Extraordinary Lives Transformed by Life’s Challenges

A Light-hearted Guide for Trailblazers, Visionaries, Groundbreakers, Guidinglights, Empire builders, Torchbearers and Pathfinders

Sausan, a brilliant CFO I worked with, found herself staring at her reflection one morning, wondering why her recent promotion to a coveted board position felt more like a straitjacket than a victory lap. “I’ve checked all the boxes,” she told me, “So why do I feel like I’m losing my grip?” The answer, as it turns out, wasn’t in her impressive resume but in an area many successful professionals often overlook: emotional intelligence.

If you’re in your mid-40s or beyond and have spent your life collecting achievements like some people collect frequent flyer miles, this article is for you. We need to talk about why those same traits that rocketed you to success might be the very ones making life transitions feel like you’re trying to perform surgery wearing oven mitts.

Here’s the delicious irony: being exceptionally good at life’s first half can actually make you exceptionally bad at handling its second act. Think about it – you’ve spent decades perfecting a particular way of doing and being. You’re the person who turns chaos into order, who makes things happen, who people count on for solutions. Your identity is as finely tuned as a Formula 1 car – and about as flexible, when it comes to off-road adventures.

Trailblazers often struggle more with major life transitions than their less-accomplished peers. Why? Because you’ve gotten really, really good at being who you are. The problem is, life transitions might well require you to become someone completely different.

The 4 Essential Emotional Intelligence Characteristics You Need During Life Transitions

I’ve identified four emotional intelligence characteristics that can help you cope with this new challenge, as well as the pitfalls that might make you feel like you’re trying to parallel-park a submarine:

  1. Self-Awareness: Your Internal Compass (That Might Need Recalibrating)

Remember how you used to know exactly who you were? The top performer, the problem solver, the person with the answers. Then you hit a life transition – maybe it’s an empty nest, a career pivot, or a health wake-up call – and suddenly your internal GPS is recalculating more often than if you were a tourist in Manhattan.

Self-awareness during life transitions isn’t just about knowing your strengths (you’ve got those down pat). It’s about recognising how your identity might be overly tethered to your achievements.

Key Practice: Try the “Identity Beyond Achievement” exercise. List your ten proudest moments. Now count how many are work-related. If more than seven are professional achievements, you might be due for an identity expansion.

Common Pitfall: Treating vulnerability like it’s a design flaw rather than a secret advantage. Feeling vulnerable and uncertain during a life transition doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong – it means you’re human. Even if you’re a very successful, very polished human.

  1. Emotional Resilience: Rewriting Your Success Story

Here’s a truth bomb: the skills that got you here might not be the ones you need going forward. It’s like trying to use your corporate strategic planning skills to navigate a spiritual awakening – technically impressive, but not quite the right tool for the job.

You need to move on from performance-based metrics (which you’ve mastered) to growth-based metrics (which might feel as comfortable as wearing clothes a size too small). Success in transition often looks messier than your usual standards might allow.

Key Practice: Create a “Redefining Success” framework. Instead of measuring outcomes, track learning moments. Instead of monitoring progress, notice new perspectives. Yes, this might feel like switching from spreadsheets to poetry – just stick with it.

Common Pitfall: Attempting to control uncertainty like it’s a wayward department in need of restructuring. Spoiler alert: some things can’t be project-managed into submission.

  1. Relationship Management: The New Social Choreography

Remember when your title did half the relationship work for you? I remember this well, as a medical doctor. Now you might find yourself in situations where nobody knows (or cares) that you once led a billion-dollar division. Welcome to the beautiful world of building connections based on who you are rather than what you’ve achieved.

This is where many high-achievers discover that they’ve been running their relationships like efficient meetings – agenda-driven and focused on outcomes.

Key Practice: Conduct a “Relationship Inventory.” Look at your five closest relationships. Are they primarily transactional or truly connected? Are you relating or just reporting?

Common Pitfall: Maintaining a professional distance when the situation calls for personal proximity. Your polished persona might be impressive, but it’s your authentic self that builds lasting connections.

  1. Social Awareness: Reading New Territories

Imagine being fluent in corporate-speak and suddenly finding yourself in situations where that language doesn’t translate so well. Maybe you’re moving from CEO to community volunteer, or from industry leader to industry learner. The social dynamics are different, and your usual radar might need serious recalibration.

Think of it like being a chess master who’s suddenly invited to play checkers. The board looks similar, but the rules and strategies are surprisingly different.

Key Practice: Engage in “Context Shifting” exercises. Deliberately put yourself in environments where your usual status markers don’t apply. Notice how it feels. Notice what works differently.

Common Pitfall: Assuming your previous status automatically transfers to new contexts. Spoiler: it doesn’t, and that’s actually liberating once you embrace it.

Less Common Pitfalls

  1. The Competency Trap
    You’re really good at being really good. But sometimes, being too good at the old way of doing things makes it harder to learn the new way. It’s like being so excellent at typing that you resist voice recognition software – even when it might serve you better.
  2. The Control Illusion
    Ah, the seductive belief that if you just plan carefully enough, you can manage uncertainty out of existence. Spoiler alert: Life transitions are more like jazz improvisation than symphony conducting.
  3. The Identity Anchor
    Your achievements are like a really comfortable old couch – familiar, supportive, but possibly keeping you from trying out new furniture. Remember: you are not your resume.
  4. The Perception Challenge
    The fear of being seen as “less than” can be paralyzing. But here’s the truth: everyone else is too busy managing their own transitions to keep score of yours.
  5. The Independence Myth
    The belief that needing support is a sign of weakness rather than wisdom. News flash: even Superman had the Justice League.

In the Face of Adversity, Bold Action is Needed

Mastering life transitions isn’t about becoming less exceptional, it’s about becoming more adaptable. To learn that vulnerability can coexist with competence, that uncertainty can partner with expertise, and that letting go of some control might actually give you more power.

Remember Susan, our CFO from the beginning? She eventually realised that her transition wasn’t about failing at being her old self, but about succeeding at becoming her new self. She learned to bring her impressive abilities to new contexts while developing the emotional intelligence to navigate unfamiliar territories.

  • Successful professionals navigating life transitions can start by focusing on emotional intelligence with intentional, bite-sized approaches. Instead of overwhelming yourself, choose one specific area to develop each week. This might mean practising self-awareness about how you respond to change, or learning more nuanced stress management techniques that honour your high-achieving nature.
  • Finding a transition buddy can be transformative. Seek out someone who understands the complex emotional landscape of significant life changes, preferably someone who shares your perfectionist tendencies. This connection isn’t just about commiseration, but about mutual growth and accountability. Beyond this relationship, consider consulting a professional, like a mentor, who can offer diverse perspectives.
  • Moving beyond traditional metrics of success requires creativity. Tracking growth doesn’t always mean quantifiable data points or spreadsheets. Instead, consider more holistic approaches like reflective journaling, capturing emotional insights, and celebrating qualitative milestones that reflect personal development.
  • Giving yourself genuine permission to be a beginner again is perhaps the most powerful transition strategy. This means releasing the pressure of immediate mastery and instead approaching new experiences with curiosity, compassion, and openness. High achievers often struggle with this, but it’s crucial for authentic personal growth.
  • Transitions are ultimately about building resilience. This involves developing a flexible mindset that views challenges as opportunities for learning and transformation. By reframing obstacles and maintaining self-compassion, you can navigate changes with greater ease and emotional intelligence.
  • Make sure each transition has a well-rounded ending. We are more likely to have positive feelings about transitioning from one stage of life to the next if we experience a sense of closure— a recent study has revealed. “Starting a new life phase in a positive and constructive way is often challenging, so we examined methods that could help people find a good start to a new job, a new relationship, or a new home,” explains Gabriele Oettingen, a professor in New York University’s Department of Psychology and the senior author of the study, which appears in the journal Motivation Science. “We observed that how people end their previous life periods makes a difference. In fact, the more people feel that they have done everything they could have done, that they have completed something to the fullest, and that all loose ends are tied up, the happier they are later on, the less they are plagued by regrets, and the more constructively they enter the next life phase.”

Masters of Change: The Inspiring Journeys of Those Who Redefined Success:

Oprah Winfrey exemplifies resilience, rising from a challenging childhood to become a talk show icon before building a media empire and dedicating herself to philanthropy and mental health advocacy. Similarly, Arianna Huffington transitioned from political commentary to founding The Huffington Post, and later shifted her focus to wellness with Thrive Global. J.K. Rowling overcame personal struggles, transforming her life from a single mother on welfare to a global literary sensation with the Harry Potter series, and later expanded into philanthropy and screenwriting. Richard Branson, with his insatiable entrepreneurial spirit, evolved from a record store owner to the visionary behind the Virgin Group, spanning industries from airlines to space tourism. Malala Yousafzai turned a traumatic attack into a mission, becoming a Nobel laureate and global advocate for girls’ education. George Clooney, after achieving acting fame, dedicated himself to humanitarian efforts and entrepreneurial ventures like Casamigos Tequila. Martha Stewart rebuilt her brand after her imprisonment, showcasing remarkable perseverance and expanding her business empire into new markets. Vera Wang transitioned from being a competitive skater and journalist to becoming a world-renowned fashion designer. Tony Robbins, once a struggling janitor, became an internationally acclaimed motivational speaker and philanthropist, inspiring millions to transform their lives.

Final Thoughts

The key is to approach life transitions not merely as disruptions to be managed but as profound invitations to deeper self-understanding and personal evolution. These moments, though often accompanied by discomfort, uncertainty, or loss, hold the potential to reshape not only what you do but who you are. By embracing the unknown with curiosity and courage, you might discover a version of yourself that’s more aligned, fulfilled, and impactful than ever before.

A mentor can provide invaluable support during these pivotal moments:

  1. Perspective and Clarity
    Mentors bring a wealth of experience and a different viewpoint, which helps you step back from the immediacy of your challenges. They can offer clarity on how a transition fits into the broader arc of a your life and career, helping to identify opportunities hidden by the chaos.
  2. Tailored Guidance
    Successful professionals often face unique challenges, such as balancing public expectations with personal aspirations or managing transitions in highly visible roles. A mentor who understands these complexities can offer specific strategies, avoiding generic advice in favour of solutions that resonate deeply with your circumstances.
  3. Emotional Support
    Transitions can feel isolating, especially if you are used to being in control. A mentor serves as a sounding board and the opportunity to explore doubts, fears, and aspirations, helping you to process emotions.
  4. Accountability and Structure
    Mentors help you stay focused and productive during transitions, encouraging you to take actionable steps toward your goals. By offering accountability, mentors ensure that you don’t remain stuck in indecision or self-doubt.
  5. Networking and Resources
    Many mentors have access to extensive networks and resources that can be invaluable during a transition. Whether it’s connecting you to new opportunities, introducing you to like-minded people, or suggesting tools for personal development, mentors can open doors that may otherwise remain closed.
  6. Inspiration and Encouragement
    A mentor who has navigated their own transitions successfully can inspire you to view your challenges as opportunities for growth. Their stories of resilience and reinvention can instil hope and motivation, showing that setbacks often lead to breakthroughs.
  7. Focus on Legacy and Purpose
    Trailblazers like you often grapple with questions of legacy and meaning during life transitions. A mentor can guide you in aligning your next steps with youR deeper values, ensuring that the transition isn’t just about change but about intentional growth toward a more meaningful life.

Ultimately, a mentor is more than just a guide. A mentor can help you turn life transitions into opportunities for reinvention, renewed purpose, and extraordinary impact.

To find out how I do this, click here to find out more about my iNFINITE iMPACT Mentoring Program.

“I am an experienced medical doctor (MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract cert, Transformational Life Coach dip, Counselling cert, Med Hyp Dip and EAGALA cert) with a special interest in stress management. I may have an impressive number of letters after my name, and I may have more than three decades of professional experience, but what qualifies me to excel at what I do is my intuitive understanding of my clients’ difficulties and my extensive personal experience of managing major life changes using strategies I developed over many years” Dr M Montagu – iNFINITE iMPACT

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