Imagine waking up one day and realising the person staring back at you in the mirror looks like a complete stranger. Not because of an impromptu hairstyle change or the appearance of a few extra grey hairs, but because life has changed so dramatically that you do not recognise yourself anymore.
Major life changes—whether it’s a career shift, loss of a job, starting a new business, moving to a new country, an empty nest or losing someone you love—can stir up feelings of disorientation, frustration and confusion. The priorities that once guided your choices may no longer seem relevant. You might feel unmoored, like a ship without a sail, grappling with the question: Who is that person in the mirror?
An Identity Crisis may make you feel paralysed, lost and insecure, unable to decide what you want to do next.
If you are no longer a doctor, wife, parent, teacher, chef…what are you now?
I know that feeling well. Losing your sense of identity after a major life change is a fairly common occurrence. When I had to stop working as a medical doctor due to problems with my eyes, I left lost. If I’m no longer a doctor, what am I? What will I do now? How will I earn a living?
I have learned to accept the identity crises that follow major life changes not as an end, but as a new beginning.
Imagine this: You’ve spent years climbing the corporate ladder. Then one day, you leave the office (voluntarily or otherwise), and suddenly, your schedule is devoid of PowerPoint presentations and quarterly goals. You’re standing in line at a coffee shop, feeling oddly unmoored. “What do people even do at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday?” you wonder. These moments may come with an internal narrative of fear, failure and self-criticism: “I don’t know who I am anymore.”
If you are going through a major life change, how will you know if you are suffering from an identity crisis? You may:
Feel Disconnected from Your Former Self
One of the most noticeable signs of a loss of identity is a sense of disconnection from who you once were. You might no longer identify with the roles, routines, or labels that previously defined you. Things that used to bring you joy, like hobbies, work, or relationships, may no longer resonate. It’s as if you’re living someone else’s life, going through the motions without a clear sense of who you truly are. This disconnect can make it difficult to find meaning in day-to-day activities.
Feel Confused and Uncertain
A loss of identity often brings with it a profound sense of confusion and uncertainty. You may find yourself asking, “Who am I now?” as the roles you once played—whether as a professional, parent, or partner—may no longer feel relevant. This shift can leave you feeling directionless, with no clear sense of purpose or understanding of where your life is heading. As a result, your goals and values may seem blurred, further amplifying this uncertainty.
Experience Emotional Instability
When your identity is in flux, your emotions often reflect this instability. You may experience heightened anxiety, frustration, or sadness, often tied to your struggle to recognise yourself in your current situation. At times, you might feel emotionally lost or as if you’re “floating” without firm grounding in any sense of self. The smallest of changes can seem overwhelming because you’re no longer sure what anchors you.
Withdraw from Social Connections
Another common characteristic of identity loss is a tendency to withdraw from social circles. You might feel disconnected from friends, family, or communities that were once central to your life because you no longer feel you fit into the roles you played within them. This can lead to isolation, as you sense that others don’t understand the shifts you’re experiencing. What was once familiar now feels foreign, leaving you to retreat further into yourself.
Notice a Shifting of Your Priorities
Alongside identity loss comes a shift in priorities. What once felt vital to your happiness or success may suddenly seem trivial or irrelevant. You may begin to question the values and goals that once drove your decisions, leading to a period of introspection and reevaluation. The ambitions that used to inspire you may no longer hold the same power, and you may struggle to find motivation in areas that were once central to your life.
Become More Self-Critical
A loss of identity can often bring with it a harsh inner dialogue. You may find yourself frequently questioning your decisions, doubting your abilities, or feeling like you’re not contributing enough. This self-criticism can create feelings of inadequacy, as though you’ve failed by not maintaining a stable sense of who you are. It’s common to feel as though you’ve “lost” yourself and to criticise your inability to regain control.
Ask Yourself Existential Questions
During this period, it’s natural to begin questioning the bigger picture. You might start pondering larger existential questions about life, meaning, and purpose, searching for a deeper sense of fulfilment. As you seek clarity, spirituality or new philosophical paths may appeal to you, offering the hope of aligning with your evolving understanding of who you are—or who you’re becoming.
Struggle to Define Who You Are in Relationships
As your sense of self shifts, so too do your relationships. You may struggle to navigate your roles within romantic, familial, or professional relationships, feeling uncertain about how to relate to others as the person they once knew. This dissonance can lead to confusion or tension in these connections, especially if the changes in your identity are significant or sudden.
Feel “Stuck” or Demotivated
A common characteristic of identity loss is feeling stuck or unmotivated. Without a clear sense of who you are, it can be difficult to make future plans or feel enthusiastic about what’s ahead. You may feel as though you’re stagnating, with no clear path forward, and this lack of direction can make it hard to take decisive actions or pursue meaningful goals.
Search for New Ways to Define Yourself
Finally, a loss of identity often initiates a search for new ways to define who you are. You may begin to explore new interests, careers, or social circles in an effort to rebuild your sense of self. This process can involve a lot of trial and error, as you experiment with different roles, activities, and identities to see what feels authentic. Though this period can be challenging, it also holds the potential for profound growth and renewal.
During an identity crisis, I have found both journaling and affirmations invaluable. Below are five powerful affirmations I have used to redefine who I am after a major life change:
- “I am not defined by my past roles, occupation or circumstances; I have the power to shape who I am going to be next.” This affirmation encourages you to accept change and the freedom to evolve beyond your former identity.
- “The person I am becoming is aligned with my current values, priorities and purpose.” This affirmation facilitates the process of self-discovery and alignment with your current aspirations.
- “I am continuously growing, evolving, and becoming the best version of myself.” This reminds you that change is a natural part of life and that growth is an ongoing process.
- “I release what no longer serves me and welcome the person I am meant to be.” By focusing on release and renewal, this affirmation helps in letting go of old identities and initiates personal transformation.
- “I honour the lessons from my past, but I am not bound by them. I create my future with intention.” This affirmation acknowledges the value of past experiences while empowering you to consciously design your future, free from limitations.
You’ll find hundreds of journal prompts scattered throughout the articles on this website. Many of these I use to help guests who attend my Next Chapter Camino de Santiago Walking Retreats resolve their identity crises with the assistance of my horses. We also work on implementing tailor-made affirmations, similar to the ones above.
I am convinced that one of the most powerful ways to navigate life transitions is to step outside of your everyday environment, and there’s no better way to do that than to walk the Camino de Santiago de Compostela. This ancient pilgrimage path offers not only physical distance from your everyday life but also the mental space to reflect, realign, and rediscover who you are becoming.
During my Next Chapter retreats, you can process your identity crisis surrounded by stunning landscapes and the support of a small like-minded group. The experience offers an opportunity to slow down, reconnect with yourself, and listen to your inner voice. Many participants leave with not only a renewed sense of self but also a sense of clarity about their next steps.
Conclusion
Life transitions can feel disorienting, but they also present a powerful opportunity for growth. Losing your sense of identity and finding that your priorities have changed is part of the human experience—one that allows you to redefine what matters most and embrace new possibilities. By reflecting and giving yourself the space to reconnect with your core, you’ll emerge stronger and more authentic than ever before.
If you’re ready to take that step, consider joining us on a Next Chapter Camino de Santiago walking retreat, where you’ll have the time and space to rediscover your identity and reclaim your purpose. The road ahead is full of possibilities and opportunities.
