Life Transitional Intelligence: The Science of Successful Life Changes

Frameworks to help you navigate personal or professional life transitions with confidence

I recently re-read Bruce Feiler’s excellent book Life Is in the Transitions: Mastering Change at Any Age, in which he describes life transitions as a three-phase process:

• The Long Goodbye – where you recognise the need for change and begin letting go of the old way of life.
• The Messy Middle – where you’re in between the old and new, grappling with uncertainty, learning new ways, and trying to find your footing.
• The New Beginning – where you integrate what you’ve learned and settle into your new reality.

Some of the life transitions I have struggled through did indeed consist of these 3 phases, but not all. Certainly not the last life transition, or rather a collection of life transitions, I had to process and integrate. Bruce Feiler, with great accuracy, calls this the “Pileup Phenomenon.” I prefer “Cluster of Life Crashes” – all the fiction writing courses I attended are finally starting to pay off.

As far as I can gather, one determining factor is whether a life transition is voluntary (47%) as in deciding to start a business, or involuntary (53%) as in losing a loved one. So I looked around at what other frameworks have been proposed to help people get through life transitions.

I found several, some specific to life transitions, like William Bridges’ Transition Model, and others applicable to life transitions, like Elizabeth Kübler-Ross’s Five Stages of Grief. My list is not exhaustive, I have just listed the most interesting options below, with a short summary of each phase. The problem I have with some of these frameworks is that transitions, in my experience, are rarely that linear. I often seem to move one step back for each two steps forward, and the phases often overlap. I found the last option, the Hero’s Journey, the most useful, probably not all that surprising if you take my love for writing fiction into account.

1. William Bridges’ Transition Model

• Phases: Ending, Losing, Letting Go → The Neutral Zone → The New Beginning
• Details:
  • Ending, Losing, Letting Go: This phase involves the initial shock, denial, or sadness that often comes with change. It’s a time for acknowledging and processing the loss of the old, whether it’s an identity, routine, or role. Recognising what’s ending is essential to moving forward.
  • The Neutral Zone: The most uncomfortable yet creative part of the transition, the Neutral Zone, is marked by confusion, instability, and feeling “in-between.” It’s also a time of exploration and experimentation, where we can begin to explore new perspectives and ideas.
  • The New Beginning: In this phase, there’s a sense of renewal and reintegration. After navigating the Neutral Zone, we begin to form a new identity or integrate new habits, settling into a fresh way of living or being.

“In other words, change is situational. Transition, on the other hand, is psychological. It is not those events, but rather the inner reorientation and self-redefinition that you have to go through in order to incorporate any of those changes into your life. Without a transition, a change is just a rearrangement of the furniture. Unless transition happens, the change won’t work, because it doesn’t “take.” – William Bridges, Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes

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2. Elizabeth Kübler-Ross’s Five Stages of Grief

• Phases: Denial → Anger → Bargaining → Depression → Acceptance
• Details:
  • Denial: This is the initial stage of disbelief, where the mind may struggle to process the change or loss.
  • Anger: As reality sets in, frustration and resentment may surface, often directed at oneself, others, or the situation itself.
  • Bargaining: Here, people may try to “negotiate” with the change, hoping they can avoid the transition or mitigate the loss in some way.
  • Depression: This stage often brings sadness, hopelessness, and self-reflection, acknowledging the impact of the change.
  • Acceptance: Acceptance brings a readiness to move forward, integrating the loss or change as part of life.
• Originally associated with grieving, these stages are now broadly applied to any transition involving loss, whether that’s a career, relationship, or lifestyle change. This framework seems to work best for involuntary life transitions.

“There is within each one of us a potential for goodness beyond our imagining; for giving which seeks no reward; for listening without judgment; for loving unconditionally. There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from.” – Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

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3. Prochaska and DiClemente’s Stages of Change (Transtheoretical Model)

• Phases: Precontemplation → Contemplation → Preparation → Action → Maintenance → Relapse (optional)
• Details:
  • Precontemplation: No intention to change yet; the issue may not even be recognised.
  • Contemplation: Awareness of the need for change begins, leading to weighing pros and cons.
  • Preparation: There’s a readiness to change, with planning and small steps toward action.
  • Action: Active steps are taken toward the new behaviour or lifestyle.
  • Maintenance: New behaviours are sustained, with strategies to prevent relapse.
  • Relapse (optional): Setbacks may occur, often followed by a renewed commitment to action.
• I like the “optional” relapse option. This model seems effective for voluntary behaviour-based transitions (e.g., quitting smoking, exercising, losing weight, changing careers), offering a realistic view of the non-linear path to lasting change.

“It is easy as A (antecedents) B (behaviour) C (consequences). Antecedents can trigger a problem behaviour, while the consequences reward or strengthen it, no matter how maladaptive it is.” ― James O. Prochaska, Changing for Good

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4. Erik Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development

• Phases: Eight stages throughout life, from Trust vs. Mistrust in infancy to Integrity vs. Despair in old age.
• Details:
  • Erik Erikson’s eight stages span the entire lifespan, with each stage presenting a key “crisis” that influences personal growth. The stages are: Trust vs. Mistrust in infancy, where developing trust in caregivers is crucial; Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt during toddlerhood, focusing on independence; Initiative vs. Guilt in early childhood, encouraging initiative and planning; Industry vs. Inferiority in school-age children, where competence is developed; Identity vs. Role Confusion during adolescence, centred on self-identity; Intimacy vs. Isolation in young adulthood, where forming close relationships is key; Generativity vs. Stagnation in middle adulthood, focusing on contributing to society and helping the next generation; and Integrity vs. Despair in older adulthood, where reflecting on life with a sense of fulfilment or regret defines one’s sense of integrity.
  • Successfully navigating each stage leads to growth and strengthens one’s identity; unresolved issues can lead to challenges in future stages.
• Erikson’s model is helpful for understanding transitions specific to different life stages, particularly in the context of developmental tasks.

“Life doesn’t make any sense without interdependence. We need each other, and the sooner we learn that, the better for us all” – Erik Erikson

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5. Jack Mezirow’s Four Stages of Transformational Learning

• Phases: Disorienting Dilemma → Self-Examination → Exploration of New Roles → Reintegration
• Details:
  • Disorienting Dilemma: A life event disrupts established beliefs, leading to questioning.
  • Self-Examination: Reflection on personal beliefs, values, and habits in light of the disruption.
  • Exploration of New Roles: Experimenting with new perspectives, behaviours, and identities.
  • Reintegration: Integrating new ways of thinking and being into everyday life.

“Critical reflection is not concerned with the ‘how’ of action, but with the ‘why’, the reasons for and the consequences of what we do...Reflection on one’s own premises can lead to transformative learning.” – Jack Mezirow

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6. The Phoenix 3-Step Approach

• Phases: The Ending (Burning Phase), the Void (Ashes Phase) the Rebirth (Rising Phase)
• Details
  • The Ending (Burning Phase): This phase represents the conscious acknowledgement that a chapter of your life is closing. During this time, you’re called to face and process your emotions about the change while actively releasing what no longer serves you. It’s like preparing to move homes – you must sort through your belongings, decide what to keep, and let go of what you’ve outgrown. This phase requires courage and honesty as you face the reality of what’s ending.
  • The Void (Ashes Phase): This is the mysterious middle space where you exist between your old and new life. This phase often feels uncomfortable because nothing is certain, but it’s incredibly rich with potential. Like a seed in dark soil or a caterpillar in its cocoon, this is where deep transformation happens. You’re invited to rest, reflect, and resist the urge to rush into what’s next. This phase is about getting comfortable with not knowing and allowing your new direction to emerge organically.
  • The Rebirth (Rising Phase): This phase marks the period where you actively begin creating your new chapter. Drawing on the wisdom gained from your time in the void, you start taking concrete steps toward your emerging future. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, you begin to embody your new identity and direction. This phase is characterised by experimentation, gradual forward movement, and the integration of lessons learned through your transition.

7. Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey (Monomyth)

• Phases: The Call to Adventure → Crossing the Threshold → Trials and Challenges → Transformation → Return with the Elixir
• Details:
  • The Call to Adventure: A challenge or opportunity prompts the hero to leave their comfort zone.
  • Crossing the Threshold: This is a decisive step into the unknown, marking a commitment to the journey.
  • Trials and Challenges: The hero encounters obstacles that build resilience and test their resolve.
  • Transformation: A turning point or revelation leads to growth and change.
  • Return with the Elixir: Having transformed, the hero returns to the ordinary world with newfound wisdom.
• Often used to frame personal growth journeys, the Hero’s Journey reflects the idea that challenges can lead to transformation.

The Hero’s Journey can be especially useful in framing voluntary life transitions, as it emphasises the hero’s choice to answer a “call” to change, face challenges, and ultimately grow. Voluntary transitions, like a career change, relocation, or end of a relationship, often involve deliberate decisions that align well with the Hero’s Journey stages. These transitions typically have a clear beginning and end, with the person actively engaging in the journey of transformation and self-discovery.

However, the Hero’s Journey can also be applied to involuntary transitions, though the journey often looks different. In these cases—such as the sudden loss of a loved one, an unexpected health crisis, or a job loss—the “call to adventure” may feel like something thrust upon the hero. The framework can still provide value by helping people see how challenges, even those they didn’t choose, can lead to profound personal growth.

So while it is perhaps most straightforward for voluntary transitions, the Hero’s Journey can still provide powerful insights into the resilience and transformation that can emerge from any major life change, whether chosen or unchosen.

“Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging.” – Joseph Campbell

My “From Troubled to Triumphant” Camino walking retreats offer an ideal opportunity for anyone trying to cope with a life transition, especially a life quake, to experience the Hero’s Journey firsthand, from “call to adventure” to “return with wisdom.”

– The Call to Adventure: You may feel drawn to this retreat as a way to address the challenges you’re facing, whether it’s a career change, ending a relationship, or financial hardship. Choosing to walk the Camino can also become your response to this “call,” representing your willingness to step into the unknown and commit to personal growth. – Crossing the Threshold: Arriving at the Camino and beginning the walk is a powerful symbolic crossing. Physically leaving your day-to-day life behind and stepping into a new environment helps you embrace the journey you’re on, both mentally and emotionally. Here, you can begin to let go any roles, identities, or routines that may have held you back. – Tests, Allies, and Enemies: The Camino’s challenges—such as physical fatigue, self-doubt, or emotional ups and downs—mirror the obstacles on the Hero’s Journey. In the process, you find allies in other walkers, while your “inner critics” or limiting beliefs become the “enemies” to overcome. Facing and working through these challenges on the trail provides powerful, real-time insights into your personal struggle. – The Ordeal: Midway through the retreat, you may experience a breakthrough or intense moment of reflection. This could be prompted by the solitude of the walk, a deep conversation, or even a challenging section of the trail. This “ordeal” can bring about powerful realisations as you confront past fears, regrets, or doubts, emerging with newfound strength. – The Reward: Following this ordeal, you begin to feel lighter and clearer, gaining insights into yourself, your values, and your goals. This is often accompanied by a sense of empowerment or an “inner reward”—a feeling of progress and pride for persevering, or clarity about what you want from your next chapter. – The Road Back: As you near the end of the retreat, you may start thinking about how you’ll apply these lessons to your daily life. You prepare to “return” to your everyday environments, equipped with the personal growth, insights, and resilience you’ve acquired on the Camino. – The Resurrection: In this phase, you feel transformed, ready to face your challenges from a place of renewal. By connecting with your authentic self and learning to let go of what no longer serves you, you’re able to approach your transition with a refreshed perspective and purpose. – Return with the Elixir: The retreat culminates in the participants “bringing back” newfound wisdom, self-awareness, and confidence. They return home not just having walked a trail, but with a greater sense of self and clarity about the next steps in their journey, which can positively impact their relationships, careers, and personal paths.

In essence, the Camino serves as both a literal and metaphorical Hero’s Journey. By aligning the retreat with this framework, participants can see their own life transition as part of a larger, transformative story—one that’s universal, empowering, and ultimately triumphant.

Final Thoughts

Although I favour the Hero’s Journey, each framework offers something unique. During my From Troubled to Triumphant Life Transition retreats, I often combine insights from several frameworks to provide a fuller understanding of life transitions, helping my guests navigate the stages with more self-compassion.