How to Ask For Help during a Life Transition

Learn the key strategies to clearly communicate your needs and build a stronger, more supportive network during life’s most challenging transitions.

Sick of your job? Tired of your relationship? Sick and tired of life in general feeling like a never-ending rerun? You’re certainly not the only one—but it does sometimes feel that way, doesn’t it? I should know, been there, many times. The good news is that you’ve got a secret weapon. It’s called your reliable support system—whether it’s your bestie, your mom, your friends, your family, your mentor, your counsellor, or even that one colleague who actually gets you. The problem? Finding the courage to ask and then communicating what you need in such a way that they understand what you are talking about – without sounding like a broken record. In this post, I’ll break down how to turn your venting sessions into game-changing conversations that don’t just help you air your frustrations—your unfailing support system will kickstart real change and help you build some rock-solid emotional resilience.

Time to stop simmering in silence and start talking like your future depends on it. (Because, spoiler: it does.)

1. Understand Your Own Needs First

Before reaching out to your support system, it’s important to get clear on what exactly you need. Take time to reflect on your frustrations. Are you seeking advice, emotional support, or practical help? Understanding whether you’re dealing with burnout, dissatisfaction, or confusion will help you pinpoint the support you need.

For instance, if you’re feeling overwhelmed at work, you might need someone to help you set boundaries or manage your workload. (see Achor, S., & Gielan, M. (2018). “To Be Happier at Work, Invest More in Your Relationships.” Harvard Business Review) If you’re in a relationship that feels unfulfilling, perhaps you need guidance on how to express your feelings or navigate a difficult conversation.

I discuss these issues in my Building Resilience – a Roadmap from Burnout to Breakthrough during a Life Transition’ course. Identifying and naming your needs is the first critical step toward finding the right solutions. When Sally started my ‘Building Resilience’ course she had hit a personal breaking point. She had been suppressing her stress for so long that she didn’t even know where to start when it came to asking for help. Working through the course, and during our coaching sessions, she learned not only how to identify her needs but also how to communicate those needs effectively to her partner and friends. In doing so, she became able to set healthier boundaries, recover from burnout, and restore balance to her life.

2. Find the Courage to Ask for Help

One of the biggest hurdles in communicating your needs is often finding the courage to ask for help in the first place. Many people feel like they should be able to handle everything on their own, fearing that asking for support makes them appear weak or dependent. However, seeking help is actually a sign of strength—it shows that you’re self-aware enough to recognise your limits and value your well-being.

Start by challenging the belief that you need to “go it alone.” Remind yourself that everyone needs support at some point in their life, and that the people in your support system likely want to be there for you. (see Radin, A. (2017). “Why Asking for Help Is Hard to Do.” Psychology Today.) Practice self-compassion by accepting that it’s okay to not have all the answers. The courage to ask for help can open the door to deeper connections and create space for real growth.,

One of the most transformative experiences for a guest on one of my retreats involved working with my horses to develop assertiveness and clear communication. Horses are incredibly intuitive animals, responding not to what we say, but to how we present ourselves energetically and emotionally. During a mindfulness session, our guest Sandra learned that her horse would only respond positively when she approached with clarity and confidence. By practising setting boundaries with the horse she became more aware of her own ability to communicate without hesitation. This newfound assertiveness translated into her personal life, where she gained the courage to ask for help from her support system and clearly express her needs.

3. Choose the Right Time and Setting

Timing and environment can greatly influence how your message is received. Make sure to communicate in a setting that feels safe, comfortable, and free of distractions. If you bring up a deeply personal issue during a hectic moment, even the most supportive person might not be able to offer the attention you need.

Consider having an intentional sit-down or scheduling a time that works for both of you. Be mindful of when they are most likely to be receptive. For example, approaching someone when they’re already stressed or distracted may result in a missed opportunity for meaningful support.

4. Use ‘I’ Statements to Express Yourself Clearly

When it comes to sensitive subjects, using “I” statements helps avoid making the other person feel defensive. Instead of saying, “You never listen to me” or “You don’t understand my situation,” try something like, “I feel unheard and would appreciate more support.” This shifts the focus to your feelings and your needs, which is much easier for the other person to respond to constructively.

“I” statements make it clear that you’re expressing your personal experience rather than blaming the other person for how you feel.

5. Be Specific About What You Need

It’s not enough to say, “I’m struggling” or “I need help.” The more specific you are, the easier it is for someone to understand how to support you. If you need time to vent, say so. If you need someone to help you brainstorm next steps for a career change, ask for that. Clarity can help prevent misunderstandings or frustration on both sides.

For example, you might say, “I’ve been feeling really drained from work lately, and I need help figuring out how to set better boundaries with my boss.” Or, “I’ve been struggling emotionally since my recent breakup, and I would love it if you could just check in with me once a week.”

Pay attention to your body language and tone of voice. Maintain comfortable eye contact, lean towards the other person, and use an open, non-defensive posture to show interest and engagement.

After expressing your needs, ask for feedback to ensure the other person has understood correctly. This can help prevent misunderstandings and allow for clarification if needed.

6. Acknowledge Their Limits

Even the most well-intentioned people in your support system have limits. Sometimes, they may not be able to offer the level of support you need due to their own emotional or logistical limitations. It’s important to acknowledge this and not take it personally. Instead, focus on the support they can offer and consider finding additional resources if needed, such as a counsellor or coach.

7. Offer Support in Return

Support is a two-way street. Make sure to ask your support system how they’re doing and what they might need from you. This creates a balanced dynamic, where both parties feel heard and valued. While expressing your needs, also be prepared to listen actively to the other person’s response. This shows respect and helps build mutual understanding. When you offer genuine support in return, you strengthen your relationships and ensure that they’ll be there when you need them most.

8. Follow Up and Express Gratitude

After you’ve communicated your needs and received support, it’s important to follow up. Let your support system know how their help impacted you, and thank them for their time and energy. Expressing gratitude strengthens relationships and reinforces the positive dynamics of your support network.

“Everyone enjoys being acknowledged and appreciated. Sometimes even the simplest act of gratitude can change someone’s entire day. Take the time to recognize and value the people around you and appreciate those who make a difference in your lives.”
― Roy T. Bennett in The Light in the Heart

For example, if a friend gave you advice that helped you navigate a tough decision at work, send them a quick message of thanks. Small gestures like this make your support system feel appreciated and more willing to help in the future.


Final Thoughts: Just Ask

Remember that no one can read your mind. If you’re feeling discontented or overwhelmed in any aspect of your life don’t wait until you reach a breaking point. Proactively communicate your needs to your support system. Being clear, direct, and specific will ensure that the people around you understand how best to help you. And in turn, they’ll appreciate your honesty and openness.

In addition to the transformational retreats that I host at my little French farm near Bordeaux, I have also created a couple of online courses, ex. The Purpose Protocol – each course is available with or without one-to-one coaching. To receive notification of last-minute and early-bird specials on all of the above, I invite you to subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes newsletter which gives immediate access to my free Would you like to live a more purposeful, meaningful and impactful Life? Quiz.

How to Build a Support System That Will Sustain You Through Major Life Changes

You don’t have to go through life’s toughest challenges alone.

Feeling stuck in a job that drains your energy or struggling to move forward after a relationship ends? The key to thriving through life’s biggest changes isn’t willpower—it’s having the right people by your side. Discover how to build the support system in 5 steps that will not only help you survive major life changes and transitions but also help you grow into your next chapter.

If you’re facing a major life change—making a career change, starting a new business, navigating a divorce, adjusting to an empty nest, moving to another country, or grieving the loss of a loved one—it’s natural to feel a mix of emotions: fear, uncertainty, frustration and even anger. Major transitions often push us out of our comfort zone, leaving us feeling lost and vulnerable. One of the most crucial factors that can help you manage these periods of upheaval is having a reliable and nurturing support system in place.

Research has shown that strong social connections aren’t just emotionally fulfilling—they can be lifesaving. A comprehensive meta-analysis published in PLoS Medicine found that individuals with robust social connections have a 50% higher chance of survival compared to those with weaker social ties (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010).

But how do you build such a support system? And what does it take to find people who truly support your growth? Whether you’re changing careers, relocating to a new country, or healing from the end of a relationship, cultivating a strong support network will empower you to cope with these changes with confidence.

Why a Reliable Support System is Crucial During Life Transitions

When we’re going through difficult times, it’s easy to feel isolated, like we’re carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders. But the truth is, no one can—or should—go through major life transitions alone. Having a group of people who can provide emotional, practical, and even professional support can be a game-changer.

Here’s why this network is so vital:

  • Perspective: When we’re in the thick of a life transition, it’s hard to see beyond the immediate emotional turbulence. A trusted support system can provide a clearer, more balanced perspective.
  • Emotional Support: Whether it’s a kind word, a shared experience, or simply being there to listen, emotional support helps lighten the load of change.
  • Encouragement and Motivation: When you’re going through a life change, it’s easy to feel stuck. A supportive group reminds you that you’re not alone in your journey, and can provide motivation and keep you accountable, encouraging you to take steps forward, no matter how small.
  • Practical Help: Whether it’s helping you find new opportunities, offering expert advice or logistical assistance, or providing practical assistance in your daily life, a robust support system can provide practical solutions when you need them most.

5 Steps to Building a Strong Support System During Major Life Changes

If you’re currently dissatisfied with your career, relationship, or finances, you may already know that a shift is necessary. But without the right support in place, these changes can feel daunting, even impossible. Here’s how you can cultivate a support system that will help you move forward and embrace the next chapter of your life.

1. Assess Your Existing Circle

Who do you currently have in your life? Take a moment to assess your existing support system. Are the people around you offering the emotional and practical support you need? This isn’t about quantity but quality. Do your friends, family, or colleagues listen without judgment? Do they motivate you or leave you feeling drained? Surrounding yourself with positive, understanding and trustworthy people is crucial.

  • Evaluate Relationships: Take note of who in your life helps you grow versus who may unintentionally hold you back. When evaluating your current support network, consider the various types of support you’re receiving. Research has identified six key social provisions: attachment, social integration, reassurance of worth, reliable alliance, guidance, and opportunity for nurturance (Cutrona & Russell, 1985). A well-rounded support system should ideally provide all of these. Some relationships might actually hold you back or add unnecessary stress. Don’t be afraid to create some distance if needed.
  • Strengthen Connections: Look for friends, colleagues, or family members who are good listeners, non-judgmental, and genuinely care about your well-being. Identify a few key people you can trust, and nurture these relationships. Sometimes, a single deep connection is more valuable than a large social circle.

2. Be Honest and Open

One of the biggest barriers to building a supportive network is our fear of vulnerability. If you’ve been pretending that everything is fine, people in your life won’t know how to support you. It can be difficult to ask for help, especially if you’ve been used to handling things on your own. Share your challenges and be open about the transition you’re going through.

  • Share Your Struggles: People can’t support you if they don’t know what you’re going through. Often, people want to help but don’t know how. Start small. You don’t need to spill your entire life story at once. Begin by opening up to a trusted friend or mentor about what you’re experiencing.
  • Be Clear About Your Needs: Let people know specifically how they can help, whether that’s lending an ear, offering advice, or even helping with a practical task.

3. Expand Your Network

If your current circle doesn’t meet your needs, seek out new connections. Finding people who have gone through similar transitions can be incredibly empowering. Whether it’s joining a support group, attending a retreat, or engaging with a community of like-minded people, expanding your network can offer new perspectives and emotional resources.

  • Online Communities: There are countless online spaces where people come together to share their experiences. Consider joining a group tailored to your specific transition, such as one for career changes, relocation, or divorce recovery.
  • Retreats and Workshops: Consider immersive experiences, like my Camino de Santiago Walking Retreats in the southwest of France. These retreats not only offer the chance to connect with others on a similar path but also provide time for reflection and personal growth. On one of my retreats, Anna showed up after uprooting her life—she’d just moved halfway across the country to escape her narcissistic ex and was still reeling from a messy divorce. Lost, unsure about her ability to hold down her new job, but desperately needing a fresh start, she found more than just healing. The retreat gave her the space to breathe again, while the group rallied around her, helping her rebuild her confidence brick by brick. She didn’t just leave with clarity and a new sense of purpose—she walked away with lifelong friendships with people who still have her back today.
  • Expand your Professional Network: For career-related challenges and changes, consider expanding your professional network. Attend industry events, join professional associations, or connect with alumni groups to build relationships that can provide guidance and opportunities

4. Seek Mentorship or Professional Guidance

Sometimes, your friends and family may not have the experience or expertise to help you navigate specific transitions. In these cases, finding mentors or professional coaches can be extremely beneficial. A good coach or mentor can offer tailored advice, share their own experiences, and help you set actionable goals.

  • Learning from Role Models: Seek out people who have successfully navigated the same transitions you’re facing. Their stories can be a source of inspiration and practical advice.
  • Professional Guidance: If you’re struggling with your career or relationships, seeking guidance from a relationship coach or career counsellor can provide clarity and direction. Rachel was drowning in a high-stress job, feeling trapped in a role she used to love but now couldn’t stand. Burnout had her in a chokehold, and she knew she had to do something. That’s when she stumbled on my course, Building Resilience: A Roadmap from Burnout to Breakthrough during a Life Transition offering effective coping mechanisms, boundary-setting strategies, and self-care practices. It’s designed to help people like you prevent burnout and restore balance in both personal and professional life. Desperate for a way out, she signed up, added a few coaching sessions, and dove in headfirst. What did she discover? Practical tools to reclaim her time, set ironclad boundaries, and refuel her drained energy. Slowly, she started to breathe again. Within months, Rachel didn’t just survive the burnout—she walked away from the job that was suffocating her and launched her own business. Now, she’s running the show… and burnout? It’s barely visible in the rearview mirror. This course isn’t just about coping; it’s about taking your life back.

5. Reciprocate and Build Closer Connections

Remember, relationships are a two-way street. To cultivate a meaningful support network, it’s important to offer support in return. Giving back to your community—whether it’s your friends, family, or a larger network—builds more meaningful connections. Be there for others, offer your own experiences, advice, and a listening ear when your friends, family members or colleagues are going through difficult times. This strengthens the bond and creates a network based on mutual trust.

Final Thoughts: Building a Support System Takes Time

You might not have an ideal support system in place right away, and that’s okay. Building a strong network takes a fair amount of effort over time. Regular check-ins, even just a quick message to see how someone is doing, can go a long way in maintaining your support system. Cultivating the right network of people around you is an ongoing process, one that will change as you move through different phases of your life. The key is to remain open to new connections and proactive about seeking support when you need it.

While external support is crucial, don’t forget to look after yourself! Make time for self-care. Engage in activities that bring you joy, such as a walk in the woods or on the beach, doing something creative, like drawing, painting or creative writing and spending time with friends and family. Taking care of yourself will give you the strength to face challenges, make the most of your support system and offer support in return.

If you’re struggling to cope with a major life change, don’t go through it alone. Building a support system is not just about surviving these transitions; it’s about thriving and emerging stronger on the other side.

Margaretha Montagu

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

If you would like to be notified when I publish another post like this one, you can subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes newsletter, with regular updates about the highs and lows of living on my little farm in the sun-drenched southwest of France. Subscribers get free access to my Would you like to live a more purposeful, meaningful and impactful Life? Quiz.

References

  1. Cutrona, C. E., & Russell, D. W. (1985). The provisions of social relationships and adaptation to stress. Advances in Personal Relationships, 1, 37-67.
  2. Gottlieb, B. H., & Bergen, A. E. (2005). Social support concepts and measures. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 58(5), 511-520.
  3. Helgeson, V. S., & Cohen, S. (1996). Social support and adjustment to cancer: Reconciling descriptive, correlational, and intervention research. Health Psychology, 15(2), 135-148.
  4. Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: A meta-analytic review. PLoS Medicine, 7(7), e1000316.
  5. Ozbay, F., Johnson, D. C., Dimoulas, E., Morgan, C. A., Charney, D., & Southwick, S. (2007). Social support and resilience to stress: From neurobiology to clinical practice. Psychiatry (Edgmont), 4(5), 35-40.
  6. Tsouna-Hadjis, E., Vemmos, K. N., Zakopoulos, N., & Stamatelopoulos, S. (1993). The role of social support in the family and community integration of right-hemisphere stroke patients. Stroke, 24(4), 581-586.

30 of the Most Motivating “Change Your Life” Quotes

“Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” — George Bernard Shaw

We all encounter moments when we feel thoroughly stuck. If you’re facing a challenging situation, one of these Change Your Life quotes can provide the inspiration you need to make the significant life change you have been thinking of for some time. These powerful words of wisdom can transform your thinking and propel you forward. For this article, I have selected the 30 Change Your Life quotes I found (and still find!) the most inspirational during the life changes that came my way.

From well-known figures such as Oprah Winfrey and Marianne Williamson to thought leaders and philosophers, these quotes cover a wide range of topics. I selected each quote carefully to ignite a spark within you and empower you to take charge of your life. Whether you’re seeking motivation to start a new project, make a career change, or simply shift your mindset, these quotes will provide the guidance and motivation you need.

Quotes alone aren’t enough to initiate real transformation—action is essential. If you’re serious about creating lasting change, consider exploring additional resources that can support your journey. For instance, my Define Your Life Purpose to Facilitate a Life Change course is designed to help you tap into your deeper purpose and align your actions with your values. This course is perfect if you’re going through a major life transition or looking for a renewed sense of direction. Defining your purpose gives you the clarity needed to initiate change with confidence.

First my list of powerful quotes to inspire you to create the life you’ve always envisioned and then a list of suggestions of how you can incorporate these life-altering quotes into your everyday life.

Here’s a list of 30 of the best “Change YourLife” quotes to inspire transformation and growth:

1. Initiating Change

One of my all-time favourite quotes is this one, by Simone de Beauvoir: “Change your life today. Don’t gamble on the future, act now, without delay.” — Simone de Beauvoir (1908-1986) was a French writer, intellectual, existentialist philosopher, political activist, feminist, and social theorist. She is best known for her groundbreaking work in feminist theory and her significant contributions to existentialism. Her most famous and influential work, “The Second Sex” (1949) is considered a foundational text of contemporary feminism. It analyses the treatment and perception of women throughout history.

“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.” — Alan Watts

“Change is inevitable. Growth is optional.” — John C. Maxwell

“It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” — Charles Darwin

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” — Socrates

2. Taking Action

“Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.” — Jim Rohn

“Don’t watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going.” — Sam Levenson

“The future depends on what you do today.” — Mahatma Gandhi

“Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.” — William James

“Don’t be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.” — John D. Rockefeller

3. Personal Growth and Self-Improvement

“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.” — Steve Maraboli

“You must learn a new way to think before you can master a new way to be.” — Marianne Williamson

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” — Rumi

“Growth is the great separator between those who succeed and those who do not.” — John C. Maxwell

“Sometimes you don’t realize your own strength until you come face to face with your greatest weakness.” — Susan Gale

4. Overcoming Challenges

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” — Viktor E. Frankl

“Change is painful, but nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.” — Mandy Hale

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.” — Winston Churchill

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s about learning to dance in the rain.” — Vivian Greene

“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” — Nelson Mandela

5. Changing Your Mindset

“The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude.” — Oprah Winfrey

“Change your thoughts and you change your world.” — Norman Vincent Peale

“If you want things to be different, perhaps the answer is to become different yourself.” — Norman Vincent Peale

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” — Theodore Roosevelt

“The only limit to our realization of tomorrow is our doubts of today.” — Franklin D. Roosevelt

6. Finding Purpose and Meaning

“It is never too late to be what you might have been.” — George Eliot

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” — Seneca

“Life is about making an impact, not making an income.” — Kevin Kruse

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.” — George Eliot

How to use these Change Your Life quotes to motivate yourself to make significant life changes

Quotes can be incredibly effective if you engage with them in ways that resonate with your personal goals and mindset. Here’s how you can use quotes for inspiration and motivation, with examples:

1. Make a Quote Journal

Choose and write down a list of quotes that inspire you. Whenever you feel uncertain or hesitant, revisit your journal for motivation. Add personal reflections on how each quote connects to your life, ex.

Quote: “The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” — Socrates
Journal Reflection: This reminds me to stop dwelling on my past mistakes and focus on what I want to create in my future. I’m going to channel my energy into starting that business I’ve always wanted.

If time is a constraint, consider picking up my book, ‘Embracing Change in 10 Minutes a Day’—a practical guide designed to help you incorporate life-changing practices into your busy schedule. By setting aside just a few minutes a day, you can gradually shift your mindset and behaviours, setting the stage for more significant change over time.

2. Set Daily Intentions

Start your day by reading a motivational quote and setting a specific intention based on it. This can help you maintain focus on your life goals, ex.

Quote: “A year from now you will wish you had started today.” — Karen Lamb
Daily Intention: Today, I will take at least one step toward my career change, whether it’s sending an email or researching a new skill. I don’t want to regret putting this off any longer.

3. Create Visual Reminders

Write or print your favourite quotes and place them in spots where you will see them frequently—on your desk, bathroom mirror, or phone wallpaper. These serve as constant reminders to stay motivated, ex.

Quote: “It’s never too late to be what you might have been.” — George Eliot
Action: Print this and stick it on your mirror. Every morning, it reminds you that you’re capable of pursuing new goals, even if they seem challenging or out of reach at this point in life.

4. Use Quotes to Reframe Limiting Beliefs

Find quotes that challenge your limiting beliefs and use them to reframe negative self-talk into empowering thoughts, ex.

Limiting Belief: “I’m too old to switch careers.”
Quote: “You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” — C.S. Lewis
Reframing: If I believe I can’t switch careers, this quote helps me realize that it’s a mental barrier, not a real one. I can still pursue my passions.

5. Incorporate Quotes into Your Affirmations

Turn a motivational quote into a personal affirmation and repeat it daily to build a mindset that supports change, ex.

Quote: “Change your thoughts and you change your world.” — Norman Vincent Peale
Affirmation: I am changing my thoughts to create the world I desire. Each day, I become more aligned with my goals.

By integrating these quotes into your daily life you can create an environment where motivation thrives and significant life changes feel more achievable.

Embark on a Journey of Self-Discovery: Camino de Santiago Walking Retreats

Imagine walking ancient paths through the sun-dappled forests and rolling hills of southwestern France, each step bringing you closer to your authentic self. My Camino de Santiago de Compostela walking retreats offer more than just a picturesque escape—they’re a gateway to personal transformation. As you walk along the legendary Camino, you’ll find that the external journey mirrors an internal one.

Away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life, surrounded by the raw beauty of nature, you’ll discover a space where the whispers of your heart grow louder, and the fog of uncertainty begins to clear. Here you’ll unearth hidden strengths you never knew you possessed, gain crystal-clear clarity on your life’s purpose and learn to embrace change as an exhilarating adventure.

The Change Your Life quotes you’ve just read? On the Camino, you don’t just contemplate these insights—you live them. Each kilometer walked becomes a testament to your resilience, each conversation a spark for new ideas, and each moment of solitude a chance for deep reflection.

Return home not just refreshed, but reborn—armed with the courage, clarity, and conviction to turn your life’s next chapter into a masterpiece. Your journey of transformation awaits on the Camino de Santiago. Are you ready to take the first step?

Margaretha Montagu

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

12 Thought-provoking and Life-altering Journaling Prompts

Rewrite Your Story and Chart Your Course to a Fulfilling Future in Just 15 Minutes a Day

Are you feeling dissatisfied with certain areas of your life, but can’t quite put your finger on why? Or perhaps you know exactly what’s not working, but you feel overwhelmed by the thought of making a change. Journaling can be a powerful tool for identifying specific issues that may be holding you back in life.

This article is an extension of my Before You Make a Life Change, Clarify First What is NOT Working. If you haven’t read it yet, I think it’s worth doing that first, to understand the context.

Linda arrived at one of my Camino de Santiago walking retreats suffering from severe burnout. She was exhausted, and knew she had to make a change, but didn’t know where to start. I introduced her to journaling and gave her a link to the 12 prompts below. Initially sceptical, Linda committed to spending 15 minutes twice a day answering one of the prompts I provided. As the days passed and the kilometres she had walked accumulated, Linda’s journal entries evolved from terse, guarded, short responses to flowing insightful reflections. By the third day, having spent the largest part of each day in nature, she realised her true passion lay in environmental conservation. She had used the journaling prompts to confront her fears, rediscover her values, and map out a bold new direction for her life. Linda left the retreat with tired muscles but with a clear vision for her future and the tools to keep refining it with journaling.

The following 12 journaling prompts are designed to help you identify what’s draining your energy, holding you back, or simply no longer aligned with who you are. Start by setting aside regular time for introspective journaling. Aim to write without censoring yourself, allowing your true thoughts and feelings to emerge. This uncensored approach can help reveal underlying issues you may not be consciously aware of. Take your time with each question—your answers may surprise you.


Your 12 Journaling Prompts:

  1. What parts of my life do I feel most frustrated with, and why do I think that is?
    Think about the areas in your life—whether it’s work, relationships, health, or finances—that cause the most frustration. Be specific. Is it a project at work that feels meaningless, a relationship that feels one-sided, or a lack of time for yourself? Reflect on why these situations frustrate you. Are they misaligned with your values? Are you feeling unappreciated or invisible? The more details you uncover, the clearer the next step becomes.
  2. If I had to name one thing that drains my energy the most, what would it be, and how do I feel after engaging with it?
    Identify the tasks, people, or commitments that leave you feeling exhausted or depleted. Consider not just what these are but how they affect you physically and emotionally. After spending time with a certain person or completing a task, do you feel heavier, irritable, or unmotivated? Use this prompt to discover where your energy is leaking.
  3. When was the last time I felt genuinely excited or passionate about something, and what was I doing?
    Think back to a time when you were enthusiastic and full of energy. What were you working on? Who were you with? What about that experience made you come alive? Compare that feeling to your current life. How far away are you from regularly experiencing this kind of joy or passion?
  4. What have I been avoiding addressing in my life, and what are the consequences of continuing to avoid it?
    We all have areas we sidestep—uncomfortable conversations, difficult decisions, or tasks we keep putting off. What have you been procrastinating on? How is avoiding it impacting your life or well-being? Be honest with yourself here. What are the long-term costs of continuing to avoid this issue? Use this awareness as motivation to face it head-on.
  5. In what areas of my life do I feel like I’m just ‘going through the motions,’ and how does this make me feel?
    Identify where you’re operating on autopilot, doing things out of habit or obligation rather than desire. It could be your job, a relationship, or even your daily routine. How does it feel to do these things day after day without much thought or passion? Is this an area you want to improve, change, or let go of completely?
  6. Who or what is holding me back from living the life I truly want, and how am I contributing to staying stuck?
    Reflect on the external factors that may be hindering your progress, such as unsupportive relationships, limiting social expectations, or financial concerns. But also consider how you might be contributing to your own limitations. Are you afraid to speak up? Do you avoid risk or change? This prompt helps you balance external barriers with internal ones, giving you a clearer sense of what needs to shift.
  7. What does my ideal day look like, and how does it compare to my current day-to-day reality?
    Paint a picture of your perfect day, from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep. Where are you? What are you doing? Who are you spending time with? Now compare that ideal vision to your current life. What’s missing? What’s out of alignment? What steps can you take to start moving closer to that ideal day?
  8. What fear, doubt, or limiting belief keeps resurfacing whenever I think about making a significant life change?
    Identify the fears that rise to the surface when you imagine making changes in your life. Is it a fear of failure, judgment, financial insecurity, or perhaps feeling unworthy of success? What old stories or beliefs are fueling these fears? Writing them down gives them less power and helps you see them for what they are—mental blocks that can be worked through.
  9. What am I currently feeling resentful about, and how does this reflect unmet needs or boundaries that need to be set?
    Resentment often points to something deeper, such as unexpressed needs or poorly maintained boundaries. What or who are you feeling resentful toward right now? Is it a demanding job, a friend who takes advantage of your generosity, or a partner who doesn’t pull their weight? Use this awareness to explore what needs to change to restore balance and protect your energy.
  10. If nothing—money, time, fear—was holding me back, what is the first thing I would change in my life, and why?
    Imagine you have no limitations. Money is not a concern, time is abundant, and you have all the courage in the world. What would you change? Write down the first thing that comes to mind and explore why that change is so important to you. This prompt helps you dream beyond your current circumstances and opens you to new possibilities.
  11. Which activities, commitments, or relationships feel more like obligations than sources of joy or fulfilment, and why do I continue with them?
    Reflect on what you’re doing out of duty rather than desire. Are there social engagements, work tasks, or even friendships that feel burdensome? Why do you continue to say yes to these things? This is a chance to identify where you need to set boundaries or let go of what’s no longer serving you.
  12. What small, realistic steps can I start taking today to reduce or remove the things that aren’t working in my life?
    Now that you’ve identified what’s not working, shift toward action. List small, manageable changes that could help improve your situation. These could be as simple as having a difficult conversation, setting firmer boundaries, or dedicating time to something that lights you up. Start small, and trust that these incremental changes will lead to bigger shifts.

Final Thoughts

Clarity is power, and by examining what isn’t working in your life, you’ve already taken the first step toward creating a more aligned, fulfilling reality. Journaling helps bring your subconscious thoughts to the surface, and now that you have this awareness, you’re in a better position to take action. Remember, even the smallest changes can spark the most profound transformations. Stay curious, be patient with yourself, and trust the journey ahead—you have everything within you to create a life that truly works for you.

Scientific Evidence

Journaling serves as a powerful tool during periods of significant life changes. It provides you with a safe space for self-reflection, allowing you to process complex emotions, clarify your thoughts, and gain valuable insights. By regularly documenting your experiences, fears, and aspirations, journaling makes it easier to identify patterns, challenges, and opportunities. This practice can reduce stress and anxiety associated with change by offering a healthy outlet for emotional expression. Journaling also enhances decision-making by enabling a deeper understanding of our values and motivations. As life transitions unfold, your journal becomes a record of your progress, celebrating milestones and learning from setbacks, ultimately fostering resilience and self-awareness during times of transformation.

For example, a study published in Psychosomatic Medicine (Pennebaker & Beall, 1986) found that expressive writing about traumatic experiences led to improved physical health outcomes, highlighting the potential benefits of journaling for overall well-being.

  • Research in the Advances in Psychiatric Treatment journal (Baikie & Wilhelm, 2005) showed that expressive writing can lead to improvements in both physical and psychological health.
  • A study in the Journal of Experimental Psychology (Ramirez & Beilock, 2011) found that students who wrote about their worries before a high-stakes exam performed significantly better than those who didn’t.
  • A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Pennebaker & Graybeal, 2001) showed that the use of certain words in journaling can predict positive health outcomes and personal growth.
  • Research in the Clinical Psychology Review (Smyth et al., 2001) found that expressive writing helps in cognitive processing of traumatic events and enhances problem-solving abilities.
  • Research published in the Academy of Management Journal (Amabile & Kramer, 2011) found that employees who kept a work diary reported higher levels of engagement and productivity.

Disclaimer: While journaling can be a powerful tool for self-reflection and personal growth, it is important to note that it is not a substitute for professional mental health support. If you are experiencing severe or persistent emotional distress, anxiety, depression, or any other mental health concerns, please seek the guidance of a qualified mental health professional. Journaling can complement professional treatment but should not replace it. Always prioritise your mental health and well-being by consulting with healthcare providers when needed.

If you would like to be notified when I publish another post like this one, you can subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes newsletter, with regular updates about the highs and lows of living on my little farm in the sun-drenched southwest of France. Subscribers get free access to my Would you like to live a more purposeful, meaningful and impactful Life? Quiz.

And if you feel you need a break, away from all the hustle and bustle, come and recharge your batteries here in the sun-drenched southwest of France. Walk part of the Camino de Santiago de Compostela and spend a few days in the presence of my patient, understanding and supportive Friesian and Falabella horses – even if you don’t interact with them at all, just having them around is calming and comforting – on a From Troubled to Triumphant transformational retreat to reinvent yourself, rewrite your story and start your sensational next chapter.

Before You Make a Life Change, Clarify First What is NOT Working

Are you tired of feeling stuck, restless, or frustrated—like life is happening to you rather than for you? You’re not alone. Many of us reach a point where we know something needs to change, but we can’t quite put our finger on what’s wrong.

When you’re thinking about making a significant life change, or are trying to cope with one, whether you’re dissatisfied with your career, feel trapped in a relationship, are moving to a new city/country, feel mind-numbingly bored since you retired, are launching a challenging new business/side hustle, or dealing with a serious health scare/loss of a loved one, the hardest part is figuring out where to start.

Both my personal and professional experience (I am a medical doctor with a special interest in stress management) have taught me that the first and most crucial step in any life transformation is to clarify exactly what’s NOT working. This article is designed to help you break through the fog of confusion and get crystal clear on the specific aspects of your life that are misaligned and holding you back.

Identifying the root causes of your discontent is essential for several reasons

Without understanding the true source of your unhappiness, any changes you make could end up being superficial or misdirected. You might quit a job, end a relationship, or move to a new city, only to find that the dissatisfaction lingers because you haven’t addressed the core issues. When you pinpoint the exact reasons for your discontent—whether it’s misaligned values, burnout, lack of fulfilment, or a deeper fear of failure—you gain clarity on what you need to change. This insight allows you to make informed, purposeful choices that lead to lasting fulfilment rather than temporary fixes. By addressing the root, you can move forward with confidence, knowing that the changes you make will last.

Research by Christina Maslach on burnout suggests that emotional exhaustion and feelings of reduced accomplishment are common indicators that something in your life is out of alignment. Identifying these symptoms early can help you address them before they escalate. (Source: Maslach, C., & Jackson, S. E. (1981). The Measurement of Experienced Burnout. Journal of Occupational Behavior, 2(2), 99–113.)

The 5-Step Life Audit

According to the Stages of Change Model, many people get stuck in the contemplation phase, where they feel a need for change but haven’t fully committed. Clarifying what’s not working helps you move forward towards making concrete plans. (Source: Prochaska, J. O., & DiClemente, C. C. (1982). Transtheoretical Therapy: Toward a More Integrative Model of Change. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research & Practice, 19(3), 276–288.)

Cut through the confusion, pinpoint exactly what’s out of sync—and what’s holding you back from the life you really want – by answering the following questions:

1. Where’s the Friction? Start by examining different areas of your life:

Areas of life that are important to you, for example: Health, Career/Business, Finance, Personal Growth/Education, Relationships/Family, Recreation/Fun, Physical Environment, and Spirituality/Public service.

For each area, ask yourself:

  • What would an ideal situation look like?
  • How satisfied am I on a scale of 1-10?
  • What specific aspects are causing dissatisfaction?

By auditing your life, you’ll get a clearer picture of what might be wrong. This step requires honesty with yourself. Sometimes, we distract ourselves from acknowledging our true feelings, afraid of confronting what might need to change.

2. What drains Your Emotional Energy?

Discontent often shows up as exhaustion. If you’re feeling depleted, if you suffer from burnout, it could be a sign that your current situation is draining you emotionally, mentally, or physically. Understanding where your energy goes and what recharges you can provide insight into what isn’t working.

Consider:

  • What activities or people leave me feeling drained, rather than energised? In other words, am I an introvert or an extrovert? Or even an ambivert?
  • Are there parts of my life where I give more than I receive, leaving me feeling exhausted?
  • When was the last time I felt truly fulfilled or energised, and what was I doing?

This exercise often reveals surprising truths. You may notice that while your job pays well, it zaps your energy, or that certain relationships require more emotional labour than you have available.

During one of my ‘Camino de Santiago walking retreats, Sandy shared how she had been struggling with her marriage for years, but couldn’t pinpoint exactly why. Through guided journaling exercises, she realised that her discontent wasn’t about the relationship itself, but rather about the fact that she had suppressed her need for personal growth. Once she acknowledged this, she was able to communicate her needs more clearly to her partner and they both began making plans to travel together and explore new activities, revitalising their relationship.

3. Assess Your Values

During your lifetime, your values and priorities change, and situations that used to fit may no longer feel aligned with who you’ve become. It’s crucial to reassess what you value most and whether your current life reflects those values:

  • What aspects of my life feel misaligned with my core values or identity?
  • Has what I value changed over time, and have I adjusted my life to reflect that?
  • Are there situations where I feel like I’m pretending to be someone I’m not?

For example, you might have started your career chasing success, but now, meaningful work or work-life balance might matter more. Or perhaps you value independence, but your relationship feels co-dependent.

4. Look for Patterns: Is There a Repetitive Theme?

Discontent can arise from patterns of behaviour that we repeat without realising. These patterns can make you feel stuck, as if life is happening to you without you having any say in the matter:

  • Are there patterns in the types of jobs or relationships I choose that result in similar outcomes?
  • Do I notice cycles of burnout, boredom, or unfulfillment in certain areas of my life?
  • Am I resisting change out of fear of uncertainty or failure?

Identifying a theme can help you zero in on what’s not working and why it keeps recurring. For instance, if you repeatedly find yourself in controlling relationships, you might need to work on setting stronger boundaries rather than looking for a new partner.

5. Get Objective Feedback: What Are Others Noticing?

Sometimes, we’re too close to our own lives to see clearly. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or mentors and ask for their honest observations about your life and behaviour. They may offer valuable insights you’ve overlooked if you ask the following questions:

  • What patterns or behaviours do you see in me that might be contributing to my dissatisfaction?
  • Do you notice anything in my life that seems out of sync with who I am or what I want?
  • Have I complained about a specific area of my life repeatedly without doing anything to change it?

While others can’t tell you what to do, they can often see blind spots we miss ourselves. A trusted friend may point out that you’ve been talking about leaving your job for years, or they may see that your relationship seems more draining than uplifting.

Common Pitfalls to Avoid

As you work through this clarification process, be mindful of these potential obstacles:

  1. Overgeneralising: Avoid broad statements like “everything is wrong.” Be specific about what isn’t working.
  2. Blaming others: While external factors play a role, focus on aspects within your control.
  3. Ignoring small issues: Sometimes, minor irritations can accumulate to create significant dissatisfaction. Don’t overlook them.
  4. Rushing the process: Take your time to thoroughly examine your life. Hasty conclusions may lead to disastrous changes.

Make Time for Reflection: Explore Your Deeper Issues

Once you’ve identified the discomfort, patterns, and areas of misalignment, take time for introspection. This can be done through journaling (12 journaling prompts), or by attending a retreat—like my Camino de Santiago Walking Retreats, where you can step away from the never-ending demands of your everyday life and give yourself time to reflect without distraction so that you can see the bigger picture.

Luna, a client I worked with during a Camino de Santiago retreat was feeling trapped in her corporate job. On the surface, everything looked great—a steady paycheck, a good position, but inside, she felt drained and unfulfilled. She realised the issue wasn’t the job itself, but that her values had shifted. What once motivated her—climbing the career ladder—was no longer aligned with who she’d become and she increasingly felt unfulfilled. After going through the 5-step audit, she decided that her exhaustion wasn’t just from the workload—she wanted to do something more creative and fulfilling. By the end of the retreat, she had a plan to slowly transition into opening her own photography business, a long-standing passion of hers.

Walking the Camino de Santiago is a unique and unforgettable experience, that can provide answers to questions like these: What are the underlying issues beneath my discontent? Is it fear of failure, a need for approval, or simply not giving myself permission to prioritise my happiness?


What’s Next?

Once you’ve clarified what’s not working, the next step is determining what you want instead. This is where courses like my Define Your Life Purpose to Facilitate a Life Change come in. Knowing what your life purpose is will enable you to shape a vision for the life you truly want to create.

When Estelle started my Define Your Life Purpose to Facilitate a Life Change course, she had just retired and felt lost, unsure of how to find purpose after leaving the workforce. As we worked through the course, she had time to reflect on what she had loved most about her career—mentoring younger colleagues. By the end of the course, she decided to use this skill to start volunteering with young adults, offering career guidance and mentorship, which gave her a renewed sense of purpose in her retirement.”

If you’re ready to dive deeper and commit to a lasting life change, explore my retreats and courses that are specifically designed for those making life changes or navigating life transitions. It’s time to leave behind what isn’t working and start building a life that truly fulfils you.

Remember: Change doesn’t happen overnight, but by taking the time to clarify what’s wrong, you’re already on the right path.


If you would like to be notified when I publish another post like this one, you can subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes newsletter, with regular updates about the highs and lows of living on my little farm in the sun-drenched southwest of France. Subscribers get free access to my Would you like to live a more purposeful, meaningful and impactful Life? Quiz.

What Are the First Steps I Should Take to Initiate a Total Life Change?

Choose to Make a Total Life Change before a Total Life Change becomes inevitable.” Dr Margaretha Montagu

Does it feel as if your job, your relationships, maybe even your entire life has lost its spark? As if you’re stuck on repeat while everyone else is out there living a highlight reel? Maybe you’re exhausted by the day-to-day grind, or perhaps you’re yearning for something more meaningful but don’t know where to start. You’re not imagining it, you know. That nagging feeling that something’s got to give—it’s real. You probably won’t believe it, but you’re not the only one standing at this crossroads.

As someone who has had to initiate several total changes in my own life and helped countless clients find clarity and purpose with my often life-changing books, workshops, retreats, and courses, I know exactly how daunting it can be to take that first step. But with the right guidance, meaningful change not only becomes possible—it ends up being inevitable.

Whether it’s a career that’s lost its sparkle or a relationship fizzling out, initiating significant change can feel overwhelming. Perhaps you’ve outgrown your current role, feel burned out from the daily grind, or are grappling with a sense of stagnation. These feelings often arise from a misalignment between our day-to-day lives and our deeper values or aspirations. The good news is that the first steps don’t have to be a grand, dramatic departure. It just needs to get you off the couch and into motion. If you’re ready to shake things up, here’s how to start putting one foot in front of the other:

Is it Time to Start a New Chapter?

1. Start by Clarifying What’s Not Working

Before you can initiate change, it’s essential to get crystal clear on what’s causing your dissatisfaction. Maybe you feel uninspired in your job, but is it the nature of the work, the environment, your colleagues or the lack of growth opportunities that bothers you most? In relationships, is it communication issues, unmet needs, or perhaps you are growing apart?

Journaling or discussing these feelings with a trusted friend can help you gain the clarity you need to understand what specifically needs to change. The more specific you are, the easier it will be to take targeted action.

2. Listen to Your Inner Voice

We all have an inner compass—an intuition that often knows what we truly want before our conscious mind catches up. But we often ignore or suppress it due to self-doubt, or fear of what the future may bring. One way to tune into that voice is by asking yourself: If I weren’t afraid, what would I change in my life right now?

Your intuition will guide you toward what feels right. It might push you toward a new career, inspire you to relocate, or give you the courage to end an unfulfilling relationship. Pay attention, trust, and begin taking small steps in that direction.

3. Adopt a Growth Mindset

To make lasting change, you need to believe that it’s possible. Many people feel trapped by limiting beliefs such as, “I’m too old to change careers,” or “I don’t have the skills to start something new.” But adopting a growth mindset can help you break free from these mental barriers.

A growth mindset encourages you to see challenges as opportunities for learning and development rather than as insurmountable obstacles. You don’t have to know everything right now—trust that you can learn and grow along the way.

4. Take Small, Actionable Steps

Significant life changes don’t happen overnight. Start by breaking your larger goal into smaller, manageable steps. If you’re unhappy at work, your first action might be updating your resume or scheduling a networking call. If it’s a relationship, maybe your first step is an honest conversation with your partner about how you feel.

For example, I once worked with someone who felt stuck in a corporate job. Her first step wasn’t quitting outright; instead, she spent a few weeks exploring her interests through side projects, which eventually led to a career change.

The key here is momentum. Direction is more important than speed. Small, consistent actions accumulate and can eventually lead to a total life change.

5. Cultivate a Support Network

You don’t have to go through life transitions alone. Building a support network is essential. This might include friends, family members, colleagues, support groups (on- and off-line), a mentor, or a therapist who can offer encouragement and guidance as you make changes.

One option to consider is joining a retreat where you can connect with others going through similar transitions. My walking retreats along the Camino de Santiago de Compostela in the southwest of France are designed to create that kind of supportive environment, helping you reflect, process and plan in a nurturing setting. As one of my past retreat participants said, ‘After years of feeling stuck in my career, the tools I gained through this retreat finally gave me the courage to pivot and start my own business.’

6. Accept Discomfort as an Essential Part of the Process

Change is rarely comfortable. Fear of the unknown, the discomfort of stepping outside your comfort zone, and worries about potential problems and eventual failure can all create resistance. But these feelings are normal. In fact, discomfort is often part of the growth process.

Instead of letting discomfort stop you, lean into it. Recognise that it’s a sign you’re pushing past your limitations, and with each small step forward, the discomfort becomes more manageable.

7. Seek Guidance and Structure

If you find yourself struggling to make progress or feeling unsure about the path forward, don’t hesitate to seek guidance. Having a clear roadmap can make all the difference. That’s where my Define Your Life Purpose to Facilitate a Life Change course comes in. This course is designed to help you cut through the noise, get clear on your values, and chart a practical, purpose-driven path forward. With structured exercises and expert guidance, you’ll walk away with the clarity and confidence to take action.

Whether you’re looking for a career overhaul, a relationship shift, or personal or professional growth, this course offers the structure and tools you need to initiate meaningful, lasting change.

8. Explore Your Interests

Sometimes, discontent arises because we’re not connected to what is important to us or we’re not doing what lights us up. A good exercise here is to reconnect with activities, hobbies, or interests that bring you joy. What have you always wanted to do but put off due to work, family, or other obligations?

If you can integrate more of your interests into your daily life—whether as a hobby or, eventually, as a career—it can ignite your enthusiasm to make a change.

9. Establish Boundaries to Protect Your Energy

Many people feel stuck or overwhelmed in life because they lack boundaries—both with themselves and others. You may be saying “yes” to too many obligations, stretching yourself thin, or allowing others’ expectations to dictate your life choices. Establishing healthy boundaries is key to regaining control over your time and energy.

Start by identifying where in your life you need to set firmer boundaries, whether that’s at work, in relationships, or with your own time. This will free up mental and emotional space to focus on the changes you want to make.

10. Practice Mindfulness

Finally, making a total life change requires ongoing self-awareness. Regularly checking in with yourself can help you stay grounded and connected to your goals. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, journaling, or even mindful walks in nature, allow you to process your emotions, tune into your inner voice, and course-correct as needed.

For those interested in combining personal growth with mindfulness, my Mindfulness Meditation with Horses retreats offer a unique opportunity to cultivate awareness and clarity through interaction with horses—a powerful way to reflect on your life’s direction. If you are looking for a career change involving horses, my Learn How to Teach Mindfulness Meditation with Horses course or retreat might come in handy.

FAQs

1. How do I start making a total life change?

Starting a significant life change begins with clarity. Identify what’s not working in your current situation—whether it’s a job, relationship, or lifestyle. Once you understand the source of your dissatisfaction, take small, manageable steps toward change. Remember, significant shifts don’t happen overnight, but consistent action leads to long-term results.

2. What if I’m scared to make a big change in my life?

Feeling fear is completely normal when considering a major life change. The key is to acknowledge the fear without letting it paralyse you. Start by taking small steps that move you closer to your goal, and surround yourself with a supportive network.

3. How can I overcome the limiting belief that it’s too late to make a change?

It’s never too late to make a change, no matter your age or circumstances. Adopting a growth mindset can help you see challenges as opportunities for development. My Define Your Life Purpose to Facilitate a Life Change course helps you discover what your purpose at this stage of your life is, making it possible to break free from limiting beliefs and take empowered steps forward. You are never too old and it is never too late to make a life change.

4. How do I know if I need to make a significant life change?

Feelings of persistent dissatisfaction, lack of purpose, or burnout can be signs that a change is necessary. If you’re constantly feeling stuck, unfulfilled, or like you’re going through the motions without joy or excitement, it’s a strong indicator that some area of your life may need a significant shift.

5. Can a walking retreat really help me find clarity during life transitions?

Yes! Retreats offer a supportive, distraction-free environment that makes reflection and getting clarity easier. Walking the Camino de Santiago in the southwest of France, in your own time and at your own pace, provides the perfect setting for you to pause, gain perspective, and create a clear plan for starting a new chapter in your life.


Ready to Take the First Step Towards a Total Life Change?

If you’re feeling the urge to make a total life change, I invite you to take the first step and explore one of my retreats, books or courses designed to help you navigate life transitions with confidence. Whether you need help defining your life purpose or building resilience through change, my programs provide the structure and support to guide you toward the life you truly want.

Why not join me on a Camino de Santiago walking retreat in the southwest of France? It’s an ideal setting to reflect, recharge, and begin the process of transformation in a supportive and inspiring environment.


By combining these 10 steps with intentional reflection and support, you’ll be well on your way to creating meaningful and lasting change in your life. Feel free to reach out for guidance—I’d love to help you on your journey!


©Dr Margaretha Montagu Certified Life Coach

Curious about the Future?

How Curiosity Can Help Us Thrive During Life’s Changes

Curiosity is like your brain’s secret weapon for surviving chaos. When life throws a curveball—whether it’s starting a new business, changing careers, adjusting to an empty nest, coping with retirement, losing a loved one or something heavier—curiosity flips the script. Instead of “Why is this happening to me?” it’s “What’s this teaching me?” It’s the mental equivalent of leaning into the storm, not running from it.

Think of it like this: when you’re curious, you’re open. Open to discovering new possibilities, new parts of yourself, new ways to adapt, evolve, and maybe even come out stronger. Curiosity turns fear into fascination and uncertainty into an adventure. It helps you roll with the punches, ask better questions, and find answers that can lead you down unexpected, but wildly rewarding paths.

“The more you know, the more you want to know. Not only that, but the more you know, the more connections you can make between the different bits of knowledge that you have in your head and therefore the more ideas you have, which is why curiosity is really the wellspring of creativity.” Georgina Venning

Always interested in making life transitions easier for myself and others, I decided to investigate.

Can being curious really help you cope with the stress caused by a major life change? How does a curious mindset differ from a growth mindset? Is it not just another variant of the same thing?

I started by looking at the definitions of each mindset:

  • Growth Mindset: Coined by psychologist Carol Dweck, a growth mindset is the belief that abilities, intelligence, and talents can be developed through effort, learning, and perseverance. People with a growth mindset view challenges as opportunities to grow, and they understand that failure is not a reflection of fixed ability but a necessary part of the learning process.
  • Curiosity Mindset: A curiosity mindset is a desire to explore and discover, driven by a sense of awe, wonder and the desire to investigate the unknown. People with a curiosity mindset approach situations with questions, seeking to understand and absorb new information, ideas, experiences, and perspectives, often without a specific learning goal in mind.

The hallmark of curiosity is a thirst for knowledge that has no obvious utility. Being a lifelong learner is taking joy in exploration regardless of whether the discovery has immediate relevance. The goal is to understand for the sake of understanding. Adam Grant

This means the FOCUS between the two mindsets is different:

  • Growth Mindset: The focus of a growth mindset is on personal development and improvement. It’s about seeing challenges as ways to build new skills and overcome limitations. For example, if you have a growth mindset, you might see a failure as an opportunity to learn what went wrong so that you can handle a situation better next time.
  • Curiosity Mindset: The curiosity mindset is more focused on exploration and discovery. Curiosity doesn’t necessarily have a direct link to self-improvement, though it can lead to it. If you have a curiosity mindset, you are motivated to learn more simply because you’re interested in understanding something better, not necessarily to grow or improve a specific skill. It’s simply about the joy of discovery. Curiosity might lead you to explore a topic outside your current expertise, ask questions unrelated to your goals, or simply follow a line of thought to see where it takes you.

It seems that both a growth mindset and a curiosity mindset are valuable approaches to life and learning, but they serve different purposes. They can complement each other—curiosity can spark the motivation to grow, and a growth mindset can sustain long-term curiosity. Curiosity is the mindset that turns a problem into a puzzle and a challenge into a discovery. This shift in perspective reduces our anxiety and helps us feel more in control. It shifts our focus from what we’ve lost to what we can gain.

Maybe the easiest way to explore how curiosity can help us is by looking at a case study.

Susan attended one of my Camino de Santiago walking retreats here in the southwest of France. She had her ducks in a row. She was ORGANISED, both in her personal and professional life.

Until two major life changes hit her at the same time.

In a couple of weeks, her well-ordered world began to unravel. First came the unexpected layoff from her steady job of 15 years—a blow that shook her to her core. Shortly after, her long-term relationship ended, leaving her feeling lost. For the first time in her life, Susan didn’t have a plan.

Her close friend, Anne, sensing her distress, suggested something unusual: a walking retreat in the southwest of France. Susan baulked at the idea at first. The thought of “wandering aimlessly” through rural landscapes seemed counterproductive to her acute need to be in control. But Anne assured her that the retreat wasn’t about getting lost, but about finding one’s way.

In desperation, Susan booked the retreat.

The retreat began on a sunny autumn morning. Susan found herself standing in a picturesque village, surrounded by vineyards and rolling hills bathed in the golden hues of late harvest. Her fellow retreat participants were friendly but sensed that she wasn’t quite ready for conversation. There were no immediate plans, no rigid schedules—just the promise of long walks and time to reflect.

The first day was hard. Susan’s mind was restless, filled with thoughts of what she had lost—her job, her relationship, her sense of direction. As she walked, she replayed events in her mind, trying to make sense of how her life had veered so far off course. She desperately wanted answers, but none came.

By the second day, something began to shift. There was something about the steady rhythm of walking, the quiet of the landscape, and the absence of distractions. Her mind slowly settled down. The deafening noise of her worries started to fade into the background. It wasn’t that her problems disappeared; it was more that they began to lose their suffocating grip on her.

She started noticing things she had overlooked on the first day—the vibrant yellow, orange and red leaves on the vines, the way the sunlight filtered through the trees, and the sound of a brook winding its way through the valley. She found herself feeling, for the first time in months, a flicker of curiosity. She stopped obsessing about solving her problems and started to pay attention to the world around her. “I wonder what kind of grapes are these?” she thought. “Why do they plant vines in rows? What sort of wine do they make from these grapes? How long have they been making wine in this region?” These were simple questions, but they made her think of something other than her problems.

As the days went on, Susan’s curiosity about the region, its people and her fellow retreat participants increased. She began asking more questions—not just about her surroundings but also about her own life. Why did she feel so lost without a plan? What might happen if she let go of the need to know exactly what’s next? What if, instead of being obsessed about finding answers, she allowed herself to explore possibilities?

One afternoon, while walking on a particularly quiet path, Susan had a profound realization: she didn’t have to figure everything out right now. She didn’t have to have a clear plan for her next job or relationship. What she needed was to be open to what might happen next, to be curious about the unknown instead of fearing it.

That evening, back at the farmhouse, she shared her thoughts with the others. “I’ve always been so focused on controlling everything,” she said. “But here, walking through this landscape, I’m beginning to realise that not knowing isn’t the same as failing. Maybe I need to be curious about what would happen if I let go and stop trying to control everything?”

The group nodded in understanding. Several of the others had come on the retreat during their own transitions—divorce, retirement, the loss of a loved one. They, too, had discovered that curiosity was more than just asking questions. It was a way to soften the hard edges of life’s uncertainties, a way to remain open to and accepting of the unexpected.

By the end of the retreat, Susan’s outlook had transformed. She hadn’t figured out all the answers to her problems, but she had learned something far more valuable: the power of curiosity to help navigate life’s inevitable changes.

On the final day of the retreat, as the group shared a last meal together, Susan found herself reflecting on her journey. The walks, the quiet moments of reflection, and the gentle guidance of her retreat leader had led her to a place she never expected to reach—not a place of certainty, but a place of possibility. She discovered that life didn’t have to be meticulously planned to be meaningful and fulfilling.

Back home, Susan’s life wasn’t magically fixed. She still had to find a new job, and the pain from her breakup hadn’t entirely faded. But she no longer felt the same pressure to rush forward. Instead, she allowed herself to ask questions and explore new paths without needing to know exactly where they led, well in advance.

She started taking a photography class, something she had always been curious about but had never made time for. She reconnected with old friends, not because she felt obligated but because she was genuinely interested in catching up. Instead of diving headfirst into a job search, she spent time researching fields she had never considered before, allowing herself to be curious about what other careers might offer.

In the months that followed, Susan’s life unfolded in ways she couldn’t have predicted. She found a new job in a different industry that excited her, and she began volunteering at a local animal shelter, something that brought her unexpected joy. Her relationships, too, began to evolve—not through force or careful planning, but through her willingness to let things unfold naturally.

The walking retreat in the southwest of France had taught Susan more than she could have imagined. It wasn’t just a break from her life; it was a turning point. As she reflected on her journey, she knew she’d return to the southwest of France one day, perhaps to walk the whole Camino. But more importantly, she knew she would carry the lessons she learned about the benefits of being curious with her wherever she went. Life’s major changes would come, as they always did, but now she was ready to meet them—not with fear, but with a curiosity

“Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” e. e. cummings

If you, like Susan, are navigating a major life change and seeking space to reflect, explore, and rediscover your curiosity, consider joining a walking retreat in the peaceful landscapes of the southwest of France. These retreats offer more than just beautiful scenery—they provide an opportunity to connect with yourself, embrace uncertainty, and open your heart to new possibilities. Sometimes, all it takes is a quiet walk in the vineyards to find the answers—or better yet, the right questions—to move forward.

Curiosity is a powerful ally during life transitions. By embracing a curious mindset, you open yourself up to new possibilities, reduce fear of the unknown, and build resilience in the face of challenges. For introverts, curiosity offers a quiet yet profound way to navigate change, tapping into their natural strengths of introspection and reflection.

“I would rather have questions that can’t be answered than answers that can’t be questioned.” Richard Feynman

For Richard Feynman, the renowned physicist, known for his groundbreaking work in quantum mechanics, curiosity was a way of life—a drive to constantly ask “why” and to challenge the status quo. He believed that true understanding came from following one’s curiosity wherever it might lead, even if it meant stepping into the uncomfortable territory of not knowing.

The Introvert’s Guide to Recognising the First Signs of Burnout

As introverts, we experience unique signs of burnout when we’re in desperate need of rest, particularly when we’ve been overstimulated by social interactions or haven’t had enough time on our own.

If you feel yourself getting tense and then relaxing again as you read the following paragraphs, you are probably an introvert:

The Day Sarah Hit the Wall

As an introvert, I’ve always enjoyed the quiet moments spent with a good book or exploring nature. However, there was one particular week that pushed me to my limits—a week filled with back-to-back social events, work meetings, and family gatherings. Each day began with excitement, but as the days dragged on, I could feel my energy reserves dwindling.

It all culminated on a Saturday evening when I attended a friend’s birthday party. The venue was packed, the music was loud, and the conversations were non-stop. At first, I tried to engage and enjoy myself, laughing at jokes and catching up with friends. But as the hours passed, I felt an overwhelming sense of fatigue wash over me. My mind started to feel foggy, and I found myself zoning out during conversations. The vibrant chatter around me transformed into a dull roar.

By 10 PM, I was on the brink of what I now recognize as introvert burnout. My heart raced as I realized I couldn’t take it anymore; I needed to escape. With a polite excuse about needing to get home early, I slipped out of the party and took a deep breath of fresh air. The quiet of the night enveloped me like a warm blanket.

Once home, I sank into my favourite chair with a cup of herbal tea and let out a sigh of relief. In that moment of solitude, I could feel my body begin to relax. I turned off my phone and allowed myself to simply be—no obligations, no noise, just the gentle sound of my own breathing.

The next day was dedicated entirely to replenishing my energy stores. I spent hours in nature, taking long walks and soaking in the tranquillity that only solitude can provide. It was during this time that I reflected on the importance of recognizing my limits and honouring my need for alone time.

This experience taught me that it’s okay to step back when social demands become overwhelming. Understanding my own signs of burnout has since allowed me to create healthier boundaries around social engagements, ensuring that I can enjoy them without sacrificing my well-being. Now, whenever I feel that familiar sense of fatigue creeping in, I remember that it’s not just okay to recharge—it’s essential for my happiness and mental clarity as an introvert.

Red Flags: When It’s Time to Retreat

Recognising these signs early allows you to prioritise downtime and restore balance before full-blown burnout sets in:

1. Overwhelming Sense of Exhaustion (Despite getting Enough Sleep) Introverts may feel completely drained if they can’t replenish their energy stores. This often points to a need for more than just physical rest because introverts, by nature, are sensitive to mental, emotional, and sensory overstimulation. If we haven’t had enough time to ourselves for quiet reflection, emotional processing, or relief from sensory input like loud noise or bright lights, our energy reserves can plummet.

2. Irritability or Mood Swings If, after overexposure to stimulating environments you become uncharacteristically short-tempered, easily frustrated, or moody then you haven’t had enough time alone to decompress. Even minor complications can start to feel unbearably annoying.

3. Increased Anxiety in Social Situations Feeling more overwhelmed than usual during social interactions is a sign that you are energy-depleted and in need of a break. When introverts don’t get adequate time to themselves, their tolerance for social engagement drops significantly, causing interactions that were once manageable to become seriously stressful.

4. Difficulty Focusing or Concentrating If you have trouble concentrating, or difficulty thinking clearly, you may need mental rest, because constant overstimulation without proper downtime can make it harder for introverts to focus or process information.

5. Avoidance of Social Interaction (Even with Close Friends/Family) If you start to zone out during conversations and withdraw from even your closest friends or family, it may be a sign you’re suffering from energy exhaustion and the mere thought of socialising—even with people you love—can feel overwhelming.

6. Losing Interest in Hobbies or Creative Outlets Losing interest in activities that normally bring you joy, like reading, painting, or walking, is a sign of creative exhaustion which makes you feel too drained to engage in the activities that usually inspire you.

7. Physical Discomfort or Sensory Overload Heightened sensitivity to light, sound, smells and other sensory inputs, along with headaches, can signal that you need sensory rest. .

8. Burnout: Feeling “Numb” or Detached can be a sign of emotional burnout. Introverts who suppress their feelings during social interactions often need emotional rest, and when they don’t get it, they can become disconnected from their emotions.

9. Overthinking and Racing Thoughts, especially about recent decisions, indicate a lack of mental rest. Introverts tend to replay interactions in their heads, and when they don’t get time to clear their mind, it can become exhausting.

10. Frequent Daydreaming or a Desperate Need to Escape If you regularly zone out, daydream, or fantasise about being somewhere else—like on a Camino de Santiago Walking Retreat in the sun-blessed south of France— it can be because you use daydreaming as an emotional defence mechanism when you feel overstimulated and can’t immediately get the solitude you need.

Going on a retreat like a Camino de Santiago walking retreat can be a powerful way for introverts to avoid burnout because it offers the deep, multifaceted rest they need to restore their mental, emotional, and sensory balance. Unlike standard vacations, which often involve constant activity and socialising, a retreat provides an intentional, structured space for solitude, reflection, and rest—essentials for introverts to recharge. The opportunity to walk in silence along this scenic path allows introverts to reflect without the distractions of daily life, and provides us with much-needed rest, helping to soothe our frayed nerves far from our usual overstimulating environments.

Remember, there’s no shame in needing to recharge – rest an essential part of an introvert’s self-care routine.

If you would like to be one of the first to hear about early-bird and last-minute special offers, CLICK HERE to subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignette Newsletter.

Banish Burnout during Life Transitions: The 7 Types of Rest You Need

“Rest” can be defined as a state of physical, mental, and emotional relaxation or restoration in which the body and mind take a break from exertion, activity, or stress, to recover, recharge, and maintain functioning. It involves intentionally stepping away from demands or stimuli to replenish energy stores and re-establish balance.

How satisfying it is to do nothing, and then rest afterwards.

#LifeQuakeSeries

Rest is not just about making sure that you are getting enough sleep. While sleep is essential, there is much more to rest, especially during times of major life transitions. These difficult times—whether it’s a career change, moving to a new city, going through a breakup, or starting a business—are emotionally and mentally taxing, often leaving us feeling depleted in ways that sleep alone can’t fix.

In essence, rest is the act of re-energising the body, mind, and soul so that you can function optimally.

I have spent the last 3 decades looking for ways to help others manage stress, first as a medical doctor and now as a retreat host. Getting adequate rest is one of the most important ways to avoid the serious physical and mental damage that stress can cause.

Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith, a physician and researcher, identified seven distinct types of rest that every individual needs to function optimally. I now specialise in helping others cope with the stress of going through major life changes. During life transitions, each of these types of rest plays a unique and vital role in helping us navigate the emotional, mental, and physical upheavals that occur.

I would like to propose another one, which I think very few of us experience regularly. Below, as a reminder, I have listed the 7 types of rest Dr Dalton-Smith has already identified. I am not sure what to call this additional type of rest. Communal rest, maybe? Or Collective Resting?

This additional type of rest was first brought to my attention by my horses. Horses rest in groups. As they are prey animals, resting in a group is a survival tactic. In nature, there will always be one that stands guard, to warn the herd of approaching predators. Here on my little farm, I have noticed that they often all rest at the same time, in a group. I’m hoping that this is because they feel safe here, that they feel safe when I’m here.

The point I am trying to make is that resting together, in a group, is beneficial for us as well. I have also noticed this during my Camino de Santiago Walking Retreats. My guests, who often have never met each other before, after a day’s walking, choose to gather together to rest in the shade of an ancient oak tree. They may initially chat a bit, but soon, eyes closed, they are resting companionably together. Safety in numbers? It would be interesting to compare the quality of the rest we get in groups with the other 7 types of rest.

I found a website where you can take part in guided resting sessions, wearing headphones, at the same time as others. While this is an admirable initiative, it is not what I have in mind. Resting in the proximity of others, hearing others breathe, is a different experience altogether.

Couples and families sometimes rest together (ex. after a family picnic) but we do not often rest in larger groups – unless you count students sleeping during a lecture. We just haven’t got the time. Maybe we should follow the horses’ example and make time?


Making sure you get All 7 types of Rest during Life Transitions

1. Physical Rest: Recharging the Body

Physical rest is about restoring the body’s energy reserves. It is the process of allowing your body to recover from physical exertion, stress, or fatigue. It involves two main forms: active and passive. Passive physical rest includes sleep and activities like lying down quietly, where your body is completely at rest, allowing your muscles to relax completely and the cells of your body to repair themselves. Active physical rest is about low-effort activities like stretching, deep breathing, or gentle walking, which promote circulation and muscle recovery without subjecting your body to any further stress. Physical rest helps prevent exhaustion, injury, and long-term fatigue.

Life transitions often lead to disrupted sleep patterns, increased stress, and physical exhaustion. Getting adequate physical rest helps the body recover from these stressors. Without physical rest, you may experience fatigue, muscle pain, and decreased immunity, making it even harder to cope with the demands of a major life change.


2. Mental Rest: Easing Cognitive Overload

Mental rest is the process of giving the brain a break from constant cognitive activity and overthinking. It involves stepping away from tasks that require intense focus, decision-making, or problem-solving to allow the mind to recharge and reset. Mental rest is crucial for enhancing concentration and productivity and improving memory and decision-making abilities.

Life transitions come with a flood of new decisions, stressful challenges, and destabilising uncertainties, often leading to mental fatigue and cognitive overload. During life transitions, mental rest allows your brain to process new information without getting overwhelmed. Major changes demand effective problem-solving skills, mastering new skills quickly, and adapting to unfamiliar circumstances, all of which require mental energy. Without mental rest, decision-making becomes harder, attention to detail decreases, and stress can manifest as forgetfulness or mental blocks.


3. Sensory Rest: Reducing Overstimulation

Sensory rest is the process of reducing or eliminating the constant stimulation from your environment, which can come from bright lights, loud noises, flickering screens, unpalatable tastes/smells, feeling too hot/cold etc. In today’s world, we are often bombarded with sensory stimuli through technology, which can leave our nerves frazzled and make us irritable.

Life transitions cause heightened emotions that make us more sensitive to external stimuli. Sensory rest helps reduce feelings of overwhelm and allows the nervous system to reset. Without sensory rest, overstimulation can lead to burnout, making it harder to focus on the tasks required to move forward in a transition.


4. Creative Rest: Boosting Inspiration and Problem-Solving Abilities

Creative rest is the process of refreshing your imagination, by allowing your brain to take a break from generating new ideas or solving complex challenges. It involves exposing yourself to sources of inspiration—such as nature, art, music, or meaningful conversations—without the pressure to actually produce or create something new.

Life transitions often require fast thinking and creative problem-solving. Whether it’s reimagining a new career path or finding creative ways to adapt to a new lifestyle, life transitions often require new approaches and adaptability. Without creative rest, you may feel uninspired, unmotivated, blocked, or stuck in a repetitive loop of outdated problem-solving strategies that no longer work for your new situation.


5. Emotional Rest: Releasing Emotional Baggage

Emotional rest happens when you allow yourself to express and process your true feelings without fear of judgment, criticism, or the pressure to meet external expectations. It involves creating opportunities to release your emotional burdens, whether through open communication, self-reflection, or simply letting go of the need to please others. Emotional rest reduces the emotional exhaustion that comes from suppressing feelings and restores emotional balance. It helps you rejuvenate by freeing you from emotional labour.

Life transitions often come with a whirlwind of emotions—fear, grief, guilt, excitement, anxiety, or a mix of all of these. During life transitions, you may feel pressured to “keep it all together.” Emotional rest allows you to acknowledge and process feelings without carrying the weight of other people’s expectations. Without emotional rest, the burden of unexpressed feelings can lead to burnout and even to severe depression.


6. Social Rest: Balancing Relationships

Social rest is the process of restoring balance in your social interactions by engaging in relationships that uplift and support you, while taking a break from those that drain your energy. It requires recognising the difference between relationships that demand emotional effort and those that are nourishing, allowing you to spend time with people who rejuvenate you rather than deplete your social energy reserves.

During life transitions, you may need extra support from your close circle while also distancing yourself from relationships that deplete your energy. Transitions often involve changes in social dynamics. Whether it’s a move, a new job, or a change in personal circumstances, your support system plays a pivotal role in how well you adjust. Social rest ensures that you’re not drained by the demands of others but instead supported by relationships that restore your energy.


7. Spiritual Rest: Finding Purpose and Connection

Spiritual rest is the process of reconnecting with a sense of purpose, meaning, and belonging, often through activities that nurture your inner self and help you feel connected to something larger than yourself. This type of rest can be experienced through religious or spiritual practices, but it also extends to any activity that gives you a deeper sense of fulfilment, whether through charity work, community service, or time spent alone in nature. You may feel disconnected, aimless, or spiritually drained without spiritual rest, leading to a sense of emptiness. Engaging in practices that ground you spiritually helps to restore your inner peace. is about connecting to something larger than yourself—whether through faith, a sense of purpose, or community.

Life transitions can make you question your purpose, identity, worth or future direction. Spiritual rest helps you find meaning and connection amid uncertainty, allowing you to stay grounded and focused on what truly matters to you. Without spiritual rest, transitions can feel directionless or overwhelming, leading to a sense of disconnection or existential fatigue as you search for stability and meaning.


The Importance of Getting All 7 Types of Rest During Transitions

Life transitions are mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausting because they demand adaptation, resilience, perseverance and emotional bandwidth. Each of the seven types of rest plays a vital role in how well we navigate these changes. Focusing on just one form of rest—like getting physical rest by sleeping—won’t address the full spectrum of exhaustion you experience.

Major life changes often push us to the edge, where burnout becomes a real risk. By addressing the seven types of rest, you prevent exhaustion from building up in one area and spilling over into others. Whether it’s coming up with creative solutions, making sound decisions, or managing emotional ups and downs, a well-rested person is more capable of handling life’s challenges.

While life transitions are temporary, the habits we form during them often last for the rest of our lives. Making sure you get all seven types of rest not only helps you get through a specific transition but also sets a foundation for long-term physical and mental health and well-being.

“A quiet secluded life in the country, with the possibility of being useful to people to whom it is easy to do good, and who are not accustomed to have it done to them; then work which one hopes may be of some use; then rest, nature, books, music, love for one’s neighbor — such is my idea of happiness.” ― Leo Tolstoy

Master Mindful Eating while Discovering the Gastronomic Delights of Gascony

Savouring the Slow Food Traditions of Southwest France

Nestled in the southwest of France, Gascony is a region renowned not only for its breathtaking landscapes, with rolling hills, lush vineyards, and picturesque villages, but also for its rustic, hearty, “slow food” cuisine. The food here is as rich and varied as the land itself, deeply rooted in tradition and shaped by the rhythm of rural life. Known for its abundance of duck, game, and fresh seasonal produce, gourmet Gascon cooking embodies the essence of farm-to-table, with recipes passed down through generations.

To encourage my guests to eat mindfully during my Camino de Santiago Walking Retreats, we have dinner one night in a village nearby, at a family-owned restaurant. This is partly to support the local economy, and partly to introduce my guests to the mouthwatering local dishes, confit de canard, croustade de pommes, garbure, magret de canard etc. I never need to remind my guests about mindful eating, as soon as the plates arrive, a referent silence descends on our table, as my guests give their chosen dishes their full attention.

What is Mindful Eating?

Mindful eating is the practice of bringing our full awareness and attention to the experience of eating. It involves slowing down, savouring each bite, and paying close attention to the flavours, textures, temperature and aroma of your food. Rather than rushing through meals, as we often do, mindful eating encourages you to be present, noticing your body’s hunger and fullness cues, and appreciating the nourishment food provides. This practice will help you cultivate a deeper connection with your food, reducing mindless overeating, improving digestion, and promoting a more balanced, healthy relationship with eating. By focusing on the sensory experience of food, mindful eating also enhances gratitude for the effort and resources that go into preparing each meal.

What makes Gascon cuisine so special is its commitment to slow, deliberate preparation. Meals are meant to be savoured, shared among family and friends, and are always made with local ingredients. Whether it’s the robust flavour of duck fat, the earthy aroma of freshly foraged mushrooms, or the sweet juiciness of melons ripened in the southern sun, every dish tells a story of the region’s deep connection to the land and its love of simple, yet exquisite, flavours.

What is Slow Food?

Slow Food – the term could have been invented to describe Gascon cuisine – is now a global movement that promotes mindful eating and traditional, sustainable food practices in response to the fast-paced, industrialised food culture. It emphasises the importance of consuming locally-sourced, seasonal, and artisanal ingredients, encouraging people to appreciate the quality, origins, and preparation of their meals. Slow Food supports biodiversity, small-scale farming, and eco-friendly production methods, advocating for a closer connection between people, their food, and the environment.

Discover how Gascony’s “slow food” culinary traditions inspire a more mindful approach to eating

Let’s take a look at some of the most famous foods that make Gascony such a popular culinary destination.

1. Garbure
A staple of winter, Garbure is a hearty soup brimming with fresh seasonal ingredients, perfect for warding off the chill. Traditionally served steaming hot at lunchtime, it’s often offered as a complimentary starter before the first course on a 12-euro menu. Its rich, savoury flavour and warmth will make you feel right at home—just like it does in my kitchen, where a pot simmers on the stove throughout the winter.

2. Confit de Canard
In Gascony, ducks are everywhere, and Confit de Canard reigns supreme. This indulgent dish consists of duck legs slow-cooked in duck fat and preserved for months in tins. When ready to eat, they’re baked or grilled to crispy perfection, though they still retain a rich, succulent texture. Often paired with matchstick fries and green beans from Tarbes, it’s a meal that’s both rich in flavour and satisfying.

3. Magret de Canard
The prized Magret de Canard comes from ducks raised for their foie gras. Typically cooked like a steak—seared and finished in the oven—it’s served medium-rare, with its juicy meat perfectly complemented by a sweet honey glaze or fruit sauce. The slight sweetness cuts through the richness, making every bite a luxurious experience.

4. Paella
With Spain just a short drive away, Gascony has embraced some of its neighbour’s culinary flair. Paella is one such dish, a saffron-infused rice feast loaded with duck, sausages, seafood, and a blend of Mediterranean spices. Cooked and served in a wide, shallow pan, it’s a dish that brings a bit of the sea and sun to the heart of Gascony.

5. Croustade aux Pommes
For dessert, Gascony serves up its light yet luscious Croustade aux Pommes. Imagine layers of delicate, crispy phyllo dough encasing tender apples caramelized with brandy (Armagnac, of course). It’s the perfect sweet ending to the rich meals that define Gascon cuisine, offering a refreshing, airy bite after the heavier dishes.

6. Daube
This classic French stew is the epitome of comfort food. Daube is made from slow-braised beef, simmered in Madiran wine, fresh vegetables, garlic, and herbs. Traditionally cooked in a daubière, this hearty meal is often prepared in November and stored for the winter months – slow food at its finest. It’s the kind of dish that brings people together around the table, laughing and singing, filling both the heart and belly with warmth.

7. Salade de Gésiers
A Gascon twist on salad, Salade de Gésiers combines tender duck gizzards with dark leafy greens, potatoes, walnuts, and a tangy vinaigrette. It’s a filling dish often enjoyed as a main course, especially when paired with a fresh, crusty baguette. Though gizzards might be an acquired taste, they’re a must-try for adventurous eaters.

8. Mélons de Lectoure
When in season, the bright orange flesh of Lectoure melons is pure delight. Juicy and sweet, these melons are often served as a starter with slices of Jambon de Bayonne, offering a refreshing burst of flavour. It’s the perfect light dish to begin a meal—especially when the hot summer sun still lingers.

9. Fromage de Brébis
This addictive sheep’s milk cheese hails from the Pyrenees, where sheep graze in the summer highlands and the winter valleys. Twice a year, during the transhumance, shepherds guide their sheep up or down the mountain, bringing this rich, nutty cheese to local markets. Whether mindfully eaten on its own or paired with a rustic slice of bread, it’s a true taste of Gascony.

10. Cèpes Soup and Cèpes Omelettes
Cèpes mushrooms are a local treasure, especially in autumn. Foraged from secret woodland spots, these earthy mushrooms are prized for their deep, rich flavour. Whether served in a velvety soup or folded into a fluffy omelette, cèpes add an unmistakable taste of the forest to any meal. They’re so beloved that even dried cèpes retain their flavour, ensuring they can be enjoyed year-round.


Eating Mindfully while Walking The Camino de Santiago de Compostela

After an eventful day of walking the Camino de Santiago here in the southwest of France and soaking up the sun-blessed beauty of the region, sitting down to one of these mouthwatering Gascon meals is the ultimate reward. Each dish is steeped in tradition, with flavours that connect you to the land and its people. If you’re looking for a break that nourishes body, mind and soul, especially if you are going through a major life change or transition, join me on one of my Camino de Santiago walking retreats in the southwest of France, where the food is just as breathtaking as the scenery.

Bon appétit and Buen Camino!

If you would like to know more about Gascony, its food, its people and its wine, please subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Newsletter. Click Here to subscribe to my email list.

All content of this website is copyrighted. You cannot copy the content of this page