18 months ago, I wrote the post below (see extract).
At the time, I asked my faithful newsletter readers for advice, as I wanted to amalgamate all my different retreats into one signature retreat. They replied, “You do you.” In that post, I looked at what “You do you” means to me. Again and again, I came back to what I believe I’m best at: helping people through difficult life transitions like career changes, divorce, relocation, menopause, empty nest syndrome, loss of a spouse/friend (including 4-legged ones) or family member, retirement, starting a business, getting used to living alone, facing health issues etc. I have been through many life changes and learned a bit more about coping with the stress generated each time. I remain convinced that:
“Change can be exhilarating, intimidating, overwhelming, challenging, or liberating, depending on your perspective. Changing your perspective can positively influence your ability to cope with change, whether voluntary or involuntary.” Dr Margaretha Montagu
What anchors me during times of change is:
- Spending time in Nature, preferably while walking – the Camino de Santiago is easily accessible from here, but sitting in my courtyard watching the sun come up with a cup of coffee to hand is pure bliss too.
- Spending time with my horses, even watching them chomp away at their hay makes me happy. What makes me happiest is when they help my guests master stress-eradicating coping strategies.
- Reading – I am unashamedly addicted to historical murder mysteries in English, French or, on occasion, Dutch.
- Writing – I am a devoted daily gratitude journaler, a member of 2 writing groups and I am a productive writer of articles, stories (mostly about dragons,) courses and books.
- Giving my time to a charity – the one I spend most time supporting has irresistible side benefits – it sells vintage clothes, shoes, books and bric-a-brac.
- Looking after myself mentally, physically and spiritually. I have managed to slow the progression of my eye disease by eating healthily and sticking to intermittent fasting for nearly 5 years now.
- Spending time with my friends, good food, good wine, good company and all that – but what I especially love is sharing my house, my little farm, and Gascony, the awesome region where I am blessed to live, with them.
As I gradually transitioned from hosting a variety of shorter retreats into one signature longer-but-less-frequent retreat, these anchors held my little boat steady. The result is:
18 months ago, I grabbed the bull by the horns and decided that if I changed nothing, nothing would change. Keeping in mind that what I also want for my retreat guests, more than anything else, is time to relax, rest and recharge their batteries, in their own good time, at their own pace, spend time with my Friesians and Falabella horses and reconnect with Nature in one of the most beautiful parts of the world, I created the Camino de Santiago Crossroads retreat. Initially named the From Troubled to Triumphant retreat, it is structured in such a way that my guests will want to come back year after year for their reconnect-and-reset fix, to spend one blissful week in an as-familiar-as-a-favourite-winter-cardigan sanctuary, lightyears away from the overwhelming demands of their personal and professional lives.
I did not have that much of a choice because my eye problems were getting worse again, and it became clear that I would not be able to offer retreats as frequently as I did before.
Looking back over this year, a year of transition, I am more or less satisfied with what I have achieved. I started offering my 7-day signature retreats, and I have met the most awesome people. I have learned loads from them and changed the retreats accordingly. I knew I would not be able to make a clean break from 5-day to less frequent 7-day retreats, so I still do the reading retreats (I just love them), the writing retreats (ditto) and the Camino appetiser retreats.
Next year?
A slight shift of focus. The spotlight will now be more on “starting a new chapter” than “surviving a life quake”, and I’m launching my courses-with-coaching as an online alternative to my retreats – in this mind-bending, new AI-altered world.
I miss the one-on-one conversations with patients that characterised my working life as a medical doctor, so this is a looking-forward change as much as a reviving-the-past change.
These 18 months of transition have taught me that courage isn’t about making one big, dramatic leap. It’s about showing up each day, even when you’re not sure it’s working. It’s about trusting that small, consistent steps in the direction of your values will eventually get you where you need to be.
I’ve learned that:
- Change requires both structure and flexibility. I had a clear vision for my signature retreat, but I also had to remain open to feedback and adapt as I went along. The retreats I run now are better because I listened to my guests and made changes accordingly.
- You can’t rush change. Letting go of the way things were – even when you’re excited about what’s coming – takes time. I had to let go of offering retreats as frequently as I did before, even whilst celebrating the new rhythm that protects my health and energy.
- Your anchors matter more during transitions than at any other time. Those daily walks, time with the horses, gratitude journaling, and connection with friends weren’t luxuries – they were lifelines. They reminded me who I am when everything else felt uncertain.
- Sometimes the best changes are forced upon us. I didn’t choose deteriorating eyesight, but it forced me to create something more sustainable and, ultimately, more aligned with how I want to live and work.
Why this matters
Perhaps you’re reading this because you’re standing at your own crossroads, wondering if you have the courage to make a change. Maybe you’re exhausted by a job that no longer fits, a relationship that’s run its course, or a version of yourself that feels too small. Or perhaps, like me, circumstances beyond your control are pushing you towards a change you didn’t ask for.
You don’t need to have it all figured out before you start, you know. You don’t need to make the perfect plan or wait until you feel “ready”. You just need to take one small, decisive step in the direction of the life you long for.
That might mean:
- Having one conversation with someone who’s made a similar change
- Blocking out one hour this week to dream about what could be different
- Setting one small boundary with something that’s draining you
- Saying “yes” to something that scares you a little but excites you more
The courage to change grows as you use it. Each small act of bravery makes the next one a bit easier.
Conclusion:
If I could go back 18 months and whisper something to myself at the start of this transition, I’d say: “Trust the process. Trust your anchors. Trust that even when it feels messy and uncertain, you’re moving in the right direction.”
Change is rarely neat or linear. There will be days when you question everything, days when you want to retreat to the familiar, and days when you feel utterly lost. But there will also be days – more than you expect – when you catch yourself thinking, “Yes. This is it. This is what I was meant to do.”
My Camino de Santiago Crossroads retreat exists because I found the courage to change. It exists because I listened to the whisper that said, “If you change nothing, nothing will change.” And it exists because I believed that creating something more sustainable and aligned with my values was worth the uncertainty and discomfort of transition.
Now, I want to create spaces – both in-person and online – where others can find their own courage to change. Where you can rest, reflect, and reconnect with what matters most. Where you can figure out what “you do you” means for your life, right now, in this season.
Because you deserve a life that fits who you’re becoming, not just who you’ve been.