Acknowledging Our Desperate Need to Belong
What Is Relocation Depression?
Relocation depression is a type of emotional distress caused by a major life change, that occurs when we move to a new country, often characterised by feelings of sadness, loneliness, and disconnection. It can stem from the overwhelming changes in our environment, culture, and routine, as well as the loss of familiar support systems. This sense of not belonging can lead to isolation, difficulty adjusting, and a deep longing for the comfort of our old, familiar lifestyle. While common, relocation depression can be managed by gradually building new connections and finding ways to adapt to your new surroundings.
Elena, at the tender age of 25, packed her bags and left her small hometown in Spain to start a new life in France. She’d always dreamt of adventure, of the endless possibilities that a foreign country could offer. But the reality of moving to a new country was far from the idyllic experience she’d imagined.
In the early days, Elena was filled with excitement and hope. The charm of the French language, the allure of unfamiliar streets, and the dream of building a new life in a vibrant place kept her spirits high. She envisioned herself thriving, making new friends, and becoming part of the culture. But as the weeks turned into months, the initial excitement wore off, and a deep sense of loneliness crept in. The language barrier became a formidable wall. Every conversation felt like a mountain to climb, each mispronunciation or confused expression reminding her that she didn’t belong.
Homesickness began to weigh heavily on her. She missed the warmth of her family, the familiar scent of her mother’s cooking, and the ease of speaking in her native tongue. Everything in France felt foreign, from the food to the customs, and even after trying her best to adapt, she often felt like an outsider looking in.
The next 20 years were marked by a series of emotional highs and lows. There were days when Elena felt strong, capable, and proud of her resilience. She learned the language over time, found work, and even made a few close friends. Yet, the struggle to feel at home never fully left her. She often questioned if she had made the right decision. Was this life truly worth the sacrifices? The holidays, especially, brought waves of isolation as her new life in France felt detached from the traditions she grew up with.
As the years passed, Elena wrestled with the idea of identity. Who was she now? A Spaniard living in France, but not entirely fitting in with either world. The sense of belonging that she craved remained elusive. She built a career, raised a family, and achieved much of what she had set out to do, but a part of her always felt like she was still searching for something—perhaps herself.
Through it all, she learned to cope with feelings of displacement, the ache of missing home, and the guilt of not returning more often. Yet, these challenges shaped her into a person of incredible strength and depth. By her late-40s, she no longer sought external validation for belonging. She had carved out a life of her own—one that blended her Spanish roots with her French surroundings in a way that felt uniquely hers.
Elena’s journey wasn’t about finding a single place to call home but about learning that home could be wherever she decided to build it. Looking back after 20 years, she realised that her struggle had become her teacher, and in navigating through feelings of loss and disorientation, she had found herself.
More info: Berry, J. W. (2005). Acculturation: Living successfully in two cultures. International Journal of Intercultural Relations, 29(6), 697-712.
Our Need to Belong Can Cause Relocation Depression
Belonging is often misunderstood as simply having a place or group where you “fit.” We think it means being accepted by others, finding that perfect community, or settling into a career or lifestyle where everything clicks. But the truth is, belonging isn’t about ticking boxes—it’s about feeling connected and at peace with yourself, no matter where life takes you.
More info: Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117(3), 497-529.
For many of us, life changes can challenge our sense of belonging. When we move to a new city or country, our need to belong can leave us feeling uprooted and unsure of ourselves. We search for familiar faces or routines to ground us, and when those are missing, we feel lost. Eventually, we may find ourselves suffering from relocation depression. It’s natural to crave that sense of being part of something, but belonging isn’t always found in the places we look for it.
The journey to belonging begins internally. It’s about cultivating a deep sense of self-acceptance, where you no longer need external validation to feel worthy or “at home.” It’s learning to embrace who you are in your most authentic form, without trying to mold yourself to fit in. When you find that inner sense of belonging, you stop searching for it in people, places, or achievements.
True belonging is also about resilience. Life will always bring changes—new environments, shifting relationships, or personal growth that can make you feel like you don’t quite belong. But when you’ve grounded yourself in your values, your strengths, and your unique identity, you can carry that sense of belonging with you, wherever you go.
This doesn’t mean that external connections don’t matter. We all need support systems and communities that nourish us. But when we approach relationships from a place of inner belonging, we no longer feel the need to shape-shift to fit in. Instead, we show up authentically, attract like-minded people, and build deeper, more meaningful connections.
Belonging isn’t about finding the “perfect” place or group where everything aligns. It’s about creating a sense of home within yourself—one that stays with you, no matter where life’s journey takes you.
Are you resilient enough to avoid relocation depression? Find out
I have relocated several times during my career. I have found it useful, at the beginning of each new adventure, to review my life purpose. We change, our circumstances change, our lifestyles change, and our life purpose needs updating. The expression of my life purpose changed every time I relocated. Sometimes I revisited a previous expression, more often I had to create a new expression.
For Information on how to cope with Relocation Depression, see How To Avoid Expat Burnout When You Relocate To A New Country to Advance Your Career
My online course, Rearing To Get Going In A New Direction, is based on the technique I developed to adjust my life purpose each time I moved. it will help you get the clarity, motivation and direction you need to manifest your next chapter – in both your personal and professional life. If you no longer feel passionate about what you do, if you have lost your mojo, you feel exhausted, overwhelmed and uninspired and are desperate to leave the rat race in a foreign country where it feels like it’s groundhog every day of the year, this is the course for you.
“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
Brené Brown
Author Bio: Dr Margaretha Montagu – described as a “game changer”, “gifted healer”, “guiding light” and “life-enriching author” – is an experienced medical doctor, a certified NLP practitioner, a medical hypnotherapist, an equine-assisted psychotherapist (EAGALAcertified) and a transformational retreat leader who guides her clients through life transitions – virtually, or with the assistance of her Friesian and Falabella horses, at their home in the southwest of France.
Reading List
- Ward, C., Bochner, S., & Furnham, A. (2020). The psychology of culture shock. Routledge.
- Cummins, R. A., Lau, A. L., & Davern, M. T. (2012). Subjective wellbeing homeostasis. In K. C. Land, A. C. Michalos, & M. J. Sirgy (Eds.), Handbook of social indicators and quality of life research (pp. 79-98). Springer.
- Brown, B. (2010). The gifts of imperfection: Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are. Hazelden Publishing.
- Hack-Polay, D. (2012). When home isn’t home – A study of homesickness and coping strategies among migrant workers and expatriates. International Journal of Psychological Studies, 4(3), 62-72.
- Mao, J., & Shen, Y. (2015). Cultural identity change in expatriates: A social network perspective. Human Relations, 68(10), 1533-1556.
- Presbitero, A. (2016). Culture shock and reverse culture shock: The moderating role of cultural intelligence in international students’ adaptation. International Journal of Intercultural Relations, 53, 28-38.
Disclaimer:
The information provided in this blog post about relocation depression is based on personal experience, research, and general knowledge. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only and should not be construed as professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
If you are experiencing symptoms of depression, anxiety, or other mental health concerns related to relocation or any other cause, we strongly encourage you to seek help from a qualified mental health professional. Only a licensed professional can provide a proper diagnosis and recommend appropriate treatment options for your specific situation.
By reading and using the information in this blog post, you acknowledge and agree that the author and website are not responsible for any actions you take or outcomes that may result from applying this information to your personal circumstances.