Friendship in Times of Turmoil - Dr Margaretha Montagu

Sustain Your Support System

Because no one should try to navigate chaos without snacks and someone who gets your memes.

If there’s one thing the last few years have taught us, it’s that life is unpredictable.

Political unrest? Check.
Economic uncertainty? Present.
Existential crises sprinkled like confetti on an already unstable cake? Oh yes.

But amid all this mountainous mess, there’s one thing that makes the whole chaotic show more bearable: good, salt-of-the-earth people.

Not perfect people. Not necessarily people who can solve your problems or who agree with you on every single thing. But the kind of people who make your heart melt. The kind of people who don’t flinch when you ugly cry or spiral into a rant about the price of avocados and the meaning of life.
In short? Your people.

So let’s talk about that—how to find, nurture, and fiercely protect your support system when the world feels like it’s being held together by duct tape and vibes.

Your Inner Circle: An Easily-Accessible Emergency Kit

Forget stockpiling canned beans (unless you like that sort of thing). Your most important emergency supply is your relationships.

Whether you’re facing job uncertainty, going through a major life transition, or simply trying to stay sane while the world tilts precariously, the quality of the people around you is a better predictor of your resilience than any productivity hack, vision board, or fancy supplement.

And yet—how often do we neglect our friendships when life gets “busy”?
Or worse, cling to ones that drain us because we’ve had them forever, even though the vibe now resembles an awkward family reunion with someone you barely remember?

Here’s the truth:
In turbulent times, it’s not just who you are that matters. It’s who you’re with.

How to Spot the Ones to Invest In (Hint: They Bring Perspective)

Let’s talk about the unsung heroes of hard times:

The friend who doesn’t just ask, “How are you?” but then actually listens.
The one who shows up with food, tissues, and sarcasm when your world implodes.
The one who will call you out lovingly when you start catastrophising or forgetting who the hell you are.

These are your inner circle people.
And if you’ve got even one of them, you’re wealthier than most.

Here’s how to identify them:

You feel seen, not judged.
They energise you, not deplete you.
You can be messy, contradictory, and mid-crisis, and they don’t try to fix you—they just sit beside you in the muck.

This isn’t about assembling a perfect social circle. It’s about cultivating real connections in a world full of curated performances.

Cultivate Your Circle (Because Relationships Need Watering, Not Just WiFi)

Even the best friendships need a bit of effort to stay strong—especially when stress is high and everyone’s emotional bandwidth is about the size of a novelty cocktail umbrella.

So, how do we stay connected when everyone’s tired, overwhelmed, and wondering if they left their sanity in their other handbag?

A few ideas:

1. Reach Out Imperfectly

Don’t wait until you have the perfect window of time or the right words. Send the weird voice note. Text “thinking of you” even if it’s 2am. Imperfect connection is better than radio silence.

2. Ask Better Questions

Instead of the classic “how are you?” try:

“What’s been heavy for you this week?”
“What’s been surprisingly good lately?”
“What’s the weirdest thing that happened to you today?”

Trust me, you’ll learn a lot more.

3. Be Brave Enough to Be Vulnerable

Say when you’re struggling. Ask for help (I know, I know). Share the ugly truth. Vulnerability is what deepens trust and builds bonds that last longer than a political cycle.

Making New Friends as an Adult (aka The Real Hunger Games)

Making friends as an adult is a bit like dating, but with more social awkwardness and fewer apps.

Still, it’s possible. In fact, it’s essential. If you’ve outgrown some old relationships or find yourself craving more aligned connections, don’t panic—it’s not too late.

Here’s where to start:

Follow your interests. Join a book club, a pottery class, a hiking group, or a weird niche event involving fermented food. Your people are where your passions live.
Be the first to make a move. Say hi. Invite someone for coffee. Compliment their shoes. Will you feel awkward? Absolutely. Do it anyway.
Don’t expect instant intimacy. Deep friendship takes time, repetition, and shared experiences. Let it unfold slowly. Don’t force it—just show up.

And remember: just like with dating, you might not click with everyone—and that’s okay. Don’t take it personally. Just keep walking until you find your tribe.

When to Let Go (with Love and Boundaries)

Let’s address the uncomfortable truth: some friendships aren’t meant to come with us through every season.

You might have relationships that:

Drain you emotionally.
Belittle your growth.
Make you feel smaller when you’re trying to rise.

You don’t need to make dramatic exits or write long breakup monologues (unless you want to). But you can gently loosen your grip on people who no longer align with where you’re going.

Letting go doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful. It means you’re honouring the truth of who you are now—and the space you need to become who you’re becoming.

Support Systems for the Big Shifts

Here’s the thing: friendships aren’t just there for brunch and birthday cards.
They’re part of the scaffolding that holds you together when life throws its most dramatic plot twists.

Whether you’re navigating a divorce, an empty nest, a career upheaval, or a massive what-am-I-doing-with-my-life wobble—your support system can be your life raft.

And if you’re smack in the middle of a Life Quake (those seismic shake-ups that level life as you knew it)—you don’t have to stumble through it solo.

That’s exactly why I created How to Survive a Life Quake—an online course designed to help you find your footing, process the chaos, and build a more meaningful, purpose-driven life on the other side.

It’s practical.
It’s comforting.
It’s a little bit cheeky.
(And no one makes you meditate in a cave unless that’s your thing.)

You’ll get tools to move through transition with more grace, strength, and clarity—and a lot less spiralling.

If that sounds like something your future self would thank you for, check it out.

Friendship Isn’t a Luxury. It’s Essential for Survival.

In seasons of upheaval, it’s easy to focus on what we’re losing—control, certainty, routines, jobs, identities.

But friendship reminds us of what’s still steady. Still real. Still possible.

Your people remind you:

That you’re not alone.
That you’re not crazy (or at least, you’re crazy in good company).
That life, even in chaos, can still be full of laughter, connection, and meaning.

Final Word: Who’s in Your Corner?

You don’t have to do life alone.
Especially not now.
Especially not while everything’s shifting, stretching, and occasionally unraveling.

So check in with your circle.
Reach out.
Say the thing.
Make the plan.
Open the door.

And if you’re still building your village—keep going.
Your people are looking for you too.

On the Blog:

Imagine having a survival toolkit ready next time you’re hit by a life-shattering transition. My How to Survive a Life Quake 7-part online course isn’t just another hybrid course – with or without coaching – it’s a heartfelt made-with-love guide packed with tools to help you survive and even thrive through life’s toughest transitions, with resilience.

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.