Author: Margaretha Montagu

Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is a certified transformational retreat leader who guides her clients towards their most meaningful and fulfilling lives, particularly when navigating life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian Horses, at their home in the southwest of France.
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How Do You Cope With This Mind-numbing Divorce?

Coping with a Divorce

#BruisedButNotBroken Series

Question: “I’m going through a divorce and trying to make sense of it all. I’ve heard that knowing your life purpose can help during difficult times. Can someone explain how knowing my life purpose might help me cope with the emotional challenges of divorce?”

Short Answer: When your relationship ends, knowing your life purpose provides stability when everything feels chaotic, helps you make decisions aligned with your values rather than reactive emotions, and transforms your divorce from a devastating ending into a powerful beginning of authentic living.

Picture this: You’re standing in the wreckage of what you thought was your forever. The house feels too quiet, the bed too big, and your phone notifications have become a minefield of legal documents and custody arrangements. Welcome to the divorce rollercoaster—life’s cruellest plot twist that nobody is ever really prepared for, despite the statistics screaming that half of us will have to find our way through it.

Would you believe me if I told you that this devastating disaster could become the very catalyst that launches you into the most purposeful, impactful and authentic version of yourself you’ve ever been?

The secret weapon isn’t therapy alone (though that certainly helps), it isn’t retail therapy (though your credit card might disagree), and it certainly isn’t that well-meaning friend who keeps saying “everything happens for a reason” (please, just stop). The game-changer is something far more profound: knowing your life purpose with crystal clarity.

The Tale of Antoine Delfour

Antoine Delfour, a 42-year-old architect from Lyon story’s might sound achingly familiar. For eighteen years, Antoine had built his identity around being half of “Antoine and Marie.” They were the couple everyone admired—successful careers, beautiful home overlooking the Rhône, two teenage children who seemed to have inherited the best of both parents.

Then came the conversation that shattered his world.

“I don’t know who I am anymore,” Marie said over dinner at their favourite bistro—the same place where Antoine had proposed two decades earlier. “I need space to find myself.”

The irony wasn’t lost on Antoine. As an architect, he spent his days designing spaces for others to live their dreams, yet he had no idea what space his wife needed in her life. When Marie moved out three weeks later, Antoine found himself staring at blueprints he couldn’t focus on, surrounded by the echoing silence of a house that suddenly felt like a museum of his former life.

The first month was brutal. Antoine moved through his days like a zombie, mechanically drawing lines and calculating angles while his inner world crumbled. His work suffered. His relationship with his children became strained as he struggled to hide his devastation behind insincere forced smiles during their weekend visits. He lost fifteen pounds not because he was trying to get back in shape for dating (that thought just terrified him), but because food had lost all taste.

Then came the breaking point.

Standing in his empty kitchen at 2 AM, Antoine realised he had been living someone else’s design for nearly two decades. The successful career? Chosen because it impressed Marie’s father. The suburban house? Picked because it fit their success-saturated image. Even his hobbies—tennis at the country club, wine tastings with other couples—had been selected to maintain their social standing rather than feed his soul.

“Who am I now that I’m no longer half of a couple?” he whispered to the darkness.

This question, terrifying as it was, became his lifeline.

Antoine began what he now calls his “archaeological dig to find his soul.” He started journaling, not about his anger or sadness (though those emotions appeared often), but about moments in his life when he felt most alive. Patterns emerged that surprised him. His happiest memories weren’t from lavish vacations or professional achievements—they were from volunteer work building homes for families in need, from teaching his nephew to sketch, from the quiet satisfaction of designing a small community center that became the heart of a struggling neighbourhood.

Slowly, painfully, beautifully, Antoine’s true purpose began to emerge: creating spaces where community flourishes and people feel genuinely at home.

This revelation changed everything.

Instead of seeing his divorce as the destruction of his life’s work, Antoine began to view it as the demolition phase necessary before constructing something better. He started making decisions through the lens of his newfound purpose. When his boss offered him a promotion to work on luxury developments, Antoine politely declined and instead pitched a pro bono project for affordable housing. When Marie suggested they sell their house quickly to “just get it over with,” Antoine advocated for taking time to find a buyer who would love the home as much as they once had.

Most remarkably, Antoine’s relationship with his children prospered. Instead of trying to be the “fun weekend dad” to compensate for the divorce, he began sharing his authentic self with them. He taught them to see architecture not as a career but as a way of caring for others. Their weekend activities shifted from expensive entertainment to meaningful projects—visiting construction sites, sketching interesting buildings, even volunteering together at Habitat for Humanity.

Six months after Marie moved out, Antoine made a decision that shocked everyone: he started his own firm specialising in community-focused architecture. Friends worried he was having a midlife crisis. His ex-wife questioned his sanity during a heated phone call about child support. But Antoine knew something they didn’t—he was finally building a life that matched his soul’s blueprint.

Today, three years later, Antoine’s firm has designed twelve community centres, fifteen affordable housing projects, and a children’s hospital wing that wins architectural awards not for its beauty (though it’s stunning) but for its ability to make families feel hopeful during their darkest hours. His relationship with Marie evolved from bitter to tolerant. His children are proud to tell their friends what their father really does for work.

“Purpose,” Antoine reflects, “didn’t take away the pain of divorce, but it gave the pain meaning. It transformed my suffering from something that happened to me into something that was preparing me for who I was meant to do next.”

Five Life-Changing Takeaways: How Purpose Transforms Divorce

1. Purpose Provides Emotional Stability When Everything Else Is Chaos

When your marriage ends, it feels like the very foundations of your life are crumbling. Your living situation changes, your financial picture shifts, your social circle often fractures, and your daily routines disappear overnight. In this storm, your life purpose becomes your emotional anchor—the one thing that remains constant when everything else is in flux.

Unlike external circumstances that can change without warning, your purpose is internal and unshakeable. It’s not dependent on another person’s choices or feelings. When Antoine discovered his purpose was creating community-centred spaces, that calling didn’t disappear when Marie left. In fact, it became more urgent and clear.

2. Purpose-Driven Decisions Trump Emotion-Initiated Reactions

Divorce triggers some of our most primitive emotional responses—fear, anger, the desperate need for control. When you’re operating from raw emotion, you make decisions that often hurt your long-term interests. You might agree to unfavourable custody arrangements out of guilt, or refuse reasonable settlement terms out of spite.

Your life purpose acts as a decision-making filter that transcends temporary emotions. Antoine could have chosen to work more hours to afford a flashier lifestyle and “show Marie what she was missing.” Instead, his purpose-driven approach led him to take calculated risks that aligned with his values, ultimately creating both financial success and personal fulfilment.

3. Purpose Transforms Victims into Heroes of Their Own Stories

There’s a profound difference between someone who has been divorced and someone who used divorce as a catalyst for authentic living. The first sees themselves as a victim of circumstances beyond their control. The second recognises divorce as a painful but necessary plot point in their hero’s journey.

When you know your purpose, you begin to see challenges—even devastating ones like divorce—as opportunities to align more closely with your true calling. The pain doesn’t disappear, but it gains meaning. You’re not just surviving divorce; you’re using it as fuel for becoming who you were always meant to be.

4. Purpose Creates New Identity Beyond Relationship Status

One of divorce’s cruellest tricks is how it strips away identity. If you’ve been “John’s wife” or “Sarah’s husband” for years, suddenly being just “John” or “Sarah” can feel terrifyingly empty. Many people rush into new relationships not because they’ve found love, but because they’re desperate to fill this identity void.

Knowing your life purpose provides a rich, meaningful identity that exists independently of your relationship status. You’re not “the divorced person” or “someone looking for love”—you’re the person who helps others heal, or creates beautiful things, or builds bridges between communities. This identity is permanent and empowering.

5. Purpose Turns Your Divorce Story into a Gift for Others

Perhaps the most beautiful transformation happens when you realise your divorce experience, filtered through your life purpose, becomes a source of wisdom and inspiration for others facing similar challenges. Antoine now mentors other divorced professionals who want to align their careers with their values. His story gives them permission to see their own divorces not as failures but as invitations to authenticity.

When your purpose is clear, even your most painful experiences become part of your contribution to the world.

Your Divorce Recovery Toolkit: Practical Exercises for Purpose-Driven Healing

The Archaeology of Joy – a Journaling Prompt

Set aside 30 minutes when you won’t be interrupted. Pour yourself something comforting—tea, coffee, whatever brings you peace. Now write continuously for 20 minutes answering this question:

“Looking back at my entire life, when have I felt most alive, most myself, most like I was doing exactly what I was meant to do? Don’t filter these memories based on whether they were ‘important’ or ‘successful’ by others’ standards. Include childhood moments, random Tuesday afternoons, brief interactions with strangers—any time you felt that spark of ‘this is me at my truest.'”

Don’t worry about grammar or making sense. Just let the memories flow. You’re looking for patterns, for themes that reveal what activities, environments, and ways of being consistently light you up.

The Values Clarification Exercise

Your marriage likely involved compromise—sometimes healthy, sometimes not. Now it’s time to rediscover your uncompromised values. Create three columns:

Column 1: Non-Negotiable Values What principles are so core to who you are that violating them makes you feel sick? (Examples: Honesty, creativity, service to others, adventure, spiritual growth)

Column 2: Negotiable Preferences What do you enjoy but could adapt or change? (Examples: City vs. country living, career prestige, social activities)

Column 3: Values You Adopted to Keep the Peace What did you pretend to care about to avoid conflict in your marriage? (Be honest—this takes courage but creates freedom)

The Future Self Visualisation

Imagine yourself five years from now, living fully in alignment with your life purpose. You’ve healed from the divorce, discovered your calling, and built a life that reflects your truest self. Write a letter from this future version of yourself to your current self, offering encouragement and guidance. What does future you want current you to know?

“Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.” – J.K. Rowling

Your Own Archeological Dig

If Antoine’s story resonates with you, if you recognise yourself in that moment of staring into the darkness and asking “Who am I now that I’m no longer half of a couple?”—then you’re ready for something more than just surviving your divorce. You’re ready to use this crisis as the catalyst for discovering your life’s deepest purpose.

This is where my Purpose Pursuit Protocol comes in—a comprehensive course designed specifically for people who feel lost, who know there’s something more meaningful waiting for them but can’t quite grasp what it is. Through guided exercises, supportive community, and proven frameworks, you’ll excavate your authentic calling from beneath years of “shoulds” and societal expectations.

Maybe you already have some sense of your purpose but your divorce has left you questioning everything. Perhaps you thought you knew your calling, but now wonder if it was built around your marriage rather than your true self. If this sounds familiar, the Purpose Pivot Protocol is designed for you—helping people recalibrate their purpose during major life transitions.

Because here’s what I’ve learned from working with hundreds of divorced individuals: The people who not only survive but truly thrive after divorce are those who use the crisis as an invitation to finally, courageously, build a life around their authentic purpose.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Is it selfish to focus on finding my purpose when my kids are dealing with the divorce?

A: Absolutely not. Children of divorce benefit enormously from seeing a parent who is intentionally creating a meaningful, purpose-driven life rather than just going through the motions. You’re modelling resilience, authenticity, and the possibility that difficult experiences can lead to positive transformation. The best gift you can give your children is showing them what it looks like to live with purpose, even after life doesn’t go according to plan.

Q: What if I discover my life purpose and it requires major changes that might affect my divorce settlement or custody arrangements?

A: Purpose-driven decisions are usually more sustainable and ultimately more beneficial than reactive ones, even if they seem scary initially. However, this is exactly why having clarity about your purpose before making major legal decisions is so valuable. When you know what you’re building toward, you can negotiate arrangements that support rather than hinder your authentic life. Consider working with both a therapist and a life coach during your divorce process.

Q: I’m worried that focusing on finding my purpose is just a way of avoiding dealing with the pain of my divorce. How do I know the difference?

A: Healthy purpose discovery doesn’t bypass emotional processing—it provides a framework for it. If you’re using purpose-seeking to avoid grief, therapy, or practical divorce tasks, that’s avoidance. But if you’re processing your emotions while also asking “How can this experience serve my growth and contribution to others?”—that’s integration. The pain still needs to be felt and worked through, but purpose gives it meaning.

Q: What if I’m not ready to think about purpose yet? The divorce is too fresh and I’m just trying to get through each day.

A: Honour where you are. Survival mode is valid and sometimes necessary. But consider that even small steps toward understanding your values and what matters most to you can provide stability during chaos. You don’t need to figure out your entire life purpose immediately—even identifying one core value that will guide your decisions this week can be helpful. Purpose discovery is a journey, not a destination with a deadline.

Q: How long does it typically take to gain clarity about life purpose after a divorce?

A: Everyone’s timeline is different, but most people begin to gain meaningful clarity within 6-18 months of intentional exploration. The key word is “intentional”—clarity rarely comes from waiting for inspiration to strike. It comes from consistent, honest self-reflection and often benefits from professional guidance. Remember, you’re not just healing from divorce; you’re potentially uncovering parts of yourself that were dormant during your marriage.

The Beginning of Your New Story

Here’s the truth your divorce attorney won’t tell you, that your therapist might only hint at, and that your well-meaning friends probably don’t realise: Your divorce might be the best thing that ever happened to you.

Not because divorce is good—it’s brutal, expensive, and emotionally exhausting. But it creates the space necessary for authenticity to emerge. It strips away the roles and expectations that may have been suffocating your truest self for years. It asks the questions that comfortable married life allows you to avoid: Who are you, really? What do you want your life to stand for? What legacy do you want to create?

Antoine Delfour discovered that his marriage’s end was actually his authentic life’s beginning. His divorce didn’t destroy his purpose—it amplified it. The pain of separation became the labour pains of birthing his truest self.

Your divorce is not the end of your story. It’s the end of one chapter and the beginning of what could be your most meaningful one yet.

When you know your life purpose with clarity, divorce transforms from something that happened to you into something that prepared you for who you were meant to become. The question isn’t whether you’ll survive your divorce—you will. The question is whether you’ll use this crisis as the catalyst for finally, courageously, building a life around your deepest purpose.

The blueprint for that life is already inside you, waiting to be discovered. Sometimes we need everything to fall apart before we’re willing to rebuild according to our soul’s true design.

Summary

Knowing your life purpose doesn’t make divorce painless, but it transforms that pain from meaningless suffering into meaningful preparation for the most authentic chapter of your life. Your purpose becomes your compass when everything else feels like it’s spinning out of control—and that makes all the difference between surviving divorce and using divorce to finally start truly living.

References

Lamela D, Figueiredo B. Determinants of personal growth and life satisfaction in divorced adults. Clin Psychol Psychother. 2023 Jan;30(1):213-224. 

Mentser, S., & Sagiv, L. (2025). Cultural and personal values interact to predict divorce. Communications Psychology, 3(1), 1-11.

Sbarra DA, Hasselmo K, Bourassa KJ. Divorce and Health: Beyond Individual Differences. Curr Dir Psychol Sci. 2015 Apr 1;24(2):109-113.

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What is Success? What a Dying CEO’s Final 48 Hours Taught Me

Success is not how high you have climbed, but how you make a positive difference to the world. – Roy T. Bennett 

The morphine drip wasn’t doing much anymore. Richard Hartwell, CEO of Meridian Industries—a name you’d recognise from your 401k statements—lay propped against hospital pillows at 3:47 AM, staring at his phone with the desperate intensity of a man running out of time.

He wasn’t checking stock prices. He wasn’t reviewing quarterly projections. For the first time in thirty-seven years, Richard Hartwell was scrolling through LinkedIn, frantically searching for someone—anyone—who might remember him for something other than increasing shareholder value by 12% annually.

“I built a $4 billion company,” he whispered to his night nurse, Maria, who had heard variations of this monologue for three consecutive shifts. “Four billion dollars. Do you know what that means?”

Maria, a woman who’d held more dying hands than she could count, adjusted his IV and said gently, “What do you think it means, Mr. Hartwell?”

The question hung in the sterile air like a challenge. Because here’s the thing nobody tells you about success: it’s remarkably easy to climb a ladder that’s leaning against the wrong wall. And sometimes you don’t realise it until you’re at the top, looking down, wondering why the view feels so… empty.

The Meridian Man

Let me back up. I didn’t know Richard personally—not at first. I knew of him, the way you know of most Fortune 500 CEOs: as a name in business journals, a quote in earnings calls, a figure who transformed a mid-sized manufacturing company into a global powerhouse. The business press loved him. Harvard Business Review featured him twice. He was the kind of success story that made other executives wake up at 4 AM to hit the gym, determined to unlock whatever secret sauce had made this guy so phenomenally… successful.

But success, I learned, is a trickier beast than we imagine.

I first encountered Richard’s story through his daughter, Jennifer, who attended one of my Purpose Pursuit Protocol courses last spring. She sat quietly, arms crossed, looking like she’d rather be anywhere else. During the lunch break, she cornered me.

“This purpose stuff,” she said, voice tight with something between anger and desperation. “Is it real? Or is it just another self-help fantasy for people who don’t have real problems?”

Jennifer had real problems. Her father—this titan of industry, this master of the universe—was dying. And in his final weeks, he’d become obsessed with a question that was slowly driving him mad: What was the point of any of it?

“He keeps asking me to help him find people who remember him,” she said. “Not business associates. Not board members. People who remember him as… him. And the list is getting shorter every day.”

The Success Trap

Here’s what Richard had accomplished by age 64: He’d increased Meridian’s revenue by 2,400% over his tenure. He’d created 47,000 jobs. He’d been featured on the cover of Fortune magazine three times. His net worth was north of $200 million. He owned homes in seven countries and a yacht that required a crew of twelve.

He was also, by every metric that matters to dying people, completely alone.

“I worked 80-hour weeks for three decades,” he told me during one of our later conversations—yes, I eventually met him, thanks to Jennifer’s persistent advocacy. “I missed Jennifer’s piano recitals, her graduation, her wedding rehearsal dinner. I missed Christmas mornings and birthday parties and Saturday afternoon soccer games. But I told myself it was worth it because I was building something important.”

The morphine made him brutally honest. “I was building other people’s wealth. I was making rich people richer. And I convinced myself that was a noble calling.”

This is the dirty secret of success culture that nobody wants to acknowledge: we’ve created a system that rewards the appearance of purpose while systematically destroying actual purpose. We celebrate people who sacrifice their relationships, their health, their authentic selves on the altar of achievement. We call it “dedication” and “drive” and “leadership.”

But lying in that hospital bed, Richard could see the truth with crystalline clarity: he’d spent forty years optimising for metrics that ultimately meant nothing to the person he actually was underneath all those accolades.

The 3 AM Revelation

It was during one of those sleepless nights—the kind where pain and medication conspire to strip away all your comfortable delusions—that Richard had what he called his “3 AM revelation.”

“I realised I couldn’t answer the most basic question,” he told me, his voice barely above a whisper. “If someone asked me who Richard Hartwell really was, beyond his job title, I wouldn’t know what to say. I’d become so identified with my role that I’d lost track of my actual self.”

This wasn’t just philosophical navel-gazing. Richard was experiencing what psychologists call “identity foreclosure”—when we commit to an identity without exploring alternatives, often because external pressures make one path seem like the only acceptable option.

But here’s the kicker: Richard had never actually chosen his path. He’d defaulted into it.

“I was good at math in college,” he explained. “Got recruited by a consulting firm. Did well there. Got poached by Meridian. Worked my way up. Each promotion felt like validation, like I was winning at life. But I never stopped to ask: winning at what, exactly? And for whom?”

He’d been playing a game whose rules he’d never questioned, pursuing a definition of success that had been handed to him by… well, by whom? Society? His parents? Business school professors? The metrics were clear—revenue, growth, market share—but the meaning behind those metrics had always been fuzzy.

“I optimised my entire existence around numbers that looked impressive in annual reports,” he said. “But I never asked whether those numbers aligned with anything I actually cared about.”

The Inventory

In his final weeks, Richard embarked on what he called “The Inventory”—a systematic review of his life choices through the lens of authentic purpose rather than external achievement.

He made lists. Lots of lists. (Old habits die hard, even when you’re dying.)

Things that energised him: Teaching his daughter to drive. Mentoring young employees. The early days at Meridian when the company was small enough that he knew everyone’s name. Solving complex operational problems. Building systems that actually worked.

Things that drained him: Board meetings. Quarterly earnings calls. Networking events. Golf with investors. (“I hate golf,” he confided. “Always have. But everyone assumed I loved it because I was good at it.”)

Moments he felt most alive: When he was solving problems that mattered to real people. When he was building something, not just managing it. When he was learning, not just performing.

Moments he felt most dead: Most of the last fifteen years.

The pattern was clear, even to someone pumped full of painkillers. Richard’s natural gifts—systems thinking, problem-solving, teaching—had been channelled into a role that utilised maybe 20% of what made him feel genuinely alive.

“I could have been a great teacher,” he mused. “Or an engineer working on infrastructure projects. Or started a company that actually solved problems I cared about. But I got seduced by the external validation of climbing the corporate ladder.”

The Course Correction That Never Came

Here’s where Richard’s story gets really heartbreaking. About ten years into his tenure as CEO, he’d started feeling restless. The initial challenge of turning around a struggling company had been replaced by the grinding routine of managing a successful one.

“I remember sitting in my office one Tuesday afternoon,” he said, “looking out at the city and thinking: ‘Is this it? Is this what I’m going to do for the next twenty years?’ I felt this… emptiness. Like I was living someone else’s life.”

That was his moment. His chance for what I call a “Purpose Pivot”—when life circumstances align to offer you a clear choice between continuing on autopilot or intentionally redirecting toward something more aligned with your authentic self.

But Richard didn’t have the tools to process what he was feeling. He didn’t have a framework for distinguishing between temporary dissatisfaction and deeper misalignment. He didn’t know how to evaluate whether his restlessness was pointing him toward something important or if it was just midlife malaise.

“I told myself it was normal,” he said. “Everyone gets bored with their job sometimes, right? I figured it would pass.”

Instead of investigating the feeling, he doubled down. Took on bigger challenges. Pursued more aggressive growth targets. Convinced himself that the solution to feeling empty was to achieve more, not to reconsider what he was achieving.

“I medicated my existential crisis with workaholism,” he admitted with a wry smile. “It’s socially acceptable addiction.”

Haunting Questions

In those final weeks, Richard became obsessed with questions he’d never allowed himself to ask:

What if I’d had the courage to change course when I first felt misaligned?

What if I’d defined success based on my own values instead of society’s expectations?

What if I’d prioritised becoming the person I wanted to be over becoming the person I thought I should be?

What if I’d understood that purpose isn’t something you find once and then forget about, but something you have to keep choosing, again and again, as you grow and change?

These weren’t just hypothetical musings. They were urgent, practical questions about how to live a life that feels meaningful from the inside, not just impressive from the outside.

“The tragedy,” he told me, “isn’t that I made the wrong choices. It’s that I never realised I was making choices at all. I thought I was just following the obvious path, but there were dozens of other paths I never even saw.”

The Legacy Situation

Three days before Richard died, he asked me something that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about:

“If someone else was living my exact life—same challenges, same opportunities, same pressures—but they had a clear sense of their authentic purpose, how differently would they have navigated it?”

It’s a profound question. Because Richard wasn’t fundamentally flawed or uniquely misguided. He was intelligent, capable, well-intentioned. He got trapped not by personal failings but by a cultural system that conflates external achievement with internal fulfilment.

How many of us are living versions of Richard’s story right now? How many of us are optimising for metrics that don’t actually matter to who we are underneath all our roles and responsibilities?

How many of us are climbing ladders without ever checking whether they’re leaning against walls we actually want to reach?

The Plot Twist

Here’s the thing that surprised me most about Richard’s story: despite everything, he wasn’t bitter. Regretful, yes. Wistful about roads not taken, absolutely. But not bitter.

“I had a good life,” he said. “It just wasn’t my life, if that makes sense. I lived the life I thought I was supposed to want instead of the life I actually wanted.”

In his final days, Richard did something extraordinary. He started reaching out to people—not to network or maintain relationships, but to apologise. To Jennifer for being absent. To employees he’d been harsh with. To friends he’d neglected.

But mostly, he started having conversations about purpose with anyone who would listen. Warning people about the seductive trap of external validation. Encouraging them to get clear about what actually mattered to them before they got too far down someone else’s path.

“If I can save even one person from living my life,” he said, “then maybe all of this wasn’t completely pointless.”

The Framework He Wished He’d Had

In our conversations, Richard and I developed what he called “The Deathbed Test”—a framework for evaluating life choices through the lens of what will matter when everything else falls away.

The Questions:

  • If I was lying in a hospital bed looking back on my life, would I be proud of how I spent my time?
  • Am I building something that aligns with my deepest values, or just something that looks impressive to other people?
  • When I feel energised and alive, what am I doing? When I feel drained and empty, what am I doing?
  • If I could design my ideal day with no external constraints, what would it look like? How far is my current life from that vision?
  • What would I do if I weren’t afraid of other people’s opinions?

“These seem like simple questions,” Richard noted, “but they’re actually revolutionary. Because most of us never ask them. We just assume that if we’re successful by conventional metrics, we must be on the right track.”

The Two Paths Forward

Richard’s story illustrates something I see constantly in my work: there are two critical moments when people need support in aligning their lives with their authentic purpose.

The First Moment: When you’re feeling generally restless or unfulfilled but can’t quite put your finger on why. You know something’s off, but you don’t have clarity about what you actually want instead. This is what I call the “Purpose Pursuit” phase—when you need tools and frameworks to discover what actually energises you, what you value most deeply, and how to translate those insights into concrete life choices.

The Second Moment: When you’ve had some clarity about your purpose but life circumstances have knocked you off course, or when you’ve evolved as a person and your previous sense of purpose no longer fits. This is the “Purpose Pivot” phase—when you need support in course-correcting without throwing away everything you’ve built.

Richard never got support for either moment. He powered through the first with willpower and alcohol. He ignored the second entirely until it was too late to do anything but regret.

The Conversation We All Need to Have

Here’s what Richard taught me: the conversation about purpose isn’t a luxury for people who have their basic needs met. It’s not self-indulgent navel-gazing or privileged philosophical meandering.

It’s literally a matter of life and death. Not physical death, necessarily, but the death of your authentic self. The slow erosion of whatever makes you uniquely you.

“I succeeded at someone else’s definition of success,” Richard said, “and failed at my own life.”

We live in a culture that’s incredibly sophisticated about optimising for external metrics—productivity, efficiency, growth, achievement—but remarkably primitive when it comes to optimising for internal fulfilment. We have detailed frameworks for strategic planning in business but wing it when it comes to strategic planning for our actual lives.

We spend more time researching which car to buy than clarifying what kind of person we want to become.

The Gift in the Tragedy

Richard died on a Thursday morning in April. Jennifer was holding his hand. His last words, according to the nurse, were: “Tell people to figure it out sooner.”

But here’s the beautiful thing: Richard’s story doesn’t have to be your story. The questions that tortured him in his final weeks can guide you toward a different kind of life right now. The regrets that haunted him can become wisdom that liberates you.

Because the truth is, it’s never too late to ask the hard questions. It’s never too late to course-correct. It’s never too late to choose alignment over achievement, authenticity over approval, purpose over prestige.

But it’s also never too early to start.

Your 3 AM Moment

I’m willing to bet that something in Richard’s story resonated with you. Maybe you saw yourself in his early career trajectory. Maybe you recognised the feeling of climbing a ladder without checking whether it’s leaning against the right wall. Maybe you’ve had your own 3 AM moments of wondering whether you’re living your life or someone else’s expectations.

If so, you’re not alone. And you’re not stuck.

The difference between Richard’s story and yours is that you still have time. You still have choices. You still have the opportunity to align your external life with your internal truth.

But—and this is crucial—purpose doesn’t just happen. It requires intention. It requires tools. It requires support and frameworks and communities of people who understand that this work is not selfish but essential.

Whether you’re in the “Pursuit” phase—trying to get clarity about what you actually want—or the “Pivot” phase—needing to recalibrate after getting knocked off course—the work of aligning your life with your authentic purpose is both the most challenging and most rewarding thing you’ll ever do.

Richard spent his final weeks wishing he’d had the courage to ask the hard questions sooner. You don’t have to wait until you’re running out of time to start living the life that’s actually yours.

The only question is: what are you going to do with the time you have left?

If Richard’s story stirred something in you—if you recognise yourself in his journey or felt that familiar pang of “there has to be more than this”—you’re ready for the conversation about purpose. Whether you’re just beginning to question your current path (Purpose Pursuit) or you’ve lost your way and need to find it again (Purpose Pivot), the tools and frameworks exist to help you navigate toward a life that feels authentic from the inside, not just impressive from the outside. Because the most successful life isn’t the one that looks best on paper—it’s the one you’re proud to have lived when you’re looking back from your own hospital bed. The choice is yours. The time is now.

The Purpose Pursuit Protocol – if you want to discover your life purpose, this course will provide you with the clarity, motivation and direction you need to manifest your next chapter – in both your personal and professional life. Get immediate access

The Purpose Pivot Protocol – drawing inspiration from the Camino de Santiago, this transformative course guides you through a proven framework to recalibrate your authentic purpose and create a meaningful and fulfilling second act. Get immediate access

“I am an experienced medical doctor – MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract cert, Transformational Life Coach (dip.) Life Story Coach (cert.) Counselling (cert.) Med Hypnotherapy (dip.) and EAGALA (cert.) I may have an impressive number of letters after my name, and more than three decades of professional experience, but what qualifies me to excel at what I do is my intuitive understanding of my clients’ difficulties and my extensive personal experience of managing major life changes using strategies I developed over many years” Dr M Montagu

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Being Needed Isn’t the Same as Being Loved (You Deserve So Much More)

All you need is love – John Lennon

Summary

This article explores the profound difference between being needed for what you do versus being loved for who you are. Through the story of Sophie Lemaire, we uncover how many people mistake feeling useful for being loved, leading to burnout, resentment, and a hollow sense of self-worth. We’ll examine why understanding this distinction is crucial for authentic relationships and personal fulfilment, and how discovering your life purpose can transform your relationship with both yourself and others.

5 Key Takeaways

  1. Being needed creates dependency; being loved creates connection – One is transactional, the other transformational
  2. Your worth isn’t your work – You are valuable simply by existing, not by what you produce or provide
  3. Authentic love sees you, not just your usefulness, and appreciates your essence, quirks, and humanity
  4. Purpose clarity helps distinguish between roles and identity – Knowing why you’re here prevents you from being just what you do
  5. Setting boundaries protects your relationships – Saying no to being constantly needed opens space for being genuinely loved

Picture this: You’re scrolling through your phone at 11 PM, and there it is—another text asking for a favour. Your heart sinks. Not because you don’t want to help, but because somewhere deep down, you wonder if people would still reach out just to say hello if you couldn’t solve their problems, babysit their kids, or work late to finish before their deadline.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. You’re caught in what I call “The Needed vs Loved Dilemma”—that sneaky little belief that being needed equals being loved. But here’s the truth bomb that might sting a little: being someone’s go-to person for everything doesn’t mean you’re their go-to person for love.

Invisible but Indispensable Sophie

At forty-two, Sophie Lemaire had perfected the art of being useful.

Each day began not with coffee but with the vibration of her phone slitting the silence. Texts flashing like distress signals. Calendar alerts stacked like dominoes. Her brother’s name flashing on the screen—“Do you think Mom should try those new meds? She didn’t sleep a wink last night.” At the same time, her VP at work fires off a Slack message with three flaming emojis and: “Sophie, that deck. Need it by EOD! 🔥🔥🔥”

She responded to both messages before her feet hit the floor.

People often said she was indispensable—a word they spoke like a compliment, though it had long started to feel like a kind of sentence. Sophie was the axis upon which three worlds spun: a high-octane career in marketing, the slow, sorrowful orbit of her mother’s decline, and the unspoken family role of “fixer,” a position she’d accepted so long ago she couldn’t even remember applying.

Her days were a blur of other peoople’s needs—she could write a campaign pitch with one hand while sorting her mother’s prescriptions with the other, all while gently talking her friend Maria down from another cliffside heartbreak. Sophie had become expert at patching the cracks in other people’s lives while her own foundation quietly eroded beneath her.

Still, there was a kind of high to being needed that softened the loneliness.

“I felt important,” she confessed to me once. She twisted the ring on her finger, not looking up. “I thought that meant I was loved.”

Her birthday fell on a Tuesday that year.

She stayed late at the office, polishing a deck for a colleague who’d “totally owe her one.” She skipped lunch. She left with a headache. At home, the apartment was silent but for the hum of her mother’s oxygen machine.

Dinner was scrambled eggs, because that’s all her mother could chew without choking. After cleaning up, she curled onto the couch with her phone, only to be ambushed by another call from Maria—another hour-and-a-half marathon counselling her best friend through another dating disaster.

By the time Sophie hung up, it was 10:06 PM. Her phone’s battery was at 3%. Her spirit, even lower.

She stared at the blank ceiling above her. A single thought pressed through the haze.

No one remembered her birthday.

“I am surrounded by people who need me,” she whispered into the dark, almost to herself. “But I feel completely alone.”

“I felt so important,” Sophie told me during one of our coaching sessions, her voice loaded with a mixture of exhaustion and confusion. “Everyone needed me. I thought that meant I was loved.”

Sophie’s story isn’t unique.

The Anatomy of Being Needed vs. Being Loved

Let’s dissect this distinction, shall we? Because understanding the difference isn’t just philosophical—it’s life-changing.

Being Needed: The Relationship Resume

When you’re needed, you’re valued for your:

  • Skills and abilities
  • Availability and reliability
  • Problem-solving capacity
  • What you can provide or produce
  • Your usefulness in specific situations

Think of it as being someone’s human Swiss Army knife. Very handy, but ultimately replaceable when they find a better tool.

Being Loved: The Relationship Revolution

When you’re loved, you’re cherished for your:

  • Unique personality and quirks
  • Presence, not just your presents
  • Authentic self, including your flaws
  • Intrinsic worth as a human being
  • The joy you bring simply by existing

Meeting Others’ Needs

When we mistake being needed for being loved, we pay a hefty price:

1. The Exhaustion Tax

Constantly being “on call” for everyone’s needs is like running a 24/7 emergency service. Sophie discovered this when she calculated that she spent less than two hours a week doing something just for herself. “I was running on empty and calling it purpose,” she laughed ruefully.

2. The Identity Crisis

When your worth becomes tied to your utility, who are you when you’re not needed? This question terrified Sophie when she considered taking a vacation. “What if they realise they don’t actually need me?” she worried. This fear reveals how being needed can become an addiction—a hit of temporary validation that requires increasingly higher doses.

3. The Resentment Build-Up

Here’s what nobody talks about: being constantly needed breeds resentment. You start keeping score. “I helped them move, planned their wedding, listened to their problems for hours, and they can’t even remember my birthday?” Sound familiar?

4. The Authenticity Deficit

When you’re always in helper mode, when do you get to be human? When do you get to have bad days, need support, or just exist without producing value? As psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff notes, “With self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and care we’d give to a good friend.”

The Purpose Connection: Why Knowing Your ‘Why’ Changes Everything

This is where understanding your life purpose becomes absolutely crucial. When you’re clear on why you’re here—your unique contribution to the world—you can distinguish between your calling and other people’s convenience.

Sophie’s transformation began when she enrolled in the Purpose Pursuit Protocol. Through deep reflection and guided exercises, she discovered her true purpose: helping others find their authentic voice in professional settings. This wasn’t about being needed for every little task; it was about making a specific, meaningful impact.

“Once I knew my purpose,” Sophie explained, “I could see the difference between someone needing my specific gifts and someone just needing a helping hand to solve their problems.”

Purpose as Your Compass

Your life purpose acts like a GPS for your relationships and commitments:

  • It helps you say yes to what aligns with your calling
  • It gives you permission to say no to what doesn’t
  • It attracts people who value your unique contribution
  • It transforms you from a people-pleaser to a purpose-pursuer

As Viktor Frankl wrote in “Man’s Search for Meaning,” “Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how.'” But I’d add this: those who know their ‘why’ can also discern who genuinely appreciates their ‘who.’

The Transition from Needed to Loved

Making this shift isn’t about becoming selfish or unhelpful. It’s about becoming selective and intentional. Here’s how:

1. The Audit Exercise

Sophie started by listing everyone who contacted her in a typical week and categorising each interaction:

  • Appreciation: “Thanks for being you”
  • Need: “Can you help me with…”
  • Connection: “How are you doing?”

The results were eye-opening. 80% of her interactions fell into the “need” category.

2. The Boundary Revolution

Setting boundaries isn’t about building walls; it’s about installing gates with you as the gatekeeper. Sophie learned to ask herself: “Is this request aligned with my purpose, or am I just being convenient?”

She started saying things like:

  • “I’m not available for that, but here’s someone who might help.”
  • “I care about you, but I can’t take this on right now.”
  • “Let me think about it and get back to you.” (Revolutionary concept: not everything needs an immediate yes!)

3. The Vulnerability Practice

Here’s the counterintuitive part: to be loved for who you are, you have to show who you are. Sophie began sharing her struggles, dreams, and fears with close friends. Initially terrifying, but it filtered out those who were only there for what she could do.

4. The Purpose Filter

Every request now went through Sophie’s purpose filter: “Does this align with helping others find their authentic voice, or am I just being a general problem-solver?” This clarity helped her say yes to mentoring junior colleagues while saying no to organizing every office party.

Exercise: The Love vs. Need Assessment

Take a moment to reflect on your own relationships:

Part 1: The Contact Analysis

  1. List the last 20 people who contacted you
  2. Categorise each contact as: Love/Connection, Need/Request, or Mixed
  3. Calculate the percentages

Part 2: The Energy Audit

  1. Which interactions energised you?
  2. Which interactions drained you?
  3. What patterns do you notice?

Part 3: The Purpose Connection

  1. How do your most draining “need-based” interactions differ from your life purpose?
  2. Which relationships appreciate your unique gifts vs. your general helpfulness?

Exercise: The Boundary Blueprint

Week 1: The Observation Phase

  • Track every request for help you receive
  • Note your automatic response
  • Record how you felt before and after each interaction

Week 2: The Pause Practice

  • Before responding to any request, take 24 hours (unless it’s a genuine emergency)
  • Ask yourself: “Does this align with my purpose or just my people-pleasing?”
  • Practice saying: “Let me check my capacity and get back to you”

Week 3: The Selective Yes

  • Say yes only to requests that align with your purpose or bring you genuine joy
  • For everything else, offer alternatives or simply decline gracefully
  • Notice how this feels and how others respond

The Ripple Effect: How This Shift Transforms Everything

Sophie’s transformation didn’t happen overnight, but the changes were profound:

In her career: Instead of being the catch-all problem solver, she became known as the go-to person for communication coaching. Her expertise was valued, not just her willingness to work late.

In her family: Her mother initially resisted Sophie’s new boundaries, but eventually their relationship deepened. “When I stopped being her fix-everything person, we started having real conversations,” Sophie noted.

In her friendships: Some relationships faded—the ones built solely on her utility. But the remaining friendships became richer and more reciprocal.

In her self-relationship: Sophie rediscovered parts of herself she’d forgotten existed. She started painting again, joined a hiking group, and—revolutionary concept—went to movies alone without feeling guilty.

The Purpose Protocols: Your Compass to Authentic Living

If Sophie’s story resonates with you, you might be wondering: “How do I discover my own purpose to create this kind of clarity?” This is exactly why I developed two specialised programs:

The Purpose Pursuit Protocol

Perfect for those who haven’t yet discovered their life purpose. This comprehensive program guides you through:

  • Deep self-discovery exercises
  • Values clarification processes
  • Passion and talent alignment techniques
  • Mission statement development
  • Purpose integration strategies

The Purpose Pursuit Protocol – if you want to discover your life purpose, this course will provide you with the clarity, motivation and direction you need to manifest your next chapter – in both your personal and professional life. Get immediate access

The Purpose Pivot Protocol

Designed for those who need to recalibrate their existing life purpose. Maybe your purpose has evolved, or life circumstances have changed. This program helps you:

  • Reassess your current purpose alignment
  • Navigate life transitions with purpose clarity
  • Integrate new insights into your existing framework
  • Realign your relationships and commitments with your evolved purpose

The Purpose Pivot Protocol – drawing inspiration from the Camino de Santiago, this transformative course guides you through a proven framework to recalibrate your authentic purpose and create a meaningful and fulfilling second act. Get immediate access

Both programs include the boundary-setting tools and relationship assessment strategies that helped Sophie (and hundreds of others) transform from being chronically needed to being authentically loved.

Learning to Laugh at Our People-Pleasing Past

Let’s take a moment to appreciate the absurdity of our former selves, shall we? Sophie now jokes about her “Swiss Army knife phase,” where she genuinely believed her value as a human being was measured by how many different problems she could solve in a single day.

“I once helped someone move, baked cookies for a bake sale, wrote a recommendation letter, and provided relationship counselling—all in the same weekend,” she laughed. “I was like a one-woman crisis response team. No wonder I was exhausted!”

This humour isn’t dismissive; it’s healing. When we can laugh at our past patterns, we create space for new ones.

Moving Forward: Your Action Plan

Ready to make the shift from being needed to being loved? Here’s your roadmap:

This Week:

  • Complete the Love vs. Need Assessment
  • Identify one relationship where you feel more needed than loved
  • Practice the “24-hour pause” before responding to requests

This Month:

  • Implement the Boundary Blueprint exercises
  • Start one activity that brings you joy but serves no one else’s needs
  • Have one vulnerable conversation with someone you trust

This Quarter:

  • Consider enrolling in either the Purpose Pursuit or Purpose Pivot Protocol
  • Evaluate which relationships have deepened vs. which have faded
  • Celebrate the progress you’ve made in honouring your authentic self

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Q: What if people get angry when I stop being so available?

A: This is actually valuable information. People who are genuinely invested in you as a person will respect your boundaries and want you to be happy. Those who get angry were likely more attached to your utility than your humanity. As Dr. Henry Cloud says, “Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me.” Some people won’t like your boundaries precisely because they benefited from you not having them.

2. Q: How do I know if someone loves me for who I am or just needs me?

A: Pay attention to these signs: Do they check in when you can’t help them? Do they remember details about your life that have nothing to do with what you can do for them? Are they interested in your dreams, fears, and opinions? Do they offer support when you’re going through difficult times? Love-based relationships are reciprocal and see you as a whole person, not just a resource.

3. Q: Won’t I become selfish if I stop helping everyone?

A: There’s a difference between being selfish and having healthy boundaries. Selfish people don’t care about others’ wellbeing. You’re learning to help from a place of choice rather than compulsion, and to align your helping with your purpose rather than just people’s convenience. This actually makes your help more valuable and sustainable.

4. Q: What if I lose relationships when I set boundaries?

A: You might, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Relationships built solely on what you can provide aren’t really relationships—they’re arrangements. As Maya Angelou said, “When people show you who they are, believe them.” If someone can’t respect your boundaries, they’re showing you they value your utility more than your wellbeing.

5. Q: How do I handle the guilt when I say no to helping?

A: Guilt often comes from old beliefs about our worth being tied to our usefulness. Remember that saying no to one thing means saying yes to something else—often something more aligned with your purpose. Practice reframing: instead of “I’m being selfish,” try “I’m being intentional.” The guilt will lessen as you see the positive results of your boundaries.

Conclusion: Your Work Is Not Your Worth

Sophie’s journey from chronic people-pleaser to purpose-driven boundary-setter isn’t just one woman’s story—it’s a roadmap for anyone who has ever wondered if they matter beyond what they can provide.

The truth is, your worth was never your work. Your value was never your utility. You are not a human doing; you are a human being. And being—simply existing as your authentic, flawed, beautiful self—is enough.

When you understand this distinction, everything changes. Your relationships become richer because they’re based on genuine connection rather than convenient transaction. Your energy increases because you’re no longer constantly depleted by others’ endless needs. Your purpose becomes clearer because you’re not drowning in everyone else’s priorities.

Most importantly, you discover what it feels like to be truly seen, appreciated, and loved for the magnificent, irreplaceable person you are—not just the handy person you can be.

As Sophie puts it now: “I used to think love was spelt H-E-L-P. Now I know it’s spelt Y-O-U M-A-T-T-E-R.”

The question isn’t whether you’ll stop being helpful—it’s whether you’ll start being intentional. Will you continue to scatter your precious energy like seed on rocky ground, or will you plant it purposefully where it can truly flourish?

Your authentic self is waiting. Your purpose is calling. And somewhere out there, people who will love you for exactly who you are—likes and dislikes, boundaries, and all—are waiting to meet the real you.

The love you seek is seeking you too. But first, you have to stop hiding behind your helpfulness long enough to be found.

Ready to discover your life purpose and transform your relationships? Explore the Purpose Pursuit Protocol for those beginning their purpose journey, or the Purpose Pivot Protocol for those ready to recalibrate. Because when you know why you’re here, you’ll know who you’re meant to be—and who’s meant to love you for it.

Ready to start again, stronger than ever before? This quiz will help you find out. It is not just about measuring where you are right now; it’s about shining a light on the areas of your life that feel meaningful, as well as those that might need attention. It’s an opportunity to reflect, recalibrate, and take steps toward a life that’s not only successful but profoundly fulfilling. Take The Quiz

“I am an experienced medical doctor – MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract cert, Transformational Life Coach (dip.) Life Story Coach (cert.) Counselling (cert.) Med Hypnotherapy (dip.) and EAGALA (cert.) I may have an impressive number of letters after my name, and more than three decades of professional experience, but what qualifies me to excel at what I do is my intuitive understanding of my clients’ difficulties and my extensive personal experience of managing major life changes using strategies I developed over many years” Dr M Montagu

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Weekly Digest 1-15 June 2025

blogpost digest

Blending soulful insight, dry wit, and hard-earned real-world wisdom, these articles offer more than just feel-good inspiration — they’re field guides for anyone who’s found themselves standing at a crossroads or stuck in a life crisis. Whether you’re navigating an empty nest, a career change, a major loss, or just a nagging sense that your life needs a rewrite, you’ll find thoughtful guidance, gentle provocation, and the occasional laugh — all aimed at helping you rediscover clarity, reclaim your purpose, and set off in a new, more aligned direction.

Ready to start again, stronger than ever before? This quiz will help you find out. It is not just about measuring where you are right now; it’s about shining a light on the areas of your life that feel meaningful, as well as those that might need attention. It’s an opportunity to reflect, recalibrate, and take steps toward a life that’s not only successful but profoundly fulfilling. Take The Quiz

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

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30 Insight-giving Films to Guide You Through Life’s Toughest Changes

30 insight-giving films

Something different for today’s blog post.

I’ve handpicked 30 films not just because they’re entertaining (though they absolutely are), but because each one offers something special for you, if you are going through a difficult time. They don’t preach or lecture; instead, they reveal subtle (or not so subtle) truths about resilience, second chances, and the beautiful messiness of being human. These stories understand that growth isn’t always pretty, that courage doesn’t always roar, and that sometimes the most profound transformations happen quietly, one small step at a time.

Each of these films demonstrates that life isn’t about having it all figured out. They celebrate the messy, uncertain, transformative moments that make us human. Grab your favourite drink, and maybe that cozy blanket that’s seen you through other tough times, and let these insight-giving films remind you that your story—yes, yours—is far from over. Sometimes we need to see other people (even fictional ones) survive their plot twists before we can imagine our own happy endings.

1. About Time (2013)
What starts as a quirky time-travel premise becomes something much deeper when Tim discovers he can relive any day. But here’s the twist: instead of using his power to become rich or famous, he learns to notice the magic hiding in ordinary Tuesday mornings and quiet conversations with his father. By the end, you’ll find yourself paying attention to the small moments that usually slip by unnoticed. It’s like having someone gently shake you awake to your own beautiful, imperfect life.

2. The Way (2010)
Martin Sheen’s character begins the ancient Camino de Santiago pilgrimage to honour his son who died, but somewhere between the blisters and the breathtaking Spanish countryside, grief transforms into something unexpected. This isn’t a religious film—it’s about the strange alchemy that happens when you put one foot in front of the other, day after day, carrying your pain until it somehow becomes lighter. Perfect for anyone who needs to believe that movement, literal or metaphorical, can be medicine.

3. Sing Street (2016)
Set against the gritty backdrop of 1980s Dublin, a teenager forms a band to impress a mysterious girl, but what unfolds is pure magic about the power of music to transport us beyond our circumstances. The songs are infectious, the performances authentic, and the message clear: sometimes creating something beautiful is the only way to survive the mess around you. You’ll leave humming the soundtrack and believing in the transformative power of artistic expression.

4. Chef (2014)
Jon Favreau’s character hits rock bottom when a food critic destroys his career, but his journey from prestigious restaurant to humble food truck becomes a delicious metaphor for rediscovering passion. Watching him reconnect with his love of cooking—and his relationship with his son—while travelling across America is pure joy. The food looks incredible, but the real feast is seeing someone remember why they fell in love with their craft in the first place.

5. Begin Again (2013)
When a disgraced music producer meets a heartbroken singer-songwriter, they create music that heals them both—and they do it by recording in surprising locations around New York City. It’s about second acts, creative partnerships, and how art can be both intensely personal and beautifully collaborative. The chemistry between the leads is electric, and the music feels authentic in a way that most music movies miss entirely.

6. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (2013)
Ben Stiller transforms from a man who lives entirely in his imagination to someone who makes his fantasies reality, and the journey takes him (and us) to some of the most stunning locations on Earth. It’s visually spectacular, but more importantly, it’s about that moment when you stop dreaming about adventure and start living it. Every daydreamer will see themselves in Walter’s transformation from observer to participant in his own life.

7. A Man Called Ove (2015)
This Swedish gem follows a curmudgeonly widower whose suicide attempts keep getting interrupted by his chaotic new neighbours—and thank goodness for that. What could have been depressing becomes hilarious and deeply moving as we learn about Ove’s past and watch his icy exterior melt. It’s proof that community can find you even when you’re doing everything possible to avoid it, and that it’s never too late to let people in.

8. Hunt for the Wilderpeople (2016)
A troubled city kid is placed with foster parents in rural New Zealand, and when circumstances force him and his gruff foster uncle to flee into the wilderness, an unlikely adventure begins. Director Taika Waititi balances humour with heart perfectly, creating a story about finding family in unexpected places. The New Zealand scenery is breathtaking, but the real beauty is watching two misfits discover they belong together.

9. Little Forest (2018)
This quiet Korean film follows a young woman who returns to her rural hometown and finds healing through the simple acts of growing, preparing, and eating seasonal food. Each meal becomes a meditation, each season a lesson in patience and renewal. It’s the antithesis of our fast-paced world—a gentle reminder that sometimes the most profound changes happen slowly, one homemade meal at a time.

10. The Peanut Butter Falcon (2019)
Zak, a young man with Down syndrome, escapes his nursing home to pursue his dream of becoming a professional wrestler, and the adventure that follows is pure heart and soul. What could have been a typical “inspirational disability” movie instead becomes a genuine buddy comedy about friendship, dreams, and the importance of being seen for who you truly are. The performances are natural and joyful, making this impossible not to love.

11. Leave No Trace (2018)
A father and teenage daughter have been living completely off-grid in a Portland forest park, and their quiet, self-sufficient life is both beautiful and haunting. When they’re discovered and forced back into society, we watch them navigate the painful tension between love and letting go. Thomasin McKenzie and Ben Foster deliver powerhouse performances in this meditation on trauma, healing, and the different ways people need to exist in the world.

12. Brooklyn (2015)
Saoirse Ronan’s Eilis leaves 1950s Ireland for Brooklyn, and her journey from homesick immigrant to confident young woman is gorgeously rendered. But when tragedy calls her back to Ireland, she must choose between the security of her past and the uncertain promise of her future. It’s a masterclass in depicting the complexity of major life decisions, especially when both choices have merit and heartbreak attached.

13. The Intouchables (2011)
When an ex-convict becomes a caregiver to a wealthy quadriplegic, their friendship defies every expectation and stereotype. What emerges is a story about two men who desperately need what the other has to offer—one needs practical help, the other needs purpose and genuine connection. It’s hilarious without mocking disability, touching without being manipulative, and absolutely joyful in its celebration of unlikely bonds.

14. Pride (2014)
Based on the incredible true story of LGBTQ+ activists who raised money for striking Welsh miners in the 1980s, this film proves that solidarity can bloom in the most unexpected places. The culture clash between London’s gay community and a traditional mining town creates both comedy and profound moments of human connection. It’s about finding allies where you least expect them and discovering that fighting for others can heal your own wounds.

15. The Farewell (2019)
When Billi’s beloved grandmother is diagnosed with terminal cancer, her family decides to hide the diagnosis—a common practice in Chinese culture but foreign to Americanized Billi. What follows is a nuanced exploration of cultural identity, family loyalty, and the different ways we express love. Awkwafina’s performance is revelatory, and the film never takes the easy way out of its complex emotional and cultural terrain.

16. Hearts Beat Loud (2018)
Frank is a record store owner facing closure and his daughter’s departure for college, so he suggests they form a band together for one last summer. What starts as a father grasping at connection becomes a beautiful exploration of how relationships evolve, how we support each other’s dreams even when they take us apart, and how music can express what words cannot. The songs are genuinely catchy, and the father-daughter dynamic feels completely authentic.

17. The Station Agent (2003)
When a man with dwarfism inherits an abandoned train station, he seeks solitude but finds himself reluctantly drawn into friendship with a talkative food vendor and a grieving artist. Peter Dinklage’s breakthrough performance anchors this quiet gem about how connection can sneak up on us when we’re not looking. It’s proof that the best friendships often happen not despite our differences, but because of them.

18. Puzzle (2018)
Agnes has spent her life as a dutiful housewife until she discovers a gift for jigsaw puzzles, which leads her to the competitive puzzling world and a partnership with a wealthy, eccentric man. Kelly MacDonald’s performance is subtle and powerful as Agnes awakens to her own intelligence and desires. It’s a celebration of late-blooming confidence and the courage to claim space for yourself, even when it disrupts everyone else’s expectations.

19. Whale Rider (2002)
Twelve-year-old Pai believes she’s destined to be her Māori tribe’s next chief, but tradition dictates the role belongs to males only. Her journey to prove herself worthy becomes a powerful story about honouring tradition while also challenging it. Keisha Castle-Hughes delivers a fierce, spiritual performance that makes you believe in the power of young people to change the world when they refuse to accept limitations.

20. The Lunchbox (2013)
In Mumbai’s famous dabba delivery system, a lunchbox mistakenly gets delivered to the wrong person, sparking a correspondence between a lonely housewife and a widowed office worker. Their relationship unfolds entirely through handwritten notes tucked into lunchboxes, creating an achingly beautiful story about connection, longing, and the courage to reach for something different. The food looks incredible, but the emotional feast is even more satisfying.

21. Tracks (2013)
Robyn Davidson’s true story of walking 1,700 miles across the Australian desert with four camels and her dog is both a stunning visual journey and a profound meditation on solitude, endurance, and self-discovery. Mia Wasikowska embodies the fierce determination of a woman who needs to strip away everything familiar to find out who she really is. The vast desert landscapes mirror the internal journey, and by the end, you’ll understand why sometimes we need to get completely lost to find ourselves.

22. Captain Fantastic (2016)
Ben Cash has raised his six children off-grid, teaching them philosophy, survival skills, and critical thinking instead of pop culture and consumerism. But when tragedy forces them into mainstream society, his idealistic parenting is put to the test. Viggo Mortensen’s performance anchors this thought-provoking film about alternative ways of living, the complexity of protecting our children, and what happens when our carefully constructed worlds collide with reality.

23. The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind (2019)
Thirteen-year-old William Kamkwamba’s village in Malawi is facing famine, but he believes a windmill could save them all. Based on Kamkwamba’s memoir, this film radiates hope and ingenuity as William uses salvaged materials and self-taught engineering to build his dream. It’s about the power of education, the resilience of the human spirit, and the reminder that innovation often comes from those who have the most to lose and the least to work with.

24. Garden State (2004)
Zach Braff’s character returns to his New Jersey hometown for his mother’s funeral, emotionally numb from years of medication and disconnection. What follows is a journey back to feeling, aided by quirky friendships and a free-spirited love interest. The film captures that particular kind of depression that feels like living underwater, and the slow, sometimes awkward process of learning to breathe again. Plus, the soundtrack is absolutely perfect.

25. Philomena (2013)
When elderly Philomena Lee finally decides to search for the son she was forced to give up fifty years earlier, she teams up with a cynical journalist for a journey that’s both heartbreaking and surprisingly funny. Judi Dench’s performance as a woman who maintains grace and humour despite profound loss is extraordinary. It’s about the persistence of mother love, the complexity of forgiveness, and the power of telling stories that have been silenced.

26. The Big Sick (2017)
Kumail Nanjiani and Emily Gordon’s real-life romance becomes a brilliant exploration of cultural expectations, family loyalty, and how crisis can either break relationships or forge them stronger. When Emily falls into a medically induced coma, Kumail must navigate his relationship with her parents while confronting his own family’s traditional expectations. It’s honest about the messiness of intercultural relationships while being genuinely hilarious and deeply moving.

27. Julie & Julia (2009)
Two women separated by decades find purpose through cooking—Julia Child mastering French cuisine in 1950s Paris, and Julie Powell blogging her way through Child’s cookbook in modern New York. Both stories celebrate the transformative power of committing to something challenging, the joy of creative expression, and how sharing our passions can connect us across time and space. Plus, watching Meryl Streep embody Julia Child is pure delight.

28. Kodachrome (2017)
When a famous photographer’s estranged son reluctantly agrees to drive him to Kansas to develop his final rolls of Kodachrome film, old wounds resurface alongside new understanding. Ed Harris and Jason Sudeikis navigate the complicated terrain of father-son relationships with authenticity and heart. It’s about the art of memory, the pain of missed opportunities, and the possibility of connection even when time is running out.

29. The Fundamentals of Caring (2016)
Ben becomes a caregiver to sarcastic, sharp-tongued Trevor, who has muscular dystrophy, and their planned road trip to see roadside attractions becomes a journey of mutual healing. Paul Rudd and Craig Roberts have fantastic chemistry, and the film balances humour with genuine emotion without ever becoming manipulative. It’s about how helping others can heal our own wounds, and how the best friendships often form when we stop trying so hard to be impressive.

30. My Octopus Teacher (2020)
Filmmaker Craig Foster’s daily dives in a South African kelp forest lead to an extraordinary relationship with a common octopus, and their connection becomes a meditation on nature, patience, and wonder. This documentary unfolds like a love story—not romantic, but deeply respectful and curious. Watching Foster learn to move through the octopus’s world with reverence and attention is a masterclass in how slowing down and paying attention can transform our understanding of everything around us.

Finding Your Way Forward

These insight-giving films remind us that transformation isn’t just possible—it’s part of being human. Every character in these stories faces uncertainty, makes mistakes, and discovers that the path forward often looks nothing like what they imagined. And that’s exactly as it should be.

If you’re navigating your own major life transition and looking for more than just movie inspiration, you might find value in structured support and community. The LifeQuake Survivors online course offers practical tools and connection with others who understand that life’s biggest disruptions often become our greatest opportunities for growth.

In a world that feels increasingly unstable — politically, economically, emotionally — what will you do when the rug is pulled out from under you? That’s why I created How to Survive a Life Quake — a 7-part online course designed to be a lifeline. This is your personal survival toolkit for uncertain times — lovingly crafted and packed with practical tools, emotional support, and soul-nourishing insights to help you stay grounded, resilient, and resourceful when everything around you feels like it’s falling apart. Don’t get caught off guard. Enrol in my How to Survive a Life Quake course, with or without additional coaching.

Remember: your story isn’t over. Sometimes it’s just time for a new chapter, and these films are here to remind you that the best plot twists are often the ones we never saw coming.

Ready to start again, stronger than ever before? This quiz will help you find out. It is not just about measuring where you are right now; it’s about shining a light on the areas of your life that feel meaningful, as well as those that might need attention. It’s an opportunity to reflect, recalibrate, and take steps toward a life that’s not only successful but profoundly fulfilling. Take The Quiz

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

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Breaking Free from People Pleasing: The Ultimate Guide to Authentic Relationships

people pleasing

The High Cost of Being Everyone’s Favourite Person – explore the emotional, financial, and psychological toll of chronic people-pleasing

Summary

Ever notice how some people seem to effortlessly attract meaningful connections while others collect relationships like unused gym memberships—lots of them, but none that actually transform their lives? This isn’t about charisma or luck. It’s about the magnetic pull of purpose. When you live from a place of authentic purpose, you naturally attract people who resonate with your values and vision, while simultaneously repelling those who were merely filling emotional voids. This article explores how purpose-driven living transforms not just what you do, but how you live your life—and why that matters more than you might think.

Deep Dive Podcast

5 Key Takeaways

  1. Purpose acts as a relationship filter: Living authentically naturally attracts aligned people and repels energy drainers
  2. People-pleasing is the enemy of meaningful connection: Performative relationships lack the depth that we need to sustain us
  3. Shared values create stronger bonds than shared circumstances: Purpose-aligned friendships weather life’s storms
  4. Authentic living requires courage to disappoint some people: Not everyone will understand your journey, and that’s okay
  5. Purpose gives you the strength to maintain boundaries: When you know your “why,” saying “no” becomes easier

The Day Everything Changed for Louise

Louise Allen had always been the “yes” woman. At 34, she was the friend who never missed a birthday party (even when she couldn’t afford the gift), the colleague who stayed late to help others with their projects, and the daughter who called her mother every single day—not because she wanted to, but because she felt she should.

Her calendar was packed, her phone constantly buzzing with requests, and her bank account reflected the financial drain of keeping everyone happy. Yet lying in bed each night, Louise felt profoundly alone. Surrounded by people, but starving for connection.

The wake-up call came on a Tuesday morning that started like any other. Louise was rushing to prepare for yet another social obligation—a baby shower for an acquaintance she barely knew—when she caught her reflection in the hallway mirror. The woman staring back looked exhausted, resentful, and somehow… hollow.

“Who am I even doing this for?” she whispered to her reflection.

The answer to that question would change everything.

The Void-Filling Epidemic

Louise’s story isn’t unique. In our hyperconnected world, we’ve become masters at collecting people rather than connecting with them. We mistake busy social calendars for meaningful relationships and confuse being needed with being valued.

But here’s the uncomfortable truth: when you live without purpose, you attract relationships based on convenience, neediness, or mutual dysfunction rather than genuine compatibility. You become a void-filler for others, and they become void-fillers for you.

“The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships,” says relationship expert Dr. John Gottman. But what determines the quality of your relationships? Your relationship with yourself—specifically, your understanding of who you are and why you’re here.

The Purpose Paradox

Here’s where it gets interesting: the moment you start living from purpose, you begin to make people uncomfortable. Not because you’re doing anything wrong, but because authentic living holds up a mirror to those who aren’t.

When Louise finally discovered her purpose—helping other women break free from financial codependency through financial literacy education—something remarkable happened. Some friends cheered her on. Others… didn’t.

“I lost three friendships in the first six months,” Louise recalls. “These were people I’d known for years, but the moment I stopped being available for their drama and started focusing on my mission, they accused me of ‘changing’ and ‘thinking I was too good for them.'”

Louise had indeed changed. She’d stopped being a supporting character in other people’s stories and started being the protagonist of her own.

The Magnetic Pull of Authenticity

When you live from purpose, something magical happens: you start attracting people who resonate with your values and vision. It’s not about becoming perfect or having all the answers. It’s about becoming real.

Purpose acts like a tuning fork. When you’re vibrating at your authentic frequency, you attract people who harmonise with that energy. The relationships that form aren’t based on what you can do for each other, but on who you are together.

Louise discovered this firsthand when she started her financial coaching practice. “I began attracting clients who weren’t just looking for quick fixes,” she explains. “They were women who wanted to transform their entire relationship with money. We were aligned in purpose, and the work we did together went so much deeper than I ever imagined possible.”

The Death of People-Pleasing

Perhaps the most liberating aspect of purpose-driven living is how it naturally dissolves people-pleasing tendencies. When you know your “why,” you develop an internal compass that guides your decisions. You stop asking “What will make others happy?” and start asking “What serves my purpose?”

This isn’t selfishness—it’s self-stewardship. As flight attendants remind us, you must put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you can’t give what you don’t have.

“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek,” wrote Joseph Campbell. For many of us, that cave is the fear of disappointing others. But on the other side of that fear lies authentic connection.

The Ripple Effect of Authentic Living

Living from purpose doesn’t just change who you attract—it changes who you become in relationships. When you’re not performing or people-pleasing, you show up as your full self. This gives others permission to do the same.

Louise noticed this shift in her marriage. “For years, I’d been the ‘easy’ wife who never complained or made waves. But as I started living more authentically, I also started communicating more honestly. My husband initially struggled with this change, but ultimately our relationship became so much stronger. We stopped being polite roommates and became real partners.”

The Courage to Disappoint

One of the hardest parts of purpose-driven living is accepting that not everyone will understand or support your journey. Some people will feel threatened by your growth. Others will try to pull you back into old patterns. A few might even get angry.

This is normal. As author Glennon Doyle writes, “We can disappoint people and still be good people. We can disappoint people and still be worthy of love.”

The key is distinguishing between disappointing people and being disappointing. When you live from purpose, you may disappoint those who want you to remain small, but you’ll inspire those who are ready to grow alongside you.

Building Your Purpose-Aligned Tribe

So how do you cultivate relationships that align with your purpose? It starts with clarity about who you are and what you stand for.

First, get clear on your values. What principles guide your decisions? What kind of impact do you want to have? When you’re crystal clear on your values, you can easily identify others who share them.

Second, be willing to go first. Share your struggles, your dreams, and your authentic self. Vulnerability is magnetic to the right people and repulsive to the wrong ones. It’s the ultimate relationship filter.

Third, invest in growth-oriented relationships. Seek out people who challenge you to become better while accepting you as you are. These are the relationships that will weather life’s storms.

Fourth, practice conscious relationship curation. Just as you might declutter your closet, periodically assess your relationships. Which ones energise you? Which ones drain you? Which ones align with where you’re going versus where you’ve been?

The Purpose Discovery Journey

If you’re reading this and thinking, “This sounds amazing, but I’m not sure what my purpose is,” you’re not alone. Many people struggle with purpose clarity, which is why I’ve developed two specialised programs to help:

The Purpose Pursuit Protocol is designed for those who haven’t yet discovered their life purpose. Through a series of guided exercises, reflections, and practical tools, you’ll uncover your unique gifts, values, and mission. Just as intermittent fasting helps you distinguish between true hunger and habitual eating, this protocol helps you distinguish between authentic calling and societal expectations.

The Purpose Pursuit Protocol – if you want to discover your life purpose, this course will provide you with the clarity, motivation and direction you need to manifest your next chapter – in both your personal and professional life. Get immediate access

The Purpose Pivot Protocol is for those who need to recalibrate their life purpose. Maybe you’ve outgrown your current path, or life circumstances have shifted your priorities. This program helps you navigate the transition with grace and clarity, much like how intermittent fasting helps your body adapt to new rhythms.

The Purpose Pivot Protocol – drawing inspiration from the Camino de Santiago, this transformative course guides you through a proven framework to recalibrate your authentic purpose and create a meaningful and fulfilling second act. Get immediate access

Both programs recognise that discovering or rediscovering your purpose isn’t a one-time event—it’s an ongoing journey that requires support, tools, and community.

The Transformation Continues

Today, Louise’s life looks dramatically different. Her calendar is less packed but more meaningful. Her relationships are fewer but deeper. Her bank account is healthier because she’s no longer funding everyone else’s happiness at the expense of her own financial security.

“I used to think being needed was the same as being loved,” Louise reflects. “Now I know that being truly seen and valued for who I am is so much better than being needed for what I can do.”

Her financial coaching practice has flourished, not because she’s the most qualified person in the field, but because she serves from a place of authentic purpose. Her clients don’t just learn about money—they learn about themselves. They don’t just change their spending habits—they change their lives.

The Uncomfortable Truth About Growth

Here’s what no one tells you about purpose-driven living: it’s not always comfortable. There will be moments when you question whether you’re doing the right thing. There will be people who don’t understand your choices. There will be times when the old, people-pleasing version of yourself seems easier.

But here’s what I’ve learned from working with people defining their purpose: the discomfort of growth is always preferable to the pain of staying stuck.

As Maya Angelou once said, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” Your purpose is your untold story. The relationships you build around that story will be the most meaningful of your life.

5 Frequently Asked Questions

Q: What if I lose my friends when I start living more authentically? A: Losing friends who only liked the inauthentic version of you isn’t actually a loss—it’s a liberation. True friends will support your growth, even if they don’t fully understand it. Quality over quantity always wins in relationships.

Q: How do I know if I’m being true to my purpose or just being selfish? A: Purpose-driven living serves both yourself and others. If your choices consistently harm others or ignore their reasonable needs, you might be using “purpose” as an excuse for selfishness. True purpose elevates everyone it touches.

Q: What if my family doesn’t support my purpose-driven choices? A: Family relationships can be the most challenging to navigate when you’re changing. Start with small boundaries and clear communication. Show them through your actions, not just words, how living authentically makes you a better person to be around.

Q: How long does it take to attract purpose-aligned relationships? A: There’s no set timeline, but most people notice shifts within 3-6 months of living more authentically. Remember, this isn’t about quickly finding new people—it’s about slowly becoming the kind of person who naturally attracts meaningful connections.

Q: Can I still maintain some relationships that aren’t perfectly aligned with my purpose? A: Absolutely! Not every relationship needs to be soul-deep. You can maintain casual friendships and family relationships while being selective about where you invest your deepest energy. The key is conscious choice rather than default acceptance.

The Journey Forward

Living from purpose isn’t about perfection—it’s about alignment. It’s about making choices that honour who you are and who you’re becoming. It’s about having the courage to disappoint some people so you can truly serve others.

Your purpose is waiting for you. Your tribe is waiting for you. The question isn’t whether you’re worthy of meaningful relationships built on authentic connection—you absolutely are. The question is whether you’re ready to do the inner work necessary to attract them.

As Louise discovered, the path to meaningful relationships doesn’t start with finding the right people—it starts with becoming the right person. When you live from purpose, you don’t just change your life; you change the lives of everyone around you.

The magnetic pull of purpose is real. The question is: are you ready to feel it?

Ready to discover or recalibrate your life purpose? Join hundreds of others who have transformed their relationships through authentic living. Learn more about The Purpose Pursuit Protocol and The Purpose Pivot Protocol, and start your journey toward purpose-driven relationships today.

“I am an experienced medical doctor – MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract cert, Transformational Life Coach (dip.) Life Story Coach (cert.) Counselling (cert.) Med Hypnotherapy (dip.) and EAGALA (cert.) I may have an impressive number of letters after my name, and more than three decades of professional experience, but what qualifies me to excel at what I do is my intuitive understanding of my clients’ difficulties and my extensive personal experience of managing major life changes using strategies I developed over many years” Dr M Montagu

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How Knowing Your Purpose Unlocks the Floodgates of Creativity

creativity

From Corporate Burnout to Creative Breakthrough: The Missing Link Between Purpose and Innovation

Bite-sized Summary

Ever wondered why some days you’re creatively unstoppable while other days you feel like you’re drowning in mud? The solution might be simpler than you think. This article explores how discovering your life’s purpose acts as the ultimate creative catalyst, transforming blocked energy into flowing inspiration. Through the compelling story of Ella Mortimer’s transformation from corporate burnout to creative powerhouse, practical exercises, and actionable insights, you’ll discover how purpose and creativity can strengthen each other.

5 Key Takeaways

  1. Purpose acts as creative GPS – Without direction, creative energy scatters; with purpose, it flows like a river toward its destination
  2. Creative blocks often signal misaligned purpose – When what you’re creating doesn’t match who you are, resistance is inevitable
  3. Authenticity amplifies creative output – Work aligned with your values produces more innovative and impactful results
  4. Purpose provides creative courage – Knowing your “why” gives you the confidence to take bold, creative risks
  5. Regular purpose check-ins prevent creative stagnation – Like tuning an instrument, purpose needs periodic adjustment to keep creativity flowing

Picture this: You’re sitting at your desk, cursor blinking mockingly at you from a blank page. Your creative well feels drier than a comedian’s sense of humour at a funeral. Sound familiar? Now imagine that same cursor, but this time it’s practically vibrating with possibility, your fingers dancing across the keys as ideas flow like champagne at a New Year’s party. What changed? You discovered your purpose.

The Creative Paradox We All Face

Here’s something that’ll make you scratch your head: We live in the most creatively abundant time in human history, yet creative block has become as common as people who don’t use their turn signals. We have infinite tools, endless inspiration, and more opportunities than ever before. So why do so many of us feel creatively constipated?

The answer lies in a profound yet overlooked truth: Creativity without purpose is like a sports car without a destination – lots of power, nowhere meaningful to go.

Ella’s Story: From Corporate Zombie to Creative Dynamo

Let me tell you about Ella Mortimer, a 34-year-old marketing executive who embodied this creative paradox perfectly. For eight years, Ella climbed the corporate ladder with the enthusiasm of someone climbing toward their own execution. She was successful by every external measure – corner office, impressive salary, team of twelve – yet felt creatively bankrupt.

“I had all the resources in the world,” Ella recalls, “state-of-the-art design software, unlimited budget for campaigns, a talented team. But every morning felt like trying to squeeze water from a stone. I’d sit in brainstorming sessions feeling like a fraud, nodding along while internally screaming ‘Is this it?'”

Ella’s creative block wasn’t about lacking skills or tools. She was drowning in them. Her block was existential – she had no idea why she was creating what she was creating, beyond paying bills and climbing ladders that led to more of the same.

The turning point came during what Ella calls her “bathroom breakdown” – a moment of clarity that struck while she was hiding in the office restroom (because apparently, profound insights don’t wait for convenient locations).

“I realised I was pouring my creative energy into selling products I didn’t believe in, to people I didn’t understand, for reasons that had nothing to do with who I actually was,” she says. “It was like trying to write a love letter in a language you don’t speak.”

That breakdown became a breakthrough. Ella began what she calls her “purpose archaeology” – digging deep into what truly mattered to her. She discovered her authentic purpose: helping small businesses tell their stories in ways that create genuine community connections.

The transformation was immediate and dramatic. “It was like someone had been holding a dam back in my mind, and suddenly it burst,” Ella explains. “Ideas flooded in faster than I could capture them. I’d wake up at 3 AM, scribbling campaign concepts on the title page of the book I’d been reading.”

Within six months, Ella had launched her own boutique agency. Within two years, she’d helped over 200 small businesses find their voice and build meaningful customer relationships. Her creative output didn’t just increase – it exploded.

The Science Behind Purpose-Driven Creativity

Ella’s experience isn’t just feel-good inspiration – it’s backed by fascinating research. Neuroscientist Dr. Antonio Damasio’s work reveals that our brains are wired to create more efficiently when our actions align with our core values and sense of purpose.

“When we engage in purpose-driven activities, the brain releases a cocktail of neurochemicals including dopamine, norepinephrine, and endorphins,” explains Dr. Damasio. “This chemical symphony doesn’t just make us feel good – it literally enhances cognitive function, pattern recognition, and innovative thinking.”

Think of purpose as your brain’s preferred operating system. When you’re aligned with your purpose, you’re running on the neurological equivalent of high-octane fuel. When you’re not, you’re trying to run premium software on a potato.

Why Purpose Is Creativity’s Best Friend

1. Purpose Provides Direction

Imagine trying to navigate without a compass. You might walk for miles, but you’ll likely end up wandering in circles, exhausted and no closer to where you want to be. Creativity without purpose follows the same frustrating pattern.

“Creativity is not just about having ideas,” notes creativity researcher Dr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. “It’s about having ideas that matter, that serve something larger than immediate gratification.”

When you know your purpose, creative decisions become clearer. Instead of asking “What should I create?” you ask “How can I create something that serves my purpose?” This shift transforms overwhelming possibility into focused potential.

2. Purpose Breaks Through Perfectionism

Here’s something perfectionism doesn’t want you to know: It’s not actually about creating perfect work. It’s about avoiding the vulnerability of creating authentic work. When you’re clear on your purpose, perfectionism loses its grip because you’re focused on serving something larger than your ego.

Ella experienced this firsthand: “When I was creating for corporate clients, I’d agonize over every detail because I had no idea what ‘good enough’ meant. But when I started creating for my purpose, I knew exactly when something was ready – when it effectively served the small businesses I was trying to help.”

3. Purpose Provides Creative Courage

Creating anything meaningful requires courage – the courage to risk failure, criticism, and the uncomfortable possibility that your work might not land as intended. Purpose provides this courage by giving you something worth risking for.

“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek,” wrote mythologist Joseph Campbell. Purpose helps you identify which caves are worth entering.

Exercise 1: The Creative Archaeology Dig

Time for some hands-on purpose detection. Grab a pen and paper (or your device of choice) and dig into these questions:

  1. Peak Creative Moments: Think of three times when you felt most creatively alive. What were you creating? For whom? What impact did it have?
  2. Energy Mapping: List your recent creative projects. Rate each on a scale of 1-10 for how energised you felt while working on it. What patterns do you notice?
  3. Values Alignment: What are your top five values? How do your current creative projects reflect (or fail to reflect) these values?
  4. Impact Visualisation: If you could wave a magic wand and create something that would positively impact 1,000 people, what would it be?
  5. The Deathbed Test: When you’re 95 and looking back on your creative life, what would you regret not creating?

Take your time with this exercise. Pour yourself something delicious, put on music that makes you feel expansive, and let your answers surprise you.

Exercise 2: The Purpose-Creativity Connection Map

This exercise helps you visualise how your purpose connects to your creative potential:

  1. Draw Your Purpose Core: In the centre of a large piece of paper, write your emerging sense of purpose (even if it’s still fuzzy).
  2. Add Creative Branches: Draw branches extending from your purpose core. On each branch, write different ways you could express this purpose creatively.
  3. Resource Mapping: Around each branch, note what resources, skills, or support you’d need to pursue that creative expression.
  4. Energy Assessment: Use colours to indicate which branches excite you most (green), which feel neutral (yellow), and which drain your energy (red).
  5. Next Steps: Circle the green branches that feel most accessible right now. These are your creative starting points.

The Four Stages of Purpose-Driven Creativity

Stage 1: Creative Confusion

You have creative impulses but no clear direction. Everything feels equally important or unimportant. This is where most people get stuck, mistaking motion for progress.

Stage 2: Purpose Glimpses

You start catching glimpses of what matters to you. Your creativity becomes more focused, but inconsistently. You’re learning to distinguish between creating for external validation versus internal alignment.

Stage 3: Purpose Alignment

Your creative work begins by consistently reflecting your values and goals. You develop what I call “purpose intuition” – the ability to quickly assess whether a creative opportunity aligns with your deeper intentions.

Stage 4: Purpose Mastery

You’ve integrated purpose so deeply that creativity flows naturally from who you are. You create not because you have to, but because you can’t not create. This is where Ella eventually landed.

Exercise 3: The Creative Energy Audit

This exercise helps you identify what’s currently blocking or boosting your creative energy:

Creative Energy Drains (Be brutally honest):

  • Projects that feel meaningless
  • Creating for audiences you don’t understand or care about
  • Work that contradicts your values
  • Creative environments that stifle authenticity
  • Comparing your work to others

Creative Energy Boosters:

  • Projects that align with your values
  • Creating for people you genuinely want to help
  • Work that lets you be authentically yourself
  • Environments that encourage experimentation
  • Focus on your unique creative voice

Now, audit your current creative life. What percentage of your creative energy goes to drains versus boosters? This ratio directly correlates with your creative output and satisfaction.

The Ripple Effect of Purpose-Driven Creativity

When Ella aligned her creativity with her purpose, something magical happened that she didn’t expect: Her work began creating ripple effects far beyond her immediate goals.

“I started noticing that the small businesses I helped weren’t just getting better marketing,” she explains. “They were becoming more connected to their own communities, creating jobs, and inspiring other entrepreneurs. My creative work was creating creative work in others.”

This is the multiplier effect of purpose-driven creativity. When you create from a place of authentic purpose, your work doesn’t just accomplish your immediate goals – it inspires others to pursue their own purposeful creativity.

Common Purpose-Creativity Myths Debunked

Myth 1: “Purpose must be grandiose” Reality: Purpose can be as simple as making people smile, solving everyday problems, or bringing beauty into ordinary moments.

Myth 2: “Purpose never changes” Reality: Purpose evolves as you grow. What mattered in your twenties might not resonate in your forties, and that’s perfectly normal.

Myth 3: “Creative success requires sacrificing purpose” Reality: The most sustainably successful creators are those whose work aligns with their deeper values and goals.

Myth 4: “Purpose-driven work pays less” Reality: While it might pay differently, purpose-aligned work often leads to greater long-term financial success because it’s more sustainable and authentic.

The Purpose Recalibration Process

Even when you think you’ve found your purpose, creative energy can still get blocked. This usually signals that your purpose needs recalibration – not replacement, but refinement.

Signs you need purpose recalibration:

  • Previously exciting projects now feel routine
  • You’re going through creative motions without emotional investment
  • Your work feels disconnected from who you’re becoming
  • You’re creating the same things in the same ways

The solution isn’t to throw everything out and start over. It’s to tune your purpose like you’d tune a guitar – making small adjustments that restore harmony.

The Purpose Pivot Protocol – drawing inspiration from the Camino de Santiago, this transformative course guides you through a proven framework to recalibrate your authentic purpose and create a meaningful and fulfilling second act. Get immediate access

Your Next Creative Chapter

Here’s what I want you to remember: Your creative block isn’t a character flaw, a lack of talent, or evidence that you’re not meant to create. It’s often your inner wisdom trying to tell you something important about alignment.

Ella’s story isn’t unique – it’s universal. Thousands of people are discovering that their creative struggles weren’t about lacking ideas or skills, but about lacking clarity on why those ideas and skills mattered.

“Once I knew my why,” Ella reflects, “the how became obvious, and the what became endless.”

Your creative energy is already there, waiting behind the dam of unclear purpose. The question isn’t whether you have enough creativity – it’s whether you’re ready to discover what you’re meant to create it for.

The Purpose Pursuit Protocol – if you want to discover your life purpose, this course will provide you with the clarity, motivation and direction you need to manifest your next chapter – in both your personal and professional life. Get immediate access

Frequently Asked Questions

Q1: What if I discover my purpose but it requires creative skills I don’t have? Skills can be learned, but purpose can’t be manufactured. Once you’re clear on your purpose, you’ll be amazed how quickly you can develop the skills needed to serve it. Purpose provides the motivation that makes skill development feel less like work and more like play.

Q2: How do I know if I’ve found my “real” purpose or just something that sounds good? Your body knows before your mind does. Real purpose feels like coming home – there’s a sense of relief, excitement, and rightness that you can’t fake. Purpose that’s just conceptually appealing but not authentically yours will feel forced, even if it sounds impressive.

Q3: What if my purpose doesn’t seem creative enough? Every purpose can be expressed creatively. Whether you’re called to help people, solve problems, or create beauty, there are countless creative ways to manifest that calling. The creativity isn’t in the purpose itself – it’s in how you choose to express it.

Q4: Can you have multiple purposes, and if so, how do you prioritise creatively? Yes, you can have multiple purposes, but usually one serves as your primary driver, with others supporting it. Think of it like a symphony – you have a main theme with supporting melodies. Your creative energy flows best when there’s a clear hierarchy.

Q5: What if my purpose changes? Does that mean I wasted time on previous creative work? Purpose evolution is growth, not failure. Previous creative work often provides the foundation and skills for your next chapter. Nothing is wasted – it’s all preparation for what’s coming next.

Conclusion

The relationship between purpose and creativity isn’t just philosophical – it’s profoundly practical. When you align your creative energy with your authentic purpose, you don’t just create more effectively; you create more meaningfully. You move from asking “What should I create?” to “How can I serve what matters most to me through my creativity?”

Ella Mortimer’s transformation from creatively blocked corporate executive to purpose-driven creative entrepreneur isn’t just inspiring – it’s instructive. It shows us that our creative struggles often aren’t about lacking talent, time, or tools. They’re about lacking clarity on why our creativity matters.

Your creative energy is already there, vast and waiting. The question isn’t whether you have enough creativity – it’s whether you’re ready to discover what you’re meant to create it for.

The dam is ready to break. Are you ready for the flood?

Ready to discover your creative catalyst? Join us in The Purpose Pursuit Protocol if you’re still searching for your life’s direction, or The Purpose Pivot Protocol if you need to recalibrate your existing purpose. Because life’s too short to create without conviction, and your creativity is too valuable to waste on purposes that aren’t truly yours.

“I am an experienced medical doctor – MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract cert, Transformational Life Coach (dip.) Life Story Coach (cert.) Counselling (cert.) Med Hypnotherapy (dip.) and EAGALA (cert.) I may have an impressive number of letters after my name, and more than three decades of professional experience, but what qualifies me to excel at what I do is my intuitive understanding of my clients’ difficulties and my extensive personal experience of managing major life changes using strategies I developed over many years” Dr M Montagu

References

Tobore TO. On creativity and meaning: The intricate relationship between creativity and meaning in life and creativity as the means to repay existential debt. Commun Integr Biol. 2025 Mar 30;18(1):2484526.

Sawyer, R.K. (2006). Explaining Creativity: The Science of Human Innovation. New York: Oxford University Press.

Keith, M. G., & Jagacinski, C. M. (2023). Tell Me What To Do Not How To Do It: Influence of Creative Outcome and Process Goals on Creativity. The Journal of Creative Behavior, 57(2), 285-304.

Tan CY, Chuah CQ, Lee ST, Tan CS. Being Creative Makes You Happier: The Positive Effect of Creativity on Subjective Well-Being. Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2021 Jul 6;18(14):7244.

Sternberg, R.J., Grigorenko, E.L., Singer, J.L. (Eds.). (2004). Creativity: From Potential to Realization. Washington, DC: APA.

Sato, K., Yang, K., & Ueda, K. (2024). Impact of the quality and diversity of reference products on creative activities in online communities. Scientific Reports, 14(1), 1-12.

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The Purpose-Driven Antidote to Procrastination: Why Knowing Your “Why” Is the Ultimate Productivity Hack

procrastination antidote

Procrastination is a symptom, not a disease

Summary

Ever wonder why some people seem to glide through their to-do lists while you’re stuck procrastinating while refreshing social media for the fifteenth time today? The secret isn’t better time management apps or fancy productivity systems—it’s having a crystal-clear sense of life purpose. This article explores how discovering your deeper “why” transforms procrastination from a paralysing force into ancient history. Through real stories, mind-blowing insights, and practical wisdom, you’ll discover why purpose isn’t just nice-to-have spiritual fluff, but the most powerful productivity tool you’ve ever properly used. Get ready to stop scrolling and start soaring.

5 Key Takeaways

  1. Procrastination is often a symptom, not the disease – Instead of fighting the resistance, get curious about what it’s trying to tell you about alignment with your deeper values
  2. Purpose acts as natural fuel – When you’re working toward something meaningful, motivation becomes less of a daily struggle and more of an automatic response
  3. Clarity eliminates decision paralysis – A clear sense of purpose makes it easier to distinguish between opportunities that serve your mission and distractions that don’t
  4. Boring tasks become bearable – Even mundane activities feel different when you can connect them to your bigger vision and values
  5. Community accelerates progress – Purpose attracts like-minded people who support your journey, creating positive momentum that makes procrastination less likely

You know that feeling when you’re supposed to be working on something important, but instead you find yourself deep down a Wikipedia rabbit hole about the medieval siege weapons you want to feature in your next book? (Just me? Okay, fine—but you get the idea.) We’ve all been there, paralysed by the gap between what we know we should do and what we actually want to do. Procrastination is NOT a character flaw, a time management problem, or evidence that you lack willpower. It’s often a symptom of something much deeper—a disconnect from your true life purpose.

Picture this: Two people receive the same assignment to write a quarterly report. Person A groans, opens seventeen browser tabs, reorganises their desk three times, and somehow ends up watching TikTok videos about office plants. Person B sits down and gets straight to work, finishing in half the time. What’s the difference? Person B sees that report as a stepping stone toward their bigger vision of becoming a department leader who drives meaningful change. Person A just sees… well, a boring report that nobody will probably read anyway.

This is the power of purpose-driven action, and it’s about to change everything you thought you knew about productivity.

The Day Everything Changed: Silvia’s Story

Sylvia Morrison had always been what you’d call a “chronic procrastinator.” The kind of person who would clean her entire apartment rather than tackle that one important project. Her desk was pristine, her email inbox was at zero (she’d mastered the art of organising emails instead of answering them), and she could sort a closet like nobody’s business. But when it came to the work that actually mattered—advancing her career, pursuing her dreams, or making meaningful progress on personal goals—she was stuck in what felt like quicksand.

For three years, Sylvia had been talking about starting her own graphic design consultancy. She had the skills, the connections, and even a small nest egg saved up. Yet every time she sat down to work on her business plan, she’d find herself researching competitors for hours without writing a single word, or suddenly deciding that this was the perfect moment to reorganise her digital photo library from 2019.

The breaking point came on a rainy Tuesday morning in March. Sylvia was sitting in her cubicle at the marketing agency where she’d been working for six years, staring at a brief for yet another generic corporate brochure. Her boss had just piled three more “urgent” projects on her desk—all variations of work she could do in her sleep, none of which excited her even slightly. As she looked around at her colleagues, she realised something that hit her like a cold splash of water: she was watching her life tick by in 15-minute increments of uninspiring work.

That night, Sylvia did something she’d never done before. Instead of diving into another productivity system or downloading a new task management app, she asked herself a different question: “What would I regret not doing if I only had five years left to live?”

The answer came immediately, with startling clarity: she would regret not using her creative talents to help small businesses tell their authentic stories through design. She would regret not building something meaningful of her own. She would regret playing it safe while her dreams gathered dust in the “someday” pile.

Something shifted in that moment. For the first time in years, Sylvia felt a surge of energy that had nothing to do with caffeine. She opened her laptop and, instead of falling down the usual rabbit holes of distraction, she started writing. Not a perfect business plan—just honest thoughts about why this mattered to her. Why small businesses deserve beautiful, affordable design, why she wanted to be the person who helped passionate entrepreneurs look as professional as they felt inside.

Over the next six months, something remarkable happened. The same woman who used to spend three hours “preparing to prepare” for important tasks was suddenly waking up excited to work on her business. She found herself staying up late—not scrolling social media, but sketching logo concepts and reaching out to potential clients. The procrastination that had plagued her for years simply… disappeared.

It wasn’t that the work became easier. If anything, building a business involved more uncertainty, more rejection, and more complex problems than her corporate job ever had. But now every challenge felt like a puzzle worth solving rather than an obstacle to avoid. When she faced setbacks—like losing her first big client or struggling with pricing strategies—she didn’t retreat into distraction. Instead, she leaned in, because each problem solved brought her closer to the vision that now burned bright in her mind.

By December, Sylvia had not only launched her consultancy but had already landed five clients and was booked solid for the next three months. More importantly, she woke up each morning with a sense of direction she’d never experienced before. The woman who once procrastinated on everything now had friends asking for her secrets to staying motivated.

“The weird thing,” Sylvia told me over coffee recently, “is that I didn’t actually change my habits that much. I still use the same planning tools, I still work from the same desk. But now when I sit down to work, I’m not fighting against myself anymore. I’m working toward something that matters deeply to me, and that makes all the difference.”

Sylvia’s transformation wasn’t about finding the perfect productivity hack or developing superhuman willpower. It was about connecting with her deeper purpose—and discovering that when you’re aligned with your true calling, procrastination becomes largely irrelevant.

The Psychology Behind Purpose-Driven Action

Here’s what researchers have discovered about the relationship between purpose and procrastination: when people have a clear sense of meaning behind their actions, they experience what psychologists call “intrinsic motivation”—the kind that comes from within rather than from external rewards or pressures. This internal drive is infinitely more sustainable than willpower, which research shows depletes throughout the day like a muscle that gets tired.

Dr. Angela Duckworth, author of “Grit,” puts it this way: “Passion for your work is a little bit of discovery, followed by a lot of development, and then a lifetime of deepening.” When you’re passionate about where you’re headed, the daily tasks required to get there stop feeling like chores and start feeling like investments in your future self.

But here’s where it gets really interesting: purpose doesn’t just make tasks more appealing—it actually changes how your brain processes them. Neuroscience research shows that when we connect our actions to meaningful outcomes, the brain’s reward system activates differently. Instead of requiring constant external motivation, purpose-driven activities trigger the release of dopamine—the same neurotransmitter associated with anticipation and pleasure.

Think about it this way: procrastination often happens when the gap between short-term effort and long-term benefit feels too wide to bridge. Your brain, wired to prioritise immediate survival, chooses the easy dopamine hit of checking your phone over the delayed gratification of working toward a distant goal. But when that distant goal becomes emotionally vivid and personally meaningful—when you can practically taste the life you’re building—your brain starts treating it as an immediate reward worth pursuing.

This is why people can stay up all night working on passion projects without feeling drained, while thirty minutes of mandatory paperwork feels like torture. It’s not about the difficulty of the task; it’s about the meaning behind it.

The Procrastination-Purpose Connection: Why We Choose Delay

Most advice about procrastination focuses on the symptoms: poor time management, lack of focus, perfectionism, or fear of failure. But what if procrastination is actually your inner wisdom trying to tell you something important? What if that resistance you feel isn’t a character flaw, but valuable information about alignment?

Consider this: when was the last time you procrastinated on something you were genuinely excited about? When you got tickets to see your favourite band, did you put off going to the concert? When you planned a vacation to somewhere you’d always dreamed of visiting, did you delay booking your flights? Probably not.

The truth is, we rarely procrastinate on things that align with our deepest values and desires. We procrastinate on things that feel meaningless, imposed from the outside, or disconnected from who we really are. That quarterly report that Person A kept avoiding? Their procrastination might have been their psyche’s way of saying, “This doesn’t serve your highest purpose.”

Psychologist Dr. Timothy Pychyl, who has spent decades studying procrastination, notes: “Procrastination is an emotion regulation problem, not a time management problem.” We delay tasks that make us feel bad—bored, anxious, resentful, or disconnected. But when we can link those same tasks to something that makes us feel alive and purposeful, the emotional landscape changes entirely.

This doesn’t mean you’ll never have to do boring tasks again (sorry, taxes still exist). But it does mean that when you’re clear on your deeper purpose, even mundane activities can be reframed as meaningful steps toward your bigger vision. That networking event stops being “ugh, small talk with strangers” and becomes “an opportunity to meet potential collaborators for my mission.” That financial planning session transforms from “boring number-crunching” to “securing the foundation for my dream life.”

The Four Pillars of Purpose-Driven Productivity

1. Clarity Creates Momentum

When you’re crystal clear about your life’s direction, decision-making becomes dramatically simpler. Instead of weighing every option against vague notions of “success” or “shoulds,” you have a North Star to guide you. Does this opportunity move you toward your purpose or away from it? Does this task align with your values or contradict them? The clearer your purpose, the easier these choices become.

This clarity eliminates what researchers call “decision fatigue”—the mental exhaustion that comes from making too many choices throughout the day. When you know where you’re headed, you spend less energy debating whether to take action and more energy actually taking it.

2. Purpose Transforms Pain Points

Every meaningful pursuit involves obstacles, setbacks, and plain old boring work. The difference between people who push through and those who give up often comes down to how they frame these challenges. When you’re connected to your deeper purpose, difficulties become plot points in your story rather than reasons to quit.

As Viktor Frankl wrote in “Man’s Search for Meaning”: “Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how.'” This principle applies beautifully to procrastination. When you know why you’re doing something—really know it, at a gut level—the how becomes much more manageable.

3. Natural Accountability Systems

Purpose creates its own accountability. When you’re working toward something that genuinely matters to you, you don’t need external systems to keep you on track (though they can certainly help). You become naturally invested in your own progress because the outcome is personally meaningful.

This internal accountability is far more sustainable than external pressure. It’s the difference between exercising because your doctor said you should versus exercising because you want to be healthy enough to play with your grandchildren. Same activity, completely different motivational foundation.

4. Community and Connection

When you’re clear about your purpose, you naturally attract others who share similar values and goals. This isn’t just nice for networking—it’s crucial for maintaining momentum. Purpose-driven people tend to surround themselves with others who support their vision, creating a positive feedback loop that makes procrastination less likely and progress more inevitable.

Practical Steps to Uncover Your Anti-Procrastination Purpose

Start by Eliminating Resistance

Instead of fighting procrastination, get curious about it. What tasks do you consistently avoid? What themes emerge? Are you procrastinating on creative work because you’re afraid of being judged? Are you delaying financial planning because you’re not sure what you’re working toward? Your procrastination patterns often contain clues about what’s missing from your sense of purpose.

The Regret Test

Ask yourself: “What would I regret not attempting if I had unlimited courage and resources?” This question bypasses practical concerns and connects you with your deeper desires. Often, the things we’d regret not trying are precisely the areas where we procrastinate most—because they matter to us deeply, and that makes them feel riskier.

Values Archaeology

Dig into moments when you felt most alive and engaged. What were you doing? What values were you expressing? What impact were you having? These peak experiences often contain seeds of purpose that can transform how you approach daily tasks.

The Energy Audit

Notice what activities give you energy versus what drains you. While we all have to do some energy-draining tasks, people with a clear purpose often find that even challenging work can be energising when it’s aligned with their deeper mission.

When Purpose Meets Practice: Creating Your Protocol

Understanding the connection between purpose and procrastination is powerful, but transformation happens when understanding meets action. This is where having a structured approach—a personal protocol for translating purpose into daily practices—becomes invaluable.

“Successful people don’t just stumble upon their purpose; they actively cultivate it through reflection, experimentation, and refinement. They create systems that help them stay connected to their “why” even when life gets chaotic or motivation wanes.” Dr Margaretha Montagu

Think of it like having a personal GPS for your life decisions. Just as you wouldn’t drive across the country without a map, navigating toward your biggest goals becomes much more efficient when you have a clear protocol for staying aligned with your deeper purpose.

How Purpose Transforms Every Aspect of Your Life

When Sylvia finally connected with her true purpose, the changes extended far beyond her work life. She found herself procrastinating less on household tasks because she reframed them as creating a peaceful environment for her creative work. She stopped putting off difficult conversations because she saw them as investments in the authentic relationships that would support her journey. Even mundane activities like grocery shopping became opportunities to practice the mindfulness and intentionality she wanted to bring to her business.

This is the hidden power of purpose-driven living: it doesn’t just solve the procrastination problem in one area of your life—it creates a domino effect that fine-tunes everything. When you’re clear on what matters most to you, it becomes easier to align all your choices with that vision.

Having a purpose is of such primordial importance to me, that I have created two “Define Your Life Purpose” Mentoring Programs: The Purpuse Pursuit Protocol is for you if you are still searching for your life purpose, and the Purpose Pivot Protocol – perfect if you have a life purpose that needs adjusting.

As motivational speaker Simon Sinek puts it: “People don’t buy what you do; they buy why you do it.” This principle applies beautifully to your relationship with yourself. When you buy into your own “why”—when you truly believe in the vision you’re working toward—your future self becomes the most compelling accountability partner you could ask for.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: What if I’m not sure what my life purpose is yet? A: That’s completely normal! Purpose isn’t something you discover in a single “aha!” moment—it’s something you uncover through experimentation and reflection. Start by paying attention to what energizes you versus what drains you, and notice the themes that emerge. Your purpose will become clearer as you take action toward what feels meaningful, even if you’re not 100% certain at first.

Q: Can having multiple purposes cause confusion and more procrastination? A: Having multiple interests is natural, but it’s important to distinguish between core purposes and passing interests. Most people find they have one primary purpose with several supporting themes. The key is creating a hierarchy so you can make decisions based on what serves your deepest mission, even when you have multiple passions.

Q: What if my purpose doesn’t align with my current job or responsibilities? A: This is one of the most common challenges people face. Start by looking for ways to bring purpose into your current situation—can you reframe your role to serve something bigger? Then, create a realistic transition plan that moves you gradually toward better alignment. Most purpose-driven career changes happen over months or years, not overnight.

Q: How do I maintain motivation when progress toward my purpose feels slow? A: Progress toward meaningful goals often happens in waves rather than straight lines. Focus on systems and daily practices rather than just outcomes. Celebrate small wins, connect regularly with others who share your values, and remember that sustainable change takes time. The consistency matters more than the speed.

Q: Is it possible to overcome procrastination without finding my life purpose? A: While you can certainly improve productivity through various techniques and systems, addressing the deeper question of purpose creates more lasting change. Many people find that without a meaningful “why,” they end up becoming very efficient at doing things that don’t ultimately matter to them. Purpose provides the emotional fuel that makes other productivity strategies more effective.

Conclusion

Here’s the beautiful irony about procrastination: the same sensitivity that makes you avoid meaningless tasks is exactly what will draw you toward purposeful ones. Your resistance isn’t a bug in your system—it’s a feature. It’s your inner wisdom trying to guide you toward work that actually matters.

The next time you find yourself stuck in a procrastination spiral, instead of beating yourself up about lack of willpower, ask yourself a different question: “What is this resistance trying to tell me about what I really want to be doing with my life?”

Because here’s what I’ve learned from watching people like Sylvia transform their relationship with productivity: you don’t overcome procrastination by fighting it. You overcome it by falling in love with where you’re going. When you’re genuinely excited about your destination, the journey stops feeling like work and starts feeling like an adventure.

Your purpose is waiting for you—not in some distant future when you finally get your act together, but right now, hidden in plain sight within the very patterns of what you avoid and what you’re drawn toward. The question isn’t whether you have a purpose. The question is whether you’re ready to stop procrastinating on the most important project of all: designing a life that’s truly worth living.

So go ahead—close those seventeen browser tabs about medieval siege weapons (fascinating though they may be) and take one small step toward the vision that makes your heart race. Your future self is counting on it, and trust me, they’re tired of waiting.

References:

Yan B, Zhang X. What Research Has Been Conducted on Procrastination? Evidence From a Systematical Bibliometric Analysis. Front Psychol. 2022 Feb 2;13:809044. 

Zabelina, E., & Abdrakhmanovich Smanov, D. (2023). Cognitive nature of procrastination. In AHFE International. AHFE International.

Overcoming procrastination. (n.d.). In Life Coaching (pp. 41–55). Taylor & Francis.

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

The Purpose Pursuit Protocol – if you want to discover your life purpose, this course will provide you with the clarity, motivation and direction you need to manifest your next chapter – in both your personal and professional life. Get immediate access

The Purpose Pivot Protocol – drawing inspiration from the Camino de Santiago, this transformative course guides you through a proven framework to recalibrate your authentic purpose and create a meaningful and fulfilling second act. Get immediate access

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Saying No is a Full Sentence: How Your Life Purpose Solidifies Your Boundaries

boundaries

The Boundaries Breakthrough: From People-Pleaser to Purpose-Powered

Bite-seized Summary

This article explores how discovering your life purpose fundamentally changes your ability to say no without feeling guilty, without lengthy explanations, or emotional drama. When you’re crystal clear on your purpose, “no” becomes a complete sentence—a powerful tool for protecting your time, energy, and authentic self. Through real stories, practical exercises, and actionable insights, you’ll learn how purpose-driven boundaries can transform your relationships and reclaim your life.

5 Key Takeaways

  1. Your purpose is your permission slip – When you know your “why,” saying no becomes self-care, not selfishness
  2. Guilt is optional – Guilt shows up when you’re changing patterns, challenging expectations, and prioritising your authentic self over others’ convenience.
  3. Over-explaining weakens your position – Justifications invite negotiation; clear boundaries don’t
  4. Your energy is currency – Spend it intentionally on what aligns with your values
  5. Boundaries create space for what matters – Every “no” to the wrong thing is a “yes” to the right thing

The Text That Changed Everything

Tina Tremayne stared at her phone screen, her thumb hovering over the keyboard like a pianist afraid to strike the wrong note. The text from her sister-in-law glowed back at her: “Can you host Thanksgiving again this year? Everyone loved it last time!”

For fifteen years, Tina had been the family’s unofficial holiday coordinator, birthday organiser, and crisis manager. She’d perfected the art of saying “yes” while her soul screamed “no.” But this year felt different. Three months earlier, Tina had experienced what she now calls her “parking lot epiphany.”

Sitting in her car after another soul-crushing day at her corporate job, she’d asked herself a question that would change everything: “If I died tomorrow, what would I regret not doing?” The answer hit her like lightning—she’d regret not pursuing her dream of becoming a children’s book author. That moment sparked a journey of purpose discovery that transformed not just her career aspirations, but her entire relationship with the word “no.”

This time, instead of typing a three-paragraph explanation about her busy schedule, financial constraints, and feelings of overwhelm, Tina wrote five simple words: “I won’t be hosting this year.”

No justification. No counter-offer. No apology tour.

Her sister-in-law responded with a question mark emoji. Tina replied, “I’m focusing my energy on my writing this year.” And that was it. The conversation moved forward, the family found another host, and Tina spent that Thanksgiving finishing her first manuscript.

The ‘No’ Revolution

We live in a culture that treats “no” like a dirty word, especially for women. We’ve been conditioned to believe that boundaries require dissertations, that protecting our time needs a defence attorney, and that prioritising our dreams is somehow selfish. But here’s the radical truth that Tina discovered: saying no is a complete sentence.

You don’t owe anyone a three-paragraph explanation for your boundaries. You don’t need to justify your choices, defend your priorities, or apologise for protecting your energy. When you’re anchored in purpose, “no” stops being rejection and starts being redirection—toward the life you’re meant to live.

As boundary expert Dr. Henry Cloud puts it, “Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins.”

Why We Struggle with “No”

Before we dive into the transformative power of purpose-supported boundaries, let’s acknowledge why saying no feels harder than performing surgery with oven mittens. Our difficulty with boundaries often stems from:

The People-Pleasing Trap: We’ve learned that our worth is tied to our usefulness. If we’re not constantly available, accommodating, and agreeable, we fear we’ll lose love, approval, or belonging.

The Guilt Industrial Complex: Society has created an entire industry around making us feel guilty for self-care. Every boundary you set threatens someone else’s convenience, and they’ll often use guilt as their weapon of choice.

The Over-Explanation Addiction: We believe that if we just explain enough, justify thoroughly enough, and apologise sincerely enough, people will understand and accept our boundaries without pushback. Spoiler alert: they won’t.

The Scarcity Mindset: We say yes to opportunities we don’t want because we fear better ones won’t come along. We accept invitations that drain us because we worry about missing out or hurting feelings.

But here’s what changes everything: purpose.

How Purpose Transforms Boundaries

When you discover your life purpose—that unique intersection of your talents, passions, and the world’s needs—something magical happens. Your “no” stops being about rejection and starts being about protection. You’re not saying no to people; you’re saying yes to your purpose.

Purpose gives you what I call “boundary clarity.” Instead of making decisions based on guilt, fear, or social expectations, you make them through the lens of alignment. Does this opportunity, request, or commitment support your purpose? If yes, you consider it. If no, you decline—without guilt, drama, or a dissertation.

Consider Lisa, a participant in The Purpose Pursuit Protocol who discovered her purpose was “empowering women to find their voice through storytelling.” When her book club asked her to organise their annual fundraiser—a months-long commitment that would consume her evenings and weekends—she simply said, “I won’t be able to take that on.” When pressed for reasons, she added, “I’m focusing my volunteer energy on women’s storytelling initiatives this year.”

No guilt. No lengthy explanation. No apology tour. Just clarity.

The Three Pillars of Purpose-Driven Boundaries

Pillar 1: Clarity of Vision

You can’t protect what you can’t see. Before you can set effective boundaries, you need crystal clarity on your purpose, values, and priorities. This isn’t about having a perfect five-year plan; it’s about understanding your core motivation and the direction you’re heading.

Exercise: The Energy Audit For one week, track your energy levels throughout the day. Note what activities, people, and commitments energise you versus what drains you. Look for patterns. What themes emerge around the activities that light you up? What commonalities exist among the interactions that leave you feeling depleted?

Pillar 2: Permission to Protect

Once you’re clear on your purpose, you need to give yourself permission to protect it. This means recognising that your time, energy, and attention are finite resources that deserve intentional investment.

Exercise: The Purpose Filter Create a simple decision-making filter based on your purpose. Before saying yes to any new commitment, ask yourself: “Does this align with my purpose and move me toward my goals?” If the answer isn’t a clear yes, it’s a no.

Pillar 3: Practice with Compassion

Setting boundaries is a skill that improves with practice. Start small, be consistent, and treat yourself with compassion as you learn. Remember that other people’s reactions to your boundaries are not your responsibility.

Exercise: The No Script Develop a few go-to phrases for different situations:

  • “I won’t be able to do that.”
  • “That doesn’t work for me.”
  • “I’m not available for that.”
  • “I have other commitments.”

Practice saying these phrases without additional explanation. Notice your urge to justify and resist it.

The Anatomy of a Clean “No”

A clean “no” has three characteristics:

  1. It’s direct: No beating around the bush, no hints, no hoping the other person will read between the lines.
  2. It’s brief: You state your boundary without lengthy explanations or justifications.
  3. It’s kind: You can be firm without being harsh. Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re gates with clearly marked opening hours.

Here’s what this looks like in practice:

Instead of: “Oh my gosh, I would love to help with the school fundraiser, but I’m just so overwhelmed right now with work and the kids’ activities, and my mom has been having health issues, plus I’m trying to launch this new project, and honestly, I’m barely keeping my head above water. I feel terrible saying no because I know how much work these events are, and I’ve helped in previous years, but I just don’t think I can give it the attention it deserves this time. Maybe next year when things calm down?”

Try: “I won’t be able to help with the fundraiser this year.”

If pressed for a reason: “I have other commitments that need my attention right now.”

Freedom from Guilt

Let’s address the elephant in the room: guilt. That churning sensation in your stomach when you set a boundary, the voice that whispers “you’re being selfish,” the urge to text back with a lengthy apology and a changed mind.

Here’s the truth about guilt: it’s often a sign that you’re doing something right. Guilt shows up when you’re changing patterns, challenging expectations, and prioritising your authentic self over others’ convenience. As author Glennon Doyle writes, “We can do hard things,” and setting boundaries is one of those beautifully difficult things that transform your life.

The Guilt Reality Check: When guilt arises after setting a boundary, ask yourself:

  • Am I being intentionally cruel or harmful? (Usually no)
  • Am I prioritising something important to me? (Usually yes)
  • Will the world end if I maintain this boundary? (Spoiler: it won’t)
  • What would I tell a friend in this situation? (Usually: “Good for you!”)

When People Push Back

Here’s what nobody tells you about boundaries: people will test them. They’ll ask for explanations, express disappointment, or try to negotiate. This isn’t necessarily malicious—they’re simply used to the old version of you who said yes to everything.

Common pushback and responses:

“But why not?” → “I’ve already explained my position.”

“You always used to help!” → “My circumstances have changed.”

“Can’t you make an exception just this once?” → “No, I need to stick to my commitment.”

“You’re being selfish.” → “I understand you’re disappointed.”

Notice how none of these responses include justifications, apologies, or counter-offers. You’re not required to make other people feel better about your boundaries.

The Purpose Connection

This is where purpose becomes your superpower. When you’re grounded in your “why,” boundary-setting stops feeling selfish and starts feeling essential. You’re not just saying no to protect your time; you’re saying no to protect your purpose, your calling, your contribution to the world.

Tina Treemayne, whom we met at the beginning, published her first children’s book eight months after that Thanksgiving text. She’s now working on her third book and has discovered a gift for helping other aspiring writers find their voice. None of this would have been possible if she’d continued hosting elaborate family gatherings that left her exhausted and creatively depleted.

Exercise: The Purpose Reminder Write your purpose statement on a small card and keep it in your wallet or phone case. When you’re tempted to say yes to something that doesn’t align, read your purpose statement first. Let it remind you what you’re protecting and why it matters.

The Ripple Effect of Boundaries

Something beautiful happens when you start setting purpose-driven boundaries: you give others permission to do the same. Your clarity and confidence inspire friends, family members, and colleagues to examine their own relationship with “no.” You become a living example that boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re necessary.

Moreover, the quality of your relationships improves. When you stop saying yes out of obligation and start choosing your commitments intentionally, you show up more fully to the things you do choose. Your presence becomes a gift rather than a grudging obligation.

Purpose Discovery: Your Foundation for Powerful Boundaries

If you’re reading this and thinking, “This sounds great, but I’m not sure what my purpose is,” you’re not alone. Many people struggle with boundary-setting precisely because they lack clarity about their deeper “why.”

This is where purpose discovery becomes crucial. When you understand your unique mission in the world—that special combination of your gifts, passions, and the world’s needs—everything else falls into place. Suddenly, you have criteria for decision-making that go beyond guilt, fear, and social expectations.

For those just beginning their purpose journey, The Purpose Pursuit Protocol provides a comprehensive framework for discovering your life’s work. Through guided exercises, reflective practices, and community support, you’ll uncover the thread that connects your experiences, talents, and dreams into a clear sense of direction.

For those who once knew their purpose but feel disconnected from it, The Purpose Pivot Protocol helps you recalibrate and realign. Life changes, we grow, and sometimes our purpose needs updating. This protocol helps you honour your evolution while staying true to your core mission.

Both programs include specific modules on boundary-setting because purpose and boundaries are inextricably linked. You can’t fully live your purpose without protecting it, and you can’t set effective boundaries without knowing what you’re protecting.

The Purpose Pursuit Protocol – if you want to discover your life purpose, this course will provide you with the clarity, motivation and direction you need to manifest your next chapter – in both your personal and professional life. Get immediate access

The Purpose Pivot Protocol – drawing inspiration from the Camino de Santiago, this transformative course guides you through a proven framework to recalibrate your authentic purpose and create a meaningful and fulfilling second act. Get immediate access

The Practice of Purposeful Living

Living with purpose-driven boundaries isn’t a destination—it’s a practice. Some days you’ll nail it, saying no with grace and confidence. Other days you’ll slip back into old patterns of over-explaining and people-pleasing. That’s human. What matters is the overall trajectory toward greater alignment and authenticity.

Daily Boundary Practices:

  1. Morning Intention: Start each day by connecting with your purpose. What is one way you can honour it today?
  2. Decision Checkpoint: Before agreeing to any request, pause and ask, “Does this align with my purpose?”
  3. Evening Reflection: Review your day. Where did you honor your boundaries? Where did you struggle? What can you learn?
  4. Weekly Energy Review: Notice patterns in your energy levels. What commitments consistently drain you? What can you adjust?

Beyond Individual Transformation

The impact of purpose-driven boundaries extends far beyond personal liberation. When purpose-driven people start setting clear boundaries, entire systems shift. Workplaces become more respectful of work-life balance. Families develop healthier communication patterns. Communities become more supportive of individual authenticity.

You’re not just changing your own life—you’re contributing to a cultural shift toward greater respect for individual autonomy and authentic living. Every time you say no without guilt, you’re modelling a different way of being in the world.

The Long View

Remember Tina’s story? Two years after that pivotal Thanksgiving text, she’s living a completely different life. She left her corporate job to write full-time, published three children’s books, and started a writing workshop for other women pursuing their creative dreams. She still maintains loving relationships with her family—in fact, they’re closer now because she shows up as her authentic self rather than the exhausted, resentful version of herself who always said yes.

The beautiful irony is that when you start protecting your purpose through boundaries, you actually have more to give to the people and causes that matter most. Your energy isn’t scattered across a hundred obligations; it’s focused on what truly aligns with your calling.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: What if people get angry when I set boundaries? A: People’s reactions to your boundaries are information about them, not you. Some people will be disappointed when you stop being infinitely available—that’s their emotion to manage, not yours to fix. The people who truly care about you will respect your boundaries, even if they need time to adjust.

Q: How do I know if my reason for saying no is valid? A: This question itself reveals conditioning that your boundaries need justification. Your desire to protect your time, energy, or peace of mind is always valid. You don’t need a “good enough” reason to say no—your preference is reason enough.

Q: What if I’m wrong about my purpose and I’m setting boundaries based on something that doesn’t matter? A: Purpose isn’t about perfection; it’s about direction. Even if your understanding of your purpose evolves (and it will), the skills of boundary-setting and intentional living will serve you throughout that evolution. Trust the process and allow your purpose to unfold.

Q: How do I set boundaries without seeming rude or uncaring? A: Kindness and firmness aren’t mutually exclusive. You can set boundaries with warmth, respect, and compassion while still being clear and consistent. The key is to be kind to yourself first—when you’re not harbouring resentment from overcommitting, you naturally show up with more genuine care for others.

Q: What if my family or culture expects me to always put others first? A: Cultural and familial expectations around self-sacrifice can be deeply ingrained, and changing these patterns takes courage and patience. Start small, be consistent, and remember that you can honour your heritage while still honouring your individual needs. Often, families need time to adjust to a new version of you, but they usually do.

Conclusion: Your Permission Slip

“No” is not just a complete sentence; it’s also the beginning of a new chapter. When you learn to say no without guilt, drama, or lengthy justifications, you reclaim authorship of your own life. You stop living by default and start living by design.

Your purpose is not just a nice-to-have philosophical concept—it’s your navigation system, your decision-making filter, and your permission slip to prioritise what matters most. When you’re clear on your “why,” every “no” becomes easier because you know what you’re saying “yes” to instead.

The journey from people-pleasing to purpose-driven living isn’t always smooth, but it’s always worth it. Every boundary you set with love and clarity creates space for more authenticity, deeper relationships, and greater impact. You’re not just changing your own life—you’re modelling a different way of being that gives others permission to do the same.

Remember: You don’t need to explain yourself anymore. Your purpose is your permission. Your boundaries are your blessing. And your “no” is beautifully, powerfully complete.

Ready to discover or recalibrate your purpose so you can set boundaries with unshakeable confidence? The Purpose Pursuit Protocol (for those discovering their purpose) and The Purpose Pivot Protocol (for those ready to realign) are waiting to guide you toward the clarity that makes every “no” feel like freedom. Because when you know your “why,” saying no becomes the most loving thing you can do—for yourself and for the world that needs your unique gifts.

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

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Why Live a Purpose-Driven Life?

purpose-driven

From FOMO to Focus: How Purpose Transforms Your Brain, Boundaries, and Breakfast Choices

You’ve heard it before. That hushed, reverent whisper during late-night soul-searching conversations: “You NEED to find your life purpose.”

Cue the dramatic music, the wind-swept hair, and the slow-motion epiphany.

Finding your life purpose isn’t just about curing procrastination. It’s the foundation of a fully-formed, gloriously unhinged, thoroughly meaningful human life. And it’s a lot more practical—and deliciously surprising—than you might expect.

In fact, once you find your purpose, a bunch of wonderfully weird things start to happen. You begin to live with the quiet confidence of someone who doesn’t need to read their horoscope before making a decision. You stop spiralling steadily downwards every time Mercury goes into retrograde.

And if you have found it already, but it now feels slightly outdated, you know how motivating it is to have a perfect-fit purpose, and you are aware of the various side-benefits of living a purpose-driven life, but just in case you need a reminder, I’ve listed them below.

My plan is to write an article about each of these benefits.

So, let’s pull back the curtain and look at what changes once you know why you’re here. The procrastination bit— you can read more about that here.

1. You Stop Overthinking Every Decision

When your purpose is clear, decisions start lining themselves up in a row like good little ducks. You don’t need a pros-and-cons list the length of War and Peace. If it aligns with your purpose, it’s a yes. If it doesn’t, thank you, but no thank you.

You stop outsourcing your choices to Google searches, tarot cards, and that friend who always says, “Just follow your heart,” which is only helpful if your heart isn’t suffering from decision-related tachycardia (palpitations.)

2. When LifeQuakes Hit, You Don’t Crumble

Purpose doesn’t make life easy—it makes it meaningful. When everything goes off course, purpose hands you a hard hat and a blueprint instead of a mental meltdown. It helps you get back up, not because you’re invincible, but because you’re invested.

Crisis? Challenge? Sudden detour? Purpose says, “Ah, yes. It’s only a plot twist. Let’s rewrite the chapter.” And with each crisis, you become more and more emotionally resilient.

3. No More Chasing Shiny Objects Syndrome

Purpose helps you focus. It gives you direction. You stop hopping from one half-baked idea to the next like a caffeinated squirrel. Instead, you channel your energy toward what matters, and (bonus!) you finally finish that project you’ve been “meaning to get around to” since 2017.

Your to-do list gets shorter but way more impactful. It’s not about doing more—it’s about doing what matters.

4. You No Longer Need a Trophy to Feel Appreciated

When you know your purpose, you stop looking outside yourself for proof that you matter. You stop measuring your value by your output, your income, or how many likes you got on your “authentic” Instagram post.

You know who you are. You know your worth, you know where you are going. You walk into rooms like you have got a standing ovation playing in your head. Because you do. It’s just very tastefully muted.

5. Your Relationships are more Authentic

Forget networking. You start connection-working. Purpose draws the right people toward you like a backstage pass to the concert of your life. Your purpose functions as a people filter.

You’re no longer clinging to toxic friendships or over-explaining your existence. Your relationships get real, rich, and deeply aligned. You don’t need to impress anyone—you just connect.

6. You live a Longer and Healthier Life

Scientific studies back this up: people with purpose live longer and healthier lives. Lower blood pressure, better sleep, improved immune function—it’s like a wellness supplement your soul manufactures internally.

No green juice required (unless you like that sort of thing).

7. Your Purpose-driven Life has Greater Impact

Once you know your purpose, your ambitions expand beyond self-gain. You stop chasing gold stars and start leaving fingerprints. You begin to think legacy, not just lifestyle.

Success is admirable. But significance? That’s what changes lives.

8. You no longer have FOMO, because you’re Intentionally Opting Out

With purpose in place, you stop running after every opportunity like it’s the last lifeboat off a sinking ship. You say no to what’s not yours without panic or apology.

You’re not missing out. You’re choosing intentionally what you want to be part of and what not. And that is deliciously rebellious in a culture obsessed with doing it all.

9. You Can Say No Easily and Elegantly

Purpose makes your “no” sound like poetry. You don’t ghost people or fumble your way through awkward excuses. You say no like a sovereign being who knows exactly what they’re doing and why they are (still) doing it.

Try this on for size: “Thank you for thinking of me. I won’t join you, this activity is not aligned with my current direction.” Boom. Zero drama.

10. You have a New Relationship with Time: Less Urgency, More Intimacy

Purpose reshapes how you experience time. You stop sprinting through your day like you’re on an invisible deadline. You stop hoarding moments and start inhabiting them.

It’s not about doing less—it’s about being more present. You trade panic for presence. And it’s oddly addictive.

11. You Stop Producing, You Start Creating

Purpose unlocks creativity in a way that hustle culture never could. Your ideas don’t feel forced—they feel like rivers finally finding their way to the ocean.

You don’t create to impress—you create to express. And that shift changes everything.

12. You have Less Existential Dread: Life Still Hurts—It Just Makes More Sense

Knowing your purpose won’t delete your existential musings. But it does give them shape. You’re still aware of your mortality, but now it motivates you instead of paralysing you.

You start asking, “How do I live while I’m here?” instead of just “What’s the point?”

13. You’re Anchored in Integrity: You’re No Longer Living in Fragments

With purpose, you start living in alignment. What you believe, say, and do finally sync up. You become congruent. Whole. Less exhausted by pretending. Less drained by performing.

It’s quiet, but powerful. You become magnetic—not because you’re flashy, but because you’re real.

14. Self-Forgiveness Comes Easier: You Bless Your Mess

Purpose reframes your past not as a record of failures, but as a roadmap of becoming. You stop seeing mistakes as shameful and start seeing them as necessary.

You begin to forgive yourself—not because it’s trendy, but because you understand your own evolution.

Spoiler alert: it’s all part of the plan, anyway.

15. You Don’t Just Live Your Purpose—You Radiate It

You don’t need a stage, a TED Talk, or a 10k following. When you live on purpose, people feel it. Your presence alone inspires recalibration.

You become a tuning fork. A mirror. A lighthouse. Whatever metaphor works, your purpose becomes a permission slip for others to find theirs.

Conclusion: Finding Your Purpose Is Not an Existential Luxury—It’s a Way of Life

So, no, knowing your purpose is not just for monks, midlife-crisis survivors, or motivational speakers.

It’s for anyone who wants to live more meaningfully, impactfully and fulfillingly. It’s not a side quest—it’s the entire journey.

Having a purpose is of such primordial importance to me, that I have created two “Define Your Life Purpose” Mentoring Programs: The Purpuse Pursuit Protocol is for you if you are still searching for your life purpose, and the Purpose Pivot Protocol – perfect if you have a life purpose that needs adjusting.

You bring the curiosity. I’ll bring the compass.

Let’s find/adjust your purpose.

The Purpose Pursuit Protocol – if you want to discover your life purpose, this course will provide you with the clarity, motivation and direction you need to manifest your next chapter – in both your personal and professional life. Get immediate access

The Purpose Pivot Protocol – drawing inspiration from the Camino de Santiago, this transformative course guides you through a proven framework to recalibrate your authentic purpose and create a meaningful and fulfilling second act. Get immediate access

“I am an experienced medical doctor – MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract cert, Transformational Life Coach (dip.) Life Story Coach (cert.) Counselling (cert.) Med Hypnotherapy (dip.) and EAGALA (cert.) I may have an impressive number of letters after my name, and more than three decades of professional experience, but what qualifies me to excel at what I do is my intuitive understanding of my clients’ difficulties and my extensive personal experience of managing major life changes using strategies I developed over many years” Dr M Montagu

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