How Well Do You Know Your Friends?

This article is part of the Friends and Friendship Series:

• How well do You know your Friends? Quiz: Deeper Conversations That Spark Authentic and Lasting Bonds Click Here
• The “How Compatible Are You?” Quiz: Click Here
• How to Transform Casual Encounters into Lifelong Friendships: 20 lighthearted Questions you can ask to get to know a new Friend Click Here
• How to Create a Friendship Manifesto Click Here
• The Most Inspiring Friends and Friendship Quotes Click Here

Introduction

It always warms my heart when a new friendship starts during one of my Camino de Santiago walking retreats. It happens fairly regularly, probably because my guests get to know each other well during the retreat, especially when they walk the Camino, even if they do not walk together all the time. Some of these new friends return year after year to my little farm here in the southwest of France, as they often live thousands of miles apart, in different directions.

Is it essential to know your friends inside out for friendships to flourish? Certainly not, but it does help you to understand them better. It also helps you to be a better friend and getting to know your friends better can be tremendous fun, as Karen’s story illustrates:

Karen’s Story

Last week, Karen had one of those epiphanies that make you want to crawl under a blanket and rethink your entire friendship history. It all started as she was scrolling through Instagram (as one does when procrastinating about doing the laundry) and stumbled across one of those “How Well Do You Know Your Friends?” quizzes. Harmless fun, right?

With a mug of coffee in hand and her dog snoring loudly next to her, Karen decided to play along. “This will be easy,” she thought smugly. “I’ve known my bestie Jen since we were awkward middle schoolers wearing butterfly clips and quoting Jane Austen.” Plus, there was Sarah, her gym buddy who literally knew every embarrassing story about her, and Mike, the work friend who once drove her to the airport at 4 a.m. Surely, she’d ace this thing.

Starting The Quiz

Question 1: What’s your friend’s middle name?
Okay, simple. Jen’s middle name was… um… wait. Did Jen even have one? Karen furiously racked her brain, coming up with a solid blank. Moving on. promptly

Question 2: What’s their favourite food?
Easy! Jen loved sushi. Or was it Thai? No, wait—it was pizza! Everyone loved pizza. (She quickly gave herself a point for that one. Questionable ethics, but whatever.)

Question 3 was something about their dream vacation, and that’s when Karen realised she had absolutely no idea where any of her friends would even want to go. Paris? Bali? Disney World? At this point, she was starting to feel lost.

The Awkward Realisation

Halfway through the quiz, it hit her like a rogue dodgeball in gym class: she didn’t actually know her friends. Like, not really. Sure, she knew Jen’s favourite Starbucks order (grande latte with oat milk, no foam—because foam, apparently, was “an insult to coffee”), but could she confidently say she knew her childhood dream or her biggest fear? Nope.

And Sarah, her gym buddy? Karen discovered she didn’t even know if Sarah had siblings. They’d sweated through spin classes together, cheered each other on during brutal leg days, and shared approximately a million post-workout smoothies. But beyond gym stuff? She was clueless.

Cue the Existential Crisis

By the time she got to Question 15 (What’s something on their bucket list?), Karen had to stop. Was she a terrible friend? How had she managed to spend hours—years, in some cases—with these people and still know so little about them?

Naturally, she dealt with this the only way a grown adult in her forties could: by texting Jen.

Karen: Hey, random Q—what’s your middle name?
Jen: Uh, Marie. Why?
Karen: …No reason.
Jen: Are you doing one of those dumb quizzes again?

Busted.

The Moment of Truth

Feeling brave (or possibly just masochistic), Karen decided to come clean to the group chat. “Hey, so I just took a quiz and found out I know nothing about any of you. Like, not even the important stuff. Can we still be friends?”

The responses ranged from mock outrage (“You don’t know my middle name?! It’s literally on Facebook, Karen!”) to sarcastic sympathy (“Don’t worry, none of us know anything about you either.”). But then Jen suggested something genius: “Let’s do a get-to-know-you night. We can all bring wine and overshare.”

Speed Dating for Friends

The next Friday, they all gathered at Karen’s place, armed with snacks, questionable wine choices, and a list of random questions to ask each other. Think speed dating but with fewer awkward silences and more guacamole.

Here’s what Karen learned:

1. Jen’s dream vacation was a road trip through the Scottish Highlands. (Not Paris, Bali, or Disney World. Shocker.)
2. Sarah had two brothers, both younger, and she’d apparently talked about them many times. Oops.
3. Mike’s bucket list included skydiving, which Karen honestly should’ve guessed, considering he once convinced her to ride the world’s most terrifying roller coaster.

They laughed until their stomachs hurt, especially when the questions got ridiculous. (“If you were a kitchen utensil, which one would you be?” Spoiler: Jen was a whisk. Don’t ask.) By the end of the night, Karen felt like she’d hit the reset button on their friendship.

Why It Matters

Here’s the thing: it’s easy to think you know people just because you see them a lot. You bond over shared activities, laugh at the same memes, and occasionally vent about life’s chaos. But how often do you dig deeper? How often do you ask questions that go beyond the surface?

That night reminded Karen of something important: relationships, even the best ones, need care and attention. You can’t just autopilot your way through them and expect to feel truly connected.

The Takeaway (with extra Cheese)

Since that night, Karen has been making an effort to ask more thoughtful questions—not just to her core group but to newer friends too. Turns out, people love talking about themselves, and it’s amazing what you learn when you give them the space to share.

So, if you’re feeling brave, take one of these quizzes (see below) and see how well you really know your friends. (Spoiler: you probably don’t know them as well as you think.)

How Well Do You Know Your Friends? Quiz

This quiz will give you an idea. And if you throw a “Getting to know each otter better”-party, you can use the questions to find out what is and isn’t important to your friends.

Scoring: Give yourself 1 point for every “Yes” and 0 points for every “No.” At the end, total your points to see how well you know your friends!

General Knowledge

1. Do you know your friend’s full name (including any middle name)?
2. Can you name at least two of their favourite hobbies?
3. Do you know what their dream job is (or was)?
4. Do you know their birthday without looking it up?
5. Do you know their favourite type of food or go-to comfort meal?

Personal Preferences

6. Do you know what genre of music or band they love?
7. Can you name their favourite book, movie, or TV show?
8. Do you know their favourite holiday or time of year?
9. Do you know their favourite way to relax or unwind?
10. Can you name their preferred drink (coffee, tea, wine, etc.)?

Life Experiences

11. Do you know where they grew up?
12. Do you know a meaningful childhood memory or story they’ve shared with you?
13. Do you know their most significant personal accomplishment?
14. Have you heard about a challenge they’ve faced and overcome?
15. Do you know something on their bucket list?

Relationships & Values

16. Can you name their closest family members or significant other?
17. Do you know what they value most in life (e.g., loyalty, humour, creativity)?
18. Do you know what they appreciate most in a friend?
19. Are you aware of their biggest pet peeve?
20. Do you know their stance on an issue they care deeply about?

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Scoring Key

• 0–7 points: You’re in the acquaintance zone—time to ask more thoughtful questions and really connect!
• 8–14 points: You know your friend well, but there’s still more to discover. Keep nurturing your friendship!
• 15–20 points: Wow, you’re a friendship expert! Your bond is deep and meaningful—your friend is lucky to have you!

Final Thoughts

When you’re going through a big life transition—like starting a new job, moving to another city, or dealing with a breakup—knowing your friends well is like having a cheat code for survival. They’re the ones who’ll bring you your favourite staples when you’re too stressed to cook, send the perfect meme you didn’t know you needed, or remind you of that time you survived way worse. But if you don’t really know each other, how can they show up in the ways you truly need? It’s like expecting someone to guess your coffee order without telling them you’re a “venti oat milk latte with two pumps of caramel” kind of person. The better your friends know you (and vice versa), the more they can be your anchors—and trust me, you’ll need them when life feels like it’s aimlessly tossing you around!