Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is a certified transformational retreat leader who guides her clients towards their most meaningful and fulfilling lives, particularly when navigating life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian Horses, at their home in the southwest of France.
In a season often marked by busy schedules and loud celebrations, there’s something beautifully grounding about quiet moments shared with a friend. Sometimes, the best connections don’t need words.
Think about a peaceful winter evening spent with a friend, sipping tea, watching snow fall, or simply sitting in the comfort of each other’s presence. These moments remind us that being there for someone doesn’t always require action or advice—it’s enough just to share the space.
Quiet moments create a kind of magic. They allow us to recharge while reinforcing the bond we share with another person. This holiday season, make time for the quiet connections that truly matter.
Journaling Prompt: Think of a friend who brings you peace. How can you spend quiet, meaningful time with them this holiday season?
Action Step: Invite a friend to share a simple, quiet moment with you. Whether it’s an online chat or a relaxed evening in, let the focus be on just being present together.
Interactive Comment: Appreciate the power of quiet? Comment with “Peaceful moments matter!”
Would you like to find out what type of friend YOU are? How well do you know your friends? If you and a new friend really are compatible? I have created a set of light-hearted quizzes, quotes and questions to help you do just that. Just fill in the form below and you’ll get immediate access to them all. I’ll also add you to my newsletter list, though you can unsubscribe from this list effortlessly and at any time.
Included:
– How well do you know your Friends? Quiz
– What is Your Friendship Style? and Are your Friendship Styles compatible? Quiz
– 20 of the Most Inspiring Friends and Friendship Quotes and
– 20 lighthearted Questions you can ask to get to know a new Friend
Friends and Friendships
Discover how to build meaningful, lasting friendships and create a support system that truly has your back—delivered straight to your inbox! (newsletter subscription included)
Thank you so much!
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I put the essence of who I am, and everything I have experienced that makes me who I am, with great enthusiasm, into my retreats, courses and books. – Dr Margaretha Montagu (MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract (cert,) Transformational Life Coach (dip,) Life Story Coach (cert) Counselling (cert,) Med Hypnotherapy (dip) and EAGALA (cert)
Why just survive when you can thrive? Enrol in my How to Survive a Life Quake 7-part online course. Think of it as your step-by-step survival kit for those “what-on-earth-just-happened” moments in life.
Explore the mindset shifts that empower entrepreneurs to confront obstacles with confidence.
Definition of Entrepreneurial Courage
If you are thinking about leaving the corporate world and starting a profitable business, you are going to need wheelbarrows full of courage. Ask me, I should know. I have been running my Camino de Santiago walking retreat business for more than a decade, and I am now adding online courses to my portfolio. You may be thinking “But what exactly IS entrepreneurial courage?”
Entrepreneurial courage is the physical, mental, and spiritual strength to face the inherent fears, uncertainties, and challenges that come with entrepreneurship, all while staying true to your core values. It means showing up with confidence and determination, even when the path ahead is unclear or intimidating.
In practical terms, entrepreneurial courage is about:
Taking risks: Investing time, money, and energy into ideas without guaranteed success.
Making bold decisions: Saying no to opportunities that don’t align with your vision, or pivoting your business in a new direction when needed.
Honouring your values: Building a business that reflects your principles, even when it might be easier to follow trends or compromise for short-term gains.
Facing fears: Overcoming impostor syndrome, addressing conflicts, or stepping into public roles like networking or speaking engagements, especially challenging for introverted business owners.
Persevering through setbacks: Learning from failures, adapting to challenges, and continuing to move forward when the going gets tough.
Entrepreneurial courage is not the absence of fear but the choice to move forward despite it, driven by a belief in your purpose and the value you bring to others. It’s about staying resilient in the face of uncertainty.
Everyday Acts of Courage
Saying “sorry” when you’ve made a mistake.
Being authentically yourself, even if it means standing out.
Taking responsibility for your actions and their consequences.
Setting and pursuing challenging personal or professional goals.
Saying “no” to requests that don’t align with your values or priorities.
Forgiving someone who has hurt you deeply.
Helping others, even when you’re struggling yourself.
Choosing to be kind and compassionate, even in difficult situations.
Practicing gratitude, especially during challenging times.
Actively listening to others, especially those with different perspectives.
Different Types of Courage
Physical Courage: This is the most traditional form of courage, characterized by the willingness to face bodily harm or death. It involves acting despite fear in situations where physical danger is present, such as confronting an attacker or participating in extreme sports.
A firefighter entering a burning building to rescue trapped occupants.
A person learning to skydive despite their fear of heights.
A cancer patient undergoing painful treatments to fight the disease.
Social Courage entails the ability to face social risks, such as embarrassment, rejection, or exclusion. This type of courage is crucial for leadership and involves being true to oneself in challenging social situations.
Speaking up in a meeting to present an unpopular but necessary idea.
Asking someone out on a date, risking rejection.
Standing up to a bully at school or in the workplace.
Moral Courage is about standing up for one’s beliefs and values, especially when doing so may lead to personal loss or disapproval from others. It involves making ethical decisions and acting in accordance with one’s principles, even under pressure.
A whistleblower exposing corporate wrongdoing, risking their career.
Refusing to participate in unethical business practices, even if it means losing a job.
Intervening when witnessing discrimination or harassment in public.
Emotional Courage: This type of courage allows individuals to experience a full range of emotions, including vulnerability and fear. Emotional courage is essential for personal growth and happiness, as it encourages openness to both positive and negative feelings.
Opening up to a therapist about past traumas.
Expressing vulnerability and sharing feelings with a partner.
Confronting a family member about a long-standing issue.
Intellectual Courage involves the willingness to engage with new ideas, challenge one’s own beliefs, and accept the possibility of being wrong. It requires an open mind and a readiness to learn from mistakes.
Engaging in respectful debates with people who hold opposing views.
Admitting when you’re wrong and changing your stance based on new information.
Pursuing education in a field completely different from your current expertise.
Spiritual Courage helps you confront profound questions about faith, purpose, and existence. It supports the pursuit of meaning in life, whether through religious beliefs or philosophical inquiry.
Questioning long-held beliefs and exploring new spiritual paths.
Sharing your faith or lack thereof in environments where it might be unpopular.
Making difficult life choices based on your spiritual convictions.
The Types of Courage You Need to Start a Business
Starting a business requires different types of courage, each playing a crucial role in the success of your business:
Social Courage: It is essential for entrepreneurs to be themselves unapologetically to stand out in the business world. For example, it involves speaking up to present your ideas and asking for support or investment despite the risk of rejection.
Moral Courage: Entrepreneurs often face ethical dilemmas and must have the strength to do what’s right, even when it’s uncomfortable or unpopular. This could involve refusing to participate in unethical business practices, even if it means losing potential profits or partnerships.
Emotional Courage: Starting a business is an emotional rollercoaster. Entrepreneurs need to accept and process both positive and negative emotions without guilt or attachment. This includes opening up about challenges and expressing vulnerability when seeking advice or support.
Intellectual Courage: The business world is constantly evolving, requiring entrepreneurs to learn, unlearn, and relearn with an open and flexible mind. This involves admitting when you’re wrong and changing your stance based on new information.
Physical Courage: While not always involving bodily risk, physical courage in entrepreneurship means persevering through long hours, stress, and potential health impacts to keep the business going.
Spiritual Courage: This involves living with purpose and meaning, approaching business decisions with a heart-centered approach. It’s about questioning long-held beliefs and making difficult choices based on your convictions.
Entrepreneurs must be willing to take risks without any guarantee of success. As I mentioned in the definition, courage isn’t the absence of fear; it’s acknowledging fear and moving ahead anyway, knowing that along the way, you’ll be able to master the necessary skills to achieve your goals.
Strategies to Develop Entrepreneurial Courage
Generating the courage to take risks in your business is a crucial aspect of entrepreneurial success.
Start small: Begin by taking calculated, smaller risks to build your confidence gradually. As you experience success with these smaller risks, you’ll feel more comfortable tackling larger ones.
Understand that not all risks can be predicted or controlled. Be willing to step out of your comfort zone and navigate through uncertain situations, as this can lead to innovative solutions and growth opportunities.
Analyse mistakes, identify areas for improvement, and adjust your strategies accordingly. View failures as valuable learning experiences that refine your risk-taking abilities.
Cultivate emotional resilience: Work on bouncing back from setbacks and maintaining a positive outlook through challenges.
Seek support: Prepare your employees, partners, and investors for potential difficulties. Having a strong support system can make it easier to face risks.
Focus on your vision: Remember your ultimate goals and the reasons you started your business. This can provide motivation and courage when facing risks.
Continuously educate yourself: Stay informed about your industry, market trends, and best practices. The more knowledge you have, the more confident you’ll feel in taking calculated risks.
Adopt a growth mindset: A growth mindset is an entrepreneur’s secret weapon: it helps you to raise the courage needed to face challenges, take risks, and persist in your venture.
Entrepreneurs with a growth mindset view challenges as opportunities for learning and development rather than insurmountable obstacles. This perspective enables you to approach difficult situations with determination.
A growth mindset helps you see failures as temporary setbacks and learning experiences rather than permanent defeats. This resilience allows you to bounce back from failures and continue pursuing your goals with renewed courage.
Those with a growth mindset believe that abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work. This belief encourages entrepreneurs to put in the necessary effort to improve their skills and knowledge, boosting their confidence and courage to take on new challenges.
Entrepreneurs with a growth mindset are more likely to view feedback and criticism constructively, using it to improve their strategies and approaches. This openness to learning enhances your ability to adapt and innovate courageously.
Rather than feeling threatened by others’ achievements, those with a growth mindset are inspired by their competition. This perspective encourages you to courageously pursue your goals and aspirations.
Persistence in the face of uncertainty: A growth mindset provides entrepreneurs with the courage to persist in uncertain and challenging environments.
By cultivating a growth mindset, you can develop the psychological capital necessary to face the risks and uncertainties inherent in entrepreneurship. This mindset enables you to approach challenges with courage, learn from failures, and continuously adapt and improve, ultimately contributing to your success and satisfaction in your entrepreneurial journey.
Lesser-known Courageous Female Entrepreneurs who have made a Significant Impact
If you need some inspiration:
C.J. Walker: Born to former slaves, she became one of the first American women to become a self-made millionaire. Her line of beauty and hair products for black women was revolutionary in the early 20th century.
Reshma Saujani: Founder of Girls Who Code, Saujani identified a critical gap in the tech industry and took innovative action to change it. She has empowered over 10,000 girls to enter the male-dominated field of technology, challenging industry norms and inspiring a new generation of tech leaders.
Ursula Burns: Starting as a summer intern at Xerox, Burns rose to become the first Black woman to lead a Fortune 500 company. Her journey from an NYC housing project to CEO showcases remarkable perseverance and courage in breaking barriers in corporate leadership.
Sara Blakely: Founder of Spanx, Blakely went from being a fax machine salesperson to creating a widely successful undergarment company. Her perseverance and problem-solving skills have made her one of the most successful female entrepreneurs.
Katrina Lake: Founder of Stitch Fix, Lake became the youngest female founder to lead an IPO in 2017. She identified an opportunity in the changing retail industry and built a widely loved online personal-shopping service.
Rachel Mielke: Founder of Hillberg & Berk, Mielke stands out for her work in empowering other women. Her jewelry brand has made significant charitable contributions and maintains a predominantly female workforce.
Mary Kay Ash revolutionised the beauty industry with her innovative business model and exceptional leadership skills. She empowered women by creating job opportunities and promoting them to leadership positions.
These entrepreneurs have not only achieved remarkable success but have also paved the way for future generations of women in business, demonstrating courage in breaking barriers and creating innovative solutions in their respective industries.
By implementing the strategies I discussed above, you can gradually build the courage needed to take risks in your business, leading to greater innovation, growth, and success.
When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny. Paulo Coelho
References: Kristi Bockorny, Carolyn M Youssef-Morgan, Entrepreneurs’ Courage, Psychological Capital, and Life Satisfaction Front Psychol. 2019 Apr 5;10:789 PMCID: PMC6461011 PMID: 31024410
Baron R., Franklin R., Hmieleski K. (2016). Why entrepreneurs often experience low, not high, levels of stress: the joint effects of selection and psychological capital. J. Manag. 42 742–768. 10.1177/0149206313495411
Fairlie R. (2007). “Entrepreneurship among disadvantaged groups: women, minorities and the less educated,” in The Life Cycle of Entrepreneurial Ventures, ed. Simon P. (New York, NY: Springer; ), 437–475. 10.1007/978-0-387-32313-8_15
Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.
Friendships are like gardens—they flourish with care and attention. And one of the simplest yet most powerful ways to nurture them is through gratitude. Think about the friends who have supported you this year. Did someone listen to you when you needed to vent? Offer advice that shifted your perspective? Simply sit with you in your silence? These acts of kindness, no matter how small, deserve acknowledgement. Gratitude doesn’t just make others feel appreciated—it also deepens your own sense of connection. It shifts your focus from what’s missing to what’s present and valuable in your life. This Christmas, let your gratitude become a bridge that strengthens your friendships.
Journaling Prompt: Write down three things you appreciate about a close friend. How might you express that appreciation to them this week?
Action Step: Choose one friend and send them a message of thanks today. Be specific about what you value in them—it will make your words even more meaningful.
Interactive Comment: Gratitude opens hearts. Comment with “I’m thankful!” if you’re ready to spread appreciation.
Would you like to find out what type of friend YOU are? How well do you know your friends? If you and a new friend really are compatible? I have created a set of light-hearted quizzes, quotes and questions to help you do just that. Just fill in the form below and you’ll get immediate access to them all. I’ll also add you to my newsletter list, though you can unsubscribe from this list effortlessly and at any time.
Included:
– How well do you know your Friends? Quiz
– What is Your Friendship Style? and Are your Friendship Styles compatible? Quiz
– 20 of the Most Inspiring Friends and Friendship Quotes and
– 20 lighthearted Questions you can ask to get to know a new Friend
Friends and Friendships
Discover how to build meaningful, lasting friendships and create a support system that truly has your back—delivered straight to your inbox! (newsletter subscription included)
Thank you so much!
More information about making friends and maintaining friendships (including the quizzes I mentioned) is on its way to you. You have also successfully subscribed to my newsletter.
Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.
The Surprising Benefits of Befriending an Introvert
Introduction
As I have several introverted friends (and I am an introvert, or a covert-introvert, myself, ) I have discovered that introverts can provide invaluable support during life transitions. We excel at providing emotional support and offer a calming presence during turbulent times. Our ability to listen attentively and process information thoughtfully allows us to offer insightful advice and genuine empathy during major life changes.
Carl Jung created the term “introvert” (and its opposite extreme, extrovert), but even he noted that introverts and extroverts are a minority. Between those two extremes are the largest group of personalities: people known as ambiverts. Psychologist Adam Grant has studied ambiverts extensively and believes they comprise up to two-thirds of the population.
That means that introverts are a minority, making up roughly 16 percent of people.
Introverts will allow you to process your emotions and thoughts at your own pace. We can provide undivided attention and create a judgment-free space for you to express your insecurities. Introverts can help you reflect on your experiences, gain new perspectives, and find meaning in the changes you’re going through as Shelley’s story shows:
The Loud One and the Listener
Shelly had always been a human confetti cannon—bursting into rooms with a crackle of lightning, leaving everyone dazzled or at least dusted with glitter. She thrived on attention, the undisputed queen of cocktail banter, viral Instagram posts, and spontaneous karaoke. Extroverted to her marrow, she was the person you’d want to sit next to at a dull wedding, assuming you didn’t mind losing your voice from laughing too hard.
But lately, Shelly’s trademark sparkle had faded. Her job, once a carnival of excitement, had devolved into the bureaucratic equivalent of watching beige paint dry. The adventurer in her craved change.
What she hadn’t anticipated, however, was how soul-crushing the job hunt would be. The odd interview she was invited to felt like a dreadful blind date without any follow-up. Even Shelly’s unparalleled ability to turn a bad day into a meme-worthy anecdote faltered. It was like trying to start a campfire in the rain.
Enter Jenna.
Jenna worked in the same office, at the desk directly adjacent to Shelly’s, a proximity that had somehow never translated into friendship. Quiet to the point of near invisibility, Jenna was organised, efficient, and notably short on small talk. She and Shelly had coexisted for three years with no more than the occasional exchange of pleasantries. To Shelly, Jenna was….polite. Possibly powered down when no one was looking.
But during one kitchen chat—a rare alignment of their coffee breaks—Shelly let slip her job-hunting woes. To her surprise, Jenna’s eyes lit up, a spark of recognition that made Shelly wonder if her neighbour had secretly been replaced by a more animated version.
“I remember how brutal that can be,” Jenna said. “Want some help with your resume?”
Shelly blinked, her brain stalling like a browser tab loading a heavy page. Jenna…helpful? It seemed improbable, but Shelly’s desperation outweighed her scepticism.
“Yes, please,” she said, because the alternative was sinking in the bottomless rejection pit.
That’s when Shelly discovered Jenna wasn’t just helpful; she was a Swiss Army knife of job-hunting expertise.
Jenna didn’t merely tweak Shelly’s resume. She transformed it, sharpening each bullet point until the document sparkled with purpose. She unearthed obscure job postings Shelly hadn’t considered, researched companies with the tenacity of an investigative journalist, and—because introverts never do anything halfway—created a colour-coded spreadsheet.
“Where do you find the time for this?” Shelly asked one day, half in awe, half in shame at her own time spent perfecting TikTok dances.
Jenna shrugged, not even looking up from the spreadsheet. “I don’t spend all my energy on happy hour.”
Touché.
The more time Shelly spent with Jenna, the more she realised how different they were. While Shelly’s default mode was “fireworks display,” Jenna’s was “intense focus.” She didn’t crack jokes to lift Shelly’s spirits; she offered a grounding presence that said, You’re not in this on your own.
In the midst of their prep for yet another interview, Shelly blurted out, “I’m starting to think introverts might secretly be superheroes.”
Jenna smirked, sipping her tea. “Introverts are good at one thing: listening while everyone else is talking.”
It hit Shelly like a gong. Jenna hadn’t been silent all these years because she had nothing to say. She’d quietly been paying attention, absorbing details most other people missed.
A month later, Shelly landed her dream job—a role that fit her like a perfectly tailored blazer. The first person she contacted wasn’t her mom or one of her Instagram followers. It was Jenna.
“You did it!” Jenna said, her voice warm and a little louder than usual.
“No,” Shelly corrected, grinning ear to ear. “We did it.”
Because sometimes, it’s not the loudest person in the room who makes the greatest impact. Sometimes, it’s the quiet ones who make things happen.
10 Surprising Benefits of Befriending Introverts
Shelly’s story highlights some of the benefits of having an introverted friend, but not all of them. Introverts also offer:
Understanding and Acceptance
Strong Connections: Introverts often value quality over quantity when it comes to relationships. They aren’t interested in shallow exchanges or fleeting encounters. Instead, they invest their time and energy in forming meaningful bonds. A friendship with an introvert is a gateway to authentic conversations that go beyond the superficial. If you’re looking for someone who truly listens and understands, an introvert will be your go-to confidant.
Non-Judgmental Attention: Introverts typically create a safe environment for their friends, allowing for open and honest conversations without the pressure of small talk. This setting encourages vulnerability and authenticity, making it easier to share thoughts and feelings.
Respect for Boundaries: Introverts understand the importance of personal space and downtime. They are likely to respect their friends’ need for alone time, fostering a relationship based on mutual understanding of each other’s social needs.
Unique Perspectives
Thoughtful Insights: Introverts often reflect before they speak, taking the time to analyse situations and behaviour. This means they can offer perspectives you may not have considered. Their thoughtful insights can enrich your understanding and help you navigate challenges more effectively. Their tendency to think before they speak can lead to interesting discussions that challenge conventional viewpoints.
Creative Problem Solving: Many introverts excel in creative thinking and problem-solving. They often approach challenges from different angles, which can be beneficial in collaborative situations or when seeking advice.
Emotional Support
Loyalty and Reliability: Introverts don’t take friendships lightly. If they let you into their inner world, it’s because they genuinely care about you. They are often dependable, fiercely loyal, and willing to go the extra mile for the people they love. They’ll be there for you during tough times, providing support and understanding when you need it most.
Counterbalance to the Chaos: Life is often hectic, and we all need a safe haven from time to time. Introverts radiate a calm, grounded energy. Spending time with an introverted friend can feel like a soothing retreat—no need to perform, impress, or compete. You can simply be yourself.
ActiveListening Skills: Introverts have a knack for active listening. They take the time to understand their friends’ feelings and perspectives. They excel at tuning in, picking up on nuances, and giving you their full attention. They won’t interrupt you with unrelated anecdotes or dominate the conversation. Instead, they’ll offer thoughtful responses, helping you feel seen and heard—a rare treasure in today’s fast-paced world.
Confidentiality: Trust is the cornerstone of any strong friendship, and introverts excel in this arena. Their reserved nature makes them natural secret-keepers. You can confide in an introverted friend without worrying about your personal matters becoming public knowledge.
Befriending an introvert can lead to enriching experiences characterised by strong emotional connections, thoughtful conversations, and mutual support.
Misconceptions About Introverts and Friendship
There are several common misconceptions about introverts and their capacity for friendship that can lead to misunderstandings. Some of the most prevalent myths:
1. Introverts Don’t Like People Contrary to popular belief, introverts do enjoy social interactions; they simply prefer deeper connections with a few close friends rather than superficial relationships with many acquaintances. Introverts value their friendships highly and often form strong bonds with those they trust.
2. Introverts Are Shy Introverts may be quiet or reserved, but this does not mean they are afraid of social situations. They often engage in conversations when they feel there is a meaningful topic to discuss.
3. Introverts Are Rude or Aloof Introverts may come across as standoffish due to their preference for fewer words and more meaningful exchanges. This behaviour can be misinterpreted as rudeness, but it stems from their desire for authenticity rather than small talk.
4. Introverts Prefer to Be Alone While introverts do enjoy solitude and need time alone to recharge, they also crave genuine connections. They can feel lonely without meaningful interactions, highlighting their need for companionship despite their introverted nature.
5. Introverts Are Anti-Social This misconception suggests that introverts avoid social situations entirely, which is not true. They may prefer smaller gatherings or quieter environments but can still enjoy socialising within their comfort zones.
6. Introverts Don’t Know How to Have Fun Introverts have their own ways of enjoying life that may differ from extroverted norms. They often find joy in quieter activities like reading, hiking, or engaging in deep conversations rather than large parties or loud events.
7. Introverts Can Become Extroverts There is a belief that introverts can “fix” themselves to become more extroverted, but this overlooks the inherent value of introversion. Each personality type brings unique strengths and contributions, and introversion should not be seen as a deficiency that needs correction.
8. Introverts Are Not Good Leaders There is a stereotype that effective leaders must be extroverted, charismatic, and outgoing. However, many introverts possess strong leadership qualities such as active listening, empathy, and the ability to think critically. They often lead by example and can inspire others through their thoughtful approach and calm demeanour.
9. Introverts Don’t Enjoy Group Activities While introverts may prefer smaller gatherings, they can still enjoy group activities—especially if they are structured in a way that allows for meaningful interaction. For instance, they may thrive in workshops, book clubs, or team projects where they can contribute without the pressure of constant socialising.
10. Introverts Are Always Quiet While introverts may be quieter in large groups, they can be quite expressive and animated in one-on-one conversations or small settings where they feel comfortable. Their passion and enthusiasm can shine through when discussing topics they care deeply about, debunking the notion that they are always reserved.
Understanding that introverts have different social needs and preferences can lead to more fulfilling friendships based on mutual respect and understanding.
Friends and Friendships
Discover how to build meaningful, lasting friendships and create a support system that truly has your back—delivered straight to your inbox! (newsletter subscription included)
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Introverts need Support during Life Transitions too
Life transitions can be particularly challenging for introverts, who often process change internally and may feel overwhelmed by external pressures to “figure it all out.” This is why so many introverts are drawn to my Camino de Santiago walking retreats, which offer a sanctuary of quiet reflection and thoughtful guidance.
Unlike large, bustling group events, these retreats provide a peaceful, intimate setting with small groups, where participants can explore their emotions at their own pace. The combination of gentle walks along the Camino, opportunities for meaningful conversations, and plenty of personal downtime makes these retreats uniquely appealing to introverts. They appreciate the balance of solitude and connection, the structured yet flexible support, and the chance to recharge in a space designed with their needs in mind.
Step away from the noise and discover the clarity you’ve been searching for—reserve your place on the next Camino de Santiago walking retreat today!
Email me at welcome2gascony@gmail.com to inquire about availability
Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.
The thought of building new friendships during a life transition can be intimidating. But this season of warmth and connection offers the perfect backdrop to meet new people who might bring unexpected joy into your life.
Christmas events, community gatherings, or even online spaces are filled with opportunities to connect. Remember, every friendship starts with a simple introduction. The barista you see every morning, the neighbor you exchange nods with, or someone in your extended social circle could become a meaningful connection if you’re open to the possibility.
New friendships are a reminder that life always offers fresh beginnings, even during times of change. You don’t have to navigate transitions alone—there are people out there ready to walk alongside you.
Journaling Prompt: What qualities do you value most in a friend? How can you show those qualities to others as you meet new people?
Action Step: Introduce yourself to someone new today. It could be as simple as a smile or a short conversation. Small beginnings can lead to big friendships.
Interactive Comment: Taking the first step is brave! Comment with “Here’s to new friends!” if you’re ready to try.
Would you like to find out what type of friend YOU are? How well do you know your friends? If you and a new friend really are compatible? I have created a set of light-hearted quizzes, quotes and questions to help you do just that. Just fill in the form below and you’ll get immediate access to them all. I’ll also add you to my newsletter list, though you can unsubscribe from this list effortlessly and at any time. Included:
How well do you know your Friends? Quiz
What is Your Friendship Style? and Are your Friendship Styles compatible? Quiz
20 of the Most Inspiring Friends and Friendship Quotes and
20 lighthearted Questions you can ask to get to know a new Friend
If you would like to get access to these quizzes, quotes, insights and inspiration, please fill in the form below:
Friends and Friendships
Discover how to build meaningful, lasting friendships and create a support system that truly has your back—delivered straight to your inbox! (newsletter subscription included)
Thank you so much!
More information about making friends and maintaining friendships (including the quizzes I mentioned) is on its way to you. You have also successfully subscribed to my newsletter.
Life transitions can feel isolating, especially during the holiday season when everything seems to revolve around joy and togetherness. But even in the darkest times, we don’t have to face challenges alone. True friends want to support us; they just need to know we’re open to receiving their help.
Reaching out can feel daunting. What if they don’t understand? What if they think you’re being too much? These fears are normal, but they’re often unfounded. Vulnerability is a bridge that connects hearts. By opening up, you not only lighten your own burden but also give your friend permission to do the same.
Take a moment to reflect on who you trust. Then, take the first step, however small it feels. A simple “I’m having a tough time” can lead to deeper conversations and a stronger bond.
Journaling Prompt: What’s one thing you’ve been holding back from sharing with a friend? Why? How might they respond if you trusted them with it?
Action Step: Choose a friend and share something about your life transition. It doesn’t have to be heavy; even a small glimpse into your feelings can invite connection.
Interactive Comment: Ready to let someone in? Comment with “I’m reaching out!”
Discover how to build meaningful, lasting friendships and create a support system that truly has your back—delivered straight to your inbox!
Friends and Friendships
Discover how to build meaningful, lasting friendships and create a support system that truly has your back—delivered straight to your inbox! (newsletter subscription included)
Thank you so much!
More information about making friends and maintaining friendships (including the quizzes I mentioned) is on its way to you. You have also successfully subscribed to my newsletter.
The holiday season is here, and for many, it can feel bittersweet—especially if you’re navigating a major life transition. Christmas often brings reminders of what has changed, but it also offers an opportunity to embrace something new: meaningful connections with the people who matter most.
Friendship is a gift we often overlook. This season, let’s focus on fostering connection and finding comfort in the bonds we share with others. Take a moment today to reflect on the friends in your life—past, present, or even those you wish to reconnect with.
Journaling Prompt: Who has been a source of support in your life this year? How can you show them gratitude during the holidays?
Action Step: Reach out to one friend today. It could be a simple message, a phone call, or even a handwritten card. Let them know you’re thinking of them.
Interactive Comment: If you’re ready to embrace the gift of friendship this season, comment in your journal “I commit!”
Every day, we’ll explore a new way to deepen friendships, lean on others, and bring warmth to this holiday season. You are not alone on this journey. Let’s make this Christmas Countdown one to remember.
Making friends and maintaining friendships can be complicated. Would you like to find out what type of friend YOU are? How well do you know your friends? If you and a new friend really are compatible? I have created a set of light-hearted quizzes to help you do just that. Just fill in the form below and you’ll get immediate access to all of them. I’ll also add you to my newsletter list, though you can unsubscribe from this list effortlessly and at any time. Included:
How well do you know your Friends? Quiz
What is your Friendship Style? and Are your Friendship Styles compatible? Quiz
20 of the Most Inspiring Friends and Friendship Quotes and
20 lighthearted Questions you can ask to get to know a new Friend
If you would like to get access to these quizzes, quotes, insights and inspiration, please fill in the form below:
Friends and Friendships
Discover how to build meaningful, lasting friendships and create a support system that truly has your back—delivered straight to your inbox! (newsletter subscription included)
Thank you so much!
More information about making friends and maintaining friendships (including the quizzes I mentioned) is on its way to you. You have also successfully subscribed to my newsletter.
I put the essence of who I am, and everything I have experienced that makes me who I am, with great enthusiasm, into my retreats, courses and books. – Dr Margaretha Montagu (MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract (cert,) Transformational Life Coach (dip,) Life Story Coach (cert) Counselling (cert,) Med Hypnotherapy (dip) and EAGALA (cert)
🎄Announcing the imminent start of this year’s Christmas Calendar Countdown!🎄
Dear friends and family,
As you know, I do not send out Christmas/New Year’s cards – saving the trees and what have you – instead, I create an advent calendar each year. Last year, the theme was gratitude, this year it’s making friends and maintaining friendships: 24 lovingly crafted interactive posts offering guidance on forging and nurturing connections, as even one solid friendship can make all the difference during a life transition- and it starts tomorrow, on December the 1st!
Join me each day on Instagram, BlueSky, Threads, Facebook and LinkedIn as we start the countdown to Christmas, with posts filled with insights and inspiration to help you strengthen existing bonds and create new ones.
Sending you all a basket of emotional support Christmas cookies, Margaretha
Introduction
Having just finished this year’s Christmas Calendar Countdown, I thought I would introduce it by writing a post about the theme of this year’s calendar: Making Friends and Maintaining Friendships. Earlier this week, for the first time ever, I came across the Friendship Manifesto concept, and it fits so perfectly with the Calendar’s theme, that I decided to make it the subject of this post.
Do you feel isolated and disconnected in today’s digital world?
In recent years, the world has been grappling with an increasingly critical social health crisis: the loneliness epidemic. The COVID-19 pandemic dramatically accelerated this trend, with social isolation and digital communication replacing meaningful human connections. This loneliness epidemic underscores the critical importance of intentional, meaningful friendship—making the creation of a personal friendship manifesto not just a philosophical exercise, but a potential lifeline in an increasingly disconnected world. (Bu F, Steptoe A, Fancourt D. Who is lonely in lockdown? Cross-cohort analyses of predictors of loneliness before and during the COVID-19 pandemic. Public Health. 2020;186:31–4.)
Definition of a Friendship Manifesto
A friendship manifesto is a written declaration of values, principles, and intentions that guide how you approach friendships. It’s essentially a personal or collective commitment to creating healthy, meaningful, and supportive relationships with friends.
The manifesto can serve as a blueprint for how you wish to show up as a friend and how you expect to be treated in return. It can also act as a reminder of the importance of friendship and the role it plays in your life.
“Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity.” Khalil Gibran
How to Create Your Own Friendship Manifesto
Understanding Your Friendship Style
Creating a friendship manifesto begins with figuring out who you are and what you want from your friendships. Start by exploring your past and present relationships. Take time to sit quietly, perhaps with a journal in hand, and think about your friendships. Think specifically about the friendships that have been most meaningful, that have supported you through life transitions. What did you learn from these friendships?
Defining Your Friendship Philosophy
Next, look at your fundamental beliefs about friendship and decide what friendship means to you. What are the non-negotiable qualities you seek in a friend? What kind of friend do you aspire to be? This is not about creating a rigid list, but about understanding the core values that guide your approach to relationships. What are your expectations, your boundaries, and the lessons you’ve learned from challenging friendships?
Drafting Your Manifesto
At its core, your friendship manifesto is a personal promise to yourself and the people you care about. Don’t overthink it—just focus on what feels real and right. Write statements that reflect how you want to be treated and how you’ll show up for others. Keep them simple, honest, and actionable. The goal is to capture what matters to you. See below for a list of questions that will make this easier.
A Living, Breathing Document
Your friendship manifesto is more than just a set of principles—it’s a living document that represents your approach to friendships. Write it with care and intention, using first-person language that speaks directly from your heart. Whether you jot it down in a journal, type it up with some cool fonts, or turn it into an artsy collage, it’s all about making it yours. The key is to make it something that resonates with you and feels like a true reflection of who you are.
As a living document, it evolved with you. It isn’t a once-and-done thing—it’s more like a guide that changes as you do. Check in with it every so often—maybe once or twice a year—and see if it still reflects who you are and what you want in your friendships. Add to it, tweak it, or rewrite parts of it as you learn and grow.
Your Friendship Manifesto is a compass for navigating relationships and a testament to your commitment to genuine friendship. The whole point of creating it? To help you build deeper, more authentic connections.
8 Questions to Help You Craft Your Friendship Manifesto
What does true friendship mean to you? Beyond surface-level interactions, what are the qualities you believe transform a casual relationship into a meaningful connection?
What are your non-negotiable boundaries in friendship? Examine the lines between healthy connection and personal autonomy. What does respect look like in your ideal friendships? Think about the ways you want to be treated and the ways you commit to treating others.
How do you approach honest communication? Explore your comfort level with emotional openness, your ability to listen without judgment, and your willingness to share your true self. What does meaningful communication look like in your closest relationships?
What does unconditional support mean to you? Reflect on how you show up for friends during their most difficult moments. How do you balance offering support with respecting their autonomy? Consider the difference between fixing and truly supporting.
How do you honour and celebrate the unique qualities of your friends? Think about the ways you can support your friends’ individual paths, dreams, and challenges without trying to change or control them. What does true acceptance look like in your friendships?
What builds and breaks trust in your relationships? Explore the fundamental elements of reliability, confidentiality, and emotional safety. How do you create and maintain trust? What are your commitments to being a trustworthy friend?
How do you approach conflict and repair in friendships? Reflect on your capacity for forgiveness, your ability to have difficult conversations, and your commitment to healing relationships. What does grace look like when misunderstandings or conflicts arise?
What kind of friend do you truly aspire to be? This is the most profound question of your manifesto. Look deep within yourself and list the fundamental commitments you want to make to yourself and your friends. What are the core principles that will guide your approach to friendship?
Key Element Examples of a Friendship Manifesto
For inspiration, look at these examples:
Radical Authenticity I commit to being genuinely myself and creating a space where my friends can be their true, unfiltered selves. To me, authenticity means showing up honestly, without masks or pretence, and accepting each other’s vulnerabilities with compassion and understanding.
Mutual Respect and Boundaries Every friendship is a sacred agreement of mutual respect. I will honour my friends’ personal boundaries, recognising that healthy relationships require both connection and individual autonomy. I will respect my friends by listening without judgment and understanding that “no” is a complete sentence.
Unconditional Support My friendship is not transactional but transformational. I pledge to support my friends through their victories and challenges, celebrating their successes as if they were my own and standing beside them during difficult times without trying to fix everything, but simply being present.
Open and Honest Communication Communication is the lifeline of my friendships. I promise to communicate with kindness, clarity, and courage—addressing conflicts directly, listening actively, and creating a safe space for difficult conversations without defensiveness or blame.
Growth and Evolution I accept that friendships are living entities that grow and change. I embrace the understanding that people transform, and I commit to growing alongside my friends, allowing our relationships to evolve naturally without clinging to past versions of each other.
Emotional Accountability I take responsibility for my emotions and reactions, understanding that my friends are not responsible for managing my feelings. I will practice self-awareness, seek understanding, and approach conflicts with emotional intelligence and empathy.
Celebration of Individuality Each of my friends is a unique universe, and I celebrate their differences. I reject comparison and competition, instead cherishing the distinct qualities, paths, and dreams that make my friends extraordinary.
Reciprocal Investment I am convinced that friendship is a mutual investment of time, energy, and care. I commit to being consistently present, showing up not just in convenient moments but during mundane and challenging times. Quality matters more to me than quantity.
Trust as a Foundation I make trust is the cornerstone of my friendships. I promise to be reliable, maintain confidentiality, and build trust through consistent actions that align with my words. I will give trust and earn trust through integrity.
Forgiveness Accepting that we are all imperfect humans, I commit to practising forgiveness. Mistakes will happen, and misunderstandings will occur, but to me, true friendship means having the capacity to repair, reconnect, and move forward with compassion.
Putting Your Friendship Manifesto into Practice During the Holiday Season
Intentional Connection The Christmas season provides a unique opportunity to embody the principles of your friendship manifesto. This is a time to move beyond surface-level interactions and put into practice the commitments you’ve outlined in your personal friendship manifesto. Rather than getting caught up in the commercial aspects of the holidays, focus on creating meaningful connections that reflect your core friendship values.
Active Listening and Presence Your manifesto likely emphasises the importance of being present and truly listening. During the holiday season, this means setting aside distractions when spending time with friends. Put away your phone during gatherings, create space for genuine conversations, and practice active listening. The holidays can be emotionally charged, so approach your friends with extra compassion. Make a conscious effort to be there for them, asking thoughtful questions and showing genuine interest in their experiences, challenges, and joys.
Supportive Gestures Transform your manifesto’s principles into concrete actions. If you’ve committed to unconditional support, look for specific ways to show up for your friends during this potentially stressful time. you could offer to help with holiday preparations, check in on friends who might find the season difficult, provide emotional support to those experiencing loneliness or grief, and create inclusive gatherings for friends who might not have family nearby.
Boundary Setting and Self-Care The holidays can be overwhelming, especially if you are an introvert, so honour the boundaries you’ve outlined in your friendship manifesto. This means being honest about your available time and energy, communicating clearly about your holiday plans and limitations, protecting your own well-being while still being supportive and giving yourself and your friends permission to say no to events or interactions that feel draining.
Authentic Gift-Giving If gift-giving is part of your holiday tradition, approach it as an extension of your friendship principles. Instead of focusing on material value, choose gifts that demonstrate your understanding of your friend’s interests and needs, thoughtfulness more than expense and consideration of your friend’s values and preferences.
Conflict Resolution The close quarters and emotional intensity of the holiday season can sometimes bring up tensions. Refer to your manifesto’s principles about communication and forgiveness. If conflicts arise:
Practice active listening
Communicate openly and honestly
Stick to your boundaries
Go for insight and understanding instead being right
Be ready to forgive and be willing to repair relationships
“A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often – just to save it from drying out completely.” Pam Brown
Final Thoughts
Putting your friendship manifesto into practice is not about doggedly following rules but about consistent, intentional effort. The holiday season offers a beautiful opportunity to transform your friendship manifesto from words into lived experiences.
It’s not what we have in life, but who we have in our life that matters.
References
Louise C Hawkley, John T Cacioppo Loneliness Matters: A Theoretical and Empirical Review of Consequences and Mechanisms Ann Behav Med. 2010 Oct.
Taylor, H.O., Cudjoe, T.K., Bu, F. et al. The state of loneliness and social isolation research: current knowledge and future directions. BMC Public Health 23, 1049 (2023)
“All great things begin with a vision… a dream… I’ve always believed that success comes from not letting your eyes stray from that target. Anyone who wants to achieve a dream must stay focused, strong, and steady.” Estee Lauder
It’s that time of the year again. Retreat season is slowly coming to an end, only one retreat left for this year and that is the Book Lover’s Christmas Binge Reading retreat. I’m looking backwards towards spring, summer and autumn 2024, to figure out what went well, what didn’t and how I want to change what I do in 2025.
As my newsletter readers know, 2025 will be the year I start offering my signature retreats (gulp!) My health constraints are forcing me to do retreats less often, so I’ll gradually be transitioning towards longer (7 days instead of 5 days) and less frequent retreats (once a month only) and I’ll be focussing on working with people going through life transitions exclusively.
As 2025 will be a transition year, all my 5-day retreats will still be available, but less frequently.
Mindfully looking forward and backward, I felt a bit overwhelmed by the extent of this change, the risk involved and the amount of work I would need to do to make it happen. I decided I needed a vision statement for 2025. Vision statements are like road maps, they show you the way you want to go and keep you on track until you reach your destination.
You know that feeling when you’re at a crossroads in life, and everything feels a little…well, messy? That was me a couple of years ago. And now, as I’m wrapping up my 2024 retreat season and gearing up for big changes in 2025, it all feels strikingly familiar. Retreats have always been my thing—creating a place where my guests can rest, reflect, and, if needed, reinvent themselves. But this year, it’s me standing in that reflection space.
It’s exciting and terrifying in equal measure, and I’ll admit, the thought of reimagining everything from scratch has been overwhelming. I knew I needed a clear vision to guide me, not just for 2025 but for how I want to live and work moving forward.
When you are going through a life transition, a well-crafted vision statement helps you stay grounded by articulating what truly matters to you and the future you want to create. It serves as a powerful reminder of your long-term goals and values, helping you navigate challenges and make decisions that align with your authentic self. In essence, a vision statement transforms uncertainty into opportunity by giving you a clear roadmap for whatever comes next.
I remembered something a former guest of mine, Susan, shared after a Camino de Santiago walking retreat. She had crafted a vision statement during her time there—one that, as she put it, “kept her sane and focused” during her own life upheaval. Her story stayed with me, partly because of how relatable it was.
Here’s how she told it:
Susan’s Camino Story: Finding Clarity One Step at a Time
“There’s a moment in every woman’s life,” Susan had written to me, “when she looks at herself in the mirror and thinks, What the hell am I doing?”
For her, that moment came at 52, under the unflattering glare of a bathroom’s fluorescent lights. Her kids were grown. Her career—a blur of endless meetings and PowerPoint slides—left her feeling like a hamster on a wheel. And her marriage? Let’s just say it hadn’t survived the transition to an empty nest.
That’s how she found herself signing up for a five-day Camino retreat. She wasn’t an outdoorsy type, and she wasn’t looking for some Eat, Pray, Love-style epiphany. She just knew she needed help.
Day 1: The Bulging Backpack
Susan’s story began with an overstuffed backpack. She’d packed too many clothes (a rookie mistake) and underestimated how much walking all day would challenge her. But by the time she was trudging through the rolling hills of Gascony, surrounded by green fields and adorable (but definitely smug) sheep, something began to shift.
That first evening, she asked me if I could help her craft a vision statement. Susan explained that she’d written vision and mission statements for companies throughout her career, so why not one for herself?
I gave her a small notebook and told her, “The Camino will do the hard work. Your job is just to notice what comes up.”
Day 2: A Wildflower Moment
The next day, Susan stopped by a cluster of wildflowers and remembered something I’d said the night before: “Your vision isn’t just about goals. It’s about who you are and who you want to be.”
At first, she rolled her eyes (totally fair—I would’ve done the same). But as she walked, she realised how true it was.
“I didn’t know who I wanted to be,” she wrote later, “but I knew who I didn’t want to be: afraid, stuck, and too scared to try something new.”
That night, she jotted down a simple list:
Who I don’t want to be: Trapped. Afraid. Alone.
Who I want to be: Brave enough to leave my comfort zone.
It wasn’t polished or profound, but it was a start.
Day 3: Soup and Simplicity
Day three brought one of those Camino moments that stay with you forever. Susan stopped for lunch at a tiny café—a place with mismatched chairs, herbs hanging from the ceiling, and a sleepy cat basking in a sunbeam. The owner, Colette, served her soup in a chipped ceramic bowl.
“It was just soup,” Susan said. “But it felt like the universe was hugging me.”
Colette, with all the wisdom of someone who’s lived a simple and full life, told her, “The simple things are the most important.”
And that was it: simplicity. Susan realised how cluttered her life had become—not just physically, but emotionally. She’d spent years chasing more—more success, more recognition, more validation—without ever asking herself if she truly needed it.
That evening, she added her first vision word to her notebook: Simplicity.
Day 4: The Long Path
The fourth day tested Susan in ways she hadn’t expected. The path was longer, her feet were sore, and the novelty of walking had officially worn off. But when she reached the top of a hill and saw the landscape open up—a fertile valley, a meandering river, and sunflower fields stretching to the horizon—she had another epiphany.
“I’d spent so much of my life avoiding difficult things,” she wrote. “But walking that longer path reminded me that the hard things—the ones that make you sweat and ache—are often the most rewarding.”
That night, she added another word: Courage.
By the final day, Susan felt lighter—not physically (her feet were still screaming), but mentally. She shared her reflections with me that evening.
“My vision,” she said, “is to live simply, with courage. To stop avoiding the hard paths and start choosing what feels meaningful, even if it’s scary.”
Back Home
Susan emailed me a few weeks later, saying that her Camino vision had stuck with her. She’d decluttered her home, signed up for a creative writing class, and started exploring a new career path.
“It’s not perfect,” she admitted. “But it’s mine: Live simply. Be brave. Choose the longer path when it matters. On the tough days, when I feel like I’m spinning my wheels or drowning in uncertainty, I look at it and think, Okay, what’s one small thing I can do today to live with courage, kindness, or curiosity?”
Why You Should Write Your Own Vision Statement
Hearing Susan’s story reminded me how powerful a vision statement can be—not just for your career, but for your life.
Just grab a notebook, carve out some quiet time, and ask yourself:
What kind of person do I want to be moving forward?
What do I care about, really?
What am I willing to leave behind, and what do I want to carry with me?
What am I afraid of, and how can I face it?
You do owe it to yourself to take a moment to think about what really matters to you.
If you can’t carve out the time to attend one of my retreats at my little farmhouse here in the southwest of France but still feel the need to reflect, reset, rediscover your life’s purpose and create a vision statement, the Rearing to get going in the Right Direction e- course, inspired by my horses, might be just the thing for you. Designed to help you reconnect with your core values, this course provides practical tools and reflective exercises that guide you through clarifying your priorities and uncovering what truly matters to you. During the course I introduce you to actionable strategies to help you uncover your true purpose – the exact ones I use myself – all at your own pace, in your own home. Whether you’re navigating a life transition, or simply seeking clarity, the course offers a structured yet flexible framework equipping you with a step-by-step process to create a compelling vision for your future. And if you need some additional support, you can opt for 1:1 coaching. It’s like having a retreat in your pocket, ready to use whenever you are.
If you have a couple of questions before you start creating YOUR vision statement, I have answered the ones I get most often below:
5 FAQs About Vision Statements
What is a vision statement, and how does it differ from a mission statement? A vision statement is a concise declaration of your aspirations and the impact you want to create in your life or work. It acts as a guiding star, helping you stay focused on your long-term goals and providing clarity during decision-making. A vision statement describes where you want to go and what you aim to achieve in the future, while a mission statement focuses on your current actions and how you will achieve your goals.
What are the key elements of a strong vision statement? A strong vision statement is clear, inspiring, future-focused, and aligned with your core values. It should reflect your aspirations and motivate you to take action.
How long should a vision statement be? Ideally, a vision statement is short and memorable, often a single sentence or a brief paragraph. However, its length can vary as long as it remains clear and impactful.
What if I feel stuck or unsure about what to include in my vision statement? If you’re feeling stuck, start by reflecting on your values, passions, and long-term goals. Journaling, guided prompts, or courses like Road Map to Resilience can help you gain clarity and structure your thoughts.
How often should I revisit or update my vision statement? Revisit your vision statement whenever you experience significant life changes or transitions. Reviewing it annually or biannually ensures it remains relevant and aligned with your evolving goals.
You must have some vision for your life. Even if you don’t know the plan, you have to have a direction in which you choose to go… You want to be in the driver’s seat of your own life because if you are not, life will drive you.” Oprah Winfrey
I put the essence of who I am, and everything I have experienced that makes me who I am, with great enthusiasm, into my retreats, courses and books. – Dr Margaretha Montagu (MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract (cert,) Transformational Life Coach (dip,) Life Story Coach (cert) Counselling (cert,) Med Hypnotherapy (dip) and EAGALA (cert)
Why just survive when you can thrive? Enrol in my How to Survive a Life Quake 7-part online course. Think of it as your step-by-step survival kit for those “what-on-earth-just-happened” moments in life.
It’s not the load that breaks you down. It’s the way you carry it. – Lena Horne
At least once a year I revisit the concept of “working smarter, not harder.” Why? Because I quickly forget. I forget that working harder and harder does not mean I am necessarily more productive.
Tina’s Triumphant Tale
This year, Tina, one of my Camino de Santiago Walking Retreat guests reminded me of this in no uncertain terms. Here is what Tina told me one mellow afternoon as we sat chatting in Merlin the Magnificent’s shade (one of my 200-year-old oak trees:)
“Let me tell you how my week usually started: Monday morning, 7:02 a.m., and I was already staring down my third cup of coffee like it owed me an apology. My to-do list looked like it had been on steroids, my inbox was a digital hellscape, and I had got a Post-it stuck to my sleeve because I fell asleep at my desk the night before. Again.
I was juggling three project deadlines, a client call, and trying to remember if I’d fed the dog that morning (I had, of course I had). My smart watch was buzzing with notifications, my coffee had gone cold for the third time, when I finally realised something profound: this wasn’t living. This was hardly existing.
“I need to work harder,” I decided.
Let’s rewind a bit. I’d always been the overachiever. In college, I was that student pulling all-nighters, surviving on instant ramen and determination. When I landed my first corporate job, I carried that same mentality with me. “First one in, last one out” was my unwritten motto. I prided myself on my ability to multitask, to handle impossible workloads, to be the go-to person for everything.
But here’s the dirty little secret no one tells you about being the “reliable one”: it’s exhausting. Absolutely, soul-crushingly exhausting.
I ended up being that stereotypical overworked, underpaid middle manager who was slowly losing her spark.
I used to think all this chaos meant I was crushing it. I thought hustling until my left eye twitched was some kind of badge of honour. It wasn’t until my then-11-year-old said, “Mom, don’t you ever have fun anymore?” that it hit me like a brick wrapped in shame. I didn’t know how to answer.
Since then, I hadn’t magically managed to Marie Kondo my life and became a minimalist with 12 identical black T-shirts and a perfectly curated capsule wardrobe (though honestly, that does sound phenomenal). Nope. But I started working smarter. Though probably not the way you think.
Six Steps from the Old Me to the New Me
Step One: It’s My Own Fault (?)
So before I had my epiphany (read: mental breakdown), I was that person. You know, the one who brags about being “so busy” like it’s an Olympic sport. I said yes to everything: extra projects, weekend meetings, PTA bake sales (despite being terrible at baking), even pointless Zoom calls that could’ve been a freaking email. I’d convinced myself that saying “yes” meant I was dependable, successful, and valuable. But really? It just made me tired, hangry and kinda cranky.
Finally, I missed an important deadline—not because I didn’t care, but because I’d spent so much time juggling a million other things that the ball I was actually supposed to catch smacked me right in the face. I had no choice but to sit down and ask myself: Why am I doing this? Who told me “busy” equals “productive”?
No one was going to give me a trophy for sacrificing my sanity. And the worst part? I didn’t even realise I deserved one. I was just running myself ragged for… what, exactly? Clout? (Nobody cares how many hours you work and you’re too exhausted to enjoy the rewards afterwards anyway.)
Step Two: Time to Break Up With My Inner Martyr
Once I realised I was the architect of my own misery (ugh), I made one simple vow: I refuse to be that person from that moment on. This might sound fairly obvious now, but let me tell you, at the time it was a game-changer.
I used to think working late into the night made me a hero. Now, I ask myself a blunt but important question: Am I doing this because it’s actually necessary, or am I doing this because it makes me feel important?
Anytime I catch myself leaning toward the “martyr” mindset, I pretend I’m giving advice to my best friend. Because let’s be real—if my bestie told me she was pulling an all-nighter to perfect a PowerPoint that only three people would see, I’d smack her (lovingly) with a pillow and say, “Girl, no. Go to bed.”
Step Three: The Power of Letting Go
Okay, hear me out: I’m not actually lazy. (Well, unless we’re talking about folding laundry. Then yes, I’m fully Team Wrinkle.) But what I am is selective. These days, I don’t waste my time on anything that doesn’t pass my “Is this actually worth it?” test.
For example: I stopped taking notes during meetings. Shocking, I know. But here’s the deal—if something’s really important, it’ll come up again. And if it’s not? Well, then it wasn’t worth remembering in the first place.
I also mastered the art of delegation, which used to feel so awkward. (Asking for help does not, in fact, mean you’re a failure. Wild, right?) Now I outsource like my life depends on it—whether it’s hiring someone to deep-clean my house once a month or letting my kids pack their own school lunches. Sure, one time my son packed himself a single bagel and a chocolate bar, but hey, he learned. And I didn’t have to do it. Win-win.
Step 4The Game Plan: Small Tweaks, Big Results
This wasn’t an overnight transformation. It was messy, uncomfortable, and required me to completely rewire my brain. I was my own worst enemy:
Email Overload: I was checking my inbox every 10 minutes like it was a life-or-death situation.
Perfectionism Paralysis: I’d spend 45 minutes tweaking a presentation font because heaven forbid someone think I wasn’t a Times New Roman gal.
Multitasking Mayhem: I thought I was being efficient, but really, I was just writing emails with typos while forgetting why I walked into the kitchen.
I needed to change. Here are the game-changing strategies I implemented to do just that:
Energy Management, Not Time Management Forget tracking every minute. I started tracking my energy levels. When am I most creative? When do I hit peak focus? Turns out, my golden productivity hours are between 9-11 AM and then again from 3-5 PM. Everything else? Meetings, emails, admin stuff. No more forcing deep work during my natural low-energy zones. I created what I now call my “energy map” – a colour-coded calendar that tracks not just my appointments, but my actual productivity potential. Green zones are my peak performance times, yellow are moderate, and red are basically “do not disturb unless the building is on fire” moments.
The Two-Minute Rule If a task takes less than two minutes, I do it immediately. No adding it to a list, no “I’ll get to it later.” Instant action. This small shift was revolutionary. My inbox became manageable, my desk stayed relatively clear, and I stopped letting tiny tasks become mental clutter. You’d be amazed how many “urgent” things can be handled in 120 seconds or less. Responding to that quick email? Two minutes. Filing that expense report? Two minutes. Sending a thank-you note? Two minutes. Suddenly, my to-do list wasn’t this mammoth mountain of terror anymore.
Strategic Saying No This was hard for a people-pleaser like me. But I realised that every “yes” to something was a “no” to something else – often something more important. Now, I’m ruthless about my commitments. Not in a mean way, but in a self-preserving way. I developed a simple decision-making framework. Before saying yes to anything, I ask myself three questions:
Does this align with my core professional or personal goals?
Can someone else do this just as effectively?
What will I have to sacrifice to make this happen?
Time Blocking (a.k.a. My Sanity Saver) Instead of bouncing between tasks like a caffeinated squirrel, I block out chunks of time for specific things. Emails from 9–10 AM. Writing projects from 10:30–12 PM. Lunch at 12 (and yes, I actually eat away from my desk now). Pro tip: During these blocks, I mute notifications. If the world’s ending, someone will call.
Batch Tasks for Maximum Efficiency Grouping similar tasks together is surprisingly effective. I group similar tasks together and knock them out in one go. Emails? Done in 30 minutes flat. Content creation? Knocked out on Tuesdays. Meal prep? Well… still working on that one, but hey, I’m making progress.
Step Five: Automate Like I’m Running a Tech Start-Up
I used to spend hours every week on stuff that could’ve been automated. HOURS. I’m talking mundane, soul-sucking tasks like scheduling appointments, sending follow-ups, and remembering to pay the electric bill before it’s too late (again).
Then I discovered apps. Glorious, life-saving apps. Now, my calendar sends me reminders, my groceries show up on my doorstep, and my bills get paid without me having to lift a finger. It’s like having a personal assistant who works for free and doesn’t judge you for eating cereal at 11 p.m. Three of my favourites:
Trello or Notion: Think of these as Pinterest for your brain. I organize my life into neat little boards and lists, and it feels oddly satisfying.
Google Calendar (With Reminders!): I set reminders for literally everything—deadlines, appointments, and even when to water my plants (RIP to the ones I forgot before).
Otter.ai: This transcribes meetings or voice memos for me. Because who has time to re-listen to an hour-long call for the one important thing someone said?
Step Six: Redefine Success (Because the Old Definition isn’t working anymore)
Somewhere along the line, I realised that my old definition of success—working myself to the bone and praying for a pat on the back—was a one-way ticket to Burnout City. So I decided to change it.
Now, success looks like this:
Having time to laugh with my kids without checking my phone every five seconds.
Taking a random Tuesday off to read a book in bed, just because I can.
Saying “no” to things that don’t light me up or pay my bills. (Honestly, this one has changed my life.)
Working smarter isn’t about being selfish—it’s about being intentional. It’s about realising that you don’t have to climb every mountain; sometimes you just need to find a better trail or, better yet, take the ski lift.
So here I am. Rocking self-care by attending this Camino de Santiago walking retreat. It was something I always wanted to do, but it has been languishing on my bucket list for years. Decades. Not any longer, now I focus on doing this sort of thing to keep my batteries fully charged.
Look, I’m not saying I’ve got it all figured out. There are still days when I slip into old habits, overcommit, or say yes to something out of guilt. (Hey, I’m human. And also, people-pleasing is hard to quit.) But now I know how to pull myself back before I spiral into full-blown chaos.
The crazy part? By doing less, I actually accomplished more. My work quality improved. My stress levels plummeted. I started sleeping better, reconnected with my family, and rediscovered hobbies I thought I’d abandoned forever.
My team noticed too. Instead of seeing a frazzled manager running from fire to fire, they saw someone strategic, calm, and genuinely present. Productivity isn’t about looking busy – it’s about making a meaningful impact.
So tell your guests to work smarter, not harder. Trust me—it’s way more fun. 😉”
Final Thoughts
Do you also think hustling is a virtue? It’s not. And rest is not a reward. It’s a necessity. Success isn’t measured by how exhausted you are, but by the quality of your life and the impact you make on the lives of others.
This journey isn’t about perfection. Some days, I still fall back into old patterns. Some weeks, my to-do list feels overwhelming. But now I have the tools and strategies that I use daily and That I share with my retreat guests, and most importantly – I have self-compassion.
So, next time you’re overwhelmed, ask yourself: Am I making this harder than it needs to be? You might be surprised by how many things you can simplify—or just stop doing altogether.
So here’s to working smarter, not harder. Starting TODAY.
Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.
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