Why authentic living is the most radical act in a world of pretence—and how to start living authentically today
To be yourself means living in alignment with your true values, emotions, and desires rather than performing a version of yourself designed to please others. You live more authentically by regularly checking in with yourself, setting boundaries that honour your needs, and making choices from your inner wisdom rather than external expectations.
“The greatest act of courage is to be and to own all of who you are — without apology, without excuses, without masks to cover the truth of who you are.” ― Debbie Ford
The Masquerade We Call Life
Picture this: You’re at a dinner party, nodding enthusiastically about topics that bore you senseless, laughing at jokes that aren’t funny, and agreeing with opinions that make your soul cringe. Sound familiar? Welcome to the grand masquerade ball we call modern life, where authentic selves are often checked at the door like unwanted coats.
But what if I told you that the most radical act you could perform isn’t posting the perfect Instagram photo or climbing the corporate ladder—it’s simply being yourself? Living authentically means stripping away the layers of “shoulds” and “supposed-tos” that society has draped over you like ill-fitting costumes, and daring to show up as who you really are.
Living intentionally means making conscious choices that align with your deepest values and truest self, rather than sleepwalking through a life script written by others. It’s about becoming the author of your own story, not just a character in someone else’s narrative.
Amanda’s Awakening: A Story of Radical Truth
Amanda Lewis had perfected the art of being perfect. At sixty, she was the epitome of what society deemed successful: a corner office overlooking downtown Seattle, a pristine suburban home with matching towels, and a social calendar that would make a diplomat jealous. Her LinkedIn profile read like a fairy tale of achievement, complete with leadership awards and community recognition.
Yet on this particular Tuesday morning, as she sat in her BMW in the company parking garage, Amanda felt the familiar weight of dread settling in her chest like a stone. The fluorescent lights overhead hummed their monotonous tune, casting everything in that sickly green glow that made even healthy people look half-dead. The smell of exhaust mixed with the vanilla air freshener dangling from her rearview mirror created an oddly nauseating cocktail.
She caught her reflection in the rearview mirror—perfectly applied makeup, hair sprayed into submission, pearls that had belonged to her grandmother but felt like a noose around her neck. Who was this woman staring back at her? When had she become a stranger to herself?
The moment of reckoning came during the 9 AM leadership meeting. As her colleague droned on about quarterly projections, Amanda found herself staring out the conference room window at a group of construction workers taking their coffee break. She watched one man throw back his head and laugh—really laugh—at something his coworker had said. The sound, even muffled by glass and distance, was so genuine, so unfiltered, that it hit her like a physical blow.
When had she last laughed like that? When had she last felt anything without first calculating how that feeling might be perceived, judged, or weaponised against her?
“Amanda? Your thoughts on the Henderson account?” Her boss’s voice cut through her reverie like a knife through butter.
And that’s when it happened. Instead of launching into her prepared spiel about market penetration and customer retention—words that tasted like sawdust in her mouth—Amanda found herself saying, “Honestly, Jim, I think we’re approaching this all wrong.”
The room fell silent. You could hear the air conditioning’s gentle whoosh, the distant ping of elevator doors opening and closing. Amanda felt every eye in the room boring into her, felt the familiar panic rising in her throat like bile. But beneath the panic was something else—something that felt suspiciously like relief.
“The Henderson account isn’t just about numbers,” she continued, her voice growing stronger. “It’s about people. Real people with real needs that we’re not addressing because we’re too busy trying to fit them into our neat little demographic boxes.”
She could smell the coffee cooling in her mug, see the way the morning light caught the dust motes dancing in the air, feel the smooth wood of the conference table under her palms. Everything seemed hyperreal, as if she’d been living in soft focus and someone had suddenly adjusted the lens.
Her boss’s eyebrows climbed toward his hairline. “And what would you suggest?”
For the first time in decades, Amanda spoke from her heart instead of her head. She talked about connection, about authentic relationships, about treating customers like human beings rather than profit centres. She could taste the truth on her tongue—metallic and sharp and somehow sweet all at once.
After the meeting, Amanda found herself in the bathroom, gripping the cold marble sink, staring at her reflection again. This time, she recognised the woman looking back at her. It was herself at twenty-five, before she’d learned to file down her sharp edges to fit into corporate moulds. Before she’d trained herself to speak in buzzwords and think in spreadsheets.
That evening, instead of her usual routine of takeout sushi and Netflix, Amanda drove to the small coffee shop where she’d written her first short story thirty-five years ago. The bell above the door still chimed the same off-key note, and the owner—gray-haired now but still there—remembered her order: black coffee, no sugar, with a blueberry muffin.
She ordered a notebook—the kind with thick, creamy pages that whispered under your pen—and began to write. Not a business proposal or strategic plan, but a story. Her story. The story of a woman who had spent so long wearing masks that she’d forgotten what her own face looked like.
The words flowed like water after a drought. She wrote about the little girl who’d dreamed of being a writer, who’d been told practical careers were more important than passionate ones. She wrote about the young woman who’d chosen safety over authenticity, security over soul. She wrote about the mother who’d taught her children to be polite rather than honest, to be successful rather than happy.
And as she wrote, something shifted. The tight knot in her chest began to loosen. The vanilla scent of her forgotten life began to fade, replaced by the rich aroma of possibility.
Three months later, Amanda submitted her resignation. Six months after that, she published her first novel—a raw, honest exploration of midlife awakening that resonated with thousands of readers who recognised their own masked selves in her words.
She traded her corner office for a writing desk by her living room window. She exchanged networking events for writing groups, performance reviews for honest conversations with friends. She learned to say no to invitations that drained her and yes to opportunities that energised her, even when they scared her.
The transformation wasn’t without its challenges. Some relationships didn’t survive her newfound authenticity—turns out, some people prefer the predictable version of you to the real one. But the relationships that remained grew deeper, richer, more meaningful.
Amanda’s story isn’t unique in its awakening, but in its courage to act on that awakening. She chose to honour the whisper of her authentic self over the shouting demands of societal expectations.
Five Key Takeaways for Living Authentically
1. Authenticity Requires Courage, Not Perfection Living authentically isn’t about being perfect or having it all figured out. It’s about having the courage to show up as yourself, messy edges and all. Amanda’s transformation began not with a perfect plan but with one honest moment in a meeting room.
2. Your Body Knows Before Your Mind Does Pay attention to physical sensations—that knot in your chest, the tension in your shoulders, the way certain situations make you feel heavy or light. Your body is constantly giving you feedback about what aligns with your authentic self and what doesn’t.
3. Small Acts of Honesty Create Big Changes You don’t need to quit your job and move to Bali to start living authentically (though you certainly can if that’s your path). Start with small moments of honesty—speaking up when you disagree, admitting when you don’t know something, and expressing your real preferences instead of going along with the crowd.
4. Authentic Living Requires Letting Go To make room for your authentic self, you’ll need to release the inauthentic versions you’ve been carrying. This might mean disappointing people who prefer the old you, letting go of activities that no longer serve you, or releasing identities that feel too small.
5. The Price of Authenticity Is Worth Paying Yes, living authentically might cost you some relationships, opportunities, or approval. But the price of inauthenticity—living a life that isn’t truly yours—is far higher. As Maya Angelou wisely said, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
Exercises for Authentic Living
Narrative Journaling Prompt: The Mask Inventory
Set aside 30 minutes for this powerful exercise. Write about the different “masks” you wear in various areas of your life—the professional mask, the parental mask, the social mask, the family mask. For each mask, explore:
- What does this mask look like? How does it make you behave differently?
- When did you first put on this mask? What circumstances or beliefs led to its creation?
- What would happen if you removed this mask? What fears come up?
- Which aspects of this mask serve you, and which ones constrain you?
- How might you honour the positive intentions behind this mask while being more authentic?
End by writing about who you are when all the masks are off. What remains? This is your authentic self—nurture and protect this essence.
The Authenticity Audit
For one week, keep a simple log with three columns:
- Situation: Brief description of interactions or decisions
- Authentic Response: What did your gut/heart want to do or say?
- Actual Response: What did you actually do or say?
- Energy Level: Rate your energy after each interaction (1-10)
Notice patterns. When do you feel most energised? When do you feel drained? This data will reveal where you’re living authentically and where you’re performing.
The Values Clarification Exercise
List your top 10 values (honesty, creativity, family, adventure, etc.). Then, look at how you actually spend your time and energy. Are your daily choices reflecting your stated values? If not, what small changes could you make to better align your actions with your authentic values?
Further Reading
- “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brené Brown – A groundbreaking exploration of vulnerability and authenticity
- “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle – Insights into transcending the ego to find your true self
- “Big Magic” by Elizabeth Gilbert – On living creatively and courageously
- “Untamed” by Glennon Doyle – A raw, honest memoir about breaking free from expectations
- “The Authenticity Project” by Clare Pooley – A novel that beautifully illustrates the power of honest connections
Ready for Your Own Radical Reset?
Speaking of authenticity, let me be completely honest with you: If Amanda’s story resonated with you, if you found yourself nodding along or feeling that familiar tightness in your chest, you might be ready for your own transformation.
I’ve created a “Ready to swap Overwhelm for Opportunity?” quiz that will help you identify exactly where you might be living inauthentically and what steps you can take to reclaim your true self. It’s not about judgment—it’s about awareness. Because you can’t change what you can’t see.
The quiz takes just 5 minutes but could shift your perspective for a lifetime:
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Isn’t being authentic just an excuse for being selfish or hurtful? A: Authentic living isn’t about doing whatever you want without consideration for others. It’s about being true to your values while still being kind and respectful. Authenticity includes values like compassion and empathy—it’s not a free pass to be inconsiderate.
Q: What if being authentic means disappointing people I care about? A: This is one of the hardest aspects of authentic living. Yes, some people might be disappointed when you stop being who they expected you to be. But ask yourself: Is it fair to either of you to maintain relationships based on a false version of yourself? True friends and family will ultimately respect and love your authentic self.
Q: How do I know if I’m being authentic or just rebelling? A: Authentic choices come from a place of inner knowing and alignment with your values. Rebellious choices often come from anger or a desire to prove something. Authentic actions feel expansive and energizing, even when they’re scary. Rebellious actions often leave you feeling empty or defensive.
Q: What if I don’t know who my authentic self is? A: This is completely normal, especially if you’ve been performing for others for a long time. Start by noticing what you’re NOT—what feels false, draining, or wrong. Authenticity is often discovered through a process of elimination as much as exploration.
Q: Can I be authentic in professional settings without damaging my career? A: Absolutely. Professional authenticity might look different from personal authenticity, but it’s still possible. It might mean speaking up with your ideas, setting appropriate boundaries, or bringing your genuine enthusiasm to projects you care about. You can be professional and authentic simultaneously.
Conclusion: The Radical Act of Being Yourself
Living authentically isn’t a destination—it’s a practice. It’s the daily choice to honour your truth over your fears, your values over others’ expectations, your inner wisdom over external noise. It’s the courage to disappoint some people in order to not disappoint yourself.
Amanda’s story isn’t just about a corporate executive who became a novelist. It’s about a human being who chose to stop hiding and start living. Her transformation began with one honest moment and continued with thousands of small, authentic choices.
The world doesn’t need another perfect performance. It needs your authentic voice, your unique perspective, your genuine presence. In a world full of copies, the most revolutionary thing you can be is yourself.
Your authentic life is waiting for you. The question isn’t whether you’re worthy of it—you are. The question is whether you’re brave enough to claim it.
Remember: Authenticity means living in alignment with your true values, emotions, and desires rather than performing a version of yourself designed to please others. Start small, be brave, and trust that your authentic self is exactly who the world needs you to be.
Ready to discover what authentic living looks like for you? Take the “Ready to swap Overwhelm for Opportunity?” quiz and begin your journey home to yourself.