Author: Margaretha Montagu

Choosing Change, One Brave Step at a Time

This year has been a wild ride of personal discoveries, unexpected U-turns, and brave first steps. I’m sitting here reflecting on all the ways I’ve challenged myself, pushed beyond my comfort zone, and embraced change – even when it felt absolutely terrifying.

Can you believe it? We are, inching toward the end of the year already! Looking back at the past year I have a question for you: Did you try something new this year?

Trying something new is like planting seeds in unfamiliar soil. Sometimes they sprout, sometimes they don’t—but you learn either way.

Life transitions have a way of pushing us to either retreat into the familiar or to boldly step forward and embrace change. Maybe…

• You’re starting over after a breakup or loss.
• You’re switching careers, or stepping into retirement.
• Your kids have left the house, and you’re wondering, what now?
• Or maybe you’ve hit a point where you’re just tired of the same routine and ready to rediscover what excites you.

If you’re nodding along because it has been one of those years for you, let’s take a walk together through this idea. We’ll talk about why “new” is so powerful during times of transition, how to choose what to try, and what happens when you take that leap—even the tiniest one.

Why Trying New Things Matters During Life Transitions

Let’s face it—transitions are uncomfortable. Even the positive ones, like starting a dream job, can feel unnerving because you’re stepping out of your comfort zone. You’re leaving the “known” behind and moving into something that hasn’t yet become routine.

And this is where trying new things becomes a superpower.

Here’s why:

1. It helps you reconnect with yourself.
   During big life changes, we can sometimes lose sight of who we are. Trying something new—whether it’s a new skill, a habit, or a way of seeing the world—reminds us that we’re still curious, growing humans. It lets us rediscover parts of ourselves we may have forgotten.
2. It sparks joy and excitement.
   New experiences wake us up. Even if you’re feeling stuck or heavy with uncertainty, trying something new can act as a little light switch, illuminating the days in ways you didn’t expect.
3. It builds confidence.
   When you step out of your comfort zone (even just a toe outside), you show yourself that you can handle newness. You’re adaptable. You’re capable. And this confidence spills into other areas of your life, too.
4. It creates momentum.
   Feeling stuck? Trying one new thing—no matter how small—can kickstart momentum in your life. It’s a signal to yourself that you’re moving forward, not just standing still.

And here’s the encouraging part: you don’t have to “get it right.” Maybe you try cooking a new recipe, and it’s a disaster. Who cares? You tried. You stretched. And you now probably have a very funny story to tell.

What Counts as ‘New’?

You might be reading this and thinking, “But I don’t have time to take up a new hobby.” Or maybe, “I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

Here’s the truth: new doesn’t have to be big, dramatic, or Instagram-worthy. It just has to feel different.

• A New Habit: Trying a different coffee flavour. I’m now hooked on “Extra Corsé.” Drinking water as soon as you wake up. Journaling your thoughts.
• A New Skill: Learning to crochet, picking up a camera, or experimenting with watercolour painting.
• A New Experience: Taking yourself to a restaurant solo for the first time. Watching a documentary about a topic you know nothing about.
• A New Perspective: Reading a book that challenges your worldview. Asking a friend or partner deep questions.
• A New Place: Visiting a park in your town you’ve never seen. Walking a different route around your neighbourhood.

See what I mean? You don’t have to overhaul your life.

How to Decide What to Try Next

If you’re feeling inspired but a little stuck, here are a few questions to help you brainstorm:

1. What have you always been curious about?
   That thing you’ve secretly wanted to try but never let yourself? Start there.
2. What would feel fun or lighthearted?
   Life transitions can be heavy. What’s something playful or joyful you can add?
3. What aligns with the person you’re becoming?
   Who do you want to be in this next chapter of your life? What “new” thing could help you step into that?
4. What’s one tiny change that would shake up your routine?
   Sometimes it’s as simple as swapping coffee for tea in the morning. Little shifts count.

You don’t need a grand plan. Let curiosity be your guide.

If You Tried Something New this Year—Congratulations!

Maybe you’re already looking back and thinking about the ways you stretched yourself this year. Maybe you

• Started therapy and learned something surprising about yourself
• Took a community class in something you’ve always been curious about
• Began setting boundaries in relationships that needed them
• Started a morning routine that actually feels nurturing, not punishing
• Learned to say “no” without feeling guilty

These might seem small, but they’re revolutionary. They’re the building blocks of genuine personal growth.

For some, this year meant ending long-term relationships. For others, it meant starting new ones. Some people changed careers, while others went back to school. Some travelled, some stayed put and went deep into personal development. The common thread? A commitment to making a change, to not staying stuck.

Whatever it was, take a moment to celebrate it. You showed up. You said “yes” to something new. That’s no small thing.

If you tried something new this year and it didn’t work out? Not every experiment will be a success. And that’s okay. You’re braver than most. You learned something. You expanded your understanding of yourself.

And if you’re reading this thinking, I haven’t tried anything new yet—guess what? There’s still time. There are still 13 days left in the year. Try something that made you feel just a little more alive, curious, or even a bit uncomfortable in a good way, like stretching sore muscles.

Not a life-changing leap, but a small, manageable experiment that shifts something—anything—in your day. What whisper of an idea have you been ignoring? What tiny step could you take that might open up a whole new world? How about

• Learning a language
• Starting a small side business
• Joining a community group
• Writing that book you’ve always talked about
• Reconnecting with old friends

You don’t have to have it all figured out to start. The specifics don’t matter as much as the spirit behind them. The spirit of “I’m willing to see what happens if I step slightly outside my comfort zone.”

You don’t need permission. You don’t need a perfect plan.

Your Turn: What’s Your “New?”

Life transitions aren’t just about what we lose or leave behind. They’re also about what we gain—what we invite into our lives that’s fresh, unexpected, and maybe even a little messy.

I spoke with Mark, a 35-year-old software engineer who decided to volunteer with a local youth mentorship program. “I’ve always been more comfortable with code than with people,” he shared. “But this year, I wanted to challenge that narrative about myself.” His experience wasn’t just about helping teenagers – it was about helping himself grow, about discovering dimensions of himself he’d never explored.

Change can be rejuvenating. We’re still growing. Still becoming. Here’s to the experimenters, the curious souls, the brave hearts who are willing to say “Why not?” instead of “What if?”

Keep trying. Keep growing. Keep becoming.

Isn’t that what life is all about?

What if you knew that you have such a fool-proof strategy to cope with challenges that you will never get stressed about dealing with change again? Embracing Change – in 10 minutes a Day will empower you to cope with whatever change comes your way if you are willing to spend 10 minutes a day investing in your future.

I put the essence of who I am, and everything I have experienced that makes me who I am, with great enthusiasm, into my retreats, courses and books. – Dr Margaretha Montagu (MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract (cert,) Transformational Life Coach (dip,) Life Story Coach (cert) Counselling (cert,) Med Hypnotherapy (dip) and EAGALA (cert)

Change Your Narrative Identity, Change Your Life

Have you ever stopped to think about the story you tell yourself about your life? Not the one you share at parties or job interviews—the polished, edited self-promotional version—but the one that runs like a voiceover in your head as you reflect on where you’ve been, who you are now, and where you’re headed?

That story has a name. It’s called your self-narrative or narrative identity, and it’s way more powerful than you might think.

We are all storytellers at heart. The stories we tell about our lives help us make sense of what we experience. They shape our sense of self, our decisions, and even our ability to find purpose in what we do. Whether we’re overcoming a challenge, starting fresh, or trying to figure out what comes next, understanding our self-narrative can be the key to getting unstuck and finding new direction.

So, let’s talk about what self-narrative is, why it matters, and how you can use it to get closer to discovering your life purpose.

What is Your Self-Narrative/Narrative Identity?

Narrative identity is the idea that we make sense of who we are by creating stories about our lives. Psychologist Dan McAdams describes it as your narrative identity, an evolving life story that gives your experiences meaning. It’s the way you make sense of the highs, lows, and everything in between. It’s how you weave together your past, present, and future into a cohesive tale that answers the big questions:

• Who am I?
• How did I get here?
• Where am I going?

Think of it like the script of a movie where you are the main character. Your life events are the scenes, the people around you are the supporting cast, and the challenges you face are the plot twists. How you frame those scenes makes all the difference. Are you the hero overcoming adversity? The wanderer searching for meaning? The survivor who turns suffering into wisdom?

Your self-narrative isn’t just about the facts of your life—it’s about how you interpret them.

We create our identity by integrating our life experiences into an evolving story that provides us with a purpose in life. This life narrative integrates our reconstructed past, perceived present, and imagined future. Our stories have characters, imagery, a setting, plots, themes, turning points, challenges, and resolutions and often follow the traditional model of a story, having a beginning (initiating event), middle (an attempt and a consequence), and an end (denouement).

Narrative Identity is important because it helps us

• Make sense of our lives by creating coherence out of our experiences.
• Grow and heal as we reframe challenges.
• Understand and communicate who we are to others.

The Essentials of Narrative Identity:

1. It connects the dots: Narrative identity integrates your past, present, and future into a single, coherent story.
2. It makes sense of experiences: We reflect on our lives and give meaning to challenges, milestones, and turning points.
3. It changes as we grow: Just like any good story, our life narrative evolves as we learn, face new experiences, and reframe old ones.
4. It’s shaped by culture: The way we tell our stories—what we highlight, how we frame events—is often influenced by cultural norms and traditions.

A Few Examples:

• Overcoming adversity: A tough experience might be reframed as a “hero’s journey” where you grew stronger because of the challenges you faced.
  • For instance: “After my divorce, I walked the Camino de Santiago and discovered my independence and inner strength.”
• Finding purpose: A life change can be seen as answering a deeper calling.
  • “Leaving my corporate job to work with horses wasn’t a setback. It was me stepping toward what I was truly meant to do.”
• Reinterpreting setbacks: Sometimes, looking back helps us see difficult events as turning points or lessons.
  • “Burning out at work forced me to reevaluate my priorities and rebuild healthier boundaries.”

Why Your Story Matters

Your self-narrative is powerful because the way you tell your story shapes your reality. Let me explain.

Imagine two people who experienced the same thing—say, a career that didn’t pan out.

1. One person tells themselves: “I’m a failure. I’m not good at anything, and I’ll never succeed.”
2. The other person frames it as: “That job wasn’t the right fit for me. It taught me a lot about what I don’t want, and now I’m ready to pursue something more meaningful.”

Same event, two very different stories. And those stories will shape how each person moves forward.

The first person’s narrative might keep them stuck, weighed down by shame and self-doubt. The second person’s story reframes the experience as a stepping stone—a valuable part of their journey toward something better.

See what I mean? Your story influences how you see yourself, what you believe you’re capable of, and the choices you make next.

Your Narrative Identity and Your Mental Health

Our narrative identity plays a big role in our mental health—people who can turn tough experiences into positive stories tend to feel happier. It also shapes our goals and dreams, guiding how we think about our future and what we want to achieve. When it comes to work, the stories we tell ourselves about our skills and experiences can steer our career choices. Plus, how we handle challenges in our narratives can either build resilience or make things tougher emotionally. Our self-concept and identity are all tied up in these stories, too, and they can even influence how well we do in school. On a broader level, our narratives reflect cultural values and help us fit into our communities. They also affect how we manage our emotions and make decisions in everyday life.

Take our relationships, for example. The stories we tell about our lives affect how we connect with others. For one, they help us understand how we view ourselves and how we think others see us, which can change the way we interact. When we share our real experiences and feelings, it builds trust and makes those connections deeper. Plus, our stories set up expectations for how we want to be treated and what we expect from others. Basically, the narratives we live by play a huge role in shaping the quality of our relationships.

Think about it this way: if you’ve got a story in your head that you’re always the one who gets left behind, you might be super clingy in relationships without even realising it. Or if your narrative is all about being strong and independent, you might have a tough time letting people in or asking for help when you need it. Our stories don’t just affect how we behave; they also influence how we interpret what others do. If your friend doesn’t text you back right away, your personal narrative might lead you to think, “See? Nobody really cares about me,” or it might have you shrugging it off like, “They’re probably just busy.”

When we share our stories with others, it can create an amazing bond. It’s like, “Hey, I’ve been through this stuff too!” and suddenly, you’re connecting on a whole new level.

But it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes our narratives can clash with others’ stories, leading to misunderstandings or conflicts. If one person’s story is all about needing lots of alone time, and their partner’s narrative is about always being together, you can see how that might cause some friction.

The good news is that once we’re aware of our narratives, we can work on changing them if they’re not serving us well. It’s like editing our own life story to create healthier, happier relationships.

Life Purpose and Your Self-Narrative

So, where does life purpose come into all this? Well, discovering your purpose often starts with understanding your story.

Life purpose isn’t something you magically stumble upon one day. It’s something you uncover by reflecting on your experiences, connecting the dots, and noticing the themes and values that keep showing up in your life.

Here’s how self-narrative plays a role:

1. It helps you identify what matters to you: When you look back at your story, certain themes will stand out. Maybe you’ve always felt drawn to helping others, creating beauty, or seeking adventure. These themes are clues to your values and purpose.
2. It reframes challenges as part of your growth: The struggles you’ve faced can become meaningful chapters in your story. Rather than seeing them as failures or setbacks, you can see them as the experiences that shaped who you are and prepared you for what’s next.
3. It reveals your unique strengths and gifts: Every good story has a main character with certain qualities that make them who they are. When you reflect on your life, you can identify your own strengths—whether that’s resilience, creativity, empathy, or determination—and how you can use them in a purposeful way.
4. It shows you how far you’ve come: Sometimes we forget to acknowledge the progress we’ve made. Your story can remind you of the challenges you’ve overcome and the growth you’ve experienced, which can give you the confidence to take the next step.

Finding out more about narrative identity has had such an impact on my way of thinking that I have decided to add the concept to my Rearing to Get Going in a New Direction online course about finding your life purpose, especially during life transitions.

If you are going through a life transition—like the people I work with on my Camino de Santiago walking retreats or in my online courses—understanding and rewriting their personal story can be a powerful way to move forward. It helps them find meaning in what they’ve been through, make peace with the past, and envision a new, hopeful future.

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

Why just survive when you can thrive? Enrol in my How to Survive a Life Quake 7-part online course. Think of it as your step-by-step survival kit for those “what-on-earth-just-happened” moments in life.

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