Red Flags: Retreat Guests to Avoid

(And for Guests: How Not to Be One)

After 15 years of hosting Camino de Santiago walking retreats in southwest France, I’ve learned that not all retreat guests are created equal. Some arrive as genuine seekers ready for transformation. Others… well, let’s just say they’re more interested in transforming my peaceful retreat into their personal customer service nightmare.

Whether you’re a retreat host trying to spot trouble before it walks through your door, or a potential guest wondering “Am I that person?” (spoiler: if you’re wondering, you’re probably not), here’s my field guide to the retreat guests that’ll have you reaching for the wine before dinner is even served.

Red Flag #1: The “This Isn’t What I Expected” Expert

What they say: “I thought there would be more/less walking, different food, better WiFi, younger people, older people, more luxury, more authenticity…”

Translation: They didn’t read a single thing about your retreat before booking, but somehow that’s your fault.

The real cost: These guests drain your energy faster than a teenager drains WiFi data. They spend the entire retreat comparing your experience to some fantasy version they constructed in their heads, usually involving five-star hotels and miracle weight loss with zero effort.

For hosts: During your pre-retreat calls, ask specific questions about their expectations. If they can’t articulate why they chose YOUR retreat specifically, probe deeper. A simple “What drew you to this particular experience?” can reveal a lot.

For guests: Read the description. Then read it again. If you’re booking a rustic Camino experience and expecting Four Seasons service, you’re setting everyone up for disappointment, especially yourself.

Red Flag #2: The Medical Mystery Guest

What they say: “Oh, did I mention I have [serious medical condition/mobility issue/dietary restriction that fundamentally changes the entire retreat structure]? I’m sure it’ll be fine!”

Translation: They’ve withheld crucial information that affects not just their safety, but potentially the entire group’s experience.

The real cost: Beyond the obvious safety concerns, these guests can derail carefully planned itineraries, require emergency pivots, and create liability nightmares. I once had someone “forget” to mention they were recovering from major surgery until day two of a challenging walking section.

For hosts: Make medical disclosure a mandatory part of your booking process, not an optional afterthought. Be crystal clear about physical requirements and don’t be afraid to ask follow-up questions. Your retreat insurance and everyone’s safety depend on it.

For guests: Your privacy is important, but so is everyone’s safety and enjoyment. If you have conditions that might affect the retreat, discuss them upfront. Most hosts will work with you to accommodate reasonable needs, but they need to know what they’re working with.

Red Flag #3: The “I’m Not Really Sure I Want to Be Here” Hesitator

What they say: “My partner/friend/therapist made me book this” or “I’m not really a walking person, but…” or “I don’t usually do group things, but…”

Translation: They’re here under duress or without genuine interest, and they’ll make sure everyone knows it.

The real cost: These reluctant participants become emotional vampires, sucking the enthusiasm out of genuinely motivated participants. They create a negative undercurrent that can poison group dynamics and diminish the transformative potential for everyone.

For hosts: During intake calls, listen for language that suggests external pressure or ambivalence. Ask directly: “What made you decide this retreat was right for you at this time?” Reluctant bookers often reveal themselves immediately.

For guests: If you’re being pressured into a retreat by someone else, save everyone the grief and don’t go. Retreats work best when you’re internally motivated. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready—and that’s okay.

Red Flag #4: The “Can You Make an Exception?” Negotiator

What they say: “I know you said no single supplements, but…” or “The dates don’t work, but could you…” or “I see it says no refunds, but my situation is different…”

Translation: Rules are for other people, not for them.

The real cost: These guests will negotiate every boundary you’ve set, often in front of other participants who’ve followed the rules. They create administrative headaches and set precedents that other guests will expect you to honour.

For hosts: Be pleasant but firm about policies. Explain that policies exist to ensure fairness for all participants. If you make exceptions, you’ll find yourself making them constantly.

For guests: Policies aren’t personal attacks—they’re the framework that makes the retreat possible for everyone. If you can’t work within the established parameters, find a retreat that better fits your needs.

Red Flag #5: The Social Media Storyteller

What they say: “This will be perfect for my Instagram!” or “I need to document this journey for my followers” or “Can you take photos of me doing [retreat activity] for my feed?”

Translation: They’re more interested in the appearance of transformation than actual transformation.

The real cost: These guests turn sacred moments into photo ops and often miss the actual experience while crafting the perfect post. They can also make other participants self-conscious about their own less-curated journey.

For hosts: Establish clear social media guidelines upfront. Many retreat centers now have “phone-free” times or designated photo areas to preserve the contemplative atmosphere.

For guests: Consider why you really want to attend. If it’s primarily for content creation, be honest about that—and maybe consider whether a retreat is the right choice.

Red Flag #6: The “I’ve Done All This Before” Connoisseur

What they say: “At my last retreat…” or “The way we usually do this is…” or “You should really try [completely different approach]…”

Translation: They want to co-host your retreat without the responsibility or expertise.

The real cost: These guests undermine your authority and confuse other participants who don’t know whose guidance to follow. They can fracture group cohesion and create competing narratives about “the right way” to do things.

For hosts: Acknowledge their experience while gently redirecting: “That sounds like a wonderful experience. For this retreat, we’re going to…” Don’t get drawn into debates about methodology in front of the group.

For guests: Your previous experiences are valuable to you, but each retreat is different. Stay open to new approaches and resist the urge to comparison-shop publicly.

Red Flag #7: The “Just Between Us” Boundary Crosser

What they say: “Can I talk to you privately about [another participant]?” or “I don’t want to cause drama, but…” or “You should know that [participant] said…”

Translation: They want to create an alliance with you against other participants.

The real cost: These guests attempt to triangulate relationships and create unnecessary drama. They put you in the position of managing interpersonal conflicts that may not even exist outside their interpretation.

For hosts: Don’t get drawn into participant gossip. If there’s a genuine safety concern, address it directly. Otherwise, redirect them to resolve issues directly with the person involved.

For guests: Retreat groups are temporary communities. Focus on your own experience rather than monitoring others’ behaviour or seeking validation for your judgments.

Red Flag #8: The “Refund Researcher”

What they say: Early detailed questions about cancellation policies, what happens if they “don’t connect with the experience,” or multiple scenarios where they might need to leave early.

Translation: They’re already planning their exit strategy before they’ve even arrived.

The real cost: These guests often become self-fulfilling prophecies, finding reasons to be dissatisfied because they’ve been looking for them from day one. They also consume disproportionate amounts of your pre-retreat time with hypothetical concerns.

For hosts: Answer policy questions professionally but briefly. If someone seems overly focused on exit strategies, trust your instincts about whether they’re genuinely committed to the experience.

For guests: If you’re spending more time researching ways to get out of a retreat than preparing for it, you might want to examine whether you’re really ready for the commitment.

The Plot Twist: Sometimes You’re Wrong

Here’s the thing that keeps this work interesting after 15 years: sometimes the person who triggers every red flag alarm turns out to be your most transformative participant. I’ve had medical mystery guests who taught the group profound lessons about courage, and reluctant participants who found exactly what they didn’t know they were looking for.

The goal isn’t to create a fortress retreat where only perfect participants are allowed. It’s to develop the discernment to know which challenges you can handle and which ones will compromise the experience for everyone.

The Bottom Line

For hosts: Trust your instincts, maintain your boundaries, and remember that saying no to the wrong participant is saying yes to the right experience for everyone else.

For guests: Bring your authentic self, respect the container that’s been created, and remember that the magic happens when you surrender to the experience rather than trying to control it.

And if you’re still wondering whether you might be a red flag guest? The fact that you’re concerned about it probably means you’re not. The truly problematic guests never question their own behaviour—they’re too busy questioning everyone else’s.

Walking the Camino teaches us that the path reveals what we need to learn. Sometimes what we need to learn is that we’re not ready for the path. And sometimes, that’s the most valuable lesson of all.