Starting over after a Major Life Transition: Divorce

How do you start over after a life change as life-shattering as a divorce? By radically reinventing yourself.

So you survived the divorce. Gone are the compromises, the silent resentments, and the half-lived dreams. As it fades into the distance in your rearview mirror, it’s time to start looking toward the future and to rebuild, rediscover, and reclaim every part of yourself that you always knew deserves better. Because here’s the truth no one tells you: Divorce isn’t the end of your story—it’s only a plot twist that you may or may not have seen coming.

Starting over after a divorce isn’t just about picking up the pieces—it’s about reinventing, rediscovering and rebuilding yourself into someone bolder, wiser and stronger than you’ve ever been before. This article isn’t here to sugarcoat the struggle—it’s real, it’s raw, and it’s not for the faint of heart. But if you’re ready to turn pain into power, you can turn this breakup into a breakthrough.

This is your comeback, and it’s about to get epic.

1. Feel It to Heal It

First, allow yourself to feel it all—the good, the bad, the “why did I evers?” Still pretending you’re fine? Stop trying to slap a Band-Aid on a bullet wound. Divorce comes with an intoxicating cocktail of emotions and some days you’ll feel like you’re riding a runaway rollercoaster. That’s okay though. Scream into your pillow as often as you want, because trying to bypass the emotional chaos will only leave you carrying the ball-and-chain into your next chapter.

How do you allow yourself to feel the feels?

• You get yourself a therapist: It’s an investment into your future? It’s a power plan. Therapy is where you unpack the “what went wrong?” – assuming you haven’t been told – and “who am I now?” questions without anyone telling you you are doing it wrong. Quite a novel feeling, that, isn’t it?
• Journaling: Write out the rage, the regrets, and even the guilt-inducing relief. Setting your feelings on paper can help you untangle the emotional power cables in your brain.
• Lean into the grief: Grieve not just for the relationship, but for the person you used to be. Grieve for the future that now won’t happen as you imagined.
• Reach Out: Getting divorced can be isolating, so a strong support network is crucial. Connect to friends, family, or colleagues who can offer emotional support, practical advice, or just a listening ear.

The takeaway? Healing doesn’t happen overnight. It’s not linear. But feeling the pain now will prevent it from creeping up later and biting you in the backside when you least expect it. Give yourself time to move through this phase at your own pace.

2. Purge the Past, Literally (Marie Kondo-ing Your Heart)

You can’t step into the new you if you’re still holding onto physical reminders and relics of your old life. Sentimentality has its place, but letting go is part of liberating. Clean slate = clean mind. Think of this as the Marie Kondo method of emotional springcleaning. What sparks joy? Do more of that.

Every time you say yes to something you actually want to do, you’re reclaiming your freedom.

Actionable steps:

• Toss or Donate: Those trinkets that were ‘yours as a couple’? They don’t have a place in your new life. Release them. Free your space, free your mind.
• Redecorate: Paint a wall, rearrange furniture, or splurge on something that’s completely you. If your space is a reflection of your new start, it’ll feel empowering every time you walk into the room.
• Digital Detox: Delete old photos and messages that lock you into the past. Not as a way to erase history, but because you’re choosing not to live there anymore.

What does this achieve? You’re not just clearing out stuff; you’re clearing out emotional clutter. It’s symbolic. When you have a place that’s entirely yours, it reinforces the idea that you’re the one in control now.

3. Reclaim Your Space (And Your Time, Your Body, Your Mind)

Remember that closet you always crammed your things into because they needed more space? Or that hobby you ditched because your evenings were spent compromising on Netflix choices? It’s time to reclaim every square inch of your world. Your life is your real estate now.

How to reclaim it:

• Create a sanctuary: Whether it’s a corner of your bedroom or an entire room, carve out a space that’s just yours—filled with things that light you up.
• Time to be selfish: Don’t just fill your time with distractions. Be intentional. Take up a class, a sport, or even just block out time for you. This isn’t selfish—it’s self-care on steroids.
• Rediscover your body: Divorce can mess with your sense of physical identity, especially if your self-worth got tangled up in the relationship. Yoga, strength training, or even dance can help you reconnect with your body and feel empowered in your skin.

4. Reconnect with Your ‘You-niqueness’

Before the “we” there was you. And that version of you? They’ve been waiting in the wings, patiently biding their time, ready to make a grand re-entrance. Divorce doesn’t erase who you were before—it’s your chance to reintroduce yourself to that person.

How to tap back into your true self:

• List your pre-marriage passions: What did you love doing before you became half of a couple? Revisit those things. Music, art, travel, whatever it is—dive back into it.
• Try new things: Maybe you’ve evolved since then, and that’s okay. Now’s the perfect time to try new hobbies, new experiences, and meet new people who reflect the you of today.
• Surround yourself with people who get it: Drop the toxic relationships that drain your energy and bring in the friends who’ve always been in your corner—plus some new ones who match your post-divorce vibes.

What you’ll find: There’s a core version of you that’s been there all along. Reconnecting with that person isn’t just about nostalgia—it’s about building the future version of yourself on a foundation of authenticity.

5. Set Wild New Goals (the bigger, the better)

You’re not bound by anyone else’s timeline or dreams anymore. Your life is your own again, and that’s a wide-open playing field. What will you do with it?

Start here:

• Dream ridiculously big: What have you always wanted but didn’t think was possible? A new career? A major fitness transformation? Starting a business? Go after it with everything you’ve got.
• Create a vision board: Visualising your goals gives them form. Picture and pin on Pinterest everything from the trivial to the life-changing. Whether it’s the perfect apartment, a vacation, or a whole new lifestyle—seeing it makes it feel real.
• Break it down: Huge goals can feel overwhelming. Want to travel more? Start with weekend getaways. Want to write a book? Start with one chapter. Focus on small steps to regain stability. These might include organising your finances, finding a great place to live, or creating a habit/routine. If there are children involved, co-parenting strategies and their emotional well-being may also be a priority.

Result: Your goals, no matter how wild, belong to you. You’re not just picking up where you left off—you’re carving out a new path altogether, so celebrate the small victories along the way, whether it’s finding a new apartment, settling legal matters, or simply making it through a difficult day.

6. Protect Your Energy (Only the Right People Get a Front-Row Seat)

Post-divorce, you’re recalibrating. And not everyone is going to be part of this next chapter—and that’s not just okay, it’s necessary.

How to guard your energy:

• Focus on Self-Care: Divorcing can drain emotional and physical energy. Nourish your mind and body, by taking regular exercise, practising mindfulness, or spending time in nature. This is where my Building Resilience – a Roadmap from Burnout to Breakthrough during a Life Transition course can introduce you to tools that rebuild inner strength.
• Audit your circle: Who energises you? Who drains you? It’s time to protect your peace. Invest in relationships that add value to your life and distance yourself from ones that don’t.
• Set boundaries: Not everyone needs to know every detail of your post-divorce life. Set boundaries around conversations that feel intrusive or triggering. It’s essential to protect your emotional space by setting clear and firm boundaries with your ex-partner, family, and friends.
• Find your tribe: There are communities out there—whether in-person or online—who get what you’re going through. Surround yourself with people who uplift you and can help you grow.

Result: You’ll feel lighter, stronger, and more focused when you’re not wasting energy on people or things that don’t serve you anymore.

7. Remember: The Comeback Is Always Stronger Than the Setback

Divorce can feel like the ultimate failure. But guess what? Every powerful comeback story starts with a setback. This is your chance to rise. Not just rise—thrive.

Internalise this:

• Accept what you can’t control: The future might feel uncertain, especially when navigating legal, financial, or family challenges. Focus on controlling what you can—your reactions, your choices, and how you care for yourself. Let go of the need to control your ex-partner’s actions or the exact outcomes of the divorce.
• You’ve survived the hard part: The marriage ending, the heartbreak, the chaos—it didn’t break you. It’s shaping you into someone tougher, wiser, and more badass than you’ve ever been.
• This is just a chapter: Your life isn’t defined by this divorce—it’s one chapter in a much bigger story. And you, my friend, are the author. What happens next is entirely up to you.
• Define Your Purpose: As you come to the end of the divorce process, it’s time to redefine what success looks like for you. What kind of life do you want to create for yourself and your family, if children are involved? What will your next chapter look like? Use what you’ve learned during this transition to create a purposeful and fulfilling future. If you need guidance for moving forward with clarity, my Rearing to Get Going in a New Direction course can help set you on a path that aligns with your true desires.

Life after divorce might not follow the exact plan you envisioned, and that’s okay. Be open to adjusting your goals and expectations as new opportunities arise. Post-divorce life is full of new possibilities. Explore paths you hadn’t previously considered. Maybe a new career, relocating to a different city, or even dating again comes into play as you move forward.

Claim the next chapter of your life with confidence.

Five journaling prompts designed to help you not only survive but thrive as you start over after a divorce:

1. “Who Was I Before This Relationship, and What Parts of Me Do I Want to Reclaim?”

Dive deep into who you were before the marriage. What dreams, passions, or traits did you put on hold? Write about the pieces of yourself you want to bring back to life—and how you can nurture them in this next chapter.

2. “What Have I Gained from This Experience, Even if It Was Painful?”

Rather than focusing on what you’ve lost, explore what you’ve gained—strength, wisdom, clarity. Write about the ways this experience has shaped you and what lessons you want to carry forward into the next version of yourself.

3. “What Does My Ideal Life Look Like Now That I’m Free to Design It My Way?”

Close your eyes and picture your dream life, no compromises. Where do you live? What do your days look like? How do you feel? Capture every detail and let yourself dream big. This is your life to create.

4. “What Beliefs About Myself or Relationships Do I Need to Let Go Of?”

Letting go of limiting beliefs is a game-changer after divorce. These beliefs often sneak in during tough times and can keep you stuck in a narrative that no longer serves you. List any negative beliefs you’ve adopted and challenge them. What truths do you want to embody instead?

5. “What Are Three Things I’m Grateful For in My Life Right Now, and How Can I Attract More?”

Gratitude is a powerful tool for shifting perspective. Identify three things in your life that bring you joy or peace, no matter how small. Reflect on how you can expand on these to create a life full of moments that light you up.