I’m Done! Celebrate the End of A Life Transition with these Rituals

Rituals

Marking the Milestone: Life Transition Rituals for New Beginnings

Rituals can be powerful tools for marking the end of significant life transitions and helping us mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically move from one chapter to the next. Not the spooky, Macbeth’s-three-witches chanting-in-the-woods kind. I mean those little rituals and routines we turn to when life has decided to throw us a curveball, kicked us out of our comfort zones, and tossed us straight into “new chapter” territory. Whether you’re ending an era (goodbye, ramen-every-night phase) or launching a new one (hello, I’ve-got-this phase), rituals can help us move forward, unhindered.

Key Aspects of Rituals

You may be asking yourself, “What exactly qualifies as a ritual?” My understanding is that a ritual is an action or a set of actions performed in a specific sequence, often with symbolic meaning and a sense of purpose. Rituals can be simple or elaborate and are typically repeated regularly, creating a sense of structure and significance. They are often associated with religious or cultural traditions but can also be secular and personal:

  • Ceremonial Rituals: Rituals are often part of religious services or ceremonies, involving established procedures that are performed consistently over time. This can include rites such as weddings, funerals, and various forms of worship.
  • Cultural Rituals: Beyond religious contexts, rituals can also represent customary behaviours within families or communities, such as weekly gatherings or specific traditions that mark significant events in life. In France, especially the southwest of France, the typical multi-generational Sunday lunch is such a ritual.
  • Personal Rituals: These are repetitive behaviours that individuals perform to alleviate anxiety. Examples include morning routines, journaling, or a weekly relaxation routine like a bath with perfumed candles and calming music.
  • Transition Rituals: These mark important life changes, like moving to a new home, starting a new job, or significant life transitions like marriage, retirement, or divorce.

Rituals help bring a sense of control, stability, and meaning, especially during times of uncertainty or change, by anchoring us in familiar actions. For example, a morning ritual might involve a series of simple activities like stretching, having coffee, and setting intentions for the day, helping to focus and prepare for what lies ahead. Think of these routines and rituals as setting up some guardrails for your mind as it tries to accept a new reality without completely short-circuiting.

So whether you’re doing a solo toast to your past self (one last glass of “cheers-to-not-knowing-what-I’m-doing”,) writing a “breakup letter” to your old job, or finally purging your closet of all those “maybe someday” jeans, your rituals are like breadcrumbs leading you through the chaos, from one life chapter to the next.

Ready to officially kick the old chapter to the curb and usher in something new? Here’s a lineup of rituals—some quirky, some classic—that’ll help you mark the end of your old life and throw open the doors to whatever’s next. Grab a pen, a hot drink, or maybe just take a deep breath, and let’s do it.

20 Ways of Finding Closure at the End of a Life Transition

  1. Write a breakup letter to your past self. Pour out all your feelings about the last chapter—highs, lows, questionable snack choices—then ceremonially burn it, bury it, or send it off like a message in a bottle (note: ocean littering is still a crime).
  2. Make a “letting go” box. Toss in all those artefacts from your old life—movie stubs, the key to your ex’s place, that ancient loyalty card you’ll never use. Then bury it, donate it, or launch it into the void. Goodbye, baggage!
  3. Take a long, thoroughly cleansing shower and let the water rinse off your past like a shower for your soul. Or run yourself a bath with every herb, bath bomb, or box of bath salt you’ve got and soak away the toxins.
  4. Do a cord-cutting meditation to energetically separate yourself from your past. Picture every awkward coffee date and pointless meeting as little strings you’re snipping away. Snip, snip.
  5. Make a memory box of the good stuff. Keep those good memories in a safe place—a sweet reminder you can flip through, even as you march forward.
  6. Visit places that mattered. Take a little “farewell tour” of those places that were iconic in your old life—order that latte, sit on that park bench, and mentally thank them for their service.
  7. Throw an “Out-with-the-Old” party. Invite your favourite people, swap war stories, toast to the nonsense you survived, and let your squad remind you just how far you’ve come.
  8. Self-anoint with intention oils. Just dab on some oils, breathe in, and say, “I got this.”
  9. Get yourself a “power object.” Jewellery, a rock, a figurine—something to carry around as your new “I’m unstoppable” talisman. Don’t knock it till you try it.
  10. Mark the change with a bold new look. Haircut, piercing, tattoo? Why not. Sometimes a little external switch-up is just what you need to send a memo to the universe.
  11. Go natural. Head to the beach or a forest at sunrise, whisper your dreams into the breeze and let nature do its thing.
  12. Start a journal. Because what’s a transition without some dramatic journaling? 30 days to document every “Aha!” moment and new insight.
  13. Moon magic. Plan a mini ritual on the new moon (for fresh starts) or full moon (for letting go). Light a candle, set intentions, and let the lunar vibes do the heavy lifting.
  14. A vision board of that dream life. Glue stick, magazines, all the vibes you want for your new chapter—pin it up where you’ll see it daily. Manifest like you mean it.
  15. Write a letter to future you. Let your hopes and dreams spill out onto the page, seal it, and set a reminder to read it a year from now.
  16. Cross the threshold. Set up a “doorway” with ribbon or chalk, step through, and tell yourself, “Here I go!”
  17. Do a candlelight farewell. Light a candle at sunset on your last day in the old chapter, let it burn until sunrise, then blow it out to signal, “It’s a brand new day.”
  18. Create a personal ceremony incorporating meaningful symbols, words, music, or actions that resonate with your specific transition.
  19. Declutter on a grand scale. Out with anything that screams “old me.” Donate, trash, or pass along the stuff that no longer fits this new era.
  20. Take a solo journey: a road trip, a walk in the park, or a solo pilgrimage – my From Troubled to Triumphant Camino de Santiago walking retreats provide a powerful, immersive way to mark the end of a life transition through ritual. Walking the Camino serves as both a literal and metaphorical journey, allowing you to physically leave behind the old as you step forward into new possibilities. The steady rhythm of walking enables you to reflect, release burdens, and find clarity in nature’s tranquillity. Each step along the Camino can symbolise shedding past worries, and the shared experience with others adds a communal, supportive element that reinforces your resilience. Reaching each milestone or scenic vista along the trail can become a mini-ceremony, celebrating progress with renewed intentions. By the time you reach the retreat’s end, you’ve undergone both an internal and external transformation, embodying a fresh start in sync with nature’s gentle pace.

Research about Rites and Rituals

Research consistently demonstrates the psychological and social value of transition rituals in human experience. A 2018 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people who engaged in ritualistic behaviour before challenging life transitions reported feeling more in control and experiencing less anxiety about change. Anthropologists like Victor Turner have long noted that “liminal rituals” – ceremonies marking the space between one life stage and another – serve as essential social technologies for processing change across cultures. (Retraction of Tian et al. (2018) (2024). Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 126(2), 281.

However, in our modern secular society, many people find themselves without established frameworks for marking life transitions. This has led to what sociologist Robert Wuthnow calls “meaning-making in a secular age” – the emergence of personalized rituals that blend traditional elements with individual significance. Whether drawing from nature, creative expression, or community participation, these contemporary rituals serve the same fundamental human need to honour endings and sanctify beginnings.

The key to creating meaningful transition rituals lies not in their complexity but in their authenticity. As psychological research by Dr. Francesca Gino indicates, even simple ritualistic actions can provide significant emotional benefits when approached with intention and personal meaning. What matters most is not the specific form of the ritual, but rather the space it creates for acknowledging change, processing emotions, and stepping mindfully into new chapters of life. (Rituals enhance consumption
Kathleen D Vohs 1, Yajin Wang, Francesca Gino, Michael I Norton Psychol Sci
. 2013 Sep;24(9):1714-21. doi: 10.1177/0956797613478949.)

The general principles about the psychological and social importance of rituals are well-established in anthropological and psychological literature.

As we continue to navigate an increasingly complex and rapidly changing world, the importance of transition rituals only grows. They offer us tools for maintaining psychological well-being during change, connecting with others who witness our transformations, and marking the significant moments that shape our life stories. Whether practised alone or in a community, drawn from ancient traditions or newly created, rituals remain vital instruments for making meaning of our perpetual becoming.

Hit the pause button and regain your footing during a From Troubled to Triumphant: Find Solid Ground during Life Quakes Retreat. Imagine walking a peaceful stretch of the Camino de Santiago, where every step helps untangle the mental clutter or spending time with gentle Friesian horses who teach you the art of mindfulness. These retreats blend reflection and relaxation in a way that feels more like an exciting adventure than hard work. Whether you choose to make a change or are forced to, this retreat offers the perfect blend of peace, perspective, and playful exploration to help you rise from troubled to triumphant!

Remember, the most effective rituals are those that feel meaningful to YOU. You can combine elements from different ideas or create your own unique ritual. The key is to approach the process with intention, allowing yourself to fully experience the emotional and psychological aspects of your life transition.

Click Here to find out how to incorporate Nature into Your End-of-Transition Rituals

Imagine having a survival toolkit ready next time you’re hit by a life-shattering transition. When you subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes newsletter, you get FREE access to my How to Survive a Life Quake 7-part online course (valued at €79). This isn’t just another online course; it’s a heartfelt made-with-love guide packed with tools to help you face and thrive through life’s transitions with resilience. I’d love for you to join our community!

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

Embracing New Beginnings: How to incorporate Nature into Your End-of-Transition Rituals

new beginnings

Discover powerful ways to mark major life changes by connecting with the natural world around you.

Involving Nature in new beginnings Rituals always makes them somehow more real (and definitely more poignant) to me. Reconnecting to Nature, just when you need it most, dramatically enhances the significance of your transformation ritual.

Nature has long been integral to rituals marking life transitions. In ancient societies, people often turned to natural elements—like water, fire, earth, and air—as symbols of transformation. Rivers and lakes were sites for purification rites, where washing away physical and emotional residues symbolised a fresh start. Fire was another powerful element, representing the burning away of old patterns or emotional baggage to make way for new beginnings. Stones and soil often featured in grounding rituals, helping people feel rooted as they let go of past phases and prepare to step into the next chapter.

By engaging with nature, people found a universal language that echoed their inner journey, making their transitions feel part of a larger, enduring cycle. It’s a tradition we can adapt today, using simple, nature-based rituals—such as a mindful walk in a forest or a personal bonfire—to mark the close of one chapter and embrace the next.

The cycles of day and night offer powerful moments for marking transitions. A sunset or sunrise ceremony allows you to align your personal transformation with nature’s rhythms. Choose either sunrise to represent new beginnings or sunset for peaceful endings. Spend time in silence watching the complete transition, speaking your intentions or reflections aloud to the changing sky.

Water elements provide deeply cleansing ritual opportunities. Consider a stone release ritual where you collect a stone that represents your burden or past, hold it while reflecting on what you’re releasing, and then throw it into a body of water. Ocean cleansing can be particularly powerful – wade into the ocean at dawn, letting waves wash over you symbolically cleansing the old, and collect a shell or piece of sea glass as a token of your new beginning. Rivers too offer beautiful symbolism – write what you’re leaving behind on biodegradable paper, release it into moving water, and watch it dissolve or float away.

Trees and forests provide grounding energy for transition rituals. Choose an ancient tree that will outlive your transition and sit with your back against it while journaling, returning to visit “your” tree during significant moments. Forest bathing can be expanded into a transition ritual by spending extended time in forest silence, practising mindful walking between trees, and collecting natural objects that represent your journey. For a more active connection, consider a seed planting ceremony – plant seeds that represent your hopes for the future, tend to them as they grow, and document their progress alongside your own growth.

Mountains and elevated places offer perspective and power. Consider a mountain pilgrimage where you hike to a summit or meaningful viewpoint, leave something symbolic at the top, and take in the expanded perspective of your life from above. The wind at these heights can be incorporated into the ceremony – write messages on ribbon or biodegradable paper and release them into the wind, letting the air carry away the old and bring in the new.

Earth-based rituals provide a sense of completion and renewal. Try an earth burial where you dig a small hole in meaningful ground, bury an object representing your past, and plant something living in its place. Create a medicine wheel with found stones, walk it in contemplation, and leave it intact for others to discover. A dawn nature immersion can be powerful – spend the pre-dawn hours in nature, fast or maintain silence until sunrise, then break your fast with foraged berries or wild tea.

Finally, consider working with animal guides and elemental forces. Spend time observing local wildlife, notice which animals appear repeatedly, and journal about their symbolic meaning for your journey. Create an elemental release ritual by gathering items representing earth, air, fire, and water, creating a small altar in nature, and releasing each element with intention – scatter earth, burn paper, pour water, release a feather. Remember that the most meaningful rituals often combine multiple natural elements while remaining respectful of the environment.

My Favourite Rituals to Complete A Life Transition and Celebrate New Beginnings

Walking Meditation with My Horses A mindful, slow walk with one or more of my horses can symbolise moving forward. The physical act of “walking forward” alongside a horse, an animal known for strength and stability, reinforces a sense of purpose and momentum. Walking meditation with my horses is part of my From Troubled to Triumphant: Find Solid Ground during a Life Quake retreats. I encourage my guests to touch the horses as they walk, maybe resting a hand on one of the horse’s back. Horses are naturally empathetic, and this gentle contact can feel like a final act of letting go, helping my guests release emotional burdens as they close a chapter. Talking to the horses, and expressing their thoughts, provides a sense of being heard, as if the horses are silent, understanding witnesses. The presence of these gentle creatures makes this ritual deeply validating and cathartic, reinforcing a sense of closure and readiness for the next phase.

Nature Walk Take a mindful walk or hike in a natural setting that resonates with you. As you walk, reflect on what you are leaving behind and what you hope to embrace in your new chapter. Allow the sights, sounds, and smells of nature to ground you and inspire your thoughts.

Planting Seeds or Trees Symbolically plant seeds or a tree to represent new beginnings. As you plant, visualise your intentions for the future taking root and growing. This act not only marks the transition but also contributes positively to the environment.

Water Ceremony Engage in a water ceremony by visiting a river, lake, or ocean. As you stand by the water, express gratitude for what has been and release any lingering attachments by throwing stones or flowers into the water. This symbolises letting go and allowing the current to carry away what no longer serves you.

Fire Ceremony If safe and appropriate, conduct a fire ceremony outdoors where you can burn items that represent your past (like written letters or symbolic objects). As the fire consumes these items, visualize the transformation occurring within you and invite new energy into your life.

Sky Gazing Spend time lying on the ground and gazing up at the sky—whether it’s day or night. Reflect on the vastness of possibilities before you as you watch clouds drift by or stars twinkle above. This practice can help put your transition into perspective and remind you of life’s continuous flow.

Journaling in Nature Incorporate journaling into your ritual as a way to process emotions and gain insight. Write about your feelings regarding the transition, any fears or hopes you have, and what you wish to carry forward into this new chapter. Journaling can help clarify thoughts and provide a tangible way to track personal growth throughout the process

By incorporating these nature-based rituals into your life transitions, you not only honour the changes you’re experiencing but also connect more deeply with the rhythms of the natural world around you. These practices can provide clarity, and inspiration as you navigate new beginnings.

The most effective ritual is one that resonates deeply with you. Feel free to adapt or combine these ideas to create a ceremony that feels authentic and significant to you.

How to Create an Authentic and Impactful Nature-based Ritual:

  1. Choose a meaningful natural location that resonates with the purpose of your ritual, whether it’s the end of a relationship, starting a business, moving to another country etc. This could be a forest, beach, mountain, garden, or any outdoor space that feels appropriate.
  2. Incorporate the four elements – earth, air, fire, and water – into your ritual. For example, you could use stones to represent earth, incense for air, candles for fire, and a bowl of water.
  3. Time your ceremony to align with natural cycles like sunrise/sunset, full moon, or seasonal transitions. This adds symbolic power to your ritual.
  4. Create a sacred space by marking out a circle using natural materials like stones, flowers, or branches. This helps define the ceremonial area.
  5. Use natural objects as ritual tools or symbols. Things like feathers, shells, crystals, and plants can be powerful additions.
  6. Engage all your senses – incorporate sounds (like drumming or chanting), scents (herbs or essential oils), tactile elements (touching trees or soil), and even taste (sharing ritual food/drink).
  7. Craft intentions or vows that honour your connection to nature and express gratitude for the earth’s gifts.
  8. Incorporate symbolic actions like planting seeds, pouring water libations, or releasing biodegradable objects into water.
  9. Close the ceremony by giving thanks to nature and leaving an offering like scattered wildflower seeds.
  10. Allow time for quiet reflection in nature after the formal ceremony ends. This helps you to integrate the experience.
  11. Consider creating a physical reminder of the ceremony that you can take with you, like a stone or small plant.

The key is to create a new beginnings ceremony that feels authentic and meaningful to you, and is deeply connected to the natural world.

Just like nature’s seasons, every transition has its finale. Just like trees shedding their leaves in autumn, your transition has an endpoint, a finish line you will cross. And when you do, don’t just shrug and move on. Celebrate. Because transitions aren’t just something to “get through”; they’re chapters that shape you. So when the dust settles, mark the moment. You’ve earned this new beginning. After all, nature throws a party every spring—so why shouldn’t you?

Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts. There is something infinitely healing in the repeated refrains of nature – the assurance that dawn comes after night, and spring after winter. – Rachel Carson, Silent Spring

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

Imagine having a survival toolkit ready next time you’re hit by a life-shattering transition. When you subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes newsletter, you get FREE access to my How to Survive a Life Quake 7-part online course (valued at €79). This isn’t just another online course; it’s a heartfelt made-with-love guide packed with tools to help you face and thrive through life’s transitions with resilience. I’d love for you to join our community!

How to Go From Striving to Thriving during a Life Transition

thriving or striving

Find out if you are Thriving and Striving during a Major Life Change

Are you thriving or striving on the life transition rollercoaster? Maybe you’re that person who’s “embracing change” with a green smoothie in one hand, and a motivational self-help book in the other. Or maybe… you’re barely keeping it together, clutching a coffee like a life raft, hoping no one notices that you’ve worn the same t-shirt three days straight.

Depends on the day, I bet.

Some days you’re winning, and other days? Well, you’re just hoping to keep your sanity intact. So, which one are you: confidently strolling along the path of self-reinvention or clinging on with pure, white-knuckled determination?

Thriving

Thriving involves finding ways to grow, feel empowered, and remain balanced despite the challenges of a transition. People who thrive embrace change with resilience, stay open to new possibilities and take proactive steps that foster growth, connection, and fulfilment. James has just moved to a new city for a job. Instead of feeling uprooted and overwhelmed, he takes it as an opportunity to explore the area, join community groups, and engage in activities that bring him joy. He maintains connections with friends and family back home, cultivates new relationships, and seeks support when needed. He is not expecting everything to be perfect, but he stays committed to his well-being and focuses on creating a fulfilling life in his new environment.

Sounds easy, but it isn’t. Most of us, instead of thriving during life transitions, end up striving just to get through one day at a time.

Striving

Striving, on the other hand, often involves an effortful struggle to adapt. While striving isn’t necessarily negative, it can involve a lot of pressure to “push through” and sometimes an overly perfectionistic or rigid approach. This can leave a person feeling drained or frustrated if things don’t go as planned. Take Sophie, who has recently gone through a breakup. Determined to “get over it” quickly, she buries herself in work, spends hours at the gym, and throws herself into social events even when she doesn’t feel like it. Instead of giving herself space to process her feelings, she is focused on reaching a “goal” of feeling better as fast as possible. This striving mindset may bring temporary distraction, but it often leads to burnout or emotional fatigue.

Thriving versus Striving: Key Differences

  1. Mindset: Thrivers approach change with curiosity approaching the transition with a growth mindset, seeing it as an opportunity for personal development and positive change. Those who thrive tend to focus on the possibilities and potential benefits of the transition. Strivers, on the other hand, often have a more anxious and stressed mindset. They feel they must constantly push themselves to keep up or succeed. This can lead to burnout and dissatisfaction.
  2. Focus Thrivers tend to focus on their values, personal growth, and overall well-being during a transition. They prioritise what truly matters to them and make decisions aligned with their authentic selves. Strivers often involve a focus on external metrics of success or societal expectations, potentially at the expense of personal fulfilment or well-being.
  3. Self-Compassion: Thriving means allowing for setbacks without self-blame while striving can involve self-criticism for any misstep or delay.

Specific Examples to Highlight the Contrast

Career Change

  • Thriving: Jane decides to leave her corporate job to start a small business. Instead of fixating on her old title and earnings, she’s excited about the chance to pursue her passion for creating art. She sets manageable goals for her business, allows herself time to learn new skills, and joins a community of other entrepreneurs for support. Even though the path is challenging, she celebrates each small win and remains open to adjusting her approach. For her, thriving means enjoying the process and staying present rather than focusing solely on financial success.
  • Striving: Kate also leaves her job to start a business but approaches it differently. She immediately sets high expectations, pushing herself to match her previous income within a year. She works long hours, rarely takes breaks, and feels frustrated if results don’t match her expectations. The intense pressure often leaves her exhausted and disheartened. While her commitment is admirable, the striving approach may sap her energy and make the transition feel more like a never-ending race than an adventure.

Navigating a Breakup

  • Thriving: Timothy, going through a breakup, gives himself permission to grieve and reflect on what he learned from the relationship. He seeks out activities that genuinely bring him peace and joy, like hiking or reconnecting with old friends. He journals about his experiences and gains insights into what he truly wants in a partner. Over time, he feels more empowered, having used the breakup as a chance for self-discovery and growth.
  • Striving: Peter in a breakup wants to “move on” quickly, so he immediately re-enters the dating scene, constantly swipes on dating apps, and fills his time with activities to stay busy. Although he appears resilient, he is actually avoiding processing the breakup. This striving approach might lead to feeling emotionally drained, with unresolved feelings resurfacing later, rather than moving forward with clarity and peace.

Midlife Transition

  • Thriving: Facing an “empty nest” after her children leave home, Liz decides to reconnect with her own interests. She takes a cooking class, starts a book club, and finally begins that art project she’d always dreamed of. She explores a balance of social activities and personal hobbies, gradually redefining her role in this new stage. Thriving for her means rediscovering her identity, setting new goals, and building a fulfilling life outside of motherhood.
  • Striving: Anna tries to fill the void by keeping herself overly busy with projects and responsibilities, taking on extra work, or over-volunteering. She rarely gives herself a chance to relax or reflect on her emotions about this life transition. While her efforts are well-intended, this striving approach can lead to burnout and a sense of disconnection, as she’s too focused on “doing” to understand what would actually bring her fulfilment.

Financial Hardship

  • Thriving: George, who has experienced a financial setback, re-evaluates his lifestyle. He shifts his focus toward budgeting, sets realistic financial goals, and seeks creative ways to feel satisfied without overspending. He finds peace in simpler routines, like cooking at home and spending time outdoors. Thriving here means making the most of what he has and embracing a sustainable lifestyle.
  • Striving: In contrast, Luke, in a similar financial situation, feels the need to fix things quickly, taking on multiple jobs and stressing over every penny. Although he works hard, this striving mentality makes the transition exhausting, leaving little time for self-care or balance. In this striving approach, the focus on “catching up” may prevent him from adjusting his perspective and finding creative, lasting solutions for financial stability.

Retirement

  • Thriving: Maria views retirement as a new chapter in life. She explores new hobbies, volunteers in her community, and spends quality time with family. She remains open to new experiences and continues to learn and grow.
  • Striving: Robert struggles to let go of his work identity. He feels lost without the structure of his job and constantly worries about his financial future. He pushes himself to find new ways to feel productive but struggles to find meaning in his new lifestyle.

Indicators that You are either Striving or Thriving

Indicators that you are Thriving:

  1. You feel a sense of growth and positive change, even amidst challenges.
  2. You’re able to maintain a balanced perspective, seeing both opportunities and difficulties in the transition.
  3. You’re taking care of your physical and mental health, prioritising self-care.
  4. You’re open to new experiences and learning opportunities related to your transition.
  5. You’re able to maintain and even strengthen your important relationships.
  6. You feel a sense of purpose or meaning in the changes you’re experiencing.
  7. You’re able to adapt your routines and create new ones that support your well-being.
  8. You’re making decisions based on your values and long-term goals, not just immediate pressures.

Indicators that you are Striving:

  1. You feel constantly stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed by the changes.
  2. You’re neglecting your physical or mental health in pursuit of goals related to the transition.
  3. You’re isolating yourself from others or struggling to maintain relationships.
  4. You feel stuck in negative thought patterns or constantly compare yourself unfavourably to others.
  5. You’re having trouble sleeping or experiencing other physical symptoms of stress.
  6. You feel a loss of identity or purpose related to the changes you’re experiencing.
  7. You’re making decisions based primarily on fear or external pressures rather than your own values.
  8. You’re struggling to find any positive aspects in your new situation.

It’s important to note that experiencing some striving indicators doesn’t necessarily mean you’re not thriving overall. Transitions are complex, and it’s normal to have ups and downs. The key is to recognise where you might be struggling and take steps to address those areas.

If you find yourself predominantly experiencing striving indicators, it may be helpful to:

  1. Reassess your approach to the transition and identify areas where you can make positive changes.
  2. Focus on self-care and stress management techniques.
  3. Set realistic expectations and goals for yourself during this period of change.
  4. Practice mindfulness and gratitude to help maintain a balanced perspective.
  5. Seek support: Attend a From Trouble to Triumph transformational life transition retreat here at my little farm in the southwest of France. My retreats focus on:
  • Reflection and Acceptance: Learn to reflect on and accept where you are in life, which creates a foundation for personal growth without self-criticism.
  • Self-Compassion: Discover how to prioritise self-care, allow yourself to rest, and recognise that mistakes and setbacks are part of the journey.
  • Support Systems: Build a network of supportive people who can provide encouragement and help reduce the feeling of “going it alone.”

My retreat guests move from just “striving” to feel better or achieve something quickly, to truly thriving—finding meaning, balance, and happiness as they adapt to the inevitable changes in life.

Hit the pause button and regain your footing during a From Troubled to Triumphant: Find Solid Ground during Life Quakes Retreat. Imagine walking a peaceful stretch of the Camino de Santiago, where every step helps untangle the mental clutter or spending time with gentle Friesian horses who teach you the art of mindfulness. These retreats blend reflection and relaxation in a way that feels more like an exciting adventure than hard work. Whether you choose to make a change or are forced to, this retreat offers the perfect blend of peace, perspective, and playful exploration to help you rise from troubled to triumphant!

If you can’t take time off, I created an online course that will enable you to stop worrying and feel calm, confident, creative and in control at the end of the course:

resilience

A Road Map to Resilience: From Burnout to Breakthrough: – This two-day online course is designed for anyone facing a major life transition, needing to dramatically reduce stress, end exhaustion and overwhelm, prevent or recover from burnout, AND create a positive impact on others. Find out more about effective coping mechanisms, boundary-setting strategies, and self-care practices, to restore balance in your personal and professional life during or after a life transition. Get immediate access

I put the essence of who I am, and everything I have experienced that makes me who I am, with great enthusiasm, into my retreats, courses and books. – Dr Margaretha Montagu (MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract cert, Transformational Life Coach dip, Counselling cert, Med Hyp Dip and EAGALA cert)

Life Transitions Reveal The True Ikigai Meaning

ikigai meaning

A Guide to Living with Purpose Through Life Transitions:

When Sarah retired, she pictured her days unfolding like a cosy Pinterest board: endless brunches, maybe a vegetable garden, and mastering the fine art of companion planting. But the reality was…well, let’s just say she quickly grew way too familiar with the 2 a.m. slug onslaught, and even her cat was getting bored with her irregular hours. After binge-watching every British crime drama in existence and getting a little too invested in the local allotment’s pecking order, Sarah realised that she was starting to feel a bit lost.

That’s when she stumbled upon Ikigai, or, as she called it, “that Japanese word that’s supposed to make my life feel less…pointless.” Ikigai, a beautiful concept that somehow boiled down to finding joy and meaning in everyday life, felt like it could turn out to be her lifeline. But where to start?

So, she did what anyone in her position would: she took to volunteering at the community centre, figuring if nothing else, she’d at least get free coffee and maybe a funny story or two. They put her in charge of teaching kids about environmental sustainability—a fancy term for making her nag professionally about littering, which, honestly, felt like a skill she’d been honing since the ‘80s. She wasn’t exactly “cool” to the kids, but she wasn’t “uncool” either. And it turned out, talking to a bunch of seven-year-olds about composting was the best part of her week.

The more Sarah showed up, the more she got into it. She started creating PowerPoint slides with animated worms to demonstrate composting. She ran a “Most Ridiculous Recycling Contest” that awarded kids for crafting the ugliest art project out of garbage. She even got so enthusiastic that one kid’s mom asked if she could stop mentioning carbon footprints at bedtime.

Suddenly, Sarah had found her groove—a purpose, a thing that mattered. She wasn’t just Sarah the Retired; she was Sarah the Sustainability Guru. And it turned out, Ikigai wasn’t some ancient mystery at all. It was just a good excuse to be useful, even if it involved a little dumpster-diving on weekends.

Introduction

In times of transition, I always wish I had a map. Whether it’s a career change, a relocation, or a relationship ending, wouldn’t it be useful to have a map? These pivotal times often leave us questioning our purpose and our path. A “Life Transitions Map” would be a very useful tool to give to my From Troubled to Triumphant transformational retreat guests! who are anxious to find solid ground during life quakes.

Instead of a map, I often use the Japanese concept of Ikigai—often translated as “a reason for being”—which can serve as a beacon, guiding us through the inevitable ups and downs of life transitions. Made up of the Japanese words iki (life) and gai (worth), Ikigai directs us to find purpose and meaning in our lives.

Recently, the philosophy of Ikigai has gained global popularity as a way to approach life with intention. In Japan, Ikigai isn’t just about career success or financial security; it’s a holistic balance that brings satisfaction in all areas of life. For those going through major life changes, discovering their Ikigai can provide clarity and direction.

1. Understanding the Ikigai Meaning

The origins of Ikigai are deeply intertwined with Japanese culture, where the pursuit of a fulfilling life is seen as fundamental to health and happiness. Ikigai can be described as the intersection of four major elements, often illustrated as a Venn diagram:

  1. What you love: This represents your passions and interests.
  2. What you are good at: These are your talents, skills, and strengths.
  3. What the world needs: This refers to your life purpose, your impact on others, and your contribution to society.
  4. What you can be paid for: This is the practical element, including financial stability and career opportunities.

ikigai Canva

Ikigai is about finding a life path that brings together these four elements in a sustainable way. Ikigai doesn’t require a perfect blend of all four aspects at every moment in life. It’s about maintaining a balance that allows us to feel fulfilled and valued while still meeting our practical needs.

If you are going through a major life transition, the Ikigai framework can be both grounding and liberating. It encourages us to explore our passions, hone our skills, contribute meaningfully, and embrace new experiences—all while helping us adapt to changing circumstances. Understanding Ikigai as a flexible guide to life – rather than a strict formula – opens the door to self-discovery, making it particularly valuable in times of change. That is why it is part of my Rearing to Get Going in a New Direction online course:

Going through a Life Transition? Rewrite your story, reinvent yourself, become your best self and live your best life with the Rearing to Get Going in a New Direction: Finding Your Life Purpose Guided by Horses online course – Gain the clarity, motivation and direction you need to manifest your next chapter – in both your personal and professional life. Get immediate access

2. Ikigai in Times of Transition: Why It Matters

Periods of transition can be disorienting and filled with self-doubt. When life suddenly changes, we’re often left to confront questions about our identity, our goals, and what truly matters to us. People in such transitions may find themselves questioning their careers, their relationships, and even their sense of self. During these times, Ikigai provides a framework for making sense of change by helping us reconnect with what brings happiness, meaning, and purpose to our lives.

A career change, for example, often prompts reflection on our skills and values. Relocating might lead us to rethink our place in our community or society. Even retirement or an “empty nest” stage can be challenging as it requires us to redefine our daily routines and sense of accomplishment. The four elements of Ikigai help us confront these changes positively, enabling us to rediscover parts of ourselves that may have been forgotten or set aside.

By framing a life transition as an opportunity to realign, with Ikigai, you can move from feeling lost to feeling motivated and inspired. This mindset encourages us to see transitions not as setbacks, but as valuable opportunities for self-discovery.

3. The Four Elements of Ikigai Applied to Life Transitions

a. What You Love: Reconnecting with Your “Why” During Life Transitions

During life transitions, one of the most powerful ways to restore joy and inspiration is to reconnect with what you genuinely love. Whether it’s art, music, teaching, or volunteering, pursuing interests that bring you happiness can help stabilise you emotionally. Life transitions allow us to assess what brings us true joy.

Engaging in activities we love, even if they don’t directly impact our careers, can bring balance to our lives. New hobbies or old interests can offer a sense of renewal and can also lead to new connections and opportunities. Ikigai encourages us to explore and even prioritise these passions, as they are often the foundation of a life that feels whole and meaningful.

b. What You Are Good At: Recognising and Building on Your Strengths

Transitions often reveal new sides of ourselves, including skills or talents we may have overlooked. Take, for instance, someone who’s spent years in a technical job but feels more fulfilled in roles that involve empathy and communication. Life changes present an opportunity to reassess our talents and skills.

Strengthening existing skills or developing new ones can increase confidence and open up fresh career possibilities. Perhaps you’re a strong organiser, an excellent communicator, or a natural leader—identifying these skills can be life-changing. Self-assessment tools, mentorship, and community classes can help uncover talents and strengths that may have become invisible in a previous role.

c. What the World Needs: Redefining Your Role and Contribution

Life transitions often inspire us to consider how we contribute to the world around us. This element of Ikigai encourages us to reflect on the impact of our actions and on how we might make a meaningful difference in our communities. Sometimes, the traditional roles we’ve been in feel limiting or out of sync with our evolving values. Volunteer work, advocacy, mentorship, or even starting a small business can realign one’s sense of contribution. Engaging in activities that directly help others can offer a new perspective, reminding us that our Ikigai often connects us with the world in impactful ways.


d. What You Can Be Paid For: Balancing Passion and Practicality

For most people, financial stability is essential, especially during times of transition. One of Ikigai’s unique characteristics is its inclusion of the practical element: what we can be paid for. This aspect allows us to integrate our passions and skills in a way that is also financially sustainable. If you’re changing careers, you might consider researching fields that align with your interests and offer good job prospects.

Transition periods are ideal for exploring side projects or part-time opportunities that could become fulfilling sources of income. Whether it’s freelancing, consulting, teaching, or launching a small business, aligning your work with your passion can help you maintain financial independence while staying true to your evolving values.

4. How to Discover Your Ikigai Meaning: Practical Steps and Reflections

Step 1: Self-Reflection

Reflecting on what makes you feel alive and fulfilled is crucial to uncovering your Ikigai. Journaling can be particularly helpful here, allowing you to explore what activities bring joy, satisfaction, or meaning. Questions to consider include:

  • What makes me feel energised?
  • Which activities make me lose track of time?
  • What work have I done that felt truly rewarding?

Step 2: Experiment and Explore

Trying new things can open up paths you may not have previously considered. If you’re unsure of your interests, experiment! Join classes, attend workshops or volunteer. Exploring different areas allows you to connect with people who share your passions and interests, leading to discoveries about yourself that deepen your Ikigai meaning.

Step 3: Seek Feedback and Perspective

Feedback from trusted friends, family, or mentors can offer insights you may not see yourself. Sometimes, others can identify strengths or interests you haven’t fully recognized. Constructive feedback can guide you toward career paths, hobbies, or projects that bring meaning and joy.

Step 4: Prioritise and Integrate

Ikigai doesn’t require perfection in all four elements simultaneously. Focus on integrating the parts of Ikigai that resonate most with your current phase of life. Prioritising passions, practical goals, or impact on others is often enough to guide you through challenging transitions with clarity and focus.

5. Real-Life Examples: Stories of Finding Ikigai Meaning Through Life Transitions

Career Change: Consider Sarah, who left her corporate position to pursue a career in teaching. Through Ikigai, she realized her passion for helping others and her talent for explaining complex topics in simple ways. Her transition was challenging, but aligning her work with her passion made it deeply fulfilling.

Retiree Finding New Purpose: After retirement, Michael found himself feeling adrift. He started volunteering at a local community centre, teaching kids about environmental sustainability. Michael’s new role gave him a renewed sense of purpose and allowed him to connect with the world in a meaningful way.

Relationship Shift: Following a major relationship change, Laura felt lost. Rediscovering her love for art and joining a community class helped her reconnect with her sense of self. Through Ikigai, she found balance and built new friendships that supported her journey forward.

6. Common Misconceptions About the Meaning of Ikigai

  • Ikigai Isn’t Only About Career it encompasses all aspects of life. It’s not just about finding a dream job but rather about integrating passion, purpose, and practical needs into a fulfilling whole.
  • It Doesn’t Require Perfection Ikigai doesn’t demand that all four elements be in perfect balance. Life is dynamic, and priorities shift over time. A partial integration of Ikigai can still provide a fulfilling and purpose-driven life.
  • It Can Change Over Time As you grow, your Ikigai may evolve, adapting to new interests, strengths, and circumstances. This adaptability makes Ikigai a lifelong journey.

7. How Ikigai Can Build Resilience During Life Transitions

When life feels uncertain, focusing on Ikigai can provide emotional resilience. Knowing that you are contributing, learning, and pursuing your interests brings stability, even in times of upheaval. The guidance gained from Ikigai offers a mental anchor, allowing us to embrace transitions as opportunities rather than setbacks.

8. Five Q&As that address common questions about using your Ikigai during Major Life Changes:

Q1: Can I have more than one Ikigai?

A: Absolutely! Many people find purpose in multiple areas of their lives, and Ikigai can be a combination of different passions, skills, and contributions. For example, you might have one Ikigai related to your career and another related to a personal interest, like art or community service. Ikigai is flexible and can encompass various elements that together create a sense of meaning and satisfaction.

Q2: How can I start finding my Ikigai if I feel completely lost?

A: Start with small steps focused on self-discovery. Reflect on what makes you feel happy or fulfilled, even in small ways. Journaling, taking personality or strengths assessments, and exploring new activities can help. Ikigai isn’t something you necessarily find all at once; it’s often revealed gradually as you try different things and learn more about what resonates with you.

Q3: What if what I love doesn’t align with what I can be paid for?

A: It’s common for people to have passions that may not translate directly into a paying job. In this case, you can try to incorporate what you love as a hobby or side project. Another option is to look for ways to incorporate aspects of your passion into your career. For instance, if you love writing but work in marketing, you might focus on writing-based projects within that field. The key is finding a balance that allows you to engage with what you love in some way.

Q4: Can Ikigai help with smaller transitions, like a job change, as well as major life changes?

A: Yes! Ikigai is a useful tool for all kinds of transitions, big and small. Even if you’re only switching roles within the same field, you can use the principles of Ikigai to ensure that your new role aligns with your skills, interests, and sense of purpose. Every transition is an opportunity to check in with yourself and make sure your choices align with your values.

Q5: Is it normal for my Ikigai to change over time?

A: Definitely. Our passions, skills, and life circumstances evolve, so it’s natural for your Ikigai to shift as well. What felt meaningful in one phase of life might feel different in another. Regularly reassessing your Ikigai helps ensure that you stay aligned with your current self and that your purpose grows with you

Conclusion

Ikigai offers more than just a sense of purpose; it provides a roadmap for navigating life’s inevitable transitions with inspiration, motivation and resilience. It reminds us that fulfilment doesn’t come from achieving one goal but from the ongoing process of balancing what we love, what we’re good at, what the world needs, and what supports us practically. Life’s changes may feel overwhelming, but through the lens of Ikigai, they reveal new possibilities and a life that truly feels worth living.

And if you feel you need a break, away from all the hustle and bustle, come and recharge your batteries here in the sun-drenched southwest of France. Walk part of the Camino de Santiago de Compostela and spend a few days in the presence of my patient, understanding and supportive Friesian and Falabella horses – even if you don’t interact with them at all, just having them around is calming and comforting – on a From Troubled to Triumphant transformational retreat to reinvent yourself, rewrite your story and start your sensational next chapter.

Margaretha Montagu

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

The Quarter-Life Crisis Survival Guide

12 Weird but Wonderfully Effective Ways to Turn Your Quarter-Life Crisis Into a Quarter-Life Adventure

Setting the Scene

At 26, Tyler hit what he would later refer to as “The Quarter-Life Catastrophe.” It started late afternoon on a Tuesday, in the cereal aisle of a local supermarket. Tyler found himself staring blankly at wall-to-ceiling shelves of granola, muttering, “Why are there so many options?” Realising his life had become as cluttered and confusing as a cereal aisle, Tyler decided to try traditional coping methods: goal-setting workshops, meditation apps, even rewatching Eat Pray Love three times. Nothing worked.

Who has an existential crisis mid-week anyway?

He’d gone to bed the night before with every intention of finally starting a “morning routine” that came highly recommended. But the next thing he knew, it was noon, his alarm was blaring hysterically, and he was three hours late for a mindnumbing job he barely tolerated.

He sat up and looked around his studio apartment, taking in the forlorn-looking bonsai tree he’d bought to “add Zen” and the stack of books he swore he’d read as soon as he “found the time.” Then he caught his reflection in the mirror: hair that looked like it had a personal vendetta against gravity, a wrinkled T-shirt reading “Future Millionaire,” and, a still sparkling new set of dumbbells that he’d bought ages ago for at-home workouts and promptly abandoned as door stoppers.

As he shuffled to the bathroom, questions started rattling in his mind like uninvited dinner guests: Do I actually like accounting, or did I just like the sound of “stability”? Why does everyone else seem to be running a startup, writing a novel, or…getting married and buying their first apartment?

Before he knew it, Tyler was lying on his living room floor, Googling “How to find your life purpose at 26 without quitting your job or spending $500 on a life coach.” He stumbled onto a list of unconventional ways to cope with a quarter-life crisis (see below.)

What is a Quarter-Life Crisis?

I recently hosted a From Troubled to TriumphantTransformational retreat that a couple in their late twenties attended, full of existential angst and clearly, both floundering in a full-blown quarter-life crisis.

During my own quarter-life crisis, I upped sticks and moved to the other side of the world, which in retrospect might have been slightly OTT. I did some research on the subject so that I could help them find meaning to their lives again and the Camino de Santiago and my small herd of Friesian horses did the rest.

My research revealed that currently a quarter-life crisis is defined as an existential crisis that typically occurs in young adults during their mid-20s to early 30s, although it can start as early as age 18. It is characterised by feelings of anxiety, confusion, and uncertainty regarding life choices, particularly around career, relationships, and personal identity. This period of introspection often leads to questioning their goals and aspirations, resulting in emotional turmoil and a sense of being lost or unanchored.

Key Features of a Quarter-Life Crisis

  • Identity Exploration: Young adults often reassess their identities and the roles they played in college or early jobs, seeking a deeper sense of self.
  • Shifting Priorities: There is a reevaluation of what truly matters, including financial stability and personal relationships, which may no longer align with earlier aspirations.
  • Disillusionment: Many feel disappointed when their expectations for adulthood do not match reality. This can stem from challenges in the job market or complex relationships.
  • Fear of the Future: The uncertainty associated with adult responsibilities can provoke anxiety about career paths and personal decisions.
  • Social Pressure: Comparisons with peers—often exacerbated by social media—can intensify feelings of inadequacy and the fear of falling behind in life milestones.

Symptoms of a Quarter-Life Crisis

  • Feelings of acute loneliness, isolation and even depression
  • High levels of frustration, anxiety and restlessness
  • Indecision regarding career and personal relationships
  • A sense of purposelessness or lack of direction
  • Drastic emotional swings between manis highs and despairing lows.

Key Causes of a Quarter-Life Crisis:

Comparison and Social Media: Social media can intensify these feelings by creating a constant stream of comparisons. Seeing curated, often idealized snapshots of others’ lives can make it feel like everyone else is happier, more successful, and more confident.

Pressure to Achieve Quickly: Many young adults feel pressured to reach significant milestones—career success, financial stability, relationships—sooner than ever. This can create anxiety, especially if they feel they’re “falling behind” or not as successful as their peers.

Identity and Purpose: This is an age when people are figuring out who they are and what they want out of life. Questions like, “Am I in the right career?” or “Is this really what I want to do forever?” often come up, creating a sense of identity crisis and uncertainty about long-term goals.

Financial Challenges: Many people in this age group face student loans, high living expenses, and a competitive job market. The gap between financial expectations and reality can make them feel trapped or frustrated, especially if they can’t pursue their true interests due to financial constraints.

Changing Relationships: Friendships and relationships can shift significantly as people in this stage pursue different paths. Some may marry, others move away, or start families, leading to a sense of loss or isolation as close-knit social groups fragment or disappear.

Phases of the Crisis

Robinson and Smith (Robinson, O. & Smith, J. (2010). Investigating the form and dynamics of crisis episodes in early adulthood: The application of a composite qualitative method. Qualitative Research in Psychology, 7(2), 170–191 and Robinson, O., Wright, G. & Smith, J.A. (2013). The holistic phase model of early adult crisis. Journal of Adult Development, 20(1), 27–37) developed a four-phase model describing the quarter-life crisis:

  1. Phase 1: ‘Locked in’ is when you become unhappy and feel trapped in your current situation (either relationship or career), until you eventually consider it possible to make a change.
  2. Phase 2: ‘Separation’ signals the mental and physical dissociation from your life structure.
  3. Phase 3: ‘Exploration.’ In this phase, you begin to actively explore and experiment with possible selves and new life structures. It is characterised by reflection and increased self-awareness.
  4. Phase 4: ‘Resolution’ of the crisis results in a different life structure that is more open and flexible. There is more focus on your interests and passions, which are intrinsically motivated.

Famous People Who Experienced a Quarter-Life Crisis

  • Emma Watson: The “Harry Potter” star has spoken about feeling lost and overwhelmed after the franchise ended. She struggled with her identity outside of her role as Hermione Granger and faced pressure to define her career path while balancing expectations from the public and herself.
  • Zoe Saldana: The actress experienced a quarter-life crisis after achieving early success in her career. She felt uncertain about her direction and questioned whether she was genuinely happy with her choices, prompting her to take a step back to reassess her goals.
  • Katy Perry: The pop singer has shared that she faced significant self-doubt and confusion about her career and personal life in her mid-20s. This period of uncertainty led her to reevaluate her music career and personal relationships, ultimately shaping her path to success.
  • J.K. Rowling: Before the success of the “Harry Potter” series, Rowling faced numerous challenges, including financial struggles and feelings of inadequacy. She has described this time as a period filled with self-doubt and a search for purpose before finding her voice as an author.
  • Steve Jobs: The co-founder of Apple Inc. experienced a quarter-life crisis when he dropped out of college and traveled to India seeking enlightenment. This journey was pivotal in shaping his future vision and approach to business.

The experience is not universal; not every young adult will go through it. However, for those who do, it can serve as a critical period for personal growth and self-discovery. Understanding this phase can help you navigate your feelings and emerge with a clearer sense of purpose and direction in life.

12 Unconventional Ways to Navigate Your Quarter-Life Crisis

  1. THE REVERSE BUCKET LIST
    What to do: Instead of listing future goals, document all the seemingly small things you’ve already accomplished that your past-you would be proud of. Found an apartment? Learned to cook that one pasta dish? Started paying your own phone bill? Write it all down.

Why it works: This practice counters the constant pressure to achieve more by highlighting the progress you’ve already made. When you’re feeling stagnant, seeing how far you’ve come builds confidence and creates a healthier perspective on personal growth. It’s particularly powerful when society keeps pushing you to focus only on future achievements.

  1. THE AMATEUR ANTHROPOLOGIST
    What to do: Choose different neighbourhoods, coffee shops, or public spaces to observe. Take detailed notes about the characters you see and create stories about their lives. Document different lifestyles, routines, and interactions you witness.

Why it works: This practice pulls you out of the self-absorption that often comes with a quarter-life crisis. By studying others’ lives, you develop a broader perspective and realise there are countless ways to live. Plus, the observation skills you develop become valuable in any career path.

  1. FAILED RECIPE NIGHTS
    What to do: Host regular gatherings where everyone attempts to make complicated dishes they’re completely unqualified to create. The worse the results, the better. Document the disasters and celebrate the mess-ups.

Why it works: These gatherings build resilience through low-stakes failure in a supportive environment. When you’re struggling with bigger life decisions, having a space to embrace imperfection helps develop comfort with uncertainty. Plus, it creates a community among peers facing similar life challenges.

  1. THE PERSONAL MUSEUM
    What to do: Create a small exhibition of objects representing different phases of your life so far. Write museum-style placards explaining their significance – from old student IDs to concert tickets to that coffee mug from your first job.

Why it works: This curation process helps you identify patterns and themes in your personal development. By treating your journey with the respect of a museum exhibit, you validate experiences that might seem insignificant and create narrative coherence during a chaotic time.

  1. CAREER COSTUME WEEK
    What to do: Spend each day dressed as a different profession you’ve considered pursuing. Monday as a marine biologist, Tuesday as an architect, and Wednesday as a chef. Go all in with the accessories and mannerisms.

Why it works: Physically embodying different roles helps identify what feels authentic versus forced. It makes career exploration playful rather than stressful and often provides unexpected clarity about which paths genuinely excite you versus those that just look good on paper.

  1. THE QUARTER-LIFE VICTORY GARDEN
    What to do: Plant things that grow quickly and visibly, like herbs or microgreens. Document their daily progress. Create a routine of care and celebration for each new leaf or sprout.

Why it works: Watching your plants thrive provides tangible evidence of your ability to create growth and positive change. The routine offers structure during uncertain times, while the visible progress helps combat feelings of stagnation in other areas of life.

  1. THE MEANINGLESS CERTIFICATE
    What to do: Create and award yourself an official-looking certificate for something ridiculously specific, like “Outstanding Achievement in Overthinking” or “Master of Weekend Pancake Preparation.” Make it as formal as possible.

Why it works: Using humour to acknowledge your struggles defuses anxiety about achievement. It challenges perfectionism and questions society’s emphasis on credentials while encouraging self-validation rather than constant external approval-seeking.

  1. TIME TRAVEL THERAPY
    What to do: Write dramatically overblown letters to your past and future selves, soap opera style. Detail your current struggles, victories, and anxieties with maximum theatricality.

Why it works: The dramatic format provides emotional distance from current struggles while helping identify patterns in your thinking. It reduces anxiety about future unknowns and encourages self-compassion by connecting with different versions of yourself.

  1. THE JOY DETECTIVE
    What to do: Investigate moments of unexpected happiness with the seriousness of a crime scene investigator. Document exact circumstances, contributing factors, and evidence of satisfaction. Build detailed case files.

Why it works: This methodical approach helps identify what genuinely brings you satisfaction rather than what should make you happy. It shifts focus from external expectations to internal fulfilment and creates a practical template for future decision-making.

  1. ALTERNATIVE TIMELINE TRADING CARDS
    What to do: Create baseball-style trading cards featuring different versions of yourself based on paths not taken. Include stats, fun facts, and “career highlights” for each alternate reality version.

Why it works: Acknowledging multiple possible paths without judgment reduces anxiety about “wrong” choices. It helps make peace with roads not taken while maintaining a sense of possibility during uncertain times. Plus, it reminds you that your current path isn’t your only option.

  1. THE UNCERTAINTY APPRECIATION CLUB
    What to do: Meet regularly with friends to celebrate things you’re unsure about. Give awards for “Most Creative Career Doubt” or “Best Existential Question of the Month.” Make ceremonies out of shared confusion.

Why it works: By normalizing uncertainty and creating a community around shared challenges, this transforms anxiety into connection. It reduces shame around not having everything figured out and reminds you that confusion is a universal part of early adulthood.

  1. LIFE CRISIS BINGO
    What to do: Create bingo cards filled with common quarter-life crisis moments. “Questioned entire career path,” “Stalked high school classmate’s LinkedIn,” “Googled ‘How to know what to do with your life'” – celebrate when you get a line.

Why it works: Turning overwhelming experiences into a game makes them feel more manageable. It creates humour around shared struggles while providing a sense of progress through challenges. Most importantly, it shows you’re not alone in navigating this confusing time.

And if you feel you need a break, away from all the hustle and bustle, come and recharge your batteries here in the sun-drenched southwest of France. Walk part of the Camino de Santiago de Compostela and spend a few days in the presence of my patient, understanding and supportive Friesian and Falabella horses – even if you don’t interact with them at all, just having them around is calming and comforting – on a From Troubled to Triumphant transformational retreat to reinvent yourself, rewrite your story and start your sensational next chapter.

Q&A

Q1 How does social media contribute to the quarter-life crisis?

A: Social media can amplify the quarter-life crisis by creating unrealistic expectations and a heightened sense of comparison. Seeing curated snapshots of others’ achievements—such as career milestones, travel, or relationships—can lead to feelings of inadequacy or pressure to “catch up.” This constant comparison can cause self-doubt and anxiety, even though social media rarely shows the whole story. Setting boundaries with social media, limiting screen time, and focusing on personal goals rather than comparisons can help alleviate some of these pressures.


Q2: Can a quarter-life crisis affect my relationships with family and friends?

A: Yes, a quarter-life crisis can impact relationships, sometimes creating tension or misunderstandings. Family members or friends may not fully understand your struggles or may have different expectations for your life. Some people find themselves drifting away from friends who are on different paths or feel conflicted about family pressures. Honest communication can help close these gaps—expressing your feelings and setting boundaries when needed. Surrounding yourself with supportive individuals and seeking out friends who share similar values or are going through similar experiences can be particularly comforting during this period.

Q3: Can a quarter-life crisis actually be beneficial in the long run?

A: While challenging, a quarter-life crisis can be a powerful catalyst for personal growth. By questioning life choices and reevaluating personal goals, many people gain a clearer understanding of their values and priorities. This crisis can lead to greater self-awareness, resilience, and confidence as individuals learn to make decisions that align more closely with their authentic selves. It often serves as a turning point, prompting people to take risks, pursue meaningful changes, and embrace personal growth.

Q4: How can I cope with the stress and anxiety of a quarter-life crisis?

A: Here are some coping strategies:

  • Reflect on your values and passions to gain clarity on your goals.
  • Set realistic expectations and avoid comparing yourself to others.
  • Seek support from friends, mentors, or therapists to gain perspective.
  • Experiment with new experiences or hobbies to discover fresh interests.
  • Focus on small, achievable goals that can help you build momentum and confidence.

Q5: What should I do if I want to make a major life change during my quarter-life crisis?

A: Major life changes are common during this time, but planning and reflection can help minimize impulsivity. Consider these steps:

  • Identify your motivations to ensure the change aligns with your values and long-term goals.
  • Conduct research on the new path or decision to understand its implications.
  • Take small steps before committing fully (e.g., exploring a new career through freelancing or part-time work before switching jobs).
  • Create a support system of people who can offer guidance and honest feedback.

Taking intentional, gradual steps will help you feel more secure in your decision, making a big change less overwhelming.

Why just survive when you can thrive? When you subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes Newsletter, you won’t just get my musings on living a more meaningful life here on my little French farm —you’ll unlock FREE access to my How to Survive a Life Quake 7-part online course (valued at 79€.) Think of it as your step-by-step survival kit for those “what-on-earth-just-happened” moments in life.

I put the essence of who I am, and everything I have experienced that makes me who I am, with great enthusiasm, into my retreats, courses and books. – Dr Margaretha Montagu (MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract cert, Transformational Life Coach dip, Counselling cert, Med Hyp Dip and EAGALA cert)

15 Unique and Unconventional Ideas to Help You Through Life’s Challenges

kindness

Imagine this: you’re in the midst of packing up your life, surrounded by mountains of boxes, immobilised by heart-wrenching memories, when through the window, you see your elderly next-door neighbour struggling to carry her groceries into her house. You jump up and rush out to help her. A strange thing happens. You suddenly feel much lighter and less and despondent. This simple act of kindness lightens both your loads and brightens your day.

Kindness is the ULTIMATE superpower. It not only benefits the receiver but in equal measure benefits the giver.

When we are going through turbulent life transitions, our focus often shifts inward as we try to cope with the challenges of a new chapter. I have discovered, going through one major life change after another, that transitions, no matter how unsettled we feel, can be a unique opportunity to connect with others in unexpected, meaningful ways. Not only does it take your mind off your own troubles, but impacting someone else’s life can become a source of light as you forge your own path forward.

Acts of kindness don’t always have to follow conventional paths. They can be small but powerful gestures woven into your daily routine, reshaping not only how others feel but also how you experience this transformative period. Whether you’re moving to a new city, starting a new job, making a career change or even just reassessing your life’s direction, kindness as a practice can add purpose to your transition.

Instead of focusing on what you need to get through your own change, consider what you can give, even as you navigate the unknown yourself. This isn’t about grand gestures or acts that require extensive planning and funds; rather, it’s about finding unconventional ways to connect, empathise, and uplift—ways that might surprise both you and those around you. From lending a listening ear to someone struggling, to anonymously supporting a cause you believe in, kindness can be profoundly impactful for others.

I did not want this article to be just another random-acts-of-kindness list, so how about exploring creative, often unexpected methods for spreading kindness that don’t require major investments of time, money, or effort, but that do leave lasting impressions on others—and often surprisingly, on yourself. By embracing these unique opportunities for connection, you’ll not only make your transition easier but transform it into a period of genuine human connection.

Suzi had hit what the self-help books cheerily referred to as “rock bottom.” And not the cute, garden-variety kind where you bounce right. No, this was the kind of rock bottom where you’re certain someone tied an anvil to your ankles and dumped you into a bottomless lake.

Suzi was single again, thanks to the biggest narcissist since Greek mythology. She was also a week away from leaving her job after being “restructured” (read: fired with a side of meaningless HR platitudes). Her cat wasn’t even looking her in the eyes anymore, and her supposedly resilient houseplant had given up entirely and keeled over.

So there she was, eating cereal out of a mug? when she got a text from her neighbour Donna. Donna, who usually can’t stop talking about her spiritual journey and her vegan gluten-free, dairy-free and possibly taste-free lifestyle. Donna needed a FAVOUR.

“Can you help me with my groceries?” Donna texted. “My back is just killing me today.”

Suzi rolled her eyes so hard she practically saw the future. Groceries? Donna was fully capable of squatting more weight than a CrossFit instructor. Mired in her swamp of self-pity, Suzi nevertheless thought, Why not? Maybe someone else’s life is actually worse? Cereal-mug in hand, she dragged herself over to Donna’s place.

Donna’s idea of “groceries” included some very specific “healing foods.” We’re talking mushrooms that only grew on cliffsides in New Zealand, and nuts that probably required a passport. Suzi loaded up her car with two carts’ worth of fermented… things, super-seeds, and what appeared to be bark dust. Her car smelled like a cross between a farmer’s market and a witch’s pantry.

Somewhere between lugging an impossibly heavy bag of organic, gluten-free sand and navigating Donna’s three-story walk-up, Suzi found herself laughing. Here she was, drenched in sweat and humiliated by chia seeds, actually laughing for the first time in days. Donna was going on about this nut powder that cured joint pain and boosted immunity—“just five scoops a day!”—and it was so absurd that Suzi couldn’t help herself.

When they finally got the last bag inside, Donna hugged her and said, “Suzi, you’re a gem. I can’t tell you how much you’ve helped me.” Donna then handed her a paper bag with a small gift, insisting, “A little something for you.”

Inside was a tiny cactus in a bright blue pot. “I thought it looked like you,” Donna said.

It was prickly. It was small. And, well, yeah, it wasn’t particularly cute. But it was alive. And it could supposedly survive any neglect, any storm—just like Suzi.

Something shifted that day. Suzi started making small changes. She joined a kickboxing class. She got a job interview. She even went to therapy—not the bargain-bin kind, but the full-fledged “we’ll unearth all your demons” kind. And every morning, she talked to Bob, her cactus, because somehow it reminded her of the absurd discovery she made, one grocery bag at a time. Just like I did.

Turns out, rock bottom is easier to climb out of when you’re hauling up someone else’s fermented seaweed chips along with you.


Why just survive when you can thrive? When you subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes Newsletter, you won’t just get my musings on living a more meaningful life here on my little French farm —you’ll unlock FREE access to my How to Survive a Life Quake 7-part online course (valued at 79€.) Think of it as your step-by-step survival kit for those “what-on-earth-just-happened” moments in life.

1. Create a “Just-Because” Gift Basket/Box

  • How: Gather small, comforting items such as tea bags, candles, snacks, or a short note. Arrange them in a basket or box and deliver them to a friend or family member who could use some encouragement.
  • Why: Putting together this gift can help you focus on someone else’s needs, offering a mental break from your own worries. Seeing their appreciation can also boost your sense of connectedness.

2. Leave Encouraging Notes in Public Spaces

  • How: Write messages like “You are enough,” “Keep going,” or “Today is a new day.” Place them in coffee shops, on park benches, in the pockets of clothes in shops, or in library books for people to find.
  • Why: Brightening a stranger’s day with these simple messages reinforces your own optimism and reminds you that everyone faces challenges, which can give you perspective on your own.

3. Offer “Gratitude Calls” Instead of Texts

  • How: Pick two or three people to call, and let them know why you’re grateful for their support, friendship, or advice. Mention specific memories or qualities to make it personal.
  • Why: Expressing gratitude aloud deepens your connection to others and strengthens your support network. This helps you remember you’re not alone and have people you can lean on.

4. Cook Extra Portions and Share with Neighbours

  • How: Prepare a meal and pack portions in small containers to give to neighbours or friends. Attach a note explaining that it’s just a “just-because” gift.
  • Why: The act of cooking for others can be deeply satisfying, and sharing food fosters community bonds. Helping others in this way reminds you that you have something valuable to give, even when things feel uncertain.

5. Organise a “Pay It Forward” Challenge

  • How: Start by paying for a stranger’s coffee or bus fare, then share the idea on social media or with friends. Encourage them to pay it forward in their own ways.
  • Why: Small acts of generosity create a chain of positivity that reflects back to you, especially if you start seeing others participate. This ripple effect helps you feel part of a larger, kinder community.

6. Be a Listener for a Day

  • How: Let people around you know that you’re there to listen without interrupting or offering advice. It can be as simple as saying, “I’m here if you want to talk.”
  • Why: Listening with intention helps you connect with others on a deeper level and can provide perspective on your own transition. Sometimes, hearing about others’ experiences can inspire solutions or coping strategies for your own.

7. Send Out Personalised Book Recommendations

  • How: Think of books that could bring comfort or inspiration to friends or family members. Write a short note about why you’re recommending each one and send the list, or even a copy of the book, to them.
  • Why: Giving a book recommendation lets you share the wisdom that has helped you, reinforcing its lessons for you as well. Seeing the book’s positive impact on others can renew your own sense of strength and resourcefulness.

8. Create a “Community Kindness Jar”

  • How: Set up a jar in your neighbourhood or workplace where people can leave small notes, quotes, or gifts for each other. Add a few kind notes to get it started.
  • Why: Building a space for kindness creates a sense of belonging and gives you an uplifting project to focus on. This type of collective kindness can remind you that we’re all in this together, easing feelings of isolation.

9. Leave Flowers or Small Gifts in Unexpected Places

  • How: Buy or pick small bouquets and place them in elevators, bathrooms, or break rooms with a note that says “For whoever needs a smile today.”
  • Why: Spreading unexpected joy like this is a simple way to lift others up and remind yourself of the joy you can still create. Acts like this keep you grounded in a positive perspective, even amid personal challenges.

10. Volunteer to Write or Send Letters to Those in Need

  • How: Contact organisations that connect volunteers with elderly individuals, hospital patients, or deployed military personnel. Write letters offering kind words, encouragement, or even a bit about your own experiences.
  • Why: Writing letters to those in need reminds you of your strengths. Helping others through tough times can boost your confidence in your own ability to manage your transition.

11. Give a “Mystery Day” Gift to a Friend in Need

  • How: Plan an anonymous outing, gift, or day of relaxation for a friend who’s going through a tough time. It could be as simple as a movie day, a picnic, or a hand-written itinerary for a self-care day.
  • Why: Surprising someone with an unexpected gift day reinforces the bonds of friendship and support that are critical during transitions. This act of kindness reminds you of the power of support and joy in difficult times.

12. Offer Your Time as a “Transition Buddy”

  • How: Find someone who’s also going through a life change (or post on social media to find someone) and volunteer to check in with them weekly. Share advice, listen, or simply offer encouragement.
  • Why: Being a transition buddy offers mutual accountability and empathy, which are deeply valuable in difficult times. As you help someone else navigate their transition, you’re likely to gain insights and inspiration for your own journey.

13. Offer “No-Strings” Help on a Local Community Board

  • How: Post on a community board or local online group (like Nextdoor) offering free assistance, such as pet-sitting, running errands, or helping someone with groceries. Keep it simple, saying something like, “Going through a life change and have some time—happy to help out if anyone needs a hand.”
  • Why: Offering your time with no expectations in return can help you feel useful and needed, reminding you of the impact you can still make on others’ lives. It creates positive connections within your community, grounding you with a sense of purpose and gratitude.

14. Gift “Encouragement Jars” to Friends or Family

  • How: Fill small jars with slips of paper where you’ve written encouraging quotes, kind words, or positive memories you’ve shared with the person. Give these jars to friends or family so they can pull out a little piece of encouragement whenever they need it.
  • Why: Taking time to create something meaningful helps you reflect on positive relationships and memories. Knowing that your words can uplift those you care about also boosts your own spirit and reminds you of the support you’ve given and received.

15. Host an “Open House” Tea or Coffee Morning for Neighbours

  • How: Set up a casual coffee or tea morning and invite neighbours to drop by. Post a simple invitation on a community board or leave notes on neighbours’ doors, welcoming them to join for friendly conversation and refreshments.
  • Why: Hosting a low-key gathering fosters connection without pressure, and casual interactions with neighbours can offer fresh perspectives on life’s transitions. This sense of camaraderie can make you feel more supported and connected to your local community.


Each of these acts not only spreads kindness but also offers you a constructive outlet during a life transition.

  1. Your Hidden Superpower: The Kindness That Makes You Unbeatable at Work and Connects You with Anyone by Adrienne Bankert
    This book emphasises the transformative power of kindness, particularly in professional settings. Bankert, a Good Morning America correspondent, illustrates how cultivating kindness can enhance relationships, boost morale, and foster a positive work environment. She provides practical strategies for integrating kindness into daily interactions, making it a powerful tool for personal and professional success.
  2. Deep Kindness: A Revolutionary Guide for the Way We Think, Talk, and Act in Kindness by Houston Kraft
    In this book, Kraft goes beyond surface-level concepts of kindness to explore its deeper implications in our lives. He combines narratives with actionable steps to demonstrate how kindness can create meaningful connections and foster healing in a world often marked by anxiety and depression. The book serves as a guide to inspire readers to incorporate authentic acts of kindness into their everyday lives, highlighting its ripple effect on communities.
  3. The Negativity Remedy: Unlocking More Joy, Less Stress, and Better Relationships Through Kindness by Nicole Phillips
    This book combines personal anecdotes with scientific research to illustrate how shifting our perspective toward kindness can significantly improve our lives. Phillips offers practical strategies for responding to negativity with kindness, ultimately helping readers cultivate better relationships and a more positive mindset.
  4. HumanKind: Changing the World One Small Act At a Time by Brad Aronson
    In this heartfelt book, Aronson shares stories of kindness that he experienced while caring for his ill wife. He compiles inspiring anecdotes from various individuals who have made a difference through small acts of kindness. The book serves as a reminder of the profound impact that even the simplest gestures can have on others and encourages readers to embrace kindness in their daily lives.
  5. Kindness and Wonder: Why Mr. Rogers Matters Now by Gavin Edwards
    This book reflects on the legacy of Fred Rogers and the enduring relevance of his message about kindness and compassion. Edwards explores how Mr. Rogers’ teachings can guide us in today’s world, emphasising the importance of being kind to ourselves and others. The book serves as both a tribute to Mr. Rogers and a call to action for readers to embody his principles in their own lives.

In their 2010 study, Acts of Kindness and Acts of Novelty Affect Life Satisfaction, published in the Journal of Social Psychology, Kathryn E. Buchanan and Anat Bardi examined the impact of performing acts of kindness on individuals’ life satisfaction. The researchers conducted an experiment where participants were asked to engage in acts of kindness every day for ten days. These acts included simple gestures like helping a friend or complimenting a stranger. The findings revealed that participants who consistently performed these kind acts reported a significant increase in their overall life satisfaction compared to those who did not engage in such behaviors. This suggests that engaging in kindness not only benefits the recipient but also enhances the giver’s sense of happiness and fulfilment. The study highlights the importance of kindness as a simple yet effective way to improve well-being and foster positive emotions in everyday life.

There are many more studies confirming the findings of the study above, so why not give it a go and see if it works for you? You might, just like Suzi, be pleasantly surprised at how much more bearable kindness towards others makes your own life transition.

And if you feel you need a break, away from all the hustle and bustle, come and recharge your batteries here in the sun-drenched southwest of France. Walk part of the Camino de Santiago de Compostela and spend a few days in the presence of my patient, understanding and supportive Friesian and Falabella horses – even if you don’t interact with them at all, just having them around is calming and comforting – on a From Troubled to Triumphant transformational retreat to reinvent yourself, rewrite your story and start your sensational next chapter.

15 Creative Ways to Maintain Friendships during Life Transitions

Making Sure Our Friendships Survive Major Life Changes

Your friends are your anchors during periods of change. When everything else is in flux – whether it’s moving cities, changing careers, starting a new business, or going through a divorce – your friendships offer you stability when other aspects of life feel uncertain or unfamiliar.

During times of transition, our emotions can be unreasonable and unpredictable. Friends remind us of who we are at our core. Major life changes can sometimes make us forget who we are. Friends who have known us through different phases of life can remind us of our core values, helping us stay grounded during times of change.

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.
― Henri Nouwen

12 Ways Our Friends Support Us During Turbulent Life Transitions

  1. By Listening Without Judgment: A friend who actively listens and provides a safe, judgment-free space is invaluable. Sometimes, just being able to voice fears or excitement makes all the difference.
  2. Offering Encouragement: Whether it’s words of encouragement or gentle reminders of your strengths, skills and abilities, friends can help keep you motivated, especially when challenges arise.
  3. Providing Honest Feedback: Friends can offer constructive criticism or a reality check when needed, helping you navigate decisions with more clarity and perspective.
  4. Celebrating Wins—Big and Small: Friends can help you see the progress you’re making and celebrate your accomplishments along the way, even if they’re minor.
  5. Offering Practical Assistance: Friends can provide real, hands-on help, whether that’s moving boxes, editing a résumé, or helping with childcare.
  6. Sharing Their Own Experiences: Friends who’ve navigated similar transitions can offer helpful advice and share their own stories, making your path feel more manageable and less overwhelming.
  7. Helping You Set Realistic Goals: Friends can help you break down big changes into manageable steps and provide a reality check when setting goals, keeping you focused on what’s achievable. By checking in on your goals, friends can hold you accountable, helping you stay on track without being overbearing.
  8. Offering Distraction: Sometimes, a little break from the intensity of change is just what’s needed. Friends can invite you to activities that take your mind off things and give you a refreshing escape.
  9. Helping Broaden Your Network: Friends can introduce you to new contacts or communities, helping you meet people who’ve experienced similar changes and may have insights.
  10. Providing Perspective: Sometimes, friends can help you see things differently, easing fears or pointing out positives in uncertain times.
  11. Encouraging You to Embrace the Unknown: Friends can help you take a leap by reminding you of all the exciting possibilities that change can bring. They can boost your willingness to embrace new beginnings with a sense of adventure.
  12. Being Consistent and Reliable: During times of change, having friends who are consistent can be an anchor, offering emotional stability through reliable companionship.

I think if I’ve learned anything about friendship, it’s to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don’t walk away, don’t be distracted, don’t be too busy or tired, don’t take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff.
― Jon Katz

12 Creative Ways We can Maintain our Friendships during Challenging Changes

  1. Schedule “Catch-Up” Days: Set aside a day each month for a friend to spend time with, even virtually. Send a “menu” of activities, like catching up over coffee, watching a movie together online, or swapping book recommendations.
  2. Regular “Check-In” Traditions: Create a fun tradition that fits your transition. If you’re moving, start a postcard tradition; if you’re taking up a new job, text them about one good or funny thing that happened that day. They can reciprocate with updates of their own.
  3. Share Personal Milestones with a Twist: If you’re navigating a big change, like a new career, share highlights with friends by starting a “Life Updates” group or newsletter with stories, wins, and lessons learned. Make it interactive by asking them for their updates and perspectives too.
  4. Host a “Virtual Trip” Together: Plan an online day trip or “night out.” Choose a theme—like exploring virtual tours, art exhibits, or trying new recipes at the same time—then share photos and reactions. It can be a great way to share something new, even when apart.
  5. Create Memory Boxes or Scrapbooks Together: When meeting a friend, give them a “friendship box” to fill with notes, photos, or little mementoes. When you next meet, swap boxes to stay connected in a tangible way.
  6. Send Thoughtful ‘Transition Care Packages’: Surprise your friends with small packages that relate to your life change (like a local snack from your new town) or help them feel involved in your journey (like a book on a new topic you’re interested in). Encourage them to send something back if they’d like.
  7. Invite Them to Join Your Transition: If it’s a career change, invite friends to be sounding boards or brainstormers. For a big move, share house-hunting stories or ask for their input on decorating. Feeling included keeps them part of your journey, even if they’re not there in person.
  8. Walk-and-Talk Catch-Ups: Plan a shared “walk date” where you each walk around your own neighbourhoods while chatting on the phone or on video. It’s relaxing and can mimic the feel of walking together in person, helping you unwind and share stories naturally.
  9. Create a Shared Gratitude Journal: Start a shared digital gratitude journal (an app or a Google Doc) where you and friends can add little things you’re grateful for. This small act of positivity can keep you connected while also lifting each other’s spirits.
  10. Plan Yearly Friend Retreats: Consider organizing an annual friend retreat, even if it’s a weekend getaway or something as simple as a staycation nearby. It can be an easy commitment to look forward to that strengthens bonds.
  11. Create a “Friend Project” Together: Start a long-term project that you can both contribute to, like a shared Pinterest board, a travel bucket list, or even a fictional story you co-write. It’ll give you something ongoing to bond over, even when time is limited.
  12. Monthly Video Challenges: Set fun monthly themes for quick video updates, like “Highlight of the Month” or “Something New I Tried.” These short videos make staying in touch simple and personal without feeling like a commitment to long calls.
  13. Send Virtual Postcards: Instead of regular texts, send e-cards or “virtual postcards” with photos and updates about your life changes. They’re fun to receive, feel more personal, and add a bit of excitement to staying in touch.
  14. Host Online “Book Club” or “Podcast Club” Meetups: Pick a book or podcast related to your transition, or something you both enjoy, and chat about it over a drink or meal virtually. It’s a meaningful way to engage in new topics together, even from afar.
  15. Create “Friendship Resolutions”: Set friendship goals, like “catch up every other week” or “share a goal update every month.” Hold each other accountable to these mini “resolutions” to help both of you prioritize connection amidst your transitions.

A University of Michigan study, led by psychologist Oscar Ybarra from the Institute for Social Research (ISR) that was published in the peer-reviewed journal Social Psychological and Personality Science found that engaging in friendly conversations can make it easier to solve common problems. Cooperative interactions, rather than competitive ones, were shown to have cognitive benefits. Brief (10 minute) friendly conversations resulted in boosts to performance on cognitive tasks related to executive function, including working memory, self-monitoring, and the ability to suppress distractions.*

The key is reciprocity – being equally available to support friends during their transitions creates a strong mutual support network that becomes more valuable over time. By maintaining friendships during our own transitions, we position ourselves to be supportive when our friends go through changes of their own. This reciprocity strengthens the bonds of friendship and creates a network of mutual support that can be relied upon through various life stages.

What makes friendships especially valuable is that friends often provide support without being asked. While your family might have obligations to help, friends choose to be there, which can make their support feel particularly meaningful during life transitions. If help is not forthcoming, maybe you are not communicating your needs effectively.

12 Ways of Effectively Communicating Our Needs during a Life Transition

  1. Be Clear and Specific: Let friends know exactly what you need, whether it’s emotional support, practical help, or just a listening ear. Being specific prevents misunderstandings.
  2. Use “I” Statements: Frame requests with “I” statements, like “I feel overwhelmed and could use some encouragement.” This keeps the focus on your needs without making others feel responsible for your emotions.
  3. Choose the Right Time to Talk: Pick a time when you both can be present, and avoid bringing up needs during rushed or stressful moments. A thoughtful conversation can lead to more meaningful support.
  4. Explain Your Situation: Briefly share why you need their support. Context helps friends understand your perspective and may inspire them to offer exactly what’s needed.
  5. Ask for Help without Apologising: Avoid apologizing for needing help—life transitions are challenging, and it’s okay to ask for support. This can help both you and your friend feel comfortable with the request.
  6. Express Gratitude for Their Support: Acknowledge how much you appreciate their help and let them know their support makes a difference. This can strengthen your connection and inspire them to keep supporting you.
  7. Offer Ideas on How They Can Help: If you have a specific need, like help with a particular task or regular check-ins, suggesting this directly can be very helpful. Friends appreciate knowing how they can assist.
  8. Share What’s Most Meaningful to You: Some people find practical help more meaningful, while others value emotional support. Let friends know what form of support means the most to you right now.
  9. Communicate Your Boundaries: Be open about any limitations or boundaries you’re setting, like needing quiet time or specific days for alone time. Friends will understand and can adjust their support accordingly.
  10. Reassure Them You’re Not Overly Dependent: Friends may worry about overstepping, so let them know you’re reaching out when necessary but are still managing other aspects on your own.
  11. Be Open to Different Types of Support: If a friend offers help in a way you hadn’t considered, try to be open to their approach. Sometimes, friends see needs that we may overlook.
  12. Keep Communication Two-Way: Ask friends about their lives and needs too. A balanced exchange keeps the relationship strong, even when you’re leaning on them for support.

Being direct and clear about what you need—and why—can make all the difference in ensuring your friends are able to support you in the best way possible.

Final Thoughts

In conclusion, maintaining friendships during life transitions is not just about preserving social connections; it’s about creating a support system that enhances our resilience, provides perspective, and contributes to our overall well-being. As we navigate the complexities of adult life, strong friendships can be the constant that helps us not just survive, but thrive through change.

Self Confidence Made Simple eBook

The first book I wrote, I wrote with the help of my friends. Literally. In Self-Confidence Made Simple: 16 French Women’s Confidence Secrets,  sixteen of my closest French friends share their confidence secrets with you. In this book, you will meet twelve French women, Anaïs, Inès, Lisa, Marie-Therèse, Claire, Régine, Amèlie, Corrine, Béatrice, Annie, Monique and Eloïse. As you share these women’s joys and sorrows, you will discover how they remain unconditionally self-confident, serenely sophisticated and perfectly poised no matter how challenging the situations are that they find themselves in.

This is how it works. I love the people in my life, and I do for my friends whatever they need me to do for them, again and again, as many times as is necessary. For example, in your case you always forgot who you are and how much you’re loved. So what I do for you as your friend is remind you who you are and tell you how much I love you. And this isn’t any kind of burden for me, because I love who you are very much. Every time I remind you, I get to remember with you, which is my pleasure.
― James Lecesne

I put the essence of who I am, and everything I have experienced that makes me who I am, with great enthusiasm, into my retreats, courses and books. – Dr Margaretha Montagu (MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract cert, Transformational Life Coach dip, Counselling cert, Med Hyp Dip and EAGALA cert)

Why just survive when you can thrive? When you subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes Newsletter, you won’t just get my musings on living a more meaningful life here on my little French farm —you’ll unlock FREE access to my How to Survive a Life Quake 7-part online course (valued at 79€.) Think of it as your step-by-step survival kit for those “what-on-earth-just-happened” moments in life.

* Ybarra, O., Winkielman, P., Yeh, I., Burnstein, E., & Kavanagh, L. (2010). Friends (and Sometimes Enemies) With Cognitive Benefits: What Types of Social Interactions Boost Executive Functioning? Social Psychological and Personality Science. DOI: 10.1177/1948550610386808

From Boomers to Gen Z: How Each Generation Tackles Life’s Biggest Transitions

Gen X

Discover the Surprising Ways Different Generations Cope with Change—and What We Can All Learn from Each Approach

The scene: Four friends from different generations are sitting around a table at a coffee shop, catching up on life.

Baby Boomer: [sighs and stirs their coffee] “You know, I was raised to believe you stick it out, whatever life throws at you. When I hit that rough patch in my forties? Kept my head down, worked harder, pushed through. Life transitions… you just deal with ‘em and get on with things.”

Gen X: “I get that. I mean, my parents didn’t exactly roll out the therapy fund. When I hit a big transition, I lean on self-help books, maybe take a solo trip to ‘find myself.’ I’m not against talking it out, but at the end of the day, I handle my stuff myself. You gotta be able to stand on your own.”

Millennial: [grins] “Oh, I’m all about talking it out. I’ve got a group chat, my therapist on speed dial, and about five podcasts queued up with advice on handling change. Life transitions are practically a generational sport for us. And if all else fails, I’ll crowdsource help on Instagram—who knows, maybe I’ll turn it into a blog.”

Gen Z: [laughs] “Yeah, but why go through all that when I can just reinvent myself? Job loss? I’ll switch fields. Tough breakup? Try a different age group. Honestly, it’s about embracing change on my terms. Life transitions are just invitations to change myself into someone even cooler. Plus, I know like three apps that’ll help me make a vision board in under ten minutes.”

Baby Boomer: “Reinvent yourself? Back in my day, a transition was about stability. You built a foundation; you didn’t just switch gears whenever things got tough.”

Gen X: [nods] “I get that. But I also see the point in mixing it up when life throws a curveball—sometimes you just need a change. I’ll do the work if I need to, but I want that freedom, too.”

Millennial: “I think it’s about finding support for whatever comes up. Community, therapy, friends, self-care—all of it. I mean, why go it alone if you don’t have to?”

Gen Z: [shrugs] “Or you just go full chameleon. Adapt to whatever the next phase demands. Life’s short; I’m here to enjoy it, not overthink it. Reinvention is just part of the game.”

Recently I was chatting with my friend Paula about the generational cohorts: Baby Boomers, Gen X, Millennials etc. She is a Baby Boomer, and I am Gen X, but we weren’t sure of the younger generations, so I looked it up:

Baby Boomers (Born 1946-1964)

Baby Boomers were born during the post-World War II baby boom, a time characterised by significant population growth. This generation is known for its optimism and competitiveness, often driven by a strong work ethic and a focus on career advancement. Baby Boomers value personal growth and self-expression, having been politically active and socially conscious throughout their lives. While they have adapted to technology, they are not considered digital natives, often preferring traditional forms of communication.

Generation X (Born 1965-1980)

Generation X grew up in the shadow of the Baby Boomers, experiencing significant societal changes. This cohort is characterised by its independence and self-reliance, often displaying scepticism toward authority and institutions. Gen Xers value work-life balance, seeking fulfilment in both their professional and personal lives. They are technologically adept, having witnessed the rise of the internet and personal computing, which has shaped their pragmatic and resourceful approach to challenges.

Millennials / Generation Y (Born 1981-1996)

Millennials, also known as Generation Y, came of age during a period of rapid technological change and globalisation. This generation is recognized for being digital natives, comfortable with technology from an early age. Millennials tend to value experiences over material possessions, prioritising travel and personal development. They are socially conscious and diverse, often advocating for social justice issues. Collaborative and team-oriented, Millennials appreciate frequent feedback and opportunities for career development.

Generation Z (Born 1997-2012)

Generation Z is the first true digital native generation, having grown up with smartphones and social media as integral parts of their lives. Key characteristics of Gen Z include an entrepreneurial mindset and a pragmatic approach to life. They are financially conscious, having witnessed economic uncertainty during their formative years. This generation values individuality and diversity, often expressing concern about social and environmental issues.

Generation Alpha (Born 2013-Present)

Generation Alpha is the newest generation currently developing, with many members still in childhood. Early observations suggest that they will be the most technologically immersed generation yet, growing up in an era of advanced digital innovation. Generation Alpha is likely to be highly educated and globally minded, benefiting from increased access to information and resources. However, they may also face challenges related to climate change and economic uncertainty as they grow up in an increasingly complex world.

My retreats have a minimum age of 18, so I won’t see Generation Alpha until 2031.

The subject came up because I had recently hosted a From Troubled to Triumphant Transformational Retreat that helps participants find solid ground during a Life Quake and I noticed that my guests, who were from different generational cohorts, approached life transitions differently, based on their formative experiences, values, and characteristics. Thinking back, I tried to work out how their approaches differed and I came up with this (very unscientific) summary:

Baby Boomers (Born 1946-1964)

It seemed to me that Baby Boomers tend to approach life transitions with:

  • Adaptability, and a certain resilience. Having lived through significant social and technological changes, Baby Boomers often fall back on past experience when they have to cope with major life changes.
  • A strong work-centric mindset: Many Boomers define themselves by their careers, so retirement or job changes can be particularly challenging.
  • Traditional values are important to them, they may rely on conventional wisdom and established institutions when facing transitions.
  • Generally, Boomers maintain an optimistic outlook on life, believing hard work will lead to positive outcomes.

Generation X (Born 1965-1980)

Difficult to stereotype my own generation, but I’d say Gen X typically handles life transitions with:

  • Fierce independence: Known for their self-reliance, the latch-key kids often tackle transitions independently, seeking solutions on their own.
  • Pragmatism: We Gen Xers tend to approach major life changes practically, weighing pros and cons before making decisions.
  • A careful eye on our work-life balance: Unlike Boomers, we’re more likely to prioritise personal life alongside professional life when facing transitions.
  • A fair amount of scepticism: We may be more cautious about change, questioning authority and conventional wisdom.

Millennials (Born 1981-1996)

This is where it gets tricky. As far as I can gather, Millennials (GenY) often approach life transitions by:

  • Seeking meaning as they’re more likely to view life transitions as opportunities for personal growth and are keen to find purpose in everything they do.
  • Welcoming change. Millennials grew up with rapid technological advancements, and are generally much more comfortable with change.
  • Collaborating – they may rely more on peer networks and social media for support and advice during transitions.
  • Embracing new experiences: Millennials might focus on how transitions can lead to new experiences rather than material gain.

Generation Z (Born 1997-2012)

Gen Z is still very young, but it already looks like they will approach life transitions by:

  • Leveraging technology, they’re likely to use apps, online resources, and social media to help them cope with change.
  • Prioritising their mental health. Gen Z is much more aware of mental health issues and may well put their mental well-being first during transitions.
  • Seeking stability: Having witnessed economic uncertainty, they may approach transitions with a focus on financial security.
  • Valuing diversity as Gen Z tends to consider diverse perspectives and inclusive solutions as important even when facing life changes.

I did a bit more reseach, and discovered that while these are general trends, individual experiences can vary widely within each generation. Factors such as personal background, culture, and socioeconomic status also play significant roles in how people approach life transitions.

It quickly became clear to me that exploring life transitions through the nuanced lenses of each cohort really does reveal a fascinating interplay of values, adaptability, and resilience across generations. From the Baby Boomers’ foundation-focused perseverance to Gen Z’s pragmatic, fluid reinvention, each approach is a masterclass in handling change.

What’s particularly interesting is how these generational perspectives illuminate broader cultural shifts in how we handle uncertainty and redefine identity. Research increasingly supports that a blend of introspection, external support, and adaptability is essential in navigating major life changes effectively. Each generation brings unique insights into that mix, reminding us that while our tools for dealing with transitions evolve, the need to process and grow through them is universal.

Based on the generational characteristics and approaches to life transitions, I sat down and made a mind map (it’s a Gen X thing) of how I needed to change the way I host my retreats to make sure each generational cohort benefits equally.

Helping people from different generations through life transitions is not easy, but at least I now have a better understanding of why it is difficult and I can tailor my approach accordingly. I was thinking that the different generations could even learn from each other and support each other in unexpected ways.

Fascinating stuff.

So when I’m working with Baby Boomers, I’ll need to focus on helping them redefine their purpose, especially as they navigate retirement. I am already aware of this (and my) generation’s need to find their life purpose, and with my horses’ help I created the Rearing to Get Going in a New Direction: Finding Your Life Purpose Guided by Horses online course to help people gain the clarity, motivation and direction they need to manifest their next chapter – in both their personal and professional lives. (get immediate access) online. Many in this generation struggle with identity issues after leaving their careers, so I may need to create another course to help them explore new ways to find meaning and purpose beyond work. During my retreats, we discuss health and wellness activities to address their concerns about ageing and maintaining vitality and I leverage their vast life experiences by incorporating exercises that allow them to reflect on their past and use that wisdom to navigate current transitions. If I’m feeling particularly brave, I suggest updating their knowledge about technology so that they can stay connected and relevant in our rapidly changing world, as this can be a huge challenge for some Boomers.

With Generation X participants, like me, I tend to concentrate on work-life balance strategies. I help them develop techniques for managing career transitions while maintaining family responsibilities, as many Gen Xers are juggling multiple roles. We address concerns about financial security, especially for those caring for both children and ageing parents. I provide tools for managing stress and avoiding burnout, given the multiple responsibilities our generation often faces. I suggest resources for those contemplating career changes or starting their own businesses, as entrepreneurship often appeals to this independent-minded cohort.

I have found that Millennials attending my retreats often benefit from activities that help them find meaning in their work and help them align their career choices with personal values. We can focus more on increasing resilience and provide further strategies for coping with uncertainty in both their personal and professional lives. We can make time to address concerns about balancing career ambitions with personal relationships and family planning. Given the financial challenges many Millennials face, we may have to look for guidance on managing student debt, investing, and long-term financial planning.

For Generation Z, I will discuss strategies for managing anxiety, and stress, and maintaining good mental health during transitions, as this generation tends to be more open about mental health issues and keen to talk about them. I’ll incorporate activities, with the horses, that facilitate face-to-face connections and create time away from their screens, providing a balance to their digital-centric lives. I could suggest resources for continuous learning and adapting to a rapidly changing job market, addressing their concerns about future career prospects. We could talk about aligning their personal and career goals with their desire to make a positive impact on society, as social consciousness is often a key characteristic of this generation.

If my retreat group is multi-generational, I’ll include some group activities to foster understanding and knowledge sharing between generations. It makes sense to use a mix of traditional and digital tools to cater to the varying technological comfort levels. I already provide resources and support for participants after the retreat to help them implement what they’ve learned. At dinner most evenings, and especially after Camino de Santiago walking days, participants share their experiences and learn from each other’s transitions – storytelling is a powerful processing tool for all generations.

I(‘m hoping that by tailoring my approach to each generation’s unique characteristics and concerns, I’ll host more impactful life transition retreats that resonate with participants across all age groups. Of course, while these generational trends provide a helpful framework, individual experiences can vary widely, so I’ll have to remain flexible in my approach to accommodate personal differences.

One thing I have learned during the decade that I have been hosting retreats is that, as a host, you never stop learning.

I put the essence of who I am, and everything I have experienced that makes me who I am, with great enthusiasm, into my retreats, courses and books. – Dr Margaretha Montagu (MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract cert, Transformational Life Coach dip, Counselling cert, Med Hyp Dip and EAGALA cert)

Why just survive when you can thrive? When you subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes Newsletter, you won’t just get my musings on living a more meaningful life here on my little French farm —you’ll unlock FREE access to my How to Survive a Life Quake 7-part online course (valued at 79€.) Think of it as your step-by-step survival kit for those “what-on-earth-just-happened” moments in life.

Research

As the ability to cope with life transitions is basically determined by how effectively we handle stress, I looked at studies that compared the stress management strategies of the different generations:

  • A 2012 Penn State study found that Gen X had significantly higher stress levels than other age groups, reporting an average stress level of 5.8 out of 10. This was notably higher than Millennials (3.4) and Baby Boomers (4.4).
  • The American Psychological Association’s (APA) 2012 Stress in America survey corroborated these findings, showing that both Gen Xers and Millennials reported an average stress level of 5.4 on a 10-point scale, higher than Boomers (4.7) and Matures (3.7).
  • More recent data from 2021 shows this trend continuing, with 22% of Gen Xers confessing to struggling with stress daily, compared to 17% for Millennials, 14% for Gen Zs, and 8% for Baby Boomers.
  • The APA study found that while all generations agree on the importance of managing stress, younger generations (Millennials and Gen X) report more difficulty in doing so effectively. Older generations (Boomers and Matures) are more likely to use strategies like getting enough sleep and attending religious services to manage stress. Younger generations are more likely to engage in potentially unhealthy behaviours like eating, drinking alcohol, and smoking to manage stress.
  • Millennials and Gen Xers report experiencing more stress-related symptoms like lying awake at night (52% of Millennials, 48% of Gen Xers, compared to 37% of Boomers and 25% of Matures).
  • 44% of both Millennials and Gen Xers report experiencing irritability or anger due to stress, compared to 36% of Boomers and 15% of Matures.

These studies highlight that while stress affects all generations, there are significant differences in stress levels, causes, and management strategies across different age cohorts. Gen X consistently emerges as the most stressed generation, likely due to their position in the life cycle and the unique challenges they face. Yep, that sounds about right.

12 Unconventional Ways Travel can Give You A New Lease on Life After a Divorce

travel divorce

Finding Yourself in the Strangest Places

Life Quake Series

They say travel broadens the mind, but here’s a lesser-known secret: it also closes doors. Yep, the ones that need closing—like the door on a marriage that’s run its course. Forget bingeing on chocolate chip ice cream and sad playlists; there’s a big, wild world out there waiting to help you start over. Travel has a way of shifting perspectives, shaking things up, and giving you more than a change of scenery. From learning to be curious about the future to losing yourself (and finding yourself again) in some foreign city, this article is your unconventional guide to moving on. Because sometimes the best way to heal a broken heart is to get a new stamp in your passport.

Travelling is one of my all-time favourite things, especially exploring new places in unconventional ways. I’m into slow, solo and sustainable travel. Hosting retreats here at my little farm in the southwest of France sometimes feels like “reverse” travelling, discovering other countries through the people who come on retreat here from all over the world. “Research” travelling too, that’s what I tell myself it is when I attend other people’s retreats in weird and wonderful places.

I’ve made a list of the weirdest and most wonderful ways to travel, to inspire you, especially if you are struggling during a life transition, like a divorce. Drastic measures are indicated when the life transition is a divorce:

Further down you’ll find a second list of even more unconventional ways that travelling can empower you to get over your divorce – not for the faint of heart)

12 Unconventional Ways Traveling Takes Your Mind Off Your Divorce

1. Cross-Country Train Journey

What It Is: Book extended rail passes for networks like Eurail, Japan Rail, or Amtrak, creating your own flexible, multi-stop journey across entire continents.
Why It Works: Train travel combines motion with stability. The changing landscape provides constant visual meditation, while the confined space creates a cocoon for processing emotions. The ability to spontaneously hop off at interesting stations adds adventure and dining cars offer controlled social interaction.

2. Long-Distance Walking Pilgrimage

What It Is: Complete traditional pilgrimage routes like the Camino de Santiago, Kumano Kodo in Japan, or the Via Francigena through Europe, but with modern amenities.
Why It Works: Walking meditation creates a natural mind-body reset. The established routes provide structure while allowing for spontaneity. Meeting other pilgrims offers connection without commitment, and the physical challenge builds self-reliance. The centuries-old tradition of walking to find oneself provides a tested framework for transformation.

3 Days on the Camino de Santiago de Compostela: Not ready to commit to a full-blown odyssey? Think of this walking retreat as the “Camino Lite.” This 5-day retreat in the sun-soaked southwest of France offers you a taste of this world-famous pilgrimage without the “I’ve been walking for a month and now speak to trees” level of commitment. The route is not too strenuous, and you’ll stay at the same little French farm, in your own room, every night – no need for a sleeping bag and no lugging around a heavy rucksack. So, if the Camino is on your bucket list but you can’t take off 6 weeks to walk it beginning-to-end, this essence-of-the-Camino-experience retreat has your name written all over it – click here to find out more about the Camino de Santiago as a bite-size hiking adventure.

3. Island-Hopping Workaway

What It Is: Use work exchange platforms to hop between islands, staying 2-3 weeks at each location while helping with local projects in exchange for accommodation.
Why It Works: The isolation of islands creates natural boundaries for emotional processing. Each new island represents a fresh start, while the work component provides purpose and local connection. The surrounding water serves as a constant reminder of flow and change.

4. Mountain Hut Circuit

What It Is: Trek between maintained mountain huts in places like the Alps, New Zealand, or Nepal, creating a challenging but supported high-altitude journey.
Why It Works: High altitudes literally give you a new perspective on life. The physical challenge demands focus on the present moment, while the nightly community in mountain huts provides camaraderie. The dramatic landscapes remind you of your small place in a vast world.

5. Culinary School Immersion

What It Is: Enroll in intensive cooking courses in different countries, learning traditional cuisines while staying in student accommodation.
Why It Works: Creating nourishment for yourself and others is deeply healing. The structured environment provides stability while mastering new skills builds confidence. Food connects you to culture without requiring language fluency, and cooking requires present-moment focus.

6. Diving Center Challenge

What It Is: Get your diving certification and move between diving centres in places like Thailand, the Red Sea, or the Caribbean, progressively advancing your skills.
Why It Works: The underwater world provides literal immersion in a new reality. The meditative quality of breathing underwater calms the nervous system, while the focus required for diving safety prevents rumination. Each new certification builds confidence.

7. Monastery Retreats

What It Is: Participate in monastery programs across the world, spending 1-2 weeks at each location learning meditation practices.
Why It Works: Structured spiritual environments provide tested frameworks for processing loss. The daily routines ground you in the present, while spiritual teachings about impermanence help reframe divorce. The silence and simplicity create space for healing.

8. Sustainable Farm Support

What It Is: Move between organic farms and eco-communities, learning sustainable living practices while staying in each location for 3-4 weeks.
Why It Works: Connecting with natural growth cycles provides perspective on life transitions. Physical work grounds you in your body, while community living offers gentle social reintegration. Growing food provides tangible results and hope.

9. Language Learning Journey

What It Is: Create a personalised language learning journey, staying in different regions of a country while progressively advancing through language schools.
Why It Works: Learning a new language literally rewires your brain. The challenge of communication keeps you present-focused, while measurable progress builds confidence. Cultural immersion provides new perspectives on relationships and life.

10. Photography Expedition

What It Is: Join photography tours and workshops in dramatic locations, developing both technical skills and artistic vision while traveling.
Why It Works: Photography encourages you to see the world with new eyes. The technical learning provides focus, while creative expression allows emotional processing. Capturing beauty helps rebuild appreciation for life.

11. Rock Climbing Journey

What It Is: Progress through climbing locations worldwide, starting with guided trips and advancing to more challenging routes while staying at climbing hostels.
Why It Works: Climbing demands complete mental focus and trust in yourself. The progression builds confidence, while the climbing community offers natural support. The physical challenge channels emotional energy constructively.

12. Wildlife Conservation Projects

What It Is: Participate in wildlife monitoring and conservation projects, moving between different species and habitats while staying in research stations.
Why It Works: Connecting with animals provides uncomplicated emotional bonds. The focus on protecting other beings shifts attention from personal pain, while the natural settings provide healing environments. Scientific work offers a rational balance to emotional processing.

Some Unsolicited Suggestions

  • These options are fairly accessible but still require planning and preparation
  • Consider starting with shorter commitments to test your comfort level
  • Most options can be scaled up or down in intensity
  • Combine different types of travel for variety
  • Always maintain connections with your support system
  • Consider travel insurance that also covers emotional health needs
  • Key Benefits All These Options Share:

12 Seriously Unconventional Ways Traveling Will Definitely Take Your Mind Off Your Divorce

1. Floating Hospital Ship Volunteer

What It Is: Join medical ships that provide healthcare to coastal communities, serving in non-medical support roles like logistics, kitchen staff, or translation services.
Why It Works: Being part of a mission to heal others while healing yourself creates powerful symmetry. The constant movement between ports prevents stagnation, while the focus on helping others provides perspective on personal pain. Witnessing medical transformations daily reinforces the belief in healing and new beginnings. The ship environment itself becomes a self-contained world, offering both community and the therapeutic presence of the ocean.

2. Sacred Cave Circuit Keeper

What It Is: Travel between ancient sacred caves worldwide, helping with preservation efforts and serving as a site guardian during off-peak periods.
Why It Works: Ancient sacred spaces have absorbed countless human stories of transformation over millennia. The silence and darkness of caves create a womb-like environment perfect for rebirth and reinvention. Working in spaces humans have used for spiritual transformation since prehistoric times connects you to a longer timeline of human experience. Plus, the absence of natural light helps reset your circadian rhythms and break old patterns.

3. Nomadic Festival Builder

What It Is: Join crews that travel worldwide building temporary festivals, from music festivals to cultural celebrations, helping construct and dismantle temporary cities in remote locations.
Why It Works: Creating spaces of joy and celebration helps reconnect with life’s positive aspects. The temporary nature of these events reinforces the impermanence of all situations – both good and bad. Physical construction work provides tangible accomplishment, while the festival atmosphere offers controlled exposure to social situations. Witnessing thousands of people finding joy in spaces you helped create rebuilds faith in new possibilities.

4. Historic Railway Line Guardian

What It Is: Take positions maintaining historic railway lines in remote areas, living in converted railway cars while moving between sections of track that need attention.
Why It Works: Railways represent journeys and transitions, making them perfect metaphors for personal transformation. The rhythmic motion of rail travel has proven calming effects on the nervous system. Living in a moving home while maintaining paths for others creates a perfect balance of purpose and motion. The historic aspect reminds you that you’re part of a longer story, while the physical work of maintaining tracks provides tangible progress.

5. Underground City Explorer

What It Is: Tour the world’s subterranean cities and cave dwellings, from the underground cities of Cappadocia to the catacombs of Paris to modern subway cities.
Why It Works: Going beneath the surface (literally) helps you explore beneath your own emotional surface. These hidden worlds remind you that there’s always more to discover. The physical act of emerging from underground spaces daily mirrors the emotional journey of rising from darkness to light.

6. Shepherding in Remote Mountains

What It Is: Join seasonal shepherds in places like the Pyrenees, Alps, or New Zealand highlands, helping to move flocks between summer and winter pastures.
Why It Works: The simplicity of focusing on animal care and the ancient rhythm of transhumance provides a complete break from your previous life. The physical demands leave little energy for rumination, while the connection with animals offers unconditional acceptance.

7. Lighthouse-Hopping Along Distant Coastlines

What It Is: Arrange to be a temporary lighthouse keeper at various remote locations, moving from one lighthouse to another over several months.
Why It Works: Lighthouses represent strength and solitude, standing firm against life’s storms. The isolation gives you time to reflect, while the responsibility of maintaining the light provides purpose. The rhythmic sound of waves and the circular motion of the lighthouse lamp create a meditative experience. Plus, there’s something poetic about guiding others to safety while finding your own way.

8. Ice Road Trucker Assistant

What It Is: Work as a support person on ice roads in Alaska, Canada, or Nordic countries during their brief operational seasons.
Why It Works: The extreme conditions and high-stakes environment put relationship troubles in perspective. The necessary focus on survival and safety leaves little room for dwelling on the past. Plus, the temporary nature of ice roads themselves serves as a reminder that all things are transient.

9. Ghost Town Caretaker

What It Is: Take temporary positions maintaining historic ghost towns during off-seasons or helping with preservation projects.
Why It Works: These abandoned places put personal endings in perspective – entire communities have dissolved and yet life went on. The quiet and solitude provide space for reflection, while maintenance work offers tangible accomplishments. There’s something therapeutic about caring for places that others have left behind.

10. Mobile Library Navigator

What It Is: Join mobile library services that travel to remote communities, bringing books and cultural resources to isolated populations.
Why It Works: Surrounding yourself with stories helps you rewrite your own narrative. The constant movement combined with the stability of literature creates a perfect balance. Helping others access knowledge and escape through books while finding your own path forward is deeply rewarding.

11. Desert Mail Runner

What It Is: Join mail delivery services in remote desert regions, helping connect isolated communities in places like the Australian Outback or Saharan borders.
Why It Works: The vast emptiness of deserts provides space for emotional processing. The essential service of connecting people reminds you of your value and purpose. The harsh environment demands focus on the present rather than the past.

12. Arctic Research Station Support

What It Is: Work as support staff at polar research stations, helping maintain facilities during the long polar days or nights.
Why It Works: The extreme light conditions and isolation create a complete break from normal routines. The international scientific community provides new social connections without pressure. The harsh environment requires focus on basic survival, while the stunning auroras remind you of life’s continuing beauty.

These 12 suggestions may sound extreme, but then some divorces are extreme. If you choose one of these options – I quite fancy volunteering on a floating hospital ship – keep in mind:

  • Each of these options requires proper preparation, permits, and often specialised training
  • Many positions may require basic language skills or certifications
  • Always research safety considerations and take out the necessary insurance
  • Consider starting with shorter commitments to test your comfort level
  • Connect with others who have done similar journeys through online communities
  • Maintain some form of communication with your support system

These unconventional travel experiences offer unique ways to rediscover yourself, build new memories, and embrace life’s possibilities. Each journey brings fresh insight, helping you heal after a divorce.

Final Thoughts

Travelling post-divorce isn’t just about escaping the old life you left behind; it’s about stepping into a brand-new version of you—one you might not have met yet. Every destination becomes a blank canvas where you can let loose, make mistakes, say yes to experiences that scare you, and start to rewrite your story on your own terms. From navigating an unknown city solo to laughing with strangers in places you never dreamed you’d go, each experience chips away at the version of you tethered to the past.

Travel doesn’t just distract you from the heartache; it fast-tracks the healing. By throwing yourself into unfamiliar situations, you’re forced to rediscover your resilience, explore your newfound independence, and realise that you’re not just moving on—you’re moving up – you’re much more than someone’s ex. Every destination brings fresh stories, a new community (however temporary), and people who see you exactly as you are in this moment.

Travelling during or after a divorce serves not only as a much-needed escape but as a springboard for self-discovery, emotional freedom, and all the beautifully chaotic “firsts” that await you. It’s your chance to pack light, wander far, and return home feeling like you’ve left your baggage behind… and gained a whole new sense of yourself along the way. So go, travel far, and let every mile put a little more distance between you and the past. This next chapter? It’s got your name all over it. And trust me—it’s going to be one hell of a ride.

Hit the pause button and regain your footing during a From Troubled to Triumphant: Find Solid Ground during Life Quakes Retreat. Imagine walking a peaceful stretch of the Camino de Santiago, where every step helps untangle the mental clutter, or spending time with gentle Friesian horses who teach you the art of mindfulness. These retreats blend reflection and relaxation in a way that feels more like an exciting adventure than hard work. Whether you’re choose to make a change, or are forced to, this retreat offers the perfect blend of peace, perspective, and playful exploration to help you rise from troubled to triumphant!

In addition to the transformational retreats that I host at my little French farm near Bordeaux, I have also created a couple of online courses, ex. Break Free from Uncertainty and Get Going in a New Direction – each course is available with or without one-to-one coaching. To receive notification of last-minute and early-bird specials on all of the above, I invite you to subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes newsletter which gives immediate access to my free  How to Survive a Life Quake e-course.

12 Unconventional Ways of Coping with the Fall-out of Your Divorce

Life Quake Series: Divorce

More than 12 actually, because when I researched this some of the proposed solutions made me laugh out loud. This reminded me that humour is a powerful antidote to anguish and getting divorced is one of the most anguish-inducing life transitions. You have been warned; don’t expect a list of serious science-based suggestions when you read this article.

“And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.” J.K. Rowling

Bear with me while I set the scene: “I never expected my divorce to start with a peacock, but there it was, strutting across the mediator’s desk like it owned the place. You see, in our final argument over who would keep what, my soon-to-be ex-husband Frank insisted he should get custody of our pet peacock, Phoenix. The fact that we didn’t own a peacock, had never owned a peacock, and Frank was deathly afraid of birds made this particularly interesting. The judge, a woman who had probably seen everything in her twenty years of practice, actually dropped her reading glasses into her coffee.

The peacock, as it turned out, had escaped from a nearby exotic pet shop and chosen that precise moment to make its grand entrance through the mediator’s open window. In the chaos that followed, Frank leapt onto his chair screaming, my lawyer started sneezing (apparently she was allergic to feathers), and I had the sudden realisation that this was the most fun I’d had with Frank in years. The bird seemed particularly attracted to Frank’s toupee, which none of us had known was a toupee, until Phoenix decided it was must-have nesting material.

The divorce was finalised in record time, if only because everyone wanted to get out of that room. Frank left without his toupee, which had been ceremoniously accepted as a peace offering by our uninvited feathered arbitrator. I got the house, Frank got the car, and Phoenix got a new home at the local wildlife sanctuary where he still proudly displays his unusual nest. Now when people ask me about my divorce, I don’t tell them about the arguments or the paperwork – I tell them about the day a peacock decided to play Solomon and made everyone realise how ridiculous we all were being. Sometimes I visit Phoenix at the sanctuary, where he struts around regally. Sometimes the craziest moments in life turn out to be the ones that set us free.

While traditional approaches like therapy and support groups are valuable resources during divorce, sometimes a clean break needs a bit of creative demolition. The unconventional route to post-divorce recovery can be part reinvention, part rebellion, and a whole lot of finding yourself in weird and wonderful ways:

  • Destruction Art: Some people create art by breaking and reassembling items, symbolising their rebirth. For example, Janet Mollets smashed her wedding china and reassembled it into a badass garden path mosaic. Bad memories that she stomps on every chance she gets.
  • Primal Scream Therapy: Find remote locations to vocally release your emotions, without judgement. Some national parks even have designated “scream spots” where the acoustics amplify the experience that makes your vocal purge echo in soul-soothing ways. What a brilliant idea!
  • Laughter Yoga Classes: Participate in laughter yoga classes to release endorphins and reduce stress through guided laughter exercises
  • Rhythmic Movement Meditation: Instead of traditional seated meditation, some practice mindfully walking backwards blindfolded to process emotions through movement. Not a bad idea, but can you imagine coming across someone doing this during your beach walk?
  • Divorce Gardens: Planting a garden that evolves through the seasons, with each plant representing different aspects of healing. I immediately saw a cactus garden in my mind’s eye. No idea why. More sensible people symbolically choose plants that need hard pruning of old growth to flourish, like lavender.
  • Ring Repurposing: Rather than selling wedding rings, you can choose to transform them. One divorcee had her rings melted and reformed into an eye-catching pendant, to prove to herself that something beautiful came from all her suffering.
  • Skills Exchange Networks: Creating communities where divorced people trade practical skills they previously relied on their spouse for, creating new friendships simultaneously.
  • Camino de Santiago Walking Retreat: This 7-day retreat will help you develop effective coping strategies that can be incorporated seamlessly into your personal and professional life so that you can get through this divorce so you can live a long, happy, healthy and fulfilling life, full of purpose and meaning.
  • Volunteer at an Animal Shelter: Spend time caring for animals to boost your mood and gain perspective – profoundly therapeutic.
  • Freedom-at-Last Divorce Party: Host a symbolic “divorce ceremony” to mark the end of your marriage and celebrate new beginnings.
  • Co-parenting Innovation: Some divorced parents create unique arrangements, like developing alternating living spaces around their children rather than moving children between homes.
  • Virtual Reality Processing: Using VR to create and explore metaphorical landscapes representing different stages of marriage and divorce, allowing for emotional processing in a controlled environment. Imagine walking through a digital landscape symbolising your marriage. Burn bridges, cross rivers, take a dramatic boat ride out—do it all from your couch.
  • Anonymous Story Banking: Contributing to digital archives of divorce experiences through encrypted platforms, allowing others to learn from shared experiences while maintaining privacy.
  • Divorce Sabbaticals: Taking planned career breaks to travel solo or learn entirely new skills. One former accountant spent six months learning traditional bookbinding in Japan, finding healing through the precision and patience required.
  • Phoenix Projects: Start a side hustle inspired by the divorce experience: co-parenting apps, solo travel blogs, or “been there, done that” e-courses for the recently un-married.
  • Room Reboot: Change the “vibe” of each room, so that it feels like yours again. Turn the dining room into a mini art studio, or your garage into a yoga den. Document the makeover for maximum satisfaction.
  • Sensory Rewriting: Deliberately changing the sensory experiences in living spaces through new textures, scents, and sounds. For example, replace old candles with “fresh start” scents—citrus, sage, ginger – something that smells nothing like your ex’s cologne/perfume.
  • Voice Journaling: Recording daily emotional releases through singing, humming, or toning. Some practitioners create “divorce albums” documenting their healing journey through sound rather than words.
  • Drum Circles: Groups gathering to express emotions through rhythm rather than conversation. Sarah K. from Austin shares, “Drumming let me express anger and grief when words felt inadequate. The vibrations literally shook loose stuck emotions.”
  • Sound Baths: Immersing in therapeutic frequencies using singing bowls, gongs, and chimes. Some practitioners offer sessions specifically designed for processing relationship endings, with frequencies chosen to target emotional release.
  • “Fear to Freedom” Programs: Structured programs where divorced individuals face one fear each month, supported by coaches and fellow participants. Activities range from public speaking to skydiving, building confidence through controlled risk-taking.
  • Reverse Time Capsules: Creating collections of items representing the marriage, ceremonially sealing them with a “do not open until” date, allowing emotional distance before deciding their final fate. One participant shares, “Opening my capsule five years later felt like watching a movie about someone else’s life.”
  • Future Self Letters: Write monthly letters to yourself projecting one, three, and five years ahead, then compare these visions as they evolve. Many find their imagined futures become increasingly optimistic and independent over time.
  • Cooking Classes: Ready to cook something that doesn’t come in a box? Try a cooking class and surprise yourself by not setting off the smoke alarm. Thai, Italian, Moroccan—you’ll end up with legit skills and, who knows, maybe you’ll finally be the friend people invite to potlucks for your food and not your company.
  • Learn one or more New Language: Who wouldn’t want to be able to tell their ex “goodbye” in five different languages? The world is waiting; it’s just asking you to conjugate a few verbs first.
  • Journaling: Grab a pen or fire up the laptop and let it all out. Whether it’s a haiku about your feelings, a “Divorgasm: The High You Get From Your Freshly Signed Divorce Papers” meme or a revenge novel that may or may not be inspired by your marriage, writing is free therapy.
  • Tabletop Roleplaying Games; Channel your inner adventurer, wizard, or cosmic space pirate and dive into tabletop role-playing games. It’s Dungeons & Dragons, but way cooler than it sounds. You’ll make new friends, laugh a ton, and maybe, just maybe, find a fantasy partner who doesn’t ghost.
  • Volunteer Work: Nothing gets your head out of a funk faster than helping others. Spend time at a shelter or community centre, you’ll meet incredible people.
  • Traveling Solo: Solo travel: it’s like therapy but with better scenery and fewer issues/tissues. Go somewhere new and realise how great your own company can be.
  • Reading Hilarious Self-help Books

    • “Get Divorced: Be Happy” by Helen Thorn Published: 2020
      Thorn, an award-winning comedian, shares her personal journey through a divorce with humour and honesty. This book offers practical advice and a supportive perspective, making it feel like a warm hug during a tough time.
    • “Heartburn” by Nora Ephron Published: 1983
      Ephron’s semi-autobiographical novel combines humour and heartbreak as it recounts her experiences with infidelity and divorce. The witty narrative, filled with recipes, makes it both entertaining and relatable.
    • “Untamed” by Glennon Doyle Published: 2020
      While not exclusively about divorce, Doyle’s memoir includes her experience of leaving her marriage and finding her true self. Her engaging writing style is infused with humour and empowerment, making it an inspiring read.
    • “How to Sleep Alone in a King-Size Bed: A Memoir of Starting Over” by Theo Pauline Nestor Published: 2011
      Nestor’s memoir is filled with self-deprecating humour as she navigates life after her marriage ends. Her candid reflections on single parenthood and societal expectations provide both laughs and poignant insights.
    • “The Divorce Party” by Laura Dave Published: 2019
      This novel explores the cultural phenomenon of divorce celebrations with warmth and wit. It follows two women at different stages of their relationships, blending humour with heartfelt moments as they navigate their new realities.

Research: Humour as a coping strategy during Divorce

Several studies have examined the relationship between divorce and humour. “Bad Humour, Bad Marriage: uStyles in Divorced and Married Couples” (2010) by Vassilis Saroglou, Christelle Lacour, and Marie-Eve Demeure published in the European Journal of Psychology. The authors investigated the role of specific humour styles (affiliative, self-enhancing, aggressive, earthy, and self-defeating) in relation to relationship quality and divorced versus married status. The researchers compared 98 married and 48 divorced couples and found that constructive humour (self-enhancing and/or affiliative) was related to increased relationship satisfaction and non-divorced status. Antisocial humour (aggressive and earthy) predicted divorce and was related to low relationship quality among divorced couples. Confirming what one would expect. I couldn’t find any groundbreaking new research, if anyone knows of suitable articles to list here, please let me know.

Final Musings

These unconventional methods can provide fresh perspectives and unique ways to process emotions, rediscover yourself, and move forward after a divorce. The key is finding approaches that resonate with you. Healing is often not linear, and combining various methods often proves most effective.

The most successful divorce coping strategies share common elements:

  • They provide a sense of agency and control
  • They create meaningful narratives around change
  • They foster connection with self or others
  • They allow for authentic emotional expression
  • They generate hope for the future

Remember to consult with mental health professionals when exploring any coping methods, ensuring they support your overall well-being and recovery process.

Why just survive when you can thrive? When you subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes Newsletter, you won’t just get my musings on living a more meaningful life here on my little French farm —you’ll unlock FREE access to my How to Survive a Life Quake 7-part online course (valued at 79€.) Think of it as your step-by-step survival kit for those “what-on-earth-just-happened” moments in life.

Margaretha Montagu

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

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