How to Go From Striving to Thriving during a Life Transition

Find out if you are Thriving and Striving during a Major Life Change

Are you thriving or striving on the life transition rollercoaster? Maybe you’re that person who’s “embracing change” with a green smoothie in one hand, and a motivational self-help book in the other. Or maybe… you’re barely keeping it together, clutching a coffee like a life raft, hoping no one notices that you’ve worn the same t-shirt three days straight.

Depends on the day, I bet.

Some days you’re winning, and other days? Well, you’re just hoping to keep your sanity intact. So, which one are you: confidently strolling along the path of self-reinvention or clinging on with pure, white-knuckled determination?

Thriving

Thriving involves finding ways to grow, feel empowered, and remain balanced despite the challenges of a transition. People who thrive embrace change with resilience, stay open to new possibilities and take proactive steps that foster growth, connection, and fulfilment. James has just moved to a new city for a job. Instead of feeling uprooted and overwhelmed, he takes it as an opportunity to explore the area, join community groups, and engage in activities that bring him joy. He maintains connections with friends and family back home, cultivates new relationships, and seeks support when needed. He is not expecting everything to be perfect, but he stays committed to his well-being and focuses on creating a fulfilling life in his new environment.

Sounds easy, but it isn’t. Most of us, instead of thriving during life transitions, end up striving just to get through one day at a time.

Striving

Striving, on the other hand, often involves an effortful struggle to adapt. While striving isn’t necessarily negative, it can involve a lot of pressure to “push through” and sometimes an overly perfectionistic or rigid approach. This can leave a person feeling drained or frustrated if things don’t go as planned. Take Sophie, who has recently gone through a breakup. Determined to “get over it” quickly, she buries herself in work, spends hours at the gym, and throws herself into social events even when she doesn’t feel like it. Instead of giving herself space to process her feelings, she is focused on reaching a “goal” of feeling better as fast as possible. This striving mindset may bring temporary distraction, but it often leads to burnout or emotional fatigue.

Thriving versus Striving: Key Differences

1. Mindset: Thrivers approach change with curiosity approaching the transition with a growth mindset, seeing it as an opportunity for personal development and positive change. Those who thrive tend to focus on the possibilities and potential benefits of the transition. Strivers, on the other hand, often have a more anxious and stressed mindset. They feel they must constantly push themselves to keep up or succeed. This can lead to burnout and dissatisfaction.
2. Focus Thrivers tend to focus on their values, personal growth, and overall well-being during a transition. They prioritise what truly matters to them and make decisions aligned with their authentic selves. Strivers often involve a focus on external metrics of success or societal expectations, potentially at the expense of personal fulfilment or well-being.
3. Self-Compassion: Thriving means allowing for setbacks without self-blame while striving can involve self-criticism for any misstep or delay.

Specific Examples to Highlight the Contrast

Career Change

• Thriving: Jane decides to leave her corporate job to start a small business. Instead of fixating on her old title and earnings, she’s excited about the chance to pursue her passion for creating art. She sets manageable goals for her business, allows herself time to learn new skills, and joins a community of other entrepreneurs for support. Even though the path is challenging, she celebrates each small win and remains open to adjusting her approach. For her, thriving means enjoying the process and staying present rather than focusing solely on financial success.
• Striving: Kate also leaves her job to start a business but approaches it differently. She immediately sets high expectations, pushing herself to match her previous income within a year. She works long hours, rarely takes breaks, and feels frustrated if results don’t match her expectations. The intense pressure often leaves her exhausted and disheartened. While her commitment is admirable, the striving approach may sap her energy and make the transition feel more like a never-ending race than an adventure.

Navigating a Breakup

• Thriving: Timothy, going through a breakup, gives himself permission to grieve and reflect on what he learned from the relationship. He seeks out activities that genuinely bring him peace and joy, like hiking or reconnecting with old friends. He journals about his experiences and gains insights into what he truly wants in a partner. Over time, he feels more empowered, having used the breakup as a chance for self-discovery and growth.
• Striving: Peter in a breakup wants to “move on” quickly, so he immediately re-enters the dating scene, constantly swipes on dating apps, and fills his time with activities to stay busy. Although he appears resilient, he is actually avoiding processing the breakup. This striving approach might lead to feeling emotionally drained, with unresolved feelings resurfacing later, rather than moving forward with clarity and peace.

Midlife Transition

• Thriving: Facing an “empty nest” after her children leave home, Liz decides to reconnect with her own interests. She takes a cooking class, starts a book club, and finally begins that art project she’d always dreamed of. She explores a balance of social activities and personal hobbies, gradually redefining her role in this new stage. Thriving for her means rediscovering her identity, setting new goals, and building a fulfilling life outside of motherhood.
• Striving: Anna tries to fill the void by keeping herself overly busy with projects and responsibilities, taking on extra work, or over-volunteering. She rarely gives herself a chance to relax or reflect on her emotions about this life transition. While her efforts are well-intended, this striving approach can lead to burnout and a sense of disconnection, as she’s too focused on “doing” to understand what would actually bring her fulfilment.

Financial Hardship

• Thriving: George, who has experienced a financial setback, re-evaluates his lifestyle. He shifts his focus toward budgeting, sets realistic financial goals, and seeks creative ways to feel satisfied without overspending. He finds peace in simpler routines, like cooking at home and spending time outdoors. Thriving here means making the most of what he has and embracing a sustainable lifestyle.
• Striving: In contrast, Luke, in a similar financial situation, feels the need to fix things quickly, taking on multiple jobs and stressing over every penny. Although he works hard, this striving mentality makes the transition exhausting, leaving little time for self-care or balance. In this striving approach, the focus on “catching up” may prevent him from adjusting his perspective and finding creative, lasting solutions for financial stability.

Retirement

• Thriving: Maria views retirement as a new chapter in life. She explores new hobbies, volunteers in her community, and spends quality time with family. She remains open to new experiences and continues to learn and grow.
• Striving: Robert struggles to let go of his work identity. He feels lost without the structure of his job and constantly worries about his financial future. He pushes himself to find new ways to feel productive but struggles to find meaning in his new lifestyle.

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Indicators that You are either Striving or Thriving

Indicators that you are Thriving:

1. You feel a sense of growth and positive change, even amidst challenges.
2. You’re able to maintain a balanced perspective, seeing both opportunities and difficulties in the transition.
3. You’re taking care of your physical and mental health, prioritising self-care.
4. You’re open to new experiences and learning opportunities related to your transition.
5. You’re able to maintain and even strengthen your important relationships.
6. You feel a sense of purpose or meaning in the changes you’re experiencing.
7. You’re able to adapt your routines and create new ones that support your well-being.
8. You’re making decisions based on your values and long-term goals, not just immediate pressures.

Indicators that you are Striving:

1. You feel constantly stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed by the changes.
2. You’re neglecting your physical or mental health in pursuit of goals related to the transition.
3. You’re isolating yourself from others or struggling to maintain relationships.
4. You feel stuck in negative thought patterns or constantly compare yourself unfavourably to others.
5. You’re having trouble sleeping or experiencing other physical symptoms of stress.
6. You feel a loss of identity or purpose related to the changes you’re experiencing.
7. You’re making decisions based primarily on fear or external pressures rather than your own values.
8. You’re struggling to find any positive aspects in your new situation.

It’s important to note that experiencing some striving indicators doesn’t necessarily mean you’re not thriving overall. Transitions are complex, and it’s normal to have ups and downs. The key is to recognise where you might be struggling and take steps to address those areas.

If you find yourself predominantly experiencing striving indicators, it may be helpful to:

1. Reassess your approach to the transition and identify areas where you can make positive changes.
2. Focus on self-care and stress management techniques.
3. Set realistic expectations and goals for yourself during this period of change.
4. Practice mindfulness and gratitude to help maintain a balanced perspective.
5. Seek support: Attend a From Trouble to Triumph transformational life transition retreat here at my little farm in the southwest of France. My retreats focus on:

• Reflection and Acceptance: Learn to reflect on and accept where you are in life, which creates a foundation for personal growth without self-criticism.
• Self-Compassion: Discover how to prioritise self-care, allow yourself to rest, and recognise that mistakes and setbacks are part of the journey.
• Support Systems: Build a network of supportive people who can provide encouragement and help reduce the feeling of “going it alone.”

My retreat guests move from just “striving” to feel better or achieve something quickly, to truly thriving—finding meaning, balance, and happiness as they adapt to the inevitable changes in life.

If you can’t take time off, I created an online course that will enable you to stop worrying and feel calm, confident, creative and in control at the end of the course: