12 Unconventional Ways of Coping with the Fall-out of Your Divorce

Life Quake Series: Divorce

More than 12 actually, because when I researched this some of the proposed solutions made me laugh out loud. This reminded me that humour is a powerful antidote to anguish and getting divorced is one of the most anguish-inducing life transitions. You have been warned; don’t expect a list of serious science-based suggestions when you read this article.

“And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.” J.K. Rowling

Bear with me while I set the scene: “I never expected my divorce to start with a peacock, but there it was, strutting across the mediator’s desk like it owned the place. You see, in our final argument over who would keep what, my soon-to-be ex-husband Frank insisted he should get custody of our pet peacock, Phoenix. The fact that we didn’t own a peacock, had never owned a peacock, and Frank was deathly afraid of birds made this particularly interesting. The judge, a woman who had probably seen everything in her twenty years of practice, actually dropped her reading glasses into her coffee.

The peacock, as it turned out, had escaped from a nearby exotic pet shop and chosen that precise moment to make its grand entrance through the mediator’s open window. In the chaos that followed, Frank leapt onto his chair screaming, my lawyer started sneezing (apparently she was allergic to feathers), and I had the sudden realisation that this was the most fun I’d had with Frank in years. The bird seemed particularly attracted to Frank’s toupee, which none of us had known was a toupee, until Phoenix decided it was must-have nesting material.

The divorce was finalised in record time, if only because everyone wanted to get out of that room. Frank left without his toupee, which had been ceremoniously accepted as a peace offering by our uninvited feathered arbitrator. I got the house, Frank got the car, and Phoenix got a new home at the local wildlife sanctuary where he still proudly displays his unusual nest. Now when people ask me about my divorce, I don’t tell them about the arguments or the paperwork – I tell them about the day a peacock decided to play Solomon and made everyone realise how ridiculous we all were being. Sometimes I visit Phoenix at the sanctuary, where he struts around regally. Sometimes the craziest moments in life turn out to be the ones that set us free.“

While traditional approaches like therapy and support groups are valuable resources during divorce, sometimes a clean break needs a bit of creative demolition. The unconventional route to post-divorce recovery can be part reinvention, part rebellion, and a whole lot of finding yourself in weird and wonderful ways:

• Destruction Art: Some people create art by breaking and reassembling items, symbolising their rebirth. For example, Janet Mollets smashed her wedding china and reassembled it into a badass garden path mosaic. Bad memories that she stomps on every chance she gets.
• Primal Scream Therapy: Find remote locations to vocally release your emotions, without judgement. Some national parks even have designated “scream spots” where the acoustics amplify the experience that makes your vocal purge echo in soul-soothing ways. What a brilliant idea!
• Laughter Yoga Classes: Participate in laughter yoga classes to release endorphins and reduce stress through guided laughter exercises
• Rhythmic Movement Meditation: Instead of traditional seated meditation, some practice mindfully walking backwards blindfolded to process emotions through movement. Not a bad idea, but can you imagine coming across someone doing this during your beach walk?
• Divorce Gardens: Planting a garden that evolves through the seasons, with each plant representing different aspects of healing. I immediately saw a cactus garden in my mind’s eye. No idea why. More sensible people symbolically choose plants that need hard pruning of old growth to flourish, like lavender.
• Ring Repurposing: Rather than selling wedding rings, you can choose to transform them. One divorcee had her rings melted and reformed into an eye-catching pendant, to prove to herself that something beautiful came from all her suffering.
• Skills Exchange Networks: Creating communities where divorced people trade practical skills they previously relied on their spouse for, creating new friendships simultaneously.
• Camino de Santiago Walking Retreat: This 7-day retreat will help you develop effective coping strategies that can be incorporated seamlessly into your personal and professional life so that you can get through this divorce so you can live a long, happy, healthy and fulfilling life, full of purpose and meaning.
• Volunteer at an Animal Shelter: Spend time caring for animals to boost your mood and gain perspective – profoundly therapeutic.
• Freedom-at-Last Divorce Party: Host a symbolic “divorce ceremony” to mark the end of your marriage and celebrate new beginnings.
• Co-parenting Innovation: Some divorced parents create unique arrangements, like developing alternating living spaces around their children rather than moving children between homes.
• Virtual Reality Processing: Using VR to create and explore metaphorical landscapes representing different stages of marriage and divorce, allowing for emotional processing in a controlled environment. Imagine walking through a digital landscape symbolising your marriage. Burn bridges, cross rivers, take a dramatic boat ride out—do it all from your couch.
• Anonymous Story Banking: Contributing to digital archives of divorce experiences through encrypted platforms, allowing others to learn from shared experiences while maintaining privacy.
• Divorce Sabbaticals: Taking planned career breaks to travel solo or learn entirely new skills. One former accountant spent six months learning traditional bookbinding in Japan, finding healing through the precision and patience required.
• Phoenix Projects: Start a side hustle inspired by the divorce experience: co-parenting apps, solo travel blogs, or “been there, done that” e-courses for the recently un-married.
• Room Reboot: Change the “vibe” of each room, so that it feels like yours again. Turn the dining room into a mini art studio, or your garage into a yoga den. Document the makeover for maximum satisfaction.
• Sensory Rewriting: Deliberately changing the sensory experiences in living spaces through new textures, scents, and sounds. For example, replace old candles with “fresh start” scents—citrus, sage, ginger – something that smells nothing like your ex’s cologne/perfume.
• Voice Journaling: Recording daily emotional releases through singing, humming, or toning. Some practitioners create “divorce albums” documenting their healing journey through sound rather than words.
• Drum Circles: Groups gathering to express emotions through rhythm rather than conversation. Sarah K. from Austin shares, “Drumming let me express anger and grief when words felt inadequate. The vibrations literally shook loose stuck emotions.”
• Sound Baths: Immersing in therapeutic frequencies using singing bowls, gongs, and chimes. Some practitioners offer sessions specifically designed for processing relationship endings, with frequencies chosen to target emotional release.
• “Fear to Freedom” Programs: Structured programs where divorced individuals face one fear each month, supported by coaches and fellow participants. Activities range from public speaking to skydiving, building confidence through controlled risk-taking.
• Reverse Time Capsules: Creating collections of items representing the marriage, ceremonially sealing them with a “do not open until” date, allowing emotional distance before deciding their final fate. One participant shares, “Opening my capsule five years later felt like watching a movie about someone else’s life.”
• Future Self Letters: Write monthly letters to yourself projecting one, three, and five years ahead, then compare these visions as they evolve. Many find their imagined futures become increasingly optimistic and independent over time.
• Cooking Classes: Ready to cook something that doesn’t come in a box? Try a cooking class and surprise yourself by not setting off the smoke alarm. Thai, Italian, Moroccan—you’ll end up with legit skills and, who knows, maybe you’ll finally be the friend people invite to potlucks for your food and not your company.
• Learn one or more New Language: Who wouldn’t want to be able to tell their ex “goodbye” in five different languages? The world is waiting; it’s just asking you to conjugate a few verbs first.
• Journaling: Grab a pen or fire up the laptop and let it all out. Whether it’s a haiku about your feelings, a “Divorgasm: The High You Get From Your Freshly Signed Divorce Papers” meme or a revenge novel that may or may not be inspired by your marriage, writing is free therapy.
• Tabletop Roleplaying Games; Channel your inner adventurer, wizard, or cosmic space pirate and dive into tabletop role-playing games. It’s Dungeons & Dragons, but way cooler than it sounds. You’ll make new friends, laugh a ton, and maybe, just maybe, find a fantasy partner who doesn’t ghost.
• Volunteer Work: Nothing gets your head out of a funk faster than helping others. Spend time at a shelter or community centre, you’ll meet incredible people.
• Traveling Solo: Solo travel: it’s like therapy but with better scenery and fewer issues/tissues. Go somewhere new and realise how great your own company can be.
• Reading Hilarious Self-help Books
  • “Get Divorced: Be Happy” by Helen Thorn Published: 2020
    Thorn, an award-winning comedian, shares her personal journey through a divorce with humour and honesty. This book offers practical advice and a supportive perspective, making it feel like a warm hug during a tough time.
  • “Heartburn” by Nora Ephron Published: 1983
    Ephron’s semi-autobiographical novel combines humour and heartbreak as it recounts her experiences with infidelity and divorce. The witty narrative, filled with recipes, makes it both entertaining and relatable.
  • “Untamed” by Glennon Doyle Published: 2020
    While not exclusively about divorce, Doyle’s memoir includes her experience of leaving her marriage and finding her true self. Her engaging writing style is infused with humour and empowerment, making it an inspiring read.
  • “How to Sleep Alone in a King-Size Bed: A Memoir of Starting Over” by Theo Pauline Nestor Published: 2011
    Nestor’s memoir is filled with self-deprecating humour as she navigates life after her marriage ends. Her candid reflections on single parenthood and societal expectations provide both laughs and poignant insights.
  • “The Divorce Party” by Laura Dave Published: 2019
    This novel explores the cultural phenomenon of divorce celebrations with warmth and wit. It follows two women at different stages of their relationships, blending humour with heartfelt moments as they navigate their new realities.

Research: Humour as a coping strategy during Divorce

Several studies have examined the relationship between divorce and humour. “Bad Humour, Bad Marriage: uStyles in Divorced and Married Couples” (2010) by Vassilis Saroglou, Christelle Lacour, and Marie-Eve Demeure published in the European Journal of Psychology. The authors investigated the role of specific humour styles (affiliative, self-enhancing, aggressive, earthy, and self-defeating) in relation to relationship quality and divorced versus married status. The researchers compared 98 married and 48 divorced couples and found that constructive humour (self-enhancing and/or affiliative) was related to increased relationship satisfaction and non-divorced status. Antisocial humour (aggressive and earthy) predicted divorce and was related to low relationship quality among divorced couples. Confirming what one would expect. I couldn’t find any groundbreaking new research, if anyone knows of suitable articles to list here, please let me know.

Final Musings

These unconventional methods can provide fresh perspectives and unique ways to process emotions, rediscover yourself, and move forward after a divorce. The key is finding approaches that resonate with you. Healing is often not linear, and combining various methods often proves most effective.

The most successful divorce coping strategies share common elements:

• They provide a sense of agency and control
• They create meaningful narratives around change
• They foster connection with self or others
• They allow for authentic emotional expression
• They generate hope for the future

Remember to consult with mental health professionals when exploring any coping methods, ensuring they support your overall well-being and recovery process.