15 Creative Ways to Maintain Friendships during Life Transitions

Making Sure Our Friendships Survive Major Life Changes

Your friends are your anchors during periods of change. When everything else is in flux – whether it’s moving cities, changing careers, starting a new business, or going through a divorce – your friendships offer you stability when other aspects of life feel uncertain or unfamiliar.

During times of transition, our emotions can be unreasonable and unpredictable. Friends remind us of who we are at our core. Major life changes can sometimes make us forget who we are. Friends who have known us through different phases of life can remind us of our core values, helping us stay grounded during times of change.

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.
― Henri Nouwen

12 Ways Our Friends Support Us During Turbulent Life Transitions

1. By Listening Without Judgment: A friend who actively listens and provides a safe, judgment-free space is invaluable. Sometimes, just being able to voice fears or excitement makes all the difference.
2. Offering Encouragement: Whether it’s words of encouragement or gentle reminders of your strengths, skills and abilities, friends can help keep you motivated, especially when challenges arise.
3. Providing Honest Feedback: Friends can offer constructive criticism or a reality check when needed, helping you navigate decisions with more clarity and perspective.
4. Celebrating Wins—Big and Small: Friends can help you see the progress you’re making and celebrate your accomplishments along the way, even if they’re minor.
5. Offering Practical Assistance: Friends can provide real, hands-on help, whether that’s moving boxes, editing a résumé, or helping with childcare.
6. Sharing Their Own Experiences: Friends who’ve navigated similar transitions can offer helpful advice and share their own stories, making your path feel more manageable and less overwhelming.
7. Helping You Set Realistic Goals: Friends can help you break down big changes into manageable steps and provide a reality check when setting goals, keeping you focused on what’s achievable. By checking in on your goals, friends can hold you accountable, helping you stay on track without being overbearing.
8. Offering Distraction: Sometimes, a little break from the intensity of change is just what’s needed. Friends can invite you to activities that take your mind off things and give you a refreshing escape.
9. Helping Broaden Your Network: Friends can introduce you to new contacts or communities, helping you meet people who’ve experienced similar changes and may have insights.
10. Providing Perspective: Sometimes, friends can help you see things differently, easing fears or pointing out positives in uncertain times.
11. Encouraging You to Embrace the Unknown: Friends can help you take a leap by reminding you of all the exciting possibilities that change can bring. They can boost your willingness to embrace new beginnings with a sense of adventure.
12. Being Consistent and Reliable: During times of change, having friends who are consistent can be an anchor, offering emotional stability through reliable companionship.

I think if I’ve learned anything about friendship, it’s to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don’t walk away, don’t be distracted, don’t be too busy or tired, don’t take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff.
― Jon Katz

12 Creative Ways We can Maintain our Friendships during Challenging Changes

1. Schedule “Catch-Up” Days: Set aside a day each month for a friend to spend time with, even virtually. Send a “menu” of activities, like catching up over coffee, watching a movie together online, or swapping book recommendations.
2. Regular “Check-In” Traditions: Create a fun tradition that fits your transition. If you’re moving, start a postcard tradition; if you’re taking up a new job, text them about one good or funny thing that happened that day. They can reciprocate with updates of their own.
3. Share Personal Milestones with a Twist: If you’re navigating a big change, like a new career, share highlights with friends by starting a “Life Updates” group or newsletter with stories, wins, and lessons learned. Make it interactive by asking them for their updates and perspectives too.
4. Host a “Virtual Trip” Together: Plan an online day trip or “night out.” Choose a theme—like exploring virtual tours, art exhibits, or trying new recipes at the same time—then share photos and reactions. It can be a great way to share something new, even when apart.
5. Create Memory Boxes or Scrapbooks Together: When meeting a friend, give them a “friendship box” to fill with notes, photos, or little mementoes. When you next meet, swap boxes to stay connected in a tangible way.
6. Send Thoughtful ‘Transition Care Packages’: Surprise your friends with small packages that relate to your life change (like a local snack from your new town) or help them feel involved in your journey (like a book on a new topic you’re interested in). Encourage them to send something back if they’d like.
7. Invite Them to Join Your Transition: If it’s a career change, invite friends to be sounding boards or brainstormers. For a big move, share house-hunting stories or ask for their input on decorating. Feeling included keeps them part of your journey, even if they’re not there in person.
8. Walk-and-Talk Catch-Ups: Plan a shared “walk date” where you each walk around your own neighbourhoods while chatting on the phone or on video. It’s relaxing and can mimic the feel of walking together in person, helping you unwind and share stories naturally.
9. Create a Shared Gratitude Journal: Start a shared digital gratitude journal (an app or a Google Doc) where you and friends can add little things you’re grateful for. This small act of positivity can keep you connected while also lifting each other’s spirits.
10. Plan Yearly Friend Retreats: Consider organizing an annual friend retreat, even if it’s a weekend getaway or something as simple as a staycation nearby. It can be an easy commitment to look forward to that strengthens bonds.
11. Create a “Friend Project” Together: Start a long-term project that you can both contribute to, like a shared Pinterest board, a travel bucket list, or even a fictional story you co-write. It’ll give you something ongoing to bond over, even when time is limited.
12. Monthly Video Challenges: Set fun monthly themes for quick video updates, like “Highlight of the Month” or “Something New I Tried.” These short videos make staying in touch simple and personal without feeling like a commitment to long calls.
13. Send Virtual Postcards: Instead of regular texts, send e-cards or “virtual postcards” with photos and updates about your life changes. They’re fun to receive, feel more personal, and add a bit of excitement to staying in touch.
14. Host Online “Book Club” or “Podcast Club” Meetups: Pick a book or podcast related to your transition, or something you both enjoy, and chat about it over a drink or meal virtually. It’s a meaningful way to engage in new topics together, even from afar.
15. Create “Friendship Resolutions”: Set friendship goals, like “catch up every other week” or “share a goal update every month.” Hold each other accountable to these mini “resolutions” to help both of you prioritize connection amidst your transitions.

A University of Michigan study, led by psychologist Oscar Ybarra from the Institute for Social Research (ISR) that was published in the peer-reviewed journal Social Psychological and Personality Science found that engaging in friendly conversations can make it easier to solve common problems. Cooperative interactions, rather than competitive ones, were shown to have cognitive benefits. Brief (10 minute) friendly conversations resulted in boosts to performance on cognitive tasks related to executive function, including working memory, self-monitoring, and the ability to suppress distractions.*

The key is reciprocity – being equally available to support friends during their transitions creates a strong mutual support network that becomes more valuable over time. By maintaining friendships during our own transitions, we position ourselves to be supportive when our friends go through changes of their own. This reciprocity strengthens the bonds of friendship and creates a network of mutual support that can be relied upon through various life stages.

What makes friendships especially valuable is that friends often provide support without being asked. While your family might have obligations to help, friends choose to be there, which can make their support feel particularly meaningful during life transitions. If help is not forthcoming, maybe you are not communicating your needs effectively.

12 Ways of Effectively Communicating Our Needs during a Life Transition

1. Be Clear and Specific: Let friends know exactly what you need, whether it’s emotional support, practical help, or just a listening ear. Being specific prevents misunderstandings.
2. Use “I” Statements: Frame requests with “I” statements, like “I feel overwhelmed and could use some encouragement.” This keeps the focus on your needs without making others feel responsible for your emotions.
3. Choose the Right Time to Talk: Pick a time when you both can be present, and avoid bringing up needs during rushed or stressful moments. A thoughtful conversation can lead to more meaningful support.
4. Explain Your Situation: Briefly share why you need their support. Context helps friends understand your perspective and may inspire them to offer exactly what’s needed.
5. Ask for Help without Apologising: Avoid apologizing for needing help—life transitions are challenging, and it’s okay to ask for support. This can help both you and your friend feel comfortable with the request.
6. Express Gratitude for Their Support: Acknowledge how much you appreciate their help and let them know their support makes a difference. This can strengthen your connection and inspire them to keep supporting you.
7. Offer Ideas on How They Can Help: If you have a specific need, like help with a particular task or regular check-ins, suggesting this directly can be very helpful. Friends appreciate knowing how they can assist.
8. Share What’s Most Meaningful to You: Some people find practical help more meaningful, while others value emotional support. Let friends know what form of support means the most to you right now.
9. Communicate Your Boundaries: Be open about any limitations or boundaries you’re setting, like needing quiet time or specific days for alone time. Friends will understand and can adjust their support accordingly.
10. Reassure Them You’re Not Overly Dependent: Friends may worry about overstepping, so let them know you’re reaching out when necessary but are still managing other aspects on your own.
11. Be Open to Different Types of Support: If a friend offers help in a way you hadn’t considered, try to be open to their approach. Sometimes, friends see needs that we may overlook.
12. Keep Communication Two-Way: Ask friends about their lives and needs too. A balanced exchange keeps the relationship strong, even when you’re leaning on them for support.

Being direct and clear about what you need—and why—can make all the difference in ensuring your friends are able to support you in the best way possible.

Final Thoughts

In conclusion, maintaining friendships during life transitions is not just about preserving social connections; it’s about creating a support system that enhances our resilience, provides perspective, and contributes to our overall well-being. As we navigate the complexities of adult life, strong friendships can be the constant that helps us not just survive, but thrive through change.

This is how it works. I love the people in my life, and I do for my friends whatever they need me to do for them, again and again, as many times as is necessary. For example, in your case you always forgot who you are and how much you’re loved. So what I do for you as your friend is remind you who you are and tell you how much I love you. And this isn’t any kind of burden for me, because I love who you are very much. Every time I remind you, I get to remember with you, which is my pleasure.
― James Lecesne

* Ybarra, O., Winkielman, P., Yeh, I., Burnstein, E., & Kavanagh, L. (2010). Friends (and Sometimes Enemies) With Cognitive Benefits: What Types of Social Interactions Boost Executive Functioning? Social Psychological and Personality Science. DOI: 10.1177/1948550610386808