Tag: life purpose

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It’s Time to Leave it All behind in 2024

2025: A Year of Possibilities

As we approach the start of 2025, I am reviewing 2024—the good, the middling and the downright disastrous. It has been a year of stratospheric highs and mind-scrambling lows. Why is it that the struggles, disappointments, regrets, unmet expectations and failures are still clinging to me like invisible weights, dragging my spirits down? I have decided that it’s time to release them—time to write them down on paper, then tear up the paper or burn it safely as a symbolic act to remind myself that the past does not define my future.

Because 2025 is a clean slate—a chance to let go of the baggage that’s been weighing us down and holding us back and step into the future with courage, determination and intention. 2024 might have been a difficult year, but it was also a year of discoveries. I have learnt a lot, and I am taking my business in a whole new direction as a result.

Why Letting Go Matters

Think about this for a moment: how much mental energy do we spend rehashing the past? Whether it’s reliving mistakes we made, holding onto grudges, or worrying about things we can’t change, those thoughts take up a lot of space in our minds and hearts.

The truth is that mistakes and failures are part of life—but they don’t have to define us. Every mistake we make teaches us something valuable. Maybe 2024 wasn’t everything you hoped it would be. Maybe you didn’t realise all (or any) of your goals, or a dream didn’t pan out the way you wanted. That’s okay. Those experiences were stepping stones that helped you grow, even if it didn’t feel like it at the time.

Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting. It doesn’t mean pretending that the hard stuff didn’t happen. It means choosing to stop lugging it around.

How to Let Go

So, how do we actually let go? It starts with reflecting on the past year in a kind and honest way. Take some time to think about these questions:

  • What went well in 2024? What are you proud of?
  • What didn’t go as planned, and what did you learn from it?
  • What do you need to leave behind to make space for new growth?

When you reflect like this, you’re not beating yourself up—you’re learning. Maybe you realise you’ve been too hard on yourself or that you’ve been carrying someone else’s expectations instead of your own dreams. Recognising those things is powerful because it allows you to release them.

Forgive So That You Can Move Forward

Another big part of leaving the past behind is forgiveness. This might mean forgiving someone who hurt you or forgiving yourself for mistakes you’ve been holding onto. Let’s be real—none of us are perfect. We all mess up. But holding onto anger, regret, or guilt only ties us to the past.

Think of forgiveness as cutting a cord. When you let go of those negative emotions, you’re freeing yourself. It’s not about letting someone “off the hook”; it’s about giving yourself the peace you deserve.

Setting Intentions for 2025

Once we’ve let go of the past, we get to turn our attention to the future. And here’s where I think we often go wrong with New Year’s resolutions: we make them too rigid, too big, or too rooted in perfection. I have never been very good at keeping New Year’s resolutions, and although I totally understand how effective setting SMART and even SMARTER goals can be, I have never been able to make it work for me.

So, instead of saying, “I’ll exercise 5 days a week for 30 minutes” or “I’ll save X amount of money by July 2025,” what if we set intentions that are more about how we want to feel or who we want to become? For example:

  • “I want to be healthier, sleep better and feel more energised.”
  • “I want to make choices that support my long-term happiness.”
  • “I want to be kinder to myself and others.”

Keep it simple, and focus on growth, not perfection. And when you anchor your goals in something meaningful, you’re more likely to stick with them.

In fact, one of the most precious gifts you can give yourself in 2025 is simplicity. Imagine stepping into the year as if you’re boarding a plane to a dream destination. What would you pack in your carry-on?

  • Pack: gratitude, kindness, curiosity, and resilience.
  • Leave behind: fear, self-doubt, anxiety and toxic comparisons.

The “One Word” Challenge

Instead of your list of New Year’s resolutions filling a 700-page book, try the “One Word” challenge—a no-fuss, feel-good way to set the tone for your year without getting bogged down by an endless to-do list.

Instead of trying to do all the things and be everything to everyone, pick one single word to guide you in 2025. Think of it as your compass—a word that keeps you steady, going in the right direction, focused, and inspired, no matter what curveballs life throws your way.

Not sure what your word should be? Here’s some inspiration:

  • If 2024 felt like a horror movie starring fear: Your word could be courage. Picture yourself braving new challenges, taking leaps of faith, or simply speaking up when it matters.
  • If you felt stuck, like a car spinning its wheels in the mud: Try motivation. Or momentum. This word is all about baby steps—tiny moves that build big energy over time.
  • If 2024 was more “hot mess express” than smooth sailing: Consider insight. Or integrity. This might mean creating space for work and play, saying “yes” less often, and finding your calm in the chaos.

Once you’ve found the word that clicks, make it impossible to ignore. Write it on your bathroom mirror in lipstick or dry-erase marker. Use it as your phone’s lock screen wallpaper. Doodle it in the margins of your notebook. You could even turn it into some artsy DIY project (think embroidery, print art, or even a clay charm) if you’re feeling crafty.

The beauty of this challenge? Your word doesn’t come with deadlines or a guilt trip. It’s there to remind you of what matters most when things get tough or life feels a little too loud.

So go ahead—ditch the mile-long resolution list and pick your word for 2025. One word, endless possibilities.

Strengthening Connections in 2025

As we move into 2025, gather your people around you. Use 2025 as a year to deepen your connections—with loved ones, with your community, and with yourself. Because we are all threads in a larger tapestry, and our strength often lies in the bonds we weave with others – bonds that make life richer, more vibrant, and more meaningful.

Reconnect with Loved Ones

Let’s start with the people who’ve shared your journey. Maybe you’ve been meaning to text that old friend, the one who always knew how to make you laugh but somehow drifted out of your orbit in 2024. Reach out—whether it’s a heartfelt message, a coffee date, or a quick call to say, “Hey, I’ve missed you.” Chances are, they’ve missed you too.

For those closest to you, like family or your inner circle, prioritise quality time. It doesn’t have to be extravagant—game nights, Sunday brunches, or even just a walk in the park can tighten bonds. Let them know they are important to you, and that what happens to them matters.

Cultivate Community Connections

Look around you—your neighbourhood, workplace, or local groups are full of opportunities to make new friends and weave threads into your social tapestry.

  • Volunteer your time: Whether it’s a local shelter, a food bank, or a cause you’re passionate about, volunteering can connect you with people who share your values while making a tangible impact.
  • Join a group or class: From book clubs to yoga sessions to painting workshops, stepping into a community space can spark connections with like-minded souls.
  • Be a good neighbour: Sometimes, a simple smile, a friendly hello, or lending a hand to someone nearby is all it takes to feel more connected.

Reconnect with Yourself

Amid all this connecting, don’t forget the most important relationship of all—the one you have with yourself. Often, we’re so focused on others that we lose touch with our own inner world. Let 2025 be the year you turn inward with courage, compassion and curiosity.

Grab a notebook and let your thoughts spill onto the pages. Journaling isn’t just for writers; it’s a safe space to reflect, process emotions, and discover patterns in your life. You might find clarity on things that have been weighing you down or realise just how much you’ve grown.

Use this journaling prompt to get you going: The Three Questions: Letting Go of 2024

  1. What am I proud of achieving in 2024? Think about your victories, big or small. What challenges did you overcome? What life transitions did you survive? What lessons are you taking with you into 2025?
  2. What do I need to let go of that happened in 2024? Write down the worries, mistakes, failures or disappointments – get them out of your mind and onto the page. Once done, you can burn the page.
  3. What intentions do I want to set for 2025? Picture the person you want to be in the coming year. What values, habits, or mindsets will guide you? What would make 2025 feel meaningful, fulfilling and joyful?

End the exercise by writing a simple affirmation or mantra that resonates with you, such as:
“I am free from the past, open to the future, and grounded in the present.”

Weaving the Bigger Picture

It’s easy to feel isolated in a world that often celebrates independence and self-sufficiency. But here’s a truth worth remembering: none of us exist in a vacuum. We’re all threads in a larger tapestry, interconnected in ways we don’t always see and rarely appreciate.

When life feels overwhelming, lean on your network. Call a friend, confide in a mentor, or join an online community where you feel safe, seen and understood. The bonds you nurture, no matter how tenuous, ripple outward in unimaginable far-reaching ways.

In 2025, maybe “connection” will be your word? Because when we move forward together, we’re capable of so much more.

Imagine 2025

Here’s a little exercise: imagine 2025 as a blank canvas. Or a journal filled with blank pages. Maybe it’s a year where you chase that dream you’ve been putting off. Maybe it’s a year where you let go of the pressure to always be “more productive.”

Whatever you envision, know this: you don’t have to have it all figured out. You don’t need to wait for the perfect moment. Every single day is a chance to start fresh.

Even if you stumble, even if things don’t go as planned, you can begin again. Growth isn’t about getting everything right the first time—it’s about showing up, making mistakes, learning from them and trying again.

A Year of Possibility

So, as we say goodbye to 2024, and prepare to welcome 2025, there’s an unspoken promise in the air—a clean slate, a fresh chapter, and the chance to rewrite the story of our lives. For many of us, 2024 carried its share of worries, failures, and setbacks. Yet, as we step into a new year, we are gifted with an opportunity to leave behind what no longer serves us – the worries, the regrets, and the things we can’t change – and embrace the boundless possibilities of what could be.

This year, let’s choose to believe in the power of fresh starts. Let’s trust that we are capable of growth, that we deserve happiness, and that we can build a future we’re proud of—one step at a time.

My word, or rather two words, for 2025 is “countless possibilities.”

Here’s to 2025: a year of endless possibilities. Let’s step into it with open hearts and open minds. We’ve got this.

This post is dedicated to my friend Mary Kay Cocharo: May the year ahead, however daunting it looks now, be a year not only of endless possibilities, but of limitless victories.

It’s time to kick exhaustion to the curb and finally ditch that terminally overwhelmed feeling, evict your inner critic, declutter your mind and take control of your life like a boss. You’re about to turn your life from a comedy of errors into a blockbuster success story (with a much better soundtrack). This two-day online course is designed for anyone facing a major life transition, needing to dramatically reduce stress, end exhaustion and overwhelm, and prevent or recover from burnout.

Hit the pause button and regain your footing during a From Troubled to Triumphant Retreat. Imagine walking a peaceful stretch of the Camino de Santiago, where every step helps untangle the mental clutter or spending time with gentle Friesian horses who teach you the art of mindfulness. Whether you choose to make a change or are forced to, this retreat offers the perfect blend of peace, perspective, and playful exploration to help you rise from troubled to triumphant!

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Release Your Inner Wolf

How to Turn Stress into Your Superpower

The forest was alive with whispers. Frosted leaves crackled underfoot as the wolf padded silently through the underbrush, his silver coat blending seamlessly into the winter’s dim palette. The air hung heavy with the sharp bite of pine and the musk of damp earth. Somewhere ahead, hidden by a lattice of skeletal trees, the deer grazed.

A faint rustle—a flash of movement. The wolf froze, every muscle taut. His amber eyes gleamed as he pinpointed the source of the sound. The deer stood in a clearing, its russet coat glowing faintly under the pale wash of moonlight. Ears twitched nervously, nostrils flared, testing the air for danger. But the wolf was downwind, a ghost among the shadows.

The wolf’s stomach growled. He shifted his weight, the pads of his paws brushing the frosty ground without a whisper. A crow cawed in the distance, the sound as brittle as broken glass, and the deer flinched. Its wide eyes scanned the darkness, but it returned to feeding, lulled by the silence.

The wolf moved. Slowly at first, each step deliberate, the way water slips through cracks unnoticed. His breath puffed faintly in the chill, visible for only a moment before vanishing. The scent of the deer grew stronger, heady with the warmth of life, fueling his hunger. He could almost taste it now: the tang of blood, the salt of sweat.

Suddenly, the deer’s head snapped up. Its eyes locked onto a shadow too close, a shift too sudden. For a heartbeat, the world seemed to hold its breath.

The deer bolted.

The wolf exploded into motion. His muscles coiled and released, his claws tearing into the icy earth as he sprang forward. The forest blurred around him in streaks of grey and black as he pursued his prey, each leap closing the distance. The thunder of hooves ahead was deafening, shaking the ground beneath him, and the scent of fear thickened the air.

The deer dodged between trees, its slender legs bounding over roots and fallen branches, but the wolf was relentless. The cold wind lashed at his face, carrying the coppery tang of adrenaline. His heart hammered a wild drumbeat in rhythm with the chase. The forest seemed to roar with the sound of breaking branches, crunching snow, and the wolf’s ragged breathing.

In a desperate gambit, the deer veered sharply, its hooves skidding across a frozen stream. The wolf followed, his claws scrabbling for purchase on the slick surface, sending shards of ice skittering like glass. He stumbled but surged forward, the gap between them shrinking with every pounding stride.

The deer, its breath erupting in frantic clouds, darted left, then right, searching for sanctuary in the maze of trees. But the wolf’s focus was unbreakable, his golden eyes fixed on the trembling silhouette ahead. The forest echoed with the rhythm of pursuit—the crashing of underbrush, the slap of hooves against the icy ground, the heavy pant of hunger.

The deer faltered, its legs splaying for a heartbeat too long on a patch of frozen moss. The wolf’s muscles coiled, every ounce of strength and hunger gathering into one final, savage leap.

Two animals. Same situation. Radically different responses to stress.

The Two Faces of Stress

A threat-response dictates the deer’s behaviour—its body in full-on fight-or-flight mode, a chaotic cocktail of narrowed blood vessels, diminished brain oxygen, and sheer desperation.

The wolf is reacting to a challenge-response. Blood flows fast, taking oxygen to muscles, as his heart pounds like a war drum—not out of fear but with determination. Every cell in his body works towards his goal: securing dinner for his injured mate.

Now let’s swap the savannah for your office, your kitchen, or the freeway. Stress hits—you’re late for a meeting, your toddler’s finger-painting the walls, or your boss just dropped an urgent five-part project on your desk. Are you the deer? Or are you the wolf?

Most of us will be deer. We treat every curveball like a threat, so we immediately find ourselves trapped in survival mode. Your body doesn’t care whether it’s a tiger or a traffic jam—it reacts the same way. Your cortisol skyrockets. Your heart races. Your brain gets foggy.

Life will never stop throwing us curveballs. The commute from hell, the impossible deadlines, the unexpected emergencies—they’re coming whether you like it or not. But we do get to choose our response. Will you bolt like the deer, or will you lean in, savouring the hunt like the wolf?

It’s the narrative (the story) you attach to stress that does the damage.

Your Choices

The science is clear: when you see stress as an ally, it behaves like one. Dr. Elissa Epel, a renowned stress scientist and professor at the University of California, San Francisco, has a nuanced view of stress that challenges the common perception that all stress is bad for us. Her research has shed light on how stress affects our physical, psychological, and even our ageing processes.

One of dr. Epel’s most significant contributions to stress research involves telomeres, those protective caps at the ends of our chromosomes. Think of telomeres as the plastic tips on shoelaces that prevent fraying. In our cells, telomeres protect our DNA from damage.

Dr. Epel’s work has shown that stress can accelerate the shortening of telomeres, which is associated with cellular ageing. When telomeres get too short, cells stop dividing, leading to tissue ageing. This discovery links stress directly to the biology of ageing at a cellular level.

Here’s where dr. Epel’s view gets really interesting. She doesn’t see stress as inherently bad. Instead, she distinguishes between two types of stress responses:

  1. Threat Response: This is the negative stress we typically think of, where we feel overwhelmed and threatened.

  2. Challenge Response: This is a more positive stress response, where we feel equipped to handle the situation.

Dr. Epel’s research suggests that how we perceive stress can significantly impact its effects on our body and mind. She advocates for adopting a “challenge mindset” rather than a “threat mindset” when facing stressful situations.

Say, you’re about to give a big presentation. Instead of thinking, “I’m so nervous, I’m going to make a complete mess of this,” try telling yourself, “I’m excited, and this energy will help me get my point across and put a substantial raise within reach.” This shift in perspective can actually change your physiological response.

“So when you feel your stress response starting up — a surge of alarm, racing heart, damp palms, high energy or jitteriness — remember that the capacity to mount a stress response to a difficult situation is a strength, not a weakness.

Think of it this way. Asking for support when you are struggling is a strength; well, this is your body asking for the help it needs in that stressful moment so it can be stronger.

Your body is built to recover from stress quickly. The human nervous system can go back to baseline within minutes. You have this capacity already — you just need to get out of your own way and let your body do what it’s programmed to do.”
Elissa Epel, The Stress Prescription: Seven Days to More Joy and Ease

Cut to the Chase

Dr. Epel’s research on stress has led to several practical applications that can help us cope better with stress in our everyday lives:

  1. Reframe stress as a challenge: Instead of viewing stress as a threat, try to see it as a challenge. This shift in perspective can change your physiological response and help you perform better under pressure.

  2. Practice mindfulness: Incorporate daily mindfulness exercises, such as meditation or breathing techniques, to build stress resilience. Even 5-10 minutes a day can have significant benefits.

  3. Adopt daily routines: Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, aiming for at least 7 hours of sleep. This helps regulate your circadian rhythm and improves stress management.

  4. Exercise regularly: Engage in physical activity, which acts as a natural antidepressant and can both prevent and treat depression. High-intensity interval training (HIIT) is particularly effective for stress management.

  5. Use nature to recalibrate and recharge your batteries: Spend time in nature or even watch nature videos to reduce stress and improve well-being. This can help restore attention and produce feelings of awe.

  6. Practice emotional labelling: When experiencing stress, take a moment to notice and name your emotions. This simple act can reduce their negative impact.

  7. Distance yourself and consider different perspectives: When faced with stressful situations, try to gain some distance. Ask yourself if the situation will truly impact your life in a month or a year.

  8. Focus on purpose: Actively seek out and create moments of joy and meaning in your life, as positive emotions can build stress resilience.

  9. The Wim Hof method: Dr. Epel is studying this technique, involving rapid breathing and cold exposure, for its potential to induce positive stress and create antidepressant effects.

  10. Consider dietary interventions: Dr. Epel’s research has shown that specific dietary changes can impact our response to stress:
    • Reduce sugar intake, especially from sugary drinks. Liquid sugar has an immediate impact on the brain and can trigger compulsive eating behaviour.

    • Increase omega-3 fatty acid consumption. Dr. Epel has explored how omega-3 intake can impact stress and our response to stress.

    • Focus on nutrient-dense foods. Dr. Epel’s work suggests avoiding “junk food” during times of stress, as it can be particularly harmful when combined with chronic stress.

    • Practice mindful eating. This approach can help reduce impulsive eating and better control glucose levels.

    • Aim for a balanced diet that supports overall metabolic health. Dr. Epel’s research shows that stress impacts how we eat and how we metabolize food.

    • Consider reducing dietary fat intake. Changes in dietary fat intake were negatively correlated with changes in telomerase activity, which is associated with cellular ageing and stress

By understanding and applying dr. Epel’s discoveries and insights, we can potentially turn stress from a foe into an ally, build stress resilience, improve our overall well-being, and potentially even influence our cellular ageing processes through the impact on telomeres.

5 FAQs

  1. Q: How does Dr. Epel’s research link stress to ageing?
    A: Her research shows that women with high levels of perceived stress have telomeres shorter by the equivalent of at least a decade of additional ageing compared to women with low stress. This indicates that stress can promote earlier onset of age-related diseases.

  2. Q: What has Dr. Epel discovered about the impact of early life adversity on telomeres?
    A: Dr. Epel’s work has shown that early life adversity, including maltreatment, abuse, severe neglect, and exposure to violence, is associated with shorter telomeres, even in young children.

  3. Q: How does exercise affect the relationship between stress and telomeres, according to Dr. Epel’s research?
    A: Dr. Epel’s studies suggest that exercise can act as a buffer against the negative effects of stress on telomeres. People who maintain healthy habits like regular exercise, eating fruits and vegetables, and getting enough sleep show less telomere attrition during stressful periods.

  4. Q: What has Dr. Epel discovered about meditation and telomere length?
    A: Dr. Epel’s research found that a three-week meditation retreat had a powerful telomere-lengthening impact, particularly in individuals with higher neuroticism scores.

  5. Q: How does Dr. Epel’s work contribute to our understanding of stress resilience?
    A: Dr. Epel’s research emphasizes the importance of building stress resilience through understanding the mind, recognizing how we respond to stress mentally and biologically, and learning to work with our minds to enhance mental and physical health in response to stress.

Your Life Purpose

Dr. Epel’s discoveries have made me think. So stress doesn’t have to drain you. It can actually energise you. I found that the more you practice reframing your response, the easier it gets. You can literally train your brain to see opportunities where others see obstacles.

Her work on the importance of identifying your life purpose also caught my eye. It resonates with my idea that aligning with a meaningful life purpose can transform the way we face challenges and act as a powerful buffer against stress. Think about the last time everything went wrong—would having a vision for the future have helped you cope?

In times of overwhelming challenges, like life transitions, having a purpose becomes even more vital. Epel talks about shifting from “Why is this happening to me?” to “How can I use my gifts to contribute?” That perspective shift can be life-changing. Having a clear sense of purpose is the anchor that steadies you during storms, the spark that ignites your resilience, and the compass that guides you toward a life of fulfilment and meaning.

For most of us, it takes intention and exploration to uncover what truly drives us. That’s why I created the Rearing to Get Going in a New Direction: Finding Your Life Purpose Guided by Horses course – a dynamic, hands-on exploration that will help you gain clarity, rediscover your passions, and map out the next chapter of your life—a course inspired by the intuitive wisdom of my Friesian and Falabella horses.

Enroll in this course and start creating a life that reflects your deepest purpose and values today.

Find out more

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

References:

Elissa S Epel, Elizabeth H Blackburn, Jue Lin, Firdaus S Dhabhar, Nancy E Adler, Jason D Morrow, Richard M Cawthon Accelerated telomere shortening in response to life stress Proc Natl Acad Sci U S A 2004 Dec 7;101(49):17312-5. doi: 10.1073/pnas.040716210

Lin J, Epel E. Stress and telomere shortening: Insights from cellular mechanisms. Ageing Res Rev. 2022 Jan;73:101507. doi: 10.1016/j.arr.2021.101507. Epub 2021 Nov 1. PMID: 34736994; PMCID: PMC8920518.

Daubenmier J, Lin J, Blackburn E, Hecht FM, Kristeller J, Maninger N, Kuwata M, Bacchetti P, Havel PJ, Epel E. Changes in stress, eating, and metabolic factors are related to changes in telomerase activity in a randomized mindfulness intervention pilot study. Psychoneuroendocrinology. 2012 Jul;37(7):917-28. doi: 10.1016/j.psyneuen.2011.10.008. Epub 2011 Dec 14. PMID: 22169588; PMCID: PMC3384690.

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How Susan’s Short and Simple Vision Statement Helped Her Cope with Uncertainty

“All great things begin with a vision… a dream… I’ve always believed that success comes from not letting your eyes stray from that target. Anyone who wants to achieve a dream must stay focused, strong, and steady.” Estee Lauder

It’s that time of the year again. Retreat season is slowly coming to an end, only one retreat left for this year and that is the Book Lover’s Christmas Binge Reading retreat. I’m looking backwards towards spring, summer and autumn 2024, to figure out what went well, what didn’t and how I want to change what I do in 2025.

As my newsletter readers know, 2025 will be the year I start offering my signature retreats (gulp!) My health constraints are forcing me to do retreats less often, so I’ll gradually be transitioning towards longer (7 days instead of 5 days) and less frequent retreats (once a month only) and I’ll be focussing on working with people going through life transitions exclusively.

As 2025 will be a transition year, all my 5-day retreats will still be available, but less frequently.

Mindfully looking forward and backward, I felt a bit overwhelmed by the extent of this change, the risk involved and the amount of work I would need to do to make it happen. I decided I needed a vision statement for 2025. Vision statements are like road maps, they show you the way you want to go and keep you on track until you reach your destination.

You know that feeling when you’re at a crossroads in life, and everything feels a little…well, messy? That was me a couple of years ago. And now, as I’m wrapping up my 2024 retreat season and gearing up for big changes in 2025, it all feels strikingly familiar. Retreats have always been my thing—creating a place where my guests can rest, reflect, and, if needed, reinvent themselves. But this year, it’s me standing in that reflection space.

It’s exciting and terrifying in equal measure, and I’ll admit, the thought of reimagining everything from scratch has been overwhelming. I knew I needed a clear vision to guide me, not just for 2025 but for how I want to live and work moving forward.

When you are going through a life transition, a well-crafted vision statement helps you stay grounded by articulating what truly matters to you and the future you want to create. It serves as a powerful reminder of your long-term goals and values, helping you navigate challenges and make decisions that align with your authentic self. In essence, a vision statement transforms uncertainty into opportunity by giving you a clear roadmap for whatever comes next.

I remembered something a former guest of mine, Susan, shared after a Camino de Santiago walking retreat. She had crafted a vision statement during her time there—one that, as she put it, “kept her sane and focused” during her own life upheaval. Her story stayed with me, partly because of how relatable it was.

Here’s how she told it:

Susan’s Camino Story: Finding Clarity One Step at a Time

“There’s a moment in every woman’s life,” Susan had written to me, “when she looks at herself in the mirror and thinks, What the hell am I doing?”

For her, that moment came at 52, under the unflattering glare of a bathroom’s fluorescent lights. Her kids were grown. Her career—a blur of endless meetings and PowerPoint slides—left her feeling like a hamster on a wheel. And her marriage? Let’s just say it hadn’t survived the transition to an empty nest.

That’s how she found herself signing up for a five-day Camino retreat. She wasn’t an outdoorsy type, and she wasn’t looking for some Eat, Pray, Love-style epiphany. She just knew she needed help.

Day 1: The Bulging Backpack

Susan’s story began with an overstuffed backpack. She’d packed too many clothes (a rookie mistake) and underestimated how much walking all day would challenge her. But by the time she was trudging through the rolling hills of Gascony, surrounded by green fields and adorable (but definitely smug) sheep, something began to shift.

That first evening, she asked me if I could help her craft a vision statement. Susan explained that she’d written vision and mission statements for companies throughout her career, so why not one for herself?

I gave her a small notebook and told her, “The Camino will do the hard work. Your job is just to notice what comes up.”

Day 2: A Wildflower Moment

The next day, Susan stopped by a cluster of wildflowers and remembered something I’d said the night before: “Your vision isn’t just about goals. It’s about who you are and who you want to be.”

At first, she rolled her eyes (totally fair—I would’ve done the same). But as she walked, she realised how true it was.

“I didn’t know who I wanted to be,” she wrote later, “but I knew who I didn’t want to be: afraid, stuck, and too scared to try something new.”

That night, she jotted down a simple list:

  • Who I don’t want to be: Trapped. Afraid. Alone.

  • Who I want to be: Brave enough to leave my comfort zone.

It wasn’t polished or profound, but it was a start.

Day 3: Soup and Simplicity

Day three brought one of those Camino moments that stay with you forever. Susan stopped for lunch at a tiny café—a place with mismatched chairs, herbs hanging from the ceiling, and a sleepy cat basking in a sunbeam. The owner, Colette, served her soup in a chipped ceramic bowl.

“It was just soup,” Susan said. “But it felt like the universe was hugging me.”

Colette, with all the wisdom of someone who’s lived a simple and full life, told her, “The simple things are the most important.”

And that was it: simplicity. Susan realised how cluttered her life had become—not just physically, but emotionally. She’d spent years chasing more—more success, more recognition, more validation—without ever asking herself if she truly needed it.

That evening, she added her first vision word to her notebook: Simplicity.

Day 4: The Long Path

The fourth day tested Susan in ways she hadn’t expected. The path was longer, her feet were sore, and the novelty of walking had officially worn off. But when she reached the top of a hill and saw the landscape open up—a fertile valley, a meandering river, and sunflower fields stretching to the horizon—she had another epiphany.

“I’d spent so much of my life avoiding difficult things,” she wrote. “But walking that longer path reminded me that the hard things—the ones that make you sweat and ache—are often the most rewarding.”

That night, she added another word: Courage.

By the final day, Susan felt lighter—not physically (her feet were still screaming), but mentally. She shared her reflections with me that evening.

“My vision,” she said, “is to live simply, with courage. To stop avoiding the hard paths and start choosing what feels meaningful, even if it’s scary.”

Back Home

Susan emailed me a few weeks later, saying that her Camino vision had stuck with her. She’d decluttered her home, signed up for a creative writing class, and started exploring a new career path.

“It’s not perfect,” she admitted. “But it’s mine: Live simply. Be brave. Choose the longer path when it matters. On the tough days, when I feel like I’m spinning my wheels or drowning in uncertainty, I look at it and think, Okay, what’s one small thing I can do today to live with courage, kindness, or curiosity?”

Why You Should Write Your Own Vision Statement

Hearing Susan’s story reminded me how powerful a vision statement can be—not just for your career, but for your life.

Just grab a notebook, carve out some quiet time, and ask yourself:

  • What kind of person do I want to be moving forward?

  • What do I care about, really?

  • What am I willing to leave behind, and what do I want to carry with me?

  • What am I afraid of, and how can I face it?

You do owe it to yourself to take a moment to think about what really matters to you.

vision statement

If you can’t carve out the time to attend one of my retreats at my little farmhouse here in the southwest of France but still feel the need to reflect, reset, rediscover your life’s purpose and create a vision statement, the Rearing to get going in the Right Direction e- course, inspired by my horses, might be just the thing for you. Designed to help you reconnect with your core values, this course provides practical tools and reflective exercises that guide you through clarifying your priorities and uncovering what truly matters to you. During the course I introduce you to actionable strategies to help you uncover your true purpose – the exact ones I use myself – all at your own pace, in your own home. Whether you’re navigating a life transition, or simply seeking clarity, the course offers a structured yet flexible framework equipping you with a step-by-step process to create a compelling vision for your future. And if you need some additional support, you can opt for 1:1 coaching. It’s like having a retreat in your pocket, ready to use whenever you are.

If you have a couple of questions before you start creating YOUR vision statement, I have answered the ones I get most often below:

5 FAQs About Vision Statements

  1. What is a vision statement, and how does it differ from a mission statement?
    A vision statement is a concise declaration of your aspirations and the impact you want to create in your life or work. It acts as a guiding star, helping you stay focused on your long-term goals and providing clarity during decision-making. A vision statement describes where you want to go and what you aim to achieve in the future, while a mission statement focuses on your current actions and how you will achieve your goals.

  2. What are the key elements of a strong vision statement?
    A strong vision statement is clear, inspiring, future-focused, and aligned with your core values. It should reflect your aspirations and motivate you to take action.

  3. How long should a vision statement be?
    Ideally, a vision statement is short and memorable, often a single sentence or a brief paragraph. However, its length can vary as long as it remains clear and impactful.

  4. What if I feel stuck or unsure about what to include in my vision statement?
    If you’re feeling stuck, start by reflecting on your values, passions, and long-term goals. Journaling, guided prompts, or courses like Road Map to Resilience can help you gain clarity and structure your thoughts.

  5. How often should I revisit or update my vision statement?
    Revisit your vision statement whenever you experience significant life changes or transitions. Reviewing it annually or biannually ensures it remains relevant and aligned with your evolving goals.

You must have some vision for your life. Even if you don’t know the plan, you have to have a direction in which you choose to go… You want to be in the driver’s seat of your own life because if you are not, life will drive you.” Oprah Winfrey

I put the essence of who I am, and everything I have experienced that makes me who I am, with great enthusiasm, into my retreats, courses and books. – Dr Margaretha Montagu (MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract (cert,) Transformational Life Coach (dip,) Life Story Coach (cert) Counselling (cert,) Med Hypnotherapy (dip) and EAGALA (cert)

Why just survive when you can thrive? Enrol in my How to Survive a Life Quake 7-part online course. Think of it as your step-by-step survival kit for those “what-on-earth-just-happened” moments in life.

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Knowing Your Life Purpose: The Secret to Living Longer

Life purpose and longevity

How a Clear Sense of Purpose Can Extend Your Lifespan

If you are going through a particularly trying life transition at the moment, especially if it is one that seems to go on forever, every so often you might feel frustrated by the time you are “wasting” while you are immobilised by the onslaught. If you already have a clear idea of what your life purpose is, great, it will help you get through this life transition with less aggravation. If you do not, then defining (or redefining) your life purpose could not only make it easier to get through this transition, but it can also enable you to live longer.

Living a long and fulfilling life has been a goal of humanity for centuries. While advancements in healthcare, nutrition, and lifestyle have extended lifespans, the quest for longevity often overlooks one critical component: having a clear sense of purpose. Understanding and living in alignment with our life purpose, especially during life transitions, can profoundly affect not only the quality of our years but also the quantity.

Here’s the roadmap for this article’s content:

Sage’s Desperate Quest for Purpose

Sage was staring into her empty fridge. She sighed so loudly that her neighbour banged on the wall.

“Maybe I need to figure out what my life purpose is…” she muttered, slamming the fridge shut and collapsing onto the couch. She had wasted the whole morning of her precious day off on Instagram, while she was supposed to come up with an idea for a profitable side hustle. Before hunger finally drove her to the fridge, she was reading an article claiming that people with a clear life purpose live longer.

“Great,” she told her cat, Sir Reginald, who was busy grooming himself with an air of self-satisfaction. “If I can’t come up with a side hustle that reflects my purpose, I’ll be dead by next Tuesday.”

She picked up a notebook and scribbled: Life Purpose Ideas: 1) Solve the mystery of the missing sock 2) Save the sharks 3) Settle the debate over what emojis really mean. Then she crossed them all out. “I’m doomed,” she sighed.

By lunchtime, Sage had plummeted into a motivational black hole. She was neck-deep in YouTube videos featuring impossibly attractive people promising to reveal the meaning of her life for only $499.

“The answer,” one guru said dramatically, “is within you.”

“Well, I’ve looked,” Sage snapped at the screen. “All that’s in there is frustration, irritation, anxiety and a weird, worsening craving for nachos.”

Desperate, she downloaded a personality test. Fifty-seven questions later, her result popped up: You are a Creative Nurturer.

“What does that even mean? Should I invent new food combinations? Feed Sir Reginald his Fancy Feast when he least expects it?”

Determined to be proactive, Sage signed up for a yoga class advertised as “Transform Your Mind, Body, and Soul.” She arrived armed with a borrowed yoga mat and a lingering sense of dread.

The instructor, Sylvia (who looked like she’d never eaten a carb), glided to the front of the room. “Today, we’ll open our chakras and connect with our higher purpose.”

Sage perked up.

The class began with deep breathing. Sage wheezed, startling the guy next to her. Then they transitioned to poses with names that sounded like cocktail ingredients and that left Sage reviewing her entire skeletal structure.

By the time Sylvia whispered soothingly, “Let’s end our practice today with a gratitude circle,” Sage was sure her hip was dislocated. “Sooooooo grateful this practice is finished,” she muttered, under her breath.

On her way home, Sage stopped at the coffee shop where she often went to escape reality. She plopped into her usual corner, nursing a latte, when she overheard a couple arguing at the next table.

“The Pub Quiz fundraiser is next week!” snapped the woman.

“I told you we should’ve organised a karaoke,” the man shot back.

Sage, unable to resist, leaned over. “Karaoke and trivia. Call it Sing Your Smarts.”

The couple stared at her.

“That’s… actually brilliant,” the woman said.

Sage froze. Could this be it? Her purpose? Coming up with original ideas?

She spent the rest of the evening brainstorming concepts: a dating app for cat people (MeowMatch), a line of motivational mugs on the “Not my Circus not my Monkeys” theme, and a luxury spa where you could nap for eight hours straight a viral hashtag (#SnoozeForSuccess). Maybe my purpose isn’t one big thing. Maybe it’s about lots of little ways to make life less boring—for me and everyone else.

Sir Reginald blinked at her approvingly.

Sage toasted herself with a margarita while sharing a plate of nachos with Sir Reginald. She was going to live longer, if only to see what happened in the next season of Succession.

The Science Behind Purpose and Longevity

Research increasingly suggests that knowing why we’re here and what we’re meant to do doesn’t just make life more meaningful—it might actually help us live longer. A new study even suggests that a sense of purpose may be more important to our longevity than life satisfaction. “Purpose in life remained significant in all of our analyses, while life satisfaction didn’t,” says lead study author Frank Martela of Aalto University, Finland. “That suggests that purpose is the more reliable predictor of longevity.”

Multiple studies have demonstrated a compelling link between having a strong sense of purpose and increased lifespan. A Mount Sinai-National Institute on Aging study led by Dr. Patrick Hill (published in Psychological Science) followed over 6,000 participants and found that people who reported a greater sense of purpose and direction in life were more likely to outlive their peers during the 14-year study period. And a 2019 JAMA Network Open study by Alimujiang et al. found that adults over 50 who scored in the top quartile of purpose in life had a lower risk of all-cause mortality compared with those in the bottom quartile.

The concept of ikigai, a Japanese term meaning “reason for being,” highlights how purpose is central to well-being and longevity. Okinawa, known as one of the world’s Blue Zones where people live extraordinarily long lives, places a strong emphasis on finding one’s ikigai.

The Physical Impact of Purpose-driven Living

Your life purpose can be defined as the overarching aim or direction that gives meaning to your existence. It is a guiding principle that helps you align your actions, values, and aspirations. Purpose is not static; it evolves as we grow, encounter new experiences, and adapt to changes in life. It often relates to inner satisfaction, self-expression, and alignment with deeply held values. When we have a strong sense of purpose, our bodies respond with:

  • Lower levels of stress hormones like cortisol
  • Reduced inflammation markers
  • Improved immune system function
  • Better cardiovascular health
  • Enhanced sleep quality

These physiological benefits aren’t just coincidental—they’re direct results of living on purpose. A life purpose does more than prolong life; it enriches it emotionally. When life is guided by purpose, transitions, challenges and setbacks are viewed as opportunities for growth rather than insurmountable obstacles. Purpose often involves collaboration, service, or shared experiences. This creates a sense of belonging and strengthens relationships, both of which are critical for mental health. Purposeful living is intrinsically rewarding, as it aligns daily actions with core values. This alignment generates enduring satisfaction and joy, which are known to support both mental and physical health.

Defining Life Purpose

Before diving deeper, let’s clarify what we mean by “life purpose.” It’s not necessarily about having a grand mission to change the world or achieve extraordinary feats. Purpose can be found in:

  • Raising children and nurturing family relationships
  • Contributing to your community
  • Excelling in your profession
  • Creating art or music
  • Teaching and mentoring others
  • Advocating for causes you believe in
  • Supporting and helping others
  • Personal growth and development

Your purpose doesn’t need to be singular or static—it can evolve as you grow and change throughout life.

The Psychological Mechanics of Purpose-Driven Living

Having a clear purpose provides several psychological benefits that directly impact longevity:

1. Stress Resilience When we have a strong sense of purpose, we’re better equipped to handle life’s challenges. Stressful events are viewed through the lens of our greater mission, making them feel more manageable and less overwhelming. This resilience translates to better stress management and, consequently, better health outcomes.

2. Motivation for Self-Care People with a clear purpose tend to take better care of themselves. When you believe your life has meaning and importance, you’re more likely to:

  • Maintain healthy habits
  • Seek preventive healthcare
  • Exercise regularly
  • Eat nutritiously
  • Avoid harmful behaviours

This isn’t just about living longer—it’s about being healthy enough to fulfil your purpose. Existentialism, particularly through thinkers like Viktor Frankl, underscores the transformative power of finding meaning even in suffering, as highlighted in his seminal work Man’s Search for Meaning.

3. Social Connection Purpose often involves connecting with others, whether through family relationships, community service, or professional contributions. These social connections are vital for longevity, as strong social ties have been consistently linked to better health outcomes and increased lifespan.

Finding Your Purpose Guided by Horses (?!)

While the benefits of having a purpose are clear, discovering it isn’t always straightforward.

The Rearing to Get Going in a New Direction on-demand online retreat is your step-by-step guide to uncovering your unique life purpose. This course gives you the clarity and confidence you need to step boldly into the next phase of your life, equipped with a purpose that feels right for you.

No more frustration. No more doubt. Just clear direction.

During this DIY course, you’ll move from feeling stuck, lost, or uncertain to having a crystal-clear understanding of your current life purpose—tailored to your specific life circumstances.

“Inspired by the way they guided me through uncertainty, I created this course to help others find their own life purpose with similar guidance, connection, and insight. I have collected everything they taught me and packaged it into this course to help you redefine your own sense of purpose, before, during or after a life transition. Think of it as applicable horse-guided wisdom—minus the mucking out of stalls.” Dr Margaretha Montagu

Find out more

Maintaining Purpose Through Life’s Seasons

It’s important to recognise that purpose isn’t static—it evolves as we move through different life stages. What gives us purpose in our 20s might be very different from what drives us in our 60s. The key is to:

  • Regularly reassess your purpose
  • Be open to new sources of meaning
  • Allow your purpose to grow with you
  • Embrace life transitions as opportunities for purpose refinement

The Role of Purpose in Aging Well

As we age, having a strong sense of purpose becomes increasingly important. Research shows that older adults with a clear purpose:

  • Experience slower cognitive decline
  • Maintain better physical function
  • Have lower rates of depression
  • Report higher life satisfaction
  • Show greater resilience in facing health challenges

This suggests that purpose isn’t just about adding years to life—it’s about adding life to years.

Overcoming Purpose-Finding Challenges

While the benefits of purpose are clear, many people struggle to define and pursue their own. Modern society often prioritises success, productivity, and material wealth over personal fulfilment, making it difficult for individuals to identify their true calling. Self-doubt and external criticism can hinder the exploration and expression of one’s purpose. Major life transitions such as retirement, career changes, or personal loss can leave individuals feeling adrift and disconnected from their purpose. Many people struggle with finding their purpose, feeling overwhelmed by the pressure to discover some grand mission. Common challenges include feeling that your purpose isn’t “important” enough, believing it’s too late to find your purpose and getting stuck in analysis paralysis.

“Remember that purpose doesn’t have to be grandiose. Small, consistent actions aligned with your values can be just as meaningful as large-scale missions.” Dr M Montagu

Creating a Purpose-Driven Lifestyle

Finding purpose is just the beginning. The real challenge lies in integrating it into daily life. This might involve:

  1. Setting purpose-aligned goals
  2. Creating daily routines that support your mission
  3. Making decisions through the lens of your purpose
  4. Surrounding yourself with people who support your purpose
  5. Regular reflection and adjustment

The Ripple Effect of Purpose

Living with purpose doesn’t just benefit you—it creates positive ripples that affect others. When you live purposefully:

  • You inspire others to find their purpose
  • Your actions contribute to the greater good
  • You create meaningful connections
  • You leave a lasting legacy

This interconnection further reinforces the purpose-longevity link, as contributing to something larger than ourselves has been shown to increase well-being and life satisfaction.

En Fin de Compte

The connection between purpose and longevity isn’t just philosophical—it’s backed by science. By taking the time to discover and live according to our purpose, we may not only live longer; but live better, more meaningfully, and with greater impact.

Ask yourself: What gets you out of bed each morning? Apart from desperately needing your first cup of coffee of the day. Answering this question could be the first step toward a longer, healthier, and more meaningful life.

Dr Margaretha Montagu – MBChB, MRCGP, NLP Master Pract cert, Transformational Life Coach dip, Counselling cert, Med Hyp Dip and EAGALA cert

In a world that feels increasingly unstable — politically, economically, emotionally — what will you do when the rug is pulled out from under you? That’s why I created Survive the Storm — a 7-part online course designed to be a lifeline during a life quake. This is your personal survival toolkit for uncertain times — lovingly crafted and packed with practical tools, emotional support, and soul-nourishing insights to help you stay grounded, resilient, and resourceful when everything around you feels like it’s falling apart. Enrol in How to Survive the Storm Protocol, with or without additional mentoring.

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Moving to the South of France

From Crunching Numbers to Munching Croissants: How I Swapped Spreadsheets for Spectacular French Sunsets

Written by Denise G. who moved to France in the middle of a Midlife Crisis after attending a From Troubled to Triumphant: Find Solid Ground during a Life Quake retreat in the sun-blessed southwest of France

#LifeQuake Series

Let me start by saying: I never planned to move to France. Heck, I didn’t even plan to leave my job. I was one of those “stick to the schedule, keep your head down, and don’t rock the boat” types. You know, the kind of person who doesn’t even cross the street until the little green man shows up on the pedestrian light. But somewhere between yet another soul-sucking audit and the realisation that I’d just spent an entire decade colour-coding spreadsheets, something inside me snapped.

Or maybe it was just the third coffee that day. Who knows?

The Day I Said “Au Revoir” to My 9-to-5

I was sitting in my office—if you can call a cubicle with beige walls and a suspicious stain on the carpet an “office”—staring at a client’s expense reports. “$4,000 for ‘team-building snacks’? Seriously?” I muttered under my breath. (For the record, it was mostly tequila. That’s a red flag if I’ve ever seen one.)

It wasn’t just the absurdity of the job, though. It was the monotony. The same numbers. The same complaints about the coffee machine. The same coworkers with their passive-aggressive Post-It notes in the communal fridge.

So, on a random Tuesday—because big life decisions should always happen on a random Tuesday—I opened my browser, Googled “remote jobs,” and started clicking around. That’s how I stumbled into the rabbit hole of freelance work.

Wait, People Get Paid to Do This?

I wish I could tell you I had a grand plan, but honestly, I was winging it. I created a profile on one of those freelancing platforms (you know, the kind where everyone says “I’ll do X for $5” but secretly charges $50). I figured, “Hey, I know accounting. People need accounting, right?”

The thing is, freelance accounting isn’t just about crunching numbers. Suddenly, I was answering emails at 9 PM because some panicked small business owner couldn’t find their receipts. I became a part-time therapist for people who “just don’t understand taxes.” And let’s not even talk about the guy who tried to pay me in cryptocurrency. (Spoiler: I said no.)

But it worked. Slowly but surely, I started to build a client base. And as much as I’d love to tell you I was instantly making six figures while lounging in my pyjamas, the truth is I spent the first three months eating instant ramen and Googling, “How to price freelance services without sounding desperate.”

The France Idea (AKA My Midlife Crisis, But Make It Fancy)

Now, here’s where things get interesting. One night, I was scrolling Instagram (because obviously, that’s what you do when you suspect you’re burnt out). I saw a post from someone I barely knew—a “digital nomad,” apparently—living their best life in a little French village.

The picture? A cobblestone street lined with flower boxes, a sunset in the background, and a caption that read, “Work from anywhere.” I rolled my eyes so hard I nearly fell off the couch. But then I started thinking… could I actually do that?

I mean, I hated my job, sure. But what I hated even more was that my life felt small. I was in my 40s, living the same day over and over, like some accounting version of Groundhog Day. Wasn’t this the time to do something crazy?

The crazy thing I did, a week before, in a desperate attempt to cope with my debilitating midlife crisis, was to attend a From Troubled to Triumphant: Find Solid Ground during a Life Quake retreat in the southwest of France. It changed EVERYTHING.

I fell madly in love with France during the retreat, so I grabbed a piece of paper, wrote “Why Not Move to France?” at the top, and started a list. Pros: cheese, wine, croissants. Cons: my non-existent French, and… moving to another country leaving everything and everyone I know behind, a rather daunting list.

A week later, I applied for a visa.

Learning to Say “Bonjour” Without Sounding Like a French Toddler

Fast forward three months, and there I was: standing in a tiny apartment in Bordeaux, surrounded by several suitcases, a bottle opener and a bottle of cheap red wine in my hands.

Now, let me tell you, moving to France sounds glamorous until you’re the one trying to explain your Wi-Fi issues to a technician who speaks zero English. (My version of French was basically just pointing at things and adding “s’il vous plaît.”)

The first few weeks were chaos. I got lost constantly. Once, I ended up in a boulangerie trying to order a baguette and accidentally asked for “a very large grandmother.” The cashier laughed so hard she gave me the bread for free. (Bless her.)

But slowly, life started to feel… lighter. I’d wake up, make my coffee, and open my laptop in the corner of a little café. I worked, yes, but I also took long lunches, strolled through markets, and sat by the river with a book. I learned to appreciate slowness in a way I never had back in the grind of corporate life.

The Big Lesson (or, Why One Should Do the Scary Thing)

Was it terrifying to leave my stable job and start over in a foreign country? Absolutely. Did I have moments where I questioned everything, cried into a glass of Bordeaux, and called my best friend screaming, “What have I done?” Also yes.

But here’s the thing: life’s too short to stay stuck. Whether it’s a job, a city, or even just a mindset—if something isn’t making you happy, it’s okay to change it.

I won’t pretend everything’s perfect. French bureaucracy is a nightmare, and don’t even get me started on how long it takes to set up a bank account here. But when I think about where I was a year ago, stuck in that cubicle with the beige walls, I wouldn’t trade this life for anything.

So, if you’re reading this, wondering if you should take that leap—whether it’s switching careers, moving abroad, or even just saying “no” to something that’s not serving you—this is your sign.

Trust me, the almond croissants alone are worth it.

Here’s to messy, beautiful, unpredictable life changes. Or as the French say, “A la Votre!”

Hit the pause button and regain your footing during a From Troubled to Triumphant: Find Solid Ground during Life Quakes Retreat. Imagine walking a peaceful stretch of the Camino de Santiago, where every step helps untangle the mental clutter, or spending time with gentle Friesian horses who teach you the art of mindfulness. These retreats blend reflection and relaxation in a way that feels more like an exciting adventure than hard work. Whether you’ve chosen to make a change, or are forced to, this retreat offers the perfect blend of peace, perspective, and playful exploration to help you rise from troubled to triumphant!

I put the essence of who I am, and everything I have experienced that makes me who I am, with great enthusiasm, into my retreats, courses and books. – Dr Margaretha Montagu (MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract (cert,) Transformational Life Coach (dip,) Life Story Coach (cert) Counselling (cert,) Med Hypnotherapy (dip) and EAGALA (cert)

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From Boomers to Gen Z: How Each Generation Tackles Life’s Biggest Transitions

Gen X

Discover the Surprising Ways Different Generations Cope with Change—and What We Can All Learn from Each Approach

The scene: Four friends from different generations are sitting around a table at a coffee shop, catching up on life.

Baby Boomer: [sighs and stirs their coffee] “You know, I was raised to believe you stick it out, whatever life throws at you. When I hit that rough patch in my forties? Kept my head down, worked harder, pushed through. Life transitions… you just deal with ‘em and get on with things.”

Gen X: “I get that. I mean, my parents didn’t exactly roll out the therapy fund. When I hit a big transition, I lean on self-help books, maybe take a solo trip to ‘find myself.’ I’m not against talking it out, but at the end of the day, I handle my stuff myself. You gotta be able to stand on your own.”

Millennial: [grins] “Oh, I’m all about talking it out. I’ve got a group chat, my therapist on speed dial, and about five podcasts queued up with advice on handling change. Life transitions are practically a generational sport for us. And if all else fails, I’ll crowdsource help on Instagram—who knows, maybe I’ll turn it into a blog.”

Gen Z: [laughs] “Yeah, but why go through all that when I can just reinvent myself? Job loss? I’ll switch fields. Tough breakup? Try a different age group. Honestly, it’s about embracing change on my terms. Life transitions are just invitations to change myself into someone even cooler. Plus, I know like three apps that’ll help me make a vision board in under ten minutes.”

Baby Boomer: “Reinvent yourself? Back in my day, a transition was about stability. You built a foundation; you didn’t just switch gears whenever things got tough.”

Gen X: [nods] “I get that. But I also see the point in mixing it up when life throws a curveball—sometimes you just need a change. I’ll do the work if I need to, but I want that freedom, too.”

Millennial: “I think it’s about finding support for whatever comes up. Community, therapy, friends, self-care—all of it. I mean, why go it alone if you don’t have to?”

Gen Z: [shrugs] “Or you just go full chameleon. Adapt to whatever the next phase demands. Life’s short; I’m here to enjoy it, not overthink it. Reinvention is just part of the game.”

Recently I was chatting with my friend Paula about the generational cohorts: Baby Boomers, Gen X, Millennials etc. She is a Baby Boomer, and I am Gen X, but we weren’t sure of the younger generations, so I looked it up:

Baby Boomers (Born 1946-1964)

Baby Boomers were born during the post-World War II baby boom, a time characterised by significant population growth. This generation is known for its optimism and competitiveness, often driven by a strong work ethic and a focus on career advancement. Baby Boomers value personal growth and self-expression, having been politically active and socially conscious throughout their lives. While they have adapted to technology, they are not considered digital natives, often preferring traditional forms of communication.

Generation X (Born 1965-1980)

Generation X grew up in the shadow of the Baby Boomers, experiencing significant societal changes. This cohort is characterised by its independence and self-reliance, often displaying scepticism toward authority and institutions. Gen Xers value work-life balance, seeking fulfilment in both their professional and personal lives. They are technologically adept, having witnessed the rise of the internet and personal computing, which has shaped their pragmatic and resourceful approach to challenges.

Millennials / Generation Y (Born 1981-1996)

Millennials, also known as Generation Y, came of age during a period of rapid technological change and globalisation. This generation is recognized for being digital natives, comfortable with technology from an early age. Millennials tend to value experiences over material possessions, prioritising travel and personal development. They are socially conscious and diverse, often advocating for social justice issues. Collaborative and team-oriented, Millennials appreciate frequent feedback and opportunities for career development.

Generation Z (Born 1997-2012)

Generation Z is the first true digital native generation, having grown up with smartphones and social media as integral parts of their lives. Key characteristics of Gen Z include an entrepreneurial mindset and a pragmatic approach to life. They are financially conscious, having witnessed economic uncertainty during their formative years. This generation values individuality and diversity, often expressing concern about social and environmental issues.

Generation Alpha (Born 2013-Present)

Generation Alpha is the newest generation currently developing, with many members still in childhood. Early observations suggest that they will be the most technologically immersed generation yet, growing up in an era of advanced digital innovation. Generation Alpha is likely to be highly educated and globally minded, benefiting from increased access to information and resources. However, they may also face challenges related to climate change and economic uncertainty as they grow up in an increasingly complex world.

My retreats have a minimum age of 18, so I won’t see Generation Alpha until 2031.

The subject came up because I had recently hosted a From Troubled to Triumphant Transformational Retreat that helps participants find solid ground during a Life Quake and I noticed that my guests, who were from different generational cohorts, approached life transitions differently, based on their formative experiences, values, and characteristics. Thinking back, I tried to work out how their approaches differed and I came up with this (very unscientific) summary:

Baby Boomers (Born 1946-1964)

It seemed to me that Baby Boomers tend to approach life transitions with:

  • Adaptability, and a certain resilience. Having lived through significant social and technological changes, Baby Boomers often fall back on past experience when they have to cope with major life changes.
  • A strong work-centric mindset: Many Boomers define themselves by their careers, so retirement or job changes can be particularly challenging.
  • Traditional values are important to them, they may rely on conventional wisdom and established institutions when facing transitions.
  • Generally, Boomers maintain an optimistic outlook on life, believing hard work will lead to positive outcomes.

Generation X (Born 1965-1980)

Difficult to stereotype my own generation, but I’d say Gen X typically handles life transitions with:

  • Fierce independence: Known for their self-reliance, the latch-key kids often tackle transitions independently, seeking solutions on their own.
  • Pragmatism: We Gen Xers tend to approach major life changes practically, weighing pros and cons before making decisions.
  • A careful eye on our work-life balance: Unlike Boomers, we’re more likely to prioritise personal life alongside professional life when facing transitions.
  • A fair amount of scepticism: We may be more cautious about change, questioning authority and conventional wisdom.

Millennials (Born 1981-1996)

This is where it gets tricky. As far as I can gather, Millennials (GenY) often approach life transitions by:

  • Seeking meaning as they’re more likely to view life transitions as opportunities for personal growth and are keen to find purpose in everything they do.
  • Welcoming change. Millennials grew up with rapid technological advancements, and are generally much more comfortable with change.
  • Collaborating – they may rely more on peer networks and social media for support and advice during transitions.
  • Embracing new experiences: Millennials might focus on how transitions can lead to new experiences rather than material gain.

Generation Z (Born 1997-2012)

Gen Z is still very young, but it already looks like they will approach life transitions by:

  • Leveraging technology, they’re likely to use apps, online resources, and social media to help them cope with change.
  • Prioritising their mental health. Gen Z is much more aware of mental health issues and may well put their mental well-being first during transitions.
  • Seeking stability: Having witnessed economic uncertainty, they may approach transitions with a focus on financial security.
  • Valuing diversity as Gen Z tends to consider diverse perspectives and inclusive solutions as important even when facing life changes.

I did a bit more reseach, and discovered that while these are general trends, individual experiences can vary widely within each generation. Factors such as personal background, culture, and socioeconomic status also play significant roles in how people approach life transitions.

It quickly became clear to me that exploring life transitions through the nuanced lenses of each cohort really does reveal a fascinating interplay of values, adaptability, and resilience across generations. From the Baby Boomers’ foundation-focused perseverance to Gen Z’s pragmatic, fluid reinvention, each approach is a masterclass in handling change.

What’s particularly interesting is how these generational perspectives illuminate broader cultural shifts in how we handle uncertainty and redefine identity. Research increasingly supports that a blend of introspection, external support, and adaptability is essential in navigating major life changes effectively. Each generation brings unique insights into that mix, reminding us that while our tools for dealing with transitions evolve, the need to process and grow through them is universal.

Based on the generational characteristics and approaches to life transitions, I sat down and made a mind map (it’s a Gen X thing) of how I needed to change the way I host my retreats to make sure each generational cohort benefits equally.

Helping people from different generations through life transitions is not easy, but at least I now have a better understanding of why it is difficult and I can tailor my approach accordingly. I was thinking that the different generations could even learn from each other and support each other in unexpected ways.

Fascinating stuff.

So when I’m working with Baby Boomers, I’ll need to focus on helping them redefine their purpose, especially as they navigate retirement. I am already aware of this (and my) generation’s need to find their life purpose, and with my horses’ help I created the Rearing to Get Going in a New Direction: Finding Your Life Purpose Guided by Horses online course to help people gain the clarity, motivation and direction they need to manifest their next chapter – in both their personal and professional lives. (get immediate access) online. Many in this generation struggle with identity issues after leaving their careers, so I may need to create another course to help them explore new ways to find meaning and purpose beyond work. During my retreats, we discuss health and wellness activities to address their concerns about ageing and maintaining vitality and I leverage their vast life experiences by incorporating exercises that allow them to reflect on their past and use that wisdom to navigate current transitions. If I’m feeling particularly brave, I suggest updating their knowledge about technology so that they can stay connected and relevant in our rapidly changing world, as this can be a huge challenge for some Boomers.

With Generation X participants, like me, I tend to concentrate on work-life balance strategies. I help them develop techniques for managing career transitions while maintaining family responsibilities, as many Gen Xers are juggling multiple roles. We address concerns about financial security, especially for those caring for both children and ageing parents. I provide tools for managing stress and avoiding burnout, given the multiple responsibilities our generation often faces. I suggest resources for those contemplating career changes or starting their own businesses, as entrepreneurship often appeals to this independent-minded cohort.

I have found that Millennials attending my retreats often benefit from activities that help them find meaning in their work and help them align their career choices with personal values. We can focus more on increasing resilience and provide further strategies for coping with uncertainty in both their personal and professional lives. We can make time to address concerns about balancing career ambitions with personal relationships and family planning. Given the financial challenges many Millennials face, we may have to look for guidance on managing student debt, investing, and long-term financial planning.

For Generation Z, I will discuss strategies for managing anxiety, and stress, and maintaining good mental health during transitions, as this generation tends to be more open about mental health issues and keen to talk about them. I’ll incorporate activities, with the horses, that facilitate face-to-face connections and create time away from their screens, providing a balance to their digital-centric lives. I could suggest resources for continuous learning and adapting to a rapidly changing job market, addressing their concerns about future career prospects. We could talk about aligning their personal and career goals with their desire to make a positive impact on society, as social consciousness is often a key characteristic of this generation.

If my retreat group is multi-generational, I’ll include some group activities to foster understanding and knowledge sharing between generations. It makes sense to use a mix of traditional and digital tools to cater to the varying technological comfort levels. I already provide resources and support for participants after the retreat to help them implement what they’ve learned. At dinner most evenings, and especially after Camino de Santiago walking days, participants share their experiences and learn from each other’s transitions – storytelling is a powerful processing tool for all generations.

I(‘m hoping that by tailoring my approach to each generation’s unique characteristics and concerns, I’ll host more impactful life transition retreats that resonate with participants across all age groups. Of course, while these generational trends provide a helpful framework, individual experiences can vary widely, so I’ll have to remain flexible in my approach to accommodate personal differences.

One thing I have learned during the decade that I have been hosting retreats is that, as a host, you never stop learning.

I put the essence of who I am, and everything I have experienced that makes me who I am, with great enthusiasm, into my retreats, courses and books. – Dr Margaretha Montagu (MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract (cert,) Transformational Life Coach (dip,) Life Story Coach (cert) Counselling (cert,) Med Hypnotherapy (dip) and EAGALA (cert)

Why just survive when you can thrive? Enrol in my How to Survive a Life Quake 7-part online course. Think of it as your step-by-step survival kit for those “what-on-earth-just-happened” moments in life.

Research

As the ability to cope with life transitions is basically determined by how effectively we handle stress, I looked at studies that compared the stress management strategies of the different generations:

  • A 2012 Penn State study found that Gen X had significantly higher stress levels than other age groups, reporting an average stress level of 5.8 out of 10. This was notably higher than Millennials (3.4) and Baby Boomers (4.4).
  • The American Psychological Association’s (APA) 2012 Stress in America survey corroborated these findings, showing that both Gen Xers and Millennials reported an average stress level of 5.4 on a 10-point scale, higher than Boomers (4.7) and Matures (3.7).
  • More recent data from 2021 shows this trend continuing, with 22% of Gen Xers confessing to struggling with stress daily, compared to 17% for Millennials, 14% for Gen Zs, and 8% for Baby Boomers.
  • The APA study found that while all generations agree on the importance of managing stress, younger generations (Millennials and Gen X) report more difficulty in doing so effectively. Older generations (Boomers and Matures) are more likely to use strategies like getting enough sleep and attending religious services to manage stress. Younger generations are more likely to engage in potentially unhealthy behaviours like eating, drinking alcohol, and smoking to manage stress.
  • Millennials and Gen Xers report experiencing more stress-related symptoms like lying awake at night (52% of Millennials, 48% of Gen Xers, compared to 37% of Boomers and 25% of Matures).
  • 44% of both Millennials and Gen Xers report experiencing irritability or anger due to stress, compared to 36% of Boomers and 15% of Matures.

These studies highlight that while stress affects all generations, there are significant differences in stress levels, causes, and management strategies across different age cohorts. Gen X consistently emerges as the most stressed generation, likely due to their position in the life cycle and the unique challenges they face. Yep, that sounds about right.

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The Unrelenting Rise of Relocation Depression

relocation depression

Acknowledging Our Desperate Need to Belong

What Is Relocation Depression?

Relocation depression is a type of emotional distress caused by a major life change, that occurs when we move to a new country, often characterised by feelings of sadness, loneliness, and disconnection. It can stem from the overwhelming changes in our environment, culture, and routine, as well as the loss of familiar support systems. This sense of not belonging can lead to isolation, difficulty adjusting, and a deep longing for the comfort of our old, familiar lifestyle. While common, relocation depression can be managed by gradually building new connections and finding ways to adapt to your new surroundings.

Elena, at the tender age of 25, packed her bags and left her small hometown in Spain to start a new life in France. She’d always dreamt of adventure, of the endless possibilities that a foreign country could offer. But the reality of moving to a new country was far from the idyllic experience she’d imagined.

In the early days, Elena was filled with excitement and hope. The charm of the French language, the allure of unfamiliar streets, and the dream of building a new life in a vibrant place kept her spirits high. She envisioned herself thriving, making new friends, and becoming part of the culture. But as the weeks turned into months, the initial excitement wore off, and a deep sense of loneliness crept in. The language barrier became a formidable wall. Every conversation felt like a mountain to climb, each mispronunciation or confused expression reminding her that she didn’t belong.

Homesickness began to weigh heavily on her. She missed the warmth of her family, the familiar scent of her mother’s cooking, and the ease of speaking in her native tongue. Everything in France felt foreign, from the food to the customs, and even after trying her best to adapt, she often felt like an outsider looking in.

The next 20 years were marked by a series of emotional highs and lows. There were days when Elena felt strong, capable, and proud of her resilience. She learned the language over time, found work, and even made a few close friends. Yet, the struggle to feel at home never fully left her. She often questioned if she had made the right decision. Was this life truly worth the sacrifices? The holidays, especially, brought waves of isolation as her new life in France felt detached from the traditions she grew up with.

As the years passed, Elena wrestled with the idea of identity. Who was she now? A Spaniard living in France, but not entirely fitting in with either world. The sense of belonging that she craved remained elusive. She built a career, raised a family, and achieved much of what she had set out to do, but a part of her always felt like she was still searching for something—perhaps herself.

Through it all, she learned to cope with feelings of displacement, the ache of missing home, and the guilt of not returning more often. Yet, these challenges shaped her into a person of incredible strength and depth. By her late-40s, she no longer sought external validation for belonging. She had carved out a life of her own—one that blended her Spanish roots with her French surroundings in a way that felt uniquely hers.

Elena’s journey wasn’t about finding a single place to call home but about learning that home could be wherever she decided to build it. Looking back after 20 years, she realised that her struggle had become her teacher, and in navigating through feelings of loss and disorientation, she had found herself.

More info: Berry, J. W. (2005). Acculturation: Living successfully in two cultures. International Journal of Intercultural Relations, 29(6), 697-712.

Our Need to Belong Can Cause Relocation Depression

Belonging is often misunderstood as simply having a place or group where you “fit.” We think it means being accepted by others, finding that perfect community, or settling into a career or lifestyle where everything clicks. But the truth is, belonging isn’t about ticking boxes—it’s about feeling connected and at peace with yourself, no matter where life takes you.

More info: Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117(3), 497-529.

For many of us, life changes can challenge our sense of belonging. When we move to a new city or country, our need to belong can leave us feeling uprooted and unsure of ourselves. We search for familiar faces or routines to ground us, and when those are missing, we feel lost. Eventually, we may find ourselves suffering from relocation depression. It’s natural to crave that sense of being part of something, but belonging isn’t always found in the places we look for it.

The journey to belonging begins internally. It’s about cultivating a deep sense of self-acceptance, where you no longer need external validation to feel worthy or “at home.” It’s learning to embrace who you are in your most authentic form, without trying to mold yourself to fit in. When you find that inner sense of belonging, you stop searching for it in people, places, or achievements.

True belonging is also about resilience. Life will always bring changes—new environments, shifting relationships, or personal growth that can make you feel like you don’t quite belong. But when you’ve grounded yourself in your values, your strengths, and your unique identity, you can carry that sense of belonging with you, wherever you go.

This doesn’t mean that external connections don’t matter. We all need support systems and communities that nourish us. But when we approach relationships from a place of inner belonging, we no longer feel the need to shape-shift to fit in. Instead, we show up authentically, attract like-minded people, and build deeper, more meaningful connections.

Belonging isn’t about finding the “perfect” place or group where everything aligns. It’s about creating a sense of home within yourself—one that stays with you, no matter where life’s journey takes you.

Are you resilient enough to avoid relocation depression? Find out

I have relocated several times during my career. I have found it useful, at the beginning of each new adventure, to review my life purpose. We change, our circumstances change, our lifestyles change, and our life purpose needs updating. The expression of my life purpose changed every time I relocated. Sometimes I revisited a previous expression, more often I had to create a new expression.

For Information on how to cope with Relocation Depression, see How To Avoid Expat Burnout When You Relocate To A New Country to Advance Your Career

My online course, Rearing To Get Going In A New Direction, is based on the technique I developed to adjust my life purpose each time I moved. it will help you get the clarity, motivation and direction you need to manifest your next chapter – in both your personal and professional life. If you no longer feel passionate about what you do, if you have lost your mojo, you feel exhausted, overwhelmed and uninspired and are desperate to leave the rat race in a foreign country where it feels like it’s groundhog every day of the year, this is the course for you.

“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
Brené Brown

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

Reading List

  1. Ward, C., Bochner, S., & Furnham, A. (2020). The psychology of culture shock. Routledge.
  2. Cummins, R. A., Lau, A. L., & Davern, M. T. (2012). Subjective wellbeing homeostasis. In K. C. Land, A. C. Michalos, & M. J. Sirgy (Eds.), Handbook of social indicators and quality of life research (pp. 79-98). Springer.
  3. Brown, B. (2010). The gifts of imperfection: Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are. Hazelden Publishing.
  4. Hack-Polay, D. (2012). When home isn’t home – A study of homesickness and coping strategies among migrant workers and expatriates. International Journal of Psychological Studies, 4(3), 62-72.
  5. Mao, J., & Shen, Y. (2015). Cultural identity change in expatriates: A social network perspective. Human Relations, 68(10), 1533-1556.
  6. Presbitero, A. (2016). Culture shock and reverse culture shock: The moderating role of cultural intelligence in international students’ adaptation. International Journal of Intercultural Relations, 53, 28-38.

    Disclaimer:

    The information provided in this blog post about relocation depression is based on personal experience, research, and general knowledge. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only and should not be construed as professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

    If you are experiencing symptoms of depression, anxiety, or other mental health concerns related to relocation or any other cause, we strongly encourage you to seek help from a qualified mental health professional. Only a licensed professional can provide a proper diagnosis and recommend appropriate treatment options for your specific situation.

    By reading and using the information in this blog post, you acknowledge and agree that the author and website are not responsible for any actions you take or outcomes that may result from applying this information to your personal circumstances.

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    Creating Financial Independence during a Life Transition

    financial independence

    Strategies for Women Rebuilding Their Lives During Major Life Events

    I felt a bit of a fraud when I started writing this article. Who am I to give others advice about financial independence? I was going through a major life upheaval though, and I needed to get my finances sorted, or at least in better order. So I did a lot of research, and I’m sharing what I found useful with you in this article, hoping it will be useful to you too.

    Imagine waking up one day to find that your financial stability has been destroyed overnight. Whether due to a divorce, the sudden loss of a partner, or an unexpected job loss, the journey to reclaim your financial independence can be both challenging and empowering. This is the story of Susan, who faced such a transition and emerged stronger, using practical strategies to gradually create a stable financial future for herself.

    Susan, a 52-year-old marketing executive, had dedicated her life to her career and her family. After 25 years of marriage, her world was turned upside down when she and her husband decided to get divorced. Suddenly, Susan found herself single and solely responsible for her financial future. She felt completely overwhelmed by mortgage payments, college tuition for her two children, and looming everyday expenses.

    Instead of succumbing to fear, Susan chose to take control. She sought advice from a financial planner, who helped her develop a clear plan. Susan began by reassessing her budget, cutting unnecessary expenses, and prioritising her financial goals. She took a course on financial literacy, empowering herself with the knowledge to make informed decisions. Within a year, Susan had not only stabilised her finances but also started saving for her retirement.

    Susan’s story demonstrates that with determination and a few well-chosen strategies, rebuilding financial independence is achievable at any stage of life.

    When I first read Susan’s story, I laughed, it sounded as unrealistic as a fairy tale! Susan and I clearly had NOTHING in common. Each time I decided to organise my finances, I came down with a debilitating attack of procrastinitis.

    What got me out of the seemingly inescapable swamp, was setting an hour aside each day to try to get my financial ducks in a row, and gradually the situation went from drastic and desperate to…slightly better.

    My 7 steps to a more prosperous financial future:

    1. Assessing My Financial Situation:

    Had to start here, however depressing it was. I needed a clear picture of my current financial status, so I listed all my assets (very short list), liabilities (long, scary list), income (even shorter list), and expenses (endless list). This helped me identify the areas that needed immediate attention.

    2. Creating a Realistic Budget:

    I had to force myself to do this, because, apparently, «A budget is a powerful tool for managing your finances.» So I tracked my spending and prioritised essential expenses like housing, utilities, groceries etc, and identified areas where I could cut back. The app YNAB (You Need a Budget) simplified this process and made it (slightly) more bearable.

    3. Exploring Income Opportunities:

    One thing I realised is that identifying a variety of income streams is essential. You know the saying, «Don’t put all your eggs in the same basket.» In the current financial climate, I think this should be an ongoing exercise, for all of us. It could involve consulting through platforms like Upwork and Fiverr, starting a small business selling products online via Etsy and Shopify, or doing part-time work offering local services. Teaching online courses, writing e-books, and creating digital content can also generate revenue, as can renting out property, equipment, or vehicles. Investing in education and acquiring high-demand skills can enhance one’s earning potential, while passive income from dividends, royalties, and affiliate marketing offers long-term financial benefits.

    4. Investing in My Financial Education:

    I agree that knowledge is power, especially when it comes to managing money, so I invested time in courses on personal finance, I joined suitable Facebook groups, subcribed to e-mail lists, and followed reputable financial blogs. I discovered that investment options, retirement planning, and debt management can significantly impact one’s financial future.

    5. Building an Emergency Fund:

    Got to be kidding, I thought. I’m fully aware now that life is unpredictable, and I realise that having an emergency fund can provide a financial safety net. Starting small, my aim is to save three to six months’ worth of living expenses. Eventually.

    6. Seeking Professional Advice:

    As soon as you can afford it, I recommend doing this. A financial advisor can provide personalised guidance tailored to one’s situation, help develop a long-term financial plan, manage investments, and advise on retirement funding options.

    7. Cultivating an Empowering Mindset:

    I am convinced that by fostering an informed and proactive mindset, you can empower yourself to make sound financial decisions and achieve long-term financial stability and independence. During my Camino de Santiago Crossroads retreats, I discuss mindset in depth, as I feel that without the right mindset, any attempt to improve your financial situation is doomed before you even start.

    Defining, or redefining, your Life Purpose during a life transition is also a game-changer. Knowing your purpose at this time of your life keeps you motivated to improve your financial situation, as it is supported by your values and principles.

    Financial Independence FAQ: Navigating Life Transitions

    1. Help! I’m going through a major life change. Should I panic about money now or later?

    How about neither? While life transitions (divorce, career change, relocation, retirement) can feel like financial free-falls, panic is actually a terrible financial advisor. Instead, take a deep breath and give yourself permission to assess before you stress. Start with the basics: What’s coming in? What’s going out? What absolutely needs to happen in the next three months? Think of this as your financial triage moment. You’re not trying to solve everything today—you’re just getting your bearings. And here’s a little secret: most people going through transitions discover they’re more resourceful than they thought. You’ve got this, even if it doesn’t feel like it yet.

    2. I’ve always relied on someone else financially. Where do I even start building independence?

    First off, acknowledging this is already a huge step, so give yourself credit. Start by gathering information like you’re a detective investigating your own life. Get copies of all financial documents, understand what accounts exist, and figure out your actual monthly expenses (yes, including that streaming service you forgot about). Open a bank account in your name alone if you don’t have one. Then, create what I call a “financial identity checklist”: credit report, credit card in your name, and understanding of your income sources. The goal isn’t to become a finance guru overnight—it’s to move from passenger to driver, one small action at a time. And remember, every financial expert started by learning what a budget was, so you’re in good company.

    3. Should I be making big financial decisions right now, or waiting until the dust settles?

    Ah, the eternal question of transition timing. Generally speaking, unless something is time-sensitive (like you need to sign divorce papers or your lease is up), give yourself at least a few months before making irreversible big moves. Your emotional state during transitions can make that “investment opportunity” or impulse home purchase seem more appealing than it actually is. That said, some decisions can’t wait—and that’s okay. The key is to distinguish between “needs immediate attention” (finding housing, securing income) and “feels urgent but isn’t” (completely overhauling your investment strategy at 2 AM). When in doubt, consult with a financial advisor or trusted friend who isn’t in the middle of their own chaos. They’ll help you see clearly when everything feels foggy.

    4. How much of an emergency fund do I need when everything feels like an emergency?

    During life transitions, the standard “three to six months of expenses” advice can feel laughably inadequate or impossibly ambitious. Here’s a more realistic approach: aim for one month first, then three, then six. If you’re in the thick of transition and can scrape together $1,000, you’re already ahead of half the country. Focus on building what I call a “sleep-at-night fund”—whatever amount lets you stop lying awake, catastrophizing about the washing machine breaking. For some that’s $500, for others it’s $5,000. The magic number is less important than the momentum. Every dollar you set aside is a small vote of confidence in your future self. And yes, it counts even if you’re saving it in a regular savings account while you figure out the fancy high-yield options.

    5. I feel guilty about prioritising my financial independence. Is that normal?

    Incredibly normal, and also worth examining. Many people, especially those leaving relationships or caregiving roles, feel selfish for focusing on their own financial security. But here’s the truth: taking care of your finances isn’t selfish—it’s responsible. You can’t pour from an empty cup, fund from an empty account, or help others from a place of financial desperation. Think of it like the aeroplane oxygen mask rule: secure your own first. Plus, financial independence doesn’t mean financial isolation. You can still be generous, collaborative, and supportive while also making sure you’re not one emergency away from crisis. The guilt often fades as you start feeling more secure and realize that your stability actually allows you to show up better for the people you care about. So be kind to yourself as you build this new foundation—you deserve financial security just as much as anyone else.

    Recommended Reading: 5 Books about Creating Financial Independence

    1. “The Financial Diet” by Chelsea Fagan

    I chose this one because it’s refreshingly honest about the emotional and psychological aspects of money, especially for people who feel like they’re starting from scratch. Fagan writes with humour and zero judgment about building financial literacy when you’ve been winging it or relying on others. It’s particularly great for transitions because it addresses the identity shift that comes with taking control of your finances. Plus, it doesn’t assume you have a trust fund or a finance degree—just a desire to figure things out.

    2. “Your Money or Your Life” by Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez

    This classic makes the list because life transitions force us to reconsider what we actually value, and this book is all about aligning your money with your values. It’s not just about budgeting—it’s about rethinking your entire relationship with money and work. During transitions, when you’re rebuilding anyway, it’s the perfect time to ask yourself the big questions this book poses. The nine-step program helps you see money as life energy, which can be particularly powerful when you’re redefining what your life looks like.

    3. “I Will Teach You to Be Rich” by Ramit Sethi

    Despite the clickbait-y title, this is actually a solid, no-nonsense guide to automating your finances and building wealth without obsessing over every latte. I included it because during life transitions, you need systems that work even when you’re emotionally exhausted. Sethi’s approach to setting up automatic transfers, investing, and negotiating is perfect for people who need their money to behave while they figure out everything else. It’s also refreshingly honest about the fact that you don’t need to live like a monk to build financial security.

    4. “The Single Woman’s Guide to Retirement” by Jan Cullinane

    Even if you’re not near retirement, I chose this book because it addresses the unique financial challenges of going it alone—something many people face during major transitions. Cullinane covers everything from healthcare to housing to building community, all without a partner’s income or support. The practical advice about creating multiple income streams and planning for long-term security is valuable at any age, and her tone is encouraging rather than fear-mongering. It’s particularly helpful for those leaving long-term relationships.

    5. “Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes” by William Bridges

    This isn’t strictly a finance book, but I’m including it because you can’t separate the money stuff from the emotional journey of transition. Bridges explains the three phases of transition (ending, neutral zone, new beginning) in a way that helps you understand why everything feels so hard right now—including making financial decisions. Understanding where you are in the transition process can help you be more patient with yourself and make better choices about when to act and when to wait. Sometimes the best financial advice is knowing that confusion and uncertainty are normal parts of the process, not signs you’re doing it wrong.

    “Your economic security does not lie in your job; it lies in your own power to produce – to think, to learn, to create, to adapt. That’s true financial independence. It’s not having wealth; it’s having the power to produce wealth.” – Stephen Covey

    It is never too late to take control of your financial future and plant the seeds for a prosperous, purposeful and independent life.

    In addition to the Camino de Santiago retreats that I host at my little French farm southwest of Bordeaux, I have also created 7 online courses, ex. The Purpose Protocols, The Roadmap to Resilience – from Burnout to Brilliance Protocol and The Change Careers without Starting from Scratch – each course is available with or without one-to-one support. To stay in contact, I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter, you’ll get immediate access to my free life crisis quiz.

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    What Are Your Strengths and Why You Need To Know

    What Are Your Strengths and Why You Need To Know

    My courage always rises at every attempt to intimidate me.” —Jane Austen.

    What Are Your Strengths?

    I have just launched a new online course called “The Life Purpose Pursuit Protocol ” – the content is largely based on what my horses have taught me. It’s a DIY, available-on-demand, in-your-own-time, where-you-are 2-hour long course designed to help you clearly identify your current life purpose.

    Most find-your-life-purpose experts recommend finding out what are your strengths, as an essential step, towards identifying your life purpose. Since I test-drive all my retreats myself, before I launch them, I could not skip this step.

    The horses are still subdued, none of their usual spring exuberance on display, nothing since we lost Belle de la Babinière, Aurore’s mother and Tess’ half-sister, in January.

    I am doing my best to be strong, for all of us. Belle was my soulmare, the light of my life for more than 20 years, my strength and shield against the storms that so frequently came our way.

    To be honest, I feel a bit lost. Vulnerable. Insecure. Overwhelmed. Emotionally exhausted.

    I was struggling to name even a single one of my strengths.

    Until this Easter weekend.

    On Instagram, Pinterest and LinkedIn, I have just posted these 16 words:

    Sometimes you don’t realise your own strengths until someone tries to take advantage of your weaknesses.

    When I read these words, I froze on the spot. I had a light bulb moment, because this Easter weekend, outside forces were trying to take advantage of my weaknesses to threaten the wellbeing of my remaining two mares.

    Nothing like a threat from the outside to remind us of our inner strengths.

    If you have difficulty identifying your strengths, just ask yourself this question: What will you do if something or someone threatens those you love?

    More questions to ask yourself that will help you identify your strengths:

    1. What have I achieved so far? Reflect on moments in your life when you have felt proud of your accomplishments. Think about the skills, talents, abilities and attributes that you used to help you succeed.
    2. What do my friends, family and colleagues think? Ask people who know you well what they think are your strengths. Think about times when others have praised you or you received recognition for your contribution.
    3. What skills, qualifications, knowledge and experience do I have? These may include communication skills, problem-solving abilities, leadership, organisational or technical expertise.
    4. Are there any assessments I can take to help me identify my strengths? There are various assessments available, such as personality assessments, skills assessments, and strengths assessments, that can provide insights into your strengths. Examples include the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), StrengthsFinder, and VIA Character Strengths.
    5. Do I have any strengths that I have not discovered yet? You may well have, so experiment, try new activities, learn something new, challenges yourself, take calculated risks, and move out of your comfort zone.

    Remember that strengths can evolve over time. You may no longer be much good at what you excelled in 10 years ago (I can name several skills that I no longer use or need) and you may need to develop new strengths to cope with the challenges that come your way in future. Embrace your strengths, past, present and future, as they can be valuable assets in both your personal and professional life.

    Why Do You Need To Know?

    Ever been in a job interview when someone leans forward with that practiced smile and asks, “So, what are your strengths?” Your mind goes blank. Or worse, you launch into some rehearsed nonsense about being a “team player with excellent time management skills” while your soul dies a little inside. Here’s the uncomfortable truth: most successful people haven’t got a clue what their actual strengths are. They’re too busy using them. This article explores why knowing your genuine strengths isn’t just helpful—it’s transformational. And why getting it wrong might be costing you more than you think.

    Five Key Takeaways

    1. Your strengths are invisible to you – The things you do brilliantly feel effortless, so you assume everyone can do them
    2. Fake strengths are exhausting – Playing to perceived strengths rather than real ones is like running in shoes two sizes too small
    3. Self-knowledge is a competitive advantage – Executives who know their authentic strengths make better decisions, faster
    4. Strengths aren’t fixed – They evolve with you, which is why regular reflection matters
    5. Discovery requires stillness – You can’t hear your own truth in the noise of constant doing

    Introduction

    There’s a peculiar blindness that afflicts the capable. The more naturally gifted you are at something, the less remarkable it seems. You assume everyone can do it. Meanwhile, you’re probably working overtime to improve at things you’ll only ever be mediocre at, because those feel important, difficult, worthy of effort.

    I’ve spent two decades hosting people, and I’ve watched this paradox play out hundreds of times. Brilliant entrepreneurs who can read a room like a book but think their real strength is spreadsheets. CEOs with extraordinary strategic vision who believe their value lies in their ability to micromanage details. It’s like watching someone try to hammer nails with a precision screwdriver—technically possible, but utterly backwards.

    The question “what are your strengths?” isn’t about crafting the perfect LinkedIn profile. It’s about understanding the specific way you’re wired to contribute to the world. And here’s what nobody tells you: you can’t figure this out from inside your own head. You need space, reflection, and often, a good story to wake you up to what you’ve been missing.

    Let me tell you about Tom Parker.

    The Man Who Built His Life on Someone Else’s Strengths

    Tom Parker had the corner office, the executive title, and the stress-induced insomnia to prove it. When I met him on my Camino retreat three years ago, he arrived in the French countryside looking like a man who’d been holding his breath for a decade.

    “I need a break,” he’d said when he booked. What he actually needed was permission to stop pretending.

    On our first evening, sitting in the old stone farmhouse with golden light pouring through the windows and the scent of lavender drifting in from the fields, I asked each person in the storytelling circle to share why they’d come. When Tom’s turn arrived, he adjusted his posture—that boardroom straightening—and said, “I’m here to reset. Get some clarity on strategic direction.”

    His voice was steady, professional. His hands were clenched so tight his knuckles had gone white.

    The next morning, I drop my guests off on the Camino. The earth was still damp from overnight rain, releasing that ancient petrichor smell that makes you feel connected to every human who’s ever walked this route. Tom strode ahead initially, attacking the walk like it was a quarterly target, but by the second hour, something shifted. His pace softened. His shoulders dropped.

    At a rest point overlooking a valley, he sat heavily on a sun-warmed stone wall and asked Linda, “Can I tell you something?” he asked. “I hate strategy meetings. I’ve built my entire career on being ‘the strategy guy,’ and I bloody well hate them.”

    The confession hung in the air, vulnerable and true.

    Over the following days, as we talked, as we sat in evening circles sharing stories around the wooden table, Tom’s real story emerged. As a junior analyst twenty years ago, he’d delivered one impressive strategic presentation. His boss had been delighted. “This is your strength,” she’d declared. “You’re our strategy expert.” And Tom, ambitious and eager to please, had built an entire identity around it.

    But here’s what he’d never told anyone: that first presentation had been created in a panic-fueled all-nighter. He’d hated every minute of it. What he’d actually enjoyed was what came after—the conversation with his team, helping them understand what it meant, translating complex ideas into stories they could connect with, making people feel excited rather than overwhelmed.

    “I’m good at strategy,” he said one evening, running his finger around the rim of his wine glass, the sound a soft hum in the quiet room, “but I’m brilliant at helping people understand things. At making them feel capable rather than confused. I’ve spent twenty years doing the thing I’m merely good at, and ignoring the thing I’m exceptional at.”

    In our storytelling circles, Tom began to experiment. He’d listen to someone share their experience, then reflect it back in a way that illuminated patterns they hadn’t seen. He could take a tangled mess of thoughts and find the thread that made it all make sense. He didn’t analyse—he translated. He didn’t strategise—he clarified.

    One evening, after he’d helped a fellow traveller understand a difficult work situation through the lens of a Japanese folktale, the room went quiet. “That,” said another guest, “is real wisdom.”

    Tom’s eyes filled with tears. “I’ve never felt more myself than I do here,” he whispered.

    On the final day, weas we were having brunch, the warmth of the morning sun on our faces. Tom stopped suddenly. “I know what I need to do,” he said. “Not quit my job—that’s running away. But restructure my role. I need to stop being the person who creates strategy and become the person who helps everyone understand why it matters. That’s where I come alive.”

    Six months later, Tom emailed me. He’d restructured his role, brought in someone who genuinely loved strategic planning, and moved himself into a position focused on internal communication and culture. “For the first time in my career,” he wrote, “I finish the day energised rather than depleted. I had no idea work could feel like this.”

    Tom’s story isn’t unusual. It’s the story of almost every accomplished person I’ve met. We’re all walking around doing impressive things that drain us, while our real gifts sit unused in the corner, gathering dust.

    Why Knowing Your Strengths Actually Matters

    The question “what are your strengths?” feels like corporate-speak, the sort of thing HR departments put on professional development forms. But beneath the jargon lies something profound: the alignment between who you are and what you do.

    The Energy Equation

    Your genuine strengths are energising. Not easy, necessarily, but enlivening. When you’re operating from your true strengths, you finish a hard day’s work tired but satisfied, not depleted and resentful. False strengths—the things you’ve learned to do well but that don’t come naturally—drain you. They require constant willpower, like maintaining a muscle flex all day.

    Most executives I meet are running on empty because they’re spending their days in the wrong strengths. They’ve built careers on what they can do rather than what they’re genuinely brilliant at.

    The Authenticity Advantage

    People can sense when you’re operating from your core. There’s a quality of presence, of ease, that emerges when someone is doing what they’re genuinely good at. It’s magnetic. It builds trust. And in leadership, trust is everything.

    When you’re faking your strengths, you’re essentially asking people to follow a performance rather than a person. It’s exhausting for everyone involved.

    The Decision-Making Clarity

    Knowing your real strengths transforms decision-making. Should you take that promotion? Expand in that direction? Hire that person? The answer becomes clearer when you understand what you genuinely bring to the table. You can architect your life and work around your authentic capabilities rather than constantly trying to become someone you’re not.

    The Gift of Letting Go

    Perhaps most importantly, knowing your strengths gives you permission to stop pretending you’re good at everything. You can delegate, collaborate, and admit limitation without shame. This isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom.

    Why It’s So Difficult to See Your Own Strengths

    The cruel irony is that your genuine strengths are almost invisible to you. They feel so natural, so effortless, that you assume everyone can do them. “Doesn’t everyone see patterns in complex data?” “Can’t most people defuse tense situations with humour?” “Surely anyone can remember faces and names?”

    No, they can’t. But you can’t see that because, to you, it doesn’t feel special.

    We notice the things we struggle with. The presentation that took hours to prepare gets our attention. The difficult conversation we rehearsed feels significant. The spreadsheet we finally mastered seems like an achievement. Meanwhile, the things we do brilliantly—the impromptu talk that captivated the room, the crisis we navigated instinctively, the connection we made without thinking—barely register.

    This is why self-awareness requires external input. We need other people to mirror back to us what they see. We need space and stillness to notice what energises versus depletes us. We need reflection practices that help us step outside our own perspective.

    This is exactly what happens on the Camino. Day after day of walking, of sitting in storytelling circles, of being present without agenda—it creates the conditions for self-recognition. People start to see themselves clearly, often for the first time in years.

    Further Reading: Three Unconventional Books

    1. “The Big Leap” by Gay Hendricks

    Not your typical strengths book, Hendricks explores why we sabotage ourselves just as we’re about to succeed. His concept of the “Zone of Genius” versus the “Zone of Excellence” is transformational—you can be excellent at many things, but your genius lies in one specific area. Most of us never get there because we’re too busy being merely excellent. It’s provocative, practical, and will make you question everything about how you’ve structured your work life.

    2. “The Crossroads of Should and Must” by Elle Luna

    This slim, beautifully illustrated book asks a devastating question: Are you living in your “should” or your “must”? Luna explores the difference between what we think we’re supposed to be good at and what we’re genuinely called to do. It’s more philosophical than practical, but sometimes you need philosophy before you can take practical action. The chapter on recognising your “must” by noticing what you return to repeatedly, even when it makes no logical sense, is worth the price alone.

    3. “Finite and Infinite Games” by James P. Carse

    This philosophical treatise isn’t explicitly about strengths, but it’s profoundly relevant. Carse distinguishes between finite games (played to win) and infinite games (played to keep playing). When you’re operating from false strengths, you’re playing a finite game—trying to prove something. When you’re in your genuine strengths, you enter an infinite game—you’re playing for the joy of playing. It’s dense, demanding reading, but it reframes the entire question of success and capability.

    A Word from St James’ Way

    “I came to Margaretha’s Camino retreat thinking I needed to figure out my next career move. What I actually discovered was that I’d been asking the wrong question for twenty years. The daily walks, the mindfulness practices, the storytelling circles—they created space for me to hear my own truth. By the third day, I broke down crying because I realised I’d been living someone else’s version of success. The woman I became on that path is the woman I’d forgotten I could be. I’m not exaggerating when I say it changed my life.” — Sally J., Tech Entrepreneur, London

    Five Razor-Sharp FAQs

    Q: What if my strengths aren’t commercially valuable?

    The question itself reveals the problem. You’re already judging your strengths through the lens of market value rather than personal truth. Every genuine strength has value—the question is whether you’re willing to structure your life around it. Often, what seems uncommercial is actually just uncommon, and uncommon capabilities command premium value.

    Q: Can’t I just develop new strengths through hard work?

    You can become competent at almost anything through effort. But competence isn’t the same as strength. Real strengths energise you. Developed competencies often drain you. The question isn’t “Can I do it?” but “Do I come alive doing it?”

    Q: What if I discover my strengths too late in my career?

    It’s never too late, and this thinking reveals a scarcity mindset. You’re not behind. You’re exactly where you need to be. Tom Parker was 52 when he restructured his role. Some of the most fulfilled people I know made their biggest transitions after 60. Age is irrelevant. Honesty is everything.

    Q: How do I know if I’m operating from real or false strengths?

    Ask yourself: At the end of a day doing this work, am I tired but satisfied, or depleted and resentful? Do I look forward to it or dread it? If I didn’t need money, would I still choose to do this? Your body knows the answer even when your mind is confused.

    Q: What if discovering my real strengths means admitting I’ve wasted years?

    This is grief talking, and it’s valid. But you haven’t wasted anything—you’ve learned exactly what doesn’t work, which is valuable information. The only waste would be continuing on a path you now know is wrong. Courage isn’t never being afraid. It’s doing the scary thing anyway.

    Conclusion: The Strength to Be Yourself

    The question “what are your strengths?” isn’t really about strengths at all. It’s about permission. Permission to stop performing. Permission to acknowledge that the thing that feels easy to you is genuinely valuable. Permission to structure your life around what brings you alive rather than what looks impressive.

    You already know your strengths. That’s the frustrating truth. They’re the things you do without thinking, the capabilities people thank you for that you barely notice, the moments when you’re so absorbed you lose track of time. You know them. You’re just scared to bet your life on them.

    But here’s what I’ve learned from years of walking the Camino with people just like you: the moment you stop pretending and start living from your genuine strengths, everything shifts. Not easily. Not without fear. But definitively.

    You don’t need more qualifications, more validation, more proof. You need the courage to trust what you already know. And sometimes, you need to step away from the noise long enough to hear it clearly.

    That’s when the real journey begins.

    Walk Your Own Path: A Personal Invitation

    Imagine this: You’re walking through the soft morning light of south-west France, the Camino path stretching ahead, ancient and patient. The weight of your everyday life—the meetings, the expectations, the constant performance—begins to slip away with each step. For seven days, you’re not an executive or entrepreneur. You’re simply yourself, rediscovering what that actually means.

    My Camino de Santiago walking retreats in southwest France border aren’t luxury holidays or team-building exercises. They’re something rarer: dedicated space for the kind of deep reflection that changes everything. Each day you walk through stunning countryside—manageable distances that create contemplation rather than exhaustion. The landscape itself becomes your teacher: rolling hills, medieval villages, vineyards heavy with grapes, the play of light on stone walls that have stood for centuries.

    We do meditation practices specifically designed for stress management—gentle, accessible techniques you can carry home with you. The daily walking becomes a moving meditation, creating the mental spaciousness where insight emerges naturally. And in the evenings, we gather for storytelling circles around worn wooden tables, sharing our experiences, listening deeply, discovering ourselves in each other’s stories.

    This isn’t about finding answers. It’s about creating conditions where your own wisdom can surface. The kind of wisdom that whispers your real strengths, your genuine calling, the next true step.

    Space is intentionally limited to preserve the intimate, transformational quality of the experience. If something in this article stirred recognition—that sense of “I’ve been pretending too”—perhaps it’s time to listen to that voice.

    Learn more and reserve your room

    “We need women who are so strong they can be gentle, so educated they can be humble, so fierce they can be compassionate, so passionate they can be rational, and so disciplined they can be free.” —Kavita Ramdas. 

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    Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

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