Author: Margaretha Montagu

Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is a certified transformational retreat leader who guides her clients towards their most meaningful and fulfilling lives, particularly when navigating life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian Horses, at their home in the southwest of France.
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Life Lessons from a Penniless Pâtissière

How Cupcakes and a Houseplant (called Fred) Helped One Woman Conquer Imposter Syndrome

Life’s most profound lessons often come at inconvenient times and from unexpected sources. As we work our way through crises, challenges and changes, we encounter experiences that redefine us. These experiences, though sometimes excruciatingly painful, carry the insights and understanding we need to grow. These extraordinary teachers—empty pockets, regret, broken hearts, failure, illness and loss—to name some of the most frequently encountered, can teach us invaluable lessons on our journey toward self-actualisation and increased resilience.

“Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Finding ourselves with empty pockets can teach us to force us to leave our comfort zones and become more resourceful and creative. For instance, you might have to start a successful business from scratch, finding innovative solutions with minimal resources, to pay the bills. Regret helps us reflect on our past choices, providing us the wisdom to make more mindful decisions next time round. A business owner who regrets a missed opportunity may make sure he seizes the next one with determination and foresight. A broken heart often surprises us with the depths of our own resilience. After a painful breakup, someone might find strength they never knew they had, leading them to better understand themselves. Failure, though tough, teaches us perseverance. An athlete who doesn’t make the team one year may train harder and succeed in making it onto the team the next year, turning setbacks into stepping stones. Illness and loss remind us of the fragility and preciousness of life. Witnessing a loved one’s battle with illness can deepen our empathy and strengthen our connections with others.

“Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards.” – Vernon Law

I’ll be the first one to admit that welcoming these “teachers” is not the first thing I think of doing when one shows up on my doorstep. Sometimes one has barely left, and before I had time to get my breath back, the next one is at the door. Sometimes several show up at the same time… Each of these teachers, or group of teachers, have taught me a lesson more valuable than anything I own, so I keep getting up from the armchair, stumbling towards the door, opening it and inviting them in.

Lisa, an old friend of mine, found herself at a crossroads in her mid-fifties. Her husband had left her for a younger woman, taking all their savings, and leaving Lisa with little more than a nagging sense of betrayal and a houseplant named Fred. “At least Fred won’t leave me,” she kept telling herself, while she watered the feisty fern.

With the kids grown and the marriage over, Lisa needed to reinvent herself, pdq. The problem was that divorce had completely destroyed her self-confidence. She found herself in the peculiar position of having to learn to use a computer without imploding. “I didn’t sign up for this kind of adulthood,” she grumbled.

Lisa had spent her entire married life supporting her husband’s career and raising their children. Now, she was faced with the daunting task of starting over. Despite suffering from imposter syndrome, she decided to turn her lifelong passion for baking into a business. After all, everyone said her cupcakes could mend broken hearts. “Might as well put that to the test,” she thought, eyeing her mixer like it was her knight in shining armour.

Starting small, Lisa baked out of her tiny apartment kitchen and sold her goods at local farmers’ markets. Her inner critic, whom she nicknamed “Nagging Nancy,” was relentless. “You’re too old to start over,” Nagging Nancy sneered. “Your baking is mediocre at best.”

But Lisa wasn’t about to be outdone by an imaginary naysayer. She plastered on a smile and set up her booth. To her surprise, the feedback was overwhelmingly positive. Her cookies were a hit!

One day, she was invited to cater a large corporate event. This order was bigger than anything she had handled before, and Nagging Nancy was having a field day. “You’re going to fail spectacularly,” she cackled.

Lisa took a deep breath, donned her favourite apron, and got to work. She meticulously planned every detail. The event went off without a hitch, and Lisa received rave reviews.

Feeling unstoppable, Lisa expanded her business. She moved into a small commercial kitchen with an eye-catching storefront. Her bakery became known not just for its delicious cupcakes but also for the warmth and empathy of its owner. Lisa’s witty banter and infectious laughter soon turned new customers into regulars.

One day, a woman asked Lisa how she managed to overcome her doubts. With a twinkle in her eye, Lisa replied, “I didn’t overcome them; I just made them work the night shift while I baked. Turns out, Nagging Nancy isn’t a morning person.”

Lisa’s journey from a penniless divorcée to a successful business owner is a testament to the power of determination, perseverance and a good cupcake recipe. She tamed her inner critic with a healthy dose of irony, embraced her passion, and built a new life from the crumbs of her past. And as for Fred? Well, he’s still thriving on the bakery’s windowsill, basking in the glow of Lisa’s sweet success.

“The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

Every time one of these “teachers” shows up in your life, do some breathing exercises, grab your journal and stock up on cupcakes, as they provide invaluable life lessons (the “teachers,” not the cupcakes) that can motivate us to achieve more than we ever thought we are capable of achieving. If you don’t know what to write in your journal, try this prompt: What emotions does this challenge, crisis or change evoke? Describe your thoughts, feelings and reactions in detail. What did you learn from this experience about yourself and others? How can you apply this lesson to future challenges? How has this growth impacted your current mindset?

That’s what I do, anyway, each time yet another life lesson brings a battering ram to my door.

And if you need a bit of help, consider joining me and my ménagerie in the sun-drenched southwest of France to attend a Manifest Your Next Chapter retreat.

Vignettes from the Southwest of France

In addition to the Manifest A New Life Chapter retreats that I host at my little French farm near Bordeaux, I have also created a couple of Complementary online Courses. One is about Determining your Life purpose as you start your Next Chapter, another about Avoiding Burnout as you go through a Major Life Challenge and yet another about Coping with Life Changes by Journaling – each course is available with or without one-to-one coaching. To receive advance warning of last-minute and early-bird specials on all of the above, I invite you to subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Newsletter which gives immediate access to my free Manifest a Stress-free Life e-course.

#LifeLessons #PersonalGrowth #Resilience #SelfDiscovery

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Is It More Difficult to Start a Business as an Extrovert or an Introvert?

Or As Neither of the above?

As a business owner, it can be useful to know if you are an extrovert or an introvert, as each category has its own strengths and weaknesses. Extroverts and introverts approach the starting and scaling of their businesses very differently.

Is it more difficult to start a business as an Extrovert or Introvert?

I never felt comfortable exclusively aligning myself with either the extrovert or the introvert category. When I became an entrepreneur, the discomfort I felt became even more pronounced.

To figure out if it’s easier to start and scale a business as either an extrovert or an introvert, I have listed the strengths and weaknesses of each below. If you feel you are neither, I’d like to introduce you to a third category, the Ambivert.

Extroverted business owners

Strengths

Extroverted business owners excel at building and maintaining a wide network of contacts. This ability to connect with potential clients, partners, investors, and suppliers can open many opportunities for business growth. Extroverted entrepreneurs are often natural leaders who can inspire and motivate their teams. Their enthusiasm and energy can create a positive and dynamic work environment, driving productivity and employee satisfaction. They tend to be personable and approachable, which helps in building strong relationships with customers. Happy customers are more likely to become repeat customers and refer others to the business. Extroverts often have a knack for sales and marketing due to their persuasive and engaging nature. They are comfortable promoting their products or services and can effectively close deals. Their confidence and assertiveness enable them to take risks, make decisions, and handle challenges head-on. They are often decisive and proactive, which is crucial in a fast-paced business environment. Their ability to engage with people helps in building strong teams. They can identify and attract talent, create a cohesive team culture, and ensure that employees are aligned with the business’s goals.

Weaknesses

  1. Extroverted business owners may sometimes prioritise social interactions over solitary tasks that require intense focus and concentration. This can lead to neglecting essential behind-the-scenes work, such as strategic planning, detailed analysis, and administrative tasks.
  2. Extroverts are inclined to take risks and make quick decisions without fully considering the consequences. This impulsivity can sometimes lead to poorly thought-out strategies or investments that may not pay off.
  3. Their enthusiasm for networking and engaging in numerous activities can lead to overcommitment. Extroverted business owners might spread themselves too thin, trying to attend every event, meeting, and opportunity, which can lead to burnout and decreased effectiveness.
  4. Extroverts may sometimes dominate conversations and be less attentive listeners. This can hinder their ability to fully understand the needs and perspectives of employees, clients, and partners, potentially leading to misunderstandings and missed opportunities for collaboration.
  5. While extroverts excel at building a broad network of connections, these relationships can sometimes be superficial. Without taking the time to deepen these connections, they may miss out on the benefits of strong, trust-based relationships that can provide long-term support and loyalty.

Introverted business owners

Strengths

Introverted business owners tend to be more deliberate in their decision-making. They carefully consider all aspects and potential consequences, which can lead to more strategic and well-thought-out choices. They may develop unique ideas and solutions that give their business a competitive edge. Introverts are often excellent listeners, which can help them understand the needs and concerns of their customers, employees, and partners which can lead to better customer service. Introverts tend to be meticulous and detail-oriented, ensuring that all aspects of their business are well-managed and that their products or services meet high standards of quality. Many introverts excel in written communication, which is essential for creating effective marketing materials, clear business plans, and engaging online content. Introverts often prefer quality over quantity when it comes to social interactions. They build deep, meaningful relationships with customers, employees, and partners, leading to long-term loyalty and trust.

Weaknesses

  1. Introverted business owners might find large social gatherings and networking events overwhelming, potentially missing out on valuable opportunities to connect with potential clients, partners, and investors. This can limit their ability to expand their business network.
  2. Introverts often feel uncomfortable with self-promotion and public speaking. This can hinder their ability to market their business, pitch ideas to investors, or represent their company at events, leading to reduced visibility and growth opportunities.
  3. Introverts may spend excessive time analysing and reflecting on decisions, leading to delays in taking action. This overthinking can result in missed opportunities and slower business growth.
  4. Introverted business owners might struggle to delegate tasks, preferring to handle things themselves. This can lead to a totally overwhelming workload and prevent them from focusing on strategic, high-level responsibilities essential for business growth.
  5. While introverts excel at deep, one-on-one interactions, they may find it challenging to engage and motivate groups of customers. This can result in a substantial loss of revenue.

What if you don’t identify as either an Extrovert or an Introvert?

Recently a third category has been identified: the ambiverts.

Ambiverted Business Owners

Strengths

Ambiverts, who exhibit traits of both extroversion and introversion, possess a balanced personality that allows them to adapt to different situations. This flexibility can be a significant asset for small business owners. Ambiverts can adjust their behaviour according to the demands of the situation. They can listen attentively like introverts and also articulate their ideas effectively like extroverts. Ambiverts can empathise with different personality types, making them adept at understanding and responding to the needs and concerns of both extroverted and introverted customers. They can thrive in both large social gatherings and one-on-one interactions, making them effective in various networking and relationship-building scenarios. Ambivert business owners can adapt their leadership style to fit the needs of their team. They can be assertive and take charge when needed, but also step back and allow others to lead when appropriate. Ambiverts are often comfortable taking calculated risks. They can combine the extrovert’s willingness to take action with the introvert’s caution and thoughtfulness, leading to more balanced risk management. Ambiverts can blend long-term strategic planning with short-term tactical actions. They can set a clear vision and take the necessary steps to realise it. Their ability to draw on the strengths of both personality types makes them resilient and resourceful.

Weaknesses

  1. Ambiverts can sometimes struggle with inconsistency in their behaviour. They might swing between being highly social and needing solitude, which can confuse customers and team members.
  2. Because ambiverts can see both sides of an issue, they might be indecisive. This ability to empathise with multiple perspectives can lead to overanalysing and delays in making critical business decisions.
  3. While ambiverts can thrive in both social and solitary settings, they might have difficulty finding the right balance. They might overextend themselves socially or become too withdrawn, potentially neglecting important aspects of their business.
  4. Ambiverts might face challenges in defining their role within their business. Their ability to switch between extroverted and introverted behaviours can make it hard to establish a clear and consistent leadership identity, which can lead to confusion among both customers and employees.
  5. Ambiverts need to manage their energy levels carefully. Switching between social interactions and solitary tasks can be draining, and they might struggle to maintain optimal productivity and focus throughout the day.

As you can see, the strengths and weaknesses of each category are unique.

As an entrepreneur, knowing whether you are an extrovert, introvert, or ambivert can be of significant benefit because it allows you to leverage your inherent strengths and address your potential weaknesses. Extroverts can harness their networking skills enabling them to build strong relationships while being mindful of the need for thoughtful decision-making. Introverts can capitalise on their analytical and reflective abilities to create well-thought-out strategies and high-quality work, while pushing themselves to engage more in networking and self-promotion. Ambiverts can use their versatility to adapt to various situations, striking a balance between social interaction and solitary work, but should remain aware of the need for consistency and clear decision-making.

By understanding your unique traits, you can tailor your strategies, adjust your approach to maximise your impact and income and create a more effective, harmonious work environment.

Knowing your strengths and weaknesses, how can you change your approach to your business?

In addition to the Manifest A New Life Chapter retreats that I host at my little French farm near Bordeaux, I have also created a couple of Complementary online Courses. One is about Determining your Life purpose as you start your Next Chapter, another about Avoiding Burnout as you go through a Major Life Challenge and yet another about Coping with Life Changes by Journaling – each course is available with or without one-to-one coaching. To receive advance warning of last-minute and early-bird specials on all of the above, I invite you to subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Newsletter which gives immediate access to my free Manifest a Stress-free Life e-course.

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The Entrepreneur’s Guide to Nature’s Stress Management Strategies

Discover How Nature Can Save Your Sanity (and Your Startup)


“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.” John Lubbock

Feeling overwhelmed by the never-ending and ever-escalating demands of entrepreneurship? Discover how spending time in nature can be your secret weapon against stress and safeguard you against burnout!

“I believe the best way to begin reconnecting humanity’s heart, mind, and soul to nature is for us to share our individual stories.” J. Drew Lanham

Emily, a budding entrepreneur, recently opened her own tech bookshop, a venture that quickly consumed her with the pressures of managing finances, meeting client expectations, and navigating the competitive market. Despite her passion and dedication, the constant demands began to take a toll on her emotional well-being, resulting in many sleepless nights. To counteract this, Emily decided to carve out time in her hectic schedule to reconnect with nature. She began spending her weekends hiking in nearby forests, relishing the fresh air, the soothing sounds of chirping birds, and the wind chasing rustling leaves. These nature escapes offered a much-needed break from her digital-heavy work environment. The serene landscapes and physical activity helped reduce her cortisol levels, providing a natural antidote to stress. As she walked along the trails, her mind would clear, allowing her to reflect and gain new perspectives on her business challenges. The peaceful environment fostered mindfulness, helping her to focus on the present moment and release the pent-up tension. These regular nature outings enhanced her creativity and problem-solving skills, leading to innovative ideas for her startup. Emily noticed that after her time in nature, she returned to work with renewed energy and a more positive outlook, better equipped to handle the demands of entrepreneurship.

I have always dreamed about owning a little farm in France, with enough land for a couple of horses. Helping people manage stress more effectively has always been my mission in life, and to this day I am convinced that it is easier to teach/learn stress management strategies in a natural environment. My dream finally came true, and I now view Nature as a powerful and influential co-host of my Meditation and Mindfulness with Horses retreats.

“Just being here on the far makes me feel so much more relaxed,” more than one of my guests said soon after arrival. I always wondered how that works, scientifically. Now I know that time spent in nature reduces stress by:

1. Reducing our Cortisol Levels: Studies have shown that spending time in green/blue spaces can significantly reduce cortisol, helping people feel less stressed and more at ease.

2. Lifting our Mood: Exposure to natural light and fresh air boosts the production of serotonin, a neurotransmitter that promotes feelings of happiness.

3. Engaging us in Physical Activities such as walking, hiking, or biking in nature. This not only provides exercise, which is known to reduce stress, but also stimulates the production of endorphins, natural mood lifters, which can help counteract the effects of stress.

4. Improving our Ability to Concentrate: A natural environment provides a restorative experience that helps replenish depleted attention resources, reducing mental fatigue and increasing concentration. This improved focus can help individuals manage stress better by enhancing their ability to tackle tasks efficiently.

5. Providing a physical and emotional escape from our demanding daily routines and our often urban environment – a refreshing break from stressors, such as noise and light pollution, and of course, air pollution, that can help re-energise the mind, often resulting in new perspectives and reducing stress levels.

6. Making us more Mindful: The tranquillity of natural settings makes it easier to be mindful, the practice of being present in the moment, which is known to significantly reduce stress. Mindfulness in nature involves observing our surroundings, listening to sounds, and feeling the textures, walking bare foot, which can help ground us.

7. Boosting our Immune Function, leading to better overall health and resilience against stress. Natural environments expose individuals to phytoncides, airborne chemicals released by plants, which have been shown to increase the activity of natural killer cells, a type of white blood cell that boosts the immune system.

8. Enhancing Sleep Quality: Exposure to natural light during the day helps regulate circadian rhythms, leading to improved sleep patterns. Physical activity in nature also contributes to better sleep quality.

9. Increasing our Creativity: Nature exposure can boost creativity and problem-solving skills. This increase in creativity can help us find new ways to handle stress and develop innovative solutions to challenges.

10. Encouraging us to Reflect and view our Situation from a different Perspective: Nature provides a serene setting that encourages reflection and introspection. This can help us gain perspective on their problems, reducing the perceived intensity of stressors and promoting a sense of calm and clarity.

“Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts.” Rachel Carson

Attending a retreat, with Mother Nature as your hostess, gives you a chance to swap the stress of spreadsheets for the serenity of sunsets. Going on a nature retreat, once or twice a year, is a must for hardworking entrepreneurs because, let’s face it, walking part of the Camino de Santiago de Compostela in the sunblessed south of France is one of the most inspiring experiences of all times and might well be the best way plan a startup or solve a business crisis. My Manifest Your Next Chapter retreats offers you some precious time out to cleanse and restore your mind, body, and soul by swapping social media scrolling for scenic strolling. Plus, nothing puts business problems into perspective like realizing you can’t negotiate your way out of an encounter with a herd of curious sheep.

Email me if you would like to find out more.

In addition to the Manifest A New Life Chapter retreats that I host at my little French farm near Bordeaux, I have also created a couple of Complementary online Courses. One is about Determining your Life purpose as you start your Next Chapter, another about Avoiding Burnout as you go through a Major Life Challenge and yet another about Coping with Life Changes by Journaling – each course is available with or without one-to-one coaching. To receive advance warning of last-minute and early-bird specials on all of the above, I invite you to subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Newsletter which gives immediate access to my free Manifest a Stress-free Life e-course.

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The Entrepreneur’s Guide to Mental Gymnastics

Flipping Fears and Leaping Over Obstacles with a Growth Mindset – How Cultivating a Growth Mindset Can Propel Your Business Forward

Running a business is no walk in the park, no matter how long you have been in the running. Anyone who has tried to start and build a new business might well agree.

Especially a horse business. You might know the joke: How do you make a small fortune in the horse world? By starting with a large one.

My business is not a horse business in the traditional sense, I do not breed horses, race horses, show horses, compete with horses or teach horse riding. Your standard horse business is difficult enough to get off the ground, but creating one like mine, a hybrid horse business, is especially fraught with difficulty.

My business is a basket with lots of eggs of different colours in it, but my most profitable activity is without any doubt the hosting of my Mindfulness and Meditation with Horses retreats.

All went fairly well, until, because I live with the constant threat of losing my sight, I decided to venture online to create additional income streams that would prosper even if I could no longer host residential retreats.

My method of building my business is reflected in this quote from G.K. Chesterton: “I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite.”

No one has done what I’m trying to do, so even the very best of advice was confusing at best and outdated, at worst.

Watching YouTube videos from the business building gurus taught me one thing. With AI a brightly shining and ever-rising star that can no longer be contained, everything is changing so fast that no one knows what will work in the future, never mind what is actually working today.

There was only one solution, I was going to have to develop an entrepreneurial growth mindset.

You may have heard of a growth mindset, but do you know what an entrepreneurial growth mindset is?

An entrepreneurial growth mindset is the belief that abilities can be developed through dedication, hard work, and a willingness to learn from experiences, especially failures. Entrepreneurs with this mindset see challenges as opportunities for growth, view failures as valuable lessons, and persist in the face of setbacks. They are committed to continuous learning, adaptability, and resilience, they focus on long-term goals, take calculated risks, carefully avoid burnout and leverage both successes and failures to propel their ventures forward.

A growth mindset is essential for being a successful entrepreneur for several reasons. An entrepreneurial growth mindset allows you to

  1. Adapt to Change: Entrepreneurship is fraught with uncertainties and constant changes. A growth mindset helps entrepreneurs view challenges as opportunities to learn and adapt, rather than as insurmountable obstacles.
  2. Become more resilient in the Face of Failure: Failure is a common experience in entrepreneurship. A growth mindset allows entrepreneurs to see failure as a stepping stone to success rather than a definitive end thus increasing their resilience.
  3. Continuously Learn and Improve Yourself: Entrepreneurs with this mindset are more likely to seek out new knowledge, skills, and experiences that can enhance their business acumen and aptitude.
  4. Develop More Effective Problem-Solving Skills: Entrepreneurs often face complex and novel problems. A growth mindset promotes creative and effective problem-solving by encouraging experimentation and viewing setbacks as learning experiences.
  5. Maintain Your Long-Term Vision: Instead of being discouraged by short-term setbacks, entrepreneurs remain focused on their ultimate goals and are willing to invest time and effort to achieve them.
  6. Network and Collaborate: Entrepreneurs recognize the value of diverse perspectives and experiences, which can lead to better decision-making and innovation.
  7. Take Risks: Entrepreneurship inherently involves risk. A growth mindset encourages calculated risk-taking by framing risks as opportunities to learn and grow, rather than as threats to be avoided.
  8. Avoid Burnout by making sure you get enough rest. It is essential that entrepreneurs avoid burnout, so that they retain the clarity needed to make sound business decisions. Avoiding burnout is also crucial for sustaining long-term productivity and creativity.

Reprogramming my scientific brain to develop an entrepreneurial growth mindset has been a challenge, but I keep reminding myself, “The best investment is in the tools of one’s own trade,” as Benjamin Franklin said. I firmly believe that a growth mindset equips me with the psychological tools needed to navigate the challenges of entrepreneurship, enabling me to learn from experiences, persist through difficulties, and continually strive for innovation.

Are you starting a New Chapter in Your Life by starting your own business?

If you have just started, or are in the process of scaling your business, you may be struggling to adapt to sudden changes and to overcome debilitating challenges. You may start to view failures as insurmountable obstacles rather than learning opportunities. This may lead to stagnation, and ever-increasing frustration, ultimately hindering your ability to achieve long-term success and remain resilient in a competitive market.

Whatever you do, don’t give up.

What you need is some time out to rest and recharge your batteries. I can help with that, and so can my horses. We have hosted many at-the-and-of-their-endurance entrepreneurs, eager to manifest a new chapter in their life but exhausted from struggling without a growth mindset, to avoid burning out and to shift their mindsets here on my little farm in the southwest of France.

In addition to the Manifest A New Life Chapter retreats that I host at my little French farm near Bordeaux, I have also created a couple of Complementary online Courses. One is about Determining your Life purpose as you start your Next Chapter, another about Avoiding Burnout as you go through a Major Life Challenge and yet another about Coping with Life Changes by Journaling – each course is available with or without one-to-one coaching. To receive advance warning of last-minute and early-bird specials on all of the above, I invite you to subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Newsletter which gives immediate access to my free Manifest a Stress-free Life e-course.

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The RAS ( Reticular Activating System) Advantage: Leveraging Your Brain’s Filtering System for Career Success

The Reticular Activating System (RAS) can play a crucial role in advancing your career by enhancing focus, awareness, problem-solving and decision-making.

Ever since I was a young doctor working in an extremely busy city hospital at the start of my working life, I have been amazed by the power of the RAS. Though dedicated, I quickly became overwhelmed by my workload. I felt lost in the chaos of my demanding schedule and as I was constantly exhausted it soon felt as if my career had stagnated.

In the early morning hours of one of the darkest nights of my career, I decided to focus on becoming a top specialist in psychiatry. This clear goal activated my Reticular Activating System (RAS), sharpening my focus. Suddenly, I began noticing psychiatry conferences, specialised training programs, and research articles I had previously overlooked. My RAS filtered out irrelevant distractions, allowing me to concentrate on pertinent opportunities. As I immersed myself in my speciality, I made a couple of groundbreaking discoveries about stress management and gradually built a reputation as a stress management expert.

My RAS, by focusing my attention on key resources, transformed my stagnating career into a flourishing one, eventually guiding me to realise one of my wildest dreams: owning a little farm in the south of France where I host mindfulness and meditation retreats with my Friesian and Falabella horses.

As professionals, we today face a barrage of challenges, from information overload and constant distractions to maintaining focus in high-pressure environments. The incessant stream of emails, meetings, and multitasking demands can fragment our attention, leading to decreased productivity and burnout. By harnessing the power of our RAS, we can steer our careers more effectively, seize relevant opportunities, minimise distractions that impede progress and pave the way for career advancement amidst the modern workplace’s complexities.

Anyone can use their Reticular Activating System for Career Advancement by:

Setting Clear Goals: When you define clear career goals, the RAS helps by prioritising information and opportunities relevant to these goals. For instance, if you aim for a promotion, your RAS will filter and highlight information related to leadership training, networking opportunities, and job openings that align with this goal.

Concentrating on your Career Objectives: The RAS helps you maintain focus on tasks and projects that move you closer to these goals. This selective attention allows you to better manage your time and energy, leading to improved productivity. The RAS aids in directing your efforts toward areas most relevant to your career growth, ensuring that your skills align with your professional objectives.

Noticing Opportunities: The RAS increases your awareness of opportunities that align with your career aspirations. For example, if you’re seeking a new job, the RAS helps you notice job postings, industry trends, and professional connections that you might otherwise overlook.

Networking: In professional settings, the RAS helps you pick up on relevant conversations and potential connections. This can lead to valuable networking opportunities and partnerships that can advance your career.

Staying Motivated: When your career goals are clear and present in your mind, the RAS reinforces your motivation by keeping these goals at the forefront of your thoughts. This helps you stay committed and driven, even when faced with challenges.

Enhancing Your Problem-Solving Abilities: By focusing your attention on specific career-related challenges, the RAS helps you identify solutions more effectively. This improved problem-solving capability can lead to better outcomes and career advancement.

Identifying Learning Resources: When you’re focused on improving specific skills or acquiring new knowledge, the RAS helps you notice relevant resources, such as courses, workshops, and mentors, that align with your learning goals.

Practical Steps to Leverage the RAS for Career Advancement

I have listed below the steps that worked particularly well for me:

  1. Define Your Goals: Clearly formulate (remember SMART goals?) your career aspirations. This helps the RAS filter and prioritise relevant information and opportunities.
  2. Visualise Success: Regularly visualise your career achievements and progress. This keeps your goals prominent in your mind and reinforces your focus.
  3. Stay Informed: Actively seek information and resources related to your career goals. The RAS will help you notice and act upon these resources more effectively.
  4. Network Actively: Engage with professional communities and networks. The RAS will help you pick up on relevant connections and opportunities in these interactions.
  5. Reflect and Adjust: Regularly assess your progress and adjust your goals if needed. This ongoing reflection helps keep your RAS aligned with your evolving career objectives.
  6. Use Affirmations: I often tell myself, especially when my motivation is flagging: “I am laser-focused on my career goals, and my RAS helps me to identify and seize every relevant opportunity that comes my way,” or “My mind is attuned to important information that propels me forward in my career, filtering out distractions effortlessly,” or “My brain naturally filters out negativity and distractions, allowing me to concentrate on tasks that lead to my professional success.”
  7. Be Intensely Grateful for what you have achieved already. I keep a Gratitude Journal, doing this daily has made an enormous difference in my life.

How To Start Using Your RAS Right Now

To help you leverage the power of the RAS, I include 5 journaling prompts designed to enhance focus, recognise opportunities, minimise distractions, and nurture valuable connections, all of which contribute to career advancement.

  1. “Identify Your Career Goals: Write down your top three career goals in detail. What specific skills, knowledge, and experiences do you need to achieve them? How will attaining these goals impact your professional and personal life?”
    This prompt helps you clearly define your career objectives, making it easier for your RAS to filter and focus on relevant information and opportunities.
  2. “Reflect on Opportunities: List all the opportunities, big or small, that you noticed this week that could help you advance in your career. How did you become aware of these opportunities, and what actions did you take or plan to take in response?”
  3. “Daily Focus Check-In: At the start of each day, journal about the key tasks and goals you need to focus on that day to move closer to your career objectives. Reflect at the end of the day on how well you stayed focused and what helped or hindered your concentration.”
  4. “Recognize and Filter Distractions: Write about the distractions you encounter in your work environment. How do they affect your productivity and focus? Brainstorm strategies to minimize these distractions and enhance your attention on career-related activities.”
  5. “Networking and Connections: Reflect on the people you interacted with this week who could support your career growth. How did these interactions come about? What steps can you take to nurture these professional relationships?”
    Focuses on the importance of networking and recognising valuable professional connections, enhancing the RAS’s role in identifying and building these relationships.

“The difference between great people and everyone else is that great people create their lives actively, while everyone else is created by their lives, passively waiting to see where life takes them next. The difference between the two is the difference between living fully and just existing.” Michael E. Gerber

In addition to the Manifest A New Life Chapter retreats that I host at my little French farm near Bordeaux, I have also created a couple of Complementary online Courses. One is about Determining your Life purpose as you start your Next Chapter, another about Avoiding Burnout as you go through a Major Life Challenge and yet another about Coping with Life Changes by Journaling – each course is available with or without one-to-one coaching. To receive advance warning of last-minute and early-bird specials on all of the above, I invite you to subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Newsletter which gives immediate access to my free Manifest a Stress-free Life e-course.

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Manifestation: Separating Science from Superstition

In May 2019, I wrote this article: 5 Reasons Why I Do Not Believe in the Law of Attraction

I have not changed my mind. Those 5 reasons are as valid today as they were 5 years ago.

As someone who has always approached life with a healthy dose of scepticism, manifestation according to the law of attraction seems like wishful thinking at best.

So you may be wondering why my flagship retreat is called Manifest the Next Chapter in Your Life. And why is my free course called Manifest a Stress-free Life?

Manifestation and the law of attraction are as popular as ever and have surfaced again, with renewed vigour, to fill the next generation’s minds with the idea that they can magically shape the future with the power of their minds.

It’s the “magical” part that I find objectionable.

Manifestation is not magic. It works, in part, because of the RAS.

The Reticular Activating System (RAS) functions as a gatekeeper, regulating alertness, concentration, and consciousness. It acts as a filter for the roughly 11 million bits of information per second that bombard our senses, allowing only the most relevant information to pass through to our conscious mind.

The Function of the Reticular Activating System (RAS)

  • Alertness and Wakefulness: The RAS keeps you awake and alert and enables you to pay attention. It also puts you to sleep. It modulates the brain’s level of alertness, transitioning between all levels between fast asleep and wide awake.
  • Attention Regulation: The RAS filters the vast amounts of sensory information that the brain receives, allowing only the most relevant information to reach conscious awareness. This selective filtering process helps to focus attention on important stimuli while ignoring background noise. For example, the RAS helps you concentrate on reading a book in a noisy café by filtering out irrelevant sounds.
  • Sensory Processing: The RAS plays a role in sensory processing by prioritising which sensory inputs are considered important based on context and past experiences. It enhances the brain’s responsiveness to significant stimuli, such as hearing your name in a crowded room (a phenomenon known as the cocktail party effect).
  • Motivation and Objective-Directed Behavior: The RAS helps us to focus our attention on tasks that are deemed important to achieve our goals. By filtering out distractions and highlighting goal-relevant stimuli, the RAS facilitates the pursuit of objectives.
  • Emotional Regulation: The RAS interacts with the limbic system, which is involved in emotional responses. This interaction helps to regulate emotional reactions to stimuli, maintaining a balance between emotional and cognitive processing.

Does that explain how Manifestation and the Law of Attraction work?

Er…no. The Reticular Activating System does not magically empower us to manifest our heart’s desires.

Although the Reticular Activating System filters out unnecessary data and highlights what we focus on or deem important, assuming and asserting that the RAS can be harnessed to manifest our objectives, would be nothing more than the creation, however seductive, of another neuromyth.

“…When you use brain-based mechanisms or neuroscience terminology to explain ideas, it gives those ideas an instant sense of credibility and scientific legitimacy, making them irresistible by appealing to authority and the perceived objectivity of scientific understanding, even if the claims being made aren’t actually true.” – Dr Sarah McKay

Manifestation is a process, facilitated by the RAS, that involves setting intentions by clearly defining what you want, visualising the desired outcome vividly and in detail, adding intense emotion, trusting that it will happen and taking steps that align with the desired outcome.

It’s not magic.

Lia’s RAS (Reticular Activating System) Quest

Lia’s experience vividly illustrates the interplay between manifestation and the Reticular Activating System (RAS). After deciding she wanted to become a successful author, Lia diligently set her intentions, visualising herself signing books and choosing a powerful affirmation: “I have absolute confidence in my ability to be a successful author.” She knows she doesn’t need to believe it right away for her Reticular Activating System (RAS) to start making it a reality. This consistent focus did indeed activate her RAS, which began filtering her environment to highlight relevant opportunities. She started noticing writing workshops, networking events, and online resources that she previously overlooked. Moreover, Lia’s self-belief sustained her motivation, prompting her to seize these opportunities and take concrete steps towards her dream. Consequently, what seemed like serendipitous encounters and timely resources were, in fact, the result of her RAS aligning her perception and actions with her aspirations, effectively empowering her to make her dream a reality.

It’s important to distinguish the practical, neuroscientific role of the RAS from the more mystical or supernatural interpretations of manifestation. The RAS does not “magically” make things happen; instead, it plays a crucial role in helping us realise our objectives by enhancing our focus, increasing our awareness, and filtering relevant information.

No Need for Magic: Manifestation is Scientifically Supported

Manifestation is often misunderstood as a mystical or magical process. In reality, manifestation, supported by the RAS, is grounded in behavioural psychology.

That is why my flagship retreat is called Manifest Your Next Chapter and my free e-course is called Manifest a Stress-free Life. Because

  • Manifestation leverages well-established concepts from psychology. The power of positive thinking, for instance, is a key component.
  • Setting clear intentions and goals is a fundamental aspect of manifestation. This isn’t magical; it’s strategic. Defining what you want with precision helps you create a roadmap for achieving it. Clear goals provide direction and motivation, making it easier to develop actionable plans and measure progress.
  • Visualisation is a technique used by athletes, performers, and successful individuals across various fields. By vividly imagining your desired outcome, you train your brain to recognise and pursue those goals. This mental rehearsal helps to build confidence, reduce anxiety, and improve performance. It’s a practice backed by neuroscience, not sorcery.
  • Affirmations are positive statements that reinforce your intentions and self-belief. Repeating affirmations helps to rewire your brain, replacing negative thought patterns with empowering ones. This shift in mindset can boost self-esteem, reduce stress, and increase your likelihood of taking constructive actions towards your goals. It’s about cognitive restructuring, not mystical intervention.
  • Emotional alignment means ensuring your feelings (and values) support your goals. When you are emotionally invested in your aspirations, you are more motivated to pursue them. Positive emotions like joy, excitement, and gratitude enhance your energy levels and perseverance. This alignment fuels persistence and resilience, critical for overcoming obstacles.
  • Manifestation emphasizes the importance of taking inspired action. Success requires effort, planning, and consistent steps towards your goals. By acting on opportunities and following through on your intentions, you move closer to realizing your dreams. This proactive approach is a hallmark of successful individuals and has nothing to do with supernatural intervention.
  • Practising gratitude shifts your focus from what’s lacking to what you already have. This positive reinforcement helps to maintain a high level of motivation and commitment. Gratitude is known to improve psychological well-being, foster social connections, and enhance overall happiness, which supports sustained effort towards your goals.
  • Letting go means releasing attachment to the outcome and trusting the process. This means you do not obsess over how and when your desires will manifest, you believe that everything will unfold at the right time and you let go of the need to control every aspect of the manifestation process.

Conclusion

Manifestation, stripped of any mystical connotations, is a scientifically supported approach to achieving personal and professional goals. It involves setting clear intentions, visualising success, maintaining positive beliefs, and taking actionable steps.

In addition to the Manifest A New Life Chapter retreats that I host at my little French farm near Bordeaux, I have also created a couple of Complementary online Courses. One is about Determining your Life purpose as you start your Next Chapter, another about Avoiding Burnout as you go through a Major Life Challenge and yet another about Coping with Life Changes by Journaling – each course is available with or without one-to-one coaching. To receive advance warning of last-minute and early-bird specials on all of the above, I invite you to subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Newsletter which gives immediate access to my free Manifest a Stress-free Life e-course.

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Rest: The Essential (but Often Missing) Ingredient in Your Self-Care Recipe

Ever wonder why you feel more irritable and less productive despite working harder?

On the point of collapsing from exhaustion, I realised something crucial: my relentless pursuit of success was costing me my health. I discovered that rest, quality as well as quantity, is not merely the absence of activity; it is a vital component of self-care that is necessary to maintain physical and mental health. My Story. This article explores why incorporating rest into your routine is essential to avoid burnout and living a balanced life.

Rest could be the game-changer you need for a healthier, happier life.

The Benefits of Getting Adequate (Quantity as well as Quality) Rest

1. Physical Health Benefits

During rest, particularly sleep, the body undergoes essential maintenance processes. For example, the immune system reboots during sleep, enhancing the body’s ability to fight off infections. Chronic sleep deprivation has been linked to numerous health problems, including obesity, diabetes, cardiovascular diseases, and weakened immune function. Adequate rest and sleep are vital for maintaining physical health and preventing chronic illnesses.

2. Mental Health and Cognitive Function

Rest significantly impacts mental health and cognitive function. Sleep is a critical period for the brain to process and consolidate memories, and clear out toxins that accumulate during waking hours. Lack of rest can impair cognitive functions such as focus, creativity, decision-making, and problem-solving skills. Chronic sleep deprivation is also associated with mood disorders like depression and anxiety. By prioritising rest, we can improve our mental clarity, emotional stability, and overall cognitive performance.

3. Emotional Well-Being

Rest periods, whether through sleep, relaxation techniques, or leisure activities, allow the brain to reset and manage stress more effectively. When the body and mind are well-rested, we are better equipped to handle daily stressors and emotional challenges. Rest also promotes a positive outlook, enhances mood, and increases resilience.

4. Enhanced Productivity and Creativity

Research shows that regular rest can enhance productivity and creativity. Overworking can lead to diminishing returns, where the quality of work decreases due to fatigue and eventually results in burnout. Incorporating rest breaks into the day can refresh the mind, leading to better focus, innovative thinking, and more efficient problem-solving. Creative insights often occur during periods of relaxation when the mind is free to wander and make new connections.

5. Balanced Lifestyle and Longevity

Chronic stress and lack of rest can accelerate the ageing process and reduce life expectancy. By integrating rest into our daily routines, we can achieve a better work-life balance, leading to a more fulfilling and sustainable lifestyle.

6. Improved Relationships

When we are well-rested, we are more patient, empathetic, and emotionally available to our loved ones. Fatigue and stress from lack of rest can lead to irritability and conflict, negatively affecting relationships. By incorporating rest into our self-care routines, we can enhance our emotional well-being and improve our communication skills.

7. Hormonal Balance

Adequate rest is crucial for maintaining hormonal balance in the body. During sleep, the endocrine system regulates the release of various hormones, including those related to growth, stress, and appetite. Lack of sleep can disrupt this balance, leading to health issues such as weight gain, insulin resistance, and an increased risk of metabolic disorders.

8. Better Physical Performance

For those who engage in physical activities or sports, rest is a crucial component of training. Adequate rest allows muscles to recover and grow stronger, reducing the risk of injuries and enhancing overall physical performance. Both professional athletes and fitness enthusiasts recognise the importance of rest days and proper sleep in their training regimens.

9. Prevention of Burnout

In today’s high-pressure environments, burnout has become a common issue. Burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged stress and overwork. Incorporating regular rest into self-care routines is a powerful tool for preventing burnout. Rest allows us to recharge, gain perspective, and maintain a sustainable pace in our personal and professional lives. By prioritising rest, we can avoid the debilitating effects of burnout and maintain a well-balanced lifestyle.

If you desperately want to stop worrying excessively, dramatically lower your stress levels, stop feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, prevent /recover from burnout AND positively impact other people’s lives, I have created a step-by-step guide to helping you regain control of your life: the Building Resilience – a Roadmap from Burnout to Breakthrough during a Life Crisis course. It will introduce you to effective coping mechanisms, boundary-setting strategies, and self-care practices to help you prevent or recover from burnout, and restore balance in your personal and professional life. Get immediate access

Conclusion

Rest is a fundamental component of self-care. It is essential for physical health, mental clarity, emotional well-being, productivity, creativity and preventing burnout. By recognising the importance of rest and incorporating it into our daily routines, we can dramatically enhance our overall quality of life.

“Getting enough rest is not self-indulgence; it is a vital necessity.” – Dr M Montagu

In addition to the Manifest A New Life Chapter retreats that I host at my little French farm near Bordeaux, I have also created a couple of Complementary online Courses. One is about Determining your Life purpose as you start your Next Chapter, another about Avoiding Burnout as you go through a Major Life Challenge and yet another about Coping with Life Changes by Journaling – each course is available with or without one-to-one coaching. To receive advance warning of last-minute and early-bird specials on all of the above, I invite you to subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Newsletter which gives immediate access to my free Manifest a Stress-free Life e-course.

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Mindfulness: A Solution for Imposter Syndrome

From Self-Doubt to Self-Confidence

Imagine standing on the precipice of a significant career milestone, your achievements lauded by your peers, when suddenly, an insidious voice whispers, “You’re a fraud.” This is the haunting reality of many people with imposter syndrome, a phenomenon affecting countless high-achievers. But what if there was a way to silence that critical inner voice, to replace self-doubt with self-assurance?

The Turning Point

Elena sat in her car, staring at the sprawling ranch. She had been living in a whirlwind, grappling with the fallout of a sudden job loss and the crushing weight of imposter syndrome. Her therapist had suggested equine-assisted mindfulness therapy, and though sceptical, Elena was desperate for a change, so she booked a session.

She stepped out and was greeted by Sarah, the ranch owner. “Welcome, Elena. Come and meet the horses,” Sarah said, as they walked towards a chestnut mare named Bella. Elena reached out to touch Bella’s velvety nose. For the first time in weeks, Elena felt her mind quieting.

Over the next few sessions, Elena learned to lead Bella through the paddock. Each step required her full attention. When her mind wandered to thoughts of inadequacy or fear, Bella sensed her distraction and would stop, waiting for Elena to return to the present moment.

One afternoon, as Elena groomed Bella, she confided in Sarah about her job loss and the overwhelming sense of being an imposter. “I feel like I never truly earned my achievements. Like I’ve been pretending all along.”

Sarah listened patiently. “You have gained Bella’s trust. Bella trusts you because you always treat her with respect. You’ve earned that trust step-by-step. If Bella is willing to trust you to keep her safe from predators, you can also trust yourself. Bella doesn’t think you are a fraud.”

As weeks passed, Elena noticed a shift. The mindfulness practices she learned with Bella extended beyond the ranch. When anxiety flared, she used the breathing techniques she learned and visualised herself leading Bella, grounding herself in the present moment. She no longer saw herself as an imposter.

Mindfulness can be a powerful tool that can transform our inner narrative and empower us to embrace our true worth.

Here’s how mindfulness can help us overcome imposter syndrome:

  • Identification of Negative Thought Patterns: Mindfulness encourages us to observe our thoughts and feelings without judgment. This awareness can help identify and acknowledge negative thought patterns associated with imposter syndrome, such as self-doubt and fear of failure.
  • Recognition of Triggers: By practising mindfulness, we can become more attuned to the specific situations or interactions that trigger our imposter feelings, allowing us to implement more targeted coping strategies.
  • Present Moment Focus: Mindfulness emphasises staying present, which can reduce the anxiety and stress that often accompany imposter syndrome. By focusing on the here and now, we can prevent our minds from wandering to past failures or future worries.
  • Stress Management Techniques: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, deep breathing, and progressive muscle relaxation can help lower overall stress levels, making it easier to manage the emotional responses tied to imposter syndrome.
  • Non-Judgmental Attitude: Mindfulness teaches us to observe our experiences without harsh judgment. This approach can foster self-compassion, helping us to be kinder to ourselves when we make mistakes.
  • Acceptance of Imperfection: Mindfulness promotes the acceptance of ourselves, including our imperfections. This acceptance can counter the perfectionist tendencies often seen in those with imposter syndrome.
  • Balanced Response to Emotions: By practising mindfulness, we can learn to respond to our emotions in a balanced way rather than reacting impulsively. This skill is crucial in managing the intense feelings of inadequacy that imposter syndrome can provoke.
  • Detachment from Negative Thoughts: Mindfulness helps us see our thoughts as temporary and separate from their identity, reducing the impact of negative thoughts related to imposter syndrome.
  • Recognition of Achievements: Through mindfulness, we can develop a more balanced view of our accomplishments and abilities, helping to counteract the internal narrative of not being good enough.
  • Positive Affirmation: Regular mindfulness practice can reinforce positive self-affirmations and realistic self-assessments, building a stronger, more resilient sense of self.

“Now when I receive recognition for my acting, I feel incredibly uncomfortable. I tend to turn in on myself. I feel like an imposter. Any moment, someone’s going to find out I’m a total fraud, and that I don’t deserve any of what I’ve achieved.” Emma Watson

Mindfulness and Horses

Horses are exceptional teachers of mindfulness due to their natural sensitivity. By observing and interacting with horses, we can learn to be fully present and to let go of past regrets and future anxieties.

That is why equine-facilitated mindfulness sessions are part of my Manifest Your Next Chapter retreats here in southwest France. Even my online courses, ex. my course about Discovering Your Life Purpose, are enriched by stories and pictures of horses.

When working with horses, we must be calm and centred, as they mirror our emotions and respond to our energy. This requires us to become aware of our own mental and emotional states, fostering self-awareness and emotional regulation. Simple activities like grooming, leading, or just being near a horse demand our full attention and help ground us in the moment.

Horses also provide immediate feedback through their reactions, helping us recognize when we are distracted or tense. This feedback loop helps us to adjust our mindset and return to a state of calmness. The non-judgmental and accepting nature of horses further reinforces the practice of mindfulness, teaching us to approach ourselves with the same compassion and acceptance.

Are you struggling with imposter syndrome, feeling like you’re never quite enough? It’s time to break free from self-doubt and realise your full potential. Join us for a Manifest Your Next Chapter retreat or enrol in one of my online courses/retreats, where you will learn to get to grips with your imposter syndrome and get back in control using the power of mindfulness and the unique connection with horses.

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Mindfulness for Introverts: Finding Calm in a Chaotic World

How Introverts Can Benefit from Adjusted Mindfulness Techniques

If you are an introvert, you might find it difficult to master mindfulness.

Mindfulness is a powerful practice that can offer significant benefits, but introverts may face unique difficulties when trying to learn and incorporate mindfulness into their lives.

For introverts, mastering mindfulness can feel like taming a room full of hyperactive puppies—both challenging and unexpectedly rewarding.

Meet Dave, an introvert with the stress management skills of a hedgehog at a balloon party. When he lost his job, his mind became a whirlwind of worries, so he decided to give mindfulness a try. His therapist, a well-meaning optimist named Dr. Bright, insisted it would help with his anxiety.

Dave understood that mindfulness can be especially beneficial for introverts because:

  • Mindfulness fosters compassion towards oneself and others. Introverts can benefit from increased self-compassion, which reduces self-criticism and promotes a kinder, more understanding approach to themselves and others.
  • By quieting the mind and reducing mental clutter, mindfulness can spark creativity and innovation. Introverts, who often have rich inner worlds, can tap into their creative potential more readily through regular mindfulness practice.
  • Stress, which introverts often internalise, can disrupt sleep patterns. Mindfulness practices can improve sleep quality by calming the mind and preparing the body for restful sleep, helping introverts sleep better.
  • Mindfulness teaches introverts how to observe their emotions without becoming overwhelmed by them. This skill is invaluable for introverts who tend to feel emotions deeply. It allows them to navigate their emotional landscape more effectively and respond to situations with greater composure.
  • Mindfulness builds emotional resilience. Introverts, who may feel overwhelmed by external pressures, can develop a stronger, more resilient mindset, enabling them to bounce back from setbacks with greater ease.

Dave wasn’t convinced, though, that he would be able to learn how to practise mindfulness.

Right from the start, Dave had problems. He signed up for a mindfulness class at the community centre. On the first day, the instructor announced they would start with the 5 senses exercise. “Close your eyes and focus on what you hear,” the instructor said. Dave tried to comply but was quickly overwhelmed by the hum of fluorescent lights, a dog barking madly just outside the centre and a nerve-racking siren wailing in the distance.

Introverts are often more sensitive to their surroundings and can easily become overwhelmed by sensory input. Traditional mindfulness exercises, such as the 5 senses exercise, require focusing on multiple sensory stimuli, which can exacerbate this overload. Instead of achieving a state of calm, introverts may feel more stressed when engaging in these exercises, making it difficult for them to benefit from the practice.

Next, Dave’s heart started beating like a drum, ready to jump out of his chest. He felt himself beginning to hyperventilate. Dave HATED group activities.

Many mindfulness programs and classes are conducted in group settings, which can be intimidating for introverts. The social aspect of attending classes, participating in group discussions, and sharing experiences can be overwhelming. Social interactions can deter introverts from fully engaging in mindfulness practices or even prevent them from attending mindfulness classes altogether. Introverts require alone time to recharge and process their thoughts.

The well-meaning mindfulness instructor’s voice penetrated Dave’s brain fog. “Now let’s talk about how this exercise made us feel. Who would like to go first?” she asked, and the next moment, she locked eyes with Dave. Dave felt his lunch promptly making its way up his throat.

Introverts may struggle with openly expressing their thoughts and emotions, which is often encouraged in mindfulness practices. This can make exercises that involve sharing feelings or talking about experiences particularly challenging. The pressure to express themselves can create additional stress, making it difficult for introverts to relax and fully immerse themselves in the practice.

Dave had just about had enough and desperately yearned to escape. He was exhausted. He struggled to focus on the present moment and felt more and more frustrated.

Mindfulness was just not working for him.

Have you ever felt like Dave?

If you’re an introvert looking for an approach to mindfulness that honours your unique needs, consider joining us in the sunblessed southwest of France, for a “Manifest Your Next Chapter” retreat or maybe sign up for one of my online retreats/courses. These retreats are designed to provide a supportive environment where introverts can practice mindfulness in a way that truly resonates with them. Come and discover that mindfulness CAN work for you, in your own time and at your own pace, especially if you are struggling through a life change, challenge or crisis, and find your own path to inner peace.

In addition to the Manifest A New Life Chapter retreats that I host at my little French farm near Bordeaux, I have also created a couple of Complementary online Courses. One is about Determining your Life purpose as you start your Next Chapter, another about Avoiding Burnout as you go through a Major Life Challenge and yet another about Coping with Life Changes by Journaling – each course is available with or without one-to-one coaching. To receive advance warning of last-minute and early-bird specials on all of the above, I invite you to subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Newsletter which gives immediate access to my free Manifest a Stress-free Life e-course.

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An Introvert’s Guide to Coping with a Major Life Crisis

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Picture this: a serene lakeside cabin, nestled deep in the woods, where the only sounds are the whisper of the wind through the trees and the gentle ripple of water over cobbles. For an introvert, this is paradise. Now, imagine throwing a grenade into the midst of all this tranquillity—welcome to the life of an introvert in the midst of a major life crisis.

Are you struggling to cope with a Life Crisis?

Maybe you are an introvert.

How do you recognise an introvert at any sort of social gathering: Christmas dinner, a friend’s birthday lunch, an office cocktails party, or a charity event? They’re the ones secretly praying for the fire alarm to go off so they can make a swift exit without all the awkward goodbyes.

According to Susan Cain, ‘Introverts may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pyjamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions.’

Take Jane, for example. Jane is a classic introvert: bookish, introspective, and capable of binge-watching entire seasons of “Nature’s Greatest Migrations” without once wondering what’s happening on Instagram. One day, Jane’s world was turned upside down when her husband announced he was leaving her for his CrossFit instructor. Suddenly, Jane’s peaceful existence was shattered.

In a desperate attempt to cope, Jane decided to attend a divorce support group. This, of course, went about as well as you’d expect. Upon entering the room, she was immediately surrounded by well-meaning strangers eager to hear her story and share their own. Jane spent the entire session clutching her coffee cup like a life raft, nodding politely, her mind a million miles away. The thought of sharing her “divorce story” with strangers was as uplifting as getting a root canal. Eventually, she escaped to the bathroom, where she spent the rest of the meeting scrolling through cat memes.

I am weary of labels, like introvert and extrovert, preferring to avoid labelling people as one to the exclusion of the other. I would rather see it as a spectrum with a small number of « pure » introverts and extroverts at both extremes of the spectrum, most of us having characteristics of both and behaving more like extroverts or introverts depending on the situation we find ourselves in.

Most people are not exclusively introverted or extroverted. “Ninety per cent of people are somewhere in the middle,” says Jens Asendorpf, a personality researcher at Humboldt University of Berlin. People who tend to be extroverted also like to keep to themselves from time to time. “And since everyone needs social contact, introverts also seek interaction with others—just less so,” Asendorpf adds.

In other words, the vast majority of people are probably ambiverts.

Having said that, it cannot be denied that people more on the introverted side of the spectrum can find it difficult to cope with major life events like divorce, changing careers, retirement, redundancy, loss of a loved one etc.

Difficulties coping with life Challenges Specific to Introverts:

1. Feeling Overwhelmed by Social interactions

Introverts typically find social interactions draining. During a major life crisis, such as a divorce, the frequency and intensity of social interactions can skyrocket. This includes meetings with lawyers, court appearances, discussions with financial advisors, and support groups. Even well-intentioned friends and family can become overwhelmed by their constant check-ins and advice.

An introvert might feel emotionally exhausted after a single meeting with their lawyer, yet be expected to attend multiple such meetings in a week. The added pressure of explaining their situation repeatedly to different people can be extremely taxing for introverts who thrive on solitude and quiet reflection.

2. Not getting the Opportunity to recharge their Batteries

Introverts require time alone to recharge their batteries, process their thoughts and review various courses of action. A major life crisis often disrupts this solitude, leaving little room for introspection and personal space. The constant demands on their time and attention can lead to a sense of being perpetually overwhelmed.

During a serious life crisis, an introvert might find it nearly impossible to find a quiet moment to themselves. They might long for an evening alone with a book, but instead, they’re inundated with phone calls, emails, and visits from concerned loved ones.

3. Experiencing difficulties when they try to share their Feelings

Introverts sometimes struggle to articulate their feelings, concerns and needs, especially in stressful situations. This can hinder their ability to seek and accept help, leading to feelings of isolation, fear and frustration.

An introvert going through a breakup might find it difficult to express their emotions to friends or therapists. They might prefer writing their thoughts down but feel pressured to talk about their feelings, which can be uncomfortable and unproductive.

4. Finding Interacting with others utterly Exhausting

High-stress environments and constant social interaction can rapidly deplete an introvert’s energy. This energy drain and exhaustion can impair their ability to think clearly and make decisions, further complicating the crisis management process.

An introvert dealing with job loss might be required to attend numerous networking events and interviews. The sheer number of interactions can leave them feeling too drained to perform well or think strategically about their next steps.

Because of this, introverts might find it challenging to reach out for support, whether from friends, family, or professionals. Their preference for self-reliance and introspection can lead them to try to manage everything on their own, which can isolate them to a pathological extent.

5. Introverts often prefer to avoid Confrontation

Introverts may have a natural inclination to retreat inward, internalise their emotions and avoid confronting their problems head-on. This can delay important decisions and prolong the period of crisis, making it harder to move forward.

An introvert facing financial difficulties might delay reaching out to a financial advisor because they dread the interaction. This avoidance can lead to worsening financial problems that could have been mitigated with timely intervention.

6. Struggling to cope with Sensory Overload:

Introverts are often more sensitive to their environments and can become overwhelmed by excessive stimuli. During a crisis, the increased noise, activity, and emotional intensity can lead to sensory overload, making it harder to cope effectively.

An introvert who has to move out of their home during a separation might struggle with the chaotic process of packing, moving, and settling into a new place. The constant activity and change can be mentally and physically exhausting.

“Introverts live in two worlds: We visit the world of people, but solitude and the inner world will always be our home.” Jenn Granneman

Are You an Introvert struggling to cope with a Life Crisis?

If you’re an introvert facing a major life challenge, it’s essential to find a balance between honouring your yearning for solitude and seeking the support you need. My “Manifest Your Next Chapter” retreats in the southwest of France are designed specifically for people like you, especially my Solo Retreats. In a serene and supportive environment, you’ll learn how to sail through life’s storms by spending time in nature and walking the Camino de Santiago de Compostela. You’re not alone. A “Manifest Your Next Chapter” retreat in the serene southwest of France is exactly what you need. Our retreats offer a safe, nurturing environment where you can process your emotions, recharge your energy, and find your path forward. It’s time to turn your trials into triumphs and write the next chapter of your life with courage and confidence.

Send me a quick email if you want to find out more and if you want to, you can book your retreat today.

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Further reading: Solo Retreats and Solo, Slow Travel

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In addition to the Manifest A New Life Chapter retreats that I host at my little French farm near Bordeaux, I have also created a couple of Complementary online Courses. One is about Determining your Life purpose as you start your Next Chapter, another about Avoiding Burnout as you go through a Major Life Challenge and yet another about Coping with Life Changes by Journaling – each course is available with or without one-to-one coaching. To receive advance warning of last-minute and early-bird specials on all of the above, I invite you to subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Newsletter which gives immediate access to my free Manifest a Stress-free Life e-course.

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