Author: Margaretha Montagu

Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is a certified transformational retreat leader who guides her clients towards their most meaningful and fulfilling lives, particularly when navigating life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian Horses, at their home in the southwest of France.
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How to make Decisions under Pressure when Standing at a Crossroads

Strategies for Introverts

Introduction

Time is ticking, the pressure is mounting, and a decision must be made. Whether you’re a leader steering your team through a critical juncture, a professional juggling multiple priorities, or simply navigating life’s daily challenges, the ability to make sound decisions under time pressure can feel like a superpower. Yet, in those high-stakes moments, clarity often gives way to doubt, and the fear of making the wrong choice looms large.

As an introvert, I have great difficulty with this. Making important descisions under pressure just doesn’t come naturally to introverts.

So what can we do?

Strategies for Introverts

Introverts CAN make decisions under pressure by using these strategies:

  1. Buy time: When faced with an immediate decision, ask for a brief moment to consider the options. This allows for a quick mental review without appearing indecisive.
  2. Prepare in advance: Anticipate potential scenarios that may require quick decisions and develop a personal “emergency response kit” for common situations.
  3. Seek trusted opinions: Quickly consult with colleagues or team members whose judgment you trust, even if they have differing viewpoints.
  4. Use intuition and analysis: Combine gut feelings with rapid analysis of available information to make more informed decisions.
  5. Practice crisis scenarios: Regularly rehearse decision-making in high-pressure situations to develop a more flexible decision-making style.
  6. Focus on strengths: Leverage introverts’ natural abilities for deep thinking and thorough analysis, even in compressed timeframes.
  7. Communicate clearly: When announcing a decision, articulate it clearly and empathetically, being open to questions and providing reassurance.
  8. Schedule recharge time: Plan for solitude after high-pressure situations to help recover and maintain energy levels.
  9. Use writing: If possible, communicate decisions through writing, allowing for clearer articulation of thoughts.
  10. Trust your judgment: Recognise that making a decision is often better than no decision at all, even if it’s not perfect.

By implementing these strategies, we can leverage our natural strengths while adapting to the demands of quick decision-making in our personal and professional lives.

Effective decision-making isn’t about eliminating pressure—it’s about mastering it. By leveraging proven strategies, you can cut through the chaos, focus on what truly matters, and move forward with confidence—even when time is scarce.

The Introvert’s Personal “Emergency Response Kit”

Below, I’ve listed 10 practical techniques to sharpen your decision-making skills, so you can function under pressure and make choices that drive meaningful results.

1. Use the Eisenhower Matrix:
This tool divides tasks into four quadrants based on urgency and importance:

  • Urgent and Important: Tasks needing immediate attention (e.g., deadlines, crises).
  • Important but Not Urgent: Strategic priorities you should plan for (e.g., long-term goals).
  • Urgent but Not Important: Tasks that can often be delegated or minimized (e.g., interruptions).
  • Neither Urgent nor Important: Low-value activities to eliminate or postpone.
    When time is short, this matrix helps you avoid wasting energy on unimportant tasks and ensures your focus stays on high-impact actions.

2. Apply the Pareto Principle (80/20 Rule):
The idea is that 20% of efforts typically drive 80% of outcomes. When deciding under time pressure:

  • Identify which few decisions or actions will have the greatest impact.
  • Avoid getting bogged down by trivial matters that won’t significantly influence results.
    For example, if you’re launching a project, focus on critical factors like stakeholder buy-in and core deliverables rather than minor details.

3. Implement Timeboxing:
Timeboxing involves setting a fixed period to complete a task or make a decision. For instance:

  • Allocate 15 minutes to finalise a meeting agenda or 30 minutes to choose between vendors.
  • When the time is up, move forward with the best option available. This approach minimizes overthinking and prevents “analysis paralysis,” where excessive deliberation delays action. It also creates a sense of urgency, promoting faster, more decisive behaviour.

4. Use the Two-Minute Rule:
Small decisions or tasks, such as replying to an email or approving a straightforward request, can quickly pile up. The Two-Minute Rule suggests handling these immediately.

This prevents clutter in your mental space and leaves more time for larger, more complex decisions. By clearing quick decisions off your plate, you maintain focus on high-priority tasks.

5. Leverage Decision Trees:
Decision trees are visual tools that outline possible choices, consequences, and outcomes. For example:

  • If you’re choosing between two vendors, a decision tree might map out factors like cost, delivery time, and customer reviews.
  • By considering these paths, you can clarify potential risks and rewards in minutes, enabling you to make well-informed decisions even in complex scenarios.

6. Trust Your Intuition:
Sometimes, after weighing the pros and cons, options may seem equally viable. In these cases, intuition—your subconscious synthesis of past experiences and knowledge—can guide you.

  • Intuition often provides a swift, reliable decision when logical analysis stalls.
  • However, balance intuition with rational thinking to ensure biases don’t dominate your judgment.

7. Use Simple Frameworks:
Simplified tools like a pro/con list or a basic decision matrix can help:

  • For example, list the advantages and disadvantages of each option, then weigh them against your priorities.
  • Frameworks like this streamline decision-making, particularly for mid-level choices that don’t require extensive deliberation.

8. Break Down Large Decisions:
Big, complex decisions can be overwhelming, especially under time constraints. Break them into smaller, manageable parts:

  • Instead of deciding everything at once, tackle one aspect at a time, like defining key goals or identifying top risks.
  • Progress on smaller decisions builds momentum and reduces the psychological weight of the overarching choice.

9. Consult Key Stakeholders:
Collaboration can uncover valuable perspectives you might miss alone. When time is tight:

  • Quickly identify and engage people whose input is most relevant.
  • Be concise and direct in soliciting feedback to ensure efficiency.
    Stakeholder input can validate your choices, surface blind spots, and provide critical insights for more confident decision-making.

10. Be Aware of Biases:
Cognitive biases, like confirmation bias (favoring information that supports your preconceptions) or groupthink (prioritizing consensus over sound judgment), can distort decisions.

  • Actively question assumptions and seek diverse viewpoints.
  • Recognise when emotions or external pressures may unduly influence your thinking.
    Awareness of biases enables you to approach decisions more objectively, even in high-pressure situations.

My Own “Secret” Strategy

In the heat of the moment in high-pressure situations, introverts can harness the power of journaling to make swift, effective decisions. A quick brain dump, can help you clear mental clutter and reduce stress, paving the way for clearer thinking. This can be combined with emotion processing, where getting stifling feelings out of you head and down on paper prevents emotional overwhelm from clouding your judgment. Creating a rapid pros and cons list can help to outline potential consequences and benefits and provides a structured approach to the decision at hand. Taking a moment to identify core values ensures that the decision aligns with what’s truly important to you.

As the pressure mounts, you can use journaling to perform an external influence check, briefly noting any societal pressures or expectations that might be influencing the decision. A worst-case scenario analysis, where writing down the most negative possible outcome can help rationalise fears and gain perspective. Reflecting on past experiences through quick notes can provide you with valuable guidance, drawing on lessons learned from similar situations.

Maybe you prefer to use mind mapping techniques, creating a visual representation of thoughts and connections to see the bigger picture. Writing down your expectations – what you anticipate will happen and why – can prevent hindsight bias later on. Finally, a physical and emotional check-in, noting how you feel both physically and emotionally about the decision, grounds the process in personal experience. By using these techniques, you can leverage yourr natural inclination for introspection to make more confident decisions under pressure, even when time is of the essence.

I always start by buying time, and then I usually chose the two or three most obviously effective options from the suggestions above.

Regular journaling can be a powerful tool for introverts to make decisions under pressure by providing these long-term benefits:

  1. Stress reduction: Regular journaling helps introverts manage stress, which is crucial for clear thinking in high-pressure situations.
  2. Enhanced self-awareness: Through journaling, introverts can deepen their self-awareness, helping them understand their preferences, values, and decision-making patterns.
  3. Clarity of thought: Writing down thoughts and concerns can help unravel overwhelming ideas, leading to clearer perspectives on challenges.
  4. Improved problem-solving skills: Articulating problems through writing enhances problem-solving abilities, which is valuable for decision-making.
  5. Emotional processing: Journaling allows introverts to explore and process complex emotions, preventing emotional overwhelm during decision-making.
  6. Safe space for exploration: Journals provide a judgment-free zone where introverts can freely explore various decision options without external pressure.
  7. Decision tracking: By documenting decisions and their outcomes, introverts can learn from past experiences and improve future decision-making.
  8. Creativity boost: Journaling nurtures creativity, which can lead to innovative solutions and decision approaches.
  9. Worst-case scenario analysis: Using techniques like worst-case scenario journaling can help introverts confront and rationalize their anxieties about potential outcomes.
  10. Quiet reflection: Journaling offers a quiet, solitary activity that aligns with introverts’ need for introspection, allowing for deeper contemplation of important decisions.

Journaling regularly allows introverts to develop a more structured and introspective approach to decision-making, especially in high-pressure situations. On my Camino de Santiago walking retreats, this practice becomes a transformative tool for self-discovery. As you journey through the breathtaking landscapes of southwest France, daily journaling sessions provide a quiet sanctuary to process your thoughts, gain clarity, and connect with your inner self. Guided prompts encourage reflection on your path—both literal and metaphorical—helping you identify what truly matters. If you’re navigating a personal crossroads, journaling amplifies this 5- or 7-dat Camino de Santiago retreat’s essence: stepping away from the noise to walk with purpose, reflect with intention, and emerge with renewed confidence.

A Life-Changing Decision

Chloe’s fingers drummed silently against her leg as she sat in the conference room, surrounded by eager faces waiting for her answer. The opportunity to lead the company’s new Singapore office had dropped into her lap just forty-eight hours ago, when Sarah had unexpectedly declined the position. Now, fifteen pairs of eyes bored into hers, expecting an immediate decision.

The fluorescent lights hummed overhead, a sound that usually faded into background noise but now seemed to drill into her consciousness. She needed time—time to research, to make lists, to carefully weigh every pro and con. That’s how she’d always made important decisions. But CEO Marcus Chen was leaving for Singapore in three hours, and he needed an answer now.

Her apartment, her carefully curated sanctuary with its reading nook and herb garden on the balcony, flashed through her mind. The thought of leaving it behind made her chest tighten. Then there was her sister Emma’s baby, due in four months. How could she miss becoming an aunt?

But beneath the anxiety, another feeling stirred. In her mind’s eye, she saw herself standing on a balcony overlooking the Singapore skyline at dawn, the air heavy with possibility. She thought of all the times she’d stayed in her comfort zone, choosing safety over growth. Each of those small decisions had felt right at the moment, but they’d piled up into a mountain of regrets.

Chloe took a deep breath, her heart pounding against her ribs. The silence in the room had stretched to nearly two minutes. In her normal world, two minutes was nothing—a breath, a blink. But here, now, it felt like an eternity.

“Yes,” she said, her quiet voice somehow filling the entire room. “I’ll do it.”

The word hung in the air for a moment before the room erupted in congratulations. But Chloe barely heard them. She was already thinking about how to tell Emma—not about leaving, but about how she’d finally found the courage to take the leap.

Final Thoughts

Making decisions under pressure is a challenge for anyone, but as an introvert, your natural tendencies toward thoughtfulness and introspection can be your greatest assets. By taking small moments to pause, reflect on your values, and weigh your options—even in high-pressure situations—you can make choices that feel authentic and meaningful.

When time is limited, perfection is often unattainable, and that’s okay. Focus on what matters most, trust your intuition, and accept that some level of uncertainty is inevitable.

It’s okay to embrace quiet strategies, like journaling your thoughts, mentally rehearsing scenarios, or seeking advice through one-on-one conversations rather than group discussions. These methods honour your introverted nature while empowering you to act with confidence and clarity.

Ultimately, every crossroads offers an opportunity to learn more about yourself and your priorities. Trust that even under pressure, you have the tools to navigate decisions with grace and intentionality. When you align your choices with who you truly are, the path forward will become clearer—one thoughtful step at a time.

“I am an experienced medical doctor – MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract cert, Transformational Life Coach (dip.) Life Story Coach (cert.) Counselling (cert.) Med Hypnotherapy (dip.) and EAGALA (cert.) I may have an impressive number of letters after my name, and more than three decades of professional experience, but what qualifies me to excel at what I do is my intuitive understanding of my clients’ difficulties and my extensive personal experience of managing major life changes using strategies I developed over many years” Dr M Montagu

In a world that feels increasingly unstable — politically, economically, emotionally — what will you do when the rug is pulled out from under you? That’s why I created Survive the Storm — a 7-part online course designed to be a lifeline during a life quake. This is your personal survival toolkit for uncertain times — lovingly crafted and packed with practical tools, emotional support, and soul-nourishing insights to help you stay grounded, resilient, and resourceful when everything around you feels like it’s falling apart. Enrol in How to Survive the Storm Protocol, with or without additional mentoring.

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Finding Purpose in the Pause

Our willingness to wait reveals the value we place on the object we’re waiting for. Charles Stanley

In Praise of the Pause

We’ve all been there – stuck in life’s waiting room, checking our metaphorical watches and wondering when our “real life” will resume. Perhaps you’re in that space right now: between jobs, recovering from an illness, waiting for a loved one, or simply navigating one of life’s inevitable lulls. Your fingers might be drumming against the desk of destiny, impatient for the wait to end.

Life transitions have a peculiar habit of unveiling themselves like a particularly slow theatrical production – complete with multiple intermissions. You’ve finally mustered the courage to change careers? Splendid! Now please take a seat while your applications are stuck in someone’s inbox. Got a promising interview? Wonderful! Here’s a week of anticipation to contemplate every possible outcome, followed by another week awaiting feedback, then perhaps a fortnight to negotiate terms, and oh – don’t forget the notice period at your current position. Each pause feels like a comma in a sentence that refuses to reach its end, as if life is deliberately pacing its revelations like a masterful storyteller. These aren’t so much waiting rooms as they are a series of antechambers, each holding its own particular sort of anticipation, each requiring its own brand of patience. It’s rather like being in a sophisticated treasure hunt where every clue must be properly aged before it can be revealed – maddening perhaps, but undeniably part of the adventure’s charm. The trick isn’t to master the art of waiting (though that would be lovely), but to recognise these sequential pauses as the transition itself – the spaces between the words of an exceptionally effective speech.

I have finally accepted that I’ve been reading these pauses wrong. These supposedly empty spaces in our lives aren’t empty at all, but rather like fallow fields – resting, regenerating, and preparing for unexpected action and abundance.

Life has a peculiar way of forcing us to stop, even when we’re desperately trying to sprint ahead. These enforced pauses aren’t glitches in our life’s timeline; they’re essential paragraphs in our story, often introducing the most mindblowing plot twists.

I. The Paradigm of Waiting

Isn’t it curious how waiting seems to bend the very fabric of time? Ten minutes in a dentist’s chair somehow stretches longer than an hour lost in conversation with an old friend, while a week waiting for important news feels infinitely more substantial than a month of routine. Our minds, those remarkably sophisticated yet occasionally troublesome companions, have a peculiar way of turning waiting periods into psychological obstacle courses. We become amateur fortune tellers, conjuring elaborate scenarios of what might be, professional time-watchers who could medal in the Olympic sport of clock-checking, and unwitting philosophers contemplating the true nature of patience. The paradigm of waiting isn’t merely about duration – it’s about how our minds transform these temporal spaces into emotional landscapes.

Like an enthusiastic but overzealous interior decorator, our brain fills these empty moments with furnished rooms of worry, hope, anticipation, and sometimes, a dash of existential contemplation. The fascinating part isn’t just that we wait, but how we wait – some of us pace the metaphorical corridors of uncertainty like caged tigers, while others settle into the discomfort like it’s an oddly-shaped but potentially interesting piece of modern furniture. Perhaps the most intriguing aspect is how these waiting periods reveal our relationship with control, or rather, our cherished illusion of it. In a world where same-day delivery is considered too slow, the concept of waiting feels almost offensive. Our resistance to pauses runs deeper than mere impatience – it’s woven into the fabric of our modern existence.

Think about it: when was the last time you stood in line without reaching for your phone? Or sat in silence without feeling the need to fill it with something, anything? Our aversion to waiting has become almost pathological, yet psychologists increasingly point to the hidden benefits of these temporary holds in our life’s flow.

II The Purpose of Waiting

It finally has become perfectly clear to me: our brains NEED these pauses. Like a computer running too many programs, we require moments of defragmentation. The difference between passive waiting and active engagement lies not in the external circumstances but in our internal response to them.

A. The Delightful Irony of Self-Discovery

Imagine your life as a pond. When you’re constantly in motion, the water is stirred up, murky. It’s only when you allow yourself to be still that the sediment settles and you can see clearly to the bottom. This is what pauses offer us – a chance to see beneath the churning surface of our daily lives.

During these times, you might discover that your long-held dreams have evolved, or that what once drove you no longer serves you. These insights rarely arrive in the rush of regular life; they need time to surface, like shy woodland creatures emerging only when the forest grows quiet.

The delightful irony of self-discovery during life’s pauses is that it often arrives like an unexpected dinner guest – precisely when you’ve stopped preparing for company. There you are, somewhat annoyed at being temporarily derailed from your carefully plotted course, when suddenly you find yourself having the most fascinating conversation with yourself. It’s rather like finding a door in your own house that you somehow never noticed before, despite walking past it countless times. Behind it often lies the most curious collection of realisations: that your definition of success has quietly rewritten itself while you weren’t looking, that your five-year plan might benefit from being a bit less five-year-ish and a bit more authentic-ish, or that your true talents have been patiently waiting in the wings while you’ve been spotlighting the ones you thought you should have.

These moments of enforced stillness during life transitions have a rather impertinent way of holding up mirrors we didn’t ask for, reflecting back questions we didn’t know we needed to answer. The beauty of these reflective interludes lies not just in the answers they provide, but in their uncanny ability to upgrade the quality of our questions. It’s as if the pause itself acts as a sort of psychological concierge, politely but firmly suggesting that while we’re here, we might want to explore the lower floors of our internal architecture.

B. An Unexpected Opportunity to Build Relationships

Pauses have a wonderful way of highlighting what truly matters. When the usual distractions of busy life fade away, relationships come into sharper focus. These are the moments when you might finally have that deep conversation with your teenager, reconnect with an old friend, or simply be present with your partner without one eye on the clock.

Think of relationships like gardens – they need regular tending, yes, but they also need those long, quiet moments of simply sitting and appreciating what’s growing.

Life’s transitions, with their maddening series of waiting periods, often orchestrate an unexpected waltz of reconnection. There you are, caught in the interlude between interview rounds, or perhaps in that peculiar limbo between accepting a new position and your actual start date, when suddenly these temporal pockets become relationship incubators. It’s as if each pause in the transition serves as a different lens through which to view your connections – one week you’re sharing your hopes over coffee with an old mentor, the next you’re having unexpectedly profound conversations with your partner about shared futures, and then you’re rediscovering the joy of midday calls with your sister who’s been through similar changes.

These repeated pauses have a rather clever way of revealing the magnificent tapestry of your support network, thread by golden thread. Like a social sommelier, each waiting period brings out different notes in your relationships: the friend who excels at celebrating small victories becomes invaluable during the pause after a successful first interview, while the pragmatic problem-solver in your circle shines during the strategic waiting game of salary negotiations. Even those comfortable silences with your oldest friends take on new depth – there’s something rather magical about sharing a quiet moment with someone who understands that not every pause needs to be filled with words.

The beauty of these sequential waiting rooms is how they transform our connections from static photographs into living, breathing stories. That colleague who used to be just a friendly face at the coffee machine suddenly becomes a cherished confidante during your parallel career transitions. The parent who was always “too busy” might find themselves with precisely the right kind of time to bridge generational gaps. It’s rather like discovering that what you thought was a solo performance has actually been an ensemble piece all along – each pause in your transition revealing another instrument in your relationship orchestra.

C. Skill Development during Productive Rest

Remember how Einstein said he had his best ideas while sailing? There’s something about stepping away from the intense focus on progress that paradoxically enables deeper learning and growth. This is what I like to call “productive rest” – the kind of pause that looks like nothing on the outside but is quietly revolutionary on the inside.

Whether it’s finally learning that language you’ve been putting off, developing your artistic skills, or simply mastering the art of patience (arguably one of life’s most valuable skills), pauses provide the perfect incubator for personal development.

What’s particularly fascinating about skill development during life’s transitional pauses is how each waiting period seems to serve up its own unique learning menu. A life transition’s multiple waiting rooms can become impromptu classrooms: that nerve-wracking week between submitting an application and hearing back suddenly morphs into an unexpected master class in emotional regulation. The fortnight waiting for final contract negotiations becomes a pop-up seminar in professional diplomacy. It’s rather like finding yourself enrolled in a university where the curriculum reveals itself one pause at a time, and the syllabus is written in invisible ink that only becomes legible when you stop trying so hard to read it.

These sequential pauses have an almost mischievous way of building upon each other, creating a sort of skill-development symphony. The patience you cultivated during the first waiting period becomes the foundation for the resilience you’ll need in the third. The networking finesse you stumbled upon while waiting for interview responses mysteriously transforms into leadership potential during the pause before your role transition. It’s as if each waiting room is equipped with its own peculiar set of training equipment for your personal and professional gymnasium – some visible, some cunningly disguised as obstacles, all surprisingly essential.

The most delightful plot twist in this developmental narrative is how these enforced pauses often lead to the acquisition of skills we never even thought to put on our professional wish list. Who knew that the art of crafting the perfect follow-up email could be as nuanced as Japanese tea ceremony? Or that waiting for responses would provide an advanced course in reading between the lines of professional communication? These aren’t just skills we’re developing; they’re more like subtle superpowers that reveal themselves only when we’re forced to slow dance with uncertainty. And perhaps the most valuable skill of all – the ability to find comfort in discomfort – tends to sneak up on us like a friendly cat, making itself at home in our psychological living room when we least expect it.

III. Reframing the Wait

Here’s a thought experiment: imagine if every great achievement in history came with a timestamp showing the waiting periods that preceded it. We’d see how Leonardo da Vinci’s paintings involved months of watching paint dry, how Newton’s laws of physics germinated during a plague-induced quarantine, and how countless innovations emerged from periods of forced pause.

The key to transforming waiting from an obstacle to an opportunity lies in this shift of perspective. It’s about seeing the pause not as a held breath, but as the inhale before a powerful declaration.

Imagine transforming your waiting period into a walking meditation along the ancient paths of the Camino de Santiago – a rather ingenious plot twist in your transition story, wouldn’t you say? Like a perfectly timed intermission in life’s grand performance, these 5- or 7-day walking retreats offer something rather extraordinary: the chance to literally walk your way through liminal space. There’s something almost alchemical about how the rhythmic stepping along centuries-old trails, accompanied by fellow walkers who understand the art of meaningful pauses, can transform the anxiety of waiting into a purposeful journey. As your boots get to know the well-worn paths, each step becomes a deliberate act of moving forward while paradoxically embracing the pause – rather like learning to dance with uncertainty instead of trying to outrun it. The Camino has a delightfully subtle way of rearranging your internal furniture; those swirling thoughts about pending decisions or awaited responses tend to settle into a more manageable pattern when viewed through the lens of ancient pilgrim paths and shared evening conversations. It’s not just a walk, you see, but rather a masterclass in the art of productive waiting – where the challenging hills mirror your current transitions, the companionable silence of fellow pilgrims offers unexpected insights, and the daily rhythm of walking-resting-reflecting creates a template for navigating life’s other waiting rooms with newfound grace. Think of it as upgrading your waiting room to a walking room, where the view constantly changes but the wisdom remains constant.

Because creating purpose-driven routines during waiting periods doesn’t mean filling every moment with activity – that would defeat the purpose. Instead, think of it as creating a gentle framework for growth. This might mean setting aside specific times for reflection, learning, or connection, while allowing plenty of space for spontaneity and rest.

Consider developing what I call a “pause portfolio” – a collection of activities, questions, and practices that help you find meaning in these intervals. This isn’t about pressuring yourself to be productive; it’s about remaining open to the possibilities that emerge when we stop pushing so hard.

IV. The Art of Waiting Well

The art of finding purpose in the pause isn’t about transforming waiting time into working time. Rather, it’s about recognising that these apparent voids in our forward momentum are actually fertile ground for some of life’s most meaningful developments. Like a master chef who knows that letting ingredients rest is as important as active cooking time, we can learn to appreciate and utilize these moments of apparent stillness.

Waiting isn’t wasted. It’s the fermentation of ideas, the fallow field before the harvest, the quiet inhale before the roar. Stop treating it like an inconvenience and start seeing it for what it is: fertile ground for something you can’t yet see but desperately need.

Hit the pause button and regain your footing during a From Troubled to Triumphant Retreat. Imagine walking a peaceful stretch of the Camino de Santiago, where every step helps untangle the mental clutter or spending time with gentle Friesian horses who teach you the art of mindfulness. Whether you choose to make a change or are forced to, this retreat offers the perfect blend of peace, perspective, and playful exploration to help you rise from troubled to triumphant!

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

In a world that feels increasingly unstable — politically, economically, emotionally — what will you do when the rug is pulled out from under you? That’s why I created Survive the Storm — a 7-part online course designed to be a lifeline during a life quake. This is your personal survival toolkit for uncertain times — lovingly crafted and packed with practical tools, emotional support, and soul-nourishing insights to help you stay grounded, resilient, and resourceful when everything around you feels like it’s falling apart. Enrol in How to Survive the Storm Protocol, with or without additional mentoring.

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12 Unconventional Ways to give Your Life more Meaning

living a meaningful life - three women discussing the subject over coffee

What is the Secret of Living a Meaningful Life?

The secret of living a meaningful life isn’t really a secret at all – it lies in understanding that it is up to us to make our lives meaningful.

How you do it is up to you.

When I decided I wanted to live a more meaningful, rewarding and fulfilling life (seems ages ago now), I discovered that I needed three key elements in my life to do so:

Connection – Authentic relationships and strong bonds with others, the feeling that I belong. This includes not just my family, friends and colleagues, but also my community, and what I feel spiritually connected to.

Purpose – Having aspirations and aims that resonate with my values. This doesn’t require grand missions – it can be as simple as being a good friend, being compassionately creative, or helping others in small ways. The key is that my actions align with what I truly value.

Growth – Continuously learning, developing, and evolving as a person. This means staying curious, facing challenges, and being willing to change my perspectives.

Perhaps the real “secret” is accepting that meaning isn’t something we find, but something we create through our choices, attitudes, and the way we relate to both life’s gifts and challenges. It requires staying present and engaged rather than waiting for meaning to appear from outside ourselves.

I am often asked, during iNFINITE iMPACT mentoring sessions, what this looks like in practice. “How do you do this, on a day-to-day basis?” my clients ask.

So I make an inspirational list:

12 Unconventional Ways to Give Your Life More Meaning

  1. Become a “life historian” for elderly people in your community – record their stories, scan their photos, and preserve their memories. This creates meaningful connections while safeguarding important personal histories that might otherwise be lost.
  2. Create “micro-libraries” in unexpected places – leave curated collections of books in laundromats, bus stations, or local coffee shops with notes encouraging others to read and pass them on. Each collection could focus on a specific theme or topic you’re passionate about.
  3. Become a “dream enabler” – identify people’s unfulfilled dreams or aspirations (especially among those with limited resources) and help make them happen through creative problem-solving, networking, or direct assistance. This could be helping someone learn to read or finally visit the ocean.
  4. Start an “intergenerational skills exchange” where you connect younger people with elderly individuals to trade modern tech knowledge for traditional skills like cooking, crafting, or storytelling. This builds bridges between generations while preserving valuable knowledge.
  5. Create “joy interventions” – orchestrate unexpected moments of delight in public spaces through art installations, music performances, or interactive experiences. Focus especially on bringing these moments to places that typically lack beauty or joy.
  6. Become a “nature translator” – learn deeply about your local ecosystem and lead unusual nature experiences (like midnight wilderness walks or urban foraging tours) that help others develop a more intimate connection with the natural world.
  7. Practice “radical hospitality” by turning your home into an occasional gathering space for people who wouldn’t normally interact – host dinners combining different social groups, cultures, or viewpoints to foster understanding and connection.
  8. Start a “repair revolution” by learning to fix things and teaching others – organize repair cafes where people can bring broken items and learn how to fix them, reducing waste while building community self-reliance.
  9. Become a “memory gardener” by helping families or communities create living memorials – plant trees or gardens that honour loved ones while providing beauty and environmental benefits for future generations.
  10. Create “wisdom circles” where people share life lessons learned from their biggest mistakes or challenges. This transforms personal difficulties into collective learning opportunities while creating deeper human connections.
  11. Practice “guerrilla restoration” by identifying neglected spaces in your community and gradually transforming them through small, persistent actions – planting wildflowers, installing birdhouses, or creating tiny art installations.
  12. Become a “connection catalyst” by deliberately introducing people who could benefit from knowing each other, but might never meet otherwise. Focus on connections that could spark meaningful collaborations or mutual support.

Bonus options:

  • Culinary World Tour: Explore diverse cultures through their cuisines by visiting ethnic restaurants or food markets. Try unfamiliar dishes and learn about their origins and preparation methods
  • Interactive Art Workshops: Participate in immersive art experiences like glow-in-the-dark painting or virtual reality art creation to stimulate creativity and self-expression

These activities are unconventional because they go beyond traditional volunteering or career paths, creating unique ways to contribute while developing rich personal experiences and relationships. Each one can be scaled up or down based on your time and resources, and all have the potential to create ripple effects of positive change while providing deep personal satisfaction.

Maybe you are now asking yourself, “Well, what are more conventional ways of adding meaning to your life?

12 Conventional But Powerful Ways to Add Life More Meaning to Your Life

  1. Volunteer regularly for causes you care about – whether at a food bank, animal shelter, or youth organisation. This direct service to others provides immediate impact and connection while contributing to societal good.
  2. Nurture close family relationships by creating dedicated quality time, starting traditions, and being fully present during important moments. This might include regular family dinners, weekend activities, or annual gatherings.
  3. Develop lasting friendships through consistent investment in relationships – regular check-ins, being there during difficult times, and celebrating successes together. True friendship provides both support and shared joy.
  4. Pursue meaningful work that aligns with your values, whether through your career or side projects. This doesn’t mean having a “dream job,” but rather finding ways to contribute value through your work.
  5. Take care of your physical and mental health through regular exercise, healthy eating, meditation, and adequate rest. This creates the foundation that allows you to show up fully in other areas of life.
  6. Engage in lifelong learning through formal education, reading, taking courses, or developing new skills. This keeps your mind sharp while expanding your understanding of the world.
  7. Practice gratitude deliberately through journaling, expressing appreciation to others, or simply taking time to acknowledge life’s gifts. This shifts focus from what’s lacking to what’s present.
  8. Create art or engage in creative expression – whether through music, writing, painting, sculpting etc. This allows you to process emotions and experiences while making a long-term contribution to the world.
  9. Connect with nature through regular outdoor activities, gardening, or simply spending time in natural settings. This grounds us in something larger than ourselves while providing insight and perspective.
  10. Participate actively in your community through local organisations, religious institutions, or neighbourhood groups. This will create a sense of belonging and allow you to contribute to your immediate environment.
  11. Set and work toward meaningful goals that align with your values, whether personal, professional, or spiritual. This provides you with direction and a sense of progress.
  12. Mentor others by sharing your knowledge and experience, whether formally through organisations or informally with colleagues or younger family members. This is how you create your legacy.

These approaches are conventional because they’re well-established paths to meaning, but their power lies in consistent practice and genuine engagement rather than just going through the motions. The key is to choose activities that genuinely resonate with your values and commit to them.

Leo’s Unconventional but Life-changing Way of Adding Meaning to his Life

The Memory Keeper

Leo used to walk past Paradise Valley Retirement Home every day on his way to his accounting job, barely noticing the building or its residents. But one rainy morning, he spotted an elderly woman sitting alone on the covered porch, holding an old photograph and crying quietly.

Instead of hurrying past, Leo stopped. The woman’s name was Ruth, and the photograph was of her wedding day in 1952. As she shared the story, Leo realised that with each passing year, fewer people remained who remembered the details of that day – the colour of the bridesmaid dresses, the taste of the lemon cream cake, the way Ruth’s father had stumbled over his speech because he was trying not to cry.

That evening, Leo went home and made a decision. He bought recording equipment and started visiting Paradise Valley during his lunch breaks. One by one, he began recording the residents’ stories – not just the big moments, but the small ones too. The time George smuggled a puppy into his college dorm. The summer Maria learned to make her grandmother’s secret recipe for empanadas. The day Howard discovered he could whistle through a blade of grass.

Leo created digital archives for each resident, complete with scanned photos and recorded stories. He taught younger family members how to add to these living histories during their visits. Soon, other retirement homes started asking him to train their staff to do the same.

His accounting colleagues thought he was strange, spending his free time collecting old people’s memories. But Leo had never felt more alive. In preserving these precious fragments of lives well-lived, he discovered that meaning isn’t always found in grand gestures – sometimes it’s in making sure that someone’s wedding cake story lives on, even after they’re gone.

How does our Perception of a Meaningful Life change as we get older?

Young Adults (18-29)

During this stage of life, young adults typically find meaning through their social connections and community interactions. Friends play a pivotal role in providing a sense of belonging and purpose. Educational experiences and exploratory hobbies are frequently cited as meaningful pursuits, reflecting the developmental stage of identity formation and personal discovery. However, research suggests that young adults often report a lower sense of life coherence and cosmic significance compared to older age groups. They are more likely to be actively searching for meaning, experiencing this period as a time of exploration and self-understanding.

Adults (30-49)

As individuals transition into this life stage, career and professional achievements become more prominent sources of meaning. The workplace often provides a structured environment for personal growth, achievement, and contribution. Family relationships simultaneously become increasingly significant, with many adults finding deep meaning in parenting, partnering, and maintaining familial connections. This period is characterised by establishing professional identities and creating stable family units, which become primary sources of purpose.

Middle-aged Adults (50-64)

For middle-aged adults, the landscape of meaning begins to shift more dramatically. Material well-being and personal health start to gain greater importance as sources of meaning. People in this age group become more reflective about their physical and mental capabilities, with health considerations playing a more central role in their lives. Career accomplishments are often reframed, and personal achievements are viewed through a more holistic lens of life experience.

Older Adults (65+)

Older adults demonstrate a fascinating transformation in their perception of meaning. They consistently report higher levels of life coherence and a more profound sense of cosmic significance. While their sense of active purpose might diminish compared to younger groups, they often develop a more philosophical and accepting approach to life. Material well-being, health maintenance, and retirement experiences become key focal points. Interestingly, while family remains important, it is emphasised differently compared to younger age groups. Older adults are more likely to integrate life’s challenges and difficulties into their meaning-making process, viewing them as integral parts of their life journey rather than obstacles.

Each age group experiences meaning through a unique lens shaped by developmental stages, life circumstances, and accumulated experiences. This suggests that meaning is not a static concept but a fluid, personal narrative that adapts and transforms throughout our lives. (Fung NLK, Fung H. Age differences in experiencing meaning in life: A multidimensional approach. Innov Aging. 2021 Dec 17;5(Suppl 1):901.)

The iNFINITE iMPACT mentoring program is designed specifically for the group above and the group below, for those who are seeking to add deeper meaning to their success and transition into a more purposeful life. By addressing the unique challenges this group faces—such as a lack of fulfilment despite their achievements—the program provides personalised guidance to explore and implement unconventional strategies like those I mentioned above.

Through a blend of practices, clients are empowered to uncover what truly resonates with them. Whether it’s reigniting curiosity through new activities, engaging in meaningful generosity, or crafting a legacy that reflects their inner values, the program offers a structured yet deeply personal roadmap for transformation. The goal is to help clients go beyond surface-level success and cultivate a life rich in purpose, connection, and impact—ultimately guiding them toward a life transition that feels authentic and deeply rewarding.

Final Thoughts

You can choose to make your life more meaningful in both conventional and unconventional ways. Traditional approaches like volunteering, nurturing family bonds, developing friendships, pursuing purposeful work, maintaining health, continuing education, practising gratitude, creating art, connecting with nature, engaging in community, setting meaningful goals, and mentoring others provide time-tested routes to fulfilment.

Yet meaning can also emerge through less conventional paths – becoming a life historian for the elderly, creating micro-libraries in unexpected places, enabling others’ dreams, facilitating intergenerational skill exchanges, orchestrating joy interventions, leading nature experiences, practising radical hospitality, teaching repair skills, cultivating memory gardens, hosting wisdom circles, restoring neglected spaces, and catalyzing meaningful connections between people.

The secret isn’t in choosing between conventional and unconventional approaches, but in recognizing that meaning flows from authentic engagement with life in all its forms. When we remain open to both traditional wisdom and unexpected possibilities, we create a rich tapestry of purpose that transcends any single path or practice. The true art of meaningful living lies in weaving together these diverse threads in ways that resonate with our unique values, circumstances, and aspirations.

“I am an experienced medical doctor – MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract cert, Transformational Life Coach (dip.) Life Story Coach (cert.) Counselling (cert.) Med Hypnotherapy (dip.) and EAGALA (cert.) I may have an impressive number of letters after my name, and more than three decades of professional experience, but what qualifies me to excel at what I do is my intuitive understanding of my clients’ difficulties and my extensive personal experience of managing major life changes using strategies I developed over many years” Dr M Montagu

In a world that feels increasingly unstable — politically, economically, emotionally — what will you do when the rug is pulled out from under you? That’s why I created Survive the Storm — a 7-part online course designed to be a lifeline during a life quake. This is your personal survival toolkit for uncertain times — lovingly crafted and packed with practical tools, emotional support, and soul-nourishing insights to help you stay grounded, resilient, and resourceful when everything around you feels like it’s falling apart. Enrol in How to Survive the Storm Protocol, with or without additional mentoring.

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Extraordinary Lives Transformed by Life’s Challenges

A Light-hearted Guide for Trailblazers, Visionaries, Groundbreakers, Guidinglights, Empire builders, Torchbearers and Pathfinders

Sausan, a brilliant CFO I worked with, found herself staring at her reflection one morning, wondering why her recent promotion to a coveted board position felt more like a straitjacket than a victory lap. “I’ve checked all the boxes,” she told me, “So why do I feel like I’m losing my grip?” The answer, as it turns out, wasn’t in her impressive resume but in an area many successful professionals often overlook: emotional intelligence.

If you’re in your mid-40s or beyond and have spent your life collecting achievements like some people collect frequent flyer miles, this article is for you. We need to talk about why those same traits that rocketed you to success might be the very ones making life transitions feel like you’re trying to perform surgery wearing oven mitts.

Here’s the delicious irony: being exceptionally good at life’s first half can actually make you exceptionally bad at handling its second act. Think about it – you’ve spent decades perfecting a particular way of doing and being. You’re the person who turns chaos into order, who makes things happen, who people count on for solutions. Your identity is as finely tuned as a Formula 1 car – and about as flexible, when it comes to off-road adventures.

Trailblazers often struggle more with major life transitions than their less-accomplished peers. Why? Because you’ve gotten really, really good at being who you are. The problem is, life transitions might well require you to become someone completely different.

The 4 Essential Emotional Intelligence Characteristics You Need During Life Transitions

I’ve identified four emotional intelligence characteristics that can help you cope with this new challenge, as well as the pitfalls that might make you feel like you’re trying to parallel-park a submarine:

  1. Self-Awareness: Your Internal Compass (That Might Need Recalibrating)

Remember how you used to know exactly who you were? The top performer, the problem solver, the person with the answers. Then you hit a life transition – maybe it’s an empty nest, a career pivot, or a health wake-up call – and suddenly your internal GPS is recalculating more often than if you were a tourist in Manhattan.

Self-awareness during life transitions isn’t just about knowing your strengths (you’ve got those down pat). It’s about recognising how your identity might be overly tethered to your achievements.

Key Practice: Try the “Identity Beyond Achievement” exercise. List your ten proudest moments. Now count how many are work-related. If more than seven are professional achievements, you might be due for an identity expansion.

Common Pitfall: Treating vulnerability like it’s a design flaw rather than a secret advantage. Feeling vulnerable and uncertain during a life transition doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong – it means you’re human. Even if you’re a very successful, very polished human.

  1. Emotional Resilience: Rewriting Your Success Story

Here’s a truth bomb: the skills that got you here might not be the ones you need going forward. It’s like trying to use your corporate strategic planning skills to navigate a spiritual awakening – technically impressive, but not quite the right tool for the job.

You need to move on from performance-based metrics (which you’ve mastered) to growth-based metrics (which might feel as comfortable as wearing clothes a size too small). Success in transition often looks messier than your usual standards might allow.

Key Practice: Create a “Redefining Success” framework. Instead of measuring outcomes, track learning moments. Instead of monitoring progress, notice new perspectives. Yes, this might feel like switching from spreadsheets to poetry – just stick with it.

Common Pitfall: Attempting to control uncertainty like it’s a wayward department in need of restructuring. Spoiler alert: some things can’t be project-managed into submission.

  1. Relationship Management: The New Social Choreography

Remember when your title did half the relationship work for you? I remember this well, as a medical doctor. Now you might find yourself in situations where nobody knows (or cares) that you once led a billion-dollar division. Welcome to the beautiful world of building connections based on who you are rather than what you’ve achieved.

This is where many high-achievers discover that they’ve been running their relationships like efficient meetings – agenda-driven and focused on outcomes.

Key Practice: Conduct a “Relationship Inventory.” Look at your five closest relationships. Are they primarily transactional or truly connected? Are you relating or just reporting?

Common Pitfall: Maintaining a professional distance when the situation calls for personal proximity. Your polished persona might be impressive, but it’s your authentic self that builds lasting connections.

  1. Social Awareness: Reading New Territories

Imagine being fluent in corporate-speak and suddenly finding yourself in situations where that language doesn’t translate so well. Maybe you’re moving from CEO to community volunteer, or from industry leader to industry learner. The social dynamics are different, and your usual radar might need serious recalibration.

Think of it like being a chess master who’s suddenly invited to play checkers. The board looks similar, but the rules and strategies are surprisingly different.

Key Practice: Engage in “Context Shifting” exercises. Deliberately put yourself in environments where your usual status markers don’t apply. Notice how it feels. Notice what works differently.

Common Pitfall: Assuming your previous status automatically transfers to new contexts. Spoiler: it doesn’t, and that’s actually liberating once you embrace it.

Less Common Pitfalls

  1. The Competency Trap
    You’re really good at being really good. But sometimes, being too good at the old way of doing things makes it harder to learn the new way. It’s like being so excellent at typing that you resist voice recognition software – even when it might serve you better.

  2. The Control Illusion
    Ah, the seductive belief that if you just plan carefully enough, you can manage uncertainty out of existence. Spoiler alert: Life transitions are more like jazz improvisation than symphony conducting.

  3. The Identity Anchor
    Your achievements are like a really comfortable old couch – familiar, supportive, but possibly keeping you from trying out new furniture. Remember: you are not your resume.

  4. The Perception Challenge
    The fear of being seen as “less than” can be paralyzing. But here’s the truth: everyone else is too busy managing their own transitions to keep score of yours.

  5. The Independence Myth
    The belief that needing support is a sign of weakness rather than wisdom. News flash: even Superman had the Justice League.

In the Face of Adversity, Bold Action is Needed

Mastering life transitions isn’t about becoming less exceptional, it’s about becoming more adaptable. To learn that vulnerability can coexist with competence, that uncertainty can partner with expertise, and that letting go of some control might actually give you more power.

Remember Susan, our CFO from the beginning? She eventually realised that her transition wasn’t about failing at being her old self, but about succeeding at becoming her new self. She learned to bring her impressive abilities to new contexts while developing the emotional intelligence to navigate unfamiliar territories.

  • Successful professionals navigating life transitions can start by focusing on emotional intelligence with intentional, bite-sized approaches. Instead of overwhelming yourself, choose one specific area to develop each week. This might mean practising self-awareness about how you respond to change, or learning more nuanced stress management techniques that honour your high-achieving nature.

  • Finding a transition buddy can be transformative. Seek out someone who understands the complex emotional landscape of significant life changes, preferably someone who shares your perfectionist tendencies. This connection isn’t just about commiseration, but about mutual growth and accountability. Beyond this relationship, consider consulting a professional, like a mentor, who can offer diverse perspectives.

  • Moving beyond traditional metrics of success requires creativity. Tracking growth doesn’t always mean quantifiable data points or spreadsheets. Instead, consider more holistic approaches like reflective journaling, capturing emotional insights, and celebrating qualitative milestones that reflect personal development.

  • Giving yourself genuine permission to be a beginner again is perhaps the most powerful transition strategy. This means releasing the pressure of immediate mastery and instead approaching new experiences with curiosity, compassion, and openness. High achievers often struggle with this, but it’s crucial for authentic personal growth.

  • Transitions are ultimately about building resilience. This involves developing a flexible mindset that views challenges as opportunities for learning and transformation. By reframing obstacles and maintaining self-compassion, you can navigate changes with greater ease and emotional intelligence.

  • Make sure each transition has a well-rounded ending. We are more likely to have positive feelings about transitioning from one stage of life to the next if we experience a sense of closure— a recent study has revealed. “Starting a new life phase in a positive and constructive way is often challenging, so we examined methods that could help people find a good start to a new job, a new relationship, or a new home,” explains Gabriele Oettingen, a professor in New York University’s Department of Psychology and the senior author of the study, which appears in the journal Motivation Science. “We observed that how people end their previous life periods makes a difference. In fact, the more people feel that they have done everything they could have done, that they have completed something to the fullest, and that all loose ends are tied up, the happier they are later on, the less they are plagued by regrets, and the more constructively they enter the next life phase.”

Masters of Change: The Inspiring Journeys of Those Who Redefined Success:

Oprah Winfrey exemplifies resilience, rising from a challenging childhood to become a talk show icon before building a media empire and dedicating herself to philanthropy and mental health advocacy. Similarly, Arianna Huffington transitioned from political commentary to founding The Huffington Post, and later shifted her focus to wellness with Thrive Global. J.K. Rowling overcame personal struggles, transforming her life from a single mother on welfare to a global literary sensation with the Harry Potter series, and later expanded into philanthropy and screenwriting. Richard Branson, with his insatiable entrepreneurial spirit, evolved from a record store owner to the visionary behind the Virgin Group, spanning industries from airlines to space tourism. Malala Yousafzai turned a traumatic attack into a mission, becoming a Nobel laureate and global advocate for girls’ education. George Clooney, after achieving acting fame, dedicated himself to humanitarian efforts and entrepreneurial ventures like Casamigos Tequila. Martha Stewart rebuilt her brand after her imprisonment, showcasing remarkable perseverance and expanding her business empire into new markets. Vera Wang transitioned from being a competitive skater and journalist to becoming a world-renowned fashion designer. Tony Robbins, once a struggling janitor, became an internationally acclaimed motivational speaker and philanthropist, inspiring millions to transform their lives.

Final Thoughts

The key is to approach life transitions not merely as disruptions to be managed but as profound invitations to deeper self-understanding and personal evolution. These moments, though often accompanied by discomfort, uncertainty, or loss, hold the potential to reshape not only what you do but who you are. By embracing the unknown with curiosity and courage, you might discover a version of yourself that’s more aligned, fulfilled, and impactful than ever before.

A mentor can provide invaluable support during these pivotal moments:

  1. Perspective and Clarity
    Mentors bring a wealth of experience and a different viewpoint, which helps you step back from the immediacy of your challenges. They can offer clarity on how a transition fits into the broader arc of a your life and career, helping to identify opportunities hidden by the chaos.

  2. Tailored Guidance
    Successful professionals often face unique challenges, such as balancing public expectations with personal aspirations or managing transitions in highly visible roles. A mentor who understands these complexities can offer specific strategies, avoiding generic advice in favour of solutions that resonate deeply with your circumstances.

  3. Emotional Support
    Transitions can feel isolating, especially if you are used to being in control. A mentor serves as a sounding board and the opportunity to explore doubts, fears, and aspirations, helping you to process emotions.

  4. Accountability and Structure
    Mentors help you stay focused and productive during transitions, encouraging you to take actionable steps toward your goals. By offering accountability, mentors ensure that you don’t remain stuck in indecision or self-doubt.

  5. Networking and Resources
    Many mentors have access to extensive networks and resources that can be invaluable during a transition. Whether it’s connecting you to new opportunities, introducing you to like-minded people, or suggesting tools for personal development, mentors can open doors that may otherwise remain closed.

  6. Inspiration and Encouragement
    A mentor who has navigated their own transitions successfully can inspire you to view your challenges as opportunities for growth. Their stories of resilience and reinvention can instil hope and motivation, showing that setbacks often lead to breakthroughs.

  7. Focus on Legacy and Purpose
    Trailblazers like you often grapple with questions of legacy and meaning during life transitions. A mentor can guide you in aligning your next steps with youR deeper values, ensuring that the transition isn’t just about change but about intentional growth toward a more meaningful life.

Ultimately, a mentor is more than just a guide. A mentor can help you turn life transitions into opportunities for reinvention, renewed purpose, and extraordinary impact.

To find out how I do this, click here to find out more about my iNFINITE iMPACT Mentoring Program.

“I am an experienced medical doctor – MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract cert, Transformational Life Coach (dip.) Life Story Coach (cert.) Counselling (cert.) Med Hypnotherapy (dip.) and EAGALA (cert.) I may have an impressive number of letters after my name, and more than three decades of professional experience, but what qualifies me to excel at what I do is my intuitive understanding of my clients’ difficulties and my extensive personal experience of managing major life changes using strategies I developed over many years” Dr M Montagu

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Burnout Is NOT a Badge of Honour

When did burning out become something to brag about?

Picture this: You’re sitting in a meeting, bleary-eyed and clutching your third cup of coffee as if it were a lifeline. Someone casually remarks, “I haven’t had a proper vacation in years,” and the room hums with admiration—as though this person has just climbed Everest barefoot. Sound familiar? Welcome to the Burnout Olympics, where exhaustion is celebrated, and a balanced life is a mythical unicorn.

I so do not agree.

Burnout is NOT a badge of honour.

It’s not a testament to your dedication, proof of all the hard work you have done, or a marker of success; rather, it’s a sign that something fundamental is out of balance. Success is about perseverance and thoughtful effort, not about driving yourself into the ground, and true success comes from thriving in all areas of life—health, relationships, finances etc.—not just from unchecked productivity or relentless ambition. It’s a flashing neon sign that says, “This is unsustainable.” So why do so many of us treat it as something everyone should aspire to?

Let me share Sarah’s story. She enrolled in my iNFINITE iMPACT mentoring program and decided she wanted to start the program by attending one of my Camino de Santiago walking retreats, as she was on the verge of complete burnout. Sarah is a software developer who used to proudly declare she could “sleep when she’s dead.” Her laptop would glow into the early hours as she tackled “just one more bug,” and she’d roll into morning meetings clutching her third coffee like a lifeline. Her colleagues praised her dedication, and she wore those dark circles under her eyes like designer-brand eye shadow.

The breaking point came during a crucial product launch. After three straight weeks of 16-hour days, she found herself staring at her screen, unable to remember the code she’d written just hours before. When she accidentally pushed buggy code to production—something she’d never done in her career—she finally had to admit that her superhuman act was just that: a (fairly amateurish at that) act.

The wake-up call led her to realise she needed to make some uncomfortable but necessary changes. We decided that when she got back, she would start by doing something that felt almost shameful at first: she set a hard stop at 6 PM. She installed apps that would literally lock her out of her work accounts after hours. The hardest part wasn’t the systems, though—it was changing the story she told herself about what made her valuable.

She soon noticed something unexpected: her best code, her most creative solutions, came during her now-rested morning hours. Her team started commenting not on her hours, but on the quality of her work. Six months later, she got the promotion she’d been chasing through all those late nights—not because she was working more, but because she was working smarter.

These days, she mentors new developers with a different message: “Your best code comes from your best self.” She still occasionally pulls a late night when truly needed, but she no longer sees exhaustion as a prerequisite for excellence.

So let’s unpack the toxic mindset that nearly pushed Sarah into full-blown burnout, explore why resilience is the smarter (and healthier) alternative, and in case you can’t escape to the south of France right now, I’ll introduce you to a roadmap that might just make all the difference.

The Glorification of Burnout

Burnout culture is a pervasive phenomenon in modern society where overwork, constant busyness, and relentless productivity are glorified and equated with success and dedication.

Somewhere along the way, we started equating busyness with success. If your calendar isn’t bursting at the seams, are you even trying?

Society’s glorification of busyness and overwork manifests in several ways:

  1. It’s a status symbol: People often pride themselves on their packed schedules and ability to juggle multiple responsibilities simultaneously. Multi-tasking, you know.

  2. We believe that sacrifice is needed to be successful. There’s a cultural expectation these days that success requires sacrifice, reinforced by stories of people who overcame immense obstacles through tireless work. These stories often omit the toll on mental and physical health.

  3. The rise of the hustle culture: The “hustle culture” rewards and reinforces workaholic behaviour, glorifying long hours, sleep deprivation, and sacrificing personal life for professional goals.

  4. The current achievement-fueled society: Modern society has shifted towards an “achievement society” where individuals become “entrepreneurs of themselves,” constantly driven by internalized pressures to excel and produce.

The impact of burnout culture is supported by research and statistics:

  1. Prevalence: 76% of employees experience burnout on the job at least sometimes, with 28% reporting they are often or always burned out.

  2. Economic impact: Depression and anxiety cost the global economy an estimated $1 trillion per year in lost productivity.

  3. Mental health: A staggering 625 million people worldwide suffer from depression and anxiety.

  4. Productivity loss: The World Health Organisation estimates a jaw-dropping $1 trillion loss in productivity each year due to mental health issues.

  5. Work-life balance: 61% of remote and 53% of on-site workers find it increasingly difficult to “unplug” from work during off-hours.

As you see, the consequences of burnout culture are significant. It leads to decreased productivity, higher turnover rates, increased healthcare costs, and a range of physical and mental health issues. (de Oliveira C, Saka M, Bone L, Jacobs R. The Role of Mental Health on Workplace Productivity: A Critical Review of the Literature. Appl Health Econ Health Policy. 2023 Mar;21(2):167-193.)

Recognising and addressing burnout culture is crucial for creating healthier, more sustainable work environments and improving overall societal well-being.

Think about the language we use: “I’m swamped,” “I barely have time to breathe,” “Sleep is for the weak.” These phrases have become humblebrags, subtle ways to signal our dedication. And let’s not forget the workplace martyrdom: skipping lunch, sending emails at midnight, and being “always available” have become points of pride rather than red flags.

The problem? This mindset – toxic productivity – is a one-way ticket to burnout city. And unlike the high-speed trains here in Europe, there’s no scenic view or smooth ride—just a bumpy descent into exhaustion, cynicism, and inefficiency.

What Burnout Really Costs You

Burnout isn’t just about feeling tired. It’s a full-body and mind takeover. Here’s what’s really at stake:

  1. Your Health: Chronic stress wreaks havoc on your body, leading to issues like insomnia, high blood pressure, and a weakened immune system. You’re not just tired; you’re compromising your long-term physical and mental health.

  2. Your Relationships: When you’re perpetually frazzled, the people you care about often get the worst of you. Burnout leaves little room for meaningful connections.

  3. Your Performance: Ironically, the harder you push, the less effective you become. Burnout diminishes creativity, focus, and decision-making—the very qualities you need to succeed.

  4. Your Joy: Remember hobbies? Spontaneous laughter? The ability to relax without feeling guilty? Burnout has a way of stealing these joys, leaving you in a constant state of “doing” rather than “being.”

So, why are we still romanticising this?

The Resilience Reframe

Let’s flip the script. What if, instead of striving to be the busiest person in the room, you aimed to be the most resilient? Resilience isn’t about avoiding stress altogether; it’s about managing it effectively and bouncing back stronger.

Here’s why resilience is the ultimate power move:

  • Clarity and Creativity: A resilient mind can see solutions where others see problems. You’re not bogged down by overwhelm, so your brain has space to innovate.

  • Sustainability: Resilience ensures you’re in it for the long haul. You’re not just surviving; you’re thriving.

  • Balance and Boundaries: Resilience gives you the confidence to say no when necessary, protect your energy, and prioritize what truly matters.

  • Fulfilment: When you’re resilient, you have the bandwidth to appreciate life’s little joys—like a leisurely walk, a good book, or an uninterrupted conversation – all the things that give your life meaning.

The Roadmap to Resilience

My Roadmap to Resilience: From Burnout to Breakthrough hybrid online course is one of the pillars of my iNFINITE iMPACT Mentoring Program. It’s not a quick fix or a magic pill (spoiler: those don’t exist). It’s a guide to reclaiming your life from the clutches of burnout and building a foundation for sustainable physical and mental well-being. Here’s what you can expect:

1. Spotting the Warning Signs

We’ll start by identifying the red flags of burnout—the subtle ones you’ve been brushing off and the glaring ones you can’t ignore. Awareness is the first step to significant and lasting change.

2. Mastering Coping Mechanisms

From mindfulness practices to stress-reduction techniques, you’ll learn practical tools to manage life’s pressures without letting them consume you.

3. Setting Healthy Boundaries

Do you struggle to say no? You’re not alone. We’ll dive into strategies for setting boundaries that protect your energy and foster respect.

4. Prioritising Self-Care

Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential. Together, we’ll create a self-care plan that fits your lifestyle and feels beneficial, not indulgent.

5. Restoring Balance

Life transitions can throw us off-kilter and send us spiralling into burnout. Whether you’re navigating a career change, an empty nest, or a major loss, this course will help you find your footing and move forward with confidence.

A Personal Note

I created this course because I’ve been there. I’ve worn the burnout badge, pushed through the exhaustion, and ignored the warning signs until I just couldn’t anymore. But here’s the thing: hitting rock bottom taught me what resilience truly looks like. It’s not about pushing harder; it’s about pausing, reassessing, and building back stronger.

That’s why I’m passionate about helping others avoid the mistakes I made. You don’t have to wear burnout as a badge of honour. You can choose the much more valuable resilience badge instead.

Imagine a life where you wake up feeling vibrantly alive, fully energised and purposeful. Where you can tackle challenges without feeling like you’re drowning. Where balance isn’t just a buzzword but a lived reality.

Ready to Rewrite Your Story? Learn more about the Roadmap to Resilience course here.

5 frequently asked questions about how burnout impacts productivity:

Q: What exactly is burnout and how does it differ from regular work stress?

A: Burnout is a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion resulting from prolonged exposure to high levels of job stress. Unlike regular work stress which tends to be temporary and tied to specific projects or deadlines, burnout is characterised by chronic feelings of depletion, cynicism about work, and reduced professional efficacy. You might handle regular stress by taking a weekend off, but burnout requires more significant intervention and lifestyle changes.

Q: Does powering through burnout actually decrease productivity, even if I’m working more hours?

A: Yes, significantly. Research shows that working while burned out can reduce cognitive function by up to 50%. Tasks that normally take 30 minutes might stretch to an hour or more. You’re also more likely to make mistakes that require time to fix later. While you might be physically present for more hours, your actual output and quality of work typically decline sharply. Think of it like trying to run a marathon on an injured leg – you’ll move slower and risk causing more damage.

Q: What are the early warning signs that burnout is starting to affect my productivity?

A: Watch for increased time needed to complete routine tasks, difficulty concentrating on one thing at a time, and making uncharacteristic mistakes. Other signs include feeling resistant to starting your workday, taking longer to make decisions you used to make quickly, and feeling like you’re working harder but accomplishing less. Physical symptoms like headaches, insomnia, or frequent minor illnesses can also signal that burnout is impacting your performance.

Q: How long does it take to recover from burnout and regain normal productivity levels?

A: Recovery time varies significantly depending on severity and intervention, but most people need 3-6 months to fully recover when taking active steps to address burnout. The recovery process isn’t linear – you might see some quick improvements in energy and focus within a few weeks of making changes, but rebuilding sustainable work patterns and full productivity usually takes longer. Without proper intervention, burnout can persist indefinitely.

Q: What are the most effective strategies for rebuilding productivity after burnout?

A: Recovery requires a multi-faceted approach. Start by establishing clear work boundaries and rest periods – this means actually disconnecting from work during off hours. Prioritise sleep and physical health through exercise and nutrition. Rebuild your workday around your natural energy cycles, scheduling important tasks during your peak hours. Most importantly, address the root causes of your burnout, whether that’s workload, lack of control, or misaligned values. Some find working with a mentor or coach helpful in developing sustainable work habits and managing stress effectively.

Final Thoughts

Burnout may be glorified in our culture, but it doesn’t have to be the plotline of your story. Let’s break the cycle and build a life that’s not just productive, but truly purposeful, meaningful and fulfilling.

“I am an experienced medical doctor – MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract cert, Transformational Life Coach (dip.) Life Story Coach (cert.) Counselling (cert.) Med Hypnotherapy (dip.) and EAGALA (cert.) I may have an impressive number of letters after my name, and more than three decades of professional experience, but what qualifies me to excel at what I do is my intuitive understanding of my clients’ difficulties and my extensive personal experience of managing major life changes using strategies I developed over many years” Dr M Montagu

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Rewrite Your Life: How Storytelling Can Make Your Life More Meaningful

Especially during Life Transitions

Introduction

Storytelling is one of humanity’s oldest and most powerful tools for making sense of life. Beyond entertainment, stories provide structure, convey values, and reveal truths about our lives. By adopting storytelling techniques, we can infuse our everyday experiences with more meaning and definite purpose.

Life transitions are like flipping to a new chapter in a book—exciting, unpredictable, and sometimes downright scary. Whether you’re starting a new job, starting/selling a business, moving to a different city, or navigating a big change in your personal life, it’s perfectly human to start feeling uncertain and insecure. But what if the secret to making sense of it all lies in the stories we tell ourselves? Storytelling isn’t just for bedtime or movie nights—it’s a powerful tool to create clarity and connection during times of change. By reframing your experiences as part of your bigger life story, you can turn a life transition into an opportunity to live a more meaningful, intentional life.

Because life isn’t just a series of random events—it’s a story. Some chapters are pure page-turners, while others feel like they were written by a sleep-deprived author. By mastering the art of storytelling, you can create a life that’s not only meaningful but also deeply aligned with who you are.

Master the Art of Storytelling to Give Meaning to Your Life

Embark on a Hero’s Journey

The hero’s journey, popularised by mythologist Joseph Campbell, is a universal narrative framework that mirrors personal transformation. Identifying the stages of your own hero’s journey can provide clarity and purpose.

YOU are the hero of your story.

  • Identify the significant stages: Every hero’s journey begins with a call to adventure (that moment you step out of your comfort zone). Reflect on the pivotal moments in your life—the challenges you’ve faced, the transformations you’ve undergone, and your newfound wisdom. These stages help frame your experiences as part of a bigger story.

  • Discover meaning in triumphs and setbacks: Every hero encounters trials. By viewing your struggles as necessary steps in your growth, even setbacks can become meaningful.

  • Name your allies: Heroes don’t have to fight their battles on their own. Every hero should have a Gandalf, a Dumbledore, or that one friend who talks you out of bad decisions. Identify the people who support and guide you—friends, family, teachers, or even inspirational figures. Acknowledge their role in your story and draw strength from their support.

Write Your Memoir

Your life is a tapestry woven from key events, decisions, and experiences. Writing your life story allows you to find coherence and intention in the chaos. Your life story is waiting to be told. And you’re the best qualified to write it.

  • Write your life story: Jot down those pivotal moments—the highs, the lows, and the “What was I thinking?” decisions. These milestones, challenges, and failures are the building blocks of your story. Focus on the moments that shaped you.

  • Identify recurring themes and patterns: Notice any patterns? Maybe resilience is your superpower, or perhaps you’re drawn to reinvention. Look for the values and beliefs that consistently appear. Are there recurring lessons or struggles? This self-awareness can guide your future choices.

  • Make intentional decisions that align with your values. Life’s too short for plotlines that don’t serve your character arc. Use insights from your life story to align your actions with your core values. A cohesive story leads to a more meaningful and deliberate life.

Use Nested Loops

Nested loops are storytelling techniques in which smaller stories feed into a central narrative. Your life isn’t just one story—it’s a collection of smaller tales that all tie back to the central theme. This approach helps connect everyday experiences to a larger purpose.

  • Identify your core values or life purpose: Define what matters most to you—whether it’s love, growth, creativity, or service.

  • Connect smaller stories: Relate daily experiences to your fundamental purpose. These smaller stories—like the time you helped a stranger or nailed a challenging project—aren’t random. They all tie back into your bigger picture.

  • Find magic in the mundane: Suddenly, even grocery shopping can become a metaphor for perseverance. Viewing life as a collection of interconnected stories means no experience is wasted.

Transform Your Main Character

Instead of letting life happen to you, become the architect of your evolution. A meaningful life requires personal growth. By consciously shaping your character, you can become the best possible version of yourself.

  • Set personal growth goals: Visualise your ideal self and identify the qualities you wish to cultivate.

  • Seek out challenging experiences: Growth rarely happens in your comfort zone. Whether it’s tackling a fear, starting a side hustle, or joining a book club, challenge yourself to grow. List activities and adventures that align with your values. .

  • Reflect on how you have changed: Ask yourself how each experience has shaped you. Acknowledge your progress and adjust your objectives as needed.

Reframe Your Perspective

Changing perspective is a powerful tool. By reframing challenges, you can turn adversity into opportunity.

  • Reframe negative experiences: View failures and hardships as essential parts of your hero’s journey. Instead of seeing a failed project as a disaster, call it “Act Two: The Comeback.” Ask, “What can I learn from this?”

  • Transform limiting beliefs: Use storytelling to rewrite negative narratives about yourself into empowering ones. For instance, instead of seeing yourself as “not good enough,” craft a story of resilience and progress.

  • Adopt a growth mindset: Embrace challenges as opportunities to grow, and view setbacks as temporary.

Connect With Others

Stories are bridges that connect us to others. Share yours, and listen to others’ stories. Other people’s stories expand your worldview.

  • Share your stories: Whether in a writing group, support circle, on social media, or talking to a friend over coffee, sharing your story creates connections.

  • Listen to others’ stories: Actively hearing others’ experiences broadens your perspective and enriches your own story. Plus, active listening is the fastest way to make meaningful connections.

  • Forge deeper bonds: Vulnerability is the secret sauce of storytelling. Sharing your struggles and triumphs creates relationships that go beyond surface level.

Reflect and Revise

Your life story is a work in progress. Regular editing allows you to refine your story and align it with your growing self.

  • Keep a journal: Think of it as your personal story lab—a place to process experiences and experiment with new narratives.

  • Revisit and update your story: Periodically revisit your life story to integrate new insights and experiences.

  • Stay open to rewrites: A plot twist might send you in a new direction and provide you with new perspectives. Embrace it. Growth is all about staying flexible.

Additional Aspects to Consider

  • Goal-setting through storytelling: Envision your future self and write a story about achieving your goals. Break larger goals into smaller, actionable steps and use storytelling to maintain motivation.

  • Experiment with narrative structures: Try seeing your life through non-linear storytelling. Use flashbacks to connect past, present, and future events.

  • Use an emotional timeline: A particularly powerful life mapping technique involves creating a line graph that tracks the emotional highs and lows of your life. Starting from birth as a neutral point, you graph significant events by moving the line up for positive experiences and down for challenging moments

  • Incorporate symbolism and metaphor: Use symbols and metaphors to represent themes in your life. For example, a tree might symbolize growth, while a river could represent change.

  • Practice gratitude through storytelling: Reflect on the moments you’re grateful for, even during life transitions. Highlight those moments in your story.

By adopting storytelling as a way of life, you can weave meaning into your daily experiences, set purposeful goals, and create connections with others. This intentional approach allows you to live a richer, more fulfilling life, where every chapter contributes to your personal growth and sense of purpose.

One of the easiest ways of writing your life story is by making a Life Map.

Use a Life Map as an Outline for Your Life Story

So, if you think of your life as an epic novel in the making, a life map would be your outline, your plot, your storyboard, your way of figuring out what really matters to you and how to get where you’re going.

Use these 9 steps to create your life map:

1. Stroll Down Memory Lane Take a good, hard look at your past. Not just the highlight reel—dig into the moments that shaped you, scars and triumphs alike. Those experiences are the breadcrumbs to who you’ve become.

2. Survey the Now Zoom in on the present. What’s lighting you up—or holding you back? Think about your priorities, your relationships, and whether your daily grind matches your idea of a good life.

3. Daydream with Purpose What’s next? Picture your ideal future in stunning detail: career moves, personal wins, bucket list adventures. Break it down—short, medium, and long-term goals. The clearer your vision, the easier the map.

4. Pick Your Canvas Old-school notebook or shiny mind-mapping app? Choose your weapon. Whether you’re a paper purist or a tech devotee, it’s all about finding a format that feels right for you.

5. Plot the Timeline Sketch out your journey—past, present, and future. Include those turning points, big dreams, and the milestones that’ll get you there. Make it visually compelling.

6. Divide and Conquer Split your map into life’s key categories: personal growth, career, relationships, health, hobbies—whatever makes you, you. This isn’t one-size-fits-all.

7. Add Some Flair Use colours, doodles, symbols, and images to bring your map to life. The more personal it feels, the more likely you’ll stick with it.

8. Strategise Like a Boss Set actionable, not aspirational goals. What’s it going to take? List out the resources, skills, and steps you’ll need to crush those goals.

9. Tweak, Don’t Toss Revisit it often. Update it as you grow, shift gears, or take detours. This is a living document, not a one-and-done project.

Or use one of these digital tools:

  1. EdrawMind: This flexible mind-mapping application offers a variety of life map templates and allows for easy customisation. It provides features like adding notes, images, tags, and clip art to make your life map more informative and visually appealing.

  2. MindManager: An industry-leading life map software that allows for creating complex, detailed life maps. It offers pre-installed templates and provides an intuitive framework for organizing thoughts and collaborating with team members.

  3. Mapbox: While primarily an interactive map tool, Mapbox can be adapted for creating custom maps, including life maps. It offers a range of features and templates, though it may require some technical knowledge to fully use.

  4. Mapme: Described as “Medium for Maps,” Mapme allows users to create layered maps without coding knowledge. It’s user-friendly and offers features like data plotting and custom shape drawing.

  5. Microsoft Excel: For those preferring a simpler approach, Excel can be used to create a basic life map. It’s versatile and allows for easy organisation of goals and timelines.

When choosing a digital life map tool, consider factors such as ease of use, customisation options, integration capabilities, and your technical skill level. Some tools offer free versions or trials, allowing you to test them before committing to a paid plan.

Final Thoughts

Ultimately, storytelling is about continuous reflection and revision. Our life story is not a fixed document but a dynamic, evolving narrative. By regularly revisiting and reinterpreting our experiences, we can maintain a sense of purpose, adaptability, and personal growth. Each moment becomes an opportunity to add depth, wisdom, and meaning to our ongoing life story.

iNFINITE iMPACT Mentoring Program

Storytelling is at the heart of how I help my Infinite Impact clients find deeper meaning in their lives. Together, we uncover the narratives they’ve been living by and reshape them into stories that align with their interests, priorities, values and aspirations. By reframing challenges as pivotal moments in their personal journeys, clients start to see their lives as rich, purposeful stories in the making. This process not only creates clarity and increases confidence but also inspires them to take bold, intentional steps toward creating the impact they’ve always envisioned.

“I am an experienced medical doctor – MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract cert, Transformational Life Coach (dip.) Life Story Coach (cert.) Counselling (cert.) Med Hypnotherapy (dip.) and EAGALA (cert.) I may have an impressive number of letters after my name, and more than three decades of professional experience, but what qualifies me to excel at what I do is my intuitive understanding of my clients’ difficulties and my extensive personal experience of managing major life changes using strategies I developed over many years” Dr M Montagu

In a world that feels increasingly unstable — politically, economically, emotionally — what will you do when the rug is pulled out from under you? That’s why I created Survive the Storm — a 7-part online course designed to be a lifeline during a life quake. This is your personal survival toolkit for uncertain times — lovingly crafted and packed with practical tools, emotional support, and soul-nourishing insights to help you stay grounded, resilient, and resourceful when everything around you feels like it’s falling apart. Enrol in How to Survive the Storm Protocol, with or without additional mentoring.

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The Unexpected Return of Imposter Syndrome: Life can Transitions trigger Self-Doubt

Major Life Changes can make even Seasoned Professionals feel like Anxious Amateurs

You’ve spent decades mastering your field, earning those battle scars of experience, and finally feeling like you belong with the best. Then suddenly, a seismic shift occurs – perhaps your company restructures and you’re managing a team half your age, or you’re diving into entrepreneurship after thirty years of corporate life, or maybe you’re navigating an empty nest that leaves you questioning your identity beyond parenthood. Like a dormant volcano awakening, these transitions can trigger imposter syndrome in even the most seasoned professionals.

The familiar landmarks of competence disappear, replaced by unfamiliar terrain where your tried-and-true compass seems to spin incoherently. It’s not just about learning new skills; it’s about recalibrating your entire sense of self. The expertise you’ve carefully cultivated over decades suddenly feels irrelevant or insufficient, and that voice you thought you’d silenced years ago whispers again: “Do I really belong here?”

The irony is that these transitions often come precisely when others view you as most accomplished – creating an even wider chasm between external perceptions and internal doubts. It’s as if life’s biggest growth opportunities come packaged with a complementary dose of imposter syndrome, testing not just our adaptability but our very understanding of who we are.

The Definition of Imposter Syndrome

Impostor Syndrome has a knack for messing with your head. It makes you second-guess your abilities, feel like a total fraud, and live in constant fear that someone’s going to “expose” you—even when all the evidence screams, You’re crushing it. It’s especially common among high-achievers who, instead of taking credit for their wins, chalk them up to luck, timing, or some fluke of the universe, rather than their own talent and hard work.

Key Characteristics:

  1. Self-Doubt: That little voice that makes you question if you’re really good enough, even when you have all the proof that you are.

  2. Fear of Exposure: The constant worry that someone’s going to “unmask” you and discover you’re not as smart or capable as they think (spoiler: you totally are).

  3. Attributing Success to External Factors: Instead of owning your wins, you credit them to luck, timing, or help from others—anything but your own hard work and talent.

  4. Overachievement or Procrastination: Maybe you overwork yourself trying to prove you belong, or you avoid starting because you’re afraid of falling short. Both are exhausting, right?

  5. Perfectionism: Setting sky-high standards for yourself, and then feeling like even your best efforts aren’t quite enough.

  6. Discounting Praise: When someone gives you a well-deserved compliment, and you brush it off like it doesn’t count. (It counts. Big time.)

Sound familiar?

The Five Most Prevalent Types

Fascinating, isn’t it? The 5 types were identified by Dr. Valerie Young in her research on imposter syndrome. People may exhibit characteristics of multiple types, but usually have one dominant form.

  1. The Perfectionist: You set sky-high standards for yourself, and when you don’t quite hit them (even though you’re probably closer than anyone else), you start questioning everything. Cue the endless cycle of over-planning, over-preparing, and overthinking—all in an effort to dodge mistakes.

  2. The Superhuman: You’re not just striving for success—you’re trying to conquer everything, everywhere, all at once. You push yourself harder than anyone else, thinking you need to justify your accomplishments, but the cost? That elusive work-life balance.

  3. The Natural Genius: You’ve always believed success should feel effortless, and when it doesn’t? Hello, self-doubt. Challenges make you wonder if you’re truly capable, and that doubt can keep you from diving into new experiences.

  4. The Soloist: Asking for help? Not an option. You’ve convinced yourself that doing things solo is the only way to prove you’re capable. But that “I’ll do it all myself” attitude can lead to burnout—and let’s be honest, it’s exhausting.

  5. The Expert: You know your stuff, but you feel like you don’t know enough. You’re constantly chasing more certifications, more knowledge, more validation—because even with all your expertise, you still feel like you’re one step away from being “found out.”

Recognising yourself as one of these is the first step toward unlearning these habits. With a little self-compassion, you can start to reframe these tendencies.

Do you have imposter syndrome and if so, which type of imposter syndrome do you have? Take the Quiz

The Incidence, especially under High-Achievers

Research shows that over half of graduate students, college students, nurses, and medical students wrestle with it—yep, we’re talking more than 55%. In fact, when researchers took a closer look at 62 studies, they found rates as high as 82% in some of these groups.

Interesting to me, as a medical doctor, research revealed that in medical education specifically, it’s even more striking: 82.2% of students reported feeling impostor syndrome to some degree—about 46% said they felt it moderately, while 36% experienced it frequently.

And it’s not just students. Across the board, around 70% of people will face impostor feelings at some point in their careers. It’s especially common among high-achievers, who, despite their clear track records of success, often struggle with that sneaky feeling of, What if I don’t actually deserve this?

So if you’ve ever felt this way, know this: you’re not alone, and it doesn’t mean you’re not capable—it means you’re human.

The Re-activation of Imposter Syndrome during Life Transitions:

The Expertise Erosion: This strikes when you move into new territory that doesn’t fully align with your established skills. Imagine a highly respected lawyer who transitions to running their own firm, suddenly grappling with marketing and staff management. Their legal expertise remains intact, but they feel like an amateur in these new domains, creating a cognitive dissonance between their established identity and new challenges.
The Legacy Trap: This surfaces particularly in older professionals taking on roles involving newer technologies or cultural shifts. A seasoned manager might find themselves questioning their relevance when leading younger teams with different work styles and technological fluency. Their wealth of experience paradoxically becomes a source of self-doubt rather than confidence.
The Identity Rupture: This occurs during personal life transitions. Empty nesters, for instance, often experience imposter syndrome not in a professional context, but in their shifting identity. After decades of defining themselves through parenting, they question their competence in rediscovering individual pursuits or rebuilding relationships outside the parent-child dynamic.
The Peer Pressure Paradox: This emerges when life transitions put you out of sync with your peer group. Perhaps you’re starting a new career while your contemporaries are planning retirement, or you’re entering the dating scene post-divorce while most friends are long-married. The deviation from expected life trajectories can trigger feelings of being an imposter in your age group.
The Achievement Shadow: This manifests when past success actually amplifies imposter feelings during transitions. The more accomplished you’ve been, the more pressure you feel to maintain that level of excellence in new circumstances. It’s particularly acute in career downshifts or voluntary simplification, where choosing a less prestigious path can feel like betraying your “successful” identity.
The Visibility Vulnerability: This occurs when transitions thrust you into greater public visibility. Consider an expert practitioner who moves into a thought leadership role. Despite deep knowledge, the shift from doing to teaching or public speaking can trigger profound imposter feelings.
The Competence-Confidence Gap: This widens during transitions where your actual competence is growing, but your confidence lags behind. It’s common in technological upskilling or when taking on broader leadership roles, where the learning curve is steep but necessary.
The Generational Bridge: This form emerges when trying to navigate between different generational expectations and values. It’s particularly relevant for those in sandwich situations, simultaneously caring for ageing parents and adult children, feeling inadequate in both roles despite extensive life experience.

Misconceptions about Imposter Syndrome:

  1. Imposter syndrome is a mental health condition: This is a myth. Imposter syndrome is NOT a formal mental health diagnosis, but rather a psychological pattern of self-doubt and fear of being exposed as a fraud.

  2. Imposter syndrome can be cured with a simple mindset shift: While changing thoughts and habits can help, overcoming imposter syndrome often requires a more comprehensive approach that includes addressing both mental and physical aspects.

  3. Ignoring imposter syndrome will make it go away: Suppressing emotions related to imposter syndrome can actually lead to burnout and more significant mental health issues. It’s important to acknowledge and address these feelings.

  4. Seeking help means you’re not good enough: This is false. Seeking support for imposter syndrome does not reflect on your abilities or potential for success. It’s about addressing limiting beliefs that hold you back.

  5. Working on self-confidence alone will beat imposter syndrome: While improving self-confidence can help, imposter syndrome often involves deeper, subconscious beliefs that require more targeted intervention.

  6. Imposter syndrome only affects high-achieving women: This is a myth stemming from early research, but imposter syndrome can affect anyone regardless of gender, career, or background.

By understanding these misconceptions, you can make more informed decisions about seeking help for imposter syndrome and approach treatment with realistic expectations.

Seeking Help

Seeking professional help, from a therapist, counsellor, coach or mentor for imposter syndrome has changed many successful professionals’ lives for the better. I have counselled and coached a substantial number of men and women with imposter syndrome, but after 30 years of experience, I find that I’m now best at mentoring.

Engaging a mentor to help you get rid of imposter syndrome offers several significant benefits. As your mentor, I will:

  1. Share What I’ve Learned: I’ve been there too, and I’ve picked up strategies along the way that can help you reframe self-doubt and see your strengths more clearly.

  2. Help You Challenge Negative Patterns: Let’s work on spotting those moments when impostor syndrome creeps in. Together, we can unpack those thoughts and ask, “Is that really true?”

  3. Tailor My Guidance to You: Everyone’s journey with impostor syndrome is different, so I’ll make sure my advice fits your specific challenges, strengths, and goals.

  4. Help You Dig Deeper: I’m here to listen, ask thoughtful questions, and create a safe space to explore where these feelings might be coming from.

  5. Share Practical Tools: Whether it’s celebrating small wins, journaling your successes, or finding ways to quiet your inner critic, I’ll help you build a toolkit for managing those tough moments.

  6. Boost Your Self-Awareness: I’ll help you recognize when and why those impostor feelings pop up so you can start shifting your perspective.

  7. Be Your Mirror: Sometimes, it’s hard to see our own strengths. I’ll reflect back what I see in you—your skills, your effort, and your achievements—until you start seeing it too.

  8. Encourage Self-care: I know impostor syndrome can bring a lot of stress and anxiety, so I’ll frequently remind you to take care of yourself along the way.

  9. Teach You Long-Term Strategies: I want to give you tools you can use long after our time together—like how to own your successes, practice self-compassion, and trust your abilities.

  10. Be Your Unbiased Cheerleader: I see the real you—your talents, your potential, and your effort. Even when you doubt yourself, I’ll be here reminding you just how capable you are.

By seeking professional help, you can effectively address and get rid of imposter syndrome forever.

Meet Dave: The Perfectionist Who Feared Being “Found Out”

Dave had a resume that read like the opening credits of a blockbuster movie. Ivy League grad. Fast-tracked promotions. Awards that gathered dust on a shelf because he was too busy earning the next one. From the outside, he looked like the kind of guy who didn’t just play the game—he wrote the rulebook.

But on the inside? Dave felt like a fraud. Every meeting was a minefield of potential exposure. What if they realise I don’t actually know what I’m doing? Every success was a fleeting high, immediately overshadowed by the looming dread of, What if this is the last one?

Six months ago, Dave had left his executive role. It wasn’t an epic blowout or a messy departure—just a mutual decision to part ways after his company was acquired. “Time to explore new opportunities,” he’d told colleagues. But as the weeks turned into months, “exploring” felt more like he had lost his way.

Dave should’ve been excited—this was his chance to finally try something new, build something of his own. But instead, he was stuck. Frozen by a relentless, familiar voice in his head:
“Who do you think you are, starting over at 52?”
“What if you’ve peaked? What if they see you don’t have it anymore?”

That voice wasn’t new. It had been with him since his first big promotion, whispering that he’d only succeeded because he worked harder than everyone else, not because he was actually brilliant. Now, without the corporate ladder to cling to, the voice was deafening.

So Dave played it safe. No big risks. No “out there” ideas. He stuck to the familiar, convinced that one wrong move would unravel the illusion of competence he’d built.

The worst part? It wasn’t the fear of failing itself that paralysed him—it was the fear of being seen failing.

When I met Dave, I gently called him out. “You’re not a fraud, Dave,” I told him. “You’re just out of practice at seeing your own worth.”

l didn’t have a magic solution, but I did have personal experience, encouragement, and practical advice. I helped Dave recognise that the skills he’d spent years honing wouldn’t disappear just because his title did. I showed him how to reframe his “failures” as steps toward reinvention. I reminded Dave that starting over wasn’t a sign of weakness; it was a sign of courage. With my guidance, he began to take small, purposeful risks—reaching out to new contacts, pitching ideas he’d been too nervous to share, and even allowing himself to fail without spiralling into self-doubt.

Little by little, Dave stopped seeing himself as someone who’d lost his way and started seeing himself as someone who was carving a new one. And for the first time in years, he didn’t just feel competent—he felt excited.

iNFINITE iMPACT

Imagine breaking free from that persistent inner voice that says, “You’re not good enough,” despite your accomplishments. That’s precisely what the iFINITE iMPACT mentoring program is designed to do. This transformative program equips you with practical strategies, mindset tools, and personalised guidance to tackle impostor syndrome head-on. You’ll learn how to reframe self-doubt, confidently embrace your achievements, and step into every opportunity with a sense of purpose and self-assurance. With a clear focus on empowering you to recognise and leverage your unique strengths, iFINITE iMPACT provides the tools you need to make the meaningful, lasting impact you’ve always been capable of. It’s time to leave doubt behind and engage your full potential!

Send an email to OpenLockedDoors@gmail.com and book a private 30-minute complementary consultation today, and we’ll explore how we can work together.

“I am an experienced medical doctor – MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract cert, Transformational Life Coach (dip.) Life Story Coach (cert.) Counselling (cert.) Med Hypnotherapy (dip.) and EAGALA (cert.) I may have an impressive number of letters after my name, and more than three decades of professional experience, but what qualifies me to excel at what I do is my intuitive understanding of my clients’ difficulties and my extensive personal experience of managing major life changes using strategies I developed over many years” Dr M Montagu

References

Bravata, D. M., Watts, S. A., Keefer, A. L., Madhusudhan, D. K., Taylor, K. T., Clark, D. M., Nelson, R. S., Cokley, K. O., & Hagg, H. K. (2020). Prevalence, Predictors, and Treatment of Impostor Syndrome: a Systematic Review. Journal of General Internal Medicine, 35(4), 1252-1275.

Thomas, M., & Bigatti, S. (2020). Perfectionism, impostor phenomenon, and mental health in medicine: a literature review. International Journal of Medical Education, 11, 201-213.

Mak, K. K. L., Kleitman, S., & Abbott, M. J. (2019). Impostor Phenomenon Measurement Scales: A Systematic Review. Frontiers in Psychology, 10, 671.

Jaremka, L. M., Ackerman, J. M., Gawronski, B., Rule, N. O., Sweeny, K., Tropp, L. R., Metz, M. A., Molina, L., Ryan, W. S., & Vick, S. B. (2020). Common Academic Experiences No One Talks About: Repeated Rejection, Impostor Syndrome, and Burnout. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 15(3), 519-543.

Cokley, K., Smith, L., Bernard, D., Hurst, A., Jackson, S., Stone, S., Awosogba, O., Saucer, C., Bailey, M., & Roberts, D. (2017). Impostor feelings as a moderator and mediator of the relationship between perceived discrimination and mental health among racial/ethnic minority college students. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 64(2), 141-154.

Kumar, S., & Jagacinski, C. M. (2005). Imposters have goals too: The imposter phenomenon and its relationship to achievement goal theory. Personality and Individual Differences, 40(1), 147-157.

Quiz from Colorado State University

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Time is Your Most Valuable Resource

Don’t Spend It, Invest It.

Harry sat in his sleek, glass-walled office overlooking the city, the rhythmic clicking of his Montblanc pen against the desk filling the sterile silence. The faint scent of leather from his chair mingled with the sharp tang of fresh coffee cooling by his side, untouched. His gold wristwatch, a treasured trophy of his success, gleamed under the warm LED lights, but its ticking now sounded like a slow drumbeat mocking his accomplishments. He stared at the endless lists of appointments in his planner, his chest tightening as a hollow ache settled in his gut. Outside the window, the sun sank behind skyscrapers, casting elongated shadows that crept toward him like spectral hands. In that moment, the realisation hit him with the weight of a thunderclap: every meticulously planned second was steadily slipping through his fingers, and for all his success, he had no idea how to cope with the life transition that he’s facing: handing over his business, his precious brainchild, to the next generation and starting his “well-deserved” retirement.

Introduction

You are successful. After all, you’ve mastered time management, haven’t you? Your calendar is a testament to efficiency, your achievements speak for themselves, and you’ve gotten where you are precisely because you know how to use time well.

But here’s the uncomfortable truth: Success often creates a peculiar form of temporal blindness. We become excellent at managing time within the framework that brought us success, while remaining oblivious to how that very framework might be failing us as we contemplate making changes in the way we live our lives.

Time is the great equaliser.

John C. Maxwell captured this truth perfectly: “Time management is an oxymoron. Time is beyond our control, and the clock keeps ticking regardless of how we lead our lives. Priority management is the answer to maximizing the time we have.”

The Unexpected Struggle

If you’re feeling unmoored at this moment, you’re not alone. Life transitions—big changes in our current circumstances—have a way of pulling the rug out from under us. They expose cracks that might not have been apparent until you decide to make a significant change in the way you live your life.

Suddenly, the very skill that helped you succeed – is now standing in your way. The very strategies that built your success are starting to feel like a straitjacket rather than a superpower. Whether you’re contemplating a career pivot, recovering from a personal upheaval, or simply feeling that subtle urge for change, your relationship with time might be due for a fundamental reset.

It’s a tough pill to swallow: you’ve spent decades controlling every aspect of your life, your business, your finances. But time? It doesn’t care about your KPIs. You can’t slow it down, you can’t bank it, and no amount of optimisation will create more of it. The only power you have is deciding how to spend it.

The emotions that accompany transitions can be disorienting. There’s the nagging fear of irrelevance, the guilt over missed family dinners, and perhaps a twinge of regret about opportunities passed up in favour of professional pursuits. These feelings aren’t weaknesses—they’re invitations to reevaluate and realign.

The Success-threatening Shift

You’ve likely encountered the classic time management matrix: urgent versus important. You’ve probably read about morning routines, productivity hacks, and the value of delegation. But here’s what these systems don’t address: the profound discomfort of realising that, on the threshold of a major life change, your relationship with time needs to fundamentally change as well.

Let me share a story about Michael, a former CEO who decided to switch careers at 45. “I kept treating my transition like another project to optimise,” he recalls. “I created timelines, set milestones, scheduled informational interviews. Six months in, I realised I was so focused on ‘making progress’ that I hadn’t allowed myself to truly explore what I wanted.”

This is a common pattern. We treat transitions like problems to be solved rather than experiences to be lived. We apply our proven formulas for success, not realising that we’re trying to navigate new waters with an old map.

“The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there,” wrote L.P. Hartley. Your past success is exactly that: a foreign country. The way you valued and used time there might not serve you in your new territory.

The Solution

Here’s the game-changer: stop trying to manage time. It’s futile and frustrating. Instead, focus on managing your priorities. This isn’t just semantics; it’s a mindset shift that can make an enormous difference to how you live.

1. Time Is a Finite Resource

No matter how wealthy, smart, or resourceful you are, you can’t make more time. You have exactly 24 hours a day, just like everyone else. What sets people apart isn’t how much time they have—it’s how they use it.

Warren Buffett once remarked, “I can buy anything I want, but I can’t buy time.” Yet successful people often act as if they can. We postpone joy, defer relationships, and delay exploration, believing we’ll have time for it all later. We treat time like a renewable resource when it’s actually more like Bitcoin – finite, increasingly valuable, and impossible to mine more.

2. Priorities as the only Currency

But here’s where the analogy breaks down: Unlike Bitcoin, time becomes more precious not because of market forces, but because of the diminishing window of possibilities. Each passing year closes certain doors while opening others. The question isn’t whether you’re using time efficiently, but whether you’re using it in alignment with what matters most to you now.

Think of your time as an investment portfolio. Every hour spent is a trade-off, an allocation of a finite resource. Are you putting your time into activities that yield the highest returns—happiness, fulfilment, connection—or squandering it on obligations that no longer serve you?

3. Eliminate Blind Spots

Success creates specific blind spots about time:

First, there’s the “perpetual preparation” trap. You’re so good at preparing for the next thing that you forget to experience the current thing. You treat life like a series of dress rehearsals for some grand future performance that never arrives.

Second, there’s the “productivity paradox.” The more efficiently you can pack your schedule, the less space you leave for serendipity, insight, and genuine transformation. As Brené Brown puts it, “We are a culture of people who’ve bought into the idea that if we stay busy enough, the truth of our lives won’t catch up with us.”

Third, there’s the “achievement addiction.” You’ve become so accustomed to measuring time in terms of outcomes that you struggle to value it for its own sake. This becomes particularly painful during transitions, when the outcomes are unclear and the metrics for progress are ambiguous.

Managing priorities begins with knowing what they are. This is the moment to ask yourself hard questions:

  • What truly matters to me now?

  • What do I want to be remembered for?

  • How can I align my actions with my values?
    Clarity isn’t just empowering—it’s liberating.

Practical Strategies to Manage Priorities

So what’s the alternative? Here’s a radical proposition: What if you started treating time not as a resource to be managed, but as a resource to be explored?

This means instead of asking “What should I accomplish today?” consider “What do I want to experience today?” Replace “Is this a good use of my time?” with “Is this true to who I am becoming?” Perhaps the greatest achievement is learning to value time differently when life calls for it.

1. Start by conducting a Priority Audit

Take a hard look at where your time is going. Is it aligned with your values, or are you stuck in the inertia of old habits? Categorise your commitments into three buckets:

  • Essential: Activities that align with your core values and goals.

  • Delegable: Tasks that don’t require your direct involvement.

  • Deletable: Obligations that drain your energy and that no longer serve you.

2. Redefine Success

What does success look like now? It’s not about more deals or accolades—it’s about living with intention. Maybe it’s spending time with family, mentoring the next generation, or pursuing a passion you’ve sidelined. The key is to define success on your terms, not by someone else’s metrics.

3. Invest in Relationships

At the end of the day, relationships are what give life meaning. No one looks back on their life and wishes they’d spent more time in meetings. Relationships are the true currency of a meaningful life. Prioritise deep, quality connections over superficial interactions. This isn’t about quantity; it’s about quality. Whether it’s family, close friends, or a trusted mentor, investing time in these relationships pays dividends far beyond the present moment.

4. Protect Your Time

Time is your most valuable asset—guard it fiercely. Learn to say no (kindly but firmly), and resist the urge to fill every moment with activity. You don’t have to say yes to everything. Protecting your time is an act of self-respect. Set boundaries around your availability, and don’t be afraid to decline invitations or commitments that don’t align with your priorities. Remember, every “yes” to one thing is a “no” to something else and a busy life isn’t necessarily a fulfilling one.

5. Embrace New Interests

Transitions are a golden opportunity to hit the reset button and rediscover (or uncover) what lights you up. Have you always wanted to learn Italian, start painting, or volunteer for a cause close to your heart? Now’s the time. Pursuing hitherto neglected interests isn’t just a pastime—it’s a way to infuse your life with energy and purpose.

The Legacy of a Lifetime Well-Spent

At this stage, it’s not just about how you spend your time—it’s about the legacy you leave behind.

When your priorities reflect your values, your actions become a testament to what matters most. Whether it’s mentoring the next generation, contributing to your community, being present for loved ones, strengthening your family bonds, or championing a cause, you’re leaving a legacy that transcends time.

Success in this new phase isn’t about accumulating more accolades or wealth. It’s about living authentically, intentionally, and with purpose. It’s about making peace with the past, cherishing the present, and crafting a future that feels meaningful.

Conclusion: Time Waits for No One

Return to Michael’s story. His breakthrough came when he stopped treating his career transition like a project and started treating it like an exploration. “I realised I was rushing through a process that actually needed time to unfold,” he says. “Once I gave myself permission to not know the destination, I started discovering possibilities I couldn’t have planned for.”

This doesn’t mean abandoning the skills that made you successful. Rather, it means developing a more nuanced relationship with time. It means understanding that different phases of life require different ways of valuing and using time.

As Seneca wrote, “It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it.” The question for successful people in transition isn’t about wasting time versus using it productively. It’s about recognizing when our ingrained ways of valuing time no longer serve us.

Your time is indeed your most valuable resource – not because of what you can accomplish with it, but because it’s the medium through which you experience your life. In transitions, the art is learning to value it accordingly.

Time is indeed “the great equaliser.” It doesn’t care who you are, how much you’ve achieved, or what you still hope to accomplish. It marches forward, relentless and impartial.

But here’s the good news: within its constraints lies an incredible power. By shifting your focus from managing time to managing priorities, you can make every moment you have count.

Is it time for a Conversation about what Success means in this Next Chapter of your life?

I mentor successful professionals who are ready to shift from time management to time mastery – from merely optimising their schedule to creating purposeful, meaningful, fulfilling lives and lasting legacies.

Together, let’s design a life for you that aligns with your values, your vision, and your actual priorities using my iNFINITE iMPACT progam.

Send an email to OpenLockedDoors@gmail.com and book a private 30-minute complementary consultation today, and we’ll explore what’s possible when you reimagine your unique relationship with time.

“I am an experienced medical doctor – MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract cert, Transformational Life Coach (dip.) Life Story Coach (cert.) Counselling (cert.) Med Hypnotherapy (dip.) and EAGALA (cert.) I may have an impressive number of letters after my name, and more than three decades of professional experience, but what qualifies me to excel at what I do is my intuitive understanding of my clients’ difficulties and my extensive personal experience of managing major life changes using strategies I developed over many years” Dr M Montagu

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Do You Need a Mentor?

“If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.” — Isaac Newton

Potential clients often ask me what happens during an iNFINITE iMPACT mentoring consultation. Below, I share an example of such a consultation, entirely hypothetical, to give you an idea of what to expect and decide if mentoring would be a good choice for you at this time. Let’s start by looking at what exactly is a mentor:

What Is A Mentor?

A mentor is an experienced and trusted councillor who guides and supports a less experienced person (often called a mentee or protégé) in their personal or professional development. The relationship typically involves sharing knowledge, providing feedback, offering emotional support, and helping the protégé navigate challenges and seize opportunities.

Key aspects of mentorship include:

  • It’s a two-way relationship – while mentors guide and advise, effective mentorship involves mutual trust, respect and open dialogue

  • It’s based on experience sharing – mentors pass on their insights, acquired through personal experience, and lessons learned from their own journey

  • It often involves role modelling – mentors demonstrate personal and professional behaviours and standards through their own example

  • There is a narrow focus on personal development – mentors help their clients identify and work toward their goals while mastering new skills and revealing hidden talents and strengths

Why Mentoring?

At this point in my life, mentoring is undoubtedly the most effective medium to share my knowledge, training and extensive experience with major life changes and transitions. Coaching and Counselling, the other two modalities that I hold qualifications for, have limitations that hinder my ability to give my very best to my clients.

To get back to the hypothetical consultation I mentioned…it usually starts like this:

“So, why would someone like you – already crushing it by most standards – seek out a mentor?

The client answers.

I understand: You’ve hit all the conventional markers of success. Corner office? Check. Impressive portfolio? Done. The kind of LinkedIn profile that makes recruiters swoon? Obviously.

But something’s nagging at you. Maybe it’s that subtle feeling that despite all your achievements, you’re operating at 70% of your potential. Or perhaps you’ve mastered the ‘what’ of success but are grappling with the ‘why.’

Here’s what I typically hear from high-achievers like yourself:

  • ‘I’m successful by everyone else’s metrics, but I’m not sure they’re my metrics anymore.’

  • ‘I’ve climbed to the top of what I thought was my mountain, only to realise it might well be the wrong mountain.’

  • ‘I’m great at optimizing systems and leading teams, but I’m not sure I’m optimizing my own life.’

  • ‘Everyone comes to me for advice, but who do I go to when I need to pressure-test my thinking?’

Clients explain their specific challenges.

Indeed, having a mentor at your level isn’t about basic career guidance – you’ve long since figured that part out. It’s about having someone who can be your thought partner in exploring uncharted territory. Someone who can help you:

  • Challenge your assumptions (even the ones that got you this far)

  • Spot your blind spots (especially the ones your success has hidden from view)

  • Question your questions (because you’re probably asking yourself the wrong ones)

  • Navigate the intersection of extraordinary success and genuine fulfilment (because they don’t always overlap naturally)

Think of it as having a sophisticated GPS for your life’s journey – one that doesn’t just show you the fastest route, but helps you figure out if you’re heading to the right destination in the first place.

What made you start thinking about mentorship at this specific time?

Clients share their reasons.

I know exactly how that feels. You’ve built something impressive. The kind of career trajectory that makes for compelling business school case studies. Board meetings, strategic decisions, and maybe even a few industry awards gathering dust on your shelf.

And yet… there’s this persistent void.

I hear this more often than you may think.

High-achievers who’ve mastered the external game but are now facing the internal one. It typically shows up as:

  • ‘I’ve spent twenty years building this empire, but lately I’m wondering – who am I building it for?’

  • ‘My team sees me as this unshakeable leader, but privately, I’m questioning everything I’ve built.’

  • ‘I can solve complex business problems in my sleep, but I can’t seem to crack the code of personal fulfilment.’

  • ‘The things that used to excite me – closing big deals, quarterly wins, industry recognition – they just don’t hit the same way anymore.’

Let’s be honest – this isn’t about needing guidance on how to be more successful. This is about something deeper. It’s about:

  • Redefining success on your own terms (not just the terms that looked good in your 30s)

  • Finding purpose beyond performance metrics

  • Creating a legacy that matters to YOU, not just to shareholders

  • Discovering what sets your soul on fire (when your brain’s already proven all it needs to prove)

Clients describe their unique situations.

When did you first notice this disconnect between your external success and your internal fulfilment?

What was the moment that made you stop and think, ‘There has to be more than this’?”

Let’s discuss this fascinating intersection of peak achievement and personal renaissance. It’s quite different from the challenges you faced building your career – more nuanced, more internal, and ironically, often more challenging for people used to solving everything with strategic thinking.

Let’s break down the iNFINITE iMPACT approach:

  1. First, we need to give ourselves permission to question everything – yes, even the success metrics we’ve internalised. It’s remarkably difficult for high-achievers to do this. You’ve spent decades building a reputation for having answers, and now you’re entering a phase full of questions.

  2. Next, we have to cope with the identity shift. This is where it gets interesting. You’re not just the CEO, Managing Director, or whatever title you’ve earned. You’re a human being in transition. The challenge? Expanding your identity without dismantling what you’ve built.

  3. We need to develop metrics for meaning – and no, not the kind that looks good on a quarterly report. We’re talking about measures of fulfilment that would make your MBA professors scratch their heads:

  • How often do you lose track of time doing something that lights you up?

  • When was the last time you felt truly, deeply challenged at a personal level?

  • What percentage of your decisions are driven by ‘should’ versus ‘want’?

Clients talk about their insights.

4. Next is the question about leaving a legacy. This is where we move from ‘What do I want to achieve?’ to ‘What do I want to give?’ It’s no longer about adding to your impressive resume – it’s about writing a different story altogether.

The opportunities? They’re extraordinary:

  • You have resources most people dream of

  • Your pattern recognition skills are razor-sharp

  • You know how to execute once you set a direction

  • Your network is likely vast and valuable

The challenges? Equally significant:

  • Letting go of control (your old friend)

  • Embracing uncertainty (your old enemy)

  • Learning to measure success in ways Wall Street would never understand

  • Building authentic relationships when everyone wants something from you

Clients explore their unique opportunities and challenges and often want to talk about identity issues.

The key is recognising that this isn’t a crisis – it’s a calling. It’s your sophisticated mind telling you it’s time for the next great challenge. And unlike the challenges of building a career or running a company, this one is deeply personal.

Think of your identity like an operating system that’s been running exceptionally well for decades. It’s sophisticated, highly optimised, and gets incredible results. We’ll call it ‘Achievement OS 4.0.’ But now you’re trying to run new programs it wasn’t designed for.

Typically, successful people struggle with:

  1. The Identity Anchor Effect – Your achievements have become your anchor points. When someone asks ‘Who are you?’ your mind automatically runs through your professional highlight reel. The challenge? Learning to separate your worth from your work without losing your edge.

  2. The Social Identity Trap – Everyone in your orbit – board members, team, family – has you firmly categorised as ‘the successful one,’ ‘the problem solver,’ and ‘the person who makes things happen.’ Their expectations have become invisible strings pulling at your identity. Breaking free without breaking relationships? That’s the art we need to master.

  3. The Competency Paradox – Your high competency in your professional role can actually block personal growth. Why? Because you’ve mastered being the person with answers, but this journey requires becoming comfortable with questions.

  4. The New Identity Integration – This is about expansion, not replacement. Think of it like adding new rooms to a magnificent house rather than tearing it down. You’re not losing the CEO, you’re adding the explorer, the learner, maybe even the beginner at something new.

Key Moves in this Shift:

  • From ‘I am what I achieve’ to ‘I am who I am becoming.’

  • From ‘What will others think?’ to ‘What feels authentically right?’

  • From ‘I should have this figured out’ to ‘I’m curious about what I don’t know.’

Here’s a question that often creates breakthrough moments: What part of yourself have you put on hold while building your success? Maybe there’s an artist, a philosopher, or an adventurer in there somewhere, waiting for permission to emerge?”

A Purely Hypothetical Conversation

Each mentoring consultation is unique, just as each client and their circumstances are unique. No two consultations follow the same pattern – the example above is just an introduction to the iNFINITE iMPACT mentoring process, to help you decide if it will be a good fit for you.

If this resonates, on one or on various levels, please send me an email at OpenLockedDoors@gmail.com to book your complimentary 30-minute consultation.

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Why Life Changes/Transitions Make Us Question the Meaning of Our Lives

Turning Points and Existential Questions

Life transitions: they’re the moments when the universe taps you on the shoulder and says, “Time for a Change.” Whether it’s a career pivot, the starting/selling of a business, part- or full retirement, the loss of a loved one, or the sudden quiet of an empty nest, these shifts have an uncanny way of dumping us into the deep end of the philosophical pool. You might find yourself staring blindly at your reflection on a Zoom call or walking through a silent house thinking, What now?

Transitions, as unsettling as they are, don’t just disrupt our lives—they shake the very foundations of our no-longer-rock-solid identity. And while this might sound dramatic, it’s also an unexpected opportunity. These moments, though challenging, force us to pause and consider the meaning behind the madness.

What have I done with my Life?

Enter Existential Angst

It’s a universal truth: humans are creatures of habit. We find comfort in routine, in knowing what’s next, in being able to predict our tomorrows. Then comes a life transition—a promotion, a cross-country move, a personal loss—and suddenly, that cosy cocoon feels more like a prison cell. Psychologists have a term for this kind of upheaval: disequilibrium. It’s the disorienting state when our old way of being no longer fits, and the new one hasn’t quite taken shape yet.

Consider Erik Erikson, the psychologist who mapped out the stages of human development. He argued that every phase of life comes with its own identity crisis, from “Who am I?” in adolescence to “What have I done with my life?” in older age. Transitions bring these questions to the forefront because they challenge the scripts we’ve so diligently been following.

The result? A cocktail of uncertainty and desperate introspection. Even the most confident among us can feel adrift when the familiar becomes unrecognisable. You might chuckle at the stereotype of a midlife crisis—someone buying a sports car or taking up skydiving— beneath the surface, it’s often a desperate and profound yearning for a more meaningful, fulfilling and purposeful life.

Why is This Happening to Me?

Life transitions disrupt our sense of stability and identity, creating a space where questions about purpose and meaning naturally arise because of:

1. The Loss of Familiar Roles and Structures

Many aspects of our identity are tied to our roles (e.g., spouse, parent, business owner) and the routines of daily life. When a transition—such as a career change, divorce, or children leaving home—occurs, these roles and routines shift or disappear completely. This disruption can leave us feeling unmoored, leading to a need to redefine ourselves.

2. The Need for Coherence

We have a natural desire to make sense of our lives. Transitions often mark the end of one chapter and the start of another, which can feel chaotic or fragmented. To regain a sense of coherence, we reflect on our experiences and seek meaning in what has happened and what lies ahead.

3. Our Heightened Awareness of Mortality and the Passage of Time

Significant transitions, especially those involving loss or ageing, often remind us of life’s impermanence. This awareness can lead to questions like, “Am I spending my time on what truly matters to me?” or “What legacy do I want to leave behind?”

4. The Destruction of Our Comfort Zones

Change forces us out of our comfort zones, making us confront aspects of our lives that we might have avoided or taken for granted. This discomfort often triggers a deeper examination of values, goals, and priorities.

5. Strangely enough, the Opportunity for Growth

Transitions create a psychological space where old habits, beliefs, and assumptions are challenged. While this can be unsettling, it also provides fertile ground for personal growth and self-discovery. We often reevaluate our purpose to align with who we are becoming, not just who we were.

Who Am I If I’m Not Me Anymore?

Life transitions don’t just change circumstances, they often force us to confront the elaborate narratives we’ve built about ourselves.

The truth is, much of our identity is tied to the roles we play and the labels we wear. The job title on your email signature, the relationships you nurture, the routines that shape your day—when these shift, it’s like losing a piece of the puzzle that forms your sense of self.

Transitions can also magnify societal expectations. In a world that celebrates perpetual motion and achievement, stepping off the treadmill—even for a moment—can feel like failing. But the real challenge isn’t external. It’s internal: reconciling who you were with who you’re becoming.

And yet, this discomfort is where growth begins. Because as disorienting as it is to ask, Who am I now?, it’s the first step toward answering, Who do I want to be?

What really Matters to Me Now?

Disruption and Discomfort

It’s often in the quiet chaos of transitions that life sneaks in its most profound questions. Change disrupts the rhythm of our days, creating space for reflection—whether we’re ready for it or not. That’s why these moments can feel so overwhelming.

Philosophers have long argued that meaning arises in moments of disruption. Take existentialism: thinkers like Jean-Paul Sartre and Albert Camus believed that life’s inherent uncertainty is what drives us to seek purpose. Transitions, then, are like tiny existential invitations. They remind us that nothing is fixed, that the story we’re living can take a turn, for better or for worse, at any time.

Modern culture doesn’t always make this easy. We’re told to “keep hustling,” to measure success in milestones and metrics. But transitions defy that logic. They ask us to pause, to consider whether the ladder we’ve been climbing is leaning against the right wall.

Sometimes, the questions that transitions force upon us—What really matters to you now? What’s next?— can lead to breakthroughs. Many of history’s great innovations and creative works came after significant life changes. The discomfort of transition, it turns out, is fertile ground for reinvention.

How can I Get Through this?

From Breakdown to Breakthrough

While transitions often feel like endings, they’re also beginnings in disguise. They strip away the familiar, leaving behind a blank canvas—a chance to redefine what fulfilment means to us.

The first step is to embrace the questions. Instead of resisting them, lean in. What do you value now that you didn’t before? What kind of life feels worth living at this stage? These aren’t easy questions, but they’re essential ones.

There are also practical ways to navigate these existential detours:

  • Reflection: Journaling, meditating, or simply taking long walks in nature can create space for clarity.

  • Connection: Seek out others who’ve navigated similar transitions. Sharing experiences can make the journey feel less isolating.

  • Humour: Don’t underestimate the power of laughter. As absurd as life’s twists can seem, finding the humour in them can be a saving grace.

Ultimately, transitions remind us of life’s impermanence—and its possibilities. By letting go of who we think we should be, we open ourselves to who we might become.

What’s the Point of It All?

Transitions, for all their chaos and uncertainty, have a purpose: they force us to recalibrate. They remind us that life isn’t a straight line but a series of chapters, each with its own challenges and opportunities.

So, the next time life hands you a transition—a promotion, a breakup, a milestone—take it as a nudge from the universe. Let it push you to ask the big questions, even if the answers aren’t immediately clear. After all, questioning the meaning of life isn’t a sign of failure; it’s a sign of growth.

  • “Who am I now?” – When roles or identities shift, people may grapple with a sense of loss and seek to redefine themselves.

  • “What truly matters to me?” – Transitions often highlight what is missing or unfulfilled in life, prompting a reevaluation of priorities.

  • “Am I living authentically?” – Life changes can bring a heightened awareness of whether one’s choices align with their core values and passions.

  • “What is my next step?” – A transition can feel like standing at a crossroads, needing clarity to move forward.

And if you’re lucky, you might just find that the process of asking—messy, uncomfortable, and unpredictable as it is—is where the meaning lies.

These questions can feel overwhelming but are also an opportunity for growth, self-discovery, and realignment with a deeper sense of purpose. While the process may be challenging, it often leads to greater clarity and fulfilment over time.

This happens because transitions are both challenging and transformative. With the right support—like the guidance you offer With my iNFINITE iMPACT Mentoring program—people can use this time to rebuild their lives with more intention and meaning.



“I am an experienced medical doctor – MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract cert, Transformational Life Coach (dip.) Life Story Coach (cert.) Counselling (cert.) Med Hypnotherapy (dip.) and EAGALA (cert.) I may have an impressive number of letters after my name, and more than three decades of professional experience, but what qualifies me to excel at what I do is my intuitive understanding of my clients’ difficulties and my extensive personal experience of managing major life changes using strategies I developed over many years” Dr M Montagu

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