Tag: life lessons

Book Recommendation: Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May

Wintering: a time of Rest, Retreat and Renewal

This book is at the top of the recommended reading list for my From Troubled to Triumphant: Finding Solid Ground During Life Quakes Retreats. I highly recommend it to anyone going through a life transition, especially if you are an introvert.

Understanding the Concept of Wintering

“Wintering” is a term used to describe a period of rest, reflection, and resilience-building during challenging or dormant times in life, similar to the quiet, restorative phase that winter represents in nature. British author Katherine May popularized this idea in her book, Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times. She explains that “wintering” is about embracing life’s inevitable difficulties—grief, loss, illness, and uncertainty—rather than pushing through or ignoring these life transitions.

Wintering in the Summer

Wintering is not limited to the literal winter season; rather, it’s a metaphor for any period in life when we feel the need to slow down, recharge, and focus inward. It represents a way of coping with life transitions by recognising and accepting times of hardship or stagnation as natural and necessary phases of life. Much like winter in nature, these “winters” of our lives force us to slow down, withdraw, and conserve energy. As May puts it, “Wintering is a season in the cold. It is a fallow period in life when you’re cut off from the world, feeling rejected, sidelined, blocked from progress, or cast into the role of an outsider.”

These experiences might be triggered by illness, life events such as bereavement or the birth of a child, or by other challenges, such as humiliation or failure. Wintering may also accompany slower, more gradual changes, like the ending of a relationship, increased caregiving responsibilities, or the erosion of confidence. Whether sudden or gradual, wintering is often involuntary, lonely, and deeply painful. Rather than resisting these quieter periods, wintering encourages us to approach them with self-awareness and compassion, acknowledging that personal growth often requires seasons of retreat and reflection.

Wintering – a Crash Course in Resilience Training?

Wintering invites us to practice in-depth self-care, which may involve allowing ourselves to rest, leaning into support networks, or focusing on small, restorative routines. This practice also includes accepting the discomfort that accompanies life’s pauses—moments when we feel out of sync with the world’s constant forward momentum and are faced with transitions, such as a career change, divorce, illness, or burnout.

May suggests that “wintering” can serve as a form of resilience training, helping us better navigate inevitable low points. By learning to recognize and respect our need for wintering, we can recover more fully and eventually re-emerge with a renewed sense of purpose, much like the arrival of spring after winter.

Using Wintering as a Coping Strategy During Major Life Changes

May emphasizes that wintering is not about resisting difficult times but rather about adapting and preparing, much like how plants and animals respond to winter. She notes that “Plants and animals don’t fight the winter; they don’t pretend it’s not happening… They prepare. They adapt. They perform extraordinary acts of metamorphosis to get them through.” Wintering involves withdrawing, maximizing limited resources, and conserving energy, which May argues is where true transformation occurs.

Wintering also involves acknowledging that unhappiness serves a purpose: it signals that something needs to change and invites us to adapt. May encourages viewing wintering as a functional response, a natural cue for reflection and preparation for what lies ahead.

Wintering can Increase Your Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Importantly, May views wintering as a cyclical, natural part of life. It’s not a permanent state but a transformative period leading ultimately to renewal. As she poetically describes, “Life meanders like a path through the woods. We have seasons when we flourish and seasons when the leaves fall from us, revealing our bare bones. Given time, they grow again.”

May suggests that the process of wintering includes consciously choosing how to navigate challenging periods. This means slowing down, allowing spare time to expand, getting enough sleep, and resting—all of which she describes as “a radical act” in a culture focused on productivity.

Wintering as an Invitation to Transformation

“To get better at wintering,” May writes, “we need to address our very notion of time. We tend to imagine that our lives are linear, but they are in fact cyclical.” She notes that while we grow older, we also move through recurring cycles of health, doubt, freedom, and constraint. Recognizing these cycles can help us manage difficulties, as we remember that challenges are temporary and will eventually pass.

Ultimately, wintering invites us to transition into a more sustainable life, allowing for deep reflection, recuperation, and even personal revolution. It is about embracing the wisdom found in our most challenging moments and emerging transformed.

How Wintering Nurtures the Introverted Soul

Embracing the concept of “wintering” offers several key benefits for introverts, particularly during times of life transitions. Katherine May’s exploration of wintering highlights the importance of rest, reflection, and personal growth, which align well with the natural inclinations of introverts.

One significant benefit is the opportunity for solitude and introspection. Introverts often recharge through solitary activities, and wintering provides a perfect backdrop for this. The quieter, colder months naturally lead to fewer social obligations, allowing introverts to retreat into their own space and engage in reflective practices such as reading, journaling, or creative pursuits. This solitude can foster a deeper understanding of oneself and one’s emotions, enabling introverts to process their thoughts and feelings without the pressure of external social interactions.

Additionally, wintering encourages self-acceptance and emotional honesty. May emphasizes that wintering is about acknowledging and embracing feelings of sadness or isolation rather than suppressing them. For introverts, who may already be inclined to internalize their emotions, this aspect can be particularly liberating. Accepting these emotions as part of the human experience allows them to navigate their feelings with compassion and understanding, reducing feelings of guilt or shame associated with needing time alone.

The process of wintering also promotes rest and recuperation, which is vital for mental health. In a society that often glorifies constant productivity, introverts can benefit from the permission to slow down and prioritize self-care during difficult times. May advocates for taking time to rest without guilt, which aligns with introverts’ natural tendencies to seek quiet and comfort. This focus on restorative practices can lead to improved mental clarity and emotional resilience, essential for facing life transitions.

Moreover, wintering facilitates meaningful connections in a low-pressure environment. While introverts may find large social gatherings draining, winter provides opportunities for intimate interactions with close friends or family. Engaging in cosy activities like sharing a meal or watching a movie together allows for deeper conversations and connections without the overwhelming stimuli that often accompany larger social settings.

Finally, embracing wintering can lead to personal transformation. May suggests that these periods of retreat are not just about enduring hardship but about preparing for renewal and growth. For introverts facing life transitions, this perspective can transform how they view challenges—seeing them as opportunities for self-discovery and evolution rather than merely obstacles to overcome.

5 Common Misconceptions about Wintering, particularly as it relates to Introverts:

1. Wintering Equals Loneliness: One prevalent myth is that wintering leads to feelings of loneliness for introverts. While introverts do value solitude, this does not mean they are lonely. Many find comfort and peace in their own company during winter, using the time to recharge and reflect without feeling isolated or disconnected from others[3][4].
2. Introverts Dread Winter: Another misconception is that introverts dislike winter due to its cold and dark nature. In reality, many introverts appreciate the slower pace and quieter environment that winter brings, allowing them to engage in solitary activities like reading, writing, or creative hobbies. This season often provides a welcome break from the overstimulation of busier months[1][4].
3. Wintering Means Complete Isolation: Some believe that embracing wintering requires total withdrawal from social interactions. However, introverts can still maintain meaningful connections during winter by engaging in low-pressure social activities, such as intimate gatherings or one-on-one conversations. These interactions can be enriching and fulfilling without overwhelming them[2][4].
4. All Introverts Thrive in Solitude: While many introverts enjoy solitary time, not all thrive exclusively in isolation during winter. Some may still seek out social interactions that align with their preferences for depth and intimacy rather than large gatherings. It’s important to recognize that introversion exists on a spectrum, and individual preferences can vary significantly[3].
5. Wintering is Only About Rest: Lastly, there is a misconception that wintering is solely about rest and inactivity. In fact, wintering can be a time of personal growth and creativity for introverts. They can use this period to explore new hobbies or deepen existing interests, turning what might be seen as a stagnant time into an opportunity for transformation and self-discovery[5].

By addressing these misconceptions, we can better understand how introverts can effectively embrace the concept of wintering as a time for reflection, renewal, and personal growth rather than viewing it through a lens of loneliness or inactivity.

Final Thoughts

Katherine May’s “Wintering” is an invaluable resource for introverts navigating life transitions, offering profound insights and practical guidance that resonate deeply with their unique experiences. The book’s central theme—embracing periods of retreat and reflection—aligns perfectly with the natural inclinations of introverts, who often find solace and strength in solitude.

As May explains, wintering is not merely about enduring hardship; it is an opportunity for introspection, emotional healing, and personal growth. For introverts facing major life changes, the book provides a comforting reminder that these periods of difficulty are a normal part of life’s cyclical nature. Rather than feeling pressured to conform to societal expectations of constant productivity and engagement, introverts can find validation for their need for rest.

May’s emphasis on self-compassion empowers introverts to embrace their quieter nature and recognise that taking time for themselves is not only acceptable but essential for resilience and renewal. The practices and reflections shared in “Wintering” offer practical tools that introverts can apply to their own lives, transforming challenging times into opportunities for introspective growth.

In essence, “Wintering” serves as a gentle guide for introverts, reminding them that they are not alone in their struggles and that embracing the winter seasons of life can lead to profound transformation. By reading this book, introverts can cultivate a deeper understanding of themselves and emerge from life transitions with renewed strength, clarity, and purpose.

Quotes from GoodReads