Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is a certified transformational retreat leader who guides her clients towards their most meaningful and fulfilling lives, particularly when navigating life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian Horses, at their home in the southwest of France.
Imagine standing on the precipice of a significant career milestone, your achievements lauded by your peers, when suddenly, an insidious voice whispers, “You’re a fraud.” This is the haunting reality of many people with imposter syndrome, a phenomenon affecting countless high-achievers. But what if there was a way to silence that critical inner voice, to replace self-doubt with self-assurance?
The Turning Point
Elena sat in her car, staring at the sprawling ranch. She had been living in a whirlwind, grappling with the fallout of a sudden job loss and the crushing weight of imposter syndrome. Her therapist had suggested equine-assisted mindfulness therapy, and though sceptical, Elena was desperate for a change, so she booked a session.
She stepped out and was greeted by Sarah, the ranch owner. “Welcome, Elena. Come and meet the horses,” Sarah said, as they walked towards a chestnut mare named Bella. Elena reached out to touch Bella’s velvety nose. For the first time in weeks, Elena felt her mind quieting.
Over the next few sessions, Elena learned to lead Bella through the paddock. Each step required her full attention. When her mind wandered to thoughts of inadequacy or fear, Bella sensed her distraction and would stop, waiting for Elena to return to the present moment.
One afternoon, as Elena groomed Bella, she confided in Sarah about her job loss and the overwhelming sense of being an imposter. “I feel like I never truly earned my achievements. Like I’ve been pretending all along.”
Sarah listened patiently. “You have gained Bella’s trust. Bella trusts you because you always treat her with respect. You’ve earned that trust step-by-step. If Bella is willing to trust you to keep her safe from predators, you can also trust yourself. Bella doesn’t think you are a fraud.”
As weeks passed, Elena noticed a shift. The mindfulness practices she learned with Bella extended beyond the ranch. When anxiety flared, she used the breathing techniques she learned and visualised herself leading Bella, grounding herself in the present moment. She no longer saw herself as an imposter.
Mindfulness can be a powerful tool that can transform our inner narrative and empower us to embrace our true worth.
Here’s how mindfulness can help us overcome imposter syndrome:
Identification of Negative Thought Patterns: Mindfulness encourages us to observe our thoughts and feelings without judgment. This awareness can help identify and acknowledge negative thought patterns associated with imposter syndrome, such as self-doubt and fear of failure.
Recognition of Triggers: By practising mindfulness, we can become more attuned to the specific situations or interactions that trigger our imposter feelings, allowing us to implement more targeted coping strategies.
Present Moment Focus: Mindfulness emphasises staying present, which can reduce the anxiety and stress that often accompany imposter syndrome. By focusing on the here and now, we can prevent our minds from wandering to past failures or future worries.
Stress Management Techniques: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, deep breathing, and progressive muscle relaxation can help lower overall stress levels, making it easier to manage the emotional responses tied to imposter syndrome.
Non-Judgmental Attitude: Mindfulness teaches us to observe our experiences without harsh judgment. This approach can foster self-compassion, helping us to be kinder to ourselves when we make mistakes.
Acceptance of Imperfection: Mindfulness promotes the acceptance of ourselves, including our imperfections. This acceptance can counter the perfectionist tendencies often seen in those with imposter syndrome.
Balanced Response to Emotions: By practising mindfulness, we can learn to respond to our emotions in a balanced way rather than reacting impulsively. This skill is crucial in managing the intense feelings of inadequacy that imposter syndrome can provoke.
Detachment from Negative Thoughts: Mindfulness helps us see our thoughts as temporary and separate from their identity, reducing the impact of negative thoughts related to imposter syndrome.
Recognition of Achievements: Through mindfulness, we can develop a more balanced view of our accomplishments and abilities, helping to counteract the internal narrative of not being good enough.
Positive Affirmation: Regular mindfulness practice can reinforce positive self-affirmations and realistic self-assessments, building a stronger, more resilient sense of self.
“Now when I receive recognition for my acting, I feel incredibly uncomfortable. I tend to turn in on myself. I feel like an imposter. Any moment, someone’s going to find out I’m a total fraud, and that I don’t deserve any of what I’ve achieved.” Emma Watson
Mindfulness and Horses
Horses are exceptional teachers of mindfulness due to their natural sensitivity. By observing and interacting with horses, we can learn to be fully present and to let go of past regrets and future anxieties.
That is why equine-facilitated mindfulness sessions are part of my Manifest Your Next Chapter retreats here in southwest France. Even my online courses, ex. my course about Discovering Your Life Purpose, are enriched by stories and pictures of horses.
When working with horses, we must be calm and centred, as they mirror our emotions and respond to our energy. This requires us to become aware of our own mental and emotional states, fostering self-awareness and emotional regulation. Simple activities like grooming, leading, or just being near a horse demand our full attention and help ground us in the moment.
Horses also provide immediate feedback through their reactions, helping us recognize when we are distracted or tense. This feedback loop helps us to adjust our mindset and return to a state of calmness. The non-judgmental and accepting nature of horses further reinforces the practice of mindfulness, teaching us to approach ourselves with the same compassion and acceptance.
Are you struggling with imposter syndrome, feeling like you’re never quite enough? It’s time to break free from self-doubt and realise your full potential. Join us for a Manifest Your Next Chapter retreat or enrol in one of my online courses/retreats, where you will learn to get to grips with your imposter syndrome and get back in control using the power of mindfulness and the unique connection with horses.
How Introverts Can Benefit from Adjusted Mindfulness Techniques
If you are an introvert, you might find it difficult to master mindfulness.
Mindfulness is a powerful practice that can offer significant benefits, but introverts may face unique difficulties when trying to learn and incorporate mindfulness into their lives.
For introverts, mastering mindfulness can feel like taming a room full of hyperactive puppies—both challenging and unexpectedly rewarding.
Meet Dave, an introvert with the stress management skills of a hedgehog at a balloon party. When he lost his job, his mind became a whirlwind of worries, so he decided to give mindfulness a try. His therapist, a well-meaning optimist named Dr. Bright, insisted it would help with his anxiety.
Dave understood that mindfulness can be especially beneficial for introverts because:
Mindfulness fosters compassion towards oneself and others. Introverts can benefit from increased self-compassion, which reduces self-criticism and promotes a kinder, more understanding approach to themselves and others.
By quieting the mind and reducing mental clutter, mindfulness can spark creativity and innovation. Introverts, who often have rich inner worlds, can tap into their creative potential more readily through regular mindfulness practice.
Stress, which introverts often internalise, can disrupt sleep patterns. Mindfulness practices can improve sleep quality by calming the mind and preparing the body for restful sleep, helping introverts sleep better.
Mindfulness teaches introverts how to observe their emotions without becoming overwhelmed by them. This skill is invaluable for introverts who tend to feel emotions deeply. It allows them to navigate their emotional landscape more effectively and respond to situations with greater composure.
Mindfulness builds emotional resilience. Introverts, who may feel overwhelmed by external pressures, can develop a stronger, more resilient mindset, enabling them to bounce back from setbacks with greater ease.
Dave wasn’t convinced, though, that he would be able to learn how to practise mindfulness.
Right from the start, Dave had problems. He signed up for a mindfulness class at the community centre. On the first day, the instructor announced they would start with the 5 senses exercise. “Close your eyes and focus on what you hear,” the instructor said. Dave tried to comply but was quickly overwhelmed by the hum of fluorescent lights, a dog barking madly just outside the centre and a nerve-racking siren wailing in the distance.
Introverts are often more sensitive to their surroundings and can easily become overwhelmed by sensory input. Traditional mindfulness exercises, such as the 5 senses exercise, require focusing on multiple sensory stimuli, which can exacerbate this overload. Instead of achieving a state of calm, introverts may feel more stressed when engaging in these exercises, making it difficult for them to benefit from the practice.
Next, Dave’s heart started beating like a drum, ready to jump out of his chest. He felt himself beginning to hyperventilate. Dave HATED group activities.
Many mindfulness programs and classes are conducted in group settings, which can be intimidating for introverts. The social aspect of attending classes, participating in group discussions, and sharing experiences can be overwhelming. Social interactions can deter introverts from fully engaging in mindfulness practices or even prevent them from attending mindfulness classes altogether. Introverts require alone time to recharge and process their thoughts.
The well-meaning mindfulness instructor’s voice penetrated Dave’s brain fog. “Now let’s talk about how this exercise made us feel. Who would like to go first?” she asked, and the next moment, she locked eyes with Dave. Dave felt his lunch promptly making its way up his throat.
Introverts may struggle with openly expressing their thoughts and emotions, which is often encouraged in mindfulness practices. This can make exercises that involve sharing feelings or talking about experiences particularly challenging. The pressure to express themselves can create additional stress, making it difficult for introverts to relax and fully immerse themselves in the practice.
Dave had just about had enough and desperately yearned to escape. He was exhausted. He struggled to focus on the present moment and felt more and more frustrated.
Mindfulness was just not working for him.
Have you ever felt like Dave?
If you’re an introvert looking for an approach to mindfulness that honours your unique needs, consider joining us in the sunblessed southwest of France, for a “Manifest Your Next Chapter” retreat or maybe sign up for one of my online retreats/courses. These retreats are designed to provide a supportive environment where introverts can practice mindfulness in a way that truly resonates with them. Come and discover that mindfulness CAN work for you, in your own time and at your own pace, especially if you are struggling through a life change, challenge or crisis, and find your own path to inner peace.
In addition to the Camino de Santiago retreats that I host at my little French farm southwest of Bordeaux, I have also created 7 online courses, ex.The Purpose Protocols, The Roadmap to Resilience – from Burnout to Brilliance Protocol and The Change Careers without Starting from Scratch – each course is available with or without one-to-one support. To stay in contact, I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter, you’ll get immediate access to my free life crisis quiz.
Picture this: a serene lakeside cabin, nestled deep in the woods, where the only sounds are the whisper of the wind through the trees and the gentle ripple of water over cobbles. For an introvert, this is paradise. Now, imagine throwing a grenade into the midst of all this tranquillity—welcome to the life of an introvert in the midst of a major life crisis.
Are you struggling to cope with a Life Crisis?
Maybe you are an introvert.
How do you recognise an introvert at any sort of social gathering: Christmas dinner, a friend’s birthday lunch, an office cocktails party, or a charity event? They’re the ones secretly praying for the fire alarm to go off so they can make a swift exit without all the awkward goodbyes.
According to Susan Cain, ‘Introverts may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pyjamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions.’
Take Jane, for example. Jane is a classic introvert: bookish, introspective, and capable of binge-watching entire seasons of “Nature’s Greatest Migrations” without once wondering what’s happening on Instagram. One day, Jane’s world was turned upside down when her husband announced he was leaving her for his CrossFit instructor. Suddenly, Jane’s peaceful existence was shattered.
In a desperate attempt to cope, Jane decided to attend a divorce support group. This, of course, went about as well as you’d expect. Upon entering the room, she was immediately surrounded by well-meaning strangers eager to hear her story and share their own. Jane spent the entire session clutching her coffee cup like a life raft, nodding politely, her mind a million miles away. The thought of sharing her “divorce story” with strangers was as uplifting as getting a root canal. Eventually, she escaped to the bathroom, where she spent the rest of the meeting scrolling through cat memes.
I am weary of labels, like introvert and extrovert, preferring to avoid labelling people as one to the exclusion of the other. I would rather see it as a spectrum with a small number of « pure » introverts and extroverts at both extremes of the spectrum, most of us having characteristics of both and behaving more like extroverts or introverts depending on the situation we find ourselves in.
Most people are not exclusively introverted or extroverted. “Ninety per cent of people are somewhere in the middle,” says Jens Asendorpf, a personality researcher at Humboldt University of Berlin. People who tend to be extroverted also like to keep to themselves from time to time. “And since everyone needs social contact, introverts also seek interaction with others—just less so,” Asendorpf adds.
In other words, the vast majority of people are probably ambiverts.
Having said that, it cannot be denied that people more on the introverted side of the spectrum can find it difficult to cope with major life events like divorce, changing careers, retirement, redundancy, loss of a loved one etc.
Difficulties coping with life Challenges Specific to Introverts:
1. Feeling Overwhelmed by Social interactions
Introverts typically find social interactions draining. During a major life crisis, such as a divorce, the frequency and intensity of social interactions can skyrocket. This includes meetings with lawyers, court appearances, discussions with financial advisors, and support groups. Even well-intentioned friends and family can become overwhelmed by their constant check-ins and advice.
An introvert might feel emotionally exhausted after a single meeting with their lawyer, yet be expected to attend multiple such meetings in a week. The added pressure of explaining their situation repeatedly to different people can be extremely taxing for introverts who thrive on solitude and quiet reflection.
2. Not getting the Opportunity to recharge their Batteries
Introverts require time alone to recharge their batteries, process their thoughts and review various courses of action. A major life crisis often disrupts this solitude, leaving little room for introspection and personal space. The constant demands on their time and attention can lead to a sense of being perpetually overwhelmed.
During a serious life crisis, an introvert might find it nearly impossible to find a quiet moment to themselves. They might long for an evening alone with a book, but instead, they’re inundated with phone calls, emails, and visits from concerned loved ones.
3. Experiencing difficulties when they try to share their Feelings
Introverts sometimes struggle to articulate their feelings, concerns and needs, especially in stressful situations. This can hinder their ability to seek and accept help, leading to feelings of isolation, fear and frustration.
An introvert going through a breakup might find it difficult to express their emotions to friends or therapists. They might prefer writing their thoughts down but feel pressured to talk about their feelings, which can be uncomfortable and unproductive.
4. Finding Interacting with others utterly Exhausting
High-stress environments and constant social interaction can rapidly deplete an introvert’s energy. This energy drain and exhaustion can impair their ability to think clearly and make decisions, further complicating the crisis management process.
An introvert dealing with job loss might be required to attend numerous networking events and interviews. The sheer number of interactions can leave them feeling too drained to perform well or think strategically about their next steps.
Because of this, introverts might find it challenging to reach out for support, whether from friends, family, or professionals. Their preference for self-reliance and introspection can lead them to try to manage everything on their own, which can isolate them to a pathological extent.
5. Introverts often prefer to avoid Confrontation
Introverts may have a natural inclination to retreat inward, internalise their emotions and avoid confronting their problems head-on. This can delay important decisions and prolong the period of crisis, making it harder to move forward.
An introvert facing financial difficulties might delay reaching out to a financial advisor because they dread the interaction. This avoidance can lead to worsening financial problems that could have been mitigated with timely intervention.
6. Struggling to cope with Sensory Overload:
Introverts are often more sensitive to their environments and can become overwhelmed by excessive stimuli. During a crisis, the increased noise, activity, and emotional intensity can lead to sensory overload, making it harder to cope effectively.
An introvert who has to move out of their home during a separation might struggle with the chaotic process of packing, moving, and settling into a new place. The constant activity and change can be mentally and physically exhausting.
“Introverts live in two worlds: We visit the world of people, but solitude and the inner world will always be our home.” Jenn Granneman
Are You an Introvert struggling to cope with a Life Crisis?
If you’re an introvert facing a major life challenge, it’s essential to find a balance between honouring your yearning for solitude and seeking the support you need. My “Manifest Your Next Chapter” retreats in the southwest of France are designed specifically for people like you, especially my Solo Retreats. In a serene and supportive environment, you’ll learn how to sail through life’s storms by spending time in nature and walking the Camino de Santiago de Compostela. You’re not alone. A “Manifest Your Next Chapter” retreat in the serene southwest of France is exactly what you need. Our retreats offer a safe, nurturing environment where you can process your emotions, recharge your energy, and find your path forward. It’s time to turn your trials into triumphs and write the next chapter of your life with courage and confidence.
Send me a quick email if you want to find out more and if you want to, you can book your retreat today.
In addition to the Camino de Santiago retreats that I host at my little French farm southwest of Bordeaux, I have also created 7 online courses, ex.The Purpose Protocols, The Roadmap to Resilience – from Burnout to Brilliance Protocol and The Change Careers without Starting from Scratch – each course is available with or without one-to-one support. To stay in contact, I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter, you’ll get immediate access to my free life crisis quiz.
Every Tuesday evening, my Camino de Santiago retreat guests and I go to a local bistro to support the still-flagging local economy, post-Covid. Most of the options on the menu include duck, in some form or another, but the most popular choice invariably is a HAMBURGER, done à point.
I have often heard, “How to order a Hamburger in France?”
Take Sandra’s predicament as an example. Sandra NEEDED a hamburger. Not a symbolic hamburger. Not a “trust the process” hamburger. A real one. Warm. Squishy. Comforting. Ideally smelling faintly of familiarity and poor life choices.
She pushed open the heavy wooden door of a small village café. It creaked like it had opinions. Inside, the air was thick with the smell of espresso, garlic, and something slow-cooked that had clearly been simmering since breakfast—or possibly since Easter. A radio hummed softly in the background, interrupted only by the clink of cutlery and the occasional sigh of contentment.
“I would like a hamburger,” Sandra announced brightly.
Her words landed with a thud.
The café fell silent. You could hear the faint hiss of fat sizzling in the kitchen. A fly stopped mid-flight. Somewhere, a chair creaked in judgment.
The waiter squinted at her, head tilted, as if trying to hear the word differently.
“Un… Gascon?” he asked cautiously.
“No, no,” Sandra said, smiling harder now. She drew a circle in the air with her hands. “Ham-bur-ger.” She added a hopeful chewing motion. Mmm. Confidence tasted like optimism.
The waiter inhaled deeply. A woman at the bar paused mid-sip, the aroma of red wine hanging in the air like a warning. Someone muttered something that sounded suspiciously like a prayer.
After a heated exchange in rapid Gascon—full of shrugs, sighs, and the unmistakable sound of culinary pride being challenged—the waiter nodded gravely and vanished into the kitchen.
Time stretched.
Sandra listened to the crackle of a pan, the rhythmic chop of a knife, the low murmur of debate. The smells intensified: buttery potatoes, cured meat, eggs meeting hot oil. Her stomach growled, traitorously loud.
Finally, the waiter returned.
He placed a plate in front of her with a flourish.
On it sat:
one thick slice of magret de canard, glossy and fragrant
a slab of bread with a crust so hard it had opinions
a fried egg, edges crisp, yolk trembling like it knew its destiny
a wilted green thing that had once been lettuce
and potatoes—golden, sizzling, audibly proud—fried in duck fat, butter, and at least three generations of family tradition
“This,” the waiter said, voice rich with authority, “is our hamburger.”
Sandra stared.
The plate radiated heat. The smell was intoxicating—salty, rich, deeply comforting. She touched the bread. It was warm. Serious. Unapologetic.
She took a bite.
The crunch of crust. The silkiness of yolk. The deep, savoury hum of ham. The potatoes crackled softly as she chewed, whispering promises of naps and forgiveness.
It was magnificent.
Sandra learned two things that day:
In Gascony, ordering a hamburger is not a request—it is a philosophical question.
You never argue with people who can make potatoes taste like love and history.
She never ordered a mere hamburger again.
She ordered a Gascon hamburger and whatever else is good today—and let the smells, sounds, and flavours of Gascony take care of the rest.
You may be surprised to hear that the humble hamburger is so popular in Gascony – a region renowned for its stunning Atlantic coastline, charming villages, and delectable Cuisine Gascon – but this part of France has always been a melting pot of culinary influences. The region has always embraced a variety of flavours and ingredients. The hamburger, adaptable and versatile, fits perfectly into this environment.
In recent years, there has been a global trend towards gourmet burgers, and culinary innovative Gascony is no exception. High-quality ingredients, artisanal buns, and creative toppings have elevated the humble hamburger to gourmet status. Local chefs have embraced this trend, offering gourmet burgers that appeal to both locals and visitors. These burgers often feature regional specialities such as truffle mayonnaise, caramelised onions, and even foie gras.
Our brilliant chefs have even invented a Burger Gascon, which consists of a magret de canard with a slab of foie gras on top smothered in a sweet fig sauce (confit de figue.)
How to order a hamburger here in southwest France?
Firstly, I explain they need to drop the “H,” and ask for an AMBURGER. It usually comes with frites (fries) but you may want to make sure, and add “avec frites.” Next, you will be asked how you want the meat done. Do not make the mistake of thinking that all hamburger patties will, by definition, be well-cooked. No so. Unless you specifically specify “bien cuit”, or even “très bien cuit, s’il vous plait”, you end up with a nearly raw, definitely bleeding hamburger, done “saignant.” Opt for “à point,” if you want something in between.
Next, you choose ze cheese and ze sauce. A slice of local cheese is always a good choice, or maybe a mushroom sauce. Cèpes? Yes, great, get yourself some of our favourite mushrooms in your sauce. Raw egg? Uhm, no, rather not. Their very best made-fresh-today mayonnaise? Bon d’accord, you might well want to try that.
The good news is that many of the younger generation speak quite a bit of English these days, so as long as you keep your questions simple and speak slowly, how to order a hamburger in France should be fairly straightforward. Or you can use an app to translate the menu for you, and even to communicate directly with your friendly – this is the Gascony, not Paris, we mostly welcome tourists here – rugby-playing waiter.
One thing that hasn’t changed though, is the fact that Gascons tend to shun soft drinks, and prefer, in addition to the tap water/eau plate already on the table, a bottle of wine, a Cotes de Gascogne – a dry, white or a fruity rosé or even a feisty Madiran. The easiest is to opt for a “quart” (250ml) or a “demi” (500ml) carafe of vin de table/du pays.
When you’re ready to leave, ask for the bill by saying, “L’addition, s’il vous plaît.” You may pay at the table or be shown your table number and be directed towards the counter. Tipping is not obligatory in France, but it is appreciated. Leaving a few euros or rounding up the bill is a much appreciated gesture. At our local bistros, prices vary from 11-15 euros, including toppings and frites. Adding foie gras will double the price. Most of our local bistros make their own patties with high-quality mince meat, bought from local farmers, that tastes quite different from those of the fast-food outlets. Most restaurants around here now specify exactly where they buy their meat.
The dining culture in Gascony is laid-back and casual, especially during the long, warm summers. Hamburgers blend seamlessly with the region’s rich culinary traditions and vibrant lifestyle. Whether it’s the influence of tourism, the allure of gourmet ingredients, or the casual dining culture, burgers have become a beloved part of the southwest of France’s food scene. So, next time you find yourself in this picturesque region, don’t be surprised to find a delicious, locally-inspired hamburger on the menu. Now you know how to order a hamburger in France, so all that’s left is to wish you Bon appétit!
In addition to the Camino de Santiago retreats that I host at my little French farm southwest of Bordeaux, I have also created 7 online courses, ex.The Purpose Protocols, The Roadmap to Resilience – from Burnout to Brilliance Protocol and The Change Careers without Starting from Scratch – each course is available with or without one-to-one support. To stay in contact, I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter, you’ll get immediate access to my free life crisis quiz.
Strategies for Women Rebuilding Their Lives During Major Life Events
I felt a bit of a fraud when I started writing this article. Who am I to give others advice about financial independence? I was going through a major life upheaval though, and I needed to get my finances sorted, or at least in better order. So I did a lot of research, and I’m sharing what I found useful with you in this article, hoping it will be useful to you too.
Imagine waking up one day to find that your financial stability has been destroyed overnight. Whether due to a divorce, the sudden loss of a partner, or an unexpected job loss, the journey to reclaim your financial independence can be both challenging and empowering. This is the story of Susan, who faced such a transition and emerged stronger, using practical strategies to gradually create a stable financial future for herself.
Susan, a 52-year-old marketing executive, had dedicated her life to her career and her family. After 25 years of marriage, her world was turned upside down when she and her husband decided to get divorced. Suddenly, Susan found herself single and solely responsible for her financial future. She felt completely overwhelmed by mortgage payments, college tuition for her two children, and looming everyday expenses.
Instead of succumbing to fear, Susan chose to take control. She sought advice from a financial planner, who helped her develop a clear plan. Susan began by reassessing her budget, cutting unnecessary expenses, and prioritising her financial goals. She took a course on financial literacy, empowering herself with the knowledge to make informed decisions. Within a year, Susan had not only stabilised her finances but also started saving for her retirement.
Susan’s story demonstrates that with determination and a few well-chosen strategies, rebuilding financial independence is achievable at any stage of life.
When I first read Susan’s story, I laughed, it sounded as unrealistic as a fairy tale! Susan and I clearly had NOTHING in common. Each time I decided to organise my finances, I came down with a debilitating attack of procrastinitis.
What got me out of the seemingly inescapable swamp, was setting an hour aside each day to try to get my financial ducks in a row, and gradually the situation went from drastic and desperate to…slightly better.
My 7 steps to a more prosperous financial future:
1. Assessing My Financial Situation:
Had to start here, however depressing it was. I needed a clear picture of my current financial status, so I listed all my assets (very short list), liabilities (long, scary list), income (even shorter list), and expenses (endless list). This helped me identify the areas that needed immediate attention.
2. Creating a Realistic Budget:
I had to force myself to do this, because, apparently, «A budget is a powerful tool for managing your finances.» So I tracked my spending and prioritised essential expenses like housing, utilities, groceries etc, and identified areas where I could cut back. The app YNAB (You Need a Budget) simplified this process and made it (slightly) more bearable.
3. Exploring Income Opportunities:
One thing I realised is that identifying a variety of income streams is essential. You know the saying, «Don’t put all your eggs in the same basket.» In the current financial climate, I think this should be an ongoing exercise, for all of us. It could involve consulting through platforms like Upwork and Fiverr, starting a small business selling products online via Etsy and Shopify, or doing part-time work offering local services. Teaching online courses, writing e-books, and creating digital content can also generate revenue, as can renting out property, equipment, or vehicles. Investing in education and acquiring high-demand skills can enhance one’s earning potential, while passive income from dividends, royalties, and affiliate marketing offers long-term financial benefits.
4. Investing in My Financial Education:
I agree that knowledge is power, especially when it comes to managing money, so I invested time in courses on personal finance, I joined suitable Facebook groups, subcribed to e-mail lists, and followed reputable financial blogs. I discovered that investment options, retirement planning, and debt management can significantly impact one’s financial future.
5. Building an Emergency Fund:
Got to be kidding, I thought. I’m fully aware now that life is unpredictable, and I realise that having an emergency fund can provide a financial safety net. Starting small, my aim is to save three to six months’ worth of living expenses. Eventually.
6. Seeking Professional Advice:
As soon as you can afford it, I recommend doing this. A financial advisor can provide personalised guidance tailored to one’s situation, help develop a long-term financial plan, manage investments, and advise on retirement funding options.
7. Cultivating an Empowering Mindset:
I am convinced that by fostering an informed and proactive mindset, you can empower yourself to make sound financial decisions and achieve long-term financial stability and independence. During my Camino de Santiago Crossroads retreats, I discuss mindset in depth, as I feel that without the right mindset, any attempt to improve your financial situation is doomed before you even start.
Financial Independence FAQ: Navigating Life Transitions
1. Help! I’m going through a major life change. Should I panic about money now or later?
How about neither? While life transitions (divorce, career change, relocation, retirement) can feel like financial free-falls, panic is actually a terrible financial advisor. Instead, take a deep breath and give yourself permission to assess before you stress. Start with the basics: What’s coming in? What’s going out? What absolutely needs to happen in the next three months? Think of this as your financial triage moment. You’re not trying to solve everything today—you’re just getting your bearings. And here’s a little secret: most people going through transitions discover they’re more resourceful than they thought. You’ve got this, even if it doesn’t feel like it yet.
2. I’ve always relied on someone else financially. Where do I even start building independence?
First off, acknowledging this is already a huge step, so give yourself credit. Start by gathering information like you’re a detective investigating your own life. Get copies of all financial documents, understand what accounts exist, and figure out your actual monthly expenses (yes, including that streaming service you forgot about). Open a bank account in your name alone if you don’t have one. Then, create what I call a “financial identity checklist”: credit report, credit card in your name, and understanding of your income sources. The goal isn’t to become a finance guru overnight—it’s to move from passenger to driver, one small action at a time. And remember, every financial expert started by learning what a budget was, so you’re in good company.
3. Should I be making big financial decisions right now, or waiting until the dust settles?
Ah, the eternal question of transition timing. Generally speaking, unless something is time-sensitive (like you need to sign divorce papers or your lease is up), give yourself at least a few months before making irreversible big moves. Your emotional state during transitions can make that “investment opportunity” or impulse home purchase seem more appealing than it actually is. That said, some decisions can’t wait—and that’s okay. The key is to distinguish between “needs immediate attention” (finding housing, securing income) and “feels urgent but isn’t” (completely overhauling your investment strategy at 2 AM). When in doubt, consult with a financial advisor or trusted friend who isn’t in the middle of their own chaos. They’ll help you see clearly when everything feels foggy.
4. How much of an emergency fund do I need when everything feels like an emergency?
During life transitions, the standard “three to six months of expenses” advice can feel laughably inadequate or impossibly ambitious. Here’s a more realistic approach: aim for one month first, then three, then six. If you’re in the thick of transition and can scrape together $1,000, you’re already ahead of half the country. Focus on building what I call a “sleep-at-night fund”—whatever amount lets you stop lying awake, catastrophizing about the washing machine breaking. For some that’s $500, for others it’s $5,000. The magic number is less important than the momentum. Every dollar you set aside is a small vote of confidence in your future self. And yes, it counts even if you’re saving it in a regular savings account while you figure out the fancy high-yield options.
5. I feel guilty about prioritising my financial independence. Is that normal?
Incredibly normal, and also worth examining. Many people, especially those leaving relationships or caregiving roles, feel selfish for focusing on their own financial security. But here’s the truth: taking care of your finances isn’t selfish—it’s responsible. You can’t pour from an empty cup, fund from an empty account, or help others from a place of financial desperation. Think of it like the aeroplane oxygen mask rule: secure your own first. Plus, financial independence doesn’t mean financial isolation. You can still be generous, collaborative, and supportive while also making sure you’re not one emergency away from crisis. The guilt often fades as you start feeling more secure and realize that your stability actually allows you to show up better for the people you care about. So be kind to yourself as you build this new foundation—you deserve financial security just as much as anyone else.
Recommended Reading: 5 Books about Creating Financial Independence
1. “The Financial Diet” by Chelsea Fagan
I chose this one because it’s refreshingly honest about the emotional and psychological aspects of money, especially for people who feel like they’re starting from scratch. Fagan writes with humour and zero judgment about building financial literacy when you’ve been winging it or relying on others. It’s particularly great for transitions because it addresses the identity shift that comes with taking control of your finances. Plus, it doesn’t assume you have a trust fund or a finance degree—just a desire to figure things out.
2. “Your Money or Your Life” by Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez
This classic makes the list because life transitions force us to reconsider what we actually value, and this book is all about aligning your money with your values. It’s not just about budgeting—it’s about rethinking your entire relationship with money and work. During transitions, when you’re rebuilding anyway, it’s the perfect time to ask yourself the big questions this book poses. The nine-step program helps you see money as life energy, which can be particularly powerful when you’re redefining what your life looks like.
3. “I Will Teach You to Be Rich” by Ramit Sethi
Despite the clickbait-y title, this is actually a solid, no-nonsense guide to automating your finances and building wealth without obsessing over every latte. I included it because during life transitions, you need systems that work even when you’re emotionally exhausted. Sethi’s approach to setting up automatic transfers, investing, and negotiating is perfect for people who need their money to behave while they figure out everything else. It’s also refreshingly honest about the fact that you don’t need to live like a monk to build financial security.
4. “The Single Woman’s Guide to Retirement” by Jan Cullinane
Even if you’re not near retirement, I chose this book because it addresses the unique financial challenges of going it alone—something many people face during major transitions. Cullinane covers everything from healthcare to housing to building community, all without a partner’s income or support. The practical advice about creating multiple income streams and planning for long-term security is valuable at any age, and her tone is encouraging rather than fear-mongering. It’s particularly helpful for those leaving long-term relationships.
5. “Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes” by William Bridges
This isn’t strictly a finance book, but I’m including it because you can’t separate the money stuff from the emotional journey of transition. Bridges explains the three phases of transition (ending, neutral zone, new beginning) in a way that helps you understand why everything feels so hard right now—including making financial decisions. Understanding where you are in the transition process can help you be more patient with yourself and make better choices about when to act and when to wait. Sometimes the best financial advice is knowing that confusion and uncertainty are normal parts of the process, not signs you’re doing it wrong.
“Your economic security does not lie in your job; it lies in your own power to produce – to think, to learn, to create, to adapt. That’s true financial independence. It’s not having wealth; it’s having the power to produce wealth.” – Stephen Covey
It is never too late to take control of your financial future and plant the seeds for a prosperous, purposeful and independent life.
In addition to the Camino de Santiago retreats that I host at my little French farm southwest of Bordeaux, I have also created 7 online courses, ex.The Purpose Protocols, The Roadmap to Resilience – from Burnout to Brilliance Protocol and The Change Careers without Starting from Scratch – each course is available with or without one-to-one support. To stay in contact, I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter, you’ll get immediate access to my free life crisis quiz.
Did you know that nearly half of successful people reconsider their career paths after a major life event? In an age of transformation, discover how personal stories of triumph over adversity are reshaping our understanding of true achievement.
As you may know, I am in the process of redesigning my retreats, combining my variously themed 5-day retreats into one 7-day retreat focusing on life changes, challenges and transitions coaching, and incorporating the mindfulness meditation with my horses, walking a section of the Camino de Santiago and explorative and experiential writing and reading.
Redefining the Definition of Success as I Create a Transformational Retreat
Obviously, I want it to be a transformational experience for my guests, whether it is their first, second or twentieth retreat. This has made me think about success, in general, and more specifically about how I will know whether my new retreats are successful in transforming my guests’ lives.
Success has long been synonymous with wealth, status, and power. Yet, in an evolving world marked by shifting values and unforeseen challenges, I think it is time that the definition of success is re-examined. This redefinition is often initiated by life transitions, changes or challenges that force people to reassess their priorities.
The reason my new retreat is focused on assisting my guests through life changes is not only because I have lived through several of these myself, more than once, but also because the majority of my guests attend retreats here while going through life transitions themselves.
I suspect it’s the call of the Camino de Santiago that draws them here.
Redefining Success
Success has become an increasingly complex and personalised concept, far removed from the one-dimensional definitions of previous generations. Where once success might have been simply measured by a stable job, a house, and a family, today’s landscape presents us with a multitude of competing values, opportunities, and pressures that make defining success both more challenging and more essential than ever before.
A Shifting Paradigm
In contemporary society, success has evolved from a fixed destination to a fluid journey. The traditional markers—climbing the corporate ladder, accumulating wealth, achieving status—still hold weight for many, but they’re no longer the only benchmarks that matter. Today’s definition encompasses a broader spectrum of human experience, including mental health, work-life balance, personal fulfillment, and meaningful relationships. This shift reflects a growing understanding that a life focused solely on external achievements often comes at the cost of internal wellbeing.
The Digital Age Paradox
The digital revolution has fundamentally altered how we perceive and pursue success. Social media platforms create a constant stream of others’ accomplishments, curated highlight reels that can make our own progress feel inadequate by comparison. This phenomenon has given rise to what many psychologists call “compare and despair” syndrome. Yet paradoxically, the same technology that fuels comparison anxiety also provides unprecedented access to diverse definitions of success. We can now witness people thriving in unconventional careers, living nomadic lifestyles, or finding fulfillment in minimalism—paths that challenge conventional narratives and expand our understanding of what a successful life might look like.
Aligned Success
Perhaps the most significant evolution in modern success thinking is the emphasis on alignment between values and actions. Today’s most satisfied individuals often describe success not as achieving specific milestones, but as living in accordance with their authentic values. This might mean prioritising time with family over a promotion, choosing a lower-paying job that offers greater purpose, or declining opportunities that don’t align with personal ethics. This values-based approach recognises that success without authenticity often feels hollow, regardless of how impressive it appears from the outside.
The Health Revolution
Modern definitions of success increasingly incorporate holistic wellbeing. Mental health awareness has brought emotional intelligence, stress management, and psychological resilience into the conversation about what it means to thrive. Physical health, once taken for granted in the pursuit of career goals, is now recognised as foundational to sustainable success. People are asking not just “Am I successful?” but “Am I healthy, happy, and whole?” This integration acknowledges that achievements built on burnout and sacrifice are ultimately unsustainable and unfulfilling.
Impactful Success
Another defining characteristic of modern success is the emphasis on contribution and impact. Younger generations particularly are redefining success to include positive influence on their communities and the world at large. This might manifest as environmental consciousness in business decisions, choosing careers in social impact sectors, or leveraging skills for volunteer work. Success, in this framework, isn’t just about personal gain but about leaving things better than you found them. This shift represents a maturation of our collective understanding—recognising that individual success exists within larger social and environmental contexts.
Linda the Corporate Lawyer’s Story
Consider the journey of my guest Linda, a corporate lawyer who spent a decade climbing the ladder in a prestigious firm. Her high-paying job and impressive title painted a picture of success. However, the long hours and constant pressure left her feeling unfulfilled. Linda’s turning point came when she faced a severe health scare, prompting a reassessment of her life’s direction. She volunteered at a local legal aid clinic, where helping individuals navigate their legal troubles brought her a deep sense of purpose. The gratitude of those she helped contrasted sharply with the impersonal nature of corporate law. After her retreat, Linda left her lucrative job to work full-time in public interest law. Her new career path, while not as financially rewarding, brought her profound satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment. Linda’s story suggests that success is not merely about external achievements but about finding work that resonates with one’s values, especially when life’s challenges push us to reconsider our paths.
Sylvie, the Successful Entrepreneur’s Story
“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful,” said Albert Schweitzer. This quote mirrors the experience of Sylvie, an entrepreneur who founded a tech startup in her twenties. Initially, Sylvie’s measure of success was revenue and market share. Her startup grew rapidly, but the relentless pursuit of growth soon led to burnout and seriously strained relationships. As her marriage started to disintegrate, Sylvie attended a retreat here and, during the retreat, decided to reassess her priorities. She began to focus on creating a work culture that valued mental well-being and personal growth. Sylvie’s company started offering flexible work hours, mental health support, and opportunities for employees to pursue their own dreams. This shift resulted not only in a happier, more productive team but also in sustainable business growth. Sylvie is now convinced that success lies in nurturing a fulfilling work environment.
Lila, the Committed High School Teacher’s Story
Lila’s story further illustrates this redefinition. As a high school teacher, she found joy in inspiring her students. Despite pressure from her partner to pursue higher-paying jobs, Lila remained committed to teaching. A significant life transition occurred when her mother fell ill, requiring Lila to balance caregiving with her professional responsibilities. This period of dual roles underscored the importance of her impact on young minds and the lasting influence she had on their lives. Exhausted from her caregiving duties, Lila attended a retreat here. She realised that she does not measure success in monetary terms but in the pride she felt in her students’ achievements and the positive changes she brought to their lives. Her story demonstrates that success can be found in dedication to one’s calling and the positive change one brings to others, particularly when life’s challenges demand a deeper commitment to one’s true calling.
Essential Reading: Five Books on Modern Success
1. “The Success Myth” by Emma Gannon
I chose this book because Gannon directly confronts the outdated narratives around success that many of us inherited. She explores how the traditional career ladder has crumbled in the digital age and why that’s actually liberating. Through interviews with diverse professionals who’ve redefined success on their own terms, she provides practical frameworks for questioning inherited assumptions and building a personalized vision of achievement. Her writing resonates particularly with those feeling the pressure of conventional expectations while sensing there might be alternative paths worth exploring.
2. “Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals” by Oliver Burkeman
Burkeman’s book makes the list because it fundamentally challenges productivity-obsessed definitions of success. By confronting the reality that we have roughly four thousand weeks in a human lifetime, he shifts the conversation from doing more to choosing wisely. This book addresses the modern epidemic of busyness mistaken for success and offers a philosophical yet practical approach to prioritisation. It’s essential reading for anyone who’s achieved traditional markers of success but still feels unfulfilled, helping readers understand that limitations aren’t obstacles to success but the very context that makes meaningful success possible.
3. “The Second Mountain” by David Brooks
Brooks distinguishes between first-mountain success (career, wealth, status) and second-mountain success (relationships, community, moral commitment). I included this because it captures the journey many people experience—achieving conventional success only to realise something crucial is missing. His framework helps readers understand why traditional achievement often feels hollow and provides language for the deeper fulfillment that comes from contribution and connection. This book is particularly valuable for those in mid-life or mid-career transitions, questioning whether there’s more to success than they’ve been pursuing.
4. “Designing Your Life” by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans
This book applies design thinking principles to life planning, which makes it invaluable for modern success seekers. Rather than prescribing what success should look like, Burnett and Evans provide tools for prototyping different versions of your life and testing what truly brings satisfaction. I chose it because it acknowledges that success isn’t one-size-fits-all and provides actionable methods for discovering your unique definition. The emphasis on iteration and experimentation reflects the reality that our definition of success may evolve throughout our lives, and that’s not only normal but healthy.
5. “Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialised World” by David Epstein
Epstein’s book challenges the conventional wisdom that early specialization leads to success. I included it because it validates diverse career paths, career changes, and interdisciplinary thinking—all increasingly common in modern professional life. In an era where people are expected to have clear, linear career trajectories, Range provides evidence that wandering paths often lead to more innovation, satisfaction, and ultimately success. It’s particularly relevant for those who feel behind because they haven’t followed a traditional route, or for anyone considering a significant career pivot. The book reframes what might look like detours as actually being competitive advantages in our complex, rapidly changing world.
The definition of success in modern life is ultimately personal, contextual, and ever-evolving. It requires each person to look inward, identify their core values, and build a life that reflects those priorities. While this lack of a universal standard can feel overwhelming, it also offers unprecedented freedom. We’re no longer confined to following predetermined paths but can instead craft definitions of success that honour our unique gifts, circumstances, and aspirations. The question is no longer “Am I successful?” but rather “Am I successful on my own terms?”
A New Definition of Success
Reflecting on these stories, it became clear to me that success today is a multi-dimensional concept, deeply personal and often unquantifiable. It is about fulfilment, purpose, and the well-being of oneself and others. Ralph Waldo Emerson aptly stated, “To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”
I will know that my retreats are successful if they assist my guests in redefining success, particularly during life transitions, changes or challenges, to embrace a holistic view that values happiness, impact, and personal growth over traditional metrics.
Stories like those of Linda, Sylvie, and Lila, prove that true success is a journey, not a destination, and it is as diverse as the people who pursue it.
And it’s back to the “retreat redesign” drawing board for me!
(Names changed and stories altered to protect my guests’ identities.)
If your soul is craving fresh air, meaningful movement, and a chance to reconnect with nature, join us on a Camino de Santiago Walking Retreat in the southwest of France. This isn’t just a scenic hike – it’s a powerful, natural reboot for your body, mind, and spirit. Imagine quiet paths, rolling hills, cozy evenings, and slow conversations. No fitness requirements. No forced bonding. No pressure to have a breakthrough. Just one foot in front of the other, and finding your way to a brighter future.
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What Life Lessons Can You Learn While Walking the Camino de Santiago? – a free guide filled with 10 not just “quaint anecdotes” or Instagram-worthy moments (though there are plenty of those) but real transformations from real people who walked this insight-giving trail – Subscribe to my monthly newsletter to Download the Guide
In addition to the Camino de Santiago retreats that I host at my little French farm southwest of Bordeaux, I have also created 7 online courses, ex.The Purpose Protocols, The Roadmap to Resilience – from Burnout to Brilliance Protocol and The Change Careers without Starting from Scratch – each course is available with or without one-to-one support. To stay in contact, I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter, you’ll get immediate access to my free life crisis quiz.
Coping with Life Changes, Challenges and Transitions Series
Theresa stood in the middle of her living room, surrounded by piles of paperwork from years gone by, dusty stacks of old newspapers and magazines, bulging boxes of “fat” clothes and “thin” clothes, some never worn, and an eclectic collection of thoughtless gifts.
After 20 years of living, or rather existing, in the same old house, a recent divorce had thrown her kicking-and-screaming, right into the middle of a debilitating life transition. She sneezed as she picked up a sticky photo album from a shelf, she realised it wasn’t just her failed marriage that she had to let go—it was the mountains of useless clutter that had silently accumulated over the years, and were now threatening to suffocate her.
I am no minimalist, but I have found that decluttering during a life transition, challenge of change, such as moving house, getting divorced, changing careers, losing someone you love or finding yourself with an empty nest, can be useful in more than one way. For one thing, life transitions often involve long waiting periods, and decluttering can give you something mood-lifting to do.
During a major life change, decluttering may seem like an impossible task to set yourself, to motivate and inspire you, read through the benefits listed below Theresa’s story.
The secret is to start small.
Theresa Tremaine’s Post-Divorce Declutter
Theresa didn’t wake up one morning and think, Today feels like a good day to dismantle my past. She simply opened a cupboard.
The avalanche of mismatched mugs, expired spices, and guilt-laden “I’ll fix this one day” projects told her what she already knew: life had shifted, and her home hadn’t caught up yet.
Theresa had survived a divorce: a life transition that doesn’t come with balloons or a congratulations card. It comes with questions. Big ones. Who am I now? What stays? What goes? Apparently, the contents of her junk drawer were eager to weigh in.
At first, decluttering felt practical. Sensible. Almost boring. But somewhere between donating clothes that no longer fit her body or her life, and recycling paperwork from a career chapter that was now firmly closed, something unexpected happened.
She felt lighter.
Each item she released was a tiny act of courage. Not dramatic courage—no cape required—but the steady, grounded kind. The kind that says, I trust myself enough to let go.
Theresa began to notice that some objects weighed far more emotionally than they ever did physically. A souvenir from a relationship that had run its course. A folder of plans for a future that never quite arrived. Releasing them wasn’t about being ruthless—it was about being honest.
As the shelves emptied, something else settled in. Her mind stopped racing. The silence wasn’t empty; it was spacious. There was time now—to breathe, to dream, to not have all the answers yet. Inviting her to imagine what might come next.
At the end, Theresa found one last box marked “Stuff to Decide Later.” She laughed out loud. She taped the box shut, added it to a dustbin bag and stepped back. Decluttering hadn’t given her a roadmap—but it had taught her this: courage isn’t about having certainty. It’s about trusting yourself enough to clear the path.
Decluttering during life transitions can:
(I have tried to order the benefits below according to their usefulness, starting with those that were useful to me. Everyone and every transition is different, you may find benefits at the bottom of this list at the top of yours!)
1. Reduce Stress: Clutter can make you feel anxious and overwhelmed, as a disorganised space often mirrors a chaotic mind.
2. Boost Mental Clarity: When your surroundings are free of unnecessary items, it’s easier to concentrate on the tasks at hand and make thoughtful decisions during a life transition.
3. Enhance Self-Awareness: Understanding why you’ve held onto certain items and recognising what you value can provide insights into your personality, preferences, and priorities.
4. Facilitate a Fresh Start: Clearing clutter helps you physically and symbolically make space for new opportunities, relationships, and experiences, enabling you to move forward and make a fresh start.
5. Increase Productivity: A tidy environment can significantly boost your productivity. Without the distraction of clutter, you can work more efficiently, whether you’re setting up a new home office, starting a new project, or simplifying your daily routine.
6. Promote Better Sleep: By removing unnecessary items and creating a peaceful sleeping environment, you enhance your ability to rest and recharge, which is crucial during times of change.
7. Improve Physical Health: The act of sorting, cleaning, and organising can be a form of physical activity. Additionally, reducing clutter can help minimise dust and allergens in your home, leading to a healthier living space.
8. Encourage Mindfulness: Deciding what to keep and what to discard, can be an excellent mindfulness exercise, as you concentrate on staying present in the moment and to not get lost in memories of the past or trapped by your fears for the future.
9. Save Time and Energy: A clutter-free home is easier to maintain and clean. By decluttering, you reduce the time and energy spent searching for items, cleaning around piles of stuff, and managing your space, allowing you to focus on more meaningful activities.
10. Letting go of items associated with past experiences can be emotionally liberating. Decluttering allows you to release the negative emotions tied to those items, paving the way for emotional healing and manifesting a new chapter in your life.
11. Create a Sense of Accomplishment: The process of decluttering, sorting, and organising can boost your confidence and motivate you to tackle other aspects of your life transition.
12. Enhance Creativity: Without the visual and mental distractions of clutter, your mind is free to explore new ideas and engage in creative thinking.
13. Increase Financial Stability: Selling unwanted items can generate extra income, and sometimes become a profitable side hustle or even main income. Additionally, being organised helps you avoid unnecessary purchases by knowing exactly what you have.
15. Cultivate Useful Habits: The practice of decluttering can lead to the development of better organisational habits. Maintaining a clutter-free space encourages regular tidying and mindful consumption, fostering long-term discipline and organisation.
16. Strengthen Relationships: A tidy, ordered home can improve relationships with those who live with you. It reduces conflicts over misplaced items and creates a more harmonious living environment.
17. Promote Decision-Making Skills: Decluttering requires making decisions about what to keep and what to let go of. This practice can enhance your decision-making skills, making it easier to make other important choices during life transitions.
18. Make your living space is more visually appealing: Creating an environment that reflects your style and preferences can boost your mood and make your home a more enjoyable place to live.
19. Decluttering helps you reduce the physical and emotional baggage you carry. Whether it’s an unexpected move, a new job, ta break up or a redundancy, being organised makes the process smoother and less overwhelming.
20. Increases Overall Happiness: Controlling your physical environment can positively impact your emotional well-being, making you feel empowered and at peace.
Frequently Asked Questions: Decluttering During Life Transitions
1. Why does decluttering feel so overwhelming during major life transitions?
Life transitions—whether moving, divorcing, retiring, or losing a loved one—already stretch our emotional and mental capacity. When you add the physical task of sorting through belongings, you’re not just organising objects; you’re processing memories, identity, and change all at once. Each item you encounter can trigger emotions or decisions about who you were versus who you’re becoming. The overwhelm is completely normal because you’re essentially doing psychological work disguised as physical work. To manage this, break the process into very small chunks (one drawer, not one room), give yourself permission to take breaks when emotions surface, and remember that decluttering during transitions isn’t about perfection—it’s about creating space for your next chapter. Consider enlisting a supportive friend or professional organiser who can provide both practical help and emotional steadiness during the process.
2. How do I decide what to keep when everything feels emotionally charged?
During transitions, nearly everything can feel meaningful because you’re in a heightened emotional state. Start by identifying your non-negotiables—items that truly represent who you are or want to become, not who you were obligated to be. Ask yourself: “Does this item support the life I’m moving toward?” rather than “Does this remind me of the past?” For particularly difficult decisions, use the “maybe box” method—pack uncertain items away for three to six months. If you don’t think about or need them during that time, you have your answer. Also, recognise that photographs can preserve memories without requiring you to keep the physical object itself. You might photograph your child’s artwork, your grandmother’s china pattern, or that college t-shirt before letting the item go. The memory remains accessible without the storage burden. Finally, remember that keeping everything honors nothing—by being selective, you elevate the items you do keep to their rightful significance.
3. What’s the best way to start decluttering when facing a major move or downsizing?
Begin with the easiest category first, not the hardest. Many people make the mistake of starting with emotionally laden items like photos or heirlooms, which leads to immediate paralysis. Instead, start with something straightforward like expired pantry items, old magazines, or duplicate kitchen tools. These quick wins build momentum and confidence. Next, measure your new space if possible and create a realistic floor plan to understand what will actually fit. This transforms decluttering from an abstract emotional task into a concrete spatial puzzle. Work room by room, completing each space fully before moving to the next—seeing finished areas motivates you to continue. Use the four-box method: keep, donate, sell, and trash. Be honest about what you’ll realistically use in your new situation. That bread maker you haven’t touched in five years is unlikely to suddenly become essential. Finally, schedule decluttering sessions for times when you have good energy, not late at night when decision fatigue sets in.
4. How can I let go of items connected to my old identity without losing myself?
This question gets to the heart of why decluttering during transitions feels so profound. Your belongings have represented who you were—the musician, the athlete, the corporate professional, the parent of young children. Releasing them can feel like erasing that identity. The truth is, your identity lives in you, not in your things. The guitarist you were doesn’t disappear when you sell the guitar you no longer play; that experience shaped who you are today. Reframe decluttering as making room for growth rather than loss. Keep a carefully curated selection of items that genuinely honour your past—perhaps one or two truly meaningful pieces per life chapter. Consider creating a memory box for each major phase: not everything from that phase, but the most significant representations. Some people find it helpful to write about their relationship with items before releasing them, essentially journaling the meaning so it’s not lost even when the object is gone. Remember too that some identities need to be released to make space for new ones. Holding onto every version of yourself creates a cluttered life with no room for evolution.
5. What should I do with sentimental items that nobody else wants or values?
This is one of the most painful aspects of decluttering during transitions, especially after losing a loved one or when adult children don’t want family heirlooms. First, accept that emotional value and practical value are different things, and that’s okay. Your grandmother’s china set was precious in her era and meaningful to you because of her, but your children live different lives with different needs. Their lack of interest doesn’t diminish your memories or the love your grandmother had. You have several options: Keep only the most meaningful pieces rather than entire sets—perhaps one teacup that you actually use for coffee on quiet mornings. Photograph collections before donating them, creating a digital record. Repurpose items creatively: turn a wedding dress into christening gowns, frame sections of vintage linens as art, or transform jewellery into new pieces you’ll actually wear. Consider whether museums, historical societies, or speciality collectors might value items with genuine historical significance. Finally, donate thoughtfully to places where items will be used and appreciated—vintage dishes to someone setting up their first apartment, books to little free libraries, tools to vocational programs. The items continue their story even if not within your family, and sometimes that’s the most honourable choice of all.
Conclusion
With each item Theresa decided to discard, she felt a weight lift off her shoulders. The process wasn’t just about tidying up; it was about making space for new opportunities. In the midst of her life transition, getting rid of the clutter became a powerful act of reclaiming her life, her freedom, and her future.
Decluttering during life transitions is more than just tidying up; it’s a transformative process that can significantly impact your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. For Theresa, it was a journey of emotional release, mental clarity, and personal empowerment. By embracing the process of getting rid of clutter, you can not only create a more restful living space but also pave the way for a smoother, more positive transition into the next chapter of your life. Whether it’s enhancing creativity, supporting financial well-being, or preparing for future changes, the benefits of decluttering are profound, long-lasting and far-reaching.
A clutter-free environment can be a key factor in successfully managing a life transition.
« In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or step back into safety.” — Abraham Maslow
If you are currently facing a major life transition or any other dramatic change in your circumstances, and you have no idea how you are going to cope, the good news is that the strategy presented in this book can help you, step by step, to improve your ability to handle the stress caused by change, even if you feel entirely powerless at the moment.
Private Breakup and Divorce Recovery Retreat -this 2-day/2-night, bespoke, one-on-one break-up and divorce retreat on the Camino de Santiago in the sun-blessed southwest of France enables you to press pause, recalibrate your inner compass, and return to your life with more purpose, intention, and clarity.
Designed for those navigating a life transition, the Radical Renaissance Protocol guides you through an identity reset, helping you reconnect with your purpose, realign your values, and reclaim the clarity you thought you’d lost. This isn’t about fixing what’s broken: through reflection, strategic reinvention, and soul-anchored mentoring, you’ll transform uncertainty into direction and dormant potential into meaningful impact.
Firm Foundations for Your FutureProtocol– a fast-paced, high-impact, future-focused course that facilitates the construction of identity-shaping stories about your future self so that you can make the changes needed to avoid having to go through big life changes again and again—without needing to process your past in depth and in detail.
In addition to the Camino de Santiago retreats that I host at my little French farm southwest of Bordeaux, I have also created 7 online courses, ex.The Purpose Protocols, The Roadmap to Resilience – from Burnout to Brilliance Protocol and The Change Careers without Starting from Scratch – each course is available with or without one-to-one support. To stay in contact, I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter, you’ll get immediate access to my free life crisis quiz.
I want to start this email by thanking all those wonderful people who have written to me after my last email: I can’t tell you how heartwarming it was to receive your encouraging responses. The consensus was: “You do You.”
I was standing in the queue in the pharmacy, five people in front of me. The young woman at the desk was chatting to the pharmacist about the recent retreat she attended on the Ile de Ré. Knowing that this was going to take some time, my mind wandered…to my own retreats.
What does “You do You” mean to me? Again and again, I come back to what I believe I’m best at: helping women through difficult life transitions like career changes, divorce, relocation, menopause, empty nest syndrome, loss of a spouse/friend(incl 4-legged ones) or family member, retirement, starting a business, getting used to living alone, facing health issues etc. I have been through many life changes and learned a bit more about coping with the stress generated each time.
“Change can be exhilarating, intimidating, overwhelming, challenging, or liberating, depending on your perspective. Changing your perspective can positively influence your ability to cope with change, whether voluntary or involuntary.” Dr Margaretha Montagu
I have weathered many changes over the years – I am coming to the end of another life transition now – using one or more of my (ever-evolving) stress-dissolving strategies:
Spending time in Nature, preferably while walking – the Camino de Santiago is easily accessible from here, but sitting in my courtyard watching the sun come up with a cup of coffee to hand is pure bliss too.
Spending time with my horses, even watching them chomp away at their hay makes me happy. What makes me happiest, is when they help my guests master stress-eradicating coping strategies.
Reading – I am unashamedly addicted to historical murder mysteries in English, French or, on occasion, Dutch.
Writing – I am a devoted daily gratitude journaler, a member of 2 writing groups and I am a productive writer of articles, stories (mostly about dragons,) courses and books.
Giving my time to a charity – the one I spend most time supporting has irresistible side benefits – it sells vintage clothes, shoes, books and bric-a-brac.
Looking after myself mentally, physically and spiritually. I have managed to slow the progression of my eye disease by eating healthily and sticking to intermittent fasting for nearly 5 years now.
Spending time with my friends, good food, good wine, good company and all that – but what I especially love is sharing my house, my little farm, and Gascony, the awesome region where I am blessed to live, with them.
I wondered if it would be possible to combine the strategies I use to get through life transitions/changes into one all-inclusive retreat?
I host a selection of retreats, each based on one/two of my carefully curated stress-busting strategies :
The Camino de Santiago de Compostela Walking Retreats, featuring Walking and Writing Meditation
The Booklovers Binge Reading Retreats (including the Christmas Jolabokaflod Retreat) and the Write Your Story Writers-in-Residence Retreats are based on my Write Your Way to Serenity online course.
The Mindfulness and Meditation with Horses Retreats featuring Equine-facilitated Mindfulness and Equine-guided Meditation
Could I combine all 5 of these retreats into one all-inclusive retreat? Spreading the word about each individual retreat is hard work – it would be much simpler if I only had one retreat to advertise.
And what about my online courses? Could I use one or more of my courses during this one-of-a-kind monster retreat?
Hoofbeats to Your Heart’s Calling: Finding Your Life Purpose Guided by Horses
The Write Your Way to Serenity: A Guided Journaling Retreat Inspired by Horses
Horses Mending Broken Hearts: A Guided Journey to Finding Closure after the Loss of a Horse
The Burnout to Breakthrough Online Retreat (not horse-inspired)
The Mindfulness and Meditation with Horses Teacher Training Course
And my books, all French-flavoured and co-written by my Friesian and Falabella horses, how could they fit into the all-inclusive retreat scheme?
Embracing Change in 10 Minutes a Day: Simple Strategies, Smart Suggestions and Insight-giving Stories (Fabriqué en France Book 3)
Mindfulness and Meditation Options: Featuring Equine-guided Mindfulness Meditation (Fabriqué en France Book 2)
Self-Confidence Made Simple: The 7 Secrets of Supreme Self-Esteem for Women who want to live fulfilling, purposeful and prosperous Lives (Fabriqué en France Book 1)
How To Make Your Next Retreat Your Best Retreat Ever (Fabriqué en France Book 4)
Everything I have created in the last decade was inspired and induced by a life transition, so theoretically, everything could be used to enrich my monster retreat.
But!
But, but, but…
What I want for my retreat guests, more than anything else, is time to relax, rest and recharge their batteries, in their own good time, at their own pace, while they benefit fully from connecting with my Friesians and Falabellas and reconnecting with Nature in one of the most beautiful parts of the world.
Also, I want this retreat to be structured in such a way that my guests will want to come back year after year for their reconnect-and-reset fix, to spend one blissful week in an as-familiar-as-a-favourite-winter-cardigan sanctuary, lightyears away from the overwhelming demands of their personal and professional lives.
If you would like to follow my journey and help me manifest my new retreat, just click on the button below and leave your e-mail address.
“I am an experienced medical doctor – MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract cert, Transformational Life Coach (dip.) Life Story Coach (cert.) Stress Counselling (cert.) Med Hypnotherapy (dip.) and EAGALA (cert.) I may have an impressive number of letters after my name, and more than three decades of professional experience, but what qualifies me to excel at what I do is my intuitive understanding of my clients’ difficulties and my extensive personal experience of managing major life changes using strategies I developed over many years.” Dr M Montagu
Having experimented with the Law of Attraction and having been thoroughly disillusioned more than a decade ago, I have had little time for the idea ever since.
Recently, a friend mentioned Human Design, and knowing nothing about it, I decided to look it up. According to this classification, I am a Reflector, not a Manifestor, which made me smile, and take the classification a bit more seriously, than I otherwise would have, as a scientist, because its effectiveness has not been confirmed by peer-reviewed research.
Ten years ago, I started a gratitude journal, and over the years, I became convinced of its powerful stress-reducing properties. Looking back, I realised that I also used it to set short, medium and long-term goals, and I wondered if that might have functioned as a manifestation activity. Could manifestation, in its simplest form, be nothing more than the brain’s Reticular Activation System (RAS) at work?
The RAS takes the information that we are constantly bombarded by from external sources, filters out the unnecessary and unimportant, and organises what is left into meaningful patterns. For example, saying an affirmation like “I am blessed” to yourself will trigger the Reticular Activating System, prompting it to notice any external validation for this affirmation.
In a similar way, keeping a manifestation journal can trigger the RAS to notice opportunities that will enable you to realise your dreams. Writing down your dreams helps clarify your intentions and focus your energy on working towards what you truly want. It allows you to track your progress over time, noting the steps you’ve taken and the milestones you’ve reached, which reinforces your commitment and motivation. Documenting your successes, no matter how small, also provides positive reinforcement.
I now more purposefully add my goals to my gratitude journal, to benefit from the support of my RAS.
How Not To Do It: Manifesting Madelaines
Beatrice’s journal smelled like burnt butter and broken dreams.
She cracked it open at 6:47 AM—the universe’s most auspicious time for manifestation, according to @SpiritualBaker333—and pressed her gel pen to the page with the fervor of a woman who’d watched one too many YouTube videos about the law of attraction.
I am a vessel for the perfect madeleine, she wrote in her best cursive. The scalloped edges call to me. The golden dome rises in my mind’s eye like a buttery sunset. I can already taste the delicate crumb, feel it dissolve on my tongue like edible nostalgia.
The pen’s ink bled slightly into the paper, creating a small blue halo around “nostalgia.” A sign from the universe? Beatrice chose to believe so.
Day three of manifestation journaling, and her kitchen counter looked like a crime scene. Flour dusted every surface in ghostly fingerprints. Egg yolks congealed in a measuring cup she’d forgotten about. The silicone madeleine pan—$47.99 on Amazon, worth every penny she’d convinced herself—sat in the sink, crusted with the remains of batch number eleven.
Eleven.
She’d been journaling for three weeks.
“The secret,” she’d told her storytelling circle last Tuesday, waving a lavender latte for emphasis, “is to write as if it’s already happened. Past tense. The universe doesn’t understand future tense.”
Marcus had raised an eyebrow. “Doesn’t the universe understand French pastry?”
Everyone had laughed. Beatrice had not.
Because this wasn’t just about pastry. This was about Proust. About involuntary memory. About creating something so transcendent that one bite could collapse time itself, could transport you to your grandmother’s kitchen or your first love’s apartment or some feeling you didn’t even know you’d lost.
Today I baked the perfect madeleine, she wrote on day nineteen. The kitchen smelled like browned butter and honey, like centuries of French grandmothers approving in chorus. When I lifted one from the pan, it released with a whisper, its belly golden as August light streaming through lace curtains.
She closed the journal. Picked up her whisk.
The batter looked promising—silky, the colour of pale morning sun. She’d brown-buttered. She’d rested. She’d chilled the pan. She’d even played Debussy while mixing because somewhere she’d read that sound vibrations affected molecular structure.
Twenty-three minutes later, she was staring at what could only be described as madeleine-shaped croutons. The edges had curled like arthritic fingers. The famous dome? Concave. When she bit into one, it crumbled into sawdust that sucked every molecule of moisture from her mouth.
She spat it into the sink and screamed into a dish towel.
Why isn’t this working?
The journal lay open on the counter, her elaborate cursive mocking her with its confidence. I am a vessel for the perfect madeleine.
“You’re a vessel for delusion,” she muttered, grabbing the pen.
Day 23: The madeleines taste like failure mixed with false hope and a $47.99 silicone pan that I’m starting to suspect is cursed.
She paused. Sniffed. Underneath the burnt-butter-disappointment smell, something else: the faint chemical tang of the pen, the vanilla extract she’d spilled on her wrist, the yeasty sourdough starter gurgling in the corner that she’d been successfully feeding for two years without journaling about it once.
At the storytelling circle that Thursday, she brought the journal.
“I’ve been manifestation journaling,” she announced, holding it up like evidence. “For the perfect madeleine. It’s not working.”
“Have you tried actually practising?” Marcus asked, too innocently.
The room went quiet.
Beatrice looked down at her journal, at weeks of elaborate prose about golden domes and transcendent crumbs and sensory time travel. At precisely zero notes about oven temperature or baking times or the actual chemistry of what makes a madeleine rise.
“I think,” she said slowly, “I’ve been writing fiction.”
The circle erupted in laughter—warm, knowing, not unkind.
“Welcome to storytelling,” Marcus grinned. “Now come over Sunday. My grandmother’s recipe. No manifestation required. Just butter, eggs, and showing up to learn.”
Beatrice closed her journal.
Sometimes the best stories are the ones where you stop writing and start living.
The journaling prompts below can significantly increase the effectiveness of your manifestation journal by triggering your RAS:
What is my ultimate goal and why is it important to me?
What steps can I take this week to move closer to my goal?
How will achieving my goal positively impact my life and the lives of others?
What resources and support do I need to manifest my goal, and how can I access them?
Who are the people that inspire me and how can I learn from their journeys?
How can I celebrate my progress, no matter how small, on the path to my goal?
What does my ideal day look like in vivid detail?
How will achieving my current goal change my life for the better?
What qualities do I most admire in others and wish to cultivate in myself?
What/who am I most grateful for in my life right now?
How do I envision my life five years from now?
What obstacles do I currently face, and how can I overcome them?
What positive affirmations can I use to empower my daily intentions?
What acts of kindness can I perform to improve my and others’ well-being?
What are my core values, and how do they guide my life’s choices?
If fear was not a factor, what would I pursue immediately?
What habits can I develop to bring me closer to my dreams?
In what ways can I positively impact my community?
What does success truly mean to me?
What are the most significant lessons I’ve learned this year?
How can I make my daily routine more aligned with my goals?
What limiting beliefs do I need to let go of to move forward?
How can I turn a recent challenge into an opportunity for growth?
5 FAQs About the Reticular Activating System
1. What exactly is the Reticular Activating System (RAS)?
The Reticular Activating System is a network of neurons located in the brainstem that acts as your brain’s gatekeeper and attention filter. Think of it as a neurological bouncer that decides which information gets VIP access to your conscious awareness and which gets left outside in the cold. This pencil-sized bundle of nerve cells processes millions of bits of sensory data every second—sights, sounds, smells, touches—and filters out about 99% of it so you’re not overwhelmed. Without your RAS, you’d be paralysed by the sheer volume of information bombarding your senses at every moment.
2. How does the RAS decide what’s important enough to notice?
Your RAS operates on a priority system based on three main criteria: survival relevance, emotional significance, and what you’ve repeatedly told it matters. Sudden loud noises always get through (survival). Your name spoken across a crowded room cuts through the chatter (personal relevance). And here’s where it gets interesting—whatever you focus on consistently, your RAS begins to recognise as important. This is why when you’re thinking about buying a red car, you suddenly see red cars everywhere. They were always there; your RAS just wasn’t letting them through until you signalled they mattered. It’s essentially programmable through attention and repetition.
3. Can I actually train or reprogram my RAS?
Yes, though “train” is more accurate than “reprogram.” Your RAS responds to consistent patterns of attention, emotion, and repetition. When you set clear intentions, visualise goals, or repeatedly expose yourself to certain information, you’re essentially teaching your RAS what to prioritise. This is the neurological basis behind practices like vision boards, affirmations, and goal-setting. However—and this is crucial—your RAS can’t distinguish between positive and negative focus. If you constantly worry about failure, your RAS will helpfully point out every possible failure scenario. The key is deliberate, consistent focus on what you want to notice, coupled with genuine emotional engagement with those goals.
4. What’s the connection between the RAS and sleep/wakefulness?
The RAS is literally your brain’s on/off switch for consciousness. It controls your sleep-wake cycle by regulating arousal and alertness levels throughout the day. When your RAS activity increases, you become more alert and wakeful; when it decreases, you drift toward sleep. This is why damage to the RAS can result in coma—the brain loses its ability to maintain wakefulness. The RAS also explains why certain sounds can wake you (a baby crying, your alarm) while others don’t (steady traffic noise). Even during sleep, your RAS continues monitoring for important stimuli, maintaining just enough vigilance to rouse you when necessary while filtering out irrelevant information that would otherwise fragment your rest.
5. Is the RAS the scientific explanation for manifestation and the law of attraction?
Partially, but it’s important to separate neuroscience from magical thinking. The RAS does explain why focusing on goals makes you more likely to notice opportunities related to those goals—it’s not that the universe is conspiring to help you, but that your brain is now alerting you to relevant information that was always present. This is a real, measurable phenomenon called selective attention. However, the RAS doesn’t make things materialise out of thin air or bend reality to your will. It simply makes you more aware and responsive to existing opportunities. The practical takeaway: set clear goals, focus on them regularly, and your RAS will help you spot the resources, people, and chances that can move you toward them. But you still have to take action—the RAS opens your eyes, but you have to walk through the door.
“I am an experienced medical doctor – MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract cert, Transformational Life Coach (dip.) Life Story Coach (cert.) Stress Counselling (cert.) Med Hypnotherapy (dip.) and EAGALA (cert.) I may have an impressive number of letters after my name, and more than three decades of professional experience, but what qualifies me to excel at what I do is my intuitive understanding of my clients’ difficulties and my extensive personal experience of managing major life changes using strategies I developed over many years.” Dr M Montagu
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There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living. Nelson Mandela In Short Here’s the uncomfortable truth wrapped in a comfortable sweater: That “good enough” job, relationship, or living conditions you’re tolerating? It’s not prudent compromise—it’s you slowly …
I hear this constantly from executives: “I sleep, but I never feel restored. It’s like my brain is still running flat out even while I’m in bed.” Rachel, a Chief Marketing Officer, described it perfectly: “I go to sleep thinking about the team restructure. I wake up at 3am replaying that tense conversation with the …
Leaders tell me: “Balance is impossible. If I slow down, I fall behind. If I keep going, I burn out.” Jennifer, a Senior Vice President at a tech company, put it perfectly: “Everyone talks about work-life balance like I should just… work less. But I didn’t build my career by doing the minimum. I love …
Relax, Rejuvenate, and Rediscover Yourself at a Sanctuary in the foothills of the Pyrenées Mountains
A retreat should be a refuge: somewhere you can escape to, a place where you feel safe, seen and heard.
I mentioned that I run old-fashioned retreats that first and foremost offer my guests a safe haven where they can thoroughly relax, rest and fully recharge their batteries.
But what is a safe haven?
My definition of a safe haven is my grandmother’s kitchen. In the blink of an eye, I can imagine myself back there, sitting at the rough kitchen table, my feet dangling in the air as my legs are too short to reach the floor. The whole room is saturated with the smell of baking bread, and my mouth is watering in anticipation of the thick slice of steaming hot bread, drenched in homemade butter, that my grandmother will soon put in front of me. While I wait, my legs swinging back and forth impatiently, I stare in fascination at the huge variety of herbs drying on hooks on the 300-year-old oak beams, humming absentmindedly along with Maurice Chevalier on the radio, as he sings about bicycling down the deserted country roads. Finally, my grandmother gets up from the table where she has been shelling peas from her potager, to check the bread. I hold my breath, is it ready yet?
For my guests, I have tried to create a similar experience here on my little farm, in deepest rural France. The setting is an ancient half-timbered farmhouse, renovated as authentically as possible, rustic but comfortable, surrounded by woods, sunflower fields, vineyards and lush meadows, where my horses are grazing peacefully. The breeze here carries the perfume of a thousand wildflowers, and birds serenade my visitors from dawn to dusk, through the night even, if you count in the wooing owl couple. Talking about the night, here you can lie in a sunlounger, -or should that be a moonlounger? – and breathlessly take in the millions of stars that fill the night sky, as there is barely any light pollution here.
Here you can sleep for hours, and most of my guests do. They often sleep 10-12 hours on the first night, some sleep 10 hours every single night they are at Esprit Meraki, which means, loosely translated from the Greek, « made with love. »
A safe haven, a refuge, created with love.
Uninterrupted sleep, safeguarded from the sudden nerve-wracking blast of an alarm clock, just when you are sleeping at your deepest can do wonders for your general wellbeing. I usually suggest that my guests switch their phones to aeroplane mode and sleep until they wake up naturally, whether it’s 10, 11 or 12 o’clock. Many of my guests haven’t dared to do that for years.
Soon, feeling safe and supported, my guests break free from the suffocating stress that threatens their physical and mental health – it dissolves like the morning mist at sunrise. Breathing sparkling fresh air brings a healthy flush to everyone’s cheeks and simple rituals like strolling up to the potager to pick some sun-warmed tomatoes for the evening’s salad – and eating as many straight again straight off the plants – become a pilgrimage back to a simpler, slower, stress-free way of living, a lifestyle wholeheartedly indulged in here in the unspoilt and largely unexplored southwest of France.
I feel it is crucially important that retreat guests have enough time, at the beginning of a retreat, to leave their troubles behind and disconnect from their often demanding personal and professional lives, before the retreat program starts in earnest. If they want to spend the whole time they are here reading a book in the shade of the gnarled-with-age lime trees, sipping fruit juice or homemade herbal tea, and listening to the horses grazing peacefully close by, that is fine too.
Finding a safe place to rest and recharge your batteries can be transformative too.
Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time. – John Lubbock
Frequently Asked Questions about Retreats as Sanctuaries
1. What exactly do you mean by a “safe haven”?
A safe haven is a place where you can completely let your guard down—somewhere you feel safe, seen, and heard. For me, the definition of a safe haven is my grandmother’s kitchen: sitting at that rough kitchen table with my feet dangling, surrounded by the smell of baking bread, watching herbs dry on 300-year-old oak beams, and knowing that thick slices of steaming hot bread drenched in homemade butter were coming. It was a place saturated with love, comfort, and the simple rhythms of life. At Esprit Meraki, I’ve tried to recreate that same feeling—a refuge where stress dissolves like morning mist at sunrise, where you’re protected from the demands of the outside world, and where you can reconnect with the person you are beneath all the pressure and expectations.
2. Why is a safe haven so important for a retreat?
A retreat should be a refuge first and foremost—not just another place with a packed schedule and obligations. When you’re running on empty from demanding personal and professional lives, what you need most is sanctuary. A safe haven provides the essential foundation for genuine rest and transformation. It’s only when you feel truly safe and supported that the suffocating stress threatening your physical and mental health can begin to dissolve. Without this sense of safety, you remain in a state of vigilance, unable to access the deep rest your body and mind desperately need. I feel it is crucially important that guests have enough time at the beginning to leave their troubles behind and disconnect before any formal program starts. Some guests need the entire retreat just to rest, and that’s perfectly valid—finding a safe place to rest and recharge can be transformative too.
3. How does the physical environment create a sense of safety?
The setting itself is designed to wrap you in comfort and security. The ancient half-timbered farmhouse, renovated as authentically as possible, offers rustic warmth rather than sterile perfection. You’re surrounded by woods, sunflower fields, vineyards, and lush meadows where horses graze peacefully—nature’s own reassurance that life can move at a gentler pace. The breeze carries the perfume of a thousand wildflowers, birds serenade you from dawn to dusk, and at night, an owl couple woos under millions of stars visible in skies free from light pollution. These aren’t just pretty amenities—they’re deliberate elements that signal to your nervous system: you are safe here. You can breathe. You can let go. The whole environment invites you back to a simpler, slower, stress-free way of living that your body remembers and craves.
4. What does it mean to feel “seen and heard” at the retreat?
Being seen and heard means your needs, your pace, and your experience are honoured without judgment. If you need to sleep 10-12 hours on the first night (as most guests do), that’s celebrated, not questioned. If you want to sleep 10 hours every single night you’re here, that’s supported. If you need to spend the whole time reading under the gnarled-with-age lime trees, sipping fruit juice or homemade herbal tea while listening to horses graze, that’s fine too. There’s no pressure to be “productive” or to participate in activities if rest is what you need. After over a decade of leading retreats, I’ve learned that each person’s path to restoration is unique. A safe haven means having the freedom to follow your own rhythm and knowing that whatever you need is valid. Rest is not idleness, and sometimes lying on the grass under trees, listening to water murmur or watching clouds float across the sky, is exactly the medicine you need.
5. How does sleep factor into creating a safe haven?
Uninterrupted sleep, safeguarded from the sudden nerve-wracking blast of an alarm clock just when you’re sleeping at your deepest, can do wonders for your general well-being. In a safe haven, sleep is sacred and protected. I usually suggest that guests switch their phones to aeroplane mode and sleep until they wake up naturally, whether it’s 10, 11, or 12 o’clock. Many of my guests haven’t dared to do that for years—they’ve forgotten what it feels like to wake when their body is truly ready. This simple act of trusting your body’s need for rest, without guilt or anxiety about the time, is often the first step in breaking free from the chronic stress that has been suffocating you. When you’re in a truly safe space, your body finally feels permission to access the deep, restorative sleep it has been desperately craving.
6. What role do simple rituals play in creating safety?
Simple rituals ground you in the present moment and reconnect you with basic, nourishing aspects of life that stress often strips away. At Esprit Meraki, rituals like strolling up to the potager to pick sun-warmed tomatoes for the evening’s salad—and eating as many straight off the plants as you like—become a pilgrimage back to authenticity. These aren’t Instagram moments or wellness trends; they’re genuine reconnections with the rhythms of life that make us feel human and whole. When you sit at a table where someone has been shelling peas from the garden, when you smell bread baking and know it will soon be yours with homemade butter, when you hear Maurice Chevalier on the radio singing about bicycling down deserted country roads—these sensory experiences create safety through familiarity, comfort, and love. They remind you that life doesn’t have to be complicated to be rich and fulfilling.
7. Why do you emphasise “old-fashioned” retreats?
I run old-fashioned retreats because modern life has over-complicated what should be simple: rest, safety, and restoration. An old-fashioned retreat prioritises being a refuge above all else, rather than being another item on your to-do list or another performance to manage. It’s inspired by the timeless wisdom that rest is not idleness and that sometimes the most transformative thing you can do is simply be—lying on grass under trees, listening to nature, breathing clean air. Old-fashioned means valuing presence over productivity, depth over busyness, and genuine human connection over curated experiences. It means creating the atmosphere of my grandmother’s kitchen—that place where time moved differently, where you were unconditionally welcomed, where love was expressed through simple care. In our hyper-connected, always-on world, this kind of sanctuary has become revolutionary rather than traditional.
8. How soon do guests typically feel safe enough to truly relax?
Everyone’s timeline is different, which is why the beginning of the retreat is deliberately unstructured. Some guests begin to feel their shoulders drop and their breath deepen within the first few hours of arriving and breathing the sparkling fresh air. Others need several days before they can truly disconnect from the demanding lives they’ve left behind. I’ve learned that it’s crucially important to give guests enough time to leave their troubles behind before any formal program starts. Feeling safe and supported, guests gradually break free from the suffocating stress—it doesn’t happen on command or on schedule. The retreat is designed to hold space for however long it takes. The environment itself does much of the work: the peaceful grazing horses, the healthy flush that comes to cheeks from fresh country air, the birdsong, the stars, the absence of alarm clocks. These elements conspire to help your nervous system finally believe: you are safe here. You can let go.
9. What if I feel guilty about taking so much time out?
That guilt is precisely why you need a safe haven. Many of my guests haven’t dared to sleep until they wake naturally for years. They’ve internalised messages that rest is laziness, that productivity equals worth, and that they must constantly justify their existence through doing. A safe haven provides permission—and sometimes that external permission is what we need before we can grant it to ourselves. As John Lubbock wrote, “Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.” At Esprit Meraki, this isn’t just a pretty quote—it’s a lived philosophy. When you see that resting is honoured here, when you’re surrounded by others who are also giving themselves permission, when you’re held in an environment that celebrates rather than judges your need for restoration, that guilt begins to loosen its grip. You start to remember that you are a human being, not a human doing.
10. How is this different from just taking a vacation?
A vacation often still operates within the framework of productivity—seeing sights, checking off experiences, justifying the expense through how much you packed in. Many people return from vacations feeling they need a vacation to recover from their vacation. A safe haven retreat is fundamentally different because it centres rest and safety rather than activity and achievement. It’s not about what you do; it’s about how deeply you can allow yourself to simply be. The whole environment—from the ancient farmhouse made with love to the invitation to pick tomatoes to the protection of your sleep—is designed to help you break free from the patterns that have been threatening your physical and mental health. Finding a safe place to rest and recharge your batteries can be transformative too, often more so than any amount of sightseeing or adventure. This is about returning to yourself, not escaping yourself. It’s about remembering who you are beneath all the stress and demands, in a place where you feel genuinely safe, seen, and heard.
In addition to the Camino de Santiago retreats that I host at my little French farm southwest of Bordeaux, I have also created 7 online courses, ex.The Purpose Protocols, The Roadmap to Resilience – from Burnout to Brilliance Protocol and The Change Careers without Starting from Scratch – each course is available with or without one-to-one support. To stay in contact, I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter, you’ll get immediate access to my free life crisis quiz.
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