Upgrade Your Life Skills before You Make A Major Life Change

Imagine this: you’ve finally mustered the courage to quit the job that’s been slowly suffocating your soul, or you’re ready to leave behind a life that no longer feels worth living. The excitement of a fresh start propels you forward—until reality hits.

Suddenly, you’re knee-deep in challenges you never saw coming: financial setbacks, unexpected roadblocks, and decisions that leave you second-guessing every choice, every decision. This is where so many of our dreams crumble—not because of a lack of courage, but because the problems are different, and your old ways of solving them no longer work.

Major life changes aren’t just about leaping off a cliff and hoping you’ll grow wings on the way down; they’re about being ready to overcome unexpected mind-numbing obstacles. Updating your life skills before you leap will ensure that you are prepared for whatever lies ahead—and that can make all the difference between thriving in your next chapter or having to crawl back to the one you so desperately wanted to escape.

Helping people through life transitions is what I do. You know those big, messy life changes that feel like they’re out to get you? Like quitting your job to search for something better? We all go through them—over and over—until we finally register the lessons they’re trying to teach us (or at least stop shaking our fists at the sky).

Trust me, I get how tough these transitions can be, both in life and work. The uncertainty, the insecurity, the “let’s overthink every possible outcome” phase—I’ve been there. In the last 30 years, I’ve survived 45 life transitions (yep, 45—sometimes several at once, because, why not?). It never gets easier, but I’ve definitely gotten better at catching life’s curveballs—and learning my life lessons a little faster each time, thanks to my rock-solid support team: my horses.

I want to share what I’ve discovered with you, so you can get through your own life transitions with less panic and a lot more pizazz.

What’s a life transition, you ask? Oh, just the small stuff—like switching careers, starting a business, moving to another country, divorce, loss of a loved one, empty nests, illness, retirement… You know, the usual disasters that show up at regular intervals whether we’re ready or not.

Take Sophie, for example. She came to one of my Your Sensational Next Chapter retreats a couple of years ago.

Sophie, who had recently started a new life in France, chats to her friend Irene in London:

“Honestly, improving how you tackle problems is such a game-changer. There are a bunch of things you can do to get better at it. First off, you’ve gotta have a growth mindset. Like, instead of seeing challenges as roadblocks, think of them as chances to learn. And when you screw up? No biggie. Just figure out what went wrong and use that to improve next time. It’s all about keeping at it, even when things get tough.

Another thing that really helps is breaking the problem down into smaller pieces. When you look at it as a whole, it can feel overwhelming, but if you tackle one part at a time, it becomes way more manageable. Plus, start with the most urgent or impactful bits first—don’t try to fix everything at once.

Also, don’t be afraid to think outside the box. Sometimes the obvious solution isn’t the best one, so try looking at the problem from a totally different angle. Ever used examples or ideas from other areas of life? That kind of lateral thinking can spark some creative solutions you wouldn’t normally think of.

And, hey, get analytical. Gather all the info, weigh the pros and cons, and then connect the dots logically. It’s like being a detective—you’ve gotta follow the clues and let the data guide you.

One of the best things you can do is talk it out with other people. Sometimes, just hearing how someone else would approach it gives you a fresh perspective. Plus, if someone else has been through something similar, why not learn from their experience instead of figuring it out the hard way?

Oh, and if you’re feeling stuck, try using structured methods like mind mapping or a SWOT analysis. Those tools help you organise your thoughts and see the problem more clearly. There’s also Root Cause Analysis—basically, asking ‘why’ five times until you get to the real issue. It’s surprisingly effective.

Staying calm is super important, too. You don’t want to make decisions when you’re stressed out or emotional, so take a breather when you need it. Sometimes stepping back helps you see things more objectively.

Also, critical thinking is key. Ask yourself, ‘Why is this happening?’ or ‘What if we did it this way instead?’ And don’t just accept things at face value—challenge your assumptions. It’s like you’re keeping your brain flexible and open to new possibilities.

And hey, looking back on how you handled past problems is a great way to learn. Figure out what worked, and what didn’t, and if something keeps coming up, document the solution so you’re not reinventing the wheel every time.

Last but not least, practice. Do puzzles, tackle challenges at work, whatever it is—just keep exercising that problem-solving muscle. The more you do it, the better you’ll get at handling anything life throws at you.”

Excellent advice, but how did Sophie get so good at handling life crises?

Not so very long ago, Sophie was sitting in her office, staring out of the window, the grey London skyline mirroring her mood. She had spent the last ten years climbing the corporate ladder, only to find herself in a job she despised. The endless spreadsheets, interminable meetings, and office politics left her feeling tired and trapped. Each day dragged into the next, a monotonous loop of emails, phone calls and deadlines, with no sense of purpose.

One evening, after another exhausting day, Sophie found herself scrolling through travel blogs, imagining an entirely different life. She stumbled upon an article about a couple who had left their stressful city jobs to open a small bed-and-breakfast in the French countryside. They described the scent of lavender drifting through the air, and evenings spent chatting with guests over glasses of local wine. Something stirred inside Sophie.

“Why not me?” she had thought.

The idea seemed outrageous at first, but it wouldn’t let go. Over the next few weeks, Sophie quietly began planning her escape. She loved the idea of running a bed-and-breakfast, meeting new people, and immersing herself in the French way of life. The very thought of it filled her with hope.

By the end of that year, Sophie had quit her job, sold her apartment, and moved to a quaint village in the southwest of France. She bought an old stone farmhouse with the perfect charm for a bed-and-breakfast, surrounded by vineyards and sunflower fields. But as she stood in her new home, the excitement quickly faded, replaced by a sinking realisation: running a business was far more complicated than she had imagined.

Sophie’s problem-solving skills, which had been perfectly adequate for dealing with office issues, now seemed laughably inadequate. Fixing a Wi-Fi outage or managing a team of accountants hadn’t prepared her for the chaos that came with a leaky roof, finicky plumbing, and juggling a fluctuating guest list. She needed a new approach.

Lesson 1: Breaking Problems Down

Her first task was to tackle the farmhouse’s endless repairs. The roof leaked, the pipes groaned, and the heating system was as temperamental as the French weather. Feeling overwhelmed, Sophie remembered a piece of advice she had once heard about breaking problems down into smaller, manageable tasks.

Instead of panicking over the entire house, she made a list of each issue and prioritised them one by one. The roof came first. She contacted local tradespeople, asked for quotes, and learned to navigate French bureaucracy to get building permits. By focusing on one issue at a time, she managed to get things done.

Step 2: Thinking Outside the Box

When it came to marketing her bed-and-breakfast, Sophie hit another wall. She wasn’t attracting enough guests to make the business sustainable. She tried the traditional methods—listing on travel websites, offering discounts, and posting photos on social media—but the bookings were few and far in between.

Sophie decided to think outside the box. Instead of marketing her B&B to everyone, she focused on a niche: travellers seeking a quiet retreat in the countryside where they can recharge their batteries far from the maddening crowds. By offering a unique experience, Sophie’s B&B began to attract guests who were looking for more than just a place to sleep—they were looking for rest and renewal.

Step 3: Collaboration and Asking for Help

Running the B&B solo was exhausting. Sophie had underestimated how much work it would be, cleaning rooms, managing bookings and making breakfast every morning. For months, she stubbornly tried to handle everything herself, but it left her completely exhausted.

Eventually, she realised she needed help. She reached out to local business owners, like the nearby vineyard and cheese farm, to form partnerships. In exchange for recommending each other’s services, they shared responsibilities and helped promote each other. Sophie also hired a part-time assistant to handle the day-to-day tasks, allowing her to focus on growing the business. The collaboration not only lightened her workload but also expanded her network and gave her fresh ideas.

Step 4: Learning from Mistakes

Sophie’s first summer season was far from perfect. She double-booked rooms, mismanaged finances, and even managed to burn breakfast for a full house of guests one morning. But each mistake taught her something new.

She began reflecting on what went wrong after each hiccup and adjusted her routine. For double bookings, she upgraded her online reservation system. For finances, she took a basic accounting course and set clear budgets. And for breakfast, well, she learned not to leave the croissants in the oven while chatting with guests.

Step 5: Staying Calm and Adapting

Perhaps the most important skill Sophie developed was learning to stay calm in the face of challenges. In her old corporate life, problems often felt like the end of the world. But now, she realised that every problem had a solution—it just required patience and creative thinking.

Whenever something went wrong, she took a breath, assessed the situation, and found a way forward. Over time, her ability to solve problems became sharper, more intuitive, and more innovative. She adapted to the unpredictability of running a business, learning to expect the unexpected.

The New Sophie

A couple of years later, we stood on the terrace of Sophie’s B&B, not that far from my little farmhouse here in the southwest of France, watching the sunset over the vineyards. Her guests were chatting away around her table, enjoying the dinner she had prepared for them with fresh local ingredients. Sophie’s journey hadn’t been easy, but she had managed to transform from someone stuck in a job she hated to a confident business owner who knew how to handle whatever came her way.

If you have a dream like Sophie’s, I would very much like to help you make it a reality.

Dr Margaretha Montagu (MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master Pract cert, Transformational Life Coach dip, Counselling cert, Med Hyp Dip and EAGALA cert)

Are you resilient enough to make as big a change as Sophie did? Take the Quiz.

In addition to the transformational retreats that I host at my little French farm near Bordeaux, I have also created a couple of online courses, ex. The Purpose Protocol – each course is available with or without one-to-one coaching. To receive notification of last-minute and early-bird specials on all of the above, I invite you to subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes newsletter which gives immediate access to my free Would you like to live a more purposeful, meaningful and impactful Life? Quiz.

Your Unique Burnout Recovery Plan: A Step-by-Step Guide

burnout recovery

Life transitions and major life changes, like losing your job, starting a business, ending a relationship, relocating to a new country, becoming a parent, coping with the loss of a loved one or an empty nest, retirement, or a significant health challenge often lead to burnout.

Burnout is more than just feeling tired or stressed—it’s a complete physical, mental, and emotional shutdown that can leave you feeling trapped and overwhelmed. If you’ve reached the point where even simple tasks feel impossible, it’s not just exhaustion you’re facing—it’s burnout.

I understand burnout, both personally and professionally, I’ve been there myself more than once. I know what it feels like—the uncertainty, the insecurity, the overthinking. In the last 30 years, I have been through 45 life transitions, sometimes more than one at a time. It hasn’t gotten any easier, but I got better at coping with it. I want to share what I have learned with you, to help you cope better too, if you are struggling to get through a life transition.

Sometimes we learn best by reading stories, so below you’ll find Emma’s story, a guest at one of my Camino de Santiago walking retreats a couple of years ago, followed by some suggestions you can use in your own situation. If you need help applying these suggestions, you are very welcome to join us for a Camino de Santiago walking retreat here at my little farmhouse in the southwest of France, or maybe enrol in my Road Map to Resilience online course – you can choose to add some one-one-one coaching to it – or start by buying my book Embracing Change – in 10 minutes a day.

I reply personally to each one I receive.

Dr Margaretha Montagu – MBChB, MRCGP, NLP Master Pract cert, Transformational Life Coach dip, Counselling cert, Med Hyp Dip and EAGALA cert

Case Study: Emma’s Burnout Recovery Plan

Emma, a 38-year-old marketing executive, had always prided herself on being a high achiever. But after months of late nights, impossible-to-meet deadlines, and intense pressure to perform, she began to feel completely drained. Tasks she once couldn’t wait to start, she now couldn’t finish on time. She started experiencing chronic headaches, insomnia, and an overwhelming sense of dread every morning.

Emma was suffering from burnout.

She took a week’s leave from work to attend one of my Camino de Santiago Walking Retreats here in the sun-blessed southwest of France. During this time, she unplugged from emails and spent her days hiking, journaling, and practising walking meditation. Once she felt more rested, Emma began reflecting on what led to her burnout. Through journaling, she realised she had been overcommitting at work and neglecting her personal needs.

Determined to set boundaries, Emma re-entered work gradually. She communicated her limits with her boss and carved out time each day for breaks. She also made self-care a priority, scheduling time for weekly walks in nature to replenish her energy stores.

Within a few months, Emma not only recovered from burnout but also found a healthier balance between her professional and personal life. This newfound resilience helped her approach work with renewed energy, and she continues to use walking meditation as a tool to prevent burnout.

So the good news is that burnout recovery is possible, but you will have to take intentional action to regain your emotional equilibrium. In this guide, I’ll walk you through a step-by-step process to recover from burnout, focusing on rest, reflection, and gradual re-engagement.

Step 1: Recognise the Signs of Burnout

Before you can begin recovering from burnout, it’s crucial to acknowledge and accept that you are burnt out. Common symptoms include:

  • Chronic fatigue, even after rest
  • Detachment or emotional numbness
  • Lack of motivation or decline in work performance
  • Physical symptoms such as headaches or stomach issues
  • Feeling isolated or overwhelmed by daily tasks

Admitting you’re burnt out isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s the first step toward regaining your strength. These signs are a signal that you need to hit reset.

Step 2: Prioritise Rest and Recovery

Burnout often occurs when your output far exceeds your input of rest and self-care. The first and most essential part of recovery is rest. This isn’t just about sleep (although getting enough is crucial); it’s about allowing your body and mind to reset. Here’s how you can start:

  • Take a break: Whether it’s a day, a weekend, or even a few weeks, step away from the stressors contributing to your burnout. While individual experiences vary, a study published in the Journal of Psychology in 2018 found that it takes an average of three to four weeks for burnout symptoms to significantly decrease with proper intervention and rest.
  • Sleep well: Focus on improving your sleep hygiene—create a relaxing bedtime routine, avoid screens before bed, and aim for 7-9 hours of rest.
  • Just rest: Spend time doing things that don’t require mental energy, like listening to soothing music, practising mindfulness, or simply sitting in nature.

During this period, avoid filling your schedule with new obligations. Let this time be solely about rest.

Step 3: Reflect on the Root Causes of Your Burnout

Once you’ve started to recover physically, it’s time to understand the emotional and psychological aspects of your burnout. A 2022 Gallup study identified the top five causes of burnout as unfair treatment at work, unmanageable workload, lack of role clarity, lack of communication and support from managers, and unreasonable time pressure. Reflection is a powerful tool to identify the root causes and make changes that prevent future burnout. Understanding what led you to this point can help prevent it from happening again.

  • Journal your thoughts: Writing down your feelings can help you untangle what led to burnout. Explore questions like: What are the biggest stressors in my life? Where do I feel the most depleted? What parts of my life bring me joy?
  • Talk to a trusted confidant: Whether it’s a friend, a coach, or a therapist, sharing your experience with someone who can listen without judgment can offer clarity and support.
  • Identify patterns: Notice recurring themes in your reflections. Are you over-committed? Do you lack boundaries at work? Are personal relationships draining your energy? Understanding these patterns helps you make informed decisions about your next steps.

Step 4: Set Boundaries to Protect Your Energy Stores

Burnout often stems from a lack of boundaries. You’ve given too much of yourself for too long without enough rest or personal time. To truly recover and prevent future burnout, it’s essential to set boundaries.

  • Learn to say no: Protect your time and energy by learning to decline requests that don’t align with your priorities.
  • Create work-life balance: Set clear times for work and personal life, and respect them. Avoid taking work home, if possible, or answering emails outside of work hours.
  • Schedule regular breaks: Incorporate short, mindful breaks throughout your day to recharge. Even a five-minute pause can help reset your focus and prevent burnout from recurring.

Boundaries aren’t just about saying no—they’re about creating space for what matters most to you.

Step 5: Re-engage Gradually

Once you’ve rested and reflected, you may feel ready to dive back into your responsibilities—but take it slow. It’s important to re-engage gradually. A slow return allows you to maintain the balance and boundaries you’ve established. Here’s how to approach it:

  • Start small: Begin by re-engaging in small tasks that you enjoy or find fulfilling. This could be as simple as working on a hobby or reconnecting with a passion project.
  • Pace yourself: Avoid overwhelming yourself with too much too soon. If you’re returning to work, ease into it by taking on lighter tasks or working part-time, if possible.
  • Be kind to yourself: Recovery isn’t linear. Some days will be easier than others, and that’s okay. Focus on progress rather than perfection.

Step 6: Reinforce Your Resilience for the Future

Burnout recovery is about more than just getting back to baseline—it’s about ensuring that you won’t end up in the same place again. Building resilience will help you maintain balance in the long term.

  • Incorporate regular self-care: Make self-care a non-negotiable part of your routine. Whether it’s daily meditation, weekly hobbies, or monthly getaways, prioritise activities that replenish you.
  • Maintain strong boundaries: Protect the boundaries you’ve set and be vigilant about overcommitting in the future. Check-in with yourself regularly to ensure you’re staying balanced.
  • Develop a variety of coping strategies: Stress is inevitable, but burnout doesn’t have to be. Develop coping mechanisms, such as regular breaks, exercise, and strong social support, to manage stress before it overwhelms you. Techniques like mindfulness, exercise, and social support can be invaluable. A 2020 systematic review published in the Journal of Occupational Health Psychology found that cognitive-behavioural interventions and mindfulness-based approaches were among the most effective strategies for reducing burnout symptoms.

Burnout doesn’t have to define you or dictate your future.

Recovering from burnout takes time, patience, and determination to put yourself first. By focusing on rest, engaging in meaningful reflection, and gradually re-engaging in life with healthy boundaries, you can overcome burnout and create a balanced, meaningful and fulfilling life.

life purpose course

While the steps outlined in this guide provide a solid foundation for recovery, many find that expert input can accelerate their journey from exhaustion to empowerment. If you’re feeling drained, unmotivated, or disconnected, and need assistance with putting these suggestions into practice, my course, Roadmap to Resilience – from Burnout to Breakthrough, with or without one-on-one coaching, offers proven strategies and step-by-step guidance to help you break free from burnout and reclaim your life.

It’s time to reinvent yourself, recharge your batteries, refocus on your priorities, and reignite your enthusiasm.

Don’t let another day slip by feeling drained and disconnected. Take the first step towards reclaiming your future.

Margaretha Montagu

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

Sources

  • Journal of Psychology study on recovery time: Sonnentag, S., & Fritz, C. (2018). Recovery from job stress: The stressor-detachment model as an integrative framework. Journal of Organizational Behavior, 36(S1), S72-S103.
  • Journal of Occupational Health Psychology systematic review: Ahola, K., Toppinen-Tanner, S., & Seppänen, J. (2020). Interventions to alleviate burnout symptoms and to support return to work among employees with burnout: Systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, 25(1), 61-75.
  • Gallup study on burnout prevalence: Wigert, B., & Agrawal, S. (2022). Employee Burnout: Causes and Cures. Gallup.

Overthinking Destoys Creativity

How to Safeguard Your Problem-solving Skills

As a writer, I am obsessively protective of my creativity. One of the most dangerous and destructive enemies of creativity is overthinking. Many of us do it without necessarily realising it. Our creativity determines our ability to problem-solve, which is of primordial importance to each and every one of us, especially during life transitions. Many of my Camino de Santiago de Compostela Walking Retreat guests suffer from overthinking, so I have, over the years, had to figure out how I can help them to stop doing it.

What exactly is Overthinking?

Overthinking refers to the process of excessively analysing or dwelling on a situation, decision, or problem to the point where it becomes unproductive and mentally exhausting. It often involves rehashing the same thoughts repeatedly without finding a solution, leading to a dramatic increase in our stress levels, out-of-control anxiety, and sometimes decision-making paralysis.

We are more likely to overthink during life transitions because these periods are often marked by uncertainty, change, and heightened emotions. Whether it’s a career change, a redundancy, a retirement, the loss of a loved one, a relationship ending, or personal reinvention, the uncertainty can lead to a flood of “what ifs” and worst-case scenarios. During transitions, the future feels more unpredictable than ever, which fuels overthinking. We tend to dwell on past decisions or worry excessively about making the right choices, believing that every small action could make or break the next chapter of our lives. This mental overload can lead to indecision, anxiety, and a loop of thoughts that keep us stuck, and unable to move forward.

What are the Signs of Overthinking?

You may be an overthinker if you:

  1. Have Difficulty Making Decisions: Overthinkers often struggle with even simple choices, fearing they might make the wrong decision.
  2. Are Constant Worrying: Overthinkers tend to obsessively worry about future events that may never occur, leading to downward spiralling thoughts.
  3. Suffer from Sleep Disturbances: Your mind is so busy that you have trouble falling or staying asleep.
  4. Endlessly Ruminate about the Past: You frequently replay past mistakes or uncomfortable conversations in your minds.
  5. Are Fixated on being in Control: Overthinkers often focus on aspects of their lives that are beyond their control, which significantly exacerbates their anxiety.

Ask yourself the following questions:
Do I have difficulty making decisions, even minor ones?
Do I frequently worry about things I can’t control?
Do I constantly replay past events or conversations in my mind?
Do I imagine worst-case scenarios for future events?
Do I have trouble sleeping due to racing thoughts?
Do I often ask myself “what if” questions without finding a solution?
Do I spend a lot of time looking for hidden meanings in others’ words or actions?

If you find yourself answering “yes” to most of these questions, you may well be an overthinker: for you, normal self-reflection has morphed into overthinking.

Distinction from Problem-Solving

It is crucial to differentiate between useless overthinking and effective problem-solving. Problem-solving involves actively seeking solutions and making decisions based on rational analysis, while overthinking typically involves repetitively dwelling on problems without resolution, leading to what is termed “analysis paralysis”—a state where you become so bogged down in your troublesome thoughts that you cannot solve problems or make decisions anymore.

Examples of Overthinking

  1. Decision Paralysis: You’re trying to decide what job to take or which university to attend. Instead of making a list of pros and cons, you constantly second-guess every option, imagining all the possible outcomes, leading to months of indecision.
  2. Overanalysing Conversations: After having a meeting with your boss or a casual conversation with a friend, you replay the conversation in your mind, worrying about every word you said and wondering if you misunderstood or were misunderstood and how that is going to complicate your future.
  3. Fearing the Worst: Before a big presentation at work, instead of preparing thoroughly and trusting yourself to do your best, you start imagining every possible way it could go wrong, such as forgetting what you wanted to say, experiencing technical failures, or your audience losing interest.
  4. Regretting Past Decisions: You made a decision months ago, but you still keep revisiting it in your mind, wondering if you made the right choice, and mentally reviewing alternatives that you can no longer change.
  5. Obsessing Over Mistakes: You make a small error at work, like sending an email with a typo, and spend hours (or days) thinking about it, worrying that people will judge you harshly, even though no one else has mentioned it.

How to Stop Overthinking

If you recognise yourself in these examples, I have to tell you that stopping overthinking can be challenging, but with consistent practice, it’s possible to break the habit:

1. Firstly, become aware that you are Overthinking. Pay attention to your thoughts, notice when they start spiralling, and look for patterns or triggers that lead to overthinking. Journaling your thoughts can help you identify these moments. For example, reply to this prompt: What is one small, actionable step I can take right now to address what I’m overthinking about, and what will change if I release the need to control the outcome?

2. Challenge Your Thoughts When you catch yourself overthinking, ask yourself if your thoughts are realistic. Often, overthinking is based on worst-case scenarios. Challenge these thoughts by asking, “What’s the worst that could happen?” or “Will this matter a year from now?”

3. Focus on What You Can Control Overthinking often revolves around situations that are out of your control. Ask yourself, “What can I do about this right now?” If there’s nothing you can do, practice letting go of the situation. Shift your focus to actionable tasks.

4. Practice Mindfulness Mindfulness involves staying present in the moment rather than worrying about the future or ruminating on the past. Activities like deep breathing, or taking a mindful walk can help calm your mind and bring your focus back to the present.

5. Set Time Limits for Decision-Making. If you struggle with overthinking decisions, set a time limit to make a choice. For instance, give yourself 15 minutes to weigh the pros and cons, then commit to a decision and move on. Trust your judgment rather than seeking a perfect solution.

6. Limit your Information Intake. Overthinking often comes from having too much information and trying to process it all. Avoid information overload by limiting the amount of research or opinions you seek on a subject. Once you have enough information, make a decision rather than endlessly analysing it.

7. Get some Exercise. Exercise can break the cycle of overthinking by shifting your focus from your mind to your body. Even a short walk in nature can help relieve mental tension and give you clarity.

8. Make Time to Relax-regularly. Build regular relaxation into your day, whether through deep breathing, reading, or spending time in nature. The more balanced and relaxed your mind, the less likely you’ll fall into overthinking patterns.

9. Be Kind to Yourself Overthinking is often linked to perfectionism or fear of failure. Practice self-compassion by accepting that mistakes and uncertainty are part of life. Remind yourself that it’s okay not to have all the answers.

10. Take Action Overthinking thrives on inaction. When you catch yourself getting stuck in your thoughts, take small, concrete steps toward solving the issue you’re overthinking. Even the smallest action can help shift your mind from worrying to problem-solving.

If necessary, do not hesitate to ask for help. Talk to a trusted friend, mentor, or therapist when you feel trapped in an overthinking spiral. Sometimes an outside perspective can help break the loop and bring insight.

Can Journaling Help You to Stop Overthinking?

Yes! Journaling is a powerful tool for managing overthinking because it helps to externalise your thoughts, providing clarity and emotional release. Journaling:

1. Clarifies Your Thoughts. When you write things down, you get them out of your head and onto paper, which helps you organise your thoughts and see them more clearly. Overthinking often creates mental clutter, journaling can break this down into manageable pieces.

2. Gives You Perspective. Writing down your worries allows you to see them from a more objective viewpoint. Sometimes overthinking magnifies problems, but seeing them on paper helps you assess them more realistically, which can reduce anxiety.

3. Reduces Mental Clutter. Overthinking often involves juggling multiple concerns in your mind. By journaling, you can “declutter” your mind by offloading these thoughts. It allows you to let go of repetitive thoughts and make space for more productive thinking.

4. Identifies Patterns and Triggers Journaling consistently can help you notice patterns in your overthinking. You may start to see that certain situations, people, or times of day trigger overthinking. This awareness can help you prepare for or avoid these triggers in the future.

5. Facilitates Problem-Solving. Writing down your worries gives you the chance to explore solutions. Instead of circling around the problem in your head, you can break it down into actionable steps. Even if no solution is immediately clear, the act of journaling can guide you toward one.

6. Provides Emotional Release. Overthinking often creates an accumulation of emotions. Journaling offers a safe outlet for these emotions, allowing you to release them rather than suppress them.

7. Promotes Self-Reflection. Journaling can help you reflect on how far you’ve come in dealing with certain problems. By reviewing past entries, you may notice that issues you once overthought about resolved themselves or weren’t as important as you initially believed.

8. Breaks the Rumination Cycle. Overthinking usually involves repeatedly going over the same thoughts without reaching a conclusion. Journaling breaks this cycle by giving you a concrete space to express and process those thoughts.

9. Increases Mindfulness. Journaling can help you stay in the present moment, particularly if you practice gratitude journaling. Focusing on what’s happening right now, instead of dwelling on the past or future, can help interrupt the habit of overthinking.

Mindfulness and Meditation Options – Using a simple questionnaire, this book will help you choose the meditation method that will work best for you. Meditation is not a one-size-fits-all exercise. We are all different, we each have to find a meditation method that suits us, mentally and physically. -This book with help you solve real-life problems.

10. Builds Confidence in Decision-Making. Journaling can help you develop a habit of writing out your options, reflecting on past decisions, and ultimately trusting your choices. With practice, this can make decision-making easier and quicker.

How to Journal to Reduce Overthinking:

  • Free Writing: Set a timer for 5-10 minutes and write whatever comes to mind. Don’t worry about structure or grammar. This helps to get your thoughts out quickly and freely.
  • Prompt-Based Journaling: Use prompts like “What am I overthinking about right now?” or “What’s the worst that could happen?” to guide your writing toward solutions.
  • Gratitude Journaling: Focusing on positive things in your life can shift your mindset from worry to appreciation, helping to reduce negative overthinking patterns.
  • Pros and Cons List: For decision-making, writing a pros and cons list can help you see the situation more clearly and reduce endless back-and-forth thoughts.
  • Reflection Entries: Review past journal entries to remind yourself how you’ve managed overthinking before and how past worries were resolved, helping to build perspective.

Journaling is not just for writers! Anyone can do it. By making journaling a regular habit, you can gain control over your overthinking, find clarity in your thoughts, and foster emotional well-being.

My walking retreats along the Camino de Santiago in the southwest of France provide the perfect antidote to overthinking. Surrounded by nature, and walking in the fresh air, guests find it much easier to leave their mental clutter behind and reconnect with the present moment. The breathtakingly beautiful landscapes, combined with purposeful reflection and mindful walking, help my guests shift their focus from endless mental loops to inner clarity and calm. With space to breathe, time to think clearly, and opportunities for meaningful conversation, my retreats will help you to embrace simplicity, gain insight and explore different perspectives.

If you would like to be notified when I publish another post like this one, you can subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes newsletter, with regular updates about the highs and lows of living on my little farm in the sun-drenched southwest of France. Subscribers get free access to my Would you like to live a more purposeful, meaningful and impactful Life? Quiz.

Margaretha Montagu

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

The Unrelenting Rise of Relocation Depression

relocation depression

Acknowledging Our Desperate Need to Belong

What Is Relocation Depression?

Relocation depression is a type of emotional distress caused by a major life change, that occurs when we move to a new country, often characterised by feelings of sadness, loneliness, and disconnection. It can stem from the overwhelming changes in our environment, culture, and routine, as well as the loss of familiar support systems. This sense of not belonging can lead to isolation, difficulty adjusting, and a deep longing for the comfort of our old, familiar lifestyle. While common, relocation depression can be managed by gradually building new connections and finding ways to adapt to your new surroundings.

Elena, at the tender age of 25, packed her bags and left her small hometown in Spain to start a new life in France. She’d always dreamt of adventure, of the endless possibilities that a foreign country could offer. But the reality of moving to a new country was far from the idyllic experience she’d imagined.

In the early days, Elena was filled with excitement and hope. The charm of the French language, the allure of unfamiliar streets, and the dream of building a new life in a vibrant place kept her spirits high. She envisioned herself thriving, making new friends, and becoming part of the culture. But as the weeks turned into months, the initial excitement wore off, and a deep sense of loneliness crept in. The language barrier became a formidable wall. Every conversation felt like a mountain to climb, each mispronunciation or confused expression reminding her that she didn’t belong.

Homesickness began to weigh heavily on her. She missed the warmth of her family, the familiar scent of her mother’s cooking, and the ease of speaking in her native tongue. Everything in France felt foreign, from the food to the customs, and even after trying her best to adapt, she often felt like an outsider looking in.

The next 20 years were marked by a series of emotional highs and lows. There were days when Elena felt strong, capable, and proud of her resilience. She learned the language over time, found work, and even made a few close friends. Yet, the struggle to feel at home never fully left her. She often questioned if she had made the right decision. Was this life truly worth the sacrifices? The holidays, especially, brought waves of isolation as her new life in France felt detached from the traditions she grew up with.

As the years passed, Elena wrestled with the idea of identity. Who was she now? A Spaniard living in France, but not entirely fitting in with either world. The sense of belonging that she craved remained elusive. She built a career, raised a family, and achieved much of what she had set out to do, but a part of her always felt like she was still searching for something—perhaps herself.

Through it all, she learned to cope with feelings of displacement, the ache of missing home, and the guilt of not returning more often. Yet, these challenges shaped her into a person of incredible strength and depth. By her late-40s, she no longer sought external validation for belonging. She had carved out a life of her own—one that blended her Spanish roots with her French surroundings in a way that felt uniquely hers.

Elena’s journey wasn’t about finding a single place to call home but about learning that home could be wherever she decided to build it. Looking back after 20 years, she realised that her struggle had become her teacher, and in navigating through feelings of loss and disorientation, she had found herself.

More info: Berry, J. W. (2005). Acculturation: Living successfully in two cultures. International Journal of Intercultural Relations, 29(6), 697-712.

Our Need to Belong Can Cause Relocation Depression

Belonging is often misunderstood as simply having a place or group where you “fit.” We think it means being accepted by others, finding that perfect community, or settling into a career or lifestyle where everything clicks. But the truth is, belonging isn’t about ticking boxes—it’s about feeling connected and at peace with yourself, no matter where life takes you.

More info: Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117(3), 497-529.

For many of us, life changes can challenge our sense of belonging. When we move to a new city or country, our need to belong can leave us feeling uprooted and unsure of ourselves. We search for familiar faces or routines to ground us, and when those are missing, we feel lost. Eventually, we may find ourselves suffering from relocation depression. It’s natural to crave that sense of being part of something, but belonging isn’t always found in the places we look for it.

The journey to belonging begins internally. It’s about cultivating a deep sense of self-acceptance, where you no longer need external validation to feel worthy or “at home.” It’s learning to embrace who you are in your most authentic form, without trying to mold yourself to fit in. When you find that inner sense of belonging, you stop searching for it in people, places, or achievements.

True belonging is also about resilience. Life will always bring changes—new environments, shifting relationships, or personal growth that can make you feel like you don’t quite belong. But when you’ve grounded yourself in your values, your strengths, and your unique identity, you can carry that sense of belonging with you, wherever you go.

This doesn’t mean that external connections don’t matter. We all need support systems and communities that nourish us. But when we approach relationships from a place of inner belonging, we no longer feel the need to shape-shift to fit in. Instead, we show up authentically, attract like-minded people, and build deeper, more meaningful connections.

Belonging isn’t about finding the “perfect” place or group where everything aligns. It’s about creating a sense of home within yourself—one that stays with you, no matter where life’s journey takes you.

Are you resilient enough to avoid relocation depression? Find out

I have relocated several times during my career. I have found it useful, at the beginning of each new adventure, to review my life purpose. We change, our circumstances change, our lifestyles change, and our life purpose needs updating. The expression of my life purpose changed every time I relocated. Sometimes I revisited a previous expression, more often I had to create a new expression.

For Information on how to cope with Relocation Depression, see How To Avoid Expat Burnout When You Relocate To A New Country to Advance Your Career

My online course, Rearing To Get Going In A New Direction, is based on the technique I developed to adjust my life purpose each time I moved. it will help you get the clarity, motivation and direction you need to manifest your next chapter – in both your personal and professional life. If you no longer feel passionate about what you do, if you have lost your mojo, you feel exhausted, overwhelmed and uninspired and are desperate to leave the rat race in a foreign country where it feels like it’s groundhog every day of the year, this is the course for you.

“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
Brené Brown

Margaretha Montagu

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

Reading List

  1. Ward, C., Bochner, S., & Furnham, A. (2020). The psychology of culture shock. Routledge.
  2. Cummins, R. A., Lau, A. L., & Davern, M. T. (2012). Subjective wellbeing homeostasis. In K. C. Land, A. C. Michalos, & M. J. Sirgy (Eds.), Handbook of social indicators and quality of life research (pp. 79-98). Springer.
  3. Brown, B. (2010). The gifts of imperfection: Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are. Hazelden Publishing.
  4. Hack-Polay, D. (2012). When home isn’t home – A study of homesickness and coping strategies among migrant workers and expatriates. International Journal of Psychological Studies, 4(3), 62-72.
  5. Mao, J., & Shen, Y. (2015). Cultural identity change in expatriates: A social network perspective. Human Relations, 68(10), 1533-1556.
  6. Presbitero, A. (2016). Culture shock and reverse culture shock: The moderating role of cultural intelligence in international students’ adaptation. International Journal of Intercultural Relations, 53, 28-38.

    Disclaimer:

    The information provided in this blog post about relocation depression is based on personal experience, research, and general knowledge. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only and should not be construed as professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

    If you are experiencing symptoms of depression, anxiety, or other mental health concerns related to relocation or any other cause, we strongly encourage you to seek help from a qualified mental health professional. Only a licensed professional can provide a proper diagnosis and recommend appropriate treatment options for your specific situation.

    By reading and using the information in this blog post, you acknowledge and agree that the author and website are not responsible for any actions you take or outcomes that may result from applying this information to your personal circumstances.

    How To Avoid Expat Burnout When You Relocate To A New Country to Advance Your Career

    expat burnout

    The thrill of exploring uncharted territory, soaking up new cultures, and starting fresh is intoxicating—but let’s be real, it can also feel like riding a rollercoaster without a seatbelt. The emotional highs are exhilarating, but the lows? They can knock the wind right out of you. When relocating to a new country, a challenging life transition, expat burnout appears to be significantly more severe than regular burnout experienced by non-expatriate employees.

    • 54% suffer from insomnia
    • 53% report a loss of interest in usual activities
    • 51% have difficulty concentrating
    • 48% experience feelings of worthlessness
    • 48% report a loss of self-confidence
    • 37% report appetite or eating disorders

    From the Expat Insider Survey by InterNations: Annual survey conducted by InterNations, the world’s largest expat network with over 4 million members Latest edition: 2023, surveying 12,065 expats representing 177 nationalities in 181 countries

    Thirty years ago, I moved 11 000kms away from everything and everyone I knew, to a new country, a new language, a new culture, and a new job.

    For years I dreamt of adventure, of the limitless opportunities and possibilities that moving to a different country could offer. But the reality was far from the romantic experience I’d imagined. Everyone talks about the thrill of moving to a new country, but no one warns you about the hollow ache when you realise you’ve got to make this work, on your own.

    For the first few years, every conversation felt like being a guest at someone else’s dinner party, smiling at jokes I didn’t understand. There were moments I’d stand in a crowded room and feel like a ghost—there, but not there. Invisible.

    Thirty years later, I look back with wonder at my younger self—the young woman who persevered and fought to prove everyone wrong who was convinced she’d never make it. I did make it, but I learned a lot about burnout along the way and the ghost of my old insecure self still hovers at the edges of my consciousness.

    If you are moving to a new country and are determined to avoid expat burnout, you need to know what triggers it:

    1. The Often Overwhelming Cultural Adjustment Needed
    Adapting to a new culture often presents a significant challenge. Beyond learning a new language, you must navigate unfamiliar social norms, customs, and daily routines. Simple tasks, like grocery shopping or stopping for a coffee with a new friend, can become sources of stress. Dietary changes and even the unspoken rules of communication can amplify this tension. This constant need to adjust can leave you feeling overwhelmed, creating a sense of cultural dissonance that quickly leads to burnout.

    2. The Debilitating Work-Related Pressures
    Many expatriates relocate for career opportunities, but these opportunities often come with added pressures. Working in a foreign setting can mean facing high expectations from both home and host organisations, unclear job roles, and an increased sense of responsibility to remain as productive as before your move. The pressure to excel in an unfamiliar environment can exacerbate stress, particularly when you struggle to balance the demands of work with the challenges of settling into a new country.

    3. The Paralising Isolation and Numbing Homesickness
    Being far from family, friends, and familiar surroundings can leave you feeling isolated. The lack of a close support network in a foreign country often leads to feelings of loneliness, intensifying homesickness. This emotional disconnect can induce burnout, as you might struggle to find new support systems while also maintaining relationships back home.

    4. The Constant Need To Adapt
    Life abroad is not just about adjusting once—it’s an ongoing process. From navigating new bureaucracy to understanding the healthcare system and tax laws, you face continuous challenges that can become exhausting. Everyday activities, like managing finances or simply getting from point A to point B, can feel more complex than they were in your home country, leading to emotional exhaustion.

    5. Your Own Unrealistic Expectations
    High-achieving expats may set lofty goals for themselves in terms of how quickly they integrate into the new culture or succeed professionally. This can create unrealistic expectations, leaving little room for the natural challenges that come with cultural adaptation. When expectations don’t align with reality, feelings of failure and frustration can arise, further fueling burnout.

    Take the Quiz: To find out if you are resilient enough to avoid burnout Click Here

    “Relocating to Germany with my family seemed like a dream come true, but the reality hit hard. While I was dealing with a demanding new job, my wife was struggling to find work, and our kids were having trouble adjusting at school. The stress was overwhelming, and I felt like I was failing everyone. A colleague recommended a course on expat resilience, which was a game-changer. It taught me how to manage expectations, both my own and my family’s. We started exploring our new city together on weekends, making it an adventure rather than a chore. It took time, but we’ve built a wonderful life here. My advice? Be patient with yourself and your loved ones during the transition.” Carlos R., 42, Marketing Executive


    If you have moved to a new country and are experiencing symptoms of burnout, you need to know how to address it:

    1. Identify the Root Cause
    The first step to addressing burnout is understanding what’s causing it. This may require deep reflection to pinpoint what specifically stresses you, whether it stems from cultural adjustment, work pressure, or feelings of isolation. Gaining clarity can help you find appropriate solutions.

    2. Prioritise Self-Care
    Physical health directly influences mental well-being, making an efficient self-care routine essential. You really should at least prioritise exercise, eat a balanced diet, and get sufficient rest. Incorporating mindfulness practices, such as meditation, can also help manage stress and provide a sense of grounding amid the chaos of relocation to a new country.

    3. Seek Social Support
    Forming a strong social network in the host country is crucial. Connecting with fellow expats through online forums or local meet-ups can be your lifeline. Join natives in local groups – whether it’s a yoga class, a trivia night, or a cooking group—find activities that bring you joy and help you make new friends. Shared interests = instant conversation starters. Volunteer. Volunteering isn’t just about giving back—it’s a great way to meet people and feel connected to your new community. Maintaining contact with family and friends back home is important, but it’s equally vital to cultivate meaningful relationships locally, allowing you to feel more integrated into your new environment.

    4. Explore Your New Home
    One of the most effective ways to combat the stresses of relocation is to embrace your new environment. Make time to explore your new surroundings—whether through sightseeing, trying local cuisine, or engaging in cultural activities. This can create a sense of excitement and discovery, by replacing anxiety with curiosity.

    5. Keep Your Expectations Realistic
    It’s essential to recognise that adjusting to a new culture takes time. Instead of setting unrealistic expectations for rapid cultural immersion or immediate professional success, you should give yourself permission to learn and grow at a manageable pace. This mindset shift can reduce some of the pressure you place on yourself.

    6. Maintain a Healthy Work-Life Balance
    Creating boundaries between work and your personal life is critical. Flexible work arrangements or setting clear limits on working hours can prevent job stress from overwhelming other aspects of life. Finding time for hobbies, relaxation, and personal exploration can help ensure a balanced lifestyle.

    7. Seek Professional Help When Necessary
    When the stress becomes unmanageable, seeking professional support can be invaluable. Many expats benefit from working with mental health professionals who understand the unique challenges of living abroad. Specialised counselling services tailored for expats can provide strategies for managing stress and navigating the emotional complexities of relocation.

    8. Stay Positive
    Surrounding yourself with positive, supportive people can make a huge difference. Whether these are friends, coworkers, or fellow expats, having a community of people who lift your spirits and encourage a positive outlook can help you reframe challenges as growth opportunities.

    expat burnout

    9. Learn the Language You don’t have to be fluent, but even knowing how to order coffee in the local language can build bridges. Plus, you’ll feel like a total badass when you start picking up phrases.

    “When I first moved to Japan for work, I was thrilled about the opportunity. But after a few months, the excitement wore off, and I found myself struggling with the language barrier and feeling isolated. I was working long hours to prove myself, barely sleeping, and neglecting my health. It wasn’t until I read about expat burnout that I realized what was happening. I started prioritizing self-care, joined a local expat group, and began Japanese lessons. It made a world of difference. Now, three years in, I feel at home in Tokyo and love my life here. Remember, it’s okay to take it slow and ask for help when you need it.” Sarah M., 34, Software Engineer


    Final Thoughts

    Relocating to a new country is tough—but it’s also the chance to reinvent yourself in ways you never imagined. Every obstacle you face in a new country teaches you resilience, patience, and flexibility—qualities that not only help you survive but thrive in your new environment. By taking intentional steps to lower your stress levels, and build strong support networks, you can avoid burnout and turn what might now feel overwhelming into an empowering adventure. Thriving as an expat isn’t so much about avoiding difficulties; it’s about learning to handle them with determination and optimism. With the right mindset and strategies, you can create a meaningful, fulfilling, and balanced life abroad.

    If you start to feel a little lost along the way, my Figthing Fit and Back from Burnout during a Life Transition course might just be the compass you need to navigate your new adventure. It will equip you with practical tools to prevent burnout by building emotional stability and adaptability. In this course, I share the strategies I used to cope each time I moved to a new country. You’ll discover how to reframe challenges as opportunities for personal growth, helping you maintain a positive outlook even in difficult times. You’ll find out how to create a balanced lifestyle, making sure you can manage professional demands without sacrificing your well-being. Following this roadmap, you’ll develop the resilience you need to thrive in your new environment, avoiding the pitfalls of burnout.

    “Moving from Nigeria to Canada for my Ph.D. was exciting, but I wasn’t prepared for the culture shock and academic pressure. I felt like an impostor, constantly comparing myself to my peers and pushing myself to unhealthy limits. The long, dark winters didn’t help either. I was on the verge of quitting when my advisor noticed my struggle and referred me to the university’s international student support services. They connected me with a mentor who had been through similar experiences. Learning to set realistic goals, practicing mindfulness, and building a support network of fellow international students turned things around for me. Now, I’m thriving both academically and personally. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help – there are people and resources available to support you.” Aisha K., 28, Graduate Student

    In addition to the transformational retreats that I host at my little French farm near Bordeaux, I have also created a couple of online courses, ex. The Purpose Protocol – each course is available with or without one-to-one coaching. To receive notification of last-minute and early-bird specials on all of the above, I invite you to subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes newsletter which gives immediate access to my free Would you like to live a more purposeful, meaningful and impactful Life? Quiz.

    Starting over after a Major Life Transition: Divorce

    Divorce

    How do you start over after a life change as life-shattering as a divorce? By radically reinventing yourself.

    So you survived the divorce. Gone are the compromises, the silent resentments, and the half-lived dreams. As it fades into the distance in your rearview mirror, it’s time to start looking toward the future and to rebuild, rediscover, and reclaim every part of yourself that you always knew deserves better. Because here’s the truth no one tells you: Divorce isn’t the end of your story—it’s only a plot twist that you may or may not have seen coming.

    Starting over after a divorce isn’t just about picking up the pieces—it’s about reinventing, rediscovering and rebuilding yourself into someone bolder, wiser and stronger than you’ve ever been before. This article isn’t here to sugarcoat the struggle—it’s real, it’s raw, and it’s not for the faint of heart. But if you’re ready to turn pain into power, you can turn this breakup into a breakthrough.

    This is your comeback, and it’s about to get epic.

    1. Feel It to Heal It

    First, allow yourself to feel it all—the good, the bad, the “why did I evers?” Still pretending you’re fine? Stop trying to slap a Band-Aid on a bullet wound. Divorce comes with an intoxicating cocktail of emotions and some days you’ll feel like you’re riding a runaway rollercoaster. That’s okay though. Scream into your pillow as often as you want, because trying to bypass the emotional chaos will only leave you carrying the ball-and-chain into your next chapter.

    How do you allow yourself to feel the feels?

    • You get yourself a therapist: It’s an investment into your future? It’s a power plan. Therapy is where you unpack the “what went wrong?” – assuming you haven’t been told – and “who am I now?” questions without anyone telling you you are doing it wrong. Quite a novel feeling, that, isn’t it?
    • Journaling: Write out the rage, the regrets, and even the guilt-inducing relief. Setting your feelings on paper can help you untangle the emotional power cables in your brain.
    • Lean into the grief: Grieve not just for the relationship, but for the person you used to be. Grieve for the future that now won’t happen as you imagined.
    • Reach Out: Getting divorced can be isolating, so a strong support network is crucial. Connect to friends, family, or colleagues who can offer emotional support, practical advice, or just a listening ear.

    The takeaway? Healing doesn’t happen overnight. It’s not linear. But feeling the pain now will prevent it from creeping up later and biting you in the backside when you least expect it. Give yourself time to move through this phase at your own pace.

    2. Purge the Past, Literally (Marie Kondo-ing Your Heart)

    You can’t step into the new you if you’re still holding onto physical reminders and relics of your old life. Sentimentality has its place, but letting go is part of liberating. Clean slate = clean mind. Think of this as the Marie Kondo method of emotional springcleaning. What sparks joy? Do more of that.

    Every time you say yes to something you actually want to do, you’re reclaiming your freedom.

    Actionable steps:

    • Toss or Donate: Those trinkets that were ‘yours as a couple’? They don’t have a place in your new life. Release them. Free your space, free your mind.
    • Redecorate: Paint a wall, rearrange furniture, or splurge on something that’s completely you. If your space is a reflection of your new start, it’ll feel empowering every time you walk into the room.
    • Digital Detox: Delete old photos and messages that lock you into the past. Not as a way to erase history, but because you’re choosing not to live there anymore.

    What does this achieve? You’re not just clearing out stuff; you’re clearing out emotional clutter. It’s symbolic. When you have a place that’s entirely yours, it reinforces the idea that you’re the one in control now.

    3. Reclaim Your Space (And Your Time, Your Body, Your Mind)

    Remember that closet you always crammed your things into because they needed more space? Or that hobby you ditched because your evenings were spent compromising on Netflix choices? It’s time to reclaim every square inch of your world. Your life is your real estate now.

    How to reclaim it:

    • Create a sanctuary: Whether it’s a corner of your bedroom or an entire room, carve out a space that’s just yours—filled with things that light you up.
    • Time to be selfish: Don’t just fill your time with distractions. Be intentional. Take up a class, a sport, or even just block out time for you. This isn’t selfish—it’s self-care on steroids.
    • Rediscover your body: Divorce can mess with your sense of physical identity, especially if your self-worth got tangled up in the relationship. Yoga, strength training, or even dance can help you reconnect with your body and feel empowered in your skin.

    4. Reconnect with Your ‘You-niqueness’

    Before the “we” there was you. And that version of you? They’ve been waiting in the wings, patiently biding their time, ready to make a grand re-entrance. Divorce doesn’t erase who you were before—it’s your chance to reintroduce yourself to that person.

    How to tap back into your true self:

    • List your pre-marriage passions: What did you love doing before you became half of a couple? Revisit those things. Music, art, travel, whatever it is—dive back into it.
    • Try new things: Maybe you’ve evolved since then, and that’s okay. Now’s the perfect time to try new hobbies, new experiences, and meet new people who reflect the you of today.
    • Surround yourself with people who get it: Drop the toxic relationships that drain your energy and bring in the friends who’ve always been in your corner—plus some new ones who match your post-divorce vibes.

    What you’ll find: There’s a core version of you that’s been there all along. Reconnecting with that person isn’t just about nostalgia—it’s about building the future version of yourself on a foundation of authenticity.

    5. Set Wild New Goals (the bigger, the better)

    You’re not bound by anyone else’s timeline or dreams anymore. Your life is your own again, and that’s a wide-open playing field. What will you do with it?

    Start here:

    • Dream ridiculously big: What have you always wanted but didn’t think was possible? A new career? A major fitness transformation? Starting a business? Go after it with everything you’ve got.
    • Create a vision board: Visualising your goals gives them form. Picture and pin on Pinterest everything from the trivial to the life-changing. Whether it’s the perfect apartment, a vacation, or a whole new lifestyle—seeing it makes it feel real.
    • Break it down: Huge goals can feel overwhelming. Want to travel more? Start with weekend getaways. Want to write a book? Start with one chapter. Focus on small steps to regain stability. These might include organising your finances, finding a great place to live, or creating a habit/routine. If there are children involved, co-parenting strategies and their emotional well-being may also be a priority.

    Result: Your goals, no matter how wild, belong to you. You’re not just picking up where you left off—you’re carving out a new path altogether, so celebrate the small victories along the way, whether it’s finding a new apartment, settling legal matters, or simply making it through a difficult day.

    6. Protect Your Energy (Only the Right People Get a Front-Row Seat)

    Post-divorce, you’re recalibrating. And not everyone is going to be part of this next chapter—and that’s not just okay, it’s necessary.

    How to guard your energy:

    • Focus on Self-Care: Divorcing can drain emotional and physical energy. Nourish your mind and body, by taking regular exercise, practising mindfulness, or spending time in nature. This is where my Building Resilience – a Roadmap from Burnout to Breakthrough during a Life Transition course can introduce you to tools that rebuild inner strength.
    • Audit your circle: Who energises you? Who drains you? It’s time to protect your peace. Invest in relationships that add value to your life and distance yourself from ones that don’t.
    • Set boundaries: Not everyone needs to know every detail of your post-divorce life. Set boundaries around conversations that feel intrusive or triggering. It’s essential to protect your emotional space by setting clear and firm boundaries with your ex-partner, family, and friends.
    • Find your tribe: There are communities out there—whether in-person or online—who get what you’re going through. Surround yourself with people who uplift you and can help you grow.

    Result: You’ll feel lighter, stronger, and more focused when you’re not wasting energy on people or things that don’t serve you anymore.

    7. Remember: The Comeback Is Always Stronger Than the Setback

    Divorce can feel like the ultimate failure. But guess what? Every powerful comeback story starts with a setback. This is your chance to rise. Not just rise—thrive.

    Internalise this:

    • Accept what you can’t control: The future might feel uncertain, especially when navigating legal, financial, or family challenges. Focus on controlling what you can—your reactions, your choices, and how you care for yourself. Let go of the need to control your ex-partner’s actions or the exact outcomes of the divorce.
    • You’ve survived the hard part: The marriage ending, the heartbreak, the chaos—it didn’t break you. It’s shaping you into someone tougher, wiser, and more badass than you’ve ever been.
    • This is just a chapter: Your life isn’t defined by this divorce—it’s one chapter in a much bigger story. And you, my friend, are the author. What happens next is entirely up to you.
    • Define Your Purpose: As you come to the end of the divorce process, it’s time to redefine what success looks like for you. What kind of life do you want to create for yourself and your family, if children are involved? What will your next chapter look like? Use what you’ve learned during this transition to create a purposeful and fulfilling future. If you need guidance for moving forward with clarity, my Rearing to Get Going in a New Direction course can help set you on a path that aligns with your true desires.

    Life after divorce might not follow the exact plan you envisioned, and that’s okay. Be open to adjusting your goals and expectations as new opportunities arise. Post-divorce life is full of new possibilities. Explore paths you hadn’t previously considered. Maybe a new career, relocating to a different city, or even dating again comes into play as you move forward.

    Claim the next chapter of your life with confidence.

    Divorce

    To help you rebuild your shattered self-esteem, you may want to read Self-Confidence Made Simple: 16 French Women’s Confidence Secrets, a guide to becoming a woman who knows exactly who she is, who takes excellent care of herself, who leads a balanced, purposeful and fulfilling life, who has a solid support network, who can laugh at herself, who knows she has a lot to be grateful for, who knows how to forgive, who competently handles stress, who knows how to say NO without apologising and who knows that being ageless is all about attitude.

    Five journaling prompts designed to help you not only survive but thrive as you start over after a divorce:

    1. “Who Was I Before This Relationship, and What Parts of Me Do I Want to Reclaim?”

    Dive deep into who you were before the marriage. What dreams, passions, or traits did you put on hold? Write about the pieces of yourself you want to bring back to life—and how you can nurture them in this next chapter.

    2. “What Have I Gained from This Experience, Even if It Was Painful?”

    Rather than focusing on what you’ve lost, explore what you’ve gained—strength, wisdom, clarity. Write about the ways this experience has shaped you and what lessons you want to carry forward into the next version of yourself.

    3. “What Does My Ideal Life Look Like Now That I’m Free to Design It My Way?”

    Close your eyes and picture your dream life, no compromises. Where do you live? What do your days look like? How do you feel? Capture every detail and let yourself dream big. This is your life to create.

    4. “What Beliefs About Myself or Relationships Do I Need to Let Go Of?”

    Letting go of limiting beliefs is a game-changer after divorce. These beliefs often sneak in during tough times and can keep you stuck in a narrative that no longer serves you. List any negative beliefs you’ve adopted and challenge them. What truths do you want to embody instead?

    5. “What Are Three Things I’m Grateful For in My Life Right Now, and How Can I Attract More?”

    Gratitude is a powerful tool for shifting perspective. Identify three things in your life that bring you joy or peace, no matter how small. Reflect on how you can expand on these to create a life full of moments that light you up.

    Margaretha Montagu

    Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

    Heart-soothing Quotes about Grief

    and why they should be part of the Grief Resolution Process

    “Grieving is a necessary passage and a difficult transition to finally letting go of sorrow – it is not a permanent rest stop.” Dodinsky

    Three years ago I lost my horse Belle, in February, in the middle of a freezing cold winter. I have never been quite the same since. As a life transition, losing someone we love must be one of the hardest to get through.

    Making this list of quotes about grief resolution, to go with my A Compassionate Guide to Coping with the Loss of Your Horse course, I was surprised at how meaningful I found them, even now, three years later.

    Why are quotes about grief so moving? I think it may be because they provide:

    • Validation of our Emotions: Grieving can feel isolating, especially when emotions are overwhelming. Quotes can validate these feelings by expressing the pain, confusion, and sadness in words that resonate. It reassures us that ourr emotions are normal and shared by others.
    • Words for the Inexpressible: Grief is often difficult to articulate, and quotes offer a way to express emotions that may feel too complex or raw to voice out loud. They give language to the grief experience, helping us process what they’re going through.
    • Connection: Reading words from others who have experienced loss, especially from authors, philosophers, or spiritual leaders, creates a sense of connection. It reminds us we’re not alone, and that many have walked this perilous path before us.
    • Comfort and maybe even Hope: Grief quotes can provide a sense of comfort by offering wisdom, spiritual insight, or a reminder that healing is possible, even in the face of profound loss. They often emphasise the enduring nature of love, offering hope for the future.
    • Reflection and Perspective: Sometimes, quotes encourage deeper reflection on life, death, meaning and life purpose, helping us make sense of their loss and begin to integrate it into our lives in a way that honours our loved ones, our loved horses.

    The quotes about grief that I have found particularly moving:

    • “We must know the pain of loss; because if we never knew it, we would have no compassion for others, and we would become monsters of self-regard, creatures of unalloyed self-interest. The terrible pain of loss teaches humility to our prideful kind, has the power to soften uncaring hearts, to make a better person of a good one.” Dean Koontz 
    • “Life is not the way it is supposed to be. It is the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.” Virginia Satir
    • “The melody that the loved one played upon the piano of your life will never be played quite that way again, but we must not close the keyboard and allow the instrument to gather dust. We must seek out other artists of the spirit, new friends who gradually will help us to find the road to life again, who will walk the road with us.” Joshua Loth Liebman
    • Grief can be a burden, but also an anchor. You get used to the weight, how it holds you in place.” Sarah Dessen
    • “Life is full of grief, to exactly the degree we allow ourselves to love other people.”Orson Scott Card
    • “So it’s true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love.” E.A. Bucchianeri
    • “The weird, weird thing about devastating loss is that life actually goes on. When you’re faced with a tragedy, a loss so huge that you have no idea how you can live through it, somehow, the world keeps turning, the seconds keep ticking.” James Patterson
    • “We bereaved are not alone. We belong to the largest company in all the world – the company of those who have known suffering.” Helen Keller
    • “Grief is like the ocean. It comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” Vicki Harrison
    • “Grief is not a disorder, a disease, or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical, and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure to grief is to grieve.” Earl Grollman
    • “There are three needs of the griever: To find the words for the loss, to say the words aloud and to know that the words have been heard.” Victoria Alexander
    • “I still miss those I loved who are no longer with me but I find I am grateful for having loved them. The gratitude has finally conquered the loss.” Rita Mae Brown
    • “Those whom we love and lose are no longer where they were before. They are now wherever we are.” St John Chrysostrom
    • “There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” Washington Irving
    • “Tears are sometimes an inappropriate response to death. When a life has been lived completely honestly, completely successfully, or just completely, the correct response to death’s perfect punctuation mark is a smile.” Julie Burchill
    • “There should be a statute of limitation on grief. A rule book that says it is all right to wake up crying, but only for a month. That after 42 days you will no longer turn with your heart racing, certain you have heard her call out your name. That there will be no fine imposed if you feel the need to clean out her desk; take down her artwork from the refrigerator; turn over a school portrait as you pass – if only because it cuts you fresh again to see it. That it’s okay to measure the time she has been gone, the way we once measured her birthdays.” Jodi Picoult
    • “Tears have a wisdom all their own. They come when a person has relaxed enough to let go and to work through his sorrow. They are the natural bleeding of an emotional wound, carrying the poison out of the system. Here lies the road to recovery.” F. Alexander Magoun
    • “When someone you love dies, and you’re not expecting it, you don’t lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time – the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. Just when the day comes – when there’s a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that she’s gone, forever – there comes another day, and another specifically missing part.” John Irving
    • “I’m gone now, but I’m still very near, death can never separate us. Each time you feel a gentle breeze, it’s my hand caressing your face. Each time the wind blows, it carries my voice whispering your name. When the wind blows your hair ever so slightly, think of it as me pushing a few stray hairs back in place. When you feel a few raindrops fall on your face, it’s me placing soft kisses. At night look up in the sky and see the stars shining so brightly. I’m one of those stars and I’m winking at you and smiling with delight. For never forget, you’re the apple of my eye.” Mary M Green
    • “There are three needs of the griever: To find the words for the loss, to say the words aloud and to know that the words have been heard.” Victoria Alexander
    • “You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly – that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” Anne Lamott

    Journaling has helped me enormously, to process my emotions. Using these grief quotes as prompts can encourage deeper reflection on the transformative nature of grief, offering us a way to cope with our loss.

    I have created a couple of journaling prompts to show you how this can work:

    1. “Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you.” — John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

    • Prompt: How has your grief revealed new aspects of yourself? Have you noticed changes in how you view life…and death? Reflect on the strengths and weaknesses that have emerged during this experience with loss.

    2. “The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it.” — Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

    • Prompt: Write about how you’ve learned (or are learning) to live with your grief. What changes have you noticed in your daily life as you live with this new reality? How does the idea of “living with grief” resonate with you, how do you put it into practice?

    3. “What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” — Helen Keller

    • Prompt: Reflect on how the person you’ve lost has become a part of you. In what ways do you carry their influence in your daily life, values, or actions? How does this quote help you find a sense of peace or continuity?

    4. “There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.” — Washington Irving

    • Prompt: How have your tears and emotions been a source of strength during your grief? Write about moments when your grief has made you feel strong or powerful, despite the sadness. How can your grief increase your emotional resilience?

    5. “Sometimes, only one person is missing, and the whole world seems depopulated.” — Alphonse de Lamartine

    • Prompt: Reflect on how the absence of your loved one has affected your view of the world. In what ways has your life changed because of their absence? Explore how this feeling of emptiness impacts your day-to-day life and how you might begin to fill that void with new experiences.
    Qoutes about grief

    Research indicates that the grief experienced after losing a pet can be as intense as that experienced after human loss. In one study, 30% of pet owners reported grief lasting six months or longer. (Source: Packman, W., Bussolari, C., Katz, R., & Carmack, B. J. (2017). Continuing Bonds with Pets. OMEGA – Journal of Death and Dying, 76(2), 96-121.)

    If you’re struggling to come to terms with the loss of a horse, my online course, A Compassionate Guide to Coping with the Loss of Your Horse is designed to guide you through the unique grief that comes with losing a once-in-a-life-time (aren’t they all?) horse, while honouring the deep bond you shared. This course will introduce you to practical tools to help you work through your grief and offer compassionate support from someone who knows exactly how you feel, helping you take the steps you need to take toward finding closure. Click here to find out more.

    #LifeQuake Series

    Margaretha Montagu

    Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

    12 of the Most Important Life Lessons

    What I learned from going through one Life Transition after another

    I might have mentioned (about a hundred times so far) that I have been through more life transitions than I care to count. Looking back, I decided to review what I have learned from going through major life change after major life change, and sometimes several at the same time. I’ve learned a few important life lessons that have shaped who I am today. Some of these lessons came easily, while others I had to repeat a few times before I got it, but each one has made a dramatic difference in how I approach life now.

    I have learned to:

    1. Accept Myself As I Am

    I’ve learned to stop striving for perfection and to compassionately accept myself exactly as I am – once I figured out exactly who I was. That took a while. I recently took a personality test and discovered that I am an introvert. Once I knew this, a lot of things started to make sense, that didn’t before. I no longer feel the need to prove anything to anyone. For example, I used to worry about every little flaw, every little mistake, whether it was how I looked or how others perceived my choices. Now, if I choose to skip wearing makeup or take a day off to rest, I don’t feel the need to justify it to anyone. True confidence comes from within.

    2. Prioritise My Physical, Emotional and Spiritual Health

    Taking care of my physical and mental health has become essential. I have had to do this since my 20s (sometimes with more success than other times) but as I got older, if has become more and more essential to my continued wellbeing. I understand now how important it is to listen to what my body needs and to provide it with everything it needs – food, exercise, rest – to enable it to function optimally. While running my Camino de Santiago Hiking Adventures, I have also discovered how crucial it is to keep my batteries fully charged. I cannot host transformational retreats with my batteries half-flat.

    3. Value My Relationships

    I’ve learned which relationships truly matter to me, and I’m no longer afraid to get rid of toxic ones that don’t. I now only invest in friendships based on equal contributions from both sides. A few years ago, I realised I was holding on to certain friendships out of obligation. One relationship was particularly exhausting. Eventually, I let go of it, and that space has allowed me to invest more time in friendships that truly uplift me. At this stage, I focus on quality, not quantity, when it comes to the people in my life.

    4. Pay Attention to the Importance of Financial Independence

    Financial security has become another priority for me. I’ve learned how to manage my money wisely and invest in my future, knowing that independence offers me freedom and peace of mind. I learned this the hard way in my 50s when I realised I hadn’t been saving enough. I decided to take control of my finances, cutting unnecessary expenses, and learning more about saving. Now, I feel empowered knowing that I’m slowly but surely building a solid financial foundation for my future.

    5. Set Clear Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty

    I’ in the process of mastered the art of saying no when I need to. Yes, indeed. I’m still not quite there yet. My time and energy are valuable, and I’ve learned to be more selective about where I spend them. I used to say yes to every request, whether it was a family gathering, a work favour, or helping a friend move house. It left me feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. Now, I’m much more comfortable setting boundaries, like turning down social invitations when I need time for myself or declining extra work when it interferes with my well-being. I no longer feel guilty about protecting and replenishing my energy stores as required.

    6. Treat Time as Precious

    I now understand that time is the most valuable (and finite) resource I have. Not money. Not achievements. Not possessions. I cherish moments with my loved ones (especially my horses), prioritise meaningful experiences, and focus on living with purpose, rather than chasing material gain. When I look back, I sometimes regret how much time I spent worrying about things that ultimately didn’t matter, didn’t make a difference and were soon forgotten anyway. Except for hay. I never feel richer than when I have stocked enough hay for the horses to last me the whole winter.

    7. Let Go of What I Can’t Control

    One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is how to surrender to the things I can’t control. This has been a very hard lesson to learn. Very easy to unlearn, so I find myself learning it again and again. I used to try to fix everything—whether it was family dynamics, workplace tensions, or trying to change someone’s behaviour. For example, I once spent years trying to help a friend with his ongoing issues, only to realise he still wasn’t ready to change. Now, I focus on what I can control: my own reactions, my boundaries, and where I spend my precious energy. As an introvert, this is no simple undertaking.

    8. Adapt

    Life is unpredictable, and I’ve learned early on to adapt to and harmonise with whatever comes my way. When I was in my early 40s, I unexpectedly had to change careers due to a health scare. At first, it was daunting, but I took it as an opportunity to pursue something more aligned with my interests, my love for horses. I’ve learned that while change can be uncomfortable, it’s also a chance to grow and discover new strengths. The most challenging thing for me to do is to wait. My current life transition is in its 4th year. Four years can feel like a long time unless you have learned how to wait actively, as I finally have.

    9. Live Authentically

    At this point, I’m no longer concerned with living up to other people’s expectations. I’m focused on living in alignment with my true self, pursuing what brings me happiness, regardless of what others may think. For much of my life, I did what I thought I “should” do—whether it was choosing a certain career or keeping up appearances. Now, I make decisions based on what makes me happy. For example, I downsized and moved to a smaller property to live a quieter life, despite people questioning whether it was the right move. It was the best decision for me, and I’ve never been happier.

    10. Cultivate Gratitude

    Instead of focusing on what I don’t have, I appreciate the abundance I have in my life. I’ve learned to see challenges as opportunities for growth and to be thankful for the lessons they bring. I used to get caught up in what I didn’t have — often material things I thought I needed. Now, I take time each day to reflect on what I’m grateful for, like my health, my close-knit group of friends, my horses and the simple pleasures of life. This shift in mindset has brought me more peace and contentment than I ever imagined.

    11. Fiercely Deny That It’s Too Late

    As I got older, I discovered that there was no deadline for pursuing my dreams. For example, in my early 50s, I started singing again, something I’d always wanted to do but never made time for. I started singing in choirs, and now I’ve even given a couple of solo concerts. Whether I want to learn a new skill, change careers (again! and why not?), or embark on a new adventure, I know that age is just a number and that it’s never too late.

    12. Let Go of Regrets

    “Non, rien de rien, non, je ne regrette rien” as Edith Piaf sings so soulfully. Carrying regrets just weighs me down, so I’ve made peace with my past. There were times when I dwelled on decisions I wished I’d made differently, like staying in a job longer than I should have or not speaking up for myself in certain situations. But now, I dropped those regrets. I view my past mistakes as lessons that have helped me grow into the person I am today, and I’m moving forward with less emotional baggage. It feels incredibly liberating.

    Has reading this post inspired you to reflect on the Life Lessons you have learned so far?

    The journal prompt below invites you to connect your current understanding to an earlier experience, to help you discover what you have learned.

    “If I could sit down with my younger self at a pivotal moment in my life, during a life transition, what advice would I give, and how does that reflect the life lessons I’ve learned?”

    • Think back to a specific moment when you faced a big decision, challenge, or change. Picture your younger self at that time, feeling uncertain or overwhelmed. Now, with the benefit of your current wisdom and experience, what would you say to guide or reassure them?
    • As you write, reflect on how your perspective has changed since then. What do you now understand that you didn’t back then? Consider the lessons you’ve learned about resilience, self-worth, relationships, or even how to navigate life’s unexpected twists and turns. How might this advice have changed your choices or mindset at that time?
    • Finally, explore how giving this advice to your younger self reveals the most important life lessons you’ve gathered along the way. This exercise can help you articulate not only how much you’ve grown but also what values or insights you carry with you now.

    I can rarely resist a journaling prompt, so as I reflect on the advice I would give to my younger self, it becomes clear just how much I’ve grown and the many valuable lessons I’ve gathered along the way. Life has taught me resilience, the importance of self-acceptance, and the power of letting go of what no longer serves me. Each challenge and turning point has shaped me into the person I am today, and I now approach life with more patience, gratitude, and authenticity.

    Every experience—both the triumphs and the setbacks—has contributed to my personal growth. While I may not be able to change the past, I can absorb the lessons it has offered and use them to move forward with a deeper sense of purpose.

    “The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.” Alvin Toffler

    In addition to the transformational retreats that I host at my little French farm near Bordeaux, I have also created a couple of online courses, ex. The Purpose Protocol – each course is available with or without one-to-one coaching. To receive notification of last-minute and early-bird specials on all of the above, I invite you to subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes newsletter which gives immediate access to my free Would you like to live a more purposeful, meaningful and impactful Life? Quiz.

    Navigating New Beginnings: 10 Pitfalls to Avoid When Starting a New Chapter in Life

    Thinking of starting a new chapter in life? Maybe you feel like you’re standing on the edge of a cliff, and you are hesitating to leap into the void. What if something goes wrong? That’s what starting a new life chapter often feels like. Exhilarating. Terrifying. Full of possibilities.

    I’ve been there. I’ve jumped off that cliff more times than I care to count. And you know what? I’ve face-planted spectacularly. But I’ve also soared. Again and again.

    For most of us though, starting a new chapter is more like incessantly tripping over the same old hurdles, that you don’t see until you’re knee-deep in quicksand. Same mistakes. Same setbacks. Same frustrating dead ends. The good news about those missteps? They are avoidable.

    The 10 most common Pitfalls you need to avoid when you start a New Chapter

    Most people repeat the same mistakes during times of transition. These mistakes may not be obvious at first, but they can pile up, leading to frustration and a sense of failure.

    In this article, I’ll walk you through the ten most common mistakes people make when starting a new life chapter, using real-life examples to illustrate each point. By the end, you’ll have a clearer understanding of how to navigate your next life transition with more confidence and less stress.


    1. Clinging to the Past

    We are creatures of habit. When you’ve been doing things a certain way for a long time, it’s hard to let go. But the more you hold onto what worked for you before, the harder it is to embrace what’s next.

    Example: Claire had spent 15 years in corporate finance, but her passion had always been art. When she decided to transition to art therapy, she kept comparing her new path to her old one—salaries, job stability, and the perception of success. The more she clung to those comparisons, the less she felt able to fully commit to her new direction. It wasn’t until she let go of the old metrics of success that she began to thrive as an art therapist.

    Takeaway: You can’t start the next chapter if you keep re-reading the last one. Time to turn the page and move on. Holding on to past experiences can keep you stuck in a cycle of comparisons.


    2. Underestimating the Emotional Impact

    Change is more than just a shift in your external circumstances. It stirs up your internal world too. Many people think they can brush off the emotional impact of starting again—especially when the change is something they’ve chosen. But even positive change can lead to feelings of loss, anxiety, or even grief.

    A study in the International Journal of Stress Management revealed that 70% of people undergoing major life transitions experience symptoms of anxiety or depression.

    Example: Kevin had always dreamed of living abroad. When the opportunity came to move to Spain for a new job, he was thrilled—until the reality of homesickness set in. He hadn’t anticipated how much he’d miss his old life, his friends, and even the little things like his favourite coffee shop back home. The emotional burden made it hard for him to fully engage in his new job.

    Takeaway: Acknowledge the emotional upheaval that comes with a life transition. It’s not a sign of weakness to feel out of sorts—it’s part of the process. Give yourself time to adjust emotionally, just as you would adjust to any new routine.


    3. Going It Alone

    When you start a new chapter, it’s easy to feel like you’re on an island. You may think it’s up to you to figure everything out by yourself, or you might be hesitant to burden others with your problems. But this is the exact moment when you need support the most.

    According to a survey by the American Psychological Association, 86% of people who sought support during major life changes reported feeling better equipped to handle challenges.

    Example: Mieke, after her divorce, was determined to “do it all” herself. She thought leaning on friends or family would make her seem weak or incapable. But after months of struggling on her own, she realised that reaching out for help wasn’t a sign of failure—it was a sign of strength. Once she started building a support network, her healing accelerated, and she felt more empowered.

    Takeaway: No one succeeds alone. Building a strong support system—whether through friends, family, or professional networks—can make all the difference when starting a new chapter.


    4. Failing to Plan

    It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of a new beginning and forget about the practicalities. You might think, “I’ll figure it out as I go,” but without a clear plan, that initial excitement can quickly turn into overwhelm.

    Example: Tom had always dreamed of starting his own business, so when he left his 9-to-5 job, he jumped in headfirst. But without a business plan, his enthusiasm soon waned. He had no roadmap for how to get clients, manage his time, or handle finances. His business floundered until he finally sat down and created a solid plan.

    Takeaway: Dreams can be intoxicating, but they need to be built on a solid foundation. Make a plan for your new chapter that includes actionable steps, timelines, and measurable goals.


    5. Ignoring Your Values

    When you’re in the midst of a life change, it’s easy to get caught up in what you think you “should” do rather than what truly aligns with your values. But ignoring your core values can lead to discontentment down the road.

    Example: Sarah moved to New York City because she thought it was the best place to advance her marketing career. She didn’t stop to think about what mattered most to her—work-life balance, family time, and living close to nature. The city quickly drained her energy, and she soon discovered that her new life wasn’t aligned with her values.

    Takeaway: Before jumping into a new chapter, review your values. Make sure your decisions reflect what’s most important to you, or you may find yourself unhappy even in the midst of success.


    6. Overloading on Advice

    Everyone loves to give advice when you’re in transition. While seeking advice can be helpful, too much of it can cloud your judgment and leave you feeling paralysed.

    Example: Jack had an idea for a business, and he spent months seeking input from friends, colleagues, and mentors. Everyone had a different opinion, and soon Jack found himself overwhelmed by conflicting advice. In trying to please everyone, he lost sight of what he wanted.

    Takeaway: Be selective about whose advice you take. Filter out the noise and trust your own instincts. You know yourself and your goals better than anyone else.


    7. Expecting Instant Results

    We live in a world that values quick wins and instant gratification. But starting a new life chapter is a long game. Expecting immediate success will only lead to frustration.

    Example: Emily was eager to reinvent herself as a health coach after quitting her job. She expected to have clients lined up within weeks, but months went by with little traction. Frustrated, she nearly gave up. It wasn’t until she adjusted her expectations and started focusing on long-term growth that her business began to take off.

    Takeaway: Be patient. Major life transitions take time to bear fruit. Focus on consistent, small steps, and trust that the results will come in time.


    8. Resisting Flexibility

    No matter how much planning you do, life is unpredictable. Being too rigid in your approach can lead to disappointment when things don’t go as expected.

    Example: Paul had a clear vision for his freelance writing career. He specialised in one niche, but after a year, the demand still wasn’t there. Instead of throwing in the towel, he pivoted to a different niche, which allowed him to find more success.

    Takeaway: Be open to adjusting your course. Flexibility is crucial during times of change. Sometimes the path you didn’t plan for ends up being the best one.


    9. Neglecting Self-Care

    In the rush to achieve new goals, self-care often gets pushed to the back burner. But neglecting your well-being can lead to burnout, which will derail your progress faster than anything else.

    Example: Alice transitioned from a high-stress corporate job to running a non-profit organisation. She poured all her energy into the new venture, working around the clock. Within six months, she was exhausted and on the brink of burnout. Only when she started prioritising her self-care did she find balance and sustainable success.

    Takeaway: Self-care isn’t optional. Whether it’s physical health, emotional well-being, or mental clarity, taking care of yourself is the foundation of a successful transition.


    10. Not Defining Your Purpose

    Without a clear sense of purpose, your new chapter can feel aimless. Purpose provides direction, motivation, and resilience when the going gets tough. Research published in Psychological Science shows that individuals with a sense of purpose are 15% more likely to be alive 14 years later, highlighting the long-term benefits of having a clear purpose.

    Example: Mark switched jobs multiple times, trying to find something that made him happy. But without a clear purpose, each new role left him feeling unfulfilled. Once he took the time to define his purpose—helping others through mentorship—he found joy in his work and felt more aligned with his career.

    Takeaway: Your purpose is your compass. If you haven’t taken the time to define your “why,” you’re more likely to drift off course during a transition.


    Don’t Let These Mistakes Hold You Back

    Life transitions are hard enough without stumbling over these common mistakes. If you’re ready to start your next chapter with more clarity, confidence, and resilience, you don’t have to do it alone.

    That’s where my course, “Rearing to Get Going in a New Direction – Guided by Horses,” comes in. This course is designed to help you avoid these common pitfalls by providing a clear roadmap for your life transformation. You’ll gain the tools to clarify your purpose, align your decisions with your values, and build a solid plan that’s flexible enough to adjust as needed.

    Ready to make your next chapter your best yet? Click here to find out more.


    In addition to the transformational retreats that I host at my little French farm near Bordeaux, I have also created a couple of online courses, ex. The Purpose Protocol – each course is available with or without one-to-one coaching. To receive notification of last-minute and early-bird specials on all of the above, I invite you to subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes newsletter which gives immediate access to my free Would you like to live a more purposeful, meaningful and impactful Life? Quiz.

    References

    • I can, I do, I am: The narrative differentiation of self-efficacy and other self-evaluations while adapting to bereavement. Journal of Research in Personality, 35(4), 424-448. American Psychological Association. (2019).
    • Goal striving, need satisfaction, and longitudinal well-being: The self-concordance model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 76(3), 482-497. Rader, C. A., Larrick, R. P., & Soll, J. B. (2017).
    • Advice as a form of social influence: Informational motives and the consequences for accuracy. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 11(8), e12329. Lally, P., Van Jaarsveld, C. H., Potts, H. W., & Wardle, J. (2010).
    • How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998-1009. Pulakos, E. D., Arad, S., Donovan, M. A., & Plamondon, K. E. (2000).
    • A pilot study and randomized controlled trial of the mindful self‐compassion program. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 69(1), 28-44. Hill, P. L., & Turiano, N. A. (2014).
    • Purpose in life as a predictor of mortality across adulthood. Psychological Science, 25(7), 1482-1486.

    How using Your Creativity Can Help You Cope with Life Transitions

    The Art of Reinventing Yourself

    Life transitions are often chaotic, unpredictable, and, frankly, seriously unnerving. In these make-or-break times, feeling stuck in a rut is practically a rite of passage.

    For many of us, this overwhelming uncertainty leads to stagnation. We cling to old routines like a security blanket, resisting change even when we know deep down it’s what we need. We get bogged down in old habits, cling to what’s familiar, and resist the very changes that might be essential for progress The only way to break free is by using our creativity.

    Creativity isn’t just about creating art. It’s about finding new ways to think, act, and approach the challenges life throws at us. During a life transition, engaging in creative activities—or simply adopting a more creative mindset—can help you make sense of the chaos and even transform it into an opportunity for growth.

    Using your natural creativity facilitates:

    1. Emotional Expression and Processing

    Engaging in creative activities makes it easier to express complex emotions and experiences that may be difficult to articulate verbally. This can be particularly beneficial during life transitions, as it provides a healthy outlet for processing feelings of uncertainty, anxiety, anger or grief associated with change. Creative expression can help release stress during turbulent times.

    2. Problem-solving and Adaptability

    Creativity enhances problem-solving skills and innovative thinking. During life transitions, these skills are invaluable as they help us adapt to new circumstances and find innovative solutions to unexpected challenges. Creative people tend to be more adaptable and open to change, which is useful in both personal and professional settings.

    3. Creating Order from Chaos

    When life feels like it’s unravelling, creativity is your secret weapon to stitch it back together. Imagine your world as a chaotic storm—creativity acts like a compass, guiding you through the mess. It’s like building a bridge: one side is where you’re stuck, surrounded by the wreckage of what’s not working. The other side? That’s where your vision, your dreams, and your solutions live. Creativity is the process of laying each plank, finding structure in the disorder, and giving you a path forward. It doesn’t erase the chaos—it transforms it into progress.

    During my Camino de Santiago walking retreats, I’ve seen how creative exercises like sketching the scenery or writing reflections in a journal can help participants make sense of their emotions. The physical act of creating something—whether it’s a drawing, poem, colouring in a picture or a journal entry—helps people bring order to the messiness of a huge life change.

    Fresh off a 20-year relationship, Lynn, one of my Camino de Santiago retreat participants found herself at a crossroads—both literally and figuratively. But as she walked the ancient path, something unexpected happened. With a camera in hand, she started capturing more than just breathtaking landscapes and candid shots of fellow pilgrims. Each click of the shutter helped her reframe her regrets, turning them into stepping stones for a brighter future. Photography became her way of seeing the world—and her life—through a new lens, offering her clarity and purpose on the other side of her separation.

    4. Self-Discovery and Personal Growth

    Creative activities can lead to deeper self-understanding, helping us explore our interests, values, and emotions. This self-discovery process is crucial during transitions, as it allows us to reassess our goals and priorities in light of new circumstances. As we create, we may uncover aspects of ourselves that were previously hidden, guiding us towards a more authentic path forward.

    5. Confidence Building and Increasing Resilience

    Engaging in creative activities can boost self-confidence and lead to deeper self-understanding. Successfully executing creative projects can enhance self-esteem, providing a sense of accomplishment and empowerment during uncertain times. Additionally, creativity produces positive emotions that can unlock inner resources for dealing with stress and uncertainty, thereby building resilience.

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    6. Connecting with Yourself and Others

    When you’re going through a transition, it’s easy to feel disconnected—not only from others but also from yourself. Creativity connects you to who you truly are and can even help you reconnect with the people around you, which is vital during times of transition. Sharing the creative process or working on collaborative projects can deepen relationships and build a sense of community. These social bonds can provide crucial support and a sense of belonging during periods of change. During my retreats, participants often bond, discovering that while their specific life challenges may differ, their emotional journeys are similar. This sense of shared experience is comforting and empowering.

    7. Accepting Failure—and Trying Again

    One of the reasons people fear transitions is the fear of failure. What if I leave my job and my new career doesn’t work out? What if I end my relationship only to find myself lonelier than before? Creativity helps you embrace failure as part of the process. When you engage in creative work, you learn that not everything will go perfectly on the first try, and that’s okay. You can try again, refine, and improve. The same is true in life transitions.

    8. Changing Perspectives and Widening Horizons

    Creativity allows people to reframe challenges as opportunities. This ability to zoom in on details while also seeing the bigger picture helps in identifying connections that others might miss. By reframing obstacles creatively, we can turn pessimism into optimism and find new ways to approach difficult situations. This ability to envision alternative futures is essential during transitions, as it helps us move beyond the limitations of our current situation and explore potential paths forward.

    FAQs: Creativity and Life Transitions

    • Q: I’m not an artist. How can creativity help me during a life transition?
    • A: Creativity isn’t limited to artistic pursuits. It’s about finding new ways to think and approach challenges. During life transitions, creativity can help you:
    • Express and process complex emotions
    • Develop problem-solving skills and adaptability
    • Create order from chaos
    • Discover more about yourself
    • Build confidence and resilience
      You can engage in creative activities like journaling, photography, or even creative problem-solving exercises to tap into these benefits.

    Q: How does creativity help with the emotional challenges of major life changes?
    A: Creativity provides a healthy outlet for processing difficult emotions associated with change, such as uncertainty, anxiety, or grief. It allows you to express feelings that may be hard to put into words. Creative activities can also produce positive emotions, helping to balance out stress and build resilience. Additionally, creative pursuits can help you connect with others, providing crucial social support during transitions.

    Q: Can creativity really help me solve practical problems during a life transition?
    A: Yes! Creativity enhances problem-solving skills and innovative thinking. It helps you:

    • See challenges from new perspectives
    • Generate multiple solutions to a problem
    • Adapt more easily to new circumstances
    • Find innovative ways to overcome obstacles

    Q: I’m afraid of failure during this transition. How can creativity help with that?
    A: Engaging in creative activities can help you become more comfortable with the idea of failure and iteration. In creative pursuits, not everything works out perfectly on the first try, and that’s okay. This mindset can transfer to how you approach your life transition:

    • You learn to see “failures” as learning opportunities
    • You become more willing to try new things
    • You develop the resilience to keep going, even when things don’t work out as planned
      This “creative resilience” can be invaluable as you navigate the uncertainties of major life changes.

    Q: How can I incorporate more creativity into my life during a transition when I’m already feeling overwhelmed?
    A: Start small and make it enjoyable:

    • Set aside just 10-15 minutes a day for a creative activity you enjoy
    • Try simple activities like doodling, free writing, or taking photos with your phone
    • Use creativity to tackle one small challenge related to your transition
    • Join a local creative group or online community for support and motivation
    • Consider creativity as a form of self-care rather than another task to complete
      Remember, the goal is to reduce stress and gain new perspectives, not to create masterpieces. Be patient with yourself and focus on the process rather than the outcome.

    In Essence

    By incorporating creativity into daily life, we can develop what’s known as “creative resilience” – the ability to use creativity as a means of powering through adversity. Creativity serves as a tool for building resilience during tough times by providing emotional outlets, enhancing problem-solving skills, shifting perspectives, boosting confidence, fostering positive emotions, and strengthening social connections. By embracing creativity, we can better navigate life’s challenges and emerge stronger and more adaptable.

    If you’re feeling discontented in your current circumstances—whether it’s your job, relationship, or something else entirely—consider introducing creativity into your life. You don’t need to be an artist or a writer to benefit. You just need to be willing to experiment, explore, and play.

    And if you’re ready to dive deeper into this process, I invite you to join me on one of my retreats or sign up for one of my courses, where creativity and self-discovery go hand in hand to help you move from stuck to thriving.


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    Margaretha Montagu

    Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

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