How to Ask For Help during a Life Transition

Learn the key strategies to clearly communicate your needs and build a stronger, more supportive network during life’s most challenging transitions.

Sick of your job? Tired of your relationship? Sick and tired of life in general feeling like a never-ending rerun? You’re certainly not the only one—but it does sometimes feel that way, doesn’t it? I should know, been there, many times. The good news is that you’ve got a secret weapon. It’s called your reliable support system—whether it’s your bestie, your mom, your friends, your family, your mentor, your counsellor, or even that one colleague who actually gets you. The problem? Finding the courage to ask and then communicating what you need in such a way that they understand what you are talking about – without sounding like a broken record. In this post, I’ll break down how to turn your venting sessions into game-changing conversations that don’t just help you air your frustrations—your unfailing support system will kickstart real change and help you build some rock-solid emotional resilience.

Time to stop simmering in silence and start talking like your future depends on it. (Because, spoiler: it does.)

1. Understand Your Own Needs First

Before reaching out to your support system, it’s important to get clear on what exactly you need. Take time to reflect on your frustrations. Are you seeking advice, emotional support, or practical help? Understanding whether you’re dealing with burnout, dissatisfaction, or confusion will help you pinpoint the support you need.

For instance, if you’re feeling overwhelmed at work, you might need someone to help you set boundaries or manage your workload. (see Achor, S., & Gielan, M. (2018). “To Be Happier at Work, Invest More in Your Relationships.” Harvard Business Review) If you’re in a relationship that feels unfulfilling, perhaps you need guidance on how to express your feelings or navigate a difficult conversation.

I discuss these issues in my ‘Building Resilience – a Roadmap from Burnout to Breakthrough during a Life Transition’ course. Identifying and naming your needs is the first critical step toward finding the right solutions. When Sally started my ‘Building Resilience’ course she had hit a personal breaking point. She had been suppressing her stress for so long that she didn’t even know where to start when it came to asking for help. Working through the course, and during our coaching sessions, she learned not only how to identify her needs but also how to communicate those needs effectively to her partner and friends. In doing so, she became able to set healthier boundaries, recover from burnout, and restore balance to her life.

2. Find the Courage to Ask for Help

One of the biggest hurdles in communicating your needs is often finding the courage to ask for help in the first place. Many people feel like they should be able to handle everything on their own, fearing that asking for support makes them appear weak or dependent. However, seeking help is actually a sign of strength—it shows that you’re self-aware enough to recognise your limits and value your well-being.

Start by challenging the belief that you need to “go it alone.” Remind yourself that everyone needs support at some point in their life, and that the people in your support system likely want to be there for you. (see Radin, A. (2017). “Why Asking for Help Is Hard to Do.” Psychology Today.) Practice self-compassion by accepting that it’s okay to not have all the answers. The courage to ask for help can open the door to deeper connections and create space for real growth.,

One of the most transformative experiences for a guest on one of my retreats involved working with my horses to develop assertiveness and clear communication. Horses are incredibly intuitive animals, responding not to what we say, but to how we present ourselves energetically and emotionally. During a mindfulness session, our guest Sandra learned that her horse would only respond positively when she approached with clarity and confidence. By practising setting boundaries with the horse she became more aware of her own ability to communicate without hesitation. This newfound assertiveness translated into her personal life, where she gained the courage to ask for help from her support system and clearly express her needs.

3. Choose the Right Time and Setting

Timing and environment can greatly influence how your message is received. Make sure to communicate in a setting that feels safe, comfortable, and free of distractions. If you bring up a deeply personal issue during a hectic moment, even the most supportive person might not be able to offer the attention you need.

Consider having an intentional sit-down or scheduling a time that works for both of you. Be mindful of when they are most likely to be receptive. For example, approaching someone when they’re already stressed or distracted may result in a missed opportunity for meaningful support.

4. Use ‘I’ Statements to Express Yourself Clearly

When it comes to sensitive subjects, using “I” statements helps avoid making the other person feel defensive. Instead of saying, “You never listen to me” or “You don’t understand my situation,” try something like, “I feel unheard and would appreciate more support.” This shifts the focus to your feelings and your needs, which is much easier for the other person to respond to constructively.

“I” statements make it clear that you’re expressing your personal experience rather than blaming the other person for how you feel.

5. Be Specific About What You Need

It’s not enough to say, “I’m struggling” or “I need help.” The more specific you are, the easier it is for someone to understand how to support you. If you need time to vent, say so. If you need someone to help you brainstorm next steps for a career change, ask for that. Clarity can help prevent misunderstandings or frustration on both sides.

For example, you might say, “I’ve been feeling really drained from work lately, and I need help figuring out how to set better boundaries with my boss.” Or, “I’ve been struggling emotionally since my recent breakup, and I would love it if you could just check in with me once a week.”

Pay attention to your body language and tone of voice. Maintain comfortable eye contact, lean towards the other person, and use an open, non-defensive posture to show interest and engagement.

After expressing your needs, ask for feedback to ensure the other person has understood correctly. This can help prevent misunderstandings and allow for clarification if needed.

6. Acknowledge Their Limits

Even the most well-intentioned people in your support system have limits. Sometimes, they may not be able to offer the level of support you need due to their own emotional or logistical limitations. It’s important to acknowledge this and not take it personally. Instead, focus on the support they can offer and consider finding additional resources if needed, such as a counsellor or coach.

7. Offer Support in Return

Support is a two-way street. Make sure to ask your support system how they’re doing and what they might need from you. This creates a balanced dynamic, where both parties feel heard and valued. While expressing your needs, also be prepared to listen actively to the other person’s response. This shows respect and helps build mutual understanding. When you offer genuine support in return, you strengthen your relationships and ensure that they’ll be there when you need them most.

8. Follow Up and Express Gratitude

After you’ve communicated your needs and received support, it’s important to follow up. Let your support system know how their help impacted you, and thank them for their time and energy. Expressing gratitude strengthens relationships and reinforces the positive dynamics of your support network.

“Everyone enjoys being acknowledged and appreciated. Sometimes even the simplest act of gratitude can change someone’s entire day. Take the time to recognize and value the people around you and appreciate those who make a difference in your lives.”
― Roy T. Bennett in The Light in the Heart

For example, if a friend gave you advice that helped you navigate a tough decision at work, send them a quick message of thanks. Small gestures like this make your support system feel appreciated and more willing to help in the future.

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Final Thoughts: Just Ask

Remember that no one can read your mind. If you’re feeling discontented or overwhelmed in any aspect of your life don’t wait until you reach a breaking point. Proactively communicate your needs to your support system. Being clear, direct, and specific will ensure that the people around you understand how best to help you. And in turn, they’ll appreciate your honesty and openness.