Author: Margaretha Montagu

Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is a certified transformational retreat leader who guides her clients towards their most meaningful and fulfilling lives, particularly when navigating life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian Horses, at their home in the southwest of France.
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Paralysed by An Identity Crisis in Times of Transition


Imagine waking up one day and realising the person staring back at you in the mirror looks like a complete stranger. Not because of an impromptu hairstyle change or the appearance of a few extra grey hairs, but because life has changed so dramatically that you do not recognise yourself anymore.

Major life changes—whether it’s a career shift, loss of a job, starting a new business, moving to a new country, an empty nest or losing someone you love—can stir up feelings of disorientation, frustration and confusion. The priorities that once guided your choices may no longer seem relevant. You might feel unmoored, like a ship without a sail, grappling with the question: Who is that person in the mirror?

An Identity Crisis may make you feel paralysed, lost and insecure, unable to decide what you want to do next.

If you are no longer a doctor, wife, parent, teacher, chef…what are you now?

I know that feeling well. Losing your sense of identity after a major life change is a fairly common occurrence. When I had to stop working as a medical doctor due to problems with my eyes, I left lost. If I’m no longer a doctor, what am I? What will I do now? How will I earn a living?

I have learned to accept the identity crises that follow major life changes not as an end, but as a new beginning.

Imagine this: You’ve spent years climbing the corporate ladder. Then one day, you leave the office (voluntarily or otherwise), and suddenly, your schedule is devoid of PowerPoint presentations and quarterly goals. You’re standing in line at a coffee shop, feeling oddly unmoored. “What do people even do at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday?” you wonder. These moments may come with an internal narrative of fear, failure and self-criticism: “I don’t know who I am anymore.”

If you are going through a major life change, how will you know if you are suffering from an identity crisis? You may:

Feel Disconnected from Your Former Self

One of the most noticeable signs of a loss of identity is a sense of disconnection from who you once were. You might no longer identify with the roles, routines, or labels that previously defined you. Things that used to bring you joy, like hobbies, work, or relationships, may no longer resonate. It’s as if you’re living someone else’s life, going through the motions without a clear sense of who you truly are. This disconnect can make it difficult to find meaning in day-to-day activities.

Feel Confused and Uncertain

A loss of identity often brings with it a profound sense of confusion and uncertainty. You may find yourself asking, “Who am I now?” as the roles you once played—whether as a professional, parent, or partner—may no longer feel relevant. This shift can leave you feeling directionless, with no clear sense of purpose or understanding of where your life is heading. As a result, your goals and values may seem blurred, further amplifying this uncertainty.

Experience Emotional Instability

When your identity is in flux, your emotions often reflect this instability. You may experience heightened anxiety, frustration, or sadness, often tied to your struggle to recognise yourself in your current situation. At times, you might feel emotionally lost or as if you’re “floating” without firm grounding in any sense of self. The smallest of changes can seem overwhelming because you’re no longer sure what anchors you.

Withdraw from Social Connections

Another common characteristic of identity loss is a tendency to withdraw from social circles. You might feel disconnected from friends, family, or communities that were once central to your life because you no longer feel you fit into the roles you played within them. This can lead to isolation, as you sense that others don’t understand the shifts you’re experiencing. What was once familiar now feels foreign, leaving you to retreat further into yourself.

Notice a Shifting of Your Priorities

Alongside identity loss comes a shift in priorities. What once felt vital to your happiness or success may suddenly seem trivial or irrelevant. You may begin to question the values and goals that once drove your decisions, leading to a period of introspection and reevaluation. The ambitions that used to inspire you may no longer hold the same power, and you may struggle to find motivation in areas that were once central to your life.

Become More Self-Critical

A loss of identity can often bring with it a harsh inner dialogue. You may find yourself frequently questioning your decisions, doubting your abilities, or feeling like you’re not contributing enough. This self-criticism can create feelings of inadequacy, as though you’ve failed by not maintaining a stable sense of who you are. It’s common to feel as though you’ve “lost” yourself and to criticise your inability to regain control.

Ask Yourself Existential Questions

During this period, it’s natural to begin questioning the bigger picture. You might start pondering larger existential questions about life, meaning, and purpose, searching for a deeper sense of fulfilment. As you seek clarity, spirituality or new philosophical paths may appeal to you, offering the hope of aligning with your evolving understanding of who you are—or who you’re becoming.

Struggle to Define Who You Are in Relationships

As your sense of self shifts, so too do your relationships. You may struggle to navigate your roles within romantic, familial, or professional relationships, feeling uncertain about how to relate to others as the person they once knew. This dissonance can lead to confusion or tension in these connections, especially if the changes in your identity are significant or sudden.

Feel “Stuck” or Demotivated

A common characteristic of identity loss is feeling stuck or unmotivated. Without a clear sense of who you are, it can be difficult to make future plans or feel enthusiastic about what’s ahead. You may feel as though you’re stagnating, with no clear path forward, and this lack of direction can make it hard to take decisive actions or pursue meaningful goals.

Search for New Ways to Define Yourself

Finally, a loss of identity often initiates a search for new ways to define who you are. You may begin to explore new interests, careers, or social circles in an effort to rebuild your sense of self. This process can involve a lot of trial and error, as you experiment with different roles, activities, and identities to see what feels authentic. Though this period can be challenging, it also holds the potential for profound growth and renewal.

During an identity crisis, I have found both journaling and affirmations invaluable. Below are five powerful affirmations I have used to redefine who I am after a major life change:

  1. “I am not defined by my past roles, occupation or circumstances; I have the power to shape who I am going to be next.” This affirmation encourages you to accept change and the freedom to evolve beyond your former identity.
  2. “The person I am becoming is aligned with my current values, priorities and purpose.” This affirmation facilitates the process of self-discovery and alignment with your current aspirations.
  3. “I am continuously growing, evolving, and becoming the best version of myself.” This reminds you that change is a natural part of life and that growth is an ongoing process.
  4. “I release what no longer serves me and welcome the person I am meant to be.” By focusing on release and renewal, this affirmation helps in letting go of old identities and initiates personal transformation.
  5. “I honour the lessons from my past, but I am not bound by them. I create my future with intention.” This affirmation acknowledges the value of past experiences while empowering you to consciously design your future, free from limitations.

You’ll find hundreds of journal prompts scattered throughout the articles on this website. Many of these I use to help guests who attend my Next Chapter Camino de Santiago Walking Retreats resolve their identity crises with the assistance of my horses. We also work on implementing tailor-made affirmations, similar to the ones above.

I am convinced that one of the most powerful ways to navigate life transitions is to step outside of your everyday environment, and there’s no better way to do that than to walk the Camino de Santiago de Compostela. This ancient pilgrimage path offers not only physical distance from your everyday life but also the mental space to reflect, realign, and rediscover who you are becoming.

During my Next Chapter retreats, you can process your identity crisis surrounded by stunning landscapes and the support of a small like-minded group. The experience offers an opportunity to slow down, reconnect with yourself, and listen to your inner voice. Many participants leave with not only a renewed sense of self but also a sense of clarity about their next steps.

Conclusion

Life transitions can feel disorienting, but they also present a powerful opportunity for growth. Losing your sense of identity and finding that your priorities have changed is part of the human experience—one that allows you to redefine what matters most and embrace new possibilities. By reflecting and giving yourself the space to reconnect with your core, you’ll emerge stronger and more authentic than ever before.

If you’re ready to take that step, consider joining us on a Next Chapter Camino de Santiago walking retreat, where you’ll have the time and space to rediscover your identity and reclaim your purpose. The road ahead is full of possibilities and opportunities.

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Why Are You Ignoring Your Inner Compass?

If you try to Navigate Life without Your Inner Compass during a Major Life Change, You are going to get Lost

Meet Your Inner Compass

Your “inner compass” refers to your internal guide or sense of direction, shaped by your core values, beliefs, instincts, and desires. It represents the intuitive sense of what feels right or wrong for you personally, helping you to navigate life’s choices and decisions in a way that aligns with your true self. It is one of your greatest allies when you are going through life changes, challenges and crises.

“In 2020, during the pandemic, which was a major life crisis for most of us, with too much time on my hands, I concluded that I was subconsciously ignoring my inner compass. I was stuck in a dead-end relationship. After investing significant time and energy into this relationship, it was difficult to walk away. I stayed, for more than a decade, because I felt I’ve already put in so much effort and I kept hoping that it will eventually pay off. I thought, “I’ve already come this far, maybe just a little more effort will make things better,” even though my inner compass suggests otherwise.

I was wearing a mask, presenting a version of myself that didn’t fully reflect who I truly am. I adopted behaviours, attitudes, and a lifestyle that didn’t resonate with my inner values. I fell in love not just with who my partner was, but with who I believed he could become. I sometimes saw glimpses of the person I wanted my partner to be and held on to the hope that this version would eventually emerge. This attachment to potential made it difficult to acknowledge the truth of who he really was. I discovered that if you’re not following your inner compass, you often end up feeling lost.” S. Valentine

Why do we ignore our Inner Compass?

  • We might ignore our inner compass out of fear of being alone or due to emotional or financial dependency on certain situations or people.
  • The desire for approval and acceptance can lead us to seek validation from others or feel pressured by social or cultural expectations to conform.
  • Avoiding confrontation or difficult conversations, along with discomfort with change or disrupting the status quo, can cause us to disregard our inner guidance.
  • Low self-esteem or feelings of unworthiness might make us believe we don’t deserve better or fear we won’t find another opportunity, leading us to ignore our true feelings.
  • A deep emotional attachment to certain memories or experiences, along with nostalgia for better times, can make it hard to listen to our inner voice.
  • The belief that things will improve and the investment in the hope that circumstances will change can keep us from following our inner compass.
  • Reluctance to let go due to the time and energy already invested, combined with a commitment to making things work at all costs, can cause us to overlook our true feelings.
  • Denial of the current reality and a tendency to overlook or dismiss red flags can prevent us from acknowledging what our inner compass is telling us.
  • A belief that things will eventually get better and misplaced faith in the strength of our current path can lead to disregarding inner signals.

To avoid losing our way during life transitions, we need to mindfully pay attention to what our Inner Compass is trying to tell us.

How do you know when you are back on track following your inner compass?

If you are following your true inner compass you are aligned with your core values: Your core values are the principles that matter most to you, such as integrity, compassion, freedom, or generosity. These values are your personal moral compass, guiding your decisions and behaviours. When you align your actions with your core values, you’re ensuring that what you do reflects who you truly are. For example, if you value honesty, you’ll feel compelled to act with transparency, even when it’s difficult. If you value creativity, you’ll seek opportunities to express yourself in innovative ways. This alignment creates a sense of harmony within yourself because your outer actions reflect your inner beliefs.

If you are following your true inner compass you are listening to your intuition: Intuition is often described as a gut feeling or an inner knowing that doesn’t necessarily arise from conscious reasoning. It’s that quiet, sometimes subtle voice that tells you when something feels right or wrong, even if you can’t immediately explain why. Intuition often manifests as physical sensations in your body—tightness in your chest, butterflies in your stomach, or a sense of calmness and peace. These sensations are your body’s way of signalling whether something aligns with your inner truth. Trusting your gut feelings means paying attention to these signals and taking them seriously, even if you can’t logically explain them at the moment. For example, you might feel an unexplainable sense of discomfort about a decision that seems perfectly rational on the surface. Trusting your gut in this scenario might mean reevaluating the decision or considering alternatives.

If you are following your true inner compass you are pursuing what you really want: True desires are those that emerge from your authentic self, not from societal expectations, peer pressure, or external validation. These desires are deeply connected to your passions, dreams, and what genuinely brings you joy and fulfilment. When you pursue these desires, you are following a path that feels deeply satisfying and meaningful. It’s about recognizing what you truly want, beyond what you’ve been told you should want, and making choices that lead you closer to those goals. This could mean choosing a career that aligns with your passion, engaging in hobbies that light you up, or building relationships that nourish your soul.

If you are following your true inner compass you trust yourself: Trusting yourself is an essential part of following your inner compass. It involves believing in your ability to make the right decisions for your life, even when those decisions are unconventional or go against the advice of others. Self-trust grows from self-awareness and experience; the more you practice listening to and acting on your inner guidance, the more confident you become in your ability to navigate life’s challenges. Trusting yourself also means accepting that you won’t always have all the answers immediately, but believing that you can figure things out as you go.

If you are following your true inner compass you are authentic in your choices: Authenticity is about being true to yourself in every aspect of your life. It’s the courage to make choices that reflect your true self, rather than trying to fit into moulds that others have set for you. When you are authentic, you don’t compromise your values or desires to please others; instead, you live in a way that is congruent with your inner truths. This can sometimes be challenging, as it may require going against the grain or making difficult decisions. However, being authentic in your choices ultimately leads to a more fulfilling and meaningful life because you are living in alignment with who you truly are.

Following your inner compass is about living a life that is true to who you are at your core. This involves an acute alignment between your actions, decisions, and the inner truths that define you—your values, instincts, and objectives. It’s a process of tuning in to what resonates with you on a fundamental level, and then allowing that resonance to guide your choices.

Journaling Prompts to Help You Follow Your Inner Compass during a Life Crisis

  • When have I felt the most ‘in tune’ with myself? What was I doing, and how did it feel?”
    Think about the times in your life when you felt deeply connected to your true self—when your actions, thoughts, and feelings were perfectly aligned. What were you doing during these moments? Were you pursuing a passion, spending time with loved ones, or simply enjoying solitude? Describe these experiences in detail, focusing on the emotions you felt and why these moments stood out to you. Then, reflect on how you can bring more of these ‘in tune’ experiences into your daily life. What small changes could you make to feel more aligned with yourself on a regular basis?
  • What desires or dreams do I keep coming back to, and why do they resonate with me?”
    Identify the dreams, goals, or desires that persistently occupy your thoughts, even if you’ve pushed them aside. Why do these particular desires resonate with you? What deeper need or value do they represent? Perhaps they align with your passions, your desire for freedom, or your need for self-expression. Write about the emotional connection you have with these dreams. Then, explore the barriers that have kept you from pursuing them. What small, actionable steps can you take to begin moving toward these desires? How would your life change if you started to honour and follow these dreams?
  • How do I typically feel when I ignore my intuition? How can I start trusting it more?”
    Reflect on past experiences when you had a gut feeling or an instinct about something, but chose to ignore it. What was the outcome of that decision? How did it make you feel emotionally and physically? Did you experience regret, frustration, or a sense of misalignment? Now, think about what it would take for you to start trusting your intuition more. What are the small steps you can take to listen to that inner voice, such as checking in with yourself before making decisions or paying attention to physical sensations like tension or ease in your body? Write about how trusting your intuition could positively impact your life and help you make decisions that feel right for you.

Following your inner compass is not just about making decisions, but about living a life that is deeply aligned with your authentic self. It’s a holistic approach to life that requires self-awareness, courage, and a commitment to your true values, instincts, and desires.

If you have difficulty following your Inner Compass during a Life Crisis, I can help. You can either invest in my Discover Your Life Purpose after a Life Transition online retreat to gain the clarity, motivation and direction you need to manifest your next chapter in both your personal and professional life, or join me here on my little farm in the south of France for a Camino de Santiago de Compostela Your Next Chapter walking retreat.

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Sophie’s Soul-Destroying Divorce

woman reconnecting with nature by walking the Camino de Santiago

The Life Quake Series: How Sophie Managed to Survive her dreadful Divorce, one of her Toughest Life Challenges

Sophie stood at the edge of the forest, the cool morning air kissing her tear-stained cheeks.

She hesitated.

The trail ahead was bathed in soft, golden light that filtered through the leaves of the ancient oak trees. It was her first morning on the Camino de Santiago, a journey she had been both dreading and desperately longing for.

The past year had been a blur of arguments, court appearances, and endless nights spent staring tearfully at the ceiling. Her marriage of twenty years had unravelled, leaving her raw, vulnerable, overwhelmed and lost.

Disbelief. Frustration. Hurt. Loneliness. Heartbreak. Anger. On a scale of 1 to 10, the intensity of each of these emotions was a convincing 20. There were times when she wondered if she was going insane.

Friends had suggested therapy, coaching, a getaway, anything to escape the emotional rollercoaster that she found herself on.

It wasn’t until she came across an article online about a retreat that includes walking sections of the Camino de Santiago de Compostela, created especially to help women cope with major life changes, that something within her stirred, and then crystallised.

Sophie wasn’t looking for a miracle, she just temporarily wanted to escape the relentless and ever-increasing noise of her life. She desperately wanted to reconnect with nature, while walking this mythical pilgrims’ route, with only her thoughts and her feelings, and maybe a journal.

Taking the first real breath of fresh air she’d taken in months, Sophie took her first step onto the trail, feeling the crunch of gravel underfoot, smelling the perfume of a thousand wildflowers on the breeze and relishing the weight of her small backpack anchoring her. As she walked, with only the rustling leaves and exuberant bird chorus for company, she felt a flicker of something she hadn’t felt in a long time: hope.

The path wound through woods, round quiet lakes, along lush vineyards and joyous sunflower fields, opening occasionally to reveal breathtaking views of the majestic Pyrenées mountain range and ancient stone villages perched on hilltops. Sophie paused often, turning her face to the sun, not because she was tired, but to take it all in. The world seemed so much bigger here, her problems so much smaller. She pulled out her journal during one of these stops, the pages still crisp and white. Slowly, hesitantly, she began to write.

At first, the words wouldn’t come, as if she was unable to break free from the prison of her mind. She wrote about the betrayal, the loss, the endless days spent arguing over things that now seemed trivial. But as the miles stretched behind her, words tumbled onto the pages, lightening the burden she’d carried for so long. She wrote about the first time she met her husband, how they used to laugh until their sides hurt, how she’d once believed they’d grow old together. Teardrops blurred the ink, but she kept on walking and writing, one step at a time.

The retreat host offered quiet support and gentle encouragement when she needed it. They spoke about how the Camino had healed countless souls before her, and how it would continue to do so long after her journey ended.

One afternoon, after a particularly gruelling day’s walk, Sophie found herself locked in a standoff with a particularly stubborn goat, loudly objecting that she was trespassing on his terrain. She eyed his fearsome horns, took a deep breath, looked him in the eye and shouted, “B***** off, you nasty old goat, I have a right to be on this path too!“ He must have decided that he had confronted enough crazy walkers for that day, because he flipped his backside in her direction and swaggered away, in search of greener pastures.

Sophie started laughing. She laughed until the tears were running down her cheeks.

She couldn’t remember the last time she had laughed like that—at something so silly, yet so unexpectedly empowering. She had stood her ground! Slowly, the weight she carried since the start of the divorce started to lift, and was replaced by a lightness she hadn’t felt in years. The anger, the fear, the bitterness—was still there, but no longer had the power to drag her down.

Instead, Sophie found herself rediscovering the simple joys she had long forgotten: the smell of fresh earth after the rain, the sound of leaves crunching underfoot, the thrill of not knowing what lay around the next bend in the trail. She even started talking to herself (and sometimes to the trees), cracking jokes about her progress. “Well, Soph, today you’ve officially out-walked a relationship that was threatening to suffocate you. Go you!”

She sat down by a small stream, dipping her toes in the cool water, and again pulled out her journal. But instead of writing about her past, she started sketching her future. She didn’t know exactly what she wanted next, but she did want more laughter, more adventure, more time in nature and definitely less time in courtrooms. Maybe she’d take up painting again, maybe she’d run a 10km or perhaps she’d finally learn to play the piano, something she’d always wanted to do but never had time for.

She even jotted down a few ideas for starting a blog, chronicling her Camino de Santiago journey for other women going through tough times. “Blisters and Divorce: How to Rediscover and Retain Your Sense of Humour)”—she chuckled at the thought.

As Sophie approached Nogaro, the end of her personal Camino in sight, she felt a mix of relief and anticipation. The divorce was still there, waiting for her back home, but it no longer felt like a dark cloud hanging over her. It was just another chapter in her life—speedily coming to an end.

And as she walked into the last town, Sophie knew one thing for sure: she wasn’t Sophie, the insecure woman going through a dreadful divorce anymore. She was Sophie, the woman who had found her way back to herself, with a laugh, a blister or two, and heaps of enthusiasm for whatever might come next.

“Look out, world,” she murmured to herself with a grin, “Sophie 2.0 is on her way.”

And for the first time in a long time, she felt ready for the next chapter in her life.

Are you going through a messy divorce? Come and walk part of the Camino de Santiago de Compostela in the sun-blessed south of France. Click here to find out more.

If you would like to be notified when I publish another post like this one, you can subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes newsletter, with regular updates about the highs and lows of living on my little farm in the sun-drenched southwest of France. Subscribers get free access to my bursting-with-value e-course about surviving and thriving during major life changes.

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ReConnect with Nature: Merlin, the Magical Oak

Until my early fifties, I never particularly noticed trees.

I was aware of them, more or less, in a taking-them-for-granted sort of way. I thought people who hug trees and people who go forest bathing were a bit weird.

Until my early fifties, when I moved to my little farm in the sun-drenched southwest of France and met Merlin. And his contemporaries: Morgana, Mephistopheles and Methusalem.

Meet Merlin, just shy of 300 years old.

I noticed Merlin first. It is difficult to miss Merlin, he is a majestic testament to the unrelenting passage of time, his massive trunk is thick and gnarled with the patterns of centuries etched into its bark. His bark, rough and deeply fissured, tells stories of countless rough winters, weathering storms, and basking in life-giving sunlight during endless summer days, here in the foothills of the Pyrenées mountains.

The tree surgeon I consulted speculated that he was at least 300 years old. 300 years ago, my farmhouse was home to more than one generation of vignerons, or winemakers, eking out a living on the edge of a dense, ancient forest, which still forms the eastern border of my little farm, just 2 km north of th the Camino de Santiago de Compostela pilgrims route.

Why am I talking to you about trees?

Because reconnecting with nature, particularly with trees, is a powerful stress management strategy. Trees are not just vital for the environment—they also have a profound impact on our physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Spending time among trees dramatically helps us reduce stress. Trees offer us a direct connection to the natural world, reminding us that we are part of a larger ecosystem. By reconnecting with trees, we can feel more grounded and develop a deeper appreciation for the earth’s breathtaking beauty and innate wisdom. In doing so, we are inspired to protect and nurture our natural environment, ensuring that future generations can also benefit from the life-giving presence of trees.

“Ancient trees are precious. There is little else on Earth that plays host to such a rich community of life within a single living organism.” — Sir David Attenborough

300 years ago, someone planted Merlin, or maybe he planted himself, near my house. Near enough to make his presence felt. Merlin can not be ignored, he commands the attention of all visitors, even those who did not notice trees until they met him.

Merlin’s roots run deep and spread far, anchoring him firmly in the fertile Gascon clay, drawing ample sustenance from the soil. Intertwining his roots with the roots of two lime trees nearby, Morgana and Methusalem, to form an underground network that speaks of silent communication and shared resilience. Leaning against Merlin’s trunk, I feel a profound sense of history and continuity, as if the tree itself is a bridge between the past and present, quietly witnessing the passage of time with a wisdom that only centuries of existence can bring.

I have grown attached to Merlin, like moss, and I can no longer imagine my life without him.

With his quiet strength and enduring presence, he reconnects me with all of nature. I often feel overwhelmed by the constant noise and demands of my world; Merlin constantly reminds me of the importance of being still, of simply being. The deep roots that anchor him to the earth, providing him with stability and nourishment, show me that grounding is essential for maintaining my emotional balance. Just as he relies on his roots to remain standing during storms, I also need stable connections with the world around me to stay grounded, especially in challenging times.

Reconnect with Nature’s Cycles of Growth

For 4 years now, I have watched Merlin go through the seasonal cycles of growth, shedding his leaves in the autumn, sleeping in winter, bursting into new leaves in the spring and providing shelter to a diverse community of critters and creatures in summer. This natural rhythm reflects the importance of honouring my own cycles of rest, renewal, and rebirth. If I am going to help my retreat guests cope with life’s challenges and changes, I need time to retreat and recharge my batteries, much like Merlin during the winter months, before I can blossom with new ideas in the spring. Personal growth is cyclical, we must allow ourselves time to shed what no longer serves us before we can embrace new beginnings.

Interconnected trees, like Merlin, Morgana, Mephistopheles and Methusalem urge us to remember the importance of nurturing our connections while maintaining healthy boundaries. Like trees, we can contribute generously to our surroundings without losing our sense of self.

Despite their inability to move out of harm’s way, trees are incredibly resilient. They endure harsh weather, adapt to changing environments, and continue to grow and prosper year after year, century after century. This resilience, combined with their quiet strength, offers a powerful metaphor for those of us who sometimes feel vulnerable in a fast-paced world. Trees show us that quiet strength is just as powerful as outward displays of force.

Reconnect with Nature when you are going through a Major Life Change

Battling my way through one major life change after another, Merlin, with his enduring presence, serves as a powerful symbol of resilience, perseverance and stability. When I stand in the shade of his expansive canopy, my arms reaching as far as they can around his trunk, I listen to the breeze rustling his leaves and absorb the strength that comes from being grounded, rooted in something larger than myself. This tree’s ability to withstand centuries of storms, droughts, floods and changes in its environment gives me the courage to endure my own life’s challenges. By observing the oak’s slow and steady, but unwavering growth, despite the storms, I feel reassured as I realise that like the tree, I too can weather life’s storms, grow through adversity, and emerge stronger after the winter. Merlin has taught me that even in the face of hardship, I can be patient, I can persevere and I can stand tall amidst the trials of life.

I’m going outside immediately to give him a hug.

What a tree!

Tree Sisters, Tree Advocates

You may have noticed at the very bottom of my website that I support two charities, one of them is TreeSisters. TreeSisters is a grassroots charity focused on empowering women to restore the planet by funding the planting of trees in tropical forests around the world. Their mission combines ecological restoration with social and cultural change, emphasizing the critical role women can play in the movement towards sustainability. Through their reforestation projects, TreeSisters not only helps to combat climate change by sequestering carbon, but also supports biodiversity, protects endangered species, and revitalizes ecosystems. Additionally, the charity is creating a global network of women who are encouraged to reconnect with nature, advocate for the environment, and take active roles in community-building.

Like TreeSisters, I believe that nurturing the earth and empowering women can go hand in hand, creating a positive impact on both people and the planet.

So when you come to a ReConnect with Nature Camino de Santiago walking retreat at this little French farm guarded by a small army of ancient trees, know that you are indirectly contributing to the planting of hundreds of trees all over the world.

“Trees are sanctuaries. Whoever knows how to speak to them, whoever knows how to listen to them, can learn the truth.” ― Herman Hesse

If you would like to be notified when I publish another post like this one, you can subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes newsletter, with regular updates about the highs and lows of living on my little farm in the sun-drenched southwest of France. Subscribers get free access to my bursting-with-value e-course about surviving and thriving during major life changes.

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Intriguing Writing Quotes for Ambitious New Authors

Defeating Self-Doubt One Perfect Sentence at a Time

The best way to describe the start of my writing career would be that I fell into it by accident. I wrote my first book, Self-Confidence Made Simple – French Women Share Their Confidence Secrets in response to a question from several of my Next Chapter retreat guests. They wanted to know, “Why are French women so inherently confident?” I wasn’t convinced that they were, but I did ask several of my closest French friends for their opinions, and gathered their explanations in a book, with suggestions at the end of each chapter to help my readers apply my friends’ solutions to their own lives.

So my first book sort of wrote itself.

My last book, Embracing Change, in 10 Minutes a Day, was a completely different story. In this book, I literally sat down in front of my laptop and bled onto the page, following Paul Gallico’s advice, because “It is only when you open your veins and bleed onto the page a little that you establish contact with your reader.” I wanted to share everything I learned about surviving several major life changes, hoping that it will be useful to others.

It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done.

I found inspiration, support, validation, encouragement and motivation in other writers’ quotes, and thought I would share those quotes here, so they might help other writers, especially new writers. So if you have been staring at a blank page for hours, trying to find the courage to string two sentences together, do not quit! Whether you’re still wrestling with the first sentence of that first chapter or trying to coax your inner muse out from under the couch, a little inspiration from a couple of writing quotes can go a long way. Quotes from famous authors can remind you that even when writing feels like herding cats, you’re not alone. Writing can be a wild, sometimes frustrating, but ultimately rewarding journey—one sentence at a time.

How can Writing Quotes help Aspiring Authors?

Quotes have a unique, and often surprising, ability to encapsulate profound truths in just a few well-chosen words, especially motivating for new writers. When faced with the daunting task of creating something from nothing, it’s easy for new writers to feel overwhelmed, unsure, or even discouraged. A well-chosen quote from a seasoned writer can act as a beacon of light, reminding you that the challenges you face are universal and surmountable. Quotes often distil the experience of those who have walked the same treacherous path before you, offering encouragement and insight that can reignite your ambition and motivation.

Writing quotes can help new writers connect with the broader writing community. Knowing that literary giants like Victor Hugo, Franz Kafka, Ernest Hemingway, J.K Rowling and Stephen King faced similar struggles can be incredibly reassuring. These words of wisdom can serve as a reminder that writing is not just about talent, but also about perseverance, discipline, and courage. By reflecting on the experiences of other writers, new writers can find the motivation to push through writer’s block, self-doubt, and any obstacles they encounter on their creative journey.

I worked for me.

I chose the quotes below specifically to uplift and inspire new (and struggling writers. Chances are that some of them might even bring the shadow of a smile to your face.

Inspiring and Encouraging Writing Quotes for New Writers

  • “I love being a writer. What I can’t stand is the paperwork.”– Peter De Vries
  • “Start writing, no matter what. The water does not flow until the faucet is turned on.” – Louis L’Amour
  • “I could write an entertaining novel about rejection slips, but I fear it would be overly long.” — Louise Brown
  • “I just sit at my typewriter and curse a bit.” — P.G. Wodehouse
  • “If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot.” – Stephen King
  • You should write because you love the shape of stories and sentences and the creation of different words on a page. Writing comes from reading, and reading is the finest teacher of how to write.” — Annie Proulx
  • “Writing in English is the most ingenious torture ever devised for sins committed in previous lives.” – James Joyce
  • “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” – Maya Angelou
  • “I can shake off everything as I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn.” – Anne Frank
  • “You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.” — Jack London
  • “A good book isn’t written, it’s rewritten.” — Phyllis A. Whitney
  • “If it sounds like writing, I rewrite it. Or, if proper usage gets in the way, it may have to go. I can’t allow what we learned in English composition to disrupt the sound and rhythm of the narrative.” — Elmore Leonard
  • “A word after a word after a word is power.” – Margaret Atwood
  • “The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.”– Marty Feldman
  • “Your intuition knows what to write, so get out of the way.” – Ray Bradbury
  • “Write what should not be forgotten.” – Isabel Allende
  • “Anyone and everyone taking a writing class knows that the secret of good writing is to cut it back, pare it down, winnow, chop, hack, prune, and trim, remove every superfluous word, compress, compress, compress…” – Nick Hornby
  • “It’s not the fear of writing that blocks people, it’s the fear of not writing well; something quite different.” – Scott Berkun.
  • “Write the book that wants to be written.” – Madeleine L’Engle
  • “You fail only if you stop writing.” – Ray Bradbury
  • “There is no rule on how to write. Sometimes it comes easily and perfectly; sometimes it’s like drilling rock and then blasting it out with charges.” – Ernest Hemingway
  • “You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.” – Anne Lamott
  • “The only writer to whom you should compare yourself is the writer you were yesterday.” – David Schlosser
  • “You don’t write because you want to say something, you write because you have something to say.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald
  • “I write to give myself strength. I write to be the characters that I am not. I write to explore all the things I’m afraid of.” – Joss Whedon
  • “A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity.” – Franz Kafka
  • “A writer never has a vacation. For a writer, life consists of either writing or thinking about writing.” – Eugene Ionesco
  • “If you wait for inspiration to write you’re not a writer, you’re a waiter.” Dan Poynter
  • “If there’s a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.” – Toni Morrison
  • “The scariest moment is always just before you start.” – Stephen King
  • “You can make anything by writing.” – C.S. Lewis
  • “Write hard and clear about what hurts.” – Ernest Hemingway
  • “Writing is an exploration. You start from nothing and learn as you go.” – E.L. Doctorow
  • “The purpose of a writer is to keep civilization from destroying itself.” – Albert Camus
  • “I can’t write without a reader. It’s precisely like a kiss—you can’t do it alone.” – John Cheever
  • “Writing is like driving at night in the fog. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.” – E.L. Doctorow
  • “A writer is, after all, only half his book. The other half is the reader and from the reader, the writer learns.” – P.L. Travers
  • “Writing is its own reward.” – Henry Miller
  • “It is perfectly okay to write garbage—as long as you edit brilliantly.” – C.J. Cherryh
  • “Write while the heat is in you. The writer who postpones the recording of his thoughts uses an iron which has cooled to burn a hole with.” – Henry David Thoreau
  • “I think all writing is a disease. You can’t stop it.” – William Carlos Williams
  • “The task of a writer consists of being able to make something out of an idea.” – Thomas Mann
  • “To produce a mighty book, you must choose a mighty theme.” – Herman Melville
  • “I write for the same reason I breathe – because if I didn’t, I would die.” – Isaac Asimov
  • “The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say.” – Anaïs Nin
  • “Writing is thinking. To write well is to think clearly. That’s why it’s so hard.” – David McCullough
  • “If you want to change the world, pick up your pen and write.” – Martin Luther
  • “We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.” – Anaïs Nin
  • “Writing, to me, is simply thinking through my fingers.” – Isaac Asimov
  • “Let me live, love, and say it well in good sentences.” – Sylvia Plath
  • “The difference between the almost right word and the right word is the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.” – Mark Twain
  • “Tomorrow may be hell, but today was a good writing day, and on the good writing days, nothing else matters.” – Neil Gaiman
  • “Everybody walks past a thousand story ideas every day. The good writers are the ones who see five or six of them. Most people don’t see any.” – Orson Scott Card
  • “Exercise the writing muscle every day, even if it is only a letter, notes, a title list, a character sketch, a journal entry. Writers are like dancers, like athletes. Without that exercise, the muscles seize up.” ― Jane Yolen
  • “Almost all good writing begins with terrible first efforts. You need to start somewhere.” — Anne Lamott
  • “And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” – Sylvia Platt
  • “A person is a fool to become a writer. His only compensation is absolute freedom. He has no master except his own soul, and that, I am sure, is why he does it.” — Roald Dahl
  • “Don’t try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It’s the one and only thing you have to offer.” — Barbara Kingsolver
  • “Just write every day of your life. Read intensely. Then see what happens. Most of my friends who are put on that diet have very pleasant careers.” — Ray Bradbury
  • “I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.” – Steven Wright
  • “A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the other one.” – Baltasar Gracián
  • “If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot.” – Stephen King

If you’re a new writer seeking uninterrupted time to immerse yourself in your writing, you are very welcome to attend one of my Writing and Walking the Camino de Santiago retreats. Here, in deepest rural southwest France, you’ll find the perfect blend of exploring stunning landscapes and dedicated writing time. Whether you’re battling writer’s block or simply need a space to let your ideas flow, my retreats offer the solitude you need to bring your stories to life.

Click here to subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes newsletter and access my eye-opening, mind-altering and entirely free How to survive a Life Quake e-course
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So You Want to Be a Famous Writer? 15 Challenges You’ll Face on the Path to Publication

The Perils and Pitfalls of Penning Your First Masterpiece (and Why It’s Totally Worth It)

So, you’ve decided to write a book. Congratulations and welcome to the writing community! You’ve chosen a path that combines the soul-crushing despair of self-doubt with the thrilling ecstasy of a perfectly crafted sentence—usually separated by about three weeks of staring at a blank screen.

Writing is often romanticised as a solitary, introspective activity—one where you’re churning out innumerable pages of brilliance in the soft glow of a desk lamp. In reality, it’s more like wrestling with an invisible foe while your inner critic heckles from the sidelines. As a new writer, you’ll encounter struggles that make you question your sanity, your talent, and possibly even your life choices. But fear not, fellow scribbler! Every author, from the novice to the seasoned pro, has faced these same challenges. The good news? They survived, and so will you.

In this article, we’re diving into 15 of the most common struggles new writers face. From the endless battle to find your voice to the gut-wrenching fear of rejection, we’ll explore each hurdle with a healthy dose of humour and some practical advice.

As a novice writer, you are going to struggle to:

1. Finding Your Own Voice

  • Struggle: Many new writers are desperate to find their own “voice,” that elusive element that supposedly makes their writing unique. It’s like hunting for the Holy Grail, except instead of a cup, you’re looking for a metaphor that isn’t a cliché.
  • Why: The problem is, in the beginning, most writers are more parrot than poet. You’ve read the greats, and suddenly every sentence you write sounds suspiciously like something stolen from Hemingway, Austen, or whichever author you last binge-read. Developing your own voice means wriggling out of the literary skins you’ve been trying on and figuring out how you, just you, would tell the story. Spoiler alert: it takes time and a lot of awkward, cringe-worthy drafts.

2. Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

  • Struggle: Eh oui, imposter syndrome—the shadowy companion of every creative effort. You’re just not a good enough writer; you’re a fraud, a time-waster, a charlatan devoid of any skill! It’s only a matter of time before someone notices your complete lack of talent and barrs your access to the writing community.
  • Why: Writing is personal, which means every word you type is a little piece of your soul on display. And let’s be honest, what if your soul is, you know, kind of boring? It’s natural to doubt yourself when you’re pouring your innermost thoughts onto the page and then staring at them, wondering why anyone would want to read this nonsense. Keep writing anyway, despite the gnawing suspicion that you’re a literary con artist.

3. Learning about Plotting and Structure

  • Struggle: Plotting is like assembling IKEA furniture. You start with enthusiasm, confident that you’ve got this, but soon enough, you’re surrounded by scattered ideas, a confusing set of instructions, and a growing sense that something important is missing.
  • Why: New writers often struggle to keep their stories on track. It’s easy to wander down narrative dead-ends, get tangled in subplots, or discover that your climax is more of a dead-in-the-water anti-climax. Structure is supposed to be the scaffolding that holds your story up, but for many beginners, it feels more like a straitjacket that stifles creativity. The challenge is learning how to use structure to your advantage without it suffocating your writing attempts—and without losing your will to live.

4. Writing Consistently and Remaining Disciplined

  • Struggle: Writing consistently is like going to the gym: everyone knows they should do it, but somehow, Netflix always interferes. The dream is to be that disciplined writer who churns out 2,000 words a day. The reality? A sporadic sprint that leaves you breathless and questioning your life choices.
  • Why: Discipline is the difference between a finished manuscript and a pile of half-baked ideas. New writers often romanticize the writing process, imagining inspiration as a constant companion. But inspiration is more like that unreliable friend who never shows up when you need them. The real work happens on the days when you’d rather do literally anything else. Developing a consistent routine is about embracing the grind and accepting that some days, writing feels less like art and more like trying to wring out a dry sponge.

5. Overcoming Writer’s Block

  • Struggle: Writer’s block is the bogeyman of the literary world—an invisible, malevolent force that saps your creativity and leaves you staring at a blinking cursor for hours on end. It’s like your brain has gone on strike, and all you can do is wait for it to start working again.
  • Why: Writer’s block isn’t just a lack of ideas; it’s a paralyzing fear that whatever you write will be terrible, so why bother? This fear can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, turning a temporary dry spell into a full-blown drought. The good news is that writer’s block is neither fatal nor permanent—though it can feel like it is. Keep writing, even if it’s terrible, trusting that eventually, the words will start flowing again. Or, if all else fails, bribe your muse with coffee and chocolate. It can’t hurt.

6. Editing and Revising with Speed and Efficiency

  • Struggle: Editing is like cleaning up after a wild party—you know it has to be done, but the mess is overwhelming, and the prevalent stench of stale creativity is enough to knock you unconscious. Revising? That’s when you realise the party wasn’t as fun as you thought, and you start wondering why you ever thought a literary rave was a good idea.
  • Why: New writers often confuse editing with proofreading, thinking it’s all about catching typos and fixing grammar. But real editing is a brutal process of tearing your work apart and putting it back together again. It’s killing your darlings, cutting the fluff, and sometimes, rewriting entire sections until you’re left with something that resembles a coherent narrative. The good news? Once you’ve survived a few rounds of editing, you might actually start to enjoy it. Or at least tolerate it with a vitamin-rich smoothie in hand.

7. Receiving and Handling Criticism

  • Struggle: Receiving criticism on your writing is like getting feedback on your appearance: even if it’s constructive, it still stings. “Your protagonist feels a bit flat,” translates to, “Your baby is ugly,” and suddenly, you’re questioning all your whole book’s content.
  • Why: Feedback is essential for growth, but it’s also tough to hear that your carefully crafted story isn’t perfect. The trick is to develop a thick skin—not so thick that you become immune to feedback, but thick enough to stop you from spiralling into a pit of despair every time someone suggests a constructive change. Remember, criticism isn’t necessarily an attack; it could be an opportunity to improve. And if all else fails, just remind yourself that even the greats got rejected at some point.

8. Mastering Character Development

  • Struggle: Creating complex, believable characters is like being a puppet master—except your puppets are stubborn, unpredictable, and occasionally try to murder each other. And let’s not even talk about how they refuse to follow your carefully laid plans.
  • Why: New writers often struggle to breathe life into their characters, ending up with one-dimensional cardboard cutouts instead of living, breathing people. The problem is, flat characters can make even the most thrilling plot collapse, as well. Developing your characters means digging deep into their motivations, flaws, and desires, even if it means they start taking over the story. Because, let’s face it, the best characters have a mind of their own—and that’s when the real creative writing fun begins.

9. Addressing Your Fear of Rejection

  • Struggle: Submitting your work to agents, publishers, or even just a critique group is like standing naked in the middle of a crowded room and asking everyone what they think of your outfit. The fear of rejection is real, and it’s as terrifying as it is inevitable.
  • Why: Rejection is a rite of passage for every writer, but knowing that doesn’t make it any easier when that form letter lands in your inbox. The key is to remember that rejection isn’t personal. It’s not a reflection of your worth as a writer—or as a human being (though it might feel that way). It’s just one step in the long, winding road to success. And who knows? Maybe the next submission will be the one that changes everything. Or at least that’s what you tell yourself to keep from throwing your laptop out the window.

10. Balancing Show vs. Tell

  • Struggle: “Show, don’t tell” is the mantra hammered into every writer’s brain, but actually pulling it off? Easier said than done. It’s like being told to paint a masterpiece without ever touching a paintbrush.
  • Why: New writers often struggle to strike the right balance between showing action and emotions and simply telling the reader what’s happening. Too much telling can make your story feel like a bland summary, but too much showing can bog it down with unnecessary details. The trick is to use both techniques in harmony, like a literary seesaw. And if you’re really stuck, just remember: sometimes, it’s okay to tell. Not every moment needs to be a cinematic experience—sometimes, you just need to get to the point.

11. Managing Expectations

  • Struggle: Most new writers start with grand expectations: fame, fortune, and a Pulitzer Prize by the end of the year. Reality, however, has other plans, and they usually involve a lot of unpaid bills and a persistent sense of inadequacy.
  • Why: Writing is a marathon, not a sprint, but new writers often expect to see results—whether it’s finishing a novel or landing a publishing deal—far sooner than is realistic. The key to managing expectations is to focus on the process rather than the outcome. Celebrate the small victories, like finishing a chapter or surviving a particularly brutal round of edits. And remember, the overnight success stories you hear about are usually a decade in the making. So, pace yourself, and maybe lower the bar just a smidge.

12. Avoiding Overwriting and Overthinking

  • Struggle: Overwriting is the literary equivalent of packing for a weekend trip and bringing five suitcases. Every new writer goes through a phase where they try to cram every adjective, adverb, and metaphor they know into a single sentence.
  • Why: It’s tempting to show off your vocabulary, but more often than not, it just makes your prose bloated and unreadable. Learning to write concisely is like learning to pack light: it’s hard at first, but eventually, you realize that less is more. It’s not about stripping your writing bare, but rather about making sure every word earns its place. Remember, if you want your readers to reach the end of your story, don’t weigh them down with unnecessary baggage.

13. Navigating the Publishing Process

  • Struggle: The publishing world is a labyrinth, and somewhere in the middle is your manuscript, gathering dust while you try to figure out which turn to take next. Traditional publishing? Self-publishing? Hybrid? It’s enough to make you long for the days when all you had to worry about was writing the d*** thing.
  • Why: The publishing process is confusing, bureaucratic, and sometimes downright soul-crushing. New writers often get lost in the maze of query letters, book proposals, and formatting guidelines. And let’s not even get started on the waiting—the interminable waiting. The trick is to educate yourself about the industry without losing your sanity. Find a community of fellow writers who can offer advice, commiseration, and a commiserating shoulder to cry on when the rejection letters start rolling in.

14. Staying True to Your Vision

  • Struggle: Between the well-meaning advice of friends, feedback from critique partners, and the ever-present pressure to be “marketable,” staying true to your vision can feel like trying to navigate a minefield blindfolded.
  • Why: New writers often struggle to balance their creative instincts with external expectations. It’s easy to start second-guessing your choices, wondering if you should change this character or that plot point to please others. But at the end of the day, your story is yours, and staying true to your vision is what will make it unique. Sure, you might make some changes along the way, but don’t lose sight of what made you want to write the story in the first place. And if all else fails, remember: compromise is for marriages, not manuscripts.

15. Learning When to Let Go

  • Struggle: Finishing a piece of writing is hard enough, but letting it go? That’s a whole new level of torture. After all, there’s always something that could be tweaked, polished, or completely rewritten.
  • Why: Perfectionism is the enemy of progress, and many new writers find themselves trapped in an endless cycle of revisions. The fear of releasing something into the world that isn’t perfect can be paralyzing, but at some point, you have to declare your work “good enough” and move on. Otherwise, you’ll end up with a drawer full of unfinished masterpieces and not a single published word. So, take a deep breath, hit “send,” and let your baby fly. If it crashes and burns, well, at least you can say you tried.

If you’re ready to turn your writing struggles into triumphs—and do it in the most inspiring setting imaginable—why not join me on a writing and walking retreat along the Camino de Santiago de Compostela in the sun-blessed southwest of France? Picture yourself walking and writing by day, surrounded by the beauty of ancient landscapes, and unwinding with fellow writers in the evenings, all while finding the clarity and inspiration you need to bring your stories to life. It’s not just a retreat; it’s a chance to connect (or reconnect) with your writing muse, your creativity, and yourself. Whether you’re looking to conquer writer’s block, refine your voice, or simply soak in the magic of the Camino, this journey will transform your writing.

Email me at Welcome2Gascony@gmail.com to inquire about availability.

“Don’t forget— no one else sees the word the way you do, so no one else can tell the stories you have to tell.” Charles de Lint

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Is Your Boss an Introvert or an Extrovert?

It can make all the difference if you know if your boss is an introvert.

If you suspect that you are heading straight for a burnout, because you can’t figure out your boss, it may be because your boss is an introvert.

An introvert boss can be very different from an extrovert boss, in various specific ways. Each is shaped by their natural tendencies and preferences for interaction, communication, and decision-making. The majority of leaders tend to be extroverts. Research indicates that approximately 60-70% of leaders identify as extroverts. This reflects a broader societal tendency to associate leadership qualities—such as assertiveness, outgoingness, and comfort with social interaction—with extroverted personalities.

If you have always worked for an extroverted boss, which is more than likely as 60-70% of leaders identify as extroverts, adjusting to working for an introverted boss might be challenging as their styles are so different.

It’s important to note that while extroverts may be more prevalent in leadership positions, introverted leaders can also be highly effective, bringing different strengths to their roles.

Are you struggling to understand what your boss wants? It’s fairly easy to distinguish between the two styles. You can use the differences below to help you figure out if you are working for an introvert:

1. Communication Style

  • Introverts: Introverted leaders tend to be more thoughtful in their communication. They often prefer one-on-one or small group interactions and may take time to process their thoughts before speaking. They listen carefully, ask probing questions, and are typically more reserved in large group settings.
  • Extroverts: Extroverted leaders are generally more expressive in their communication. They thrive in social situations, enjoy engaging with large groups, and often think out loud. Extroverts are usually also more comfortable with public speaking.

2. Decision-Making Process

  • Introverts: Introverted leaders often take a more deliberate and cautious approach to decision-making. They prefer to gather and analyze information before making decisions, considering different perspectives. This can lead to well-thought-out and carefully considered decisions, although sometimes at a slower pace.
  • Extroverts: Extroverted leaders are more likely to make decisions quickly and assertively. They may rely on their intuition and confidence, and they’re often comfortable making decisions with less information. Extroverts are typically more decisive and willing to take risks, which can drive fast-paced progress.

3. Approach to Collaboration

  • Introverts: Introverted leaders may prefer working with smaller, more intimate teams where deep relationships can be developed. They often encourage independent work and may excel in leading remote teams or creating environments where employees can work autonomously.
  • Extroverts: Extroverted leaders enjoy collaboration and thrive in environments that require teamwork and constant interaction. They are more likely to encourage brainstorming sessions, group work, and open communication channels.

4. Focus on Employee Development

  • Introverts: Introverted leaders may focus on mentoring and one-on-one development, where they can provide personalized guidance and support. They are often good at identifying individual strengths and helping employees grow in specific areas.
  • Extroverts: Extroverted leaders tend to inspire and motivate through their energy and enthusiasm. They may focus on broader, team-wide development initiatives.

5. Crisis Management

  • Introverts: In a crisis, introverted leaders are likely to remain calm and composed, taking the time to analyze the situation before responding. Their thoughtful approach can help in devising well-considered strategies to resolve issues.
  • Extroverts: Extroverted leaders are often quick to take action in a crisis. Their ability to think on their feet and maintain a high level of energy can be crucial in motivating the team and maintaining morale during challenging times.

6. Vision and Inspiration

  • Introverts: Introverted leaders may not be as overtly charismatic, but they often lead by example and inspire through their integrity, consistency, and depth of understanding. They may communicate their vision in a more personal and quiet manner, but with great clarity.
  • Extroverts: Extroverted leaders are typically charismatic and enthusiastic, often using their outgoing nature to inspire and energize their teams. They are usually vocal about their vision, using their communication skills to rally people around a common goal.

8. Conflict Resolution

  • Introverts: Introverted leaders may approach conflict with a desire for reflection and resolution through calm, private discussions. They may avoid confrontational situations and prefer to mediate and resolve issues quietly.
  • Extroverts: Extroverted leaders are more likely to address conflict head-on, using open communication and directness to resolve issues. They may be more comfortable with confrontation and work quickly to find solutions.

Sophia feels like she is banging her head against a brick Wall.

Sophia was the kind of person who lit up every room she walked into. As an extrovert, she thrived on social interaction, loved bouncing ideas around in team meetings, and found her energy in the lively, collaborative buzz of the office. Her previous boss had been much like her—outgoing, animated, and always ready to chat. But things had changed when she was promoted and started reporting to David, the new department head.

David was the polar opposite of Sophia. He was quiet, introspective, and preferred working alone in his office, door closed, deep in thought. Meetings with him were brief and to the point, and he rarely offered immediate feedback on her ideas. Sophia felt a growing frustration. She missed the vibrant discussions and instant feedback she was used to. She often found herself questioning her own performance and feeling isolated. The excitement she usually felt about her work was fading, replaced by uncertainty.

One afternoon, after another terse meeting with David, Sophia decided she couldn’t keep going like this. She needed to understand why working with David felt so difficult and how they could bridge their differences.

Sophia decided to invite David for coffee, away from the formal setting of the office. To her surprise, he agreed. As they sat in the quiet corner of a nearby café, Sophia spoke up.

“David, I want to do my best work here, but I’ve been struggling. I’m used to more interaction and feedback. I feel like I’m not sure if I’m meeting your expectations, and I miss the energy of brainstorming together. How can we make this work better for both of us?”

David looked thoughtful, taking a moment before responding. “Sophia, I can see how this has been challenging for you. I’m not always the best at giving immediate feedback or engaging in spontaneous discussions, but that doesn’t mean I don’t value your ideas or enthusiasm. I just process things differently. I need time to think things through.”

Sophia nodded, appreciating his honesty. “I understand. Maybe we can find a balance. Could we schedule regular check-ins where we can discuss ideas in more depth? I’d also appreciate any feedback, even if it’s after you’ve had time to think. And maybe I can send you ideas in advance so you have time to reflect on them before we talk.”

David smiled slightly. “That sounds like a good plan. I want you to feel engaged and supported, Sophia. Let’s try it and see how it goes.”

From here onwards, the story can go either way. Much will depend on both David and Sophia’s willingness to put in the effort needed to work together.

Hopefully, Sophia will realise that while David’s leadership style was different from what she was used to, it wasn’t incompatible with her own. David, too, might find that the structured approach allows him to better appreciate Sophia’s energy and creativity without feeling overwhelmed. By understanding each other’s needs and finding a middle ground, they could create a working relationship that played to both of their strengths, turning what once felt like a challenge into a successful partnership.

Maybe your boss is not trying to be difficult, maybe your boss is reacting differently to what you are used to because your boss is an introvert.

You can learn a lot from your introverted boss

Introverted leaders often model the importance of taking time to thoroughly analyse situations before making decisions, demonstrating that careful consideration can lead to more effective outcomes. They teach the significance of listening intently to others, showing that giving space for different perspectives can enhance collaboration and foster a more inclusive work environment. From an introverted boss, you can also learn the power of leading by example, valuing substance over style, and the strength that comes from quiet confidence and strategic thinking rather than constant visibility or vocal assertiveness.

If you still feel like burnout is imminent, I have created a 2-day (this weekend if it’s urgent) online course called From Burnout to Breakthrough – Building Resilience This two-day online retreat is for you if you desperately want to stop worrying excessively, dramatically lower your stress levels, stop feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, prevent burnout AND  positively impact other people’s lives.

In addition to the transformational retreats that I host at my little French farm near Bordeaux, I have also created a couple of online courses, ex. Break Free from Uncertainty and Get Going in a New Direction – each course is available with or without one-to-one coaching. To receive notification of last-minute and early-bird specials on all of the above, I invite you to subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes newsletter which gives immediate access to my free  How to Survive a Life Quake e-course.

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Powerful Affirmations For Introverted Entrepreneurs

Has Affirmations Gone Out Of Fashion?

No, affirmations have not gone out of fashion—but they have had a significant makeover, they have evolved to meet our needs more effectively and to fit better into our busy lives. With the growing focus on mental health, affirmations have morphed into reliable, familiar and much-appreciated friends, who are always there to remind you that you’ve got this, even when life feels like a never-ending Monday.

Science has finally given affirmations a thumbs-up. Research shows they actually can reduce stress and boost resilience. One study published by Creswell et al. (2013) in Psychological Science found that self-affirmations can protect against the damaging effects of stress on problem-solving performance. The study demonstrated that “participants who engaged in self-affirmation before a stress-inducing task showed better problem-solving abilities and lower stress levels compared to those who did not engage in self-affirmation.”

We are now creating specific self-motivating and personally meaningful affirmations that resonate with our unique values and objectives—no more generic “I am successful” mantras that are difficult to believe and don’t really hit home. Instead of saying, “I am successful,” we now expand, “I know I can run a successful business and I will take these specific steps today to make my business more successful.”

En plus, affirmations have found a place in our digital age, popping up in a variety of apps, online communities and social media feeds, proving that they remain a versatile and empowering tool.

Affirmations have also jumped on the mindfulness bandwagon, blending with meditation, journaling, visualisation, and all those other practices that make you feel like you’ve got your life together (even if you’re still in your pyjamas at noon).

So, no, affirmations have definitely not gone out of fashion. They’ve just evolved, like any good trend, keeping up with the times and finding new ways to stay relevant.

Who these days can afford to ignore a tool that can “protect against the damaging effects of stress on problem-solving performance?” Certainly not me, I am still using affirmations, but I have rewritten mine so that they reflect my new entrepreneur status. Below you’ll find a list of my most empowering affirmations, but first, I’m going to explain why affirmations can be particularly useful for introverted entrepreneurs, providing emotional support as we face the unique challenges of running a business.

Affirmations can help Introverts by motivating us to:

  • Overcome Self-Doubt: Introverted entrepreneurs may sometimes struggle with self-doubt, especially in highly visible situations like networking events or public speaking. Affirmations like “I have spoken successfully in public before and I can do so again today.” can help reinforce our self-worth and reduce our anxiety about stepping into the spotlight.
  • Stay Aligned with our Goals: Affirmations can help us maintain focus on our long-term goals, reminding us of our purpose, even when distractions or doubts arise.
  • Embrace Our Unique Nature: Introverted entrepreneurs may feel pressured to act more extroverted in a business world that often celebrates visibility. Affirmations such as “I succeed by being true to myself” can help us embrace our authentic selves, reminding us of our natural strengths rather than trying to fit into an extroverted mold.
  • Dramatically Reduce our Stress Levels: Running a business can be hard work, especially when we don’t get enough downtime to recharge. Affirmations like “I give myself permission to rest and recharge my batteries for 24 hours” can help us manage stress and maintain a healthy balance between work and personal life.
  • Overcome Challenges: Entrepreneurship is filled with ups and downs. Affirmations such as “I am resilient and I know I am capable of overcoming this challenge” can help us to persevere through difficult times and view challenges as opportunities for personal and business growth.
  • Improve our Communication Skills by Expressing Our Thoughts Clearly: Introverts often excel at listening and thoughtful communication but might hesitate to share their ideas in large groups. Affirmations like “My ideas are valuable, and I express them with confidence” can empower us to communicate more assertively and effectively in business settings.
  • Nurture our Ideas: Introverts often have rich inner worlds where creativity thrives. Affirmations such as “I trust my creative instincts and let them guide my business decisions” can encourage them to explore and implement their ideas without self-censorship.
  • Lead Quietly but Powerfully: Introverts may lead in a more understated manner, but that doesn’t make us any less effective. Affirmations can help us recognise, accept and use our unique leadership style.
  • To be Kind to Ourselves: Entrepreneurship can be tough, and introverts might be particularly hard on themselves during challenging times. Affirmations like “I am patient and compassionate with myself as I grow my business” can help us practice self-kindness, reducing the pressure we put on ourselves.

Affirmations can give us more confidence, clarity, and self-compassion.

Examples of Powerful Affirmations for Introverted Business Owners

  • “My introvertness is my strength, allowing me to think deeply, listen intently, and lead thoughtfully.” I embrace my natural tendency to reflect on and consider all perspectives. This helps me make well-informed decisions that benefit my business.
  • “I am confident in my ability to create meaningful connections in my own unique way.” I don’t need to have the loudest voice in the room to make an impact. My quiet presence and thoughtful communication build strong, lasting relationships with clients and colleagues.
  • “I trust my instincts and my ability to make decisions that align with my values, objectives and vision.” I know that the unique way I think leads to choices that reflect who I am and what I want to achieve. I move forward with confidence, knowing I am on the right path.
  • “I honour my need for solitude and use it to innovate and improve my business.” I recognise that taking time off for myself is essential to my creativity and productivity. My best ideas come when I’m fully rested and in tune with my inner self.
  • “I am a resilient leader who overcomes challenges with calm determination.” When faced with difficulties, I draw on my ability to thoroughly think things through. I respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively, leading my business through tough times with steady resolve.
  • “I create a work environment that supports my energy and enhances my productivity. I structure my workday in a way that respects my need for uninterrupted focus. By creating a space that aligns with my introverted nature, I maximise my efficiency.
  • “I attract clients and opportunities that align with my values and respect my boundaries. I know that the right opportunities will come to me as I stay true to who I am. I set clear boundaries and attract clients who appreciate my thoughtful approach and integrity.
  • “I am proud of my achievements and celebrate them in a way that feels authentic to me.” I don’t need to seek external validation to feel successful. I recognise my accomplishments and allow myself to celebrate them privately, in ways that honor my introverted nature.
  • “I use my listening skills to properly understand the needs of my clients and deliver exceptional value.” My ability to listen and observe makes me a powerful business owner. I use these skills to create tailored solutions that meet my clients’ needs, building trust and long-lasting relationships.
  • “I am continuously growing, learning, and evolving as a business owner and as an individual.” I embrace lifelong learning and personal growth. Each day, I take steps to improve my skills and knowledge, knowing that this continuous evolution strengthens my business and enriches my life.
  • “I embrace my unique leadership style, knowing that quiet strength and thoughtful action are powerful tools for success.” I lead with intention and purpose, understanding that my calm demeanour and careful consideration inspire confidence and trust in those I work with.
  • “I trust in the value of my work and confidently share it with the world in a way that feels true to me.” I know that my products and services bring value to others. I share my offerings confidently, using methods that align with my introverted nature, whether through writing, one-on-one conversations, or small group settings.
  • “I balance my energy wisely, knowing when to push forward and when to step back to recharge.” I am in tune with my energy levels and understand the importance of balancing work and rest. I give myself permission to step back and recharge my batteries when needed, knowing this will make me more effective in the long run.
  • “I am capable of setting clear boundaries that protect my time, energy, and focus.” I respect my own limits and communicate them confidently. I protect my time and energy by setting boundaries that allow me to stay focused and productive, ensuring I can give my best to my business and clients.
  • “I attract team members and partners who complement my strengths and respect my introverted nature.” I build my business with people who understand and appreciate my working style. Together, we create a supportive environment where everyone’s strengths are valued and leveraged for mutual success.
  • “I navigate social interactions with ease and confidence, knowing I can connect meaningfully in my own way.” I don’t need to change who I am to build strong relationships. I connect with others through deep, meaningful conversations and thoughtful communication, creating lasting bonds in both my personal and professional life.
  • “I am proud of my ability to work independently and use this strength to drive my business forward.” I thrive in solo work, where I can focus deeply and produce high-quality results. My independence is a key asset that propels my business toward success.
  • “I create opportunities that align with my values and allow me to work in environments that suit my personality.” I actively seek and create opportunities that resonate with my core values and allow me to work in settings that feel comfortable and supportive, ensuring long-term satisfaction and success.
  • “I am patient with my growth process, understanding that success is built step by step, at my own pace.” I know that true success doesn’t happen overnight. I trust in my journey, allowing myself the time and space to grow my business steadily and sustainably, without comparing myself to others.
  • “I am a thoughtful and strategic thinker, and I use this ability to make decisions that lead to long-term success.” My natural inclination to think things through carefully is a key advantage in business. I use this strength to make strategic decisions that ensure the long-term success and sustainability of my business.

I suspect that even just reading through these affirmations makes you feel more empowered and positive about your business. Why are affirmations so powerful? On my Free Resources page, you can download a 25-page e-book by Susan Jeffers explaining exactly why affirmations can change our lives. Her book, Inner Talk for Peace of Mind, is also excellent.

And if you feel you need a break, away from all the hustle and bustle, come and recharge your batteries here in the sun-drenched southwest of France. Walk part of the Camino de Santiago de Compostela and spend a few days in the presence of my patient, understanding and supportive Friesian and Falabella horses – even if you don’t interact with them at all, just having them around is calming and comforting – on a From Troubled to Triumphant transformational retreat to reinvent yourself, rewrite your story and start your sensational next chapter.

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A Gratitude Journal: The Introverted Business Owner’s Secret Superpower

“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” Melody Beattie

I have been keeping a gratitude journal for at least 4 years now.

I started small: 5 bullet points every morning and evening.

I started expanding on these when I read that adding my “why,” my reason for being grateful for each point on my list, would increase the beneficial impact that gratitude journaling could have on my life.

It did. Hundredfold.

Gratitude journaling is especially beneficial for introverts because it’s like having a deep, meaningful conversation—except it’s with yourself, and there’s zero chance of being interrupted or having to make awkward small talk. It’s the perfect way to express all your feelings without having to actually tell people about it.

Instead of shouting from the rooftops, you get to quietly jot down your victories in a cozy little corner, possibly with a cup of tea, some soothing music and a purring cat nearby.

Gratitude journaling might well be the introvert’s secret superpower.

Instead of having to talk about it at length (awkward shudder), you can just jot down your appreciation in your journal and call it a day. If you want to thank anyone, you don’t have to phone them, you can text or email them. Or send them a card – or even an e-card.

It’s also the perfect excuse to take a break and recharge your batteries. “Sorry, can’t join that Zoom call—I’m busy reflecting on my blessings.” And the best part? No one can argue with that.

In your gratitude journal, you get to say whatever you want, however you want, and you never have to worry about anyone helpfully interrupting you to explain what you are doing wrong and how you should correct it. You can keep your gratitude journal private, where only you (and maybe your cat) can see how truly grateful you are for life’s little victories, like discovering a new book series or finally getting that tricky client off your back.

Talking about tricky clients, if you are a business owner, regularly jotting down things you’re grateful for is like giving your brain a daily dose of sunshine. It’s the perfect antidote to those inevitable business hiccups that would otherwise send you into a negative tailspin. Whenever business life gets chaotic, your gratitude journal helps you stay grounded, reminding you of what truly matters—like the fact that you survived another week without having to attend a networking event.

Regularly reminding yourself what you’re grateful for can foster a growth mindset, which is crucial when navigating the ups and downs of business ownership. Instead of getting bogged down by challenges, you’ll stay focused on your goals and celebrate the progress you’ve made—quietly, of course. Your gratitude journal is like a highlight reel of your greatest hits, reminding you that you’ve got what it takes to handle whatever comes your way. Focusing on gratitude can help an introverted business owner bounce back from setbacks by reminding us of past successes.

By regularly reflecting on what you’re grateful for, you naturally start to identify what truly matters to you—whether it’s customer satisfaction, work-life balance, or ethical business practices. This clarity helps you make decisions that align with your core values, making it easier to choose the right way forward.

Introverts are prone to overthinking, especially when faced with big decisions. Gratitude journaling helps shift your focus from potential pitfalls to the positive aspects of past decisions, reducing anxiety and giving you the confidence to move forward without second-guessing yourself incessantly. It also reduces the likelihood of regretting decisions. By reinforcing the idea that there’s always something to be grateful for, even in disastrous situations, you can make decisions without FOMO.

For an introverted business owner, a gratitude journal is more than just a notebook—it’s a powerhouse of positivity, focus, confidence, and resilience – your new best friend. It’s like having a quiet cheerleader in your corner, helping you navigate the entrepreneurial rollercoaster with determination, patience and grit—minus the need for any bold and loud public declarations.

If you want to start a gratitude journal but always end up sitting and staring at a white page or computer screen, with no idea where to start, try one of these prompts:

  • How has spending time alone recently helped you process your thoughts or make a decision? What are you most grateful for about your alone time?
  • Who is one person who has supported you in a quiet, meaningful way? What did they do, and why are you grateful for their presence in your life?
  • What is a valuable lesson you’ve learned from a recent challenge or setback? How has it helped you grow, and why are you grateful for the experience?
  • What place, real or imagined, do you retreat to when you need peace and solitude? Why are you grateful for this space, and how does it help you?
  • What makes you laugh out loud? How can you bring more laughter into your daily life?

Gratitude Journaling has always been part of my Next Chapter Retreats, as a writing meditation exercise. For when could it be more important to count our blessings and so attract more to be grateful for, than when we are struggling through major life changes, transitions and challenges?

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In my book Embracing Change – in 10 Minutes a Day, I explain in detail how to keep a gratitude journal and how to get the full benefit of doing so in just 10 minutes a day.

If you would like to be notified when I publish another post like this one, you can subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes newsletter, with regular updates about the highs and lows of living on my little farm in the sun-drenched southwest of France. Subscribers get free access to my bursting-with-value e-course about surviving and thriving during major life changes.

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The Importance of Self-Compassion for Introverts

How Self-Compassion Can Help You Build Your Business and Your Career

As introverted professionals, we can greatly benefit from being kinder to ourselves, especially during life changes, challenges and transitions.

I had this idea that being an introvert was a negative thing, that it had a negative connotation, and I really wanted, as a young person, to strive to be the life of the party and to be really outgoing and to have a million friends. And then I realized that an introvert isn’t a negative. – Grace Helbig

It took me many years to figure this out: that being an introvert is okay, that I don’t have to suppress who I am to fit in with the rest of the world. It was only when I started my own business running Camino de Santiago walking retreats here on my little farm in the southwest of France, that I was finally able to not only accept myself as I am, but to be kind to myself, and to put my needs as an introvert first, so that I can the best retreat host I possibly can, just as I am.

How can Introverts reap significant benefits from being kinder to ourselves?

  1. Being kinder to ourselves helps introverts build emotional resilience. When we practice self-compassion, we become better equipped to handle life’s challenges without being overwhelmed by self-criticism. This resilience allows us to bounce back more quickly from setbacks and maintain a more balanced, regulated emotional state.
  2. We often feel pressure to conform to extroverted norms, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt. By being kinder to ourselves, we can embrace our natural tendencies, recognise our strengths and value our unique perspective. This self-acceptance leads to greater confidence and contentment in our own skins.
  3. Introverts can be particularly sensitive to overstimulation and social pressure. By practising self-kindness, we give ourselves permission to set boundaries, take breaks, and recharge our batteries without feeling guilty. This dramatically reduces our stress levels, allowing us to navigate trying social situations and daily demands with more ease.
  4. Self-compassionate introverts are more likely to approach relationships authentically. By being kind to ourselves, we avoid the pitfalls of overextending or people-pleasing, which can lead to burnout. Instead, we engage in relationships that are mutually supportive and fulfilling.
  5. When introverts are kinder to themselves, it stimulates personal growth. Without the harshness of self-judgment, we can explore new opportunities, take risks, and learn from our experiences with a sense of curiosity and creativity.

Case Study: Alice and her boulangerie La Petite Panetière

Alice owned an irresistible little boulangerie, La Petite Panetière, on a quiet street in a charming French village. The shop was known for its warm, golden croissants, fragrant baguettes and delicate chocolatines. Every day, from the early hours, Alice would work tirelessly, kneading dough, and rolling baguettes, ensuring every single one was perfect. Her boulangerie was her world, but she kept her distance from her customers, her shyness was often mistaken for aloofness.

Alice was an introvert to the core. She loved the solitude of the early mornings and the comfort of routine, but the pressures of running a business were weighing heavy on her slender shoulders. She was her own harshest critic, always believing that her baking was just not good enough. She would stay late into the night, perfectly recipes that had already been praised by her customers, convinced they weren’t worthy of the compliments.

That winter, as the days grew shorter and the nights colder, Alice found herself worn out and disconnected, not just from her customers but from the joy she once found in baking.

One particularly bitter evening, after a long day of work, Alice sat down with a cup of hot chocolate and a journal she had bought months ago but never opened. She began to write, pouring out her worries and frustrations onto the page. It was the first time she allowed herself to truly express what she felt. In the quiet of her tiny kitchen, surrounded by the comforting smell of fresh bread, Alice realized how unkind she had been to herself.

She decided to make a change, not in her baking, but in how she treated herself. Alice began setting boundaries, closing the shop a little earlier, taking time to rest, and allowing herself small indulgences—a walk by the river, a new book, or simply a quiet evening without worrying about the next day’s work. She also permitted herself to close the bakery for a day each week, dedicating that time to rest, explore new recipes, or simply enjoy the solitude she so cherished.

Gradually, Alice’s kindness toward herself began to reflect in her business. Her renewed energy brought warmth back into the boulangerie. She smiled more often, greeted customers with genuine interest, and even started small conversations, sharing her love for baking. People noticed the change in her, feeling more welcome and connected to her shop. Word spread, and soon, more customers were drawn to the boulangerie, not just for the bread but for the peaceful, inviting atmosphere that Alice had created.

Her business flourished, not because she worked harder, but because she learned to be kind to herself. The boulangerie became a haven not just for the village but for Alice too—a place where she could share her passion without losing herself in the process. In this kindness, she found not only the strength to keep going but she also became more creative in the kitchen, experimenting with new flavours and techniques. She introduced a new line of cinnamon-flavoured pains-aux-raisins that quickly became a hit with her customers.

She focused on creating a more personal connection with her customers. She started a small loyalty program, offering regulars a free pastry after ten visits. This simple gesture, born out of her genuine care for her customers, made them feel valued and appreciated, leading to increased word-of-mouth referrals.

As Alice continued journalling self-compassionately, La Petite Panetière flourished. Alice’s self-compassion not only revived her passion for baking but also transformed her business into a thriving, beloved part of the community.

In the end, Alice learned that by taking care of herself, she could take better care of her business—and that being an introvert, in fact, wasn’t a limitation, but a strength.

How can we become more self-compassionate? By Journaling.

Journaling with self-compassion can be a transformative practice for introverts, helping us to nurture a kinder relationship with ourselves, manage our emotions more effectively, and embrace our introverted strengths with confidence.

  1. Journaling makes us more self-aware: Introverts often thrive on introspection, and journaling allows us to explore our thoughts and feelings in more depth. By focusing on self-compassion, journaling can help us become more aware of our inner dialogue, recognise patterns of self-criticism and learn to replace them with kinder, more supportive thoughts.
  2. Journaling helps us process our emotions: Introverts may internalise their emotions, leading to stress or overwhelm. Journaling provides a safe space to process these emotions, helping us to release pent-up feelings and gain clarity. Writing about self-compassion encourages us to acknowledge our emotions without judgment, creating a healthier emotional balance.
  3. It reinforces positive self-talk: Introverts are prone to self-doubt or negative self-talk, especially in social situations. Through journaling, they can practice reframing negative thoughts and reinforcing positive self-talk. By regularly writing about self-compassion, introverts can cultivate a more nurturing and forgiving inner voice.
  4. Journaling can increase our resilience: Life’s challenges can feel especially intense for introverts, who may need more time to recharge. Journaling about self-compassion helps them build resilience by reminding them that it’s okay to take breaks, set boundaries, and prioritise their well-being. This practice empowers introverts to navigate difficulties with greater self-kindness and patience.
  5. It can strengthen our personal boundaries: Introverts often value their personal space and time, but we struggle to set boundaries without feeling guilty. Journaling with self-compassion can help us explore our need for boundaries and affirm that protecting our energy is a valid and necessary act of self-care.
  6. Journaling helps us to accept ourselves: Introverts may sometimes feel pressure to be more extroverted or sociable. Journaling with self-compassion can help us own our introverted nature and recognise its strengths. By focusing on self-compassion, we can develop a deeper acceptance of who we are, appreciating our unique qualities rather than wishing we were different.
  7. It promotes mindfulness: Journaling encourages a mindful approach to self-compassion, helping us to stay present and attentive to our needs. Mindfulness can reduce anxiety, particularly in social or stressful situations, by keeping us grounded in the moment and focused on our own well-being.

10 Self-compassion-inducing journaling prompts tailored for introverts

  1. Review Your Strengths: What are three qualities or strengths that you appreciate about yourself as an introvert? How have these traits positively impacted your life? Write about how these strengths have helped you navigate challenges or create meaningful connections.
  2. Embrace Your Need for Solitude: Describe a time when taking time alone significantly benefited your mental or emotional well-being. How did honouring your need for solitude help you recharge or gain clarity? How you can incorporate more intentional alone time into your routine?
  3. Self-Care Reflection: List the ways you currently take care of yourself, especially during times of stress or overwhelm. Are there any self-care practices you’d like to incorporate more regularly? How can these practices help you show yourself more compassion?
  4. Handling Overwhelm: Think about a recent situation where you felt socially or emotionally overwhelmed. How did you handle it? Looking back, how could you have shown yourself more compassion in that moment? Write about how you can support yourself better in similar situations in the future.
  5. Celebrate Your Achievements: Remind yourself of a recent achievement or milestone, no matter how small. How did you feel when you accomplished it? Often, introverts downplay their successes—take this opportunity to fully celebrate your achievement and acknowledge the effort you put in.
  6. Understanding Your Inner Critic: Write about a time when you were overly critical of yourself. What was the situation, and what did your inner critic say? Now, imagine how you would comfort a close friend in the same situation. How can you apply that same kindness to yourself?
  7. Boundaries and Self-Compassion: Think about a situation where you had to set a boundary to protect your well-being. How did it feel to set that boundary? Reflect on how setting boundaries is an act of self-compassion and how you can practice this more confidently.
  8. Gratitude for Your Introverted Nature: Write about three things you’re grateful for because of your introverted nature. How has being an introvert enriched your life? How can embracing these aspects of yourself contribute to your overall happiness?
  9. Navigating Social Situations: Recall a recent social event that left you feeling drained or uncomfortable. How did you recover afterwards? Write about how you can prepare for and recover from social situations in a way that honours your need for self-compassion and energy management.
  10. Visualising Your Ideal Day: Describe your perfect day, focusing on how it would nurture your introverted nature. What activities would you include? How would you balance solitude and social interaction? Reflect on how you can incorporate elements of this ideal day into your real life to support your well-being.

As self-kindness empowers us to thrive in our own unique way, as it nurtures our strengths, and protects our emotional well-being, what more can we do to make sure we are kinder towards ourselves on a day-to-day basis?

Recommended Reading
Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection.
Germer, C. K. (2009). The mindful path to self-compassion: Freeing yourself from destructive thoughts and emotions.
Germer, C. K. & Neff, K. D. (2019).Teaching the Mindful Self-Compassion program: A guide for professionals.
Gilbert, P. (2009). The compassionate mind.
Hickman, S. (2021). Self-Compassion for Dummies.
Neff, K. D. & Germer, C. K (2018). The Mindful Self-Compassion workbook: A proven way to accept yourself, find inner strength, and thrive.
Neff, K. D. (2021). Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive.
Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-Compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself.
Quinlan, K. (2021). The Self-Compassion Workbook for OCD: Lean into Your Fear, Manage Difficult Emotions, and F

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