Why Life Changes/Transitions Make Us Question the Meaning of Our Lives

Turning Points and Existential Questions

Life transitions: they’re the moments when the universe taps you on the shoulder and says, “Time for a Change.” Whether it’s a career pivot, the starting/selling of a business, part- or full retirement, the loss of a loved one, or the sudden quiet of an empty nest, these shifts have an uncanny way of dumping us into the deep end of the philosophical pool. You might find yourself staring blindly at your reflection on a Zoom call or walking through a silent house thinking, What now?

Transitions, as unsettling as they are, don’t just disrupt our lives—they shake the very foundations of our no-longer-rock-solid identity. And while this might sound dramatic, it’s also an unexpected opportunity. These moments, though challenging, force us to pause and consider the meaning behind the madness.

What have I done with my Life?

Enter Existential Angst

It’s a universal truth: humans are creatures of habit. We find comfort in routine, in knowing what’s next, in being able to predict our tomorrows. Then comes a life transition—a promotion, a cross-country move, a personal loss—and suddenly, that cosy cocoon feels more like a prison cell. Psychologists have a term for this kind of upheaval: disequilibrium. It’s the disorienting state when our old way of being no longer fits, and the new one hasn’t quite taken shape yet.

Consider Erik Erikson, the psychologist who mapped out the stages of human development. He argued that every phase of life comes with its own identity crisis, from “Who am I?” in adolescence to “What have I done with my life?” in older age. Transitions bring these questions to the forefront because they challenge the scripts we’ve so diligently been following.

The result? A cocktail of uncertainty and desperate introspection. Even the most confident among us can feel adrift when the familiar becomes unrecognisable. You might chuckle at the stereotype of a midlife crisis—someone buying a sports car or taking up skydiving— beneath the surface, it’s often a desperate and profound yearning for a more meaningful, fulfilling and purposeful life.

Why is This Happening to Me?

Life transitions disrupt our sense of stability and identity, creating a space where questions about purpose and meaning naturally arise because of:

1. The Loss of Familiar Roles and Structures

Many aspects of our identity are tied to our roles (e.g., spouse, parent, business owner) and the routines of daily life. When a transition—such as a career change, divorce, or children leaving home—occurs, these roles and routines shift or disappear completely. This disruption can leave us feeling unmoored, leading to a need to redefine ourselves.

2. The Need for Coherence

We have a natural desire to make sense of our lives. Transitions often mark the end of one chapter and the start of another, which can feel chaotic or fragmented. To regain a sense of coherence, we reflect on our experiences and seek meaning in what has happened and what lies ahead.

3. Our Heightened Awareness of Mortality and the Passage of Time

Significant transitions, especially those involving loss or ageing, often remind us of life’s impermanence. This awareness can lead to questions like, “Am I spending my time on what truly matters to me?” or “What legacy do I want to leave behind?”

4. The Destruction of Our Comfort Zones

Change forces us out of our comfort zones, making us confront aspects of our lives that we might have avoided or taken for granted. This discomfort often triggers a deeper examination of values, goals, and priorities.

5. Strangely enough, the Opportunity for Growth

Transitions create a psychological space where old habits, beliefs, and assumptions are challenged. While this can be unsettling, it also provides fertile ground for personal growth and self-discovery. We often reevaluate our purpose to align with who we are becoming, not just who we were.

Who Am I If I’m Not Me Anymore?

Life transitions don’t just change circumstances, they often force us to confront the elaborate narratives we’ve built about ourselves.

The truth is, much of our identity is tied to the roles we play and the labels we wear. The job title on your email signature, the relationships you nurture, the routines that shape your day—when these shift, it’s like losing a piece of the puzzle that forms your sense of self.

Transitions can also magnify societal expectations. In a world that celebrates perpetual motion and achievement, stepping off the treadmill—even for a moment—can feel like failing. But the real challenge isn’t external. It’s internal: reconciling who you were with who you’re becoming.

And yet, this discomfort is where growth begins. Because as disorienting as it is to ask, Who am I now?, it’s the first step toward answering, Who do I want to be?

What really Matters to Me Now?

Disruption and Discomfort

It’s often in the quiet chaos of transitions that life sneaks in its most profound questions. Change disrupts the rhythm of our days, creating space for reflection—whether we’re ready for it or not. That’s why these moments can feel so overwhelming.

Philosophers have long argued that meaning arises in moments of disruption. Take existentialism: thinkers like Jean-Paul Sartre and Albert Camus believed that life’s inherent uncertainty is what drives us to seek purpose. Transitions, then, are like tiny existential invitations. They remind us that nothing is fixed, that the story we’re living can take a turn, for better or for worse, at any time.

Modern culture doesn’t always make this easy. We’re told to “keep hustling,” to measure success in milestones and metrics. But transitions defy that logic. They ask us to pause, to consider whether the ladder we’ve been climbing is leaning against the right wall.

Sometimes, the questions that transitions force upon us—What really matters to you now? What’s next?— can lead to breakthroughs. Many of history’s great innovations and creative works came after significant life changes. The discomfort of transition, it turns out, is fertile ground for reinvention.

How can I Get Through this?

From Breakdown to Breakthrough

While transitions often feel like endings, they’re also beginnings in disguise. They strip away the familiar, leaving behind a blank canvas—a chance to redefine what fulfilment means to us.

The first step is to embrace the questions. Instead of resisting them, lean in. What do you value now that you didn’t before? What kind of life feels worth living at this stage? These aren’t easy questions, but they’re essential ones.

There are also practical ways to navigate these existential detours:

• Reflection: Journaling, meditating, or simply taking long walks in nature can create space for clarity.
• Connection: Seek out others who’ve navigated similar transitions. Sharing experiences can make the journey feel less isolating.
• Humour: Don’t underestimate the power of laughter. As absurd as life’s twists can seem, finding the humour in them can be a saving grace.

Ultimately, transitions remind us of life’s impermanence—and its possibilities. By letting go of who we think we should be, we open ourselves to who we might become.

What’s the Point of It All?

Transitions, for all their chaos and uncertainty, have a purpose: they force us to recalibrate. They remind us that life isn’t a straight line but a series of chapters, each with its own challenges and opportunities.

So, the next time life hands you a transition—a promotion, a breakup, a milestone—take it as a nudge from the universe. Let it push you to ask the big questions, even if the answers aren’t immediately clear. After all, questioning the meaning of life isn’t a sign of failure; it’s a sign of growth.

• “Who am I now?” – When roles or identities shift, people may grapple with a sense of loss and seek to redefine themselves.
• “What truly matters to me?” – Transitions often highlight what is missing or unfulfilled in life, prompting a reevaluation of priorities.
• “Am I living authentically?” – Life changes can bring a heightened awareness of whether one’s choices align with their core values and passions.
• “What is my next step?” – A transition can feel like standing at a crossroads, needing clarity to move forward.

And if you’re lucky, you might just find that the process of asking—messy, uncomfortable, and unpredictable as it is—is where the meaning lies.

These questions can feel overwhelming but are also an opportunity for growth, self-discovery, and realignment with a deeper sense of purpose. While the process may be challenging, it often leads to greater clarity and fulfilment over time.

This happens because transitions are both challenging and transformative. With the right support—like the guidance you offer With my iNFINITE iMPACT Mentoring program—people can use this time to rebuild their lives with more intention and meaning.