Author: Margaretha Montagu

Thinking of starting a new chapter in life? Maybe you feel like you’re standing on the edge of a cliff, and you are hesitating to leap into the void. What if something goes wrong? That’s what starting a new life chapter often feels like. Exhilarating. Terrifying. Full of possibilities.

I’ve been there. I’ve jumped off that cliff more times than I care to count. And you know what? I’ve face-planted spectacularly. But I’ve also soared. Again and again.

For most of us though, starting a new chapter is more like incessantly tripping over the same old hurdles, that you don’t see until you’re knee-deep in quicksand. Same mistakes. Same setbacks. Same frustrating dead ends. The good news about those missteps? They are avoidable.

The 10 most common Pitfalls you need to avoid when you start a New Chapter

Most people repeat the same mistakes during times of transition. These mistakes may not be obvious at first, but they can pile up, leading to frustration and a sense of failure.

In this article, I’ll walk you through the ten most common mistakes people make when starting a new life chapter, using real-life examples to illustrate each point. By the end, you’ll have a clearer understanding of how to navigate your next life transition with more confidence and less stress.

---

1. Clinging to the Past

We are creatures of habit. When you’ve been doing things a certain way for a long time, it’s hard to let go. But the more you hold onto what worked for you before, the harder it is to embrace what’s next.

Example: Claire had spent 15 years in corporate finance, but her passion had always been art. When she decided to transition to art therapy, she kept comparing her new path to her old one—salaries, job stability, and the perception of success. The more she clung to those comparisons, the less she felt able to fully commit to her new direction. It wasn’t until she let go of the old metrics of success that she began to thrive as an art therapist.

Takeaway: You can’t start the next chapter if you keep re-reading the last one. Time to turn the page and move on. Holding on to past experiences can keep you stuck in a cycle of comparisons.

---

2. Underestimating the Emotional Impact

Change is more than just a shift in your external circumstances. It stirs up your internal world too. Many people think they can brush off the emotional impact of starting again—especially when the change is something they’ve chosen. But even positive change can lead to feelings of loss, anxiety, or even grief.

A study in the International Journal of Stress Management revealed that 70% of people undergoing major life transitions experience symptoms of anxiety or depression.

Example: Kevin had always dreamed of living abroad. When the opportunity came to move to Spain for a new job, he was thrilled—until the reality of homesickness set in. He hadn’t anticipated how much he’d miss his old life, his friends, and even the little things like his favourite coffee shop back home. The emotional burden made it hard for him to fully engage in his new job.

Takeaway: Acknowledge the emotional upheaval that comes with a life transition. It’s not a sign of weakness to feel out of sorts—it’s part of the process. Give yourself time to adjust emotionally, just as you would adjust to any new routine.

---

3. Going It Alone

When you start a new chapter, it’s easy to feel like you’re on an island. You may think it’s up to you to figure everything out by yourself, or you might be hesitant to burden others with your problems. But this is the exact moment when you need support the most.

According to a survey by the American Psychological Association, 86% of people who sought support during major life changes reported feeling better equipped to handle challenges.

Example: Mieke, after her divorce, was determined to “do it all” herself. She thought leaning on friends or family would make her seem weak or incapable. But after months of struggling on her own, she realised that reaching out for help wasn’t a sign of failure—it was a sign of strength. Once she started building a support network, her healing accelerated, and she felt more empowered.

Takeaway: No one succeeds alone. Building a strong support system—whether through friends, family, or professional networks—can make all the difference when starting a new chapter.

---

4. Failing to Plan

It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of a new beginning and forget about the practicalities. You might think, “I’ll figure it out as I go,” but without a clear plan, that initial excitement can quickly turn into overwhelm.

Example: Tom had always dreamed of starting his own business, so when he left his 9-to-5 job, he jumped in headfirst. But without a business plan, his enthusiasm soon waned. He had no roadmap for how to get clients, manage his time, or handle finances. His business floundered until he finally sat down and created a solid plan.

Takeaway: Dreams can be intoxicating, but they need to be built on a solid foundation. Make a plan for your new chapter that includes actionable steps, timelines, and measurable goals.

---

5. Ignoring Your Values

When you’re in the midst of a life change, it’s easy to get caught up in what you think you “should” do rather than what truly aligns with your values. But ignoring your core values can lead to discontentment down the road.

Example: Sarah moved to New York City because she thought it was the best place to advance her marketing career. She didn’t stop to think about what mattered most to her—work-life balance, family time, and living close to nature. The city quickly drained her energy, and she soon discovered that her new life wasn’t aligned with her values.

Takeaway: Before jumping into a new chapter, review your values. Make sure your decisions reflect what’s most important to you, or you may find yourself unhappy even in the midst of success.

---

6. Overloading on Advice

Everyone loves to give advice when you’re in transition. While seeking advice can be helpful, too much of it can cloud your judgment and leave you feeling paralysed.

Example: Jack had an idea for a business, and he spent months seeking input from friends, colleagues, and mentors. Everyone had a different opinion, and soon Jack found himself overwhelmed by conflicting advice. In trying to please everyone, he lost sight of what he wanted.

Takeaway: Be selective about whose advice you take. Filter out the noise and trust your own instincts. You know yourself and your goals better than anyone else.

---

7. Expecting Instant Results

We live in a world that values quick wins and instant gratification. But starting a new life chapter is a long game. Expecting immediate success will only lead to frustration.

Example: Emily was eager to reinvent herself as a health coach after quitting her job. She expected to have clients lined up within weeks, but months went by with little traction. Frustrated, she nearly gave up. It wasn’t until she adjusted her expectations and started focusing on long-term growth that her business began to take off.

Takeaway: Be patient. Major life transitions take time to bear fruit. Focus on consistent, small steps, and trust that the results will come in time.

---

8. Resisting Flexibility

No matter how much planning you do, life is unpredictable. Being too rigid in your approach can lead to disappointment when things don’t go as expected.

Example: Paul had a clear vision for his freelance writing career. He specialised in one niche, but after a year, the demand still wasn’t there. Instead of throwing in the towel, he pivoted to a different niche, which allowed him to find more success.

Takeaway: Be open to adjusting your course. Flexibility is crucial during times of change. Sometimes the path you didn’t plan for ends up being the best one.

---

9. Neglecting Self-Care

In the rush to achieve new goals, self-care often gets pushed to the back burner. But neglecting your well-being can lead to burnout, which will derail your progress faster than anything else.

Example: Alice transitioned from a high-stress corporate job to running a non-profit organisation. She poured all her energy into the new venture, working around the clock. Within six months, she was exhausted and on the brink of burnout. Only when she started prioritising her self-care did she find balance and sustainable success.

Takeaway: Self-care isn’t optional. Whether it’s physical health, emotional well-being, or mental clarity, taking care of yourself is the foundation of a successful transition.

---

10. Not Defining Your Purpose

Without a clear sense of purpose, your new chapter can feel aimless. Purpose provides direction, motivation, and resilience when the going gets tough. Research published in Psychological Science shows that individuals with a sense of purpose are 15% more likely to be alive 14 years later, highlighting the long-term benefits of having a clear purpose.

Example: Mark switched jobs multiple times, trying to find something that made him happy. But without a clear purpose, each new role left him feeling unfulfilled. Once he took the time to define his purpose—helping others through mentorship—he found joy in his work and felt more aligned with his career.

Takeaway: Your purpose is your compass. If you haven’t taken the time to define your “why,” you’re more likely to drift off course during a transition.

---

Don’t Let These Mistakes Hold You Back

Life transitions are hard enough without stumbling over these common mistakes. If you’re ready to start your next chapter with more clarity, confidence, and resilience, you don’t have to do it alone.

Ready to make your next chapter your best yet? Click here to find out more.

---

References

• I can, I do, I am: The narrative differentiation of self-efficacy and other self-evaluations while adapting to bereavement. Journal of Research in Personality, 35(4), 424-448. American Psychological Association. (2019).
• Goal striving, need satisfaction, and longitudinal well-being: The self-concordance model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 76(3), 482-497. Rader, C. A., Larrick, R. P., & Soll, J. B. (2017).
• Advice as a form of social influence: Informational motives and the consequences for accuracy. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 11(8), e12329. Lally, P., Van Jaarsveld, C. H., Potts, H. W., & Wardle, J. (2010).
• How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998-1009. Pulakos, E. D., Arad, S., Donovan, M. A., & Plamondon, K. E. (2000).
• A pilot study and randomized controlled trial of the mindful self‐compassion program. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 69(1), 28-44. Hill, P. L., & Turiano, N. A. (2014).
• Purpose in life as a predictor of mortality across adulthood. Psychological Science, 25(7), 1482-1486.

The Art of Reinventing Yourself

Life transitions are often chaotic, unpredictable, and, frankly, seriously unnerving. In these make-or-break times, feeling stuck in a rut is practically a rite of passage.

For many of us, this overwhelming uncertainty leads to stagnation. We cling to old routines like a security blanket, resisting change even when we know deep down it’s what we need. We get bogged down in old habits, cling to what’s familiar, and resist the very changes that might be essential for progress The only way to break free is by using our creativity.

Creativity isn’t just about creating art. It’s about finding new ways to think, act, and approach the challenges life throws at us. During a life transition, engaging in creative activities—or simply adopting a more creative mindset—can help you make sense of the chaos and even transform it into an opportunity for growth.

Using your natural creativity facilitates:

1. Emotional Expression and Processing

Engaging in creative activities makes it easier to express complex emotions and experiences that may be difficult to articulate verbally. This can be particularly beneficial during life transitions, as it provides a healthy outlet for processing feelings of uncertainty, anxiety, anger or grief associated with change. Creative expression can help release stress during turbulent times.

2. Problem-solving and Adaptability

Creativity enhances problem-solving skills and innovative thinking. During life transitions, these skills are invaluable as they help us adapt to new circumstances and find innovative solutions to unexpected challenges. Creative people tend to be more adaptable and open to change, which is useful in both personal and professional settings.

3. Creating Order from Chaos

When life feels like it’s unravelling, creativity is your secret weapon to stitch it back together. Imagine your world as a chaotic storm—creativity acts like a compass, guiding you through the mess. It’s like building a bridge: one side is where you’re stuck, surrounded by the wreckage of what’s not working. The other side? That’s where your vision, your dreams, and your solutions live. Creativity is the process of laying each plank, finding structure in the disorder, and giving you a path forward. It doesn’t erase the chaos—it transforms it into progress.

During my Camino de Santiago walking retreats, I’ve seen how creative exercises like sketching the scenery or writing reflections in a journal can help participants make sense of their emotions. The physical act of creating something—whether it’s a drawing, poem, colouring in a picture or a journal entry—helps people bring order to the messiness of a huge life change.

Fresh off a 20-year relationship, Lynn, one of my Camino de Santiago retreat participants found herself at a crossroads—both literally and figuratively. But as she walked the ancient path, something unexpected happened. With a camera in hand, she started capturing more than just breathtaking landscapes and candid shots of fellow pilgrims. Each click of the shutter helped her reframe her regrets, turning them into stepping stones for a brighter future. Photography became her way of seeing the world—and her life—through a new lens, offering her clarity and purpose on the other side of her separation.

4. Self-Discovery and Personal Growth

Creative activities can lead to deeper self-understanding, helping us explore our interests, values, and emotions. This self-discovery process is crucial during transitions, as it allows us to reassess our goals and priorities in light of new circumstances. As we create, we may uncover aspects of ourselves that were previously hidden, guiding us towards a more authentic path forward.

5. Confidence Building and Increasing Resilience

Engaging in creative activities can boost self-confidence and lead to deeper self-understanding. Successfully executing creative projects can enhance self-esteem, providing a sense of accomplishment and empowerment during uncertain times. Additionally, creativity produces positive emotions that can unlock inner resources for dealing with stress and uncertainty, thereby building resilience.

6. Connecting with Yourself and Others

When you’re going through a transition, it’s easy to feel disconnected—not only from others but also from yourself. Creativity connects you to who you truly are and can even help you reconnect with the people around you, which is vital during times of transition. Sharing the creative process or working on collaborative projects can deepen relationships and build a sense of community. These social bonds can provide crucial support and a sense of belonging during periods of change. During my retreats, participants often bond, discovering that while their specific life challenges may differ, their emotional journeys are similar. This sense of shared experience is comforting and empowering.

7. Accepting Failure—and Trying Again

One of the reasons people fear transitions is the fear of failure. What if I leave my job and my new career doesn’t work out? What if I end my relationship only to find myself lonelier than before? Creativity helps you embrace failure as part of the process. When you engage in creative work, you learn that not everything will go perfectly on the first try, and that’s okay. You can try again, refine, and improve. The same is true in life transitions.

8. Changing Perspectives and Widening Horizons

Creativity allows people to reframe challenges as opportunities. This ability to zoom in on details while also seeing the bigger picture helps in identifying connections that others might miss. By reframing obstacles creatively, we can turn pessimism into optimism and find new ways to approach difficult situations. This ability to envision alternative futures is essential during transitions, as it helps us move beyond the limitations of our current situation and explore potential paths forward.

FAQs: Creativity and Life Transitions

• Q: I’m not an artist. How can creativity help me during a life transition?
• A: Creativity isn’t limited to artistic pursuits. It’s about finding new ways to think and approach challenges. During life transitions, creativity can help you:

• Express and process complex emotions
• Develop problem-solving skills and adaptability
• Create order from chaos
• Discover more about yourself
• Build confidence and resilience
  You can engage in creative activities like journaling, photography, or even creative problem-solving exercises to tap into these benefits.

Q: How does creativity help with the emotional challenges of major life changes?
A: Creativity provides a healthy outlet for processing difficult emotions associated with change, such as uncertainty, anxiety, or grief. It allows you to express feelings that may be hard to put into words. Creative activities can also produce positive emotions, helping to balance out stress and build resilience. Additionally, creative pursuits can help you connect with others, providing crucial social support during transitions.

Q: Can creativity really help me solve practical problems during a life transition?
A: Yes! Creativity enhances problem-solving skills and innovative thinking. It helps you:

• See challenges from new perspectives
• Generate multiple solutions to a problem
• Adapt more easily to new circumstances
• Find innovative ways to overcome obstacles

Q: I’m afraid of failure during this transition. How can creativity help with that?
A: Engaging in creative activities can help you become more comfortable with the idea of failure and iteration. In creative pursuits, not everything works out perfectly on the first try, and that’s okay. This mindset can transfer to how you approach your life transition:

• You learn to see “failures” as learning opportunities
• You become more willing to try new things
• You develop the resilience to keep going, even when things don’t work out as planned
  This “creative resilience” can be invaluable as you navigate the uncertainties of major life changes.

Q: How can I incorporate more creativity into my life during a transition when I’m already feeling overwhelmed?
A: Start small and make it enjoyable:

• Set aside just 10-15 minutes a day for a creative activity you enjoy
• Try simple activities like doodling, free writing, or taking photos with your phone
• Use creativity to tackle one small challenge related to your transition
• Join a local creative group or online community for support and motivation
• Consider creativity as a form of self-care rather than another task to complete
  Remember, the goal is to reduce stress and gain new perspectives, not to create masterpieces. Be patient with yourself and focus on the process rather than the outcome.

In Essence

By incorporating creativity into daily life, we can develop what’s known as “creative resilience” – the ability to use creativity as a means of powering through adversity. Creativity serves as a tool for building resilience during tough times by providing emotional outlets, enhancing problem-solving skills, shifting perspectives, boosting confidence, fostering positive emotions, and strengthening social connections. By embracing creativity, we can better navigate life’s challenges and emerge stronger and more adaptable.

If you’re feeling discontented in your current circumstances—whether it’s your job, relationship, or something else entirely—consider introducing creativity into your life. You don’t need to be an artist or a writer to benefit. You just need to be willing to experiment, explore, and play.

And if you’re ready to dive deeper into this process, I invite you to join me on one of my retreats or sign up for one of my courses, where creativity and self-discovery go hand in hand to help you move from stuck to thriving.

---

If you would like to be notified when I publish another post like this one, you can subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes newsletter, with regular updates about the highs and lows of living on my little farm in the sun-drenched southwest of France. Subscribers get free access to my Ready for a Radical Renaissance? Quiz.

You don’t have to go through life’s toughest challenges alone.

Feeling stuck in a job that drains your energy or struggling to move forward after a relationship ends? The key to thriving through life’s biggest changes isn’t willpower—it’s having the right people by your side. Discover how to build the support system in 5 steps that will not only help you survive major life changes and transitions but also help you grow into your next chapter.

If you’re facing a major life change—making a career change, starting a new business, navigating a divorce, adjusting to an empty nest, moving to another country, or grieving the loss of a loved one—it’s natural to feel a mix of emotions: fear, uncertainty, frustration and even anger. Major transitions often push us out of our comfort zone, leaving us feeling lost and vulnerable. One of the most crucial factors that can help you manage these periods of upheaval is having a reliable and nurturing support system in place.

Research has shown that strong social connections aren’t just emotionally fulfilling—they can be lifesaving. A comprehensive meta-analysis published in PLoS Medicine found that individuals with robust social connections have a 50% higher chance of survival compared to those with weaker social ties (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010).

But how do you build such a support system? And what does it take to find people who truly support your growth? Whether you’re changing careers, relocating to a new country, or healing from the end of a relationship, cultivating a strong support network will empower you to cope with these changes with confidence.

Why a Reliable Support System is Crucial During Life Transitions

When we’re going through difficult times, it’s easy to feel isolated, like we’re carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders. But the truth is, no one can—or should—go through major life transitions alone. Having a group of people who can provide emotional, practical, and even professional support can be a game-changer.

Here’s why this network is so vital:

• Perspective: When we’re in the thick of a life transition, it’s hard to see beyond the immediate emotional turbulence. A trusted support system can provide a clearer, more balanced perspective.
• Emotional Support: Whether it’s a kind word, a shared experience, or simply being there to listen, emotional support helps lighten the load of change.
• Encouragement and Motivation: When you’re going through a life change, it’s easy to feel stuck. A supportive group reminds you that you’re not alone in your journey, and can provide motivation and keep you accountable, encouraging you to take steps forward, no matter how small.
• Practical Help: Whether it’s helping you find new opportunities, offering expert advice or logistical assistance, or providing practical assistance in your daily life, a robust support system can provide practical solutions when you need them most.

5 Steps to Building a Strong Support System During Major Life Changes

If you’re currently dissatisfied with your career, relationship, or finances, you may already know that a shift is necessary. But without the right support in place, these changes can feel daunting, even impossible. Here’s how you can cultivate a support system that will help you move forward and embrace the next chapter of your life.

1. Assess Your Existing Circle

Who do you currently have in your life? Take a moment to assess your existing support system. Are the people around you offering the emotional and practical support you need? This isn’t about quantity but quality. Do your friends, family, or colleagues listen without judgment? Do they motivate you or leave you feeling drained? Surrounding yourself with positive, understanding and trustworthy people is crucial.

• Evaluate Relationships: Take note of who in your life helps you grow versus who may unintentionally hold you back. When evaluating your current support network, consider the various types of support you’re receiving. Research has identified six key social provisions: attachment, social integration, reassurance of worth, reliable alliance, guidance, and opportunity for nurturance (Cutrona & Russell, 1985). A well-rounded support system should ideally provide all of these. Some relationships might actually hold you back or add unnecessary stress. Don’t be afraid to create some distance if needed.
• Strengthen Connections: Look for friends, colleagues, or family members who are good listeners, non-judgmental, and genuinely care about your well-being. Identify a few key people you can trust, and nurture these relationships. Sometimes, a single deep connection is more valuable than a large social circle.

2. Be Honest and Open

One of the biggest barriers to building a supportive network is our fear of vulnerability. If you’ve been pretending that everything is fine, people in your life won’t know how to support you. It can be difficult to ask for help, especially if you’ve been used to handling things on your own. Share your challenges and be open about the transition you’re going through.

• Share Your Struggles: People can’t support you if they don’t know what you’re going through. Often, people want to help but don’t know how. Start small. You don’t need to spill your entire life story at once. Begin by opening up to a trusted friend or mentor about what you’re experiencing.
• Be Clear About Your Needs: Let people know specifically how they can help, whether that’s lending an ear, offering advice, or even helping with a practical task.

3. Expand Your Network

If your current circle doesn’t meet your needs, seek out new connections. Finding people who have gone through similar transitions can be incredibly empowering. Whether it’s joining a support group, attending a retreat, or engaging with a community of like-minded people, expanding your network can offer new perspectives and emotional resources.

• Online Communities: There are countless online spaces where people come together to share their experiences. Consider joining a group tailored to your specific transition, such as one for career changes, relocation, or divorce recovery.
• Retreats and Workshops: Consider immersive experiences, like my Camino de Santiago Walking Retreats in the southwest of France. These retreats not only offer the chance to connect with others on a similar path but also provide time for reflection and personal growth. On one of my retreats, Anna showed up after uprooting her life—she’d just moved halfway across the country to escape her narcissistic ex and was still reeling from a messy divorce. Lost, unsure about her ability to hold down her new job, but desperately needing a fresh start, she found more than just healing. The retreat gave her the space to breathe again, while the group rallied around her, helping her rebuild her confidence brick by brick. She didn’t just leave with clarity and a new sense of purpose—she walked away with lifelong friendships with people who still have her back today.
• Expand your Professional Network: For career-related challenges and changes, consider expanding your professional network. Attend industry events, join professional associations, or connect with alumni groups to build relationships that can provide guidance and opportunities

4. Seek Mentorship or Professional Guidance

Sometimes, your friends and family may not have the experience or expertise to help you navigate specific transitions. In these cases, finding mentors or professional coaches can be extremely beneficial. A good coach or mentor can offer tailored advice, share their own experiences, and help you set actionable goals.

• Learning from Role Models: Seek out people who have successfully navigated the same transitions you’re facing. Their stories can be a source of inspiration and practical advice.
• Professional Guidance: If you’re struggling with your career or relationships, seeking guidance from a relationship coach or career counsellor can provide clarity and direction. Rachel was drowning in a high-stress job, feeling trapped in a role she used to love but now couldn’t stand. Burnout had her in a chokehold, and she knew she had to do something. That’s when she stumbled on my course, Building Resilience: A Roadmap from Burnout to Breakthrough during a Life Transition offering effective coping mechanisms, boundary-setting strategies, and self-care practices. It’s designed to help people like you prevent burnout and restore balance in both personal and professional life. Desperate for a way out, she signed up, added a few coaching sessions, and dove in headfirst. What did she discover? Practical tools to reclaim her time, set ironclad boundaries, and refuel her drained energy. Slowly, she started to breathe again. Within months, Rachel didn’t just survive the burnout—she walked away from the job that was suffocating her and launched her own business. Now, she’s running the show… and burnout? It’s barely visible in the rearview mirror. This course isn’t just about coping; it’s about taking your life back.

5. Reciprocate and Build Closer Connections

Remember, relationships are a two-way street. To cultivate a meaningful support network, it’s important to offer support in return. Giving back to your community—whether it’s your friends, family, or a larger network—builds more meaningful connections. Be there for others, offer your own experiences, advice, and a listening ear when your friends, family members or colleagues are going through difficult times. This strengthens the bond and creates a network based on mutual trust.

Final Thoughts: Building a Support System Takes Time

You might not have an ideal support system in place right away, and that’s okay. Building a strong network takes a fair amount of effort over time. Regular check-ins, even just a quick message to see how someone is doing, can go a long way in maintaining your support system. Cultivating the right network of people around you is an ongoing process, one that will change as you move through different phases of your life. The key is to remain open to new connections and proactive about seeking support when you need it.

While external support is crucial, don’t forget to look after yourself! Make time for self-care. Engage in activities that bring you joy, such as a walk in the woods or on the beach, doing something creative, like drawing, painting or creative writing and spending time with friends and family. Taking care of yourself will give you the strength to face challenges, make the most of your support system and offer support in return.

If you’re struggling to cope with a major life change, don’t go through it alone. Building a support system is not just about surviving these transitions; it’s about thriving and emerging stronger on the other side.

If you would like to be notified when I publish another post like this one, you can subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes newsletter, with regular updates about the highs and lows of living on my little farm in the sun-drenched southwest of France. Subscribers get free access to my Ready for a Radical Renaissance? Quiz.

References

1. Cutrona, C. E., & Russell, D. W. (1985). The provisions of social relationships and adaptation to stress. Advances in Personal Relationships, 1, 37-67.
2. Gottlieb, B. H., & Bergen, A. E. (2005). Social support concepts and measures. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 58(5), 511-520.
3. Helgeson, V. S., & Cohen, S. (1996). Social support and adjustment to cancer: Reconciling descriptive, correlational, and intervention research. Health Psychology, 15(2), 135-148.
4. Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: A meta-analytic review. PLoS Medicine, 7(7), e1000316.
5. Ozbay, F., Johnson, D. C., Dimoulas, E., Morgan, C. A., Charney, D., & Southwick, S. (2007). Social support and resilience to stress: From neurobiology to clinical practice. Psychiatry (Edgmont), 4(5), 35-40.
6. Tsouna-Hadjis, E., Vemmos, K. N., Zakopoulos, N., & Stamatelopoulos, S. (1993). The role of social support in the family and community integration of right-hemisphere stroke patients. Stroke, 24(4), 581-586.

“Choose to Make a Total Life Change before a Total Life Change becomes inevitable.” Dr Margaretha Montagu

Does it feel as if your job, your relationships, maybe even your entire life has lost its spark? As if you’re stuck on repeat while everyone else is out there living a highlight reel? Maybe you’re exhausted by the day-to-day grind, or perhaps you’re yearning for something more meaningful but don’t know where to start. You’re not imagining it, you know. That nagging feeling that something’s got to give—it’s real. You probably won’t believe it, but you’re not the only one standing at this crossroads.

As someone who has had to initiate several total changes in my own life and helped countless clients find clarity and purpose with my often life-changing books, workshops, retreats, and courses, I know exactly how daunting it can be to take that first step. But with the right guidance, meaningful change not only becomes possible—it ends up being inevitable.

Whether it’s a career that’s lost its sparkle or a relationship fizzling out, initiating significant change can feel overwhelming. Perhaps you’ve outgrown your current role, feel burned out from the daily grind, or are grappling with a sense of stagnation. These feelings often arise from a misalignment between our day-to-day lives and our deeper values or aspirations. The good news is that the first steps don’t have to be a grand, dramatic departure. It just needs to get you off the couch and into motion. If you’re ready to shake things up, here’s how to start putting one foot in front of the other:

Is it Time to Start a New Chapter?

1. Start by Clarifying What’s Not Working

Before you can initiate change, it’s essential to get crystal clear on what’s causing your dissatisfaction. Maybe you feel uninspired in your job, but is it the nature of the work, the environment, your colleagues or the lack of growth opportunities that bothers you most? In relationships, is it communication issues, unmet needs, or perhaps you are growing apart?

Journaling or discussing these feelings with a trusted friend can help you gain the clarity you need to understand what specifically needs to change. The more specific you are, the easier it will be to take targeted action.

2. Listen to Your Inner Voice

We all have an inner compass—an intuition that often knows what we truly want before our conscious mind catches up. But we often ignore or suppress it due to self-doubt, or fear of what the future may bring. One way to tune into that voice is by asking yourself: If I weren’t afraid, what would I change in my life right now?

Your intuition will guide you toward what feels right. It might push you toward a new career, inspire you to relocate, or give you the courage to end an unfulfilling relationship. Pay attention, trust, and begin taking small steps in that direction.

3. Adopt a Growth Mindset

To make lasting change, you need to believe that it’s possible. Many people feel trapped by limiting beliefs such as, “I’m too old to change careers,” or “I don’t have the skills to start something new.” But adopting a growth mindset can help you break free from these mental barriers.

A growth mindset encourages you to see challenges as opportunities for learning and development rather than as insurmountable obstacles. You don’t have to know everything right now—trust that you can learn and grow along the way.

4. Take Small, Actionable Steps

Significant life changes don’t happen overnight. Start by breaking your larger goal into smaller, manageable steps. If you’re unhappy at work, your first action might be updating your resume or scheduling a networking call. If it’s a relationship, maybe your first step is an honest conversation with your partner about how you feel.

For example, I once worked with someone who felt stuck in a corporate job. Her first step wasn’t quitting outright; instead, she spent a few weeks exploring her interests through side projects, which eventually led to a career change.

The key here is momentum. Direction is more important than speed. Small, consistent actions accumulate and can eventually lead to a total life change.

5. Cultivate a Support Network

You don’t have to go through life transitions alone. Building a support network is essential. This might include friends, family members, colleagues, support groups (on- and off-line), a mentor, or a therapist who can offer encouragement and guidance as you make changes.

One option to consider is joining a retreat where you can connect with others going through similar transitions. My walking retreats along the Camino de Santiago de Compostela in the southwest of France are designed to create that kind of supportive environment, helping you reflect, process and plan in a nurturing setting. As one of my past retreat participants said, ‘After years of feeling stuck in my career, the tools I gained through this retreat finally gave me the courage to pivot and start my own business.’

6. Accept Discomfort as an Essential Part of the Process

Change is rarely comfortable. Fear of the unknown, the discomfort of stepping outside your comfort zone, and worries about potential problems and eventual failure can all create resistance. But these feelings are normal. In fact, discomfort is often part of the growth process.

Instead of letting discomfort stop you, lean into it. Recognise that it’s a sign you’re pushing past your limitations, and with each small step forward, the discomfort becomes more manageable.

7. Seek Guidance and Structure

If you find yourself struggling to make progress or feeling unsure about the path forward, don’t hesitate to seek guidance. Having a clear roadmap can make all the difference. That’s where my Define Your Life Purpose to Facilitate a Life Change course comes in. This course is designed to help you cut through the noise, get clear on your values, and chart a practical, purpose-driven path forward. With structured exercises and expert guidance, you’ll walk away with the clarity and confidence to take action.

Whether you’re looking for a career overhaul, a relationship shift, or personal or professional growth, this course offers the structure and tools you need to initiate meaningful, lasting change.

8. Explore Your Interests

Sometimes, discontent arises because we’re not connected to what is important to us or we’re not doing what lights us up. A good exercise here is to reconnect with activities, hobbies, or interests that bring you joy. What have you always wanted to do but put off due to work, family, or other obligations?

If you can integrate more of your interests into your daily life—whether as a hobby or, eventually, as a career—it can ignite your enthusiasm to make a change.

9. Establish Boundaries to Protect Your Energy

Many people feel stuck or overwhelmed in life because they lack boundaries—both with themselves and others. You may be saying “yes” to too many obligations, stretching yourself thin, or allowing others’ expectations to dictate your life choices. Establishing healthy boundaries is key to regaining control over your time and energy.

Start by identifying where in your life you need to set firmer boundaries, whether that’s at work, in relationships, or with your own time. This will free up mental and emotional space to focus on the changes you want to make.

10. Practice Mindfulness

Finally, making a total life change requires ongoing self-awareness. Regularly checking in with yourself can help you stay grounded and connected to your goals. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, journaling, or even mindful walks in nature, allow you to process your emotions, tune into your inner voice, and course-correct as needed.

For those interested in combining personal growth with mindfulness, my Mindfulness Meditation with Horses retreats offer a unique opportunity to cultivate awareness and clarity through interaction with horses—a powerful way to reflect on your life’s direction. If you are looking for a career change involving horses, my Learn How to Teach Mindfulness Meditation with Horses course or retreat might come in handy.

FAQs

1. How do I start making a total life change?

Starting a significant life change begins with clarity. Identify what’s not working in your current situation—whether it’s a job, relationship, or lifestyle. Once you understand the source of your dissatisfaction, take small, manageable steps toward change. Remember, significant shifts don’t happen overnight, but consistent action leads to long-term results.

2. What if I’m scared to make a big change in my life?

Feeling fear is completely normal when considering a major life change. The key is to acknowledge the fear without letting it paralyse you. Start by taking small steps that move you closer to your goal, and surround yourself with a supportive network.

3. How can I overcome the limiting belief that it’s too late to make a change?

It’s never too late to make a change, no matter your age or circumstances. Adopting a growth mindset can help you see challenges as opportunities for development. My Define Your Life Purpose to Facilitate a Life Change course helps you discover what your purpose at this stage of your life is, making it possible to break free from limiting beliefs and take empowered steps forward. You are never too old and it is never too late to make a life change.

4. How do I know if I need to make a significant life change?

Feelings of persistent dissatisfaction, lack of purpose, or burnout can be signs that a change is necessary. If you’re constantly feeling stuck, unfulfilled, or like you’re going through the motions without joy or excitement, it’s a strong indicator that some area of your life may need a significant shift.

5. Can a walking retreat really help me find clarity during life transitions?

Yes! Retreats offer a supportive, distraction-free environment that makes reflection and getting clarity easier. Walking the Camino de Santiago in the southwest of France, in your own time and at your own pace, provides the perfect setting for you to pause, gain perspective, and create a clear plan for starting a new chapter in your life.

---

Ready to Take the First Step Towards a Total Life Change?

If you’re feeling the urge to make a total life change, I invite you to take the first step and explore one of my retreats, books or courses designed to help you navigate life transitions with confidence. Whether you need help defining your life purpose or building resilience through change, my programs provide the structure and support to guide you toward the life you truly want.

Why not join me on a Camino de Santiago walking retreat in the southwest of France? It’s an ideal setting to reflect, recharge, and begin the process of transformation in a supportive and inspiring environment.

---

By combining these 10 steps with intentional reflection and support, you’ll be well on your way to creating meaningful and lasting change in your life. Feel free to reach out for guidance—I’d love to help you on your journey!

---

©Dr Margaretha Montagu Certified Life Coach

How Curiosity Can Help Us Thrive During Life’s Changes

Curiosity is like your brain’s secret weapon for surviving chaos. When life throws a curveball—whether it’s starting a new business, changing careers, adjusting to an empty nest, coping with retirement, losing a loved one or something heavier—curiosity flips the script. Instead of “Why is this happening to me?” it’s “What’s this teaching me?” It’s the mental equivalent of leaning into the storm, not running from it.

Think of it like this: when you’re curious, you’re open. Open to discovering new possibilities, new parts of yourself, new ways to adapt, evolve, and maybe even come out stronger. Curiosity turns fear into fascination and uncertainty into an adventure. It helps you roll with the punches, ask better questions, and find answers that can lead you down unexpected, but wildly rewarding paths.

“The more you know, the more you want to know. Not only that, but the more you know, the more connections you can make between the different bits of knowledge that you have in your head and therefore the more ideas you have, which is why curiosity is really the wellspring of creativity.” Georgina Venning

Always interested in making life transitions easier for myself and others, I decided to investigate.

Can being curious really help you cope with the stress caused by a major life change? How does a curious mindset differ from a growth mindset? Is it not just another variant of the same thing?

I started by looking at the definitions of each mindset:

• Growth Mindset: Coined by psychologist Carol Dweck, a growth mindset is the belief that abilities, intelligence, and talents can be developed through effort, learning, and perseverance. People with a growth mindset view challenges as opportunities to grow, and they understand that failure is not a reflection of fixed ability but a necessary part of the learning process.
• Curiosity Mindset: A curiosity mindset is a desire to explore and discover, driven by a sense of awe, wonder and the desire to investigate the unknown. People with a curiosity mindset approach situations with questions, seeking to understand and absorb new information, ideas, experiences, and perspectives, often without a specific learning goal in mind.

The hallmark of curiosity is a thirst for knowledge that has no obvious utility. Being a lifelong learner is taking joy in exploration regardless of whether the discovery has immediate relevance. The goal is to understand for the sake of understanding. Adam Grant

This means the FOCUS between the two mindsets is different:

• Growth Mindset: The focus of a growth mindset is on personal development and improvement. It’s about seeing challenges as ways to build new skills and overcome limitations. For example, if you have a growth mindset, you might see a failure as an opportunity to learn what went wrong so that you can handle a situation better next time.
• Curiosity Mindset: The curiosity mindset is more focused on exploration and discovery. Curiosity doesn’t necessarily have a direct link to self-improvement, though it can lead to it. If you have a curiosity mindset, you are motivated to learn more simply because you’re interested in understanding something better, not necessarily to grow or improve a specific skill. It’s simply about the joy of discovery. Curiosity might lead you to explore a topic outside your current expertise, ask questions unrelated to your goals, or simply follow a line of thought to see where it takes you.

It seems that both a growth mindset and a curiosity mindset are valuable approaches to life and learning, but they serve different purposes. They can complement each other—curiosity can spark the motivation to grow, and a growth mindset can sustain long-term curiosity. Curiosity is the mindset that turns a problem into a puzzle and a challenge into a discovery. This shift in perspective reduces our anxiety and helps us feel more in control. It shifts our focus from what we’ve lost to what we can gain.

Maybe the easiest way to explore how curiosity can help us is by looking at a case study.

Susan attended one of my Camino de Santiago walking retreats here in the southwest of France. She had her ducks in a row. She was ORGANISED, both in her personal and professional life.

Until two major life changes hit her at the same time.

In a couple of weeks, her well-ordered world began to unravel. First came the unexpected layoff from her steady job of 15 years—a blow that shook her to her core. Shortly after, her long-term relationship ended, leaving her feeling lost. For the first time in her life, Susan didn’t have a plan.

Her close friend, Anne, sensing her distress, suggested something unusual: a walking retreat in the southwest of France. Susan baulked at the idea at first. The thought of “wandering aimlessly” through rural landscapes seemed counterproductive to her acute need to be in control. But Anne assured her that the retreat wasn’t about getting lost, but about finding one’s way.

In desperation, Susan booked the retreat.

The retreat began on a sunny autumn morning. Susan found herself standing in a picturesque village, surrounded by vineyards and rolling hills bathed in the golden hues of late harvest. Her fellow retreat participants were friendly but sensed that she wasn’t quite ready for conversation. There were no immediate plans, no rigid schedules—just the promise of long walks and time to reflect.

The first day was hard. Susan’s mind was restless, filled with thoughts of what she had lost—her job, her relationship, her sense of direction. As she walked, she replayed events in her mind, trying to make sense of how her life had veered so far off course. She desperately wanted answers, but none came.

By the second day, something began to shift. There was something about the steady rhythm of walking, the quiet of the landscape, and the absence of distractions. Her mind slowly settled down. The deafening noise of her worries started to fade into the background. It wasn’t that her problems disappeared; it was more that they began to lose their suffocating grip on her.

She started noticing things she had overlooked on the first day—the vibrant yellow, orange and red leaves on the vines, the way the sunlight filtered through the trees, and the sound of a brook winding its way through the valley. She found herself feeling, for the first time in months, a flicker of curiosity. She stopped obsessing about solving her problems and started to pay attention to the world around her. “I wonder what kind of grapes are these?” she thought. “Why do they plant vines in rows? What sort of wine do they make from these grapes? How long have they been making wine in this region?” These were simple questions, but they made her think of something other than her problems.

As the days went on, Susan’s curiosity about the region, its people and her fellow retreat participants increased. She began asking more questions—not just about her surroundings but also about her own life. Why did she feel so lost without a plan? What might happen if she let go of the need to know exactly what’s next? What if, instead of being obsessed about finding answers, she allowed herself to explore possibilities?

One afternoon, while walking on a particularly quiet path, Susan had a profound realization: she didn’t have to figure everything out right now. She didn’t have to have a clear plan for her next job or relationship. What she needed was to be open to what might happen next, to be curious about the unknown instead of fearing it.

That evening, back at the farmhouse, she shared her thoughts with the others. “I’ve always been so focused on controlling everything,” she said. “But here, walking through this landscape, I’m beginning to realise that not knowing isn’t the same as failing. Maybe I need to be curious about what would happen if I let go and stop trying to control everything?”

The group nodded in understanding. Several of the others had come on the retreat during their own transitions—divorce, retirement, the loss of a loved one. They, too, had discovered that curiosity was more than just asking questions. It was a way to soften the hard edges of life’s uncertainties, a way to remain open to and accepting of the unexpected.

By the end of the retreat, Susan’s outlook had transformed. She hadn’t figured out all the answers to her problems, but she had learned something far more valuable: the power of curiosity to help navigate life’s inevitable changes.

On the final day of the retreat, as the group shared a last meal together, Susan found herself reflecting on her journey. The walks, the quiet moments of reflection, and the gentle guidance of her retreat leader had led her to a place she never expected to reach—not a place of certainty, but a place of possibility. She discovered that life didn’t have to be meticulously planned to be meaningful and fulfilling.

Back home, Susan’s life wasn’t magically fixed. She still had to find a new job, and the pain from her breakup hadn’t entirely faded. But she no longer felt the same pressure to rush forward. Instead, she allowed herself to ask questions and explore new paths without needing to know exactly where they led, well in advance.

She started taking a photography class, something she had always been curious about but had never made time for. She reconnected with old friends, not because she felt obligated but because she was genuinely interested in catching up. Instead of diving headfirst into a job search, she spent time researching fields she had never considered before, allowing herself to be curious about what other careers might offer.

In the months that followed, Susan’s life unfolded in ways she couldn’t have predicted. She found a new job in a different industry that excited her, and she began volunteering at a local animal shelter, something that brought her unexpected joy. Her relationships, too, began to evolve—not through force or careful planning, but through her willingness to let things unfold naturally.

The walking retreat in the southwest of France had taught Susan more than she could have imagined. It wasn’t just a break from her life; it was a turning point. As she reflected on her journey, she knew she’d return to the southwest of France one day, perhaps to walk the whole Camino. But more importantly, she knew she would carry the lessons she learned about the benefits of being curious with her wherever she went. Life’s major changes would come, as they always did, but now she was ready to meet them—not with fear, but with a curiosity

“Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” e. e. cummings

If you, like Susan, are navigating a major life change and seeking space to reflect, explore, and rediscover your curiosity, consider joining a walking retreat in the peaceful landscapes of the southwest of France. These retreats offer more than just beautiful scenery—they provide an opportunity to connect with yourself, embrace uncertainty, and open your heart to new possibilities. Sometimes, all it takes is a quiet walk in the vineyards to find the answers—or better yet, the right questions—to move forward.

Curiosity is a powerful ally during life transitions. By embracing a curious mindset, you open yourself up to new possibilities, reduce fear of the unknown, and build resilience in the face of challenges. For introverts, curiosity offers a quiet yet profound way to navigate change, tapping into their natural strengths of introspection and reflection.

“I would rather have questions that can’t be answered than answers that can’t be questioned.” Richard Feynman

For Richard Feynman, the renowned physicist, known for his groundbreaking work in quantum mechanics, curiosity was a way of life—a drive to constantly ask “why” and to challenge the status quo. He believed that true understanding came from following one’s curiosity wherever it might lead, even if it meant stepping into the uncomfortable territory of not knowing.