The “How Compatible Are You” Quiz

The Art of Transforming Strangers into Lifelong Friends

This article is part of the Friends and Friendships Series:

  • How well do You know your Friends? Quiz: Deeper Conversations That Spark Authentic and Lasting Bonds Click Here
  • The “How Compatible Are You?” Quiz: Click Here
  • How to Transform Casual Encounters into Lifelong Friendships: 20 lighthearted Questions you can ask to get to know a new Friend Click Here
  • How to Create a Friendship Manifesto Click Here
  • The Most Inspiring Friends and Friendship Quotes Click Here

Introduction

Friendship is like a perfectly brewed cup of coffee—it hits differently when the ingredients are just right. But what makes some friendships feel like soul-deep connections while others fizzle out like a bad text convo? It’s not just about liking the same memes or hating similar exes.

Compatibility between friends runs deeper than surface-level laughs or a shared addiction to overpriced lattes. It’s about beliefs, values, and whether your quirks balance each other out—or spark a mutual meltdown. Curious to know if you are compatible enough for a lifelong friendship?

Your Friendship Style

To determine if your friendship style is compatible with that of a friend, you first need to determine your own friendship style. Based on sociological studies, there are broadly three friendship styles:

Acquisitive Friendships
Characteristics: Acquisitive individuals cultivate a core group of friends while remaining open to forming new friendships throughout their lives. They balance maintaining old connections with making new ones.
Social Benefits: This style is considered healthy as it promotes social interaction and support across different life stages

Independent Friendships
Characteristics: Individuals with this style maintain numerous casual friendships but few deep connections. They socialize when convenient but do not prioritise sustaining these relationships over time.
Common Phrases: They often refer to friends as “people I know” rather than identifying anyone as a “best friend.”
Prevalence: This is the least common style of friendship.

Discerning Friendships
Characteristics: Discerning individuals have a small circle of friends but share profound connections with them. These friendships are often long-lasting and deeply valued.
Emotional Impact: Losing a discerning friend can lead to significant emotional distress due to the depth of the bond.
Prevalence: This is the most common friendship style.

Friendship styles vary widely, from independent connections that are casual and transient to deep, discerning bonds that provide significant emotional support. Understanding these styles can help individuals navigate their social lives more effectively, ensuring they cultivate relationships that meet their emotional needs and enhance their overall well-being.

Friendship Style Quiz

This 12-question quiz is based on the three main friendship styles: Independent, Discerning, and Acquisitive. Each question is designed to assess different aspects of how a person approaches and maintains friendships.

For each question, choose the answer that best describes you:
A) Rarely or Never
B) Sometimes
C) Often
D) Almost Always

  1. I prefer to have a large circle of casual acquaintances rather than a few close friends.
  2. I find it easy to open up and share personal information with my friends.
  3. I actively seek out new friendships, even when I have established friend groups.
  4. I feel most comfortable in one-on-one interactions with friends rather than in group settings.
  5. I maintain friendships from different periods of my life (e.g., childhood, college, work).
  6. I prioritise spending time with my friends, even when my schedule is busy.
  7. I’m comfortable going long periods without talking to or seeing my friends.
  8. I enjoy introducing my friends from different social circles to each other.
  9. I have a small group of friends that I consider my “inner circle.”
  10. I’m always open to making new friends, regardless of my current social situation.
  11. I prefer to keep my friendships separate from other aspects of my life (e.g., work, and family).
  12. I invest significant time and effort into maintaining my closest friendships.

Scoring

To determine your friendship style, count how many times you answered each letter:

Mostly A’s and B’s: You likely have an Independent friendship style. You value your autonomy and prefer casual, low-maintenance friendships.

Mostly B’s and C’s with some D’s: You likely have a Discerning friendship style. You prefer a smaller circle of close, meaningful friendships.

Mostly C’s and D’s: You likely have an Acquisitive friendship style. You enjoy a mix of close friendships and are open to forming new connections throughout life.

How to use the Quiz

The quiz can be a valuable tool in assessing the potential compatibility of two individuals’ friendship styles, which can indicate their ability to maintain a lasting friendship. By comparing the results of two people who take the quiz, we can gain insights into how their friendship approaches align or differ.

For instance, if one person scores as having a Discerning style (preferring few, deep connections) while the other has an Acquisitive style (enjoying a wide network of friends), it might suggest potential challenges in meeting each other’s social needs and expectations. However, it’s important to note that this quiz is not deterministic and may not capture all the nuances of your friendship style. Many people exhibit traits from multiple styles, and what’s more, your style may evolve over time.

Rather, it serves as a starting point for discussion and self-awareness. Understanding these differences can help both parties communicate their needs more effectively, set realistic expectations, and find common ground.

For example, an Independent style person might need to make more effort to stay in touch, while a Discerning style friend might need to be more understanding of periods of less frequent communication.

Ultimately, successful friendships often involve a willingness to understand and accommodate different social styles, and this quiz can facilitate that understanding, potentially leading to stronger, more resilient friendships.

Final thoughts

During major life changes—whether it’s a career change, the end of a relationship, or a health scare—it’s often the strength of our friendships that keeps us grounded. True compatibility with friends doesn’t mean agreeing on everything or having identical interests. It means having people in your corner who truly see you, understand your struggles, and support your growth.

Life transitions can test even the strongest and most compatible bonds. It’s during these pivotal moments that maintaining friendships becomes critical. That’s exactly what we explore in my ‘From Troubled to Triumphant’ Finding Solid Ground During a Life Quake retreats—an opportunity to not only process life’s changes but also to strengthen your ability to form and sustain meaningful relationships.

Navigating life’s transitions isn’t about doing it alone; it’s about finding the people and practices that empower you to thrive. So, as you consider the friendships in your life, ask yourself: are these connections helping me become the person I aspire to be?

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

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