burnout - Dr Margaretha Montagu

06/10/202407/10/2024

How To Avoid Expat Burnout When You Relocate To A New Country to Advance Your Career

The thrill of exploring uncharted territory, soaking up new cultures, and starting fresh is intoxicating—but let’s be real, it can also feel like riding a rollercoaster without a seatbelt. The emotional highs are exhilarating, but the lows? They can knock the wind right out of you. When relocating to a new country, a challenging life transition, expat burnout appears to be significantly more severe than regular burnout experienced by non-expatriate employees.

• 54% suffer from insomnia
• 53% report a loss of interest in usual activities
• 51% have difficulty concentrating
• 48% experience feelings of worthlessness
• 48% report a loss of self-confidence
• 37% report appetite or eating disorders

From the Expat Insider Survey by InterNations: Annual survey conducted by InterNations, the world’s largest expat network with over 4 million members Latest edition: 2023, surveying 12,065 expats representing 177 nationalities in 181 countries

Thirty years ago, I moved 11 000kms away from everything and everyone I knew, to a new country, a new language, a new culture, and a new job.

For years I dreamt of adventure, of the limitless opportunities and possibilities that moving to a different country could offer. But the reality was far from the romantic experience I’d imagined. Everyone talks about the thrill of moving to a new country, but no one warns you about the hollow ache when you realise you’ve got to make this work, on your own.

For the first few years, every conversation felt like being a guest at someone else’s dinner party, smiling at jokes I didn’t understand. There were moments I’d stand in a crowded room and feel like a ghost—there, but not there. Invisible.

Thirty years later, I look back with wonder at my younger self—the young woman who persevered and fought to prove everyone wrong who was convinced she’d never make it. I did make it, but I learned a lot about burnout along the way and the ghost of my old insecure self still hovers at the edges of my consciousness.

If you are moving to a new country and are determined to avoid expat burnout, you need to know what triggers it:

1. The Often Overwhelming Cultural Adjustment Needed
Adapting to a new culture often presents a significant challenge. Beyond learning a new language, you must navigate unfamiliar social norms, customs, and daily routines. Simple tasks, like grocery shopping or stopping for a coffee with a new friend, can become sources of stress. Dietary changes and even the unspoken rules of communication can amplify this tension. This constant need to adjust can leave you feeling overwhelmed, creating a sense of cultural dissonance that quickly leads to burnout.

2. The Debilitating Work-Related Pressures
Many expatriates relocate for career opportunities, but these opportunities often come with added pressures. Working in a foreign setting can mean facing high expectations from both home and host organisations, unclear job roles, and an increased sense of responsibility to remain as productive as before your move. The pressure to excel in an unfamiliar environment can exacerbate stress, particularly when you struggle to balance the demands of work with the challenges of settling into a new country.

3. The Paralising Isolation and Numbing Homesickness
Being far from family, friends, and familiar surroundings can leave you feeling isolated. The lack of a close support network in a foreign country often leads to feelings of loneliness, intensifying homesickness. This emotional disconnect can induce burnout, as you might struggle to find new support systems while also maintaining relationships back home.

4. The Constant Need To Adapt
Life abroad is not just about adjusting once—it’s an ongoing process. From navigating new bureaucracy to understanding the healthcare system and tax laws, you face continuous challenges that can become exhausting. Everyday activities, like managing finances or simply getting from point A to point B, can feel more complex than they were in your home country, leading to emotional exhaustion.

5. Your Own Unrealistic Expectations
High-achieving expats may set lofty goals for themselves in terms of how quickly they integrate into the new culture or succeed professionally. This can create unrealistic expectations, leaving little room for the natural challenges that come with cultural adaptation. When expectations don’t align with reality, feelings of failure and frustration can arise, further fueling burnout.

Take the Quiz: To find out if you are resilient enough to avoid burnout Click Here

“Relocating to Germany with my family seemed like a dream come true, but the reality hit hard. While I was dealing with a demanding new job, my wife was struggling to find work, and our kids were having trouble adjusting at school. The stress was overwhelming, and I felt like I was failing everyone. A colleague recommended a course on expat resilience, which was a game-changer. It taught me how to manage expectations, both my own and my family’s. We started exploring our new city together on weekends, making it an adventure rather than a chore. It took time, but we’ve built a wonderful life here. My advice? Be patient with yourself and your loved ones during the transition.” Carlos R., 42, Marketing Executive

If you have moved to a new country and are experiencing symptoms of burnout, you need to know how to address it:

1. Identify the Root Cause
The first step to addressing burnout is understanding what’s causing it. This may require deep reflection to pinpoint what specifically stresses you, whether it stems from cultural adjustment, work pressure, or feelings of isolation. Gaining clarity can help you find appropriate solutions.

2. Prioritise Self-Care
Physical health directly influences mental well-being, making an efficient self-care routine essential. You really should at least prioritise exercise, eat a balanced diet, and get sufficient rest. Incorporating mindfulness practices, such as meditation, can also help manage stress and provide a sense of grounding amid the chaos of relocation to a new country.

3. Seek Social Support
Forming a strong social network in the host country is crucial. Connecting with fellow expats through online forums or local meet-ups can be your lifeline. Join natives in local groups – whether it’s a yoga class, a trivia night, or a cooking group—find activities that bring you joy and help you make new friends. Shared interests = instant conversation starters. Volunteer. Volunteering isn’t just about giving back—it’s a great way to meet people and feel connected to your new community. Maintaining contact with family and friends back home is important, but it’s equally vital to cultivate meaningful relationships locally, allowing you to feel more integrated into your new environment.

4. Explore Your New Home
One of the most effective ways to combat the stresses of relocation is to embrace your new environment. Make time to explore your new surroundings—whether through sightseeing, trying local cuisine, or engaging in cultural activities. This can create a sense of excitement and discovery, by replacing anxiety with curiosity.

5. Keep Your Expectations Realistic
It’s essential to recognise that adjusting to a new culture takes time. Instead of setting unrealistic expectations for rapid cultural immersion or immediate professional success, you should give yourself permission to learn and grow at a manageable pace. This mindset shift can reduce some of the pressure you place on yourself.

6. Maintain a Healthy Work-Life Balance
Creating boundaries between work and your personal life is critical. Flexible work arrangements or setting clear limits on working hours can prevent job stress from overwhelming other aspects of life. Finding time for hobbies, relaxation, and personal exploration can help ensure a balanced lifestyle.

7. Seek Professional Help When Necessary
When the stress becomes unmanageable, seeking professional support can be invaluable. Many expats benefit from working with mental health professionals who understand the unique challenges of living abroad. Specialised counselling services tailored for expats can provide strategies for managing stress and navigating the emotional complexities of relocation.

8. Stay Positive
Surrounding yourself with positive, supportive people can make a huge difference. Whether these are friends, coworkers, or fellow expats, having a community of people who lift your spirits and encourage a positive outlook can help you reframe challenges as growth opportunities.

9. Learn the Language You don’t have to be fluent, but even knowing how to order coffee in the local language can build bridges. Plus, you’ll feel like a total badass when you start picking up phrases.

“When I first moved to Japan for work, I was thrilled about the opportunity. But after a few months, the excitement wore off, and I found myself struggling with the language barrier and feeling isolated. I was working long hours to prove myself, barely sleeping, and neglecting my health. It wasn’t until I read about expat burnout that I realized what was happening. I started prioritizing self-care, joined a local expat group, and began Japanese lessons. It made a world of difference. Now, three years in, I feel at home in Tokyo and love my life here. Remember, it’s okay to take it slow and ask for help when you need it.” Sarah M., 34, Software Engineer

Final Thoughts

Relocating to a new country is tough—but it’s also the chance to reinvent yourself in ways you never imagined. Every obstacle you face in a new country teaches you resilience, patience, and flexibility—qualities that not only help you survive but thrive in your new environment. By taking intentional steps to lower your stress levels, and build strong support networks, you can avoid burnout and turn what might now feel overwhelming into an empowering adventure. Thriving as an expat isn’t so much about avoiding difficulties; it’s about learning to handle them with determination and optimism. With the right mindset and strategies, you can create a meaningful, fulfilling, and balanced life abroad.

If you start to feel a little lost along the way, my Figthing Fit and Back from Burnout during a Life Transition course might just be the compass you need to navigate your new adventure. It will equip you with practical tools to prevent burnout by building emotional stability and adaptability. In this course, I share the strategies I used to cope each time I moved to a new country. You’ll discover how to reframe challenges as opportunities for personal growth, helping you maintain a positive outlook even in difficult times. You’ll find out how to create a balanced lifestyle, making sure you can manage professional demands without sacrificing your well-being. Following this roadmap, you’ll develop the resilience you need to thrive in your new environment, avoiding the pitfalls of burnout.

Find out more

“Moving from Nigeria to Canada for my Ph.D. was exciting, but I wasn’t prepared for the culture shock and academic pressure. I felt like an impostor, constantly comparing myself to my peers and pushing myself to unhealthy limits. The long, dark winters didn’t help either. I was on the verge of quitting when my advisor noticed my struggle and referred me to the university’s international student support services. They connected me with a mentor who had been through similar experiences. Learning to set realistic goals, practicing mindfulness, and building a support network of fellow international students turned things around for me. Now, I’m thriving both academically and personally. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help – there are people and resources available to support you.” Aisha K., 28, Graduate Student

In addition to the transformational retreats that I host at my little French farm near Bordeaux, I have also created a couple of online courses, ex. The Purpose Protocols – each course is available with or without one-to-one coaching. To receive notification of last-minute and early-bird specials on all of the above, I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter which gives immediate access to my free Ready for a Radical Renaissance? Quiz.

27/09/202427/09/2024

How to Ask For Help during a Life Transition

Learn the key strategies to clearly communicate your needs and build a stronger, more supportive network during life’s most challenging transitions.

Sick of your job? Tired of your relationship? Sick and tired of life in general feeling like a never-ending rerun? You’re certainly not the only one—but it does sometimes feel that way, doesn’t it? I should know, been there, many times. The good news is that you’ve got a secret weapon. It’s called your reliable support system—whether it’s your bestie, your mom, your friends, your family, your mentor, your counsellor, or even that one colleague who actually gets you. The problem? Finding the courage to ask and then communicating what you need in such a way that they understand what you are talking about – without sounding like a broken record. In this post, I’ll break down how to turn your venting sessions into game-changing conversations that don’t just help you air your frustrations—your unfailing support system will kickstart real change and help you build some rock-solid emotional resilience.

Time to stop simmering in silence and start talking like your future depends on it. (Because, spoiler: it does.)

1. Understand Your Own Needs First

Before reaching out to your support system, it’s important to get clear on what exactly you need. Take time to reflect on your frustrations. Are you seeking advice, emotional support, or practical help? Understanding whether you’re dealing with burnout, dissatisfaction, or confusion will help you pinpoint the support you need.

For instance, if you’re feeling overwhelmed at work, you might need someone to help you set boundaries or manage your workload. (see Achor, S., & Gielan, M. (2018). “To Be Happier at Work, Invest More in Your Relationships.” Harvard Business Review) If you’re in a relationship that feels unfulfilling, perhaps you need guidance on how to express your feelings or navigate a difficult conversation.

I discuss these issues in my ‘Building Resilience – a Roadmap from Burnout to Breakthrough during a Life Transition’ course. Identifying and naming your needs is the first critical step toward finding the right solutions. When Sally started my ‘Building Resilience’ course she had hit a personal breaking point. She had been suppressing her stress for so long that she didn’t even know where to start when it came to asking for help. Working through the course, and during our coaching sessions, she learned not only how to identify her needs but also how to communicate those needs effectively to her partner and friends. In doing so, she became able to set healthier boundaries, recover from burnout, and restore balance to her life.

2. Find the Courage to Ask for Help

One of the biggest hurdles in communicating your needs is often finding the courage to ask for help in the first place. Many people feel like they should be able to handle everything on their own, fearing that asking for support makes them appear weak or dependent. However, seeking help is actually a sign of strength—it shows that you’re self-aware enough to recognise your limits and value your well-being.

Start by challenging the belief that you need to “go it alone.” Remind yourself that everyone needs support at some point in their life, and that the people in your support system likely want to be there for you. (see Radin, A. (2017). “Why Asking for Help Is Hard to Do.” Psychology Today.) Practice self-compassion by accepting that it’s okay to not have all the answers. The courage to ask for help can open the door to deeper connections and create space for real growth.,

One of the most transformative experiences for a guest on one of my retreats involved working with my horses to develop assertiveness and clear communication. Horses are incredibly intuitive animals, responding not to what we say, but to how we present ourselves energetically and emotionally. During a mindfulness session, our guest Sandra learned that her horse would only respond positively when she approached with clarity and confidence. By practising setting boundaries with the horse she became more aware of her own ability to communicate without hesitation. This newfound assertiveness translated into her personal life, where she gained the courage to ask for help from her support system and clearly express her needs.

3. Choose the Right Time and Setting

Timing and environment can greatly influence how your message is received. Make sure to communicate in a setting that feels safe, comfortable, and free of distractions. If you bring up a deeply personal issue during a hectic moment, even the most supportive person might not be able to offer the attention you need.

Consider having an intentional sit-down or scheduling a time that works for both of you. Be mindful of when they are most likely to be receptive. For example, approaching someone when they’re already stressed or distracted may result in a missed opportunity for meaningful support.

4. Use ‘I’ Statements to Express Yourself Clearly

When it comes to sensitive subjects, using “I” statements helps avoid making the other person feel defensive. Instead of saying, “You never listen to me” or “You don’t understand my situation,” try something like, “I feel unheard and would appreciate more support.” This shifts the focus to your feelings and your needs, which is much easier for the other person to respond to constructively.

“I” statements make it clear that you’re expressing your personal experience rather than blaming the other person for how you feel.

5. Be Specific About What You Need

It’s not enough to say, “I’m struggling” or “I need help.” The more specific you are, the easier it is for someone to understand how to support you. If you need time to vent, say so. If you need someone to help you brainstorm next steps for a career change, ask for that. Clarity can help prevent misunderstandings or frustration on both sides.

For example, you might say, “I’ve been feeling really drained from work lately, and I need help figuring out how to set better boundaries with my boss.” Or, “I’ve been struggling emotionally since my recent breakup, and I would love it if you could just check in with me once a week.”

Pay attention to your body language and tone of voice. Maintain comfortable eye contact, lean towards the other person, and use an open, non-defensive posture to show interest and engagement.

After expressing your needs, ask for feedback to ensure the other person has understood correctly. This can help prevent misunderstandings and allow for clarification if needed.

6. Acknowledge Their Limits

Even the most well-intentioned people in your support system have limits. Sometimes, they may not be able to offer the level of support you need due to their own emotional or logistical limitations. It’s important to acknowledge this and not take it personally. Instead, focus on the support they can offer and consider finding additional resources if needed, such as a counsellor or coach.

7. Offer Support in Return

Support is a two-way street. Make sure to ask your support system how they’re doing and what they might need from you. This creates a balanced dynamic, where both parties feel heard and valued. While expressing your needs, also be prepared to listen actively to the other person’s response. This shows respect and helps build mutual understanding. When you offer genuine support in return, you strengthen your relationships and ensure that they’ll be there when you need them most.

8. Follow Up and Express Gratitude

After you’ve communicated your needs and received support, it’s important to follow up. Let your support system know how their help impacted you, and thank them for their time and energy. Expressing gratitude strengthens relationships and reinforces the positive dynamics of your support network.

“Everyone enjoys being acknowledged and appreciated. Sometimes even the simplest act of gratitude can change someone’s entire day. Take the time to recognize and value the people around you and appreciate those who make a difference in your lives.”
― Roy T. Bennett in The Light in the Heart

For example, if a friend gave you advice that helped you navigate a tough decision at work, send them a quick message of thanks. Small gestures like this make your support system feel appreciated and more willing to help in the future.

Final Thoughts: Just Ask

Remember that no one can read your mind. If you’re feeling discontented or overwhelmed in any aspect of your life don’t wait until you reach a breaking point. Proactively communicate your needs to your support system. Being clear, direct, and specific will ensure that the people around you understand how best to help you. And in turn, they’ll appreciate your honesty and openness.

25/03/202321/02/2024

How to Detect Burnout

In Yourself and In Others

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“I just need a break.”

Often, when people write to me to make enquiries about my stress management retreats, either online or onsite here in the south of France, this sentence features prominently in their email, most often in the last paragraph. I have learned to sit up and take notice when I come across this sentence, as it is often said by people who are either burnt out already or on the verge of burning out.

Have you said that to yourself or to others recently? Did someone else say this to you?

Take notice, especially if you are an employer and you heard one of your employees say this.

People who are suffering from burnout, sometimes without realising it, often make statements that give away their state of mind. Depending on their individual experience and circumstances, they may say:

“I just can’t keep going anymore.” – Burnout can leave people feeling physically and emotionally exhausted, making it difficult to cope with their personal and professional responsibilities.

“I feel like I’m just going through the motions.” – Burnout can make people feel disconnected from their work, and from the people around them, causing them to feel as if what they do has no purpose or meaning.

“I don’t care anymore.” – Burnout can lead to a sense of apathy or detachment, causing people to lose interest in things that used to be important to them.

“I feel completely overwhelmed.” – Burnout can cause people to feel incapable of completing even small tasks, making it difficult to do what they are getting paid to do.

“I can’t handle this anymore.” – Burnout can make people feel like they’ve reached their breaking point, causing them to feel like they can’t deal with stress or any additional pressure.

“I don’t feel like myself anymore.” – Burnout can cause people to lose their sense of identity and which can result in a significant loss of self-esteem.

“I’m so frustrated.” – Burnout can lead to an intense sense of frustration, especially if people feel like they’re not making progress or reaching their targets.

“I feel like I’m stuck in a rut.” – Burnout can cause people to feel trapped, making it difficult to move forward or make changes in their personal or professional lives.

“I’m uber-stressed, all the time.” – Burnout can cause chronic stress, which can cause serious physical and psychological diseases.

“I can’t sleep. I either lay awake for hours before I fall asleep or I wake up early. Or I wake up twenty times during the night.” – Burnout can cause insomnia, which increases exhaustion and decreases performance.

Statements that allow us to detect burnout early are not always made using these exact words, everyone expresses themselves differently and everyone’s experience of burnout is unique. People may also make any of the above statements without having burnout.

As you may know, it is my life’s mission, first as a medical doctor and now as a retreat leader, to help people manage stress, so they can avoid the permanent damage stress can cause.

The burnout epidemic has motivated me to create a 2-day online retreat (not sure I’m ever going to do that again, I nearly got burnt out in the process!) called the Burnout to Breakthrough Blueprint retreat. It is designed so that you can burnout-proof yourself during a weekend, by devoting four hours a day to the retreat, two in the morning and two in the afternoon. It has gotten excellent reviews so far, so I am hoping that it will serve as my contribution to reducing burnout worldwide.

Worldwide.

Isn’t that awe-inspiring? That I can now reach hundreds or even thousands of people online, instead of just the few that come to Esprit Meraki Retreats. Reaching people is so much easier since the pandemic.

My retreats focus on helping people who are going through life transitions, or those who have to make important decisions, by walking the Camino de Santiago de Compostela, both my standard retreats and my top-of-the-range retreats.

More often than not, my onsite retreat guests arrive burnt out by the stress they had to endure trying to cope with the life transition they are stuck in, whether it is an empty nest, retirement, redundancy, losing a loved one, changing careers, starting a business etc.

So my Burnout to Breakthrough online retreat can also help my guests before they arrive, ensuring that they get the most from their retreat. If you aren’t burned out, you can make sure that your next retreat is your best ever by clicking here.

We can detect burnout early, merely by paying attention to what others are saying, and to what we are saying to ourselves.

“Just because you take breaks doesn’t mean you’re broken.”
― Curtis T. Jones

Subscribe to my Savoir Vivre Vignettes newsletter (thank you in advance!) to get access to my eye-opening, mind-altering and entirely free Journal Yourself Stressfree e-retreat and receive my insight-giving Top Ten Tips on How to Make Your Next Retreat Your Best Ever

05/02/202305/02/2024

Burnout seriously inhibits Creativity and Productivity

Recommended TED-talk of the Month duration 5 minutes February 2023

Early this morning, when I should have been getting out of bed to go and feed the horses, the -3°C reading on the thermometer and crackling frost on the fields was so discouraging that I resisted my coffee cravings to watch one more TED talk: Rahaf Harfoush’s talk “Burnout makes us less creative. “

I am in the process of creating an online retreat called Burnout Breakthrough, so I read everything I can lay my hands on about “burnout.” I actually hadn’t thought about the effect that burnout has on our creativity, but I should have because the more creative we are, the greater our ability to problem-solve. I reflected on my own experience and realised just how detrimental an effect burnout has on my own creativity – when I am stressed, I write to reduce stress, but burnout gives me complete writer’s block.

I thought I would share this talk with you here. It’s excellent, if you have 5 minutes, I recommend you watch it. Twice, if you have time, it makes so much sense. According to Rahaf Harfoush, a digital anthropologist (that sounds like an amazing job,) “Our obsession with productivity — to-do lists, life hacks, morning routines — is making us less productive. We need to redesign our workday around creativity – not just efficiency. She says the average American takes only half of their allocated leave…

Before I succumb to my coffee addiction, I wanted to ask a favour. I have finished the introductory page to my Burnout Breakthrough Online Retreat, could you have a look and give me some constructive criticism, please? You can have a look here: Burnout Breakthrough Online Retreat

If you would like to increase your resilience in 5 minutes a day, I invite you to attend my free online mini-retreat Journal Yourself Stress-free. You will get instant access to this retreat when you subscribe to my mailing list and I’ll also let you know each time I publish the month’s (carefully-curated) recommended TED-talk.