Author: Margaretha Montagu

You don’t have to go through life’s toughest challenges alone.

Feeling stuck in a job that drains your energy or struggling to move forward after a relationship ends? The key to thriving through life’s biggest changes isn’t willpower—it’s having the right people by your side. Discover how to build the support system in 5 steps that will not only help you survive major life changes and transitions but also help you grow into your next chapter.

If you’re facing a major life change—making a career change, starting a new business, navigating a divorce, adjusting to an empty nest, moving to another country, or grieving the loss of a loved one—it’s natural to feel a mix of emotions: fear, uncertainty, frustration and even anger. Major transitions often push us out of our comfort zone, leaving us feeling lost and vulnerable. One of the most crucial factors that can help you manage these periods of upheaval is having a reliable and nurturing support system in place.

Research has shown that strong social connections aren’t just emotionally fulfilling—they can be lifesaving. A comprehensive meta-analysis published in PLoS Medicine found that individuals with robust social connections have a 50% higher chance of survival compared to those with weaker social ties (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010).

But how do you build such a support system? And what does it take to find people who truly support your growth? Whether you’re changing careers, relocating to a new country, or healing from the end of a relationship, cultivating a strong support network will empower you to cope with these changes with confidence.

Why a Reliable Support System is Crucial During Life Transitions

When we’re going through difficult times, it’s easy to feel isolated, like we’re carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders. But the truth is, no one can—or should—go through major life transitions alone. Having a group of people who can provide emotional, practical, and even professional support can be a game-changer.

Here’s why this network is so vital:

• Perspective: When we’re in the thick of a life transition, it’s hard to see beyond the immediate emotional turbulence. A trusted support system can provide a clearer, more balanced perspective.
• Emotional Support: Whether it’s a kind word, a shared experience, or simply being there to listen, emotional support helps lighten the load of change.
• Encouragement and Motivation: When you’re going through a life change, it’s easy to feel stuck. A supportive group reminds you that you’re not alone in your journey, and can provide motivation and keep you accountable, encouraging you to take steps forward, no matter how small.
• Practical Help: Whether it’s helping you find new opportunities, offering expert advice or logistical assistance, or providing practical assistance in your daily life, a robust support system can provide practical solutions when you need them most.

5 Steps to Building a Strong Support System During Major Life Changes

If you’re currently dissatisfied with your career, relationship, or finances, you may already know that a shift is necessary. But without the right support in place, these changes can feel daunting, even impossible. Here’s how you can cultivate a support system that will help you move forward and embrace the next chapter of your life.

1. Assess Your Existing Circle

Who do you currently have in your life? Take a moment to assess your existing support system. Are the people around you offering the emotional and practical support you need? This isn’t about quantity but quality. Do your friends, family, or colleagues listen without judgment? Do they motivate you or leave you feeling drained? Surrounding yourself with positive, understanding and trustworthy people is crucial.

• Evaluate Relationships: Take note of who in your life helps you grow versus who may unintentionally hold you back. When evaluating your current support network, consider the various types of support you’re receiving. Research has identified six key social provisions: attachment, social integration, reassurance of worth, reliable alliance, guidance, and opportunity for nurturance (Cutrona & Russell, 1985). A well-rounded support system should ideally provide all of these. Some relationships might actually hold you back or add unnecessary stress. Don’t be afraid to create some distance if needed.
• Strengthen Connections: Look for friends, colleagues, or family members who are good listeners, non-judgmental, and genuinely care about your well-being. Identify a few key people you can trust, and nurture these relationships. Sometimes, a single deep connection is more valuable than a large social circle.

2. Be Honest and Open

One of the biggest barriers to building a supportive network is our fear of vulnerability. If you’ve been pretending that everything is fine, people in your life won’t know how to support you. It can be difficult to ask for help, especially if you’ve been used to handling things on your own. Share your challenges and be open about the transition you’re going through.

• Share Your Struggles: People can’t support you if they don’t know what you’re going through. Often, people want to help but don’t know how. Start small. You don’t need to spill your entire life story at once. Begin by opening up to a trusted friend or mentor about what you’re experiencing.
• Be Clear About Your Needs: Let people know specifically how they can help, whether that’s lending an ear, offering advice, or even helping with a practical task.

3. Expand Your Network

If your current circle doesn’t meet your needs, seek out new connections. Finding people who have gone through similar transitions can be incredibly empowering. Whether it’s joining a support group, attending a retreat, or engaging with a community of like-minded people, expanding your network can offer new perspectives and emotional resources.

• Online Communities: There are countless online spaces where people come together to share their experiences. Consider joining a group tailored to your specific transition, such as one for career changes, relocation, or divorce recovery.
• Retreats and Workshops: Consider immersive experiences, like my Camino de Santiago Walking Retreats in the southwest of France. These retreats not only offer the chance to connect with others on a similar path but also provide time for reflection and personal growth. On one of my retreats, Anna showed up after uprooting her life—she’d just moved halfway across the country to escape her narcissistic ex and was still reeling from a messy divorce. Lost, unsure about her ability to hold down her new job, but desperately needing a fresh start, she found more than just healing. The retreat gave her the space to breathe again, while the group rallied around her, helping her rebuild her confidence brick by brick. She didn’t just leave with clarity and a new sense of purpose—she walked away with lifelong friendships with people who still have her back today.
• Expand your Professional Network: For career-related challenges and changes, consider expanding your professional network. Attend industry events, join professional associations, or connect with alumni groups to build relationships that can provide guidance and opportunities

4. Seek Mentorship or Professional Guidance

Sometimes, your friends and family may not have the experience or expertise to help you navigate specific transitions. In these cases, finding mentors or professional coaches can be extremely beneficial. A good coach or mentor can offer tailored advice, share their own experiences, and help you set actionable goals.

• Learning from Role Models: Seek out people who have successfully navigated the same transitions you’re facing. Their stories can be a source of inspiration and practical advice.
• Professional Guidance: If you’re struggling with your career or relationships, seeking guidance from a relationship coach or career counsellor can provide clarity and direction. Rachel was drowning in a high-stress job, feeling trapped in a role she used to love but now couldn’t stand. Burnout had her in a chokehold, and she knew she had to do something. That’s when she stumbled on my course, Building Resilience: A Roadmap from Burnout to Breakthrough during a Life Transition offering effective coping mechanisms, boundary-setting strategies, and self-care practices. It’s designed to help people like you prevent burnout and restore balance in both personal and professional life. Desperate for a way out, she signed up, added a few coaching sessions, and dove in headfirst. What did she discover? Practical tools to reclaim her time, set ironclad boundaries, and refuel her drained energy. Slowly, she started to breathe again. Within months, Rachel didn’t just survive the burnout—she walked away from the job that was suffocating her and launched her own business. Now, she’s running the show… and burnout? It’s barely visible in the rearview mirror. This course isn’t just about coping; it’s about taking your life back.

5. Reciprocate and Build Closer Connections

Remember, relationships are a two-way street. To cultivate a meaningful support network, it’s important to offer support in return. Giving back to your community—whether it’s your friends, family, or a larger network—builds more meaningful connections. Be there for others, offer your own experiences, advice, and a listening ear when your friends, family members or colleagues are going through difficult times. This strengthens the bond and creates a network based on mutual trust.

Final Thoughts: Building a Support System Takes Time

You might not have an ideal support system in place right away, and that’s okay. Building a strong network takes a fair amount of effort over time. Regular check-ins, even just a quick message to see how someone is doing, can go a long way in maintaining your support system. Cultivating the right network of people around you is an ongoing process, one that will change as you move through different phases of your life. The key is to remain open to new connections and proactive about seeking support when you need it.

While external support is crucial, don’t forget to look after yourself! Make time for self-care. Engage in activities that bring you joy, such as a walk in the woods or on the beach, doing something creative, like drawing, painting or creative writing and spending time with friends and family. Taking care of yourself will give you the strength to face challenges, make the most of your support system and offer support in return.

If you’re struggling to cope with a major life change, don’t go through it alone. Building a support system is not just about surviving these transitions; it’s about thriving and emerging stronger on the other side.

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

If you would like to be notified when I publish another post like this one, you can subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes newsletter, with regular updates about the highs and lows of living on my little farm in the sun-drenched southwest of France. Subscribers get free access to my Would you like to live a more purposeful, meaningful and impactful Life? Quiz.

References

1. Cutrona, C. E., & Russell, D. W. (1985). The provisions of social relationships and adaptation to stress. Advances in Personal Relationships, 1, 37-67.
2. Gottlieb, B. H., & Bergen, A. E. (2005). Social support concepts and measures. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 58(5), 511-520.
3. Helgeson, V. S., & Cohen, S. (1996). Social support and adjustment to cancer: Reconciling descriptive, correlational, and intervention research. Health Psychology, 15(2), 135-148.
4. Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: A meta-analytic review. PLoS Medicine, 7(7), e1000316.
5. Ozbay, F., Johnson, D. C., Dimoulas, E., Morgan, C. A., Charney, D., & Southwick, S. (2007). Social support and resilience to stress: From neurobiology to clinical practice. Psychiatry (Edgmont), 4(5), 35-40.
6. Tsouna-Hadjis, E., Vemmos, K. N., Zakopoulos, N., & Stamatelopoulos, S. (1993). The role of social support in the family and community integration of right-hemisphere stroke patients. Stroke, 24(4), 581-586.

“Choose to Make a Total Life Change before a Total Life Change becomes inevitable.” Dr Margaretha Montagu

Does it feel as if your job, your relationships, maybe even your entire life has lost its spark? As if you’re stuck on repeat while everyone else is out there living a highlight reel? Maybe you’re exhausted by the day-to-day grind, or perhaps you’re yearning for something more meaningful but don’t know where to start. You’re not imagining it, you know. That nagging feeling that something’s got to give—it’s real. You probably won’t believe it, but you’re not the only one standing at this crossroads.

As someone who has had to initiate several total changes in my own life and helped countless clients find clarity and purpose with my often life-changing books, workshops, retreats, and courses, I know exactly how daunting it can be to take that first step. But with the right guidance, meaningful change not only becomes possible—it ends up being inevitable.

Whether it’s a career that’s lost its sparkle or a relationship fizzling out, initiating significant change can feel overwhelming. Perhaps you’ve outgrown your current role, feel burned out from the daily grind, or are grappling with a sense of stagnation. These feelings often arise from a misalignment between our day-to-day lives and our deeper values or aspirations. The good news is that the first steps don’t have to be a grand, dramatic departure. It just needs to get you off the couch and into motion. If you’re ready to shake things up, here’s how to start putting one foot in front of the other:

Is it Time to Start a New Chapter?

1. Start by Clarifying What’s Not Working

Before you can initiate change, it’s essential to get crystal clear on what’s causing your dissatisfaction. Maybe you feel uninspired in your job, but is it the nature of the work, the environment, your colleagues or the lack of growth opportunities that bothers you most? In relationships, is it communication issues, unmet needs, or perhaps you are growing apart?

Journaling or discussing these feelings with a trusted friend can help you gain the clarity you need to understand what specifically needs to change. The more specific you are, the easier it will be to take targeted action.

2. Listen to Your Inner Voice

We all have an inner compass—an intuition that often knows what we truly want before our conscious mind catches up. But we often ignore or suppress it due to self-doubt, or fear of what the future may bring. One way to tune into that voice is by asking yourself: If I weren’t afraid, what would I change in my life right now?

Your intuition will guide you toward what feels right. It might push you toward a new career, inspire you to relocate, or give you the courage to end an unfulfilling relationship. Pay attention, trust, and begin taking small steps in that direction.

3. Adopt a Growth Mindset

To make lasting change, you need to believe that it’s possible. Many people feel trapped by limiting beliefs such as, “I’m too old to change careers,” or “I don’t have the skills to start something new.” But adopting a growth mindset can help you break free from these mental barriers.

A growth mindset encourages you to see challenges as opportunities for learning and development rather than as insurmountable obstacles. You don’t have to know everything right now—trust that you can learn and grow along the way.

4. Take Small, Actionable Steps

Significant life changes don’t happen overnight. Start by breaking your larger goal into smaller, manageable steps. If you’re unhappy at work, your first action might be updating your resume or scheduling a networking call. If it’s a relationship, maybe your first step is an honest conversation with your partner about how you feel.

For example, I once worked with someone who felt stuck in a corporate job. Her first step wasn’t quitting outright; instead, she spent a few weeks exploring her interests through side projects, which eventually led to a career change.

The key here is momentum. Direction is more important than speed. Small, consistent actions accumulate and can eventually lead to a total life change.

5. Cultivate a Support Network

You don’t have to go through life transitions alone. Building a support network is essential. This might include friends, family members, colleagues, support groups (on- and off-line), a mentor, or a therapist who can offer encouragement and guidance as you make changes.

One option to consider is joining a retreat where you can connect with others going through similar transitions. My walking retreats along the Camino de Santiago de Compostela in the southwest of France are designed to create that kind of supportive environment, helping you reflect, process and plan in a nurturing setting. As one of my past retreat participants said, ‘After years of feeling stuck in my career, the tools I gained through this retreat finally gave me the courage to pivot and start my own business.’

6. Accept Discomfort as an Essential Part of the Process

Change is rarely comfortable. Fear of the unknown, the discomfort of stepping outside your comfort zone, and worries about potential problems and eventual failure can all create resistance. But these feelings are normal. In fact, discomfort is often part of the growth process.

Instead of letting discomfort stop you, lean into it. Recognise that it’s a sign you’re pushing past your limitations, and with each small step forward, the discomfort becomes more manageable.

7. Seek Guidance and Structure

If you find yourself struggling to make progress or feeling unsure about the path forward, don’t hesitate to seek guidance. Having a clear roadmap can make all the difference. That’s where my Define Your Life Purpose to Facilitate a Life Change course comes in. This course is designed to help you cut through the noise, get clear on your values, and chart a practical, purpose-driven path forward. With structured exercises and expert guidance, you’ll walk away with the clarity and confidence to take action.

Whether you’re looking for a career overhaul, a relationship shift, or personal or professional growth, this course offers the structure and tools you need to initiate meaningful, lasting change.

8. Explore Your Interests

Sometimes, discontent arises because we’re not connected to what is important to us or we’re not doing what lights us up. A good exercise here is to reconnect with activities, hobbies, or interests that bring you joy. What have you always wanted to do but put off due to work, family, or other obligations?

If you can integrate more of your interests into your daily life—whether as a hobby or, eventually, as a career—it can ignite your enthusiasm to make a change.

9. Establish Boundaries to Protect Your Energy

Many people feel stuck or overwhelmed in life because they lack boundaries—both with themselves and others. You may be saying “yes” to too many obligations, stretching yourself thin, or allowing others’ expectations to dictate your life choices. Establishing healthy boundaries is key to regaining control over your time and energy.

Start by identifying where in your life you need to set firmer boundaries, whether that’s at work, in relationships, or with your own time. This will free up mental and emotional space to focus on the changes you want to make.

10. Practice Mindfulness

Finally, making a total life change requires ongoing self-awareness. Regularly checking in with yourself can help you stay grounded and connected to your goals. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, journaling, or even mindful walks in nature, allow you to process your emotions, tune into your inner voice, and course-correct as needed.

For those interested in combining personal growth with mindfulness, my Mindfulness Meditation with Horses retreats offer a unique opportunity to cultivate awareness and clarity through interaction with horses—a powerful way to reflect on your life’s direction. If you are looking for a career change involving horses, my Learn How to Teach Mindfulness Meditation with Horses course or retreat might come in handy.

FAQs

1. How do I start making a total life change?

Starting a significant life change begins with clarity. Identify what’s not working in your current situation—whether it’s a job, relationship, or lifestyle. Once you understand the source of your dissatisfaction, take small, manageable steps toward change. Remember, significant shifts don’t happen overnight, but consistent action leads to long-term results.

2. What if I’m scared to make a big change in my life?

Feeling fear is completely normal when considering a major life change. The key is to acknowledge the fear without letting it paralyse you. Start by taking small steps that move you closer to your goal, and surround yourself with a supportive network.

3. How can I overcome the limiting belief that it’s too late to make a change?

It’s never too late to make a change, no matter your age or circumstances. Adopting a growth mindset can help you see challenges as opportunities for development. My Define Your Life Purpose to Facilitate a Life Change course helps you discover what your purpose at this stage of your life is, making it possible to break free from limiting beliefs and take empowered steps forward. You are never too old and it is never too late to make a life change.

4. How do I know if I need to make a significant life change?

Feelings of persistent dissatisfaction, lack of purpose, or burnout can be signs that a change is necessary. If you’re constantly feeling stuck, unfulfilled, or like you’re going through the motions without joy or excitement, it’s a strong indicator that some area of your life may need a significant shift.

5. Can a walking retreat really help me find clarity during life transitions?

Yes! Retreats offer a supportive, distraction-free environment that makes reflection and getting clarity easier. Walking the Camino de Santiago in the southwest of France, in your own time and at your own pace, provides the perfect setting for you to pause, gain perspective, and create a clear plan for starting a new chapter in your life.

Ready to Take the First Step Towards a Total Life Change?

If you’re feeling the urge to make a total life change, I invite you to take the first step and explore one of my retreats, books or courses designed to help you navigate life transitions with confidence. Whether you need help defining your life purpose or building resilience through change, my programs provide the structure and support to guide you toward the life you truly want.

Why not join me on a Camino de Santiago walking retreat in the southwest of France? It’s an ideal setting to reflect, recharge, and begin the process of transformation in a supportive and inspiring environment.

By combining these 10 steps with intentional reflection and support, you’ll be well on your way to creating meaningful and lasting change in your life. Feel free to reach out for guidance—I’d love to help you on your journey!

©Dr Margaretha Montagu Certified Life Coach

How Curiosity Can Help Us Thrive During Life’s Changes

Curiosity is like your brain’s secret weapon for surviving chaos. When life throws a curveball—whether it’s starting a new business, changing careers, adjusting to an empty nest, coping with retirement, losing a loved one or something heavier—curiosity flips the script. Instead of “Why is this happening to me?” it’s “What’s this teaching me?” It’s the mental equivalent of leaning into the storm, not running from it.

Think of it like this: when you’re curious, you’re open. Open to discovering new possibilities, new parts of yourself, new ways to adapt, evolve, and maybe even come out stronger. Curiosity turns fear into fascination and uncertainty into an adventure. It helps you roll with the punches, ask better questions, and find answers that can lead you down unexpected, but wildly rewarding paths.

“The more you know, the more you want to know. Not only that, but the more you know, the more connections you can make between the different bits of knowledge that you have in your head and therefore the more ideas you have, which is why curiosity is really the wellspring of creativity.” Georgina Venning

Always interested in making life transitions easier for myself and others, I decided to investigate.

Can being curious really help you cope with the stress caused by a major life change? How does a curious mindset differ from a growth mindset? Is it not just another variant of the same thing?

I started by looking at the definitions of each mindset:

• Growth Mindset: Coined by psychologist Carol Dweck, a growth mindset is the belief that abilities, intelligence, and talents can be developed through effort, learning, and perseverance. People with a growth mindset view challenges as opportunities to grow, and they understand that failure is not a reflection of fixed ability but a necessary part of the learning process.
• Curiosity Mindset: A curiosity mindset is a desire to explore and discover, driven by a sense of awe, wonder and the desire to investigate the unknown. People with a curiosity mindset approach situations with questions, seeking to understand and absorb new information, ideas, experiences, and perspectives, often without a specific learning goal in mind.

The hallmark of curiosity is a thirst for knowledge that has no obvious utility. Being a lifelong learner is taking joy in exploration regardless of whether the discovery has immediate relevance. The goal is to understand for the sake of understanding. Adam Grant

This means the FOCUS between the two mindsets is different:

• Growth Mindset: The focus of a growth mindset is on personal development and improvement. It’s about seeing challenges as ways to build new skills and overcome limitations. For example, if you have a growth mindset, you might see a failure as an opportunity to learn what went wrong so that you can handle a situation better next time.
• Curiosity Mindset: The curiosity mindset is more focused on exploration and discovery. Curiosity doesn’t necessarily have a direct link to self-improvement, though it can lead to it. If you have a curiosity mindset, you are motivated to learn more simply because you’re interested in understanding something better, not necessarily to grow or improve a specific skill. It’s simply about the joy of discovery. Curiosity might lead you to explore a topic outside your current expertise, ask questions unrelated to your goals, or simply follow a line of thought to see where it takes you.

It seems that both a growth mindset and a curiosity mindset are valuable approaches to life and learning, but they serve different purposes. They can complement each other—curiosity can spark the motivation to grow, and a growth mindset can sustain long-term curiosity. Curiosity is the mindset that turns a problem into a puzzle and a challenge into a discovery. This shift in perspective reduces our anxiety and helps us feel more in control. It shifts our focus from what we’ve lost to what we can gain.

Maybe the easiest way to explore how curiosity can help us is by looking at a case study.

Susan attended one of my Camino de Santiago walking retreats here in the southwest of France. She had her ducks in a row. She was ORGANISED, both in her personal and professional life.

Until two major life changes hit her at the same time.

In a couple of weeks, her well-ordered world began to unravel. First came the unexpected layoff from her steady job of 15 years—a blow that shook her to her core. Shortly after, her long-term relationship ended, leaving her feeling lost. For the first time in her life, Susan didn’t have a plan.

Her close friend, Anne, sensing her distress, suggested something unusual: a walking retreat in the southwest of France. Susan baulked at the idea at first. The thought of “wandering aimlessly” through rural landscapes seemed counterproductive to her acute need to be in control. But Anne assured her that the retreat wasn’t about getting lost, but about finding one’s way.

In desperation, Susan booked the retreat.

The retreat began on a sunny autumn morning. Susan found herself standing in a picturesque village, surrounded by vineyards and rolling hills bathed in the golden hues of late harvest. Her fellow retreat participants were friendly but sensed that she wasn’t quite ready for conversation. There were no immediate plans, no rigid schedules—just the promise of long walks and time to reflect.

The first day was hard. Susan’s mind was restless, filled with thoughts of what she had lost—her job, her relationship, her sense of direction. As she walked, she replayed events in her mind, trying to make sense of how her life had veered so far off course. She desperately wanted answers, but none came.

By the second day, something began to shift. There was something about the steady rhythm of walking, the quiet of the landscape, and the absence of distractions. Her mind slowly settled down. The deafening noise of her worries started to fade into the background. It wasn’t that her problems disappeared; it was more that they began to lose their suffocating grip on her.

She started noticing things she had overlooked on the first day—the vibrant yellow, orange and red leaves on the vines, the way the sunlight filtered through the trees, and the sound of a brook winding its way through the valley. She found herself feeling, for the first time in months, a flicker of curiosity. She stopped obsessing about solving her problems and started to pay attention to the world around her. “I wonder what kind of grapes are these?” she thought. “Why do they plant vines in rows? What sort of wine do they make from these grapes? How long have they been making wine in this region?” These were simple questions, but they made her think of something other than her problems.

As the days went on, Susan’s curiosity about the region, its people and her fellow retreat participants increased. She began asking more questions—not just about her surroundings but also about her own life. Why did she feel so lost without a plan? What might happen if she let go of the need to know exactly what’s next? What if, instead of being obsessed about finding answers, she allowed herself to explore possibilities?

One afternoon, while walking on a particularly quiet path, Susan had a profound realization: she didn’t have to figure everything out right now. She didn’t have to have a clear plan for her next job or relationship. What she needed was to be open to what might happen next, to be curious about the unknown instead of fearing it.

That evening, back at the farmhouse, she shared her thoughts with the others. “I’ve always been so focused on controlling everything,” she said. “But here, walking through this landscape, I’m beginning to realise that not knowing isn’t the same as failing. Maybe I need to be curious about what would happen if I let go and stop trying to control everything?”

The group nodded in understanding. Several of the others had come on the retreat during their own transitions—divorce, retirement, the loss of a loved one. They, too, had discovered that curiosity was more than just asking questions. It was a way to soften the hard edges of life’s uncertainties, a way to remain open to and accepting of the unexpected.

By the end of the retreat, Susan’s outlook had transformed. She hadn’t figured out all the answers to her problems, but she had learned something far more valuable: the power of curiosity to help navigate life’s inevitable changes.

On the final day of the retreat, as the group shared a last meal together, Susan found herself reflecting on her journey. The walks, the quiet moments of reflection, and the gentle guidance of her retreat leader had led her to a place she never expected to reach—not a place of certainty, but a place of possibility. She discovered that life didn’t have to be meticulously planned to be meaningful and fulfilling.

Back home, Susan’s life wasn’t magically fixed. She still had to find a new job, and the pain from her breakup hadn’t entirely faded. But she no longer felt the same pressure to rush forward. Instead, she allowed herself to ask questions and explore new paths without needing to know exactly where they led, well in advance.

She started taking a photography class, something she had always been curious about but had never made time for. She reconnected with old friends, not because she felt obligated but because she was genuinely interested in catching up. Instead of diving headfirst into a job search, she spent time researching fields she had never considered before, allowing herself to be curious about what other careers might offer.

In the months that followed, Susan’s life unfolded in ways she couldn’t have predicted. She found a new job in a different industry that excited her, and she began volunteering at a local animal shelter, something that brought her unexpected joy. Her relationships, too, began to evolve—not through force or careful planning, but through her willingness to let things unfold naturally.

The walking retreat in the southwest of France had taught Susan more than she could have imagined. It wasn’t just a break from her life; it was a turning point. As she reflected on her journey, she knew she’d return to the southwest of France one day, perhaps to walk the whole Camino. But more importantly, she knew she would carry the lessons she learned about the benefits of being curious with her wherever she went. Life’s major changes would come, as they always did, but now she was ready to meet them—not with fear, but with a curiosity

“Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” e. e. cummings

If you, like Susan, are navigating a major life change and seeking space to reflect, explore, and rediscover your curiosity, consider joining a walking retreat in the peaceful landscapes of the southwest of France. These retreats offer more than just beautiful scenery—they provide an opportunity to connect with yourself, embrace uncertainty, and open your heart to new possibilities. Sometimes, all it takes is a quiet walk in the vineyards to find the answers—or better yet, the right questions—to move forward.

Curiosity is a powerful ally during life transitions. By embracing a curious mindset, you open yourself up to new possibilities, reduce fear of the unknown, and build resilience in the face of challenges. For introverts, curiosity offers a quiet yet profound way to navigate change, tapping into their natural strengths of introspection and reflection.

“I would rather have questions that can’t be answered than answers that can’t be questioned.” Richard Feynman

For Richard Feynman, the renowned physicist, known for his groundbreaking work in quantum mechanics, curiosity was a way of life—a drive to constantly ask “why” and to challenge the status quo. He believed that true understanding came from following one’s curiosity wherever it might lead, even if it meant stepping into the uncomfortable territory of not knowing.

“Rest” can be defined as a state of physical, mental, and emotional relaxation or restoration in which the body and mind take a break from exertion, activity, or stress, to recover, recharge, and maintain functioning. It involves intentionally stepping away from demands or stimuli to replenish energy stores and re-establish balance.

How satisfying it is to do nothing, and then rest afterwards.

#LifeQuakeSeries

Rest is not just about making sure that you are getting enough sleep. While sleep is essential, there is much more to rest, especially during times of major life transitions. These difficult times—whether it’s a career change, moving to a new city, going through a breakup, or starting a business—are emotionally and mentally taxing, often leaving us feeling depleted in ways that sleep alone can’t fix.

In essence, rest is the act of re-energising the body, mind, and soul so that you can function optimally.

I have spent the last 3 decades looking for ways to help others manage stress, first as a medical doctor and now as a retreat host. Getting adequate rest is one of the most important ways to avoid the serious physical and mental damage that stress can cause.

Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith, a physician and researcher, identified seven distinct types of rest that every individual needs to function optimally. I now specialise in helping others cope with the stress of going through major life changes. During life transitions, each of these types of rest plays a unique and vital role in helping us navigate the emotional, mental, and physical upheavals that occur.

I would like to propose another one, which I think very few of us experience regularly. Below, as a reminder, I have listed the 7 types of rest Dr Dalton-Smith has already identified. I am not sure what to call this additional type of rest. Communal rest, maybe? Or Collective Resting?

This additional type of rest was first brought to my attention by my horses. Horses rest in groups. As they are prey animals, resting in a group is a survival tactic. In nature, there will always be one that stands guard, to warn the herd of approaching predators. Here on my little farm, I have noticed that they often all rest at the same time, in a group. I’m hoping that this is because they feel safe here, that they feel safe when I’m here.

The point I am trying to make is that resting together, in a group, is beneficial for us as well. I have also noticed this during my Camino de Santiago Walking Retreats. My guests, who often have never met each other before, after a day’s walking, choose to gather together to rest in the shade of an ancient oak tree. They may initially chat a bit, but soon, eyes closed, they are resting companionably together. Safety in numbers? It would be interesting to compare the quality of the rest we get in groups with the other 7 types of rest.

I found a website where you can take part in guided resting sessions, wearing headphones, at the same time as others. While this is an admirable initiative, it is not what I have in mind. Resting in the proximity of others, hearing others breathe, is a different experience altogether.

Couples and families sometimes rest together (ex. after a family picnic) but we do not often rest in larger groups – unless you count students sleeping during a lecture. We just haven’t got the time. Maybe we should follow the horses’ example and make time?

Making sure you get All 7 types of Rest during Life Transitions

1. Physical Rest: Recharging the Body

Physical rest is about restoring the body’s energy reserves. It is the process of allowing your body to recover from physical exertion, stress, or fatigue. It involves two main forms: active and passive. Passive physical rest includes sleep and activities like lying down quietly, where your body is completely at rest, allowing your muscles to relax completely and the cells of your body to repair themselves. Active physical rest is about low-effort activities like stretching, deep breathing, or gentle walking, which promote circulation and muscle recovery without subjecting your body to any further stress. Physical rest helps prevent exhaustion, injury, and long-term fatigue.

Life transitions often lead to disrupted sleep patterns, increased stress, and physical exhaustion. Getting adequate physical rest helps the body recover from these stressors. Without physical rest, you may experience fatigue, muscle pain, and decreased immunity, making it even harder to cope with the demands of a major life change.

2. Mental Rest: Easing Cognitive Overload

Mental rest is the process of giving the brain a break from constant cognitive activity and overthinking. It involves stepping away from tasks that require intense focus, decision-making, or problem-solving to allow the mind to recharge and reset. Mental rest is crucial for enhancing concentration and productivity and improving memory and decision-making abilities.

Life transitions come with a flood of new decisions, stressful challenges, and destabilising uncertainties, often leading to mental fatigue and cognitive overload. During life transitions, mental rest allows your brain to process new information without getting overwhelmed. Major changes demand effective problem-solving skills, mastering new skills quickly, and adapting to unfamiliar circumstances, all of which require mental energy. Without mental rest, decision-making becomes harder, attention to detail decreases, and stress can manifest as forgetfulness or mental blocks.

3. Sensory Rest: Reducing Overstimulation

Sensory rest is the process of reducing or eliminating the constant stimulation from your environment, which can come from bright lights, loud noises, flickering screens, unpalatable tastes/smells, feeling too hot/cold etc. In today’s world, we are often bombarded with sensory stimuli through technology, which can leave our nerves frazzled and make us irritable.

Life transitions cause heightened emotions that make us more sensitive to external stimuli. Sensory rest helps reduce feelings of overwhelm and allows the nervous system to reset. Without sensory rest, overstimulation can lead to burnout, making it harder to focus on the tasks required to move forward in a transition.

4. Creative Rest: Boosting Inspiration and Problem-Solving Abilities

Creative rest is the process of refreshing your imagination, by allowing your brain to take a break from generating new ideas or solving complex challenges. It involves exposing yourself to sources of inspiration—such as nature, art, music, or meaningful conversations—without the pressure to actually produce or create something new.

Life transitions often require fast thinking and creative problem-solving. Whether it’s reimagining a new career path or finding creative ways to adapt to a new lifestyle, life transitions often require new approaches and adaptability. Without creative rest, you may feel uninspired, unmotivated, blocked, or stuck in a repetitive loop of outdated problem-solving strategies that no longer work for your new situation.

5. Emotional Rest: Releasing Emotional Baggage

Emotional rest happens when you allow yourself to express and process your true feelings without fear of judgment, criticism, or the pressure to meet external expectations. It involves creating opportunities to release your emotional burdens, whether through open communication, self-reflection, or simply letting go of the need to please others. Emotional rest reduces the emotional exhaustion that comes from suppressing feelings and restores emotional balance. It helps you rejuvenate by freeing you from emotional labour.

Life transitions often come with a whirlwind of emotions—fear, grief, guilt, excitement, anxiety, or a mix of all of these. During life transitions, you may feel pressured to “keep it all together.” Emotional rest allows you to acknowledge and process feelings without carrying the weight of other people’s expectations. Without emotional rest, the burden of unexpressed feelings can lead to burnout and even to severe depression.

6. Social Rest: Balancing Relationships

Social rest is the process of restoring balance in your social interactions by engaging in relationships that uplift and support you, while taking a break from those that drain your energy. It requires recognising the difference between relationships that demand emotional effort and those that are nourishing, allowing you to spend time with people who rejuvenate you rather than deplete your social energy reserves.

During life transitions, you may need extra support from your close circle while also distancing yourself from relationships that deplete your energy. Transitions often involve changes in social dynamics. Whether it’s a move, a new job, or a change in personal circumstances, your support system plays a pivotal role in how well you adjust. Social rest ensures that you’re not drained by the demands of others but instead supported by relationships that restore your energy.

7. Spiritual Rest: Finding Purpose and Connection

Spiritual rest is the process of reconnecting with a sense of purpose, meaning, and belonging, often through activities that nurture your inner self and help you feel connected to something larger than yourself. This type of rest can be experienced through religious or spiritual practices, but it also extends to any activity that gives you a deeper sense of fulfilment, whether through charity work, community service, or time spent alone in nature. You may feel disconnected, aimless, or spiritually drained without spiritual rest, leading to a sense of emptiness. Engaging in practices that ground you spiritually helps to restore your inner peace. is about connecting to something larger than yourself—whether through faith, a sense of purpose, or community.

Life transitions can make you question your purpose, identity, worth or future direction. Spiritual rest helps you find meaning and connection amid uncertainty, allowing you to stay grounded and focused on what truly matters to you. Without spiritual rest, transitions can feel directionless or overwhelming, leading to a sense of disconnection or existential fatigue as you search for stability and meaning.

The Importance of Getting All 7 Types of Rest During Transitions

Life transitions are mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausting because they demand adaptation, resilience, perseverance and emotional bandwidth. Each of the seven types of rest plays a vital role in how well we navigate these changes. Focusing on just one form of rest—like getting physical rest by sleeping—won’t address the full spectrum of exhaustion you experience.

Major life changes often push us to the edge, where burnout becomes a real risk. By addressing the seven types of rest, you prevent exhaustion from building up in one area and spilling over into others. Whether it’s coming up with creative solutions, making sound decisions, or managing emotional ups and downs, a well-rested person is more capable of handling life’s challenges.

While life transitions are temporary, the habits we form during them often last for the rest of our lives. Making sure you get all seven types of rest not only helps you get through a specific transition but also sets a foundation for long-term physical and mental health and well-being.

“A quiet secluded life in the country, with the possibility of being useful to people to whom it is easy to do good, and who are not accustomed to have it done to them; then work which one hopes may be of some use; then rest, nature, books, music, love for one’s neighbor — such is my idea of happiness.” ― Leo Tolstoy