Are You Losing Control During a Major Life Crisis?

When the unexpected happens, it’s not the life crisis that defines us—it’s how we respond to the crisis.

Life has a way of throwing us curveballs—whether it’s a sudden job loss, a career change, a redundancy or even a planned change, like starting a new business or retirement. A sudden major life change can leave us feeling powerless, as if the ground beneath us has shifted, and we are no longer in control of anything that happens.

I know that feeling well. Trying to cope with a life crisis is no longer as debilitating as it used to be. I have developed a strategy, that I share with you below. What remains a challenge is when more than one life challenge explodes into my life at the same time. That is when I get my journal out and start scribbling feverishly. I have included 5 of my best journaling prompts to help during multiple life crises.

Why Loss of Control during a Life Crisis Feels So Overwhelming

At the heart of most major crises is unpredictability. Our daily routines, habits, plans and our sense of stability can become obsolete in an instant, often without warning. For many of us, control over our lives—our schedules, relationships, and careers—provides a sense of security. When that control is stripped away, feelings of fear, frustration, hopelessness and helplessness can quickly overwhelm us.

While we can’t control everything that happens to us, we do have the power to choose how we respond. Learning how to cope with this loss of control is key to surviving the emotional turbulence caused by a major life change.

Discover how to turn life’s biggest challenges into opportunities for personal growth:

1. Focus on What You Can Control

When life feels like it’s spiralling out of control, start by acknowledging what you cannot control. Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up; it means recognising that certain things are beyond your control. By accepting this, you can shift your focus to what is within your control. Even small actions, such as creating a new daily stress-reducing routine, like going for a walk in nature can provide a sense of stability in uncertain times.

For example, if you’ve recently lost your job, while you can’t control the job market, you can update your resume, expand your skill set, or network with others in your industry. These small steps, over time, help you feel less overwhelmed and more in charge of your situation.

2. Acknowledge Your Emotions, But Don’t Let Them Dictate Your Actions

One of the most important steps in coping with loss of control is to allow yourself to acknowledge your emotions. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or scared witless during a crisis, and bottling up these emotions or suppressing them can make them a hundred times worse (and give you a stomach ulcer, to boot.). Give yourself permission to grieve the loss of your old plans, aspirations, hopes or expectations.

However, while it’s important to acknowledge these feelings, it’s equally important not to let your emotions dictate your decisions. Mindfulness techniques can help you to reflect before you react, get off the emotional rollercoaster and avoid having regrets.

3. Reframe Your Thoughts

When life takes an unexpected turn and it feels as if you are losing control, it’s only natural to feel overwhelmed. Rather than getting stuck in a loop of negative thoughts or worst-case scenarios, you have the ability to take charge of your mindset. Instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?” flip the script and ask, “How can I grow from this?”

When one door closes, another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.” ― Alexander Graham Bell

Every crisis holds the potential to be a turning point. Rather than seeing it as an end, view it as the beginning of a new chapter—one filled with opportunities for learning new skills, discovering new talents and becoming more resilient.

4. Ask for Help

When life feels like it’s spiralling out of control, we often withdraw and isolate ourselves, believing that we need to face our challenges alone. In these moments, reaching out to others for support can create a significant shift in how you experience the crisis. Whether you turn to close friends, family members, colleagues or seek out professional guidance from a therapist or a coach, talking to others can help you see the bigger picture.

Opening up about your struggles also helps lighten the emotional load. Sharing your experiences with someone who has been through a similar situation can offer invaluable insights. They may provide practical advice that you hadn’t considered, giving you a fresh perspective. Even if they haven’t walked the exact same path, hearing another person’s thoughts can help you see your situation in a new light. Conversations like these not only provide emotional support but also help you regain a sense of control over your situation. .

5. One Day at a Time

It’s easy to feel bogged down by the enormity of a life crisis. Break challenges into smaller, more manageable steps, take things one day at a time and celebrate each victory, no matter how small. Each step forward, no matter how small, builds momentum and fosters a sense of accomplishment and control. By focusing on what you can accomplish today, whether it’s making a phone call, sending an email, or simply getting through the day. It’s okay not to have all the answers immediately.

6. Revisit Your Values and Priorities

A crisis often forces us to pause and reassess what truly matters to us. When everything feels out of control, it can be helpful to review your core values and priorities. What is most important to you right now? What do you want your life to look like on the other side of this crisis? Sometimes, we realize that a major change, though painful, allows us to realign our lives with who we really are and what we really want. By focusing on what truly matters, you can find new perspectives, clarity and direction.

7. Remain Flexible during a Life Crisis

A flexible or growth mindset accepts that not everything will go according to plan—and that’s okay. Being adaptable allows you to adjust to new circumstances without feeling defeated. A growth mindset also encourages resilience by acknowledging that setbacks and failures are part of the learning process, not permanent obstacles. When you approach a crisis with the belief that you can improve and adapt, you’re more likely to bounce back from challenges rather than be overwhelmed by them.

8. Set Boundaries

During a crisis, it’s important to set clear boundaries. Limit exposure to negative news, toxic people, or overwhelming commitments that drain your energy. Say no when necessary. It’s okay to decline additional requests that add extra stress during a difficult time. Saying no allows you to focus on what truly matters and keeps you from overextending yourself.

If possible, postpone major decisions (such as moving or changing jobs) until you feel more grounded. This prevents rash choices driven by anxiety rather than clear thinking. Instead, focus on making smaller, more manageable decisions. Making simple choices helps restore a sense of control without adding extra pressure.

9. Practice Gratitude

Shift your focus to being grateful. During a life crisis, it’s easy to obsess about what’s going wrong. Practicing gratitude, even for small things, helps reframe your mindset. Each day, write down three things you’re grateful for, morning and evening. This will boost your mood and reduce feelings of helplessness. Also be thankful for your own talents, skills and strengths. This reinforces your ability to cope and adapt during challenging times.

10. Less Self-Criticism, More Self-Compassion

During a life crisis, it’s easy to blame yourself for things going wrong or feel like you’re not handling the situation well enough. Self-compassion reminds you that it’s okay to struggle and that you don’t have to have everything figured out. By quieting that harsh inner critic, you reduce feelings of shame or guilt that often arise when control is lost. Accepting your limitations and imperfections without judgment makes it easier to regain emotional stability.

Here are the journaling prompts I use to get clarity (and courage! ) when I struggle to cope with the feeling of losing control during a life crisis:

I also use these during my Your Next Chapter after a Life Transition Retreats, designed to empower you to make a fresh start while walking a section of the Camino de Santiago de Compostela through noble vineyards, wild meadows, lush orchards and quiet woods. (It’s my 7-day Signature Retreat.)

1. “What aspects of my current situation are within my control, and how can I take small, actionable steps to influence them?”

Purpose: This prompt encourages you to focus on what you can control in your life, even in a crisis. By identifying small actions, you regain a sense of purpose and direction.
Why it helps: Breaking down your challenges into manageable pieces can reduce overwhelm and empower you to take charge of what’s within reach.

2. “How have I overcome life crises in the past, and what strengths or strategies did I use that I can apply now?”

Purpose: Reflecting on past resilience helps you recognize that you’ve successfully navigated challenges before and have the inner strength to do so again.
Why it helps: Remembering your own resourcefulness reminds you that even when life feels out of control, you’ve had the capacity to adapt and overcome, which can instil confidence and hope.

3. “What can I learn from this life crisis? How could this experience help me grow emotionally, mentally, or spiritually?”

Purpose: This prompt shifts your mindset from seeing the crisis as destructive to identifying it as an opportunity for growth.
Why it helps: A growth mindset encourages you to look beyond the immediate pain or fear and focus on long-term personal development, giving meaning to your experience and reducing feelings of helplessness.

4. “What emotions am I experiencing right now, and how can I offer myself kindness and compassion as I navigate these feelings?”

Purpose: This prompt allows you to process your emotions without judgment and encourages self-compassion.
Why it helps: Acknowledging your feelings instead of suppressing them fosters emotional healing. By pairing this with self-compassion, you create a nurturing internal environment that helps reduce stress and overwhelm.

5. “Who in my life can I turn to for support, and how can I open myself up to receiving help during this time?”

Purpose: This prompt encourages you to reflect on your support network and how you can allow others to help you during challenging times.
Why it helps: A Life Crisis often leads to isolation, but acknowledging the support available to you and taking steps to seek it reminds you that you don’t have to go through this alone. Reaching out for help can restore a sense of connection and reduce the feeling of being overwhelmed.

Tips for Effective Journaling:

Be Honest with Yourself: Allow your thoughts and feelings to flow freely without self-editing or self-judgement.
Create a Routine: Set aside dedicated time each day or week for journaling to establish a consistent practice.
Use All Your Senses: Engage your senses in your writing to make your reflections more vivid and impactful.
Revisit Your Entries: Periodically read past entries to observe your progress and gain new insights.

Building Resilience in the Face of Uncertainty

While it may be impossible to avoid loss of control during a major life crisis, it is possible to learn how to cope, adapt, and eventually regain a sense of direction. The key lies in focusing on what you can control, being mindful of your emotional state, and seeking support when needed. If you need further help, join us for a Your Next Chapter after a Life Transition Retreat here in the southwest of France.