Let me start by saying: I never planned to move to France. Heck, I didn’t even plan to leave my job. I was one of those “stick to the schedule, keep your head down, and don’t rock the boat” types. You know, the kind of person who doesn’t even cross the street until the little green man shows up on the pedestrian light. But somewhere between yet another soul-sucking audit and the realisation that I’d just spent an entire decade colour-coding spreadsheets, something inside me snapped.
Or maybe it was just the third coffee that day. Who knows?
The Day I Said “Au Revoir” to My 9-to-5
I was sitting in my office—if you can call a cubicle with beige walls and a suspicious stain on the carpet an “office”—staring at a client’s expense reports. “$4,000 for ‘team-building snacks’? Seriously?” I muttered under my breath. (For the record, it was mostly tequila. That’s a red flag if I’ve ever seen one.)
It wasn’t just the absurdity of the job, though. It was the monotony. The same numbers. The same complaints about the coffee machine. The same coworkers with their passive-aggressive Post-It notes in the communal fridge.
So, on a random Tuesday—because big life decisions should always happen on a random Tuesday—I opened my browser, Googled “remote jobs,” and started clicking around. That’s how I stumbled into the rabbit hole of freelance work.
Wait, People Get Paid to Do This?
I wish I could tell you I had a grand plan, but honestly, I was winging it. I created a profile on one of those freelancing platforms (you know, the kind where everyone says “I’ll do X for $5” but secretly charges $50). I figured, “Hey, I know accounting. People need accounting, right?”
The thing is, freelance accounting isn’t just about crunching numbers. Suddenly, I was answering emails at 9 PM because some panicked small business owner couldn’t find their receipts. I became a part-time therapist for people who “just don’t understand taxes.” And let’s not even talk about the guy who tried to pay me in cryptocurrency. (Spoiler: I said no.)
But it worked. Slowly but surely, I started to build a client base. And as much as I’d love to tell you I was instantly making six figures while lounging in my pyjamas, the truth is I spent the first three months eating instant ramen and Googling, “How to price freelance services without sounding desperate.”
The France Idea (AKA My Midlife Crisis, But Make It Fancy)
Now, here’s where things get interesting. One night, I was scrolling Instagram (because obviously, that’s what you do when you suspect you’re burnt out). I saw a post from someone I barely knew—a “digital nomad,” apparently—living their best life in a little French village.
The picture? A cobblestone street lined with flower boxes, a sunset in the background, and a caption that read, “Work from anywhere.” I rolled my eyes so hard I nearly fell off the couch. But then I started thinking… could I actually do that?
I mean, I hated my job, sure. But what I hated even more was that my life felt small. I was in my 40s, living the same day over and over, like some accounting version of Groundhog Day. Wasn’t this the time to do something crazy?
I fell madly in love with France during the retreat, so I grabbed a piece of paper, wrote “Why Not Move to France?” at the top, and started a list. Pros: cheese, wine, croissants. Cons: my non-existent French, and… moving to another country leaving everything and everyone I know behind, a rather daunting list.
A week later, I applied for a visa.
Learning to Say “Bonjour” Without Sounding Like a French Toddler
Fast forward three months, and there I was: standing in a tiny apartment in Bordeaux, surrounded by several suitcases, a bottle opener and a bottle of cheap red wine in my hands.
Now, let me tell you, moving to France sounds glamorous until you’re the one trying to explain your Wi-Fi issues to a technician who speaks zero English. (My version of French was basically just pointing at things and adding “s’il vous plaît.”)
The first few weeks were chaos. I got lost constantly. Once, I ended up in a boulangerie trying to order a baguette and accidentally asked for “a very large grandmother.” The cashier laughed so hard she gave me the bread for free. (Bless her.)
But slowly, life started to feel… lighter. I’d wake up, make my coffee, and open my laptop in the corner of a little café. I worked, yes, but I also took long lunches, strolled through markets, and sat by the river with a book. I learned to appreciate slowness in a way I never had back in the grind of corporate life.
The Big Lesson (or, Why One Should Do the Scary Thing)
Was it terrifying to leave my stable job and start over in a foreign country? Absolutely. Did I have moments where I questioned everything, cried into a glass of Bordeaux, and called my best friend screaming, “What have I done?” Also yes.
But here’s the thing: life’s too short to stay stuck. Whether it’s a job, a city, or even just a mindset—if something isn’t making you happy, it’s okay to change it.
I won’t pretend everything’s perfect. French bureaucracy is a nightmare, and don’t even get me started on how long it takes to set up a bank account here. But when I think about where I was a year ago, stuck in that cubicle with the beige walls, I wouldn’t trade this life for anything.
So, if you’re reading this, wondering if you should take that leap—whether it’s switching careers, moving abroad, or even just saying “no” to something that’s not serving you—this is your sign.
Trust me, the almond croissants alone are worth it.
Here’s to messy, beautiful, unpredictable life changes. Or as the French say, “A la Votre!”
Hit the pause button and regain your footing during a From Troubled to Triumphant: Find Solid Ground during Life Quakes Retreat. Imagine walking a peaceful stretch of the Camino de Santiago, where every step helps untangle the mental clutter, or spending time with gentle Friesian horses who teach you the art of mindfulness. These retreats blend reflection and relaxation in a way that feels more like an exciting adventure than hard work. Whether you’ve chosen to make a change, or are forced to, this retreat offers the perfect blend of peace, perspective, and playful exploration to help you rise from troubled to triumphant!
I put the essence of who I am, and everything I have experienced that makes me who I am, with great enthusiasm, into my retreats, courses and books. – Dr Margaretha Montagu (MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract (cert,) Transformational Life Coach (dip,) Life Story Coach (cert) Counselling (cert,) Med Hypnotherapy (dip) and EAGALA (cert)
Discover the Surprising Ways Different Generations Cope with Change—and What We Can All Learn from Each Approach
The scene: Four friends from different generations are sitting around a table at a coffee shop, catching up on life.
Baby Boomer:[sighs and stirs their coffee] “You know, I was raised to believe you stick it out, whatever life throws at you. When I hit that rough patch in my forties? Kept my head down, worked harder, pushed through. Life transitions… you just deal with ‘em and get on with things.”
Gen X: “I get that. I mean, my parents didn’t exactly roll out the therapy fund. When I hit a big transition, I lean on self-help books, maybe take a solo trip to ‘find myself.’ I’m not against talking it out, but at the end of the day, I handle my stuff myself. You gotta be able to stand on your own.”
Millennial:[grins] “Oh, I’m all about talking it out. I’ve got a group chat, my therapist on speed dial, and about five podcasts queued up with advice on handling change. Life transitions are practically a generational sport for us. And if all else fails, I’ll crowdsource help on Instagram—who knows, maybe I’ll turn it into a blog.”
Gen Z:[laughs] “Yeah, but why go through all that when I can just reinvent myself? Job loss? I’ll switch fields. Tough breakup? Try a different age group. Honestly, it’s about embracing change on my terms. Life transitions are just invitations to change myself into someone even cooler. Plus, I know like three apps that’ll help me make a vision board in under ten minutes.”
Baby Boomer: “Reinvent yourself? Back in my day, a transition was about stability. You built a foundation; you didn’t just switch gears whenever things got tough.”
Gen X:[nods] “I get that. But I also see the point in mixing it up when life throws a curveball—sometimes you just need a change. I’ll do the work if I need to, but I want that freedom, too.”
Millennial: “I think it’s about finding support for whatever comes up. Community, therapy, friends, self-care—all of it. I mean, why go it alone if you don’t have to?”
Gen Z:[shrugs] “Or you just go full chameleon. Adapt to whatever the next phase demands. Life’s short; I’m here to enjoy it, not overthink it. Reinvention is just part of the game.”
Recently I was chatting with my friend Paula about the generational cohorts: Baby Boomers, Gen X, Millennials etc. She is a Baby Boomer, and I am Gen X, but we weren’t sure of the younger generations, so I looked it up:
Baby Boomers (Born 1946-1964)
Baby Boomers were born during the post-World War II baby boom, a time characterised by significant population growth. This generation is known for its optimism and competitiveness, often driven by a strong work ethic and a focus on career advancement. Baby Boomers value personal growth and self-expression, having been politically active and socially conscious throughout their lives. While they have adapted to technology, they are not considered digital natives, often preferring traditional forms of communication.
Generation X (Born 1965-1980)
Generation X grew up in the shadow of the Baby Boomers, experiencing significant societal changes. This cohort is characterised by its independence and self-reliance, often displaying scepticism toward authority and institutions. Gen Xers value work-life balance, seeking fulfilment in both their professional and personal lives. They are technologically adept, having witnessed the rise of the internet and personal computing, which has shaped their pragmatic and resourceful approach to challenges.
Millennials / Generation Y (Born 1981-1996)
Millennials, also known as Generation Y, came of age during a period of rapid technological change and globalisation. This generation is recognized for being digital natives, comfortable with technology from an early age. Millennials tend to value experiences over material possessions, prioritising travel and personal development. They are socially conscious and diverse, often advocating for social justice issues. Collaborative and team-oriented, Millennials appreciate frequent feedback and opportunities for career development.
Generation Z (Born 1997-2012)
Generation Z is the first true digital native generation, having grown up with smartphones and social media as integral parts of their lives. Key characteristics of Gen Z include an entrepreneurial mindset and a pragmatic approach to life. They are financially conscious, having witnessed economic uncertainty during their formative years. This generation values individuality and diversity, often expressing concern about social and environmental issues.
Generation Alpha (Born 2013-Present)
Generation Alpha is the newest generation currently developing, with many members still in childhood. Early observations suggest that they will be the most technologically immersed generation yet, growing up in an era of advanced digital innovation. Generation Alpha is likely to be highly educated and globally minded, benefiting from increased access to information and resources. However, they may also face challenges related to climate change and economic uncertainty as they grow up in an increasingly complex world.
My retreats have a minimum age of 18, so I won’t see Generation Alpha until 2031.
The subject came up because I had recently hosted a From Troubled to Triumphant Transformational Retreat that helps participants find solid ground during a Life Quake and I noticed that my guests, who were from different generational cohorts, approached life transitions differently, based on their formative experiences, values, and characteristics. Thinking back, I tried to work out how their approaches differed and I came up with this (very unscientific) summary:
Baby Boomers (Born 1946-1964)
It seemed to me that Baby Boomers tend to approach life transitions with:
Adaptability, and a certain resilience. Having lived through significant social and technological changes, Baby Boomers often fall back on past experience when they have to cope with major life changes.
A strong work-centric mindset: Many Boomers define themselves by their careers, so retirement or job changes can be particularly challenging.
Traditional values are important to them, they may rely on conventional wisdom and established institutions when facing transitions.
Generally, Boomers maintain an optimistic outlook on life, believing hard work will lead to positive outcomes.
Generation X (Born 1965-1980)
Difficult to stereotype my own generation, but I’d say Gen X typically handles life transitions with:
Fierce independence: Known for their self-reliance, the latch-key kids often tackle transitions independently, seeking solutions on their own.
Pragmatism: We Gen Xers tend to approach major life changes practically, weighing pros and cons before making decisions.
A careful eye on our work-life balance: Unlike Boomers, we’re more likely to prioritise personal life alongside professional life when facing transitions.
A fair amount of scepticism: We may be more cautious about change, questioning authority and conventional wisdom.
Millennials (Born 1981-1996)
This is where it gets tricky. As far as I can gather, Millennials (GenY) often approach life transitions by:
Seeking meaning as they’re more likely to view life transitions as opportunities for personal growth and are keen to find purpose in everything they do.
Welcoming change. Millennials grew up with rapid technological advancements, and are generally much more comfortable with change.
Collaborating – they may rely more on peer networks and social media for support and advice during transitions.
Embracing new experiences: Millennials might focus on how transitions can lead to new experiences rather than material gain.
Generation Z (Born 1997-2012)
Gen Z is still very young, but it already looks like they will approach life transitions by:
Leveraging technology, they’re likely to use apps, online resources, and social media to help them cope with change.
Prioritising their mental health. Gen Z is much more aware of mental health issues and may well put their mental well-being first during transitions.
Seeking stability: Having witnessed economic uncertainty, they may approach transitions with a focus on financial security.
Valuing diversity as Gen Z tends to consider diverse perspectives and inclusive solutions as important even when facing life changes.
I did a bit more reseach, and discovered that while these are general trends, individual experiences can vary widely within each generation. Factors such as personal background, culture, and socioeconomic status also play significant roles in how people approach life transitions.
It quickly became clear to me that exploring life transitions through the nuanced lenses of each cohort really does reveal a fascinating interplay of values, adaptability, and resilience across generations. From the Baby Boomers’ foundation-focused perseverance to Gen Z’s pragmatic, fluid reinvention, each approach is a masterclass in handling change.
What’s particularly interesting is how these generational perspectives illuminate broader cultural shifts in how we handle uncertainty and redefine identity. Research increasingly supports that a blend of introspection, external support, and adaptability is essential in navigating major life changes effectively. Each generation brings unique insights into that mix, reminding us that while our tools for dealing with transitions evolve, the need to process and grow through them is universal.
Based on the generational characteristics and approaches to life transitions, I sat down and made a mind map (it’s a Gen X thing) of how I needed to change the way I host my retreats to make sure each generational cohort benefits equally.
Helping people from different generations through life transitions is not easy, but at least I now have a better understanding of why it is difficult and I can tailor my approach accordingly. I was thinking that the different generations could even learn from each other and support each other in unexpected ways.
Fascinating stuff.
So when I’m working with Baby Boomers, I’ll need to focus on helping them redefine their purpose, especially as they navigate retirement. I am already aware of this (and my) generation’s need to find their life purpose, and with my horses’ help I created the Rearing to Get Going in a New Direction: Finding Your Life Purpose Guided by Horses online course to help people gain the clarity, motivation and direction they need to manifest their next chapter – in both their personal and professional lives. (get immediate access) online. Many in this generation struggle with identity issues after leaving their careers, so I may need to create another course to help them explore new ways to find meaning and purpose beyond work. During my retreats, we discuss health and wellness activities to address their concerns about ageing and maintaining vitality and I leverage their vast life experiences by incorporating exercises that allow them to reflect on their past and use that wisdom to navigate current transitions. If I’m feeling particularly brave, I suggest updating their knowledge about technology so that they can stay connected and relevant in our rapidly changing world, as this can be a huge challenge for some Boomers.
With Generation X participants, like me, I tend to concentrate on work-life balance strategies. I help them develop techniques for managing career transitions while maintaining family responsibilities, as many Gen Xers are juggling multiple roles. We address concerns about financial security, especially for those caring for both children and ageing parents. I provide tools for managing stress and avoiding burnout, given the multiple responsibilities our generation often faces. I suggest resources for those contemplating career changes or starting their own businesses, as entrepreneurship often appeals to this independent-minded cohort.
I have found that Millennials attending my retreats often benefit from activities that help them find meaning in their work and help them align their career choices with personal values. We can focus more on increasing resilience and provide further strategies for coping with uncertainty in both their personal and professional lives. We can make time to address concerns about balancing career ambitions with personal relationships and family planning. Given the financial challenges many Millennials face, we may have to look for guidance on managing student debt, investing, and long-term financial planning.
For Generation Z, I will discuss strategies for managing anxiety, and stress, and maintaining good mental health during transitions, as this generation tends to be more open about mental health issues and keen to talk about them. I’ll incorporate activities, with the horses, that facilitate face-to-face connections and create time away from their screens, providing a balance to their digital-centric lives. I could suggest resources for continuous learning and adapting to a rapidly changing job market, addressing their concerns about future career prospects. We could talk about aligning their personal and career goals with their desire to make a positive impact on society, as social consciousness is often a key characteristic of this generation.
If my retreat group is multi-generational, I’ll include some group activities to foster understanding and knowledge sharing between generations. It makes sense to use a mix of traditional and digital tools to cater to the varying technological comfort levels. I already provide resources and support for participants after the retreat to help them implement what they’ve learned. At dinner most evenings, and especially after Camino de Santiago walking days, participants share their experiences and learn from each other’s transitions – storytelling is a powerful processing tool for all generations.
I(‘m hoping that by tailoring my approach to each generation’s unique characteristics and concerns, I’ll host more impactful life transition retreats that resonate with participants across all age groups. Of course, while these generational trends provide a helpful framework, individual experiences can vary widely, so I’ll have to remain flexible in my approach to accommodate personal differences.
One thing I have learned during the decade that I have been hosting retreats is that, as a host, you never stop learning.
I put the essence of who I am, and everything I have experienced that makes me who I am, with great enthusiasm, into my retreats, courses and books. – Dr Margaretha Montagu (MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract (cert,) Transformational Life Coach (dip,) Life Story Coach (cert) Counselling (cert,) Med Hypnotherapy (dip) and EAGALA (cert)
Why just survive when you can thrive? Enrol in my How to Survive a Life Quake 7-part online course. Think of it as your step-by-step survival kit for those “what-on-earth-just-happened” moments in life.
Research
As the ability to cope with life transitions is basically determined by how effectively we handle stress, I looked at studies that compared the stress management strategies of the different generations:
A 2012 Penn State study found that Gen X had significantly higher stress levels than other age groups, reporting an average stress level of 5.8 out of 10. This was notably higher than Millennials (3.4) and Baby Boomers (4.4).
The American Psychological Association’s (APA) 2012 Stress in America survey corroborated these findings, showing that both Gen Xers and Millennials reported an average stress level of 5.4 on a 10-point scale, higher than Boomers (4.7) and Matures (3.7).
More recent data from 2021 shows this trend continuing, with 22% of Gen Xers confessing to struggling with stress daily, compared to 17% for Millennials, 14% for Gen Zs, and 8% for Baby Boomers.
The APA study found that while all generations agree on the importance of managing stress, younger generations (Millennials and Gen X) report more difficulty in doing so effectively. Older generations (Boomers and Matures) are more likely to use strategies like getting enough sleep and attending religious services to manage stress. Younger generations are more likely to engage in potentially unhealthy behaviours like eating, drinking alcohol, and smoking to manage stress.
Millennials and Gen Xers report experiencing more stress-related symptoms like lying awake at night (52% of Millennials, 48% of Gen Xers, compared to 37% of Boomers and 25% of Matures).
44% of both Millennials and Gen Xers report experiencing irritability or anger due to stress, compared to 36% of Boomers and 15% of Matures.
These studies highlight that while stress affects all generations, there are significant differences in stress levels, causes, and management strategies across different age cohorts. Gen X consistently emerges as the most stressed generation, likely due to their position in the life cycle and the unique challenges they face. Yep, that sounds about right.
Relocation depression is a type of emotional distress caused by a major life change, that occurs when we move to a new country, often characterised by feelings of sadness, loneliness, and disconnection. It can stem from the overwhelming changes in our environment, culture, and routine, as well as the loss of familiar support systems. This sense of not belonging can lead to isolation, difficulty adjusting, and a deep longing for the comfort of our old, familiar lifestyle. While common, relocation depression can be managed by gradually building new connections and finding ways to adapt to your new surroundings.
Elena, at the tender age of 25, packed her bags and left her small hometown in Spain to start a new life in France. She’d always dreamt of adventure, of the endless possibilities that a foreign country could offer. But the reality of moving to a new country was far from the idyllic experience she’d imagined.
In the early days, Elena was filled with excitement and hope. The charm of the French language, the allure of unfamiliar streets, and the dream of building a new life in a vibrant place kept her spirits high. She envisioned herself thriving, making new friends, and becoming part of the culture. But as the weeks turned into months, the initial excitement wore off, and a deep sense of loneliness crept in. The language barrier became a formidable wall. Every conversation felt like a mountain to climb, each mispronunciation or confused expression reminding her that she didn’t belong.
Homesickness began to weigh heavily on her. She missed the warmth of her family, the familiar scent of her mother’s cooking, and the ease of speaking in her native tongue. Everything in France felt foreign, from the food to the customs, and even after trying her best to adapt, she often felt like an outsider looking in.
The next 20 years were marked by a series of emotional highs and lows. There were days when Elena felt strong, capable, and proud of her resilience. She learned the language over time, found work, and even made a few close friends. Yet, the struggle to feel at home never fully left her. She often questioned if she had made the right decision. Was this life truly worth the sacrifices? The holidays, especially, brought waves of isolation as her new life in France felt detached from the traditions she grew up with.
As the years passed, Elena wrestled with the idea of identity. Who was she now? A Spaniard living in France, but not entirely fitting in with either world. The sense of belonging that she craved remained elusive. She built a career, raised a family, and achieved much of what she had set out to do, but a part of her always felt like she was still searching for something—perhaps herself.
Through it all, she learned to cope with feelings of displacement, the ache of missing home, and the guilt of not returning more often. Yet, these challenges shaped her into a person of incredible strength and depth. By her late-40s, she no longer sought external validation for belonging. She had carved out a life of her own—one that blended her Spanish roots with her French surroundings in a way that felt uniquely hers.
Elena’s journey wasn’t about finding a single place to call home but about learning that home could be wherever she decided to build it. Looking back after 20 years, she realised that her struggle had become her teacher, and in navigating through feelings of loss and disorientation, she had found herself.
More info: Berry, J. W. (2005). Acculturation: Living successfully in two cultures. International Journal of Intercultural Relations, 29(6), 697-712.
Our Need to Belong Can Cause Relocation Depression
Belonging is often misunderstood as simply having a place or group where you “fit.” We think it means being accepted by others, finding that perfect community, or settling into a career or lifestyle where everything clicks. But the truth is, belonging isn’t about ticking boxes—it’s about feeling connected and at peace with yourself, no matter where life takes you.
More info: Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117(3), 497-529.
For many of us, life changes can challenge our sense of belonging. When we move to a new city or country, our need to belong can leave us feeling uprooted and unsure of ourselves. We search for familiar faces or routines to ground us, and when those are missing, we feel lost. Eventually, we may find ourselves suffering from relocation depression. It’s natural to crave that sense of being part of something, but belonging isn’t always found in the places we look for it.
The journey to belonging begins internally. It’s about cultivating a deep sense of self-acceptance, where you no longer need external validation to feel worthy or “at home.” It’s learning to embrace who you are in your most authentic form, without trying to mold yourself to fit in. When you find that inner sense of belonging, you stop searching for it in people, places, or achievements.
True belonging is also about resilience. Life will always bring changes—new environments, shifting relationships, or personal growth that can make you feel like you don’t quite belong. But when you’ve grounded yourself in your values, your strengths, and your unique identity, you can carry that sense of belonging with you, wherever you go.
This doesn’t mean that external connections don’t matter. We all need support systems and communities that nourish us. But when we approach relationships from a place of inner belonging, we no longer feel the need to shape-shift to fit in. Instead, we show up authentically, attract like-minded people, and build deeper, more meaningful connections.
Belonging isn’t about finding the “perfect” place or group where everything aligns. It’s about creating a sense of home within yourself—one that stays with you, no matter where life’s journey takes you.
Are you resilient enough to avoid relocation depression? Find out
I have relocated several times during my career. I have found it useful, at the beginning of each new adventure, to review my life purpose. We change, our circumstances change, our lifestyles change, and our life purpose needs updating. The expression of my life purpose changed every time I relocated. Sometimes I revisited a previous expression, more often I had to create a new expression.
My online course, Rearing To Get Going In A New Direction, is based on the technique I developed to adjust my life purpose each time I moved. it will help you get the clarity, motivation and direction you need to manifest your next chapter – in both your personal and professional life. If you no longer feel passionate about what you do, if you have lost your mojo, you feel exhausted, overwhelmed and uninspired and are desperate to leave the rat race in a foreign country where it feels like it’s groundhog every day of the year, this is the course for you.
“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” Brené Brown
Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.
Reading List
Ward, C., Bochner, S., & Furnham, A. (2020). The psychology of culture shock. Routledge.
Cummins, R. A., Lau, A. L., & Davern, M. T. (2012). Subjective wellbeing homeostasis. In K. C. Land, A. C. Michalos, & M. J. Sirgy (Eds.), Handbook of social indicators and quality of life research (pp. 79-98). Springer.
Brown, B. (2010). The gifts of imperfection: Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are. Hazelden Publishing.
Hack-Polay, D. (2012). When home isn’t home – A study of homesickness and coping strategies among migrant workers and expatriates. International Journal of Psychological Studies, 4(3), 62-72.
Mao, J., & Shen, Y. (2015). Cultural identity change in expatriates: A social network perspective. Human Relations, 68(10), 1533-1556.
Presbitero, A. (2016). Culture shock and reverse culture shock: The moderating role of cultural intelligence in international students’ adaptation. International Journal of Intercultural Relations, 53, 28-38.
Disclaimer:
The information provided in this blog post about relocation depression is based on personal experience, research, and general knowledge. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only and should not be construed as professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
If you are experiencing symptoms of depression, anxiety, or other mental health concerns related to relocation or any other cause, we strongly encourage you to seek help from a qualified mental health professional. Only a licensed professional can provide a proper diagnosis and recommend appropriate treatment options for your specific situation.
By reading and using the information in this blog post, you acknowledge and agree that the author and website are not responsible for any actions you take or outcomes that may result from applying this information to your personal circumstances.
My courage always rises at every attempt to intimidate me.” —Jane Austen.
What Are Your Strengths?
I have just launched a new online course called “The Life Purpose Pursuit Protocol ” – the content is largely based on what my horses have taught me. It’s a DIY, available-on-demand, in-your-own-time, where-you-are 2-hour long course designed to help you clearly identify your current life purpose.
Most find-your-life-purpose experts recommend finding out what are your strengths, as an essential step, towards identifying your life purpose. Since I test-drive all my retreats myself, before I launch them, I could not skip this step.
The horses are still subdued, none of their usual spring exuberance on display, nothing since we lost Belle de la Babinière, Aurore’s mother and Tess’ half-sister, in January.
I am doing my best to be strong, for all of us. Belle was my soulmare, the light of my life for more than 20 years, my strength and shield against the storms that so frequently came our way.
To be honest, I feel a bit lost. Vulnerable. Insecure. Overwhelmed. Emotionally exhausted.
I was struggling to name even a single one of my strengths.
Until this Easter weekend.
On Instagram, Pinterest and LinkedIn, I have just posted these 16 words:
Sometimes you don’t realise your own strengths until someone tries to take advantage of your weaknesses.
When I read these words, I froze on the spot. I had a light bulb moment, because this Easter weekend, outside forces were trying to take advantage of my weaknesses to threaten the wellbeing of my remaining two mares.
Nothing like a threat from the outside to remind us of our inner strengths.
If you have difficulty identifying your strengths, just ask yourself this question: What will you do if something or someone threatens those you love?
More questions to ask yourself that will help you identify your strengths:
What have I achieved so far? Reflect on moments in your life when you have felt proud of your accomplishments. Think about the skills, talents, abilities and attributes that you used to help you succeed.
What do my friends, family and colleagues think? Ask people who know you well what they think are your strengths. Think about times when others have praised you or you received recognition for your contribution.
What skills, qualifications, knowledge and experience do I have? These may include communication skills, problem-solving abilities, leadership, organisational or technical expertise.
Are there any assessments I can take to help me identify my strengths? There are various assessments available, such as personality assessments, skills assessments, and strengths assessments, that can provide insights into your strengths. Examples include the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), StrengthsFinder, and VIA Character Strengths.
Do I have any strengths that I have not discovered yet? You may well have, so experiment, try new activities, learn something new, challenges yourself, take calculated risks, and move out of your comfort zone.
Remember that strengths can evolve over time. You may no longer be much good at what you excelled in 10 years ago (I can name several skills that I no longer use or need) and you may need to develop new strengths to cope with the challenges that come your way in future. Embrace your strengths, past, present and future, as they can be valuable assets in both your personal and professional life.
Why Do You Need To Know?
Ever been in a job interview when someone leans forward with that practiced smile and asks, “So, what are your strengths?” Your mind goes blank. Or worse, you launch into some rehearsed nonsense about being a “team player with excellent time management skills” while your soul dies a little inside. Here’s the uncomfortable truth: most successful people haven’t got a clue what their actual strengths are. They’re too busy using them. This article explores why knowing your genuine strengths isn’t just helpful—it’s transformational. And why getting it wrong might be costing you more than you think.
Five Key Takeaways
Your strengths are invisible to you – The things you do brilliantly feel effortless, so you assume everyone can do them
Fake strengths are exhausting – Playing to perceived strengths rather than real ones is like running in shoes two sizes too small
Self-knowledge is a competitive advantage – Executives who know their authentic strengths make better decisions, faster
Strengths aren’t fixed – They evolve with you, which is why regular reflection matters
Discovery requires stillness – You can’t hear your own truth in the noise of constant doing
Introduction
There’s a peculiar blindness that afflicts the capable. The more naturally gifted you are at something, the less remarkable it seems. You assume everyone can do it. Meanwhile, you’re probably working overtime to improve at things you’ll only ever be mediocre at, because those feel important, difficult, worthy of effort.
I’ve spent two decades hosting people, and I’ve watched this paradox play out hundreds of times. Brilliant entrepreneurs who can read a room like a book but think their real strength is spreadsheets. CEOs with extraordinary strategic vision who believe their value lies in their ability to micromanage details. It’s like watching someone try to hammer nails with a precision screwdriver—technically possible, but utterly backwards.
The question “what are your strengths?” isn’t about crafting the perfect LinkedIn profile. It’s about understanding the specific way you’re wired to contribute to the world. And here’s what nobody tells you: you can’t figure this out from inside your own head. You need space, reflection, and often, a good story to wake you up to what you’ve been missing.
Let me tell you about Tom Parker.
The Man Who Built His Life on Someone Else’s Strengths
Tom Parker had the corner office, the executive title, and the stress-induced insomnia to prove it. When I met him on my Camino retreat three years ago, he arrived in the French countryside looking like a man who’d been holding his breath for a decade.
“I need a break,” he’d said when he booked. What he actually needed was permission to stop pretending.
On our first evening, sitting in the old stone farmhouse with golden light pouring through the windows and the scent of lavender drifting in from the fields, I asked each person in the storytelling circle to share why they’d come. When Tom’s turn arrived, he adjusted his posture—that boardroom straightening—and said, “I’m here to reset. Get some clarity on strategic direction.”
His voice was steady, professional. His hands were clenched so tight his knuckles had gone white.
The next morning, I drop my guests off on the Camino. The earth was still damp from overnight rain, releasing that ancient petrichor smell that makes you feel connected to every human who’s ever walked this route. Tom strode ahead initially, attacking the walk like it was a quarterly target, but by the second hour, something shifted. His pace softened. His shoulders dropped.
At a rest point overlooking a valley, he sat heavily on a sun-warmed stone wall and asked Linda, “Can I tell you something?” he asked. “I hate strategy meetings. I’ve built my entire career on being ‘the strategy guy,’ and I bloody well hate them.”
The confession hung in the air, vulnerable and true.
Over the following days, as we talked, as we sat in evening circles sharing stories around the wooden table, Tom’s real story emerged. As a junior analyst twenty years ago, he’d delivered one impressive strategic presentation. His boss had been delighted. “This is your strength,” she’d declared. “You’re our strategy expert.” And Tom, ambitious and eager to please, had built an entire identity around it.
But here’s what he’d never told anyone: that first presentation had been created in a panic-fueled all-nighter. He’d hated every minute of it. What he’d actually enjoyed was what came after—the conversation with his team, helping them understand what it meant, translating complex ideas into stories they could connect with, making people feel excited rather than overwhelmed.
“I’m good at strategy,” he said one evening, running his finger around the rim of his wine glass, the sound a soft hum in the quiet room, “but I’m brilliant at helping people understand things. At making them feel capable rather than confused. I’ve spent twenty years doing the thing I’m merely good at, and ignoring the thing I’m exceptional at.”
In our storytelling circles, Tom began to experiment. He’d listen to someone share their experience, then reflect it back in a way that illuminated patterns they hadn’t seen. He could take a tangled mess of thoughts and find the thread that made it all make sense. He didn’t analyse—he translated. He didn’t strategise—he clarified.
One evening, after he’d helped a fellow traveller understand a difficult work situation through the lens of a Japanese folktale, the room went quiet. “That,” said another guest, “is real wisdom.”
Tom’s eyes filled with tears. “I’ve never felt more myself than I do here,” he whispered.
On the final day, weas we were having brunch, the warmth of the morning sun on our faces. Tom stopped suddenly. “I know what I need to do,” he said. “Not quit my job—that’s running away. But restructure my role. I need to stop being the person who creates strategy and become the person who helps everyone understand why it matters. That’s where I come alive.”
Six months later, Tom emailed me. He’d restructured his role, brought in someone who genuinely loved strategic planning, and moved himself into a position focused on internal communication and culture. “For the first time in my career,” he wrote, “I finish the day energised rather than depleted. I had no idea work could feel like this.”
Tom’s story isn’t unusual. It’s the story of almost every accomplished person I’ve met. We’re all walking around doing impressive things that drain us, while our real gifts sit unused in the corner, gathering dust.
Why Knowing Your Strengths Actually Matters
The question “what are your strengths?” feels like corporate-speak, the sort of thing HR departments put on professional development forms. But beneath the jargon lies something profound: the alignment between who you are and what you do.
The Energy Equation
Your genuine strengths are energising. Not easy, necessarily, but enlivening. When you’re operating from your true strengths, you finish a hard day’s work tired but satisfied, not depleted and resentful. False strengths—the things you’ve learned to do well but that don’t come naturally—drain you. They require constant willpower, like maintaining a muscle flex all day.
Most executives I meet are running on empty because they’re spending their days in the wrong strengths. They’ve built careers on what they can do rather than what they’re genuinely brilliant at.
The Authenticity Advantage
People can sense when you’re operating from your core. There’s a quality of presence, of ease, that emerges when someone is doing what they’re genuinely good at. It’s magnetic. It builds trust. And in leadership, trust is everything.
When you’re faking your strengths, you’re essentially asking people to follow a performance rather than a person. It’s exhausting for everyone involved.
The Decision-Making Clarity
Knowing your real strengths transforms decision-making. Should you take that promotion? Expand in that direction? Hire that person? The answer becomes clearer when you understand what you genuinely bring to the table. You can architect your life and work around your authentic capabilities rather than constantly trying to become someone you’re not.
The Gift of Letting Go
Perhaps most importantly, knowing your strengths gives you permission to stop pretending you’re good at everything. You can delegate, collaborate, and admit limitation without shame. This isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom.
Why It’s So Difficult to See Your Own Strengths
The cruel irony is that your genuine strengths are almost invisible to you. They feel so natural, so effortless, that you assume everyone can do them. “Doesn’t everyone see patterns in complex data?” “Can’t most people defuse tense situations with humour?” “Surely anyone can remember faces and names?”
No, they can’t. But you can’t see that because, to you, it doesn’t feel special.
We notice the things we struggle with. The presentation that took hours to prepare gets our attention. The difficult conversation we rehearsed feels significant. The spreadsheet we finally mastered seems like an achievement. Meanwhile, the things we do brilliantly—the impromptu talk that captivated the room, the crisis we navigated instinctively, the connection we made without thinking—barely register.
This is why self-awareness requires external input. We need other people to mirror back to us what they see. We need space and stillness to notice what energises versus depletes us. We need reflection practices that help us step outside our own perspective.
This is exactly what happens on the Camino. Day after day of walking, of sitting in storytelling circles, of being present without agenda—it creates the conditions for self-recognition. People start to see themselves clearly, often for the first time in years.
Further Reading: Three Unconventional Books
1. “The Big Leap” by Gay Hendricks
Not your typical strengths book, Hendricks explores why we sabotage ourselves just as we’re about to succeed. His concept of the “Zone of Genius” versus the “Zone of Excellence” is transformational—you can be excellent at many things, but your genius lies in one specific area. Most of us never get there because we’re too busy being merely excellent. It’s provocative, practical, and will make you question everything about how you’ve structured your work life.
2. “The Crossroads of Should and Must” by Elle Luna
This slim, beautifully illustrated book asks a devastating question: Are you living in your “should” or your “must”? Luna explores the difference between what we think we’re supposed to be good at and what we’re genuinely called to do. It’s more philosophical than practical, but sometimes you need philosophy before you can take practical action. The chapter on recognising your “must” by noticing what you return to repeatedly, even when it makes no logical sense, is worth the price alone.
3. “Finite and Infinite Games” by James P. Carse
This philosophical treatise isn’t explicitly about strengths, but it’s profoundly relevant. Carse distinguishes between finite games (played to win) and infinite games (played to keep playing). When you’re operating from false strengths, you’re playing a finite game—trying to prove something. When you’re in your genuine strengths, you enter an infinite game—you’re playing for the joy of playing. It’s dense, demanding reading, but it reframes the entire question of success and capability.
A Word from St James’ Way
“I came to Margaretha’s Camino retreat thinking I needed to figure out my next career move. What I actually discovered was that I’d been asking the wrong question for twenty years. The daily walks, the mindfulness practices, the storytelling circles—they created space for me to hear my own truth. By the third day, I broke down crying because I realised I’d been living someone else’s version of success. The woman I became on that path is the woman I’d forgotten I could be. I’m not exaggerating when I say it changed my life.” — Sally J., Tech Entrepreneur, London
Five Razor-Sharp FAQs
Q: What if my strengths aren’t commercially valuable?
The question itself reveals the problem. You’re already judging your strengths through the lens of market value rather than personal truth. Every genuine strength has value—the question is whether you’re willing to structure your life around it. Often, what seems uncommercial is actually just uncommon, and uncommon capabilities command premium value.
Q: Can’t I just develop new strengths through hard work?
You can become competent at almost anything through effort. But competence isn’t the same as strength. Real strengths energise you. Developed competencies often drain you. The question isn’t “Can I do it?” but “Do I come alive doing it?”
Q: What if I discover my strengths too late in my career?
It’s never too late, and this thinking reveals a scarcity mindset. You’re not behind. You’re exactly where you need to be. Tom Parker was 52 when he restructured his role. Some of the most fulfilled people I know made their biggest transitions after 60. Age is irrelevant. Honesty is everything.
Q: How do I know if I’m operating from real or false strengths?
Ask yourself: At the end of a day doing this work, am I tired but satisfied, or depleted and resentful? Do I look forward to it or dread it? If I didn’t need money, would I still choose to do this? Your body knows the answer even when your mind is confused.
Q: What if discovering my real strengths means admitting I’ve wasted years?
This is grief talking, and it’s valid. But you haven’t wasted anything—you’ve learned exactly what doesn’t work, which is valuable information. The only waste would be continuing on a path you now know is wrong. Courage isn’t never being afraid. It’s doing the scary thing anyway.
Conclusion: The Strength to Be Yourself
The question “what are your strengths?” isn’t really about strengths at all. It’s about permission. Permission to stop performing. Permission to acknowledge that the thing that feels easy to you is genuinely valuable. Permission to structure your life around what brings you alive rather than what looks impressive.
You already know your strengths. That’s the frustrating truth. They’re the things you do without thinking, the capabilities people thank you for that you barely notice, the moments when you’re so absorbed you lose track of time. You know them. You’re just scared to bet your life on them.
But here’s what I’ve learned from years of walking the Camino with people just like you: the moment you stop pretending and start living from your genuine strengths, everything shifts. Not easily. Not without fear. But definitively.
You don’t need more qualifications, more validation, more proof. You need the courage to trust what you already know. And sometimes, you need to step away from the noise long enough to hear it clearly.
That’s when the real journey begins.
Walk Your Own Path: A Personal Invitation
Imagine this: You’re walking through the soft morning light of south-west France, the Camino path stretching ahead, ancient and patient. The weight of your everyday life—the meetings, the expectations, the constant performance—begins to slip away with each step. For seven days, you’re not an executive or entrepreneur. You’re simply yourself, rediscovering what that actually means.
My Camino de Santiago walking retreats in southwest France border aren’t luxury holidays or team-building exercises. They’re something rarer: dedicated space for the kind of deep reflection that changes everything. Each day you walk through stunning countryside—manageable distances that create contemplation rather than exhaustion. The landscape itself becomes your teacher: rolling hills, medieval villages, vineyards heavy with grapes, the play of light on stone walls that have stood for centuries.
We do meditation practices specifically designed for stress management—gentle, accessible techniques you can carry home with you. The daily walking becomes a moving meditation, creating the mental spaciousness where insight emerges naturally. And in the evenings, we gather for storytelling circles around worn wooden tables, sharing our experiences, listening deeply, discovering ourselves in each other’s stories.
This isn’t about finding answers. It’s about creating conditions where your own wisdom can surface. The kind of wisdom that whispers your real strengths, your genuine calling, the next true step.
Space is intentionally limited to preserve the intimate, transformational quality of the experience. If something in this article stirred recognition—that sense of “I’ve been pretending too”—perhaps it’s time to listen to that voice.
“We need women who are so strong they can be gentle, so educated they can be humble, so fierce they can be compassionate, so passionate they can be rational, and so disciplined they can be free.” —Kavita Ramdas.
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Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.
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