptoms of anxiety or depression.

Example: Kevin had always dreamed of living abroad. When the opportunity came to move to Spain for a new job, he was thrilled—until the reality of homesickness set in. He hadn’t anticipated how much he’d miss his old life, his friends, and even the little things like his favourite coffee shop back home. The emotional burden made it hard for him to fully engage in his new job.

Takeaway: Acknowledge the emotional upheaval that comes with a life transition. It’s not a sign of weakness to feel out of sorts—it’s part of the process. Give yourself time to adjust emotionally, just as you would adjust to any new routine.

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3. Going It Alone

When you start a new chapter, it’s easy to feel like you’re on an island. You may think it’s up to you to figure everything out by yourself, or you might be hesitant to burden others with your problems. But this is the exact moment when you need support the most.

According to a survey by the American Psychological Association, 86% of people who sought support during major life changes reported feeling better equipped to handle challenges.

Example: Mieke, after her divorce, was determined to “do it all” herself. She thought leaning on friends or family would make her seem weak or incapable. But after months of struggling on her own, she realised that reaching out for help wasn’t a sign of failure—it was a sign of strength. Once she started building a support network, her healing accelerated, and she felt more empowered.

Takeaway: No one succeeds alone. Building a strong support system—whether through friends, family, or professional networks—can make all the difference when starting a new chapter.

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4. Failing to Plan

It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of a new beginning and forget about the practicalities. You might think, “I’ll figure it out as I go,” but without a clear plan, that initial excitement can quickly turn into overwhelm.

Example: Tom had always dreamed of starting his own business, so when he left his 9-to-5 job, he jumped in headfirst. But without a business plan, his enthusiasm soon waned. He had no roadmap for how to get clients, manage his time, or handle finances. His business floundered until he finally sat down and created a solid plan.

Takeaway: Dreams can be intoxicating, but they need to be built on a solid foundation. Make a plan for your new chapter that includes actionable steps, timelines, and measurable goals.

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5. Ignoring Your Values

When you’re in the midst of a life change, it’s easy to get caught up in what you think you “should” do rather than what truly aligns with your values. But ignoring your core values can lead to discontentment down the road.

Example: Sarah moved to New York City because she thought it was the best place to advance her marketing career. She didn’t stop to think about what mattered most to her—work-life balance, family time, and living close to nature. The city quickly drained her energy, and she soon discovered that her new life wasn’t aligned with her values.

Takeaway: Before jumping into a new chapter, review your values. Make sure your decisions reflect what’s most important to you, or you may find yourself unhappy even in the midst of success.

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6. Overloading on Advice

Everyone loves to give advice when you’re in transition. While seeking advice can be helpful, too much of it can cloud your judgment and leave you feeling paralysed.

Example: Jack had an idea for a business, and he spent months seeking input from friends, colleagues, and mentors. Everyone had a different opinion, and soon Jack found himself overwhelmed by conflicting advice. In trying to please everyone, he lost sight of what he wanted.

Takeaway: Be selective about whose advice you take. Filter out the noise and trust your own instincts. You know yourself and your goals better than anyone else.

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7. Expecting Instant Results

We live in a world that values quick wins and instant gratification. But starting a new life chapter is a long game. Expecting immediate success will only lead to frustration.

Example: Emily was eager to reinvent herself as a health coach after quitting her job. She expected to have clients lined up within weeks, but months went by with little traction. Frustrated, she nearly gave up. It wasn’t until she adjusted her expectations and started focusing on long-term growth that her business began to take off.

Takeaway: Be patient. Major life transitions take time to bear fruit. Focus on consistent, small steps, and trust that the results will come in time.

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8. Resisting Flexibility

No matter how much planning you do, life is unpredictable. Being too rigid in your approach can lead to disappointment when things don’t go as expected.

Example: Paul had a clear vision for his freelance writing career. He specialised in one niche, but after a year, the demand still wasn’t there. Instead of throwing in the towel, he pivoted to a different niche, which allowed him to find more success.

Takeaway: Be open to adjusting your course. Flexibility is crucial during times of change. Sometimes the path you didn’t plan for ends up being the best one.

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9. Neglecting Self-Care

In the rush to achieve new goals, self-care often gets pushed to the back burner. But neglecting your well-being can lead to burnout, which will derail your progress faster than anything else.

Example: Alice transitioned from a high-stress corporate job to running a non-profit organisation. She poured all her energy into the new venture, working around the clock. Within six months, she was exhausted and on the brink of burnout. Only when she started prioritising her self-care did she find balance and sustainable success.

Takeaway: Self-care isn’t optional. Whether it’s physical health, emotional well-being, or mental clarity, taking care of yourself is the foundation of a successful transition.

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10. Not Defining Your Purpose

Without a clear sense of purpose, your new chapter can feel aimless. Purpose provides direction, motivation, and resilience when the going gets tough. Research published in Psychological Science shows that individuals with a sense of purpose are 15% more likely to be alive 14 years later, highlighting the long-term benefits of having a clear purpose.

Example: Mark switched jobs multiple times, trying to find something that made him happy. But without a clear purpose, each new role left him feeling unfulfilled. Once he took the time to define his purpose—helping others through mentorship—he found joy in his work and felt more aligned with his career.

Takeaway: Your purpose is your compass. If you haven’t taken the time to define your “why,” you’re more likely to drift off course during a transition.

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Don’t Let These Mistakes Hold You Back

Life transitions are hard enough without stumbling over these common mistakes. If you’re ready to start your next chapter with more clarity, confidence, and resilience, you don’t have to do it alone.

Ready to make your next chapter your best yet? Click here to find out more.

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References

• I can, I do, I am: The narrative differentiation of self-efficacy and other self-evaluations while adapting to bereavement. Journal of Research in Personality, 35(4), 424-448. American Psychological Association. (2019).
• Goal striving, need satisfaction, and longitudinal well-being: The self-concordance model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 76(3), 482-497. Rader, C. A., Larrick, R. P., & Soll, J. B. (2017).
• Advice as a form of social influence: Informational motives and the consequences for accuracy. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 11(8), e12329. Lally, P., Van Jaarsveld, C. H., Potts, H. W., & Wardle, J. (2010).
• How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998-1009. Pulakos, E. D., Arad, S., Donovan, M. A., & Plamondon, K. E. (2000).
• A pilot study and randomized controlled trial of the mindful self‐compassion program. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 69(1), 28-44. Hill, P. L., & Turiano, N. A. (2014).
• Purpose in life as a predictor of mortality across adulthood. Psychological Science, 25(7), 1482-1486.

The Art of Reinventing Yourself

Life transitions are often chaotic, unpredictable, and, frankly, seriously unnerving. In these make-or-break times, feeling stuck in a rut is practically a rite of passage.

For many of us, this overwhelming uncertainty leads to stagnation. We cling to old routines like a security blanket, resisting change even when we know deep down it’s what we need. We get bogged down in old habits, cling to what’s familiar, and resist the very changes that might be essential for progress The only way to break free is by using our creativity.

Creativity isn’t just about creating art. It’s about finding new ways to think, act, and approach the challenges life throws at us. During a life transition, engaging in creative activities—or simply adopting a more creative mindset—can help you make sense of the chaos and even transform it into an opportunity for growth.

Using your natural creativity facilitates:

1. Emotional Expression and Processing

Engaging in creative activities makes it easier to express complex emotions and experiences that may be difficult to articulate verbally. This can be particularly beneficial during life transitions, as it provides a healthy outlet for processing feelings of uncertainty, anxiety, anger or grief associated with change. Creative expression can help release stress during turbulent times.

2. Problem-solving and Adaptability

Creativity enhances problem-solving skills and innovative thinking. During life transitions, these skills are invaluable as they help us adapt to new circumstances and find innovative solutions to unexpected challenges. Creative people tend to be more adaptable and open to change, which is useful in both personal and professional settings.

3. Creating Order from Chaos

When life feels like it’s unravelling, creativity is your secret weapon to stitch it back together. Imagine your world as a chaotic storm—creativity acts like a compass, guiding you through the mess. It’s like building a bridge: one side is where you’re stuck, surrounded by the wreckage of what’s not working. The other side? That’s where your vision, your dreams, and your solutions live. Creativity is the process of laying each plank, finding structure in the disorder, and giving you a path forward. It doesn’t erase the chaos—it transforms it into progress.

During my Camino de Santiago walking retreats, I’ve seen how creative exercises like sketching the scenery or writing reflections in a journal can help participants make sense of their emotions. The physical act of creating something—whether it’s a drawing, poem, colouring in a picture or a journal entry—helps people bring order to the messiness of a huge life change.

Fresh off a 20-year relationship, Lynn, one of my Camino de Santiago retreat participants found herself at a crossroads—both literally and figuratively. But as she walked the ancient path, something unexpected happened. With a camera in hand, she started capturing more than just breathtaking landscapes and candid shots of fellow pilgrims. Each click of the shutter helped her reframe her regrets, turning them into stepping stones for a brighter future. Photography became her way of seeing the world—and her life—through a new lens, offering her clarity and purpose on the other side of her separation.

4. Self-Discovery and Personal Growth

Creative activities can lead to deeper self-understanding, helping us explore our interests, values, and emotions. This self-discovery process is crucial during transitions, as it allows us to reassess our goals and priorities in light of new circumstances. As we create, we may uncover aspects of ourselves that were previously hidden, guiding us towards a more authentic path forward.

5. Confidence Building and Increasing Resilience

Engaging in creative activities can boost self-confidence and lead to deeper self-understanding. Successfully executing creative projects can enhance self-esteem, providing a sense of accomplishment and empowerment during uncertain times. Additionally, creativity produces positive emotions that can unlock inner resources for dealing with stress and uncertainty, thereby building resilience.

6. Connecting with Yourself and Others

When you’re going through a transition, it’s easy to feel disconnected—not only from others but also from yourself. Creativity connects you to who you truly are and can even help you reconnect with the people around you, which is vital during times of transition. Sharing the creative process or working on collaborative projects can deepen relationships and build a sense of community. These social bonds can provide crucial support and a sense of belonging during periods of change. During my retreats, participants often bond, discovering that while their specific life challenges may differ, their emotional journeys are similar. This sense of shared experience is comforting and empowering.

7. Accepting Failure—and Trying Again

One of the reasons people fear transitions is the fear of failure. What if I leave my job and my new career doesn’t work out? What if I end my relationship only to find myself lonelier than before? Creativity helps you embrace failure as part of the process. When you engage in creative work, you learn that not everything will go perfectly on the first try, and that’s okay. You can try again, refine, and improve. The same is true in life transitions.

8. Changing Perspectives and Widening Horizons

Creativity allows people to reframe challenges as opportunities. This ability to zoom in on details while also seeing the bigger picture helps in identifying connections that others might miss. By reframing obstacles creatively, we can turn pessimism into optimism and find new ways to approach difficult situations. This ability to envision alternative futures is essential during transitions, as it helps us move beyond the limitations of our current situation and explore potential paths forward.

FAQs: Creativity and Life Transitions

• Q: I’m not an artist. How can creativity help me during a life transition?
• A: Creativity isn’t limited to artistic pursuits. It’s about finding new ways to think and approach challenges. During life transitions, creativity can help you:

• Express and process complex emotions
• Develop problem-solving skills and adaptability
• Create order from chaos
• Discover more about yourself
• Build confidence and resilience
  You can engage in creative activities like journaling, photography, or even creative problem-solving exercises to tap into these benefits.

Q: How does creativity help with the emotional challenges of major life changes?
A: Creativity provides a healthy outlet for processing difficult emotions associated with change, such as uncertainty, anxiety, or grief. It allows you to express feelings that may be hard to put into words. Creative activities can also produce positive emotions, helping to balance out stress and build resilience. Additionally, creative pursuits can help you connect with others, providing crucial social support during transitions.

Q: Can creativity really help me solve practical problems during a life transition?
A: Yes! Creativity enhances problem-solving skills and innovative thinking. It helps you:

• See challenges from new perspectives
• Generate multiple solutions to a problem
• Adapt more easily to new circumstances
• Find innovative ways to overcome obstacles

Q: I’m afraid of failure during this transition. How can creativity help with that?
A: Engaging in creative activities can help you become more comfortable with the idea of failure and iteration. In creative pursuits, not everything works out perfectly on the first try, and that’s okay. This mindset can transfer to how you approach your life transition:

• You learn to see “failures” as learning opportunities
• You become more willing to try new things
• You develop the resilience to keep going, even when things don’t work out as planned
  This “creative resilience” can be invaluable as you navigate the uncertainties of major life changes.

Q: How can I incorporate more creativity into my life during a transition when I’m already feeling overwhelmed?
A: Start small and make it enjoyable:

• Set aside just 10-15 minutes a day for a creative activity you enjoy
• Try simple activities like doodling, free writing, or taking photos with your phone
• Use creativity to tackle one small challenge related to your transition
• Join a local creative group or online community for support and motivation
• Consider creativity as a form of self-care rather than another task to complete
  Remember, the goal is to reduce stress and gain new perspectives, not to create masterpieces. Be patient with yourself and focus on the process rather than the outcome.

In Essence

By incorporating creativity into daily life, we can develop what’s known as “creative resilience” – the ability to use creativity as a means of powering through adversity. Creativity serves as a tool for building resilience during tough times by providing emotional outlets, enhancing problem-solving skills, shifting perspectives, boosting confidence, fostering positive emotions, and strengthening social connections. By embracing creativity, we can better navigate life’s challenges and emerge stronger and more adaptable.

If you’re feeling discontented in your current circumstances—whether it’s your job, relationship, or something else entirely—consider introducing creativity into your life. You don’t need to be an artist or a writer to benefit. You just need to be willing to experiment, explore, and play.

And if you’re ready to dive deeper into this process, I invite you to join me on one of my retreats or sign up for one of my courses, where creativity and self-discovery go hand in hand to help you move from stuck to thriving.

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If you would like to be notified when I publish another post like this one, you can subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes newsletter, with regular updates about the highs and lows of living on my little farm in the sun-drenched southwest of France. Subscribers get free access to my Ready for a Radical Renaissance? Quiz.

You don’t have to go through life’s toughest challenges alone.

Feeling stuck in a job that drains your energy or struggling to move forward after a relationship ends? The key to thriving through life’s biggest changes isn’t willpower—it’s having the right people by your side. Discover how to build the support system in 5 steps that will not only help you survive major life changes and transitions but also help you grow into your next chapter.

If you’re facing a major life change—making a career change, starting a new business, navigating a divorce, adjusting to an empty nest, moving to another country, or grieving the loss of a loved one—it’s natural to feel a mix of emotions: fear, uncertainty, frustration and even anger. Major transitions often push us out of our comfort zone, leaving us feeling lost and vulnerable. One of the most crucial factors that can help you manage these periods of upheaval is having a reliable and nurturing support system in place.

Research has shown that strong social connections aren’t just emotionally fulfilling—they can be lifesaving. A comprehensive meta-analysis published in PLoS Medicine found that individuals with robust social connections have a 50% higher chance of survival compared to those with weaker social ties (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010).

But how do you build such a support system? And what does it take to find people who truly support your growth? Whether you’re changing careers, relocating to a new country, or healing from the end of a relationship, cultivating a strong support network will empower you to cope with these changes with confidence.

Why a Reliable Support System is Crucial During Life Transitions

When we’re going through difficult times, it’s easy to feel isolated, like we’re carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders. But the truth is, no one can—or should—go through major life transitions alone. Having a group of people who can provide emotional, practical, and even professional support can be a game-changer.

Here’s why this network is so vital:

• Perspective: When we’re in the thick of a life transition, it’s hard to see beyond the immediate emotional turbulence. A trusted support system can provide a clearer, more balanced perspective.
• Emotional Support: Whether it’s a kind word, a shared experience, or simply being there to listen, emotional support helps lighten the load of change.
• Encouragement and Motivation: When you’re going through a life change, it’s easy to feel stuck. A supportive group reminds you that you’re not alone in your journey, and can provide motivation and keep you accountable, encouraging you to take steps forward, no matter how small.
• Practical Help: Whether it’s helping you find new opportunities, offering expert advice or logistical assistance, or providing practical assistance in your daily life, a robust support system can provide practical solutions when you need them most.

5 Steps to Building a Strong Support System During Major Life Changes

If you’re currently dissatisfied with your career, relationship, or finances, you may already know that a shift is necessary. But without the right support in place, these changes can feel daunting, even impossible. Here’s how you can cultivate a support system that will help you move forward and embrace the next chapter of your life.

1. Assess Your Existing Circle

Who do you currently have in your life? Take a moment to assess your existing support system. Are the people around you offering the emotional and practical support you need? This isn’t about quantity but quality. Do your friends, family, or colleagues listen without judgment? Do they motivate you or leave you feeling drained? Surrounding yourself with positive, understanding and trustworthy people is crucial.

• Evaluate Relationships: Take note of who in your life helps you grow versus who may unintentionally hold you back. When evaluating your current support network, consider the various types of support you’re receiving. Research has identified six key social provisions: attachment, social integration, reassurance of worth, reliable alliance, guidance, and opportunity for nurturance (Cutrona & Russell, 1985). A well-rounded support system should ideally provide all of these. Some relationships might actually hold you back or add unnecessary stress. Don’t be afraid to create some distance if needed.
• Strengthen Connections: Look for friends, colleagues, or family members who are good listeners, non-judgmental, and genuinely care about your well-being. Identify a few key people you can trust, and nurture these relationships. Sometimes, a single deep connection is more valuable than a large social circle.

2. Be Honest and Open

One of the biggest barriers to building a supportive network is our fear of vulnerability. If you’ve been pretending that everything is fine, people in your life won’t know how to support you. It can be difficult to ask for help, especially if you’ve been used to handling things on your own. Share your challenges and be open about the transition you’re going through.

• Share Your Struggles: People can’t support you if they don’t know what you’re going through. Often, people want to help but don’t know how. Start small. You don’t need to spill your entire life story at once. Begin by opening up to a trusted friend or mentor about what you’re experiencing.
• Be Clear About Your Needs: Let people know specifically how they can help, whether that’s lending an ear, offering advice, or even helping with a practical task.

3. Expand Your Network

If your current circle doesn’t meet your needs, seek out new connections. Finding people who have gone through similar transitions can be incredibly empowering. Whether it’s joining a support group, attending a retreat, or engaging with a community of like-minded people, expanding your network can offer new perspectives and emotional resources.

• Online Communities: There are countless online spaces where people come together to share their experiences. Consider joining a group tailored to your specific transition, such as one for career changes, relocation, or divorce recovery.
• Retreats and Workshops: Consider immersive experiences, like my Camino de Santiago Walking Retreats in the southwest of France. These retreats not only offer the chance to connect with others on a similar path but also provide time for reflection and personal growth. On one of my retreats, Anna showed up after uprooting her life—she’d just moved halfway across the country to escape her narcissistic ex and was still reeling from a messy divorce. Lost, unsure about her ability to hold down her new job, but desperately needing a fresh start, she found more than just healing. The retreat gave her the space to breathe again, while the group rallied around her, helping her rebuild her confidence brick by brick. She didn’t just leave with clarity and a new sense of purpose—she walked away with lifelong friendships with people who still have her back today.
• Expand your Professional Network: For career-related challenges and changes, consider expanding your professional network. Attend industry events, join professional associations, or connect with alumni groups to build relationships that can provide guidance and opportunities

4. Seek Mentorship or Professional Guidance

Sometimes, your friends and family may not have the experience or expertise to help you navigate specific transitions. In these cases, finding mentors or professional coaches can be extremely beneficial. A good coach or mentor can offer tailored advice, share their own experiences, and help you set actionable goals.

• Learning from Role Models: Seek out people who have successfully navigated the same transitions you’re facing. Their stories can be a source of inspiration and practical advice.
• Professional Guidance: If you’re struggling with your career or relationships, seeking guidance from a relationship coach or career counsellor can provide clarity and direction. Rachel was drowning in a high-stress job, feeling trapped in a role she used to love but now couldn’t stand. Burnout had her in a chokehold, and she knew she had to do something. That’s when she stumbled on my course, Building Resilience: A Roadmap from Burnout to Breakthrough during a Life Transition offering effective coping mechanisms, boundary-setting strategies, and self-care practices. It’s designed to help people like you prevent burnout and restore balance in both personal and professional life. Desperate for a way out, she signed up, added a few coaching sessions, and dove in headfirst. What did she discover? Practical tools to reclaim her time, set ironclad boundaries, and refuel her drained energy. Slowly, she started to breathe again. Within months, Rachel didn’t just survive the burnout—she walked away from the job that was suffocating her and launched her own business. Now, she’s running the show… and burnout? It’s barely visible in the rearview mirror. This course isn’t just about coping; it’s about taking your life back.

5. Reciprocate and Build Closer Connections

Remember, relationships are a two-way street. To cultivate a meaningful support network, it’s important to offer support in return. Giving back to your community—whether it’s your friends, family, or a larger network—builds more meaningful connections. Be there for others, offer your own experiences, advice, and a listening ear when your friends, family members or colleagues are going through difficult times. This strengthens the bond and creates a network based on mutual trust.

Final Thoughts: Building a Support System Takes Time

You might not have an ideal support system in place right away, and that’s okay. Building a strong network takes a fair amount of effort over time. Regular check-ins, even just a quick message to see how someone is doing, can go a long way in maintaining your support system. Cultivating the right network of people around you is an ongoing process, one that will change as you move through different phases of your life. The key is to remain open to new connections and proactive about seeking support when you need it.

While external support is crucial, don’t forget to look after yourself! Make time for self-care. Engage in activities that bring you joy, such as a walk in the woods or on the beach, doing something creative, like drawing, painting or creative writing and spending time with friends and family. Taking care of yourself will give you the strength to face challenges, make the most of your support system and offer support in return.

If you’re struggling to cope with a major life change, don’t go through it alone. Building a support system is not just about surviving these transitions; it’s about thriving and emerging stronger on the other side.

If you would like to be notified when I publish another post like this one, you can subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes newsletter, with regular updates about the highs and lows of living on my little farm in the sun-drenched southwest of France. Subscribers get free access to my Ready for a Radical Renaissance? Quiz.

References

1. Cutrona, C. E., & Russell, D. W. (1985). The provisions of social relationships and adaptation to stress. Advances in Personal Relationships, 1, 37-67.
2. Gottlieb, B. H., & Bergen, A. E. (2005). Social support concepts and measures. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 58(5), 511-520.
3. Helgeson, V. S., & Cohen, S. (1996). Social support and adjustment to cancer: Reconciling descriptive, correlational, and intervention research. Health Psychology, 15(2), 135-148.
4. Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: A meta-analytic review. PLoS Medicine, 7(7), e1000316.
5. Ozbay, F., Johnson, D. C., Dimoulas, E., Morgan, C. A., Charney, D., & Southwick, S. (2007). Social support and resilience to stress: From neurobiology to clinical practice. Psychiatry (Edgmont), 4(5), 35-40.
6. Tsouna-Hadjis, E., Vemmos, K. N., Zakopoulos, N., & Stamatelopoulos, S. (1993). The role of social support in the family and community integration of right-hemisphere stroke patients. Stroke, 24(4), 581-586.