Author: Margaretha Montagu

Life Quake Series

Enraged. Terrified. Adrift. Betrayed. Losing a job isn’t just losing a paycheck; it’s watching a piece of your identity slip away, too. There’s the gut-wrenching sting of rejection, the ever-echoing fear that asks, Was I not good enough? You feel anger—sharp and raw—at the system, the company, maybe even yourself. And beneath it all, a quiet, aching loneliness as you unexpectedly face an insecure future.

Losing a job can unleash a flood of specific, intense, difficult-to-manage emotions, each uniquely challenging:

1. Shock – That initial moment of numbness and disbelief, as if the reality of the situation just hasn’t settled in yet.
2. Fear – Anxiety about the future looms large, especially concerning financial security, career trajectory, and personal identity.
3. Anger – Directed at the employer, colleagues, or even oneself, anger often accompanies a sense of injustice or frustration about unmet expectations.
4. Shame – The worry of judgement from others or the feeling that one has somehow failed can lead to deep embarrassment.
5. Grief – The sense of loss over both tangible (income, daily routine) and intangible (colleagues, identity) elements of the job.
6. Self-doubt – Wondering if one is truly capable or competent can lead to a damaging spiral of insecurity.
7. Relief (in some cases) – For those who felt unhappy or unfulfilled, a surprising sense of relief may accompany the loss, mingling with the other, more painful emotions.

These emotions can combine and recur in waves, creating a complex, exhausting experience. Naming them, however, is the first step toward healing and reclaiming a sense of stability and purpose. An Emotion Wheel can make this easier, download one by clicking here.

There are, of course, several traditional strategies you can use to help you through this life transition, and you’ll find them laid out in detail at the end of this article, but thinking outside the box I have come up with a list of unconventional suggestions, that may appeal if you are looking for innovative solutions:

Reverse Engineer Your Layoff

Instead of rushing to move forward, spend time studying the circumstances of your job loss as a market indicator. What larger economic patterns led to this moment? Which roles were retained versus cut? This analysis can reveal emerging trends and help you position yourself ahead of the next industry shift.

Sarah Chen, a former marketing director at a major tech company, transformed her layoff into market intelligence. After losing her job in a sweeping AI-related restructuring, she spent three months analyzing layoff patterns across 50 tech companies. She tracked which roles were being eliminated and which were growing, creating a detailed map of skills vulnerability to automation. This analysis revealed that while traditional content marketing roles were declining, there was growing demand for AI-native marketing specialists. Sarah leveraged this insight to launch an AI prompt engineering consultancy, helping marketing teams adapt to AI tools. Within six months, she was earning double her previous salary working with companies navigating the AI transition.

Create Your Own Job Category

Rather than fitting yourself into existing job descriptions, analyse your unique combination of skills and experiences to create a new professional category. The key is finding intersection points between different industries or skills that others haven’t yet recognised.

Marcus Rodriguez combined seemingly unrelated experiences to pioneer a new professional niche. As a laid-off high school physics teacher who spent weekends building virtual worlds on gaming platforms, he spotted an opportunity when universities began exploring virtual campuses during the pandemic. He coined the term “educational metaverse architect” and documented his process of building virtual physics labs. His YouTube videos caught the attention of several universities, leading to a consulting practice helping educational institutions design interactive virtual learning environments. He now employs a team of five and works with institutions globally.

Build a Micro-Apprenticeship Network

Instead of traditional networking, approach experts in fields you’re curious about and offer to work for free for one week each. This “micro-apprenticeship” model provides rapid exposure to multiple industries while building relationships through actual work rather than coffee chats.

James Lakshmi, a former investment banker, turned unemployment into a learning odyssey. He created what he called the “Eight Weeks of Wonder” program, working one week each at eight drastically different organisations: a vertical farm in Singapore, a tech startup in Stockholm, a traditional craftsman in Kyoto, a renewable energy company in Denmark, an AI research lab in Toronto, an urban planning office in Rotterdam, a food innovation lab in Tel Aviv, and a digital nomad collective in Bali. Each placement cost him only living expenses, as he offered his analytical skills in exchange for the learning opportunity. The experience led him to create an urban agricultural technology company that combined financial modelling with sustainable farming practices, now valued at $10 million.

Create a “Failure Resumé”

Start a blog or newsletter documenting your job search failures and lessons learned. This radical transparency approach has helped some professionals build substantial followings and attract employers who value resilience and self-awareness.

Maya Desai’s “100 Days of Rejection” blog transformed her job loss into a movement. After being laid off from her pharmaceutical sales position, she decided to document every job rejection, failed interview, and unsuccessful pitch. Her brutally honest posts about interview mistakes, salary negotiation failures, and emotional struggles resonated widely. The blog attracted 50,000 followers in three months, leading to speaking engagements at career development conferences. She eventually launched a career coaching practice focused on helping professionals embrace and learn from failure, generating $300,000 in her first year.

Create a Personal Economic Indicator

Develop your own metric for measuring economic health in your industry or region. This could involve tracking specific data points, like the number of new business registrations in your area or keyword frequency in job postings. Use this indicator to make more informed decisions about timing your job search or career pivot.

Tom Whitaker, a laid-off data analyst, developed what he called the “Denver Tech Index.” He scraped data from job boards, real estate listings, local business registrations, and social media to create a comprehensive measure of the tech industry’s health in his region. His weekly newsletter analysing these trends gained traction among local recruiters and executives. When his index predicted a hiring surge in cybersecurity three months before it happened, his credibility soared. He now runs a boutique labour market analytics firm serving companies planning workforce expansions in emerging tech hubs.

Practice “Skills Arbitrage”

Identify skills that are overvalued in one industry and undervalued in another. For example, project management skills highly valued in tech might be undersupplied in the nonprofit sector.

Rebecca Martinez leveraged her tech project management experience in an unexpected direction. After analysing salary data, she realized that religious organisations and nonprofits significantly undervalued project management expertise compared to tech companies. She approached several megachurches with proposals to modernise their operations, offering her services at a price point between typical nonprofit and tech sector rates. Within a year, she had built a specialised consulting practice helping religious organisations implement modern project management tools and practices, serving 15 clients across the country.

Design Your Own Performance Review

Instead of waiting for employer feedback, create a rigorous self-evaluation system and publicly share your progress. Document your learning, projects, and impact metrics.

Kai Anderson turned personal accountability into a media brand. After losing his product manager role, he created “The Monthly Review,” a podcast where he publicly evaluated his progress in building a new career. Each episode followed a structured format: skills acquired, projects completed, income generated, and lessons learned. His transparent discussion of failures and successes, including actual income numbers and client interactions, attracted 75,000 monthly listeners. The podcast led to a book deal and a business helping professionals create personal development frameworks.

Build a “Career Laboratory”

Rather than committing to a single path, set up 3-4 parallel professional experiments. This might mean simultaneously freelancing in your old field, taking an entry-level position in a new industry, and starting a small business. Run these experiments for a set period, gathering data about what energises you and what creates value.

Dr. Lisa Zhang, a laid-off pharmaceutical researcher, ran three parallel career experiments over six months. She took a part-time position teaching chemistry at a community college, started a science communication YouTube channel, and consulted for biotech startups. She treated each venture as a research project, meticulously documenting revenue, satisfaction levels, and growth potential. This systematic approach revealed that while teaching provided stable income, her YouTube channel unexpectedly generated both higher earnings and greater satisfaction. She now runs a successful science education platform with over 500,000 subscribers.

Leverage “Productive Procrastination”

When you’re stuck in your primary job search, redirect that energy into adjacent projects. Alex Riveral turned job search frustration into a startup. Procrastinating on writing cover letters, he built a simple tool to automate job application tracking. As rejections piled up, he added features to analyse application patterns and optimize resume keywords. Other job seekers began asking to use his tool, leading him to develop JobTrackal, a comprehensive job search automation platform. The company now serves 50,000 users and has raised $2 million in seed funding.

Create a “Shadow Board”

Instead of seeking a mentor, assemble a diverse group of professionals who agree to receive monthly updates about your career experiments and provide feedback. Include people from different industries, age groups, and backgrounds. This provides multiple perspectives and keeps you accountable to a regular review process.

Marien Kim assembled an unconventional advisory team: a 19-year-old tech prodigy, a retired CEO, a social worker, an AI researcher, and a professional artist. Each month, she sent detailed updates about her career experiments and received their diverse perspectives. This varied input helped her identify a unique opportunity combining tech and social impact. She developed a platform connecting retired professionals with nonprofits needing project-based expertise, now successfully operating in twelve cities.

Practice “Perspective Arbitrage”

Use your outsider status to your advantage. Fresh eyes can spot opportunities that industry veterans miss. Document everything that seems inefficient or confusing in your target industry. These observations could become the foundation for a consulting practice or innovative business idea.

David Chent, a former teacher entering the tech industry, documented everything that confused him during his transition. His outsider’s perspective helped him identify major gaps in tech education for career changers. He created a course specifically for non-traditional tech candidates, focusing on the cultural and practical aspects that boot camps often missed. His program has helped over 1,000 career changers successfully transition into tech roles, with an average salary increase of 65%.

Develop a “Skills Stack” Game

Turn skill development into a strategic game. Assign points to different skills based on their market value and rarity. Set challenges for yourself to “level up” in specific areas, tracking your progress publicly. This gamification approach has helped some professionals stay motivated while building an engaged following.

Praiya Malhotre created “LevelUp,” a public skills development challenge. She assigned point values to different skills based on market demand and difficulty, then documented her daily progress on Twitter. Her gamified approach to learning cloud computing, data visualization, and machine learning attracted a community of 10,000 followers who began participating in their own skills challenges. This led to her current role as head of learning and development at a major tech company.

The Anti-Career Path

Consider structuring your professional life around anti-goals—defining what you explicitly don’t want to do or become. This reverse engineering can sometimes reveal clearer paths forward than traditional goal-setting.

Jennifer Lito, a former corporate lawyer, made a list of everything she didn’t want in her next role: no billable hours, no adversarial relationships, no corporate hierarchy. This anti-goal exercise led her to create a unique mediation practice focusing on tech startup disputes. By positioning herself as a collaborative problem-solver rather than a traditional lawyer, she built a profitable practice that aligned with her values while leveraging her legal expertise.

Attend a From Troubled to Triumphant: A Transformational Retreat in the sun-blessed southwest of France

Emma Blackwood’s career epiphany came in an unlikely setting—a 200-year-old farmhouse in the Gascony region of France. After 15 years in corporate finance and a sudden layoff, she enrolled in “From Troubled to Triumphant: A Transformational Retreat.” Unlike traditional career coaching, this program combined intense personal work with the healing aspects of place and community.

The seven-day retreat, led by former medical doctor turned equine-assisted psychotherapist Dr. Margaretha Montagu, uses location-specific elements to trigger career breakthroughs. Participants engage in “terroir work”—activities deeply connected to the local environment. Emma tended to the retreat’s vegetable garden, went forest bathing and wild swimming, and visited a local fresh food market where she helped to choose the ingredients for that evening’s dinner.

“The physical distance from my former life created mental space for new possibilities,” Emma explains. “Traditional career counselling keeps you in your head. But harvesting tomatoes at sunrise and preparing them for the group’s lunch helped me understand what I really wanted—to create experiences that connect people with the earth and each other.”

The breakthrough came during a session in the sunflower field, where participants practised “sensory career mapping”—exploring potential paths through touch, smell, and taste rather than just logic. Emma realised her financial expertise could serve the growing agritourism industry. She now runs a successful consulting firm helping small European farms develop experiential tourism programs, combining her analytical skills with her newfound passion for agricultural heritage.

Register for a Rearing to Get Going in a New Direction: Finding Your Life Purpose Guided by Horses Online Course

After losing his position as a software developer, Micheal Latimor discovered the online course “Rearing to Get Going in a New Direction: Finding Your Life Purpose Guided by Horses.” Initially sceptical of virtual horse-guided coaching, he found the program transformed his understanding of purpose-based career direction.

Career transition doesn’t have to follow a conventional path. By embracing experimental approaches and viewing job loss as an opportunity for innovation, you might discover professional possibilities that didn’t fit into your previous definition of success. The key is to approach this period with a scientist’s curiosity and an artist’s creativity, turning uncertainty into a laboratory for professional reinvention.

These stories remind us that career transition is not just about finding new work—it’s about discovering new ways of understanding ourselves and our place in the professional world.

All stories are fictional.

Traditional Approach to Dealing with Losing Your Job

When facing job loss, traditional coping strategies typically follow a predictable path. Career counsellors usually advise starting with practical steps like filing for unemployment benefits, reviewing your budget, and updating your health insurance coverage. The next phase often involves updating your resume, reaching out to your professional network, and setting up job alerts on major job boards like LinkedIn and Indeed. You’re typically encouraged to maintain a structured daily routine, perhaps joining job search groups or working with a career coach. The standard advice includes practicing self-care through exercise and healthy habits, while actively applying for jobs within your field. Financial experts generally recommend cutting expenses, tapping into emergency savings, and possibly taking temporary work to bridge the gap. These conventional approaches, while logical, tend to focus primarily on immediate practical concerns and rapid reemployment in a similar role.

Even though the traditional advice after losing your job may feel inadequate in today’s rapidly evolving world, the suggestions above are still as valid as ever so I’m exploring them in more depth below:

Acknowledge Your Emotions

The first step in coping with job loss is allowing yourself to feel. It’s normal to experience a range of emotions: shock, anger, fear, sadness, or even relief. These feelings are part of the grieving process for the loss of not just income, but also routine, professional identity, and workplace relationships. Many people try to rush past these emotions, eager to move forward, but taking time to process your feelings is crucial for healthy transition. Consider sharing your experience with trusted friends or family, or seek professional help if you’re finding it particularly challenging to cope.

Take Care of Your Immediate Needs

Before diving into your next career move, it’s essential to address your fundamental needs. Begin by reviewing your financial situation and creating a realistic budget that reflects your new circumstances. Understanding your unemployment benefits and evaluating health insurance options should be top priorities. Have open conversations with family members about necessary adjustments—their support and understanding will be invaluable during this transition.

Reframe Your Narrative

Instead of viewing job loss as an ending, try to see it as a chapter break in your career story. This perspective shift can be transformative. Take time to reflect on your previous role, identifying both what worked and what didn’t. Consider the skills you’ve gained and how they might serve you in new ways. This is also an excellent opportunity to examine your true career values and priorities, which may have evolved since you last chose a career path.

Redefine Your Professional Identity

Your professional identity extends far beyond your former job title. This period of transition offers a unique opportunity for self-rediscovery. Consider the projects and achievements that have brought you the most satisfaction throughout your career. Think about the moments when you felt most energised and engaged.

Explore New Directions

With a clearer understanding of current yourself, you can begin exploring potential paths forward. The modern job market offers more diverse opportunities than ever before. Spend time researching emerging industries and roles that align with your skills and interests. Consider taking online courses or certifications to expand your expertise. Industry events, even virtual ones, can provide valuable insights into new career possibilities. Don’t overlook entrepreneurship or consulting opportunities—sometimes a job loss becomes the catalyst for launching an independent venture.

Routine, Structure and Purpose

Creating structure during career transition is vital for maintaining both momentum and mental health. Establish a daily routine that includes professional development, networking, and personal care. Set small, achievable goals that help you feel productive and moving forward. Consider volunteering or freelancing to stay active in your field while exploring new opportunities. These activities not only help maintain your skills but also provide a sense of purpose during the transition.

Network Meaningfully

Networking during career transition isn’t just about finding jobs—it’s about building genuine connections that can provide support, insight, and opportunities. Reach out to former colleagues to maintain professional relationships. Join professional associations and participate in industry discussions. Share your expertise through professional social media or blogs. Remember that networking is a two-way street—look for opportunities to help others in your network as well.

Engage in Professional Development

Use this time to invest in yourself and update your skills. The professional landscape is constantly evolving, and staying current is crucial. Focus on updating both technical and soft skills. Read industry publications to stay informed about trends and developments in your field. Consider how emerging technologies might impact your profession and prepare accordingly. Professional development not only makes you more marketable but also helps maintain confidence during the job search.

Map Your Path Forward

As you begin actively searching for new opportunities, approach the process strategically. Take time to define your ideal next role, considering not just the job title but the type of organization, culture, and work environment where you’ll thrive. Update your resume and online presence to reflect your current goals and capabilities. Develop a compelling professional story that explains your journey and what you’re seeking next. Target organizations that align with your values and offer opportunities for growth.

Find Meaning Outside of Your Work

While career transition requires significant focus, remember that your professional life is just one aspect of who you are. Nurture personal relationships and pursue interests outside of work. Focus on physical and mental health through exercise, meditation, or other wellness practices. Consider ways to contribute to your community that align with your values. Developing new skills or hobbies unrelated to work can provide fresh perspective and energy.

Increasing Resilience

The job search process can be lengthy and challenging. Stay resilient by maintaining perspective and celebrating small wins along the way. Build a strong support system of friends, family, and professional contacts who can offer encouragement and feedback. Remember to take breaks when needed and practice self-compassion. Each step forward, no matter how small, brings you closer to your next opportunity.

Looking Forward

As you move forward, remember that many successful professionals have faced similar transitions and emerged stronger. Your next role might offer opportunities you hadn’t previously considered—better work-life balance, more meaningful work, enhanced skills and experience, or stronger alignment with your values. Stay open to possibilities and trust that your experience and resilience will lead you to new professional fulfilment.

Final Thoughts

Job loss, while challenging, can become a catalyst for a positive and more profitable career change. By approaching this transition thoughtfully and maintaining hope, you can discover new professional meaning and potentially find work that’s even more fulfilling than before. Your career is a journey, not a destination, and this is just one chapter in the book of your life.

No one can discover you until you do. Exploit your talents, skills, and strengths and make the world sit up and take notice. — Rob Liano

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How to Find Solid Ground during a Life Quake

When life throws me in at the deep end — a major change, a sudden shift, an unexpected curveball – or all of these simultaneously – my first thought often is, ‘I can’t cope with this. This time, I’m going to drown.’ Well-meaning friends may say, “Just go with the flow” but this rarely feels practical in the thick of things. The RAIN method is a life-saver during times like these. It’s a grounding approach that helps you navigate change with awareness and a lot of self-compassion. Instead of being tossed around by emotional storms, like a ship that lost its anchor, this approach gives you tools to acknowledge, understand, and nurture yourself through life’s toughest transitions, or ‘life quakes’ as I’ve decided to call them.

What is the R.A.I.N. method?

R.A.I.N. is a mindfulness-based method designed to help us manage our emotions. The acronym stands for:

• Recognise: Acknowledge what is happening inside us, including our emotions, thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations.
• Allow: Accept these emotions as they are, without trying to change or avoid them. By allowing our feelings, we gain clarity about what’s driving our decisions.
• Investigate: Explore the emotions with curiosity and care, asking questions about what they might need or want.  Investigating our fears allows us to identify specific concerns, enabling us to address them strategically.
• Nurture: This as about offering ourselves compassion and kindness, reminding ourselves that it’s okay to make mistakes and learn from them, and treating ourselves as we would a close friend who is going through something similar.

In her book, Radical Compassion, Tara Brach talks about R.A.I.N. as an easy-to-learn four-step technique that quickly loosens the suffocating grip of difficult emotions and limiting beliefs. Each step (Recognise, Allow, Investigate, Nurture) is brought to life by memorable stories shared by Tara and her students as they deal with overwhelming feelings. Tara’s structured approach is a particularly valuable tool during major life changes, as it provides a technique that helps us manage the complex emotions that often arise during life transitions.

During my From Troubled to Triumphant Transformational Retreats, the R.A.I.N method provides my guests with a practical framework to process their most challenging emotions. By recognising their feelings, allowing themselves to feel without judgment, investigating underlying beliefs and fears, and nurturing themselves with self-compassion, R.A.I.N helps them move from emotional overwhelm to a place of clarity and resilience. This approach empowers them to cope with whatever changes they need to, leaving them with a renewed sense of self and a life skill they can use during future life transitions.

How can the RAIN method support you through significant life changes?

Working through the steps below can make a life transition feel less threatening ( see examples of how to use this method during a divorce, a career change, a move to another city/country etc.) :

Recognise: Getting Clear on What’s Really Going On

The first step in the RAIN method is to recognise. This means tuning into what’s happening inside and identifying the specific emotions that are surfacing — be it anxiety, anger, fear, excitement, or even grief. You can use an emotion wheel to expand your emotional vocabulary (click on the link to download this resource.) Take a moment to acknowledge your thoughts and beliefs about the transition including any worries or expectations you might have. Notice, too, what’s going on in your body. Are you feeling tension, restlessness, or other sensations? Recognising what’s really going on helps you avoid feeling overwhelmed or disconnected from your experience.

Allowing: Making Room for the Messy Bits

The second RAIN step is to allow — not to pretend it’s easy, but to make space for it. Allowing means accepting that change, along with all the emotions it stirs up, is a part of life. It’s natural to feel resistant, but embracing this step can help you reduce the pushback, which only adds to the stress. Think of this as creating a no-judgment zone for every feeling you have, even the ones that seem to contradict each other. Allowing doesn’t mean you have to like what’s happening, but it can save you from wasting your energy in a battle against reality.

Investigating: Looking Deeper

Next comes investigation. This step is about uncovering the root causes behind your emotional responses. Are there old beliefs or fears lurking that might be shaping your reaction? Maybe you’ll discover something positive about this transition that’s been hiding in the background. By being curious, you’re not only learning more about the situation but also gaining new insights into yourself. Investigation can turn a bewildering change into an opportunity to understand, adjust, and maybe even find a silver lining.

Nurturing: Caring for Yourself Through Change

Finally, there’s the nurturing step, the part where you get to treat yourself with compassion. Big changes can be tough, and nurturing yourself allows you to acknowledge that truth. Start by asking what you need to feel more supported or stable. By tending to yourself with patience, you can find moments of calm and even a touch of comfort in the middle of all the chaos. Nurturing isn’t just about surviving the shift; it’s about giving yourself the care and support you’d offer a friend in the same situation.

Applying the RAIN method to your experiences during a major life change makes it a bit easier to cope with the transition. This technique helps you stay grounded in the present moment while processing the complex emotions that often accompany significant life changes.

Major life changes can be overwhelming, and it’s okay to seek additional support from friends, family, or professionals as you go through this transition. The RAIN technique can be a valuable tool in your emotional toolkit, complementing other forms of support and self-care during this time.

Examples of how you can apply the RAIN technique during specific major life changes:

Example 1: Moving to a New City

• Recognise: You notice feelings of excitement mixed with anxiety. Thoughts like “What if I don’t make friends?” arise. You feel butterflies in your stomach.
• Allow: You acknowledge these feelings are normal for a big move. You let yourself feel both the excitement and the nervousness without trying to push either away.
• Investigate: You explore the anxiety and realise it stems from past experiences of feeling lonely in new situations. You also recognise the excitement comes from opportunities for growth and new experiences.
• Nurture: You remind yourself of past successes in adapting to new environments. You might say to yourself, “It’s okay to feel nervous. I know that I’m capable of making new connections and creating a home here.”

Example 2: Career Change

• Recognise: You identify feelings of fear and self-doubt. Thoughts like “Am I making a mistake here?” surface. You notice tension in your shoulders.
• Allow: You accept that it’s normal to feel uncertain about a big career shift. You let the fear and doubt be present without trying to argue them away.
• Investigate: Exploring deeper, you realize the fear is connected to financial security concerns. The self-doubt relates to imposter syndrome in your new field.
• Nurture: You reassure yourself: “It’s brave to make this change. I have valuable skills to offer, and I can learn what I don’t know yet. I’m taking steps to ensure my financial stability during this transition.”

Example 3: Going Through a Divorce

• Recognise: You notice feelings of grief, anger, and relief. Thoughts about failure and future loneliness arise. You feel a heaviness in your chest.
• Allow: You acknowledge that divorce brings a complex mix of emotions. You allow yourself to feel the full range without judging yourself for any of them.
• Investigate: Exploring further, you realize the grief is not just for the relationship, but for the future you had imagined. The anger relates to unmet needs in the relationship. The relief comes from ending a situation that wasn’t serving you.
• Nurture: You offer yourself compassion: “This is a difficult time, and it’s okay to have mixed feelings. I’m doing the best I can to take care of myself and move forward. I am worthy of love and happiness.”

Example 4: Becoming a Parent

• Recognise: You notice feelings of joy, overwhelm, and fear. Thoughts like “Will I be a good parent?” come up. You feel a mix of excitement and fatigue in your body.
• Allow: You accept that becoming a parent brings a wide range of emotions. You let yourself feel the joy alongside the worry without trying to only focus on the positive.
• Investigate: Digging deeper, you realize the fear stems from your own childhood experiences. The overwhelm relates to the significant life change and new responsibilities.
• Nurture: You comfort yourself: “It’s natural to feel both excited and scared. I’m learning and growing into this new role. I have support and resources to help me, and it’s okay to take it one day at a time.”

Example 5: Starting a Business

• Recognise: You notice feelings of excitement, fear, and self-doubt. Thoughts like “What if I fail?” and “Am I ready for this?” come to mind. You feel a mix of energy and tension in your body.
• Allow: You acknowledge that it’s normal to feel a combination of excitement and fear when embarking on a new venture. You allow yourself to experience these emotions without trying to suppress or ignore them.
• Investigate: As you explore these feelings, you realize that the fear of failure stems from past experiences where things didn’t go as planned. The excitement is tied to your passion for your business idea and the potential for independence and creativity.
• Nurture: You offer yourself reassurance: “Starting a business is a brave step, and it’s okay to feel uncertain. I have skills and resources that can help me succeed. It’s natural to face challenges, but I can learn and adapt along the way.”

What makes the RAIN method difficult to use?

When you start to use the RAIN technique, you may encounter several challenges. One of the main difficulties is actually recognising your emotions. Many people struggle with this first step – identifying what they’re feeling, often due to a lack of emotional vocabulary, a tendency to intellectualise rather than feel emotions, or difficulty distinguishing between thoughts and feelings. To overcome this, it can be helpful to practice mindfulness regularly and use an emotion wheel to expand your emotional vocabulary.

Another significant challenge is resistance to allowing. The “Allow” step can be particularly difficult due to the strong urge to fix, change, or avoid uncomfortable emotions. You may judge yourself for having certain feelings or fear that allowing an emotion will make it overwhelming or permanent. It’s important to remember that allowing doesn’t mean liking or agreeing with the emotion; it’s simply creating space for it to exist.

Impatience with the process is also common. The RAIN technique takes time and practice to master, and many people expect immediate results or relief. You may rush through the steps without fully engaging or give up if it doesn’t work right away.

The “Nurture” step can be challenging for those not used to self-compassion. You may feel undeserving of self-compassion, experience discomfort with directing kindness towards yourself, or mistake self-compassion for self-pity or self-indulgence. Starting small with self-compassion activities and remembering that it’s a skill that can be developed can help overcome this hurdle.

During the “Investigate” step, overanalysing can be a common pitfall. You might get caught in a loop of mental analysis, lose touch with bodily sensations, or judge and criticise what you discover. To address this, it’s important to focus on staying connected to your body and approaching the investigation with curiosity rather than judgment.

The final step of non-identification can be conceptually challenging for many. You may struggle to separate yourself from your emotions or thoughts, feel that non-identification means detachment or apathy, or have difficulty understanding what “natural awareness” feels like. This step often becomes easier with practice. Non-identification doesn’t mean not caring, but rather not being completely defined by or caught up in the experience.

Being aware of these common challenges, helps you to approach the RAIN technique with more patience and insight. Remember that like any skill, it takes time and practice to become proficient. Be gentle with yourself as you learn and grow through the process.

“A pause is a suspension of activity, a time of temporary disengagement when we are no longer moving toward any goal. . . . The pause can occur in the midst of almost any activity and can last for an instant, for hours or for seasons of our life. . . . We may pause in the midst of meditation to let go of thoughts and reawaken our attention to the breath. We may pause by stepping out of daily life to go on a retreat or to spend time in nature or to take a sabbatical. . . . You might try it now: Stop reading and sit there, doing “no thing,” and simply notice what you are experiencing.” — Tara Brach

Research?

While the RAIN method is widely used and recommended by many mental health professionals, there has been limited formal research specifically on its efficacy. While not a substitute for empirical research, it’s worth noting that the RAIN technique has been endorsed and promoted by respected psychologists and mindfulness experts like Tara Brach and Michele McDonald.

Despite its popularity and theoretical grounding, there is a clear need for more rigorous, controlled studies specifically examining the efficacy of RAIN as a complete technique. Such research could help establish its effectiveness compared to other interventions and identify for whom it might be most beneficial.

While the individual components of RAIN are supported by research, and there is significant anecdotal evidence for its effectiveness, more dedicated studies on the technique as a whole would be valuable to fully understand its impact and potential applications in mental health treatment.

Focus on what matters most to You

Sometimes life feels like an out-of-control carnival – especially to us introverts – lights flashing, crowds pushing, the whole place buzzing with deafening noise. Somehow, you’re supposed to stay balanced, find your way, and maybe even enjoy the ride. That’s modern life. Now, picture someone gliding through all that with clarity, intention, determination, and an unmistakable glow of fulfilment. That’s a purpose-driven woman.

But what does it really mean to be purpose-driven? Spoiler: it’s not just about clocking into a job or chasing your pre-packaged “passion.” It goes much deeper. A purpose-driven woman lives with intention, clarity, and deep connection to her core values. She isn’t simply moving through life checking boxes or meeting others’ expectations – she’s actively creating a life that aligns with her deepest calling and her unique gifts.

It’s more than a title. It’s a lifestyle, a mindset, a quiet superpower in a world that can’t sit still.

What is a Purpose-Driven Woman?

A purpose-driven woman is someone who lives in alignment with her values and personal goals, shaping her actions around a deeply held sense of meaning. She is motivated not just by external success but by an internal compass that guides her choices. These women often find that their purpose is woven into their work, relationships, and contributions to the world.

Purpose-driven women share several key characteristics:

Clear Values and Vision: Take Maria, a former corporate executive who realised her true purpose lay in sustainable agriculture. Rather than continuing on a conventional path, she now runs an organic farm that employs and empowers other women. Her clarity of purpose guides every decision she makes.

Impact-Focused Action: Consider Sarah, a teacher who recognized that her purpose extended beyond classroom walls. She created after-school mentoring programs that have transformed hundreds of young lives. Purpose-driven women understand that their actions ripple outward, affecting their communities and beyond.

Authentic Leadership: Elena leads a tech startup not just for profit, but to increase diversity in STEM fields. Her purpose shapes her leadership style, hiring practices, and company culture. She measures success not only in numbers but in lives changed.

Contribute to their Communities: Take Emily, a woman in her 40s who decided to shift from her high-pressure corporate career to open a cosy bookshop and coffee corner. For Emily, this transition represented more than just a career change; it was about creating a community space where people could find comfort and connection. Her purpose became about building a nurturing environment where individuals could pause and feel welcome—transforming her work into a meaningful journey that inspires and uplifts others.

Does investing in Life Purpose discovery have significant long-term benefits?

Living with purpose doesn’t just make life more fulfilling; it provides inspiration, motivation and direction in difficult times, makes it easier to make decisions, eradicates procrastination, offers resilience during life transitions, and leads to greater life satisfaction. Research published in the Journal of Positive Psychology (2018) demonstrated that purpose-driven individuals showed greater resilience to stress and are more likely to experience greater satisfaction and are better equipped to handle stress.

For women, especially those navigating major life changes such as a career shift, empty nesting, or a new relationship status, purpose offers a steady ground—a reason to keep going even when the road ahead feels uncertain. Research also suggests that investing in purpose discovery can have significant long-term benefits for women’s personal and professional lives. Gender & Society Journal (2017) published research specifically examining how women’s sense of purpose correlates with leadership effectiveness and career advancement. A study in Women & Health (2019) found that women with a strong sense of purpose reported better work-life balance and lower burnout rates. A study in the Journal of Business Ethics (2019) showed that purpose-driven women entrepreneurs were more likely to create sustainable businesses with positive social impact.

How can a Camino de Santiago Walking Retreats Help You Find Your Purpose?

Attending a Camino de Santiago walking retreat in the southwest of France offers a unique opportunity for self-discovery and clarity. Away from the daily demands and distractions, these retreats encourage reflection and allow participants to connect with their inner selves. Walking through nature, with the quiet of the Camino trail, provides space for introspection and a chance to see life from a new perspective. The T2T retreat is the most popular with those going through life transitions:

The Camino experience has a way of stripping away what isn’t essential, helping you focus on what truly matters. You’ll have the chance to explore questions like “What gives me energy?” and “How do I want to show up in the world?” Over the course of the retreat, many women begin to see patterns and feel a pull toward certain directions, gaining valuable insights into what purpose means for them personally.

Participants leave these retreats with:

• A clear understanding of their core purpose
• An action plan for implementing changes
• Practical tools for purpose-driven decision-making
• A supportive network of like-minded women
• Renewed energy and commitment

Transformational Stories from the Camino

Jennifer’s Journey: From Burnout to Breakthrough

“I arrived on the Camino feeling exhausted and disconnected from my life’s work as a healthcare administrator. The combination of daily walking meditation, skilled guidance, and deep conversations with other women helped me recognize that my true purpose wasn’t just managing healthcare – it was transforming it. Since the retreat, I’ve launched a successful healthcare advocacy program for underserved communities. The Camino didn’t just help me find my purpose; it gave me the courage to pursue it.”

Rachel’s Renaissance: Rediscovering Creativity

“At 45, I felt stuck in a successful but soulless corporate career. The Camino retreat created space for me to reconnect with my abandoned dreams of artistic expression. Walking through ancient villages and sharing stories with other women awakened something I’d long forgotten. Today, I run a thriving art therapy practice, helping others heal through creativity. The retreat showed me that purpose isn’t about choosing between security and passion – it’s about finding ways to bring them together.”

Maya’s Metamorphosis: From Empty Nest to New Beginning

“When my youngest left for college, I felt lost. The Camino retreat came at exactly the right time. Through guided reflections and the simple act of putting one foot in front of another, I discovered a calling to work with other women in transition. The community of women I met showed me that my experience could be a gift to others. Now I lead women’s circles and mentor others through life transitions. My empty nest became a launching pad for something beautiful.”

Finding one’s purpose isn’t a destination but a journey. The Camino walking retreat offers women a profound first step or a meaningful reset on this lifelong path. By combining ancient wisdom with modern facilitation, physical challenge with spiritual growth, and solitude with community, these retreats create the perfect conditions for purpose to emerge and take root.

As you consider your own journey toward purpose-driven living, remember that every great adventure begins with a single step. The Camino awaits.

If an in-person retreat isn’t feasible, consider enrolling in the Rearing to Get Going in a New Direction: Finding Your Life Purpose Guided by Horses online course, inspired by the wisdom of horses. While this course doesn’t involve direct contact with horses, allows you to explore your values and goals in a self-paced format, uncovering insights that help you move forward in your personal and professional life. It’s ideal for anyone looking to reconnect with their inner purpose and approach their future with fresh motivation, especially during a life transition.

Final Thoughts

A purpose-driven woman isn’t born overnight, but by stepping out of your usual surroundings and engaging in a retreat like the Camino, you open yourself to the clarity and courage it takes to live life on your terms. Whether you’re contemplating a big change, searching for a deeper connection with yourself, or simply feeling “stuck,” a Camino de Santiago walking retreat or a Finding Your Life Purpose Guided by Horses online course offers the time and support to reconnect with what matters most.

The key is for you to discover what you love to do, what you were created to do, and then do it for the people around you with love. That is the abundant life, dear girl, no matter where in the world you live. –Robin Jones Gunn

Reconstruct Your Story, Reconstruct Your Future

We are all living in a movie we scripted ourselves. Every setback, every triumph, every “I’m not good enough,” and “this is just the way I am”— we have written into our stories ourselves.

But what if the version you are telling yourself is just spinning you in circles and chaining you to a narrative that doesn’t serve you anymore?

The beauty of life transitions—whether it’s a new job, a breakup, a move, or a mid-life pivot—is they’re natural rewrites. Big, bold chances to look at the old script and say, “I’m tired of this version. Let’s spice it up.”

Rewriting your story doesn’t mean you have to start telling lies. It means changing how you frame your plot twists. Instead of “I failed,” how about “I found out what doesn’t work?” Instead of “I’m too old for this,” try “I’m finally ready for this.”

So, as life leads you into your next chapter, don’t let old narratives dictate the plot. You’re the author here. Choose words that open doors. Give yourself a character arc that grows, learns, and defies expectations. Because the stories we tell ourselves shape our reality more profoundly than we often realise. These personal narratives aren’t simply memories of past events—they’re the lens through which we interpret our experiences, make decisions, and envision our future. During life transitions, whether chosen or thrust upon us, we have a unique opportunity to examine and reshape these stories.

The Power of Personal Narratives

Our internal narratives often begin forming in childhood, influenced by family dynamics, cultural expectations, and early experiences. We might tell ourselves: “I’m not good with money,” “I always take care of others first,” or “I’m not creative.” These stories become self-fulfilling prophecies, quietly guiding our choices and limiting our potential.

Consider how different the same life events can appear through different narrative lenses:

• Career Transition
  • Old Story: “I’m too old to start over. Changing careers at 40 is irresponsible.”
  • New Story: “My years of experience give me unique insights. Starting fresh now means I bring wisdom to my new path.”
• Relationship Changes
  • Old Story: “My divorce means I’m bad at relationships and will always be alone.”
  • New Story: “Through this experience, I’ve learned what I need in a partner and how to be a better one myself.”
• Health Challenges
  • Old Story: “This diagnosis means my life is over. I’ll never be the person I was.”
  • New Story: “This challenge is teaching me resilience and helping me prioritize what truly matters.”

Recognising the Need for New Stories

Life transitions—whether graduating, changing careers, ending relationships, or entering new life stages—create natural pause points for narrative revision. These moments of disruption, while often uncomfortable, provide fertile ground for questioning our long-held assumptions about who we are and who we might become.

To start, identify the limiting stories you’ve been telling yourself. Ask yourself questions like:

• “What beliefs do I have about who I am?”
• “Where did this belief come from?”
• “Does this story help me or limit me?”

This reflection can be eye-opening. Perhaps you’ve been telling yourself you’re “too old to start over” or “not the kind of person who takes risks.” Write these down and challenge them. Try to see these beliefs as temporary thoughts, not truths set in stone.

Let’s dissect a common limiting narrative to understand its components:

“I never (absolute language) finish what I start. I get excited about new projects, but eventually I lose interest (self-fulfilling prediction.) That’s just who I am (fixed mindset) —someone who can’t follow through (dismissal of past successes.)”

Signs that your current narrative needs rewriting:

• You frequently use phrases like “I always” or “I never”
• Your story feels inherited rather than lived
• Your narrative creates feelings of helplessness rather than agency
• Past difficulties dominate your story, overshadowing potential futures

The Art of Narrative Reconstruction

Rewriting our stories isn’t about denial or toxic positivity—it’s about finding new meaning in our past experiences. It isn’t about ignoring the past; it’s about reinterpreting it. Every experience has shaped who you are, but it doesn’t define who you will be. You need to create a story that feels right for where you are now.

Life transitions are challenging, yes, but they’re also powerful opportunities for transformation. When you take charge of your narrative, you construct a foundation for a future filled with possibility, fulfilment, and authenticity. Rewrite your story—and watch your life transform. Here’s how to begin:

1. Examine Your Current Story: Start by writing down your current narrative without judgment. What themes emerge? Which parts feel true to your authentic self, and which feel imposed by others?

2. Identify Turning Points: Look for moments when you defied your own expectations or demonstrated strengths you didn’t know you had. These exceptions to your usual narrative offer seeds for new stories.

3. Expand Your Narrative Vocabulary: Instead of “failure,” consider “learning experience.” Replace “stuck” with “gathering momentum.” The language we use shapes the stories we can tell.

4. Rewrite with Affirmations: If you’ve believed that “I’m too late to make a change,” replace it with “I’m capable of growth and reinvention at any stage of life.”

5. Commit to Small Changes: Start with small actions that align with your new narrative. If your story is “I’m too shy to network,” challenge yourself to start conversations in familiar settings or online communities. Each small step is a victory that reinforces your new story.

6. Create Future-Focused Stories: While honouring your past, craft narratives that point toward possibility rather than limitation. Ask yourself:

• What story would I tell if I believed anything was possible?
• How might my future self interpret current challenges?
• What strengths am I developing through this transition?

Example: The Career Changer

Original Limiting Story: “I’ve jumped between three different careers. I’m flaky and unfocused. No one will ever take me seriously.”

Reframed Story: “I’ve had the courage to pursue growth and learning across multiple fields. Each career shift has expanded my skillset and perspective. I bring unique cross-disciplinary insights to my work. My adaptability is my strength.”

How to find Supporting Evidence:

• List specific skills gained from each career
• Identify patterns of success across different roles
• Note instances where diverse experience led to innovative solutions

Moving Forward with New Stories

Implementing new narratives requires patience and practice. Start small, perhaps by reframing one aspect of your story. Notice how this shift affects your decisions and interactions. Share your new narrative with trusted friends who can reflect it back to you.

Rewriting your life story can feel intimidating, especially if the old story has been with you for many years.

Remember that your story is never finished—it’s a living document that grows and evolves with you. Each transition offers a chance to revise and expand your narrative, creating a story that better serves your growth and aspirations.

The most powerful stories are those that acknowledge both challenges and triumphs, that make room for both vulnerability and strength. By consciously crafting our narratives during life transitions, we don’t just tell different stories—we open ourselves to living different, more fulfilling lives.

As you begin this process of narrative revision, be gentle with yourself. The old stories served a purpose, protecting and guiding you to this point. Now, with wisdom and intention, you can create new stories that illuminate the path ahead, stories worthy of the life you’re stepping into.

Try one or more of these journaling prompts designed to help you explore and rewrite your stories:

1. Identify Your Limiting Stories

• Prompt: “Reflect on a transition you’re currently experiencing or have recently gone through. What are the main stories you’ve been telling yourself about this situation? How do these stories make you feel? Are there recurring beliefs or phrases (e.g., ‘I’m not good enough anymore’) that come up in your thoughts? Write about where these beliefs might have originated and how they’ve influenced your actions.”
• Purpose: This prompt helps you bring to light any limiting beliefs embedded in your self-narrative. By identifying their origins, you can start to recognise that these stories are not permanent truths but simply your past interpretations.

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2. Challenge Your Old Story

• Prompt: “Choose one limiting belief you’ve discovered. Imagine a friend has shared this same belief with you, word for word. What would you say to them? How would you help them see themselves and their situation differently? Write down an alternative story that refutes your limiting belief, one that highlights your strengths, resilience, or the unique qualities you bring to this transition.”
• Purpose: This exercise can reveal different perspectives. By viewing the story as if it belonged to a friend, you’re more likely to see it with understanding and compassion, which can help you challenge and reshape your own narrative.

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3. Envision Your New Chapter

• Prompt: “Visualise yourself a year from now, having moved through this transition and let go of your limiting beliefs. What does your life look like? Describe the version of yourself who has embraced this new story—how do they act, what choices do they make, and how do they feel about themselves and their future? Write about specific changes in mindset or lifestyle that reflect this new chapter.”
• Purpose: Visualisation can powerfully impact your motivation and help you see a clear picture of where you want to be. This prompt gives you the space to imagine a future where you’ve fully embraced a more empowering story.

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4. Set Small, Aligned Goals

• Prompt: “Looking at the new story you’ve begun to create, brainstorm one or two small, achievable goals that would support this narrative. How will each goal bring you closer to the version of yourself you’re working to become? Consider any actions, routines, or conversations that align with these goals and represent your new story.”
• Purpose: Goals help bring your new narrative into reality. By setting small, actionable steps that reflect your rewritten story, you reinforce it and build momentum for larger changes.

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5. Reflect on the Role of Support in Your New Story

• Prompt: “Who in your life would support you in this new chapter? Reflect on the people, communities, or resources that could strengthen your journey. How can you let them be part of your story, whether by sharing your goals or seeking advice? Write about what kind of support you’ll invite into your life as you continue this transition.”
• Purpose: This prompt reminds you that rewriting your story doesn’t have to be a solo journey. By considering your support network, you open yourself to encouragement, accountability, and different perspectives that can keep you on track as you navigate your new narrative.

These prompts offer a framework to help you gently dismantle old beliefs and welcome a story that reflects who you truly want to be. Journaling your way through these exercises can serve as a guide, helping you discover the narrative that aligns with the future you’re working toward.

Final Thoughts

So here’s the punchline: the story you tell yourself is as flexible as you are. You’re not bound to a script that no longer fits; you’re the editor-in-chief, the screenwriter, and the hero of your own life movie. Every time you pick up that journal, you’re not just putting pen to paper—you’re re-casting the characters, setting new plot twists, and crafting a narrative that’s fully yours. So go ahead, rewrite your story into one you’d actually love to live. After all, why settle for a plot that’s long past its prime?

The Anti-Ageing Benefits of Travel

Forget the wrinkle creams and kale smoothies. If you really want to stay young, start packing your bags. Travelling isn’t just about sightseeing—it’s a full-on youth serum disguised as an epic adventure.

Why jet-setting and jaw-dropping sights are more effective and beneficial than Botox:

• Travelling Boosts Creativity Travel exposes you to new landscapes, architecture, art, and traditions, which can inspire your creativity. These new experiences encourage divergent thinking, helping you approach problems with fresh, innovative solutions.
• It Builds Emotional Resilience When you travel, things don’t always go as planned. Facing unexpected challenges, such as language barriers or finding your way in a new city, teaches you how to adapt and stay calm under pressure. Building emotional resilience helps reduce stress and keeps you youthful and adaptable.
• It Facilitates Mindfulness Traveling invites you to be fully present in the moment, whether you’re watching a sunset or enjoying a local delicacy. Practices like walking meditation, which I incorporate in my Camino de Santiago hiking adventures, help travellers slow down and appreciate their surroundings, promoting mindfulness, which has been shown to prolong cognitive youth.
• It Strengthens your Immune System Being exposed to different environments and microorganisms helps diversify your body’s immune response. While this doesn’t mean you will never get sick, regular travel can bolster your immune system by introducing it to new challenges, ultimately making it more robust and resilient.
• It Increases Longevity!!! Several studies suggest that people who travel frequently live longer. This could be due to a combination of factors such as reduced stress, increased physical activity, social interaction, and mental stimulation. The joy and excitement of discovering new places can also add to a sense of fulfilment, which is essential for a long, happy life.
• Travelling Stimulates the Brain Travel provides constant opportunities to challenge and engage your brain. Whether you’re navigating an unfamiliar city, learning a few phrases in a new language, or assimilating cultural differences, these novel experiences stimulate cognitive function. This mental exercise keeps your brain active and agile, which is crucial for long-term cognitive health. In fact, regularly stepping out of your comfort zone can enhance memory and problem-solving skills, helping you stay sharp and youthful.
• It Promotes Physical Health Many forms of travel naturally incorporate physical activity—whether it’s walking through a vibrant city, hiking in nature, or exploring historical landmarks. This movement improves cardiovascular health, boosts energy levels, and helps maintain flexibility and strength. My Camino de Santiago walking retreats, for example, provide a perfect balance of gentle, sustained activity that promotes both physical fitness and a deeper connection with your body, which can contribute to a more youthful physique.
• It Reduces Stress Breaking away from the stress of daily life is one of the most rejuvenating aspects of travel. Changing your environment and routine allows your mind to relax, reducing levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which can otherwise age both body and mind. Whether you’re unwinding in a peaceful, natural setting or simply enjoying new experiences, travel offers an opportunity to reset, refresh, and reduce the mental and emotional load that can accumulate over time.
• It Fosters Social Connections While travel offers a sense of independence, it also provides opportunities for meaningful social interactions, whether with fellow travellers or locals. Engaging with others in new, stimulating environments can boost emotional well-being and even extend your lifespan. For introverts, the small, intimate groups in my retreats offer a comfortable setting to connect without feeling overwhelmed, enhancing a sense of belonging, which contributes to overall happiness and a youthful spirit.
• It Shifts Your Perspective Travel allows you to see the world from new angles, providing valuable perspective shifts that keep your mind adaptable. Encountering different cultures, lifestyles, and viewpoints broadens your understanding of the world and makes you more open-minded. This kind of mental flexibility is often associated with youth, as it encourages curiosity and a willingness to learn, helping you approach life’s challenges with fresh insight.
• It Ignites Personal Growth Every trip is a chance to grow. Travel pushes you to step outside your routine, often leading to moments of self-discovery. Especially during life transitions, travel can offer clarity and direction, helping you reassess your priorities and discover new passions. In my From Troubled to Triumphant: How to Find Solid Ground during a Life Quake Transformational retreats, this sense of exploration encourages personal growth, helping people reconnect with their purpose, which fosters a youthful sense of renewal and vitality.

These aspects of travel—mental stimulation, physical activity, stress reduction, social interaction, perspective shifts, and personal growth—work together to rejuvenate your mind, body and probably your soul too, keeping you feeling vibrantly alive, energised, and resilient. So, if you’re serious about staying young, stop Googling “anti-ageing hacks” and start planning your next trip.

As a retreat leader, I have seen the anti-ageing effects of travelling firsthand in my retreat participants. There is no upper age limit to the attendance of my retreats, the oldest guest I had was an 84-year-old writer, on one of my Walking and Writing retreats. As all my retreat activities are optional, it was up to her to decide if she wanted to do the Camino de Santiago walks and interact with the horses. She chose to do two of the Camino walks and thoroughly enjoyed herself. She was a bit stiff the day after the second walk, but took it all in her stride (pun intended.) Same with the mindfulness and meditation with horses activities – I suggested various options to her and she chose which activities she wanted to engage in. She said afterwards that she felt an instant connection with Tooske, one of my Friesian mares, whose dark eyes mirrored back a peace that she hadn’t felt since… well, she couldn’t remember when. She breathed with the mare, grounding herself, and for the first time in months, she felt her shoulders, riddled with arthritis, relax. Although she did not come up against ageism at my retreat, she shared that it had happened when she travelled in the past.

Travelling might well have anti-ageing benefits, as long as ageism doesn’t prevent older people from travelling.

How Ageism prevents Older Tourists from benefitting from the Anti-Ageing Effects of Travel

Ageism can cast a shadow on the travel experiences of older adults, impacting everything from activity options to social interactions.

One of the common ways ageism surfaces in tourism is through stereotyping and prejudice. Many older travellers report instances where tourism providers assume they won’t be interested in—or capable of—certain activities. This stereotyping can result in patronising behaviour or dismissive attitudes, which in turn may severely affect an older traveller’s enjoyment.

Experiencing ageism can chip away at self-esteem, affecting how older adults perceive themselves and their place in the world. If age-based assumptions persist, travellers may start to feel self-conscious or avoid participating in activities, diminishing their travelling experiences.

Another serious aspect of ageism in travel is its impact on health and safety concerns. Ageist attitudes can mean that the needs of older adults are overlooked, leading to a lack of thoughtful planning or accommodations that do not take older tourists’ physical or health-related needs into account. This oversight can add unnecessary stress or even put travellers at risk, undermining what should be an enriching and beneficial experience (as detailed in the first half of this article.

These issues don’t just affect how older adults feel during their travels; they can also influence travel behaviour. The perception or anticipation of ageism can create hesitation to travel or lead to the avoidance of destinations perceived as unwelcoming. In some cases, older travellers may limit social interactions, missing out on the cultural connections that make travel special. This hesitancy can impact their destination choices, preventing them from fully experiencing the anti-ageing benefits of travel.

Ultimately, the psychological effects of ageism—whether felt in subtle or direct ways—can increase travel-related stress levels and even lead to internalised stereotypes.

Bit of a catch-22, it seems.

By developing more inclusive and age-friendly travel options, the industry can ensure that all travellers, regardless of age, can explore the world in a way that feels safe, invigorating and rejuvenating.

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We travel, initially, to lose ourselves; and we travel, next to find ourselves. We travel to open our hearts and eyes and learn more about the world than our newspapers will accommodate. We travel to bring what little we can, in our ignorance and knowledge, to those parts of the globe whose riches are differently dispersed. And we travel, in essence, to become young fools again- to slow time down and get taken in, and fall in love once more.― Pico Iyer

Research

While several studies suggest the potential benefits of travel on ageing and health, they do not yet provide conclusive proof that travelling directly keeps people young. Many of the proposed benefits are indirect, stemming from factors like increased physical activity, social interaction, and exposure to new experiences that often accompany travel. Additionally, the impact of travel on ageing likely varies significantly based on the type of travel, individual health status, and other lifestyle factors. More direct, long-term studies comparing travellers to non-travellers would be needed to establish a stronger scientific link between travel and slowed ageing.

Ageism in tourism is a recognised issue affecting both older travellers’ experiences and industry practices. Research has focused on understanding the causes of ageism, its impacts on senior tourists, and potential interventions to create more inclusive tourism experiences.

A study by Kökény et al. (2023) introduced the concept of “ageism in tourism” and empirically tested it using intergroup contact theory. They explored factors that cause young people to display ageist attitudes toward older tourists, finding that contact quality with older adults impacts ageism in tourism. The study recommended educational and intergenerational contact interventions to reduce ageism in the tourism industry.

Przybysz et al. examined tourism-related needs in the context of seniors’ living and social conditions. They discussed how health concerns and negative stereotypes can impact seniors’ participation in tourism. The study emphasized the importance of counteracting age-related stereotypes and stigmatization to encourage senior tourism.

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The Search for Meaning During Life Transitions

Alright, so here you are—smack in the middle of a life transition. Maybe you’ve just left a job you had thought would be the job of all jobs. Maybe the relationship you’d bet everything on crumbled faster than a chocolate chip cookie. Or perhaps your kids just moved out, and you’re standing there in the middle of your empty house, wondering, What now?

Life transitions have this irritating tendency to bring up those annoying, existential questions, like this one: Is my life meaningful?

Well, is it? Was it? Can it still be?

The Myth of Constantly Needing to live a Meaning Life

First off, let’s debunk a common myth: Your life doesn’t have to feel meaningful 24/7 365 days/year for it to be meaningful.

We’ve been sold this ridiculous idea that we should wake up every morning feeling like Tony Robbins on a triple espresso, ready to conquer the day with fiery purpose.

Here’s the truth: Meaning ebbs and flows. It’s not a permanent state of being. It’s more like the tide—sometimes it’s rushing in, and other times it pulls back so far you’re left staring at the rocks wondering where on earth the water went.

But that doesn’t mean the ocean has evaporated. It’s still there. just like meaning is still there, waiting for the right moment to come rushing back.

Transitions Make You Feel Like You’re Drowning—In Shallow Water

Life transitions have a sneaky way of making us feel like we’re in at the deep end without a life buoy. And in those moments, everything feels uncertain. You start asking big questions: What does it all mean?

Life doesn’t lose all meaning when you are going through a transition. Transitions are where meaning is born. Every major shift, every time you’ve been shoved into uncomfortable new territory, you’re given the chance to reexamine, redefine, and reshape what gives your life purpose.

Think back to the last time you went through a big change. Maybe it was terrifying. Maybe you flailed around for a while, questioning everything. But what happened? Eventually, you found your footing. And with that, a new spark of meaning flickered into existence.

That’s what transitions do. They tear down the old so you can build something new—something more aligned with who you are now.

Stop Hunting for Meaning Like It’s an Undelivered Amazon Package

Here’s another mistake we make: We treat meaning like it’s something we can check off our to-do list. Like, once we find it, it’ll arrive at our door in a neat little box and we can keep it forever. Sorry to break it to you, but that’s not how this works.

Meaning isn’t some external prize waiting to be discovered. It’s not sitting on top of a mountain, shining at the end of a job title, throbbing in the heart of a relationship, or flashing at the end of an address like a coveted zip code. It’s something you cultivate. It’s an inside job.

You’re probably already living a life full of meaning. You just don’t realise it because you’re too busy scanning the horizon for something bigger, better and shinier.

The Power of Micro-Meaning

If you’re in the midst of a transition, it’s easy to lose sight of the small stuff that gives your life meaning. But here’s the hack: start looking for micro-meanings. These are the tiny, everyday things that matter, even if they don’t come with a breathtaking firework display.

It’s the way you made your friends laugh when they were having a bad day. It’s that book you can’t stop reading because it’s filling your mind with new ideas. It’s the project you’ve been tinkering with, wanting to make someone’s life easier. It’s taking your other half their first cup of coffee in the morning.

These moments? They’re meaningful. Sometimes, the most meaningful moments come in the simplest smallest packages.

Redefine What Matters To You Now

During a transition, it’s easy to let other people’s definitions of success and meaning creep into your head. Instagram has a field day with that—showing you highlight reels of people who seem to have it all figured out. Spoiler alert: they don’t.

Now’s the perfect time to redefine what matters to you. Not to your parents, not to your friends, not to society. To You. What makes you feel alive? What stirs something deep inside that you can’t quite explain, but you know is important?

Life transitions are your opportunity to start again. You’re not the same person you were five, ten, or twenty years ago. What gives your life meaning has probably changed too.

The Meaning of Your Life Is Evolving

You’re hoping for a lightbulb moment, where suddenly, everything makes sense, and you know exactly what to do next. I know I was, until I discovered that you don’t find meaning by sitting on the sidelines or on the fence. You find it by diving headfirst into life, trying to do things differently, making mistakes, and correcting things along the way.

Every step you take, even the small, reluctant, uncertain ones, in alignment with your values, is what makes your life meaningful. YOU make your life meaningful. Or not.

You’re shedding the old layers, making space for something new. It’s uncomfortable, but it’s essential.

This transition? It’s not meaningless—it’s the construction zone where your life’s next chapter is being built.

I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow; but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing. ― Agatha Christie

So, is your life still meaningful? Absolutely. You can give your life meaning, even in the midst of this chaos.

And if you feel you need a break, away from all the hustle and bustle, come and recharge your batteries here in the sun-drenched southwest of France. Walk part of the Camino de Santiago de Compostela and spend a few days in the presence of my patient, understanding and supportive Friesian and Falabella horses – even if you don’t interact with them at all, just having them around is calming and comforting – on a Stress-busting Camino de Santiago walking retreat to reinvent yourself, rewrite your story and start your sensational next chapter.

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A Roadmap to Resilience

Life transitions, or life quakes, as I like to call them, that mental rollercoaster you didn’t sign up for, but here you are, buckled in, white-knuckling it like you’re on the world’s most terrifying ride.

Ah, life quakes. Those delightful times when everything’s up in the air, and you’re left wondering if someone accidentally hit the “reshuffle” button of your life. Whether you’re changing jobs, moving cities, starting (or ending) a relationship, or just navigating that lovely quarter-life/midlife/three-quarters-life crisis, transitions can feel like you’re juggling swords while riding a unicycle. Blindfolded.

Don’t panic – you’re not just going to survive this—you’re going to rock it. Here’s how:

Step 1: Identify and Accept Your Emotions

First things first: feel all the feelings. You can’t handle what you don’t acknowledge, so if you’re a cocktail of anxiety, excitement, and stress right now, that’s okay. Name your emotions. Are you feeling confused? Scared? Or just really, really angry? Sometimes it’s hard to tell.

Identify those emotions and let ’em out. You’re allowed to ugly cry or yell into a pillow—just get that emotional buildup out of your system. Think of it as clearing out the mental junk drawer so you can find your way through this.

Once you’ve figured it out, do something kind for yourself. A bubble bath, binge-watching your favourite show, listening to that playlist that makes you feel like the main character—you do you. It’s about making sure your emotions don’t turn into an emotional volcano that erupts at the worst possible moment, like mid-Zoom meeting.

Step 2: Focus on What You Can Control

Life’s going haywire, but you know what? You’re still in control of your own actions. Sure, you can’t control the economy, your boss’s mood swings, or the fact that your favourite jeans shrank (blame the dryer), but you can control how you react to the chaos.

You definitely can control whether or not you eat the entire pizza.

Create little routines and focus on daily wins: organizing your desk, cooking yourself a nice meal, or finally unfollowing that person who gives you FOMO every time they post a vacation pic. These small acts of control help ground you when everything else feels like it’s spinning out of control. It’s the small wins that matter right now.

Step 3: Adopt a Flexible Mindset

A life quake is basically a plot twist you didn’t ask for, so roll with it. Stay open to change and adapt, like a ninja. A really chill ninja. When things don’t go as planned—and spoiler alert: they won’t—don’t let it send you tumbling into oblivion. You need to roll with the punches. Got rejected from your dream job? Maybe it’s time to start that side hustle. Apartment fell through? Maybe there’s a better one around the corner. Life’s twists and turns aren’t dead ends; they’re detours.

Step 4: Stop Reminiscing and Ruminating

Here’s the thing: playing the “What If” game or starring in a mental rerun of “My Past Life Was Perfect” doesn’t help. It’s like binge-watching a series you’ve already seen—predictable and not all that entertaining the second time around.

Let go of the past. Yes, I know that’s easier said than done but obsessing over what was keeps you from seeing what could be. Instead of mourning the “good old days,” look at what’s happening right now. Focus on building the new and exciting instead of desperately missing what’s already far behind you.

So no more replays of “The Greatest Hits of My Mistakes” or that highlight reel of “What I should have done instead.” The past? It’s long gone. Focus on the here and now—this is where the magic happens.

Step 5: Seek Support

It’s time to phone a friend. (Cue: Who Wants to Be a Millionaire soundtrack.) You don’t have to go through this crazy quake on your own. Whether it’s your best friend, your mom, or your therapist—connect with your people. These are the ones who will remind you you’re not going nuts, you’re just evolving.

Sometimes you just need a pep talk, a good cry, or a night of takeout and trash TV. And if your support system can’t physically be there, there’s always FaceTime, Zoom, or just old-fashioned venting via long texts/phone calls.

Even if you’re an introvert like me, even if you HATE asking for help, reach out. Call your squad, vent, laugh, cry—just don’t do this alone. Everyone needs their “people,” even if it’s just your pet looking at you like you’ve officially lost it.

Step 6: Be Mindful

Do you know what’s harder than it looks? Staying present. Most of us are either worrying about the future or obsessing about the past during lifequakes, forgetting that life’s happening right now. The antidote? Mindfulness.

And no, you don’t have to meditate for hours on a remote mountaintop. It’s as simple as taking five deep breaths when you’re stressed or noticing the brilliant blue colour of the sky when you’re on a walk. Mindfulness is about slowing down and being aware of the little things – which are actually the big things. Mindfulness isn’t reserved for gurus or monks. It’s just about slowing down and being present. Right here, right now.

Step 7: Rest

Repeat after me: Rest is not a luxury; it’s a necessity. Yet somehow, we only succumb to sleep when we’re completely wiped out. In times of transition, rest is your best friend. You can’t solve problems when you’re running on empty.

So, give yourself permission to take that nap, close the laptop, and say “no” to that 5th Zoom call of the day. Rest is what recharges you to face the uncertainties ahead. the last time you took a nap that wasn’t immediately followed by guilt? Exactly. Rest is productive. Your brain and body need time to recharge, so give them a break.

Step 8: Invest in Yourself

While you’re waiting for life to settle down again, why not use the time to level up? Who’s the best project you’ll ever work on? You. Take a course, pick up a new skill, or even just binge-read articles on things you’re curious about. Make future-you proud of present-you.

Investing in yourself—whether it’s personal development, self-care, or education—is the best use of your time. Because you’re the one constant in this sticky mess, and the better you feel about yourself, the easier it is to navigate the chaos.

Step 9: Wait Actively

Waiting sucks. I know. Waiting doesn’t have to mean sitting around twiddling your thumbs, hoping for a sign from the universe. It’s about doing what you can while you wait. The trick is to keep moving forward, even if it feels like baby steps.

While you are waiting—whether it’s for a job offer, a decision, or clarity—stay engaged. Read, learn, take care of yourself. You’re building momentum, even when it feels like nothing’s happening. Do something productive – pick up a new hobby, declutter your life, or become a pro at solving crossword puzzles. Waiting doesn’t have to be wasted.

Step 10: Be Grateful

Gratitude is the secret sauce to staying sane when life’s unpredictable.

Okay, I know—gratitude is the advice everyone throws around, but hear me out. There’s science behind it: expressing gratitude actually shifts your brain’s focus from what’s wrong to what’s right.

So, even when life is throwing curveballs, there’s always something to be grateful for, no matter how small. Start with the basics: You’ve got a roof over your head. Your Wi-Fi’s working (most of the time). You’ve got access to memes that make you laugh. It all counts.

Step 11: Help Others

Want to stop stressing about your own life for a second? Help someone else. There’s something about lifting others that lightens your own load. Plus, it reminds you that we’re all struggling in our own ways.

It can be as simple as listening to a friend who’s also having a rough time or helping a stranger carry their groceries. Being there for someone else creates a ripple effect—and you might just find that helping them helps you too.

Sometimes, the best way to get out of your own head is to help someone else with their stuff.

Step 12: Find Meaning

Ah, the existential conundrum. Life quakes often force us to rethink what really matters. When life throws you curveballs, it’s tempting to throw a tantrum right back. Instead, ask yourself “What’s this change trying to tell me?”

Maybe it’s showing you that you’re stronger than you thought. Or that you’re ready for something new. Or that life’s too short to sweat the small stuff. Meaning doesn’t have to be profound—it just has to make sense to you.

Life transitions can be messy, but you can navigate them with a little help from your friends, a lot of patience, and maybe a nap or two.

Wrapping It Up

So—life transitions can be a wild ride. But with these 12 strategies, you’ll get through it, one (sometimes messy) step at a time. Don’t forget: It’s okay to feel all the feelings, stumble through the uncertainty, and laugh at how absurd it all seems sometimes.

Because no matter what life throws at you, you’ve got this. And if all else fails? There’s always pizza. And chocolate. And my personal favourite: Scottish butter tablet. 😉