life purpose - Dr Margaretha Montagu

06/11/202505/11/2025

Knowing What AI Can And Cannot Do Will Determine Your Success

This isn’t another breathless “AI is coming for your job” sermon. Instead, it’s a warm-hearted exploration of why successful leaders in the 2030s will be those who grasp AI’s brilliant capabilities and its unexpected limitations. Through the cautionary tale of one executive’s mishap and some unconventional wisdom, you’ll discover why your humanity might be your greatest competitive advantage. Pour yourself a cup of your favourite hot drink, and let’s talk about leading in the currect age of AI.

Five Key Takeaways

Successful leaders embrace AI as a brilliant assistant, not an omniscient oracle – knowing the difference will save you from spectacular failures
Human judgement, context, and emotional intelligence remain irreplaceable – AI can’t read the room, sense the mood, or understand what’s left unsaid
The leaders who thrive will be fluent in AI’s language – not as programmers, but as strategic thinkers who know what questions to ask
AI amplifies your strengths and weaknesses equally – feed it rubbish questions, get rubbish results (just faster and more confidently presented)
The most successful leaders will use AI to reclaim their humanity – freeing themselves from drudgery to do the deeply human work only they can do

Introduction: Authentic Human Skills

Here’s something that keeps me awake at night: we’re standing at the threshold of an era in human history where knowing things matters less than knowing what questions to ask.

Successful leaders have always been those who could see around corners, who possessed that rare combination of vision and pragmatism. But the game has shifted. The leaders who will thrive in the coming decade won’t necessarily be those who know the most about AI’s inner workings. They’ll be those who understand, with bone-deep certainty, what AI can brilliantly accomplish and, perhaps more importantly, what it spectacularly cannot.

This distinction isn’t academic. It’s the difference between leading organisations that harness AI’s power and those that become its unwitting servants. Between humans who use machines and machines that use humans.

And the most delicious irony? The thing that will separate successful leaders from the merely competent won’t be technological at all. It’ll be profoundly, messily, wonderfully human.

Alistair Jackson and the £3.7 Million e-mail

Alistair Jackson prided himself on being an early adopter. His corner office overlooked the Thames, and on a grey Tuesday morning in March 2024, he was feeling particularly pleased with himself. He’d just implemented an AI system to handle his executive communications, freeing him, as the consultant had promised, “to focus on strategic thinking.”

The leather chair creaked as he leaned back, the scent of fresh coffee mingling with the faint smell of the river wafting through the cracked window. Outside, a Thames clipper churned through water the colour of weak tea. Alistair watched it, feeling the spring sunshine warm on his face, and thought about the nine holes of golf he’d play that afternoon, now that his inbox was “handled.”

The AI, he’d been assured, had been trained on two years of his correspondence. It understood his voice, his priorities, his decision-making style. It was, the eager sales director had said, “basically you, but more efficient.”

What Alistair didn’t know, as he savoured that coffee (Colombian, perfectly bitter, just a whisper of caramel), was that his AI assistant was, at that very moment, responding to an email from Zhang Wei, the CEO of their largest potential client in Asia. Zhang had written what Alistair’s human brain would have immediately recognised as a carefully worded, face-saving way of expressing serious concerns about their proposal.

The AI, trained on Alistair’s typically direct British communication style, responded with efficiency and clarity. It addressed each point systematically. It was logical, thorough, and completely tone-deaf to the cultural nuance embedded in every line of Zhang’s message.

I heard this story, later, in one of my storytelling circles, from a woman who’d been Alistair’s PA for fifteen years. Sarah told us how she’d watched it unfold, her stomach knotting as she read the AI’s response before it sent. How she’d felt the blood drain from her face, tasting the metallic tang of panic. She’d lunged for the mouse, but the system was designed to work quickly. The email had already gone.

“I could see exactly what would happen,” she told us, her hands twisting in her lap, still feeling the weight of that moment. “I’d worked with Zhang Wei’s office for three years. I knew his assistant’s children’s names. I’d learned that when Mr Zhang wrote ‘perhaps we might consider’, he meant ‘this is a serious problem that needs addressing.’ But the AI just saw words. It didn’t see the relationship, the history, the careful dance of respect that business in that part of the world requires.”

She described rushing into Alistair’s office, the plush carpet muffling her urgent steps, her voice coming out higher than intended. She could feel her heart hammering against her ribs. Alistair had looked up from his golf club catalogue, confused by her distress. The sun was still shining. His coffee was still hot. Everything felt normal to him.

It took forty-eight hours for Zhang Wei’s polite, formal, and utterly final response to arrive. The deal was off. They’d be exploring other partnerships. The relationship, built over five years of careful cultivation, was over. Sarah said Alistair’s face had gone from confusion to comprehension to a grey pallor she’d never seen before. She watched him age a decade in those seconds as he understood what had been lost.

The sound he made, she told us, wasn’t even a word. Just a sort of deflating exhale, like air leaving a punctured tyre. He’d reached for his phone with trembling fingers, the screen’s glow reflecting in eyes that had suddenly lost their shine. But it was too late. The damage wasn’t in what the AI had written, exactly. It was in what it hadn’t written, hadn’t sensed, hadn’t known to feel.

“The worst part,” Sarah said, and here her voice cracked with the memory, “was watching him realise that he’d outsourced the one thing that had always made him successful: his ability to read people, to sense what wasn’t being said, to respond to the human being behind the words.”

That’s when I learned that successful leaders in the coming decade won’t be those who adopt AI fastest. They’ll be those who know, with crystal clarity, what only humans can do.

Understanding the Paradox: What AI Brilliantly Does (and Doesn’t)

Let me be clear: AI is genuinely extraordinary at specific tasks. It can analyse patterns across millions of data points that would take humans lifetimes to process. It can spot anomalies, predict trends, automate repetitive processes, and generate content at speeds that still make me slightly dizzy when I think about it.

Successful leaders aren’t those who resist this technology. They’re those who embrace it whilst remaining clear-eyed about its limitations.

AI can process language, but it cannot understand meaning the way humans do. It can identify patterns, but it cannot grasp context in the rich, layered way that comes from lived experience. It can optimise for defined goals, but it cannot question whether those goals are worth pursuing in the first place.

Think of AI as the most brilliant, tireless research assistant you’ve ever had, combined with the most literal-minded colleague in your organisation. It will do exactly what you ask, often brilliantly, but it won’t tell you when you’re asking the wrong question.

This is where successful leaders distinguish themselves. They develop what I call “AI fluency”, not in a technical sense, but in a strategic one. They learn to:

Ask better questions. The quality of AI’s output is entirely dependent on the quality of your input. Rubbish in, rubbish out, but now at speed with confident-sounding explanations.

Recognise the human-only zones. Certain domains remain stubbornly human: ethical judgement in complex situations, building genuine relationships, sensing unspoken concerns, making decisions when values conflict, inspiring people through uncertainty, and that mysterious thing we call wisdom.

Use AI to reclaim humanity. Here’s the beautiful paradox: successful leaders use AI to automate the automated-feeling parts of their work, freeing themselves for the deeply human activities that actually create value. Strategic thinking. Mentoring. Building culture. The conversations that matter.

Stay curious about capabilities and limitations. The technology is evolving rapidly. What AI couldn’t do last year, it might do adequately this year. Successful leaders stay curious, test assumptions, and adjust their approach.

The New Leadership Literacy

In my storytelling circles, I’ve noticed something fascinating. When people share stories about workplace challenges, AI-related mishaps now appear regularly. But the most insightful leaders aren’t those who’ve mastered the technology. They’re those who’ve developed a new kind of literacy: understanding where human judgment is non-negotiable.

One participant, Marcus, runs a medium-sized manufacturing firm. He described using AI to optimise his supply chain, which saved his company millions. Brilliant. But he also described the day he nearly used AI to write redundancy letters. “I’d generated the first draft,” he told us, “and it was actually quite good. Professional. Clear. All the legal bits right.”

He paused, and we waited.

“Then I imagined Trevor, who’d been with us twenty-three years, reading words that a machine had written to end his career with our company. And I realised that some things you just can’t outsource. Not because the AI couldn’t write something adequate, but because the act of writing it myself, sitting with that difficulty, honouring what these people had given us – that was the work of leadership.”

Successful leaders understand this instinctively. They know that efficiency isn’t the only virtue, that speed isn’t always progress, that some work is valuable precisely because it’s hard and human.

The Practical Path Forward

So what does this mean for you, leading your organisation into an AI-saturated future?

First, get curious about AI’s capabilities. Not at a technical level (unless that genuinely interests you), but at a practical one. What could it do in your specific context? Where might it create value? Start small, experiment, learn from failures.

Second, become militant about protecting the human spaces. Identify the activities that create disproportionate value precisely because they require human judgment, creativity, or connection. Guard those jealously. These are your competitive advantages.

Third, develop your AI questioning skills. Learn to frame problems in ways that leverage AI’s strengths whilst keeping humans firmly in the judgment seat. This is a learnable skill, and successful leaders are investing in developing it.

Fourth, build a culture of thoughtful adoption. Your organisation will take its cues from you. If you chase every AI trend uncritically, they will too. If you model thoughtful, strategic implementation, they’ll follow that lead.

Finally, remember that successful leaders have always been those who could hold seemingly contradictory truths simultaneously. AI will transform how we work AND human skills will become more valuable, not less. Technology will advance rapidly AND the fundamentals of good leadership remain unchanged. We need to move quickly AND we need to be thoughtful.

Five Sharp FAQs

Q: Do I need to learn to code to be a successful leader in the AI age?

A: No more than you needed to understand combustion engines to be a successful leader in the automobile age. You need strategic understanding, not technical implementation skills. Focus on what problems AI can solve and what questions to ask, not how the algorithms work. Your engineering team can handle the how; you need to nail the what and why.

Q: Won’t AI eventually be able to do everything humans can do?

A: Even if it could (and that’s a philosophical rabbit hole for another day), the question isn’t what AI can do, but what humans should do. Some work creates value precisely because a human did it with intention, care, and judgment. Would you want an AI to apologise to a wronged customer? To mentor a struggling employee? To decide your company’s ethical stance on a complex issue? Capability and appropriateness are different questions.

Q: How do I know if I’m using AI too much or too little?

A: Ask yourself: “Am I using this to amplify my human capabilities or to avoid human responsibility?” AI that helps you analyse data faster so you can make better decisions? Brilliant. AI that makes decisions you should be making? Dangerous. The discomfort of important decisions is often a feature, not a bug.

Q: What if my competitors are using AI more aggressively than I am?

A: Remember Alistair Jackson. Speed without wisdom is just expensive mistakes happening faster. Successful leaders focus on strategic advantage, not technological one-upmanship. Sometimes your competitive edge is precisely that you haven’t outsourced the human elements that create lasting relationships and trust. Play the long game.

Q: How do I help my team navigate this AI transition?

A: Model thoughtful adoption. Be transparent about what you’re experimenting with and what you’re learning. Celebrate when people use AI well AND when they correctly identify situations where human judgment is essential. Create psychological safety for people to admit when they don’t understand something. The leaders who’ll thrive are those who create learning cultures, not those who pretend they have all the answers.

Conclusion: About Responsibility

Here’s what I’ve come to believe: successful leaders in the next decade will be those who embrace a beautiful responsibility. Not to resist AI, but to remain stubbornly, wonderfully human in their leadership.

They’ll use brilliant tools to handle the things that tools handle well, freeing themselves for the work only humans can do: the messy, complicated, emotionally intelligent work of building organisations where people flourish, creating value that matters, and making decisions that honour both logic and humanity.

The future won’t belong to leaders who know the most about AI. It will belong to those who know themselves, their people, and their purpose with enough clarity to know when to trust the machine and when to trust the human heart.

Your competitive advantage isn’t going to be technological. It’s going to be you: your judgement, your relationships, your ability to see what the algorithms miss, your courage to make decisions that matter, your humanity.

So yes, learn about AI. Experiment with it. Use it strategically. But never, ever outsource the things that make you human. The world needs leaders who can hold both the power of technology and the wisdom of humanity. The world needs you to remain brilliantly, irreplaceably yourself.

Discover Your Leadership Purpose

Are you a successful leader navigating the complexity of modern business whilst trying to stay true to what matters most? My Purpose Protocol online courses offer a warm, structured space to explore the questions that keep you up at night (in the good way).

Through a combination of storytelling, reflective practices, and practical frameworks rooted in gratitude, kindness, and authentic connection, you’ll discover the clarity that comes from aligning your leadership with your deepest values. Whether you’re grappling with AI integration, team dynamics, or simply feeling the weight of decision-making, the Purpose Protocol provides tools and community to help you lead with both confidence and heart.

These aren’t generic leadership courses. They’re intimate, thoughtful explorations designed for executives and entrepreneurs who know that true success isn’t just about results, it’s about meaning. Join a community of fellow travellers who understand that the best leadership emerges when you know not just what you’re doing, but why it matters. Visit purposeprotocol.com to explore how we might work together on your journey.

The Purpose Pursuit Protocol – if you want to discover your life purpose, this course will provide you with the clarity, motivation and direction you need to manifest your next chapter – in both your personal and professional life. Get immediate access

The Purpose Pivot Protocol – drawing inspiration from the Camino de Santiago, this transformative course guides you through a proven framework to recalibrate your authentic purpose and create a meaningful and fulfilling next act. Get immediate access

Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.

03/11/202503/11/2025

Why Do I Get the Sunday Scaries and Monday Blues?

At a Glance: You know that peculiar knot in your stomach that appears around 4pm on Sunday? The one that whispers, “Monday’s coming,” with all the menace of a Dementor in a business suit? You’re not imagining it, you’re not weak, and you’re certainly not alone. This article explores why even successful people—yes, the ones with the corner offices and impressive LinkedIn profiles—experience the Sunday scaries and Blue Mondays with remarkable regularity. We’ll unpack the science, share an unforgettable story, and offer practical wisdom for breaking free from the weekly cycle of dread. Whether you’re a CEO or an entrepreneur building your dream, understanding this phenomenon is your first step towards reclaiming your weekends and transforming your Mondays.

Five Key Takeaways

The Sunday scaries affect 80% of professionals, with the anxiety typically peaking at 3:58pm on Sunday afternoons, making it a widespread biological and psychological response rather than a personal failing.
Monday stress is measurably different in your body, with research showing heightened cortisol levels and a 19% increase in cardiovascular events on Mondays compared to other days of the week.
Success doesn’t immunise you against anticipatory anxiety, which explains why even accomplished executives and entrepreneurs experience weekly dread despite loving their work and achieving remarkable results.
The transition shock between weekend freedom and weekday structure activates your fight-or-flight response, creating genuine physical symptoms including racing heartbeats, shallow breathing, and exhaustion.
Breaking the cycle requires addressing root causes, not just surface symptoms, including examining work-life boundaries, cognitive patterns, and the deeper question of alignment between your work and your purpose.

Introduction: The 4pm Sunday Apocalypse

Picture this: It’s Sunday afternoon, golden light slanting through the windows, the remains of a lovely lunch still on the table. You should be content. You’ve earned this rest. Yet there it is again—that familiar tightening in your chest, the mental fog rolling up like an unwelcome guest. Your mind begins its weekly inventory of everything waiting for you on Monday: the emails, the meetings, the decisions, the expectations.

Research shows this feeling typically kicks in around 3:58pm on Sundays, with such precision you’d think our bodies had been programmed by some cruel cosmic scheduler. The phenomenon has earned itself a name—the Sunday scaries—and if you’re experiencing it, you’re in remarkably good (or should I say, anxious) company.

Studies indicate that 80% of Americans experience the Sunday scaries, with higher rates amongst younger generations. But here’s what fascinates me: this isn’t just affecting people who hate their jobs. High achievers, successful entrepreneurs, beloved leaders—people who’ve worked incredibly hard to build careers they’re genuinely proud of—still find themselves dreading Monday morning with surprising intensity.

Why? And more importantly, what can we do about it?

Annie Willets’ Scary Story

Annie Willets sat in her tastefully appointed living room on a Sunday in late October. The room smelled of the cinnamon candles she’d lit earlier—her attempt at creating “hygge,” that Danish contentment she’d read about in one of those lifestyle magazines. Her hands cradled a cup of Earl Grey that had gone lukewarm twenty minutes ago, forgotten as her mind spiralled through Monday’s agenda like a tornado through a filing cabinet.

She could hear her children laughing in the garden, their voices bright as bells, and she wanted to go out there, to be present, to soak up these fleeting moments of their childhood. Instead, she sat frozen, her stomach performing acrobatics that would have impressed a Cirque du Soleil performer.

Annie was, by any reasonable measure, successful. At 42, she’d built a thriving consultancy firm that helped businesses navigate complex transformations. Her clients adored her. Her team respected her. She’d been featured in industry publications with titles like “The Woman Who Makes Change Happen.” Yet here she was, every Sunday without fail, feeling like a condemned prisoner counting down to execution.

The physical symptoms had become so predictable she could set her watch by them. First came the vague unease around lunchtime, subtle as a whisper. By 3pm, her shoulders had migrated up towards her ears, muscles taut as piano wire. Then came the nausea, the racing thoughts, the peculiar sensation of her skin feeling too tight for her body. Her husband, Tom, had stopped asking “What’s wrong?” because they both knew the answer: nothing specific, everything general, Sunday itself.

She’d tried all the recommended remedies. The Sunday evening yoga class (spent obsessing about Monday whilst pretending to find child’s pose relaxing). The elaborate meal planning (which only added “prep lunches for the week” to her mental load). The inspirational podcasts (which made her feel guilty for not being more grateful). Nothing touched the core of it.

What bewildered Annie most was the contradiction of it all. She genuinely loved her work. When she was in the thick of a challenging project, guiding a client through a breakthrough, she felt alive, purposeful, exactly where she was meant to be. So why did the mere anticipation of Monday feel like swallowing stones?

That particular Sunday, as the light continued its inevitable fade, Annie noticed something she’d never paid attention to before. Her youngest daughter, Grace, had come running in from the garden, cheeks flushed, leaves tangled in her hair, eyes shining with some magnificent discovery. “Mummy, come see! The spider built a web between the fence posts and the light’s making rainbows in it!”

Annie’s first thought—the one that arrived before she could intercept it—was: “I don’t have time. I need to review the presentation deck for tomorrow’s client meeting.”

But she caught herself. Sunday evening, nowhere she needed to be for another twelve hours, and her instinct was to refuse her daughter’s invitation to witness beauty. The realisation landed like a slap.

She followed Grace outside, the grass cool and slightly damp beneath her bare feet, the air carrying that peculiar October scent of decay and renewal intermingled. The spider’s web was indeed spectacular, stretched between two fence posts like nature’s own cathedral window, each strand catching the low sun and fracturing it into impossible colours.

“It’s extraordinary,” Annie whispered, crouching down to Grace’s height.

“Do you think she’s scared of Mondays?” Grace asked, with the kind of profound randomness that only seven-year-olds possess.

Annie laughed, surprising herself with the genuine sound of it. “I don’t think spiders have Mondays, darling.”

“Lucky,” Grace said solemnly, then ran off to find her brother.

Annie stayed there, studying that web, watching how it moved with the breeze, how remarkably resilient it was, how the spider had simply built what she needed and then settled in to wait with no apparent anxiety about what Monday morning might bring.

Later, when I heard Annie share this story in one of my storytelling circles—her voice catching as she described that moment of recognition—I saw heads nodding around the room. Successful people, creative people, people who’d built remarkable things, all of them trapped by the same invisible web of anticipatory dread, all of them forgetting to look at actual spider webs on Sunday evenings because they were too busy catastrophising about meetings that hadn’t happened yet.

Annie’s turning point came when she began to understand that her Sunday scaries weren’t really about Monday at all.

Understanding the Sunday Scaries: The Science of Anticipatory Dread

The Sunday scaries represent a form of anticipatory anxiety, which involves nervousness and dread about something that hasn’t happened yet. When you experience them, your adrenal glands release cortisol and adrenaline, flooding your system with stress hormones that create genuine physical symptoms—increased heart rate, difficulty breathing, headaches, and trouble sleeping.

What makes this phenomenon particularly insidious for successful executives and entrepreneurs is that it’s often unrelated to job satisfaction. Studies show that even employees who genuinely like their jobs experience Sunday night anxiety, which explains why Annie Willets could simultaneously love her work and dread the week ahead.

The transition from weekend relaxation to work mode represents a challenging 180-degree turn. During weekends, your cognitive load decreases significantly. No alarm clocks, no commutes, no boss checking in, no constant demands on your attention. Your nervous system settles into a different rhythm. Then Sunday evening arrives, and your body begins preparing for the dramatic shift back to high-performance mode.

Research indicates that 74% of those experiencing Sunday scaries report their feelings increased due to economic uncertainty, whilst 37% cite being more overwhelmed at work than ever before. For entrepreneurs and executives, these pressures compound. You’re not just responsible for your own performance; you’re often carrying the weight of entire teams, clients, stakeholders, and business outcomes.

The really sobering data? Research shows that far more heart attacks occur on Mondays and Sundays than on any other day of the week, suggesting that Sunday anxiety and Monday stress create genuine physiological risks. Studies across entire countries have found a 19% increase in the odds of sudden cardiac death from confirmed heart attacks and other cardiovascular events on Mondays.

Why Blue Mondays Hit High Achievers Particularly Hard

Here’s the paradox: the very qualities that make you successful—high standards, deep responsibility, commitment to excellence—also make you more vulnerable to Blue Mondays. Research suggests that the Monday blues affect how a person responds to stress, with people approaching and reacting to stressors differently at the beginning of the week than at the end.

Recent research has discovered that people who report feeling anxious on Mondays show evidence of heightened activity in the body’s stress-response system over months. Even more concerning, scientists have found that for some people, Monday anxiety becomes so routine that it becomes an automatic bodily response, one that persists even when the original trigger is gone.

This means years of Sunday scaries and Blue Mondays can literally reshape your stress response system, creating a conditioned reaction that continues even after circumstances change. It’s like Pavlov’s dog, except instead of salivating at a bell, you’re experiencing cortisol spikes at the mere sight of Sunday evening.

For entrepreneurs, there’s an additional layer. You chose this path. You built this business or career from nothing. You’re supposed to be living your dream, so admitting that Sunday evenings fill you with dread feels like betraying everything you’ve worked for. The shame compounds the anxiety.

Breaking Free: Addressing the Root Causes

Through my work with storytelling circles, I’ve watched countless successful people wrestle with this question: If I’m doing work I believe in, work that matters, work I chose—why does it still feel like Sunday evenings are trying to suffocate me?

The answer, I’ve discovered, usually isn’t about adding more self-care rituals or productivity hacks. It’s about examining some deeper questions:

Are you truly aligned with your purpose, or are you performing someone else’s definition of success? Sometimes we build impressive careers on foundations we never consciously chose. We inherit expectations—from family, from culture, from our younger selves who didn’t know what we know now. The Sunday scaries can be your inner wisdom whispering that something fundamental needs examination.

Have you created healthy boundaries, or have you let work colonise every corner of your life? The ability to truly switch off has become harder than ever, with many employees tempted to peek at emails or chat apps on Sunday to find out what the week will look like—which can worsen feelings of anxiety or dread. Technology has obliterated the walls between work and life, and for business owners, those walls were fragile to begin with.

Are you working from a place of approach motivation or avoidance motivation? Research shows that focusing on the beautiful, wonderful, desirable things you can accomplish at work can quiet the avoidance system and actually create excitement about Monday morning rather than dread. Ask yourself honestly: Am I moving towards something inspiring, or running from something frightening?

What stories are you telling yourself about Monday? Our minds excel at catastrophising. We imagine worst-case scenarios, difficult conversations, overwhelming workloads—most of which either don’t materialise or aren’t as terrible as we anticipated. Cognitive distortions like catastrophising and overgeneralising can significantly contribute to Monday anxiety.

The storytelling circles I facilitate have become powerful spaces for executives and entrepreneurs to explore these questions without the usual professional masks. When Annie Willets shared her spider web story, another participant—a tech CEO managing 200 employees—confessed he’d been secretly planning to sell his company simply to escape the Sunday scaries, without ever examining why he felt that way.

Through stories, we discover patterns. We recognise ourselves in each other’s experiences. We realise that success doesn’t mean the absence of struggle; it means having the courage to face what’s actually happening rather than what we’re performing.

A fromStory from a Circle

“Before joining the storytelling circles, I thought my Sunday anxiety meant I’d chosen the wrong career. I’d built a successful architecture firm from nothing, and yet every Sunday at 4pm like clockwork, I’d feel physically ill. The shame was almost worse than the anxiety itself. How could I admit that I dreaded Monday when so many people would kill for the opportunities I had?

Hearing others’ stories, particularly Annie’s spider web moment, helped me realise I wasn’t broken. The Sunday scaries weren’t a verdict on my career choices; they were a signal that I’d stopped distinguishing between urgent and important, between presence and performance. I’d let Sunday become nothing more than Monday’s waiting room.

Now, I protect Sunday evenings like a sacred ritual. No emails, no ‘quick prep work,’ no catastrophising about the week ahead. I cook elaborate meals, I read fiction, I literally go outside and look at actual nature—not as some wellness checkbox, but because I deserve to inhabit my life, not just endure it. The Mondays haven’t magically become perfect, but I’m no longer spending 15% of my week in anticipatory dread about them.”

— Sarah J., Architect and Founder, Bristol

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Is it normal to experience Sunday scaries even when I love my job?

Absolutely. The Sunday scaries affect people even when they genuinely like their jobs. The anxiety isn’t necessarily a referendum on your career choice; it’s often about the abrupt transition from weekend freedom to weekday structure, the weight of responsibility, or cognitive patterns that have become habitual over time. Loving your work and feeling anxious about Monday aren’t mutually exclusive experiences.

Q: At what point do Sunday scaries become a mental health concern rather than just normal work stress?

Whilst the Sunday scaries are common, if they’re causing significant distress or interfering with your ability to enjoy your weekend, it may be worth exploring strategies with a mental health professional. Warning signs include: physical symptoms that persist or worsen, complete inability to relax on weekends, intrusive thoughts about work that you can’t control, or Sunday anxiety that doesn’t diminish once Monday actually arrives. If your anticipatory anxiety never resolves when you face the thing you were worried about, that suggests something beyond typical Sunday scaries.

Q: Why do my Sunday scaries seem worse than other people’s, even though I’m more successful?

Success often intensifies rather than alleviates Sunday scaries because you’re carrying more responsibility, making higher-stakes decisions, and often have fewer people who understand your unique pressures. Additionally, achievement-oriented people tend to have perfectionist tendencies and heightened sensitivity to potential failure. You may also be more skilled at appearing confident externally whilst managing significant internal anxiety—remember, surveys show up to 90% of millennials and Gen Z report experiencing Sunday scaries, so you’re likely surrounded by people hiding the same feelings.

Q: Will changing jobs or careers solve my Sunday scaries?

Sometimes, but not always. If your Sunday anxiety stems from genuine misalignment—you’re in the wrong role, toxic environment, or work that violates your values—then change might be necessary. However, research shows that some people’s Monday anxiety becomes so routine that it persists even when the original trigger is gone. Before making dramatic career changes, explore whether the issue is the work itself or your relationship with work, your boundaries, your cognitive patterns, or unprocessed stress in your nervous system.

Q: What’s the single most effective strategy you’ve seen for reducing Sunday scaries?

There isn’t one universal solution because the root causes vary so significantly. However, the pattern I’ve observed in people who successfully transform their Sundays involves shifting from avoidance to approach. Research shows that focusing on positive outcomes and excitement about what you can accomplish, rather than dreading potential problems, can significantly reduce anticipatory anxiety. This doesn’t mean toxic positivity; it means examining whether you’re running towards something you value or away from something you fear. Combined with genuine boundary-setting and completing your stress cycles physically, this approach-orientation creates sustainable change.

Conclusion: Reclaiming Sunday Evening

The Sunday scaries and Blue Mondays aren’t character flaws. They’re not evidence that you’re weak, ungrateful, or insufficiently resilient. They’re signals—sometimes quiet whispers, sometimes screaming sirens—that something in your relationship with work, time, or purpose needs attention.

For successful executives and entrepreneurs, acknowledging these feelings can feel like admitting failure. You’ve worked so hard to build something meaningful. You’re supposed to be beyond this sort of thing. But perhaps that’s precisely backwards. Perhaps the willingness to sit with your Sunday evening anxiety, to examine it with curiosity rather than judgment, to tell the truth about your experience—that’s what genuine success looks like.

Annie Willets, standing in her garden that October evening, watching rainbows fracture through spider silk, discovered something that years of productivity advice had never taught her: presence is not a reward you earn after completing all your tasks. It’s a choice available in any moment, including 4pm on Sunday afternoon.

Your Sunday scaries might not disappear entirely. They might be companions on your journey rather than problems to solve. But they don’t have to steal 15% of your week. They don’t have to poison your rest with anticipation of battles that rarely materialise as feared.

The spider in Grace’s web didn’t dread Monday. She simply built what she needed and settled in to wait, responding to each moment as it arrived rather than catastrophising about moments yet to come. There’s wisdom in that patience, that presence, that refusal to mortgage today’s peace for tomorrow’s imagined problems.

What if you approached Sunday evening not as Monday’s waiting room, but as its own complete experience, worthy of your full attention? What if you protected it fiercely, not as another wellness task to optimise, but as sacred time that belongs to you and no one else?

The work will be there Monday morning. It always is. But Sunday evening—this Sunday evening, one of your precious 4,000 weeks—is happening right now. What would it feel like to actually be in it?

Discover the Purpose Protocols: Transform Your Relationship with Monday

The Sunday scaries often signal something deeper than poor time management or insufficient self-care. They whisper that you’re living out of alignment with your authentic purpose, trapped in patterns that no longer serve you, performing a version of success that someone else wrote for your life.

The Purpose Protocols aren’t another productivity system promising to squeeze more efficiency from your already overstretched schedule. It’s a transformative online courses, with optional one-to-one support, designed specifically for successful executives and entrepreneurs who’ve achieved everything they thought they wanted, yet still find themselves dreading Monday morning.

Through a carefully designed series of modules combining storytelling, reflective practices, and practical frameworks, you’ll explore:

Uncovering Your Authentic Purpose: Move beyond inherited expectations and societal definitions of success to discover what genuinely lights you up and gives your life meaning. We use narrative techniques from my storytelling circles to help you identify the patterns and values that have shaped your journey, often hidden beneath years of professional performance.

Redesigning Your Relationship with Work: Learn to distinguish between healthy achievement and toxic productivity, between presence and performance. You’ll develop practical strategies for setting boundaries that honour both your ambitions and your humanity, creating space for rest without guilt.

Completing Your Stress Cycles: Understand the neuroscience behind why Sunday scaries persist even when Monday isn’t objectively threatening, and learn evidence-based techniques for moving stress through your body rather than carrying it into each new week.

Creating Approach-Oriented Goals: Shift from running away from fear towards moving toward what excites and inspires you. This fundamental reframe transforms not just your Sundays, but your entire relationship with your work and life.

This isn’t about abandoning your ambitions or lowering your standards. It’s about ensuring those ambitions are truly yours, and that the path toward them nourishes rather than depletes you. Because you didn’t build something extraordinary just to spend every Sunday evening dreading it.

Your Mondays deserve better. More importantly, you deserve better.

The Purpose Pivot Protocol honours your journey whilst challenging you to question whether the destination is truly where you want to go. Because sometimes the bravest thing a successful person can do is admit that Sunday evening shouldn’t feel like this.

References

How to ward off the ‘Sunday scaries’ before the new week begins by prof Jolanta Burke, Centre for Positive Psychology and Health, RCSI University of Medicine and Health Science

Grupe DW, Nitschke JB. Uncertainty and anticipation in anxiety: an integrated neurobiological and psychological perspective. Nat Rev Neurosci. 2013 Jul;14(7):488-501.

Abend, R., Gold, A. L., Britton, J. C., Michalska, K. J., Shechner, T., Sachs, J. F., Winkler, A. M., Leibenluft, E., Averbeck, B. B., & Pine, D. S. (2019). Anticipatory Threat Responding: Associations with Anxiety, Development, and Brain Structure. Biological Psychiatry, 87(10), 916.

Yoshimura, S., Okamoto, Y., Yoshino, A., Kobayakawa, M., Machino, A., & Yamawaki, S. Neural Basis of Anticipatory Anxiety Reappraisals. PLOS ONE, 9(7), e102836.

05/10/202505/10/2025

Empty Nest? Time to spread your Wings

A Guide to Rediscovering Yourself When the Kids Leave Home

The Sharp Overview: What You’re About to Read

So the last child has packed their dubiously laundered clothes, grabbed their childhood teddy bear (the one they swore they’d outgrown), and driven off into their independent future. You stand in the doorway, waving like the Queen at a garden party, smiling bravely. Then you close the door, turn around, and face a house that suddenly echoes with one terrifying question: “Who on earth am I without my children to define me?”

Empty nests hit high-achieving executives, entrepreneurs, or professionals who have been expertly juggling boardroom presentations and parent-teacher conferences differently. You’ve spent decades being brilliant at everything—except perhaps preparing for this moment. This article explores why successful people often struggle most with empty nest syndrome, how this disorientation can become your greatest transformation yet, and what to do when your identity seems to have left home along with your children.

Spoiler alert: This isn’t the end of your story.

Five Key Takeaways for the Disoriented Empty Nester

Identity confusion is proportional to success elsewhere. The more competent you’ve been at managing multiple roles, the more disoriented you’ll feel when one of those primary roles disappears. This isn’t weakness—it’s the natural result of having invested heavily in something meaningful.
Empty nest syndrome deserves serious attention. Just because others might say “at least you have healthy children who can leave home” doesn’t diminish your genuine grief and confusion. Successful people often minimise their own emotional needs—don’t fall into that trap.
This transition is a forced sabbatical from who you’ve been. Use it. Your children’s departure creates space for the parts of yourself you’ve postponed, forgotten, or not yet discovered. The question isn’t “who am I?” but rather “who might I become?”
Community impact begins with personal transformation. When you navigate this transition authentically, you model emotional intelligence for everyone around you—your colleagues, your still-nested friends, and paradoxically, your adult children who are watching how you handle change.
Grief and excitement can coexist. You can simultaneously mourn the end of active parenting while feeling genuinely thrilled about your newfound freedom. Both emotions are valid. Both are true. Learning to hold contradictions is advanced emotional work.

Introduction: The Identity Crisis Nobody Warns You About

You’ve survived sleepless nights with colicky infants, navigated teenage rebellion with the diplomatic skills of a UN negotiator, and somehow managed to close million-dollar deals while mentally calculating whether you’d bought enough milk for breakfast. You’ve been extraordinary at being everything to everyone.

Then one Tuesday morning, you wake up and realise nobody needs you to sign a permission slip, drive them anywhere, or give an opinion about their life choices. The silence is deafening.

Here’s what’s particularly cruel for high-achievers: you’ve probably handled every other major life transition with strategic planning and executed action items. You approached parenthood like a project, researched childcare options like you were preparing a market analysis, and scheduled your children’s activities with the precision of a military campaign. But somehow, nobody mentioned that when the project ends, the project manager would face an existential crisis.

This isn’t about missing your children (though you do). It’s about suddenly confronting the question you’ve been too busy to ask for two decades: without the role of “parent” front and centre, who are you really?

As someone who has spent twenty years as a physician specializing in stress management, fifteen years hosting walking retreats on the Camino de Santiago, and countless hours in storytelling circles listening to accomplished people unravel this very question, I can tell you this: the empty nest identity crisis is real, it’s profound, and it might just be the gift you didn’t know you needed.

Margaret’s Story: The Day the House Fell Silent

For two decades, Margaret’s life had been a symphony of chaos—bickering, blenders, and shouting boys. Now, there was only silence.

Everyone had warned her about empty nest syndrome. “Oh, it’s hard at first,” they said, “but then you rediscover yourself.” Margaret had no idea how she was supposed to do that.

On Monday, determined to be proactive, she made a list titled Operation Reinvention. It included:

Start yoga.
Learn French.
Write a memoir.

By Wednesday, she had pulled a hamstring, told Duolingo’s passive-aggressive owl to “mind its own damn business,” and realised her memoir consisted mostly of snack distribution adventures.

By the second week, she started talking to the furniture. “Well, aren’t you looking particularly supportive today,” she said to the couch, sinking into it with a family-sized bag of crisps and a nostalgic episode of Gilmore Girls.

Then came The Great Closet Purge. Every empty-nester’s rite of passage. She approached her children’s rooms like an archaeologist excavating the remains of a lost civilisation—complete with strange artefacts: a fossilised sandwich, a prom corsage(?!), seventeen mismatched socks, and a mysterious note that read “Don’t tell Mom.” (Tell Mom what, exactly?)

When that didn’t help, she joined a local book club. Big mistake. It wasn’t really a book club—it was a covert wine syndicate with occasional literary references. Sheila was apparently divorcing Gary (who no one liked anyway), and Greg’s banana bread had become a political issue. The only book anyone could recall was Eat, Pray, Pour Another Merlot.

Her next bright idea was to reconnect with her husband. Poor Roger. He’d been quietly minding his own business, enjoying the rare luxury of watching football without interruptions. Suddenly, Margaret was there. All the time. Suggesting “fun couple activities.”

“Let’s take a pottery class!” she announced one evening.
Roger, who had survived 25 years of PTA meetings, instantly recognised danger. “How about darts?” he countered.

They compromised on a cooking class, which ended with Margaret flambéing her sleeve and Roger bravely eating burnt risotto.

The turning point came one afternoon while she was scrolling through social media, nursing her third cup of coffee and her growing sense of irrelevance. She stumbled across a post from her daughter: “Miss you, Mom. Thanks for always believing in me.”

Margaret blinked. Then smiled. Because maybe—just maybe—the silence wasn’t empty after all. Maybe it was space. Space to breathe, to rediscover, to reinvent. An invitation to remember who she was before she was everyone’s breakfast chef, chauffeur, therapist, and human GPS.

That night, she lit a candle, poured another glass of the “special occasion” wine.

“To me,” she said, raising her glass. “To rediscovery. To reinvention. And to never having to label another lunchbox again.”

She opened her journal and wrote:
“Dear Me, congratulations—you survived child-rearing, adolescence, and gluten-free meal planning. If you can survive this, you can survive anything.”

Her words stirred something — a faint memory, like the rustle of wind through cypress trees.

Last spring, Margaret had attended a stress-management retreat on the Camino de Santiago — a gift from a well-meaning colleague who’d told her she needed “soul maintenance.” At the time, she’d rolled her eyes. But something unexpected had happened out there, walking under French skies with strangers who quickly stopped feeling like strangers.

The retreat leader had asked everyone to tell the story of a life transition. Margaret had chosen motherhood. She’d described the fear and fierce love, the exhaustion and joy, the complete identity collapse and rebuild.

The retreat leader had listened quietly, then said, “On the Camino, every ending is also a beginning.”

Corinne hadn’t understood it then. But now, sitting on her support coach, the words returned with startling clarity.

This was her new Camino — not the one lined with vineyards and sunflower fields, but an invisible path stretching ahead through her own uncertainty.

Now, unburdened by curfews and permission slips, was free to discover who she might be next.

Understanding the Empty Nest Identity Crisis

The empty nest phenomenon affects everyone who’s raised children, but high-achieving professionals often experience it with particular intensity. Why? Because you’ve spent decades being exceptional at simultaneous role management. You’ve been the executive and the parent, the entrepreneur and the homework helper, the professional and the person who remembered that Tuesday was violin lesson day.

Your identity has been complex, multi-layered, rich. When one of those layers—arguably the most emotionally significant one—suddenly dissolves, the entire structure feels unstable.

Here’s what research and two decades of clinical experience have taught me: the grief of the empty nest isn’t really about missing your children (though you do). It’s about losing a version of yourself that felt purposeful, needed, and central to someone else’s daily existence.

For successful people, this hits particularly hard because you’re used to being in control. You’ve built careers on your ability to anticipate challenges, create solutions, and execute plans. But your children’s departure isn’t something you can strategy-meeting your way through. It’s a fundamental life transition that requires not just adaptation but transformation.

The Broader Impact: How Your Transformation Affects Your World

When you navigate this transition authentically—when you allow yourself to grieve, question, and ultimately reinvent—you create ripples far beyond your own experience.

Your colleagues watch how you handle change. In a work culture that often demands we pretend personal life doesn’t affect professional performance, your honest engagement with this transition models emotional intelligence.

Your community benefits when you redirect parenting energy toward broader engagement. Some of the most effective community leaders, mentors, and change-makers are people who’ve moved through the empty nest transition and discovered new ways to channel their nurturing abilities.

Your adult children observe how you handle this ending. They’re learning from you—again—about resilience, about allowing yourself to be imperfect, about the courage it takes to ask “who am I now?” and wait for an answer that feels true.

And perhaps most importantly, you give yourself permission to evolve.

Take your time. Then spread your wings.

In a society that often treats ageing as a process of diminishment, you can model something different: ageing as freedom, as the beginning of chapters you couldn’t have written before.

Three Powerful Writing Prompts for Empty Nesters

Prompt 1: The Letter to Your Younger Self

Write a letter to yourself on the day your first child was born. Tell that younger you what you’ve learned, what you’d do differently, and what you’d do exactly the same. Then write what you wish a younger version of yourself could tell you now about who you were before you became a parent. What did that person love? Dream about? What got lost in the busy years that might be worth recovering?

Prompt 2: The Calendar Exercise

Draw or describe your ideal week five years from now. Don’t include any “should” activities—nothing you think you ought to do. Include only things that make you feel alive, curious, or engaged. Who are you spending time with? What are you learning? What are you creating? Let yourself imagine without the constraints of your current reality.

Prompt 3: The Epitaph Question

This sounds morbid but it’s remarkably clarifying: What do you want people to say about you after you’re gone? When your children speak about you to their own children, what qualities do you hope they remember? Now ask yourself: are you living in a way that develops those qualities? If not, what needs to change?

Guest Testimonials: Real Women, Real Transformations

From a Camino Walking Retreat Guest:

“I came to Dr. Montagu’s Camino retreat six months after my youngest left for university, feeling completely unmoored. I’d been a pediatric surgeon for twenty-five years AND an intensely involved mother—I thought I knew who I was. The empty nest revealed I’d been using both roles to avoid asking deeper questions about myself.

Walking the Camino, I finally let myself feel the grief I’d been intellectualising. The daily mindfulness practices helped me stay present with uncomfortable emotions instead of strategising around them. But what truly transformed me was the storytelling circle. Hearing other accomplished women voice the same fears and questions I’d thought were my unique failure made me realise this transition was normal, not a personal weakness.

Six months later, I’ve started painting again—something I loved in my twenties but abandoned as ‘impractical.’ I’ve also begun mentoring young female physicians, channelling my nurturing energy in new directions. The empty nest didn’t diminish me. It gave me back to myself.”
— Patricia H., London

From a Storytelling Circle Member:

“Dr. Montagu’s storytelling circles literally saved me from a midlife crisis that would have involved expensive mistakes. I’d been contemplating radical changes—quitting my job, moving abroad, anything to fill the void my children’s departure had created.

In the circle, with Dr. Montagu’s horses grazing nearby (something about their calm presence made it easier to be vulnerable), I told the story of my children leaving. But as I spoke, I realized I was really telling the story of how I’d lost myself gradually over twenty years, and how I’d blamed them for a disappearance I’d orchestrated.

The other women in the circle asked me questions I hadn’t asked myself: What brought me joy before children? When did I last feel creative? What would I do if nobody else’s opinion mattered? Through their witnessing—not advice-giving, just authentic listening—I found my own answers.

I didn’t quit my job or move abroad. Instead, I renegotiated my role to create more flexibility, started a book club focused on books I actually want to read (not ‘important’ books), and reconnected with friends I’d neglected. The storytelling circle taught me that transformation doesn’t require drama. Sometimes it just requires honesty.”
— Margaret L., Manchester

Five Razor-Sharp FAQs

Q1: Is it normal to feel relieved when my children leave, even though I also feel sad?

Absolutely, unequivocally normal. Emotions aren’t mutually exclusive. You can simultaneously grieve the end of intensive parenting, feel relieved about reclaiming time and energy, worry about your children’s wellbeing, and feel excited about your newfound freedom. Humans are capable of holding contradictory feelings. The problem comes when we think we should feel only one “appropriate” emotion and then judge ourselves for feeling everything else. Relief doesn’t mean you didn’t love parenting. Sadness doesn’t mean you’re not ready for this transition. Both are true. Let them coexist.

Q2: My identity has been so wrapped up in being a parent that I don’t remember who I was before. How do I start?

Start with curiosity rather than pressure. You’re not trying to excavate a fossilised earlier self—you’re discovering who you’re becoming now, which includes all the growth and wisdom you’ve gained through parenting. Try this: notice what catches your attention during an ordinary day. What makes you pause? What do you find yourself thinking about in the shower? What topics make you want to learn more? These small moments of genuine interest are breadcrumbs leading you toward your current authentic self, not your previous one.

Q3: I feel guilty about focusing on myself when I should be happy my children are thriving. What’s wrong with me?

Nothing is wrong with you. This is another example of unnecessary emotional policing. Your children thriving and you struggling with identity transition are not incompatible facts. You can be genuinely happy for their independence while grieving what you’ve lost. Here’s a reframe: by doing the work of rediscovering yourself, you’re modelling for your adult children that life is a series of transformations, not a single destination. You’re teaching them that it’s possible to honour endings while embracing new beginnings. That’s a gift.

Q4: My partner/spouse and I seem to be handling this differently, and it’s creating tension. Is this normal?

Completely normal, and actually an opportunity for deeper connection if you approach it with curiosity rather than judgment. Different attachment styles, different parenting intensities, and different needs for purpose all mean you’ll navigate this transition differently. The key is communication without criticism. Instead of “you don’t understand what I’m going through,” try “I’m struggling with this transition more than I expected. Can we talk about what we’re each experiencing?” This might be a good time for couples counselling or a retreat that helps you renegotiate your relationship now that it’s not structured around coordinating children’s schedules.

Q5: How long does this identity crisis last? When will I feel normal again?

I understand the desire for a timeline, but transitions don’t work that way. Some people move through the disorientation in months; others take years. What I can tell you is this: the discomfort lessens when you stop trying to rush through it and instead let yourself inhabit it fully. The fastest way through is acknowledging where you are. “Normal” won’t feel like it used to feel because you’re not who you used to be—and that’s exactly the point. You’re not trying to return to a previous normal; you’re creating a new one. The question isn’t “when will this end?” but rather “what am I learning here that I couldn’t have learned any other way?”

Conclusion: It’s a Doorway, Not a Dead End

You’re standing in a doorway. Behind you is the country of intensive parenting—a place you know intimately, with all its demands, joys, terrors, and profound meaning. Ahead of you is territory you haven’t mapped yet. Of course you’re disoriented. Of course you’re asking “who am I now?”

But here’s what I’ve learned from twenty years as a physician specialising in stress management, fifteen years hosting walking retreats, and countless conversations in storytelling circles: this question is not a crisis to be solved. It’s an invitation to be answered.

The empty nest doesn’t diminish you. It offers you back to yourself—older, wiser, carrying the depth that only comes from loving something beyond yourself so intensely for so long. You’re not losing your identity; you’re shedding an outdated version to make room for who you’re becoming.

Your children don’t need you to remain the person you were when they needed you most. They need you to show them what it looks like to evolve, to ask hard questions, to reinvent yourself while honouring what came before.

This is not the end of your story’s best chapters.

So stand in the doorway a little longer. Let yourself feel the grief and the anticipation. Ask the question “who am I now?” and then—this is crucial—wait for an answer that comes from your authentic self rather than from other people’s expectations or your own anxiety.

The second half of your life is waiting. And it might just be extraordinary.

A Special Invitation: The Camino, the Horses, and the Stories That Heal

If this article has resonated with you—if you’re standing in that doorway between identities and you need space to discover what comes next—I’d like to invite you to something that’s transformed empty nesters for fifteen years: my stress-busting life transition retreat in the breathtaking southwest of France.

This isn’t your typical wellness retreat with prescribed schedules and forced enthusiasm. This is about walking the Camino de Santiago at your own pace, with daily mindfulness and meditation practices specifically designed for stress management. But what makes this retreat unique are the storytelling circles, held in the presence of my Friesian and Falabella horses—creatures whose calm, non-judgmental presence has a remarkable way of making vulnerability feel safe.

In these circles, accomplished women like you tell the stories they haven’t been able to tell anywhere else. Stories about who they were before they became mothers. Stories about who they’re afraid they might not be anymore. Stories about the futures they’re beginning to imagine. The horses graze nearby, occasionally coming close as if to witness your truth-telling. There’s something about their presence that makes authentic conversation not just possible but inevitable.

The walking itself becomes meditative—a physical metaphor for the journey you’re on internally. Each day, you move forward, sometimes easily, sometimes with effort. You rest when you need to. You discover what pace feels right for your body, not someone else’s expectations. And slowly, step by step, you begin to hear yourself again beneath all the noise of who you thought you should be.

The retreat is limited to small groups because transformation happens in authentic connection, not performance. You’ll eat remarkable food (this is France, after all), sleep in comfortable accommodations, and have plenty of solitude if you need it. But you’ll also have the rare gift of being witnessed by women who understand exactly what you’re navigating because they’re navigating it too.

Past guests describe it as “the reset I didn’t know I desperately needed,” “a week that changed how I see the rest of my life,” and “the first time I felt like myself in years.” With more than forty testimonials on my website from people whose lives have been genuinely transformed, I can promise you this: you won’t leave this retreat the same person who arrived. You’ll leave clearer, more grounded, and more excited about who you’re becoming.

The empty nest can be an ending. Or it can be the beginning of your most authentic chapter yet.

10 Powerful Life Lessons Learned While Walking the Camino de Santiago – a free guide filled with 10 not just “quaint anecdotes” or Instagram-worthy moments (though there are plenty of those) but real transformations from real people who walked the same insight-giving trail you might want to walk one day – Subscribe to my monthly newsletter to Download the Guide

Dr. Margaretha Montagu (MBChB) is an NLP Master and Medical Hypnotherapist with twenty years of experience in stress management. She has spent fifteen years hosting transformative walking retreats on the Camino de Santiago and has authored eight non-fiction books addressing divorce, loss, unexpected illness, and coping with life’s major crises. Her work combines medical expertise with deep understanding of the human spirit’s capacity for resilience and reinvention.

Resources

Khatir MA, Modanloo M, Dadgari A, Yeganeh LT, Khoddam H. Empty nest syndrome: A concept analysis. J Educ Health Promot. 2024 Jul 29;13:269. PMID: 39309983; PMCID: PMC11414866. This article provides a comprehensive definition of empty nest syndrome (ENS), outlining its stages (mourning to adaptation) and proposing avenues for clinical models and measurement.

Ahmadi Khatir M, Modanloo M, Dadgari A, Khoddam H, Yeganeh LT. Developing and identifying the psychometric properties of Empty Nest Syndrome Scale. BMC Psychol. 2025 Jul 7;13(1):743. Introduces the Miniature Empty Nest Syndrome (ENS) Scale, integrating psychological, neurobiological, and cultural aspects of ENS. Discusses the need for standardized assessment tools and diverse interventions.

Kabiri M, Namdari K, Abedi A. Psychological Resilience Level after Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy in Old People with Empty Nest Syndrome – A single-case Experimental Design. Clin Gerontol. 2023 May-Jun;46(3):446-456. Epub 2022 Aug 11. PMID: 35950313.

Mangla, J. & Sahai, A. (2024). Influence of Empty Nest Syndrome on the Quality of Life of Middle Aged Parents. International Journal of Indian Psychology, 12(2), 3597-3602.

21/05/202522/05/2025

Forget Retiring – Start Reconstructing

A fresh perspective on life’s next chapter that transcends traditional retirement

The End of Retirement As We Know It

Jane stood at the edge of her office party, champagne in hand, as colleagues celebrated her 40-year career. The gold watch, the heartfelt speeches, the well-wishes for “enjoying her golden years.” Everything followed the traditional retirement script to perfection—except for the quiet dread building in Jane’s stomach.

“What now?” she wondered, forcing a smile while contemplating the boundless, unstructured decades ahead.

Jane isn’t alone. Millions of us approaching our 60s and beyond are discovering an uncomfortable truth: the conventional narrative around retirement—a hard stop to working life followed by decades of leisure—feels increasingly hollow, outdated, and even threatening to our sense of purpose and identity.

What if the entire concept of retirement is fundamentally flawed?

What if, instead of retiring, you’re ready to reconstruct?

Reconstruction: A Paradigm Shift

Reconstruction represents a profound shift in how we view the second half of life. Rather than seeing this stage as a winding down, reconstruction frames it as an intentional rebuilding—a time to deliberately craft your next chapter with purpose, meaning, and renewed vitality.

Unlike retirement, which focuses on what you’re leaving behind, reconstruction centres on what you’re moving toward. It’s not about the absence of work but the presence of purpose. Not about leisure alone, but about legacy, contribution, and continued growth.

The distinction matters because how we frame this life transition fundamentally shapes our experience of it. Research from the Harvard Study of Adult Development shows that people who maintain purpose and strong connections live longer, healthier lives than those who don’t—regardless of wealth or other advantages.

Consider these striking statistics:

68% of recent retirees report struggling with their sense of identity and purpose in the first year
Retirees with a clear sense of purpose are 2.4x more likely to report high life satisfaction
72% of Americans say they want to continue working in some capacity beyond traditional retirement age—not primarily for money, but for meaning

This isn’t just semantics—it’s about reclaiming control of your life’s narrative at a crucial juncture.

Why Traditional Retirement Is Failing Us

The modern concept of retirement is surprisingly recent, emerging in the late 19th century when life expectancy was dramatically shorter. Otto von Bismarck created the first state pension system in Germany in 1889, with retirement age set at 70—at a time when the average life expectancy was about 45 years.

Today’s reality is radically different:

Those of us turning 65 now can expect to live, on average, another 20+ years
Many will spend more time in “retirement” than they did raising children
Improved health means most can remain active and engaged well into our 90s

Traditional retirement was designed for a different era with different demographics. It was never meant to accommodate decades of post-career life. The model simply doesn’t scale.

Beyond the structural problems, traditional retirement carries psychological risks. Studies consistently show spikes in depression, alcoholism, and even suicide following retirement, particularly among those who strongly identified with their professional roles.

The abrupt transition from structured, purposeful days to unstructured free time often leads to what psychologists call “retirement shock”—a loss of identity, routine, social connection, and mental stimulation that can trigger serious decline.

Dr. Robert Butler, founding director of the National Institute on Ageing, noted: “For many people, retirement is a wasteland of boredom, lack of purpose, and marginality leading to psychological and physical decline.”

The Reconstruction Mindset

Reconstruction isn’t about superficial rebranding of retirement. It represents a fundamentally different approach to this life phase, characterised by five key mindset shifts:

From Ending to Beginning: Rather than viewing this transition as the final chapter, seeing it as the opening of a new book entirely.
From Withdrawal to Engagement: Instead of retreating from the world, finding new ways to participate and contribute meaningfully.
From Rest to Reinvention: Moving beyond the earned-rest narrative to embrace continued growth and transformation.
From Age-Defined to Purpose-Defined: Rejecting arbitrary age markers in favour of purpose-driven life transitions.
From Financial Planning to Life Planning: Expanding focus beyond financial readiness to encompass psychological, social, and spiritual preparation.

Tom, a former corporate executive, exemplifies this mindset shift. At 63, instead of retiring to a golf community as he’d always assumed he would, he launched a mentoring program connecting established professionals with first-generation college students.

“I don’t think of myself as retired,” he explains. “I’ve reconstructed my life around what matters most to me now. I work fewer hours but with more impact. I have enough financially, so now I’m focused on creating enough meaning.”

The Three Phases of Reconstruction

Reconstruction isn’t a single event but a process that unfolds in stages:

Phase 1: Deconstruction

Before rebuilding comes the essential work of examining what parts of your current life should remain, what should be modified, and what should be released entirely. This phase involves:

Identity Examination: Separating who you are from what you do professionally
Value Clarification: Identifying your core values independent of career demands
Relationship Reassessment: Evaluating which relationships energize versus deplete you
Legacy Consideration: Honest reflection on what you want your life to have meant

During deconstruction, many discover that their genuine interests and values were partially obscured by professional demands and expectations. This phase often involves “trying on” different potential futures through short-term experiments, volunteer work, or informational exploration.

Maria, a former healthcare administrator, took six months to methodically explore potential directions before committing to any specific path. “I volunteered in three completely different fields, took classes in subjects I’d always been curious about, and had deep conversations with people living lives I found intriguing,” she says. “That exploration period was invaluable—it prevented me from jumping into something that looked good on paper but wouldn’t actually fulfil me.”

Phase 2: Foundation Building

With clarity about what matters most, the foundation phase focuses on establishing the essential infrastructure for your reconstructed life:

Purpose Articulation: Crafting a clear purpose statement that will guide decisions
Health Optimisation: Creating sustainable health routines for physical and mental vitality
Social Architecture: Building intentional communities aligned with your new direction
Knowledge Acquisition: Developing skills and understanding required for new pursuits
Resource Alignment: Ensuring financial and other resources support your vision

This phase often involves formal learning experiences, whether through traditional education, online courses, mentorships, or self-directed study. Many find the Foundation Building phase deeply energising as they acquire new competencies and connections.

The Purpose Pursuit Protocol offers structured guidance through this crucial foundation-setting work, helping individuals methodically build the infrastructure needed for a fulfilling next chapter rather than leaving this vital work to chance.

Phase 3: Active Construction

With clear direction and foundations in place, the final phase involves bringing your vision to life through deliberate action:

Prototype Projects: Testing smaller versions of your vision before full commitment
Feedback Integration: Gathering and applying insights from early experiments
Capacity Building: Gradually expanding your ability to execute your vision
Contribution Scaling: Systematically increasing your impact in chosen domains
Meaning Measurement: Regularly assessing fulfilment and adjusting accordingly

Unlike traditional retirement, which often begins with a vacuum of structure that retirees must fill, reconstruction builds momentum through progressive engagement with meaningful pursuits.

Robert, a former teacher, used this phased approach to transition from classroom education to environmental education focused on reconnecting adults with nature. “The structured process made all the difference,” he reflects. “Instead of feeling overwhelmed by possibilities, I methodically explored, tested, and refined my direction until I found something that truly resonated—both for me and for the people I hoped to serve.”

The Science of Purpose and Well-Being in Later Life

The reconstruction approach isn’t merely philosophical—it’s grounded in robust research on ageing, purpose, and well-being.

Studies consistently show that maintaining purpose in later life correlates with remarkable health benefits:

A 2019 JAMA Network Open study found adults over 50 with a strong sense of purpose had approximately half the risk of all-cause mortality compared to those with lower purpose scores
Research published in the journal Stroke demonstrated that high purpose in life was associated with a 22% reduced risk of stroke
Multiple studies link purposeful living with lower rates of Alzheimer’s disease and cognitive decline

Beyond physical health, purpose profoundly impacts psychological well-being. Research from Rush University Medical Centre found that individuals with high purpose scores were 2.4 times more likely to remain free of Alzheimer’s disease than those with low scores, even when post-mortem examinations revealed similar physical brain pathologies.

In essence: purpose seems to create resilience in the brain itself.

These findings suggest that reconstruction isn’t merely a nice alternative to traditional retirement—it may be essential for maintaining health and cognitive function as we age.

Nature: The Often Overlooked Element in Reconstruction

While purpose provides the psychological foundation for successful ageing, natural environments offer powerful physiological support for this life phase. Yet this crucial element is often overlooked in conventional retirement planning.

Research increasingly demonstrates nature’s profound effects on both psychological and physical well-being:

A 2019 study in Scientific Reports found that people who spent at least 120 minutes weekly in natural environments reported significantly better health and wellbeing
Research from the University of Chicago showed that even brief nature exposure reduced stress hormone production by 16%
Japanese research on “forest bathing” (shinrin-yoku) demonstrates significant immune system enhancement from time spent among trees

These benefits become increasingly valuable during life transitions when stress levels naturally increase. Nature immersion serves as both a relief valve and an enhancement technology, reducing transition-related stress while improving cognitive function and creativity—precisely the resources needed for successful reconstruction.

The integration of nature experiences with intentional purpose work creates a powerful synergy. Walking meetings in natural settings, purpose-focused retreats in wild places, and regular nature immersion practices can dramatically enhance the reconstruction process.

The Purpose Pursuit Protocol: A Structured Path to Reconstruction

While the concept of reconstruction offers a compelling alternative to traditional retirement, many struggle with how to actually implement this approach. The transition remains daunting without clear methodology.

The Purpose Pursuit Protocol addresses this gap by providing a structured framework for discovering and activating purpose in life’s second half. Unlike generic retirement planning focused primarily on financial considerations, this protocol integrates psychological, social, and spiritual dimensions into a comprehensive approach.

The protocol guides participants through sequential modules:

Purpose Archaeology: Excavating clues to authentic purpose from throughout your life history
Values Articulation: Identifying and prioritising core values to guide decision-making
Strengths Integration: Leveraging natural talents and acquired skills toward purposeful ends
Impact Clarification: Defining the specific contribution you’re uniquely positioned to make
Experimental Design: Creating small-scale tests of potential directions before full commitment
Momentum Building: Establishing systems that sustain engagement and progress
Legacy Integration: Aligning daily activities with desired long-term impact

What distinguishes this approach is its balance of structure and flexibility. The protocol provides clear methodology while honouring each individual’s unique circumstances and aspirations.

Reconstruction in Action: Three Paths

Reconstruction takes many forms, reflecting the diversity of human interests and circumstances. These case studies illustrate different approaches to this life transition:

The Encore Career

David spent three decades in corporate finance before reconstructing his life around financial literacy for underserved communities. Rather than retiring completely, he reduced his workload to 20 hours weekly while developing and teaching financial education programs in partnership with community organisations.

“I’m using the same skills but serving a different purpose,” he explains. “The work energises rather than depletes me because it aligns perfectly with what matters most at this stage of life.”

His transition wasn’t immediate—it evolved through intentional experimentation over two years. He began by volunteering a few hours monthly, gradually increasing his involvement as he refined his approach and confirmed its fit with his purpose and values.

The Portfolio Life

Eleanor reconstructed her life around multiple part-time pursuits rather than a single focus. Her “portfolio” includes teaching one university course per semester, writing children’s books inspired by her previous career in marine biology, mentoring early-career scientists, and leading local conservation efforts.

“I need variety,” she explains. “Different activities fulfil different aspects of my purpose. Teaching satisfies my love of sharing knowledge, writing taps my creativity, mentoring allows for deep relationship building, and conservation work connects me to nature and community.”

Her approach required more complex planning but yields rich benefits through diverse forms of engagement and multiple sources of meaning.

The Clean Break

Michael made a complete transition from his legal career to focus entirely on artisanal woodworking—a passion he had only briefly explored in weekend workshops during his professional years.

“I needed psychological distance from my previous work to fully engage with this new chapter,” he shares. “For me, Reconstruction meant building something entirely new, not adapting elements of my former career.”

While his path involved more dramatic change, it followed the same methodical process of exploration, experimentation, and gradual commitment that characterises successful Reconstruction.

Common Obstacles to Reconstruction (And How to Overcome Them)

While Reconstruction offers a compelling alternative to traditional retirement, several common obstacles can derail the process:

Identity Attachment

Many professionals strongly identify with their careers, making separation painful and disorienting. This attachment can lead to either postponing transition indefinitely or experiencing profound loss when it occurs.

Solution: Gradually expand your self-concept through intentional exploration of non-professional interests and roles before transition becomes necessary. The Purpose Pursuit Protocol specifically addresses identity evolution through structured reflection and incremental experimentation.

Social Pressure

Well-meaning friends, family, and colleagues often project their own retirement expectations onto others, creating pressure to conform to traditional models.

Solution: Find a community with fellow “Reconstructors” who share your alternative vision. Immersive experiences like purpose-focused retreats can provide both the social support and the physical distance needed to clarify personal priorities apart from social expectations.

Analysis Paralysis

The sheer number of possible directions can overwhelm even the most decisive individuals, leading to prolonged inaction and missed opportunities.

Solution: Embrace structured experimentation rather than perfect planning. Small, time-limited tests of potential directions provide concrete experience to inform larger decisions without requiring premature commitment.

Deferred Preparation

Many postpone serious thought about post-career life until retirement itself, leaving insufficient time for the exploration and foundation-building phases of ReConstruction.

Solution: Begin the Reconstruction process at least 3-5 years before the anticipated career transition. Early preparation allows for more thoughtful exploration and a smoother transition.

The Financial Dimensions of Reconstruction

While Reconstruction emphasises purpose beyond finances, practical economic considerations remain important. Reconstructed lives take various financial forms:

Extended Earning: Many continue generating income through part-time work, consulting, or entrepreneurial ventures aligned with their purpose
Strategic Downshifting: Others intentionally reduce expenses through geographic relocation, downsizing, or simplified lifestyles that require less financial support
Phased Transitions: Some gradually reduce traditional work while building purpose-aligned activities, creating a financial bridge between chapters
Resource Pooling: Increasingly, groups form intentional communities or co-housing arrangements that reduce individual costs while enhancing social connection

These approaches reflect an important truth: financial and purpose considerations aren’t separate domains but interconnected aspects of life planning.

The integration of downsizing strategies with purpose exploration represents a particularly powerful combination. Physical downsizing often creates both the financial freedom and the psychological space necessary for meaningful Reconstruction.

Nature Immersion: Catalyst for Authentic Reconstruction

Natural environments provide ideal settings for the reflection and perspective-shifting required for effective Reconstruction. Away from familiar routines and environments, individuals often access deeper wisdom about their true priorities and potential contributions.

Walking-based experiences, in particular, offer unique benefits during major life transitions:

The bilateral stimulation of walking enhances cognitive processing and integration
Natural settings reduce stress hormones that otherwise impair clear thinking
Physical movement often unlocks insights inaccessible during sedentary reflection
Immersive experiences create clear boundaries between life chapters

These effects explain why walking pilgrimages like the Camino de Santiago have historically been associated with life transitions and meaning-making. The combination of extended walking, natural beauty, and removal from ordinary environments creates ideal conditions for perspective shifts.

Modern adaptations of these traditional practices, like guided purpose-focused walking retreats, offer structured experiences that combine the psychological benefits of nature immersion with intentional protocols for purpose discovery.

The “Nature Immersion: the Overlooked Anti-Ageing Elixir” walking retreat specifically integrates these elements, using the Camino experience as both metaphor and method for life transition while incorporating structured purpose exploration methodologies.

Beginning Your Reconstruction Journey

If the reconstruction approach resonates with your vision for life’s next chapter, consider these initial steps:

Start with Why: Before focusing on what you’ll do or how you’ll do it, clarify why this transition matters to you personally. What deeper aspirations does it represent?
Create a Transition Timeline: Map potential phases of your ReConstruction journey, working backwards from your ideal scenario to identify key decision points and preparation needs.
Initiate Purpose Exploration: Begin systematic investigation of activities, causes, and contributions that might form the core of your reconstructed life.
Build Your Learning Agenda: Identify knowledge and skills you’ll need to acquire for potential directions, and create a plan for developing them before they become critically necessary.
Test and Refine: Design small experiments to test elements of your emerging vision before making major commitments.
Seek Community: Connect with others in similar transitions who can provide perspective, accountability and support throughout the process.
Consider Immersive Experiences: Explore structured programs specifically designed to facilitate this transition, particularly those incorporating both purpose methodology and nature immersion.

Remember that reconstruction isn’t something that happens to you—it’s something you actively create through intentional choices and systematic preparation.

Conclusion: From Retirement to Renaissance

The shift from traditional retirement to reconstruction represents more than a semantic change. It reflects a fundamental reimagining of life’s later chapters as periods of potential renewal, contribution, and continued growth.

When properly approached, this transition doesn’t merely extend productive years—it can elevate them to become the most meaningful and impactful period of life. Much like the historical Renaissance followed the Middle Ages with the extraordinary flourishing of human potential, personal reconstruction can initiate unprecedented flourishing in individual lives.

The key lies in approaching this transition not as an ending but as a deliberate beginning—a time to consciously construct the life you most want to live and the contribution you most want to make.

As you contemplate your own next chapter, consider: What if you’re not retiring at all? What if, instead, you start reconstructing?

To learn more about the Purpose Pursuit Protocol or upcoming “Nature Immersion: the Overlooked Anti-Ageing Elixir” Camino walking retreats, send an email to margarethamontagu@gmail.com.

Ready to start again, stronger than ever before? This quiz will help you find out. It is not just about measuring where you are right now; it’s about shining a light on the areas of your life that feel meaningful, as well as those that might need attention. It’s an opportunity to reflect, recalibrate, and take steps toward a life that’s not only successful but profoundly fulfilling. Take The Quiz

The Purpose Pursuit Protocol -a proven, structured process designed and tailor-made specifically for high-achievers who refuse to settle for surface-level success. We strip away the noise, the expectations, the external definitions of “making it,” and get to the core of what actually drives you. The work that electrifies you. The contribution that makes your life matter.

“I am an experienced medical doctor – MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract cert, Transformational Life Coach (dip.) Life Story Coach (cert.) Stress Counselling (cert.) Med Hypnotherapy (dip.) and EAGALA (cert.) I may have an impressive number of letters after my name, and more than three decades of professional experience, but what qualifies me to excel at what I do is my intuitive understanding of my clients’ difficulties and my extensive personal experience of managing major life changes using strategies I developed over many years.” Dr M Montagu

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28/02/202505/03/2025

Join the Radical Renaissance Revolution

Isn’t it Time to Start Living in Alignment with Who You Are Now?

Why Join the Radical Renaissance Revolution?

Because you are ready for more than just survival—you are ready for reinvention, a fresh start, a next chapter and a life that feels undeniably yours.

It’s a movement designed for those who refuse to settle for mediocrity, who feel the pull of something greater, and who are ready to reclaim their power, purpose, and legacy.

If any of this resonates, the Radical Renaissance Revolution (RRR) is for you:

1. You are struggling with a Major Life Change/Event/Transition

What qualifies as a major life change? Starting or selling a business, moving to a different city or country, getting promoted, retiring from work, going through a divorce or separation, starting a new relationship after a breakup, recovering from an illness or injury, completing a major personal or professional project, losing a loved one or experiencing a significant bereavement, going back to school to pursue further education, changing careers or industries, downsizing, coming out or undergoing a gender transition, have empty nest syndrome as your children have moved out of the family home, recovering from addiction or going through rehabilitation, reentering the workforce after a career break, going through menopause or other significant hormonal changes, starting or ending a significant friendship, financially transitioning from dependence to independence, or taking on caregiving responsibilities for an ageing parent or family member has you searching for solid ground and a clear path forward. The RRR provides the roadmap to ensure you don’t just get through it—you rise from the wreckage stronger than ever before.

2. You Are Experiencing a Midlife Awakening

At a certain age, any time between 35 and 75, you start questioning what truly matters to you. The urgency to leave a legacy, make an impact, or contribute beyond yourself takes centre stage. This is where having a life purpose and living a meaningful life suddenly becomes essential. If you’ve hit this stage, it’s not a crisis—it’s an invitation. The Radical Renaissance Revolution helps you step into your most impactful chapter yet.

3. You Are Ready to Reinvent Yourself

Success isn’t enough if it no longer fits you. Whether you’re burned out, uninspired, or craving something different, this revolution equips you with the clarity and courage to pivot powerfully and on your terms. Reinvention isn’t just possible—it’s necessary.

4. You Seek Deeper, More Meaningful Connections

Purpose and relationships are inseparable. When you realign your life with what truly matters, the right people—your people—appear. The RRR doesn’t just help you find your purpose; it helps you find your tribe.

5. You Need a North Star for Your Next Chapter

The biggest transitions—career shifts, retirement, personal reinventions—can feel like free falls without direction. Whether you’re moving from empty nest to business owner, CEO to mentor, entrepreneur to philanthropist, or executive to artist, the RRR ensures your next move is intentional, aligned, and powerful.

6. You Want to Leave a Legacy That Matters

You refuse to waste your potential. You didn’t come this far just to plateau. The thought of looking back with regret—knowing you could have done more, contributed more, been more—is unacceptable. You start asking yourself: What am I really leaving behind? Wealth and accolades are temporary, but impact endures. The RRR ensures you direct your talents, influence, and ambition toward something that truly fulfils you. It helps you create a legacy that is meaningful, lasting, and uniquely yours.

7. You Need a New Source of Drive and Motivation

When external success stops fueling you, it’s time to look inward. A life without purpose feels stagnant—no matter how much you’ve achieved. Success gives you options, but it doesn’t guarantee happiness. If you feel restless, uninspired, or disconnected despite your success, it’s because achievement isn’t the same as alignment. This revolution isn’t about fixing something broken—it’s about unlocking the missing piece that turns success into true significance.

The Question Is Not “Why Join?”— It’s “Why Wait?”

If you see yourself in any of these, the Radical Renaissance Revolution is your answer. Your reinvention isn’t just possible—it’s inevitable. The only thing left to decide is whether you’ll step into it now or wait until the restlessness turns into regret.

The Radical Renaissance Revolution Step-by-Step

This isn’t just a series of isolated programs—it’s a step-by-step journey designed to transform every facet of your identity, so you move from crisis to clarity, from struggle to strength, and ultimately, from surviving to thriving. Each phase builds upon the last, ensuring you gain the necessary insights, tools, and momentum to evolve into your highest self.

1. Surviving a Life Quake Crisis Intervention
When life throws you a seismic disruption, immediate clarity is essential. This intervention provides the urgent stabilisation and actionable insights you need to navigate major life changes. It’s your launchpad, ensuring you’re not merely surviving but primed for transformation.

2. The Purpose Protocol
Once you’ve stabilised, it’s time to redefine your “why.” The Purpose Protocol helps you rediscover your core purpose and align your actions with your values. This step sets a clear direction, transforming chaos into focused energy and ambition.

3. The Road Map to Resilience
With your purpose redefined, building resilience becomes the next critical milestone. This roadmap equips you with strategies to develop unshakable inner strength, enabling you to face future challenges head-on. It transforms newfound purpose into enduring power.

4. iNFINITE iMPACT Manifesto
Armed with purpose and resilience, you then enter a phase of exclusive one-on-one high-level mentorship. This stage connects you with a top-tier guide who accelerates your growth, ensuring that your transformation translates into real-world impact. It’s where your inner evolution meets external success.

5. From Troubled to Triumphant
Culminating in a transformational retreat on the Camino de Santiago in the southwest of France, this immersive experience is the ultimate consolidation of your journey. Here, you step away from everyday distractions to solidify your growth in an environment designed for deep, reflective change.

6. Legacy Lab Catalyst
The final evolution focuses on crafting your lasting legacy. In this phase, you refine and amplify your impact, ensuring that your transformation creates a ripple effect in your personal and professional world—solidifying the mark of your Radical Renaissance Revolution.

Supporting Tools Along the Way:

Dr. Montagu’s Books (e.g., Embracing Change – In 10 Minutes a Day): Daily insights to reinforce your transformation.
Power-Packed Courses (e.g., Setting RockSolid Boundaries): Targeted lessons to build essential skills at each stage.
The Radical Renaissance Community: A high-caliber network offering ongoing support, accountability, and inspiration.

The Radical Renaissance Revolution is a step-by-step journey designed to guide you from crisis to a more meaningful and impactful life—but transformation isn’t always linear. You don’t have to start at the beginning. Whether you’re in the middle of a major life upheaval, seeking a renewed sense of purpose, or ready to build your legacy, you can step in at the phase that aligns with where you are right now. Each stage is powerful on its own, but having said that, the effect is most remarkable when the RRR is taken step-by-step.

Wherever you begin though, you’ll be exactly where you need to be.

Why You Move From One Step to the Next:

Immediate Crisis Resolution: You start by stabilising and gaining clarity during life’s most turbulent moments.
Purpose Discovery: Once stable, you harness that energy to uncover your deeper motivations.
Resilience Building: With a clear purpose, you fortify your inner strength to withstand future challenges.
Mentorship & Impact: Your enhanced resilience attracts high-level mentorship, accelerating tangible, real-world success.
Immersive Transformation: An exclusive retreat solidifies and magnifies your growth in a life-changing environment.
Legacy Creation: Finally, you refine your influence to ensure your transformation endures and inspires others.

Your Challenge:
This week, map out your own transformational journey by identifying which of the steps above you currently need to focus on. Click on the link and explore each step, discover what resonates. Then, take concrete action and join the program that will propel you to the next stage.

Are you ready to join the Radical Renaissance Revolution?

Imagine waking up every morning with absolute certainty that you’re on the right path—The RRR is about discovering the thread that weaves all your achievements, relationships, and aspirations, at this point of your life, together into a meaningful whole.

The fog lifts. The doubt dissolves.

Your transformation is deeply personal, touching every aspect of your life. Knowing your life purpose would give you a profound sense of clarity, fulfilment, and inner peace—a feeling that you’re finally living in alignment with who you truly are, not just what you’ve achieved.

You will feel:

Relieved: This sense of relief runs deeper than just checking a box. It’s like finally solving a puzzle that’s been nagging at you for years. Imagine that persistent feeling of “something’s missing” being replaced with absolute clarity. You’d understand not just what you want to do, but why you’re uniquely suited to do it. This relief would touch every aspect of your life, from career decisions to personal relationships.

Energised: This isn’t the temporary high of caffeine or a motivational speech you heard. It’s a sustainable, renewable energy that comes from within. When you’re aligned with your purpose, even challenging tasks feel invigorating rather than draining. You’d find yourself tackling projects with enthusiasm, not because you have to, but because they genuinely excite you. This energy would be contagious, inspiring others around you.

Liberated: Freedom from the golden handcuffs of success. Many high-achievers feel trapped by their own accomplishments, afraid to pivot or change direction. Understanding your purpose gives you permission to say no to “good” opportunities that don’t align with your true calling. You’d feel free to make unconventional choices without worrying about others’ judgments because you’d be grounded in your why.

Deeply Satisfied: This satisfaction goes beyond the fleeting pleasure of achievements. It’s a bone-deep contentment that comes from knowing your work matters. Instead of constantly seeking the next accomplishment, you’d find fulfilment in the process itself. Your actions would carry meaning beyond their immediate results, creating ripples of positive impact.

Peaceful: This peace isn’t passive—it’s a dynamic state of being where internal conflict dissolves. The constant questioning of “should I be doing something else?” would fade away. You’d face decisions with clarity, knowing they’re aligned with your values and long-term vision. Even in these challenging times, you’ll maintain an underlying sense of certainty about your direction.

Connected: This connection transforms how you relate to everything and everyone. Work becomes more than transactions; relationships deepen beyond surface-level interactions. You’d feel part of something larger than yourself, whether that’s your community, your industry, or a global movement. This sense of connection would inform every interaction, making even routine tasks feel meaningful.

Inspired: Purpose unleashes creativity in unexpected ways. You’d start seeing opportunities and solutions where others see obstacles. This inspiration would flow naturally, not forced, leading to innovative approaches in both your professional and personal life. Your unique perspective would allow you to contribute fresh ideas that others might miss.

Quietly Confident: This confidence isn’t arrogance—it’s clarity. When you know your purpose, decisions become simpler because you have a clear framework for evaluating opportunities. You’d move forward with conviction, even in uncertainty, because you’d trust your inner compass. This confidence would extend beyond career choices to all life decisions.

Grateful: This gratitude transforms your relationship with success. Instead of feeling like you’re always playing catch-up, you’d appreciate both where you are and where you’re heading. You’d recognize the value in your journey, including the challenges that shaped you. This gratitude would create a positive feedback loop, attracting more opportunities aligned with your purpose.

Powerful: This power comes from alignment rather than force. When your actions serve a greater purpose, your influence naturally expands. You’d find yourself making an impact not just through what you do, but through who you are. This authentic power would attract like-minded people and create opportunities for collaborative impact that extend far beyond your individual reach.

Each of these transformations builds on and reinforces the others, creating a positive spiral of growth and fulfilment. When you’re operating from purpose, these emotional states become your new normal, rather than temporary peaks you’re struggling to maintain.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, or on the edge of burnout, you need immediate support. The Road Map to Resilience: Burnout to Brilliance online course (with the option of adding coaching sessions) is designed for exactly that: a practical, step-by-step course to help you regain control, rebuild your energy, and find clarity in the chaos. This isn’t a quick fix—it’s about proven strategies to calm your nervous system, shift your mindset, and create sustainable resilience. No need to cope with this on your own—let’s get you back on track.

Get rid of the nagging emptiness of “Is this all there is?” and step into a life where your accomplishments feel as purposeful, meaningful and fulfilling as they are impressive. This unique mentoring program empowers you to unearth the mission that sets your soul on fire and aligns your life with what truly matters to you—beyond success metrics and societal expectations.

Hit the pause button and regain your footing during a From Troubled to Triumphant Retreat. Imagine walking a peaceful stretch of the Camino de Santiago, where every step helps untangle the mental clutter or spending time with gentle Friesian horses who teach you the art of mindfulness. Whether you choose to make a change or are forced to, this retreat offers the perfect blend of peace, perspective, and playful exploration to help you rise from troubled to triumphant!

01/01/202510/01/2025

A New Life Cycle, A New Chapter

At the close of one chapter and the imminent start of another, there’s often a pause. This pause can feel unsettling and disorienting—a disruption in your carefully curated rhythm. Yet, it’s also a moment brimming with untapped potential, a chance to realign with what truly matters to you. As the usual rhythm of life—marked by successes, milestones, and relentless forward momentum—slows, in anticipation of upcoming changes, questions often arise.

“What’s next?”
“Where do I go from here?”
“Who am I now?”

It’s in this moment, ripe with both destabilising uncertainty and extraordinary potential, that a new cycle begins. It’s like upgrading to a more powerful operating system, this new cycle offers the chance to realign with the highest version of yourself—more authentic, more purposeful, more impactful and more fulfilled.

At the Start of a New Cycle

You’ve climbed mountains that others only dream of scaling. From the outside, your life looks impeccable: success, influence, and accomplishments that inspire awe. But standing on this summit can fill you with a mix of emotions. Excitement at the prospect of new opportunities. Fear of losing the identity tied to your achievements. Uncertainty about how to channel your energy into this new cycle.

You might wonder if these feelings mean you’re losing your mojo. They don’t. They mean you’re human. We often struggle in these moments, torn between staying at the top of our game and yearning for something deeper, something more meaningful and fulfilling.

Transitions can make you feel untethered, as your ambition comes up against your need to live a meaningful life. The start of a new cycle is not a time to abandon ambition but to channel it differently. It’s not a disruption to be feared but a transformation to be welcomed.

Manage a New Life Cycle

To navigate life cycles with intention, use these three guiding principles: pause, reassess, and experiment.

1. Pause

Life moves fast. And when you’re in the thick of it—career goals, family responsibilities, endless notifications pinging at you—it’s easy to lose sight of what actually matters. If you’re heading into a new cycle, whether it’s a career pivot, a relationship shift, or just trying starting/selling a business, the secret isn’t in the hustle. It’s in the pause.

Stopping can feel counterintuitive—unproductive, even threatening. But it’s in this stillness that clarity emerges. A pause isn’t a retreat; it’s recharging your batteries in preparation for your next leap forward.

Here’s how to press pause, recalibrate, and start asking the big, meaningful questions:

Dedicate Daily Time for Reflection This doesn’t mean you have to retreat to a mountain cabin or light a dozen candles (unless you want to). Reflection can be as simple as carving out 10 minutes a day for stillness. No phone. No distractions. Just you, a quiet spot, and your thoughts.

Think of it as defragging your mental hard drive. In those 10 minutes, you’ll likely start noticing things—patterns in your thinking, emotions you’ve been ignoring, or even that nagging little voice saying, Hey, maybe there’s more to life than emails and errands.

Consistency is key here. These moments aren’t about having life-changing epiphanies every single day (though that’s a bonus if it happens). They’re about giving your mind space to breathe and recalibrate, so you can approach life with clarity and intention.

Get Grounded with Mindfulness Meditation Let’s get one thing straight: mindfulness isn’t about turning your brain off. It’s about learning to be where you are, instead of mentally time-traveling to the past or future.

Start small. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and focus on the feeling of your feet on the ground or the air moving in and out of your lungs. When your mind inevitably wanders (because, spoiler, it will), gently guide it back. No judgment, no frustration—just a little mental course correction.

Why does this matter? Because when you’re fully present, the noise in your head quiets down. You stop reacting on autopilot and start responding with intention. It’s like hitting “refresh” on your mental browser.

Go on: Ask Yourself the Big Scary Question: What Am I Truly Looking For? Most of us live on a loop, chasing goals we’ve never stopped to question. More money, more accolades, more… stuff. But when you strip it all away, what are you really after?

A new challenge?

A deeper connection to others?

A sense of purpose that doesn’t vanish when the workday ends?

Grab a journal (or a napkin, or the back of a receipt—whatever’s handy) and start writing. Let it be messy. Don’t censor yourself. If your first answer feels shallow, keep digging. Keep asking, What else? until you hit the core of what you want.

Turn Reflection Into Action Here’s the kicker: reflection without action is just daydreaming. Once you’ve got clarity, use it to steer your decisions. Does that new job align with your values? Does your daily routine support the life you’re trying to create?

Starting fresh doesn’t require a dramatic overhaul. Sometimes, it’s the small, intentional steps that create the biggest shift.

And if it feels overwhelming, remember: the goal isn’t to have all the answers. It’s to start asking better questions. From there, you can build a life that’s not just busy, but meaningful.

When you pause with intention, you’re not losing momentum—you’re ensuring that your next move is meaningfully and perfectly aligned.

2. Reassess Your Values

Here’s the truth nobody tells you about ambition: sometimes, the goals that once lit your fire start to feel like lukewarm leftovers. The title you chased, the dream project, the “perfect” life plan—it all sounded great at one point, but now? Meh. And guess what? That’s not failure. That’s growth.

Transitions aren’t the end of the road; they’re the scenic detour where you pull over, stretch your legs, and make sure you’re still heading in the right direction. They’re your chance to pause, take a breath, and ask the questions that really matter: Am I still pursuing what fuels me? Or am I chasing what I’ve outgrown—or worse, what someone else thinks I should want?

Here’s how to manage the process of reassessing your values and redefining success:

Redefine Success on Your Terms Society loves a checklist. Career milestones, financial benchmarks, picture-perfect family moments—check, check, and check. But success? That’s not one-size-fits-all. It’s personal. Deeply, almost uncomfortably personal.

Ask yourself: What does success feel like for me? Not look like—feel like. Is it freedom? Creativity? Impact? Sometimes, the answer isn’t flashy, and that’s okay. True success isn’t about meeting external expectations; it’s about living a life that energizes you, not just impresses others.

Reflect, Revise, Repeat Your values are like your internal GPS—when they’re dialed in, they guide every decision. But sometimes, life’s twists and turns knock them out of alignment. Here’s how to recalibrate:

List Your Priorities. Write down what you think matters most to you right now. Then, compare that list to the things that actually light you up. Are they aligned? Or are you spending time on things that drain you?

Relive Your High Points. Think back to moments when you felt completely fulfilled, when time seemed to disappear. What were you doing? Who were you with? What made those moments matter? These are clues to your core values.

Talk It Out. Deep conversations with trusted friends, mentors, or peers can be gold. Find people who won’t just agree with you but will challenge your thinking. They’ll help you see blind spots and uncover truths you might be avoiding.

Realignment Doesn’t Mean Reinvention Let’s clear something up: reassessing your values doesn’t mean trashing everything you’ve built. You don’t need to torch your past ambitions or regret the path you’ve taken. Those goals served you at one point—they got you here.

Realigning simply means making sure the foundation of your future is built on what you care about now. Maybe that means tweaking your career trajectory, prioritizing relationships, or scaling back on things that don’t serve you anymore. It’s evolution, not erasure.

Start Small, Stay Intentional You don’t need to have all the answers today—or ever. Realignment is an ongoing process, not a one-time event. Start by making one small decision that reflects your realigned values, and let that momentum build.

Remember, you’re not tied to the goals you set five, ten, or even two years ago. You’re allowed to grow, to change, and to chase new dreams. This is your life. Your definition of success. And the only person who gets to decide what that looks like is you.

So go ahead: revisit your values, rewrite the script, and build a future that energises you—not one that just checks someone else’s boxes.

Realigning with your values doesn’t mean abandoning your past ambitions. It means ensuring they serve as a foundation for your future self.

3. Experiment Boldly

Curiosity is your ultimate secret weapon when life shifts. It gives you permission to explore without the pressure of “getting it right” on the first try. And instead of clinging to certainty, it asks you to embrace experimentation—not as reckless leaps, but as deliberate, low-stakes steps into the unknown.

The goal? To uncover fresh perspectives, unexpected interests, and new paths that actually feel like you.

Why Experimentation Works You don’t have to quit your job, move to Bali, or abandon everything you know to start experimenting. Bold doesn’t mean reckless—it means intentional.

Experimentation is like trying on different hats. Some will fit. Others will look laughably bad. But every “hat” you try teaches you something about what works, what doesn’t, and what lights you up. It’s not about nailing the perfect answer right away; it’s about collecting data on what fulfils you.

This process isn’t failure-proof—it’s failure-friendly. And that’s a good thing. Each misstep, dead-end, or “meh” moment is a clue pointing you closer to your next breakthrough.

How to Experiment Boldly

Try Something Completely Outside Your Lane. Dabble in a project unrelated to your primary field. If you’re a data analyst, take a painting class. If you’re a teacher, join a local improv group. These ventures can unlock parts of your creativity or interests you didn’t know were hiding in there.
Volunteer for Causes That Speak to Your Values. Maybe you care about the environment, education, or mental health. Find a way to contribute—whether it’s an afternoon at a food bank or designing marketing materials for a nonprofit. Volunteering not only connects you to your community but also sharpens your sense of what really matters to you.
Attend Workshops or Retreats That Expand Your Horizons. Look for events that challenge you to step out of your comfort zone. Writing retreats, leadership workshops, mindfulness weekends—they’re all opportunities to not just learn something new but to meet people who can inspire fresh perspectives.

Why Bold Experiments Lead to Big Breakthroughs Experimentation has a way of loosening the mental frameworks that hold you back. When you let go of “I have to have this all figured out,” you create space to explore possibilities you’d never considered.

One small experiment—a new hobby, a side gig, a single conversation—can change your trajectory. Maybe that improv class reignites your confidence in public speaking. Maybe that workshop on sustainability plants the seed for your next business idea. Or maybe volunteering teaches you that purpose matters more to you than profit.

Bold experiments don’t just reveal what you love; they help you shed old ideas about who you’re “supposed” to be. They open doors you didn’t even know were there.

So, give yourself permission to experiment—not with the pressure of “figuring it all out,” but with the freedom to try, fail, learn, and grow. Bold experiments aren’t just a path forward; they’re the key to discovering a version of yourself you didn’t even know existed.

The Power of Story

Life transitions are like launching a new product. Before unveiling it to the world, there’s a phase of iteration: testing, refining, and aligning the product with its intended audience. Your new cycle is no different. It’s your time to refine who you are and re-align with your purpose.

Meet Jack: The Corporate Climber Who Dropped off the Ladder to Build a Bridge.

For 15 years, Jack was the tech world’s golden boy, the guy everyone envied—scaling the corporate ladder like it was a StairMaster. Corner office with skyline views? Nailed it. Six-figure salary? Cha-ching. A LinkedIn profile that made recruiters weep? Sorted. Prestige, power, promotions that came faster than espresso refills? Check, check, and check. Success, by every traditional metric, was his.

By the time he hit his mid-40s, Jack had climbed so high up the corporate ladder his head was in the clouds.

But then, at the top of his game, a disorienting thought hit him like a rogue notification: Is this it?

To Jack, the clouds were starting to feel like a smokescreen. Jack discovered a gnawing emptiness – growing void in his chest.

The constant grind, the back-to-back meetings, the bonuses that didn’t buy happiness—they all started blending into one big question: What’s the point? At first, he tried to shake it off, burying himself in more work and convincing himself that another promotion or a bigger paycheck would quiet the doubts. Spoiler alert: it didn’t.

So, Jack did something that left his colleagues scratching their heads. Instead of charging ahead, doubling down on the grind, he did something unheard of in his world of perpetual motion: he hit pause. Not just a day off. Not for a long weekend on some tropical beach, but for a full-on, existential pit stop —a reckoning with himself. He took 3 months off and decided to walk the Camino de Santiago de Compostela.

In the quiet of those introspective weeks on the trail, he took a long, hard look at his life and asked himself the kind of uncomfortable questions most of us avoid: What do I actually value? What do I want to leave behind? The answer wasn’t a bigger corner office. It was impact. Legacy.

It started small. Jack began volunteering at a local nonprofit, lending his expertise to help them organize their data and streamline their systems. Then he signed up to mentor aspiring leaders, sharing the lessons he’d learned from years of navigating corporate chaos, coaching young professionals who didn’t have his advantages but shared his drive. Those little steps sparked something big.

Jack realised his years in tech hadn’t just been about climbing ladders—they’d been about learning how to build bridges. He started thinking about using what he knew to create something more meaningful, something that linked his business skills to his passion for helping others. Slowly, his priorities began to shift. What started as “giving back” began to feel like moving forward. He realised that his years in the boardroom weren’t wasted—they’d just been the training ground for something bigger.

Fast-forward a couple of years, and Jack is no longer running on autopilot. He’s the founder of a booming social enterprise that uses his sharp-as-a-tack tech skills to solve real-world problems. Whether it’s helping small nonprofits scale or mentoring underrepresented entrepreneurs, he has turned his corporate know-how into a force for good. Jack’s work blends the best of who he was and who he wants to be.

It’s not an easier life—running a mission-driven business is anything but smooth sailing—but Jack’s never felt more alive. Every late-night meeting now feeds his soul instead of draining it. His life is full of meaning.

Jack didn’t give up success; he redefined it. He’s proving that you don’t have to settle for a career that leaves you feeling empty, no matter how shiny it looks from the outside. You can pause. You can pivot. And you can rewrite the instruction book to build something that actually matters to you.

Jack isn’t climbing anymore—he’s building a legacy that’s not just impressive, but truly impactful.

Like Jack, your new cycle isn’t about abandoning your achievements—it’s about channelling them into something even more aligned with who you’re becoming.

As someone who has guided others through life transitions, I’ve often drawn inspiration from horses. They’re incredibly resilient animals, able to adapt to shifting conditions with grace and strength. When faced with uncertainty, my Friesians freeze—and then they move forward, step by step, until they find solid ground again.

Final Thoughts

This isn’t about leaving behind what you’ve built—it’s about evolving into the most powerful and authentic version of yourself.

The start of this new cycle is your invitation to redefine success on your terms. It’s your chance to step into uncharted territory, guided by the lessons of your past and the promise of your future.

Ready to follow in Jack’s footsteps? Join successful professionals who’ve transformed their lives through the Infinite Impact mentoring program. In just one powerful discovery call, you’ll discover how the Infinite Impact program can help you implement the suggestions above and equip you to make a purposeful impact. I have limited availability for new clients – send an email to openlockeddoors@gmail.com and book your call now. Make today the day you start changing your life.

16/12/202416/12/2024

It’s Time to Leave it All behind in 2024

2025: A Year of Possibilities

As we approach the start of 2025, I am reviewing 2024—the good, the middling and the downright disastrous. It has been a year of stratospheric highs and mind-scrambling lows. Why is it that the struggles, disappointments, regrets, unmet expectations and failures are still clinging to me like invisible weights, dragging my spirits down? I have decided that it’s time to release them—time to write them down on paper, then tear up the paper or burn it safely as a symbolic act to remind myself that the past does not define my future.

Because 2025 is a clean slate—a chance to let go of the baggage that’s been weighing us down and holding us back and step into the future with courage, determination and intention. 2024 might have been a difficult year, but it was also a year of discoveries. I have learnt a lot, and I am taking my business in a whole new direction as a result.

Why Letting Go Matters

Think about this for a moment: how much mental energy do we spend rehashing the past? Whether it’s reliving mistakes we made, holding onto grudges, or worrying about things we can’t change, those thoughts take up a lot of space in our minds and hearts.

The truth is that mistakes and failures are part of life—but they don’t have to define us. Every mistake we make teaches us something valuable. Maybe 2024 wasn’t everything you hoped it would be. Maybe you didn’t realise all (or any) of your goals, or a dream didn’t pan out the way you wanted. That’s okay. Those experiences were stepping stones that helped you grow, even if it didn’t feel like it at the time.

Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting. It doesn’t mean pretending that the hard stuff didn’t happen. It means choosing to stop lugging it around.

How to Let Go

So, how do we actually let go? It starts with reflecting on the past year in a kind and honest way. Take some time to think about these questions:

What went well in 2024? What are you proud of?
What didn’t go as planned, and what did you learn from it?
What do you need to leave behind to make space for new growth?

When you reflect like this, you’re not beating yourself up—you’re learning. Maybe you realise you’ve been too hard on yourself or that you’ve been carrying someone else’s expectations instead of your own dreams. Recognising those things is powerful because it allows you to release them.

Forgive So That You Can Move Forward

Another big part of leaving the past behind is forgiveness. This might mean forgiving someone who hurt you or forgiving yourself for mistakes you’ve been holding onto. Let’s be real—none of us are perfect. We all mess up. But holding onto anger, regret, or guilt only ties us to the past.

Think of forgiveness as cutting a cord. When you let go of those negative emotions, you’re freeing yourself. It’s not about letting someone “off the hook”; it’s about giving yourself the peace you deserve.

Setting Intentions for 2025

Once we’ve let go of the past, we get to turn our attention to the future. And here’s where I think we often go wrong with New Year’s resolutions: we make them too rigid, too big, or too rooted in perfection. I have never been very good at keeping New Year’s resolutions, and although I totally understand how effective setting SMART and even SMARTER goals can be, I have never been able to make it work for me.

So, instead of saying, “I’ll exercise 5 days a week for 30 minutes” or “I’ll save X amount of money by July 2025,” what if we set intentions that are more about how we want to feel or who we want to become? For example:

“I want to be healthier, sleep better and feel more energised.”
“I want to make choices that support my long-term happiness.”
“I want to be kinder to myself and others.”

Keep it simple, and focus on growth, not perfection. And when you anchor your goals in something meaningful, you’re more likely to stick with them.

In fact, one of the most precious gifts you can give yourself in 2025 is simplicity. Imagine stepping into the year as if you’re boarding a plane to a dream destination. What would you pack in your carry-on?

Pack: gratitude, kindness, curiosity, and resilience.
Leave behind: fear, self-doubt, anxiety and toxic comparisons.

The “One Word” Challenge

Instead of your list of New Year’s resolutions filling a 700-page book, try the “One Word” challenge—a no-fuss, feel-good way to set the tone for your year without getting bogged down by an endless to-do list.

Instead of trying to do all the things and be everything to everyone, pick one single word to guide you in 2025. Think of it as your compass—a word that keeps you steady, going in the right direction, focused, and inspired, no matter what curveballs life throws your way.

Not sure what your word should be? Here’s some inspiration:

If 2024 felt like a horror movie starring fear: Your word could be courage. Picture yourself braving new challenges, taking leaps of faith, or simply speaking up when it matters.
If you felt stuck, like a car spinning its wheels in the mud: Try motivation. Or momentum. This word is all about baby steps—tiny moves that build big energy over time.
If 2024 was more “hot mess express” than smooth sailing: Consider insight. Or integrity. This might mean creating space for work and play, saying “yes” less often, and finding your calm in the chaos.

Once you’ve found the word that clicks, make it impossible to ignore. Write it on your bathroom mirror in lipstick or dry-erase marker. Use it as your phone’s lock screen wallpaper. Doodle it in the margins of your notebook. You could even turn it into some artsy DIY project (think embroidery, print art, or even a clay charm) if you’re feeling crafty.

The beauty of this challenge? Your word doesn’t come with deadlines or a guilt trip. It’s there to remind you of what matters most when things get tough or life feels a little too loud.

So go ahead—ditch the mile-long resolution list and pick your word for 2025. One word, endless possibilities.

Strengthening Connections in 2025

As we move into 2025, gather your people around you. Use 2025 as a year to deepen your connections—with loved ones, with your community, and with yourself. Because we are all threads in a larger tapestry, and our strength often lies in the bonds we weave with others – bonds that make life richer, more vibrant, and more meaningful.

Reconnect with Loved Ones

Let’s start with the people who’ve shared your journey. Maybe you’ve been meaning to text that old friend, the one who always knew how to make you laugh but somehow drifted out of your orbit in 2024. Reach out—whether it’s a heartfelt message, a coffee date, or a quick call to say, “Hey, I’ve missed you.” Chances are, they’ve missed you too.

For those closest to you, like family or your inner circle, prioritise quality time. It doesn’t have to be extravagant—game nights, Sunday brunches, or even just a walk in the park can tighten bonds. Let them know they are important to you, and that what happens to them matters.

Cultivate Community Connections

Look around you—your neighbourhood, workplace, or local groups are full of opportunities to make new friends and weave threads into your social tapestry.

Volunteer your time: Whether it’s a local shelter, a food bank, or a cause you’re passionate about, volunteering can connect you with people who share your values while making a tangible impact.
Join a group or class: From book clubs to yoga sessions to painting workshops, stepping into a community space can spark connections with like-minded souls.
Be a good neighbour: Sometimes, a simple smile, a friendly hello, or lending a hand to someone nearby is all it takes to feel more connected.

Reconnect with Yourself

Amid all this connecting, don’t forget the most important relationship of all—the one you have with yourself. Often, we’re so focused on others that we lose touch with our own inner world. Let 2025 be the year you turn inward with courage, compassion and curiosity.

Grab a notebook and let your thoughts spill onto the pages. Journaling isn’t just for writers; it’s a safe space to reflect, process emotions, and discover patterns in your life. You might find clarity on things that have been weighing you down or realise just how much you’ve grown.

Use this journaling prompt to get you going: The Three Questions: Letting Go of 2024

What am I proud of achieving in 2024? Think about your victories, big or small. What challenges did you overcome? What life transitions did you survive? What lessons are you taking with you into 2025?
What do I need to let go of that happened in 2024? Write down the worries, mistakes, failures or disappointments – get them out of your mind and onto the page. Once done, you can burn the page.
What intentions do I want to set for 2025? Picture the person you want to be in the coming year. What values, habits, or mindsets will guide you? What would make 2025 feel meaningful, fulfilling and joyful?

End the exercise by writing a simple affirmation or mantra that resonates with you, such as:
“I am free from the past, open to the future, and grounded in the present.”

Weaving the Bigger Picture

It’s easy to feel isolated in a world that often celebrates independence and self-sufficiency. But here’s a truth worth remembering: none of us exist in a vacuum. We’re all threads in a larger tapestry, interconnected in ways we don’t always see and rarely appreciate.

When life feels overwhelming, lean on your network. Call a friend, confide in a mentor, or join an online community where you feel safe, seen and understood. The bonds you nurture, no matter how tenuous, ripple outward in unimaginable far-reaching ways.

In 2025, maybe “connection” will be your word? Because when we move forward together, we’re capable of so much more.

Imagine 2025

Here’s a little exercise: imagine 2025 as a blank canvas. Or a journal filled with blank pages. Maybe it’s a year where you chase that dream you’ve been putting off. Maybe it’s a year where you let go of the pressure to always be “more productive.”

Whatever you envision, know this: you don’t have to have it all figured out. You don’t need to wait for the perfect moment. Every single day is a chance to start fresh.

Even if you stumble, even if things don’t go as planned, you can begin again. Growth isn’t about getting everything right the first time—it’s about showing up, making mistakes, learning from them and trying again.

A Year of Possibility

So, as we say goodbye to 2024, and prepare to welcome 2025, there’s an unspoken promise in the air—a clean slate, a fresh chapter, and the chance to rewrite the story of our lives. For many of us, 2024 carried its share of worries, failures, and setbacks. Yet, as we step into a new year, we are gifted with an opportunity to leave behind what no longer serves us – the worries, the regrets, and the things we can’t change – and embrace the boundless possibilities of what could be.

This year, let’s choose to believe in the power of fresh starts. Let’s trust that we are capable of growth, that we deserve happiness, and that we can build a future we’re proud of—one step at a time.

My word, or rather two words, for 2025 is “countless possibilities.”

Here’s to 2025: a year of endless possibilities. Let’s step into it with open hearts and open minds. We’ve got this.

This post is dedicated to my friend Mary Kay Cocharo: May the year ahead, however daunting it looks now, be a year not only of endless possibilities, but of limitless victories.

It’s time to kick exhaustion to the curb and finally ditch that terminally overwhelmed feeling, evict your inner critic, declutter your mind and take control of your life like a boss. You’re about to turn your life from a comedy of errors into a blockbuster success story (with a much better soundtrack). This two-day online course is designed for anyone facing a major life transition, needing to dramatically reduce stress, end exhaustion and overwhelm, and prevent or recover from burnout.

In a world that feels increasingly unstable — politically, economically, emotionally — what will you do when the rug is pulled out from under you? That’s why I created Survive the Storm — a 7-part online course designed to be a lifeline during a life quake. This is your personal survival toolkit for uncertain times — lovingly crafted and packed with practical tools, emotional support, and soul-nourishing insights to help you stay grounded, resilient, and resourceful when everything around you feels like it’s falling apart. Enrol in How to Survive the Storm Protocol, with or without additional mentoring.

14/12/202414/12/2024

Release Your Inner Wolf

How to Turn Stress into Your Superpower

The forest was alive with whispers. Frosted leaves crackled underfoot as the wolf padded silently through the underbrush, his silver coat blending seamlessly into the winter’s dim palette. The air hung heavy with the sharp bite of pine and the musk of damp earth. Somewhere ahead, hidden by a lattice of skeletal trees, the deer grazed.

A faint rustle—a flash of movement. The wolf froze, every muscle taut. His amber eyes gleamed as he pinpointed the source of the sound. The deer stood in a clearing, its russet coat glowing faintly under the pale wash of moonlight. Ears twitched nervously, nostrils flared, testing the air for danger. But the wolf was downwind, a ghost among the shadows.

The wolf’s stomach growled. He shifted his weight, the pads of his paws brushing the frosty ground without a whisper. A crow cawed in the distance, the sound as brittle as broken glass, and the deer flinched. Its wide eyes scanned the darkness, but it returned to feeding, lulled by the silence.

The wolf moved. Slowly at first, each step deliberate, the way water slips through cracks unnoticed. His breath puffed faintly in the chill, visible for only a moment before vanishing. The scent of the deer grew stronger, heady with the warmth of life, fueling his hunger. He could almost taste it now: the tang of blood, the salt of sweat.

Suddenly, the deer’s head snapped up. Its eyes locked onto a shadow too close, a shift too sudden. For a heartbeat, the world seemed to hold its breath.

The deer bolted.

The wolf exploded into motion. His muscles coiled and released, his claws tearing into the icy earth as he sprang forward. The forest blurred around him in streaks of grey and black as he pursued his prey, each leap closing the distance. The thunder of hooves ahead was deafening, shaking the ground beneath him, and the scent of fear thickened the air.

The deer dodged between trees, its slender legs bounding over roots and fallen branches, but the wolf was relentless. The cold wind lashed at his face, carrying the coppery tang of adrenaline. His heart hammered a wild drumbeat in rhythm with the chase. The forest seemed to roar with the sound of breaking branches, crunching snow, and the wolf’s ragged breathing.

In a desperate gambit, the deer veered sharply, its hooves skidding across a frozen stream. The wolf followed, his claws scrabbling for purchase on the slick surface, sending shards of ice skittering like glass. He stumbled but surged forward, the gap between them shrinking with every pounding stride.

The deer, its breath erupting in frantic clouds, darted left, then right, searching for sanctuary in the maze of trees. But the wolf’s focus was unbreakable, his golden eyes fixed on the trembling silhouette ahead. The forest echoed with the rhythm of pursuit—the crashing of underbrush, the slap of hooves against the icy ground, the heavy pant of hunger.

The deer faltered, its legs splaying for a heartbeat too long on a patch of frozen moss. The wolf’s muscles coiled, every ounce of strength and hunger gathering into one final, savage leap.

Two animals. Same situation. Radically different responses to stress.

The Two Faces of Stress

A threat-response dictates the deer’s behaviour—its body in full-on fight-or-flight mode, a chaotic cocktail of narrowed blood vessels, diminished brain oxygen, and sheer desperation.

The wolf is reacting to a challenge-response. Blood flows fast, taking oxygen to muscles, as his heart pounds like a war drum—not out of fear but with determination. Every cell in his body works towards his goal: securing dinner for his injured mate.

Now let’s swap the savannah for your office, your kitchen, or the freeway. Stress hits—you’re late for a meeting, your toddler’s finger-painting the walls, or your boss just dropped an urgent five-part project on your desk. Are you the deer? Or are you the wolf?

Most of us will be deer. We treat every curveball like a threat, so we immediately find ourselves trapped in survival mode. Your body doesn’t care whether it’s a tiger or a traffic jam—it reacts the same way. Your cortisol skyrockets. Your heart races. Your brain gets foggy.

Life will never stop throwing us curveballs. The commute from hell, the impossible deadlines, the unexpected emergencies—they’re coming whether you like it or not. But we do get to choose our response. Will you bolt like the deer, or will you lean in, savouring the hunt like the wolf?

It’s the narrative (the story) you attach to stress that does the damage.

Your Choices

The science is clear: when you see stress as an ally, it behaves like one. Dr. Elissa Epel, a renowned stress scientist and professor at the University of California, San Francisco, has a nuanced view of stress that challenges the common perception that all stress is bad for us. Her research has shed light on how stress affects our physical, psychological, and even our ageing processes.

One of dr. Epel’s most significant contributions to stress research involves telomeres, those protective caps at the ends of our chromosomes. Think of telomeres as the plastic tips on shoelaces that prevent fraying. In our cells, telomeres protect our DNA from damage.

Dr. Epel’s work has shown that stress can accelerate the shortening of telomeres, which is associated with cellular ageing. When telomeres get too short, cells stop dividing, leading to tissue ageing. This discovery links stress directly to the biology of ageing at a cellular level.

Here’s where dr. Epel’s view gets really interesting. She doesn’t see stress as inherently bad. Instead, she distinguishes between two types of stress responses:

Threat Response: This is the negative stress we typically think of, where we feel overwhelmed and threatened.

Challenge Response: This is a more positive stress response, where we feel equipped to handle the situation.

Dr. Epel’s research suggests that how we perceive stress can significantly impact its effects on our body and mind. She advocates for adopting a “challenge mindset” rather than a “threat mindset” when facing stressful situations.

Say, you’re about to give a big presentation. Instead of thinking, “I’m so nervous, I’m going to make a complete mess of this,” try telling yourself, “I’m excited, and this energy will help me get my point across and put a substantial raise within reach.” This shift in perspective can actually change your physiological response.

“So when you feel your stress response starting up — a surge of alarm, racing heart, damp palms, high energy or jitteriness — remember that the capacity to mount a stress response to a difficult situation is a strength, not a weakness.

Think of it this way. Asking for support when you are struggling is a strength; well, this is your body asking for the help it needs in that stressful moment so it can be stronger.

Your body is built to recover from stress quickly. The human nervous system can go back to baseline within minutes. You have this capacity already — you just need to get out of your own way and let your body do what it’s programmed to do.”
Elissa Epel, The Stress Prescription: Seven Days to More Joy and Ease

Cut to the Chase

Dr. Epel’s research on stress has led to several practical applications that can help us cope better with stress in our everyday lives:

Reframe stress as a challenge: Instead of viewing stress as a threat, try to see it as a challenge. This shift in perspective can change your physiological response and help you perform better under pressure.

Practice mindfulness: Incorporate daily mindfulness exercises, such as meditation or breathing techniques, to build stress resilience. Even 5-10 minutes a day can have significant benefits.

Adopt daily routines: Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, aiming for at least 7 hours of sleep. This helps regulate your circadian rhythm and improves stress management.

Exercise regularly: Engage in physical activity, which acts as a natural antidepressant and can both prevent and treat depression. High-intensity interval training (HIIT) is particularly effective for stress management.

Use nature to recalibrate and recharge your batteries: Spend time in nature or even watch nature videos to reduce stress and improve well-being. This can help restore attention and produce feelings of awe.

Practice emotional labelling: When experiencing stress, take a moment to notice and name your emotions. This simple act can reduce their negative impact.

Distance yourself and consider different perspectives: When faced with stressful situations, try to gain some distance. Ask yourself if the situation will truly impact your life in a month or a year.

Focus on purpose: Actively seek out and create moments of joy and meaning in your life, as positive emotions can build stress resilience.

The Wim Hof method: Dr. Epel is studying this technique, involving rapid breathing and cold exposure, for its potential to induce positive stress and create antidepressant effects.

Consider dietary interventions: Dr. Epel’s research has shown that specific dietary changes can impact our response to stress:
- Reduce sugar intake, especially from sugary drinks. Liquid sugar has an immediate impact on the brain and can trigger compulsive eating behaviour.
- Increase omega-3 fatty acid consumption. Dr. Epel has explored how omega-3 intake can impact stress and our response to stress.
- Focus on nutrient-dense foods. Dr. Epel’s work suggests avoiding “junk food” during times of stress, as it can be particularly harmful when combined with chronic stress.
- Practice mindful eating. This approach can help reduce impulsive eating and better control glucose levels.
- Aim for a balanced diet that supports overall metabolic health. Dr. Epel’s research shows that stress impacts how we eat and how we metabolize food.
- Consider reducing dietary fat intake. Changes in dietary fat intake were negatively correlated with changes in telomerase activity, which is associated with cellular ageing and stress

By understanding and applying dr. Epel’s discoveries and insights, we can potentially turn stress from a foe into an ally, build stress resilience, improve our overall well-being, and potentially even influence our cellular ageing processes through the impact on telomeres.

5 FAQs

Q: How does Dr. Epel’s research link stress to ageing?
A: Her research shows that women with high levels of perceived stress have telomeres shorter by the equivalent of at least a decade of additional ageing compared to women with low stress. This indicates that stress can promote earlier onset of age-related diseases.

Q: What has Dr. Epel discovered about the impact of early life adversity on telomeres?
A: Dr. Epel’s work has shown that early life adversity, including maltreatment, abuse, severe neglect, and exposure to violence, is associated with shorter telomeres, even in young children.

Q: How does exercise affect the relationship between stress and telomeres, according to Dr. Epel’s research?
A: Dr. Epel’s studies suggest that exercise can act as a buffer against the negative effects of stress on telomeres. People who maintain healthy habits like regular exercise, eating fruits and vegetables, and getting enough sleep show less telomere attrition during stressful periods.

Q: What has Dr. Epel discovered about meditation and telomere length?
A: Dr. Epel’s research found that a three-week meditation retreat had a powerful telomere-lengthening impact, particularly in individuals with higher neuroticism scores.

Q: How does Dr. Epel’s work contribute to our understanding of stress resilience?
A: Dr. Epel’s research emphasizes the importance of building stress resilience through understanding the mind, recognizing how we respond to stress mentally and biologically, and learning to work with our minds to enhance mental and physical health in response to stress.

Your Life Purpose

Dr. Epel’s discoveries have made me think. So stress doesn’t have to drain you. It can actually energise you. I found that the more you practice reframing your response, the easier it gets. You can literally train your brain to see opportunities where others see obstacles.

Her work on the importance of identifying your life purpose also caught my eye. It resonates with my idea that aligning with a meaningful life purpose can transform the way we face challenges and act as a powerful buffer against stress. Think about the last time everything went wrong—would having a vision for the future have helped you cope?

In times of overwhelming challenges, like life transitions, having a purpose becomes even more vital. Epel talks about shifting from “Why is this happening to me?” to “How can I use my gifts to contribute?” That perspective shift can be life-changing. Having a clear sense of purpose is the anchor that steadies you during storms, the spark that ignites your resilience, and the compass that guides you toward a life of fulfilment and meaning.

For most of us, it takes intention and exploration to uncover what truly drives us. That’s why I created the Rearing to Get Going in a New Direction: Finding Your Life Purpose Guided by Horses course – a dynamic, hands-on exploration that will help you gain clarity, rediscover your passions, and map out the next chapter of your life—a course inspired by the intuitive wisdom of my Friesian and Falabella horses.

Enroll in this course and start creating a life that reflects your deepest purpose and values today.

Find out more

References:

Elissa S Epel, Elizabeth H Blackburn, Jue Lin, Firdaus S Dhabhar, Nancy E Adler, Jason D Morrow, Richard M Cawthon Accelerated telomere shortening in response to life stress Proc Natl Acad Sci U S A 2004 Dec 7;101(49):17312-5. doi: 10.1073/pnas.040716210

Lin J, Epel E. Stress and telomere shortening: Insights from cellular mechanisms. Ageing Res Rev. 2022 Jan;73:101507. doi: 10.1016/j.arr.2021.101507. Epub 2021 Nov 1. PMID: 34736994; PMCID: PMC8920518.

Daubenmier J, Lin J, Blackburn E, Hecht FM, Kristeller J, Maninger N, Kuwata M, Bacchetti P, Havel PJ, Epel E. Changes in stress, eating, and metabolic factors are related to changes in telomerase activity in a randomized mindfulness intervention pilot study. Psychoneuroendocrinology. 2012 Jul;37(7):917-28. doi: 10.1016/j.psyneuen.2011.10.008. Epub 2011 Dec 14. PMID: 22169588; PMCID: PMC3384690.

28/11/202428/11/2024

How Susan’s Short and Simple Vision Statement Helped Her Cope with Uncertainty

“All great things begin with a vision… a dream… I’ve always believed that success comes from not letting your eyes stray from that target. Anyone who wants to achieve a dream must stay focused, strong, and steady.” Estee Lauder

It’s that time of the year again. Retreat season is slowly coming to an end, only one retreat left for this year and that is the Book Lover’s Christmas Binge Reading retreat. I’m looking backwards towards spring, summer and autumn 2024, to figure out what went well, what didn’t and how I want to change what I do in 2025.

As my newsletter readers know, 2025 will be the year I start offering my signature retreats (gulp!) My health constraints are forcing me to do retreats less often, so I’ll gradually be transitioning towards longer (7 days instead of 5 days) and less frequent retreats (once a month only) and I’ll be focussing on working with people going through life transitions exclusively.

As 2025 will be a transition year, all my 5-day retreats will still be available, but less frequently.

Mindfully looking forward and backward, I felt a bit overwhelmed by the extent of this change, the risk involved and the amount of work I would need to do to make it happen. I decided I needed a vision statement for 2025. Vision statements are like road maps, they show you the way you want to go and keep you on track until you reach your destination.

You know that feeling when you’re at a crossroads in life, and everything feels a little…well, messy? That was me a couple of years ago. And now, as I’m wrapping up my 2024 retreat season and gearing up for big changes in 2025, it all feels strikingly familiar. Retreats have always been my thing—creating a place where my guests can rest, reflect, and, if needed, reinvent themselves. But this year, it’s me standing in that reflection space.

It’s exciting and terrifying in equal measure, and I’ll admit, the thought of reimagining everything from scratch has been overwhelming. I knew I needed a clear vision to guide me, not just for 2025 but for how I want to live and work moving forward.

When you are going through a life transition, a well-crafted vision statement helps you stay grounded by articulating what truly matters to you and the future you want to create. It serves as a powerful reminder of your long-term goals and values, helping you navigate challenges and make decisions that align with your authentic self. In essence, a vision statement transforms uncertainty into opportunity by giving you a clear roadmap for whatever comes next.

I remembered something a former guest of mine, Susan, shared after a Camino de Santiago walking retreat. She had crafted a vision statement during her time there—one that, as she put it, “kept her sane and focused” during her own life upheaval. Her story stayed with me, partly because of how relatable it was.

Here’s how she told it:

Susan’s Camino Story: Finding Clarity One Step at a Time

“There’s a moment in every woman’s life,” Susan had written to me, “when she looks at herself in the mirror and thinks, What the hell am I doing?”

For her, that moment came at 52, under the unflattering glare of a bathroom’s fluorescent lights. Her kids were grown. Her career—a blur of endless meetings and PowerPoint slides—left her feeling like a hamster on a wheel. And her marriage? Let’s just say it hadn’t survived the transition to an empty nest.

That’s how she found herself signing up for a five-day Camino retreat. She wasn’t an outdoorsy type, and she wasn’t looking for some Eat, Pray, Love-style epiphany. She just knew she needed help.

Day 1: The Bulging Backpack

Susan’s story began with an overstuffed backpack. She’d packed too many clothes (a rookie mistake) and underestimated how much walking all day would challenge her. But by the time she was trudging through the rolling hills of Gascony, surrounded by green fields and adorable (but definitely smug) sheep, something began to shift.

That first evening, she asked me if I could help her craft a vision statement. Susan explained that she’d written vision and mission statements for companies throughout her career, so why not one for herself?

I gave her a small notebook and told her, “The Camino will do the hard work. Your job is just to notice what comes up.”

Day 2: A Wildflower Moment

The next day, Susan stopped by a cluster of wildflowers and remembered something I’d said the night before: “Your vision isn’t just about goals. It’s about who you are and who you want to be.”

At first, she rolled her eyes (totally fair—I would’ve done the same). But as she walked, she realised how true it was.

“I didn’t know who I wanted to be,” she wrote later, “but I knew who I didn’t want to be: afraid, stuck, and too scared to try something new.”

That night, she jotted down a simple list:

Who I don’t want to be: Trapped. Afraid. Alone.

Who I want to be: Brave enough to leave my comfort zone.

It wasn’t polished or profound, but it was a start.

Day 3: Soup and Simplicity

Day three brought one of those Camino moments that stay with you forever. Susan stopped for lunch at a tiny café—a place with mismatched chairs, herbs hanging from the ceiling, and a sleepy cat basking in a sunbeam. The owner, Colette, served her soup in a chipped ceramic bowl.

“It was just soup,” Susan said. “But it felt like the universe was hugging me.”

Colette, with all the wisdom of someone who’s lived a simple and full life, told her, “The simple things are the most important.”

And that was it: simplicity. Susan realised how cluttered her life had become—not just physically, but emotionally. She’d spent years chasing more—more success, more recognition, more validation—without ever asking herself if she truly needed it.

That evening, she added her first vision word to her notebook: Simplicity.

Day 4: The Long Path

The fourth day tested Susan in ways she hadn’t expected. The path was longer, her feet were sore, and the novelty of walking had officially worn off. But when she reached the top of a hill and saw the landscape open up—a fertile valley, a meandering river, and sunflower fields stretching to the horizon—she had another epiphany.

“I’d spent so much of my life avoiding difficult things,” she wrote. “But walking that longer path reminded me that the hard things—the ones that make you sweat and ache—are often the most rewarding.”

That night, she added another word: Courage.

By the final day, Susan felt lighter—not physically (her feet were still screaming), but mentally. She shared her reflections with me that evening.

“My vision,” she said, “is to live simply, with courage. To stop avoiding the hard paths and start choosing what feels meaningful, even if it’s scary.”

Back Home

Susan emailed me a few weeks later, saying that her Camino vision had stuck with her. She’d decluttered her home, signed up for a creative writing class, and started exploring a new career path.

“It’s not perfect,” she admitted. “But it’s mine: Live simply. Be brave. Choose the longer path when it matters. On the tough days, when I feel like I’m spinning my wheels or drowning in uncertainty, I look at it and think, Okay, what’s one small thing I can do today to live with courage, kindness, or curiosity?”

Why You Should Write Your Own Vision Statement

Hearing Susan’s story reminded me how powerful a vision statement can be—not just for your career, but for your life.

Just grab a notebook, carve out some quiet time, and ask yourself:

What kind of person do I want to be moving forward?

What do I care about, really?

What am I willing to leave behind, and what do I want to carry with me?

What am I afraid of, and how can I face it?

You do owe it to yourself to take a moment to think about what really matters to you.

If you can’t carve out the time to attend one of my retreats at my little farmhouse here in the southwest of France but still feel the need to reflect, reset, rediscover your life’s purpose and create a vision statement, the Rearing to get going in the Right Direction e- course, inspired by my horses, might be just the thing for you. Designed to help you reconnect with your core values, this course provides practical tools and reflective exercises that guide you through clarifying your priorities and uncovering what truly matters to you. During the course I introduce you to actionable strategies to help you uncover your true purpose – the exact ones I use myself – all at your own pace, in your own home. Whether you’re navigating a life transition, or simply seeking clarity, the course offers a structured yet flexible framework equipping you with a step-by-step process to create a compelling vision for your future. And if you need some additional support, you can opt for 1:1 coaching. It’s like having a retreat in your pocket, ready to use whenever you are.

If you have a couple of questions before you start creating YOUR vision statement, I have answered the ones I get most often below:

5 FAQs About Vision Statements

What is a vision statement, and how does it differ from a mission statement?
A vision statement is a concise declaration of your aspirations and the impact you want to create in your life or work. It acts as a guiding star, helping you stay focused on your long-term goals and providing clarity during decision-making. A vision statement describes where you want to go and what you aim to achieve in the future, while a mission statement focuses on your current actions and how you will achieve your goals.

What are the key elements of a strong vision statement?
A strong vision statement is clear, inspiring, future-focused, and aligned with your core values. It should reflect your aspirations and motivate you to take action.

How long should a vision statement be?
Ideally, a vision statement is short and memorable, often a single sentence or a brief paragraph. However, its length can vary as long as it remains clear and impactful.

What if I feel stuck or unsure about what to include in my vision statement?
If you’re feeling stuck, start by reflecting on your values, passions, and long-term goals. Journaling, guided prompts, or courses like Road Map to Resilience can help you gain clarity and structure your thoughts.

How often should I revisit or update my vision statement?
Revisit your vision statement whenever you experience significant life changes or transitions. Reviewing it annually or biannually ensures it remains relevant and aligned with your evolving goals.

You must have some vision for your life. Even if you don’t know the plan, you have to have a direction in which you choose to go… You want to be in the driver’s seat of your own life because if you are not, life will drive you.” Oprah Winfrey

I put the essence of who I am, and everything I have experienced that makes me who I am, with great enthusiasm, into my retreats, courses and books. – Dr Margaretha Montagu (MBChB, MRCGP, NLP master pract (cert,) Transformational Life Coach (dip,) Life Story Coach (cert) Counselling (cert,) Med Hypnotherapy (dip) and EAGALA (cert)

Why just survive when you can thrive? Enrol in my How to Survive a Life Quake 7-part online course. Think of it as your step-by-step survival kit for those “what-on-earth-just-happened” moments in life.

23/11/202423/11/2024

Knowing Your Life Purpose: The Secret to Living Longer

How a Clear Sense of Purpose Can Extend Your Lifespan

If you are going through a particularly trying life transition at the moment, especially if it is one that seems to go on forever, every so often you might feel frustrated by the time you are “wasting” while you are immobilised by the onslaught. If you already have a clear idea of what your life purpose is, great, it will help you get through this life transition with less aggravation. If you do not, then defining (or redefining) your life purpose could not only make it easier to get through this transition, but it can also enable you to live longer.

Living a long and fulfilling life has been a goal of humanity for centuries. While advancements in healthcare, nutrition, and lifestyle have extended lifespans, the quest for longevity often overlooks one critical component: having a clear sense of purpose. Understanding and living in alignment with our life purpose, especially during life transitions, can profoundly affect not only the quality of our years but also the quantity.

Here’s the roadmap for this article’s content:

Sage’s Desperate Quest for Purpose

Sage was staring into her empty fridge. She sighed so loudly that her neighbour banged on the wall.

“Maybe I need to figure out what my life purpose is…” she muttered, slamming the fridge shut and collapsing onto the couch. She had wasted the whole morning of her precious day off on Instagram, while she was supposed to come up with an idea for a profitable side hustle. Before hunger finally drove her to the fridge, she was reading an article claiming that people with a clear life purpose live longer.

“Great,” she told her cat, Sir Reginald, who was busy grooming himself with an air of self-satisfaction. “If I can’t come up with a side hustle that reflects my purpose, I’ll be dead by next Tuesday.”

She picked up a notebook and scribbled: Life Purpose Ideas: 1) Solve the mystery of the missing sock 2) Save the sharks 3) Settle the debate over what emojis really mean. Then she crossed them all out. “I’m doomed,” she sighed.

By lunchtime, Sage had plummeted into a motivational black hole. She was neck-deep in YouTube videos featuring impossibly attractive people promising to reveal the meaning of her life for only $499.

“The answer,” one guru said dramatically, “is within you.”

“Well, I’ve looked,” Sage snapped at the screen. “All that’s in there is frustration, irritation, anxiety and a weird, worsening craving for nachos.”

Desperate, she downloaded a personality test. Fifty-seven questions later, her result popped up: You are a Creative Nurturer.

“What does that even mean? Should I invent new food combinations? Feed Sir Reginald his Fancy Feast when he least expects it?”

Determined to be proactive, Sage signed up for a yoga class advertised as “Transform Your Mind, Body, and Soul.” She arrived armed with a borrowed yoga mat and a lingering sense of dread.

The instructor, Sylvia (who looked like she’d never eaten a carb), glided to the front of the room. “Today, we’ll open our chakras and connect with our higher purpose.”

Sage perked up.

The class began with deep breathing. Sage wheezed, startling the guy next to her. Then they transitioned to poses with names that sounded like cocktail ingredients and that left Sage reviewing her entire skeletal structure.

By the time Sylvia whispered soothingly, “Let’s end our practice today with a gratitude circle,” Sage was sure her hip was dislocated. “Sooooooo grateful this practice is finished,” she muttered, under her breath.

On her way home, Sage stopped at the coffee shop where she often went to escape reality. She plopped into her usual corner, nursing a latte, when she overheard a couple arguing at the next table.

“The Pub Quiz fundraiser is next week!” snapped the woman.

“I told you we should’ve organised a karaoke,” the man shot back.

Sage, unable to resist, leaned over. “Karaoke and trivia. Call it Sing Your Smarts.”

The couple stared at her.

“That’s… actually brilliant,” the woman said.

Sage froze. Could this be it? Her purpose? Coming up with original ideas?

She spent the rest of the evening brainstorming concepts: a dating app for cat people (MeowMatch), a line of motivational mugs on the “Not my Circus not my Monkeys” theme, and a luxury spa where you could nap for eight hours straight a viral hashtag (#SnoozeForSuccess). Maybe my purpose isn’t one big thing. Maybe it’s about lots of little ways to make life less boring—for me and everyone else.

Sir Reginald blinked at her approvingly.

Sage toasted herself with a margarita while sharing a plate of nachos with Sir Reginald. She was going to live longer, if only to see what happened in the next season of Succession.

The Science Behind Purpose and Longevity

Research increasingly suggests that knowing why we’re here and what we’re meant to do doesn’t just make life more meaningful—it might actually help us live longer. A new study even suggests that a sense of purpose may be more important to our longevity than life satisfaction. “Purpose in life remained significant in all of our analyses, while life satisfaction didn’t,” says lead study author Frank Martela of Aalto University, Finland. “That suggests that purpose is the more reliable predictor of longevity.”

Multiple studies have demonstrated a compelling link between having a strong sense of purpose and increased lifespan. A Mount Sinai-National Institute on Aging study led by Dr. Patrick Hill (published in Psychological Science) followed over 6,000 participants and found that people who reported a greater sense of purpose and direction in life were more likely to outlive their peers during the 14-year study period. And a 2019 JAMA Network Open study by Alimujiang et al. found that adults over 50 who scored in the top quartile of purpose in life had a lower risk of all-cause mortality compared with those in the bottom quartile.

The concept of ikigai, a Japanese term meaning “reason for being,” highlights how purpose is central to well-being and longevity. Okinawa, known as one of the world’s Blue Zones where people live extraordinarily long lives, places a strong emphasis on finding one’s ikigai.

The Physical Impact of Purpose-driven Living

Your life purpose can be defined as the overarching aim or direction that gives meaning to your existence. It is a guiding principle that helps you align your actions, values, and aspirations. Purpose is not static; it evolves as we grow, encounter new experiences, and adapt to changes in life. It often relates to inner satisfaction, self-expression, and alignment with deeply held values. When we have a strong sense of purpose, our bodies respond with:

Lower levels of stress hormones like cortisol

Reduced inflammation markers

Improved immune system function

Better cardiovascular health

Enhanced sleep quality

These physiological benefits aren’t just coincidental—they’re direct results of living on purpose. A life purpose does more than prolong life; it enriches it emotionally. When life is guided by purpose, transitions, challenges and setbacks are viewed as opportunities for growth rather than insurmountable obstacles. Purpose often involves collaboration, service, or shared experiences. This creates a sense of belonging and strengthens relationships, both of which are critical for mental health. Purposeful living is intrinsically rewarding, as it aligns daily actions with core values. This alignment generates enduring satisfaction and joy, which are known to support both mental and physical health.

Defining Life Purpose

Before diving deeper, let’s clarify what we mean by “life purpose.” It’s not necessarily about having a grand mission to change the world or achieve extraordinary feats. Purpose can be found in:

Raising children and nurturing family relationships

Contributing to your community

Excelling in your profession

Creating art or music

Teaching and mentoring others

Advocating for causes you believe in

Supporting and helping others

Personal growth and development

Your purpose doesn’t need to be singular or static—it can evolve as you grow and change throughout life.

The Psychological Mechanics of Purpose-Driven Living

Having a clear purpose provides several psychological benefits that directly impact longevity:

1. Stress Resilience When we have a strong sense of purpose, we’re better equipped to handle life’s challenges. Stressful events are viewed through the lens of our greater mission, making them feel more manageable and less overwhelming. This resilience translates to better stress management and, consequently, better health outcomes.

2. Motivation for Self-Care People with a clear purpose tend to take better care of themselves. When you believe your life has meaning and importance, you’re more likely to:

Maintain healthy habits

Seek preventive healthcare

Exercise regularly

Eat nutritiously

Avoid harmful behaviours

This isn’t just about living longer—it’s about being healthy enough to fulfil your purpose. Existentialism, particularly through thinkers like Viktor Frankl, underscores the transformative power of finding meaning even in suffering, as highlighted in his seminal work Man’s Search for Meaning.

3. Social Connection Purpose often involves connecting with others, whether through family relationships, community service, or professional contributions. These social connections are vital for longevity, as strong social ties have been consistently linked to better health outcomes and increased lifespan.

Finding Your Purpose Guided by Horses (?!)

While the benefits of having a purpose are clear, discovering it isn’t always straightforward.

The Rearing to Get Going in a New Direction on-demand online retreat is your step-by-step guide to uncovering your unique life purpose. This course gives you the clarity and confidence you need to step boldly into the next phase of your life, equipped with a purpose that feels right for you.

No more frustration. No more doubt. Just clear direction.

During this DIY course, you’ll move from feeling stuck, lost, or uncertain to having a crystal-clear understanding of your current life purpose—tailored to your specific life circumstances.

“Inspired by the way they guided me through uncertainty, I created this course to help others find their own life purpose with similar guidance, connection, and insight. I have collected everything they taught me and packaged it into this course to help you redefine your own sense of purpose, before, during or after a life transition. Think of it as applicable horse-guided wisdom—minus the mucking out of stalls.” Dr Margaretha Montagu

Find out more

Maintaining Purpose Through Life’s Seasons

It’s important to recognise that purpose isn’t static—it evolves as we move through different life stages. What gives us purpose in our 20s might be very different from what drives us in our 60s. The key is to:

Regularly reassess your purpose

Be open to new sources of meaning

Allow your purpose to grow with you

Embrace life transitions as opportunities for purpose refinement

The Role of Purpose in Aging Well

As we age, having a strong sense of purpose becomes increasingly important. Research shows that older adults with a clear purpose:

Experience slower cognitive decline

Maintain better physical function

Have lower rates of depression

Report higher life satisfaction

Show greater resilience in facing health challenges

This suggests that purpose isn’t just about adding years to life—it’s about adding life to years.

Overcoming Purpose-Finding Challenges

While the benefits of purpose are clear, many people struggle to define and pursue their own. Modern society often prioritises success, productivity, and material wealth over personal fulfilment, making it difficult for individuals to identify their true calling. Self-doubt and external criticism can hinder the exploration and expression of one’s purpose. Major life transitions such as retirement, career changes, or personal loss can leave individuals feeling adrift and disconnected from their purpose. Many people struggle with finding their purpose, feeling overwhelmed by the pressure to discover some grand mission. Common challenges include feeling that your purpose isn’t “important” enough, believing it’s too late to find your purpose and getting stuck in analysis paralysis.

“Remember that purpose doesn’t have to be grandiose. Small, consistent actions aligned with your values can be just as meaningful as large-scale missions.” Dr M Montagu

Creating a Purpose-Driven Lifestyle

Finding purpose is just the beginning. The real challenge lies in integrating it into daily life. This might involve:

Setting purpose-aligned goals

Creating daily routines that support your mission

Making decisions through the lens of your purpose

Surrounding yourself with people who support your purpose

Regular reflection and adjustment

The Ripple Effect of Purpose

Living with purpose doesn’t just benefit you—it creates positive ripples that affect others. When you live purposefully:

You inspire others to find their purpose

Your actions contribute to the greater good

You create meaningful connections

You leave a lasting legacy

This interconnection further reinforces the purpose-longevity link, as contributing to something larger than ourselves has been shown to increase well-being and life satisfaction.

En Fin de Compte

The connection between purpose and longevity isn’t just philosophical—it’s backed by science. By taking the time to discover and live according to our purpose, we may not only live longer; but live better, more meaningfully, and with greater impact.

Ask yourself: What gets you out of bed each morning? Apart from desperately needing your first cup of coffee of the day. Answering this question could be the first step toward a longer, healthier, and more meaningful life.

Dr Margaretha Montagu – MBChB, MRCGP, NLP Master Pract cert, Transformational Life Coach dip, Counselling cert, Med Hyp Dip and EAGALA cert

Five Key Takeaways

Introduction: Authentic Human Skills

Alistair Jackson and the £3.7 Million e-mail

Understanding the Paradox: What AI Brilliantly Does (and Doesn’t)

The New Leadership Literacy

The Practical Path Forward

Further Reading: Three Unconventional Books

Five Sharp FAQs

Conclusion: About Responsibility

Discover Your Leadership Purpose

Five Key Takeaways

Introduction: The 4pm Sunday Apocalypse

Annie Willets’ Scary Story

Understanding the Sunday Scaries: The Science of Anticipatory Dread

Why Blue Mondays Hit High Achievers Particularly Hard

Breaking Free: Addressing the Root Causes

Further Reading: Unconventional Wisdom for the Sunday-Scared Soul

A fromStory from a Circle

Frequently Asked Questions

Conclusion: Reclaiming Sunday Evening

Discover the Purpose Protocols: Transform Your Relationship with Monday

The Sharp Overview: What You’re About to Read

Five Key Takeaways for the Disoriented Empty Nester

Introduction: The Identity Crisis Nobody Warns You About

Margaret’s Story: The Day the House Fell Silent

Understanding the Empty Nest Identity Crisis

The Broader Impact: How Your Transformation Affects Your World

Three Powerful Writing Prompts for Empty Nesters

Further Reading: Five Unconventional Books for Empty Nesters

1. “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron

2. “The Second Mountain” by David Brooks

3. “Women Who Run With the Wolves” by Clarissa Pinkola Estés

4. “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brené Brown

5. “Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes” by William Bridges

Guest Testimonials: Real Women, Real Transformations

From a Camino Walking Retreat Guest:

From a Storytelling Circle Member:

Five Razor-Sharp FAQs

Conclusion: It’s a Doorway, Not a Dead End

A Special Invitation: The Camino, the Horses, and the Stories That Heal

A fresh perspective on life’s next chapter that transcends traditional retirement

The End of Retirement As We Know It

Reconstruction: A Paradigm Shift

Why Traditional Retirement Is Failing Us

The Reconstruction Mindset

The Three Phases of Reconstruction

Phase 1: Deconstruction

Phase 2: Foundation Building

Phase 3: Active Construction

The Science of Purpose and Well-Being in Later Life

Nature: The Often Overlooked Element in Reconstruction

The Purpose Pursuit Protocol: A Structured Path to Reconstruction

Reconstruction in Action: Three Paths

The Encore Career

The Portfolio Life

The Clean Break

Common Obstacles to Reconstruction (And How to Overcome Them)

Identity Attachment

Social Pressure

Analysis Paralysis

Deferred Preparation

The Financial Dimensions of Reconstruction

Nature Immersion: Catalyst for Authentic Reconstruction

Beginning Your Reconstruction Journey

Conclusion: From Retirement to Renaissance

Isn’t it Time to Start Living in Alignment with Who You Are Now?

Why Join the Radical Renaissance Revolution?

1. You are struggling with a Major Life Change/Event/Transition

2. You Are Experiencing a Midlife Awakening

3. You Are Ready to Reinvent Yourself

4. You Seek Deeper, More Meaningful Connections

5. You Need a North Star for Your Next Chapter

6. You Want to Leave a Legacy That Matters

7. You Need a New Source of Drive and Motivation

The Question Is Not “Why Join?”— It’s “Why Wait?”

The Radical Renaissance Revolution Step-by-Step

Are you ready to join the Radical Renaissance Revolution?

At the Start of a New Cycle

Manage a New Life Cycle

1. Pause