The Essential Traits of a Transformational Retreat Host

Mastering the Art of Hosting Transformational Retreats: Combining Personal Insight, Professional Skills, and Practical Abilities

Sometimes, as retreat hosts and leaders, we often get lost in the details of everything we want to share with our guests. We know we can help them, we know we can change their lives for the better. We invest huge chunks of our time in planning our retreats, choosing the location to compliment the theme of the retreat, finding the perfect accommodation with the most appealing services, employing the best chefs and making sure the menu caters for all diets AND supports our own view of healthy eating habits, in making sure we get our message across during a variety of carefully curated activities, workshops, discussions etc….et puis voilà! we have created a fully transformational retreat that we are sure our guests need.

So why are so many guests and potential guests objecting that «less is more?»

Let’s start with the word « guest. » I host my retreats at my 200-year-old half-timbered farmhouse in the unspoilt and largely unexplored southwest of France. The people who come to my retreats are guests, house guests, in my home. I often see the words «retreat participants.» This feels too clinical. Are not all people who attend retreats «guests» of the retreat host, even if the retreat is held at an exotic venue designed especially for the purpose?

I think the answer to that question should be «yes,» which brings me to a discovery I have made recently, after more than a decade of hosting retreats.

If we want the transformation to stick, we need to show our guests what to do, and not only tell them what to do. We need to set an example. Telling our guests what they should and shouldn’t do is too easy, what we need to do is model the behaviour we are teaching.

My retreats, directly or indirectly, are about stress management, especially for people who are at a crossroads, who voluntarily or involuntarily, have to make or adapt to major changes in their lives. I tell them my story, and they listen spellbound, but my story is not their story, and although it might capture their attention while they are listening, it will not necessarily inspire them to adopt more effective stress management strategies, nor help them to navigate their own life transition..

But when I show them, day-by-day, hour-by-hour, minute-by-minute, what I do to reduce my stress levels, and I show them how they can do it too – that is when they start thinking of making my suggestions part of their routines.

For example, I teach walking meditation as a stress management strategy. I explain to guests how to do it, send them to a page on my website where I explain how to do it and provide them with YouTube links to walking meditation recordings. Putting them in a situation where it comes naturally, where they find themselves trying it out without purposefully deciding to do so, is what I do when I drop them off at the day’s Camino de Santiago de Compostela walk. It is only when they experience the stress-reducing properties of walking meditation themselves, in the moment, as they walk the Camino, that they might start thinking of doing it on the way to work, and on the way home again, at the end of the working day.

Showing, not telling, helps our guests make permanent changes in their behaviour.

Everyone needs a place to retreat; a spot where the world grows quiet enough for the soul to speak. – Angie Weiland Crosby

Being a good role model is one of the most influential attributes of a good retreat host. There are several others. I thought I would list as many as I can think of below:

Personal Qualities

Transformational retreat hosts must be good listeners, compassionate, authentic and patient so that they can connect and build rapport with guests right from the very first contact. They should be inspirational, motivational, organised, flexible, adaptable, supportive, empowering, approachable, dedicated, resourceful, open-minded, humble, reliable, mindful, creative and observant (list not exhaustive.) Emotional agility is another vital quality, being aware of our own emotions and the feelings of others, makes it easier to manage our own and help others manage theirs.

Professional Skills

Fine-tuned facilitation skills are necessary for guiding group discussions, activities, and exercises in a way that encourages everyone to participate and to feel comfortable doing so – and if someone does not want to participate, that should be an acceptable option too. Clear and effective communication skills are needed to convey ideas, and instructions, and generate feedback. Well-developed problem-solving skills are essential for handling any issues or conflicts that may arise during the retreat. Strong organisational skills are required to manage the logistics of the retreat, including scheduling, accommodation, meals, transportation and activities. Flexibility and adaptability allow the host to adjust plans (sometimes at the last minute) based on the needs and dynamics of the group.

Specific Expertise

In-depth knowledge and extensive experience in their specific area of expertise, mindfulness, for example, is critical for a retreat host who wants to help their guests change their lives in a positive way. A retreat host should also possess the skills to educate and impart knowledge in a captivating and engaging manner. Cultural sensitivity is important to understand and respect diverse backgrounds and perspectives of guests, to ensure an inclusive and respectful environment.

Ethical Standards

Maintaining high ethical standards and professionalism in all interactions and decisions is fundamental for a transformational retreat host. Building a sense of community among participants creates a supportive and collaborative environment. Encouraging openness helps participants to share their experiences, but the host also needs to ensure that the privacy and confidentiality of guests’ personal information and experiences are respected.

Physical and Mental Well-being

Sufficient self-care is ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL for a retreat host, especially for introverted retreat hosts. Managing and sustaining their energy levels allows retreat hosts to remain fully engaged and supportive throughout the entire retreat, providing consistent guidance and support to guests. I learned the hard way never to start a retreat without fully charged batteries, and to top-up regularly during a retreat, even if it is just a day retreat.

Do I possess all these attributes and characteristics? Er …no. Some days I possess more of them than on other days. But I now own many more of these attributes and characteristics than I did when I started hosting retreats nearly two decades ago. Every retreat I learn something new, and often I adjust my approach accordingly. Hosting retreats is a never-ending learning process, and I love every minute of it.

Have I forgotten anything? Can you think of further attributes/characteristics a good retreat host needs?