Author: Margaretha Montagu

Stumbling Blocks or Stepping Stones?

You are working all hours at your disposal to reach your goal and then suddenly…yet another setback! As unwelcome as a speeding ticket on the day both your indicators fail.

Life rarely unfolds in a straight line. It’s a winding journey with peaks of triumph and valleys of challenges. At some point, we all face setbacks—moments when it feels like the rug has been whipped out from beneath us. Perhaps you missed a deadline at work after months of stellar performance, fell off your carefully planned health regimen, or faced rejection after years of hard work pursuing a dream. These moments can sting, making it tempting to dismiss your progress so far and label yourself a failure.

Don’t do that. One setback does not erase all the progress you have made so far.

What qualifies as a setback? I’d say a setback in life is an experience that disrupts your plans or expectations, often leading to feelings of disappointment or frustration. The keyword here is “disrupt,” not “destroy.” Setbacks come in all shapes and sizes, some more disruptive than others, each impacting different aspects of our lives:

Setback Categories

1. Personal Setbacks: These include injuries, illnesses, mental health challenges (such as anxiety or depression), and relationship issues (like breakups or divorce). Losses, whether of loved ones, jobs, or opportunities, also fall into this category.
2. Professional Setbacks: Common examples are failing in a critical meeting, being overlooked for a promotion, or facing a job loss. Such setbacks can significantly affect your career trajectory and self-esteem.
3. Financial Setbacks: These can arise from job loss, poor investments, or unexpected expenses that strain financial stability.
4. Environmental Setbacks: Natural disasters or significant changes in one’s living situation can also be classified as setbacks, as they often require a complete reevaluation of life circumstances.

Progress is Cumulative

The good news is that you can reframe setbacks as stepping stones toward long-term and lasting success.

Apparently. (I’m Gen X, we don’t believe everything we are told.)

Imagine climbing a mountain. Each step forward builds upon the last, bringing you closer to the summit. Now imagine slipping on loose gravel and sliding back a few feet. It’s frustrating, but it doesn’t erase the hundreds of steps you’ve already climbed. And you already know that way ahead, you know what to do to avoid slipping back. Similarly, in life, your progress accumulates. The skills you’ve developed, the lessons you’ve learned, and the resilience you’ve cultivated don’t vanish because of a single misstep.

For example, let’s say you’ve been diligently saving money for a big purchase. An unexpected expense—a car repair or medical bill—may force you to dip into your savings. While this feels like a setback, it doesn’t negate the discipline and effort you’ve shown in saving up to this point. You still have the knowledge and habits that enabled you to save in the first place, which means you can start building again.

The Danger of All-or-Nothing Thinking

One of the reasons setbacks feel so devastating is because of all-or-nothing thinking. This mindset convinces us that we’re either winning or failing, with no middle ground. When something goes wrong, it’s easy to spiral into negative self-talk:

• “I knew I couldn’t stick to this diet.”
• “Why do I even bother trying?”
• “I’m never going to achieve my goals.”

This kind of thinking ignores the nuances of progress. Setbacks are not proof of failure; they are a natural part of the process. In fact, they often highlight areas where growth is still needed, offering valuable opportunities to learn and adjust.

Reframing the Narrative

How you interpret a setback matters. Instead of viewing it as a sign that you’re not good enough, consider it a plot twist in your journey. Great stories—and great lives—are full of moments when the protagonist faces obstacles and emerges stronger.

Let’s look at a real-world example. Thomas Edison famously said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” His “setbacks” were integral to his eventual success in inventing the light bulb. Reframing challenges as experiments, rather than verdicts on your worth, allows you to stay curious and become more resilient.

The next time you slam up against a setback, ask yourself:

1. What can I learn from this? Every setback carries a lesson, whether it’s about preparation, timing, or approach.
2. What have I already accomplished? Reflecting on your past successes can help you maintain perspective.
3. What’s the next small step I can take? Focusing on actionable steps keeps you moving forward.

Be Kind to Yourself

Many of us are far kinder to others than we are to ourselves. If your best friend or colleague faced a similar setback, you’d likely offer words of encouragement rather than criticism. So why not extend the same grace to yourself?

Practising self-compassion doesn’t mean letting yourself off the hook; it means acknowledging that you’re human. It’s about recognising that everyone stumbles and that your worth isn’t defined by your worst moments.

Here are some ways to practice self-compassion:

• Acknowledge your feelings. It’s okay to feel disappointed or frustrated. Naming your emotions can help you process them without becoming overwhelmed.
• Talk to yourself like a friend. Replace harsh self-criticism with supportive language.
• Focus on progress, not perfection. Celebrate the effort you’ve put in, even if the outcome wasn’t what you hoped for.

Stories of Resilience

Consider the story of J.K. Rowling, who faced numerous rejections before finding a publisher for Harry Potter. Her initial setbacks didn’t erase her talent or determination; they were stepping stones on the path to her eventual success.

Or think about someone recovering from a health setback, like an athlete rebuilding strength after an injury. Each day of rehab might feel slow and frustrating, but every session contributes to their eventual recovery. The same principle applies to personal or professional goals.

Or Gina, whose setback turned into a Comedy in Three Acts:

Gina was not the type to take a setback lying down. No, she preferred to face adversity the same way she faced IKEA furniture instructions: with creative swearing, a questionable plan, and a glass of wine.

Her major setback came on a Wednesday—because, of course, the universe saves its cruellest blows for the middle of the week, when you’re already teetering on the edge. Gina had just been passed over for the big promotion she was sure was hers. The new title? Gone. The corner office? Bye-bye. The salary bump she had earmarked for Bali yoga retreats and high-end sushi? RIP.

Instead, the promotion went to her office nemesis, Derek. Derek of the faux humility, Derek of the motivational Post-it notes, Derek who thought “circle back” was the pinnacle of workplace communication.

By 6:00 p.m., Gina had rage-Googled “How to hex your coworker legally” and eaten an entire bag of gummy worms while doom-scrolling Instagram. It wasn’t pretty.

Act II: The Breakthrough

The next morning, Gina decided she wasn’t going to wallow. No. She was going to manifest. She dusted off her vision board from 2019 (which was mostly pictures of Amal Clooney looking fabulous in pencil skirts) and got to work.

Step one? Rebrand herself. Derek may have won the battle, but Gina was about to win the war.

“I’m not bitter,” she told her friend Ellie over overpriced oat milk lattes. “I’m pivoting. Like Beyoncé in 2016 or whatever Taylor Swift does every five minutes.”

Ellie, the supportive kind who wasn’t above roasting Gina for fun, raised an eyebrow. “So, what’s the plan? Dramatic career change? Pet influencer? Enlisting in the army?”

“Better,” Gina said, her eyes sparkling with the kind of manic energy only a person with a vendetta could muster. “I’m going to become Derek’s boss.”

Ellie nearly choked on her latte. “You can’t even keep a basil plant alive, and now you’re planning a corporate coup?”

“Oh, it’s on,” Gina said. “I’m playing chess, not checkers.”

Act III: The Glow-Up

Gina went all in. She revamped her LinkedIn profile, signing up for every buzzword-filled certification she could find. “Certified in Agile Frameworks” meant nothing to her, but it looked killer in bold font. She started volunteering for high-visibility projects at work. She even took up jogging, because all the articles said “executive energy” came from early morning runs, though she mostly ended up lying on the pavement gasping like a stranded fish.

And then there was Derek. Sweet, oblivious Derek. Gina started complimenting him on his ideas—strategic flattery, of course—and subtly claiming credit for his successes, based on her advice, in team meetings.

“Gina’s insights really helped me refine that idea,” Derek had to admit.

“Happy to help!” she’d chirp, while mentally filing away his demise.

Within six months, Gina had a standing coffee with the VP of Operations and a reputation as a team player. Within a year, she was promoted. Not just promoted—promoted above Derek.

Epilogue: Revenge Is Best Served With a Side of Humor

On her first day as Derek’s boss, Gina waltzed into her new office. It had a view, a fancy ergonomic chair, and most importantly, a door she could close when Derek inevitably wandered in to “circle back” on something.

Derek, looking as smug as ever, poked his head in. “Hey, boss,” he said, drawing out the last word like it was a joke.

Gina grinned, leaning back in her chair. “Oh, Derek,” she said. “Why don’t you circle back later?”

And with that, she swivelled her chair dramatically toward the window, sipping her coffee like the queen she had always been.

So, when life hands you setbacks, turn them into setups (see below.)

Practical Strategies for Bouncing Back

When faced with a setback, it’s important to take proactive steps to regain momentum. Here are some strategies to help you:

1. Pause and Reflect: Take time to assess what happened. What factors contributed to the setback? What’s within your control to change moving forward?
2. Reconnect with Your Why: Remind yourself why you started in the first place. Whether it’s a healthier lifestyle, a meaningful career, or a stronger relationship, keeping your ultimate goal in mind can reignite your motivation.
3. Break It Down: Large goals can feel overwhelming, especially after a setback. Break them into smaller, manageable steps to rebuild confidence and momentum.
4. Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, mentors, or support groups. Sharing your struggles can provide fresh perspectives and encouragement.
5. Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge every step forward, no matter how small. Progress is progress, and celebrating it reinforces a positive mindset.

The Upside of the Downside

Progress happens in fits and starts, and that’s okay. The path to success is often marked by detours, and setbacks are not the opposite of progress—they’re part of it. By reframing your perspective, practising self-compassion, and taking actionable steps to bounce back, you can transform setbacks into opportunities for growth.

Setbacks can be a goldmine for growth if you let them. When you reframe them as opportunities to learn, adapt, and connect, they stop being roadblocks and start becoming stepping stones to something bigger and better. So next time life knocks you down, remember: it’s just setting you up for an epic comeback.

Feeling Lost? Rediscover Who You Are and What’s Next by Finding Your Life Purpose

Setbacks can leave you feeling untethered—unsure of who you are, where you’re going, or how to move forward. It’s normal to feel anxious, even overwhelmed, to experience self-doubt, to worry about the future, and to feel isolated and unsupported.

My unique course, “Rearing to Get Going in a New Direction: Discover Your Real Life Purpose” offers the support you need to help you get your life back on track:

🌟 Overcome Uncertainty, Insecurity and Anxiety Gain clarity about your next steps and replace fear of the future with a renewed sense of direction. The course is structured to offer guidance, giving you the tools and strategies you need to navigate this transition as painlessly as possible.

🌟 Rediscover Your Identity Life transitions often cause identity crises. This course will guide you to reconnect with your core values, passions, and purpose so you can rediscover who you truly are.

🌟 Silence Self-Doubt and Reclaim Your Self-Confidence You’ll uncover your unique strengths and abilities, empowering you to face challenges with resilience and self-belief.

🌟 Free Yourself from Your Fear of Failure By focusing on meaningful goals and aligning your goals with your values the course minimises the fear of making the “wrong” decisions.

🌟 Identify Your Priorities Feeling overwhelmed? Together, we’ll pinpoint what will truly matter in your next chapter, helping you prioritise your time and energy with a purpose-driven focus, easing the overwhelm of conflicting demands.

🌟 Improve Your Communication Skills and Build Meaningful Connections By understanding yourself and what you want better, you’ll develop the confidence to express your needs clearly and authentically, paving the way for stronger, more fulfilling relationships.

Who would benefit from this course?

Anyone experiencing:

Midlife Changes: Reflecting on achievements and possibly changing life directions.
Retirement: Adjusting to life after a career and finding a new purpose.
Job Loss, Career Change or Starting a new Business: Facing the challenges of unemployment or moving to a new job.
Relocation: Adjusting to a new city or environment, which involves building new relationships and adapting to different social dynamics.
Health Issues: Coping with significant health diagnoses or injuries that alter daily life and future plans.
Loss of a Loved One: Managing grief and the emotional upheaval that follows the death of someone close.
Marriage or Divorce: Navigating the complexities of forming or dissolving significant relationships.
Achieving Significant Milestones: Such as paying off debt, achieving financial stability, or other personal accomplishments that require reevaluation of goals and identity.

How do I know I can help you? Is it because I am a medical doctor with two decades of experience helping my patients manage stress?

No. It’s because I’ve been there. I felt the raw fear, the knawing uncertainty, the paralysing doubts about the future.

I know from personal experience that life transitions can leave you feeling unmoored—uncertain about the future, disconnected from your sense of self, and unsure of how to move forward.

This isn’t the end—it’s the beginning of your next chapter.

This course is designed to guide you out of the fog of uncertainty and into a place of clarity. With tools inspired by the wisdom of horses and grounded in practical, immediately applicable strategies, you’ll gain the insights and direction you need to rediscover yourself and plot your path forward.

If you’re ready to replace confusion with clarity, fear with purpose, and doubt with confidence, this course is your roadmap to thriving in your next chapter.

You don’t have to do this on your own. Would you like to explore this course and rediscover your life purpose?

Let’s Get Going in a New Direction – together.

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

References:

Bushkin H, van Niekerk R, Stroud L. Searching for Meaning in Chaos: Viktor Frankl’s Story. Eur J Psychol. 2021 Aug 31;17(3):233-242.

Masten AS, Best KM, Garmezy N. Resilience and development: Contributions from the study of children who overcome adversity. Development and Psychopathology. 1990;2(4):425-444.

ten Broeke, Pam, and Marieke A. Adriaanse. “Understanding the setback effect in everyday self‐regulation.” European Journal of Social Psychology 53.4 (2023): 703-719.

Carlson, R. W., & Fishbach, A. (2024). Learning from failure. Motivation Science, 10(3), 160–170. 10. 10.1037/mot0000338.

ten Broeke, Pam, and Marieke A. Adriaanse. “Understanding the setback effect in everyday self‐regulation.” European Journal of Social Psychology 53.4 (2023): 703-719.

Choosing to go through more than one Major Life Change at the same time

I have often asked myself this question. Why complicate life when I’m already struggling through one life transition, by volunteering for another? With the launch of my new From Troubled to Triumphant: Finding Solid Ground during a Life Quake retreat, I am asking myself this very question, yet again. Why take my business in a new direction, loaded with risk, when I have serious health issues?

When we opt for a life transition, it’s like flipping the Monopoly board and saying, “I don’t want to pass Go, I want to own Boardwalk.” It’s about taking control of the narrative. It’s terrifying. I’ve got people around me saying things like, “But why would you change a formula that works perfectly well?” or “You’re giving up stability for what, unpredictability?” But that’s the thing about choosing a transition—it’s not about the transition itself. It’s about knowing there’s something more out there, even if I can’t explain it to anyone else yet, something that will improve my life and in the long run, be seriously beneficial to my health.

Possible Meaning

A voluntary life transition is a self-initiated change that alters the trajectory of your life. Unlike forced transitions—job losses, illness, or unexpected break-ups—voluntary transitions are intentional choices driven by a desire for change.

Initiating a Major Life Change is about taking ownership of your story and betting on your ability to navigate the unknown. While this choice involves risk, it also carries immense potential for growth, satisfaction, and alignment with your authentic self.

These transitions can range from monumental to subtle:

• Career shifts: Leaving a secure job to pursue a passion or start a business, ex. a corporate executive quits their high-paying job to start a non-profit addressing a cause close to their heart.
• Relocation: Moving to a new city, state, or country to explore new opportunities or lifestyles ex. a city dweller decides to leave the urban grind for a quieter, simpler life in the countryside.
• Relationship changes: Choosing to leave a relationship that no longer serves you, ex. you choose to step away from a long-term relationship, not out of conflict, but because you feel it’s holding both partners back from their potential.
• Personal growth decisions: Committing to a lifestyle overhaul, like adopting a healthier routine or pursuing higher education later in life.

That’s all fairly clear, but why do this when we are already trying to cope with job losses, health challenges, relationship endings, and countless other involuntary transitions that kick us out of our comfort zone? We often choose to pile on additional major life changes during these already turbulent times. A new parent might decide to switch careers. Someone going through a divorce might move to a different city. A person facing health challenges might embark on a spiritual journey.

Possible Reasons

When life forces change upon us, we often respond by seeking even more change – a pattern that might seem counterintuitive at first glance.

When involuntary changes disrupt our lives, we often feel powerless. Choosing additional transitions can be a way of trying to regain control of our lives. By actively deciding to make changes, we transform ourselves from victims of circumstance into active participants in our life’s direction.

When life throws us off course, we sometimes start asking ourselves questions about the meaning of our lives which can lead to voluntary changes as we attempt to align our lives more closely with our evolving understanding of what matters most.

Possible Benefits

While it might seem unwise to add voluntary challenges to involuntary ones, this pattern may actually represent an adaptive response. When we’re already in a state of flux, we’re often more capable of fundamental transformation than during periods of stability. For example:

• The health crisis that leads to a complete lifestyle overhaul
• The job loss that inspires a long-desired career change
• The end of a relationship that catalyses a geographical move

However, choosing to go through a life transition isn’t without its risks. Adding voluntary transitions to involuntary ones can overwhelm our cognitive and emotional resources, strain our support systems, and complicate the adaptation process.

The key lies in distinguishing between opportunistic transitions and impulsive ones. Before volunteering for additional life changes during turbulent times, consider:

• Whether the change aligns with your long-term goals
• If your support system can handle the additional stress
• Whether the timing leverages the current disruption or merely adds to it
• If you’re running toward something or away from something

Possible Solutions

Coping with more than one life transition at a time can be challenging. I usually follow the suggestions below (roughly) except, of course, for the last one.)

1. Clarify Your Why: Understand the deeper reasons behind your desire for change. Is it about fulfilment, growth, or a need for authenticity?
2. Plan Strategically: While spontaneity has its place, a solid plan can make the transition smoother. Consider finances, timelines, and resources.
3. Accept the Discomfort: Transitions are rarely smooth. Embrace uncertainty as a sign of progress, not failure.
4. Build a Support System: Surround yourself with people who encourage your journey, even if they don’t fully understand it.
5. Stay Committed: Doubts will arise, but remind yourself why you chose this path. The rewards often come after the hardest parts.
6. And if you struggle to stay committed why not attend a From Troubled to Triumphant: Finding Solid Ground during a Life Quake retreat here in the sun-blessed south of France? Walking the Camino de Santiago de Compostela is more often than not a life-changing experience.

Possible Pattern

A voluntary transition is a fascinating process that many of us go through, often without realising there’s a pattern to it.

The Contemplation Phase is where it all begins. This is when you start feeling that itch for change. Maybe, you’ve lost your job and you’re daydreaming about a new career, or your relationship has ended and you find yourself browsing real estate listings in a city you’ve always wanted to live in. During this phase, you’re weighing pros and cons, imagining “what if” scenarios, and trying to picture yourself in this new life. It can be exciting, but it can also be seriously scary. You might talk to friends or family about your ideas, seeking their input or validation. This phase can last anywhere from a few weeks to several years, depending on the magnitude of the change and your personal circumstances.

Then comes the Leap of Faith. This is the moment when you decide, “Yes, I’m really doing this!” It’s exhilarating and terrifying all at once. You might feel a rush of adrenaline as you submit your resignation letter, sign up for that degree program, or put your house on the market. This phase is often accompanied by a mix of emotions – enthusiasm for the future, pride in taking control of your life, but also perhaps a twinge of nostalgia or fear about leaving your comfort zone.

Next up is what I like to call the Wrestling Chaos phase. This is where the rubber meets the road, and you start dealing with the nitty-gritty details of your transition. If you’re changing careers, you might be juggling job applications, interviews, and maybe some additional training. If you’re moving, you’re dealing with packing, finding a new place to live, and saying goodbye to familiar faces. This phase can be stressful and overwhelming at times. You might have moments of doubt, wondering if you’ve made the right choice. But it’s also a time of incredible growth and learning.

Finally, you reach the New Order phase. This is when things start to settle down, and you begin to find your rhythm in your new reality. If you’ve moved, you’re starting to feel at home in your new city. If you’ve changed careers, you’re getting comfortable in your new role. This phase is about integration and establishing new routines. You might look back and be amazed at how far you’ve come. There’s often a sense of accomplishment and renewed energy.

It’s important to remember that your path isn’t always linear. You might bounce back and forth between phases, or experience them in a different order. And each phase comes with its own set of challenges and rewards. The contemplation phase requires patience and self-reflection. The leap of faith demands courage. Wrestling chaos calls for resilience and problem-solving skills. And establishing a new order takes time and persistence.

Throughout this journey, it’s crucial to be kind to yourself. Voluntary transitions are bold moves, and they’re not always easy, especially against the background of an existing life transition. But they offer incredible opportunities for personal growth, self-discovery, and creating a life that aligns with your values and aspirations.

Case Study: Sarah’s Story – From Corporate Stability to Entrepreneurial Freedom

Sarah’s story exemplifies how involuntary transitions often catalyze voluntary ones. At 42, she was navigating a difficult divorce after 15 years of marriage when she made a decision that surprised even herself: leaving her secure position as a marketing executive to start her own consulting business.

“The divorce wasn’t my choice,” Sarah explains. “But once my personal life was in upheaval, I realised I had been using my marriage’s stability as an excuse to stay in a career that no longer fulfilled me. If I was rebuilding my life anyway, why not rebuild it exactly as I wanted?”

The timing seemed counterintuitive to many. Her friends and family questioned whether adding career uncertainty to personal upheaval was wise. She had a mortgage to pay and the divorce was already straining her finances. Yet Sarah felt an unexpected clarity amid the chaos.

She used her severance package as seed money and leveraged her existing professional network to secure her first clients. The flexible schedule of self-employment actually helped her better manage divorce proceedings and emotional recovery. While the first year brought significant challenges – including several months of minimal income – Sarah found that the professional challenges provided a welcome distraction from her personal transition.

“Starting my business gave me back a sense of control when my personal life felt uncontrollable,” she reflects. “Yes, it was scary, but I was already facing my fears in other areas. What was one more?”

Three years later, Sarah’s consulting firm is thriving, and she notes that both transitions – though painful – led to necessary growth. “Looking back, I’m not sure I would have had the courage to start my own business if my life hadn’t already been disrupted. The divorce forced me to reimagine my future, and once I was doing that, I decided to reimagine everything.”

Final Thoughts

Voluntary life transitions are a testament to human resilience. They’re proof that sometimes, the biggest changes in life aren’t the ones forced upon us, but the ones we choose, even when it’s painful. Staying in the same place might be easier, but let’s face it: easy eventually does get boring. Choosing a transition is how we keep life spicy—it’s the jalapeño on our otherwise bland nachos of existence.

Why do we choose to jump into another transition when we are already caught up in a barely manageable one? Because waiting around for life to force the issue feels like slow suffocation by mediocrity. It’s better to choose the chaos, own the chaos, and come out the other side saying, “Yeah, it was wild—but I made it.”

So, if you’ve been hearing that whisper to take the leap—to quit, to move, to start, to let go—listen. You might just find that the life you’ve been waiting for is on the other side of the decision only you can make.

Hit the pause button and regain your footing during a From Troubled to Triumphant Retreat. Imagine walking a peaceful stretch of the Camino de Santiago, where every step helps untangle the mental clutter or spending time with gentle Friesian horses who teach you the art of mindfulness. Whether you choose to make a change or are forced to, this retreat offers the perfect blend of peace, perspective, and playful exploration to help you rise from troubled to triumphant!

Choosing Change, One Brave Step at a Time

This year has been a wild ride of personal discoveries, unexpected U-turns, and brave first steps. I’m sitting here reflecting on all the ways I’ve challenged myself, pushed beyond my comfort zone, and embraced change – even when it felt absolutely terrifying.

Can you believe it? We are, inching toward the end of the year already! Looking back at the past year I have a question for you: Did you try something new this year?

Trying something new is like planting seeds in unfamiliar soil. Sometimes they sprout, sometimes they don’t—but you learn either way.

Life transitions have a way of pushing us to either retreat into the familiar or to boldly step forward and embrace change. Maybe…

• You’re starting over after a breakup or loss.
• You’re switching careers, or stepping into retirement.
• Your kids have left the house, and you’re wondering, what now?
• Or maybe you’ve hit a point where you’re just tired of the same routine and ready to rediscover what excites you.

If you’re nodding along because it has been one of those years for you, let’s take a walk together through this idea. We’ll talk about why “new” is so powerful during times of transition, how to choose what to try, and what happens when you take that leap—even the tiniest one.

Why Trying New Things Matters During Life Transitions

Let’s face it—transitions are uncomfortable. Even the positive ones, like starting a dream job, can feel unnerving because you’re stepping out of your comfort zone. You’re leaving the “known” behind and moving into something that hasn’t yet become routine.

And this is where trying new things becomes a superpower.

Here’s why:

1. It helps you reconnect with yourself.
   During big life changes, we can sometimes lose sight of who we are. Trying something new—whether it’s a new skill, a habit, or a way of seeing the world—reminds us that we’re still curious, growing humans. It lets us rediscover parts of ourselves we may have forgotten.
2. It sparks joy and excitement.
   New experiences wake us up. Even if you’re feeling stuck or heavy with uncertainty, trying something new can act as a little light switch, illuminating the days in ways you didn’t expect.
3. It builds confidence.
   When you step out of your comfort zone (even just a toe outside), you show yourself that you can handle newness. You’re adaptable. You’re capable. And this confidence spills into other areas of your life, too.
4. It creates momentum.
   Feeling stuck? Trying one new thing—no matter how small—can kickstart momentum in your life. It’s a signal to yourself that you’re moving forward, not just standing still.

And here’s the encouraging part: you don’t have to “get it right.” Maybe you try cooking a new recipe, and it’s a disaster. Who cares? You tried. You stretched. And you now probably have a very funny story to tell.

What Counts as ‘New’?

You might be reading this and thinking, “But I don’t have time to take up a new hobby.” Or maybe, “I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

Here’s the truth: new doesn’t have to be big, dramatic, or Instagram-worthy. It just has to feel different.

• A New Habit: Trying a different coffee flavour. I’m now hooked on “Extra Corsé.” Drinking water as soon as you wake up. Journaling your thoughts.
• A New Skill: Learning to crochet, picking up a camera, or experimenting with watercolour painting.
• A New Experience: Taking yourself to a restaurant solo for the first time. Watching a documentary about a topic you know nothing about.
• A New Perspective: Reading a book that challenges your worldview. Asking a friend or partner deep questions.
• A New Place: Visiting a park in your town you’ve never seen. Walking a different route around your neighbourhood.

See what I mean? You don’t have to overhaul your life.

How to Decide What to Try Next

If you’re feeling inspired but a little stuck, here are a few questions to help you brainstorm:

1. What have you always been curious about?
   That thing you’ve secretly wanted to try but never let yourself? Start there.
2. What would feel fun or lighthearted?
   Life transitions can be heavy. What’s something playful or joyful you can add?
3. What aligns with the person you’re becoming?
   Who do you want to be in this next chapter of your life? What “new” thing could help you step into that?
4. What’s one tiny change that would shake up your routine?
   Sometimes it’s as simple as swapping coffee for tea in the morning. Little shifts count.

You don’t need a grand plan. Let curiosity be your guide.

If You Tried Something New this Year—Congratulations!

Maybe you’re already looking back and thinking about the ways you stretched yourself this year. Maybe you

• Started therapy and learned something surprising about yourself
• Took a community class in something you’ve always been curious about
• Began setting boundaries in relationships that needed them
• Started a morning routine that actually feels nurturing, not punishing
• Learned to say “no” without feeling guilty

These might seem small, but they’re revolutionary. They’re the building blocks of genuine personal growth.

For some, this year meant ending long-term relationships. For others, it meant starting new ones. Some people changed careers, while others went back to school. Some travelled, some stayed put and went deep into personal development. The common thread? A commitment to making a change, to not staying stuck.

Whatever it was, take a moment to celebrate it. You showed up. You said “yes” to something new. That’s no small thing.

If you tried something new this year and it didn’t work out? Not every experiment will be a success. And that’s okay. You’re braver than most. You learned something. You expanded your understanding of yourself.

And if you’re reading this thinking, I haven’t tried anything new yet—guess what? There’s still time. There are still 13 days left in the year. Try something that made you feel just a little more alive, curious, or even a bit uncomfortable in a good way, like stretching sore muscles.

Not a life-changing leap, but a small, manageable experiment that shifts something—anything—in your day. What whisper of an idea have you been ignoring? What tiny step could you take that might open up a whole new world? How about

• Learning a language
• Starting a small side business
• Joining a community group
• Writing that book you’ve always talked about
• Reconnecting with old friends

You don’t have to have it all figured out to start. The specifics don’t matter as much as the spirit behind them. The spirit of “I’m willing to see what happens if I step slightly outside my comfort zone.”

You don’t need permission. You don’t need a perfect plan.

Your Turn: What’s Your “New?”

Life transitions aren’t just about what we lose or leave behind. They’re also about what we gain—what we invite into our lives that’s fresh, unexpected, and maybe even a little messy.

I spoke with Mark, a 35-year-old software engineer who decided to volunteer with a local youth mentorship program. “I’ve always been more comfortable with code than with people,” he shared. “But this year, I wanted to challenge that narrative about myself.” His experience wasn’t just about helping teenagers – it was about helping himself grow, about discovering dimensions of himself he’d never explored.

Change can be rejuvenating. We’re still growing. Still becoming. Here’s to the experimenters, the curious souls, the brave hearts who are willing to say “Why not?” instead of “What if?”

Keep trying. Keep growing. Keep becoming.

Isn’t that what life is all about?

What if you knew that you have such a fool-proof strategy to cope with challenges that you will never get stressed about dealing with change again? Embracing Change – in 10 minutes a Day will empower you to cope with whatever change comes your way if you are willing to spend 10 minutes a day investing in your future.

I put the essence of who I am, and everything I have experienced that makes me who I am, with great enthusiasm, into my retreats, courses and books. – Dr Margaretha Montagu (MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract (cert,) Transformational Life Coach (dip,) Life Story Coach (cert) Counselling (cert,) Med Hypnotherapy (dip) and EAGALA (cert)

Change Your Narrative Identity, Change Your Life

Have you ever stopped to think about the story you tell yourself about your life? Not the one you share at parties or job interviews—the polished, edited self-promotional version—but the one that runs like a voiceover in your head as you reflect on where you’ve been, who you are now, and where you’re headed?

That story has a name. It’s called your self-narrative or narrative identity, and it’s way more powerful than you might think.

We are all storytellers at heart. The stories we tell about our lives help us make sense of what we experience. They shape our sense of self, our decisions, and even our ability to find purpose in what we do. Whether we’re overcoming a challenge, starting fresh, or trying to figure out what comes next, understanding our self-narrative can be the key to getting unstuck and finding new direction.

So, let’s talk about what self-narrative is, why it matters, and how you can use it to get closer to discovering your life purpose.

What is Your Self-Narrative/Narrative Identity?

Narrative identity is the idea that we make sense of who we are by creating stories about our lives. Psychologist Dan McAdams describes it as your narrative identity, an evolving life story that gives your experiences meaning. It’s the way you make sense of the highs, lows, and everything in between. It’s how you weave together your past, present, and future into a cohesive tale that answers the big questions:

• Who am I?
• How did I get here?
• Where am I going?

Think of it like the script of a movie where you are the main character. Your life events are the scenes, the people around you are the supporting cast, and the challenges you face are the plot twists. How you frame those scenes makes all the difference. Are you the hero overcoming adversity? The wanderer searching for meaning? The survivor who turns suffering into wisdom?

Your self-narrative isn’t just about the facts of your life—it’s about how you interpret them.

We create our identity by integrating our life experiences into an evolving story that provides us with a purpose in life. This life narrative integrates our reconstructed past, perceived present, and imagined future. Our stories have characters, imagery, a setting, plots, themes, turning points, challenges, and resolutions and often follow the traditional model of a story, having a beginning (initiating event), middle (an attempt and a consequence), and an end (denouement).

Narrative Identity is important because it helps us

• Make sense of our lives by creating coherence out of our experiences.
• Grow and heal as we reframe challenges.
• Understand and communicate who we are to others.

The Essentials of Narrative Identity:

1. It connects the dots: Narrative identity integrates your past, present, and future into a single, coherent story.
2. It makes sense of experiences: We reflect on our lives and give meaning to challenges, milestones, and turning points.
3. It changes as we grow: Just like any good story, our life narrative evolves as we learn, face new experiences, and reframe old ones.
4. It’s shaped by culture: The way we tell our stories—what we highlight, how we frame events—is often influenced by cultural norms and traditions.

A Few Examples:

• Overcoming adversity: A tough experience might be reframed as a “hero’s journey” where you grew stronger because of the challenges you faced.
  • For instance: “After my divorce, I walked the Camino de Santiago and discovered my independence and inner strength.”
• Finding purpose: A life change can be seen as answering a deeper calling.
  • “Leaving my corporate job to work with horses wasn’t a setback. It was me stepping toward what I was truly meant to do.”
• Reinterpreting setbacks: Sometimes, looking back helps us see difficult events as turning points or lessons.
  • “Burning out at work forced me to reevaluate my priorities and rebuild healthier boundaries.”

Why Your Story Matters

Your self-narrative is powerful because the way you tell your story shapes your reality. Let me explain.

Imagine two people who experienced the same thing—say, a career that didn’t pan out.

1. One person tells themselves: “I’m a failure. I’m not good at anything, and I’ll never succeed.”
2. The other person frames it as: “That job wasn’t the right fit for me. It taught me a lot about what I don’t want, and now I’m ready to pursue something more meaningful.”

Same event, two very different stories. And those stories will shape how each person moves forward.

The first person’s narrative might keep them stuck, weighed down by shame and self-doubt. The second person’s story reframes the experience as a stepping stone—a valuable part of their journey toward something better.

See what I mean? Your story influences how you see yourself, what you believe you’re capable of, and the choices you make next.

Your Narrative Identity and Your Mental Health

Our narrative identity plays a big role in our mental health—people who can turn tough experiences into positive stories tend to feel happier. It also shapes our goals and dreams, guiding how we think about our future and what we want to achieve. When it comes to work, the stories we tell ourselves about our skills and experiences can steer our career choices. Plus, how we handle challenges in our narratives can either build resilience or make things tougher emotionally. Our self-concept and identity are all tied up in these stories, too, and they can even influence how well we do in school. On a broader level, our narratives reflect cultural values and help us fit into our communities. They also affect how we manage our emotions and make decisions in everyday life.

Take our relationships, for example. The stories we tell about our lives affect how we connect with others. For one, they help us understand how we view ourselves and how we think others see us, which can change the way we interact. When we share our real experiences and feelings, it builds trust and makes those connections deeper. Plus, our stories set up expectations for how we want to be treated and what we expect from others. Basically, the narratives we live by play a huge role in shaping the quality of our relationships.

Think about it this way: if you’ve got a story in your head that you’re always the one who gets left behind, you might be super clingy in relationships without even realising it. Or if your narrative is all about being strong and independent, you might have a tough time letting people in or asking for help when you need it. Our stories don’t just affect how we behave; they also influence how we interpret what others do. If your friend doesn’t text you back right away, your personal narrative might lead you to think, “See? Nobody really cares about me,” or it might have you shrugging it off like, “They’re probably just busy.”

When we share our stories with others, it can create an amazing bond. It’s like, “Hey, I’ve been through this stuff too!” and suddenly, you’re connecting on a whole new level.

But it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes our narratives can clash with others’ stories, leading to misunderstandings or conflicts. If one person’s story is all about needing lots of alone time, and their partner’s narrative is about always being together, you can see how that might cause some friction.

The good news is that once we’re aware of our narratives, we can work on changing them if they’re not serving us well. It’s like editing our own life story to create healthier, happier relationships.

Life Purpose and Your Self-Narrative

So, where does life purpose come into all this? Well, discovering your purpose often starts with understanding your story.

Life purpose isn’t something you magically stumble upon one day. It’s something you uncover by reflecting on your experiences, connecting the dots, and noticing the themes and values that keep showing up in your life.

Here’s how self-narrative plays a role:

1. It helps you identify what matters to you: When you look back at your story, certain themes will stand out. Maybe you’ve always felt drawn to helping others, creating beauty, or seeking adventure. These themes are clues to your values and purpose.
2. It reframes challenges as part of your growth: The struggles you’ve faced can become meaningful chapters in your story. Rather than seeing them as failures or setbacks, you can see them as the experiences that shaped who you are and prepared you for what’s next.
3. It reveals your unique strengths and gifts: Every good story has a main character with certain qualities that make them who they are. When you reflect on your life, you can identify your own strengths—whether that’s resilience, creativity, empathy, or determination—and how you can use them in a purposeful way.
4. It shows you how far you’ve come: Sometimes we forget to acknowledge the progress we’ve made. Your story can remind you of the challenges you’ve overcome and the growth you’ve experienced, which can give you the confidence to take the next step.

Finding out more about narrative identity has had such an impact on my way of thinking that I have decided to add the concept to my Rearing to Get Going in a New Direction online course about finding your life purpose, especially during life transitions.

If you are going through a life transition—like the people I work with on my Camino de Santiago walking retreats or in my online courses—understanding and rewriting their personal story can be a powerful way to move forward. It helps them find meaning in what they’ve been through, make peace with the past, and envision a new, hopeful future.

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

Why just survive when you can thrive? Enrol in my How to Survive a Life Quake 7-part online course. Think of it as your step-by-step survival kit for those “what-on-earth-just-happened” moments in life.

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