Can It Help Us Cope During Life Transitions?
The Short Answer: Anxiety isn’t your enemy—it’s your internal GPS system recalibrating. When properly understood and channelled, anxiety becomes a powerful ally that heightens your awareness, sharpens your focus, and guides you toward what truly matters during life’s inevitable changes.
When Your Inner Alarm System Becomes Your Best Friend
Picture this: You’re standing at the edge of a cliff, but instead of jumping, you’re about to leap into a completely new chapter of your life. Your heart races, your palms sweat, and that familiar knot in your stomach tightens. Welcome to the human experience of transition—messy, terrifying, and absolutely necessary.
We live in a world obsessed with comfort zones, yet life has a funny way of bulldozing through our carefully constructed routines. Whether you’re facing divorce, changing careers, becoming a parent, losing a loved one, moving to a new city, or simply realising that who you were yesterday doesn’t fit who you’re becoming today, transitions are the plot twists that make life both challenging and extraordinary.
But here’s where most people get it wrong: they treat anxiety like a villain in their story when it’s actually the wise mentor trying to prepare them for the journey ahead.
Self-awareness—that precious ability to observe your thoughts, emotions, and reactions without being consumed by them—is like having a backstage pass to your own mental theatre. It’s the difference between being tossed around by your emotions and learning to dance with them. When you develop this skill, anxiety transforms from a chaotic storm into valuable information about what deserves your attention and energy.
Lia’s Story: The Woman Who Learned to Listen to Her Anxiety
Lia Anderson had always been the type of person who planned everything two moves ahead. At thirty-eight, she had the perfect formula: corner office, reliable salary, predictable Tuesday yoga classes, and a social calendar that would make any event planner weep with envy. Then life decided to shuffle the deck.
The phone call came on a Thursday morning that smelled like burnt coffee and broken dreams. Her mother’s voice, usually steady as a lighthouse, wavered like a candle in the wind. “Lia, honey, I need you to come home. Your father… the diagnosis…”
The words hung in the air like smoke from an extinguished match. Pancreatic cancer. Advanced stage. The kind of news that makes your carefully constructed world feel like a house of cards in a hurricane.
Lia’s first instinct was to fix everything immediately. She could taste the metallic tang of adrenaline on her tongue as she reached for her phone to book the earliest flight. But as she sat in her leather chair, surrounded by the familiar hum of office air conditioning and the distant sound of keyboards clicking like rain on a roof, something unexpected happened.
The anxiety didn’t just arrive—it exploded through her chest like an unfinished symphony of warning bells. Her breathing became shallow, her vision tunnelled, and her hands trembled as if she were holding the weight of the world. Most people would have popped a Xanax or powered through with caffeine and determination. But Lia had learned something crucial from her years of journaling and self-reflection: anxiety wasn’t the enemy; it was the messenger.
She closed her eyes and felt the rough texture of her sweater against her skin, grounding herself in the present moment. The anxiety wasn’t just saying “danger”—it was saying “pay attention.” It was highlighting every single thing that mattered: the relationship with her father she’d been putting on the back burner, the career that suddenly felt hollow compared to precious time with family, the life she’d been living on autopilot instead of with intention.
Over the following weeks, as Lia navigated the complex dance of caring for her father while managing her own emotional upheaval, she discovered something remarkable. The anxiety that had initially felt like a weight pressing down on her chest became her most trusted advisor. It whispered urgently when she was about to make decisions from fear rather than love. It flared when she was neglecting her own needs in favour of being the “perfect” daughter. It softened into gentle awareness when she was present with her father, helping her savour the sound of his laugh and the warmth of his hand in hers.
The scent of her childhood home—a mixture of her mother’s lavender soap and her father’s pipe tobacco—became a portal to memories she’d forgotten in the rush of adult responsibilities. Her anxiety didn’t disappear; instead, it evolved into a sophisticated early warning system that helped her recognise when she was moving away from authenticity and toward the masks she’d worn for so long.
One evening, as autumn light filtered through the kitchen window like liquid gold, Lia sat with her father as he shared stories about his own career transitions and the fears he’d faced. The bitter taste of hospital coffee mixed with the sweet relief of genuine connection. Her anxiety had guided her to this moment—not the overwhelming panic she’d initially experienced, but a quiet, insistent knowing that this was exactly where she needed to be.
“You know, sweetheart,” her father said, his voice carrying the wisdom of someone who’d learned to pay attention to what really mattered, “anxiety isn’t trying to hurt you. It’s trying to wake you up.”
Lia’s transition wasn’t just about managing her father’s illness—it was about awakening to a life that aligned with her deepest values. The anxiety that had once felt like a burden became her compass, pointing her toward difficult conversations she’d been avoiding, creative dreams she’d abandoned, and the courage to leave a job that no longer served her soul.
Six months later, as she held her father’s hand as he took his final breath—the room heavy with the scent of flowers and the sound of whispered prayers—Lia understood that anxiety had been her teacher all along. It had prepared her for loss, guided her through grief, and shown her the difference between existing and truly living.
Five Key Takeaways: Transforming Anxiety from Enemy to Ally
1. Anxiety is Information, Not Instruction Your anxiety isn’t commanding you to panic—it’s providing data about what needs your attention. Like a smoke detector, it alerts you to potential issues before they become fires. The key is learning to interpret the signal without letting it hijack your entire system.
2. The Body Keeps the Score (And the Solutions) Physical sensations often arrive before conscious thoughts. That tight chest, shallow breathing, or churning stomach is your body’s way of saying “something important is happening here.” Instead of numbing these sensations, learn to read them like a detailed weather report about your internal climate.
3. Anxiety Reveals Your Values Pay attention to what triggers your anxiety during transitions. Often, it’s highlighting the gap between who you are and who you’re becoming, or between what you value and how you’re currently living. This discomfort is growth trying to happen.
4. Presence is the Antidote to Projection Anxiety loves to time travel—dragging you into worst-case scenarios about the future or ruminating about past mistakes. The antidote is aggressive presence: using your five senses to anchor yourself in the here and now, where your actual power resides.
5. Your Anxiety Has a Unique Voice Just as no two people have identical fingerprints, no two anxiety patterns are the same. Learning your personal anxiety language—its triggers, its wisdom, its blind spots—is like developing fluency in your own emotional dialect.
Exercises for Anxiety Alchemy
The Anxiety Archaeology Exercise
When you feel anxiety rising, instead of trying to make it disappear, get curious about its origins. Ask yourself: “What is this anxiety trying to protect me from?” “What does it want me to pay attention to?” “What would happen if I listened to its wisdom without being overwhelmed by its intensity?”
The Five-Senses Grounding Practice
When anxiety threatens to sweep you away, use your senses as anchors:
- See: Name five things you can observe in your environment
- Hear: Identify four distinct sounds around you
- Feel: Notice three textures or physical sensations
- Smell: Recognise two scents in your space
- Taste: Acknowledge one taste in your mouth
This practice pulls you out of the anxiety spiral and into embodied presence.
Narrative Journaling Prompt: The Anxiety Dialogue
Write a conversation between yourself and your anxiety as if it were a character in your story. Give it a name, a personality, even a physical description. What would it look like? What would it say if it could explain its purpose? What questions would you ask it? What agreements could you make about how to work together rather than against each other?
Sample starter: “Dear [Anxiety’s Name], I know you’re trying to help me, but I need to understand what you’re really trying to say…”
Words of Wisdom from Fellow Survivors
As Viktor Frankl wisely observed, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” Anxiety often arrives when we’re being called to transform.
Pema Chödrön reminds us that “fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” Your anxiety might be signaling that you’re approaching something authentic and important.
And as Rainer Maria Rilke wrote, “Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.” This includes the anxiety that accompanies life’s transitions—it’s temporary, it’s informative, and it’s survivable.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: But what if my anxiety is telling me I’m making the wrong choice? A: Anxiety rarely distinguishes between “wrong” and “unknown.” It’s evolutionarily designed to flag uncertainty as potential danger. The question isn’t whether you’re making the “right” choice, but whether you’re making a choice aligned with your values and willing to learn from the outcome.
Q: How do I know when anxiety is helpful versus when it’s just overwhelming? A: Helpful anxiety feels like energy with direction—it motivates action and provides clarity about what matters. Overwhelming anxiety feels circular and paralysing. If you’re stuck in loops of worry without any forward movement, it’s time to seek support or professional help.
Q: What if everyone else seems to handle transitions better than I do? A: This is comparison wearing anxiety’s mask. Everyone experiences transitions differently, and social media rarely shows the full picture of anyone’s internal experience. Your sensitivity to change might actually be a superpower—it means you’re deeply attuned to your environment and values.
Q: Can anxiety actually help me make better decisions? A: Absolutely. Anxiety often highlights important factors you might otherwise overlook and can motivate you to prepare more thoroughly. The key is using it as one voice in your decision-making choir, not the only voice.
Q: How long should I expect to feel anxious during a major life transition? A: Transitions are processes, not events. Anxiety typically decreases as you develop new routines and gain confidence in your changing circumstances. However, if anxiety persists for months without any improvement, or if it’s significantly impacting your daily functioning, professional support can be invaluable.
Are You Feeling Overwhelmed by Uncertainty About Your Future?
If this article resonated with you, you might benefit from taking my “Are You Feeling Overwhelmed by Uncertainty About Your Future?” quiz. This personalised assessment will help you identify your unique anxiety patterns and discover specific strategies for transforming worry into wisdom during life transitions. Understanding your relationship with uncertainty is the first step toward making anxiety your ally rather than your adversary.
The Plot Twist You Never Saw Coming
Life transitions will never stop arriving at your door like uninvited guests. They’ll continue to disrupt your plans, challenge your identity, and force you to grow in ways you never imagined. But here’s the secret that anxiety has been trying to tell you all along: you’re more resilient than you know, more adaptable than you believe, and more capable of handling uncertainty than you ever gave yourself credit for.
The anxiety you’ve been running from isn’t your weakness—it’s your strength in disguise. It’s your internal guidance system, your early warning network, and your invitation to live more consciously. When you learn to listen to its wisdom without being controlled by its intensity, you discover that anxiety isn’t the opposite of courage; it’s courage’s most devoted companion.
Your anxiety isn’t broken, and neither are you. You’re simply human, navigating the beautiful, terrifying, essential process of becoming who you’re meant to be. And that anxiety humming in your chest? It’s not trying to hold you back—it’s trying to help you soar.
Summary: Your Anxiety is Your Superpower
The next time anxiety arrives uninvited to your life transition party, don’t show it the door. Instead, pull up a chair and ask what it’s trying to teach you. Because anxiety, when properly understood and channelled, becomes your most valuable ally, heightening your awareness, sharpening your focus, and guiding you toward what truly matters as you navigate life’s inevitable changes. It’s not your enemy; it’s your internal GPS system recalibrating. And that, my friend, is a superpower worth developing.

Firm Foundations for Your Future Protocol – a fast-paced, high-impact, future-focused course that facilitates the construction of identity-shaping stories about your future self so that you can make the changes needed to avoid having to go through big life changes again and again—without needing to process your past in depth and in detail.

“I am an experienced medical doctor – MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract cert, Transformational Life Coach (dip.) Life Story Coach (cert.) Counselling (cert.) Med Hypnotherapy (dip.) and EAGALA (cert.) I may have an impressive number of letters after my name, and more than three decades of professional experience, but what qualifies me to excel at what I do is my intuitive understanding of my clients’ difficulties and my extensive personal experience of managing major life changes using strategies I developed over many years” Dr M Montagu