While researching my article about being paralysed by an identity crisis during major life changes, I came across this compelling quote, “The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to be harmoniously related to his inner state…Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are.” James Allen
The saying, “We attract not what we want but who we are,” implies how the energy we embody shapes our experiences and the people we draw into our lives. Rather than mere wishful thinking, it suggests that our inner state—our thoughts, emotions, beliefs and mindset—has a magnetic quality that brings forth external realities that reflect our internal world.
At its core, this concept is based on the principle of alignment. If we are seeking abundance, happiness or success, but our inner world is full of self-doubt, fear, or negativity, we may find that we don’t achieve the results we desire. Instead, we might attract situations or relationships that mirror our deeper unresolved issues. In essence, we are constantly attracting people or situations into our lives, but it’s not necessarily what we consciously ask for—it’s what we energetically align with.
Like Attracts Like
The Law of Attraction suggests that like attracts like. Although I do not agree with everything that the Law of Attraction suggests, I do agree on this point. What we put out into the world through our thoughts, feelings, and actions will find its way back to us. But more than just focusing on our desires, it is crucial to recognise and adjust as necessary, the state of being from which we are manifesting. Are we operating from a place of confidence, clarity, and generosity? Or from insecurity, scarcity, and fear?
We attract who We are in our Relationships
Consider Sally, who desperately wants to attract a healthy, balanced, loving relationship but has unresolved emotional baggage, such as fear of abandonment or low self-worth. Even though Sally may actively seek a loving partner, she might continue to attract partners who are emotionally unavailable, untrustworthy, or distant. Why? Because her subconscious belief system still holds onto past wounds and mistrust.
I often suggest to my guests that they make a list of all the qualities they would like in a partner, and once they have done that, I suggest that they start to embody those qualities themselves.
The key lies in becoming the kind of person who naturally attracts the partner you desire. This means doing the inner work to heal, cultivating self-love, setting boundaries, and being honesty with yourself and with others. Once our inner world adjusts, we are more likely to attract a partner who reflects this new state of emotional maturity.
We attract who We are in our Careers
Meet Sylvian, who aspires to be successful in his career. He sets goals, networks, and takes action to achieve success, yet consistently feels blocked or unable to make any progress. Upon reflection, he might realise he carries a belief that he is “not good enough” or that success is something only others can attain.
Even though you are taking external action to pursue your ambitions, your internal dialogue may be filled with self-doubt and fear of failure. This energy repels opportunities, as it creates a misalignment between your desires and who you believe yourself to be. Once you shift your mindset, cultivating confidence, worthiness, and a sense of abundance, you may begin to notice doors opening effortlessly and attract clients, promotions, or opportunities that reflect your newfound belief in yourself.
We attract who We are Healthwise
Sandra wants to lose weight or increase her fitness levels. She sets goals, starts exercising, and follows a diet plan, but her underlying beliefs might include thoughts like, “I’ve always been fat,” or “I’m just not someone who enjoys exercising.” These internal beliefs can create resistance, making it difficult for her to stick to her eating routine and fully embrace a new healthy lifestyle.
Even if she follows through, her results may be limited because she remains convinced that she “will always be fat.” This misalignment between her goals and her self-perception can sabotage her progress.
To truly attract the fit and healthy body you desire, you need to shift your mindset from the past to the future. Instead of identifying as someone who struggles with their weight, you can start to embody the identity of someone who loves and cares for their body, enjoys movement, and feels vibrant and full of energy. By focusing on this internal shift, you will naturally start to make choices—whether it’s food, exercise, or lifestyle choices—that align with this new fitter and healthier version of yourself. Our inner beliefs about health can influence the external manifestation of well-being, which reinforces the idea that we attract experiences that mirror our core identity.
We attract who We are during life Transitions and Transformations
Closer to home, here on my little farm in the south of France, I have noticed that walking the Camino de Santiago is an experience that mirrors this concept beautifully. Many hikers set off on the journey with specific intentions—perhaps seeking clarity, solutions, or a change in their lives. Yet, what they often discover is that the Camino doesn’t necessarily give them what they want in a direct sense; rather, it gives them what they need, reflecting their internal state.
For example, some of my guests who attend my Next Chapter Camino De Santiago walking retreats, find themselves stuck right in the middle of a major life change. They might start walking the Camino hoping for a clear indication of how to get unstuck, only to find that a complete transformation occurs internally. As they walk, they are faced with physical, emotional, and mental hurdles that mirror their own struggles in life. By confronting these challenges on the trail, they begin to shift their internal state—finding peace, resilience, or acceptance. In turn, they may discover that getting unstuck no longer matters that much, because they have been transformed from within.
How to Embody What You Want to Attract
If we wish to attract abundance, happiness, health, success or love, we must first embody those qualities ourselves. This requires a commitment to inner work, self-awareness, and personal growth. Here are a few steps to help align with what you truly desire:
- Identify Your Core Beliefs: Take an honest inventory of your core beliefs around the areas you wish to improve, whether it concerns your relationships, career, or health. What stories do you tell yourself? Do your stories empower you or do they limit you and keep you stuck?
- Reset Your Mindset: Once you’ve identified limiting beliefs, work on replacing them with empowering thoughts. Focus on gratitude, positive affirmations, and visualisation to identify opportunities and possibilities.
- Make Small Changes: Rather than envisioning the perfect person you want to become and trying to embody that all at once, start with small, specific changes that align with your current self. Focus on incremental growth rather than an instant, dramatic transformation.
- Take Aligned Action: While internal shifts are crucial, they must be coupled with aligned action. Move in the direction of your objectives with confidence and trust in the process.
- Let Go of Resistance: Often, what holds us back is resistance—fear, doubt, or the need to control the outcome. Trust that by aligning with your true self, the right people and opportunities will naturally come to you.
“Imagination is everything, it is the preview of life’s coming attractions.” – Albert Einstein
Reminder
“We attract not what we want but who we are” reminds us that our external reality is a reflection of our internal state. If we want to create positive change in our lives, the transformation must first begin within. It is less about getting what you want and more about becoming who you need to be.
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