How to make Decisions under Pressure when Standing at a Crossroads

Strategies fof Introverts

Introduction

Time is ticking, the pressure is mounting, and a decision must be made. Whether you’re a leader steering your team through a critical juncture, a professional juggling multiple priorities, or simply navigating life’s daily challenges, the ability to make sound decisions under time pressure can feel like a superpower. Yet, in those high-stakes moments, clarity often gives way to doubt, and the fear of making the wrong choice looms large.

As an introvert, I have great difficulty with this. Making important descisions under pressure just doesn’t come naturally to introverts.

So what can we do?

Strategies for Introverts

Introverts CAN make decisions under pressure by using these strategies:

Buy time: When faced with an immediate decision, ask for a brief moment to consider the options. This allows for a quick mental review without appearing indecisive.
Prepare in advance: Anticipate potential scenarios that may require quick decisions and develop a personal “emergency response kit” for common situations.
Seek trusted opinions: Quickly consult with colleagues or team members whose judgment you trust, even if they have differing viewpoints.
Use intuition and analysis: Combine gut feelings with rapid analysis of available information to make more informed decisions.
Practice crisis scenarios: Regularly rehearse decision-making in high-pressure situations to develop a more flexible decision-making style.
Focus on strengths: Leverage introverts’ natural abilities for deep thinking and thorough analysis, even in compressed timeframes.
Communicate clearly: When announcing a decision, articulate it clearly and empathetically, being open to questions and providing reassurance.
Schedule recharge time: Plan for solitude after high-pressure situations to help recover and maintain energy levels.
Use writing: If possible, communicate decisions through writing, allowing for clearer articulation of thoughts.
Trust your judgment: Recognise that making a decision is often better than no decision at all, even if it’s not perfect.

By implementing these strategies, we can leverage our natural strengths while adapting to the demands of quick decision-making in our personal and professional lives.

Effective decision-making isn’t about eliminating pressure—it’s about mastering it. By leveraging proven strategies, you can cut through the chaos, focus on what truly matters, and move forward with confidence—even when time is scarce.

The Introvert’s Personal “Emergency Response Kit”

Below, I’ve listed 10 practical techniques to sharpen your decision-making skills, so you can function under pressure and make choices that drive meaningful results.

1. Use the Eisenhower Matrix:
This tool divides tasks into four quadrants based on urgency and importance:

Urgent and Important: Tasks needing immediate attention (e.g., deadlines, crises).
Important but Not Urgent: Strategic priorities you should plan for (e.g., long-term goals).
Urgent but Not Important: Tasks that can often be delegated or minimized (e.g., interruptions).
Neither Urgent nor Important: Low-value activities to eliminate or postpone.
When time is short, this matrix helps you avoid wasting energy on unimportant tasks and ensures your focus stays on high-impact actions.

2. Apply the Pareto Principle (80/20 Rule):
The idea is that 20% of efforts typically drive 80% of outcomes. When deciding under time pressure:

Identify which few decisions or actions will have the greatest impact.
Avoid getting bogged down by trivial matters that won’t significantly influence results.
For example, if you’re launching a project, focus on critical factors like stakeholder buy-in and core deliverables rather than minor details.

3. Implement Timeboxing:
Timeboxing involves setting a fixed period to complete a task or make a decision. For instance:

Allocate 15 minutes to finalise a meeting agenda or 30 minutes to choose between vendors.
When the time is up, move forward with the best option available. This approach minimizes overthinking and prevents “analysis paralysis,” where excessive deliberation delays action. It also creates a sense of urgency, promoting faster, more decisive behaviour.

4. Use the Two-Minute Rule:
Small decisions or tasks, such as replying to an email or approving a straightforward request, can quickly pile up. The Two-Minute Rule suggests handling these immediately.

This prevents clutter in your mental space and leaves more time for larger, more complex decisions. By clearing quick decisions off your plate, you maintain focus on high-priority tasks.

5. Leverage Decision Trees:
Decision trees are visual tools that outline possible choices, consequences, and outcomes. For example:

If you’re choosing between two vendors, a decision tree might map out factors like cost, delivery time, and customer reviews.
By considering these paths, you can clarify potential risks and rewards in minutes, enabling you to make well-informed decisions even in complex scenarios.

6. Trust Your Intuition:
Sometimes, after weighing the pros and cons, options may seem equally viable. In these cases, intuition—your subconscious synthesis of past experiences and knowledge—can guide you.

Intuition often provides a swift, reliable decision when logical analysis stalls.
However, balance intuition with rational thinking to ensure biases don’t dominate your judgment.

7. Use Simple Frameworks:
Simplified tools like a pro/con list or a basic decision matrix can help:

For example, list the advantages and disadvantages of each option, then weigh them against your priorities.
Frameworks like this streamline decision-making, particularly for mid-level choices that don’t require extensive deliberation.

8. Break Down Large Decisions:
Big, complex decisions can be overwhelming, especially under time constraints. Break them into smaller, manageable parts:

Instead of deciding everything at once, tackle one aspect at a time, like defining key goals or identifying top risks.
Progress on smaller decisions builds momentum and reduces the psychological weight of the overarching choice.

9. Consult Key Stakeholders:
Collaboration can uncover valuable perspectives you might miss alone. When time is tight:

Quickly identify and engage people whose input is most relevant.
Be concise and direct in soliciting feedback to ensure efficiency.
Stakeholder input can validate your choices, surface blind spots, and provide critical insights for more confident decision-making.

10. Be Aware of Biases:
Cognitive biases, like confirmation bias (favoring information that supports your preconceptions) or groupthink (prioritizing consensus over sound judgment), can distort decisions.

Actively question assumptions and seek diverse viewpoints.
Recognise when emotions or external pressures may unduly influence your thinking.
Awareness of biases enables you to approach decisions more objectively, even in high-pressure situations.

My Own “Secret” Strategy

In the heat of the moment in high-pressure situations, introverts can harness the power of journaling to make swift, effective decisions. A quick brain dump, can help you clear mental clutter and reduce stress, paving the way for clearer thinking. This can be combined with emotion processing, where getting stifling feelings out of you head and down on paper prevents emotional overwhelm from clouding your judgment. Creating a rapid pros and cons list can help to outline potential consequences and benefits and provides a structured approach to the decision at hand. Taking a moment to identify core values ensures that the decision aligns with what’s truly important to you.

As the pressure mounts, you can use journaling to perform an external influence check, briefly noting any societal pressures or expectations that might be influencing the decision. A worst-case scenario analysis, where writing down the most negative possible outcome can help rationalise fears and gain perspective. Reflecting on past experiences through quick notes can provide you with valuable guidance, drawing on lessons learned from similar situations.

Maybe you prefer to use mind mapping techniques, creating a visual representation of thoughts and connections to see the bigger picture. Writing down your expectations – what you anticipate will happen and why – can prevent hindsight bias later on. Finally, a physical and emotional check-in, noting how you feel both physically and emotionally about the decision, grounds the process in personal experience. By using these techniques, you can leverage yourr natural inclination for introspection to make more confident decisions under pressure, even when time is of the essence.

I always start by buying time, and then I usually chose the two or three most obviously effective options from the suggestions above.

Regular journaling can be a powerful tool for introverts to make decisions under pressure by providing these long-term benefits:

Stress reduction: Regular journaling helps introverts manage stress, which is crucial for clear thinking in high-pressure situations.
Enhanced self-awareness: Through journaling, introverts can deepen their self-awareness, helping them understand their preferences, values, and decision-making patterns.
Clarity of thought: Writing down thoughts and concerns can help unravel overwhelming ideas, leading to clearer perspectives on challenges.
Improved problem-solving skills: Articulating problems through writing enhances problem-solving abilities, which is valuable for decision-making.
Emotional processing: Journaling allows introverts to explore and process complex emotions, preventing emotional overwhelm during decision-making.
Safe space for exploration: Journals provide a judgment-free zone where introverts can freely explore various decision options without external pressure.
Decision tracking: By documenting decisions and their outcomes, introverts can learn from past experiences and improve future decision-making.
Creativity boost: Journaling nurtures creativity, which can lead to innovative solutions and decision approaches.
Worst-case scenario analysis: Using techniques like worst-case scenario journaling can help introverts confront and rationalize their anxieties about potential outcomes.
Quiet reflection: Journaling offers a quiet, solitary activity that aligns with introverts’ need for introspection, allowing for deeper contemplation of important decisions.

Journaling regularly allows introverts to develop a more structured and introspective approach to decision-making, especially in high-pressure situations. On my Camino de Santiago walking retreats, this practice becomes a transformative tool for self-discovery. As you journey through the breathtaking landscapes of southwest France, daily journaling sessions provide a quiet sanctuary to process your thoughts, gain clarity, and connect with your inner self. Guided prompts encourage reflection on your path—both literal and metaphorical—helping you identify what truly matters. If you’re navigating a personal crossroads, journaling amplifies this 5- or 7-dat Camino de Santiago retreat’s essence: stepping away from the noise to walk with purpose, reflect with intention, and emerge with renewed confidence.

A Life-Changing Decision

Chloe’s fingers drummed silently against her leg as she sat in the conference room, surrounded by eager faces waiting for her answer. The opportunity to lead the company’s new Singapore office had dropped into her lap just forty-eight hours ago, when Sarah had unexpectedly declined the position. Now, fifteen pairs of eyes bored into hers, expecting an immediate decision.

The fluorescent lights hummed overhead, a sound that usually faded into background noise but now seemed to drill into her consciousness. She needed time—time to research, to make lists, to carefully weigh every pro and con. That’s how she’d always made important decisions. But CEO Marcus Chen was leaving for Singapore in three hours, and he needed an answer now.

Her apartment, her carefully curated sanctuary with its reading nook and herb garden on the balcony, flashed through her mind. The thought of leaving it behind made her chest tighten. Then there was her sister Emma’s baby, due in four months. How could she miss becoming an aunt?

But beneath the anxiety, another feeling stirred. In her mind’s eye, she saw herself standing on a balcony overlooking the Singapore skyline at dawn, the air heavy with possibility. She thought of all the times she’d stayed in her comfort zone, choosing safety over growth. Each of those small decisions had felt right at the moment, but they’d piled up into a mountain of regrets.

Chloe took a deep breath, her heart pounding against her ribs. The silence in the room had stretched to nearly two minutes. In her normal world, two minutes was nothing—a breath, a blink. But here, now, it felt like an eternity.

“Yes,” she said, her quiet voice somehow filling the entire room. “I’ll do it.”

The word hung in the air for a moment before the room erupted in congratulations. But Chloe barely heard them. She was already thinking about how to tell Emma—not about leaving, but about how she’d finally found the courage to take the leap.

Final Thoughts

Making decisions under pressure is a challenge for anyone, but as an introvert, your natural tendencies toward thoughtfulness and introspection can be your greatest assets. By taking small moments to pause, reflect on your values, and weigh your options—even in high-pressure situations—you can make choices that feel authentic and meaningful.

When time is limited, perfection is often unattainable, and that’s okay. Focus on what matters most, trust your intuition, and accept that some level of uncertainty is inevitable.

It’s okay to embrace quiet strategies, like journaling your thoughts, mentally rehearsing scenarios, or seeking advice through one-on-one conversations rather than group discussions. These methods honour your introverted nature while empowering you to act with confidence and clarity.

Ultimately, every crossroads offers an opportunity to learn more about yourself and your priorities. Trust that even under pressure, you have the tools to navigate decisions with grace and intentionality. When you align your choices with who you truly are, the path forward will become clearer—one thoughtful step at a time.

I am an experienced medical doctor (MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract cert, Transformational Life Coach dip, Counselling cert, Med Hyp Dip and EAGALA cert) with a special interest in stress management. I may have an impressive number of letters after my name, and I may have more than three decades of professional experience, but what qualifies me to excel at what I do is my intuitive understanding of my clients’ difficulties and my extensive personal experience of managing major life changes using strategies I developed over many years.

Imagine having a survival toolkit ready next time you’re hit by a life-shattering transition. When you subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes newsletter, you get FREE access to my How to Survive a Life Quake 7-part online course (valued at €79). This isn’t just another online course; it’s a heartfelt made-with-love guide packed with tools to help you face and thrive through life’s transitions with resilience. I’d love for you to join our community!

16/01/2025

Rewrite Your Life: How Storytelling Can Make Your Life More Meaningful

Especially during Life Transitions

Introduction

Storytelling is one of humanity’s oldest and most powerful tools for making sense of life. Beyond entertainment, stories provide structure, convey values, and reveal truths about our lives. By adopting storytelling techniques, we can infuse our everyday experiences with more meaning and definite purpose.

Life transitions are like flipping to a new chapter in a book—exciting, unpredictable, and sometimes downright scary. Whether you’re starting a new job, starting/selling a business, moving to a different city, or navigating a big change in your personal life, it’s perfectly human to start feeling uncertain and insecure. But what if the secret to making sense of it all lies in the stories we tell ourselves? Storytelling isn’t just for bedtime or movie nights—it’s a powerful tool to create clarity and connection during times of change. By reframing your experiences as part of your bigger life story, you can turn a life transition into an opportunity to live a more meaningful, intentional life.

Because life isn’t just a series of random events—it’s a story. Some chapters are pure page-turners, while others feel like they were written by a sleep-deprived author. By mastering the art of storytelling, you can create a life that’s not only meaningful but also deeply aligned with who you are.

Master the Art of Storytelling to Give Meaning to Your Life

Embark on a Hero’s Journey

The hero’s journey, popularised by mythologist Joseph Campbell, is a universal narrative framework that mirrors personal transformation. Identifying the stages of your own hero’s journey can provide clarity and purpose.

YOU are the hero of your story.

Identify the significant stages: Every hero’s journey begins with a call to adventure (that moment you step out of your comfort zone). Reflect on the pivotal moments in your life—the challenges you’ve faced, the transformations you’ve undergone, and your newfound wisdom. These stages help frame your experiences as part of a bigger story.
Discover meaning in triumphs and setbacks: Every hero encounters trials. By viewing your struggles as necessary steps in your growth, even setbacks can become meaningful.
Name your allies: Heroes don’t have to fight their battles on their own. Every hero should have a Gandalf, a Dumbledore, or that one friend who talks you out of bad decisions. Identify the people who support and guide you—friends, family, teachers, or even inspirational figures. Acknowledge their role in your story and draw strength from their support.

Write Your Memoir

Your life is a tapestry woven from key events, decisions, and experiences. Writing your life story allows you to find coherence and intention in the chaos. Your life story is waiting to be told. And you’re the best qualified to write it.

Write your life story: Jot down those pivotal moments—the highs, the lows, and the “What was I thinking?” decisions. These milestones, challenges, and failures are the building blocks of your story. Focus on the moments that shaped you.
Identify recurring themes and patterns: Notice any patterns? Maybe resilience is your superpower, or perhaps you’re drawn to reinvention. Look for the values and beliefs that consistently appear. Are there recurring lessons or struggles? This self-awareness can guide your future choices.
Make intentional decisions that align with your values. Life’s too short for plotlines that don’t serve your character arc. Use insights from your life story to align your actions with your core values. A cohesive story leads to a more meaningful and deliberate life.

Use Nested Loops

Nested loops are storytelling techniques in which smaller stories feed into a central narrative. Your life isn’t just one story—it’s a collection of smaller tales that all tie back to the central theme. This approach helps connect everyday experiences to a larger purpose.

Identify your core values or life purpose: Define what matters most to you—whether it’s love, growth, creativity, or service.
Connect smaller stories: Relate daily experiences to your fundamental purpose. These smaller stories—like the time you helped a stranger or nailed a challenging project—aren’t random. They all tie back into your bigger picture.
Find magic in the mundane: Suddenly, even grocery shopping can become a metaphor for perseverance. Viewing life as a collection of interconnected stories means no experience is wasted.

Transform Your Main Character

Instead of letting life happen to you, become the architect of your evolution. A meaningful life requires personal growth. By consciously shaping your character, you can become the best possible version of yourself.

Set personal growth goals: Visualise your ideal self and identify the qualities you wish to cultivate.
Seek out challenging experiences: Growth rarely happens in your comfort zone. Whether it’s tackling a fear, starting a side hustle, or joining a book club, challenge yourself to grow. List activities and adventures that align with your values. .
Reflect on how you have changed: Ask yourself how each experience has shaped you. Acknowledge your progress and adjust your objectives as needed.

Reframe Your Perspective

Changing perspective is a powerful tool. By reframing challenges, you can turn adversity into opportunity.

Reframe negative experiences: View failures and hardships as essential parts of your hero’s journey. Instead of seeing a failed project as a disaster, call it “Act Two: The Comeback.” Ask, “What can I learn from this?”
Transform limiting beliefs: Use storytelling to rewrite negative narratives about yourself into empowering ones. For instance, instead of seeing yourself as “not good enough,” craft a story of resilience and progress.
Adopt a growth mindset: Embrace challenges as opportunities to grow, and view setbacks as temporary.

Connect With Others

Stories are bridges that connect us to others. Share yours, and listen to others’ stories. Other people’s stories expand your worldview.

Share your stories: Whether in a writing group, support circle, on social media, or talking to a friend over coffee, sharing your story creates connections.
Listen to others’ stories: Actively hearing others’ experiences broadens your perspective and enriches your own story. Plus, active listening is the fastest way to make meaningful connections.
Forge deeper bonds: Vulnerability is the secret sauce of storytelling. Sharing your struggles and triumphs creates relationships that go beyond surface level.

Reflect and Revise

Your life story is a work in progress. Regular editing allows you to refine your story and align it with your growing self.

Keep a journal: Think of it as your personal story lab—a place to process experiences and experiment with new narratives.
Revisit and update your story: Periodically revisit your life story to integrate new insights and experiences.
Stay open to rewrites: A plot twist might send you in a new direction and provide you with new perspectives. Embrace it. Growth is all about staying flexible.

Additional Aspects to Consider

Goal-setting through storytelling: Envision your future self and write a story about achieving your goals. Break larger goals into smaller, actionable steps and use storytelling to maintain motivation.
Experiment with narrative structures: Try seeing your life through non-linear storytelling. Use flashbacks to connect past, present, and future events.
Use an emotional timeline: A particularly powerful life mapping technique involves creating a line graph that tracks the emotional highs and lows of your life. Starting from birth as a neutral point, you graph significant events by moving the line up for positive experiences and down for challenging moments
Incorporate symbolism and metaphor: Use symbols and metaphors to represent themes in your life. For example, a tree might symbolize growth, while a river could represent change.
Practice gratitude through storytelling: Reflect on the moments you’re grateful for, even during life transitions. Highlight those moments in your story.

By adopting storytelling as a way of life, you can weave meaning into your daily experiences, set purposeful goals, and create connections with others. This intentional approach allows you to live a richer, more fulfilling life, where every chapter contributes to your personal growth and sense of purpose.

One of the easiest ways of writing your life story is by making a Life Map.

Use a Life Map as an Outline for Your Life Story

So, if you think of your life as an epic novel in the making, a life map would be your outline, your plot, your storyboard, your way of figuring out what really matters to you and how to get where you’re going.

Use these 9 steps to create your life map:

1. Stroll Down Memory Lane Take a good, hard look at your past. Not just the highlight reel—dig into the moments that shaped you, scars and triumphs alike. Those experiences are the breadcrumbs to who you’ve become.

2. Survey the Now Zoom in on the present. What’s lighting you up—or holding you back? Think about your priorities, your relationships, and whether your daily grind matches your idea of a good life.

3. Daydream with Purpose What’s next? Picture your ideal future in stunning detail: career moves, personal wins, bucket list adventures. Break it down—short, medium, and long-term goals. The clearer your vision, the easier the map.

4. Pick Your Canvas Old-school notebook or shiny mind-mapping app? Choose your weapon. Whether you’re a paper purist or a tech devotee, it’s all about finding a format that feels right for you.

5. Plot the Timeline Sketch out your journey—past, present, and future. Include those turning points, big dreams, and the milestones that’ll get you there. Make it visually compelling.

6. Divide and Conquer Split your map into life’s key categories: personal growth, career, relationships, health, hobbies—whatever makes you, you. This isn’t one-size-fits-all.

7. Add Some Flair Use colours, doodles, symbols, and images to bring your map to life. The more personal it feels, the more likely you’ll stick with it.

8. Strategise Like a Boss Set actionable, not aspirational goals. What’s it going to take? List out the resources, skills, and steps you’ll need to crush those goals.

9. Tweak, Don’t Toss Revisit it often. Update it as you grow, shift gears, or take detours. This is a living document, not a one-and-done project.

Or use one of these digital tools:

EdrawMind: This flexible mind-mapping application offers a variety of life map templates and allows for easy customisation. It provides features like adding notes, images, tags, and clip art to make your life map more informative and visually appealing.
MindManager: An industry-leading life map software that allows for creating complex, detailed life maps. It offers pre-installed templates and provides an intuitive framework for organizing thoughts and collaborating with team members.
Mapbox: While primarily an interactive map tool, Mapbox can be adapted for creating custom maps, including life maps. It offers a range of features and templates, though it may require some technical knowledge to fully use.
Mapme: Described as “Medium for Maps,” Mapme allows users to create layered maps without coding knowledge. It’s user-friendly and offers features like data plotting and custom shape drawing.
Microsoft Excel: For those preferring a simpler approach, Excel can be used to create a basic life map. It’s versatile and allows for easy organisation of goals and timelines.

When choosing a digital life map tool, consider factors such as ease of use, customisation options, integration capabilities, and your technical skill level. Some tools offer free versions or trials, allowing you to test them before committing to a paid plan.

Final Thoughts

Ultimately, storytelling is about continuous reflection and revision. Our life story is not a fixed document but a dynamic, evolving narrative. By regularly revisiting and reinterpreting our experiences, we can maintain a sense of purpose, adaptability, and personal growth. Each moment becomes an opportunity to add depth, wisdom, and meaning to our ongoing life story.

iNFINITE iMPACT Mentoring Program

Storytelling is at the heart of how I help my Infinite Impact clients find deeper meaning in their lives. Together, we uncover the narratives they’ve been living by and reshape them into stories that align with their interests, priorities, values and aspirations. By reframing challenges as pivotal moments in their personal journeys, clients start to see their lives as rich, purposeful stories in the making. This process not only creates clarity and increases confidence but also inspires them to take bold, intentional steps toward creating the impact they’ve always envisioned.

05/01/2025

Why SMART Goals Might Not Be So Smart After All

A Fresh Perspective

Introduction

At the beginning of this new year, many of us are making plans and setting goals for the year ahead. Whether it’s career ambitions, fitness targets, or personal development objectives, we aim to map our paths to success. To make it easier, you may have been advised to set “SMART” goals. But before you start crafting perfectly specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound objectives, let’s pause for a moment. This popular framework might not always be the smartest choice.

Ever found yourself hitting every target but still feeling like you’re missing the mark? You’re not alone. While SMART goals have become the darling of corporate boardrooms and self-help gurus, this widely embraced framework might actually be holding us back in ways we hadn’t considered.

I have been setting SMART goals for more than a decade, sometimes successfully, other times not so much. Sometimes they’ve helped me achieve exactly what I set out to do – like completing the Amsterdam marathon or creating my nail-your-life-purpose course. Other times, they’ve felt like handcuffs, constraining my creativity and limiting my ability to adapt to changing circumstances. I have discovered that while SMART goals can be powerful tools, they’re not always the answer to every challenge.

These seemingly foolproof objectives might sometimes be outsmarting themselves. In fact, their limitations might surprise you.

The Hidden Limitations of SMART Goals

The Measurement Trap

SMART goals can inadvertently prioritise easily measurable outcomes over meaningful ones. Imagine a teacher who sets a SMART goal of “increasing test scores by 10% this semester.” While this fits the SMART criteria perfectly, it might lead to teaching to reach test scores rather than teaching creative, engaging lessons that spark lifelong learning. The question becomes: are we measuring what matters, or just what’s easy to measure? – Aghera A, Emery M, Bounds R, Bush C, Stansfield RB, Gillett B, Santen SA. A Randomized Trial of SMART Goal Enhanced Debriefing after Simulation to Promote Educational Actions. West J Emerg Med. 2018 Jan;19(1):112-120.

Tunnel Vision and Missed Opportunities

The framework can also create tunnel vision. When we’re hyper-focused on specific, measurable targets, we might miss unexpected opportunities or creative solutions that fall outside our predetermined path. A startup founder rigidly pursuing a SMART goal of “acquiring 1000 new users per month” might overlook valuable feedback suggesting their product needs fundamental changes. SMART goals can act like blinders, for example:

In Business

A retail manager focuses solely on hitting quarterly sales targets, missing crucial customer experience issues that later drive away loyal customers
An investment firm sticks rigidly to its “10% annual return” goal, passing up innovative but unconventional investment opportunities that could yield better long-term results
A software company maintains strict sprint velocity goals, forcing developers to choose quick fixes over necessary architectural improvements

In Personal Development

A writer determined to write 2000 words daily ignores feedback suggesting their story needs structural revision
An athlete so focused on specific strength metrics overlooks mobility issues that later lead to injury
A student fixated on achieving a perfect GPA takes only “easy” classes, missing out on challenging courses that could better prepare them for their career

In Professional Growth

A designer pursuing specific certification goals misses emerging design tools and methodologies that could give them a competitive edge
A middle manager focused on efficiency metrics fails to notice growing team burnout and cultural issues
A freelancer strictly pursuing income targets turns down lower-paying projects that could lead to valuable portfolio pieces and industry connections

In Innovation and Research

A research team so focused on meeting grant-specific milestones overlooks unexpected findings that could lead to breakthrough discoveries
A product development team adhering to rigid feature delivery schedules misses crucial user feedback suggesting a pivot in direction
An environmental organisation focused on specific conservation targets overlooks innovative community-based solutions that could have a broader impact

The “Achievable” Paradox

By emphasising realistic, achievable goals, we might set our sights too low and miss breakthrough innovations. We might even be programming ourselves for mediocrity. History’s greatest innovations – from the Wright brothers to breakthrough medical treatments – often emerged from pursuing what seemed “unrealistic” at the time.

The Environmental Mismatch

Rigid Goals in a Fluid World

Today’s rapidly evolving landscape demands adaptability, yet SMART goals assume a relatively stable environment. A goal that was relevant when set might become obsolete before it’s achieved. A company might set a SMART goal to optimise its retail strategy, only to find consumer behaviour dramatically shifting due to unexpected events . A five-year business plan in certain industries might be disrupted by new technologies. Career goals in professions might not exist in another decade.

The Creativity Conundrum

Time-bound deadlines can sometimes be counterproductive, especially for complex creative or innovative work – it fundamentally misunderstands the creative process. Imagine telling Mozart to “compose three symphonies in the next quarter” – the pressure of arbitrary deadlines might have stifled his creativity rather than enhanced it.

The Human Factor

Perhaps most importantly, SMART goals can overlook the human element. They don’t necessarily account for personal growth, learning processes, or the intrinsic motivation that often drives meaningful achievement. A person might successfully hit their SMART goal of “reading 52 books this year” but miss out on the deep engagement and joy that comes from truly savouring and reflecting on what they read.

SMART goals often overlook the psychological elements that drive true achievement:

Intrinsic motivation versus external metrics
Personal growth and learning processes
The role of passion and purpose
The importance of flexibility and adaptation

Meeting quantitative targets doesn’t always translate to qualitative success. Ter illustration, allow me to introduce you to Trevor Scribblesworth.

The Tale of Trevor Scribblesworth, the Word Count Warrior

Once upon a time in the bustling city of Procrastinopolis, there lived a writer named Trevor Scribblesworth. Trevor was a seasoned wordsmith with a sharp wit and an even sharper deadline. His editor, Ms Punctuality Prose, had set him a daunting task: write exactly 1,500 words per day, every day, for the lifestyle blog “Living Your Best Life (But Better).” It was specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. Perfect! His productivity app gleamed with green checkmarks. His word-count spreadsheet was a thing of beauty. His writing… well, that was another story.

Monday’s post: “10 Ways to Drink Water More Effectively”
“Water is very wet,” Trevor typed furiously. “It’s also quite liquid. Some people drink water every day, which is interesting because days happen all the time. Speaking of time, did you know that fish swim in it. But not all fish. Some fish are actually in the sea, which is like water but bigger and saltier, kind of like potato chips, which make you thirsty, which brings us back to water…”

Tuesday’s post: “How to Breathe Like a Pro”
“Breathing is essential for living your best life,” Trevor began, eyes fixed on his word counter. “In fact, most successful people breathe multiple times per day. Here are some places where you can practice breathing: inside, outside, upstairs, downstairs, in a box, with a fox, in a house, with a mouse…”

By Wednesday, he was really struggling. “5 Signs You’re Actually Alive”
“Being alive is trending right now,” he wrote desperately. “You know you’re alive when you can read blog posts about being alive, just like this one, which you’re reading right now, which proves you’re alive, unless you’re not, in which case this is awkward and you should probably seek medical attention immediately or possibly yesterday…”

Thursday’s masterpiece: “Why Chairs Are the New Standing”
“Chairs have been around for literally several years,” Trevor typed, watching the word count tick up with relief. “Some chairs have four legs, while others brazenly display three or even five legs, which really makes you think about life and its many mysteries, speaking of which, did you know that chairs often support sitting? This is a fascinating development in the chair community…”

Friday’s piece de resistance: “The Ultimate Guide to Looking at Things”
“Looking is a crucial skill,” Trevor declared, madly hammering at his keyboard. “Without looking, how would you know where your coffee is? Or your cat? Or your coffee-drinking cat? Some experts suggest opening your eyes while looking, though this is still debated in certain circles, particularly among professional nappers and people who walk into walls…”

His posts hit the required word count every single day. His metrics were perfect. His engagement stats, however, told a different story. Comments ranged from “Did an AI write this?” to “Are you okay?” to “I’ve read fortune cookies with more depth.”

By Saturday, Trevor’s editor finally intervened. “Trevor,” she said gently, “I notice you’ve met every single word count goal this week.”

“Thank you!” Trevor beamed. “I’m crushing it!”

“You wrote three paragraphs about how shoes are ‘foot clothes.'”

“But it was exactly 1,500 words!”

“And yesterday’s post was just the word ‘nevertheless’ repeated 375 times.”

“It was about persistence!”

Ms Punctuality Prose sighed. “Maybe we need to rethink these goals.”

Trevor gasped. But before he could respond, he had to go write his next post: “The Revolutionary Art of Existing in Space While Time Continues to Move Forward (A Comprehensive Guide).”

Some say he’s still out there somewhere, hitting his word counts with the precision of a Swiss watch and the depth of a puddle. But at least his spreadsheet looks amazing.

Rethinking Goal Setting

SMART goals can help you meet deadlines, but they won’t guarantee depth, quality, or relevance. Instead of abandoning the structure entirely though, consider these alternatives:

Combine SMART objectives with flexible, adaptive frameworks
Include qualitative measures alongside quantitative ones
Build in regular review and adjustment periods
Allow for serendipity and unexpected opportunities
Focus on process goals alongside outcome goals

Research

Looking at the research done on the effectiveness of setting SMART goals, I found that it has yielded mixed results. Some studies have demonstrated positive outcomes, while others have found limitations or no significant benefits:

Creative Performance: SMART goals were found to be no more effective for creative performance than do-your-best goals or non-specific, exploratory ‘open goals’ -Pietsch, Simon & Riddell, Hugh & Semmler, Carolyn & Ntoumanis, Nikos & Gucciardi, F.. (2024). SMART goals are no more effective for creative performance than do-your-best goals or non-specific, exploratory ‘open goals’. Educational Psychology. 44. 1-17.
Quality of Goals: A study examining SMART goals set by Australian community pharmacists found that the majority of goals were classified as poor quality, with 81% scoring two or fewer points on a quality assessment scale – Stewart V, McMillan SS, Hu J, Collins JC, El-Den S, O’Reilly CL, Wheeler AJ. Are SMART goals fit-for-purpose? Goal planning with mental health service-users in Australian community pharmacies. Int J Qual Health Care. 2024 Feb 21;36(1):mzae009.
Job Satisfaction: Research by Leadership IQ suggests that people who set SMART goals are less likely to love their jobs and may be less likely to achieve great things or maximize their full potential.

While SMART goals have demonstrated effectiveness in certain contexts, their universal applicability and superiority over other goal-setting methods remain subjects of ongoing research and debate.

Moving Beyond SMART Goalsetting: A Balanced Approach

The solution isn’t to abandon SMART goals entirely but to use them as one tool in a more comprehensive approach to achievement. Consider setting “direction goals” that define a clear heading while allowing for course corrections and unexpected discoveries along the way.

What really matters is creating a goal-setting framework that acknowledges both the measurable and immeasurable aspects of success – one that leaves room for growth, adaptation, and the fundamental unpredictability of meaningful achievement. After all, the most important outcomes in our lives rarely fit neatly into a five-letter acronym.

What’s your experience with SMART goals? Have they helped you succeed, or have you found yourself checking all the boxes but missing the bigger picture? Perhaps it’s time to get smarter about how we set SMART goals.

Are you ready to step into a more purposeful, meaningful and fulfilling life? Choose your path today:

Book a Camino de Santiago Hiking Adventure
Experience the life-changing magic of the Camino de Santiago. Disconnect from the noise, reconnect with your purpose, and rediscover yourself on this unforgettable pilgrimage.
Enroll in An Online Course
Empower yourself with the skills and strategies to create lasting change. These self-paced courses are designed for high-achievers who want to take control of their future, one intentional step at a time.
Apply for Mentorship
If you’re a successful professional looking to break through barriers, this exclusive mentorship program is for you. Work one-on-one with a seasoned mentor who will challenge, inspire, and guide you to achieve unparalleled growth.

👉The next step is yours. Let’s make this the year you align with your highest self.

Click on the links above to learn more or e-mail me at OpenLockedDoors@gmail.com to book a discovery call.

14/12/202414/12/2024

Release Your Inner Wolf

How to Turn Stress into Your Superpower

The forest was alive with whispers. Frosted leaves crackled underfoot as the wolf padded silently through the underbrush, his silver coat blending seamlessly into the winter’s dim palette. The air hung heavy with the sharp bite of pine and the musk of damp earth. Somewhere ahead, hidden by a lattice of skeletal trees, the deer grazed.

A faint rustle—a flash of movement. The wolf froze, every muscle taut. His amber eyes gleamed as he pinpointed the source of the sound. The deer stood in a clearing, its russet coat glowing faintly under the pale wash of moonlight. Ears twitched nervously, nostrils flared, testing the air for danger. But the wolf was downwind, a ghost among the shadows.

The wolf’s stomach growled. He shifted his weight, the pads of his paws brushing the frosty ground without a whisper. A crow cawed in the distance, the sound as brittle as broken glass, and the deer flinched. Its wide eyes scanned the darkness, but it returned to feeding, lulled by the silence.

The wolf moved. Slowly at first, each step deliberate, the way water slips through cracks unnoticed. His breath puffed faintly in the chill, visible for only a moment before vanishing. The scent of the deer grew stronger, heady with the warmth of life, fueling his hunger. He could almost taste it now: the tang of blood, the salt of sweat.

Suddenly, the deer’s head snapped up. Its eyes locked onto a shadow too close, a shift too sudden. For a heartbeat, the world seemed to hold its breath.

The deer bolted.

The wolf exploded into motion. His muscles coiled and released, his claws tearing into the icy earth as he sprang forward. The forest blurred around him in streaks of grey and black as he pursued his prey, each leap closing the distance. The thunder of hooves ahead was deafening, shaking the ground beneath him, and the scent of fear thickened the air.

The deer dodged between trees, its slender legs bounding over roots and fallen branches, but the wolf was relentless. The cold wind lashed at his face, carrying the coppery tang of adrenaline. His heart hammered a wild drumbeat in rhythm with the chase. The forest seemed to roar with the sound of breaking branches, crunching snow, and the wolf’s ragged breathing.

In a desperate gambit, the deer veered sharply, its hooves skidding across a frozen stream. The wolf followed, his claws scrabbling for purchase on the slick surface, sending shards of ice skittering like glass. He stumbled but surged forward, the gap between them shrinking with every pounding stride.

The deer, its breath erupting in frantic clouds, darted left, then right, searching for sanctuary in the maze of trees. But the wolf’s focus was unbreakable, his golden eyes fixed on the trembling silhouette ahead. The forest echoed with the rhythm of pursuit—the crashing of underbrush, the slap of hooves against the icy ground, the heavy pant of hunger.

The deer faltered, its legs splaying for a heartbeat too long on a patch of frozen moss. The wolf’s muscles coiled, every ounce of strength and hunger gathering into one final, savage leap.

Two animals. Same situation. Radically different responses to stress.

The Two Faces of Stress

A threat-response dictates the deer’s behaviour—its body in full-on fight-or-flight mode, a chaotic cocktail of narrowed blood vessels, diminished brain oxygen, and sheer desperation.

The wolf is reacting to a challenge-response. Blood flows fast, taking oxygen to muscles, as his heart pounds like a war drum—not out of fear but with determination. Every cell in his body works towards his goal: securing dinner for his injured mate.

Now let’s swap the savannah for your office, your kitchen, or the freeway. Stress hits—you’re late for a meeting, your toddler’s finger-painting the walls, or your boss just dropped an urgent five-part project on your desk. Are you the deer? Or are you the wolf?

Most of us will be deer. We treat every curveball like a threat, so we immediately find ourselves trapped in survival mode. Your body doesn’t care whether it’s a tiger or a traffic jam—it reacts the same way. Your cortisol skyrockets. Your heart races. Your brain gets foggy.

Life will never stop throwing us curveballs. The commute from hell, the impossible deadlines, the unexpected emergencies—they’re coming whether you like it or not. But we do get to choose our response. Will you bolt like the deer, or will you lean in, savouring the hunt like the wolf?

It’s the narrative (the story) you attach to stress that does the damage.

Your Choices

The science is clear: when you see stress as an ally, it behaves like one. Dr. Elissa Epel, a renowned stress scientist and professor at the University of California, San Francisco, has a nuanced view of stress that challenges the common perception that all stress is bad for us. Her research has shed light on how stress affects our physical, psychological, and even our ageing processes.

One of dr. Epel’s most significant contributions to stress research involves telomeres, those protective caps at the ends of our chromosomes. Think of telomeres as the plastic tips on shoelaces that prevent fraying. In our cells, telomeres protect our DNA from damage.

Dr. Epel’s work has shown that stress can accelerate the shortening of telomeres, which is associated with cellular ageing. When telomeres get too short, cells stop dividing, leading to tissue ageing. This discovery links stress directly to the biology of ageing at a cellular level.

Here’s where dr. Epel’s view gets really interesting. She doesn’t see stress as inherently bad. Instead, she distinguishes between two types of stress responses:

Threat Response: This is the negative stress we typically think of, where we feel overwhelmed and threatened.

Challenge Response: This is a more positive stress response, where we feel equipped to handle the situation.

Dr. Epel’s research suggests that how we perceive stress can significantly impact its effects on our body and mind. She advocates for adopting a “challenge mindset” rather than a “threat mindset” when facing stressful situations.

Say, you’re about to give a big presentation. Instead of thinking, “I’m so nervous, I’m going to make a complete mess of this,” try telling yourself, “I’m excited, and this energy will help me get my point across and put a substantial raise within reach.” This shift in perspective can actually change your physiological response.

“So when you feel your stress response starting up — a surge of alarm, racing heart, damp palms, high energy or jitteriness — remember that the capacity to mount a stress response to a difficult situation is a strength, not a weakness.

Think of it this way. Asking for support when you are struggling is a strength; well, this is your body asking for the help it needs in that stressful moment so it can be stronger.

Your body is built to recover from stress quickly. The human nervous system can go back to baseline within minutes. You have this capacity already — you just need to get out of your own way and let your body do what it’s programmed to do.”
Elissa Epel, The Stress Prescription: Seven Days to More Joy and Ease

Cut to the Chase

Dr. Epel’s research on stress has led to several practical applications that can help us cope better with stress in our everyday lives:

Reframe stress as a challenge: Instead of viewing stress as a threat, try to see it as a challenge. This shift in perspective can change your physiological response and help you perform better under pressure.

Practice mindfulness: Incorporate daily mindfulness exercises, such as meditation or breathing techniques, to build stress resilience. Even 5-10 minutes a day can have significant benefits.

Adopt daily routines: Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, aiming for at least 7 hours of sleep. This helps regulate your circadian rhythm and improves stress management.

Exercise regularly: Engage in physical activity, which acts as a natural antidepressant and can both prevent and treat depression. High-intensity interval training (HIIT) is particularly effective for stress management.

Use nature to recalibrate and recharge your batteries: Spend time in nature or even watch nature videos to reduce stress and improve well-being. This can help restore attention and produce feelings of awe.

Practice emotional labelling: When experiencing stress, take a moment to notice and name your emotions. This simple act can reduce their negative impact.

Distance yourself and consider different perspectives: When faced with stressful situations, try to gain some distance. Ask yourself if the situation will truly impact your life in a month or a year.

Focus on purpose: Actively seek out and create moments of joy and meaning in your life, as positive emotions can build stress resilience.

The Wim Hof method: Dr. Epel is studying this technique, involving rapid breathing and cold exposure, for its potential to induce positive stress and create antidepressant effects.

Consider dietary interventions: Dr. Epel’s research has shown that specific dietary changes can impact our response to stress:
- Reduce sugar intake, especially from sugary drinks. Liquid sugar has an immediate impact on the brain and can trigger compulsive eating behaviour.
- Increase omega-3 fatty acid consumption. Dr. Epel has explored how omega-3 intake can impact stress and our response to stress.
- Focus on nutrient-dense foods. Dr. Epel’s work suggests avoiding “junk food” during times of stress, as it can be particularly harmful when combined with chronic stress.
- Practice mindful eating. This approach can help reduce impulsive eating and better control glucose levels.
- Aim for a balanced diet that supports overall metabolic health. Dr. Epel’s research shows that stress impacts how we eat and how we metabolize food.
- Consider reducing dietary fat intake. Changes in dietary fat intake were negatively correlated with changes in telomerase activity, which is associated with cellular ageing and stress

By understanding and applying dr. Epel’s discoveries and insights, we can potentially turn stress from a foe into an ally, build stress resilience, improve our overall well-being, and potentially even influence our cellular ageing processes through the impact on telomeres.

5 FAQs

Q: How does Dr. Epel’s research link stress to ageing?
A: Her research shows that women with high levels of perceived stress have telomeres shorter by the equivalent of at least a decade of additional ageing compared to women with low stress. This indicates that stress can promote earlier onset of age-related diseases.

Q: What has Dr. Epel discovered about the impact of early life adversity on telomeres?
A: Dr. Epel’s work has shown that early life adversity, including maltreatment, abuse, severe neglect, and exposure to violence, is associated with shorter telomeres, even in young children.

Q: How does exercise affect the relationship between stress and telomeres, according to Dr. Epel’s research?
A: Dr. Epel’s studies suggest that exercise can act as a buffer against the negative effects of stress on telomeres. People who maintain healthy habits like regular exercise, eating fruits and vegetables, and getting enough sleep show less telomere attrition during stressful periods.

Q: What has Dr. Epel discovered about meditation and telomere length?
A: Dr. Epel’s research found that a three-week meditation retreat had a powerful telomere-lengthening impact, particularly in individuals with higher neuroticism scores.

Q: How does Dr. Epel’s work contribute to our understanding of stress resilience?
A: Dr. Epel’s research emphasizes the importance of building stress resilience through understanding the mind, recognizing how we respond to stress mentally and biologically, and learning to work with our minds to enhance mental and physical health in response to stress.

Your Life Purpose

Dr. Epel’s discoveries have made me think. So stress doesn’t have to drain you. It can actually energise you. I found that the more you practice reframing your response, the easier it gets. You can literally train your brain to see opportunities where others see obstacles.

Her work on the importance of identifying your life purpose also caught my eye. It resonates with my idea that aligning with a meaningful life purpose can transform the way we face challenges and act as a powerful buffer against stress. Think about the last time everything went wrong—would having a vision for the future have helped you cope?

In times of overwhelming challenges, like life transitions, having a purpose becomes even more vital. Epel talks about shifting from “Why is this happening to me?” to “How can I use my gifts to contribute?” That perspective shift can be life-changing. Having a clear sense of purpose is the anchor that steadies you during storms, the spark that ignites your resilience, and the compass that guides you toward a life of fulfilment and meaning.

For most of us, it takes intention and exploration to uncover what truly drives us. That’s why I created the Rearing to Get Going in a New Direction: Finding Your Life Purpose Guided by Horses course – a dynamic, hands-on exploration that will help you gain clarity, rediscover your passions, and map out the next chapter of your life—a course inspired by the intuitive wisdom of my Friesian and Falabella horses.

Enroll in this course and start creating a life that reflects your deepest purpose and values today.

Find out more

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

References:

Elissa S Epel, Elizabeth H Blackburn, Jue Lin, Firdaus S Dhabhar, Nancy E Adler, Jason D Morrow, Richard M Cawthon Accelerated telomere shortening in response to life stress Proc Natl Acad Sci U S A 2004 Dec 7;101(49):17312-5. doi: 10.1073/pnas.040716210

Lin J, Epel E. Stress and telomere shortening: Insights from cellular mechanisms. Ageing Res Rev. 2022 Jan;73:101507. doi: 10.1016/j.arr.2021.101507. Epub 2021 Nov 1. PMID: 34736994; PMCID: PMC8920518.

Daubenmier J, Lin J, Blackburn E, Hecht FM, Kristeller J, Maninger N, Kuwata M, Bacchetti P, Havel PJ, Epel E. Changes in stress, eating, and metabolic factors are related to changes in telomerase activity in a randomized mindfulness intervention pilot study. Psychoneuroendocrinology. 2012 Jul;37(7):917-28. doi: 10.1016/j.psyneuen.2011.10.008. Epub 2011 Dec 14. PMID: 22169588; PMCID: PMC3384690.

10/12/202410/12/2024

Christmas Countdown Calendar Day 16

The: Making Friends and Maintaining Friendships

Rekindling Old Connections

The holiday season is the perfect time to reconnect with old friends. Life transitions often pull us in different directions, but that doesn’t mean the bond is lost. Sometimes, reaching out after years apart can feel like picking up right where you left off.

Think about someone you’ve lost touch with—a friend who once meant a lot to you. What would it feel like to reconnect? You might just reignite a friendship that brings new joy and comfort.

Journaling Prompt: Who is one friend you’d like to reconnect with? What’s one thing you’d like to say to them?

Action Step: Send a message to an old friend today. It could be as simple as “I was thinking of you and hope you’re doing well.”

Interactive Comment: Ready to reach out to an old friend? Comment with “Old bonds, new beginnings!”

Would you like to find out what type of friend YOU are? How well do you know your friends? If you and a new friend really are compatible? I have created a set of light-hearted quizzes, quotes and questions to help you do just that. Just fill in the form below and you’ll get immediate access to them all. I’ll also add you to my newsletter list, though you can unsubscribe from this list effortlessly and at any time. Included:

– How well do you know your Friends? Quiz
– What is Your Friendship Style? and Are your Friendship Styles compatible? Quiz
– 20 of the Most Inspiring Friends and Friendship Quotes and
– 20 lighthearted Questions you can ask to get to know a new Friend

Discover how to build meaningful, lasting friendships and create a support system that truly has your back—delivered straight to your inbox!

It’s time to kick exhaustion to the curb and finally ditch that terminally overwhelmed feeling, evict your inner critic, declutter your mind and take control of your life like a boss. You’re about to turn your life from a comedy of errors into a blockbuster success story (with a much better soundtrack). This two-day online course is designed for anyone facing a major life transition, needing to dramatically reduce stress, end exhaustion and overwhelm, and prevent or recover from burnout.

07/12/2024

Breaking Free: Recognising and Escaping Toxic Friendships

How Toxic Friendships Make Burnout Worse

Let’s face it: relationships are like plants. Some thrive with a little neglect (looking at you, cactus friendships), while others wilt the second you forget to water them. But when life hands you burnout instead of butterflies, it’s time to pause and ask: Are my friendships actually helping me grow—or are they part of the reason I’m fried?

Cue the Friendship Audit. This isn’t a breakup blueprint or a list of ways to ghost that one high-maintenance friend (even if they do make you want to throw your phone into the nearest lake). Instead, it’s about reflecting on who’s truly in your corner—and who’s just crowding your calendar.

.The Big Question: Who’s Got Your Back?

Start by taking a mental inventory of your friendships. Grab a journal, a cup of tea/coffee/hot chocolate, and ask yourself:

Which friends make me feel lighter after talking to them?

Who supports me without needing to be the centre of my universe?

Are there people I secretly dread seeing but feel guilty about letting go?

The truth is, the best friendships aren’t about constant cheerleading or toxic positivity. They’re about showing up in the mess, handing you tissues when you cry over spilled oat milk, and saying, “Burnout? Been there. Let’s order pizza and rage-watch bad reality TV.”

I have always been aware that solid friendships can significantly influence burnout, positively. I haven’t given much thought to the other side of the coin, that “friendships” can also influence burnout negatively.

Toxic friends can not only influence, but significantly exacerbate burnout, particularly during life transitions. These challenging periods already demand substantial emotional resources, making us more vulnerable to stress. These “friends” often drain our energy further by consistently making us feel bad, disrespecting boundaries, and failing to provide genuine support[.

During major life changes, when we need understanding and encouragement the most, toxic friends may instead criticise, belittle our efforts, or simply discourage us. Their negative influence can intensify feelings of anxiety, self-doubt, and emotional exhaustion, which are common symptoms of burnout. Toxic friends can alienate us from other supportive relationships, leaving us without the necessary rest and emotional rejuvenation crucial for managing life changes. This combination of increased stress, lack of support, and emotional depletion can push an already exhausted person further into burnout, making the process of adapting to new life circumstances even more challenging.

Burnout Busters vs. the Burnout Boosters

Friendships should be a two-way street, not a traffic jam of unmet expectations. Here’s your cheat sheet:

Burnout Busters:
✅ Friends who listen without waiting for their turn to talk.
✅ People who respect your boundaries (and don’t guilt-trip you for skipping that 9 p.m. group hang).
✅ Cheerleaders who celebrate your wins—even the small ones like finally folding laundry.

Burnout Boosters:
🚩 The “fixers” who can’t help but give unsolicited advice.
🚩 Energy vampires who turn every convo into a therapy session for them.
🚩 Those who mock your struggles, subtly or not. (“Burnout? From what? All that Netflix?”)

Spotting the Burnout Boosters

Burnout Boosters cause:

Emotional exhaustion: You feel drained or depleted after social interactions, even brief or seemingly positive ones.

Decreased desire for social engagement: You are reluctant to make plans, avoid social activities, and leave messages unanswered.

Overwhelm: You experience anxiety or stress when these “friends” contact you.

Irritability and resentment: You become easily annoyed with these friends over minor issues or you find yourself harboring grudges.

A loss of interest: You struggle to connect with these friends in a pleasurable or meaningful way.

A sense of obligation: You feel guilty when saying no to these friends or you prioritise their needs over your own.

Lack of enthusiasm: You no longer feel excited about spending time with these friends or find previously enjoyable activities burdensome.

Avoidance behaviour: You are constantly making excuses to avoid spending time with these friends or frequently cancel plans.

Mood swings: You experience irritability or quick-temperedness leading to tension in friendships.

Reduced self-care: You neglect your own physical and emotional needs due to burnout.

Feeling powerless: You feel a growing sense of pessimism about the future of the friendship.

Outgrowing the friendship: You start to feel pressured to act inauthentically as you’ve grown and developed as a person.

Journaling Prompts to Help You Audit Your Inner Circle

To figure out who deserves a prime spot in your emotional VIP section, try these journaling prompts:

1. When was the last time I left a friend feeling genuinely energised? Who was I with?

What made me feel so good? Was it the conversation, the activities, or just the vibe?

Did I feel seen and heard, or was it more about their presence putting me at ease?

How often do I prioritise spending time with this person, and could I make more space for them in my life?

2. Which friendships feel easy, like slipping into your favourite hoodie?

What makes this friendship feel so comfortable? Is it their sense of humour, the shared history, or their non-judgmental nature?

Do I feel like I can fully be myself around them—flaws, quirks, and all?

How do I contribute to the ease of this friendship? Do I show up with the same openness and care?

3. Is there anyone I avoid texting back because it feels exhausting?

What specifically about this relationship drains me—are they overly negative, needy, or dismissive of my feelings?

Do I feel like this friendship is one-sided, or that I’m giving more than I get?

What emotions come up when I think about spending time with this person—anxiety, guilt, resentment?

If I were to set a boundary with this person, what might that look like, and how would it feel?

4. Who shows up when I’m struggling—not just when I’m fun?

When I’ve been at my lowest, who has offered meaningful support? (Think: a listening ear, practical help, or simply being present.)

How do I feel when I reach out to this person—safe, validated, or afraid to be vulnerable?

What are the small but significant ways this person makes me feel cared for? (e.g., “They text me good luck before my big meeting,” “They remember my coffee order”)

Have I expressed gratitude for their support? If not, how can I show them that they matter to me?

5. What do my closest friendships say about me? How do I show up as a friend?

Are my friendships a reflection of who I am now—or who I used to be?

Do these relationships align with my values and goals, or are they tied to an old version of myself?

Am I someone who listens, celebrates others’ successes, and provides support without needing anything in return?

What’s one thing I can do this week to strengthen a friendship I value?

These prompts give you the opportunity to not only assess your friendships but also to actionably improve your friendships.

Write it all down, no filter. You might be surprised at what comes up (and who doesn’t).

The Lean-In List: Your Support Squad

Once you’ve done the journaling, create a “Lean-In List” of friends who genuinely lift you up. These are the people to text first when you’re spiralling steadily into depression. think of your Lean-In List as your dream team—your emotional Avengers, the people you can count on when life feels more like Endgame than a casual Tuesday.

How to Build Your Lean-In List

Creating this list isn’t about ranking your friends. It’s about intentionally identifying the relationships that truly nourish you—and that you want to nurture in return. Who’s shown up for you when life was messy?

Focus on Reciprocity: Relationships are meant to be a two-way street. Lean-In List members aren’t just great for you—you’re great for them, too. Think of friendships where support flows both ways. This isn’t about quantity. A Lean-In List with two solid names can be more powerful than a phonebook of acquaintances.

How to Use Your Lean-In List

A Lean-In List is only as good as the effort you put into it. Here’s how to make it your burnout-fighting secret weapon:

Reach Out Regularly: Whether it’s a quick text, a silly meme, or a standing coffee date, keep these relationships warm and thriving.

Be Honest About What You Need: Texts like “I’m feeling overwhelmed—can you talk?” aren’t burdens; they’re trust builders. The right people want to support you, not just hear about your wins.

Show Up for Them, Too: Burnout isn’t a solo sport, and chances are your Lean-In List members could use your support just as much as you need theirs.

Need more support?

That’s where the Road Map to Resilience: From Burnout to Breakthrough, my online course, comes in.

In less than 2 hours a day, twice a day, for two days, you will learn:

How to get a fully restorative, refreshing and rejuvenating night’s sleep, night after night, so that you will stop feeling exhausted, have all the energy you need to get through the day, stop on the way home to shop for healthier food and even get some exercise two or three times a week.

How you can use three highly effective science-based resilience rituals that can help you to rewire your brain so that you’ll be able to cope more effectively with whatever challenges come your way, without getting irritated or frustrated because you are too tired to concentrate.

How to incorporate these rituals in a short, simple, time-saving tried-and-tested morning and evening routine that can help you burnout-proof your life once and for all, increase your resilience and safeguard your mental and physical health every time you go through a life transition.

It’s time to kick exhaustion to the curb and finally ditch that terminally overwhelmed feeling, evict your inner critic, declutter your mind and take control of your life like a boss.

By the end of the course, you won’t just have a Lean-In List—you’ll have the confidence, tools, and energy to lean on it, too.

Your Lean-In List is more than just a list; it’s your safety net, it’s your lifeline during burnout. When you take the time to nurture those connections—and yourself—getting from burnout to breakthrough doesn’t just feel possible. It feels inevitable.

Final Thoughts: Know When to Let Go

It’s okay to outgrow friendships. Not every relationship is meant to last forever, and that’s not a failure—it’s growth. The Friendship Self-Audit isn’t about cutting people off left and right; it’s about creating space for relationships that nourish you.

There are several healthy ways to distance yourself from a toxic friend:

Gradually reduce contact: Slowly decrease your interactions and availability, responding less frequently to messages and declining invitations politely.

Set clear boundaries: Limit your interactions and communicate your need for space if you feel safe doing so.

Focus on other relationships: Deepen existing healthy friendships and engage in new activities to meet like-minded people.

Mute or unfollow on social media: Prevent anxiety-provoking notifications by muting their messages and unfollowing them on social platforms.

Keep conversations neutral: When interacting, discuss only neutral topics, keep answers brief, and avoid confiding in them.

Prioritise self-care: Engage in activities that promote your well-being and emotional health.

Seek support: Confide in trustworthy friends or family members about your decision to distance yourself.

Be consistent: Once you’ve started distancing yourself, maintain your stance to avoid falling back into the toxic friendship.

Practice forgiveness: For your own emotional health, work on forgiving the toxic friend, which can help you move on.

Reflect on the friendship: Take time to evaluate how the relationship affects you and recognize its negative impact on your life.

It’s okay to prioritise your well-being and happiness when dealing with toxic friendships, especially during life transitions.

07/12/202407/12/2024

Christmas Countdown Calendar Day 18

Theme: Making Friends and Maintaining Friendships

Friends as Chosen Family

The holidays can highlight the importance of family, but for some, traditional family relationships may feel strained or distant. This is where friends can become your chosen family—a group of people who truly see, accept, and support you.

Take a moment to appreciate the friends who’ve stepped into that role in your life. These relationships are a testament to the idea that family isn’t always about blood—it’s about love, loyalty, and shared experiences.

Journaling Prompt: Which of your friends feels like family to you? How can you show them your appreciation this holiday season?

Action Step: Reach out to a “chosen family” friend today and let them know how much they mean to you.

Interactive Comment: Cherish your chosen family? Comment with “Friends are family!”

– How well do you know your Friends? Quiz

– What is Your Friendship Style? and Are your Friendship Styles compatible? Quiz

– 20 of the Most Inspiring Friends and Friendship Quotes and

– 20 lighthearted Questions you can ask to get to know a new Friend

Discover how to build meaningful, lasting friendships and create a support system that truly has your back—delivered straight to your inbox!

I put the essence of who I am, and everything I have experienced that makes me who I am, with great enthusiasm, into my retreats, courses and books. – Dr Margaretha Montagu (MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract cert, Transformational Life Coach dip, Counselling cert, Med Hyp Dip and EAGALA cert)

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06/12/202406/12/2024

Christmas Countdown Calendar Day 19

Giving Without Expectations

The holidays remind us of the joy of giving, but sometimes, we hesitate to give in friendships because we’re afraid it won’t be reciprocated. However, true generosity in friendships isn’t about keeping score; it’s about showing care and love because you want to.

A small act of kindness—a thoughtful message, a shared memory, or a surprise gesture—can brighten someone’s day in ways you might not even realize. Giving without expecting anything in return strengthens bonds and brings warmth to both you and your friend.

Journaling Prompt: What’s a small, thoughtful gesture you could do for a friend this week? How might it make them feel?

Action Step: Do one kind thing for a friend today. It could be sharing a funny memory, sending them a cheerful note, or surprising them with something they love.

Interactive Comment: Ready to give from the heart? Comment with “Giving is my gift!”

– How well do you know your Friends? Quiz

– What is Your Friendship Style? and Are your Friendship Styles compatible? Quiz

– 20 of the Most Inspiring Friends and Friendship Quotes and

– 20 lighthearted Questions you can ask to get to know a new Friend

Discover how to build meaningful, lasting friendships and create a support system that truly has your back—delivered straight to your inbox!

05/12/202405/12/2024

The Courageous Entrepreneur: How to Face Challenges Head-On

Explore the mindset shifts that empower entrepreneurs to confront obstacles with confidence.

Definition of Entrepreneurial Courage

If you are thinking about leaving the corporate world and starting a profitable business, you are going to need wheelbarrows full of courage. Ask me, I should know. I have been running my Camino de Santiago walking retreat business for more than a decade, and I am now adding online courses to my portfolio. You may be thinking “But what exactly IS entrepreneurial courage?”

Entrepreneurial courage is the physical, mental, and spiritual strength to face the inherent fears, uncertainties, and challenges that come with entrepreneurship, all while staying true to your core values. It means showing up with confidence and determination, even when the path ahead is unclear or intimidating.

In practical terms, entrepreneurial courage is about:

Taking risks: Investing time, money, and energy into ideas without guaranteed success.

Making bold decisions: Saying no to opportunities that don’t align with your vision, or pivoting your business in a new direction when needed.

Honouring your values: Building a business that reflects your principles, even when it might be easier to follow trends or compromise for short-term gains.

Facing fears: Overcoming impostor syndrome, addressing conflicts, or stepping into public roles like networking or speaking engagements, especially challenging for introverted business owners.

Persevering through setbacks: Learning from failures, adapting to challenges, and continuing to move forward when the going gets tough.

Entrepreneurial courage is not the absence of fear but the choice to move forward despite it, driven by a belief in your purpose and the value you bring to others. It’s about staying resilient in the face of uncertainty.

Everyday Acts of Courage

Saying “sorry” when you’ve made a mistake.

Being authentically yourself, even if it means standing out.

Taking responsibility for your actions and their consequences.

Setting and pursuing challenging personal or professional goals.

Saying “no” to requests that don’t align with your values or priorities.

Forgiving someone who has hurt you deeply.

Helping others, even when you’re struggling yourself.

Choosing to be kind and compassionate, even in difficult situations.

Practicing gratitude, especially during challenging times.

Actively listening to others, especially those with different perspectives.

Different Types of Courage

Physical Courage: This is the most traditional form of courage, characterized by the willingness to face bodily harm or death. It involves acting despite fear in situations where physical danger is present, such as confronting an attacker or participating in extreme sports.
- A firefighter entering a burning building to rescue trapped occupants.
- A person learning to skydive despite their fear of heights.
- A cancer patient undergoing painful treatments to fight the disease.

Social Courage entails the ability to face social risks, such as embarrassment, rejection, or exclusion. This type of courage is crucial for leadership and involves being true to oneself in challenging social situations.
- Speaking up in a meeting to present an unpopular but necessary idea.
- Asking someone out on a date, risking rejection.
- Standing up to a bully at school or in the workplace.

Moral Courage is about standing up for one’s beliefs and values, especially when doing so may lead to personal loss or disapproval from others. It involves making ethical decisions and acting in accordance with one’s principles, even under pressure.
- A whistleblower exposing corporate wrongdoing, risking their career.
- Refusing to participate in unethical business practices, even if it means losing a job.
- Intervening when witnessing discrimination or harassment in public.

Emotional Courage: This type of courage allows individuals to experience a full range of emotions, including vulnerability and fear. Emotional courage is essential for personal growth and happiness, as it encourages openness to both positive and negative feelings.
- Opening up to a therapist about past traumas.
- Expressing vulnerability and sharing feelings with a partner.
- Confronting a family member about a long-standing issue.

Intellectual Courage involves the willingness to engage with new ideas, challenge one’s own beliefs, and accept the possibility of being wrong. It requires an open mind and a readiness to learn from mistakes.
- Engaging in respectful debates with people who hold opposing views.
- Admitting when you’re wrong and changing your stance based on new information.
- Pursuing education in a field completely different from your current expertise.

Spiritual Courage helps you confront profound questions about faith, purpose, and existence. It supports the pursuit of meaning in life, whether through religious beliefs or philosophical inquiry.
- Questioning long-held beliefs and exploring new spiritual paths.
- Sharing your faith or lack thereof in environments where it might be unpopular.
- Making difficult life choices based on your spiritual convictions.

The Types of Courage You Need to Start a Business

Starting a business requires different types of courage, each playing a crucial role in the success of your business:

Social Courage: It is essential for entrepreneurs to be themselves unapologetically to stand out in the business world. For example, it involves speaking up to present your ideas and asking for support or investment despite the risk of rejection.

Moral Courage: Entrepreneurs often face ethical dilemmas and must have the strength to do what’s right, even when it’s uncomfortable or unpopular. This could involve refusing to participate in unethical business practices, even if it means losing potential profits or partnerships.

Emotional Courage: Starting a business is an emotional rollercoaster. Entrepreneurs need to accept and process both positive and negative emotions without guilt or attachment. This includes opening up about challenges and expressing vulnerability when seeking advice or support.

Intellectual Courage: The business world is constantly evolving, requiring entrepreneurs to learn, unlearn, and relearn with an open and flexible mind. This involves admitting when you’re wrong and changing your stance based on new information.

Physical Courage: While not always involving bodily risk, physical courage in entrepreneurship means persevering through long hours, stress, and potential health impacts to keep the business going.

Spiritual Courage: This involves living with purpose and meaning, approaching business decisions with a heart-centered approach. It’s about questioning long-held beliefs and making difficult choices based on your convictions.

Entrepreneurs must be willing to take risks without any guarantee of success. As I mentioned in the definition, courage isn’t the absence of fear; it’s acknowledging fear and moving ahead anyway, knowing that along the way, you’ll be able to master the necessary skills to achieve your goals.

Strategies to Develop Entrepreneurial Courage

Generating the courage to take risks in your business is a crucial aspect of entrepreneurial success.

Start small: Begin by taking calculated, smaller risks to build your confidence gradually. As you experience success with these smaller risks, you’ll feel more comfortable tackling larger ones.

Understand that not all risks can be predicted or controlled. Be willing to step out of your comfort zone and navigate through uncertain situations, as this can lead to innovative solutions and growth opportunities.

Analyse mistakes, identify areas for improvement, and adjust your strategies accordingly. View failures as valuable learning experiences that refine your risk-taking abilities.

Cultivate emotional resilience: Work on bouncing back from setbacks and maintaining a positive outlook through challenges.

Seek support: Prepare your employees, partners, and investors for potential difficulties. Having a strong support system can make it easier to face risks.

Focus on your vision: Remember your ultimate goals and the reasons you started your business. This can provide motivation and courage when facing risks.

Continuously educate yourself: Stay informed about your industry, market trends, and best practices. The more knowledge you have, the more confident you’ll feel in taking calculated risks.

Adopt a growth mindset: A growth mindset is an entrepreneur’s secret weapon: it helps you to raise the courage needed to face challenges, take risks, and persist in your venture.
- Entrepreneurs with a growth mindset view challenges as opportunities for learning and development rather than insurmountable obstacles. This perspective enables you to approach difficult situations with determination.
- A growth mindset helps you see failures as temporary setbacks and learning experiences rather than permanent defeats. This resilience allows you to bounce back from failures and continue pursuing your goals with renewed courage.
- Those with a growth mindset believe that abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work. This belief encourages entrepreneurs to put in the necessary effort to improve their skills and knowledge, boosting their confidence and courage to take on new challenges.
- Entrepreneurs with a growth mindset are more likely to view feedback and criticism constructively, using it to improve their strategies and approaches. This openness to learning enhances your ability to adapt and innovate courageously.
- Rather than feeling threatened by others’ achievements, those with a growth mindset are inspired by their competition. This perspective encourages you to courageously pursue your goals and aspirations.
- Persistence in the face of uncertainty: A growth mindset provides entrepreneurs with the courage to persist in uncertain and challenging environments.

By cultivating a growth mindset, you can develop the psychological capital necessary to face the risks and uncertainties inherent in entrepreneurship. This mindset enables you to approach challenges with courage, learn from failures, and continuously adapt and improve, ultimately contributing to your success and satisfaction in your entrepreneurial journey.

Lesser-known Courageous Female Entrepreneurs who have made a Significant Impact

If you need some inspiration:

C.J. Walker: Born to former slaves, she became one of the first American women to become a self-made millionaire. Her line of beauty and hair products for black women was revolutionary in the early 20th century.

Reshma Saujani: Founder of Girls Who Code, Saujani identified a critical gap in the tech industry and took innovative action to change it. She has empowered over 10,000 girls to enter the male-dominated field of technology, challenging industry norms and inspiring a new generation of tech leaders.

Ursula Burns: Starting as a summer intern at Xerox, Burns rose to become the first Black woman to lead a Fortune 500 company. Her journey from an NYC housing project to CEO showcases remarkable perseverance and courage in breaking barriers in corporate leadership.

Sara Blakely: Founder of Spanx, Blakely went from being a fax machine salesperson to creating a widely successful undergarment company. Her perseverance and problem-solving skills have made her one of the most successful female entrepreneurs.

Katrina Lake: Founder of Stitch Fix, Lake became the youngest female founder to lead an IPO in 2017. She identified an opportunity in the changing retail industry and built a widely loved online personal-shopping service.

Rachel Mielke: Founder of Hillberg & Berk, Mielke stands out for her work in empowering other women. Her jewelry brand has made significant charitable contributions and maintains a predominantly female workforce.

Mary Kay Ash revolutionised the beauty industry with her innovative business model and exceptional leadership skills. She empowered women by creating job opportunities and promoting them to leadership positions.

These entrepreneurs have not only achieved remarkable success but have also paved the way for future generations of women in business, demonstrating courage in breaking barriers and creating innovative solutions in their respective industries.

By implementing the strategies I discussed above, you can gradually build the courage needed to take risks in your business, leading to greater innovation, growth, and success.

When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.
Paulo Coelho

References:
Kristi Bockorny, Carolyn M Youssef-Morgan, Entrepreneurs’ Courage, Psychological Capital, and Life Satisfaction Front Psychol. 2019 Apr 5;10:789 PMCID: PMC6461011 PMID: 31024410

Baron R., Franklin R., Hmieleski K. (2016). Why entrepreneurs often experience low, not high, levels of stress: the joint effects of selection and psychological capital. J. Manag. 42 742–768. 10.1177/0149206313495411

Fairlie R. (2007). “Entrepreneurship among disadvantaged groups: women, minorities and the less educated,” in The Life Cycle of Entrepreneurial Ventures, ed. Simon P. (New York, NY: Springer; ), 437–475. 10.1007/978-0-387-32313-8_15

Does it take courage to start a business?

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25/11/2024

Remote Work: A Tale of Two Temperaments – Introverts and Extroverts

Is working remotely really the introvert’s dream and the extrovert’s nightmare?

With so many people, nearly three years after the pandemic still working remotely, by choice, it might seem as if the statement above might well be true. Not for me, though. I consider myself an inveterate introvert, and I spend long hours working on my own, marketing my Camino de Santiago walking retreats, but I also need regular contact with friends and family to keep me grounded.

When I met my friend Hannah for coffee at our favourite bistro, I discovered I wasn’t the only one. According to Hannah, she had always felt out of place in the office. Open-plan desks, forced conversations about last night’s Netflix binge, and the dreaded “Happy Birthday” singalongs—none of it was her scene. So, when her company announced they were offering permanent remote work, she couldn’t sign up fast enough.

No more awkward coffee breaks. No more Karen from HR asking if she had “big plans for the weekend.”

The first week was everything she’d dreamed of. She woke up to birdsong instead of her alarm, brewed her own coffee instead of suffering through whatever tar-like concoction the office kitchen offered, and basked in the absence of small talk. She didn’t even mind that she spent half the day on Zoom. Turning her camera off and pretending to listen was far easier than surviving in-person brainstorming sessions.

By week two, cracks started to show.

Hannah, much to her own surprise, missed the routine of the commute. Now, her days started in a haze of endless sameness. Bedroom to laptop. Laptop to kitchen. Kitchen to couch. And back again.

The silence, once soothing, became oppressive. She noticed how loud her apartment was: the constant hum of the fridge, the neighbour’s dog barking, and the faint screech of tyres on the street. She tried to listen to music to fill the void, but it only made her more aware of how quiet her world had become.

By the end of the third week, Hannah realised she hadn’t seen or spoken to another human being fat-to-face for days. She appreciated the presence of her cat enormously, but although he talked a lot, he wasn’t always understandable. The realisation hit hard. She started lingering on Zoom calls just to hear voices, even if they were discussing budgets or quarterly KPIs.

She thought working remotely would free her, but instead, it felt like a cage she’d willingly locked herself into.

Desperate for connection, she started visiting a local coffee shop with her laptop. The hum of conversations, the hiss of the espresso machine—it all felt oddly comforting. She didn’t talk to anyone, of course, but being around people reminded her that she was still part of the world.

Eventually, she joined a coworking space. Just a couple of days a week, enough to strike a balance. Hannah wasn’t ready to give up her solitude entirely, but she’d learned a hard truth: isolation, even for an introvert, wasn’t as blissful as she thought it would be.

By the time her first day at the coworking space ended, she felt lighter, more human. And when a stranger in a striped shirt asked if the seat next to her was taken, Hannah did something she never thought she’d do.

She smiled and said, “Go for it.”

My own experience, mirrored by Hannah’s experience, made me think. I thought about Carl Jung said about Introverts vs. Extroverts: “… introversion and extroversion are the foundation of personality, the building blocks that influence the way we live, work and interact with others. Introverts are attracted to the inner world of ideas, thoughts and emotions, while extroverts are attracted to a vibrant social life and group activities.” That much is clear. But Carl Jung also said, “”There is no such thing as a pure introvert or a pure extrovert. Such a man would be condemned to spend his life in an asylum.”

Seems to me that introversion and extroversion should be seen as a spectrum with introverts on one end, extroverts on another and ambiverts somewhere in the middle. Also, in certain situations, an introvert can respond like an extrovert, and vice versa. Sometimes, introverts need connection and extroverts need solitude.

So how does the existence of this spectrum influence our approach to working remotely?

The shift to remote and hybrid work has dramatically reshaped the professional landscape, affecting introverts and extroverts in distinctly different ways. This new work paradigm has created a unique set of challenges and opportunities for both personality types, fundamentally altering their productivity.

Introverts, who typically thrive in quiet, controlled environments, have found remote work to be a sanctuary away from the hustle and bustle of traditional office settings. The ability to work from home has provided them with a peaceful atmosphere that aligns well with their natural tendencies, allowing for increased focus and productivity. Introverts appreciate the reduced social pressure and the freedom to communicate on their own terms, whether through email, messaging apps, or scheduled video calls.

On the other hand, extroverts have faced significant challenges in adapting to remote work. The lack of in-person interaction and the absence of a dynamic office environment has left many extroverts feeling isolated and less motivated. Extroverts often draw energy from social interactions and collaborative environments, which are less readily available in a remote setting. This shift has led to decreased productivity and increased feelings of disconnection for many extroverts. Many report feeling disconnected from their teams and missing the spontaneous conversations that once punctuated their workday. As Sarah Martinez, a sales executive, shares, “I miss the energy of the office. Video calls just aren’t the same as stopping by someone’s desk for a quick chat.”

Enter the hybrid work model. Introverts may opt to work remotely more often, enjoying the solitude and ability to control their social interactions. Extroverts, in contrast, can return to the office, seeking out the face-to-face interactions and collaborative atmosphere they crave.

The transition to remote and hybrid work has also impacted communication styles. Introverts may find virtual meetings less overwhelming, as they can participate without the pressure of constant face-to-face interaction. Extroverts, however, might struggle with the limited non-verbal cues in virtual settings and the reduced opportunities for spontaneous conversations.

Balancing the benefits of remote work for introverts with the need for social interaction for extroverts has become a key challenge in creating effective and inclusive work environments.

Today, introverts are valued employees of many companies, which are looking for managers with soft skills. Published in 2013, the book Quiet (The Power of Discretion: The Power of Introverts in an Overly Talkative World), by the American Susan Cain, marks the beginning of the “silent revolution” of introverts. In this book, which remained on the US bestseller list for almost two years, she demonstrates, through surveys of psychologists, anthropologists and sociologists, the value of introverts, whose creativity fuels business, the arts and politics. Her TED talk has been viewed nearly 30 million times.

All this seemed pretty straightforward until Myers-Briggs discovered in a recent study, conducted by John Hackston, Head of Thought Leadership at The Myers-Briggs Company, that 82 per cent of extroverted workers would prefer a hybrid work model, with 15 per cent actually preferring full-time remote work. Self-described introverts, on the other hand — a whopping 74 per cent of them — said they wanted to be in the office at least part-time.

So, how does remote work impact introverts specifically? What advantages do they enjoy, and what hurdles must they overcome? And most importantly, how can they minimise the downsides to thrive in their professional and personal lives?

The Introvert’s Perspective: Opportunities

For many introverts, remote work has been a revelation. The elimination of open-office distractions and the ability to control their environment has led to increased job satisfaction. Without the constant buzz of office activity, introverts can focus on their tasks without the energy drain of constant social interaction.

For introverts, remote work offers undeniable perks.

A Distraction-Free Environment
Without the constant chatter of colleagues or the need to participate in spontaneous discussions, introverts can focus on their tasks. This environment allows for heightened productivity and creativity, as introverts excel in settings where they can work uninterrupted.

Control Over Workspace and Schedule
Being at home means having the freedom to design a workspace that feels comfortable and supportive. Introverts can customise their day to include moments of quiet reflection, aligning work rhythms with their natural energy cycles.

Reduced Pressure for Socialising
Introverts often feel drained by excessive small talk or obligatory networking events. Gone are the days of forced small talk around the water cooler. Working remotely eliminates many of these stressors, enabling them to conserve energy for what truly matters.

These advantages make remote work appealing for introverts, but they don’t tell the whole story.

The Introvert’s Perspective: Challenges

While remote work initially feels like an introvert’s dream, it can also present unique challenges. It certainly isn’t without its pitfalls for introverts. The very aspects that make it appealing can also create unexpected difficulties: without the natural boundaries of a physical office, many introverts find themselves working longer hours, struggling to disconnect from work when it’s always within reach.

Blurred Boundaries Between Work and Life
Without a clear division between the office and home, introverts may find themselves working longer hours, leading to fatigue. The sanctuary of home life can become overshadowed by work demands, disrupting the balance they need to thrive.

Limited Professional Visibility
Introverts may unintentionally fade into the background in a remote setting, missing opportunities to showcase their contributions or build relationships with colleagues and leaders. The limited face-to-face interaction can lead to decreased visibility within their organisations, potentially impacting career advancement opportunities.

Isolation and Loneliness
While introverts value solitude, they still require meaningful connections. The absence of regular face-to-face interaction can lead to emotional disconnection and feelings of being undervalued or unsupported.

These challenges can accumulate over time, leaving introverts feeling drained and even burnt out.

The Burnout Factor

One of the most overlooked risks for introverts in remote work is burnout. Paradoxically, the very environment that feels comfortable can contribute to their exhaustion. Without clear boundaries, introverts often overcompensate, working harder to ensure their contributions are recognised. Combined with a lack of social interaction, this can lead to feelings of isolation, stress, and diminished well-being. The constant need to be “on” for video calls, combined with the pressure to maintain visibility in a virtual environment, can drain introverts’ energy reserves more quickly than traditional office work.

This is where structured support can make all the difference. My course, ‘Building Resilience – a Roadmap from Burnout to Breakthrough during a Life Transition,’ is designed to help professionals— especially introverts—overcome these challenges. It offers practical tools to set boundaries, manage stress, and cultivate sustainable self-care practices. By increasing their resilience, introverts can not only prevent burnout but also thrive in their remote work environment.

Coping with the Challenges: Practical Tips for Introverts

To thrive in remote work environments, introverts can implement several key strategies:

Set Clear Work-Life Boundaries

Designate a specific workspace to create physical separation from your personal life.

Establish fixed working hours and commit to “clocking out” at the end of the day.

Schedule Regular Breaks

Regular breaks throughout the day are essential for maintaining energy levels. These breaks should be scheduled rather than left to chance, ensuring they actually happen.

Use these breaks to step outside, stretch, or take a short walk – this can help reset mental focus and prevent the fatigue that comes from extended screen time.

Stay Connected

Schedule one-on-one virtual coffee chats with colleagues to maintain a sense of camaraderie.

Participate in team meetings and contribute thoughtfully. These controlled interactions allow you to maintain visibility while managing your energy levels.

Leverage Technology

Technology can be a powerful ally in this environment.

Using productivity tools to automate routine tasks, manage notifications, and organise work can reduce mental clutter and preserve energy for more important activities.

Experiment with apps like Slack or Microsoft Teams to maintain open communication without being overwhelmed.

Prioritise Self-Care

Dedicate time to hobbies, exercise, and activities that nourish your mental health.

Explore resources to gain deeper insights into managing stress and building lasting well-being.

Conclusion: Thriving as an Introvert working (mostly) @Home

Remote work offers unique advantages for introverts, but success requires intentional strategy and self-awareness. By acknowledging both the benefits and challenges of this work style, introverts can create systems and habits that support their natural tendencies while protecting against potential pitfalls.

The key lies in leveraging introverted strengths – such as intense focus and thoughtful communication – while actively managing the risks of isolation and burnout. Resources like the Roadmap to Resilience course provide valuable support in this journey, offering structured approaches to maintaining well-being and professional effectiveness in a remote environment.

As the workplace continues to evolve, introverts have a unique opportunity to thrive in ways that weren’t always possible in traditional office settings. By embracing their natural tendencies while staying mindful of potential challenges, introverts can create a sustainable and rewarding remote work experience that supports both their professional growth and personal well-being.

Dr Margaretha Montagu – MBChB, MRCGP, NLP Master Pract cert, Transformational Life Coach dip, Counselling cert, Med Hyp Dip and EAGALA cert

In addition to the transformational retreats that I host at my little French farm near Bordeaux, I have also created a couple of online courses, ex. Break Free from Uncertainty and Get Going in a New Direction – each course is available with or without one-to-one coaching. To receive notification of last-minute and early-bird specials on all of the above, I invite you to subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes newsletter which gives immediate access to my free How to Survive a Life Quake e-course.

It’s time to kick exhaustion to the curb and finally ditch that terminally overwhelmed feeling, evict your inner critic, declutter your mind and take control of your life like a boss. You’re about to turn your life from a comedy of errors into a blockbuster success story (with a much better soundtrack). This two-day online course is designed for anyone needing to dramatically reduce stress, end exhaustion and overwhelm, prevent or recover from burnout, AND create a positive impact on others. Find out more

Strategies fof Introverts

Introduction

Strategies for Introverts

The Introvert’s Personal “Emergency Response Kit”

My Own “Secret” Strategy

A Life-Changing Decision

Final Thoughts

Especially during Life Transitions

Introduction

Master the Art of Storytelling to Give Meaning to Your Life

Embark on a Hero’s Journey

Write Your Memoir

Use Nested Loops

Transform Your Main Character

Reframe Your Perspective

Connect With Others

Reflect and Revise

Additional Aspects to Consider

Use a Life Map as an Outline for Your Life Story

Final Thoughts

iNFINITE iMPACT Mentoring Program

A Fresh Perspective

Introduction

The Hidden Limitations of SMART Goals

The Measurement Trap

Tunnel Vision and Missed Opportunities

In Business

In Personal Development

In Professional Growth

In Innovation and Research

The “Achievable” Paradox

The Environmental Mismatch

Rigid Goals in a Fluid World

The Creativity Conundrum

The Human Factor

The Tale of Trevor Scribblesworth, the Word Count Warrior

Rethinking Goal Setting

Research

Moving Beyond SMART Goalsetting: A Balanced Approach

How to Turn Stress into Your Superpower

The Two Faces of Stress

Your Choices

Cut to the Chase

5 FAQs

Your Life Purpose

The: Making Friends and Maintaining Friendships

Friends and Friendships

Thank you so much!

How Toxic Friendships Make Burnout Worse

.The Big Question: Who’s Got Your Back?

Burnout Busters vs. the Burnout Boosters

Spotting the Burnout Boosters

Journaling Prompts to Help You Audit Your Inner Circle

The Lean-In List: Your Support Squad

How to Build Your Lean-In List

How to Use Your Lean-In List

Need more support?

Final Thoughts: Know When to Let Go

Theme: Making Friends and Maintaining Friendships

Friends and Friendships

Thank you so much!

retreatssouthoffrance

Friends and Friendships

Thank you so much!

Explore the mindset shifts that empower entrepreneurs to confront obstacles with confidence.

Definition of Entrepreneurial Courage

Everyday Acts of Courage

Different Types of Courage

The Types of Courage You Need to Start a Business

Strategies to Develop Entrepreneurial Courage

Lesser-known Courageous Female Entrepreneurs who have made a Significant Impact

Is working remotely really the introvert’s dream and the extrovert’s nightmare?

So how does the existence of this spectrum influence our approach to working remotely?

The Introvert’s Perspective: Opportunities

The Introvert’s Perspective: Challenges

The Burnout Factor

Coping with the Challenges: Practical Tips for Introverts

Conclusion: Thriving as an Introvert working (mostly) @Home