An Introvert’s Guide to Coping with a Major Life Crisis

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Picture this: a serene lakeside cabin, nestled deep in the woods, where the only sounds are the whisper of the wind through the trees and the gentle ripple of water over cobbles. For an introvert, this is paradise. Now, imagine throwing a grenade into the midst of all this tranquillity—welcome to the life of an introvert in the midst of a major life crisis.

Are you struggling to cope with a Life Crisis?

Maybe you are an introvert.

How do you recognise an introvert at any sort of social gathering: Christmas dinner, a friend’s birthday lunch, an office cocktails party, or a charity event? They’re the ones secretly praying for the fire alarm to go off so they can make a swift exit without all the awkward goodbyes.

According to Susan Cain, ‘Introverts may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pyjamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions.’

Take Jane, for example. Jane is a classic introvert: bookish, introspective, and capable of binge-watching entire seasons of “Nature’s Greatest Migrations” without once wondering what’s happening on Instagram. One day, Jane’s world was turned upside down when her husband announced he was leaving her for his CrossFit instructor. Suddenly, Jane’s peaceful existence was shattered.

In a desperate attempt to cope, Jane decided to attend a divorce support group. This, of course, went about as well as you’d expect. Upon entering the room, she was immediately surrounded by well-meaning strangers eager to hear her story and share their own. Jane spent the entire session clutching her coffee cup like a life raft, nodding politely, her mind a million miles away. The thought of sharing her “divorce story” with strangers was as uplifting as getting a root canal. Eventually, she escaped to the bathroom, where she spent the rest of the meeting scrolling through cat memes.

I am weary of labels, like introvert and extrovert, preferring to avoid labelling people as one to the exclusion of the other. I would rather see it as a spectrum with a small number of « pure » introverts and extroverts at both extremes of the spectrum, most of us having characteristics of both and behaving more like extroverts or introverts depending on the situation we find ourselves in.

Most people are not exclusively introverted or extroverted. “Ninety per cent of people are somewhere in the middle,” says Jens Asendorpf, a personality researcher at Humboldt University of Berlin. People who tend to be extroverted also like to keep to themselves from time to time. “And since everyone needs social contact, introverts also seek interaction with others—just less so,” Asendorpf adds.

In other words, the vast majority of people are probably ambiverts.

Having said that, it cannot be denied that people more on the introverted side of the spectrum can find it difficult to cope with major life events like divorce, changing careers, retirement, redundancy, loss of a loved one etc.

Difficulties coping with life Challenges Specific to Introverts:

1. Feeling Overwhelmed by Social interactions

Introverts typically find social interactions draining. During a major life crisis, such as a divorce, the frequency and intensity of social interactions can skyrocket. This includes meetings with lawyers, court appearances, discussions with financial advisors, and support groups. Even well-intentioned friends and family can become overwhelmed by their constant check-ins and advice.

An introvert might feel emotionally exhausted after a single meeting with their lawyer, yet be expected to attend multiple such meetings in a week. The added pressure of explaining their situation repeatedly to different people can be extremely taxing for introverts who thrive on solitude and quiet reflection.

2. Not getting the Opportunity to recharge their Batteries

Introverts require time alone to recharge their batteries, process their thoughts and review various courses of action. A major life crisis often disrupts this solitude, leaving little room for introspection and personal space. The constant demands on their time and attention can lead to a sense of being perpetually overwhelmed.

During a serious life crisis, an introvert might find it nearly impossible to find a quiet moment to themselves. They might long for an evening alone with a book, but instead, they’re inundated with phone calls, emails, and visits from concerned loved ones.

3. Experiencing difficulties when they try to share their Feelings

Introverts sometimes struggle to articulate their feelings, concerns and needs, especially in stressful situations. This can hinder their ability to seek and accept help, leading to feelings of isolation, fear and frustration.

An introvert going through a breakup might find it difficult to express their emotions to friends or therapists. They might prefer writing their thoughts down but feel pressured to talk about their feelings, which can be uncomfortable and unproductive.

4. Finding Interacting with others utterly Exhausting

High-stress environments and constant social interaction can rapidly deplete an introvert’s energy. This energy drain and exhaustion can impair their ability to think clearly and make decisions, further complicating the crisis management process.

An introvert dealing with job loss might be required to attend numerous networking events and interviews. The sheer number of interactions can leave them feeling too drained to perform well or think strategically about their next steps.

Because of this, introverts might find it challenging to reach out for support, whether from friends, family, or professionals. Their preference for self-reliance and introspection can lead them to try to manage everything on their own, which can isolate them to a pathological extent.

5. Introverts often prefer to avoid Confrontation

Introverts may have a natural inclination to retreat inward, internalise their emotions and avoid confronting their problems head-on. This can delay important decisions and prolong the period of crisis, making it harder to move forward.

An introvert facing financial difficulties might delay reaching out to a financial advisor because they dread the interaction. This avoidance can lead to worsening financial problems that could have been mitigated with timely intervention.

6. Struggling to cope with Sensory Overload:

Introverts are often more sensitive to their environments and can become overwhelmed by excessive stimuli. During a crisis, the increased noise, activity, and emotional intensity can lead to sensory overload, making it harder to cope effectively.

An introvert who has to move out of their home during a separation might struggle with the chaotic process of packing, moving, and settling into a new place. The constant activity and change can be mentally and physically exhausting.

“Introverts live in two worlds: We visit the world of people, but solitude and the inner world will always be our home.” Jenn Granneman

Are You an Introvert struggling to cope with a Life Crisis?

If you’re an introvert facing a major life challenge, it’s essential to find a balance between honouring your yearning for solitude and seeking the support you need. My “Manifest Your Next Chapter” retreats in the southwest of France are designed specifically for people like you, especially my Solo Retreats. In a serene and supportive environment, you’ll learn how to sail through life’s storms by spending time in nature and walking the Camino de Santiago de Compostela. You’re not alone. A “Manifest Your Next Chapter” retreat in the serene southwest of France is exactly what you need. Our retreats offer a safe, nurturing environment where you can process your emotions, recharge your energy, and find your path forward. It’s time to turn your trials into triumphs and write the next chapter of your life with courage and confidence.

Send me a quick email if you want to find out more and if you want to, you can book your retreat today.

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Further reading: Solo Retreats and Solo, Slow Travel

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