Author: Margaretha Montagu

Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is a certified transformational retreat leader who guides her clients towards their most meaningful and fulfilling lives, particularly when navigating life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian Horses, at their home in the southwest of France.
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Remote Work: A Tale of Two Temperaments – Introverts and Extroverts

remote work

Is working remotely really the introvert’s dream and the extrovert’s nightmare?

With so many people, nearly three years after the pandemic still working remotely, by choice, it might seem as if the statement above might well be true. Not for me, though. I consider myself an inveterate introvert, and I spend long hours working on my own, marketing my Camino de Santiago walking retreats, but I also need regular contact with friends and family to keep me grounded.

When I met my friend Hannah for coffee at our favourite bistro, I discovered I wasn’t the only one. According to Hannah, she had always felt out of place in the office. Open-plan desks, forced conversations about last night’s Netflix binge, and the dreaded “Happy Birthday” singalongs—none of it was her scene. So, when her company announced they were offering permanent remote work, she couldn’t sign up fast enough.

No more awkward coffee breaks. No more Karen from HR asking if she had “big plans for the weekend.”

The first week was everything she’d dreamed of. She woke up to birdsong instead of her alarm, brewed her own coffee instead of suffering through whatever tar-like concoction the office kitchen offered, and basked in the absence of small talk. She didn’t even mind that she spent half the day on Zoom. Turning her camera off and pretending to listen was far easier than surviving in-person brainstorming sessions.

By week two, cracks started to show.

Hannah, much to her own surprise, missed the routine of the commute. Now, her days started in a haze of endless sameness. Bedroom to laptop. Laptop to kitchen. Kitchen to couch. And back again.

The silence, once soothing, became oppressive. She noticed how loud her apartment was: the constant hum of the fridge, the neighbour’s dog barking, and the faint screech of tyres on the street. She tried to listen to music to fill the void, but it only made her more aware of how quiet her world had become.

By the end of the third week, Hannah realised she hadn’t seen or spoken to another human being fat-to-face for days. She appreciated the presence of her cat enormously, but although he talked a lot, he wasn’t always understandable. The realisation hit hard. She started lingering on Zoom calls just to hear voices, even if they were discussing budgets or quarterly KPIs.

She thought working remotely would free her, but instead, it felt like a cage she’d willingly locked herself into.

Desperate for connection, she started visiting a local coffee shop with her laptop. The hum of conversations, the hiss of the espresso machine—it all felt oddly comforting. She didn’t talk to anyone, of course, but being around people reminded her that she was still part of the world.

Eventually, she joined a coworking space. Just a couple of days a week, enough to strike a balance. Hannah wasn’t ready to give up her solitude entirely, but she’d learned a hard truth: isolation, even for an introvert, wasn’t as blissful as she thought it would be.

By the time her first day at the coworking space ended, she felt lighter, more human. And when a stranger in a striped shirt asked if the seat next to her was taken, Hannah did something she never thought she’d do.

She smiled and said, “Go for it.”

My own experience, mirrored by Hannah’s experience, made me think. I thought about Carl Jung said about Introverts vs. Extroverts: “… introversion and extroversion are the foundation of personality, the building blocks that influence the way we live, work and interact with others. Introverts are attracted to the inner world of ideas, thoughts and emotions, while extroverts are attracted to a vibrant social life and group activities.” That much is clear. But Carl Jung also said, “”There is no such thing as a pure introvert or a pure extrovert. Such a man would be condemned to spend his life in an asylum.” 

Seems to me that introversion and extroversion should be seen as a spectrum with introverts on one end, extroverts on another and ambiverts somewhere in the middle. Also, in certain situations, an introvert can respond like an extrovert, and vice versa. Sometimes, introverts need connection and extroverts need solitude.

So how does the existence of this spectrum influence our approach to working remotely?

The shift to remote and hybrid work has dramatically reshaped the professional landscape, affecting introverts and extroverts in distinctly different ways. This new work paradigm has created a unique set of challenges and opportunities for both personality types, fundamentally altering their productivity.

Introverts, who typically thrive in quiet, controlled environments, have found remote work to be a sanctuary away from the hustle and bustle of traditional office settings. The ability to work from home has provided them with a peaceful atmosphere that aligns well with their natural tendencies, allowing for increased focus and productivity. Introverts appreciate the reduced social pressure and the freedom to communicate on their own terms, whether through email, messaging apps, or scheduled video calls.

On the other hand, extroverts have faced significant challenges in adapting to remote work. The lack of in-person interaction and the absence of a dynamic office environment has left many extroverts feeling isolated and less motivated. Extroverts often draw energy from social interactions and collaborative environments, which are less readily available in a remote setting. This shift has led to decreased productivity and increased feelings of disconnection for many extroverts. Many report feeling disconnected from their teams and missing the spontaneous conversations that once punctuated their workday. As Sarah Martinez, a sales executive, shares, “I miss the energy of the office. Video calls just aren’t the same as stopping by someone’s desk for a quick chat.”

Enter the hybrid work model. Introverts may opt to work remotely more often, enjoying the solitude and ability to control their social interactions. Extroverts, in contrast, can return to the office, seeking out the face-to-face interactions and collaborative atmosphere they crave.

The transition to remote and hybrid work has also impacted communication styles. Introverts may find virtual meetings less overwhelming, as they can participate without the pressure of constant face-to-face interaction. Extroverts, however, might struggle with the limited non-verbal cues in virtual settings and the reduced opportunities for spontaneous conversations.

Balancing the benefits of remote work for introverts with the need for social interaction for extroverts has become a key challenge in creating effective and inclusive work environments.

Today, introverts are valued employees of many companies, which are looking for managers with soft skills. Published in 2013, the book Quiet (The Power of Discretion: The Power of Introverts in an Overly Talkative World), by the American Susan Cain, marks the beginning of the “silent revolution” of introverts. In this book, which remained on the US bestseller list for almost two years, she demonstrates, through surveys of psychologists, anthropologists and sociologists, the value of introverts, whose creativity fuels business, the arts and politics. Her TED talk has been viewed nearly 30 million times.

All this seemed pretty straightforward until Myers-Briggs discovered in a recent study, conducted by John Hackston, Head of Thought Leadership at The Myers-Briggs Company, that 82 per cent of extroverted workers would prefer a hybrid work model, with 15 per cent actually preferring full-time remote work. Self-described introverts, on the other hand — a whopping 74 per cent of them — said they wanted to be in the office at least part-time.

So, how does remote work impact introverts specifically? What advantages do they enjoy, and what hurdles must they overcome? And most importantly, how can they minimise the downsides to thrive in their professional and personal lives?

The Introvert’s Perspective: Opportunities

For many introverts, remote work has been a revelation. The elimination of open-office distractions and the ability to control their environment has led to increased job satisfaction. Without the constant buzz of office activity, introverts can focus on their tasks without the energy drain of constant social interaction.

For introverts, remote work offers undeniable perks.

  1. A Distraction-Free Environment
    Without the constant chatter of colleagues or the need to participate in spontaneous discussions, introverts can focus on their tasks. This environment allows for heightened productivity and creativity, as introverts excel in settings where they can work uninterrupted.
  2. Control Over Workspace and Schedule
    Being at home means having the freedom to design a workspace that feels comfortable and supportive. Introverts can customise their day to include moments of quiet reflection, aligning work rhythms with their natural energy cycles.
  3. Reduced Pressure for Socialising
    Introverts often feel drained by excessive small talk or obligatory networking events. Gone are the days of forced small talk around the water cooler. Working remotely eliminates many of these stressors, enabling them to conserve energy for what truly matters.

These advantages make remote work appealing for introverts, but they don’t tell the whole story.

The Introvert’s Perspective: Challenges

While remote work initially feels like an introvert’s dream, it can also present unique challenges. It certainly isn’t without its pitfalls for introverts. The very aspects that make it appealing can also create unexpected difficulties: without the natural boundaries of a physical office, many introverts find themselves working longer hours, struggling to disconnect from work when it’s always within reach.

  1. Blurred Boundaries Between Work and Life
    Without a clear division between the office and home, introverts may find themselves working longer hours, leading to fatigue. The sanctuary of home life can become overshadowed by work demands, disrupting the balance they need to thrive.
  2. Limited Professional Visibility
    Introverts may unintentionally fade into the background in a remote setting, missing opportunities to showcase their contributions or build relationships with colleagues and leaders. The limited face-to-face interaction can lead to decreased visibility within their organisations, potentially impacting career advancement opportunities.
  3. Isolation and Loneliness
    While introverts value solitude, they still require meaningful connections. The absence of regular face-to-face interaction can lead to emotional disconnection and feelings of being undervalued or unsupported.

These challenges can accumulate over time, leaving introverts feeling drained and even burnt out.

The Burnout Factor

One of the most overlooked risks for introverts in remote work is burnout. Paradoxically, the very environment that feels comfortable can contribute to their exhaustion. Without clear boundaries, introverts often overcompensate, working harder to ensure their contributions are recognised. Combined with a lack of social interaction, this can lead to feelings of isolation, stress, and diminished well-being. The constant need to be “on” for video calls, combined with the pressure to maintain visibility in a virtual environment, can drain introverts’ energy reserves more quickly than traditional office work.

This is where structured support can make all the difference. My course, ‘Building Resilience – a Roadmap from Burnout to Breakthrough during a Life Transition,’ is designed to help professionals— especially introverts—overcome these challenges. It offers practical tools to set boundaries, manage stress, and cultivate sustainable self-care practices. By increasing their resilience, introverts can not only prevent burnout but also thrive in their remote work environment.

Coping with the Challenges: Practical Tips for Introverts

To thrive in remote work environments, introverts can implement several key strategies:

Set Clear Work-Life Boundaries

  • Designate a specific workspace to create physical separation from your personal life.
  • Establish fixed working hours and commit to “clocking out” at the end of the day.

Schedule Regular Breaks

  • Regular breaks throughout the day are essential for maintaining energy levels. These breaks should be scheduled rather than left to chance, ensuring they actually happen.
  • Use these breaks to step outside, stretch, or take a short walk – this can help reset mental focus and prevent the fatigue that comes from extended screen time.

Stay Connected

  • Schedule one-on-one virtual coffee chats with colleagues to maintain a sense of camaraderie.
  • Participate in team meetings and contribute thoughtfully. These controlled interactions allow you to maintain visibility while managing your energy levels.

Leverage Technology

Technology can be a powerful ally in this environment.

Using productivity tools to automate routine tasks, manage notifications, and organise work can reduce mental clutter and preserve energy for more important activities.

  • Experiment with apps like Slack or Microsoft Teams to maintain open communication without being overwhelmed.

Prioritise Self-Care

  • Dedicate time to hobbies, exercise, and activities that nourish your mental health.
  • Explore resources to gain deeper insights into managing stress and building lasting well-being.

Conclusion: Thriving as an Introvert working (mostly) @Home

Remote work offers unique advantages for introverts, but success requires intentional strategy and self-awareness. By acknowledging both the benefits and challenges of this work style, introverts can create systems and habits that support their natural tendencies while protecting against potential pitfalls.

The key lies in leveraging introverted strengths – such as intense focus and thoughtful communication – while actively managing the risks of isolation and burnout. Resources like the Roadmap to Resilience course provide valuable support in this journey, offering structured approaches to maintaining well-being and professional effectiveness in a remote environment.

As the workplace continues to evolve, introverts have a unique opportunity to thrive in ways that weren’t always possible in traditional office settings. By embracing their natural tendencies while staying mindful of potential challenges, introverts can create a sustainable and rewarding remote work experience that supports both their professional growth and personal well-being.

In addition to the Camino de Santiago retreats that I host at my little French farm southwest of Bordeaux, I have also created 7 online courses, ex. The Purpose Protocols, The Roadmap to Resilience – from Burnout to Brilliance Protocol and The Change Careers without Starting from Scratch – each course is available with or without one-to-one support. To stay in contact, I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter, you’ll get immediate access to my free life crisis quiz.

It’s time to kick exhaustion to the curb and finally ditch that terminally overwhelmed feeling, evict your inner critic, declutter your mind and take control of your life like a boss. You’re about to turn your life from a comedy of errors into a blockbuster success story (with a much better soundtrack). This two-day online course is designed for anyone needing to dramatically reduce stress, end exhaustion and overwhelm, prevent or recover from burnout, AND create a positive impact on others. Find out more

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A Light-Hearted Guide to Dealing with Difficult People at Work

“The key is not to prioritise what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” – Stephen Covey

We’ve all been there. That colleague who seems to have a PhD in pushing your buttons, the office drama enthusiast who turns every meeting into a soap opera, or the perpetual complainer who could find fault with free pizza. While you can’t control their behaviour, you can control your response. Enter the JADE method – Don’t Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain. This approach can save your sanity and maybe even make those workplace challenges a tad more entertaining.

Don’t Justify

Ah, justification – that irresistible urge to prove you’re right, even when nobody asked. It’s like trying to convince your cat why it should use its expensive bed instead of the cardboard box it came in.

What It Looks Like:

Picture Sarah from accounting, who always questions your expense reports. You find yourself writing paragraph-long emails explaining why that client lunch at Chipotle was absolutely necessary for business development.

What To Do Instead:

  • Keep responses brief and factual: “The expense follows company policy.”
  • Use the broken record technique: Repeat the same simple statement without elaboration.

Real-World Example:

Difficult Coworker: “I can’t believe you took lunch at 1 PM instead of noon. That’s not how we do things here.” Old You: “Well, you see, I had this important call, and then my morning got backed up because the printer jammed, and Mercury is in retrograde…” New You: “1 PM works best with my schedule. Thanks for understanding!”

Remember: You don’t need to justify your legitimate choices any more than you need to justify why you prefer chocolate ice cream over vanilla. It is what it is.

Don’t Argue

Arguments at work are like trying to teach a fish to juggle – frustrating, pointless, and likely to leave everyone irritated and confused. When someone’s itching for a fight, refusing to engage isn’t being passive; it’s being emotionally intelligent.

What It Looks Like:

Meet Bob from IT, who insists that your computer problems would disappear if you just switched to his preferred operating system. He’s ready to die on this hill, and he’s prepared to take you with him.

What To Do Instead:

  • Practice the art of the strategic subject change.
  • Master the non-committal “hmm” (bonus points for varying the pitch.)

Real-World Example:

Bob: “This wouldn’t have happened if you were using LinuxExtremePro2000!” Old You: “Actually, studies show that my current system is more efficient for our specific needs, and here are fifteen reasons why…” New You: “Interesting perspective, Bob. Hey, did you catch the game last night?”

Think of arguments like quicksand – the more you struggle, the deeper you sink into the unproductive abyss.

Don’t Defend

Defending yourself at work can feel as natural as checking your phone during a boring meeting. But just like that phone check, it’s usually unnecessary and can get you into serious trouble.

What It Looks Like:

Enter Linda, the self-appointed Office Protocol Officer, who’s horrified that you used Calibri instead of Arial in your presentation. She’s convinced this choice reflects poorly on your professional judgment, your upbringing, and possibly your entire generation.

What To Do Instead:

  • Embrace the power of “I appreciate your feedback.”
  • Perfect your “fascinated scientist” expression while observing their behaviour.

Real-World Example:

Linda: “I can’t believe you didn’t CC the entire department on that email about the missing break room spoon.” Old You: “I only included relevant team members because studies show that unnecessary CCing reduces productivity and besides…” New You: “Thanks for letting me know your preference. I’ll keep that in mind.”

Remember: Your work should speak for itself. If it doesn’t, no amount of defending will make it better. If it does, no amount of criticism can make it worse.

Don’t Explain

Explaining is like trying to fill a bottomless cup – no matter how much you pour in, some people will always want more. Save your breath for cooling your coffee instead.

What It Looks Like:

Meet Tom, who needs to understand the complete psychological, philosophical, and metaphysical reasoning behind why you chose to use blue sticky notes instead of yellow ones.

What To Do Instead:

  • Perfect the art of the concise response.
  • Master the “that’s just how it is” shrug.

Real-World Example:

Tom: “But WHY did you start the meeting at 10:05 instead of 10:00?” Old You: “Well, you see, I was following this fascinating time management article that suggests slight delays can actually increase attendance and engagement, and there’s this whole psychology behind it…” New You: “That’s when the meeting was scheduled. Shall we review the agenda?”

Further useful phrases:

  • “I hear what you’re saying.”
  • “I’ll give that some thought.”
  • “Let’s focus on the task at hand.”
  • “That’s an interesting perspective.”
  • “I’ve made my decision on this.”

0bviously, the No-JADE approach doesn’t always work and isn’t always appropriate, but it can significantly reduce the time you waste trying to deal with impossible difficult people.

Success Stories

Consider Maria, who used to spend hours crafting detailed emails defending her project timelines to sceptical stakeholders. After embracing the no-JADE approach, she simply started responding with “The timeline is set based on our resources and requirements. I’ll update you on our progress at the next check-in.” Miraculously, the universe didn’t implode, and she gained back hours of her life.

Or take James, who stopped explaining why he couldn’t attend every single optional team happy hour. Instead of providing elaborate explanations involving his dog’s therapy sessions and his commitment to underwater basket weaving, he now simply says, “I won’t be able to make it. Have fun!” Revolutionary.

Or Louise, who attended a From Troubled to Triumphant: Finding Solid Ground During Life Transitions retreat a year after she walked the last 100km of the Camino de Santiago de Compostela in Spain.

She had many fascinating stories to share about her adventure and about the sometimes difficult people she came across during her walk: “I always thought I had the patience of a saint. You know, the kind of person who smiles through chaos, listens empathetically when your coworker spends another lunch hour ranting about their neighbour’s cat destroying their garden, and graciously lets someone with three items cut ahead in the grocery line. But somewhere along the way—probably in my early 50s—my patience decided to pack its bags and go on a permanent vacation.

So, naturally, I decided to walk the Camino de Santiago. Because what better way to find inner peace and figure out how to deal with difficult people than walking 30 kilometers a day with a bunch of strangers?

It didn’t take long for my fellow pilgrims to reveal themselves as messy humans—just like me. There was Mary, the serial over-sharer who felt the need to recount her entire dating history by Day 2. Tim, who somehow managed to mansplain how to tie your bootlaces. And Carol, bless her heart, who treated every group discussion like her personal TED Talk.

On Day 3, I found myself trudging along a particularly rocky stretch of the Camino, stuck between Tim, who was explaining the “optimal pace” for hill climbing, and Mary, who was oversharing about her ex-husband’s toenail fungus. My inner monologue went something like this: Why did I think this was a good idea? Can I fake an ankle sprain? Do Spanish doctors prescribe wine?

You can’t control difficult people. Believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve written carefully worded emails, subtly redirected conversations, even practised deep breathing while smiling through gritted teeth. Walking the Camino, listening to Tim and Mary go at it for hours on end, I had a revelation: I didn’t have to engage.

Instead of mentally drafting my snarky comeback to Tim’s lecture on hydration protocols, I focused on the sound of my boots crunching against the gravel. Instead of nodding along to Mary’s tall tales, I simply let her words fade into the background.

And it was… liberating.

On the Camino, you’re never really stuck with anyone. If someone’s getting on your nerves, you can slow down, speed up, or claim you need to “adjust your pack straps” (my go-to excuse). You can set boundaries without being a jerk. It’s okay to say, “Hey, I need some space,” or “Let’s shelf this for now.” You’re not responsible for fixing other people or accommodating every quirk. (Repeat that to yourself until it sticks.)

Difficult people won’t magically stop being difficult, but how you deal with them? That’s entirely up to you. 💪

If you want to walk the Camino, I highly recommend the more structured and supportive approach of Margaretha’s Camino de Santiago Walking retreats – no heavy rucksack to lug around, no desperate search for a bed every night, scrumptious homegrown and homemade food every day and the option of a massage after every walk…much more my style of R&R. Personally, I opted for a From Troubled to Triumphant retreat, because of the stuff I had going on in my life (a seriously messy divorce resulting in a career change, move to a different country and an empty nest. So good that I’ll be back for more next year!”

Conclusion: Embracing the no-JADE lifestyle

Remember, not JADEing isn’t about being dismissive or uncooperative. It’s about maintaining healthy boundaries, preserving your energy, and staying focused on what actually matters. Think of it as a superpower – the ability to navigate workplace dynamics while maintaining your sanity and sense of humour.

The next time you feel the urge to justify why you organise your desktop icons by colour instead of type, argue about the proper way to load the dishwasher in the break room, defend your choice of layout in the monthly newsletter, or explain why you prefer to eat lunch at your desk – stop. Take a deep breath. Channel your inner no-JADE warrior.

After all, work is challenging enough without turning every interaction into a congressional hearing. By refusing to JADE, you’re not just making your work life easier; you’re setting an example of professional boundaries that others might just follow.

And if all else fails, remember: Sometimes the most powerful response is simply a serene smile and a well-timed “Thanks for sharing.”

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

References

George Bucăţa, Marius – Alexandru Rizescu The Role of Communication in Enhancing Work Effectiveness of an Organization March 2017 Land Forces Academy Review 22(1) DOI:10.1515/raft-2017-0008

Irfan ul Haq, Riffat Faizan Communication Within the Workplace: Systematic Review of
Essentials of Communication International Journal of Applied Business and Management Studies Vol. 8, No.2; 2023 ISSN 2548-0448

Tourish D., & Robson P. (2004). Critical upward feedback in organizations: Processes, problems and implications for communication management. Journal of Communication Management, 8(2), 150–67.

Milliken. F. J., Morrison, E. W., & Hewlin, P. F. (2003). An Exploratory Study of Employee
Silence: Issues that Employees Don’t Communicate Upward and Why. Journal of
Management Studies, 40(6),1453–76.

Horan, S. M., Chory, R. M., Craw, E. S., & Jones, H. E. (2021). Blended Work/Life Relationships:
Organizational Communication Involving Workplace Peers, Friends, and
Lovers. Communication Research Trends, 40(2), 3–47.




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Knowing Your Life Purpose: The Secret to Living Longer

Life purpose and longevity

How a Clear Sense of Purpose Can Extend Your Lifespan

If you are going through a particularly trying life transition at the moment, especially if it is one that seems to go on forever, every so often you might feel frustrated by the time you are “wasting” while you are immobilised by the onslaught. If you already have a clear idea of what your life purpose is, great, it will help you get through this life transition with less aggravation. If you do not, then defining (or redefining) your life purpose could not only make it easier to get through this transition, but it can also enable you to live longer.

Living a long and fulfilling life has been a goal of humanity for centuries. While advancements in healthcare, nutrition, and lifestyle have extended lifespans, the quest for longevity often overlooks one critical component: having a clear sense of purpose. Understanding and living in alignment with our life purpose, especially during life transitions, can profoundly affect not only the quality of our years but also the quantity.

Here’s the roadmap for this article’s content:

Sage’s Desperate Quest for Purpose

Sage was staring into her empty fridge. She sighed so loudly that her neighbour banged on the wall.

“Maybe I need to figure out what my life purpose is…” she muttered, slamming the fridge shut and collapsing onto the couch. She had wasted the whole morning of her precious day off on Instagram, while she was supposed to come up with an idea for a profitable side hustle. Before hunger finally drove her to the fridge, she was reading an article claiming that people with a clear life purpose live longer.

“Great,” she told her cat, Sir Reginald, who was busy grooming himself with an air of self-satisfaction. “If I can’t come up with a side hustle that reflects my purpose, I’ll be dead by next Tuesday.”

She picked up a notebook and scribbled: Life Purpose Ideas: 1) Solve the mystery of the missing sock 2) Save the sharks 3) Settle the debate over what emojis really mean. Then she crossed them all out. “I’m doomed,” she sighed.

By lunchtime, Sage had plummeted into a motivational black hole. She was neck-deep in YouTube videos featuring impossibly attractive people promising to reveal the meaning of her life for only $499.

“The answer,” one guru said dramatically, “is within you.”

“Well, I’ve looked,” Sage snapped at the screen. “All that’s in there is frustration, irritation, anxiety and a weird, worsening craving for nachos.”

Desperate, she downloaded a personality test. Fifty-seven questions later, her result popped up: You are a Creative Nurturer.

“What does that even mean? Should I invent new food combinations? Feed Sir Reginald his Fancy Feast when he least expects it?”

Determined to be proactive, Sage signed up for a yoga class advertised as “Transform Your Mind, Body, and Soul.” She arrived armed with a borrowed yoga mat and a lingering sense of dread.

The instructor, Sylvia (who looked like she’d never eaten a carb), glided to the front of the room. “Today, we’ll open our chakras and connect with our higher purpose.”

Sage perked up.

The class began with deep breathing. Sage wheezed, startling the guy next to her. Then they transitioned to poses with names that sounded like cocktail ingredients and that left Sage reviewing her entire skeletal structure.

By the time Sylvia whispered soothingly, “Let’s end our practice today with a gratitude circle,” Sage was sure her hip was dislocated. “Sooooooo grateful this practice is finished,” she muttered, under her breath.

On her way home, Sage stopped at the coffee shop where she often went to escape reality. She plopped into her usual corner, nursing a latte, when she overheard a couple arguing at the next table.

“The Pub Quiz fundraiser is next week!” snapped the woman.

“I told you we should’ve organised a karaoke,” the man shot back.

Sage, unable to resist, leaned over. “Karaoke and trivia. Call it Sing Your Smarts.”

The couple stared at her.

“That’s… actually brilliant,” the woman said.

Sage froze. Could this be it? Her purpose? Coming up with original ideas?

She spent the rest of the evening brainstorming concepts: a dating app for cat people (MeowMatch), a line of motivational mugs on the “Not my Circus not my Monkeys” theme, and a luxury spa where you could nap for eight hours straight a viral hashtag (#SnoozeForSuccess). Maybe my purpose isn’t one big thing. Maybe it’s about lots of little ways to make life less boring—for me and everyone else.

Sir Reginald blinked at her approvingly.

Sage toasted herself with a margarita while sharing a plate of nachos with Sir Reginald. She was going to live longer, if only to see what happened in the next season of Succession.

The Science Behind Purpose and Longevity

Research increasingly suggests that knowing why we’re here and what we’re meant to do doesn’t just make life more meaningful—it might actually help us live longer. A new study even suggests that a sense of purpose may be more important to our longevity than life satisfaction. “Purpose in life remained significant in all of our analyses, while life satisfaction didn’t,” says lead study author Frank Martela of Aalto University, Finland. “That suggests that purpose is the more reliable predictor of longevity.”

Multiple studies have demonstrated a compelling link between having a strong sense of purpose and increased lifespan. A Mount Sinai-National Institute on Aging study led by Dr. Patrick Hill (published in Psychological Science) followed over 6,000 participants and found that people who reported a greater sense of purpose and direction in life were more likely to outlive their peers during the 14-year study period. And a 2019 JAMA Network Open study by Alimujiang et al. found that adults over 50 who scored in the top quartile of purpose in life had a lower risk of all-cause mortality compared with those in the bottom quartile.

The concept of ikigai, a Japanese term meaning “reason for being,” highlights how purpose is central to well-being and longevity. Okinawa, known as one of the world’s Blue Zones where people live extraordinarily long lives, places a strong emphasis on finding one’s ikigai.

The Physical Impact of Purpose-driven Living

Your life purpose can be defined as the overarching aim or direction that gives meaning to your existence. It is a guiding principle that helps you align your actions, values, and aspirations. Purpose is not static; it evolves as we grow, encounter new experiences, and adapt to changes in life. It often relates to inner satisfaction, self-expression, and alignment with deeply held values. When we have a strong sense of purpose, our bodies respond with:

  • Lower levels of stress hormones like cortisol
  • Reduced inflammation markers
  • Improved immune system function
  • Better cardiovascular health
  • Enhanced sleep quality

These physiological benefits aren’t just coincidental—they’re direct results of living on purpose. A life purpose does more than prolong life; it enriches it emotionally. When life is guided by purpose, transitions, challenges and setbacks are viewed as opportunities for growth rather than insurmountable obstacles. Purpose often involves collaboration, service, or shared experiences. This creates a sense of belonging and strengthens relationships, both of which are critical for mental health. Purposeful living is intrinsically rewarding, as it aligns daily actions with core values. This alignment generates enduring satisfaction and joy, which are known to support both mental and physical health.

Defining Life Purpose

Before diving deeper, let’s clarify what we mean by “life purpose.” It’s not necessarily about having a grand mission to change the world or achieve extraordinary feats. Purpose can be found in:

  • Raising children and nurturing family relationships
  • Contributing to your community
  • Excelling in your profession
  • Creating art or music
  • Teaching and mentoring others
  • Advocating for causes you believe in
  • Supporting and helping others
  • Personal growth and development

Your purpose doesn’t need to be singular or static—it can evolve as you grow and change throughout life.

The Psychological Mechanics of Purpose-Driven Living

Having a clear purpose provides several psychological benefits that directly impact longevity:

1. Stress Resilience When we have a strong sense of purpose, we’re better equipped to handle life’s challenges. Stressful events are viewed through the lens of our greater mission, making them feel more manageable and less overwhelming. This resilience translates to better stress management and, consequently, better health outcomes.

2. Motivation for Self-Care People with a clear purpose tend to take better care of themselves. When you believe your life has meaning and importance, you’re more likely to:

  • Maintain healthy habits
  • Seek preventive healthcare
  • Exercise regularly
  • Eat nutritiously
  • Avoid harmful behaviours

This isn’t just about living longer—it’s about being healthy enough to fulfil your purpose. Existentialism, particularly through thinkers like Viktor Frankl, underscores the transformative power of finding meaning even in suffering, as highlighted in his seminal work Man’s Search for Meaning.

3. Social Connection Purpose often involves connecting with others, whether through family relationships, community service, or professional contributions. These social connections are vital for longevity, as strong social ties have been consistently linked to better health outcomes and increased lifespan.

Finding Your Purpose Guided by Horses (?!)

While the benefits of having a purpose are clear, discovering it isn’t always straightforward.

The Rearing to Get Going in a New Direction on-demand online retreat is your step-by-step guide to uncovering your unique life purpose. This course gives you the clarity and confidence you need to step boldly into the next phase of your life, equipped with a purpose that feels right for you.

No more frustration. No more doubt. Just clear direction.

During this DIY course, you’ll move from feeling stuck, lost, or uncertain to having a crystal-clear understanding of your current life purpose—tailored to your specific life circumstances.

“Inspired by the way they guided me through uncertainty, I created this course to help others find their own life purpose with similar guidance, connection, and insight. I have collected everything they taught me and packaged it into this course to help you redefine your own sense of purpose, before, during or after a life transition. Think of it as applicable horse-guided wisdom—minus the mucking out of stalls.” Dr Margaretha Montagu

Find out more

Maintaining Purpose Through Life’s Seasons

It’s important to recognise that purpose isn’t static—it evolves as we move through different life stages. What gives us purpose in our 20s might be very different from what drives us in our 60s. The key is to:

  • Regularly reassess your purpose
  • Be open to new sources of meaning
  • Allow your purpose to grow with you
  • Embrace life transitions as opportunities for purpose refinement

The Role of Purpose in Aging Well

As we age, having a strong sense of purpose becomes increasingly important. Research shows that older adults with a clear purpose:

  • Experience slower cognitive decline
  • Maintain better physical function
  • Have lower rates of depression
  • Report higher life satisfaction
  • Show greater resilience in facing health challenges

This suggests that purpose isn’t just about adding years to life—it’s about adding life to years.

Overcoming Purpose-Finding Challenges

While the benefits of purpose are clear, many people struggle to define and pursue their own. Modern society often prioritises success, productivity, and material wealth over personal fulfilment, making it difficult for individuals to identify their true calling. Self-doubt and external criticism can hinder the exploration and expression of one’s purpose. Major life transitions such as retirement, career changes, or personal loss can leave individuals feeling adrift and disconnected from their purpose. Many people struggle with finding their purpose, feeling overwhelmed by the pressure to discover some grand mission. Common challenges include feeling that your purpose isn’t “important” enough, believing it’s too late to find your purpose and getting stuck in analysis paralysis.

“Remember that purpose doesn’t have to be grandiose. Small, consistent actions aligned with your values can be just as meaningful as large-scale missions.” Dr M Montagu

Creating a Purpose-Driven Lifestyle

Finding purpose is just the beginning. The real challenge lies in integrating it into daily life. This might involve:

  1. Setting purpose-aligned goals
  2. Creating daily routines that support your mission
  3. Making decisions through the lens of your purpose
  4. Surrounding yourself with people who support your purpose
  5. Regular reflection and adjustment

The Ripple Effect of Purpose

Living with purpose doesn’t just benefit you—it creates positive ripples that affect others. When you live purposefully:

  • You inspire others to find their purpose
  • Your actions contribute to the greater good
  • You create meaningful connections
  • You leave a lasting legacy

This interconnection further reinforces the purpose-longevity link, as contributing to something larger than ourselves has been shown to increase well-being and life satisfaction.

En Fin de Compte

The connection between purpose and longevity isn’t just philosophical—it’s backed by science. By taking the time to discover and live according to our purpose, we may not only live longer; but live better, more meaningfully, and with greater impact.

Ask yourself: What gets you out of bed each morning? Apart from desperately needing your first cup of coffee of the day. Answering this question could be the first step toward a longer, healthier, and more meaningful life.

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Understanding Empathy Burnout and How to Recognise It in Yourself

Empathy Burnout

When Helping Hurts

Lise came to a From Troubled to Triumphant Transformational Retreat at the beginning of autumn as a last-minute booking. She said she was going through a “career change” life transition. She couldn’t cope with her job as a doctor anymore, but she had no clue what she wanted to do next. Right from the start, something felt off. It wasn’t that I didn’t understand her plight, after all, I had been in the exact same place myself more than a decade ago. During the retreat, her actual problem gradually reared its head.

Lise’s Story: The Unbearable Weight of Caring

Lise sat in her small, tidy office at the clinic, staring blankly at her computer screen. The cursor blinked steadily, waiting for her to type up the notes for her last patient. But her fingers hovered over the keyboard, unmoving. She couldn’t find the words—or the energy—to continue. The sound of muffled voices in the waiting room seeped through the walls, a constant reminder that more people needed her.

Her workday had started twelve hours ago, and she had seen 27 patients. Each one had brought her their pain, their struggles, and their fears. And she had listened, as she always did, offering reassurances, treatments, and sometimes just a shoulder to lean on. She loved her work—or at least she used to. Being a general practitioner was more than a job for Lise; it was her calling. But recently, something had shifted.

Ground Hog Day

That morning had been no different from any other, or so it seemed. Her first patient, an elderly man named Louis, came in with chronic back pain. As Lise examined him, he spoke about his wife’s declining health and the burden of being her sole caregiver. His voice cracked as he admitted he hadn’t slept well in months. Lise felt the familiar ache of understanding in her chest. She offered him a referral to a physical therapist and gently suggested he seek respite care for his wife.

The next patient was a young mother, Amélie, who brought in her toddler with a persistent cough. Amélie looked frazzled, her eyes rimmed with dark circles. Between checking the child’s breathing and writing a prescription for antibiotics, Lise found herself listening to Amélie’s worries about balancing work and motherhood. “I don’t know how you manage it all,” Amélie said with a weak smile. Lise didn’t answer. She wasn’t sure how she managed it, either.

By the time Lise reached her lunch break—if you could call the ten-minute gap between patients a “break”—she realised she hadn’t eaten breakfast. She grabbed a granola bar from her desk drawer and took a deep breath. It didn’t help.

The First Ominous Signs

For weeks, Lise had been feeling a debilitating fatigue. It wasn’t the kind of tiredness that a good night’s sleep could fix. It was deeper, heavier, as though her very soul was weary. She had started to dread coming to work, something she never imagined would happen. The sight of her packed schedule filled her with a sense of dread.

But the worst part was the emotional numbness. Lise, who had always prided herself on her ability to connect with her patients, found herself tuning out during consultations. When a patient began to cry, her instinct was no longer to comfort them but to mentally check out.

At first, she chalked it up to being overworked. After all, healthcare was a demanding field, and everyone felt overwhelmed sometimes. But this was different. It wasn’t just exhaustion; it was detachment.

Lisa’s Final Breaking Point

Lise’s breaking point came on a rainy Thursday afternoon. Her patient was a teenager named Juliette, who had been struggling with anxiety and self-harm. Juliette’s mother sat beside her, tears streaming down her face as she described finding the scars on her daughter’s arms. Normally, Lise would have felt a wave of compassion and determination to help. But as she listened, all she felt was a hollow emptiness. She nodded at the right moments, prescribed therapy, and scheduled a follow-up. But inside, she felt nothing.

When the appointment ended and Juliette left the room, Lise stayed behind, frozen in her chair. She stared at the clock on the wall, her hands trembling. How had she gotten to this point? How could she care so much and yet feel so little?

Enter Empathy Burnout

During the retreat, Lise confided. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I feel like I’m failing everyone. My patients, myself… even my partner.”

The other retreat guests and I reassured her. “You’re not failing, Lise. You’re just human. You’ve been carrying too much for too long.”

I also told her that I didn’t think that she was going through a life transition, but that I thought she was suffering from empathy burnout. I explained that empathy burnout, or compassion fatigue, was a state of emotional exhaustion resulting from excessive emotional demands. It wasn’t just physical tiredness; it was the toll of constantly absorbing other people’s pain. Caregivers, healthcare workers, and anyone in the helping professions were especially vulnerable. The symptoms matched hers: emotional numbness, irritability, reduced empathy, and a sense of detachment.

Drafting Her Map to Recovery

Recognising the problem was the first step. But solving it required more than acknowledgement. Lise knew she needed to make changes when she got back—not just for herself, but for her patients.

We talked about starting small. Instead of skipping lunch, she decided she was going to step outside the clinic, even if just for 15 minutes, to eat a homemade sandwich and breathe fresh air. She would practise mindfulness, the way the horses’ taught her during the retreat, setting aside ten minutes each morning to meditate. At first, it might feel forced, but I was sure, over time, it would become a moment of calm she looked forward to.

One of the hardest tasks she set herself was learning to set boundaries. Lise had always been the doctor who went above and beyond, but she realised she couldn’t pour from an empty cup. She decided to delegate some of her work to her clinical staff, whenever appropriate. She also began seeing a supervising therapist, someone she could talk to without fear of judgement.

Reconnecting with Her “Why”

Back home, Lise implemented her plan. She soon started to notice subtle changes. She began to feel lighter, more present. The numbness gradually gave way to genuine care. One day, a patient thanked her for her kindness during a difficult diagnosis, and for the first time in a long time, Lise felt the warmth of being appreciated for her work again.

She reminded herself why she had become a doctor in the first place: to help people heal, both physically and emotionally.

It took time for Lise to get back on track; empathy burnout wasn’t something you can heal from overnight. But it taught her a valuable lesson: caring for others starts with caring for yourself. She learned that empathy, while a beautiful and necessary part of her work, had to be balanced with boundaries and self-compassion.

The Definition of Empathy Burnout

Empathy burnout, also known as “compassion fatigue,” is a state of emotional and physical exhaustion that occurs when someone has been giving a great deal of empathy or support to others over an extended period. This condition is common among professionals in caregiving roles—like healthcare workers, therapists, and counsellors—as well as individuals who provide ongoing support to friends or family members in need. When someone constantly listens to others’ pain, absorbs emotional burdens, or provides support, it can lead to an overwhelming sense of fatigue, detachment, and even helplessness.

What’s the difference between Stress and Empathy Burnout?

Stress is a response to external pressures and can affect anyone, regardless of their emotional involvement with others. Empathy burnout, however, specifically stems from prolonged emotional engagement with others’ pain or struggles. While stress might ebb and flow, empathy burnout is more pervasive and tied to emotional exhaustion.

How do I know it’s Empathy Burnout and not just Tiredness?

Empathy burnout goes beyond physical tiredness. It’s characterized by emotional and psychological fatigue, such as feeling overwhelmed by others’ needs or emotionally drained after interactions. Unlike regular tiredness, rest alone may not improve your energy or mood.

Key Signs

  • Emotional Exhaustion: Feeling drained, short-tempered, or emotionally distant from others.
  • Reduced Empathy: Struggling to feel compassionate or sensitive to others’ struggles, even if you genuinely care.
  • Mental and Physical Fatigue: Experiencing persistent tiredness, headaches, disturbed sleep, and a weakened immune system.
  • Cynicism or Apathy: Feeling jaded or indifferent toward people who need support.
  • Increased Stress and Anxiety: This can lead to feelings of frustration, irritation and even resentment.

Causes

Empathy burnout arises when there’s a lack of balance between giving and receiving emotional support. Without time for self-care, boundary-setting, or recovery, this imbalance can easily become overwhelming. Factors like high emotional investment, limited support systems, and ongoing exposure to difficult emotions contribute to burnout.

Preventing and Managing Empathy Burnout

  • Set Boundaries: Protect your time and energy by establishing clear boundaries.
  • Practice Self-Care: Engage in activities that rejuvenate you—like rest, exercise, mindfulness, creative hobbies, and socialising with supportive friends.
  • Seek Support: Finding a mentor, coach, or peer group can be invaluable.
  • Regular Downtime: Take regular breaks from caregiving roles to recharge your batteries.
  • Consider Professional Help: If empathy burnout is severe, consulting a mental health professional can provide support and strategies to recover.

In the context of a life transition, empathy burnout may be a significant challenge, especially for those who frequently give emotional support to others while navigating their own changes.

The Difference Between a Life Transition and Empathy Burnout

A life transition is a significant change or shift in one’s personal or professional life that disrupts the normal flow of daily living. Examples include career changes, moving to a new place, divorce, retirement, or losing a loved one. Life transitions often involve a mix of emotions, such as excitement, fear, grief, or uncertainty, as individuals adjust to a new reality. These transitions are a natural part of life and, though challenging, they can lead to new insights and new opportunities.

On the other hand, empathy burnout—or compassion fatigue—is a state of emotional exhaustion that arises from repeatedly absorbing the stress, pain, or struggles of others. It is common among caregivers, healthcare workers, and anyone in emotionally demanding roles. Unlike life transitions, empathy burnout stems from giving too much emotional energy to others without adequate self-care or boundaries. It can lead to feelings of numbness, detachment, and even resentment toward those seeking support.

The key difference lies in origin and focus:

  • Life transitions are external changes that affect an individual’s circumstances and require them to adapt. The focus is on navigating their own emotional and practical needs.
  • Empathy burnout is an internal condition caused by overextending emotional energy toward others, leaving little room for self-replenishment.

Both can be draining, but while life transitions often involve rebuilding or starting anew, empathy burnout requires recognizing the imbalance in giving and receiving support, then implementing self-care strategies to recover emotional resilience.

Empathy Burnout Self-Assessment FAQ

1. Do you feel emotionally numb or disconnected when others share their problems?

Signs to watch for:

  • Finding yourself unable to react emotionally to others’ distress
  • Catching yourself thinking “I don’t care anymore” when hearing about others’ struggles
  • Feeling irritated or frustrated when people seek emotional support
  • Having a harder time remembering details of others’ problems or situations

Why this matters: Emotional numbness is often one of the first signs of empathy burnout. It’s your mind’s way of protecting itself from emotional overload.

2. Have you noticed changes in your sleep patterns or physical well-being?

Signs to watch for:

  • Difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep
  • Feeling exhausted even after adequate rest
  • Experiencing headaches, digestive issues, or tension more frequently
  • Having less energy for daily activities
  • Increased susceptibility to illness

Why this matters: Empathy burnout often manifests physically before we recognize it emotionally.

3. Are you finding it harder to maintain boundaries between your personal life and others’ needs?

Signs to watch for:

  • Thinking about others’ problems during your personal time
  • Feeling guilty when you’re not available to help
  • Difficulty saying “no” to requests for support
  • Neglecting your own needs to attend to others
  • Bringing work or others’ problems home with you

Why this matters: Healthy boundaries are essential for sustainable empathy. Their erosion often indicates burnout.

4. Do you find yourself avoiding certain people or situations?

Signs to watch for:

  • Hesitating to answer calls or messages from people who might need support
  • Making excuses to avoid social situations
  • Procrastinating on tasks that involve emotional labour
  • Feeling dread when faced with others’ emotional needs
  • Withdrawing from relationships or social activities

Why this matters: Avoidance behaviours often develop as a coping mechanism when our emotional resources are depleted.

5. Has your worldview or self-image changed recently?

Signs to watch for:

  • Increased cynicism about human nature
  • Feeling helpless about making a difference
  • Questioning your competence or effectiveness
  • Loss of faith in people’s ability to solve their problems
  • Decreased sense of personal accomplishment
  • Feeling disconnected from your values or purpose

Why this matters: Changes in core beliefs and self-perception often indicate that empathy burnout is affecting your fundamental worldview.

Note: If you answered “yes” to three or more of these questions and have been experiencing these symptoms for more than two weeks, you may be experiencing empathy burnout. Consider seeking support from a mental health professional who can help you develop strategies for recovery and resilience. – or attend a From Troubled to Triumphant Transformational Retreat in the sun-blessed southwest of France.

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

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Grateful, But Still Terrified: How I’m Tackling Anxiety in the Middle of a Life Transition

getting divorced

Because quitting your job at 42 without a backup plan deserves a little help from a gratitude journal (and a lot of coffee).

Can Gratitude Really Reduce Anxiety During a Life Transition?

The one thing I teach everyone who comes here on a From Troubled to Triumphant Life Transition retreat is that being grateful is an extremely powerful stress management strategy. Gratitude can play a significant role in reducing anxiety during life transitions – I know that from personal experience. NO other strategy comes near, especially if you combine gratitude with generosity. When you are immobilised by uncertainty, acknowledging the positive aspects of life can provide a fresh perspective. We even have a good idea about how it works: we know that practising gratitude helps regulate the sympathetic nervous system, which activates anxiety responses and reduces cortisol levels—the stress hormone—leading to increased resilience. By training your mind to focus on what you are grateful for, you can counteract the anxiety and apprehension that characterise most life transitions. Simple strategies such as keeping a gratitude journal can effectively rewire your brain to handle stress more effectively and reduce anxiety during significant life transitions.

In my free 7-part e-Course, How to Survive a Life Quake, I devote one full part to Gratitude and how you can seamlessly incorporate a Gratitude Practice into your busy everyday life. You can get access to this course by subscribing to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes newsletter.

Shirley N., one of my retreat guests, opted for a coaching package before her retreat. When we met, she had just handed in her resignation letter. This is her story:

So here I am, 42 years old, staring at my laptop with a mix of dread and excitement because I just sent in my resignation letter. 😬 Yep, after 18 years in the same post, I’m officially jumping off the hamster wheel.

And before you ask: no, I don’t have a solid backup plan. Not really. What I do have is a vague dream of becoming a writer-slash-life-coach-slash-whatever-keeps-my-lights-on. Oh, and a crippling case of anxiety that’s decided to camp out in my chest 24/7 since I made this decision. Fun times.

But let me back up and explain how I got here—and why I’m trying this thing called “gratitude” suggested by my coach, dr Margaretha Montagu, as my secret weapon to survive the chaos.

The Decision That Started It All

About three months ago, I was sitting at my desk in my office (read: beige box of existential despair), proofreading yet another soul-sucking report when it hit me: I can’t do this for another decade. It wasn’t just the boredom; it was the constant feeling that my life was going down the drain. You know that scene in The Matrix where Neo wakes up in a pod and is like, “Wait, this is my life?!” Yeah, it was kind of like that.

I thought I’d feel liberated the second I decided to quit, but instead, my brain went into overdrive: What if this is the dumbest decision of your life? What if you never find another job? What if you end up having to sell your furniture on Facebook Marketplace just to pay rent?

Anxiety became my new roommate, and let me tell you—she’s messy, she’s bossy, and she refuses to be quiet.

Discovering Gratitude (Sort of By Accident)

When my coach suggested starting a gratitude practice, I wasn’t convinced. Honestly, I thought gratitude was one of those Pinterest board words people slap on pictures of sunsets to sound profound. 🙄 But one sleepless night, after scrolling through way too many Reddit threads about career regrets (bad idea, by the way), I decided I was going to have to give it a try.

The logic was simple, after all: when you focus on what you’re thankful for, your brain has less bandwidth to spiral into worry mode. It sounded… nice? Sceptical me wasn’t sold, but desperate me was like, What’s the worst that could happen?

My (Wobbly) Gratitude Experiment

The next morning, I grabbed an old notebook, poured a cup of coffee (because a girl has to have priorities), and sat down to write three things I was grateful for. Easy, right?

Not exactly. My brain was so used to cataloguing stress that it couldn’t think of anything even remotely positive. After staring at the page for ten minutes, I finally came up with:

  1. Coffee (obviously).
  2. My dog, Biscuit, both my therapist and my shadow.
  3. That one time last week when the grocery store had avocados on sale.

Earth-shattering stuff, I know. But here’s the thing: it felt good to write those down. Not amazing, not life-changing—but good. It was like giving my brain a tiny break from its regularly scheduled programming of “What If Everything goes horribly WRONG?”

How Gratitude Became My Anxiety Buffer

As the days went on, I kept up the gratitude practice, jotting down three things every morning. Some days were easier than others. (Pro tip: if you ever try this, it’s totally okay to repeat “coffee” as many times as necessary.) But gradually, I started noticing a shift.

For example, when my anxiety would flare up—like the time I checked my bank account and realised I’d forgotten to cancel a subscription AGAIN—I’d stop and think, Okay, what’s one thing that’s going right? Sometimes it was small, like, “At least I’m not dealing with Karen from HR anymore.” Other times, it was bigger, like, “I have people in my life who support me, even when I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

It didn’t erase the anxiety, but it gave me a little breathing room. And in those moments, I felt just the tiniest bit less panicked—and a little more hopeful.

Science-backed Stuff (because I do NOT believe everything I hear)

Because I’m me and I love overthinking everything, I started researching why gratitude might actually work. Turns out, there’s legit science behind it. Practising gratitude activates the part of your brain responsible for positive emotions and can even lower cortisol (aka the stress hormone). (1) (2)

I also learned that gratitude and anxiety can’t really coexist. It’s like trying to listen to two songs at once—your brain will pick one track to focus on, and gratitude tends to drown out the panic. Or, at least, it turns the volume down a notch.

Who knew my cheesy little notebook entries were rewiring my brain?

The Unexpected Perks of Gratitude

Okay, here’s where things got weird (in a good way). As I kept up my gratitude habit, I noticed some surprising side effects:

  1. I stopped catastrophising as much. Instead of assuming every minor setback was a sign I’d end up as a bag lady, I started looking for the silver linings. Missed a deadline? Great, more time to do it right. Stubbed my toe? Okay, that one still sucked, but you get the idea.
  2. I became more present. I used to spend 90% of my day stuck in “what if” mode. Gratitude pulled me back into the here and now, even if just for a few minutes at a time.
  3. I started sleeping better. Not every night—let’s be real—but enough that I felt like a semi-functioning human again. Apparently, ending the day with a gratitude list helps your brain chill out before bed. Who knew?

Gratitude Isn’t a Magic Cure (But It Helps)

I’m not going to lie and say gratitude fixed everything. I still wake up some mornings feeling like I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life. I still overthink, stress out, and occasionally cry into a bag of chips. (Salt and vinegar, for those wondering.) But the difference is, those moments don’t feel as overwhelming anymore.

Gratitude hasn’t made my problems disappear, but it’s given me a tool to deal with them. It’s like having a flashlight when you’re wandering through a dark forest. Sure, you’re still in the forest, but at least you can see where you’re going.

Where I’m At Now

Fast forward to today, four coaching sessions behind me and packing for my From Troubled to Triumphant Life Transition retreat: I’m still figuring out my next move, still nervous about the future—but also, for the first time in years, I’m excited. And when the anxiety starts creeping in, I remind myself to pause and look for the good stuff. Even if it’s just coffee and avocados.

So if you’re in the middle of a big life change and your brain won’t stop spinning worst-case scenarios, try this gratitude thing. Start small. Write it down. Say it out loud. Heck, yell it into the void if that helps.

And remember: no matter how messy or uncertain life feels, there’s always something worth appreciating—even if it’s just the fact that avocados were on sale last week. 🥑

Research

Several scientific studies have demonstrated the link between gratitude and reduced anxiety symptoms that Shirley mentions above:

  1. A meta-analysis of 64 randomised clinical trials found that patients who underwent gratitude interventions experienced a 7.76% reduction in anxiety scores compared to control groups, as measured by the Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD-7) scale (The effects of gratitude interventions: a systematic review and meta-analysis Geyze Diniz, Ligia Korkes, Luca Schiliró Tristão PMCID: PMC10393216 PMID: 37585888.)
  2. Research by McCraty and colleagues showed that participants who felt grateful had a marked reduction in cortisol levels, the stress hormone, leading to better cardiac functioning and increased resilience to emotional setbacks. (McCraty, R., & Childre, D. (2004). The grateful heart: The psychophysiology of appreciation. In R. A. Emmons & M. E. McCullough (Eds.), Series in affective science. The psychology of gratitude (pp. 230–255). New York, NY: Oxford University Press.)
  3. More Research and References

Practising gratitude can help reduce anxiety symptoms through various physiological and psychological mechanisms, including regulating stress hormones, modulating brain activity, and shifting focus to positive aspects of life.

Finalement

So, there you have it—gratitude won’t pay your bills or magically map out your future, but it might just keep you from having a full-blown meltdown while you figure things out. Think of it as emotional duct tape: not perfect, but surprisingly effective even if you need to go write “coffee” in your gratitude journal at least three times a day. 😉

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

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Hot Flashes, Mood Swings, and Midnight Binges

Should you go on a Transformational Retreat during a Midlife Crisis?

#LifeQuake Series

Midlife Crisis or Midlife Awakening?
Why This Life Transition Is the Perfect Chance to Redesign Your Future

As life transitions go, a midlife crisis must be one of the most classical examples – it often marks a significant period of introspection during mid-adulthood. A midlife crisis is basically life yelling, “Plot twist!” Maybe it’s not exactly a “crisis” but a pivotal moment in your life, characterised by shifts in identity, priorities, and perspective.

Sure, the word crisis makes it sound like you’re about to ditch your responsibilities, dye your hair purple, and join a punk band called Existential Dread. But really, it’s just a dramatic way of realising that life is finite. This awareness can prompt deep self-reflection, leading you to question your choices, achievements, and direction.

Suddenly, you’re side-eyeing your choices, achievements, and that beige couch you swore you’d love forever. Cue the What am I even doing with my life? montage, starring you, a lukewarm cup of coffee, asking ChatGPT: “Can I start over at 40? 50? 60?”

A midlife crisis is like Marie Kondo-ing your identity. The roles you’ve collected over the years—Parent! Partner! Professional!—might not “spark joy” anymore and feel outdated and limiting. So, you start craving new labels: artist, adventurer, horse yoga enthusiast. This can result in a desire to break free from old definitions and explore new ones. It may inspire you to book a skydiving lesson or decide to become a TikTok star— as you question life’s meaning for you now.

Life transitions frequently stir up strong emotions, and a midlife crisis is no exception. One minute, it’s regret: Why didn’t I backpack through Europe when I had the chance? The next, it’s wild excitement: I could still backpack through Europe! It’s a rollercoaster of anxiety, restlessness, doubt, hope and maybe panic-buying a pink leather jacket. These emotional ups and downs are part of processing change and preparing to adapt to a new chapter.

At its core, a midlife crisis isn’t about losing your way; it’s about updating your map. Some go big—quitting their job, buying a convertible, moving to Bali. Others go small but mighty—picking up therapy, taking salsa lessons, or finally getting that sourdough starter. Either way, it’s not about escaping who you’ve been. It’s about embracing who you’re becoming.

So, if you find yourself in this transitional chaos, don’t panic.

At its core, a midlife crisis is about choice and change. Some people may make drastic changes—quitting a job, buying a sports car, or travelling the world—while others take quieter steps, like exploring therapy or adopting new hobbies. These actions reflect the transitional phase where people move from reflection to implementation, building a life that feels more aligned with who they’ve become.

Ultimately, a midlife crisis, like all life transitions, offers an opportunity for self-rediscovery and creating a more authentic, meaningful and fulfilling life.

The Midlife Pivot
What a Midlife Crisis Can Teach You About Priorities, Purpose, and Possibilities

One of my From Troubled to Triumphant: Finding Solid Ground During a Life Quake retreat guests, Barbara K. explained why she decided to attend a retreat here at my little French farmhouse:

“Listen, midlife and the menopause hit me like a freight train—and not one of those fancy bullet trains that glide in silently. No, this was an old-school, coal-belching locomotive with a blaring horn, zero warning, and a hypoglycemic conductor who probably skipped breakfast. One day, I was living my life, buying anti-wrinkle creams I didn’t really need, as you do, and the next? BOOM. My internal thermostat was shattered, my patience promptly evaporated, and sleep became an elusive ex-boyfriend who left without explanation.

So, let’s talk about this wild ride, shall we? Grab a fan (you’ll need it), pour yourself something calming (or alternatively, caffeinated), and buckle up for my hormone-fueled journey through hot flashes, mood swings, and the kind of fatigue that makes you forget why you walked into a room.

The Heat is On (All the Time)

Let’s start with the headliner: hot flashes. Whoever named them was being generous. These aren’t just flashes; they’re full-blown internal bonfires. One minute I’m watching Netflix, the next I’m frantically peeling off layers like I’m in some weird striptease competition. (Spoiler: first one naked wins.)

And it’s not just the heat—it’s the timing. Hot flashes don’t care if you’re in a Zoom meeting, at the grocery store, or trying to peacefully enjoy your kid’s piano recital. No, they’ll strike when they want, leaving you looking like you just ran a marathon in the Sahara.

Pro tip: Always have a handheld fan and a cool drink nearby. I now own more fans than Taylor Swift. (No regrets.) Oh, and if you see a middle-aged woman standing in the freezer aisle at the supermarket, mind your own business. She has her reasons, she’s fine.

Sleeping Beauty? Try Sleepless Beast.

Remember when sleep was easy? When your head hit the pillow, and eight blissful hours later, you wake up feeling like a fully functional human? Yeah, me neither.

Now, I spend my nights tossing, turning, and debating if I should just give up and start my day at 3 a.m. And the cherry on this insomnia sundae? The night sweats. Imagine waking up drenched, convinced your bed’s been transformed into a swamp. It’s delightful, really.

It’s not just the hot flashes. It’s the night sweats. And the racing thoughts. I’ll be lying there, minding my own business, when suddenly my brain decides to remind me of something embarrassing I said in 1998. Or I’ll start mentally reorganising the pantry at 4 a.m. because clearly, that’s urgent.

I’ve tried all the tricks—chamomile tea, white noise machines, lavender spray, meditation apps, even wearing socks to bed because someone on the internet swore it “regulates your body temperature.” (It doesn’t. It just makes your feet sweaty.) None of it worked. Then a friend recommended weighted blankets, and let me tell you, those things are magic. It’s like being hugged by a cloud. A really heavy cloud.

Eventually, I invested in moisture-wicking sheets and a cooling pillow. Do they solve anything? No. But they do make me feel like I’m sort of in control of my life again.

Mood Swings: Buckle Up, wannabe Survivors

Here’s the thing: I used to be a nice person. Ask my friends, my neighbours, even my cat. Now? One second I’m fine, the next I’m crying because a stranger on Instagram adopted a rescue dog named Pickles. (He looked so happy, okay?!)

My family has developed a sort of unspoken code for handling my moods. If I’m ranting about how nobody ever takes the bins out, my daughter quietly passes me a chocolate bar and backs away. It works like magic. My husband, bless him, meekly hands me the TV remote and retreats to the garage when he sees the telltale signs of an impending meltdown. Honestly? Smart moves all around.

Journaling has been surprisingly helpful for keeping the emotional rollercoaster in check. There’s something about scribbling down all my irrational frustrations that makes them feel… less intense. Plus, it keeps me from snapping at innocent bystanders, like the barista who accidentally gave me oat milk instead of almond milk. (I’m sorry, Greg. I was not myself that day.)

And yes, I’ve also started meditating. Don’t laugh. It’s not just for hippies and Gwyneth Paltrow. A few minutes of deep breathing can do wonders when you’re on the verge of throwing a loaf of bread at someone’s head. (Ask me how I know.)

But seriously, the mood swings are no joke. One day, I snapped at my son for leaving his shoes in the hallway. Ten minutes later, I was hugging hpm, apologising, and crying about how he’s growing up too fast. He looked at me like I was an alien. Honestly? Same.

Fatigue: When Even Coffee Can’t Save You

I used to pride myself on being the Energiser Bunny of my social circle. PTA meetings, book clubs, birthday parties? I was the queen of multitasking and late-night Pinterest scrolling. These days? If I manage to get through an episode of The Great British Bake Off without dozing off, it feels like a personal victory.

Fatigue during menopause isn’t your garden-variety tiredness. It’s the kind of exhaustion that makes you question if you’ve somehow been hit by a tranquiliser dart. I’ve nodded off at my desk, in the carpool line, and once—don’t judge me—at the hair salon while getting my roots touched up. (The stylist said I snored. Loudly.)

To combat this, I’ve become the weirdo who swears by naps. Naps are woke. I schedule them like meetings now. “Oh, you want to catch up at 3 p.m.? Sorry, I have a prior commitment.”

Exercise helps too, which feels unfair because who has energy for a brisk walk when you’re running on fumes? But weirdly, moving around does give me a bit of a boost. Sometimes I just dance in my kitchen to ’80s pop while yelling, “Staying Alive!” It’s not paricularly glamorous or elegant, but it makes me feel, well, alive. Of course, the first time I did yoga, I fell asleep during savasana. The instructor thought I was having a spiritual awakening. I was just done.

Food, Glorious Food (and the Occasional Meltdown)

Now, let’s address the elephant in the room: cravings. One minute you’re on a health kick, eating salads and drinking green smoothies. The next, you’re devouring an entire bag of chips while Googling “best chocolate cake recipes.”

I’ve learned to embrace balance. Yes, I eat my veggies. Yes, I indulge in the occasional midnight cheese toastie. And no, I don’t feel bad about it. Life’s too short to deny yourself carbs, especially when your hormones are already out here wreaking havoc.

That said, I do try to eat foods that help with symptoms. Lots of leafy greens, nuts, and omega-3s. And wine. (What? It’s made from grapes. Totally counts.)

The Silver Lining (Yes, There’s a very Thin One!)

Here’s the thing: as much as menopause can feel like a never-ending game of “What fresh hell is this?”, it’s not all bad. It’s kind of freeing, in a way. No more worrying about that time of the month. No more feeling like you’re at the mercy of your cycle. It’s like entering a whole new chapter of womanhood. One where you know exactly what you want (even if it’s just more naps and ice cream).

Plus, menopause has taught me to slow down and listen to my body. I’ve stopped trying to do everything and be everywhere. Instead, I focus on what truly matters—spending time with my family, finding joy in the little things, and embracing this beautifully chaotic phase of life. Menopause forces you to prioritise self-care, and let go of things that no longer serve you—like uncomfortable bras, people who drain your energy, and the out-of-touch-with-reality notion that women have to be “put together” all the time.

I’ve even started saying “no” to things I don’t want to do (frequently). It’s liberating. And while I may not have control over my hormones, I do have control over how I show up for myself.

I decided to attend a From Troubled to Triumphant retreat because it offered a rare opportunity to step away from the chaos and confusion of daily (mid)life and reconnect with myself in a meaningful way (I desperately needed to do that!) Walking the Camino in the serene beauty of southwest France provided a powerful setting for some serious thinking. The retreat guides you through a transformative process that blends physical exercise with emotional breakthroughs, helping you come to terms with the uncertainty of this life-shattering change. You’ll rediscover your purpose, regain your balance, and transition into your next chapter with renewed confidence.

So, to anyone else out there battling menopause: you don’t have to do this on your own. Whether you’re laughing through the tears or sweating through the laughs, just remember—you’ve got this. “

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

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During a Life Transition: Make Thanksgiving Less Stressful

Do Something Different this Year (see the end of this post)

Thanksgiving: the season of Gratitude, Gatherings, and Glorious Food.

For many, it’s a day filled with tradition, joy, and perhaps a competitive round of family board games. But what happens when life feels… impossibly complicated? Maybe you’ve moved to a new city, you’re facing an enforced career change, starting a new business, getting a divorce, lost a loved one, or have an empty nest – any substantial change -planned or unplanned – in your circumstances. Celebrating Thanksgiving during a tough life transition can feel like juggling fireballs. The good news? Even when you feel you have NOTHING to be grateful for, celebrating Thanksgiving when life isn’t quite going according to plan is not impossible—I’ll show you what you can do to get through this holiday in one piece.

Here in France, we do not celebrate Thanksgiving, or rather, the French do not celebrate Thanksgiving. Most American expats do celebrate Thanksgiving so this post is especially for these brave souls. Brave, because moving to a different country is not for the faint-hearted which may be why I often see expats at my From Troubled to Triumphant: Find Solid Ground during Life Quakes Retreat. Imagine walking a peaceful stretch of the Camino de Santiago, where every step helps untangle the mental clutter or spending time with gentle Friesian horses who teach you the art of mindfulness. This retreat offers the perfect blend of peace, perspective, and playful exploration to help you rise from troubled to triumphant!

Quick, before you move on to the rest of the post, do a Gratitude Countdown: rapidly list ten things you’re grateful for in a countdown format – give yourself 15 seconds. List “micro-gratitudes”: tiny things, like a warm cup of tea or a funny meme from a friend. This powerful exercise can quickly lift your mood, even in the most challenging situations.

Celebrating Thanksgiving during a Major Life Crisis

With a grateful, generous heart and lots of good humour:

Embrace the Chaos

Life transitions often come with chaos—whether it’s moving to a new city, dealing with a breakup, or adjusting to the loss of a loved one. Instead of striving for a picture-perfect Thanksgiving, rejoice in the chaos:

  • Let Go of Perfection: Thanksgiving doesn’t have to look like it does on Instagram or in the glossy magazine spreads. If your turkey burns or the pie doesn’t set, laugh it off! Remember, it’s about being together and sharing moments, not about culinary perfection. If you’re going solo, go easy on yourself. Order takeout, try a no-cook meal, or embrace the “Thanksgiving taco” trend (turkey + stuffing + tortilla = new culinary delight).
  • Create a “Thanksgiving Fails” Tradition: Gather your friends or family and share your funniest Thanksgiving disasters from years past. This can lighten the mood and remind everyone that nobody’s holiday is perfect.

Start New Traditions

When going through a life transition, especially in a country where it isn’t celebrated, old traditions may feel unfamiliar. Thanksgiving doesn’t have to be the Norman Rockwell painting of yore. Instead of clinging to what was, lean into what the day represents to you and consider starting new traditions that reflect your current situation:

  • Volunteer Together: If you’re feeling lonely or disconnected, consider spending part of your day volunteering at a local soup kitchen or food bank. Restos du Coeur here in France is a good option. Not only will you be giving back, but you’ll also be surrounded by others who are looking to spread kindness.
  • Host a Friendsgiving: If family gatherings feel overwhelming, invite new friends over for a casual meal. This can be a potluck-style event where everyone brings their favorite dish. It’s an excellent way to create new memories while enjoying the company of those who uplift you.

Reflect on What Makes You Grateful

Even during tough times, there are always things to be grateful for. Take some time to reflect on these positives:

  • Gratitude Journaling: Before the festivities begin, spend some time writing down what you’re thankful for this year. It could be as simple as having good health or supportive friends. Sharing these thoughts during dinner can increase connection and understanding.
  • Focus on Small Joys: Instead of trying to find big things to be grateful for, focus on small joys—a warm cup of coffee, a funny movie, or even just the beauty of this year’s autumn leaves. Celebrating these little moments can lift your mood significantly.

Keep It Lighthearted

Laughter really is the best medicine—even if it’s over the absurdity of trying to carve a frozen turkey with a dull knife. Finding humour in challenging situations can make them feel much more manageable. Keep things light with:

  • Funny Thanksgiving Games: Incorporate games that make you laugh—like “Thanksgiving Charades” or “Turkey Trivia.” These activities can break the ice and create fun memories.
  • Thanksgiving Movie Marathon: Host a movie night featuring classic Thanksgiving films like “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” or “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving.” These light-hearted films can provide much-needed comic relief.

Support Your Support System

Getting through tough transitions is easier when you have support:

  • Reach Out: Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends and family during this time. Share your feelings about the holiday and let them know how they can help make it easier for you. Ask how you can help them helping others always makes me feel a bit happier. If you’re physically or emotionally distant from loved ones this year, an awkward FaceTime dinner might not be your dream scenario, but hey, you can mute Uncle Joe if he brings up politics – and this year, just after the election, he most certainly will.
  • Create Your Own Community: If you’re far from home or feeling isolated, seek out local groups that celebrate Thanksgiving together. This could be through social media platforms or community centres.

Gratefully Reflect on Your Journey

Thanksgiving often prompts reflection, but if you’re going through a tough time, looking back can feel like opening a can of worms instead of cranberry sauce. Even if you’re in a difficult place right now:

  • Gratefully acknowledge Your Growth: Reflect on how far you’ve come during this transition. Celebrate small victories—whether it’s getting through another day or making it through an emotional storm.
  • Set Intentions for the Future: Use this time not just to reflect on what has been lost but also to set intentions for what you hope to achieve in the future.

Remember that it’s okay not to have everything figured out—Thanksgiving is about gathering together with love and laughter amidst life’s ups and downs. So this year, let go of expectations and allow yourself to celebrate in whatever way feels right for you!

Going through transitions can be exhausting, so give yourself permission to indulge. Thanksgiving doesn’t have to be all about serving others—it can also be a day to pamper yourself.

Now we get to the “Do Something Different This Year” part: Celebrate Thanksgiving by being Grateful towards Yourself

Practising gratitude towards yourself this Thanksgiving is a powerful way to enhance your well-being and engage a positive mindset, especially during overwhelming times. This is how you do it:

Allow Yourself to Feel

  • Practice Self-Compassion: Recognise that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed, exhausted, frustrated, irritable or sad. Allow yourself to experience those emotions without judgment. Remind yourself that feelings are valid and part of the human experience.
  • Set Boundaries: If certain family dynamics are triggering stress, it’s perfectly acceptable to set boundaries about how much time you spend with certain relatives or what activities you participate in during the holiday.
  • Incorporate Memories: If you’re grieving or missing someone special during the holidays, find ways to treasure their memory. You might light a candle in their honour or prepare their favourite dish as a tribute

Start a Self-Gratitude Journal

One of the simplest yet most impactful ways to practice self-gratitude is by maintaining a journal dedicated to acknowledging your own talents, skills, strengths and accomplishments. For example, “I appreciate the kindness I show to others.” and “I am thankful for my ability to adapt to change.”

Each morning and/or evening, take a few minutes to write down three things about yourself that you are grateful for. These can range from personal qualities, like your resilience or sense of humour, to achievements, no matter how small. Over time, this practice can help shift your focus from self-criticism to a more positive self-image.

Get Out and Dust Off Your Positive Affirmations

Say It Out Loud: Begin or end your day by stating positive affirmations about yourself. Speaking these affirmations aloud makes them more tangible and can boost your confidence. Use statements like:

  • “I acknowledge the hard work I put into achieving my goals.”
  • “I am grateful for my resilience and for how it keeps me going.”
  • “I appreciate my ability to connect with others.”
  • “I appreciate my creativity and how it enriches my life.”

This practice helps to cultivate a compassionate inner dialogue, reinforcing your self-worth.

Mindful Moments Filled with Gratitude

Mindfulness can deepen your appreciation for yourself by encouraging you to be present in the moment. Louise L. Hay said in Gratitude: A Way of Life,“I remain in awe (and profound relief) that no matter how overwhelming and scary this journey called “life” is, when I slow down enough, I realise that it’s all just made up of hundreds of thousands of “moments,” most of which are pretty darn wonderful if I just take the time to witness and appreciate them.”

  • So set aside time each day to sit quietly and focus on your breath. As you breathe in and out, reflect on one thing about yourself that you appreciate. This could be a quality, an achievement, or even how you handled a situation during the day.
  • Transform moments of waiting—like standing in line or waiting for coffee—to reflect on something positive about yourself. Use these pauses as opportunities to express gratitude for who you are and what you’ve achieved.
  • Mindfully Capture Grateful Moments. Throughout the day, take photos of things that remind you of what you’re grateful for about yourself—this could be a delicious meal you prepared or a project you completed successfully.

Accept Compliments Gladly and Gracefully

Often, we downplay compliments or dismiss them entirely. Practising gratitude towards yourself includes recognising and accepting the positive feedback you receive from others. When someone gives you a compliment, practice saying “Thank you” instead of deflecting it. Just like “No,” “Thank you” is a full sentence. Allow yourself to feel the joy that comes from hearing such kind words and consider writing them down in your journal for future reference.

Indulge in Self-Care Activities

Self-care is an essential aspect of practising gratitude towards yourself. Taking time for activities that nourish your body and mind can reinforce feelings of appreciation.

  • Joyful Movement: Go for a walk in nature or engage in any physical activity that you enjoy. Intentionally focus on appreciating your surroundings as well as yourself. Use this time to express gratitude for your physical abilities and the beauty around you. This not only improves your mood but also creates a deeper connection with yourself.
  • Create a Gratitude Collage: Gather images, quotes, and words that resonate with what you appreciate about yourself and create a visual collage. This can serve as an inspiring reminder of your strengths and aspirations, making it easier to focus on gratitude when you see it regularly.
  • Write a Gratitude Letter to Yourself expressing appreciation for who you are and what you’ve accomplished. Detail how you’ve grown over time and the challenges you’ve overcome.
  • Be Grateful to Your Body by reflecting on what your body allows you to do rather than focusing on appearance. Write down things like:
    • “I am grateful that my legs allow me to walk and explore.”
    • “I appreciate my hands for their ability to create and nurture.”
  • Set Daily Intentions: Each morning, set an intention that reflects self-appreciation. For instance, you might decide to be patient with yourself throughout the day. At the end of the day, reflect on how well you honoured this intention.

End Your Day with Gratitude

Closing your day with gratitude can set a positive tone for the next morning. Before bed, take inventory of what went well during Thanksgiving this year and what you especially appreciate about yourself. This could be as simple as recognising how well you handled a stressful situation or appreciating that deciding to make things simpler this year made Thanksgiving so much more enjoyable.

Ending the Post

Practising gratitude towards yourself is not only beneficial but essential for cultivating self-love and resilience during challenging times. By incorporating these practices into your daily routine, you can shift your mindset from one of overwhelm to one of appreciation. As Kristen Neff said in Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, “With self-appreciation, we don’t need to put others down to feel good about ourselves. I can appreciate my own achievements at the same time that I recognize yours. I can rejoice in your talents while also celebrating my own. Appreciation involves acknowledging the light in everyone, ourselves included.”

Finally, remind yourself that life transitions are temporary, even if they feel endless. Thanksgiving doesn’t have to be perfect—it just has to be yours.

I put the essence of who I am, and everything I have experienced that makes me who I am, with great enthusiasm, into my retreats, courses and books. – Dr Margaretha Montagu (MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract (cert,) Transformational Life Coach (dip,) Life Story Coach (cert) Counselling (cert,) Med Hypnotherapy (dip) and EAGALA (cert)

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Moving to the South of France

From Crunching Numbers to Munching Croissants: How I Swapped Spreadsheets for Spectacular French Sunsets

Written by Denise G. who moved to France in the middle of a Midlife Crisis after attending a From Troubled to Triumphant: Find Solid Ground during a Life Quake retreat in the sun-blessed southwest of France

#LifeQuake Series

Let me start by saying: I never planned to move to France. Heck, I didn’t even plan to leave my job. I was one of those “stick to the schedule, keep your head down, and don’t rock the boat” types. You know, the kind of person who doesn’t even cross the street until the little green man shows up on the pedestrian light. But somewhere between yet another soul-sucking audit and the realisation that I’d just spent an entire decade colour-coding spreadsheets, something inside me snapped.

Or maybe it was just the third coffee that day. Who knows?

The Day I Said “Au Revoir” to My 9-to-5

I was sitting in my office—if you can call a cubicle with beige walls and a suspicious stain on the carpet an “office”—staring at a client’s expense reports. “$4,000 for ‘team-building snacks’? Seriously?” I muttered under my breath. (For the record, it was mostly tequila. That’s a red flag if I’ve ever seen one.)

It wasn’t just the absurdity of the job, though. It was the monotony. The same numbers. The same complaints about the coffee machine. The same coworkers with their passive-aggressive Post-It notes in the communal fridge.

So, on a random Tuesday—because big life decisions should always happen on a random Tuesday—I opened my browser, Googled “remote jobs,” and started clicking around. That’s how I stumbled into the rabbit hole of freelance work.

Wait, People Get Paid to Do This?

I wish I could tell you I had a grand plan, but honestly, I was winging it. I created a profile on one of those freelancing platforms (you know, the kind where everyone says “I’ll do X for $5” but secretly charges $50). I figured, “Hey, I know accounting. People need accounting, right?”

The thing is, freelance accounting isn’t just about crunching numbers. Suddenly, I was answering emails at 9 PM because some panicked small business owner couldn’t find their receipts. I became a part-time therapist for people who “just don’t understand taxes.” And let’s not even talk about the guy who tried to pay me in cryptocurrency. (Spoiler: I said no.)

But it worked. Slowly but surely, I started to build a client base. And as much as I’d love to tell you I was instantly making six figures while lounging in my pyjamas, the truth is I spent the first three months eating instant ramen and Googling, “How to price freelance services without sounding desperate.”

The France Idea (AKA My Midlife Crisis, But Make It Fancy)

Now, here’s where things get interesting. One night, I was scrolling Instagram (because obviously, that’s what you do when you suspect you’re burnt out). I saw a post from someone I barely knew—a “digital nomad,” apparently—living their best life in a little French village.

The picture? A cobblestone street lined with flower boxes, a sunset in the background, and a caption that read, “Work from anywhere.” I rolled my eyes so hard I nearly fell off the couch. But then I started thinking… could I actually do that?

I mean, I hated my job, sure. But what I hated even more was that my life felt small. I was in my 40s, living the same day over and over, like some accounting version of Groundhog Day. Wasn’t this the time to do something crazy?

The crazy thing I did, a week before, in a desperate attempt to cope with my debilitating midlife crisis, was to attend a From Troubled to Triumphant: Find Solid Ground during a Life Quake retreat in the southwest of France. It changed EVERYTHING.

I fell madly in love with France during the retreat, so I grabbed a piece of paper, wrote “Why Not Move to France?” at the top, and started a list. Pros: cheese, wine, croissants. Cons: my non-existent French, and… moving to another country leaving everything and everyone I know behind, a rather daunting list.

A week later, I applied for a visa.

Learning to Say “Bonjour” Without Sounding Like a French Toddler

Fast forward three months, and there I was: standing in a tiny apartment in Bordeaux, surrounded by several suitcases, a bottle opener and a bottle of cheap red wine in my hands.

Now, let me tell you, moving to France sounds glamorous until you’re the one trying to explain your Wi-Fi issues to a technician who speaks zero English. (My version of French was basically just pointing at things and adding “s’il vous plaît.”)

The first few weeks were chaos. I got lost constantly. Once, I ended up in a boulangerie trying to order a baguette and accidentally asked for “a very large grandmother.” The cashier laughed so hard she gave me the bread for free. (Bless her.)

But slowly, life started to feel… lighter. I’d wake up, make my coffee, and open my laptop in the corner of a little café. I worked, yes, but I also took long lunches, strolled through markets, and sat by the river with a book. I learned to appreciate slowness in a way I never had back in the grind of corporate life.

The Big Lesson (or, Why One Should Do the Scary Thing)

Was it terrifying to leave my stable job and start over in a foreign country? Absolutely. Did I have moments where I questioned everything, cried into a glass of Bordeaux, and called my best friend screaming, “What have I done?” Also yes.

But here’s the thing: life’s too short to stay stuck. Whether it’s a job, a city, or even just a mindset—if something isn’t making you happy, it’s okay to change it.

I won’t pretend everything’s perfect. French bureaucracy is a nightmare, and don’t even get me started on how long it takes to set up a bank account here. But when I think about where I was a year ago, stuck in that cubicle with the beige walls, I wouldn’t trade this life for anything.

So, if you’re reading this, wondering if you should take that leap—whether it’s switching careers, moving abroad, or even just saying “no” to something that’s not serving you—this is your sign.

Trust me, the almond croissants alone are worth it.

Here’s to messy, beautiful, unpredictable life changes. Or as the French say, “A la Votre!”

I put the essence of who I am, and everything I have experienced that makes me who I am, with great enthusiasm, into my retreats, courses and books. – Dr Margaretha Montagu (MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract (cert,) Transformational Life Coach (dip,) Life Story Coach (cert) Counselling (cert,) Med Hypnotherapy (dip) and EAGALA (cert)

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Camino de Santiago Hiking Adventures

Confessions from the Camino: Blisters, Bliss, and Big Life Epiphanies

Written by Nina S. a proud Empty-Nester who attended a Camino de Santiago CrossRoads Retreat in the sun-blessed southwest of France

#LifeQuake Series

I knew I was in trouble when my left ankle, safely encased in a brand new hiking boot started whispering “I hate you!” by mile three. Okay, it wasn’t literally whispering, but it might as well have been, considering the blister situation brewing on my heel. Welcome to my first day walking the Camino de Santiago—where dreams of spiritual enlightenment collide head-on with the harsh reality of unbroken shoes.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me rewind.

Why the Heck I Decided to Do This

So, picture this: me, a woman in her 50s, sitting in my kitchen with a cup of tea, staring down the uneven barrel of a life transition. Kids? Grown and out of the house (well, mostly—one boomerangs back when she needs help with her laundry). Career? Let’s just say I wasn’t feeling the love. Relationship? Yeah… let’s not open that Pandora’s box just yet.

I wanted inspiration, clarity, purpose, some kind of sign that the next chapter wasn’t going to involve me knitting in a recliner while binge-watching Murder, She Wrote reruns. (No offence, Jessica Fletcher, but I need more action in my life.)

That’s when I stumbled upon an article about a retreat walking a section of the Camino de Santiago, a centuries-old pilgrimage that winds through the southwest of France on it’s way to Spain. The photos looked like postcards: sunflower fields, charming stone villages, and people beaming with the kind of joy that comes from surviving walking 500 miles with a backpack that’s either too heavy or too small.

I thought, If they can do it, so can I. Plus, walking sounded simple. You just put one foot in front of the other, right? Spoiler alert: it’s not that simple.

Day One: The Blister Chronicles

Fast forward to me, sweating my way up a gentle incline (read: Mount Everest in disguise) on my first day. The romantic visions I had of strolling through quaint villages? Replaced by the grim reality of cursing every pebble on the path.

By lunchtime, I had my first blister. By dinnertime, I had named it Fred and was seriously considering amputating my foot. Fred was mean, persistent, and not shy about demanding attention with every step. But here’s the thing about the Camino: when you’re surrounded by fellow pilgrims, everyone’s in the same boat—or rather, on the same path.

At one point, I stopped to patch Fred up, and a fellow walker—an energetic Italian woman named Sofia—offered me her blister cream. “The Camino gives you what you need,” she said with a wink, handing me the tiny tube.

I wasn’t sure if it was divine intervention or just good timing, but the gesture made me tear up a little.

The People You Meet (and the Snacks You Steal)

Walking for hours a day gives you plenty of time to think—or to eavesdrop on conversations, which is what I did whenever I caught up to other pilgrims. (What? Don’t judge me; the Camino can get lonely!) I overheard deep discussions about philosophy, hilarious debates about which albergue had the best wine, and one particularly spirited argument about whether or not snoring should be a criminal offence in shared dorms.

Then there were the snacks. Let me just say, I became a bit of a Camino snack ninja. If someone brought out a bag of trail mix, I’d conveniently slow down to “enjoy the view” until I was close enough to sneak a handful. Hey, walking burns a lot of calories!

But the real magic came from the moments of connection. Like when I bonded with a retired teacher from Canada over our shared love of cheesy rom-coms. Or when a young guy from Germany told me he was walking to figure out what to do after quitting his tech job. His honesty floored me, and it made me wonder if maybe I needed to ask myself some hard questions too.

Lessons from the Trail (and the Time I Almost Quit)

The third day nearly broke me. My legs felt like lead, the rain wouldn’t stop, and Fred (remember the blister?) had blossomed into a blister barnacle. I wanted to quit. I even googled “nearest taxi service” during a water break.

But then I looked up and saw a signpost with the word Spain and an arrow pointing the way. It hit me: this wasn’t about getting there as fast as possible. It wasn’t about proving anything to anyone. It was about the journey itself. (Yes, I know that sounds like a line from a self-help book, but stay with me.)

I put my phone away and kept walking.

That day, I crossed paths with a French woman in her 60s who’d been walking the Camino for two months. TWO MONTHS. She told me she started because she wanted to “find her joy again.” And you know what? She was the happiest person I’d met on the trail.

Her story reminded me that it’s okay to feel lost. It’s okay to not have everything figured out. Sometimes, you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, even if your feet are covered in Band-Aids.

The Camino de Santiago Crossroads Retreat

The Finish Line (and What Came After)

When I finally reached the end, I expected fireworks, a choir of angels, or at least someone handing out free beers. Instead, I got a quiet sense of peace that crept over me as I stood in the shadow of an ancient oak tree.

It didn’t magically solve all my problems. My job was still waiting for me, my relationships still needed work, and my life still had plenty of question marks. But I felt lighter, more open, and—dare I say it—a little braver.

The Camino didn’t fix me. It didn’t hand me a roadmap for the rest of my life. But it reminded me that I’m capable of more than I think. And sometimes, this time, that’s enough.

So, if you’re sitting in your kitchen with a cup of tea, wondering who you are now and what’s next, maybe the answers aren’t clear right now. But trust me, at least some of the answers are out there on the Camino—waiting for you to take the first step.

Don’t forget the blister cream. And more snacks than you think you’ll ever need.

Find out more.

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How Limiting Beliefs about Money can make Life Transitions 20X worse

Are Your Ingrained Money Myths Secretly Sabotaging Your Progress?

During life’s big transitions, we would all like to think we’re making cool, calculated financial decisions. But here’s bad news: your limiting beliefs about money—the ones we picked up from childhood, school, society, or your cousin Sandy’s doomsday predictions—are quietly sabotaging you.

I have discovered (the hard way) that limiting beliefs about money can significantly impact my financial decisions during life transitions, often hindering my progress and creating lots of unnecessary stress.

Ever heard that “money doesn’t grow on trees”? I know, it doesn’t. But that little phrase could be the reason you’re stuck agonising over every dollar during a major life change, instead of planting new seeds for future growth.

In this article, we’ll look at how your self-imposed scary money stories (spoiler: most of them aren’t even true) can complicate your financial decisions during transitional periods. By the end, you’ll be ready to say goodbye to your cash-related baggage—and maybe even order that fancy latte guilt-free.

First, let’s determine what financially limiting beliefs are:

Limiting financial beliefs are deeply ingrained assumptions or perceptions we hold about money, that constrain our potential and restrict our choices. These beliefs often form during childhood through experiences, cultural conditioning, or significant life events. They become the invisible barriers that shape our financial decisions, behaviours, and ultimately, our life outcomes.

During life transitions, whether it’s changing careers, starting a new business, or moving to a new city, financially limiting beliefs tend to surface with heightened intensity. They activate our fear response, triggering anxiety, insecurity and self-doubt. These limiting beliefs can paralyse us just when we need to take decisive action. These thoughts create a self-fulfilling prophecy where we either avoid opportunities or sabotage our financial progress.

Now let me show you how dangerous financial limiting beliefs can be:

Sandra sat at her desk, fingers hovering over the keyboard. The email she needed to send would confirm her acceptance of an extremely high-paying consulting job—a dream opportunity that is 100% aligned with her training and skills. But she hesitated.

Nothing you can do is worth this much money, Sandra, a little voice whispered.

Sandra grew up in a household where money was tight, her parents often said things like, “We’ll never be able to afford that,” or “The love of money is the root of all evil. It corrupts decent people.” She internalised these beliefs, carrying them into adulthood like an invisible shackle.

Her career was successful by most standards—steady jobs, good reviews, regular promotions—but she always stopped short of pursuing anything that promised substantial financial growth. The fear of earning too much, of being judged for wanting more, held her hostage.

That fear had cost her dearly last year when she turned down a project that would have doubled her income. Instead, she watched a less-qualified colleague soar to success. The bitterness gnawed at her, but she convinced herself it was “better to stay humble.”

Until today.

The consulting job offer stared back at her, the large numbers bold and bright on the screen. Sandra suddenly remembered the conversation she’d had with her friend Beth last week.

“You’re sabotaging yourself, Sandra,” Beth had said bluntly. “You’ve got these debilitating ideas about money that are paralysing you.”

Sandra had scoffed then, but Beth’s words lingered. They echoed louder now, drowning out the old whispers.

What if I’m wrong? she thought. What if earning more doesn’t mean selling out?

Her heart pounded as she moved the mouse to click ‘reply.’

“I am pleased to accept your offer…”

Sandra smiled. She finished the email and quickly hit ‘send’ before her limiting beliefs could resurface.

How limiting beliefs can affect decision-making during transitional periods:

1. Your Limiting Beliefs can cause Risk Aversion and result in Missed Opportunities

In professional contexts, limiting beliefs can significantly impede career advancement and job transitions, resulting in missed opportunities. You might possess the necessary skills and qualifications but hold a belief like “I’m not leadership material.” Such a belief often prevents you from applying for promotions, negotiating better salaries, or pursuing entrepreneurial ventures. A conviction that “I’m too old to change careers” may prevent you from pursuing a more fulfilling and potentially lucrative job opportunity and a “It’s too risky to leave my current job, even if I’m unhappy” belief can keep you stuck in an unfulfilling career.

These beliefs can cause you to pass up on valuable opportunities for financial growth and career advancement during transitions.

2. Due to Your Limiting Beliefs, You may Undervalue Your Skills and Potential

Limiting beliefs often lead to underestimating your worth:

  • “I don’t have the right skills or experience for a new field” can prevent you from negotiating fair compensation in a new career.
  • “I’m not smart enough to go back to school” might stop you from pursuing further education that could lead to better financial prospects.

Such beliefs can result in settling for less than what you are worth, impacting your long-term financial well-being.

3. Limiting Beliefs may cause a Scarcity Mindset

A scarcity mindset, characterised by beliefs like “There’s never enough money,” can significantly impact financial choices during transitions:

  • It may lead to hoarding money out of fear, rather than making strategic investments or taking calculated risks.
  • This mindset can cause you to pass up opportunities for personal or professional growth due to concerns about future resource availability.

4. You may avoid Financial Planning because of Your Limiting Beliefs

Beliefs such as “Money management is too complex” can lead to avoidance of crucial financial planning during transitions that result in missed opportunities to improve financial health through budgeting, investing, or saving. It may lead to poor financial decisions due to a lack of engagement with your finances during critical transition periods.

5. Your Limiting Beliefs May Impact Your Long-Term Financial Health

Limiting beliefs can have lasting effects on your financial well-being. The belief that “Future financial security isn’t as important as enjoying the present” can lead to prioritising immediate gratification over long-term financial planning. This short-term focus can be particularly detrimental during transitions, where strategic financial decisions are often crucial.

How to Overcome Financial Limiting Beliefs

Overcoming financially limiting beliefs during life transitions requires a combination of a mindset shift, practical strategies, and consistent action. Financial beliefs often stem from past experiences, cultural conditioning, or fear of scarcity. Here’s a detailed guide to help you address your elf-imposed limitations and replace these beliefs with empowering ones:

1. Identify Your Financial Limiting Beliefs

  • Reflection: Write down the financial thoughts that come to mind during stressful moments. Common beliefs include:
    • “Money is hard to earn.”
    • “I’ll never have enough to feel secure.”
    • “I’m bad at managing money.”
  • Example: During a job transition, you might think, “I can’t afford to take risks.”
  • Action Step: Journal about where this belief originated. Was it influenced by childhood experiences or a specific event? Awareness is the first step to breaking its hold.

2. Challenge and Reframe These Beliefs

  • Question the Validity by asking Yourself:
    • “Is this belief universally true?”
    • “What evidence contradicts this belief?”
  • Reframe Your Beliefs with Empowering Statements: Replace “Money is hard to come by” with “I have skills and opportunities to create value and generate income.”

3. Educate Yourself about Finances

  • Why It Helps: Knowledge reduces fear and builds confidence. Financial transitions feel overwhelming when you’re unsure how to navigate them.
  • Action Steps:
    • Take a basic course on budgeting, investing, or personal finance.
    • Read books like Your Money or Your Life by Vicki Robin or The Barefoot Investor by Scott Pape.

4. Set Clear Financial Goals

  • Why It Helps: Clear goals shift your focus from scarcity to possibility.
  • Action Steps: Break larger goals into manageable steps. For example:
    • Goal: Save €5,000 during a career transition.
    • Steps: Review expenses, cut non-essentials, and create a weekly savings target.
    • Automate savings to make it easier to stick to your plan.

5. Adopt a Growth Mindset About Money

  • Why It Helps: Viewing financial challenges as opportunities to grow increases resilience.
  • Action Steps:
    • Instead of thinking, “I’ll never make enough,” adopt, “How can I increase my income or reduce unnecessary expenses?”
    • Practice gratitude for what you already have to shift from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset.

6. Surround Yourself with Supportive Resources

  • Why It Helps: People and tools that reinforce a positive money mindset can counteract limiting beliefs.
  • Action Steps:
    • Join financial accountability groups or communities.
    • Work with a financial coach or mentor who aligns with your goals.

7. Take Small, Consistent Action Steps

To overcome these limiting beliefs and make better financial decisions during transitions, experiment with side hustles or freelance work to increase your income. Or if you firmly believe you can’t save, start with €10 a week. Over time, you’ll see progress and build trust in your abilities.

8. Visualise Your Financial Triumph

  • Why It Helps: Visualisation primes your mind to seek opportunities that align with your goals.
  • Action Steps:
    • Create a vision board of your financial goals: debt-free living, travel, or a comfortable retirement.
    • Spend 5 minutes daily imagining yourself enjoying financial freedom.

9. Learn from Setbacks

  • Why It Helps: Financial transitions often come with mistakes, but each setback is a learning opportunity.
  • Action Steps: After an unplanned expense or financial misstep, reflect on what caused it and how you can prevent it in the future.

10. Participate in a Transformational Experience like the From Troubled to Triumphant retreat

Imagine stepping away from the constant noise of life into a sanctuary of peace. On the Camino de Santiago, each step is a journey back to your authentic self—a rare chance to break free from the stories holding you back, including those about money.

This Camino de Santiago hiking adventure is more than a walk; it can completely shift your mindset from scarcity to abundance. for example, a limiting belief like “I’ll never make enough to live comfortably” can be replaced by “With creativity and perseverance, I can find multiple ways to increase my financial stability.”

In these serenely tranquil surroundings, you’ll gain the clarity you need to step into a future where financial freedom feels not just possible, but inevitable.

The From Troubled to Triumphant: Find Solid Ground during a Life Transition retreat isn’t just a break from the ordinary—it’s your gateway to an extraordinary life.

Are you ready to take the first step towards financial abundance?

How to Break Limiting Beliefs

Overcoming limiting beliefs requires conscious awareness and deliberate action. The first step is identifying these beliefs by paying attention to our internal dialogue during challenging transitions. Once identified, we can challenge these beliefs by seeking evidence that contradicts them and creating new, empowering narratives.

Support systems play a crucial role in challenging and overcoming limiting beliefs during transitions. Mentors, therapists, coaches, and supportive friends can provide objective perspectives that help us question our assumptions and see new possibilities. They can also offer encouragement and accountability as we work to replace limiting beliefs with more constructive mindsets.

The cumulative effect of limiting beliefs on life transitions can significantly alter our life trajectory. Each time we allow these beliefs to prevent us from taking action or pursuing opportunities, we reinforce patterns of self-limitation. Conversely, when we challenge and overcome these beliefs, we create new patterns of growth and possibility, leading to more fulfilling life experiences and achievements.

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

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